Date Yourself Instead - What to do when they act distant, pull away or breakup with you

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

If you are in a situation right now where you feel like someone is acting distant, avoidant, or they are breaking up with you...or have broken up with you...this episode is for you. <3 Ready to uplevel, detach and change your entire life? If you're ready to fully let go and step into your power and reclaim your life, my masterclass is meant for you. It's designed to rewire your mind in just 4 DAYS. See all of the testimonials at the link below. DOORS OPEN MAY 1, 2024. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH

If you are in a situation right now where you feel like someone's acting distant or avoidant or they're breaking up with you, or maybe they have broken up with you, this episode is for you. The worst feeling in the world is when you've invested so much emotional energy into a person. You really like them, you really care about them,

you've invested all your time into them, you're only texting them, your energy is directed towards them. And you think everything is going really well. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, they might pull back a little bit and you feel the energy shift. Suddenly they pull away and you're left feeling ultimately confused or anxious or heartbroken. Obviously, every situation is different.

If you're newly dating this person, it might not affect you as much as if you've been in a relationship with this person and they've pulled away. If you have an anxious attachment style though, your instant reaction, regardless of the situation, would be to put more energy towards them to try to hold onto the relationship. And you try to fight for the relationship

and you're grasping at straws trying to get this person to come back into your life. And if you're trying to fight for something, especially if it's early on and you don't really know this person that well, this episode is for you because it's a very common thing in this day and age to experience this dynamic of really getting to know someone, opening up to them, and then them ultimately disappearing.

This has happened to me several times recently, where I've been a bit vulnerable with someone, I've shared details of my past, I've shared details of my life, and then the dynamic shifts after a week or two, and you realize you don't really know someone until you know them, right? You can have amazing meaningful conversations with a person, but you don't really know them on a deep level enough to understand

if they're going to be a big part of your life or not, because it's still new. And then once you open up to them, once you get vulnerable, once you start to feel some sort of spark or connection, suddenly they just disappear off the face of the earth, and you're like, what the actual fuck? Why did I even open up to them in the first place? While I've been in Australia, I experienced this with a person that actually had sat me down and told me that they really don't like it when someone love bombs and then disappears

because they think it's extremely fucked bombs and then disappears because they think it's extremely fucked up and they think it's extremely disrespectful. And then within a week, that person did that exact thing to me. So I feel like when I was having this conversation with this person, getting vulnerable, sharing what we like and what we do like

and sharing our past experiences with dating and relationships and all that stuff, it opened up this space of safety. So I felt really safe and secure with this person in that brief moment of time. And then they suddenly disappeared, pulled away, changed the energy, the whole dynamic shifted. And I was left feeling really confused, but also anxious because suddenly I realized that I had just opened up to someone that I didn't really know that well and they had essentially been projecting

what they were about to do to me onto me. Anyways, needless to say, I reflected on the situation and I realized that today's episode is perfect for that situation. It is a reminder to myself essentially of what I do deserve, how to handle situations like this. And also, I wanted to talk about it because a lot of you have the same question of what do I do when someone pulls away? What do I do when someone goes near disappears or breaks up with me and leaves me feeling abandoned?

What are the steps I can take to heal and learn from this experience? Because I'm not doing too well, I am an anxious mess and I feel like I did something wrong, I feel rejected, I feel like I'm not good enough and I want to change that. This episode is going to cover literally everything you need to know about how to handle a situation like this and what to do and the steps you can take. I'm gonna start off by saying, for me, my instant reaction a couple of years ago would be to full blown panic.

If someone were to flip a switch and be this sweet, gentle, loving person towards me in the beginning and then pull away and pull the rug, I would go crazy. I would be so emotional, I would be so anxious, and I would have handled it way differently than I would handle it now. And I think the way I handled it now

was actually a reminder of how far I've come in my healing journey and how far I've grown as a person. So I'm gonna share with you what I did in that situation and also what you can do generally speaking in any situation similar to this. So in that current situation where I felt like this person had essentially switched personalities and the energy completely flipped, I was hurt for a moment in time. I remember I was just like, okay, this sucks because I feel like I could have trusted this person.

I feel like I painted them in a really positive light and I thought things were going in a positive direction and now I see it as the complete opposite. So what do I do? I took a step back and instead of chasing down that person's energy or asking what happened or asking all of these questions and blowing up their phone, I took a big step back and I started journaling about it. And I started writing down all of my biggest fears and all of the potential outcomes

of what could actually happen based on the situation. I questioned why I was so upset, what happened in the situation, what made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And I actually sat down with my thoughts and unpacked them. Instead of making it all about them, I focused it back inwards onto me and decided I need to go deeper to heal

because obviously it was triggering something in me that really bothered me for a couple of days. And then once I sat with it and reflected on it, I ended up sending them a message, briefly explaining how I felt in the situation. And I was super sat with it and reflected on it, I ended up sending them a message, briefly explaining how I felt in the situation. And I was super calm about it. I came from a place of groundedness. I wasn't coming from a place of fear or panic or anxiety. I wasn't coming from a place of anger. I finally had grounded myself enough to come from a place of peace just to express how I felt. Unfortunately, that person did not take that well

and ended up responding in anger, which then I knew my answer that the universe was protecting me from this person the entire time because I don't want someone in my life that can't have mature conversations and I don't want someone in my life that can't understand that I was trying to be vulnerable because if someone doesn't understand you on that level,

if someone's not willing to talk things out with you in a mature, calm way, and they lash out in anger, it's very telling if that relationship is going to be a healthy one or not. And I've dealt with people in my past who had anger issues, who would lash out at me at every opportunity they had. And I know that I don't want that energy being brought into my life ever again. So for me, it gave me closure, it gave me peace, and I sent them love,

and I wish them well, and I do wish the best for them. Now, this is going to tie into the main theme of today's episode because my whole approach to situations like this now is operating from a place of love and not fear or anger because it's so easy to hate on someone that isn't treating you the way you want to be treated. It's so easy to point fingers and say they ghosted me, they abandoned me, they rejected me, they're an asshole, they're a piece of shit. It's so easy to get caught in that narrative in your mind that you deserve to be so angry at them and you hate them and they're a bad person, right? And you could go and talk shit

about them to everyone you know. You could go to your friends, say, this guy's an asshole. You could go to your friends, say, this girl doesn't value me and I deserve better, whatever it is. But at the end of the day, the outcome is still going to be the same, whether you're angry or whether you're operating from a place of love and forgiveness. Because if that person doesn't want to be with you, if that person isn't interested in you, they're not interested in you regardless of how you're feeling, if you're reacting out of anger or not,

the end result is the same. So now when I approach situations like this, I operate from a place of forgiveness. I take time for myself before I warrant a reaction. I take time for myself before I will reply to a message. If I'm feeling uncomfortable or anxious, I'd rather send that message out of a place of calm, then instantly react and respond and have this heated, angry conversation that might end up going in circles. So by taking that time from that person who did a 180 on me and flipped energies essentially,

by taking a few days away from the situation and then calmly expressing my truth a few days later, it just gave me so much clarity. And I was able to see it more objectively. And by the time I had said that message and he replied something that wasn't very kind, to say the least, I realized that the universe had been protecting me the entire time and I was grateful that I had that experience and I was able to fully let it go and say,

you know what, I forgive this. I'm not mad. I'm not angry. You do you. I wish you the best and that's it. Now, my old advice on the podcast is still very applicable, but I think I was a little more harsh a year ago because I was still going through a lot of shit and still learning about myself and I think I've grown so much in the last year. I was more harsh in terms of how to approach situations like this when someone is not reciprocating their energy back, when they're pulling away, and when they're feeling like they're going to leave you. The last year version of me would say, you deserve better, you deserve someone who shows up for you, you deserve someone who meets you on your level.

And although all of those things are still true, I want to take this opportunity to talk about the approach that's been helping me so much get through situations like this now. And it's just such a different type of approach where you're coming from a place of groundedness because you're so confident in who you are and you know that you're such a good person with a good heart that the universe is always going to either be protecting you and guiding you towards the right people. That's basically it. I guess there's no other option because if you're so grounded and you're coming from a place of confidence

in who you are, you're just trusting in a higher power that everything is working for you and not against you. And I think it's so easy to get defensive and upset in situations like this. But when you come from a place of groundedness and you trust that what's happening you is for you and it's not a bad thing and it's actually divinely protecting you in some way, that's when life starts to get so much more peaceful because you understand that nothing is personal and everything is actually divine

protection. It can be so easy to freak out and assume the worst in someone, but what I want you to do in a situation, if you're currently going through a situation, a relationship right now where you feel like this person has pulled back a lot, where you feel like they're acting distant, is not to assume the worst. Because when we create assumptions in our head,

it can cause us to spiral and it could lead us down a really negative dark path and cycle. It could cause us to feel like this person doesn't like us, doesn't care about us, and they don't want to be with us anymore. So I always tell people, until you know all the facts and information, until you've collected all the data around the situation and this person, first of all, do not make any assumptions. Just because someone pulls away doesn't necessarily determine their feelings for you. It doesn't determine what's happening. Everyone has their own shit going on. There have been moments where I've had to pull back from people, whether

it's friends, romantic partners, because there was a weak period where I felt depressed, where I felt like overly stressed, I was overwhelmed with a lot of emotions. Certain things happen in people's lives that cause them to pull back. So one of the biggest pieces of advice and first steps I would say is to not make assumptions and do not go down a negative spiral in your head. And knowing what I know now, this concept of faith and trust is also understanding that energy is constantly shifting and changing and nothing is permanent. The same way this feels like a really hard week for you because this person hasn't replied to your messages or this person is telling you

they want to end things with you, the same way this is a bad period of time because you feel neglected and you feel unworthy, anything can change and the energy can switch again and become an amazing moment in time because energy is always constantly shifting and changing and nothing is permanent and when you realize that nothing is actually permanent Because everything is energy and energy is constantly changing it can put your mind at ease because you can change the circumstances of your life at any given point if you allow yourself to because your thoughts control your reality and I've made many episodes on this my whole course dare to detach is around this and

and I've made many episodes on this, my whole course, dare to detach is around this. And if we get caught in a negative spiral thinking the worst, oh, this person doesn't like me, this person lost interest in me, this person hates me, this person is cheating on me, whatever it is, it will cause you to go down an even further spiral in your mind that can prevent you from changing your current circumstances. So I always say, take a step back for a moment, don't assume the worst, and try to shift your mindset as much as you can to trust that everything is happening for a divine reason.

If this person really liked you once, they can like you again. If they really loved you once, they can love you again. It doesn't mean it's the right relationship, and I'm not encouraging you to hold out if a relationship is super toxic, but my point is anything is possible energetically in this physical world and if we step outside of the physical world and we realize that there's a plane above us that we can control through the power of our thoughts, everything starts

to open up for us as a new possibility and nothing is actually bad or good because anything can shift and change at any time. So even if you're going through a period of time where someone is ghosting you or someone is distant, you have the power to actually change that. And by changing your internal dialogue and how you perceive the situation, you're either going to heal that relationship

with that person or you're going to evolve and change and up-level and attract even better into your life. What you're seeing to evolve and change and uplevel and attract even better into your life. What you're seeing in the three dimension and what you're seeing in this physical reality can easily be changed based on the rewiring of your subconscious mind. And that's what my masterclass, Dare to Detach is centered around.

It's reprogramming your subconscious thought patterns in order to shift your reality and create a brand new timeline for yourself so you can uplevel and change your current circumstances so if you're not happy in a relationship people come to me and they're like I'm married and We're going through a lot of problems is your course designed for people who are in relationships and we want to heal them and I'm like, yes a hundred percent because Everything is internal and once you do the inner work to heal every relationship relationship around you will shift. So it doesn't matter if you're currently

committed, it doesn't matter if you're going through a breakup or significant loss or whatever it is. No matter the circumstance, just by doing the inner work and healing, it will shift your reality around you and it can only be positive if you're actually doing the work to heal, right? Doesn't necessarily mean you're going to end up with that specific person, but it's not going to harm you by doing the inner work and healing.

There's always going to be a benefit and a beneficial side to doing that. So regardless of the outcome, you will be healing in a way that's going to either propel you forward and have you meet someone that's really right for you, or you're going to heal the relationship you're currently in. So if someone's pulling away and acting distant towards you, it is easy to think of the worst case scenario and get caught

up in this idea that you're going to be alone and they don't care and you're neglected. But instead of doing that and taking that approach, I want you to tell yourself that I trust what's happening right now. I fully trust that what's meant to be will be and I will send this person love even though I'm hurt right now, even though I'm scared and I'm anxious. Because the dynamic seems to have switched, their feelings seem to have changed, I'm worried, I'm anxious. But you have to understand that that's just the temporary current situation.

And there is another reality out there where you can be happy with this person or you can be happy with someone else and everything will magically shift and change and your life isn't over. It's so easy to think of the worst case thought. It's so easy to allow your brain to go there. And the whole point of this episode is to encourage you

if you observe that thought and it's not benefiting you and it's making you feel really, really sad, just observe that thought objectively and say, okay, this is what I'm thinking right now. But if I allow myself to change this into something more positive, into something more hopeful, that is only going to benefit me. And that is only going to create better circumstances in my reality and how people show up for me. You can see two beautiful options ahead of you. There's one door that says this relationship will evolve and shift if I do the inner work to heal and ground myself and understand that everything's happening for a reason.

And there's another door, which is another option that says there is a better person out there for me that is going to show up for me exactly the way I need them to. And this is a blessing in disguise that this person is ghosting me or distancing themselves or leaving because there is a better person out there for me. So you have two beautiful options ahead of you that you can consider instead of this third door that's dark and there's a dark cloud over it where it's like, I'm going to die alone. Right. And a lot of people go there and when I did this survey on my Instagram once of like people's biggest fears, everyone on the podcast Instagram was writing about the fear of being alone forever. And it is a common fear. So that's okay, right? Because we're human and there's going to be fears and anxieties and worries that come up in life.

But the whole point is to try to redirect that and change that. So instead of constantly harping on this idea that you're never going to be happy with anyone or you're going to be abandoned, you could say, you know what, everything is happening for me. And if this person is not the right person for me, there's going to be a better option. I want you to take a minute and close your eyes and visualize you stepping into that person's body for a second.

So let's just say someone's distancing themselves from you. They're acting weird, cold, not responsive, and you're currently freaking out, okay? I want you to take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and visualize you stepping into that person's body for a second, okay? Now, I know this sounds a little bit witchy and crazy. You might be like, what the hell is this girl saying?

But I promise you, this is a powerful exercise that I like to do when I'm feeling really frustrated with a specific person and a relationship dynamic. When I'm having trouble seeing the other person's point of view and I start victimizing myself and being like, wow, they did this to me, they did that to me, they're not a good person to me. Essentially, it's so easy to go there, right? But what I want you to do for a second is actually envision yourself as that person. So this is an exercise where you're stepping into the person's body and looking at you as them,

okay? So you're coming from their perspective right now. Suddenly you are this person for a second and you're operating as them on this physical plane. And what I want you to do is talk as this person to yourself. So you're having a conversation as this person with yourself and you're envisioning what that person would say to you if they were having a really open, emotional, vulnerable conversation. What would that person say to you if they were allowed to be vulnerable with you? What would that person say to you in this situation? If they've pulled back, why did they pull back?

What's going through their mind? Are they operating from a place of fear because there's a lot going on in their lives and there's shit happening for them? What would they say to you as the reasoning behind why they're pulling away? When you do this exercise, what it does is it teaches you more compassion, even if you hate someone, like even if you feel like this person has bad intentions, even if you feel like this person has neglected you.

It teaches you more compassion and understanding that it has nothing to do with you. What they're doing has nothing to do with you. What they're doing has nothing to do with you and it's whatever's going on with them internally, okay? Because everyone's reality is so different and when you're stepping into their shoes for a second, you're realizing that they're coming from a totally different angle and seeing things from a totally different angle than you are. What this does is also just allows you to forgive them more because you're operating as them for a second. It sounds really trippy and I know, like some people might be uncomfortable with this exercise,

but for me, this has been so helpful in forgiveness and just understanding that nothing is fucking personal. What they're doing to you is not a reflection of your worth. What they're doing to you is not a reflection of like how amazing you are and what you deserve. It's just how they're operating and that's it. So practice this exercise and see what magic happens and see if anything shifts and see how you feel after. Because for me when I've done this with people who have really wronged me, who have really hurt me, it's made me see things from such a different angle and has allowed me to practice more forgiveness,

which in turn has healed so many relationships in my life. What it does is it helps you heal more than anyone else. It helps you heal when you learn how to accept and forgive the other person. So if right now that person is pulling back or if they've ended things with you and you're like really really really hurt Every time I've envisioned having a conversation from their angle. It's made me realize that I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing wrong and wrong, there's nothing wrong, and whatever's going on for them is their own perception of this reality and whatever decision they choose to make is out of my control and all

I can do is control how I feel about it and that's it. Everyone has their own unique world perspective based on their past. Everyone operates differently based on their past memories, experiences, the environment they grew up in and sometimes avoidant people in particular, they're operating out of a place of fear and panic and they'll just detach quicker from situations because that's how they were taught to deal with their emotions and that's how their brain is programmed. So when you have compassion for that instead of getting angry and resentful, it not only heals that relationship, but it also heals parts of you that you didn't know needed healing.

And I'm going to dive into a really good example of this that happened to me because it'll make a lot more sense. Also, if you've listened to the Send Them Love Anyways episode, that's a really good episode that ties into this episode because it's all about sending people love even if you feel like you've been completely wronged. I've built up so much resentment towards a situation

where someone had treated me really unfairly. I felt like they rejected me, but they also didn't really care about hurting me. And when you feel like someone doesn't care that they're hurting you, that's a whole nother level of hurt. Cause you're like, how do you not care that you're like destroying my heart? Like, how do you not care that you're like, destroying my heart?

Like, how do you not care? Or so it seems, right? You just feel like that person is like, doing their own thing, living their best life, and you're sitting there crying, being like, how did you abandon me? And you're going out with your friends as if it's another random Tuesday

while I'm sitting home depressed because I loved you, right? When I learned about the power of forgiveness and not only forgiving that person, but forgiving myself and forgiving all the past mistakes I've made, forgiving myself for putting up with certain things, forgiving myself for my past relationships, whatever it is, I realized that the only person I was doing a disservice to

was myself, but by not coming from a place of forgiveness. By holding onto anger towards that person, it was doing myself the disservice, because I was walking around with a tight chest, anxiety, stress, talking shit, telling my friends this person sucks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can go down that rabbit hole forever, right? You can live your life holding in anger forever but I promise you once you start incorporating forgiveness instead of anger and

love and forgiveness and acceptance instead of anger and frustration and hurt and pain Everything in your reality will shift and if you know when you operate from a place of love that your reality is going to shift and give you more abundance and peace and better people, it becomes motivation for you to change quicker, right? So for me, when I was going through my healing process and I started slowly healing and understanding the power of forgiveness,

and then I started seeing like magical things start to happen, like things started manifesting in my life, career opportunities started to open up. I just felt so different and I started seeing it in my reality and I was like wait a second I've been wallowing in pain for the last few months, I've been beating myself up for the last few months. Meanwhile there's a whole other reality out there if I just do the work and I heal and I come from a place of love the universe will reflect that back to me and my world will get so much better and I'll end up meeting better people

and having a better life. So why am I holding myself back? Like why am I holding on to all this pain if it's just, it's preventing me from living my best life? And I want you to really test this out because if you're currently going through a situation where you're in a lot of pain and you're not really doing anything about it and you're just harping on the past memories

and you're digging into the past and you're replaying the past, you're only going to get more of that. So what I want you to do is the exercise I just mentioned and also just reflect and try to see things from an angle of love and forgiveness and acceptance and understand that if it's not that person, if that person's abandoning you or leaving you, whatever it is, it will be someone better. When I was with my first boyfriend and we were going through a rough patch, he started going really, really cold on me and

he was acting so out of character. He ended up just completely pulling away and we ended up breaking up. He seemed as if he wanted nothing to do with me, didn't care about me anymore. And that was it. And I was devastated. I was absolutely crushed. This was my first love, first experience of a breakup.

I remember I was bedridden. I could not get myself out of bed for days. My best friend had to come over and sleep with me in my bed just to make sure that I was, like, still breathing, because I literally would not get up. And the first love heartbreak is always the worst because you've never experienced anything like it before. Like, you've never had that type of feeling before prior, and it's, like, this crushing, suffocating,

I-want-to-die feeling, feeling not even being dramatic and those of you who've experienced your first real heartbreak that feeling you don't wish it upon your worst enemy. So for the first few weeks I was deeply grieving and I didn't know anything about the power of my thoughts I didn't know that this concept of your thoughts control your reality I knew nothing I was very young but what I did know is that I had an inner voice calling to me and the inner voice was saying, love yourself enough to let him go and love yourself enough to send him love and treat this as a divine blessing. Like treat this as a blessing because obviously something wasn't right.

Obviously it's either he doesn't feel the way that you feel and you deserve more, Obviously, it's either he doesn't feel the way that you feel and you deserve more, or it's just a period of time where you need to grow and learn and evolve and understand that this is what heartbreak is, you're going to grow from it, you're going to evolve from it and it's just a chapter, it's just a temporary phase. So once I had picked up the pieces after a few weeks and I started to focus on myself again, I started to get my spark back, I started feeling really, really good and I started feeling empowered again and I started reminding myself of who I was before I met him and I was like, I lost that confidence. I lost that spark in me and now that it's back and I'm feeling good, like I know that

I deserve more, right? And then what happened, of course, because when you start to heal and you start to feel amazing again, of course they're going to feel it. And he did feel it and he reached out to me and suddenly the energy had completely shifted. You always hear about these stories. Oh, I moved on and then my ex came crawling back

and was begging and crying for me back. That's exactly what happened because I had healed and done what I could to feel amazing again. And everything is energy. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, energy is constantly shifting and changing, right? So once I stopped grieving and I actually picked myself up off the floor and I was like, listen, I deserve more. I deserve to be happy. I I know my worth I know my value and I love myself that's when he came crawling back and that's when he begged for me back and I was in a place of groundedness

and peace where I was like hmm I don't know I have to think about it and then we did end up getting back together but needless to say that relationship that relationship did not work out however it showed me for the first time the power of energy shifting and the power of how we can transform internally and that will be reflected in our external reality. So when you actually feel good, you're going to heal all the relationships in your life, heal the situations, anything you're going through in your life, and you're going to heal all the relationships in your life, heal the situations, anything you're going through in your life, and you're going to access new opportunities and better things for you the more you heal

and the more you love yourself. And it happens every fucking time. Anytime I've ever gone through something really painful and I was feeling like at a really low point in my life, anytime I bounced back and started to feel good, my whole reality did like a 180 and all these blessings and miracles started showing up. After months of grieving and like seeing the world as gray,

it feels like the world goes back to color once you actually heal and you feel good again. And that's what always happens. No matter what it is, I know when I start feeling good and I start thinking better thoughts, I start getting myself in this really positive mindset, I start doing my affirmations,

I start doing more healing work, I start taking care of my body, anything I can do to heal, my reality always, always, always changes for the better. Always. Now, if I had spent the next year crying my eyes out over him, begging him, chasing him down, trying to make shit work, and thinking the worst case scenarios, we never would have

reunited and gone back together. Because I would have been communicating to him and also to the energetic fields in the universe at play that I wasn't worthy. And when you believe internally that you're not worthy, people feel that, right? And that will be reflected back to you. So it took me having to truly believe I'm worthy again for us to get back together.

And this isn't to instill this delusional hope in you that you should go run back to your ex. Like, that's not the point that I want to make here because some relationships just aren't meant to work if they're super toxic. And I don't want to encourage you to start fixating on this toxic person if they were like abusive or they treated you really horribly. But my point is that anything can shift and change at any time and once you are aware

of that and you feel like you have more control over your life, things really start to improve and get better. Always. Instead of panicking if someone's acting distant or cold or not wanting to be with you anymore, instead of letting that debilitate you, I want it to fuel you to be better and heal and do more work to stand in your power

and be that confident, shining, amazing, glowing person that you were meant to be. And a lot of what I do now to heal, let's just say, I'm going through a situation where someone's pulling their energy back. I meditate more, I journal more, I do EFT tapping. You can listen to my episode with my friend, Hailey, Stop Attracting the Wrong People into Your Life. We talk a lot about EFT tapping on there,

and it's a really great episode. So if you haven't listened, I highly recommend. I also like to envision my higher self giving me guidance and talking to me about the situation from a neutral, more objective perspective, knowing that my higher self doesn't have that ego where you're like scared of being alone and scared of you're never going to find anyone else. So what I'll do is ask myself questions like, why is this affecting you this much? Is it your fear of abandonment? Or is it because you really believe you're gonna marry this person?

It could be both. There's no right or wrong answer, but just having conversations with yourself is so important. And taking a step back versus instantly reacting is so important. You begging someone for their love is actually a cry from your inner child saying you need to love yourself more. And that's something I realized through a lot of these types of experiences.

If you are begging someone to love you, it's really you begging to love yourself more. And that's it. That's really it. It's, that's the key to actually accessing self love is when you're in a situation like this and you feel so unloved. It's the perfect window of opportunity to really go within and say, how can I actually show up for myself more? Because all the love you're seeking outside of yourself is within you. You have that energy within you because love is energy and you are energy. So you have that within you, whether you realize it now or not. And you don't need it from this person that ghosted you. You don't need it from this person that disappeared. You don't need it from them because you have it within you. It's just harder to access right now because you're feeling sad. But I promise

you, you do not need to seek externally for it. I also love quantum jump meditations and you can find them in my masterclass, Stare to Detach. You guys have heard about it on the podcast and you've also heard about it from my Instagram, but my masterclass helps you trust that the universe and higher powers have a divine plan for you

and it is there to help you get on track with your healing journey. The class is centered around forgiveness, acceptance, and learning how to detach healthily and move on from things and people that are not aligned with the best version of you. We have an incredible, incredible community of over 3000 members now.

We have an amazing group chat. You could sign up, the link is in the show notes of the podcast, or you could go to my Instagram, Dare to Detach and find the link there. You could always use the podcast code self love for a discount would love to see you there. And I would love to have you our community. Honestly, I'm not just saying this, like the people who have joined the masterclass are all some of the most genuine, amazing, selfless, inspiring people that I've ever interacted

with. Everyone is supporting each other, helping each other in the group chat. And if you're especially going through a really rough period of time in your life, I highly recommend it solely just to connect with other people. And then you have this course that you have access to forever. It never expires. And it's a great way to start your healing process. The other thing I love is this idea of calm confidence, and it's something that I've been

repeating to myself lately. I actually want to tattoo this on my arm because I have all these little mantra tattoos. One of them is trust the process, the other is manifest your reality, and then I have a little airplane. I have one that says freedom that I got after a breakup. I have a little airplane. I have one that says freedom that I got after a breakup. And the next one I want, I think I want it to say calm confidence. It's such a simple message, but it's just this concept of trusting so deeply

that what's meant for you is always going to show up for you and having that sense of groundedness and confidence, knowing that everything is working out for you and remaining calm in any situation, regardless of how shitty it might feel. That is the key to being so fucking magnetic and attractive. I feel so attractive when I'm able to control my emotions and stand in my power and know that I deserve the world.

Like, when I know I deserve amazing things and I'm confident in that and calm in that, I feel like my most attractive. And I think it's such an attractive quality too. And you could tell when someone is really grounded in their energy and in their power. So that was just another thing that I was thinking about recently because when you see someone that's all over the place and acting out of anger

and like this guy that I mentioned in the beginning of the episode, just essentially yelling at me, like yelling at me because I was vulnerable and open and shared how I felt about something. It's the most unattractive quality in the world when someone's just yelling at you and not hearing you or speaking from a place of love. And I think when you learn how to operate

from a place of love and you're calm and you're confident in what you're saying, it not only translates better and you can have real conversations with people, but also it's just, it's so attractive when someone does that. And I want to work on myself to be more like that. And I might get this tattoo before I leave Australia. We'll see. But just knowing that there is a divine plan for you and trusting and genuinely understanding your power. It's just such a beautiful thing. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode.

Thank you so much as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and share it with a friend. It really helps the show grow. And also feel free to send me a DM on Instagram at Date Yourself Instead or on my personal account, Atlas. I love you. Thank you as always again for listening

and stay tuned for next Monday.