Date Yourself Instead - Right person, wrong time

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

The phrase "right person, wrong time” is an expression that describes a situation where two people are deeply in love but are unable to be together due to circumstances beyond their control. So, is this concept real? In today's episode, I dive into why I think the right person, wrong time is not necessarily true. I also dive into different examples and stories that prove that true love will always find its way back if it's really meant to be. Remember, if you loved this episode, be sure to share it on instagram and send me a dm @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to date yourself instead. Date yourself instead. What does it mean to date yourself instead? I'm just going to learn how to love myself and that's it. The phrase right person wrong time is a very common expression that describes the situation where two people are so madly obsessed and in love with each other. But unable to be together due to crazy circumstances beyond either of their control.

This concept of the right person wrong time is something that used to haunt me because I was in a situation once where I was deeply in love and I couldn't be with someone that I loved more than anything in the world. And it fucking killed me. I chalked it up to the fact that the timing wasn't right, but we would end up together one day. This feeling of being with the right person at the wrong time can be so frustrating and such a heartbreaking experience for both parties involved. breaking experience for both parties involved. It can be so painful because you might feel like you found your soulmate and you found the love of your life and you planned on spending

the rest of your life at this person because you feel so compatible and so aligned in every aspect, but the timing just is off. The timing isn't right. And there's so many different situations like this. So, is the right person wrong time real? Does this concept really exist? Can there be this perfect ideal soulmate person for you, but for some reason, the universe or whatever higher power you decide to believe in, just seems to pull you away from this person and pull you guys apart. And you're left thinking and wondering about them for the rest of your life. It sounds really terrifying and scary and fucked up

when you think about this. You meet the person that you feel like you've been waiting for your whole life and you fall deeply in love with them. And the timing is just bad. So is this really a concept? Is there such thing as the perfect person, but the timing is just so off that you cannot make it work? Now this is a disclaimer before I really get into this topic.

These statements are completely and utterly my take on this topic. This is my personal opinion and from my experiences and what I've dealt with and what I've heard from friends and I've just accumulated a bunch of different experiences from my own life. I am not claiming to be some universal guru that knows everything there is to know about right person wrong timing. Everyone has their own point of view. But I thought I'd make an episode about this because I have a unique perspective on it. I really believe that this concept of

being with the right person at the wrong time isn't real. I don't believe that the universe will take the perfect person away from you due to solely just timing. Do I think there are other external factors at play that break up relationships and end them? Of course. But I always say, if you're truly meant to be with this person in this physical lifetime, you will end up with them. I'm the biggest believer in if it's meant

to be, it truly will be, and it will happen. I have the tattoo, trust the process on my arm for a reason. After going through many devastating heart breaks, I've realized that I used to convince myself that there was this one perfect person for me all the time and that I would never find anyone better, and I'd lock myself in this toxic mentality of the fact I would never find anyone better. And I'd lock myself in this toxic mentality of the fact I would never find anyone else. I was always convinced I would never find anyone else because this was my soulmate, this was the love of my life.

I've done this more than once. And I've come to the realization through all of these heart breaks that nothing is going to fuck up what is truly meant for you in this lifetime. With very specific and certain exceptions to this, such as terminal illness and death, like life or death situations, of course, I believe if the right person is physically here on this earth still and is thriving and isn't placed in a life or death situation and they

love you and they're obsessed with you and would do anything for you. Eventually the timing will sync up and if you both feel the same about each other, it will eventually be possible to be together. Because if two people truly want to be together, they will most likely find a way to make it work. I know this from experience. I would have chopped my fucking arm off to make it work

with my ex-boyfriend. And he wasn't even the right fucking person for me. So if I could feel that strongly for someone who was wrong for me and bend over backwards for someone who wasn't even compatible for me, I know that two people who really, really, really want to make something work will make it work. Timing alone in itself is not going to be the end all issue. I think it would just be a temporary thing. Obviously, as I mentioned before, there are other factors involved that can break up a relationship.

But this is about timing. I don't believe that there is a right person wrong time. A lot of people messaged me about the concept of long distance. And they wanted me to talk about long distance relationships and how one person, I guess, moved to Africa for work. I'm just giving a random example. And the other person was staying in Kansas. So there are two totally different sides of the world,

living two totally separate different lives. And they break up because the distance is just too much. I truly and wholeheartedly believe if those people are supposed to be together, regardless of the distance, eventually the timing will sync up and it will become right. Whether it takes a year or three years, whatever it is, I truly believe if it's meant to be, it will be. To hang on to this idea of only one right person for you when there's billions of people in the world, I find that to be really not beneficial.

I find that when I had that mentality, I was so depressed because I was constantly thinking that I was going to be alone forever because I had met my soulmate and it was just bad timing. It's a really toxic mindset to have. It's a mindset that makes you feel like there's a lack of abundance in the universe and that you're never going to meet anyone that's better than this one person. My point is you cannot leave it up to just timing alone for the sole reason something didn't work out. I had a few people message me and say, I met my soulmate but they were married and I'm thinking, is that really your soulmate?

Are you really saying the person you're having in a fair with but won't leave their relationship or their marriage is the only one for you? I highly doubt that. That seems a little often weird to me. Maybe you have a deep connection, that's totally possible. I have deep connections with a lot of people. I've had connections with a lot of guys

that didn't end up working out and it was genuine and sincere and we got along and we were compatible in a lot of ways. But to say someone who is married or in a serious relationship with someone else is your only compatible partner and the right person for you is just the wrong time. I don't think that's true.

I think everyone has a choice in life. We all have a choice to make. So if this person isn't willing to drop their relationship or marriage right away, the second you meet, that's a choice that's being made. The same way that you also have the choice to walk away from a relationship and see someone else if you want to see someone else. But if they're not doing that, is that really the right person for you?

I don't think so. That's not the right person in my opinion. And I got a lot of these messages. It was really surprising to me where people were so hung up on someone else that was committed in another relationship or a marriage. Although I understand it from the connection side where yes, you can have a deep connection with someone that's taken, it's just hard for me to believe that someone who's taken and in a happy marriage or relationship is the right person for you. If they're happy and they're committed to someone else, that is not the right person for you. And I truly believe that. I don't

think you should be hung up on someone who's taken and think it was bad timing and think you messed something up and think you fucked it up. No. If they are happy with someone else, you need to leave it be and let it go. I also got a lot of messages about the right person wrong timing regarding long distance. Does long distance strain relationships? Yes. Do people break up because of distance? Of course.

It's common. it happens often. But I think eventually, if it's truly meant to be, as I've said a million times, you will find a way back to each other. Connection between two people cannot be broken, if it's truly meant to be. My brother and his wife are a perfect example of this. They met while my brother was traveling for music. He was in a band, he was on tour, he was partying, he was always all over the place, he had a ton of girls, and for years, after they met, they decided to do long distance, he dropped everything to be with her. He had girls all over him, I'm sure. I mean, I can't confirm this, but I'm pretty sure he did.

He was going to parties. He was going out. He was living life, and when he met his wife, he dropped everything to make it work with her, because he loved her. And they were living in two very different places at the time. But eventually, after years of long distance, he decided to move to her and now they're married. So you cannot make long distance the sole reason for the right person wrong time.

Eventually, you will sync up and you will make it work if both of you are on the same page and want to be together. I'll give you another great example. One of my followers sent me last night. She messaged me and said, I was talking to this guy in 2019. We went on one date and we really hit it off. When he never got around to planning a second date, I called him out and he said he was traveling for work and he did not have time for anything. So I quickly ended it and I moved on with my life. Fast forward two years later in April in 2021, I was dating someone else, but then he broke up with me and I was heartbroken. That same night, I re-downloaded Hinge and I matched with this guy who commented,

I'm ready for love now on one of my pictures. I was so confused until I scrolled and I remembered him as the guy I saw on one date from 2019. I've never dated a guy from the past before, but he caught me at the perfect time. We went on a second first date, and I instantly remembered why I liked him so much. He told me straight up that he was looking for a girlfriend. Fast forward to today, we're now living together, shopping for engagement rings,

and we're about to buy a house together. Timing really is everything. This story is a perfect example of how the timing was completely wrong when these people first met, but eventually the universe brought them together again. The universe, or God or whatever higher power you choose to believe in, decided to sink them up again after she broke up with her boyfriend. They finally got on the same page and they rekindled the relationship. If that's not a meant to be story, I don't know what is.

Once she DMed me this, I was like, oh my god, this is crazy. It is a classic example of the right person wrong time, but they had a happy ending. Also, she told me she never usually entertains people from her past, but for some reason she felt super calm to still go and meet him and everything suddenly clicked and made perfect sense. The timing of this relationship was actually everything. Another example, of course, I instantly thought of was the movie the

notebook. Now, obviously, this is just a movie, but I googled it. It's actually based on a true story, so this applies. If you haven't seen the notebook, I feel sorry for you. You need to go watch it immediately. I think I've seen this movie 20 times. I used to cry to it like every night. Not at the part you would think, though, when I went through a breakup a few years ago,

I turned on the notebook and it got up to the part where she smashes the ice cream cone in Noah's face when they're first in love and in that like giddy, fatuation puppy love stage. And I started bawling because I was going through a break up and I remembered that feeling of being so head over heels in love and I missed that feeling. Anyways, this movie is amazing. It's the perfect ideal example of a right person wrong timing situation. Ali's parents split her and Noah up, and they break up. She moves away, she becomes a nurse,

and she ends up engaged to this hot, rich man who has his life together, and she does love him. But we could see, as the audience, that it's clearly just not the same type of connection. And right as she's about to get married, Noah comes rushing back into her life and flips her world upside down seven years later. So she has to make this huge decision whether to stay and get married to a man she loves, or leave it all behind and start a totally opposite, low-key hillbilly life. Hillbilly life, okay.

But you get the point. With Noah, okay? He doesn't have money, he's a simple man, and she's currently engaged to this super wealthy guy. In the end, she ends up choosing the deeper love. She never got over Noah. In seven years, she still felt the exact same way, and he still felt the exact same way, and he still felt

the exact same way. Seven years didn't change how they felt about each other. And she decides to choose that feeling over all the material bullshit she got swept up into make her parents happy. And she chooses her true happiness over the new life she created trying to move on. From this man, she was with seven years ago. It all ends up with her going right back into his arms as if nothing ever changed, and they got married, and he never left her side again. So clearly this movie is another amazing example

of the right person wrong time. Seven years later, they still ended up back together and had a happy ending. The right person wrong time to me is when you meet your soulmate, but it's just bad timing, but you end up back together because that was the right person. If both people are super committed to making it work, regardless of the obstacles that are keeping them apart and they're truly in love and their feelings never change, it can all be worth it in the end. And I believe, yes, that is the right person and it was the wrong time, but

you ended up together because it was the right person. And if you don't end up together and you never get on the same page, it wasn't meant to be in this lifetime. I really believe that. I just thought of another example of this girl I met at an event last month. Maybe I'll have her on the podcast one day. She was super sweet. I'm gonna keep it anonymous for now because I don't know her that well.

So I don't know, she's gonna find this creepy that I'm telling her story on the podcast. But we somehow got into the topic of relationships and she's married. She told me her story. She met this guy when she was much younger and she really liked him, but she hadn't had enough experience under her belt. She hadn't really dated anyone else yet because she was young, which is completely understandable to feel that way. When

you're young, you feel like you've met your potential, your soulmate and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but you haven't met anyone else because you had no experience, you could easily be curious and question things. I was there too. I've been there. She ends up asking this guy for a three-month break to just figure herself out. But at the end of the three-month break, she realized that she needed more time. Somehow, this three-month break she asks for turns into a three-year break. So now their relationship was just completely over. So they started seeing other people, she was dating other people, he was dating other people, and they just both went their separate ways,

and in her head, it didn't work out. It wasn't going to work, and it wasn't going to work for him either. The relationship was completely over. Flash, forward, three years later, she realizes that she's still in love with him. So she calls him up and she's like, hey, are you still single? And surprisingly he was. They get back together and now they're married. I thought that was a crazy story. Three full years had gone by. A lot can change in three years. And the probability of something working out after that much time apart is not so high. But as I said, because it was the right person and they really did have a crazy connection, it did work out. She still felt the same way about him. She

realized she wanted to be with him. And he still felt the same about her. The timing just clicked, it made sense, and now they're married. So was it a big journey, and I'm sure there were messy moments, I'm sure to get to the final destination? Yes, but it was a notebook type of situation where years had gone by before they were able to sync up on the same page. As I mentioned earlier, if it's supposed to happen with someone, the timing could be off for a while, but eventually I do think you'd still end up together if you're supposed to be together in this lifetime. So if you're holding on to someone for years

thinking they were the perfect person for you, and you're never gonna find anyone else, trust me, it's okay to let go. It's okay to move on and move forward with your life and trust that when it's right, it'll happen and you'll get back together. It's not healthy to stay stuck in this mindset of, they were the only one for me and I fucked it up,

we fucked it up and I'm never gonna meet anyone else. It's a toxic mindset to stay stuck in because it prevents you from opening yourself up to new people. It prevents you from being happy. It leaves this heaviness in your heart because you're constantly thinking of the one that got away. It just fucking sucks to think like that. The mentality of the right person wrong time is harmful because you really do tend to stay stuck on people that you can't be with. I've done this before and I'm speaking from personal experience, it keeps you in a chokehold thinking that this person is going to come back eventually, so you end up closing yourself off to any other opportunities or options. The idea of the right person

implies that there is only one single person in this world who's suitable for you. And although some people may think there really is only one person that is suitable for them, it keeps you in a state of feeling constant lack and like it would be impossible to ever find anyone else for you again. You cling on and hold on to someone based on the fear that you're never, ever, ever gonna be happy again.

And it makes you feel like total shit. In 2019, I met this guy that I said was going to be my husband. I've said this about a few guys. It's kind of embarrassing and cringey, but let's be real in the podcast. I fall deeply for people really fast. I mean, I used to. Now I have boundaries and I've learned so much and I've grown so much from all these experiences, but back in 2019, I was still learning.

This man had a lot of issues. I had a lot of insecurities, and we just could never sync up on the same page. I just thought if we worked on ourselves individually, we would come back together. I was holding on for three months after that, thinking once we grow, once we both level up and work on ourselves, we are going to

get back together and be together. But what I didn't realize was I was really limiting myself to what direction the universe wanted me to go in. I was holding myself back by the past and I started to get super depressed. I closed myself off to meeting new people. I was hibernating. I was like, I'm never going to find anyone else. That was the hottest guy I'm ever going to be with.

All this stuff, right? The idea of there's only one person in the world that's right for you is unrealistic. There are so many people on this planet. And while your connection with one person might be very different from another and it might not necessarily feel the same way, it doesn't mean you can't ever fall in love again or be happy again. Additionally, the idea of the wrong time automatically implies that our circumstances prevent us from being with the person we want.

And while that's true because there are external factors like timing and other priorities in life that can make a relationship really difficult This doesn't necessarily mean the person is the right one for us Life is full of complications and challenges and relationships require effort and I do believe if it's the right person and you're supposed to be together both of you will work to overcome these obstacles. I don't want to keep bringing up my own examples because obviously everyone has their own shit, but I feel like this really, really applies. My last relationship, we had religious differences.

There were so many fucking obstacles, and I was so in love with this person, and he was in love with me. And guess what? Throughout all the shit we went through together, the ups and downs, there were a mass of hurdles involved. His family, the religion, raising our kids, like there were so many questions and conversations that came up that were strenuous and that were stressful. But we were so on the same page with how we felt that we continued to work at it and

try to overcome everything together. Two people who really want to make things work will make it work. So to say something like long distance was the ultimate reason why I didn't work out. In my opinion, I don't think that's a good enough reason because people go through way were shit and they still find a way to make it work. I went through Helen back with my ex, not saying that this was right, I'm not saying this was healthy, but the point is, you will do whatever it takes to be with the one you love if it's necessary.

And at that time in my life, I chose to do that because I loved him so much, and he chose to do that as well because he loved me so much. It obviously didn't work out, but back again with the point that you will overcome obstacles if you really want to. You will do everything you can to make it work with someone if you want to. And if both parties are actively working to make something work, it'll fucking work. To reiterate, the right person wrong time myth can be super harmful to your mental health because it can prevent you from moving on from relationships that really aren't meant to be. Believing that someone was the right one can create this illusion of false hope and you'll

constantly be stuck on the past and prevent yourself from finding someone who's a better fit for you. Sometimes accepting that relationships are not meant to last and that you need to let go is the healthier option. When I've let go of people I was stuck on, it felt like a fucking massive elephant was lifted off of my shoulders and I could breathe again. Letting go is hard. It's not easy.

I have other podcasts episodes dedicated to let and go and detaching and moving on. It's not an easy process, but when you get to the point of actual detachment and you finally let go and that weight lifts off of your body, you let in all these amazing, incredible, new opportunities and experiences, and you end up meeting either someone better for you,

or if it's truly meant to be, as I said, a million fucking times on this episode, you will come back together because you're in a place of feeling abundant and vibrant and happy again. And you're not clinging onto the past. So what do you do if you were with someone that you thought was your soulmate the absolute love of your life But the timing felt off it just wasn't the right circumstances to be together

I tell everyone this is the advice I have you could take it you don't have to take it You could shut this off and say shut up Whatever you want to do, but this is my advice You have to let go and I'll tell you why to do, but this is my advice. You have to let go, and I'll tell you why. Letting go will do two things. One, it will take the resistance and pressure off of needing this person, because if your energy is constantly attached and latched onto this idea that they're the only person for you, it'll weigh the situation down even more. And it's not going to help. That's not going to help. The chances of actually being

together will actually end up being more favorable once you let go because you're taking all the pressure and resistance off of needing them. And two, when you let go, you put yourself on a different frequency in the physical world. You start to become magnetic because you're not weighed down by this heavy feeling of, fuck, that was the only person for me. I'm going to be miserable and alone forever. You take that pressure and that weight off of you and you allow for either one better circumstances to come in or you let that situation unfold in a way so you could eventually end up together in a healthier, happier relationship than it was before. There was also a wild story that I had been meeting to share on the podcast for a while now and I

just remembered it, so you're gonna get it right now. This girl messaged me a long time ago. She told me that she was engaged and was planning her wedding when her boyfriend, sorry, her ex-boyfriend, who was her first love that she ended things with 10 years prior reached out to her, professing his love for her. Now you can imagine the stress and chaos that was going on inside of her head. She never really got over him and it was 10 years ago, so she hadn't really thought about it, but she also hadn't really gotten over him. It was her first love and she, for some reason, was tempted to answer him, and she ends up messaging him back.

And he was saying he basically still wasn't love with her, and he didn't want her to get married. Some people will interpret that as super selfish and fucked up, but I guess he couldn't help himself. And she also couldn't help herself. This is gonna sound a little crazy and messed up, but just wait till ending. So she trusts her intuition.

She decides to go see him and realizes she can't marry this other guy because something was lacking for her. Something was missing with her fiance. So she decides ultimately to leave her fiance and she marries her first love. So now she's happily married to her first love. And she messaged me and she said, you know, I felt terrible about leaving my fiance. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to

make. And she was devastated. It wasn't an easy decision for her to make. I'm sure she was going back and forth about this for a long time. But ultimately, she said she did make the right choice because she thinks the marriage would have ended. Anyway, because clearly there was something missing that she didn't realize. She felt awful for leaving him. It was really difficult. But she also knew she would regret not following the deeper connection she had with her first love. That's fucking crazy to me. So basically, circling back to this idea of the right person wrong time,

that is why I truly believe that nothing will stop two people from ending up together, even if it's 10 years later, even if it causes a lot of chaos. I do believe that if two people choose willingly to make something happen, they're gonna make it happen if the connection is strong enough.

I also get a lot of questions in my Instagram regarding situations where people will ask me if it's possible that their ex will come back. And my advice is you need to trust the process of both of your individual journeys and trust that everything is happening in divine timing to protect you. Even if in the moment, if fucking kills and it sucks the life out of you and you feel like the world is out to get you. Even when you feel like you're a total mess and you're falling apart without this person and no one is going to compare to them. If you really think about it, the feeling of losing someone and missing someone is a universal

experience across the board. And if everyone can relate to this feeling on some level, doesn't that mean it's a part of life? In order to grow and evolve, we need to feel and experience love and loss and heartbreak. Some people may not agree with that, but I believe it's a part of growing and I believe it's a part of transforming and it's a part of life that everyone goes through. So what you're going through is completely normal

and you don't have to fear it or run away from it because we're all in it together in a way. And when the timing is right, you're either gonna end up with this person because it was supposed to happen or you're gonna find someone that's so much better for you. Trust me, I get it.

The experience of finding someone you finally vibe with and click with and you're in love with. And for some reason, you cannot be together right now. That experience can be so frustrating and so emotional and I totally, totally empathize with that. But at the same time, you could also look at it as an opportunity for a lot of growth, self-development, self-care, and a lot of self-love. And eventually, when you love yourself the most and you're thriving again and you feel empowered

and you've let go, you will end up finding the right person at the right time. And that's a guarantee. And with that being said, I hope you love today's episode. Thank you, as always, for listening. And be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify.

If you enjoyed this episode also feel free to DM me and let me know on Instagram at list, LYSS, and at the podcast account, date yourself instead. I love you. Thank you so much for listening as always and stay tuned for next Monday. and stay tuned for next Monday.