Date Yourself Instead - Stop Comparing Yourself To Everyone Else

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Today's episode is going to talk about COMPARISON and why there is no point in ever comparing yourself to anyone else. In the world of social media, it is so difficult sometimes to pull yourself away from what everyone else is doing. The truth is, most of what you see isn't real. I also talk about my personal experiences dealing with social media and the reality of what I've been through. Let's dive into this together. Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to date yourself instead. Date yourself instead. What does it mean to date yourself instead? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date yourself instead. If you're enjoying the podcast so far, I would absolutely love your feedback. Reviews are always welcome on this podcast.

Good or bad. It really helps the show and it helps me improve. So feel free to leave a review if you're enjoying it so far. And if you don't like it, feel free to send me a DM on Instagram at lists and tell me what I could be doing to improve. Okay, so today's episode is going to talk about comparison and why you should stop comparing yourself to other people. In this world of social media, it is literally so hard sometimes to pull yourself away

from what everyone else is doing, what everyone else looks like, how hot the girls are on your Instagram feed, how attractive people are in general. Like, I see these 15-year-old models with perfect jawlines, perfect noses, and I'm literally like, damn, like I see these 15 year old models with perfect jaw lines, perfect noses, and I'm literally like, damn, when I was 15, I looked like an ogre. So it's so easy to compare yourself. And obviously we're all guilty of this. We see the vacations people are

going on, the clothes, girls are styling that are worth like thousands of dollars. Every little image or video that pops up on our screen on our phone, we're forced with this idea of like, why isn't my life like that? Or why don't I have that career? Or why don't I look like that? And it could be really damaging to not only your mental health, but like just your day-to-day life, and it can hinder your development and progress as a person. I like to think of it as what you don't know won't hurt you. And it really is true with social media, like ignorance is kind of bliss, what you don't consume on your phone won't necessarily hurt you because oftentimes when we're busy consuming other people's content all the times,

it could leave us in a really negative mental space if we start comparing ourselves to these people. Focusing on yourself and putting all of your energy towards yourself is only going to benefit you in the long run. It can never harm you by focusing on yourself and making sure that you are your first priority when you wake up in the morning. You're not instantly scrolling on your phone, absorbing everyone else's perfect, dreamy social media personas, and their fake lives. Because let's be real, no one's life is perfect, and social media can easily make you feel like that,

and easily make you feel like you're doing something wrong, and you're not as successful as you should be at a certain age, and all that stuff. And it could also influence the way you perceive how you look. And especially for me, I look back at old pictures of myself when I was younger and I look at myself now and I've done Botox fillers, I've definitely done some work on my face that has transformed

the way that I look. And I'm really actually happy with how I look now and how the results turned out. But I remember being more confident and more secure with myself back then. And it's kind of ironic because aesthetically, like in my head, I feel like I do look better now, but myself worth and myself confidence was so much higher back then. So I don't think changing the way you look necessarily affects your confidence levels, deep down.

But social media has played such an important role in like, I don't want to say important, it's played such a role in making me want to change my appearance and making me want to look a certain way and act a certain way and appear a certain way to the public eye. It's very easy to get caught in this trap of wanting to change parts of yourself in order to keep up with everyone else on social media. But once again, as I said, no one's lives are perfect.

Everyone has their own insecurities deep down and you have no idea what's really going on behind the scenes of people's lives and what they're posting. You have no idea what they're actually going through or how they feel on a daily basis. You could see the most beautiful girl in the world living it up in Mekenos. It's a very common thing to see on Instagram, especially in this summer. And you see these girls on yachts living their best lives while you're at home and you see these girls on yachts, living their best lives while you're at home, eating ramen in your pajamas, and you're like, why isn't that my life?

And I feel so shitty because I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but you have no idea what anyone is actually going through and you have no idea how they even got on that trip or where they're making money. Like you don't really know, you know? And I know a lot of people who are still really unhappy even though they have these glamorous, luxurious lifestyles.

So there is really not a strong correlation between living a luxurious lifestyle and true happiness and inner peace. And you also have to keep that in mind when you see all these people out, partying, clubbing, wearing these designer outfits, partying with celebrities. It does not define their happiness or their self-worth. And after actually being in that industry for a while and going to really cool events and parties and working with my dream brands and being surrounded by the

celebrity lifestyle. Like, I've walked red carpets, I've been to the Grammys twice. I've experienced a lot of things in my career that were huge milestones for me at the time, where I was like, how did I get here? This is incredible. But I would always leave these events, feeling drained and emotionally exhausted and burned out and lonely. And I never really was truly fulfilled or at peace internally after going to these events and these parties and being surrounded by people

who were kind of superficial. It just didn't fulfill me. It made me feel like I was not aligned with who I really am. Like I'm a very authentic, deep, emotional human being and I love connecting with people on a really deep, emotional level. And I just felt like when I was going to these events, I wasn't connecting on a real level with anyone and it was all kind of for a show and all for pictures

and all for the hype and showing people who you were and social status and fame. So I remember a specific event in particular that really sits with me and I'll always remember it. It was a high-end luxury fashion event. It was during Fashion Week a couple of years ago in New York City and I don't remember the brand. I knew like all these celebrities and models

and like the Kardashians were going and Bella and Ju-Jee Hadid were there. Like there was so many people there that I was like, wow, this is really cool. And it'd be really fun to kind of be surrounded by that and see how it feels and you know, just live it up. I don't know. I just thought it was a really cool thing that I was invited in the first place.

So I decided to go. And once I arrived, I immediately felt really out of place and uncomfortable. And I didn't really know anyone there. Everyone was super famous. And I was kind of in the corner drinking water because I was so nervous and dehydrated and I just there were so many people there, there were so many cameras. Everyone was taking pictures of every little detail of the night and it was just chaotic and it was a really

cool event from the outside looking in but when you were actually in the event, I realized that nothing was actually what it looked like on social media after the fact. I saw people posting from the event the next day, and I was like, that wasn't really the vibe that it looked like. Like, for example, I just saw a ton of celebrities taking pictures with each other, pretending they were best friends, hugging and kissing each other and making it like they were the best of best friends. And then you see them taking pictures in person and immediately leaving each other after they take the picture. Like they get really close and intimate for the pictures, kissing and hugging each other

and making it like they're together the whole night. And then the second they actually took the picture and it was over, they separated and went their separate ways. And it was kind of interesting to see. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad thing because that's a lot of what the Hollywood industry is. It's people networking and I guess taking pictures with each other to post on social media, but it was just fascinating to me because I suddenly realized that a lot of what you see isn't what it looks like. Like you could think two models are best, best, best friends,

just from the pictures they take together on social media, but then when you see them in person, they're literally just doing it for the picture and then they don't interact the rest of the night. So it was just really fascinating to see that. And after that moment, I suddenly started to understand don't interact the rest of the night. So it was just really fascinating to see that. And after that moment, I suddenly started to understand that there's no point of ever really taking social media super seriously because you really can't take anything at face

value. If you see something online, you see two people going out together, hanging out together, and you feel envy or you feel jealousy because you're not in that same position and you want to be friends with these people and you want to be famous. Whatever it is, it's not always exactly what it's portrayed to be. It's not always exactly what you think it is. I think that's the point I'm trying to make. So when you're comparing yourself to these people's lifestyles, or you're comparing yourself to the photos and videos you're seeing online, you're really comparing yourself to something that you know nothing about.

You're comparing yourself to an assumption. So I just learned that from seeing that happen at that event that I went to, it was really fascinating to me. And I wrote this in my book, which is hopefully coming out very soon, but it's really one of my favorite lines. It talks about comparison and how special and unique you are. And when you actually truly believe that you're special and different and no one can replicate who you are, everything just feels better. You are an ethereal human being. You are you. No one else is you. You are out of this world and not like anyone else because you are yourself. And when you're yourself and nobody else, you are unique. No one can replicate your true self. They can try and perhaps come close, but no one can get inside your soul

the way that you can. No one can have access to your soul. It's yours for a reason. I don't even know how I wrote that. I wrote that without even really thinking about it. It just kind of spilled out on my laptop. I was writing my book in a coffee shop in New York City, writing my book in a coffee shop in New York City. And I had this epiphany about comparison. And I just really sat with it for a while. And I was like, holy shit, I've been comparing my life to so many people through social media for so long. And then often I'll even meet these people in person,

which I have. I've had the honor of going to amazing events and meeting a lot of famous people that I looked up to and admired. And then I realized that they weren't even really what I thought they were because social media is so misleading. And I was comparing myself to once again an assumption. So I wrote this and the meaning behind it is really that no one can really replicate your soul. And if you're focused on trying to replicate somebody else, it's just such a waste of time and energy.

And when you're comparing yourself to someone else's life, it's just a waste of time. It's just a waste of time and energy because one, you're never going to be able to replicate someone else's life. an energy because one, you're never going to be able to replicate someone else's life. You have no idea who that person really is. Even though it seems there a certain way on the surface, deep down, you can't get inside someone's mind and soul and like really replicate who they are. Everyone has a unique destiny and unique path in life and to spend your time trying to be someone else is seriously such a waste of time when you could really be focusing on making yourself the best version of yourself and just

focusing on making you an even better version of you. Like there is no reason to want to be someone else or compare your life to someone else's. You have one life to live and if you spend the rest of your life trying to be someone that you're not, you're really never going to be fulfilled or be truly happy. You're always going to be chasing someone else's lifestyle and it could be exhausting and draining. And I've done this before where I've looked up to people and admired them and then tried to kind of do what they were doing in a way because I wanted what they had. And then when I met them in person, I was not impressed. I was like, okay, I looked up to this person and I'm disappointed. And I feel like I wasted a lot of time putting this person on a pedestal and valuing their

lifestyle and who they portray themselves to be when I didn't really know them and now look like I don't think that was worth it. It just wasn't really worth it to me. And then I would shift the energy back into myself and realize that I am unique and I have a unique path and destiny. And only I'm going to be able to set an example for myself. Only I'm going to be able to fulfill myself in the way I need to be fulfilled. I'm not going to get that from anyone else outside of me.

Comparison really makes no sense. There is no need for it. It doesn't help you. It can only harm you in your mental health. It can break down your ego and make you feel small. It can make you feel powerless and worthless and like what you're contributing creatively is not good enough. And I felt that way before.

And then when I really focused on myself and stopped looking and scrolling and absorbing people's content all day long, I suddenly realized how special and powerful and unique I am. And it helped me in my progress and working towards my goals. And it helped me achieve what I wanted. It never really helped me make any sort of progress when I was constantly looking at other people's content all day long. It really never helped me or benefited me. Now, I will say when it comes to people that make me feel aligned,

for example, like some of my friends, they're really good genuine people. Like one of my friends in particular, she is a spiritual coach and she's such a good-hearted person. And I can take notes from her because if anything, her content would make me succeed even more because she's putting out really positive, motivating uplifting content that can contribute to my growth and my mental health. So that's different. Like I'm not necessarily comparing myself to her, but absorbing that type of content

is helping me. So it's not really harming me in any way. But if you're looking at people who are really, really skinny, for example, and you start comparing your body to them, or you're looking at people who make $2 million on only fans a day, and you're like, why am I working this nine to five job when I could be just posting my ass on social media and making millions of dollars. Like, it can really make you feel crappy. Let's be honest. Like, I have experienced this myself where I know people who make millions of dollars

getting naked and doing things for social media that personally, I have nothing against it. And I'm honestly, I admire anyone who does this. But it's like, I just don't know if I was ever in a place to take that step and do that for work. But I admire and respect people who do it, and I get a little jealous. I'm like, damn, that's such an easy career path in a way. And I wish I had the balls to do it, I really do.

I just don't know if I would. So I get a little envy sometimes, I'm like, damn, that they're so lucky. Like I see the five luxury cars they just posted, and it was all from just posting a bikini picture, and it's crazy, it's literally crazy how you can make money these days on social media. It's just so easy to compare yourself

when you see how much money certain people are making doing certain things that you know you could be doing but you're not acting on it. Once again though, those thoughts are not really benefiting me in any way, comparing myself to anyone is not really helping me in any way. It's just not helpful. So when I stopped comparing myself to other people, my world really did open up. I felt more confident just from not scrolling

and absorbing other people's stuff all the time. I really did. I started to really think about what I could provide and what value I had to offer and what content I could be creating versus constantly looking at what everyone else was creating. And when I stopped comparing myself to other people, I was no longer going to define myself by my insecurities and be hard on myself and say, I should be doing this because this person is doing it, or I should have made this much money last year because this person did. You have to let go of those thoughts

and those insecurities in order to get to where you really want to be in life. Those thoughts and those insecurities and those comparisons are never going to help your growth in your progress. I'm telling you right now, if you spend a lot of your time feeling down about your progress because you saw someone else succeeding and you're not in the place you want to be, it's

never going to be helpful to keep going down that path and that rabbit hole of looking at what everyone else is doing, it's only going to deter you further away from what you want to do. The truth is, you could spend the rest of your life wishing you had someone else's life, and that would be miserable. If you could spend so much energy and comparing yourself to someone else, why wouldn't you choose to spend that energy working on becoming your best self? You can wake up every day and absolutely love your life and love the path that you're on and choose to live in it every single day because it's yours and your

unique and you are different from everyone else. This is the one life you have here on this planet and you could fulfill all your dreams in your next life or you could fulfill them in this one. Like why would you push it off and compare yourself to everyone else and be in this rabbit hole of literal misery because you're not where you wanna be? When you have the opportunity now to get off Instagram or get off TikTok and actually start creating and living your best life, like you have that opportunity

to do it. Regardless of what your path is and what you want to do, it is possible. Anything is actually possible. Everyone started from zero. I also like to think of things in terms of like everyone started somewhere, right? Most people started at zero,

whether it was zero followers on TikTok, like I saw this post on Instagram actually about comparison and it was saying how all these like famous people started at zero. Some people were born into famous families and had things handed to them for sure. Had opportunities that a lot of other people don't have. For sure, but there are a lot of other people that started from nothing and started from poverty or

started from just zero. And they had nothing before they worked really hard at it. And there's comfort in knowing that everyone really starts at zero. And you have to start somewhere. If you keep pushing it off and you're worried about where everyone else is and you feel like it's too late and there's no hope for you, that's never going to get you anywhere.

And I have a story about this with my podcast, okay? To be completely transparent and honest, I pushed off my podcast for so long because of comparison and also because of the fear of failure, which I'll get into on another episode, but I constantly had this fear of I started too late. I should have started three years ago when no one had a podcast. I should have done this. I should have done that. And then you look at the biggest podcast and you see how many listeners they have

and you're like, oh my God, why would I even start? Why would I even start this career path when everyone else is already on board and doing it? It makes no sense and I'm just gonna be a fish in a giant ocean of millions of other fish. I really was nervous to release the podcast too because I was like, what if no one listens to it?

That's like a fear of failure also, but it's also tied in with comparison because I see people who have these really successful podcasts. And I'm like, okay, they have hundreds of thousands of people listening to them. What if I release it and I have like one listener? I was just always nervous to really get going and start because I felt like it was one, two, and two, I was comparing myself to a lot of other people. And that was not helpful.

I can confidently say that mentality set me back months. I started recording this podcast in February, and I got the idea for it in February. And I really started working on it throughout February and March of this year. And I didn't put it out till now, till September. I was holding off because of these irrational thoughts going through my brain of, it's not good enough. I don't know how to podcast.

I don't know how to speak into a microphone. These were all just fears, right? Like, obviously, I'm actually really proud of my podcast so far and the progress it's made in such a short time and I'm really thankful that I put it out, but I had to get over that mental block. Like, I had to get over this idea of, comparing myself to everyone else who was already doing podcasts. I was always thinking of everyone else instead of myself. And then when I got past that, I got past all those thoughts, and I was like, who the fuck cares about what anyone else is doing? If this is something I actually am passionate about

and I enjoy it, the results and the magic will come. Like it's not gonna be easy, maybe it's gonna be a lot of hard work, but if you're actually enjoying what you're doing, it doesn't matter if you start late in your head or it doesn't matter if everyone else is doing it. If you know you're doing it for the right reasons and you're not even in it for the money or anything like that, but you're doing something you're passionate about because it makes you happy and excited to wake up, who cares?

Like just do it. And I realized that I had a passion for podcasting. And I also knew that it wasn't just about me. I knew that if I could help one other person or make their day better because of my podcast, it was worth even starting even if it had 20 listeners in a month. It didn't matter to me. And I switched the mentality and I just went for it. And I suddenly realized there was nothing to ever be afraid of. And there was no reason to compare myself to anyone else this entire time.

Sometimes you have to force yourself to take the leap even if you're terrified and you don't want to and you feel like it's pointless. I've created so many mental barriers and blocks for myself by comparison. And this isn't the first time, that was just one example, but this has happened to me many times in my life where I get in my own way.

You've ever seen that, I think it's a viral video of this ant and someone puts a circle, draws a circle around the ant, and they feel like they can't get out of the, ants like not getting out of the circle and just staying within the circle because it thinks that it can't go outside of the circle because there's a wall there, but really, it's just marker, like the ant can clearly leave the circle, but mentally it looks like a huge block. That's kind of what we do when it comes to comparison in the fear of failure.

We put up these mental walls when really, there's really nothing stopping you from getting everything done. You just get so in your head and you overthink everything. And then you put it off and procrastinate because you don't feel like you're good enough or capable of doing something. And it's really interesting to think about. And it's something that I've dealt with with a lot of different career moves in my life

and taking leaps of faith into the unknown. It can be scary because you really don't know what you're getting yourself involved with and you don't know if you're going to succeed or not. And when you see everyone else quote thriving in quotes, I'm putting thriving in quotes because, as I mentioned earlier, you really don't know what anyone else is dealing with or going through

or how much money they actually have just from a picture on social media. It's hard to start sometimes when you see everyone else living their best lives and you feel like you're so far behind. So I guess I just wanted to make an episode about this because this is a vulnerable spot for me too. Like, I struggle with this and I think part of the reason I love podcasting is it's like almost like a self-reflection diary for me just to make notes of like, not to do certain things

because I'm getting in my own way. Like, I will use this podcast also for my own self-reflection, and it's obviously meant for other people to listen to, but it's a good reminder also to myself. Like, I'm human, and I go through the same things all of you guys are also going through. So, yeah. So, I think that concludes today's episode. This is your reminder to stop comparing yourself to other people. Go outside,

go for a walk, make yourself a tea, take care of yourself, live your best life. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing all the time. Worry about what you are doing right now in the present moment. I love you. Thank you so much for listening and stay tuned for the next one.