Date Yourself Instead - My biggest dating icks + dealbreakers in 2024

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Moving into the new year, I've decided that I have new boundaries and standards when it comes to dating, so here's a full episode about it. As always, send me a DM on instagram @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead if you enjoyed this episode. ARE YOU READY TO DETACH?  The Dare to Detach masterclass is officially OPEN with limited spots available this time around. If you’ve been holding onto someone who you know isn’t good for you, if you feel stuck in your life and can’t seem to figure out your “why”, if you feel held back by ANYONE or anything and you want to skyrocket forward into the new year, THIS course is it. This is the game changer and I am so insanely excited for you to join us!!! WHAT DO YOU GET?  4 days of videos instructed by me detailed workshops on the power of letting go the exact meditations I used to get over my breakup quickly  an exclusive private group chat 💬 with all of our members  unlimited access to classes (once you have it, it’s yours forever) instant access via email DOWNLOAD THE MASTERCLASS HERE Also, be sure to download my free worksheet, meditation and vision board workshop for the new year.

Are you ready to change your entire fucking life and your entire reality in 2024? Are you ready to detach and let go of those toxic people who are just not right for you anymore? The Dare to Detach Masterclass is officially open with limited spots available this time around if you've been holding on to someone who isn't good for you. If you feel stuck in your life and you cannot seem to figure out your why or your purpose or your meaning, if you feel truly held back by anyone or anything and you want to skyrocket forward into the new year, the Dare to Detach Masterclass was made for you. This is the Game Changer.

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And it really applies to so many different various situations, and it's for all ages as well. Don't wait any longer. The doors close really soon, so be sure to visit Dare to Detach at Dare to Detach on Instagram or at Date Yourself instead. The links are there or you could visit the show notes now and secure your spot in the course. Grab this opportunity and join me on this amazing journey to Detach. I'll be retaking the course with you guys into the new year and I cannot wait. Now let's dive into today's episode. 24 major ics and deal breakers in 2024. I'm not going to tolerate breadcrumbs in the new year.

We're not going to tolerate bullshit and flaky people and inconsistency in 2024. And I'm creating this episode because I really want to touch on all the craziest icks, all the things that really irk me and bother me, and all the deal breakers that I've written down in a list in detail for 2024. All right, ready? Before we get into the list, I want to just clarify what an ick is,

because a lot of people have thrown this term around on social media, through TikTok, through Instagram, has made this like huge joke about it, and it's gone viral, this term of the ick, and getting the ick. But what does this actually mean? Where did this come from? Let's unpack this together.

I Google the definition of an ick for you, and we're gonna really dive into this. Defining the ick. According to the internet, an ick is a sudden, irrational, gut reaction of intense aversion or disgust towards a specific trait, habit, or behavior displayed by another person. It transcends mere dislike, tapping into a visceral feeling of repulsion that can be inexplicable and overpowering.

Unlike dealbreakers in relationships, which are based on significant moral or ethical incompatibilities, ics are trivial and sometimes admittedly irrational. Okay, I don't really think an ick is trivial and sometimes admittedly irrational. Okay. I don't really think an ick is too far from a deal breaker. I think they overlap in a lot of ways and you'll understand why as I get further into the episode, but I feel like I'm the type of person who gets weirded out and turned off pretty easily. I know I mentioned this in like half of my episodes, but I'm a Capricorn and I feel like me as a Capricorn, one of the qualities a Capricorn has is we

get really turned off really easily if someone's not living up to our standards or someone does the smallest thing. That's just not aligning with how we see our future partner. We're just, no, you're done. You're cut. You're cut from the fantasy that I had of you in my head and we're done. And usually when I'm done, I'm really done. In the early stages of dating, if something really weirds me out or skips me out, I'm kind of like, all right, I just need to take a step back. It's usually more of a deal breaker situation than just an ick, but I'm going to, I'm going to tell you some funny stories in this episode and you're going to understand this whole thing. You're going to understand how my brain operates and why I'm saying what I'm saying right

now. There was a guy I was actually talking to a little while ago and he was like, oh, I want to know your biggest ics in a guy. I'm like, if I tell you that, you're going to be really cautious about what you do. I was thinking that he was trying to get information out of me so he wouldn't fuck up early on. And usually when you give people a lot of information early on in the dating process, they can use that information to manipulate their behaviors to portray themselves as this perfect person to you. So you got to be careful. Okay. I've been through it all. I've seen it all. And I'm like, I don't want to tell you every single thing that irks me because then you could like

change your behaviors based on that. I'm just like, you know what? I'm gonna give you one ick and then you give me yours. We're gonna make this a mutual conversation here. And he was like, one of my icks is when a girl wears hoop earrings, and I'm like, that is not an ick. That is not an ick at all. That is just a personal preference of style. That's not an ick. You don't get a chemical reaction where you're repulsed from seeing a woman wear hoop earrings.

Come on, let's be honest. And he was like, oh, we, I don't really understand. What do you mean by an ick then? And I'm like, an ick is when you literally feel your brain chemistry changing around a person because they did something that is inexplainable to anyone else, but it just, it makes you physically sick, or you're just like, okay, I cannot look at this person the same anymore. And he was like, oh, okay, I get it now. And I'm like, no, I don't think

men get it. I don't think men get the K. I think only women really understand this concept. Anyways, I'll give you the difference in my head between an IK and a deal breaker. An IK is like a chemical reaction in your body where you're just like, I can't look at this person the same anymore because there's something in my gut and my brain just basically getting ill from what you just did. And a deal breaker is just something you know before you even meet a person. A deal breaker is just something in your head. It's like, like the standards you've set for yourself and what you will and will not accept in a partner before you even meet someone.

So that's really what the difference is. But they overlap. I went on a date fairly recently when I was in London and there was one guy who I met up with that would not stop talking over me. Anytime I said anything, he would just speak over what I was saying and interrupt me. And it was to the point where I was not able to really get a word out. And that to me is a deal breaker, right? If someone's talking over me, that's a deal breaker I knew going into the date before I met him that I wouldn't accept in a partner. It's just fucking annoying if someone can't let me get a word out. I have a fucking podcast, okay? So if I can't get a word

in when I'm having a conversation with you, especially on the first date, and I can't really have any sort of flow in the conversation because you just keep talking and not allowing me to get any points across or not allowing me to share anything about myself, that's a deal breaker. That's not an ick, that's a deal breaker. But the ick would be when he stuck his tongue out at me in a weird creepy way and gave me a creepy smile across the table. That would be an ick, which also happened, okay? And I'm just like, what is happening?

That is fucking weird. And that made me, that made my brain have a chemical reaction where I was like almost repulsed at the table as I was having a drink. And that was also when I knew it was time to leave. That is the difference between a deal breaker and a NIC. So now that we've established the difference, I'm going to tell you some more story times.

And then I'm going to go into the 24 biggest deal breakers slash ics that I have moving into the new year that are just unacceptable for me, especially now that I'm really single and I'm going to be dating probably a lot more frequently. I have a list of things that I've set in my mind and they're probably not going to change into the new year. And hopefully this can inspire you to set better boundaries for yourself to create maybe your own list of things you will not accept in partners moving forward or you could just listen to this episode as pure entertainment and maybe laugh if you think it's entertaining okay, so

There was another person that I went on a date with one time when I got home from London and I thought it was going to go really well because I had actually met this person once before, but when I actually got to the bar, the conversation was very dry and we were just two totally different people. I think he's a tourist. I think he told me he was a tourist. I don't get along with tourist men. I get along with tourist women great.

For some reason, me and tourist men just do not click together. I'm a Capricorn and I thought tourists, like earth sign compatible, no. For some reason, every tourist man in my life has been just a hard no for me. And they've never really, we've just never really clicked. There's literally never any chemistry.

And another deal breaker for me is lack of communication and lack of understanding the other person and their jokes and their humor and what they're saying. And that was what happened on this date. He was so sweet. He was actually a really nice person and I wish him the best and I hope he finds the person that's most compatible for him. And like, I really do. But it was just so dry and I feel like he was so smart and intelligent and intelligent in a way that I just don't think I could have kept up with the conversation.

I feel like he was too smart for my own good as far as like, I'll give you an example. Okay, because I think I'm intelligent, but in my own way, everyone is smart and has their strengths in their own way. He was actually just smart, where he was talking a lot about scientific things. And I appreciate that more than anything. But it was to the point where I had no idea what he was even saying at a point. And my brain was like glitching. And I'm like, I don't know what to respond back because I don't really know what he's saying. And I didn't want to keep asking him, like, oh, what do you mean by that? Or I don't really get what you're saying.

I didn't want to keep it going. I didn't want to keep the conversation going, which was like, to me, just saying we weren't compatible. But my brain is very creative. I could talk about art. I could talk about music. I could talk about the fucking renaissance, okay? Fun fact, this astrologer once told me that I had a past life in the renaissance and I was just living my best life and thriving in Italy. And I could see that. I could definitely

see that. I could talk about social media. I could talk about world traveling. I could talk about how the moon is in Libra and experiencing life and spirituality. And I'm really well versed in those areas. But when someone starts talking about algorithm trading and market microstructure and finance stuff, I'm like lost. I'm fucking clueless. And I'm just like, I don't know what to contribute to this conversation. And that's what it was. And once again, there was nothing wrong with him as a person. I wish him the best, but I just felt like there was no spark or compatibility as far as the discussions we were having. So anyways, that would be another deal breaker for me. Just like having someone that really understands my interests and understands my career and

what I do and my creative side, that's a really big component of a partnership for me, just like having someone really understand that side of me. And an IK would be if someone walks into a date in like a fancy restaurant that we're meeting at for dinner, wearing a backpack and re-box. And that's also happened before where I'm like, what are you wearing? What's your style? What's the dress code here?

Because I'm dressed up and you're wearing a backpack. And to me, this might sound a shallow and messed up, but on the first date, if we're going somewhere nice and we're getting to know each other, and that's the vibe overall, and you come to the date wearing a work backpack and sneakers, it just makes me feel like, I don't know, style is pretty important to me. And obviously it depends. Some people can pull it off really well and it wouldn't bother me, but I think just because it was the wrong person, that also made me like, what are you wearing? What are you doing? That would be an ick if a man's wearing a

backpack to a first date. And you might just be like, that's a little much, but you had to be there. Okay. You had to be there. It was one of those things where I was like, I just feel like you should have left that at home or you could have maybe thought ahead since we planned this ahead of time, maybe not bringing the backpack to the office. I don't know, whatever. Anyways, so I'm gonna list out some of these major ics

and deal breakers going into 2024. Here are mine. Number one, not keeping your word. If you flake on plans, if you say something and then you bail and you don't do it, if you invite me to something and then don't follow up, you're canceled. It doesn't matter if it's a significant other,

someone you're interested in dating wise or just a friend. There was this one guy I met this year who it was completely platonic, was not interested in him romantically and I know I who it was completely platonic, was not interested in him romantically and I know I wasn't his type either. It was not like that. He seemed really cool and I actually really liked him. I liked his overall vibe.

He was super nice when I met him in the beginning and he invited me to a few things when I had met him out with his friends and he was being super friendly, super kind. And I was like, oh, this guy is great, whatever. Then he invites me to this spa day. And it was gonna be with a group of people. And I was super appreciative. And I was like, oh my God, are you sure? Whatever he's, yeah, of course, come, whatever, blah, blah,

blah. But when it came down to the last second, he canceled and bailed on the plans. I was like, wait, there's no room, there's no space. You actually can't come anymore, and I'm so sorry. And he deeply apologized at the time, but it felt tense and awkward. I just felt a really weird vibe.

And I was like, I feel like the friend group didn't want me to go for some reason. Or maybe it was just my interpretation of it at the time. But I'm usually pretty intuitive. So I was like, I don't know, something feels a little off here. So I'm just going to take a step back because I don't want to intrude on anyone's plans. I don't want to be somewhere if people don't want me there. That's the worst feeling in the world if you feel like you're overstepping or intruding

on someone's fucking plans that they already had set and they just don't want you there. It could be really awkward. So I took the social cue and I backed off and I was like, no problem, whatever. And I just dropped it. I didn't really awkward. So I took the social cue and I backed off and I was like no problem whatever and I just dropped it. I didn't really care. I ended up having my own things to do anyway and I dropped it, moved on, carried on with my life, forgot about it pretty much. And then over the summer, I bumped into him again and he invites me to this other big event that he was going with the same friend group to in New York City.

He seemed like he was being genuine about it. Again, he's, yeah, come. It's like the best event of the year. It's so much fun. You should definitely come. I'll let you know the details, whatever. Never follows up. Never says anything else about it.

Doesn't text me about it. I'm not going to be the one to say, oh, am I invited still? I wasn't going to text him and bring it up because I don't want to be that person that's, hey, you said you wanted to invite me to this, which I thought would be a really nice gesture. And no, silence never says anything to me. And then I see on a story that he's there. And he's with the same friend group that had whatever we had backed out of that that had backed out of plans The last time it was the same people so now I'm just like that's a little weird You invited me and didn't say anything like why do you even bother?

I don't care. It's not about going to these actual things I don't give a shit because I have my own life and own plans and I could I don't need to do anything because I have my own life and own plans and I don't need to do anything. But don't even bother inviting me then. It was just the principle of backing out on your word. It's not my vibe. I don't like people who do that. I drop it again. I'm like, whatever.

I don't give a shit. And then I bump into him again and I remember he invited me again to something he might have been hosting at his apartment in New York and we live near each other. So I was like, okay, he mentioned something again. And at that point I'm just like, okay, I'm not even going to take this seriously. But if he texts me great and invites me because he knows I'm his neighbor, I live nearby, but there's just something off about the dynamic. I don't know what it is.

I don't know if I did something wrong. I don't fucking know. But it wasn't my job to figure that out or whatever. And I'm like, honestly, I don't need to be invited anywhere, but just don't invite me then. Just don't even say anything about the plans, right? Doesn't text me, doesn't invite me. Nothing ever ends up coming of it.

So now I just know going into interactions with that person, that everything they say, that everything they say that comes out of their mouth is not what is not sincere, essentially, is not really what they're saying. So if they're inviting me to something, I'm just not even considering it as an option. I'm going to be like, okay, I'm not invited, basically. And for me, moving into the new year, if someone just doesn't keep their word with things and doesn't follow through with things,

that's just not gonna cut it for me. And I just would rather not engage at all, even as a friend or as someone that is just a part of my life, if you don't follow through with plans at all, what's the point of even keeping contact? Do you know what I mean? Anyways, so the same thing can apply to girlfriends friendships as well.

And I've experienced this with a girl that I met last year where she would ask me for plans and then bail at the last second. She did it multiple times in a row. And then I was like, listen, this isn't for me. I don't want to waste my time trying to make plans with you if you're going to keep bailing. And honestly, it's no offense taken.

I'm fine and I'm living my best life, but just don't make plans consistently if you're going to keep canceling them. That's all. And especially when it comes to dating someone, that's the worst. But anyways, the next thing is not making a genuine effort to see me and hang out with me. And this applies really to dating. When it comes to dating in 2024, if you're not making a genuine effort, you're done. My ex used to fly from Miami back to New York City and back to Miami every weekend for three months straight

and spend thousands of dollars in flights just to spend two days a week with me. Okay? He didn't have to spend thousands of dollars to see me. He didn't have to go out of his way to see me every weekend, but he did not miss a weekend for three months straight. And at the beginning of that whole thing, when we were trying to get back together and figure things out, he was like, I'm just going to come see you every weekend. And I'm like, oh, shut the fuck up. No, you're not. You're not going to come see me every weekend. You live in Florida now. There's no way you're going to make time to

do that because that's ridiculous. I kid you not, he did not miss a fucking weekend and he made sure of it and he made sure to stick to his word because he actually really loved me and cared about me. So that was one thing. But the other thing is he's a stick to his word because he actually really loved me and cared about me. So that was one thing. But the other thing is he's a man of his word. And that's what you have to look out for. When you are listening to people's words, they are just words until they prove their words with actions.

And that's what I've learned and I've learned this the hard way. A lot of people will sell you a fantasy of a relationship and a lot of people will tell you they're going to do all these things and they're just not because they're just speaking out of their fucking ass half the time. So just be wary of that. Number three is ignoring my texts and saying you're busy. No, if you say you're busy after a few days and listen, I get everyone has a life.

In the early stages of dating, I get you have a life, I get you have other prospects probably, of other girls you're talking to, fine. With all due respect, do whatever the fuck you want, but if you're gonna lie to me and say, oh, I had to go to the mall to pick up my sister birthday present and I forgot to text you back, there has been so many random ass excuses I've heard from people.

It's really easy to respond to someone and you just know when someone wants to talk to you. Even if they don't speak to you for one or two days, you know that they still are thinking about you. I can't explain it. It's like an energy thing where in the past, even before I started to date my first boyfriends, I knew that they were thinking of me even when we weren't in contact or communication. I just knew that they really liked me.

In the beginning stages, not everything is going to be absolutely perfect. That person might not text you 100% of the time in the perfect timing, but you just have this comfort and like security feeling and it's a feeling that you just trust and you know that things are probably gonna go in a good direction. Whereas there's been the opposite for me also where a guy will disappear for three or four days and then text me being like, oh, I had a crazy work week and my it was my best friend's wedding and I couldn't be on my phone. Meanwhile, they're posting 30 stories of them wasted.

They're out with their friends. They're active on Instagram. They're active on their fucking phone and saying they're not on their phone. And that's where I draw the line where I'm like, I'd rather you just say I'm not a priority. I'd rather you just say you weren't really thinking about me until you had a free second. Cause there's a huge fundamental difference between the two. Yeah.

Number five is being rude or obnoxious to people in the service industry. And this reminds me of a very crazy story that I wrote in my notes here because I was fucking mind blown. I went on a date once with a guy who was so chill and normal, the first two dates we had. We were laughing the whole time. I thought we had so much in common, such good chemistry, got each other's humor, literally spent eight hours together cracking the fuck up. We had very similar communication styles and humor.

So it was like really easy to vibe and get along with him. I was like, oh, green flag, like all these green flags. The third date we go day drinking to the standard hotel in New York City. And this was like years ago. So hopefully he does not listen to the podcast. But if you do, hey, now you're hearing my perspective on this fucking insane date that we went on.

So we're sitting at the table and he just starts getting really irritated and angry. And he's, oh, this place is taking fucking forever. They haven't come over yet. This is the worst service ever. And he starts viciously complaining. And he actually was getting mad. Mad to the point where it was weird. It was fucking crazy.

I was like, chill. It's not a big deal. They're taking a while, but it's summer. It's the middle of summer. This place is packed. It's really not a big deal. We're just chilling. Do you have somewhere to be?

It's like the weekend. We were on a date. I don't know if he had something to do afterwards, but I know he didn't and Neither did I so I'm like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. He's no this is so fucked up. This is crazy They're taking forever, and I'm just like whoa. What the fuck I Got so overwhelmed energetically. I felt his energy just like Like screaming at me in a way that I had to get up and excuse myself, go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. That's how you know someone's not right for you, okay? When you have to go to the bathroom and take a deep breath and calm your anxiety down,

I'm literally in the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water, just being like, what the fuck's happening right now? This is like absolutely absurd. And I go back to the table and he's giving the waiter an attitude when they came over and I had this crazy secondhand embarrassment. And there was another situation after that, needless to say, obviously that situation did not work out. But there was another situation where I was taking an Uber

with a guy and he starts snapping at the Uber driver. And I was so mortified. I'm just like, why are you giving someone an attitude that's a total stranger that's probably such a sweet person and does not deserve to be treated that way? And it just shows so much character, so early on. That's a huge fucking red flag right there. If someone's treating other people that are servicing them badly, no.

Absolutely no. A hard no from me. I could never tolerate that. It's so embarrassing. And there's been multiple instances in my life where I've been with people that have done that, and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I literally feel horrified every fucking time. Huge deal breaker and an Ick all at the same time.

The next thing is dishonesty. Pretty obvious and straightforward. If you lie to me, you're done. Number seven is dirt under your fingernails, poor hygiene. That same guy who flipped out at the standard hotel, he had dirt under his fingernails. And that was another huge ick for me where I was like, okay, I don't know how to excuse that. I don't know how I excuse that. That was another thing that I remember where he had dirt under his fingernails. And I'm sorry, just no. That's an immediate no for me also.

Maybe I could have gone over it if we had been dating for a while, and he was the best guy in the world, but that was not the case. Number eight. Okay. I don't even know how to say this story in the right way, because I don't even know if it's an ick or it's like just a fucking crazy story. But there was a guy who had the biggest crush on for months that went to my school. And I thought he was so hot. And a lot of girls did. Like a lot of girls wanted this person. And there was a night where he went out and I remember seeing him messy, shit-faced dancing on the dance floor, sweating. Just,

we read a bar in my college. He looked so disheveled, so messy, basically like drool coming out of his mouth. That in itself was like a no for me. I lost all attraction to him. Someone who's really sloppy drunk, like a man who cannot keep his shit together when he's drunk and stumbling all over the place, that's just a huge ick. But this man literally shit himself in the bar. He shit his pants in the bar. And the reason we all knew that, because everyone around us smelled something horrendous. And I remember this girl that I was really good friends with at the time and my roommate, whatever, were all just looking at each other.

What the fuck smells so bad? And this man, I'm almost a thousand percent sure, had shit himself and his friends had to carry him out of the bar. And that was the end of that. I'm like, I don't know if that's an ick. I wrote this down, but I'm like, is that an ick or just a really fucked up, insane story? Needless to say, my attraction for him immediately disappeared. It couldn't see him the same in the same light ever again. Number nine. Oh my God, this episode is getting out of hand. This is probably my craziest episode I've ever recorded, honestly. Okay. Number nine is a guy who trips and falls. A guy who trips and falls, especially if it's up a flight

of stairs. Okay. I've witnessed this when I, there was a guy who I was hanging out with really briefly and I thought he was super smooth and cool and he got to play a cool with me. I'm not easy to please. I need to be honest with you guys. I'm not the easiest to please. I'm just, I feel like when it comes to dating, I am a little bit judgmental, but in with no harm, it's not, it's really not my intention. With the right person, obviously, if it was right, I would excuse any fucking weird behaviors. If the love of my life tripped up a flight of stairs, I literally would just laugh. And that's happened to me and my boyfriends before I've tripped a million times. I'm the clumsiest person ever. They've tripped in

front of me before and done crazy funny things. And I'll tell you another funny story in a second about one of my boyfriends. But if it's someone you're not interested in really to begin with and you're just trying to get to know them and it happens, it's like a totally different ballgame. I was with this guy and within the first five minutes of hanging out, he tripped up a flight of stairs and literally tumbled and I just lost it. I literally lost it. I was like trying so hard to not laugh and it was really fucking difficult. And I just couldn't look at him the same the rest of the time we were hanging out.

And that might sound really mean and you might just be like, Liz, you're the problem, but I'm sorry. It was just, it really shifted my perception. And I don't know. I don't think it was meant to be anyway. Yeah. Number 10 is a more serious one. We're going to get a little more serious now. So number 10 is a man who talks badly about his exes and talks shit about his exes. I think that's pretty obvious, but I think it's just a huge red flag run. It's so unattractive and it makes me not trust a word that comes out of their mouth. Now, those are my ics personally. And now I'm going to read some of the ics I pulled off of Reddit, which are actually really funny. Number 11, men who have really dramatic grunts at the gym.

You don't have to work out in silence, and I understand heavy sets and I understand that the gym can be a struggle if you are really, if you're a really fit buff person, you put everything you got into the gym and your workouts, totally understandable. But when it sounds like you're being eaten by a dinosaur with each rep, ick—by the way, I did not write this. Someone on Reddit wrote this, and I thought it was funny. I literally took these from the internet. Number 12, when a guy's butt crack shows when he stands up or gets out of the car, very understandable, and I've seen this before. Number 13, when a guy's butt crack shows when he stands up or gets out of the car. Very understandable, and I've seen this before.

Number 13, when a guy calls himself an alpha male. Okay, I agree with that completely. If someone refers themselves as an alpha, you're done. Number 14, which I don't know why this reminded me. This is when I, this is something I wrote, but when a guy follows a million models on Instagram and his whole following is female, that's a huge no for me too. Obviously, it is situational in a way because I don't want to judge someone solely based off of social media. I know that I'm very different in person and on my podcast than I am on my Instagram, at least on my list page. If you

follow me on there, it looks like I'm just like some travel creator and it doesn't really display who I am. And it doesn't really give anything about my personalities. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but if a man's following list is following 2000 models, you got to be cautious and just being aware of what and who he's engaging with. It's just, I don't know. It's iffy one for me. Number 15, emotional unavailability. Obviously that's a turn off to anyone really,

especially if you're an adult and you're past the age of 25. If you're emotionally unavailable and you're still asking for casual sex when you're 45 years old, what are you doing? I'm sorry, but I just, maybe if you just went through a divorce and you wanna have some fun, I get it. But I just find it really fucking interesting. And I don't want to sound like I'm judging because age is just a number, but it's sometimes I've dated men who are closer to the age of 40 and they have the emotional maturity of a 20 year old and it makes no fucking

sense. There was a guy that I dated several years ago that I ran into recently that is, I think he's 39 or 40 years old now at this point and he DM me being like, oh yeah, I'm still casually dating and I'm just really like you're still just looking for hookups and sex. I don't really get it. Good for him. Let him live his best life, but that would not be for me and that's like something moving into 2024 I would not be okay with.

Number 16, if they're in love with their mom. Now I have met many men who are obsessed with their mom and it is the weirdest thing to me in the world. Like, where they'll call their mom every five minutes, asking their mom for approval with things, telling their mom, I don't know, just weird intimate details. I was dating a guy once who used to get massages from his mom and give his mom massages. That is just something that would make me go, no, I want to puke thinking about it. You can't compete with a mother.

If a man is in love with his mother, then you really can't compete with that. And either you're okay with something like that or you're not and I wouldn't be okay with it. And also, I just remembered this too. There was a guy that was talking to me that he seemed really nice, okay? I really wish him all the best,

but I went to his Instagram and there was like way too many pictures of his mom on his Instagram. It was like half of his Instagram feed was him and his mom and I'm like, that's where I draw the line. I would be competing with your mother and dating your mother and you at the same time. And that's just not gonna be for me.

Number 17, someone wrote, "'When they have long finger and toenails.'" Yeah, that's pretty nasty number 18 when someone claims to be a high value man or woman Now I actually really agree with this if there's this like new thing going around That I also see all over social media being a high value man or being a high value woman And I'm like what the fuck does that even mean? First of all, that's so fucked up to say someone's high value

and determine what is high value or not high value. I think that term can be really misconceptualized and people will take it the wrong way. But there was a woman that literally commented on one of my videos on Instagram and I was taking a tequila shot in the video and saying, I'm going on a date tonight. I'm drinking a little bit and going out and having a good time. I'm literally on a solo trip to London, in London. I'm living my best life. I'm 30 years old. I have

no ties. What's wrong with having a drink and going on a date? I think that's a totally valid thing to do. She comments something along the lines of, well, you're not high, you're not setting a good example. I thought this is about dating yourself. You're not high, you're not high value. And I'm like, I'm not high value. What the fuck does that even mean? So I'm not allowed to live and do anything because I'm not allowed to take a shot at tequila. That means I'm suddenly a low value piece of garbage. That's basically what she was saying. And I just find that really weird. I find this whole high value, high man, high value,

man, high value women thing really fucking weird. Anyways, number 19. Someone wrote, leaving skid marks on my bed sheets. Guys, I swear this is a true story. One of my good friends back in the day hooked up with a guy who left shit stains on her bedsheets after they finished having sex. And she literally was like, liss. I was so mortified and horrified and speechless. I was so, like, I was like so disgusted and I couldn't look at him the same and I showed him. Like, she's like, I literally was like, what is that?

And he was like owning it. And he's like, that happens sometimes. Like he, she's like, he wasn't even fazed like it's happened before. And she's like, I don't know how he couldn't have been embarrassed cause I would have been mortified if that happened the other way around. Anyways, she literally takes all of her brand new luxury bedsheets and throws them in the garbage.

I literally, I wasn't washing these bedsheets. I just had to throw them out. This was the most weird, disgusting thing that's ever happened with someone that I've hooked up with. And yeah, apparently he just owned it and he was like trying to laugh it off. I guess what could you do? Poor guy. Like that would have been, that's really embarrassing. But I don't think they ever spoke again after that. Okay, number 20 is getting a man who gets mad and irritated when you don't want to have sex with him. Okay, yes, that's definitely something that would give me the ick. Number 21, trying to get you to come over on a first date. That literally just happened to me while I was in London when I was using Raya, which I deleted by the way.

Sorry, Raya, but no, I just can't do the dating apps. I tried. I tried to rough it out for a couple of weeks. It was giving me crazy anxiety and it was bad for my mental health and I literally just deleted it I know I'm gonna meet my soulmate organically. I have full faith in that. I was just using it as a experiment, but Yeah, so this guy that I match with on Raya Was texting me while I was in London and he was like, oh so am I calling you a cab to my place or not? And I'm like, excuse me. I literally just stopped talking to him after that. I blocked him.

I was like, bye, see you later. You don't even know me. I'm a complete fucking stranger and you have the audacity to ask me if you're gonna call me a car to your house, which apparently by the looks of it, which I don't even know where the fuck he lived, but I think he lived like 40 minutes away.

And I'm like, do you actually think in my right fucking mind, I'm getting out of my pajamas to come see you right now? Are you kidding? I don't know who would do that, honestly. Good for them. I just know. In 2024, we're not settling for shit like that. And even if someone sends me a message like that, they're blocked. I'm like, you're done. Number 22. Okay, this is a good one. When someone is checking their phone in the middle of you saying something important to them, if you're having a conversation with someone

and then they grab their phone and start texting and you know that they've completely tuned you out, that is just like such a big deal breaker for me. And it just, it irks me so much. And I think I've probably, I'm not gonna lie, I've probably done that to people as well. I think we all get sidetracked and distracted, but I've only done that when something was extremely urgent

and important, like work related or something on my phone. And it wouldn't be in the middle of a very deep conversation. If I was just out with my best friend, she was talking to me about something that I knew wasn't like an emergency and I got a really important work email. Obviously, I'm going to glance at my phone and I might answer. But I've been in situations with guys where like I've been on a date and I'll be in the middle of saying something and they'll

pull out their phone and start texting. And I'm like, no, you're done. That is just, I don't know, it just makes you feel so dumb. You're just like, who am I talking to right now? I might as well just go home and watch TV and talk to myself because it would literally be more entertaining and probably the same thing and probably have the same outcome and effect as being on a date with you right now. Number 23, when someone asks you a question, they've already asked you multiple times and you knew that they just weren't listening. That's a big one. When someone just doesn't listen to

anything you say and then you have to repeat yourself a million times. That's not the biggest deal in the world to me, but I was reading this from Reddit. Number 24 is the final one. Okay, I feel like there's so much more. There are so many other things I could list out right now, but obviously I have to wrap up the episode at some point, but number 24 is just taken from my own personal experience. This isn't really an ick, but it's just when a guy says he's confused about what he wants

and he's not looking for anything serious but he wants to see where it goes. Anything along those lines of just being unclear and not having clarity with someone is a huge deal breaker for me. And it gives me the ick because I'm in a place in my life where I get physically repulsed by people who are incapable of seeing my value and seeing what I have to offer. If you are here to just waste my time and have me as an option or a backup plan

and you just want me on your roster, that's never going to fly with me. It's never gonna happen. And I've gotten myself, luckily, out of every situation that I've been faced with ever since I've been single. Anytime a man has given me the indication that they're unsure and very confused about me and they're not really sure, I'll immediately pull back and just cut the cord because I

know that my soulmate would actually want to date me and my soulmate would actually want to be with me and I've experienced true love before so I have that standard to hold it to and I stand by that. With that being said, that concludes today's episode. I hope you enjoyed that as entertaining as it was for me. I hope it was entertaining for you as well. Be sure to check out the Masterclass Dare to Detach. It's gonna be amazing. We have such an incredible community in the Masterclass.

And I'm so proud of everyone who's already a part of the community. You could find the link to that in the masterclass and I'm so proud of everyone who's already a part of the community. You could find the link to that in the show notes and you could also find it on my Instagram at dateyourselfinstead and at Dare to Detach as well. Doors are still open now, but they're closing soon, so don't miss out on the final sale of the year. It's going to be so amazing and so rewarding and I cannot wait for you to be there. Remember, you could also use the code selflove for $20 off. If you are a frequent listener of the podcast, I created a special discount code for you guys.

It's selflove. Don't forget to use it at checkout. And that's pretty much it for today. So if you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. Always feel free to send me a DM, at date yourself, and set an at list. I if you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. Always feel free to send me a DM at Date Yourself instead and at LIS. I love you so much. Thanks for listening as always and stay tuned for next Monday.