Date Yourself Instead - This is YOUR life - NO ONE ELSE'S. YOU make the rules. LIVE YOUR TRUTH.

Episode Date: July 14, 2024

Who is stopping you from living your best life? This episode is your wake up call to live your life FOR YOU, and no one else. YOU get to create your reality. You make the rules. Step into your power. Live and speak your truth. Move forward in confidence. If you loved this episode, dm me @dateyourselfinstead or @lyss. JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS Doors open in August.

Let me ask you a question. What is stopping you from creating your own standards? Why do you always have to follow someone else's rule book? Why do you have to play it safe? Why do you have to play by the rules? In today's episode, I'm gonna be covering several things, but one of the main topics I wanna focus on is being a leader and being your own hero

and being in control of your life in a completely different way. I feel like it's easy to get caught in this idea of following society's rules, following other people's standards, following the things your parents do, following the things your friends do. And you become a follower rather than your own leader.

And you're not really representing yourself and what you truly want. But because you're so used to following other people, you don't even realize that you're actually living their life and not yours. And you're actually living by their rules and their standards and not yours. And a lot of people ask me how I live my life and how I'm able to achieve success and how I'm able to get to where I want to be. And the truth is, this mindset and this mentality of overpowering other people's perspectives, opinions, and what they have to say and how they live their life has changed the game for me. Because if I had listened to other

people my entire life, and if I had played it safe and listened to other people my entire life and if I had played it safe and listened to other people's rule books for my entire life, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be where I am in my career. And I would just be living an entirely different reality completely. And that's not to say it would be bad, but I think we have one life to live. Life is short, life is precious, and we owe it to ourselves to live out our own set of rules

in our own rule book. Now, I'm not encouraging you to be a chaotic psycho and go off the rails and be irresponsible and be reckless. This isn't an episode to promote dangerous habits. This is an episode to inspire you to really step into your power and live by your truth, and listen to yourself and listen to your inner voice. For me personally, I think I've truly mastered the art of

listening to my inner voice and listening to what's best for me and tuning out the noise, blocking out people's perspectives that might steer me off of my path. There's a book I'm reading now called Reality Transurfing. It's a really great book, but it's really expensive. But I'm going to quote something from the book that I think really will resonate with everyone. There are some confusing parts of this book, but they're really good nuggets that I'm going to spread throughout this podcast episode that I think will really resonate with you.

One of the things I read was, who is stopping you from creating your own standards? Let other people chase after your standards. You don't have to follow anyone or give a fuck about anyone. I added that last part in there. It doesn't say, you don't have to give a fuck about anyone. I'm saying that. But the truth is, if you want something,

if you have a specific calling or you feel like you have a specific mission in life and you feel like other people your entire life have kind of steered you off course or made you unsure of yourself, or made you feel like you're not worthy of receiving certain things, this episode is for you. I get messages all the time,

hey, my parents, they're not really supportive of me switching careers and I don't know what to do, or my parents are pressuring me to go to college and I'm not sure if college is right for me, or my friends are all going out partying every night and they're shitting on me for not wanting to do that with them because I'm trying to grow my business or I'm trying to focus on my health. And there are so many different variants of this situation where we have other people

around us trying to influence our behaviors and trying to control parts of our lives. And although in some ways this can be a positive thing, for example, if you really feel lost and stuck in your life and you feel really off course and you have a really good mentor or really good friend around you to push you and motivate you and give you some direction, that's fine. But if you're pretty sure of what you want to do, and then you have people around you convincing you out of it, or trying to diminish your power, or trying to make you feel like you're not worthy of receiving something, or it would be impossible to achieve a certain goal because you're too young,

or it's going to take too long, or you already have this job, so why would you take the risk and quit? There's so many circumstances and situations like this, and I hear them all the time. And this is going to tie into my other episode, which is all about taking a risk and taking a leap of faith. I just posted it recently. You could go check that one out. And it's called Go After What You Want. It's a video episode. If you haven't seen it already, it's definitely correlated to this one. But there's so many times where I've had people in my life try to talk me out of something that I've wanted to do.

And it was up to me to not listen. It was up to me to listen to myself and my calling and say, you know what? This is what I need to do for myself. And whether you support it or not, whether you think it's a good idea or not, I still have to honor my truth and honor what my higher self is telling me to do

because this is my life. We have one fucking life to live. Life is not to be wasted on trying to please everyone else. If you are a people pleaser, if you are the type of person who is constantly trying to make other people happy and follow other people's rules because you're afraid of them not respecting you anymore, you're afraid of them not being happy with you, or you're afraid that you're going to lose

friends over honoring yourself, that's a sign you're around of them not being happy with you, or you're afraid that you're going to lose friends over honoring yourself, that's a sign you're around the wrong people. I'll give you a great first example. So when I was in college, I was starting my social media business. I was starting my Instagram. I was one of the first people really on Instagram doing influencer stuff.

It wasn't even called influencing yet. There was no such thing as an influencer when I started my social media career. At that time, it was just, you had an Instagram. If you had an online business, you were one of the few people who capitalized on it early. I had a fitness business running called Fitless. And I know a few people listening to this podcast have actually heard on it early. I had a fitness business running called Fitless and I know a few people listening to this podcast

have actually heard of it before. I've gotten some messages being like, oh my God, I think I followed you when you were Fitless. It was basically this company that I ran with fitness eBooks and I would sell these fitness guides and not to go too off topic right now, but those fitness guides are coming back very soon, bigger and better than ever and totally rebranded

and I'm so excited. Anyways, I was doing that and pursuing that and I had people around me shitting on me because I would go to the gym twice a day. I was literally a gym rat trying to get in good shape, trying to focus on my mental health and building my career out of college. I wanted to pursue social media after I graduated.

I didn't want to become a teacher, which was my original game plan. I was an English major and I didn't feel like that was my calling. So I was pursuing that major, but at the same time, I had this social media thing going and I'm like, I could see myself doing this. It's something I love and I'm super into fitness, super passionate about this. So I'm going to go all in with this and trust myself. But keep in mind, Instagram was so new that it was a huge risk. Not a lot of people were using Instagram. People were still heavily invested in Facebook and Instagram was foreign. So there were so many people in my school bullying me. There were literally girls, sororities writing in these anonymous college forums on this

app called Yik Yak. And they were straight up bullying me saying, look at this Instagram girl, she's a fucking loser, whatever they said, I don't remember the exact wording of what they said, but they were saying really, they were saying things that weren't very nice. The other thing is, I was in an acapella group and I love to sing, I love music, and I really feel like I was living out pitch perfect.

It was so much fun, and I love everyone in that acapella group to this day. Like, I still have friends from there. I still am connected with those people. I love them to death, and I'm just going to paint you the parallels of good people versus not so good people. So I had these people in sororities shitting all over me,

making me feel like crap about the brand I was building. Then I had people in my acapella group that thought it was so cool and they were so supportive. Even when I said I can't make rehearsals because I'm growing this business, and I'm probably going to have to leave the group, they were super supportive and understood the mission and they were so happy for me. But I could have caved into this idea of most of the people on my campus that knew about me thinking I was some weird social media freak that was trying to build a brand for myself and a lot of people knew what was going on

and they were just like either really nice about it or really mean about it. I could have listened to those haters and I could have fallen into the trap of feeling really insecure and stopping everything altogether and going down this rabbit hole of, oh, maybe I'm not good enough,

or maybe it is stupid, or I don't know what I'm doing and I feel really insecure about it now because maybe I'm not good enough or maybe it is stupid or I don't know what I'm doing and I feel really insecure about it now because maybe I'll start this and then I will fail at it and then everyone that's bullying me will have the last laugh. Obviously those thoughts will go through your head if there are people around you that aren't supportive

and that aren't seeing the end result because at the time I didn't really know what was gonna happen. I was just taking this huge leap of faith into this career. And it could have been something that I may have regretted. And I didn't know because there was no way to really know when it was such a new platform. But with the support of people who actually cared about my well-being, and then also my brother who had told me multiple times,

don't stop, keep going with Instagram, it could turn into this really big thing. If you're making $50 a post now, you could be making $5,000 a post at some point, which happened over the course of a year later after I kept going with it after I graduated school. And it was so incredible to see that all happen because I stayed true to myself and I stayed on my path

and I had the right people around me. So the key is to stop listening to everyone else and listen to that inner voice that's saying, do it. Don't listen to the pack. Don't follow the herd. Be your own leader. Be your own cheerleader. And invest in yourself and take a bet on yourself. And the reason I want to keep talking about this concept of taking a risk on yourself and taking a bet on yourself is because I know how hard it is to do that when you're going in blindly into a new era of your life where you don't have any sort of idea of what's going to happen. It's terrifying because it's a risk and you're leaving a comfort zone

and when you leave a comfort zone of the familiar, your body and your brain is going to freak out. You're going to panic. You're going to be like, what is going on? I don't know what I'm doing. I might be so dumb for making this move and I don't want to fail, right? And these are common thoughts and fears when you're going so far outside of your comfort zone

to do something different with your life. But the whole point of life is to be free and happy and love your life. Like why wouldn't you wanna wake up every day loving your life, loving what you do, having a purpose, having some sort of mission or passion that you're working towards, why wouldn't you want that to be your life?

And when you realize that life is limited and we only have a certain amount of time here on this earth, the best investment you could make is into yourself and into your dreams and into your goals. Because if you're listening to everyone else, oh, you shouldn't do that. It's stupid. It's ridiculous. It's going to be too hard. It's going to be too complicated. It might take too long. If you're listening to all those voices crowding your head and then you never capitalize on what you actually want to do, you will regret it when you're much older and it's too late. When you're literally, I don't want to be morbid here, but like when you are about to die,

are you going to be happy with the life that you've created for yourself? Are you going to be satisfied? Are you going to feel shitty for being a people pleaser and listening to everyone else? Be honest with yourself because I know for me, I would not be happy. I would feel extremely dissatisfied if my whole life I had listened to everyone else

and I had fallen into this trap of not creating life I wanted and living by everyone else's rule book. And this ties perfectly into dating yourself because I get a lot of questions about how do I really date myself? What does this concept mean? And it can mean a lot of different things. It could mean self-love. It can mean taking yourself out on dates.

It can mean setting boundaries for yourself, creating standards for yourself. But I always tell people you have to commit to yourself before anyone else. You have to value your own opinions and your perspective before anyone else. You have to stand in your power and have your own worldview to survive in this world. You have to have your own perspective or else you're going to get lost in the shuffle of everyone else

and become a follower. You're not going to have true authenticity to your life if you're always listening to other people because you're not listening to yourself. And that doesn't mean you can't listen to other people at all. Some people have amazing perspectives. And when you're an open-minded person, you are able to absorb other people's perspectives and appreciate them and also apply their perspective in some ways and integrate it into your life if it's helpful and you think it's beneficial to you, while also maintaining your own identity.

But if you're just latching onto other people's lives and success and their identities and you're following in their footsteps in a way where you have no sense of self, it's not really beneficial to you because you're not living life for you. And as I said, how do you want to feel when it's your last few days on Earth? Do you want to feel like you've lived for everyone else? Maybe, but I don't think so.

And for me, I know that even if I was struggling, so hard to make shit work for my future and my brand, and it's happened to me before, I don't wanna beat a dead horse and talk about this a million times on the podcast, but for those of you who are listeners and you've listened to many of my episodes, you know that I have struggled financially a lot and I have gone through periods of time where I lost myself and I

have gone through depression and anxiety and a lot of bullshit in my life where I've questioned everything. But I'm just grateful that I went through all of that versus trying to listen to everyone else and latch onto someone else. In those times, I went further within and I learned way more about myself and who I wanted to become.

And it doesn't mean don't take your friends advice sometimes. It doesn't mean you can't take on other people's advice, but it just means also have your own perspective and your own advice for yourself. You usually have all the answers within, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way, you really do have the answers within 99% of the time. When you're going to ask someone for their opinion or their feedback on something,

when you're going to ask someone for their advice, you already know the answer. I truly believe that. Every time I've asked anyone for dating advice, when I've asked my friends, my family, strangers, I've had conversations with strangers, I'm very like that where if I meet someone new and they seem like they're open-minded, I'm like, hey, want to hear a funny story? And I'll just ask them something or I'll share a story or I'll ask them about themselves. And we get into this whole conversation and 99% of the time, whatever you're asking someone,

whatever you're seeking, you already have the knowledge within. If you are in any way spiritual, and I know everyone listening to the podcast has to be somewhat spiritual because it's a very spiritually charged podcast. There's so many things about the universe and law of attraction and manifestation,

and you have to be somewhat spiritual. And if you are, then you know that you really do have all the knowledge that you seek within, somewhere in your soul. When you're listening to my episodes and you hear information and you're like, wow, that resonates. Wow, I can relate to that.

Wow, I can connect with her story or whatever it is. On some level, you already knew what I was saying. You already knew the answers, but you just needed to hear it from someone else. And that's the beauty of human connection because sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else. You need to hear the truth from an outside source to really have it sit with you and

apply it properly. But nine times out of 10, you just know things. You know what's best for you. You know what's right for you. You know what's good for you. And you just are choosing not to really listen to it. So how can you listen to it? How can you get better at actually listening to your inner voice and that inner self

that's trying to break free from this idea of listening to everyone else's rules? I know it's cliche, but meditation for me has changed everything. I sit with myself by myself once a day, an hour a day, and I just think about ways I can listen to myself better. I listen to my thoughts. I see where my thoughts are because sometimes

you don't even realize how many thoughts you think in a day unconsciously. Things will just pop up in your brain and you're not even thinking of the fact that you're thinking, if that makes sense. But just being more aware of where your brain is going on a daily basis and also just sitting with yourself, having a moment of silence to just reflect on if you're

truly living for you or other people. There's a lot of moments that I've caught myself caring about what other people think of me, caring about their perceptions. The other day, I was at this gym, and it's a social scene scene and there was a lot of people there that I knew. I knew people from the past, I knew people from work. I just knew a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a while and it flustered me because I wasn't expecting

to run into so many people that I knew and it caught me off guard. And for a moment in time I was like, oh my God, do I look good? Do I look presentable? These thoughts were flooding my head. I'm like, am I good to go to talk to this person? And I just freaked myself out for a second. And then I checked myself and I was like,

why do I even care? This is my life. Like, why do I care about their perception of me so much? It's really not a big deal and they're probably not even thinking about it the way that I'm thinking about it. There's no point in getting so caught up in my head over what they're thinking.

It's just pointless. So it happens and it's human, but I think it's important to acknowledge that you have the power to be the leader of your life. And you don't have to care about what other people perceive you as. You don't have to care about their opinions of what you're doing.

You can honor yourself, stand in your power, be grounded, be in your own frame, and be confident with it. And then people will actually sense that and respect you more and respond to you differently because you feel so confident and you feel so good and you're radiating that type of energy. When you're chasing after other people's standards, when you're chasing after their version of reality,

when you're listening to their rules. And let's just say, for example, someone's like, oh, I don't like when people do this. I don't like when people chew their food with their mouth open or something. I don't know, I'm coming up with a really silly example. I don't like when people are part of running clubs, okay? I know people have this thing against running clubs

or it's like, you're all about it or you're so against it. I hate people who are in running clubs, okay? Some people, if they're talking to you because you're a people pleaser, even if you don't feel that way, you're gonna start agreeing with them. If you don't have your own sense of self or your own opinions,

if you care a lot about their opinion more than your own opinion, you're going to just start agreeing with them even if you don't agree. So you're going to be like, oh yeah, I really don't. Yeah, I feel the same. I just, yeah, I get what you're saying. I do. But meanwhile, you're like, I never had an opinion on that at all. I never cared if someone goes for a run or not. Like, why is that a big deal? And you'll just start agreeing because you don't have a strong sense of opinion. You don't have a strong sense of self to come at them and be like, oh, like, why do you feel that way? And instead you'll just be like, yeah, I get that.

And I used to be that way. And now I'm at a place in my life where I'm like, I'm speaking my truth. I'm not holding back. If someone says something that I don't agree with, why wouldn't I make a comment and say something else? I'm not going to agree with you just because maybe you're hoping that we just get along on a surface level,

but I'm just not a surface level person, so I'm not going to cater to your opinion. That was probably one of the silliest examples, but I was just trying to give some sort of example as to why it's important to be in your own power. Because it's like, what's the point of having meaningful conversations with someone if you're not going to speak your truth or your opinion, and you're just going to cater to whatever they're saying. In the past too, I think with the work that I do

and the events that I go to, there are a lot of big high up people like A-list celebrities that I've met and people in the Hollywood space and just big influencers, you name it. I've met a lot of people in the entertainment industry throughout the 12 years I've been doing social media. And there's been moments where I've met famous people

and I've caught myself filtering my identity because I was nervous that they were gonna perceive me a certain way. And I had to put on like this happy face and just be this like character almost to listen to their rules, right? Because when you're filtering who you are, you're listening to someone else's rules.

You're listening to their standards of a person. If you think they're gonna like you only if you speak a certain way or have an opinion on something that they have an opinion on, like the same opinion. You're not being authentic. You're being fake. And whether you're being fake just to please them, and it's not coming from a malicious place, of course, regardless of the reasoning, you're still not being true to yourself. And I don't want to look back on my life and be like, oh, I wasn't really myself.

I was never really myself with people. I was always filtering myself. How shitty would it feel to be on your last days of life and you realize that the whole time, for years and years and years of your life, you filtered who you truly were just to make someone else happy that you met one time, you might as well just be your fucking self.

Because nine times out of 10, first of all, you're never gonna see that person again. And if you do, you're gonna have to show your true colors eventually. Like you can't force yourself to get along with someone. It's either you get along or you don't. It's either you have a connection or you don't. This goes for friendships,

this goes for business relationships, this goes for romantic relationships. It's like you can't force shit with anyone. So it's either you're going to be yourself now and they're going to accept you and they're going to appreciate that you're confident and bold, or you're going to be this shy timid person that can't get a sentence out and you have to filter yourself to make them happy, which isn't a good way to have a relationship anyway.

I did this once with, I don't know if I should name drop this celebrity. Oh my God, I'm not going to. I never want to start anything with anyone. But there was a celebrity, huge A-list celebrity that I met at one of her events and she was busy taking pictures with a lot of people. And then it was my turn and I'm not the type of person who wants to be like a fan and take a picture and be like, oh can I get a picture in an autograph? I'm not the type of person who wants to be like a fan and take a picture and be like, oh, can I get a picture in an autograph?

I'm really just not that type of person. I would rather just have a quick sweet conversation with you and introduce myself and call it a day. And when I finally got to approach her, I got so nervous and I just wasn't acting normal. I was just like, ah, I didn't really know what to say. I got so nervous and I just wasn't acting normal. I was just like, ah, I didn't really know what to say. I was just like, oh, nice to meet you. And she gave me the dirtiest look and she was like,

yeah, I'm not taking any more pictures. And I was like, oh my God, this is so awkward. And instead of being like, no problem, I'm good, which is my personality. If someone's treating me weirdly, if someone's treating me disrespectfully or being like cold or weird, I'm just like, who the fuck are you? I don't care. Whoever you are, don't talk to me in a very weird, degrading way. Because the way she said it was like, I'm not interested in interacting with you. It was very cold.

And the person that I brought, one of the guests that I brought with me, literally was looking at me like, holy shit, what the hell just happened? And I'm like, this is so fucking awkward. So we're like, me and my friend are looking at each other, like, did that just really happen? Like she just took pictures with a hundred people.

And then I got to the front of the line and she was like, yeah, I'm good. I'm like, does this woman know who I am? And she like hates me, what's going on? And no, I didn't know who she was. I've never met her before in my life. And this was before my podcast. So it's not like she was offended

by something I said on my podcast. Like I was trying to rack my brain for reasons why she was so rude. And then I was shy and timid and weird about it. And I was feeling so insecure. And I ended up leaving the event feeling like total shit about myself. When now, if that happened,

because now I'm so grounded in my frame and in my energy, I would be like, excuse me, what, what's going on here? I don't understand. I would have asked her more questions or I would have said something more boldly. And just to say, listen, I just don't appreciate what you just said or like how you were speaking to me because I'm less afraid to be myself and I'm less afraid to speak my truth in my mind. It comes with practice and it comes with age, I think too,

because this was like five or six years ago. And I was a totally different person back then. And I was definitely more afraid to speak my truth. But now that I'm in my thirties, I've been through a lot. I've been through a lot of shitty situations with people, a lot of different types of interactions. I'm like, I'm speaking my fucking truth and I'm living by my rules, not your rules. If someone told me now, I don't want to take a picture with you. It's not that I would force them to do that because

obviously I'd be like, okay, that's fine. But I think I would have more to say. I'd be like, oh, is there a reason? What's going on? Are you okay? And just figure out the situation versus just being timid and scared and fleeing the scene because that's exactly what happened. And the person that I brought with to the event was like, that was so chaotic and unhinged of her.

And I was like, yeah, I don't know. And to this day, I'm like, I lost all, I guess, I don't want to say respect for that person, but she's so famous that I can't really escape her. So, whenever I see her, I'm just like, I wish you well. Maybe you were just done with the pictures and having a bad day, but don't make people uncomfortable that showed up for you.

Don't make people feel shitty for supporting you because I know if it was me and I had a meeting great or something and I was meeting people, I am so just focused on gratitude and understanding people are taking time to see you and get to know you and connect with you. And there's such a beauty in that.

And to treat people like that, it's not really, I find it's not really appropriate. It's not in my character. So it is what it is, but the point is, stand in your power, stand in your power and your truth. Be direct. I have an episode on this too,

about being direct and communicating your needs clearly. Because you're not gonna get your needs met and you're not going to feel confident in your identity if you never speak your mind. If you're always bottling shit in, if you're the type of person that is afraid to stir the pot with someone in your life, and you just keep bottling your emotions in and your true feelings, it's never gonna fucking get you anywhere. You're just gonna end up resenting that person or feeling like shit because you're not being yourself and you're not expressing yourself.

Expression of self is crucial to live the best fucking life possible. Now, when I was in Bali, a really interesting thing happened. So I started doing this thing called Kundalini, and I'm gonna make an entire episode on this because Kundalini changed my life. When I was going through a really tricky romantic situation that made me really sad,

and I was definitely not in the best mental space. Someone on Instagram, and I still can't find the original DM, it's a mystery. I don't know where the DM went. Maybe it was like an angel communicating through Instagram to me, but they sent me the name of this woman who does this thing called Kundalini in Bali. communicating through Instagram to me, but they sent me the name of this woman

who does this thing called Kundalini in Bali. And Kundalini is, I'm not gonna really explain this so well, but it's essentially a way to rebalance and realign your chakras and also clear out any negative energy that's been stuck in the body. And it could be from years ago, it could be from recent times. And it's just an amazing healing practice

that I had never heard of until I got to Bali. So I was really fascinated. I ended up going to this place, and this woman and I did a few sessions, and it cleared out so much. I felt the energy being literally sucked out of my body, like any bad things I was holding onto, any negative ties that I was still attached

to certain things in people. A lot of that was cleared out in the sessions that we did, and it was really special. But one of the things that kept happening that was fascinating was that my throat kept getting very itchy, and I kept coughing, and I felt like this, like, tickle in my throat, and I itchy and I kept coughing. And I felt like this like tickle in my throat and I just kept coughing and coughing. And then even after the sessions, I was coughing.

And at first I was like, oh, maybe it's allergies. But then I realized it had only started when I started doing the sessions. And I spoke to the facilitator about it. And she was like, it's your throat chakra. Your throat is blocked and your body's trying to clear it up and clear space so you can speak your mind, speak your truth like it's all connected.

When I did one of the sessions, I realized that was something that I struggled with as a child. I was afraid to speak my truth when it came to what I wanted from my parents. I was afraid to tell my parents that I didn't wanna do certain things. For example, I used to horseback ride for many, many years, and I loved horseback riding.

I love horses, and I actually want to get back into it, which is really funny because I've been looking into it recently. It's so therapeutic for me. But I remember as a child, my instructor who was teaching me how to horseback ride was verbally abusive. He was such an ass and would yell at me and I was this small child, I was probably 10 years old. And he would yell at me if I did something wrong and scream at me.

And he made the experience of horseback riding for me as a child so traumatic and so intolerable. I couldn't enjoy the experience because I was always anxious going into my riding lessons because I was afraid this man into my writing lessons because I was afraid this man was going to yell at me. Instead of, I wish I had maybe had really kind loving instructors

because maybe it would have changed everything for me, and I would have continued. But there were just certain moments where I remember I was being yelled at and it's very scary as a child. I knew my mom and my dad had paid so much money for these lessons and had been driving me for months to these lessons that I felt an enormous amount of guilt if I were to say, I don't want to do this anymore.

So I would bottle it in and pretend I was fine while I was literally shaking with anxiety going into the lessons. And I remember I would just not speak my truth and I wouldn't say anything. And I was so young. I was literally a kid and looking back, I wish I could hug my younger self and be like, oh my God, you should have just said something. Your parents would have let you quit.

But I didn't know I had the option to quit. And I was terrified that if I said, I don't really want to do this anymore, they would be mad at me. So I ended up just doing things that I essentially didn't want to do and not speaking my mind. And I think that kind of affected the way I approached situations as an adult. As I got older. If I was afraid that someone was going to get upset with me, I wouldn't speak my truth. Or if I was afraid that I would cause tension in a relationship, I wouldn't really be honest with that person and I just bottle everything in and suppress my emotions.

So that taught me a lot about why I struggled with my throat shocker for so long. And the Kundalini brought me back to those memories. And it brought me back into this timeline when I was a kid and I was afraid to express myself. And I was like, oh my God, this is all connected. This is why I was afraid in my relationships to speak my truth with my boyfriends. And I was afraid to ask for certain things in business situations because I didn't want to rustle any feathers.

I didn't want to upset anyone or make anyone think that I was asking for too much. It's just very fascinating the psychology behind it and how your childhood memories and experiences can actually shape the woman or the man that you become. It's really fascinating to me. So it's important to clear that throat chakra, to clear anything that's getting in the way

of you being truly authentic and truly honest with yourself and truly honest with everyone else. And the beauty of really mastering, speaking your truth and expressing yourself fully And the beauty of really mastering, speaking your truth, and expressing yourself fully, is that people will actually respect you more. And you'll be able to decipher who is really capable of being in your life and who's not. And I had a situation when I was in Sydney with someone who I actually really liked.

I think deep down on some soul level, this person is a good person, but just so masked by a lot of bullshit and has been through a lot of bullshit. And they've just become someone that was never going to be significantly a part of my life. But I feel like they left some sort of mark on me just because I empathize with them so deeply. Like I saw their soul instead of just seeing the surface level mask that they were putting on, I saw their soul and their potential to be so good. And I know people have probably experienced this before

where you see someone's potential and you're like, oh, their soul is good. I see it, I see how they'd be this amazing partner or this amazing person and an amazing friend, but they're just so sidetracked with life's bullshit and they can't get it right. And I feel like that was a situation where I met someone where I was like super connected to them just because one, they looked, he, I'm going to say he, he looked exactly like my ex and reminded me a lot of one of my exes.

And it was just this feeling where I was like, I feel I have this empathy towards you and I don't know why I just feel like you have a really good heart, but you're just troubled. And it sucks because as an empath, it's not your fucking job to fix anyone. It's not your job to sit there and coach someone through their life. But I just wanted to talk to him and I wanted to have conversations with him and see what was going on in his head. Because I cared and I couldn't fucking figure out why I cared because I knew that he just wasn't capable of truly loving me or truly caring about me the way that I would need someone to care about me,

but I was still interested in just being around him. Anyways, at some point, we had the little bit of an argument and I in the past would have just kept my mouth shut and distance myself and suppressed how I truly felt. But with him, I decided to be honest and tell him how I really felt about the situation and call him out for the things that he did that I wasn't okay with.

There was a period where he had disappeared on me. I don't know where he went, but he disappeared. And I'm like, okay, I either just write him off and I'm pissed off about it, and I let the anger get the better of me, and I'm just like, oh, this guy's a dick, or I communicate it to him and I tell him that wasn't okay,

and I speak my truth and I air it out. And I chose the latter and I air it out. And I chose the latter and I spoke with him and we cleared it up. And the feeling of communicating my feelings and actually speaking my truth and saying, I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to be lied to. I don't deserve dishonesty. That was not cool. By actually communicating that to him, it wasn't gonna change the overall outcome of the situation, but what it did was set the tone for myself to be honest, not with him, but just with anyone.

Because once I did that, I was like, ah, like I breathed a sigh of relief. I was like, oh my God, I needed to fucking say that. I needed to say that. I don't know how I was walking around just like my whole life, not speaking my mind because life is too short to not communicate what's going on in your brain. You're special, you're unique, you have a lot to say,

say it, if you have a lot to say, say it. That would have just eaten at me if I hadn't said something. So I did communicate with him how I felt and I could tell that he respected it a lot. And he even said, I do respect the fact that you're so open and communicative and transparent about your feelings.

Needless to say, the end of the day, that situation did not work out because we weren't gonna get on the same page. But I know that he respected that I spoke my truth. And many people will. And the right people who are supposed to be in your life and stay will be able to handle it and will be able to communicate with you

and you'll be able to talk through anything. I think that situation just taught me the power of communication. And there's been other instances with other people where I almost didn't say something, and then I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna fucking say something, because this is what's going on in my head,

and if you're the right person in my life, if you're right for me, you're gonna to stay regardless of what I say or not. And you could approach things with grace, you could approach things in a respectful manner, and I always do, and I'm like, hey, this is how I feel. Let me know your thoughts. I'm going to tell you what emotions are coming up for me. Do you have anything to say to this? And if someone is like shutting you out

and not willing to hear you out and not willing to have a conversation with you, then they just fucking suck. They're not right for you. But the right people or people with good intentions will be able to have those chats with you and make you feel comfortable enough to open up. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode.

Thank you so much as always for listening to Date Yourself instead. If you haven't, also, be sure to check out the Masterclass, Dare to Detach. It's designed to help empower you to let go of anyone that's no longer serving your growth and to help you really step into your growth and to help you really step into your power and to help you speak your truth and to help you be the best version of yourself. It covers literally everything. We have an amazing private group chat, an amazing community of both men and women that are going through similar situations. We can all support each other and all help each other in there. It's a four-day program. It goes straight to your email. It's

a digital download. I'm going to try to cover all the questions right now at the end of the episode because so many people ask. It goes straight to your email. You can access the program from anywhere worldwide, and it's yours to keep forever. So you download it, you have it forever, you can revisit the modules at any time,

and each day is designed to help you work towards becoming the best, most unstoppable version of you. You'll walk out of the masterclass feeling very confident, very sure of yourself, being able to communicate better, being able to have your needs met. There's so many amazing testimonials and reviews on the website. You could go check it out. The link is in the show notes and on the Instagram at dare to detach.

I usually post about the masterclass too on my Instagram at dateyourselfinstead. And if you have any questions, you could always message me on Instagram, at list or at dateyourselfinstead about the program. I would love to see you guys there. Dare to Detach is the portal to manifesting your dream life because you are stepping into a higher timeline, you are honoring your higher self

and the universe knows when you've energetically detached from all the bullshit in your life. The universe knows and responds accordingly. And that's what the Masterclass is all about. All of the info, once again, is on my website. You can visit it in the show notes and on my Instagram at Dare to Detach. And if you haven't, also be sure to rate the podcast.

On Apple and Spotify, it would mean the world to me. And share it with. And if you have and also be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify, it would mean the world to me and share it with a friend if you enjoyed this episode. I love you, thank you as always again and stay tuned for next Monday.