Date Yourself Instead - Twin flames and karmic relationships

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Twin flames - are they a good or bad thing? In this episode, I dive into my personal twin flame experience and the valuable lessons I learned from dating mine. I reflect on how my twin flame taught me a lot about myself, and helped me grow & mature as a person. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, feel free to rate the podcast on Spotify, and send me a message on instagram @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead.

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. Today's episode is going to be really special because I'm going to be discussing my detailed experience about dating a twin flame connecting with him, our story, what happened, and why I ultimately ended the relationship. Twin flames are a very popular term used to express this deep, soulful, intense connection between two people, and it's a very karmic connection. It's a connection that cannot be described by words. It's just this physical, intoxicating experience.

And I do believe twin flames and soulmates are actually very different. Some people kind of confuse the two sometimes. A twin flame is actually someone who can be really toxic. Whereas a soulmate, you're in love with each other's souls and I think there's a much healthier dynamic usually in place. But when you're with a twin flame, it can become extremely toxic if both people are not developed and not fully healed. And when they come together and they're not fully healed, it can create a lot of tension and chaos and confusion between the two of you ultimately leading to the end of the relationship. I know there's a lot of different versions of what a twin flame really is, and I know there's a lot of different versions of it. What a twin flame really is. And I know there's a lot of different interpretations of the

meaning. So I'm just going by what I feel the meaning is. And from my personal experience, what I've dealt with and what I've been through. And I'm excited to share my story because this is something I've never actually spoken about on the podcast. I've never spoken about this specific relationship, but for those of you who know me from Instagram, I used to share a lot of my relationship with this person on Instagram. And we dated a very long time ago, we met a very long time ago. And to this day, we're still on very civil friendly terms. There's no bad vibes, no bad energy, everything is totally good. So I just wanted to preface the episode by saying that to begin with.

I actually don't speak to him anymore, but the relationship ended on great terms. It did take a lot of inner work and healing within myself to fully process the breakup and kind of understand why the relationship had never worked and why it didn't work out long-term because I did have so much love for this person and he forever will hold a very special place in my heart. And while I was in the relationship, I didn't realize it was actually a twin flame situation.

And looking back after really doing some research and talking to people and healing and unpacking everything, I realized that this person was my twin flame, 100%. And you'll find out why as I unpack the story and tell you guys exactly what happened. Now before I get into the actual story time, I wanted to just kind of go over what the definition of a twin flame is according to the internet. I did a little research for you guys. Twin flames are two individuals who share a unique spiritual connection that goes beyond physical attraction or romantic love. They're believed to be two halves of the same soul that were separated at the beginning of time

and are now reunited to fulfill a higher purpose. They often feel an intense magnetism towards each other and a deep understanding of each other's thoughts and emotions. The relationship between a twin flame, the relationship between twin flames is not always easy. They can trigger each other's deepest fears and insecurities in order to help them grow and evolve as people. Twin flame relationships are believed to be divinely guided and have a profound impact on the spiritual evolution of both individuals. Now I couldn't agree more with this specific description and definition. Twin flames are there to teach you things.

They're there to teach you lessons about yourself and they're there to help you grow and evolve as a person. Now, I was dating this person that I'm going to describe in this episode and this person triggered every fucking ounce of my being. This person boiled my blood and I know I boiled his and we were always fighting and getting at each other. Looking back, I know that wasn't necessarily the healthy dynamic, the healthiest dynamic, but I realized that I needed that relationship

in order to become the woman that I am today, hands down. I needed those moments of anger and frustration and fear, and I needed all those insecurities to come out of me in order to work on myself and actually look within and look at the things that I order to work on myself and actually look within and look at the things that I needed to work on within myself. Looking back, I'm such a different changed woman because of everything that I've been through with every relationship, but especially that relationship. I think it taught me how to look myself in the mirror and actually unpack all the insecurities

that I face and impact all these deep rooted fears and issues I had about myself. And it just taught me a lot about myself and who I am as a person. And although it was so difficult and painful and I remember there were so many moments where I was truly so angry and so bitter and so hurt, I realized that it was just showing me the pieces of myself that I really needed to work on and transform and develop so I could actually show up as my highest self every single day. And looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

I think it was such a beautiful, awakening experience and an experience that I'll always have with me and I'll always have so much love for that person simply because they taught me How to look more deeply within myself So a twin flame can have really positive long-term effects if you've been through a relationship like this before or You're currently going through a relationship like this and you're struggling a lot It might not be a forever relationship. This might not be your person, if it feels super toxic,

if it feels like you're truly just battling with yourself and arguing with this person all the time. This might not be the person you end up marrying in the long term, because it can be a lot to handle, and it's probably not necessarily that great for your mental health, but they are there for a purpose and they

are there to teach you something. And if you look at it from that perspective, it can actually be a really positive thing in the long term. Now, as I was doing some research on twin flames, I also came across some benefits that can come from a twin flame relationship that I'm going to share and then I'm going to get into the story time I promise. Now, obviously, there are pros and cons to being with your twin flame. And I think we all know this based on what I just said because you can obviously grow and evolve so much and so deeply as a person when you're with this person. And you can learn so much more about yourself when you're with this person. But at the same time, twin flames can also have a

very toxic and chaotic side. And that's why there's this constant push and pull energy. It's like one moment, everything's amazing. And you love this person and you love who you are with them. And the next moment, it's the total opposite feeling and you feel like the world is ending and you're not supposed to be with them. And it's this really confusing, hot and cold dynamic. This isn't to be confused with dating an narcissist

or dating someone that's super abusive. It's just someone that you really clash with, personality-wise. And you're almost very similar in a way because you almost feel that you do want the best for each other and you do want to work it out, but your personalities are just fucking clashing all the time. And that's why it can become super toxic and super unhealthy.

But this is not to be confused with other things like dating a narcissistic person, which is completely separate. And also, there are other levels of toxic. And there's other different types of relationships that I'll get into another time. And I've spoken about this on different episodes before. This is not to be confused with that. So, if you're with someone that's like super abusive and emotionally abusive and draining life out of you, I just don't want people to get mixed up and confused because that's not what a twin flame is. And I'm not suggesting or promoting that you should be in a relationship that's toxic. I just feel like I need to say these things in order to be super, super clear and transparent before I move on. Now, I want to really get into the story time because

I feel like this could be relatable, and it's something that I have yet to share and I'm not going to name names. I'm going to keep everything super vague and anonymous but here we go. I met this guy when I was graduating college and I was just starting to come out of my shell as far as working on my new brand on social media. And I was just so excited to move to New York City and start a brand new life right out of school. I was working on my Instagram. I was making little money already from brand deals and just doing a lot of social media stuff.

So I was just in my own little bubble working and focused on myself. And along comes this guy, we hit it off. I actually didn't really like him that much right away, but then I realized we had this vibe going on. And I felt like right away for some reason, he understood me and he understood how to talk to me. We just vibed and clicked and we ended up in a conversation, which led to hanging out. And he like came over the same night that I met him and At first I wasn't sure if it was gonna be a long-term thing But we definitely had a connection right away and he started calling me LIS

I remember The day we met and usually when people first meet me since this was before social media It was a little weird because some people would call me a list of still because that's my real full name. But he just like knew to call me list right away and there was like a comfort in that. I felt like we had just known each other right off the bat. So we end up keeping in touch. I graduate and we started dating. I'm going to try to like cut the story as short as possible. But we started dating once I'm going to try to like cut the story as short as possible. But we started dating once I graduated college.

We started working together. We started traveling together. We started creating content together for social media. And we started developing this really solid friendship as well as a romantic relationship. And there were a lot of ups and downs in order to even get into a relationship in the first place. From the outside when I was posting on social media, I think people assumed we had this dreamy, perfect, aesthetic, amazing,

soulmate relationship. But there was a lot of ups and downs in order to even get to that point where I felt like we were just always on two totally different pages. We were always back and forth up and down fighting about something. We were always in these little petty arguments. At the same time, we really cared about each other so deeply. So there was one side of the relationship that felt like we were inseparable and best friends and we do anything for each other. And then the next part of the relationship was like, fuck you, I hate you, and you're so fucking annoying, and I want nothing to do with you. And it was that dynamic for the entire four years we ended up together. We had the most incredible memories together. I look back and I'm so grateful that I had those experiences and those opportunities to travel with him, to work with him and create memories together. But at the same time, it was just this constant fight that kept happening about whatever it was in the current moment.

It wasn't even about anything specific. We would just get heated about so many different things for absolutely no reason. And it was like, if I chose blue, he chose pink. If I chose black, he chose white. If I chose the movies, he wanted to stay home. If I chose, I wanted to go one place, he wanted to go somewhere else. It was kind of like that where the arguments weren't

incredibly significant, looking back. I don't even remember what we thought about half the time, but it was just the dynamic between us where we could never get on the same fucking page. And he would call out certain pieces of my character, that would boil my blood and make me so angry because I was always like, well, you did this and you did that. We would always just point fingers at each other if he called me out for something, then I would call him out for something. And we'd just go back and forth calling each other if he called me out for something and I would call him out for something

and we just go back and forth calling each other out for different things. And then at the end of the day we would go to bed and it would be so hard to go to sleep fighting. So we would end up making up starting fresh in the morning and forgetting that the fight ever happened. And then we would be on good terms again and everything would be fine. Looking back, yes, is it kind of toxic, does it sound kind of chaotic and crazy like a fucking emotional roller coaster? 100%. But at the same time, I do believe that those fights and everything that I went through with this person actually helped me look within to myself and heal parts of myself that I had never even thought about as issues

before. As I started to unpack more about my personality and who I was when I was with this person, it forced me to really look within at the problems that I had within myself and it just made me mature. As much as it sucked in the moment and as much as it felt so intense in the moment, once I got out of that relationship, I was able to really take the opportunity to just grow and heal and work on myself in a totally new way and see myself in a totally different way that I never have before. And looking back then to who I am now and just seeing the difference in who I am in my character and how much I've grown as a person and how I've faced so many of those insecurities that were pouring out in that relationship.

I'm very proud of myself and I'm also just grateful that I experienced what I had experienced with him. And now I'm sure he has his side of the relationship too and what he felt and how he experienced it and I'm sure that he has his perspective as well. So as much as this was my perspective, and I see us as twin flames, and I think we'll always have that love for each other from a distance, maybe he does not agree with any of what I'm saying right now.

I don't know if he'll listen to this ever, but I feel like no matter what, even though that relationship is now over, and we went through so much together, I actually feel like everything happened for a reason in the timing and the way that it did and we got what we needed out of the relationship and we both grew and changed so much individually. And I actually, by chance, bumped into him a little while ago while I was recording an episode for the podcast. He was outside of the studio.

We bumped into each other. It was super out of the blue and at the same time felt like that karmic interaction where it was like what are the odds of me seeing you right now as I'm recording a dating podcast and I'm talking about relationships. It was just really funny. So I ended up bumping into him. It still felt like that connection where you're never going to fully forget about that person and you're never, and you're never going to see them as a stranger.

With other people that I've dated, with other relationships and situations and hookups that like those people are strangers to me. If I saw them on the street I'd look at them and not even say hello honestly. But for him it was like bumping into an old friend and we caught up and it was nice and I said hi how are you? Whatever it was super friendly, super you know casual, but it just felt like that connection of friendship and just mutual respect for one another was still present and still there. And I think that's such a cool and beautiful thing to look back also.

On a twin flame experience and say, you know what, we clashed a lot. We weren't right for each other, but we took so much out of that relationship and we learned so much together. And now we can grow individually and work on ourselves and be the best versions of ourselves and we're both really grateful that we had that period of time together. And yes, was it hard when we initially separated and we weren't together anymore? Of course. I had a huge grieving period and I didn't realize how sad I was actually going to be until after we completely cut off contact. I think cutting off contact is such a hard thing to do when you've had someone in your

life for four years straight and it was definitely weird. It was a weird feeling not to speak to this person anymore. I feel like when you've had someone in your life for such a long time and you're so used to texting them and calling them and you've traveled all over the world with them, obviously it's gonna feel really fucking weird not to speak to them anymore and not have them as a part of your life. But the relationship was slowly dying, it kind of fizzled out and we had broken up and it was just like we were on two totally different paths and after COVID, that was really solidified. There was a grieving period that I didn't expect to happen, but that really happened. And I was not okay and I was really emotional and I felt really sad.

And I grieved that relationship for a very long time. I missed the experiences that we had together that were positive. And I was always thinking of the positive aspects of what we had gone through together versus all the negatives because there were a lot of negatives, but I was holding onto a lot of the positive memories, which is a good thing, and it's nice to look back and be appreciative and grateful for the good times. But I was killing myself because I was mentally thinking of everything good we had together and I was projecting it onto my new boyfriend who was an angel about everything and so understanding and he was there for me and supported me through everything and he had to listen to me talk about my ex-boyfriend

all the time. He understood and luckily he was so mature about it and so understanding about everything and he was such an amazing support system when I was going through all those things, but I do feel really guilty and bad in a way looking back because I was really not okay and I was really not over some of the things that I had went through and all the back and forth. Trauma that I had felt throughout the relationship that I never healed from, that I never processed correctly. So it was a very long healing and grieving process. So I wasn't like, oh, you know, like I'm done with my relationship. Let's party. It was really just like me having to unpack pieces of myself and face trauma and unresolved things that were buried within me for so long.

Now, here are some things that if you've experienced something like this, if you're going through a twin flame situation right now, here are some things that I found that helped me to separate myself from the relationship and move on in really healthy and productive ways. Obviously allowing yourself to feel emotions, allowing yourself to grieve and face your emotions and not run away from them is always the number one tip. I tell anyone going through a break up in general. I feel like when you address your emotions and you cry it out and you lay in bed for a week, sometimes that's exactly what you need. You shouldn't fight it. You shouldn't mask it with getting drunk every night if you really want to heal and do things the right way. Obviously healthy distractions such as calling a friend, going out, you know, socializing a little bit, I think also is super helpful, but I just

think dealing with the emotions heads on early on is actually really beneficial because you're allowing your body and you're allowing your soul to really process everything and grieve what needs to be grieved. And that's totally fine. And it's human and you shouldn't be afraid to cry and be sad and ask people for help. During my breakups and all of the things that I've been through, not even just this breakup, I've gone through the emotions and I've gone through, not even just this breakup. I've gone through the emotions

and I've gone through the emotional process and I've cried it out and I've let myself have that time. I think that's step number one, super important. Step number two, that a lot of people don't like hearing and I tell everyone, this is the way I deal with things. Take it with a grain of salt, if you don't like what I'm about to say, cutting off full contact.

No contact, going no contact is the number one thing I do with people that I cannot see or talk to anymore. If I go through a breakup, even if it was a guy that I was hooking up with and treated me badly and left me for someone else, which has happened to me before, I've blocked them. I've cut them off, deleted their number, deleted their contact from my phone. Yes, maybe it's a Capricorn thing. Maybe I'm too harsh. I don't know. I just feel like out of sight at a mind for me. It helps me. It just helps me clear my head, clear my path, focus my energy on something else, and just move on with my life in the best way I know how to Does it completely heal everything and make everything a hundred percent better? No, but it helps I know a lot of people who like the validation of making sure their ex is still checking their story checking their post

Keeping tabs on them. I get it. I've been there. I know what that validation feels like But if you're really actually trying to move on you need to just get their face and their Instagram handle out of your fucking eyesight. I just like, I swear by it, it does help, it sucks, it might hurt a little bit, but it helps. The other thing is to just do small things that make you feel good, do small things, like small tasks, small everyday hobbies or things that you enjoy to make you feel good, and to boost your self-esteem and to just make you feel a little bit more hopeful, whether it's going for a run, listening to a self-help podcast, writing in your journal, writing in your diary, all your thoughts, everything that you're going through, you know, going out to dinner with friends,

reading a book, anything that you could do to kind of just stimulate your brain and not necessarily dwell in the constant repetitive thoughts that you're not with this person anymore is always super helpful. And as I said, that might come a little later once you've grieved and once you've cried it all out, starting to do these small tasks, Starting to do these small tasks might come a little bit later, but they're also super helpful. And just be really patient with yourself. Be loving with yourself and who you are and understand that.

We all go through heartbreak. Heartbreak is a part of life. We're human. We attach ourselves to people that we love and care about. And when they're no longer part of our lives, you can fucking suck. It could feel like the world is ending and you've lost your person and you're never going to find anyone better. And I get that feeling and so many people feel that way when they go through a breakup. So just acknowledging that

that's normal and acknowledging that you're going through a normal experience and that in the moment, it's going to feel really painful painful, but long term I promise you, everything really happens for a reason and for your best interest, and what's meant to be will truly be. I always believe that, and I have, now that we have video I could show you, I have this tattoo. I mean, you can't really see it,

but it says, trust the process, and the reason I got this tattoo was because it's a representation of trusting the universe and trusting that God or whatever higher power that you believe in. You have to trust your individual journey and your path in this lifetime. And once you do, things feel lighter and easier because you're trusting that everything is really happening for your highest good. Because if you're a good person and you have a good heart and you have pure intentions, you know that you deserve peace and happiness and joy in your life. And if you really are a good person with a good heart,

that is what you deserve and that is what you will attract once you just trust. And the trusting is the hardest part and it's been the hardest part for me. Every time I go through a breakup, honestly, that's probably the hardest part is trusting's been the hardest part for me every time I go through a breakup. Honestly, that's probably the hardest part is trusting that it's supposed to happen because it's so fucking painful and you're like, how am I supposed to trust shit when I'm miserable? And it sucks and I get it and it's all part of the process. It really is and looking back, I understand why everything happened the way that it did. So if that could help anyone, if that could inspire anyone in any way, shape or form, I really hope it does, and I really hope you enjoy today's episode and you took something

from it. Obviously, there was a lot more of that story. I feel like I probably should dive into it a point. There were way more details than I think I left out, but I think the focus of the podcast and the reason I create these episodes is to give you just give you a little bit of what I've been through and what I've experienced

and then hopefully share it and you can apply it in your own way, in your own unique life that you live. I don't know what I'm saying anymore, but anyways, I hope you enjoyed that. I love you guys I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I hope that was helpful. I hope you took something out of it My phone keeps shutting off the camera because I have no storage on my phone So I need to go figure that out. I love you guys Thank you as always for listening. You're amazing. The support on the podcast is so incredible and I'm so grateful.

Thanks again. Have an amazing rest of your day and stay tuned for next Monday.