D&D is For Nerds - Buried Beneath #15 Guaranteed Kill
Episode Date: May 9, 2017In which our heroes try very valiantly to not die to the same creature that killed Lillip. Shane bandages a chicken to prevent its slow death, Anton doesn’t want to be the last one left aliveand Squ...im feels like chicken tonight.Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadShanks: twitter.com/timtimfedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to episode 15 of Buried Beneath, a D&Ders for Nerds adventure.
I'm Jackson Bailey, I'll be playing the part of Anton de Saussure.
I'm Michael Shanks, I'll be playing the part of Squim Norton.
I'm Joel Zammett, I'll be playing the part of Shane Knoll.
And today, I'm Adam, your Dungeon Master.
Welcome to...
Previously.
Previously. You got- Previously. Previously.
You got the shakes.
Dang.
I don't check.
Clever.
I smell Lilith's hair to fortify myself.
At what point am I unplayable?
Like, what has my strength, my dex modifier got to be before-
Two rooms ago.
None of us are medical doctors.
Not in this room.
Let me live up my last moments in peace.
The mirror reflects the room that you guys
see before you. The objects in this room
look remarkably
fine. There's very little
decay here. This
revolting, stooped
humanoid appears to be composed
of dark grey ash.
So you doing alright? Time for you to become a sand
vein man. Contract a plague so that others get the plague off you. When you doing alright? Time for you to become a sand vein man.
Contract a plague so that others get the plague off you.
When you open the door, you hear click
and you're like, uh...
Spears from just above you
jut downwards.
Die hard 3 this. Let's all go watch Die Hard 3.
And with a cracking sound,
you appear inside the water tank.
When you try to swim out, you hit a solid surface.
Oh, fuck. You do it. swim out, you hit a solid surface. Oh, fuck.
You do it.
Okay, that happens.
You can surface.
The invisible barrier is gone.
If I'd been in this position, you'd be pretty dead by now.
The pedestal splits in two,
and a little cog piece comes out of the pedestal.
On the other side of the doorway,
the giant scorpion creature barrels heedlessly towards everyone.
The creature charges towards you, Shane.
And so the door isn't big enough for it.
So instead of slamming into you, it just slams its head into the roof.
What a dickhead.
And then we go to initiative.
Fucking dickhead.
And it is bonk.
That one's called bonk.
You are stunned for one round.
So its next turn is just going to be...
As the birds fly around its head.
Did it take damage on the Bonk?
It did not take damage,
but stunned means that it's effectively dead to the world for one round.
Cool.
You can't attack it.
That sucks.
I can't at all?
Yeah, because it's flat-footed to you.
All right. It's your turn, Anton. I can't at all? Yeah, because it's flat-footed to you. All right.
It's your turn, Anton.
I'll use my rooster to chill touch.
All right.
Your rooster barrels in.
Got him good.
Rooster.
Oh, no.
Rooster fumble.
Oh, no. No! Rooster fumble.
Oh, no!
Why?
Why?
Will I ever win?
Hell.
So, Shane, you're the only one who really can see this.
The rooster pecks at the Creature
Bumps its head into the creature
You see what some specialists in the field of magic
Refer to as a backfire
Oh no
The rooster squawks
And then slowly starts bleeding out of its nose
Rather than
Nose?
Beak holes
Whatever those nose holes are called
i guess it's bleeding from the beak so nose bleed take one point of bleed damage every round oh fuck
your chicken is going to bleed out one hit point until someone makes a successful heel check on it
and i'm i mean i'm guessing neither of you guys are gonna stop your fight i can't fight the
flat-footed so so I was gonna.
Ah, cheers.
True.
Another point, just to quickly make, is that you are very unlucky, Jason.
Mm-hmm.
Why is that?
In general.
In general, all right.
Like, does that need qualification?
Isn't that just the case?
Yeah, is that just not what's been happening?
Then it is...
Shane's time.
You went so quietly.
I can't attack.
Yep, you can try to heal check a chicken.
All right, foe.
Chicken looks like it's in a bad way.
This isn't fair, so I'm just going to look at my chicken.
You wrap some bandages around the chicken and staunch the bleeding.
Your chicken has taken one point of damage, but it's fine.
It'll stop bleeding out of the head.
Thank God.
Good boy, chick.
Boy? Yeah, boy. I was looking It'll stop breathing out of the head. Thank God. Good boy, chick. Boy?
Yeah, boy.
I was looking forward to a slow death for your chicken.
I'm just glad.
I thought it was going to die outright.
I'm fucking stoked, mate.
Then it is...
Scrimstone.
Okay, I run in just enough so I'm not...
So I'm in front of everybody else.
They're kind of next to each other.
Okay.
Wait, you're not that guy.
You're this guy.
Yeah.
But yeah, they're kind of next to it still, though.
So can I kind of run around to its side then?
Yeah, actually you can.
It's stunned, so it's not really paying attention.
So yeah, you could duck around through it.
Where do you want to be in this room?
I'll sort of be on the side because I'm going to angle and attack that I don't want to hit my friends.
Are you walking up the wall as in?
Oh, yeah, because I've still got spider walk on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, cool.
I'm just nice and close to it so I can fucking look it in the eye
and I say, say hi to your fucking family.
And I wand of burning hands it so it can burn in hell with its fucking kids.
That's the best way to kill a scorpion, with your fire.
That's our go-to move.
And it works.
Why are you shaking it?
You deal 13 points of damage to the creature.
13 points of damage!
Doesn't have babies to kill this time.
Yeah, you bathe it in fire and...
How's all those?
Lows. It doesn't catch fire.
But you bathe it in fire,
dealing 13 points, which is a pretty
respectable amount, considering it's...
Oh.
There's another monster on the same page as it,
and I quickly looked to the hit points,
and I looked at the wrong hit points,
and I'm like, 230!
What have I thrown at them?
That's something else entirely.
You deal a respectable amount of damage, considering...
Cool, and I turn back and I say,
Anyone for roast?
Check.
That happens.
Fuck, I hate this group sometimes.
It's turn, it spends its turn just like, ah.
Oh, boy.
My scorpion brain.
Anton?
Yes?
You're Anton.
What are you
doing, Jack? What's going through your brain?
What can... I mean,
I can move 30 feet. I'm here.
Yeah? You're way
back in the beginning room.
You charge down the corridor
towards your friends.
I'm with my... I've got an empathic link
with my rooster, yeah?
Yes.
I just feel like come back.
You can impress that?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, that's all I do.
What's your rooster's speed?
Can you quickly look for me?
It is.
I can't find it.
Where is it going to be?
You know what?
It's fine.
It gets to you.
If it runs, that's fine.
Oh, its speed is 30 feet.
Oh, well, yeah, then it's fine.
Cool. Yep, your rooster, then it's fine. Cool.
Yep, your rooster is back next to you.
Thank goodness.
And that puts it at shame.
Can I attack now?
I like that the whole deal of a knight is just sort of like,
yeah, you're limited.
You're limited in when you can hit someone.
I understand like a knight, if it's like, look, if it's, you know,
we're fighting brigands.
Yeah.
Like, I'll put my shield and not attack.
But this is a creature of no intelligence.
I've already been burning.
And it's kind of like, or like a wolf, like, no, wolf.
We will fight like honor.
It's a wolf, you dumb knight.
It started by charging us to try and attack us.
And then it just kind of bonked its head.
I feel like...
Chicken tonight.
Like...
I feel like...
I feel like you made a fairly good argument for this.
So while I would not normally allow you to attack at this point,
I think it's okay.
All right.
Then I'll try and...
Swipe its brains.
Swipe its brains out.
Cut off a leg.
Make him fall over. It's not even that like it's
chitin is too thick you swing and you actually miss it entirely man which you think wouldn't
be possible for something that big but you manage it you manage what is shield bash by the way
shield bash is you bring up your shield and you slam your shield into the person. It means that you lose the shield, the armor class bonus that the shield gives you,
but kind of gives you an extra attack.
Okay.
Can I shield bash it as well?
You need to declare that before you do your regular attack.
Oh, so it's like a...
You take penalties on both attacks when you do that.
Okay.
Actually, pretty big penalties.
I would recommend shield bash as a last resort.
Okay, gotcha.
Never mind.
Unless you have special feats that allow you to do it.
Or you're Captain America.
Yeah. Did I ever tell you about that
epic level game? Yeah, yeah.
I was playing this epic level
running this high level game
I should say. And a bunch of the
characters were like, hey, can we do these sort of
weird things? It's a little dumb or whatever, but
can we do them? I'm like, yeah, sure, whatever whatever and as we're making characters i'm like you guys just the
avengers inadvertently they made the avengers inadvertently when i heard that story it was on
purpose at at first it was inadvertently but then they were like let's yeah because i let one guy
one guy was like i want to use a shield as a weapon and i'm like here i have all these shield
things and then after a little bit we're're like, are you just Captain America?
And another guy was just like,
are you just the Hulk?
I'm a ranger.
All right.
It was really the Avengers.
It was more just superheroes in general.
And then I started giving them bonuses to encourage them to be superheroes.
That's the best.
It was funny, yeah.
Good.
Anywho.
Yes.
I miss completely and be like,
it's fine.
Hey, mate mate that's like
Hey alright
Fair enough
You're probably pretty intimidated
By the thing that just
Slammed up into a wall
Like
No I can attack
No it goes against my code
No
No I can't
At the last second
You divert your sword
Thinking better of
Breaking your code
It's just rude
It's like he was waiting
For it to give you a paper cut
Yeah
So then you can retaliate
Scrim it's your turn.
So you can, like, move and attack in a turn.
Yeah.
But I can't attack and then move, can I?
No, you can.
You can do it either way you want.
Oh, cool.
So you have a standard action and you have a movement action.
Standard action you can do a lot of things with, though most people attack with it.
And then movement is obviously a movement action.
Some people would use their standard action to move twice. so you can move an extra distance or a bunch of different
things but sometimes the downside of like attacking and then running is that because you disengage you
get attacked that's fifth ed really yeah what's the downside of just going then going what do you
mean you're like stab run well then you do yeah get an attack of op that's attacks of op are
complicated and difficult and
I should not worry about them?
Don't you worry about blank, let me worry
about blank.
Well then, because I'm pretty
close to it right now. You want to move a little bit
up the wall? Well, I kind of want to
here's my pitch.
I want to point blank shot it with an
Eldrick Blast and then scurry
up the wall to safety
Yeah you could do that
Alright cool
Let's roll them bones
Roll them bones
Roll them craps in a back alley
You blast it squarely in it's back
The creature rears backwards
Like you know if you punch someone in the spine
They're like ah
What the heck
Fucking coward Coward's punch you do six points of
damage respectable stop the coward's
punch stop the coward's average pretty
respectable then it is it's time and i
do i do i scarry out the wall oh yes
yeah yeah you get way up you're
basically on the roof now out of its
reach i blow it a raspberry a poo poo to you s its reach. I blow it a raspberry. A poo-poo to you,
Santa Peach Man. You blow it a raspberry.
It doesn't seem to notice
or get the significance of blowing
a raspberry for you. I'm hoping that my child-like
play will remind him of the fact that his kids have
burnt to death.
Having neither a tongue nor lips,
it does not understand the concept of
blowing a raspberry.
I have no tongue and i must blow raspberry
field block no i've used to clear it's fine it's fine it's fine okay so anyway it gets three attacks
and it only has one enemy standing next to it so oh oh no once i was looking at the other thing
i'm like eight attacks what am i? What have I thrown you up against?
Oh, it gets four attacks, though.
So it's worse than I originally thought.
But better than it could be.
Okay, so it scoops you up with its claws.
Of course it does.
A heart chomped.
Dead.
Guess what?
I'm going to go the way of Lillip.
See you soon.
Again, I don't want to be the last one alive.
Look, good news, bad news.
Bad news always.
Bad news first.
It grabs you, picks you up and...
Ah, blue.
Green.
Is that black again?
Yeah.
Oh, were you the black?
It looks blue to me.
I just assumed it was the green one because green is closer to blue than the black is.
Hang on, hang on.
Hold them up again.
I'm going to go check from Zamet's
position.
I think I was holding them. Yeah, it could sort of
be a navy, I see.
See? Like, it kind of looks like navy.
Not really. Fuck you.
Okay, so the bad news is, it picks you up
and is
very, very, very
similarly to how our good friend Lillip.
Oh, boy.
You are now taking damage.
That knocked Lillip straight out.
Knocked her out like a fucking light, mate.
So.
Yes.
Six.
Yes.
Twelve.
Yes.
Thirteen.
Yes.
Twenty-three damage.
Of healing. Of healing. Twenty-three damage of healing. Yes. 13. Yes. 23 damage. Of healing.
Of healing.
23 damage of healing.
You were on 48, so now you're on 25.
48?
Didn't we heal?
Oh, no, I got bit.
Yeah, I healed you.
Yeah, you got bit by the sand ghoul, which we're going to have to fight.
Well, I might not.
And the good news is it gets three more attacks, none of which hit you.
Oh, hey.
Yeah, there you go you. Oh, hey. Yeah.
There you go.
Lucky you, Doc.
The bad news is now every round, like how Earthen Grasp grabs the creatures, you must break out and then hope that it doesn't just grab you again on its next turn.
Earthen Grass it.
Earthen Grass.
Should I Earthen Grass it?
Yeah.
But then it's just kind of clamping.
It's still clamping
grappling grappling
is complicated at the
best of times now
we're talking open
its pincer earth and
grass a fractal grapple
that's what that is
you got to grab a
mouse Anton I don't
know really what's
happening down there
but I am so sick that
I just cuddle my
rooster all right you
have a little time.
Shane?
Tell me anything I do is not going to negatively impact the group.
I was going to say you could maybe try chill touch.
All right.
I'll chill touch the rooster and send it running back.
That's the only thing I can think of that you can do.
Yeah, fair.
That's your turn.
On the next turn, the rooster will chill touch.
On the next turn, you'll kill your rooster.
Can I? Can I?
Oh.
Can you?
I thought you were saying everyone.
Oh, it is your turn, though.
Can I do anything but struggle free?
What weapons do you have?
Do you have a dagger?
I've got a bow.
Do you have the glass dagger?
No.
No, you can't use your bastard sword in close combat like this.
Can I try and struggle free?
You can, indeed.
Give it your best.
Matey, per take.
Mate, this isn't on.
I didn't attack you.
You picked me up. See what your
fucking nobility can do. I will let you pick
any of the colours of dice for you. Purple.
Clear purple.
Clear purple.
Samet's fucking giddy with the choice.
Which colour would you like the enemy to be?
Purple.
Also purple.
Which color would you like it to be?
Purple.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were joking.
No, you did want it to be purple.
Man, it'd be crazy to want two purples.
Purple be purple.
Dang.
Oh, dear.
You try to break free, but the creature, it's a giant pincer.
Come on, what are you going to do?
Yeah, no fair. You it's a giant pincer. Come on, what are you going to do? Yeah, not fair.
You're just smacking the shit.
You put an arm on either side and try with all your might to push it open,
but it just doesn't.
No, it's fine.
Squim.
Fractal grappling or fire and eldritch blast?
Fractal grappling.
Or darkness or something else?
I'm just worried about the fire because it's going to burn you.
Do whatever you want, mate.
I'm a healthy boy.
I'm on a full hit points of how much, Adam?
Half hit points.
I'm on half hit points, which is like 20-something odd.
25 total now.
Yeah, go nuts.
Cook him.
Cook the goose, mate.
Okay, I'm going to cook.
No.
No.
I'm going to cook.
I'm going to cook., I'll cook. No, no. I'm going to cook. I'm going to cook.
I'm going to cook.
Yeah.
Cook the goose?
Yeah, I'll cook the goose.
Ding, ding. But I aim towards kind of the rear of it,
so I'm more cooking the goose caboose,
so that I'm a little further away from Zammett.
I sort of want him to tell a liar with his pants on fire.
Oh, goodness.
No, the thing swings
around as you do that, and
you're not sure if it means to or not, but it
basically puts Shane
right in the fight.
Like it's protecting its face with the pincer
he's in. Literally, it
got a 20 and he got a 1.
Oh, no.
He takes the damage, kind of meant for it.
It takes some damage, but...
That's funny.
Yeah.
Like a cooked Shane.
A cooked Shane.
Cooked Sir Shane the Knight.
Ah, Sir Shane, you were noble, but...
Ten damage to Shane.
Five damage to it.
It's fine.
I'm a healthy boy.
I mean, like, you know, like, we talk about how much danger you're in,
but I've actually been on less this whole game, so... It's fine, I'm a healthy boy. I mean, like, you know, like, we talk about how much danger you're in, but I've actually been on less
this whole game, so. Exactly. It's fine.
I say, if we encounter
a scorpion friend again, let's
keep our distance.
Yeah. Because the moment one of us gets got, it's pretty
much lights out. And I think we should
all sort of acknowledge that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can acknowledge
that. This is the only thing to
successfully kill a member of our party. Dead corpse. Two, two, two. Potentially. Potentially, yeah. Well, you can acknowledge that. This is the only thing to successfully kill a member of our party.
Over my dead corpse.
Two.
Two, two, potentially.
Potentially, yeah.
Potentially.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, then it is its time.
Oh, shit.
All right, yes.
Now, now.
That whole chest nut.
He gets a free 10 damage on you.
Shame.
Shouldn't have done that fire attack
Sorry about that
5
5 hit points
There are two enemies that it can hit
Okay
You and the chicken
No
Now
I don't mean to be alarmist
But I am going to guarantee a kill in this round.
If it hits us.
If it hits us.
It might hit.
It might miss.
It might.
It might miss.
Like a chicken's got good AC.
Yeah.
Fucking chicken's AC is crazy.
Now, I don't want anyone to think that I am showing favoritism one way or the other in
any specific way.
So, I'm going to roll an eight-sided dice.
Okay.
On a one, two, three, four, it will attack Shane.
Okay.
On a five, six, seven, eight, it attacks your rooster.
It gets four attacks.
Four attacks.
Six, it attacks the rooster.
Okay.
Four, it attacks Shane.
Eight, it attacks the rooster. The rooster? Okay. Four, it attacks Shane. Eight, it attacks the rooster.
My rooster's dead.
Four, it attacks Shane.
So two each.
All right.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
So its first attack was...
Who was it hitting with the first one?
Rooster.
So it goes Romeo, Shane, Romeo, Shane.
What's your rooster's armor class?
16.
16?
It misses.
Its first attack misses. Fuck. Sneaky little Shane. Shane, What's your rooster's armor class? 16. 16? It misses. Its first attack misses.
Fuck.
Sneaky little Shane.
Shane, what's your armor class?
I mean, sneaky 21.
It misses, Shane.
Hey.
All right.
We might be fucking golden.
What did you say the rooster again?
16.
16?
It misses the rooster.
Romeo.
Finally. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn't. Romeo. Finally.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I didn't.
I'm sorry.
There was an Adam back guarantee.
I'd like my money back, please.
Okay, never mind.
Oh, no.
It misses.
Hey.
You fuck.
Holy shit.
Never mind.
Never just that.
It's like a first. It's a weird first for D&D for someone to just be like
You fuck
I mean, yeah, from hell's heart
I stab at the
Yeah, it misses completely
Dickhead
I thought that was the end of this one
I resume my raspberry blow
I'm actually just mid-raspberry I'm honest to god very surprised Dickhead. I thought that was the end of this one. I resume my raspberry blow.
I'm actually just mid-raspberry.
I'm honest to God, very surprised.
I thought maybe I was expecting me to be the first to die.
Yeah.
Or about a party.
I always assumed Jack.
But hey, it could be you.
Fun, fun, fun. Have you ever died in a game?
I don't think.
In Colors you died.
That's right.
Anywho, that puts it at That's right. That's right.
Anywho.
That puts it at Anton's turn.
Your chicken attacks.
Run back.
Hey, got him.
Gets him.
What was it?
Chill touch?
Yeah.
What's chill touch again?
D6 plus strength?
It is, yes.
1 D6 damage plus negative 1 strength.
It takes 4 regular damage and then negative 1 to its strength.
Yeah.
Come back!
As the
cold energy
in your attack leeches
its heat out. Come back, Rooster!
There you go.
It clucks and
turns around, making its way
back to you.
Shane!
Same dice as last time?
Strigger. You break out. way back to you. Shane! Same dice as last time? Yeah.
You break out.
Lucky duck!
Falling to the ground where you were originally,
you are now free of its grasp.
I shout, run!
Use a rage attack!
It is your turn to break out.
Yeah, I was like, can I run?
Mm-mm.
No, no, you said.
You said that like a wise old no-cha.
No-cha.
Ain't your time.
Ain't your time to leave.
I see.
I see.
All right.
Yes.
I'll lie down and contemplate life.
Gadz.
If you lie on the ground, it gets a bonus to hit you.
I thought you...
Oh, then I'm not on the ground.
I thought you said to plonk on the ground.
Yeah, you can just get up.
Oh, I can get up.
Then I'm up.
I'm up.
I'm up.
You're fine.
You're fine.
You're fine.
Scrim.
And I don't mean to stress you out, Scrim,
but there are no enemies that it can hit except one person.
And how long is his armor going to hold up?
Full defensive.
So you might want to find however you can to deal as much damage as possible.
Okay.
Do you have those feats?
Or is that Jack?
Which?
Like sudden.
Empower your.
Oh, yeah.
No, shit.
That's me.
Oh, God. I've only your... Oh, yeah, no, shit, that's me.
Oh.
I forgot.
I've only got point blank shot.
No, no, Jack's... Can I check for what these things actually do?
So, point blank shot, what does that...
If you're within 30 feet of your enemy,
you get plus one to hit and plus one on damage.
Okay, plus one to hit means it's an accuracy thing?
Yeah, yeah, it's just when someone's closer to you,
you're better at hitting and better at causing damage. Okay, and the burning hands thing? Yeah, yeah. It's just when someone's closer to you, you're better at hitting, better at causing damage.
Okay.
And the burning hands thing.
Yeah.
So my Eldritch Blast is 2D something.
Yeah, 2D6.
The burning hands is 5D4.
5D4.
So that's out of 20 as opposed to out of 12.
Yeah, yeah.
But the problem is with the burning hands, they get a roll, and if they make the roll, they take half damage.
So it's easier for them to get out of taking damage with the burning hands.
But it has a higher base damage and a higher max damage.
Fucking meth.
Alright, I am...
Welcome to D&D, unfortunately.
I run down so I'm on the floor so I can divert its attention
if you do that it'll get an attack of opportunity
because you're passing through an area that it threatens
it's like flailing its fucking limbs
around and it gets a free attack
no guarantees on a hit
I just
wand of burning hands
so I'm still on the roof
still cowardly
well it fails its save so max damage
Hey
If I roll any damage
We don't have a healer huh
No
You deal
12, 14
17 points of damage
Nice
It collapses
You have killed it
I'm
ready to reveal another
letter of my name, guys. I actually
have it written down, so I'm excited. What do we got?
I'm gonna, well, I'm actually changing
my name also changes quite a lot.
I'm not gonna tell you what it originally was. The S used
to stand for something. That's a secret. Then it
stood for sad when Lilip died, and now
I want it to stand for scorpion
killer. Is that also an acronym? It's also an acronym. Okay, I'm gonna, so to stand for Scorpion Killer. Is that also an acronym?
It's also an acronym.
Wow, that's an acronym.
Okay, hang on, I've got to get a new page.
Oh no, sorry, I meant to say that I'm spelling
killer with the Q. So it's
Scorpion Killer.
It's just Q-I-L-L-E-R.
It's an elven thing, don't worry about it.
How do you spell killer with a Q?
Q-I-L-L-E-R.
Killer.
So that's the first two letters.
You are a confusing and in-depth man.
Okay, hang on.
You've forgotten the U.
Oh, fuck, I have.
Jackson's father.
So I'm Scorpion Killer blank blank Mr. Hands.
That's my full name.
So far. So far.
They're all acronyms of themselves.
I'm amazed I didn't kill anyone.
S is scorpion.
I'm honestly amazed.
S is scorpion.
S is scorpion.
Q is killer.
Killer.
Alright.
Alright.
Look around the room for a cog.
And loot the corpse?
Yeah.
You find some equipment in its nest
but you don't find the cog.
I'll roll the equipment for you now.
Scorpion Quiller UI, Mr. Hands.
All right.
User interface.
That's not official.
That's just a fan theory.
So, in its little nest thing.
Oh, not a lot.
One day we'll find a magic item that heals us all.
I just would like to not be useless.
That'd be good.
I'd appreciate it.
Maybe like a potion of, you know, repicking your spells.
Yeah.
100 gold pieces?
In two levels I can repick my spells.
Oh, yeah, 100 gold.
In two levels.
Oh, champions.
And then we just have a big long neck in this room for three days while I heal.
Yes.
I have 69 gold pieces.
And a necklace.
A necklace of fix my shitness.
Scrim, you know what this is.
It's a necklace of fireballs type three.
So a specific subset of the larger item, necklace
fireballs.
May I? And can anybody
take it? I'm assuming it's
you cast fireballs out of it?
This device appears to be nothing but beads
on a string, sometimes with the ends
tied together to form a necklace.
It does not count as an item worn
around the neck, so you can put it around
your neck if you want, but it doesn't take up any neck slot that you might have.
If a character holds it, however, all can see the strand as it really is, a golden chain from which hangs a number of golden spheres.
The spheres are detachable by the wearer, and only the wearer, who can easily hurl one of them up to 70 feet.
When a sphere arrives at the end of its trajectory,
it detonates as a fireball spell.
A fireball is a very powerful ball of fire spell,
like your burning hand, but larger area and a lot more damage.
Hey, cool.
Spheres come in different strengths,
ranging from those that deal 2d6 damage to those that deal 10.
So a type three...
Is a lot, I'm assuming. Yeah i'm assuming yeah oh okay oh there's
uh wow talk about maths hang on i gotta do a couple rolls to determine what type of type 3
it is jesus christ dnd they say this game's been there
i was gonna say like actually might be better for you to grab it. Oh, yeah.
But then you're on five.
I don't know who's... And you're pretty useless at the moment.
You can do with a great...
There's no magical, like, expertise.
I've already got fiery stuff.
There's no magical expertise required to use this thing.
You just pick a bead and throw it.
Oh, yeah.
Can I use it again first as well?
Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.
One of you two, I've got enough.
I feel like with my D&D Parkinson's, it's probably best.
And like if you're a deck, it's like, ah, into your mouth.
Seven beads in total.
The largest bead in the dead center will do the most damage,
a 7d6 for those of you playing at home.
The two on either side of it deal the next amount, 5d6.
And then the two on either side again deal 3d6.
We could just call it like one powerful, two medium, four minor.
I'll have a small, medium, and large.
Small, medium, and large.
Venti Grande.
And I don't know what the largest one is.
Does anyone here?
Montevideo.
I've seen like a series of images on the internet.
Well, I think it's Paul Rudd
Sure
Is talking with this chick at a Starbucks
And she's like
Venti Grande blah blah blah
And Paul Rudd's like no that's not how languages work
You've been dumb in three languages
What movie is that from?
I have seen it
I think it's This is 40
I think it's This is 40
Is this a puzzle? Is someone drowning? I've never seen it. Yes. I think it's This Is 40. This Is 40? I think it's This Is 40. All right. All right.
Is this a puzzle?
I'm just actually curious.
Is someone drowning?
Is it that one or is that the one where he's like the...
Fuck.
Look after a kid and dresses up.
Oh, which is called Role Models.
Yeah, Role Models.
No, it's not from Role Models.
I think it's This Is 40.
Yeah.
The one where he runs like a rock and roll gig.
I have not seen it.
Is This Is 40 a spininoff from Knocked Up.
Knocked Up.
Yeah.
That's weird.
Yeah, same universe.
It's the Knocked Up cinematic universe.
Yeah.
Peace.
So just to reiterate, this room has been completely destroyed.
This creature, in order to make its nest,
has taken whatever puzzle was once in this room
and broken it apart to form its nest.
So we can't find the cog in its nest?
No.
Can we find the cog pieces?
You can't find the cog in any way, shape, or form.
You don't know where the cog is.
Do we know what the puzzle might have been?
Is there any way to be like...
Is there like a...
Say like, oh, clearly it was like a meat puzzle
and the cog was in the meat, so clearly he ate it.
Yeah, in which case can I go through its intestines and find a cog?
Who doesn't love meat puzzles?
Adam, why have you never run us a meat dungeon?
There seems to be a lot of remnants of precious metals here.
Nothing that's worth harvesting, but something about metals was the puzzle.
Any bite marks?
You find chew marks on a lot of the metal.
All right, let's cut it open.
Yeah.
You cut it open and sure enough,
in its stomach is lodged the cog.
Hey!
Just imagine Link, like, his arms covered in gore
so when he faces it up.
All right, we did it.
We've got two cogs.
Let's place it on the thing.
Place it on the thing.
I'm asleep.
Where do you want to have your little sleep?
In the nest room.
In the nest room?
Alright. I'm assuming everyone's going in
for this, right? Yeah, let's have a little nap.
Yeah. I'm like,
I only made my cheek up at it.
That's not what it was.
Parts of me probably hang on by singular. I just, I only made my chicken fatties. They're not worth it. Parts of me probably hang on by sinew.
I need like a couple days.
How am I feeling sickness-wise, Adam?
Sickness-wise?
Well, let's find out at the end of this day.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
That could be good noises. Could be good. I wouldn't put money on Okay. That could be good noises.
Could be good, I wouldn't put money on it, but could be good.
Okay then.
I've got a hundred hit points now.
Correct?
Okay.
So, a day passes, neither of you feel worse.
Well, I mean, I thought you were healed.
No, no, no.
No, no, don't be foolish.
Only bloody squim.
I'm all good?
Yeah, no, you fought it off a little bit.
Yay!
You now have the unnatural immunity because you have the antibodies in your system.
Not that anyone here knows the concept of antibodies.
Not at all.
Miasma.
It's everywhere.
Miasma, yes.
Gloom would not be getting near us.
Oh, yeah.
Gloom does not want to touch any of you.
Yeah.
Hang on.
Wait, let me arrange the room for him.
What a shame, because I love to touch me some gloom.
He's got such a good pallid skin.
Gloom's like at the other end, maybe with a small dagger.
He didn't sleep at all last night.
Because he was afraid.
Because maybe you made a joke, like, but I love hugging Gloom. And so he didn't sleep at all last night. Because he was afraid. Because maybe you made a joke like,
but I love Hug and Gloom.
And so he didn't sleep last night.
In case one of us snuggled up and coughed in his ear.
And coughed in his ear.
I actually think that I threateningly made eye contact with him
and said, I'm going to suck that dick.
Like as aggressively as I could.
That's intimidating for an entirely different reason.
Gloom would just be so shocked.
At some point during the night, you hear Gloom mutter,
don't want to contract.
Not through my dick.
Not through my dick.
My dick of all places.
Anton.
Oui?
I'm not feeling great.
You were in the back.
You know those gloves You went to
Can I wear them
Yes
For a bit
Until at least one of us
Is better
Your dexterity will become 11
That's fine
I give them over to you
Like
Cause he's not really
Gonna be doing anything
No
Everything I do
Will be through my chicken now
So
Yeah that's not gonna
Everything I do
Will be through my chicken now
If you have a question
You ask my chicken What a line What a great line Just in general Everything I do Will be through my chicken now. Ever question you ask my chicken.
What a great line.
Just in general.
Everything I do will be through my chicken.
Imagine it as like the boss of a Fortune 500 company.
Have you got the gloves of Dex?
Your Dex value will actually be higher than when you started.
You're welcome. Enjoy.
It won't matter much, but they will be.
I'm killing you in a minute.
Yeah, gee whiz, that's ominous.
What does that mean? I have this little marker here
From when I made your strength 5
I had to rub it out just now and it was probably the saddest thing
I've ever had to do
But don't worry folks
I'll be lowering his stats again soon
And how much?
Find out next time on Buried Beneath
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