Date Yourself Instead - Proving people wrong is fun

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

I’ve had a lot of hate over the years in my career and I have learned that I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. All of the energy I put into listening to what other people thought of me never helped me get anywhere. In this episode, I share some of these pivotal moments and tips I use to harness that energy to create an amazing life for myself. Pursue your passions and block out the noise – you are amazing! Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to date yourself inside. Date yourself inside. What does it mean to date yourself inside? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself, and that's it. Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. Okay, this morning was really weird. I went to get a coffee at one of my favorite cafes

in New York City, and I was writing some notes about karma on my laptop and how I really believe in karma. And this episode is gonna cover proving people wrong. And it's not really about karma, but I'm planning out another episode about karma because I've had so many experiences in my life where I've been treated a certain way by certain people and then later it would

come back to bite them in the ass. And vice versa, sometimes I've done shitty things too and I've had to pay for it. I really believe in the concept of karma and things kind of circling back to you even though you don't think that what you're doing in the current moment might not have any relevance. even though you don't think that what you're doing in the current moment might not have any relevance, I always believe that certain things can play out in your future based on if you're a good or bad person, you get the point. But anyways, I was writing this whole thing out in my notes on my laptop, and then I went to call my Uber to go to the podcast studio, and the Uber driver's name was Karma.

podcast studio. And the Uber driver's name was Karma. I swear, I cannot make this shit up. His name was Karma. And it said karma has arrived. And it was really tripping me out. I thought I was in a simulation once again. I always have these moments where something really weird happens as I'm thinking about it. And I was just speechless. I was looking at my phone, I was like, that's someone's a name, that's so weird. Anyways, he was super nice, he dropped me off at the studio, so now I'm at the podcast studio. But I just thought that was a really interesting thing that happens in the evening. Maybe it's not that crazy. But honestly, like, who's, I've never met someone named karma before. Like, Come on, that's ridiculous.

Anyways, today's episode is gonna be about proving people wrong. And the first thing I wanna say obviously is, the only person you ever have to prove anything to is your higher self, okay? The only person you ever should be proving anything to is the version of yourself that you envision as your best friend, the version of yourself that you see as your best friend, the version of yourself

that you see in your future. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone else. And that's facts. The new and improved version of yourself that you've always wanted to be, that's that person that you should be looking up to at all times. That should be your source of inspiration. When you close your eyes and you envision the type of person you want to become in the next five years,

that's who you're proving yourself to. And this is what I've learned over time. There's no need to bend over backwards to show everyone how amazing you are because it's a waste of energy and it's a waste of time. And we're going to dive into all of this in this episode. You don't have to show everyone how great you are even though it often seems like that's what you have to do in order to get by in life. That's really not true. Society tends to create this feeling of constant

competition in any career field and it can make you feel like you're constantly not doing enough and you're not good enough and you're not working hard enough at all fucking times. And it can be really exhausting and hard to live in the moment and hard to be at peace with who you are and hard to accept yourself at the stage of life you're at when you're constantly feeling like you're up against the world and up against other people around you. However, I will say that proving people wrong can also be really fun. And I've had a lot of hate when it comes to my success.

I've had people tell me that things are so fucking impossible when I knew that in my heart it was possible and I could really achieve anything if I set my mind to it. But I would have people around me constantly doubting my abilities and questioning my worth. And when I wasn't in a good mental place and I didn't truly value who I was as a person, I would listen to them and I would cave in and believe them and it's set me back a lot from achieving things. So now I make it my mission if someone doubts me to prove them wrong because I know deep down, I'm capable of anything and they just don't know who I am and they don't know what I'm capable of.

And the most important person I have to prove all of it to is really myself. It's not them, but it just gives you that extra boost of motivation and confidence when someone's saying you can't do something and you trust that you can and you know that you're capable of it. You're like, all right, watch me. You don't want me to succeed, you don't want me to thrive because maybe you're threatened by me and my big and crazy wildest dreams, but watch me. I will prove you wrong. Honestly, I've always felt the need to prove myself to a lot of people in my life in order to get my work done and to get ahead in my career and to achieve my dreams. And for most of my childhood, up into adulthood, I felt like I was against the world when it came to

my career and my dreams and my goals because there's so many people that are going to become obstacles in your path telling you you can't do something. It's just a part of life, it's a part of going through shit, and it happens to everyone. I always felt like I needed to be the best at what I was doing, and there were so many times when people would tell me I couldn't do it, or they doubted my abilities. And I could even think back to when I was in middle school, and I was constantly bullied,

and made to feel like I was not good enough. And there was a point where I knew I needed to love myself so much where nothing was going to stop me, and nothing was going to make me cave in and listen to these people who told me I couldn't manifest my dream life. All the energy I put caring into what other people thought of me never served my highest good. It never benefited me in any way, shape or form, and it never really helped me get anywhere in my life. So there was a turning point for me when I realized that instead of listening to all these people

and all these haters who didn't want to see me grow and succeed, I was going to use that energy to fuel my passions and fuel my desires even more and to prove them wrong. I was going to use that energy to create an amazing life for myself. I knew there was two clear options. I could either listen to them for the rest of my life and crawl into a hole and prevent myself from becoming the greatest version of myself, or I could step up to the plate, tune out the noise, and trust that I'm going to do something really amazing with my life, and not only prove all of them wrong, but also just love myself and actually evolve into

the best version of myself and achieve my dreams. That's more important than anything. I was working towards my dream life and I was able to tune out the noise by understanding that life is short and we only have one life to live. And it's so important to capitalize on your dreams and not listen to anyone else. When I was building my Instagram in college and my social media brand in college, the amount of people I had making fun of what I was doing and bullying me on a consistent basis was absolutely insane. It was embarrassing for me to go to class and walk around my campus sometimes because

people knew who I was, people knew my Instagram. And this newspaper that it was very popular in my college, it was like a college newspaper, they wrote about my Instagram, so the whole school basically knew me as the Instagram girl. And keep in mind at the time, Instagram was not a popular thing yet. Instagram was fairly new,

not a lot of people were using it. It's hard to imagine now because obviously, Instagram is such an integral part of our society nowadays, but back then it was not, yes, I'm old, okay. So yeah, I just felt so uncomfortable for a while because I was doing something where I was sharing a lot of my personal life and I was doing something where I was being vulnerable on a social media platform where everyone could see what I was up to. And people had an opportunity to make fun of me and scrutinize me behind my back. And I remember so clearly this one night I went out to the bars in Binghamton.

This is where I went to college. And I walked into this bar and this one guy comes up to me. He was super drunk. And he just starts word vomiting all over me about how stupid I am and how stupid he thought. My Instagram was and what I was I am and how stupid he thought my Instagram was and what I was doing was and how his fraternity would all scroll through my photos and make fun of me in their free time and literally bully me. And it was such a pivotal moment for me because I don't know, for some reason, instead of

letting that get to me and prevent me from doing what I was doing, it suddenly gave me the sense of empowerment. Because in that moment, I realized I was going to be super successful. If people had the time to sit and stalk me in their free time and get so highly invested in my content on Instagram, I feel like I was doing something right. It just told me I was on the right path, even though in that moment, he was bullying me to my face. So I walked out of that bar,

ironically super confident and excited. I turned his energy into something positive. All that negative energy he was spitting at me. I was like, you know what? Fuck this guy. I know my worth. I know what I'm capable of. I know I'm on the right path.

And for whatever reason, he feels like he has to judge me, let him judge me. I don't give a fuck. So it's not that I thought I needed to prove this particular guy wrong, obviously. But in my head, I flipped a switch where I was like, I'm really going to go all in with my dreams. And I'm going to make sure everyone knows that I don't care about their opinions because I'm living for me and I'm doing what's best for me. And I believe in myself. And that's all that matters. And I knew I was just getting started. It was just the beginning

for me. Another recent example in my life was something I've actually never spoken about publicly before because honestly, this was probably the most traumatic period of my life. There was just a lot of shit going on in my life as far as my career and my work. And there was a lot of stalling on my dreams because I had really toxic people surrounding me. And I had a really toxic people that weren't supportive of what I was doing. There was someone in my line of work who was a part of my life heavily for a while. And one day this person calls me to tell me I was basically worthless and no companies and brands

ever wanted to work with me because I didn't bring any value to the table and I would essentially never be anything important. This person had the audacity to literally shit all over my self- seam and gaslight me into thinking everything was constantly my fault when I was just innocently trying to become the best version of me and work. And they would purposely shit all over my confidence and then make it as if they did nothing wrong. They would always say it's for my best interest, I need to hear the truth, blah, blah, blah.

You know, that's what friends are for, type of thing. And convinced me to believe that one, I was crazy and two, I was going to go nowhere with my life. And it took such a massive toll on my mental health. It was just a really bad period of time. But after all was said and done and I cut this person out of my life, I realized it would be my mission from this point forward to prove them wrong. I knew that they were wrong as I was going through all that shit.

I didn't actually believe what they were saying, but when you have people in your life telling you things like that, it's just so negative and it can easily affect your day to day. And it's just not helpful. It doesn't benefit anyone to shit all over someone's self-esteem. It was just not helpful. It doesn't benefit anyone to shit all over someone's self-esteem. It was just really fucked up. And now I'm just getting started with this podcast and so many other things. And I know I'm going to be an extremely successful person. I think I already am successful in a lot of ways, but I'm not at the level that I want to be

at yet. And I knew that regardless of this person telling me all this stuff, that that was my path. I know that nothing's going to stop me, but it's just kind of interesting and fun for me to look back now and be like, just you wait, just you wait. I'm just getting started. It reminds me of the Taylor Swift and Scooter Braun situation where like she had this toxic leech in her life

trying to bring her down and trying to bring down her career and she swung back a million times harder. That was what I was dealing with. And it just feels really good, honestly, because I've put all of it behind me and I also know that I'm just getting started. And it's not that I necessarily have to prove myself to this particular toxic person, but it's just nice to know that I'm on my way to massive success and nothing's going to stop me.

And I just want to prove it to myself also. I just want to prove it to myself that they were wrong and I know that they were wrong. And I also believe in karma, as I mentioned in the beginning of this episode. Might be going off on a little bit of a ramble here. Side note, I feel like when I record these episodes, sometimes I literally blackout. I was talking to someone else who was a podcast and I was telling them, I'm like when I record these episodes, sometimes I literally black out. I was talking to someone else who was a podcast and I was telling them, I'm like, sometimes I just start rambling

and I start saying everything on my mind and then I almost forget what I just said and I just hope that it makes sense when I play it back because there's just so much on this topic that I wanna talk about, but then I feel like I start going off in these crazy tangents. And this person was like, no, same.

I literally will record an episode of 30 minutes and then shut off my equipment. And I'm like, what the fuck did I just say into that microphone? I'm like, okay, great. Good to know. I'm not the only one. So hopefully all this is making sense so far. I think it is. I think we're on a good track here.

Anyway, so it's really fascinating when people tell you, you can't do something. Okay, or you're not capable of doing it, or something is impossible from their perspective. And the truth is, maybe it is impossible in their version of their reality because they're stuck in the same box for their entire life, which is fine.

But do not let anyone tell you that you're not capable of massive success and that you're not capable of living out your dream life. And you're not capable of what you want to manifest because you 100% are. You obviously don't have the right people around you if people are doubting your abilities like that. Life is so fucking precious and it's so short and I've mentioned this in a million other episodes.

You deserve everything you've ever dreamed of. If multiple people are telling you that it's not possible, that still doesn't mean anything. If one or two people are telling you that it's not possible, it doesn't mean anything. If you have a million people telling you, it's not possible. It still doesn't mean anything. You can really do anything that you want in this lifetime. And it doesn't have to be about proving yourself to anyone else that's saying all these doubtful things. You have to trust yourself and you have to know it's best for you. And if you believe you're capable of it, you are. Don't let anyone tear down yourself a seam or what you're

trying to accomplish in your life. One important crucial thing I've learned is how to also keep my manifestations and my dreams to myself. I learned this over time because I noticed that the more I shared with people what I was trying to do and trying to achieve, the less powerful it actually felt to execute because I felt like most people's energy wasn't as supportive as I wanted it to be.

I won't say everyone's energy, but I will say I did feel like some people I would share my dreams and goals with. weren't really supportive in the way that I expected them to be. I feel like they didn't really want to see me succeed and they didn't want to see me become the best version of myself. For whatever reason that is, maybe they're just not in the best mental place, maybe they just wanted something that I had. I don't know. I just would always feel like some sort of resistance from other people that I was telling about my dreams and goals. Like, I would, I would tell them something and then it just felt like

weird in a way. And I felt like it would take some of the power away from what I was trying to accomplish. Just keep your goals and your visions to yourself until you've already succeeded in what you're trying to accomplish. I just don't think it serves you to waste all your time constantly justifying and explaining to people your mission in your life. You obviously can share these things with close friends and family. If you believe that it helps you and it fuels your growth and they're really supportive, but more often times than not, when you keep things to yourself and then you achieve them, I feel like people get more like surprise and they're like, oh my god, I can't believe you did that. It just feels better that way instead of letting everyone in on your entire process.

And you also feel like you kind of have to, I don't know, you have to prove yourself even more to these people for no fucking reason when you could just keep it into yourself, harness all your energy and your power inward, and then show them the results once you've completed what you're trying to achieve. Even with this podcast, and I don't want to share too much because I have specific goals for myself with the podcast, I think it's kind of obvious because I publicize everything and I'm a social media figure, and I've been working really hard on it, but there are certain milestones aside from the podcast that I'm looking to achieve that a lot of people don't know anything about.

I have this going, I have my Instagram, I have TikTok, but I just don't share a lot anymore because I just don't wanna have to spread my energy thin and share all these big plans when nothing has been accomplished yet. There's certain levels that I want to achieve in my career and I feel like I have a really big purpose than what I'm doing right now.

But I don't tell anything to anyone anymore. I literally just grind behind the scenes. I work my ass off. I stay in late nights and work and plan and strategize behind closed doors because then I'm really just up against one person, which is myself. I don't need to spend hours of my time proving myself to everyone else, when I'm already up against myself.

Does that make sense? Like, I don't want to give my power and my time and my energy away trying to tell everyone my grandiose plans when they wouldn't even really understand who I am or my mission anyway. Also, whenever I'm feeling super unmotivated and doubtful and I'm like really in my head about what I'm trying to achieve, I like to Google celebrities and famous entrepreneurs and really successful people that almost gave up before they became big.

And there's so many of them. I would say the majority of the most successful people you look up to in your life had probably had insane amounts of failures and setbacks behind closed doors before they became who they are today. I'll read you like two examples that I wrote down earlier just to specify what I'm talking about. Number one, Oprah had a really unfortunate childhood.

I think this story is very popular and a lot of people know this already, but she went through a lot of abuse and she had a really difficult childhood. I think this story is very popular and a lot of people know this already, but she went through a lot of abuse and she had a really difficult childhood. And then she was hired for the news when she was young and she was fired by her producer because they didn't think she was fit for TV and they didn't think she was going to be successful. And then she went on to become Oprah Winfrey. She didn't let these people's opinions or doubts stop her from pursuing her dreams. Another example is JK Rowling, the author of Harry Potter.

Now I'm not a Harry Potter fan, I might get some shit for that, but I've never even read the books. But obviously Harry Potter is Harry Potter, I know the movies, I've seen like one of the movies. And I know it's a massive, a massive brand, like the most, they have a Harry Potter store in New York City. This woman is a billionaire author, okay. And she was jobless, she was divorced and broke, and she had a child. She was extremely depressed, and she had to sign up for welfare. And then she pushed through everything, and it probably

took years. And there was so much struggle behind what she was dealing welfare. And then she pushed through everything and it probably took years and there was so much struggle behind what she was dealing with. And no one really knew that up until she created Harry Potter and it became a viral global phenomenon. Okay. And now she's a billionaire. So everything can change so quickly. I mean, it probably wasn't that quickly, but everything can change over time.

If you really believe in yourself and if you really believe in yourself. And if you really put in the work and you also trust yourself and you don't listen to anyone else. And you also have to trust that even though if your circumstances are really shitty right now, even though you might be going through a really difficult period of your life

right in this current moment, that doesn't mean it's forever. And I think another big thing that I've taken away from going through a lot of financial setbacks in my life and also, you know, just career setbacks in general, it's just a moment in time. It doesn't mean it's forever. One of my ex-boyfriends used to say, which I really always remember to this day, is anything can change at any given time, at any given second or moment in time.

You could be walking down the street and bump into someone by chance and that'll lead you to something even greater that you could never imagine that could pertain to your career. Or you know, you could be single for 10 years and be miserable and one day you decide to take yourself to a nice dinner and you meet someone at the bar or whatever it is, and that's your husband. Like, those are silly examples, but like, it's so true. It's so insanely true.

Anything can really change at any given time. So just trusting that and believing that and believing that you really can achieve anything you want, even though you might go through setbacks and obstacles and it might not be easy, it's just really important to maintain that faith. And I think faith is such a crucial part of success. But a lot of people don't talk about this or you don't see it. You don't see the process of this person living on welfare and struggling.

The same way, a lot of you, you probably see my Instagram. You know, I have a million followers. I have a million TikTok followers, whatever it is. And I'm traveling and I'm doing all these cool things. On the surface, you see my life on the surface. You see what I'm posting. You're like, oh, this girl is an amazing life. She has a successful job, podcast.

She travels. Blah, blah, blah. You have no idea the shit I had to go through over the last two years to even be able to afford renting an apartment in New York City. It's so hard for me to talk about because no one wants to talk about really vulnerable shit. It's really hard for me to open up on this podcast

in general because this is the first time I'm really sharing so many specific details of my dating life, of my career, of all my setbacks, my failures, my mental health, it's a lot, right? And I love doing it, but at the same time, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. You have not a clue. And I always remember that when I see people posting,

these dream life's, they're on yachts, they're on yachts, they're on vacations, they're doing all this crazy shit and hanging out with celebrities and it looks like they're rolling in money and their life is fucking perfect. But you just have to remember that it's really not always as glamorous as it seems.

Sometimes it is, sometimes I will say, people have easy lives and they have amazing things happen to them. Great. But there's a lot of shit that goes on behind closed doors that you would never know. And it's just important to remember that. And to know that you should never be up against anyone other than yourself. You shouldn't have to be proving yourself to anyone else, especially when you're going through hard times.

So yeah, not to go on too much of a tangent, but if you just Google famous people who went through massive failures before their success, you'll see that this is the way you're going through hard times. So yeah, not to go on too much of a tangent, but if you just Google famous people who went through massive failures before their success, you'll see that this is such a normal part of life before you break through and make it big anywhere. The commonality between all these people is the faith. They didn't give up, they didn't let other people dictate the terms of their life for them. They proved everyone wrong around them

that was shitting all over them and they persevered. And that's why when people tell you you cannot do something, let it feel you and make you work even harder at it. Now I'm pulling this from the internet, but I'm also going to mix in some of my own thoughts and beliefs because I literally could not agree with this more. I love doing research for the podcast and relaying the message to you guys because I don't know, it's just really fun for me. I was up last night doing some research on why proving people wrong can be very entertaining and exciting if you change the narrative and

make it fun. One of the main reasons why it's fun to prove people wrong is that it allows you to show them that you're not limited by their narrow-minded views or expectations. When someone tells you you can't do something because of your age, gender, or any other factor, it can be really tempting to believe them and give up on your dreams really easily. However, by proving people wrong, you are able to show them that these limitations are simply excuses and you're capable of achieving your goals regardless of what anyone else may think or say about you. Proving people wrong can also be an amazing source of motivation and encouragement. When you see you're able to achieve something that others thought was impossible, it can

give you the confidence and determination to keep pushing forward and pursue even bigger goals. It can especially be super satisfying to see the look of surprise or admiration on the faces of those who doubted you. As it shows, you've proven them wrong and exceeded their expectations. That's really funny, honestly, to read because it's kind of what I was saying. But just seeing the look on people's faces when you do something they thought was impossible, it is kind of exciting and rewarding because I mean it's not about proving them wrong.

As I said, the only person you really have to prove anything to is yourself. But when someone really doubts you and doesn't want to see you succeed and then they find out that you're extremely successful and that you achieved what they told you you couldn't, it is a really satisfying feeling. I'm not going to lie. And yeah, of course, it's like an ego thing, like, oh, like I achieved this and you told me I couldn't. Yeah, it's not the most important feeling you need when you achieve a goal. It's not like your mission should be to get at someone,

but it just, for me, it gives me that encouragement and that power and that motivation to keep going when someone tells me I can't do something. And then they see that I did it. I'm like, fuck yeah, I did this. I didn't listen to you. And I'm never going to listen to you because this is my life. I dictate the terms of my life.

And I'm going to achieve everything I fucking want in this lifetime. So you cannot tell me who I can be or what I can and can't do because this is my path and this is my life. And who are you to say I can't do because this is my path and this is my life and who are you to say I can't do something. It's just a really satisfying moment when you achieve something that everyone else thought you couldn't and thought was impossible. That's all I'm saying. Ultimately, proving people wrong is a testament to the power of persevering and keep going and faith and never questioning who you are. And you need to have a lot of confidence in what you're doing. But once

you get that momentum going and you start progressing towards your goals and you start moving towards your goals and you tune out the noise, it becomes so exciting to keep going and to prove people wrong. It shows that you're not afraid to take risks. If you're a risk taker and you know, you're doing what seems impossible to everyone else, you might feel really uncomfortable along the way because you might not have the support you're looking for, but I promise you, it's usually always worth it. It's usually always worth pursuing

because you're taking that leap outside of the box. And even if it doesn't necessarily work out in the way that you expected it to or planned, just know that you're different and you're unique by trying and by trying to live out your best life, you're doing something amazing regardless of what the outcome is. And you're special and you're unique and you're different and you don't have to be, you know, embarrassed or shame or feel shame if it doesn't work out exactly the way you planned. You still tried and trying is all that matters. Like, I really believe that if you keep trying something will eventually stick and something will eventually click for you and you'll be truly happy and you'll be happy that you went on the journey that you did as you believe in yourself. By proving people wrong, you are able to prove to yourself and others that you really can

be anything you want and that you're capable of anything. And I think that's really the message of this podcast today. I really think it's just so important to pursue your passions regardless of what anyone else is saying. And to just live your best life and understand that you are unique, you are different, and you are here to create magical things and be the best version of yourself in whatever way, shape, or form that might be. To just focus on yourself, focus on your worth, focus on your inner power, and block out the noise. Really truly block out the noise. I really believe it never does any good by listening to people tell you you can't do something. Just don't cave into that noise. And I think that concludes today's episode. I hope that was helpful. I hope you enjoyed it.

Listen, I've gone through all this shit before. I've been through a lot in my life. And recording these episodes is always so amazing and so therapeutic for me and I hope it can help you in any way, shape or form, moving forward in your life and moving forward in your day or your week. And I love hearing from you guys. Remember you could always send me a message on Instagram. I really try to respond to people, but I'm so sorry. I've been getting flooded with DMs lately. My Instagram handle is atlist and at date yourself instead and my TikTok is atlist as well. YouTube is coming in 2023. I'm very excited. It's a stay tuned for that. I'll also be having guests on the podcast next year. So I'm very, very excited and

looking forward for what's to come. Thank you for listening as usual. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for the next one. very excited and looking forward for what's to come. Thank you for listening as usual. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for the next one.