Date Yourself Instead - Stop projecting a fantasy of what someone could be…THEY'RE NOT THAT PERSON.

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Do you fantasize a lot about the potential of a person? Then this episode is for you. If you continue to try to change or mold someone into something that they're not, you're simply wasting your time and energy. Just listen! :) JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS And remember to download my free higher self meditation and free worksheet! xx

Hello, hello. Before I get into today's episode, I want to talk to you about my masterclass, Dare to Detach. Someone just messaged us in the community group chat in the masterclass, and they said their ex after completing just the first half of the course has already reached out to them after going no contact, and they're literally blown away. They're like, what is happening right now? I've been in no contact with this person. My ex is talking to me. I'll tell you what's happened. When you learn how to detach in a healthy way, not in a resentful, bitter way, and you actually learn how to deeply and completely love yourself and honor

yourself and respect yourself, people feel it. When you let go in a way where you're just surrendering to the universe and trusting the process of your life, that's when people start to feel your energy shifting and they're going to gonna wanna be around you, they're gonna wanna contact you, and it's very common that your ex-situationships and anyone else in your life who you've had some sort of history with

is going to feel it and come crawling the fuck back into your vortex because they are drawn to your magnetic energy all of a sudden. They feel that you're magnetic again, you're stepping into your power, and they're like, oh, this person's doing better, this person's doing well.

Let me see what's going on in their life, let me see what's going on with them. There have been so many experiences of this in the Dare to Detach program. We all talk and we share our experiences, and it's so crazy how so many people are shifting and changing, and I am not surprised at all all because even I retake parts of my own master class frequently because I believe in it so much and I designed it so it will

really fucking work. I know it works and I'm very confident in talking about it because I know how effective it is and the tools I've used and everything I've learned to heal and level up is in the Dare to Detach program. If you're tired of constantly holding onto what or who isn't good for you, if you're feeling stuck in your life and you want to step into your power, it is time to up level in the most amazing way. And the Dare to Detach program is designed for you to up level, let go, step into your

power and feel fucking amazing. You get four days of videos instructed by me, detailed workshops that rewire your subconscious mind, reading materials, writing exercises, meditations, and so much more. That is going to help you step into your power and upgrade your entire life in the most amazing ways. Remember to use the code selflove for $20 off of the course at checkout. Remember, the code self-love is exclusively for the podcast listeners. So if you're planning on joining the program, use the code self-love at checkout. I love you. And now let's dive into today's episode.

So I'm the type of person who would project the idea of what I thought someone could be onto them. And what I didn't realize is I was projecting who I was and my amazing qualities onto them. Let me explain. I know that I'm a very loving, caring, giving person. I just want to be loved and I want to have a partner show up for me and I know that I could show up for someone if they show up for me and I want that mutual, loving, amazing dream relationship. I've had it before, I know I'll have it again and I want someone I could grow with, I want someone I could build a life with to travel with, to make money with, and have a family with.

These are my goals, and this is my personal relationship preferences. I really want someone who's adventurous, who can inspire me to grow, and who loves me the way I love them. Okay? Now, whenever I would meet someone new when it came to dating, I would analyze them and construct my brain to fit them into a mold that I knew wasn't really them, but I was trying to make them a certain way in my mind. I would fantasize about the potential of what this person could be and project these qualities onto them being like, oh, if they just did this, then they'll change. If they just did this, then they'll change. If they just did this, then they'll be the person of my dreams. But you can't go into a dating situation trying

to change another person. Okay, that's the first part of this episode. You're not here. Your purpose isn't to change anyone else. Okay, your purpose isn't to try to mold someone into something they're not. That's not where you should be directing your energy. It's really unhealthy and it's toxic to project a fantasy onto someone because they're not exactly what you want them to be in hopes that they're going to magically become that person. And it's very common and a lot of people do this because when you see the potential in someone, it's easy to project a fantasy onto them.

But what I've learned throughout the years of my own dating experiences is that you cannot try to change anyone. And also you have to take people at face value. You have to see how they're showing up and take it at face value. It is not your job to change anyone. It is not your job to construct this magical whimsical fantasy of who they could be onto them and try to mold them into that person because that never fucking works. The only way someone's going to change is if they want to change for themselves. And I've said this many times and I stand by it. A lot of people in life, a lot of people that you date and a lot of people in general that you're going to meet

are not going to want the same things as you and they're not going to be capable of showing up the way that you want them to because you're just not compatible. When you're trying to change them and mold them into something they're not going to be capable of showing up the way that you want them to, because you're just not compatible. When you're trying to change them and mold them into something they're not, it ends up biting you in the ass because you're like, okay, this person isn't changing. I've spent two years trying to change the relationship and I'm draining myself and draining everything that I have to offer.

And I'm losing love for myself because I'm trying to project all this shit onto someone else and make a relationship work that's just not working. As I said, you can't change someone. You can't change a zebra's stripes. You can't change the spots on a giraffe. You can't change the fact that water is wet. Okay?

You just can't do it. And sometimes we try and fixate on trying to change someone to create a fantasy of them in our head when that is not how they are and they're never trying to change someone to create a fantasy of them in our head when that is not how they are and they're never going to be that way. And it's not your job to make them someone that they're not. Okay, on today's episode, I'm going to be talking about why you need to stop projecting a fantasy of what someone could be onto them because they're just not it. Sometimes someone's just not right for you. And when you come to terms with that and when you truly accept that,

that's when you open the door up to new opportunities and you'll actually meet someone who's on your level, who's right for you, where you're not gonna have to nitpick them and mold them and try to change them. There are a few important reasons why you should not project a fantasy of someone onto them. One, you're gonna be wasting your time. Two, as I said earlier,

you have to take people at face value because you're going to end up hurting yourself in the process of trying to fix them. And three, you're going to be blocking yourself from your greatest potential by investing so much energy into waiting around for them and trying to change them. And you're going to be assigning someone qualities when they don't deserve to be assigned those qualities. And when they're really not that person and someone else out there in the world possesses those qualities already and you're probably missing out on someone amazing because you're so focused on trying to change someone else that

doesn't usually fucking deserve you anyway. Let me tell you a story because I think the best way sometimes to communicate how to deal with certain things is to share your own wisdom and experiences. And a lot of the times when I've been in relationships, where I wasn't officially dating someone, I would get so heavily emotionally invested in them that I held myself back from my greatest potential and I blocked better people from coming into my life because I was so fixated on trying to change this person. I would hold myself back from my greatest potential because I knew I was meant for more. I knew I was meant for a better relationship and I deserved better, but I tried to stick it out with someone thinking that they were going to change. I saw the potential in them. I was like, oh my god,

this person could be the love of my life. Yet technically they could be, but are they? No, you shouldn't have to force someone to mold into your soulmate. You shouldn't have to force someone to become the love of your life. I believe that's a natural thing. That just happens naturally, right? Looking back, I'm like, I knew I was built for greatness.

I knew I was built for something so much bigger and better. And I was allowing myself to just continue and stay stuck in the same cycle with someone when I knew they didn't even deserve me in the first place. Whenever I've gotten into certain relationships or situations in the past, I would end up in this vicious cycle of not really growing or expanding with the person that I was dating. They wanted to stay the same. They were stuck in their ways and they really weren't aligned with my higher self. And I knew it. I actually knew it and I was aware of it, but I was like, maybe this will change.

And I had this like false sense of hope projected onto them being like, oh, they have the potential to be this amazing human being. So why not stick around and wait for them to grow into that? But that will drain you. That will drain you. That will cause you a lot of heartache and that will cause you a lot of problems in the long term. In the short term, it might sound like a good idea and you're like, oh, I know that I'm

capable of growing, so maybe this person is too. But oftentimes you're going to get yourself in a vicious cycle. I would tolerate so much bullshit that would cause me to essentially diminish my own power and diminish my own self-worth so I could align myself with this person instead of up level. You have to be really, really, really protective of your energy when it comes to people that aren't changing because when you're around people that are not on your same wavelength, you actually start to match their energy and you can end up lowering your own vibration and essentially diminishing your own power because you're giving all your energy to them, trying to fix them and bring

them up to your level. Meanwhile, it's actually lowering your own energy and lowering your own vibration. So you end up going down to their level instead. Does that make sense? It's happened to me many times where I've tried to improve someone else's life instead of focusing on myself and it ended up taking away from my own life. And that's no way to live. And that's not clearly the right person or relationship.

But we often get ourselves into cycles that cause us a lot of pain and causes us to shift the focus off of our self and then we deplete our own power. I wanna preface this by saying also, I'm not saying this in any conceited type of way, but I know I'm built differently and meant for greatness. I know that I'm special, I know that I'm different, I know that I'm here to grow and evolve and impact others' lives and have a purpose

with a job with actual meaning. And I'm here to create, I'm here to inspire, I'm here to have a job that gives me purpose and meaning. And there's a lot of people who are comfortable with staying the same and staying stuck. And that doesn't mean it's anything bad, it doesn't mean that they're worse or better than you in any way, it doesn't mean anything. But for me personally, I know as far as what I need in a partner, that's someone who's going to grow with me and uplift me and inspire me to be better.

Now, it doesn't mean sometimes staying comfortable and staying the same is a good thing. That's not necessarily a negative quality to have, but for me personally, I'm speaking from my own preferences. I know I need someone that's going to help me grow, that's going to grow with me, that wants to constantly find ways to improve and be better and work towards goals together. That's just what I need.

And sometimes there would be people that I would date where it just wasn't in their capacity to be that person for me. It wasn't in their purpose or it wasn't in their timeline in this life to be that person and show up that way for me. And I would try to force them to be that person, which is ridiculous because you can't force someone to be anything for you. They have to want to be that person. And I would just struggle with trying to like grasp

onto bits and pieces of their qualities and be like, they make me laugh. We have good times together. It's really good when we hang out. But in reality, long term, would they actually be an amazing partner for me? Probably not. And I was just denying myself of the truth all the time. Oftentimes I felt in reality, I was just projecting all of my qualities onto them. I was seeing what they could be in my mind and projecting a fantasy onto them.

But in reality, in the physical realm, that's just not how they were. And that's not how they were showing up. And I would do so much to try to make shit work. But at some point you have to get real with yourself. I'm big on fantasizing. I'm big on visualization. I'm big on manifesting. I'm big on all those things.

If you listen to my podcast, you know, that's all I talk about. But at what point is it enough where you're sacrificing so much of your energy and you're like, why am I trying to manifest someone so hard and trying to make them into someone they're not? It might just be easier to let it go and actually manifest someone where I don't need to change them at all and someone better and even more better than I could ever fucking imagine is going to walk into my life instead. I don't have to force someone to do things for me. I don't have to force someone to be a person that they're not. That's actually causing so much blockage and struggle in your own timeline. You might be diminishing the quality of your own life right now and you might be diminishing your own life in general and stopping yourself and blocking yourself from abundance and greatness

because you're stuck on someone who will never be that person. You're stuck on someone who will never see your worth and there's someone out there and I can promise you that, that will see your worth and will see your value and will allow you to grow and inspire you to be better and add to your life instead of take away from it. Okay. So now let's get into a specific story time. I bumped into one of my exes recently. It was very Mercury retrograde coded. It's Mercury retrograde. Okay. But this was insane. Okay, first of all, before I dive into the story, I just want to say I've had four ex relationships come back into my life this Mercury retrograde. I don't know what the fuck's in the air, but literally so many people I haven't spoken

to that I've dated in the past have contacted me. And it's something in the stars. It's something in the air. And it's also, I don't want to go off about my masterclass 10 million times, but I swear I retook it recently. And I think that also contributes to it because when you shift your energy inwards and you're completely in your element and aligned, shit like this happens. Okay. Maybe it was a mix of both who the fuck knows, but it's been a crazy wild month. Anyways, I bump into one of these exes

that I had a six or seven month situation with. And it was one of those situations at the time in my life where I was much younger, super naive, and I was blinded as fuck. And I haven't seen him in years. I haven't spoken to him in years. I've had a full ass serious relationship after him. So it was the last thing I expected to seen him in years. I haven't spoken to him in years. I've had a full ass serious relationship after him. So it was the last thing I expected to see him.

But the funny thing is I had this quick flash in my mind of, oh my God, let me go say hi to him or start a conversation. But at the same time, there was another part of me that was like, and for what? What are you talking to him for? Right? It was tempting because when you haven't seen someone in so long, you're like in a place

where you're healed, so you're like, oh, I can handle it. I could go say hi to them. It's not a big deal, whatever. But in reality, it doesn't matter if you're healed or not. I find myself asking the question now, what would be the reason long term? What would be the end goal or the purpose to engage with this person who deeply hurt you and you couldn't get over for a few months? Because I remember at the time when we had ended things, it ended really badly. It ended in a really toxic way and it was just not healthy. And I remember it was traumatizing and he probably still to this day has no fucking

idea that I felt that way. I don't think he even knew the extent to how upset I was after things ended Because we went no contact and I played it cool and I just like never said anything ever again But deep down I was like really struggling and it took me a while to fully Get over the emotional trauma. I had I Almost said something but luckily I was with my best friend when I was out and she was like, don't even bother. And I was like, you're right. No purpose. It's fine. Whatever. It's just, I don't know what it was. We bumped into each other. We

saw each other made eye contact, but I just let it go. The thing about this person, which I thought about after I saw him, was that when we were together, this was the type of person that was never going to understand me at a deep level. He was never going to understand the lifestyle I lived. We had two totally different career paths. We had totally two different perspectives on life, like two totally opposite perspectives on the world, okay? He wasn't gonna ever understand the way I could love

or be emotionally vulnerable because he wasn't emotionally available. And he would never have the capacity to be someone close to me in my life because he's so closed off. I've never, I couldn't even imagine this man crying, okay? Maybe he does, but for't even imagine this man crying, okay? Maybe he does. But for me at least, my experience, he was cold as ice.

He was emotionally unavailable and he always tried to keep things very surface level and casual and it was like breaking down so many fucking brick walls to try to connect with this person. And I don't even know how it lasted as long as it did when I was seeing him, but it did. And by the end of that situation ship, I was so drained and so hurt and so heartbroken because I was like losing myself to this idea of someone's potential. And I would see glimpses of potential and then I'm like, wait, that's not who he fucking is. I'm projecting a fantasy onto this person. I was lowering my standards and lowering myself worth to cater to a fantasy of

someone who didn't even really exist. Long story short, okay. A couple of weeks go by now. I, I didn't even think about it. After that day, I was like, okay, bye, whatever. He ends up reaching out to me. Okay, bye, whatever. He ends up reaching out to me. And honestly, I wasn't that surprised,

but I instantly got this wave of like physical anxiety. It was like a physical reaction. And the reaction was communicating to me that nothing has changed. Like nothing has changed with this person. It was this feeling I got in my body. It's been five fucking years, okay? Just want to clarify.

It's been pretty, I think four or five years since I've contacted this person. But just the way he had DM'd me and said what he said, it was one of those DMs where I was like, okay, just energetically, I know I could never take him seriously. Nothing has changed. And it would never be anything. Because this person literally doesn't give a fuck about you. He's just trying to see if maybe you're still there because he bumped into you and happened to see you.

But would he have reached out otherwise? Absolutely not. And it was illuminating one to see how far I've come and see my own growth. But at the same time, I'm like, Holy shit. Nothing has changed at his core and I've changed. I've evolved. I've grown.

I've healed. I've leveled up so much and seeing it from that perspective, I was like, wow. Imagine I had stayed in that situation. Imagine I had continued that situation trying to mold this person into something that never would have fucking worked. People at their core fundamentally do not change. And let me clarify that because I just said I've changed. People only change if they want to change.

But there's a lot of people who don't want to change. There's a lot of people who think they have the best lives and they've done, they're fine. And they think that they're going to just carry on the way that they the best lives and they're fine, and they think that they're going to just carry on the way that they're carrying on and they're fine, which is okay. But some people just don't change. And you could change your circumstances, you can manifest new things, you could grow and level up and become a better person.

But I think at your core, there's certain things that are not changeable. And the only way a person can fundamentally change at their core is if they make it super fucking intentional and they do so much work to do so, and they know that they have to, right? Like for me, I knew that I had to. I knew that I had to deep dive into my soul and do the inner work to change at my core. I think I'm a totally different person than I was four or five years ago. But I was always compassionate.

I was always loving. I was always giving. I was always a nice person. But in order to really change the patterns and the cycles that I was going through and the toxic bullshit that I have gone through in my life. I had to do so much deep diving and introspection and therapy and I really had to undo so many things. And it was work, okay? A lot of people aren't going to do that.

And this whole exchange with this person just made me realize that there are people that are just always going to stay stuck in the same patterns. And I don know, in my head something just went off where I was like, I feel like this person is the same as he was five years ago, but now I've changed. So I see it from a totally different perspective and I see it from a totally different, more evolved version of me where I'm like, why did I even bother? I also had this feeling after this whole exchange happened where I was like, this is just like getting old. This idea of someone just doing the bare minimum. If I get that energy from someone now, I'm like, I literally will cut it off the second I feel that way if I'm like, okay, this person just doesn't really.

Give a shit about me. I'm like, you're not allowed in my space. Whereas I would always see the potential and project a fantasy onto someone and be like, oh, I have to prove my worth to make them care about me. maybe they'll care about me or, oh, if I just do X, Y, and Z for them and I match their energy, eventually they will care about me. Eventually they'll see my potential and they'll see my worth and want to be with me. But now I am really good at drawing the line and drawing boundaries really early on. And I just saw this person, just the way he was messaging me. It was so basic and bare minimum. And he messaged me at midnight and then at five in the morning. And I'm like, OK, weird hours. OK, why are you messaging me?

Why are you being fucking weird? What are you doing at five in the morning sending a DM to me when I've barely spoken to you? It's just, ew. It's just the energy is just off. It's weird. I got like physically nauseous just seeing his name come up in my messages. I was like, okay, this is just fucking weird. And I'm not an idiot and I'm not stupid. And I know better than to engage anymore, right? It's just fascinating. I don't know if I just went off on a little bit of a tangent here, but I'm just telling you the full scope of the experience and how I

felt and how I saw it from a totally new perspective after doing the work and healing and knowing how to set boundaries for myself. The thing about projecting a fantasy onto someone is, it's just fascinating because I've done it so many times and I've realized that you could try to verbalize someone's actions to them and tell them that you are affected by them and tell them like, oh, you hurt me, you did this to me, you make me feel like shit. You can vocalize to a person how you feel about a situation and how they're making you feel. But if they are okay with who they are and they don't see anything wrong with what they're doing and if they don't see the flaws in their character, they're not going to fucking change.

They're not going to agree with you. You're never going to see eye to eye and it's not going to work because you can't force someone to see the issues that they have if they think that there's nothing wrong with their character, right? Because from your perspective, they might be doing all these things wrong, but from their perspective, they might be like, this is just who I am. Does that make sense? So you're like clashing with two totally different perspectives on their character, which in turn never works out because if they don't see flaws in themselves and they're okay

with being who they are and acting the way they're acting, there's nothing you're going to be able to say or do to change that. And when you try to change that, what happens? You feel like garbage, you feel drained, and you can't love yourself because you're investing your precious time and energy into trying to make someone something that they're not. And it's ridiculous and a waste of time. Now, before I get into the next part of this episode, I want to bring up my masterclass stare to detach again, because I really, really believe in the power of detaching in healthy ways in order to grow and evolve and love yourself to the absolute fullest.

And that's the whole reason I created the course in the first place. When I was going through situations where I felt drained, where I felt naive, where I felt like I was clinging on to people who didn't see my value. When I felt like stuck in my life and I couldn't grow and evolve because I was clinging on to the past, that is the whole point of the Dare to Detach Masterclass. I knew that I needed some sort of tool when I was going through the worst breakup of my life, when I was going through these toxic situationships. I wish I had the proper tools and I wish I knew where to start when it came to healing and letting go back then. In 2019, when I was 27, I had no fucking idea what to do or how to heal.

And the only way I would heal myself is through watching YouTube videos of people that I admired and looked up to that were self-help gurus. And that was about it. I really had no resources or, and I had no structure and I couldn't afford therapy. I didn't have thousands of dollars to spend on therapy or other programs to help myself. And I was also young, so I really didn't know that there were resources that I could use to help myself. And social media, even though it wasn't that long ago,

it was different back then where this topic of self-help and self-love and self-worth, they weren't as prevalent back in the day. So I felt really lost. And the whole reason I created the Dare to Detach program is so people know exactly where to go and where to turn to the second they get out of a toxic situation and they're like, okay, I need to detach from this so I could heal and I could become the best version of me and I could let go and start my healing journey. And that's what the program is. And it's a program that you could go back to at any time

It's yours forever. It's delivered straight to your email. You get it right away. You have instant access You have an amazing private group chat with an incredible community of both women and men who are also going through similar Situations there's so many people going through similar situations. There's so many people going through similar situations. And the fact that we're all able to connect and really up level and heal together is so special and it's so empowering. And it's just such a beautiful addition to the healing process and to the course in itself. And all the members are just incredible in there.

So if you're interested in joining us, remember you could use the code selflove for a discount if you're an avid listener of the podcast. And I'm really, really proud of everyone who's already a member. If you're listening to this and you're part of the program, you know it. It's just, it's so special and it truly works wonders. And I'm just so proud of everyone in the community. Remember to use code selflove or $20 off if you're a listener of the podcast. And now back to the episode. Now, I posted this quote on Instagram yesterday,

and it says, Now, that's the other thing. The most toxic type of person is the person that will never commit to you or love you the way that you love them, but they still expect you to be in their life. This is the person that will try to keep you there and keep you hanging onto them with no intentions of actually loving you or being with you. And that's the relationship dynamic that will keep you stuck and blocked from living out your dream life and from stepping into your higher self because you're wasting your time trying to fight for someone that would never actually fight for you or be with you if it came down to it.

This is the person that will write you paragraphs explaining why they can't be in a relationship and how they need time and they're still working on themselves. And then they expect you to just fucking stick around and wait for them while they figure all that shit out. We're not doing that in the new year. We're not doing that in 2024. We're not allowing people to keep us in waiting mode, where we're like, okay, we're just going to give it a few months

and then they'll commit. Are you kidding? No. Okay. You deserve someone who's ready to be with you. You deserve someone who gives you peace and clarity straight from the get-go. To hold on to the potential of someone and project this fantasy of what a relationship could be,

never works out in your favor. Why would you wait around for someone that's bread crumbing you and not committing to you and not giving you the same energy back? When there is someone else out there that would literally sweep you off your feet and be honored to commit to you and lock you down. If you really want to wait around, you can. That's your decision. If you think it's worth it. But if you feel like you're sacrificing everything on your end and you're holding up your life and giving all your love to someone who's not necessarily willing to give it back in hopes that they're going to come around one day. necessarily willing to give it back in hopes that they're gonna come around one day. I'm just saying as a friend, as your BFF, if you listen to the date yourself and said for a while,

I feel like we're all best friends on here. As your best friend, I'm just saying you deserve better. I think you deserve better. So that's my two cents. And the other thing I want to note is if you're in a situation like this and it sounds very familiar to you, be careful because sometimes you almost don't realize that you're waiting around because this person is good at manipulating their words to make it feel like it's not a big deal that you're not officially dating. Okay, so let me clarify.

I've been in situations and I was recently in a situation with someone who would give me these long essays of why things could never work and why we lived in two different places and, oh, you're so far away from me and we have different careers and we have different life paths and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I was like, at the time I was like, that's not even true. First of all, I travel for work all the time and that's what you're saying makes no sense because I could literally book a flight and come see you if I really wanted to Because I would do that for the person I love. Maybe you fucking wouldn't clearly you wouldn't for me at least Because you don't like me, but I'd rather you fucking say I don't see you as worth it. I'd rather you tell me to my face

I don't see myself ever being with you then Coming up with a bag of excuses and writing essays to me about the maybe of it all, because the maybe of it all will keep you fucking stuck on someone. If someone's willing to watch you go through pain and if someone's willing to watch you hold on to hope while they're just living their life and don't really give a fuck, that's not a good person. So yeah, I was just like, you

know what, this is so toxic. It was keeping us in this cycle. I was like, first of all, I can never see you as my partner anyway at this point because you're a fucking dick. But also what are we doing? If you constantly are asking yourself that in your head about someone, what are we doing? What the fuck's happening? Cut them, okay? Cut them. If it's been happening for a while. I would say give yourself time with someone. Obviously don't write someone off immediately if you've been dating for a month or two and things are like unclear. That's normal. That's okay as long as you're happy and you're going with the flow. But if it's been like a year and you're still in the cycle of what are we doing,

I don't think that's worth it. Then again, you do you, do what's best for you. I just, this is my two cents. I would cut it. You don't want to sit around waiting for someone when there could be someone else out there that could give you everything and more. You don't want to waste years of your precious youth and your life. Trust me because I've done it.

I've done it for years at a time with people where I've stayed in relationships that I knew just weren't working, or I stayed for months with someone that just was bread crumbing me and giving me glimmers of hope, but it was really nothing in their head. Just be cautious, just be aware.

So to conclude today's episode, instead of wasting your precious valuable time trying to change people, trying to project a fantasy onto someone of what they could be, trying to mold someone into something they're not, cut it out. Instead of doing that, you should be focusing on yourself, loving yourself, dating yourself, being your own best friend, being your own best partner, and you will eventually attract people who will show up without you having

to change them. People that are just good people with good souls and good hearts and good intentions, and these will be people that you don't have to change. There are good people out there in the world. And even going through a recent situation ship I was in, where it never escalated to the point where it was serious, but it was like a waste of fucking time looking back. I'm like, what was I even doing? It opened the door up to so many new connections. And this is going to sound so dramatic, but even just people I work out with, I met a group of amazing people that I work out with. I started going to more workout classes.

I started to put myself out there. I started to do new things and sign up for new activities in the city. I started to travel more for myself instead of traveling for someone else. It was just opening this new timeline where I realized there are good fucking people out there that will love you and appreciate you. And this sounds even like ridiculous, but I went to London recently by myself on a little solo trip and the doorman at my hotel, just the way he was talking to me, he was like, how's your day going? Do

you need anything? How are you? How are you feeling? I love your sweatshirt. I love your coat. I love your boot. He would just shower me in compliments and he was so kind and okay, I know that's like part of his job. But at the same time, you could tell he was just such a happy, sweet, caring human being. And I was so grateful. And I was like, wow, you give off such good energy. There's just good fucking people out there. And if someone's making you feel like shit just in general, if someone's just making you feel like you're not worthy, if someone's making you feel like you're not worth committing to, fucking cut them. This is a new year. We're stepping into 2024 in our power, in our element, and you deserve the best of the

fucking best. And there are just such good people in the world that you could be meeting instead of clinging onto someone that doesn't see your value. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you've loved this episode, be sure to let me know on DM, on Instagram. You can message me at Liz or on the podcast account at date yourself instead. Also remember to check out the masterclass, Dare to Detach.

You won't regret it. This is a self-care investment. It's a self-care journey that we're all in together and I'm so proud of our community. You can go to the Instagram at Dare to Detach or you can look at the show notes for the link to the website. I love you. Be sure to read the podcast on Appalachne Spotify. I know I'm talking too much, but if you've been listening for a while and you want to give me a rating on Appalachne Spotify, it would be so appreciated. Thank you so much for listening as always, and stay tuned for next Monday.