Date Yourself Instead - Why solo travel will change your life forever

Episode Date: June 30, 2024

Solo travel is such a life changing experience, and one of the most popular questions I get asked is, WHY do you travel alone and how? So, on today's episode, I wanted to dive into this topic of traveling on my own, what it means to me, the value in traveling independently and the lessons I've learned along the way. If you loved this episode, always feel free to message me on instagram @dateyourselfinstead and share it with a friend.

Solo travel changed my fucking life, and it will change yours too. And this episode is going to cover why solo travel, I think, is one of the most beneficial ways to change your life and up-level and transform as a human being. And for me, why traveling just in general has played such a huge role in my life

and why it means so much to me and why I post about it all the time. I've made a few episodes regarding my solo trips, my trip to Bali recently, my trip to Sydney, and a lot of people were messaging me on Instagram and saying, how do I start solo traveling? I'm so scared, I'm so anxious, I'm so nervous to be by myself in a different country.

I don't know anything. I don't know how to research good spots to go to. How do I find places to stay? How do I meet people? X, Y, Z. A lot of people have a lot of questions. So I thought I would make an episode covering all the details of how I got started solo traveling, how I'm able to find places to stay, the people I meet and the

experiences I've had, and how it's defined my life and shaped me and shaped my character and made me the woman that I am today. Solo travel to me is extremely meaningful because every time I come home from a trip I feel like a new person. I feel reborn. I feel revived in a totally different way. And I believe, 1000% without question, that airplanes are portals into different dimensions and realities. We could shift timelines in different countries

and we become different people in different places. I always tell people this. I feel like a different person with a different identity in each new place that I go when I'm solo traveling. When you go with friends to a different place, let's just say you book a trip with your friends to Mexico and you go on a girls trip or you go with family or people that you know in general, you're booking this group vacation. When you're with the same people from your hometown or when you're with the same people that you grew up with or you're familiar with and you're comfortable with,

I don't think it gives your brain the actual opportunity to jump and shift timelines because you're still in your comfort zone knowing that you have familiarity around you and you're bringing people that you know with you. Now, bear with me here and stay with me here if this is gonna make sense, because this is just my woo-woo spiritual perspective

on solo travel and how I see everything. The reason solo travel and being alone while traveling is different is because you are stripped naked of anything you really know and you're forced to be independent and you're forced to be on your own, and see things from a totally different perspective, and sit with your thoughts,

and actually experience things for the first time without someone next to you giving their insight, or giving their feedback, or asking you questions, because you have to ask yourself the questions. You have to discover things for yourself, and you have to force yourself to have new experiences on your own. And it could be terrifying.

It could be really scary. And it's something that I've had to learn to do as an acquired skill. Now, I get this question all the time. How are you not terrified to go on your own? How are you not scared to take a fucking trip by yourself across the world? Going to Sydney by myself or going to London by myself or going to Tulum by myself.

How are you not scared? And my answer is I am scared. I'm anxious. Of course I'm scared. I might come off confident from my Instagram posts smiling, holding a pina colada, but you didn't see the days before that where I was having a panic attack before I got on the airplane, right?

So not everything you see on social media is exactly what's really going on in real life, number one, but two, I'm human. Of course I get anxious and I get worried about traveling by myself because also I'm a woman, I'm a solo traveler, and you have to be extra protective and careful and responsible and self-aware.

And you really have to know what the fuck you're doing because otherwise you could put yourself in a situation that might not be ideal or safe. And safety is super important when you decide to book a solo trip. That's the first thing. I wanna just preface it by saying, yes, of course, it's normal to be anxious and worried and scared

and be like, what the fuck am I doing? It's such a common feeling to be nervous when you're going on a trip by yourself, because one, you start thinking, am I making the right decision? Who am I gonna hang out with? Who am I going to hang out with? Who am I going to talk to? What am I going to do when I get there?

Am I going to feel safe? These are all valid questions that will go through your head before you do it. The other thing is, it can be intimidating because for the first time, maybe if you've never done it before, you have to sit with yourself and you have to learn about yourself and it can get quiet and it can get isolating. If you're not putting yourself out there in the beginning,

I'll give you a great example. When I booked my trip to Sydney, Australia, I didn't know anyone there. I didn't have any game plan whatsoever. I was just going to show up and see whatever happens happens. The one thing that made me feel slightly comfortable and assimilate really quickly was one guy that I had matched with on a dating app.

It was just nice to have that. I would say it felt a little bit like a security blanket because we had been discussing meeting up. So I was like, at least I have some sort of connection there. But at the end of the day, he was a complete stranger. I didn't know him. I never met him in person. I just matched with him on Raya. So I was like, all right, this guy could be a fucking weirdo.

And at the end of the day, did I really know anyone there? Did I have any girlfriends there that I could call up if anything happened? Not really. There was one other person that lives in Sydney that I do know actually, my friend Gemma that hosts an amazing podcast. She's actually been on the podcast before. But I wasn't staying near her, number one. And two, I wasn't going to depend or rely on her because she has her own life, she has her own things. I didn't know her plan. We didn't really discuss anything.

So I'm like, okay, I'm going into this really trying to meet new people. I'm going into this with a fresh perspective where I'm gonna try to build a new life and try to put myself out there and be social and see whatever happens happens. With the world of social media, we have an advantage because it is easier to meet friends and connect with people through social media. There are Facebook groups that you could join if you go to a new place for solo travelers. I know there's one in Bali. I know there's one in Australia for Bondi Beach people which I joined.

I know there is Instagram groups. There's a lot of different groups and social media things that allow you to connect with people nowadays, which is amazing because 10 years ago, that wasn't possible. Ten years ago, by the way, I also did a solo trip to Australia

and I had no social media at the time. So it was really going in with no plan. That was way more terrifying. But now with the world of social media, you can use it to your advantage because there are things like Facebook groups where you could join and connect with people. And there is Instagram and TikTok

and means of connecting digitally, which is really cool. So that's one piece of advice I have if you are going to a new place is using social media to your advantage to connect with people if you look up groups that you could join to connect with others. And the other thing is, going into it with an abundant mindset, trusting that the universe has your fucking back. You're going on a solo trip to heal.

You're going on a solo trip to better yourself, to grow, to transform as a person, and you're going to come out of this trip feeling like a better new version of you. So go into it with a positive mindset and trust that you are going to find people to hang out with. You are going to attract new friends, new opportunities and new experiences.

Because if you're going into a trip feeling like, oh, I'm not gonna meet anyone, that's impossible. Or I'm never gonna find a new group of friends because I'm too shy. You're conditioning your brain to attract more of that. So I would say the number two tips I have is, yes, using social media to your benefit, going into it with a positive mindset,

and also this concept of truly trusting, just trusting that you're going to this place for a reason. There is a purpose. there is a higher spiritual purpose that is sending you to Paris or to Bali or to Thailand or wherever you decide to end up, there is some sort of higher calling that has told you to go there. Now, I know for a fact that the universe

is always guiding us to where we need to be. We are being guided exactly where we're supposed to be. And every country and city resonates differently with people. So for me, for example, I'm actually not the biggest fan of Paris. I've only been there once, but I didn't have the most grand experience

the way some people talk about Paris. They're like, it's the most romantic, beautiful city in the world. I'm like, for some people, yes, but for me personally, it was sketchy. And I love, honestly, I would love to go back to Paris, but I just don't think I planned it properly last time. So anyways, point being energy resonates differently in different places for everyone. And your energy might mix with a certain city

in a different way that someone else's might. So really tap into your higher self and think about where you want to go and what resonates and calls you. Where have you always wanted to go? If you're listening to your inner voice, is there a specific place that you've always wanted to go? Because that's a message, that's a sign.

And what I like to do is use the internet. There's this website called AstroClick Travel. And I made an account and I would look on the map where my astrology lines ran through in different cities. It's called Astro-cartography. And it's basically these lines, according to your birth chart, that will tell you where your energy is in different places or how your energy will respond to different cities

and countries. And actually, my moon line, which is where you feel most at home, and it's like the feminine energy in your birth chart runs through New York. So my home or where I feel that security blanket is always New York. And I always end up back in New York somehow, so it makes sense. But London goes through my Venus line, which is all about romance, relationships, and beauty.

And I truly feel my most beautiful and confident whenever I'm in London. My Venus line and my Moon lines also run through Bali, and I was just in Bali, and I felt so beautiful and confident and happy in Bali. And I truly believe astrocartography is real. Now, you could choose to believe that it's a load of bullshit, but for me, I'm super into astrology.

If you know me and my podcast, you know that I love talking about astrology. I just find it fascinating and I think it really has proven itself also because I've had the opposite experience where I've had these negative Pluto lines or Saturn lines run through certain areas. And whenever I visited those places, I felt like total garbage. I was like, I don't really like this place.

Paris has all Pluto lines for me. And it does have some positive aspects as well. But Paris for me has a lot of Pluto. And Pluto is like a dark energy. And it's a lot of transformative energy. And it's not necessarily bad. But it's just not this happy, exciting, beauty Venus type of energy. And it's not necessarily bad, but it's just not this happy, exciting, beauty Venus type of energy. So when I was in Paris, I literally thought I was going to

get robbed the whole time. And I just felt so anxious the whole time. And looking at my astro cartography there, I was like, that kind of hits like, that kind of resonates. Anyways, you might think I'm an actual nut job, but this is just what I do. This is how I plan my trips. This is how I find what speaks to me in the places that call to me. I knew going into my last trip to Australia that my Jupiter line ran through Sydney and Jupiter is all about abundance, expansion and freedom.

And I was like, fuck yes, let's do it. So that's partly why I booked it. And the other reason why I booked it is because I had studied abroad in Australia when I was like, fuck yes, let's do it. So that's partly why I booked it. And the other reason why I booked it is because I had studied abroad in Australia when I was 19 and Australia is a portal for me. As I said, planes are portals that take you to different timelines, that take you to different dimensions, and I truly believe that. I also want to credit my friend Isabel,

who introduced me to Kundalini in Bali, which is this transformative spiritual work. And I'm definitely going to talk about it more soon. I'm still in the process of it and in the process of working with the energy and just healing through Kundalini. And it's these activations that basically align your chakras and clear so many things out of your body and clear negative energy out of your life anyways, I want to credit her on the planes are portal thing because she said it to me and it just

resonated with me so deeply because I was like, yes, yes, planes are portals. And we were having this discussion about how when you get on a plane and go to a different place, you're shifting timelines and realities. And whenever I go to a different place, you're shifting timelines and realities. And whenever I go to Australia, I shift timelines and I transform immensely, and especially in my romantic relationships. The last time I was in Australia, I ended my eight-year relationship with my first boyfriend and it was never the same after that.

I remember things just changed so drastically and so quickly. And then I met someone else while I was there and I had a boyfriend and he was a significant part of my life and a significant chapter of my life in Australia. So when I booked Sydney recently and I was going by myself, I was like, I'm going in a portal to change my life. Something crazy is gonna happen. Something very transformative is bound to happen

in my relationships. I don't know what, but something's gonna go down. And I just knew, my soul knew to go there. It was like this innate calling where I was like, I need to go to Sydney. I need to go to Sydney. And also I had multiple signs just pointing me in the direction of Australia.

Things just kept coming up repeatedly where it was like Sydney, Sydney to Sydney. And also I had multiple signs just pointing me in the direction of Australia. Things just kept coming up repeatedly where it was like, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I went, people were talking about Sydney all of a sudden. I was like, I'm going. This is my sign. I was nervous. I was definitely in this mode of what am I doing? Am I an idiot? As I was getting on the plane, I'm like having a panic attack, which always happens to me when I solo travel. And I'm like questioning my entire decision-making process. I'm like, am I doing the right thing right now? Where am I going? Who am I gonna talk to?

I'm an idiot. So this time being in Sydney, it was so dramatically life-changing I cannot even begin to tell you. And this will be an entirely different story and Sagan episode, but I was dating someone for a very long time on and off. And it was a relationship that was always someone that came back, always someone that kept making

an appearance in my life. Even when I was dating other guys, even when I was single for the last two years, because I've technically been single for the last two years. I would like date other people and see other people, but there was this one person that I couldn't fucking shake, and I claimed him to be the love of my life. And some shit went down while I was in Sydney that transformed everything.

It felt like someone had burned down the house of every single romantic relationship I've ever had. It felt like I was starting a brand new relationship cycle. And I did. It wasn't just a feeling, I did. I came out of that trip feeling the most confident and most empowered that I've ever felt in my life. I'm a different woman after being there and then after being in Bali as well, because I went to Bali right after Sydney. I did a lot of healing there. I did some Kundalini, which I'll discuss more at a later time. And I feel like an entirely different woman. And if I hadn't done those trips by myself, I would have not had the same experience.

I would have not met the people I had met, which I met amazing women. I met so many incredible people while I was in Bondi. And I plan on going back there because I feel like I built so many good friendships and I miss it so much talking about this right now. I'm like literally tearing up because it was one of my favorite places I've ever been and Just by Trusting and having faith in the universe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be I kept telling myself that I am Exactly where I'm supposed to be it made traveling solo so much easier

now the other thing I want to mention is You do have to be responsible and put your safety first always I'm not going to encourage anyone to just book a flight right here and now and Wing it and not have any sort of game plan. I always do my research before Booking any sort of trip. I'll go on Instagram and look at places. I've messaged people before that I've seen tag certain places and be like, is this a good hotel to stay at? I'm going as a solo traveler. You have to do your research. Also, I told you about the Facebook groups, connecting with people that have already been

to these places, friends, maybe you've seen a friend has gone to this place, a family member has visited before, do your fucking research, be responsible, and also trust yourself. If you feel like you get a weird vibe about staying in a sketchy Airbnb by yourself, don't do that. Don't risk anything. I always go with what feels comfortable

and what feels aligned for me. If I'm questioning going to a place, I'm not going to go there. But I do a lot of research beforehand, so I just want to, you know, have a disclaimer with this episode because I don't want to promote someone booking a trip if they feel unsafe or they feel like they're going to a place that might not be the best for solo travels. Be responsible, ask people, do your research, okay? Because you wanna feel safe as you're traveling alone. And I know we have phones, I know we have ways of communicating with people

and getting in contact with people in case there was any sort of emergencies, but just be responsible with it. And also, always make sure you're telling people that you're going somewhere, okay? Don't keep it this mysterious secret, like, oh, I'm gonna be a mystery. I'm gonna be this mysterious girl

and book this cool solo trip. No, tell people that you're going somewhere and make sure that people close to you know that you are going somewhere. And just being responsible. I just want to reiterate that because there have been moments where I've been solo traveling and I didn't feel like a hundred percent safe,

a hundred percent of the time. And I'm totally fine and everything ended up being fine and nothing ever happened to me. But I will say you have to be on guard and aware and you have to feel aware. Like you have to be very aware and be aware of your surroundings. For example, don't be wearing your headphones out at night

in a city you've never lived in before at three o'clock in the morning. Or don't get wasted and be roaming the streets of Europe at two in the morning by yourself, or don't go home with people that you've met at a bar the same night. You just have to know what to do for yourself

and what's going to make you feel safe and comfortable. A huge factor in this for me too is that I don't drink alcohol really. And if I do drink alcohol, it's minimal. I'll have a drink or two, but I'm not big on getting fucked up, going crazy, partying. So when I'm solo traveling,

I'm not going off the rails, getting wasted, and going home with strangers and roaming the streets of Europe by myself, okay? Which, if you want to do that, go ahead, but I wouldn't feel safe doing that. When it comes to solo traveling, if I was with a group of girls who were all together and we were all, we all had each other in a big group, maybe that would be a totally different story. But I know for me, if I'm alone, I'm not going to be doing really crazy, erratic things that could get me into trouble. I'm very responsible.

I remain sober most days, especially when I was just in Sydney. If I went out, I had a beer maybe and I would just chill, and I had very low-key nights, and most of my nights I was chilling and having sober fun. And it was actually so healing and so therapeutic to not focus on partying or alcohol or any of that, because I was focusing on just waking up every day,

going to the beach, going for walks, having my coffee and I felt so good. I was in such a good routine. But you just have to be smart is the bottom line. That's the point I'm trying to make. Be smart with your time and what you're doing when you are traveling by yourself. The other thing is don't be afraid to put yourself out there

and introduce yourself to people if you feel like connecting with other people while you're traveling. For example, when I was just in Bali, there were so many people around me all the time. And even though I was a little bit nervous and I was really out of my comfort zone,

I had approached people several times, and all women, by the way, just to make friends and just to spark conversation. And I ended up meeting so many cool people through that. And once you meet one person, it only takes one person to introduce you to someone else who'll introduce you to someone else. And then it's a domino effect. When you're solo traveling, other people are also solo traveling.

Other people are also there in the same boat as you. So if you meet someone that's also solo traveling and then they know people and they've met people, you could end up being introduced into a group of friends and then building community and friendships off of that. And then you're never alone. And then you feel like, oh my God, I met a cool group of people tonight. I was invited to this.

I was invited to that all because of one single connection. So the other thing I do want to touch back on is this planes are portals concept because it's so fucking cool to me. When you get to a new city or country, you do shift dimensions. When you're alone, your brain shifts dimensions. I truly believe this. It is a portal into a new reality for you

and an opportunity for you to have a different perspective on life, to change a little bit about yourself, and to come out you to have a different perspective on life, to change a little bit about yourself, and to come out of that trip feeling different in a good way. You can shift your consciousness based on shifting your environment. So I'll give you an example of the proof of this because this is like actually a story that just popped into my head, which is so crazy. So when I was in London a couple of years back, I got broken up with and I was,

this is the same guy I was on and off with, looking back, it was so ridiculous, but he basically was like, I need to take time for myself. I need to focus on myself, blah, blah, blah, giving me the whole rundown, oh, I need time for myself speech, which I was like rolling my eyes at this point. So I'm like, okay, dude, you go take that time. He's like, I need a few months to heal.

I'm like, you go take that time to heal. I'm not waiting around for you anymore, but I was really upset. And I remember I was in my London hotel room, having a mental breakdown, hysterically crying. I'm like, this is the worst feeling ever. I'm in a different country by myself getting broken up with over FaceTime. Cool, good for me.

I decided to book a flight home immediately. I was like, I do not wanna be here anymore. As soon as I got on that plane, I stopped crying. My body started relaxing and I started going into savage mode where I was like like literally thinking of all the ways I could just get my shit together and be like, I'm not tolerating someone's bullshit like this. I'm going home, I'm getting my life in order.

And that whole plane ride from London to New York was a fucking portal. I can tell you right now, it was a portal shifting me into a new reality and version of myself. So I get back to New York, I go to this worker then in Montauk, and I'm in Montauk meeting new people, surrounding myself with this totally new environment

and experience, it was like from one extreme to the other, I suddenly started to gain my confidence back. And I was like, I'm not crying over people anymore. That's not what I'm doing. I'm detaching, I I was like, I'm not crying over people anymore. That's not what I'm doing. I'm detaching, I'm letting go. I'm setting myself free from this because I deserve better. Keep in mind, this person had said to me, I need a few months to work on myself.

Three days in, he starts calling me. Three days, not three months. He said, oh, I need. Three days. Not three months. He said, Oh, I need a couple months. Three fucking days. And you know why? Because I had shifted realities and went from being in one timeline in London where I was depressed and unhappy and sad and clinging to a relationship that was toxic, went into the airplane portal and came out a different person. Landed in New York and was like X games mode, savage mode.

No one's going to fuck with my energy here. I'm back, I'm stronger than ever, I'm more confident than I've ever been and I'm not going to let someone to dictate my emotions like this or make me feel like shit about myself. And I truly believe if I had stayed in London, I would have still been stuck in that cycle of feeling sad and lonely and depressed,

but I chose to leave. And when I started getting calls from this person, I was literally laughing because I was like, I had detached so much in such a short window of time and everything is energy. Everything is fucking energy and they always feel it. They always feel it and they always come back when you're detached and you don't give a shit anymore.

And that's exactly what happened. And I attribute it to the airplane portal. This has also happened with other things in my life. You don't have to necessarily get on a plane, but I've noticed that every time I'm not home and I'm in a new environment, just so many different things start happening that wouldn't have happened if I had stayed at home. I'll give you a local example because not a lot of people can just get up and travel all the time if you have other commitments, family, job, whatever.

The other day, I was sitting in my apartment crying. I was really sad. I had a really rough day and it just felt very isolating. I was like, I don't know what my life has come to. I started getting in my head about shit, started replaying past memories of a relationship that I was in that was very traumatic. And it sent me into a spiral. And then I started reading this book,

which I'll talk about soon because this book is the holy grail of self-help. And I was reading it and I suddenly started snapping myself out of it. I was like, nope, we're not getting sad anymore. We're getting out of my head. I know how to get myself out of my head. This is my job. This is what I preach. I need to listen to my own fucking advice. Let me get myself out of my head. This is my job. This is my, this is what I preach. I need to listen to my own fucking advice.

Let me get myself out of this funk. I snap myself out of it. I get dressed. I put on makeup. I was like in sweats crying. Take a shower, get myself all ready and done. Put on a cute outfit and I go outside. I take a walk.

I kid you not. The entire world shifted. My energy you not, the entire world shifted. My energy shifted and then the entire world shifted around me. Suddenly I went from being sad to feeling light to feeling like the world was open to new possibilities. I sat down outside of my apartment. This guy comes up to me, he's like,

hey, would love your number, you seem really cool. I know your podcast. I was like, oh, great. And in that moment, it was so obvious to me that everything is fucking energy. If I had just dwelled in my thoughts and stayed stuck in my apartment for the rest of the night, I never would have met that person. I never would have jumped out of my comfort zone. And I don't know who that person could be in my life.

It could be insignificant or whatever it is. It could be insignificant or it could be my husband. Who the fuck knows? But the point is you close yourself off to opportunities if you close off your energy fields and when you open your energy fields and you realize that everything is in the power of your mind and your thoughts and everything really is just energy shifting, the world opens up in such a new way and to so many different possibilities.

And that all ties into solo travel because whenever I solo travel, it opens up new timelines, it opens up a new portal, and it changes your fucking life. And I just tell everyone, if you have an opportunity to do it even once in your life, jump out of your comfort zone. If you need any tips, you could always DM me and you could always use social media to your advantage. There's so many ways to connect with amazing people who are also in the same city, doing the same thing as

you, solo traveling, trying to find themselves. And don't go to the most random place in the fucking world that I don't know where you would go that would be super dangerous and sketchy, but don't go somewhere where you know you're not going to be able to talk to anyone or see anyone. Don't completely isolate yourself the first time you're solo traveling. Go somewhere where you know other solo travelers go. Example would be Bali. It's packed with solo travelers. An example would be Bondi Beach, packed with solo travelers. London, tons of solo travelers. New York, a lot of solo travelers. Go to a place where there are people, okay? Because obviously you don't want to completely isolate yourself and feel like you have no one to interact with. Unless

you're okay with that and unless you're comfortable with this idea of seeing no one or really not speaking to anyone and that's what you're looking for, by all unless you're comfortable with this idea of seeing no one or really not speaking to anyone and that's what you're looking for, by all means do it. But for me personally, I know my solo trips are defined by my experiences meeting new people, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and creating new memories with the relationships that I'm in.

When I meet new people in different cities, it just, it's so insane to me how it can bring out different parts of your personality, how it can make you see things from a different perspective, how it can just change the course of your life in such a beautiful way. And I could confidently say my most recent trip in Sydney and Bali, if I hadn't gone,

I don't know what I would have done. Just going through the relationship stuff I was going through, going through the pain I was in, dealing with certain things in my life. That trip just healed my fucking soul. And it was like a calling that I knew since last year that I needed to go. So I hope that was inspiring So I hope that was inspiring.

I hope that was helpful. If you guys have any other questions around solo traveling, you could always send me a message on Instagram, atlas or on the podcast account at dateyourselfinstead. If this inspired you to take a trip, let me know in my DMs, I would love or in the comments on Spotify, let me know if you decide to take that solo trip this year or next year. I love you. Thank you as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead.

If you haven't already, also be sure to check out my masterclass, Dare to Detach. Doors open until the end of June and then I'm closing it down for the rest of the summer. I would love to see you there. And remember, you could always use the code selflove for a discount. Also, if you do love Date Yourself instead, it would mean the world to me if you shared it with a friend, shared it on your story. I see all of you on my Instagram interacting with the podcast account

and it means the world to me. It gets me so excited and I love putting out episodes for you guys. I appreciate you, I value you. I love you and stay tuned for next Monday.