Date Yourself Instead - Trusting Your Intuition and Inner Voice

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Today Lyss shares takeaways from past dating experience on valuing herself, trusting her intuition + the amazing things that she has attracted when she wasn’t mirroring a toxic partner. Lyss also had a new experience with a psychic this week and is feeling the pressure of being at a crossroads at work. Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to date yourself instead. Date yourself instead. What does it mean to date yourself instead? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. So, I went to a psychic today. I was walking around New York and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go and get a reading because I'm just in the mood to spice up my day a little bit.

So, I ended up going to Union Square. I went to this place called Namaste. It's like a crystal shop and they have like spiritual self-help books and like all that stuff. And there is like a psychic that comes in and reads people in the back of the place. So I was like, all right, like why not, you know, like, fuck it.

So I end up going at this woman and she seems like, I don't know, here's the thing about me and psychics. Like I've had these really fucking weird experiences with psychic people, like where they'll tell me like such generic things that you could basically tell anyone. And it's just like, oh, like your career is gonna do well. Or oh, like you're gonna make a lot of money.

Or you know, like your relationship is like your ex is bad for you, stay away. And I'm like, yeah, your career is gonna do well. Or, oh, you're gonna make a lot of money. Or, you know, your relationship is, your ex is bad for you, stay away. And I'm like, yeah, obviously I knew all that. So I've never had a spot on accurate reading where there was details or specifics. And I was always just so skeptical because I really felt like every time I got a reading, I could basically apply to anyone.

So when I ended up going to this woman, there were mixed things. Like, some things seemed pretty spot on and accurate and detailed and other things were pretty generic. But one thing she did catch on really, that caught me by surprise, was like, something about my ex-boyfriends family. Like, I brought him up and she was like,

oh, the family, like religious differences. Like, she said that and I didn't really tell her anything at all about him or the situation or why we broke up. And like, that was pretty much why we broke up. And it was like, I was like, whoa, that's so, that's so specific because there's so many reasons why people could break up, but she nailed it right away.

So that was cool. I also feel like, for me, going to someone and externally validating your future is not always the best approach to feeling good in the long term, because if they tell you something that's shitty or bad or something negative, you're going to like subconsciously program your brain to like kind of expect that negativity in your future. So I'm very careful about going to psychics, but it doesn't mean that they're fake or that all of them like don't know, you know, obviously don't have the credentials, but you just have to be careful about who you're going to

and the intentions behind it. I would not go in a terrible mental state to it was like a greeting. But yeah, it was really cool experience. She did tell me a lot. She told me that I might be moving to London, which is pretty interesting. She told me that I'm going to be really successful in my career

and she didn't really give me too many specifics on what I would be doing in the future. I feel like I'm in this like crossroads right now with my work where like there's a lot of things happening all at once and I'm just trying to navigate and like go at the flow and see what sticks and what doesn't because I'm almost 30 years old and I still feel like sometimes I'm kind of lost in my direction which is kind of like weird to admit publicly, especially to people that follow me and they like look up to me in a way.

It feels like I have this like pressure on me to know exactly what I'm doing and have it all figured out. But honestly, I really don't have anything figured out. Like I think life is always just a journey and we're always constantly learning and growing and changing and evolving. And I think that's just so important to note, because even when it looks like someone

has all their shit together on social media, or just you're looking up to even the biggest celebrities in the world, we're still all trying to figure life out. And once we get what we want and we reach that goal, there's like, okay, now what? Like then there's like something else we're gonna wanna achieve. So yeah, it's just good to notice that not everyone has their shit figured out

and you never have to feel bad if you feel like you're stuck or confused or lost. Like for me, I feel like, especially when I used to compare myself to people online, it really set me back, like 10 steps backwards. So don't do that. The other thing I want to mention is that I am really big on intuition. I have very intuitive tendencies, and I've had this my whole life where like I can kind

of predict things before they happen, or I could visualize things pretty easily, and then they'll happen later on. And it's happened to me on various occasions where I was like floored. I was so shocked at the power of my own intuition and trusting my gut and trusting that what my body was telling me or like what I was dreaming about was bound to happen or was like going to happen or did happen. And I like sometimes it used to drive me crazy

because I used to take my intuition and like throw it out the window because I was like, no, like I'm being crazy. Like this isn't actually what it is. And like I shouldn't be like trusting it. Like I wasn't trusting my intuition. I was like, I was actually going more crazy not trusting it because I was like suppressing

that inner voice. And I think your inner voice is so important and so powerful to tap into. And I wasn't tapping into it. I was just kind of like sweeping it under the rug. Every time I felt something, like I felt a gut feeling that something was wrong with my friend or I felt like a guy was lying to me and I ignored it because

Physically, I would get a stomach ache around him and I would have a migraine and I didn't know why but like my body was literally speaking out Or I'd have like these thoughts in my head like oh you should not trust that person or oh like This is not a safe situation for you to be in. And I had all these, I always get these insights. I always have this inner voice guiding me. It feels like an angel on my shoulder kind of talking to me in my ear. And I just, there's so many times I refuse to listen to it because I was scared that I was crazy

or I wasn't as intuitive as I really thought. And I was just making things up in my head. And there have been times where I was wrong, of course. And I would assume things about someone, I would be in a relationship with a guy and accuse him of something that I thought happened. And later I would find out that I was wrong. There have been moments obviously where it wasn't completely accurate. But point being, none of those relationships still worked out because there was still something off in the energy and the dynamic between us, and I felt like,

I don't know, I felt like my body was just speaking out and telling me that something was wrong. Regardless of what the reason was, there was still something off. And your body and your inner voice will really communicate that to you. So I think that's important to note, especially if you're looking to go to someone else

for clarification or psychic or whatever. So I think that's important to note, especially if you're looking to go to someone else for clarification or psychic or whatever, we go to these things to kind of validate ourselves in our future sometimes. And you really have that inner power within. You have that inner voice within yourself, so you don't necessarily need someone to tell you what's going to happen. Or someone to tell you that your ex is a shitty person or like, you know, that you should quit your job. Like, you kind of already have all those answers within you,

but you're just kind of scared to actually listen to them. And I think that's really important to know. And I'm guilty of this, too, you know, like just kind of looking for external ways to validate my own feelings and thoughts when the answers are always really right in front of you. So, it's just really important to tap into that and to learn how to trust your intuition. And I think also meditating in the morning and kind of clearing my head and getting a fresh start to every day and practicing gratitude has really like balanced me internally in a lot of ways where I can listen to that inner voice a lot more with more clarity. So a lot of times when we're around other people that can shift our energy around in our body and cause like imbalances because their energy is mixing with our energy and sometimes it kind of like throws us off a little bit and throws us off track. So the best thing you could

do for yourself to ground yourself is to like wake up in the morning and say a prayer, do a meditation, really channel your inner power, your inner energy. And it really helps in clarifying that inner voice. I found that it works wonders for me, and it'll probably work wonders for you too. I think meditation is such a powerful practice, and it really has helped with my alignment. There's something else I'd really like to note about using your inner voice and your inner power. That's so important and it's something that I didn't realize until much later on in my life.

But if you're in a relationship or you have been in a relationship, you might have experienced this before where you're with your partner and they're kind of like talking down your intuition. So like let's just say, you have a really bad gut feeling about something that your partner did. Like for example, I used to date this guy that had told me from the beginning he didn't want a serious relationship.

So that was the first red flag and issue and I definitely should have ran at that point, but I did like him. I wasn't really looking for anything serious at that current moment, so it didn't really bother me. I was pretty much in alignment with what he wanted, so that's why I continued the relationship in the first place. But then what happened was there were things that he was doing that I couldn't prove, right? Like, I wouldn't see him for one weekend and I just felt like he wasn't responding and he wasn't

communicative with me. And I ended up getting like all these like physical, like manifesting these physical symptoms of like panic, anxiety, stress. Like, I couldn't sleep. I was just like losing my mind because I felt like he was doing something wrong. Like, stress, I couldn't sleep, I was just losing my mind because I felt like he was doing something wrong, like A.K.A. hooking up with other people when we kind of had said even though we're not together but we're exclusively with each other. And I know that's kind of confusing but it was more like an unspoken, we're only with each other and we've kind of hinted at that a few times. So when he was out and he wasn't responding to me,

like set off all these fears and so much anxiety within my body and my inner voice was saying, he's not a trustworthy person. And he's lied to you about a lot of things in his life and he's just not good for you. So I kind of knew that there were a lot of issues and that it wasn't gonna last anyway,

but I would confront him about these things and he literally would be in like pure denial. He would just be like, you're crazy. Like you don't know what you're talking about. Your intuition is wrong, you're so wrong. And he would always just tell me how wrong I was. And then meanwhile, like I saw him follow five girls that night he didn't answer me on Instagram.

Like five new people. I'm just like, okay, I'm not wrong, you know? Like I knew that something was definitely up, but he would talk down my intuition and my gut and he wouldn't make me feel safe. And I still kind of allowed him into my space and allowed him to talk it down when I knew that I was right. And I feel like it's so important to protect your inner power and your inner voice and that voice that's telling you like, you know, something is definitely off. And this can apply to so many situations, those don't have to even be relationships. But if you feel like something's off, it usually is. You know, and it's important to not allow other people to kind of like steer you away from that feeling you get because people will try to do that. And you have to be really protective of yourself. And when you go into a new situation, if you don't feel in alignment and you feel

disconnected and you feel kind of like your energy is shifting into a negative state. It's usually not a good sign. I just share that experience because I've had to go through so many situations like this where I learned the hard way. And it's pretty vulnerable for me to share these things because it sounds like, you know, why would you do that?

Like, how like stupid can you be? Like, I feel like looking back, I definitely have learned a lot of lessons, and especially even getting myself into situations like that where I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere in the first place, it's like, I think I had to go through that in order to know what I really want in my relationships and to value serious relationships. Because there were a lot of things that I did in my past where I wasn't valuing myself and I was with these random guys that didn't value me either.

And you really mirror your partners. And when you mirror each other, you're gonna get how you feel about yourself. So I was attracting these guys who treated me like total shit. And it was because I really wasn't valuing myself. I wasn't placing myself on a pedestal the way that I should have. So that was definitely a big thing that I took away from those experiences is just learning how to love and value myself so deeply that I would never even get myself into a situation like that in the first place.

And to go off of that, it took me a lot of healing and a lot of inner work to realize that we mirror our partners because you know it's easy to kind of healing and a lot of inner work to realize that we mirror our partners. Because you know, it's easy to kind of be in denial about something like that. So for example, like if you're in a partnership with abuse or like verbal abuse or obviously like physical abuse is so serious and it's something that you can never take lightly and it's so scary to think about because there are so many people who have experienced this before. You're like, how would they be mirroring each other?

Like how are you mirroring someone that's abusive, one person's abusive and the other one isn't? Well, it's not really that so much as the fact that it's like, it's where you're valuing yourself, it's where your wounds are and it's not to say that you are a track like you deserve this or anything like that. It has nothing to do with that at all. And it's not to say that you are a track like you deserve this or anything like that. It has nothing to do with that at all. And of course, it is once again something like you can never take lightly, but it's more

so that when you're in a situation like that, there's a level of self-worth and self-value that is on that same level of that person because hurt attracts hurt and wounds attract wounds and unhealed attracts unhealed. So when you combine that energy together, it could create a really toxic situation. I'll give an example that Sonata's extreme, but just speaking from personal experience, I was in a relationship for a while with a guy that had really good intentions and I don't ever think he's a bad person, and I never will, and I'll never say anything bad about him. But there were a lot of destructive and toxic dynamics within our relationship, where we were both unhealed, we were both coming from insecure places in our life.

We had a lot of amazing times and memories together. I'll never discredit that, but there was a lot of chaotic energy within that relationship where it was abusive at times. It was definitely verbally toxic where we would scream at each other and call each other names and degrade each other. And there was a lot of things that I wish I had said differently in that he had said differently. And the way we handled situations was not mature at all whatsoever. And we were a little bit younger, so it's all learning lesson and it's all about growth. But in that particular relationship, I had completely lost myself.

I was extremely destructive with myself where I started getting fillers because I felt so unattractive. I just felt like I was ugly because he would say things that made me so unattractive. I just felt like I was ugly because he would say things that made me feel unattractive. And I would call him out on certain things. And it was just like back and forth, always like picking at each other. And just our wounds were eating at each other.

And we were collectively in this like, we were in this like energy of just constantly tearing each other apart. And it was because we were both wounded. And I think looking back now, I could see that's so clearly, but at the time, it was always about pointing fingers. It was like, oh, he did this, he did that, and she did this, and she did that, and we would always just accuse each other and blame each other.

Instead of just owning up to the fact that we both had inner work to do, we both had a mature and grow up, and a lot of the reasons why we broke up stem from that It was like we were not in a place where we were evolved and ready to even be together if we wanted to and I think There was just so many things coming up for both of us like so many triggers that we couldn't get along It just was not going to work because we were both Attacking each other at all times and it wasn't because we didn't care for each other or love each other as people. It was more just like we were both really unhealed

versions of ourselves. And true love is acceptance. True love is really accepting your partner for who they are and not attacking someone and not pointing fingers and blaming the other person. True love is pure acceptance. True love is not going to accuse someone and try to obviously arguments happen here and there.

We're all humans, we have differences, and that's totally fine. But when you're constantly pointing fingers and trying to blame the other person and lashing out and taking out your own insecurities and issues on the other person. That's when you know you have a lot of work to do. And it doesn't mean the relationship can never work. It just means that you have to heal yourself and this person is not going to help you do that.

You have to choose to do the inner work, and you have to separate yourself from the relationship and do that inner healing work in order to make anything work. And usually when you start to really focus on yourself and direct all your power and energy in words, relationships do improve and will improve all around you. And your friendships, and your family relationships, and anything, really, your business relationships. I've just seen in my personal life when I have been the most at peace and I've done the inner work and the healing and I've really focused most of my energy in words.

I've attracted so many amazing things and so many beautiful circumstances and it was a reflection of what I was feeling on the inside. And then when I feel like really low, like blaming things, blaming the world for my problems, getting angry easily, letting my triggers affect me, you know, when I wasn't in the best mental place, I would always attract situations that felt dark, and that felt like I wasn't aligned. And the universe will show you,

like the universe will clearly send you signals and signs and people and circumstances and situations to show you where you are at in your life, which is beautiful because we're not only mirrors with our partners, but we're mirrors with the universe around us. And that is a beautiful thing because if we feel good, we're gonna track good and we're gonna create magic in our lives.

I really hope you guys got some value out of today's episode. Thank you so much for listening and stay tuned for the next one.