D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #17 Trap, Trapers and Drow

Episode Date: December 31, 2016

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes finally have something go the way they wanted it to. We consider setting up traps for our enemies, consider setting up an ambush for our enemies and consider trying ...to keep a Drow alive. Cassius is freaking out about Mr Fists, Zillie has to say it to think it and Edrik thinks that Daniel is just a risk to him. So join us as we ask a weasel go on a suicide mission. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sandspans Radio, replace your innards with worms, then we'll see who's laughing. her time on D&D is for Nerds as well as the other shows. That conversation is available for our $5 plus Patreons as well as a heap of other content including the complete series of Husperma Pride. So if you just can't wait to hear how this campaign ends, head on over to patreon.com slash sanspantsradio and give what you can. Every little bit helps us chug along and do a bunch of cool stuff and the first a thousand Patreons will gain exclusive access to D&D is for Dad. When we hit that number, Jackson will be sitting down with his father and younger brother to play their very own imagination adventure, helmed by our amazing DM Adam. Links to that and more in the show notes.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Now, Happy New Year, and enjoy the show. Welcome to episode 17 of Hus Firma Pride, a D&D is for nerds adventure. Previously. I'd like to pat you on the shoulder every now and again. Like every time. Yeah. Oh, yes. Goodwill hunting me.
Starting point is 00:01:16 That's what we're making fun of each other for. Jackson's just looked at me with this show. Where did you get eight from? What is going on? Daniel is just staying in town. Like, he says, I got to practice. He's just destroying it. Daniel looks like he's just determined to chop the dummy in half.
Starting point is 00:01:32 Well, fuck this. After 15 minutes, I give up. Let's go. 15 minutes. You didn't give it very much. None of this shit happening. You're safe. You're secure.
Starting point is 00:01:41 You're safe and secure. There are trees. There are forests. Cassius is the slowest. I've become a black bear. I don't know if this figure is evil yet. That's why we're going to make him tired. You asked me to do this.
Starting point is 00:01:55 No, I said prime. As you're almost there, the figure reappears and draws a bow. I would like to now send Little Wesley off. I'm going to take his scarf off. What does he say? As you wish. I'd like to ask for a win. There you go.
Starting point is 00:02:11 You want that? That's what you wanted? You've cleared out the planned meeting place for the drow. What would you like to do? If I was a cleverer man, I'd say let's set some traps up here because we're assuming that the drow would be coming this way. But I don't know how to do that in the slightest. You can know that that might be a good
Starting point is 00:02:28 idea. You don't necessarily know how to do it. How long do my magic traps last? I don't know. What's the spell? Snare, I think. I'm Cassius again. What time is it? It's like early day. It's super early in the day because you guys
Starting point is 00:02:43 got up, you spent 15 minutes trying to reach out to Daniel and it's a 5 minute walk here so what time would you guys have gotten up? Crack it on It's probably super early then I'd say before like 11 I'm a voice that we should maybe put some traps around here
Starting point is 00:03:01 I could create snares magically How long do they last for? Until triggered or broken maybe put some traps around here? I could create snares magically. How long do they last for? Let's find out. Until triggered or broken. This spell enables you to make a snare that functions as a magic trap. The snare can be made from any supple vine,
Starting point is 00:03:14 a thong, or a rope. When you cast snare upon the cord-like object, upon it, the cord-like object blends with its surroundings. Search check required. One end of the snare is tied in a loop that contracts around one or more of the limbs of any creature stepping inside the circle. If a strong and supple tree is nearby, the snare can be fastened to it. The spell causes the tree to bend and then straighten when the loop is triggered.
Starting point is 00:03:41 There are no trees. Yeah, so, like, you know, it'll fling it. But we have rope. If no such tree is available, the cord-like object tightens around the creature, dealing no damage but causing it to be entangled. The snare is magical. To escape, you must make an escape artist check
Starting point is 00:03:56 or a strength check that is a full round action. And then the snare is 7 AC, 5 hit points. A successful escape from the snare breaks the loop. All right. Okay. Do you know if the snare's seven AC, five hit points. A successful escape from the snare breaks the loop and ends the spell. All right. Okay. Do you know if the snare's gone off at all? Would I know? You have no way of knowing.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Well, we could camp here tonight. No. Zilly. Yeah? Do you have any sort of, like, magical alarm, if anyone trips it up, that we can be alert? Alarm is a spell. Check your spells.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Arcane Mark? Arcane Mark doesn't help, no. There's an actual spell called Alarm. I'm not sure if you have it. I can't remember. Probably not. Go on. Is it highlighted? No. You don't have it then. Can we see town
Starting point is 00:04:40 from here? Yeah. It's actually got a pretty commanding field of the area. View of the area. All we could do is go back to town and see if anyone else can make some cursory traps. Trap the fuck out of this place. Maybe camp somewhere near here. Oh, you'd know like the trappers who aren't
Starting point is 00:04:55 right now or like the ones that aren't dead. Yeah. Like definitely have like snares and traps that they are not using. So we can definitely trap this area out. Let's take this drow back to camp and any sort of... Eat him? Silly, what the fuck? Jesus.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Everyone's hungry. I don't want to eat it, but is that not a thing? Silly, it's a... I mean, it's still a person. It's a... Like, I don't know, maybe people think you're weird, but they're pretty mad at drow right now. Like... I just wasn't... I was thinking when the Drow army come,
Starting point is 00:05:30 they don't see their dead people. Oh, yeah. The fuck are you? I'm very tired. You all right, silly? You going to be okay? So, Cassius. Yeah. I'm going to stay quiet for a bit.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Just cast charm person. No. The fuck? No, it's fine. Yeah, let's eat that trap. Let's just maybe trap this. We could either trap this area out or we could camp here, but the problem is if we're sleeping or they could see,
Starting point is 00:05:57 can they see us if we're up top? Try an exceedingly good night vision. Better than dwarves even. They might be able to see us first and then we're away from everything. We camp in between and put Wesley on watch. He could wake up zilly. And we camp on the other side of the ridge. You'd have to deal with pretty severe cold as well.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Temperature drops well into the negative degrees. So I think what we should do is snare the fuck out of this place, do your magical stuff, have some trap strand here. That way any sort of army come, they're going to have a hassle. We might be able to at least hear or see some sort of commotion if they're unaware. They might think that we're already here. They're going to get them off guard and maybe give us a bit
Starting point is 00:06:40 of an early warning. I don't know. Hey, it's something. It's something. All right, so we'll take Let's jump on back to town. Take the drow back to town. Find the trappers. Make sure we trap this shit out.
Starting point is 00:06:49 There's a lot of cheering when you get back to town with the corpse. All right. They're like, yeah. Us firm of pride. Fuck yeah. Us firm of pride. They want to nail it to one of the buildings. Do I want that?
Starting point is 00:06:59 Yes. Let's go. They do it. They nail it to one of the... Like, try to prominently display it. Good. Cool. Good. I'm still going to stay quiet. No. Let's not promin They do it. They nail it to one of them. Like, try to prominently display it. Good. Cool. Good.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I'm still going to stay quiet. Let's not prominently display it. We don't want them to know that we know. You're going to fight the crowd? I'm just the crowd. 15 people. 15 people. Before they're like, we can do that, but I don't want them to know that we know where
Starting point is 00:07:19 they were and are going to attack from. Although, when they attack the town, at that point, they're attacking anyone. You can't see it from the ridge. They can't see it from the ridge? Probably not. Can they see it from the ridge? They'd be able to, yeah. They're putting it up.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, so maybe let's not do that just yet. Some people are a bit upset by that, but on a whole they understand that you're planning on killing more drow and they're cool with that. So as a compromise, what we can do the more drow we kill the more beautiful murals we can make of drow corpses good there's some points towards chaos and evil they killed one say basically chaotic good um i other than that i guess we get the trappers back to trap the shit out of that little area you can get things like um well really the only thing you could use in
Starting point is 00:08:17 that area is like a bear trap i guess i can't think of anything else one of the trappers like offers to make a pit trap oh yeah yeah do Yeah, sick. Do whatever you want, buddy. Okay. He grabs a freaking shovel and he grabs a shovel, like some small logs of wood and a knife. All right. I'll help him dig it if that's going to make it go quicker. You go back. He sets up some of the bear traps,
Starting point is 00:08:38 covers them with snow so that they're hard to see. Yeah. And then he digs a hole, sharpens the sticks, puts them in the hole. Awesome. Covers that shit up. That's something we would fall in. hard to see yeah and then he digs a hole sharpens the sticks puts them in the hole awesome covers that shit up that's something we would fall in he's just saying we won't be there i'm glad we're on this side of tiger snares pit traps with like spikes in the bottom pretty sure they're called tigers i'd like to also take a moment uh whilst it's all kind of like happening to look down at
Starting point is 00:09:00 the little like rock pulley area and be like this when we were kids this is where we had fun and now it's going to be a mass grave. All three of you can probably remember like coming here and playing games as kids. I kind of put like a hand on Cassius' back and it's like, yeah. Yeah, we did. Shoulder? Back?
Starting point is 00:09:20 Area? Head? Head? I'm smaller than you. Yeah, you are. Just to be like, yeah. Yeah. I don't shrug you off, but I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about any of this. What, the human contact? Rude. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:35 So the trapper does his thing, and then stands up, probably dusts some snow off his wet trousers. Yeah. So that's pretty much everything I can do. Cheers, thanks heaps for that. If you want, I can come back and help you if you need to reset these traps
Starting point is 00:09:52 or anything like that. I imagine, though, once they realise this area is trapped, they'll probably want to come back. Hey, Adam, what's the guy's name? This trapper? I'm glad you asked. Super happy. What's his backstory?
Starting point is 00:10:07 I was thinking, is it possible it would be a suicide mission to have someone there to give us an early warning sign? But if Wesley wants to brave the cold. I feel like that might kill a weasel. We might kill a weasel. I'd like to ask Wesley if he would like to brave the cold. Would that kill a weasel? What? Adam's too busy getting salty at me because I made him make up names.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Jung. Jung. Jung. What? Good. J-U-N-G. Did you just make up letters? Yes, I literally just made that up.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Okay. Good. Jung. Jung. Would that kill a weasel if he was out all night? Yeah. Damn. What if he dug like a-
Starting point is 00:10:44 If he made a fire for him, but that kind of defeats the purpose. Like a snow burrow. Weasels don't really live in the snow, as far as I'm aware. But he's a snow weasel. I think snow weasels exist. I guess if you... No, actually, I think there is a way you can make a little snow. No, no, no, it's happening now.
Starting point is 00:11:07 Wesley jumps off just like as you wish, and he does a snow burrow. Closes it, he digs a little thing, and then he comes out and grabs some snow and covers up the top. So he can have a good vantage point and you can let... And then he promptly goes to sleep. Good. He accidentally hibernates.
Starting point is 00:11:31 Shit. I'm going to tell him that he's a great weasel. Yeah, and don't tell your weasel just to not go near drow. Don't risk it. You hear weasel snores. Don't risk it for the biscuit. We'll head back into town and await the weasel snores. Don't risk it for the biscuit. We'll head back into town and
Starting point is 00:11:45 let us know. Await the weasel's word. Cool. As it were. And we kind of nap in between, do all kinds of stuff, do all kinds of preparation. Night passes. Cassius, fully healed. Sick.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Oh, I got hit by a bear. No, you were right Oh yeah you would have had to have turned back at some point No I did Probably before you went back to town No I turned back when we were looking at the corpse Ali's dead Overnight you come back
Starting point is 00:12:17 No one's been caught But Wesley pops up And he's like Nothing happened Why'd he get up then? Just to tell you. Oh, he's super cute. All right.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Do we give it another night? Just FYI, two more nights until the supposed meeting. Okay. What condition are the, like, wounded in? Like, how much worse is it getting every day? It's slowly spreading. Like, Mystra, it was just her like her face but now it's like over the two days you've been here it's like maybe like touching her like
Starting point is 00:12:53 belly area and it's like coming creeping down her arms her like entire body is slowly becoming do we have milk of the poppy you don't know what poppies are. Poppies exist in a land far away. No, they exist. Poppies don't exist in an Arctic environment. We have never heard of poppies. We've never heard of the milk of the poppy. You ask a Serbian if he's ever heard of poppies. Actually, maybe Serbia isn't a proper analogy.
Starting point is 00:13:19 What's something like north of Russia? How is Mr. Fists doing? Have I got any word back from Monsieur Fists? He hasn't returned. That's stressing me. It should only take him a day to fly there. He shouldn't be back yet. If he's not back in the next day or so, then you might want to worry.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Then it's familiar. Yeah, but Mr. Fists. I'm going to fast forward another two days to the suspected meeting night. Are you going to do... No one's been caught in the traps. I assume you're leaving Wesley there every night? Yeah. Yeah, he keeps reporting no contact.
Starting point is 00:13:52 That's so good. I hope he's not just like having a nap and then drow come in and then they leave. They're like, oh, just like tiptoe around the weasel. Entirely possible. Entirely within the realm of reason. So, yeah. So it's the night that the meeting is supposed to happen. Are you gonna go out there at that night?
Starting point is 00:14:10 You wanna go try and bust it up as it happens? Not the night. No. Because we can't fight in the night. What? Why? Yeah, we can. Why can we not fight at night? I have a spell called Daylight. I'll just blind them all. What? That would completely blind Drow. Yeah, it's fine. Oh my god, that's amazing
Starting point is 00:14:25 and I'll use pyrotechnics. We can fuck up Drow if we need to. Why didn't you tell me this before? We haven't been fighting Drow. Well made point. Yeah. So, I think we go up. What time would they be attacking? Or what time would they be meeting? Did we get an idea of time?
Starting point is 00:14:43 Probably at some point at the night. Well, yeah, we'll go up. We'll wait. Sleep during the day. You should be asking this, Cassius, but has Mr. Fist returned? No, Mr. Fist has not returned. So you're probably a bit worried. Or more than a bit worried.
Starting point is 00:14:56 What do you mean, probably a bit worried? I'm freaking out. But there's not a lot you can do about it. Have they lost their empathetic link? Oh, yeah. Empathetic link, yeah. Oh, no. Wait, does that mean? No, it doesn't link? Oh yeah. Empathetic link, yeah. Oh no. Wait, does that mean? No, it doesn't mean he's dead.
Starting point is 00:15:07 It means he's far away. Well, it means he's either dead or super far away. Both of which are possible. Oh no, we don't even have a corpse to bury. Adam. Why? Why, Adam?
Starting point is 00:15:22 Don't give me that smug fucking face. The punishment begins now. So let's pick a time to go up. I say we go from dusk till dawn. Yeah, I was about to say. The Tarantino film. Might be out by now. I say we go from dusk till dawn and just wait.
Starting point is 00:15:43 I say we sleep during the day and just spend the whole night up. Yep. And just wait for them to arrive. Okay. So are you going to wait where it was supposed to happen or near that rocky area? Near the rocky area, probably. If we go right up next to the cliff face so that they can't see us, but we can hear what's going on. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:01 That's a good idea. Reminding you again, it gets super cold at night. We've got some winter clothes. We've got winter outfits. Cold weather outfits. Yeah. We've extra rugged up. It's snowing as well this night.
Starting point is 00:16:16 It's not like blizzard. It's just like, you know how it just like snows? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just doing that. Okay. That could be worse.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Could be. This one. This is making faces at Adam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just doing that. Okay. That could be worse. Could be. This one. This is making faces at Adam. Good. Okay, yeah, you have not brought adequate snow gear. I've got winter boots. Well, can we make sure that we have adequate... Wait.
Starting point is 00:16:37 No, it's like during the night, and I'm telling you, you have not adequately prepared. Hang on. Was there anyone to buy tents or at least get makeshift tents? No, there were no tents. No fabric to use. Can I produce flame? Can I use produce flame?
Starting point is 00:16:52 Heat us up? That'll be like a flare to any drow. Oh, fucking hell. To anyone, really. That could be good, though. I can heat metal. I can heat metal. We can put our hands around it.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Okay, so everyone takes five points of non-lethal damage. I'm mad at you, Al. It didn't happen. Sorry, mate. It was bullshit. Just deal with it. Maybe we didn't expect it to get this cold. Didn't we?
Starting point is 00:17:14 Are we dense? We idiots. We are. Well, you knew it would get this cold. You'd hoped that you'd brought enough, but without a fire or cover, it's just there's not really much you can do. You can rug up until you're physically calm. Actually, if you can physically not move, you're so rugged up.
Starting point is 00:17:31 I use endure elements. I'm fine. I use endure elements. I've got boots that do that. Hang on. You can cast that on a bunch of people. I'll cast that on all of us so we don't freeze to death. I have cold weather outfit.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Cold weather outfit gave you a bonus, and I did factor that bonus into your roll, but you still didn't get enough. What happened to our horse? I got a horse and it says chestnut. You probably leave it at town. Actually, I don't know if you have those horses anymore. They're now food for the animal.
Starting point is 00:17:57 That's awesome. You guys might have had to have offered them up. Oh, not horse. I spoke to one of those guys. Not number three, three, and five. I've written it down and it says horse, chestnut, dash, not horse. I spoke to one of those guys. Not number three, three, and five. It says horse, chestnut, dash, possibly food. It only affects one person, but you can obviously cast it a bunch of times if you want.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Well, if I cast it three times, that's three of my first level spells gone. Just do one. Wait, can you cast it on... Sorry. I can make it so that we're all warm. All of us? Yeah, I guess that's unfortunate that we use three.
Starting point is 00:18:24 That's all right. I've got a second. Yeah, it's fine. I'll cast that on everyone.'re all warm. All of us? Yeah. I guess that's unfortunate that we used three. That's all right. I've got a second. Yeah, it's fine. I'll cast that on everyone. Keep us warm. Cool. So no one took that damage then. Never mind.
Starting point is 00:18:31 All right. Yes. You're welcome. I have to rub it out now. Not that hard. I have to rub it out three times. Adam has it infinitely worse. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I should have asked. Did you guys bring Daniel with you by any chance? Did he come with us? If he was going to come with us. If you ask, you guys haven't really been talking as much because he's super, like, mad. Not necessarily at you. He's just super mad. You can bring him if you want.
Starting point is 00:18:53 I probably would have come too. You could even ask Bertram to come with you if you want. He would have come with. I'll bring Bertram, but not Daniel. I'm shaking my head. Bertram has seemed a bit more level-headed. Like, he's a bit angry at some of your antics, but he seems level-headed. I would say Bertram, not Daniel.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Daniel's a fuckboy. I'm not going to bring him along. He's a risk to me. No, Daniel. But Bertram? Okay, so he's chilling with you as well. Did you cast for him as well? Yeah. You don't have to. But it's kind of rude if I'm just like
Starting point is 00:19:24 bing, bing, bong, and he's like... Did Bertram bring enough for cold weather? No. Then I't have to. But it's kind of rude if I'm just like, bing, bing, bong. And he's like, did Bertram bring enough for cold weather? No. Then I guess you have to find. He would have just dealt, though. Oh, he'll deal? Like, if you're casting it and you're maybe, like, a bit iffy, he's like, I'll deal. Just Bertram.
Starting point is 00:19:36 I just don't want to waste all of my. I've got a limited amount. Yeah, he takes five. I feel super awkward, Bertram. I just don't want to waste. I just feel like. He seems a little relieved that you're not casting a spell on him anyway. I don't want to waste I just feel like he's like he seems a little relieved that you're not casting a spell on him anyway oh it
Starting point is 00:19:49 works out for everyone Bertram see you're all coming up aces everybody's happy super awkward hmm oh oh did Bertram die okay Bertram succumbs to the elements hang on I need a hope Bertram didn't die. I mean, I'm not that attached to him, but, like, still, wolves. Still, yeah, like, that brings it down from 15 to 14. And it seems like the town needs something. It does. It seems like the town needs people.
Starting point is 00:20:15 We didn't bring enough wolves. We could just fucking leave. Wow. There's an idea. Zilli, you are... If everyone dies, We could just leave Okay So
Starting point is 00:20:25 Wesley We have a dead town behind us He like He has an empathetic link with you Yes he does You can talk to each other Yes we can Mentally
Starting point is 00:20:34 Yes Yeah Wesley's like Yep I hear some people Trudging a bump me Ha ha ha ha ha Guys
Starting point is 00:20:42 Things I don't know what to do With this information I would like to relay This information for someone who can actually. Quietly. One of them hit a trap. I can hear him whining. You guys can't hear it, but Wesley is like, I can hear him whining.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Okay, all right. You can tell us this. Yeah, yeah. I would like to use some of the battle tactics that Edric and I had spoken about. Hey, you have that magic ability where we can hush whispers, yes? Yes. Message. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's a whisperush whispers? Yes. Message. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:05 Yeah. I don't know why. It's a whispered conversation at a distance. You're not. So you can just whisper, to be honest. I just don't want the drow to be like, there's guns down there. Fuck them up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Fucking slam their dicks off. Thanks, Wesley. Cool. Wesley's like, I think there's four. Thanks, Wesley. You're a champ. Four's fine. You can't take out four.
Starting point is 00:21:24 One of them's being trapped. I like the idea that you guys. You actually don't need a champ. Four's fine. You can't get so many treats later. I like the idea that you guys... You actually don't need to whisper, it's like telepathic. I'd like to say it out loud anyway. You could yell if you wanted to. I'd like to say it out loud anyway. Thanks, Wesley. You're gonna get a treat later. Okay, Wesley didn't hear that. Unless you're doing it telepathically.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Fine, whatever. That kind of lost us. She has to say it to think it. Cool. Alright, let's just go. Ford's good. That's one each. I just don't want us to fall in those traps. We'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:21:56 You probably don't remember where they are. Let's make sure that they're beyond the trap line. But they're going to start panicking now. This is when we use Daylight. Do we all right. And then we let them. But they're going to start panicking now. This is when we use daylight. Do we bring a torch? I brought a torch. Let's just sneak around and daylight them.
Starting point is 00:22:11 You probably hear it this time. You hear like a ffff. And Wesley's like, yeah, the pit trap thing went off. Good. Good, good, good. Thanks, Wesley. He doesn't hear any moaning, though. He's not sure if one of them fell in or not.
Starting point is 00:22:22 If I can sneak around the side, I can just daylight them and they'll be fucked and then if you guys rush in yeah i just fucking pummel their dicks off all right i'm gonna sneak around the side and daylight those bad boys yeah yep so you get around the side uh cassius you cast daylight and then the entire night is oh you guys went with him right yeah yep cool the entire night is, oh, you guys went with him, right? Yeah. Yep, cool. The entire night is like just instantly a fireball of light. Oh, good. Awesome. You hear a male voice, like a slightly effeminate male voice, scream and you can see one, it's like a drow in one of the bear traps.
Starting point is 00:23:01 He's like he's caught in the bear trap. He's just holding his hands to his eyes and screaming. Is the fire still lingering? Um, what do you mean? There's no fire, he cast daylight. It's like light. Yeah, it's just light. You've got a torch.
Starting point is 00:23:14 There's no light. You can light a torch if you want. Oh, you can't see the other drow. Oh. So how many did we see? We said three. You see the hole that had opened up the pit trap, and you see one drow. Um, hang on. Wesley said there was four. Yeah, he did. Remember, we want one alive. You see the hole that had opened up the pit trap, and you see one drow. In the hole?
Starting point is 00:23:25 Hang on. Wesley said there was four. Yeah, he did. Remember, we want one alive, at least. We got the pit. We got the one in the trap. Bertram points to just the edge of the light. There, you see three sets of tracks trudging off north and away from you guys.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Let's follow. Let's follow. Let's track them down. I'll keep this drow. You track the other three. Let's fuck up some fuckboys. Bertram, you're all right. Wesley pops out of the snow.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Adorable. I'd like to pick him up. Give me a treat. All right. Let's get these fuckboys. Let's fuck up some fuckboys. I like how sometimes Adam plays the NPC, and sometimes that NPC is Mr. Fist or Wesley, and he's like, all right, I got it cheap.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Tie up that drow, motherfucker. Oh, no. You are so good. Okay, Cassius, you're the only one who can track these bastards. Follow me. The other two, you guys lose the tracks almost immediately. I'll get them to follow me single file behind them. You know what I mean.
Starting point is 00:24:29 You know what I'm fucking saying. Okay. So. What a pity. Okay. Cassius, you lead the way, but it's super slow going. Not because it's hard to follow the tracks, but because you're super short and the snow is super high.
Starting point is 00:24:44 So you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm wet as hell. You're pretty sure you're starting to lose them. You're going super slow. If you turn into a wolf or something and then follow the tracks. Fine. You become a wolf. Yep.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Okay, all three of you pick up the tracks now, especially Cassius, who now has the ability of scent. What's a wolf noise? Lots of howling. That's a puppy. Okay. So for the next hour, you're trying to track after them. And over the course of the hour, the foot pinches become fainter and fainter and fainter.
Starting point is 00:25:21 You feel like you're starting to lose them. God damn it. You come to the, there's like those, there's like some hills north of town. And among those hills, there's like some teeny tiny small caves, which are just a prelude to like proper actual like mountainous caves.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Further up, the tracks go into these smaller caves. A point, like a dog point into the cave is that with your nose with your paw with the paw kind of pour up nose forward tail straight tail straight yeah okay i'm like this do you reckon this could be the entrance to the underdark i will shrug at you. Oh, you. Follow in or go back. Grab Daniel. Come back.
Starting point is 00:26:12 I give you like a head tilt. The trail is already starting to go cold. Let's keep... I point. I point. Let's keep going in. Fuck Daniel. We don't need him. Go.
Starting point is 00:26:21 You head in. Wolf my way in. That was my wolf walk. The fuck is that? Wolf going through snow. Yeah. Even though you've changed from... Oh, actually, you know what I'll say?
Starting point is 00:26:34 I'll say that the snow has slowly been blowing in, so even a ways in on this hard stone area, you can still track them from the faint outlines. Awesome. I'm a cheater. Never get up. Never surrender. Give up sometimes.
Starting point is 00:26:49 So this cave is like a lot deeper than it first seemed. Immediately you realize you're going down and you're going down at a very steep pace. Yes. It's getting super dark as well. What do you do for light? Light a torch. You light a torch?
Starting point is 00:27:05 yes okay I have dark vision plus I'm a wolf I'm good light a torch it's fine I'd like to know if
Starting point is 00:27:16 Cassie is going to talk like Scooby Doo Adam yeah is that a power I have as a wolf? uh oh I leap into silly's arms Scooby Snacks? no that's not I can't my voice hurts I-oh. I leap into Zilly's arms. Scooby snacks? No, I can't. My voice hurts.
Starting point is 00:27:28 What the fuck was that, Ali? I'm sorry, I can't do it. Scooby snacks? Scooby snacks. My name is Ali. I like Scooby snacks. I'm going to stab you with a pencil. And that's not Zilly, that's Ali. More than Zilly, I'm going to stab you with a pencil.
Starting point is 00:27:43 That's you. That's you. My voice hurts so much Short answer no Long answer no again So Can you do the Scooby Doo thing I can but I'm not allowed
Starting point is 00:27:56 No the answer is no I'm incapable The drow have set an ambush But Cassius with her wolf S stuff, smells it before they launch it. You can smell just up ahead. It's like super strong. The, I don't know, what a drow. Musky smell of drow.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Not really musky, but like the smell of drow. I think they smell like incense. I think they smell like incense and sweet sweat. Kind of like B.O. when B.O.'s super sweet. That, but with incense mixed together. That's my idea of how drow smells. Is it calatosis? Huh?
Starting point is 00:28:29 Is that the word? What? Anyway, you can tell up ahead, like a little bit past where your light extends out to. Calatosis? In some like, so the walls here are like super rocky and filled with like, you know, gaps and stuff like that. Yeah. You can tell that the drow are hiding up ahead.
Starting point is 00:28:47 You can smell maybe more drow than you originally followed in. The scent is certainly stronger than it should be for just three drow. It was how they discovered diabetes early on. By drinking their pee? Yeah. I stop. I stop and raise my hat. Do I get to tell my Vietnam story now
Starting point is 00:29:05 yes so tiger traps were called tiger traps in Vietnam because they weren't meant for American GIs but were meant for tigers because the Vietnamese soldiers were more scared of tigers than they were of American soldiers that's fair and legit like I get it
Starting point is 00:29:21 tigers are spooky that's awesome but not paying attention Adam there are drought ahead And legit, like, I get it. Yeah. Tigers are spooky. That's awesome. Yeah, I'm sorry. I was not paying attention, Adam. There are drow ahead. I stop and I raise my hackles. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:33 You can't tell them that. I can raise my hackles. All you know is that, yeah, the wolf raises its hackles. We stop. I try to mime drow. You roll, Adam. As a wolf, how? I look at you. Bad? I nod my wolfime Drow. You roll that. As a wolf, how? Ah. Hmm. I look at you. Bad?
Starting point is 00:29:47 I nod my wolf head. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I tap the ground, like, a lot. Okay. And then give you a err? I would like to...
Starting point is 00:29:59 Be careful to walk or what? Prime my... What are you doing? Err? For goodness sake. I'd like to prepare my weasel with a touch of fatigue, please. Sure he has. Cool. Yeah, you did for ages ago.
Starting point is 00:30:13 No, it ends when you rest. That was, yeah. I would say. That was like four days ago. I changed back. Yes. There are lots of drow ahead. The tapping
Starting point is 00:30:27 didn't. I thought you like tread carefully. We need to talk, Cassius, about your
Starting point is 00:30:32 communication with us. When you're an animal. No, don't growl now. You're a
Starting point is 00:30:37 human. I'm not a dwarf. It takes a lot of I rolled that a little too hard.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Good. So, I rolled that a little too hard good so good for us bad for Adam because Adam hates us there are a lot of drawhead as a wolf I could smell that
Starting point is 00:30:55 there was a heavy scent of drow now as a Cassius not so much do we have anything to throw at no we don't yes
Starting point is 00:31:02 of course I do I take out an alchemist's fire. Alchemist's fire. Good. And then I'll use pyrotechnics. You won't be able to hit them because they're covered by... Well, it's hard to tell, actually. I'm going to hurl it ahead.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Okay. Can we see them? Just anywhere. Well, where I could smell the scent coming from. It's like a cave, right? Sure, yeah. The alchemist's fire, a bit further ahead. You don't really know where the drow are.
Starting point is 00:31:30 You're just throwing it in the area. Burnt them to death. We shut our eyes. Pyro techniques. High or low? I always take it. I always steal it. Adam looks mad, so I think I won.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Mm-mm-mm. Ah, yeah! I always take it. I always steal it. Adam looks mad, so I think I won. Yeah. A drow screams as it goes up in flames. Hopefully the other drow will come. The drow dies. Yes. That's good. That's good.
Starting point is 00:31:57 That's good. Okay. Its burning corpse illuminates five other drow. Yes. Oh, oh, excuse me. I'd like to put in a request for spells, please. I don't know why I raised my hand in the studio. You may.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Okay. I would like to use pyrotechnics. You get a surprise attack because they didn't hear you. If she uses pyrotechnics. Pyrotechnics? Pyrotechnics. Pyrotechnics. Pyrotechnics. If we are aware
Starting point is 00:32:26 and able to close our eyes, is that still going to burn? I might give you an advantage on the save. Yeah, alright. A bonus rather than an advantage. I want to make sure
Starting point is 00:32:33 that we close our eyes and look away. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I would like to use pyrotechnics with a fair amount of warning to my best friends.
Starting point is 00:32:41 Okay. You make a sweeping gesture with your arms upwards. You say some magical arcane words and you command the fire to expand and explode. Is that the magic word? Sure. What did I write down? Uh-oh. No, no.
Starting point is 00:33:00 No, no, Adam, come now. Everyone is blinded. Oh, my God. Guess what the next spell is going to be. Web come now. Everyone is blind. Oh, my God. Guess what the next spell's going to be? Web. Web. God damn it!
Starting point is 00:33:11 Fighting blind again, are we? Good. Good. What exactly happens? Find out next time on Husfirma Pride, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar Why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website
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