Date Yourself Instead - Setting boundaries in love & how toxic relationships can make you sick

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

I am guilty of doing too much for the wrong person and I know I’m not the only one, so I wanted to dive a little bit into people pleasing and boundary setting in this episode. Plus, I have some insight on how toxic relationship can impact your physical health, so we are also talking about the signs to watch for and things I’ve learned from personal experience. Highlights of this episode: (2:00) - Feeling guilt about saying no (5:20) - Doing too much for the wrong guy (14:00) - The story of how I got sick from a toxic relationship (21:00) - If you’re not with the right person, your body will speak to you (29:50) - Low self esteem in a toxic relationship (32:00) - External validation from other people (35:00) - It’s never too late to find love and start over, including a cute true story time to inspire you If you loved this episode, always feel free to send me a DM on instagram @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to day yourself and set. Day yourself and set. What does it mean to day yourself and set? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. Hello, hello, hello, it's testing 1, 2, 3. I'm testing out this microphone in the studio. I've been having some technical difficulties again. I was trying to plug my laptop into an outlet

and the outlets weren't working and my computer was about to die, but I got everything figured out. Sorry, if I sound super out of breath, I was literally just on my hands and knees trying to plug my computer into an outlet. And for some reason, I guess I'm really out of shape or something. I got to hit the gym. I haven't been to the gym in a few days and I'm like literally so out of breath. It's probably isn't a good thing.

I feel like when I skip the gym for a week or more, it feels like I've never worked out of my life once I get back into it. I swear, like when I climb a flight of stairs, I'm so out of breath, it's a problem. And now I'm losing my voice, I sound like I'm dying. Okay. I'm on well today. I apologize in advance. Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. I'm like trying to get my shit together. I swear, but my throat is like

closing up right now. I have no idea what's going on. So I'm gonna try to get the words out as best as like, I feel like I'm losing my voice. I don't know what's going on. Okay, so today's episode I wanted to talk about the different signs of being in a toxic relationship. And I also wanted to talk about doing too much for the wrong person. So I'm totally guilty of this. I do so much for people that really want nothing to do with me. I'm a people pleaser. I've always been that way. I feel like it's really hard for me to say no. And I don't know why I'm like this, but I've always felt super guilty saying no to people. And I feel like whether it's me on a phone call

and I want to get off the phone and they keep talking and I don't know how to end the conversation and I feel so guilty, or if it's someone that is just trying to talk to me and I just don't want to be bothered. I don't know, I just have this fear of saying no for some reason, and it's been that way pretty much my entire life. But especially when it comes to dating,

I feel like it used to be really hard for me to have clear boundaries and actually say no to people that I was interested in because I liked them, I did a feelings for them, and I would let them step all over my personal space and boundaries because I thought it would make them love me more. I thought it would make them commit to me, et cetera. You get the gist. And it would always backfire. It never worked out the way that I planned because not only did I

let them cross my boundaries, but I had so much trouble saying no to people when it came to intimacy and things like that that actually long-term made me feel really terrible and uncomfortable about myself. And I think I just wanted to dive in a little bit into this topic because I know a lot of people struggle with this idea of people pleasing and wanting to make everyone else happy and feeling bad saying no and having clear boundaries. For some reason, a lot of us do struggle with this. I get messages about this all the time. How to set boundaries, how to set healthy boundaries, how to draw the line, where to draw the line when you're uncomfortable with something or someone, and it can be tricky and it can be a really weird thing

to navigate because if you are an empathetic person like me and you care about people and you want people to be happy around you, it's hard to say no sometimes, for sure. So I thought I would just talk about that a little bit and also about being in a toxic situation with someone and some signs that I've seen personally and my personal experience with a particular person that I had which made me physically sick. Now, this is something that I haven't talked about too much but I've made a couple TikToks about it

and they all went super viral. And I think the reason they went viral is because so many women, I mean, just from the comments alone, I've seen this, so many women can relate to what I was going through. I would get physically sick from being with the wrong person. And that's another topic that I really wanted to talk about today because it's so crazy how being with the wrong person

can affect your entire body physically. And you would have no idea that it's because of the relationship. Maybe, you know, you've been to the doctor a few times and they can't figure out what's wrong with you. And you're also in a toxic relationship, but you never bring that up. And then it turns out once you break up, you suddenly feel better. And you suddenly start to heal and your body feels normal again. You're like, what the fuck?

Like, because it's like stress can really just take such a big toll on your body. And it's not only your mental health that's affected by the wrong person, it can also be your physical health. So I want to tell you a personal story about that as well. Okay, so I actually just posted a TikTok this morning that said I was thinking about the time I bought a guy a present thinking he was obsessed with me but really I was just obsessed with him and he said thanks in a way that I knew he would never talk to me again after that.

Like I think I just crossed a line too soon with him and it was obviously if it was the right person, things would have worked out, so I don't think, like, you know, I don't regret being overly nice to him, but it's the same concept of like having trouble saying no in a way, it's like always just trying to do the most for people you care about, and always trying to do so much for the people

that you love and that you want in your life. But if you do that for someone that doesn't reciprocate or doesn't feel the same way as you do, it's fucking embarrassing. I'm kidding. I mean, I don't want to use the word embarrassing. But it's definitely, you know, a little bit cringy to look back and think of how much I've done for guys that really didn't give a fuck about me. And I've learned so many amazing valuable lessons along the way in my dating life and through the dates I've been on and through the relationships I've been through, so I don't regret anything that I've ever done.

And I think every relationship I've been in is a stepping stone and a learning lesson for me. So, regardless of what I've done in the past, I really don't regret anything. But there was this one instance where I was dating a guy and we were like maybe dating for a month or two and I was under the impression that he was obsessed with me. I thought he really, really liked me. He was a charming person and he treated me pretty well. Like I didn't have any complaints. I felt good when I was around him. He was super nice.

We had went on a bunch of dates. We had hung out alone a bunch of times. We even did like a workout class together. Like, we were pretty serious from my perspective, I would say. And it was his birthday. So I got him a birthday present, thinking it was totally chill and normal and not really a big deal. I wasn't like really thinking too much into it,

but I just bought him a birthday present and it wasn't anything super expensive. But when I gave it to him, I just saw the look on his face was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, why are you getting me a birthday present? And I was like, fuck, this is not going down well. This is not what I had expected. Not the

reaction I had expected. And I guess it was because we weren't in a serious relationship. It might have looked like I was crazy. And looking back, I'm like, what did I do that? Like, why did I get this guy a gift and we weren't even boyfriend girlfriend? I don't know. I don't know. I can't really put my finger on what I was thinking at the time. But I do know that I'm just a giving person when it comes to relationships in general. I feel like I have a big heart and I really want to make other people happy that I'm dating

because I like them and I care about them. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Obviously, if you have a big heart, it's such an amazing quality to have. But I think there's boundaries that I needed to work on at that time that I didn't really know I needed. Like, I didn't really have a sense of clear boundaries about like what I would do for someone versus like,

what I should wait for until we're official and until we're seriously dating. I just kind of did things for people not really thinking too much into it, but it can often be received as too much for the wrong person. And obviously, if they leave your life and they get weirded out and they're like, what the fuck are you doing?

Obviously, it's not the right person for you, okay? Like, I know that looking back, this person wasn't right for me, but I just think it's more of like a self-reflection too, where I'm like, I shouldn't have done that anyway because I had no idea what this guy was doing in his free time. He could have been dating 10 other women and, you know, he was really nice and he was super respectful, but for me to get him a fucking birthday present, he probably was like, what are you doing? Like, I'm going on a date after this. I'm kidding, but maybe.

Like, I really don't know, you know? So I just tend to emphasize the importance of boundaries in my life now and knowing when to give and when not to give. And it doesn't mean you can't be nice, it doesn't mean you can't be a fun and happy and a warm person around people when you're getting to know them. And you can give people your time and be a good person that way. But just to like give people gifts and go overboard when you don't really know them on a super deep level, I just don't think is necessary. And I've taken that lesson and I've applied it to my future relationships. I don't give too much of myself until I'm fully committed to someone.

And I think that's a very fair statement to make. You don't owe anyone anything and you don't owe someone all of your precious energy in time and you don't have to spend money on them if you're not super serious with them. Anyways, I think this whole concept of just doing too much for someone. It can apply to so many different types of situations, too. Even with friendships, I personally have never really had this issue with my friends, but I know a lot of people tend to get themselves involved with friendships even

where they feel like they're constantly doing so much for their friends and they're not getting back the same. Their friends aren't reciprocating essentially. And it can be really tough when you're such a giving person. And you're like, I want to, you know, make people happy. And I want them to know that I'm a really good friend. And I'll always have their back and etc. You get the point. But I always match people's energy of what they're giving me. And I feel like if they're not giving me anything and I'm giving everything, it's not worth it.

It's not a relationship that's worth entertaining because that can become very draining. Obviously, there's different points in your life. Like, for example, when I was going through my breakup, I think I was a little bit much with some of my friends because I was crying and venting out to them a lot and they were there for me. And it was like, and in a way,

I feel like I was not giving as much as they were giving me because they were always giving me advice and helping me through it and talking me through things. And that was like a moment in time where I was like, okay, this is what friends are for because they have my back and I can't really give too much right now and they understand that. But if they ever needed anything and they ever needed my help in the future, they have my back and I can't really give too much right now and they understand that. But if they ever needed anything and they ever needed my help in the future, I have

their back. It's a mutual exchange of energy and it feels good because you know you have each other's backs and you could trust each other and depend on each other equally. So I went through my break up and my friend was there for me of course. And then when she was going through stuff with a guy, I was there for her. And that's how like healthy friendships work in my opinion. I think it should be give and take, but in a healthy, respectful way where you're both equally providing to the relationship.

And some people may agree with this, some people may disagree with this, some people may say, you know, I don't need that much, like I love to give and I don't need that much in return. Totally fine. But just for me, I feel like having a mutual exchange of energy, whether it's a friendship or romantic relationship, I think is super healthy and super important. But when it comes to dating, especially in the early stages of dating, this applies more than anything. Because if you're trying to meet up with someone and you're trying to make the plans and

you're trying to go on on a date with someone and they're not really giving too much thought into it and they're not really responding, they're being flaky, they're kind of leaving the plans up to you all the time, etc. etc. I just don't find that very appealing and I think that's where boundaries come into play. For me, when guys have been super flaky with me and I've tried to hang out with them or go on a date with them and they're kind of like, I'm not sure, I don't know what my plan is yet, and kind of wording it in a way where they're not really sure

if I'm their priority and they don't really know if they want to hang yet unless something better comes along, it's kind of a turn off for me, but it's also like where the boundaries come in. I've learned now, instead of waiting on someone for plans and trying to figure out a plan with someone if they're being flaky, just to take a step back and do my own thing. And if they want to make the effort, then they'll make the effort. But I don't go overboard now, and I don't bend over backwards for anyone in any type of

situation. Because why? Why would I do that to myself? I'm busy. I have my own schedule. backwards for anyone in any type of situation because why? Why would I do that to myself? I'm busy, I have my own schedule, I have my own life, and if I'm putting in a little bit of effort and I'm not getting anything back, usually I don't really try again.

Like I'm not very big on chasing someone down to make a plan, it's just not my thing. So, okay, I feel like I'm talking too much. I wanted to first talk about the signs of being in a toxic relationship and it's kind of tied into the whole thing of getting physically sick. And I'm gonna tell you a story of what happened to me

when I was in a toxic relationship that was no longer serving my growth and my highest good. And yet I continued to stay and I continue to try to force things. And I wanted it to work so fucking badly. You have no idea. This person, I thought was my soulmate, my husband, the love of my life.

We dated for a very long time. And I haven't really mentioned him too much on the podcast, specifically because I'm not over it. And I'm going to be completely transparent, honest with you guys. I'm not over him. And I'm going to be completely transparent, honest with you guys. I'm not over him. And I don't really like talking about things that I haven't fully healed from, but I'm going to give you a little insight on what I went through because honestly, I still respect him.

I still love him. He still loves me. I know we're both mutually on the same page with that. And I feel like it's a really good example of a toxic situation at the end of the day. Even though we loved each other so much, there were a lot of issues at hand. And maybe they'll be resolved in the future, who knows anything can happen.

But for now, I'm trusting that it's just not right and it wasn't meant to be. And I'm going to tell you the full story now. So I was dating this guy for about two years, and the first few months were amazing. The first few months were the best months of my life. I was so in love, I was so head over heels obsessed with him, and he felt the exact same way.

It was so mutual. The energy was mutual. We both were giving the same. It just felt like we were on the exact same page. And honestly, he felt like my best friend. It was just so easy from day one. It was so effortless. The energy was like amazing.

Between us at all times, I always felt like I could be myself. I always felt comfortable with him. I never had a question anything. It was just really overall good. And I even said like the first month we were together that he was my husband. Like that's what I really believed at the time. So there were some issues that came up

that I'm not gonna get into on this episode that caused us to start having complications within the relationship, but I will say it had nothing to do directly with him. It was external factors involved, and it just had to do with family and differences in that spectrum. It was just, he was also like such a good boyfriend to me. I have nothing bad to say about him, but it was just external factors that were kind of getting in the way of everything.

And I will eventually speak about this publicly and I will eventually talk about it, but for now, I just don't really think it's appropriate, but you get the point. Amazing relationship from the beginning, but things started to get a little complicated and really difficult really quickly. It went from being amazing.

We were on this high of life just like super in love. And then it all came crashing down really, really fast. So as it started crashing down and as things started to get super rocky, I started to get these crazy, chronic yeast infections. And I apologize if that's TMI. And I apologize if you're like that's disgusting, but we're women here. I know I have like a 95% women demographic on here, which is insane and amazing. And I was getting these insane yeast infections to the point where I could not walk,

okay, like it was so bad and I had no idea what was going on. My pH balance in my body was so out of whack. I felt super sick. I always had stomach aches. I always just felt like nauseous and bloated and fatigued. I just felt so weird and I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't really know what was happening, but I thought maybe it was something in my diet because I had been vegan and I was vegan for three years, so I started switching out my diet, I started incorporating fish into my diet, and I started making other changes and implementing new things into my life to try to cure what I was going through because

the infections were crazy. I was just in so much pain, I could barely pee, I was just not having it. I knew my mom, genetically, she said she had gone through this when she was my age, so I kind of chalked it up to that. I was like, oh, maybe it's a genetic thing. It's really something I can't control. I kind of just pushed it in the back of my head. Didn't even think twice about it being anything mental or anything, you know, like from stress, I was just like, this is like a pH imbalance. It could be from my diet and working out and like sweat.

I don't know. I went to the doctor, they prescribed me medication. I was on medication for three months. And in those three months, it was like a temporary band aid. So I kind of massed the problem and I kind of fixed it, but I was still getting the infections. It just wasn't as extreme, but they were still there, clearly. Like it wasn't a resolved issue. And I also just started getting like super, super depressed, and my moods were super up and down. Everything in my body hormonally just felt really off.

And I started getting these stabbing heart pains in my chest. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I swear to God, it was the craziest thing ever. My chest would tighten and I would have this like stabbing knife cutting through my chest. It felt like that. And I would wake up in the middle of the night,

it would happen, I would just be doing my day-to-day activities, it would just happen, it was like this on and off-stabbing pain in my heart. I went back to the doctor, I got an EKG, they scanned my chest, they scanned my heart, they said everything looks totally normal and healthy, and I look fine. And I'm like, are you sure? I just feel like I'm constantly having a heart attack.

And they were like, you're probably under a lot of stress. And I was like, I am under a lot of stress, but not to the point where my body could be reacting this crazy. Like this is insane. And between the yeast infections and my heart pain, I felt like my whole body was shutting down. So it turns out after months and months of having crazy chronic health issues, when I broke up with this person, all of the health issues went away. I swear, I swear to you,

I swear to you, like I'm like stuttering because I can't even believe what happened after like we broke up. It was just I suddenly felt a million times lighter, better, I felt more balanced, my body started getting back to normal, all my heart pain went away. And I had cut out coffee too, but I've been drinking coffee for years. So I was like, how could it be coffee just like randomly giving me heart attacks in the middle of the day? It wasn't the coffee. It was clearly the stress of the relationship. And I'm not blaming anyone or anything in particular for the amount of health issues I had. I just know that when you're in toxic situations and you're really

not with the right person, your body will fucking speak to you. Your body will speak out. If you're not going to listen to your logic and not going to listen to your thoughts telling you to get out, your body is going to try to tell you to get out physically. And I learned that the hard way, I was mind blown. My yeast infections were gone. My heart pain was gone. I felt more at peace, but also obviously I was sad. Okay, I went through a breakup.

I was really, okay, I went through a breakup, I was really sad about that and emotionally I was devastated and I was completely heartbroken, but the rest of my body felt completely fine. And it was almost like magic, like within a couple of weeks everything cleared up and I felt back to normal. And I was in denial that it was from the relationship too. I remember as my health problems started to disappear, I was like, there's no way.

There is no fucking way it could have been from the relationship. How is that possible? Like, is energy really that powerful? All that stuff. I was questioning everything, because it seemed so far fetched and crazy. And I just couldn't believe it.

I really couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe it. So after I essentially figured out what had been wrong the whole time, which was me being stuck in a toxic situation and my body was just freaking the fuck out saying, you need to leave and you need to take care of yourself because this is not working. I realize the importance of actually leaving things that no longer serve you, because it could take such a toll on your life in ways that you can't even imagine. And I went through this because I swear to you for months, I was dealing with these crazy health issues. And I never, in a million years, would have thought that it was all to do with a really bad

situation I was in. So after all of that went down, I did a major detox. I was going to the gym again, and I was, you know, trying to eat clean and drink a lot of water and get good sleep and meditate and journal and write down my manifestations. I was doing everything I possibly could

to take care of myself after that. And eventually I got myself to a place where I felt so much better. Thank goodness, I'm very grateful, very healthy, everything's good now. But it just taught me a lot about the power of energy and how important it is to protect your peace, to protect who you are, and to love yourself extra.

When you're going through things like this too, it's important not to beat yourself up over it, widen and I leave sooner. Why did I tolerate this? X, Y, and Z. It can be really easy to be hard on yourself in those times because sometimes when you look back, you realize how fucked up it actually is

and how crazy it actually was. And I've done that before where I'm reflecting and I'm like, how did I spend so much time in a situation that drained my soul and that made me feel the way that I felt? But it's important to understand that everything really you can carry with you and take as a learning lesson and a learning experience. And I learned so much through that. And I learned how toxic relationships can actually make you physically sick, if your body is in like constant fight or flight mode, and your body is under and seeing

amounts of stress. So yeah, very interesting. The other thing is, and once again, I'm not going to really dive into the details of what happened with this relationship, but I was so in love that I also found it really hard to walk away even when I wasn't feeling 100%. I felt like even though I was physically sick and going through all these things and my body was freaking out, he was also my rock. So I would go to him when I had all these health problems. So it was really funny because I would be like, oh, can you take care of me? Can you take me to the doctor? I don't feel well. Meanwhile, I think the whole relationship in this situation we were in was causing all

of the health problems. So it was kind of like an endless spiral. We were just going in circles for so long, and I never chalked it up to the idea that it could be from the toxic relationship. Because who would really think that as the first thing? People go through relationships all the time, and a lot of people never experience physical trauma or anything like that from the relationship.

So I never thought that was really an option. I didn't know that that was possible. But then I posted on my tech talk about this, how I was getting chronic yeast infections and UTIs, and I had to go on all sorts of medication. And so many women started to come forward and comment, and the video got like 5 million views. I'm not even kidding. It was insane.

Like, oh my God, I've been through this. Like, the right person would never throw off your pH if you're with the wrong person, your pH will be off, et cetera. And I was like, really, this is so wild. And so it's like news to me, because I had never really done any research on this. But apparently, if your pH is constantly being thrown off,

something in the relationship could also be off. But this isn't to say this is applicable to every relationship because obviously people do have serious health issues that are not correlated with their romantic relationship with someone. So I'm not going to make false statements on here and say, oh, like if your pH is all that means your boyfriend isn't a good person, I'm not going to say that because I know that's not true at all. But yeah, I was just having so many gyneological problems. And it was something that I had never dealt with before.

I mean, I've had things here and there. I've definitely gotten like UTIs before. But this was like chronic non-stop, wouldn't go away, had to double the dosage on my medications. And then my body got so used to the medications that they weren't even working, it was a mess. I also, if anyone is currently going through this or goes through things like this where they have gyneological imbalances, and they just have hormonal imbalances like me, there's this product that I use.

It's like boric acid essentially, and it's a supposit acid essentially and it's a suppository and it works really well to balance everything your body. So if you do have issues like that, I also recommend looking into that because that really helped me and I think it was like a more holistic way of treating everything than taking pills every day. I'm not a doctor, I'm not an expert, I'm not claiming to be any sort of medical professional FYI, so take this with a grain of salt and consult your actual doctor. I don't want to give medical advice on my podcast, but the boric acid really did help me. The other thing I wanted to mention,

I guess about toxic relationships in general, I feel like when you're stuck in a situation where you're so in love with someone, your blinders can easily be on. And we've all been there, right? We're like, we're so into someone that we tend to ignore all the red flags and we excuse their behaviors. And we wouldn't excuse it with a friend. Like for example, if a guy's flaky and blows you off once or twice, usually if you really, really like him, you're going to excuse the behavior

because you really want to hang out with him, right? I've definitely done this and I've definitely been in this position before. But if your best friend did this to you and she's like, ah, I have other, I want to stay in bed tonight or whatever it is, whatever she wants to do, you're not going to like freak out on her and cut her out of your life and stop the friendship. So I guess it's just interesting because I think the boundaries for dating are actually really different from friendships and other relationships in your life. When it comes to dating for me, I think I have much stronger boundaries because I've been through a lot with a lot of different people. I've been on enough dates to know what to look

out for and what works for me. Everyone tolerates different things, everyone resonates with different things. This is just my experience. If someone's being super flaky with me and they're trying to take me on a date, but they're not really taking me anywhere, or they're leaving the plans up to me constantly

and depending on me to make a plan all the time, it's just never gonna work. I like someone who's assertive, I like someone who knows what they want, and I like someone who's about me. And that's something that I'm not going to settle for less than that. And honestly, I don't think those are crazy requirements. I just, I feel that way about people that I'm super into, so I just want to reciprocate it. Like, if I like you, I like you. I'm all about you. I'll put 100% in if you're willing to also put 100% in. That's how I see it.

So I think I got a little off tangent here, but I was going to bring up the concept of low self-esteem when you're in a toxic relationship. So when you have low self-esteem and you're in a relationship with someone, it makes it so much harder to acknowledge things that are wrong. And it makes it so much harder to leave because you feel like you almost need them.

You feel like, okay, I'm insecure and I feel unsafe if I'm by myself. So I need this person. I need someone next to me to protect me and like be my savior. And like, I just need someone to love me and tell me they love me and I've been here so I first had to have experienced this where like I was in a really insecure period of

my life where I felt like I needed someone and I would depend on my partner to walk me through my day. And obviously when you're going through hard times, it's okay to depend on someone. I'm not saying that that's the worst thing in the world, but if you're using them as like part of your identity essentially and you need them to thrive and be a human being, it's usually not healthy. And I used to depend on people to the point where I don't want to say people, I used to depend on my romantic partners, not like friends or anything like that. But depend on my romantic partners to make me feel good about myself when that is not

how one should feel good about themselves. The only person who could really make yourself feel amazing about you is you. And that's also why I created the podcast, the whole concept of dating myself, loving myself, pouring energy into myself, and realizing that I don't need anyone to make me feel amazing, and I don't need anyone to make me feel good, if I feel that way about myself, and anyone else who enters my life should compliment that, and should also obviously make me happy because you need someone that you vibe with and that treats you right and makes you feel good, but like, you should each be coming from a place of want and not need.

And I always bring this point out because I used to need a boyfriend. I really, really feel like I always needed someone to make me feel good. And of course, attention feels good. From anyone, why do we have social media? Because attention feels fucking awesome. When people praise you and like your shit and tell you how beautiful you are and tell you how amazing and creative and special you are, yeah, of course that feels good. Everyone loves attention because it's validating.

But especially as someone who's been in the influencer world for like 11 years now, I can safely say the deep programming I had to do to my brain to understand that my validation cannot come from engagement and likes and comments and shares on my shit was so crucial to my development and growth as a person. Does it still suck when you know I have 900,000 followers on TikTok and I get a thousand views on a video because the algorithm sucks or whatever it is? Yeah, okay, it sucks. If you work really hard on a piece of content, it's kind of a shitty feeling if no one's seeing it.

But at the same time, who the fuck cares? Art is art. You're creating. You should be creating for you. I think I've also had to learn that as well. Like, just because you're not reaching the amount of people you want to reach or just because you're not getting the validation you really want from external sources. It doesn't mean anything less of your work. It doesn't mean you're anything less of a person. It doesn't mean you're

not lovable. It doesn't mean you're not attractive. It literally doesn't fucking matter. As long as you love yourself and you're taking care of yourself, and you can validate yourself without any external factors, you're going to be just fine. And that's really the only way to achieve sustainable happiness from my perspective. You cannot depend on external things and rewards and accomplishments and, you know, whether it be even the Grammys,

like the concept of getting an award for your music. You see how many music artists are there? I just watched the Grammys, that's why I'm bringing this up. And like, there are so many amazing talented people in that room, and 95% of them didn't win anything, but that doesn't mean they're anything less. That doesn't mean like they sit there and they're like, wow, all this work that I did on my music album was for nothing.

No, it literally doesn't matter. It's just an award. And life goes on. And you shouldn't really give a shit because if you're doing things that make you happy and you love yourself, it really doesn't fucking matter. Ooh, I feel like I'm really ranting today. Also, it's weird because I didn't have coffee this morning, so I'm very surprised at myself how I'm able to talk for this long without going to off track. This is crazy. But anyways, I actually have a few meetings today.

So I'm gonna cut the episode short. I mean, it's not really short. Usually I do like 30 minutes. I think we're hitting the 35 minute mark now. So I'm gonna end this episode on a really positive note and just give you guys a self-lover reminder that you don't need anyone else. You don't need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. You don't need anyone else to make you love yourself because you're amazing. And I hope my podcast episodes are sending that message

to you because honestly it's so fucking true. And also I was talking to my friend about the message I want to portray from the podcast brand in general and just dating yourself instead, like the whole brand that I'm creating. And the message that I'm trying to, I guess, send out to the world is regardless of whether you're with someone or not, regardless if you have a romantic partner or not or a group of friends or not, you can always feel powerful not, regardless if you have a romantic partner or not or a group of friends or not, you can always feel powerful at any time because you have yourself and that's such a beautiful thing to carry with you,

knowing that you can be your own best friend and trusting that what's meant for you will always find you. And no one that's right for you was ever gonna pass you by. And even when you're going through periods of loneliness, even if you just got out of a really toxic relationship or you're going through a divorce, or you're just lonely and you've been single for five years,

whatever it is, I truly believe what's meant for you will never pass you by. And I'm gonna end this with a really inspiring story because it just came to me as I was saying this. I was about to end that episode, but now I'm gonna tell you guys a story. Okay, so my mom's friend and my dad's friend, they're both over the age of 60. I don't know how old they are but I know they're over the age of 60. I think they're closer to 70 and they both, one of them had been divorced many years ago, and never got remarried.

And the other one's wife had passed away, like when he was in his 50s from a heart attack unexpectedly. It's like literally so fucking sad. And he was like dating a little bit, but not really. Never found anyone else. And years had gone by for both of them. And so it was my mom's friend, who's a woman, and then my dad's friend, who's a male. And one day, me and my mom turned to each other and were like, why don't we try to set them up?

They seemed like they would go really well together. They have very similar temperaments and they have very similar energies and personalities. And we both looked at each other the same time and were like, we, they would actually be perfect together. And it turns out they were perfect together and it was like that one connection that led to a full blown relationship and now they're happily, they've happily been in a relationship for a very long time. And they're both the same astrology sign, they're both Pisces and like they're both like, they love each other and they have an amazing connection and they started over in their late 60s.

And it just kind of showed me that it's never too late to restart something new. If you've been alone for many years, keep in mind they were both pretty much alone for years and years and years. I'm sure the last thing they were expecting was to get into another romantic relationship, but when they met, they just hit it off.

And they were like old soulmates. And it was the coolest thing to see and to watch unfold. And it was so interesting how both me and my mom kind of just like intuitively knew that it would work because we knew them both individually. And now they've been together ever since. And it's been several years since they started dating. And they were very happily together.

And it was just a very inspiring story that proved that it's never too late. It's never too late. Even if you've been through other relationships and you're losing hope and you're like, wow, I'll never be happy. Like that was my last relationship. That's not true. It might take years for you to heal. It might take a few months.

However much time you need, but it's never too late to find true love again. And I think that's a beautiful message and a beautiful way to end the episode about to cry. Now I'm kidding. I'm a Capricorn. Capricorns don't really cry. I don't know what I'm saying. I need to end the episode. Okay. I love you guys. Thank you so much as always for listening. I hope that was an inspiring tale to kick off your week. I love you. Be sure to rate the podcast as always, Spotify and Apple, and always send me a DM on Instagram, at lists, a yss, and at date yourself instead.

Thanks so much. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for next Monday. for next Monday.