D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #11 Shambling Mound

Episode Date: January 19, 2019

Where we journey onward to the temple.Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: https://twitter.com/RetroArchetypeCass: https://twitter.com/CassCassPaigeTom: https://twitter.com/AwkwardTreedShanks: https://twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. My wife left me for a cobalt. Melbourne International Comedy Festival is coming up, and if you're not an absolute moron, you'll be wanting to come see me host the world's least pleasant quiz show, Big Deal, starring a whole bunch of comedians and Sands Pants people. It's sort of like the game show equivalent of when you're wiping and your finger goes through the toilet paper and straight into your body. Grab your tickets from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival website or from our own website, sanspantsradio.com forward slash live. Welcome to episode 11 of Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for nerds adventure. Previously. Get a good boy card.

Okay, okay. That makes up for everything. Oh, oh, oh, reduce age 38 years. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha That makes... Oh, oh, oh. Reduce age 38 years. No, no, dog. Dog, no. I'm sorry, dog. He turns tail and runs in your presence. I cry.

Oh, no. The snakes will eat those tears. That's fine. That's fine. It means we don't have to hurt anything. They don't want to be around. Lunabone and Garl, what do you want to do? Okay. last pose.

Seahorse coming over. Do we know Seahorse coming? Yeah, you could see Seahorse sprinting across the council. Okay, Seahorse. Actually, you know what? Sorry, I'm going to go out of initiative.

We're going to say that those last two snakes because they're enthralled, you just finish them off. It's the end of the fight. We'll go out of initiative. Just act however you want. We have one.

One of them alive. Perhaps we could, I don't know, force it to talk. To tell us where, where they come from. And then we can hunt them down for a change. I've, I've reneged the fact that I'm not into torture because, apparently, I'm committed

to the people I know, not ideals. Because I know you, I'm down with torture. But the drink has not touched her lips before she's gagging. She's drunk anyway, though. Having learnt the location of the Yaunt Tea Temple, you're sitting in Green Chapel's house anyway, though. Having learnt the location of the Yaunty Temple, you're sitting in Greenchapel's house, getting drunk. Can I drink some brandy to sober up?

It works for me. What? The brandy's all gone. You had the last of it. Yeah, I did. I have a problem. No kidding. What are you going to do when the alcohol runs out?

Oh, boy! I brew a supplies. I could brew a are you going to do when the alcohol runs out? Oh, boy. I brew a supply so I can brew a beer. But why is the rum gone? Oh, God. This is going to be bad. I've got the Grugog Scrub. Yeah. That'll last you a couple of days. Yeah.

I seem to not have two a day, which is what I've done today. How long does it take to brew alcohol? Just a couple of days, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you gave me the supplies and this is a magical universe.

Oh, you can make it. Yeah. Instantly. Yeah. Why wouldn magical universe. Oh, you can make it. Yeah. Instantly. Yeah. Why wouldn't it? Oh, boy. This is going to be rough. Detoxing on an island.

Nothing better. I've got a bit left. Anyway. If you'd rationed it out, it would last longer. But hey, why be smart about it? I snatched the bottle back off Seahull, put it in her pocket for a retina now. Actually, I give it to you for safekeeping. You are not getting any of this.

You just aren't. Go to sleep. I go to sleep. Seahall addresses the yawn-tee. I'm asleep. Have you all gone? No, she just told me to go to sleep. Oh, you're just going to sleep?

I passed out I start playing a song of rest To give us more hit points during a short rest But I kind of fuck it up after I go through and fall asleep You'll have a long rest eventually anyway Um Seahole addressing the auntie says Who? Who is

Who is in In charge? The auntie looks looks from one of you to each of you. She's just been watching you pass around your alcohol. It's been one week since you looked at me. Seahorse slaps her. She's talking nonsense. weeks and she looked at me yeah seahorse slaps her she's talking nonsense no uh it is um uh our nightmare speakers nightmare speakers she is powerful more powerful i thinks than you

and will you take us to her i would most most certainly not. I would be slain. Doesn't sound so bad. No, I will not. You've got to map. Wake me up and I'll punch her or something. Pardon? If you wake me up, I'll punch her. Oh, no, I can put your hat back on.

Actually, no, I'll use use my we don't need a torture she's gonna take us anymore we got a map don't we yes she's not gonna take us so we could probably just oh no she fell on the way to the prison i mean i'm asleep i'm not gonna say anything yeah yeah i don't look cute sleeping anymore i I'm, like, acne riddled and, like, just a bit gaunt and weird looking. I like that you now, not your character, Shanks, is now going with what Linus' misinterpretation of the situation was. Yeah. Well, he was the closest dad you had. Yeah.

I was just quest dad. Yeah, no, you're quest dad. You're quest dad for life. And by life, I mean quest. But my life is questing. Questing is life. Johnny Quest. Oh, Johnny Quest.

You look a bit like Johnny Quest. Me? Yeah, I reckon. Thanks. You could be a boy adventurer. I could see you, like, at the helm of a ship saying, Pirates! Do it.

Couldn't you? Yeah. Steer the boat and say, Pirates. Roll the dice Pirates Yeah That was nice That was great Do you know what it was more like than Johnny Quest

But John, the brother from Peter Pan Really? Are we fucking no? Wendy, my other brother, pirates. There's John, Michael. There's Wendy, John and Michael. John's the one in the middle with the top hat in the Disney film. Oh.

The one with glasses. Yeah. Fuck you all. Wendy, Michael, John, pirates. No. No. John Quest? No.

John, Michael, Michael Wendy Quest Pirates I think that's their name Darling? Yes Wendy Darling That's right Darling's the surname Of the character

In Blackadder as well That's great That's very funny Do you reckon they're related? Yeah No they are They say in one of the episodes I think

Oh Oh cat Yeah In the Blackadder Extended Universe Yeah No, they are. They say in one of the episodes, I think. Oh. Oh, cat. Yeah, in the Blackadder Extended Universe. Yeah, Blackadder Extended Universe. Oh, yeah, the BAU. I'm not dumb. I'm not joking.

In the BAU. The BAU. Okay, I speak to the Yonti. You're no longer useful to us. It lasts. She's not, though, is she? She's not really. I'm asleep. We're going to go get the map and take her.

And my morals are now nebulous because of friendship. You're not going to take us to the place, are you? Well, she's only got an hour until my kind of threat curse runs, runs, whizz off. She's terrified at the moment, though, even though we are mostly asleep. Perhaps I can then take you there? Fine.

Do we believe that? I mean, I'm asleep, but is that honest? You've earned yourself another light of another... Well, there's only one person there to roll insight, and she rolled two. So you believe her.

Well, if I... Will that help? A plus a d10? I reckon she is probably telling the truth. Look, you still believe her. Well, if I believe her, then I guess it's just... You've earned yourself another night alive. Stay useful.

What's your alignment? It's true neutral. For animals. She's got Paula. All right. I don't care. I do about Paula. Ends justify the means, do they?

Are alignments allowed to change in D&D? Like if you go through like a character change? My alignment's changed. It's almost encouraged. I'm not good anymore. Oh, no. I'm friends. Friendly, neutral. change yeah my alignment's changed it's almost encouraged anymore oh no i'm friends it's um friendly neutral in a long form game i would often have a conversation with the player before i

change their alignment but i feel like in this situation like druids typically tend to be neutral alignment anyway so for you to be lawful neutral is a little a little deviation from the norm but then also for you to torture someone just without even... Like, it's not just that you tortured someone. It's that you didn't think about it. You just did it. It's for Paula. Yeah.

You didn't think about it. You just did it. There was nothing to think about. It was the right thing to do. There we go. That's why it changed. You're destroying the ecosystem of this island. Man is ruining this, Yonti man. But everyone, humanoids, changed destroying the ecosystem of this island man is ruining this yonti man but

everyone humanoids are destroying the planet this is a step in the right direction someone's turning into nature hitler again nature hitler nature friendship i'm with you my friends he believes me he just doesn't want to see you upset. Because then he'll be Nature Hitler. Probably. If you're helping, you're not dying. Let's all go to sleep. We're already there. We're ahead of you.

One of his legs is like, we're ahead of you. Alright. I'm a flattering lump. Over the night, all of you will be fully recovered. Hang on. The auntie's, like, tied up, yeah? Yes, yes. Good, good.

The auntie's been looked... Linus and Gal are also there, and neither of them are drunk. So it can be assumed that she's being watched. Good. The next day rolls around. You two, Goody and Molto Bene, both wake up with a head-splitting hangover. I'm going to say you have disadvantage on ability checks. You have one level of exhaustion because you didn't sleep properly because you hung over.

Dude, last night was sick, man. I give him a kind of embrace. Man, it got totally maggoted, bro. Yeah. That's just Wednesday night for me. I slap them both upside the head. Oh, again. Quest, mom.

To do two attacks at once, you'll take disadvantage. I'm a monk. They get a free attack against you because you're not proficient. Luna, may I have a monk. They get a free attack against you because you're not proficient. Luna, may I have a drink? Yeah, yeah. Like a Bloody Mary. No. Fine, whatever.

I just need something to get me back in the groove. I portion out a bottle cap full of the gasoline. I drink some. Do I feel slightly better? All right. Of Grugrog's best? Yep. Is there any other alcohol on the island?

There might be. You'd have to search Greenchapel's place or ask around. All right. So, Lunabon, You get a little bit drunk. From pouring it? Yep. The fumes are enough. It's good. And

Goody, you, I guess, feel a little better. Oh, that is much nicer. It helps you forget about the head-splitting headache. Oh, that feels much nicer. Yeah, yeah, here are the dog. But what would. Yeah. That feels much nicer. Yeah, yeah. Hero the dog. But what would Quest Mom know about that these days? Oh, hey.

I kind of stomp away. Come back here. What? What has happened to him? I don't know. Are you all right? How dare you do this to me? I might take the bottle back.

Fine. Considering I'm probably the only one out of the three of us that can open this bottle and be fine yes but you do not give it to Malto no he's a child so I have no idea about that boy he's not a child he's like 150 he aged a lot

I thought I was he's older than both of you he's the oldest person out of you three I'm several metres away playing Nine Inch Nails on my rib bone xylophone. What song? Closer. I don't know why I asked. I don't know any Nine Inch Nails songs.

I like that we're having this conversation, though. He definitely aged, though. Oh, yes. It's too much. You can see Linus approaching you with the horse that you guys came here with. The horse is saddled up and there's maybe even some barding on it. So the horse is a little bit armored. Hello.

I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this. I start crying. Linus tries to calm the horse. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You can't talk to horses now, Arthur? No, the animals hate me.

Linus manages to calm the horse down, but only because the horse is now facing away from you. Because the spell went real wrong and now all the animals don't like me. Linus, this is why I do not do magic. Very well, then. Hail! Hail!

Ow. How fed you last night? How fed I? Well, I remember the fight, and then I remember the Green Chapel's gone, and Paula's gone, and that dwarf is gone. It's good that you can remember yesterday. There are large gaps, Linus. How's the boy?

The boy? Yes. Boy. Molto. He's just towards Molto Bene. Boy. I'm carving a pentagram into one of the rib bones. He's old now.

Who taught him his magic? I do not. He went to school. You know, that's the college of whatever it was called. Whispers College. College of Whispers. Yeah, I've got a hoodie that says WCU. We were all trying to work out the acronym.

Whisper College University. Whisper U. Sorry, I don't understand. Is it you or his mother? I suppose you don't deal in magic, so it was his mother, yes? Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean his mother? Seahawks approaches you. She's got the map laid out in front of her. Alright, I

think... She puts her hand to her brow. I think... I give her a thumbs up. She nods sheepishly. I think we... I think I have a path for us to get to the temple. Okay.

It won't be easy. We might be waylaid by something in the jungle. It's not exactly safe out there. Yes, it's not safe anywhere. Sehal, you do have like... Do you have coffee on this island?

Green Chapel? Green Chapel made it somehow, but I don't know how. She might have some left if you check her house. I'm going to go check her house. I'll be back. We need to be ready for this adventure. I'm not having it. It's for you two. He's fine.

Especially you. I get the coffee, I assume, or whatever she used to make coffee. You have a search through You find a plunger What do you call it? The French press Yeah, yeah, yeah, coffee press or whatever It's empty though, or there's dregs, only dregs in there I make the worst coffee in the world

out of the dregs It's not, it's atrocious Do you have anything for a skill check? No. I crafted beer. I'm apparently a beer maker. Does that help me craft coffee? I'll give you...

Even with a... I'll give you like a small bonus to the check, but it's still... Like, you got five, so... Is the coffee terrible, but would it do the job? It has caffeine in it, but that's all you could say about it. Wonderful. I'd bring it back. All's all you could say about it. Wonderful. I'd bring it back. All right.

Luna Bar? Yes. This is going to be awful. You need to drink this and not vomit any of it up. Is it going to be worse than the gasoline? What are you talking about? The gasoline's fantastic. Oh, no.

I do not know how to make coffee. And with that, I pour the coffee into your mouth. Maybe you don't know what coffee is. And then put my hand over your mouth so you don't know how to make coffee. And with that, I pour the coffee into your mouth. Maybe you don't know what coffee is. And then put my hand over your mouth so you don't vomit. Jesus Christ. All right. You drink some of the grittiest metallic tasting. I don't even want to say beverage.

Liquid that you have ever had in your life. It tastes a little like poison. It tastes a lot like poison, actually. What did you do to me? Is she still drunk? Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah. She's still drunk.

Fuck. What did you do to me? Did you die to me? Make me die? I thought this would help, but I guess I am terrible at coffee. Oh, you guys are so embarrassing, I say as I wander back to the group, and I scald the rest of the coffee and pretend like I can stomach it. It's terrible.

Is there a way to make us sober up? Time. Oh, well. Or magic. Healing magic. Oh magic oh okay a healing word myself wrong type of healing magic gal might be able to gal gal gal's over by the house still he's got the uh the mummy hand you only returned with the hand right no we brought the whole thing back oh that's right you brought the whole thing back let's say he'll took it off us you have the bits of he has the bits of the mummy laid out you can see that he's doing magic as you're walking seahall and linus

explained to you they while you guys were passed out well linus because she was also seahall was also a little drunk made a plan the plan is the gal is to stay here to protect the town in case something else happens and also he is the only one who can dev to stay here to protect the town in case something else happens and also he is the only one who can devise a cure to the laughing sickness so he needs to stay here anyway just for that and so that's what he's going to be here doing you guys will travel with seahall and linus linus is going to mount up on the horse if he can get it to stop panicking whenever it sees Lunabon. It hurts me so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry more.

Okay, then. I am not ever going to give you any of my drinks. Don't want them, Gull. You neither. Hey, come on, man. We'll send things you're going to regret. Never. Unfortunately, Gull, when you're talking to him, he says,

I cannot help you, lass. Let's go find Paula. There is magic that I could have used, but I'm busy with it now. That's fine. Let's go. Off we go, then. Cool. I should sober up pretty fast.

Yeah. It's Grigrogs. I only breathed it Yeah. It's Grugrog's. I only breathed it in. It is Grugrog's. You keep bringing back to this very important point. It's Grugrog's. Grugrog's Best promises you three things. One, it is pure gasoline.

Two, it is made by artisanal orc craftsmen and three you will never forget this drunk except you will the third one was written after they had a few ah asmov's three laws of groovogs well you play some questing music. You feel up to that or are you still angsty? No, that's cool. And I get out my loot and play a bunch of power chords. This is nice. That's really powerful of you, Molten. Yeah, yeah, cool.

It's like, you know, about the feelings. Just a sidebar. So while the old man on the horse cannot hear us, but he is under the impression that I'm your dad and that she is your mother and that you are a child. Why did you tell him that? I didn't tell him anything, man. Like, people just, like, make assumptions.

They're just always trying to put you in boxes, you know. They see something and they're like, oh, that's who you are, man. That's who you are, man. Well, you know, some of us don't fit in those boxes. I'm just my own man, man. Why didn't you correct him? I ain't got time for that. Talking to some old man.

I'd rather, you know, sit around and make more of these bracelets. And when you look down, you realize I'm now covered in, like, black bracelets. Did you want us to raise you? Like, raise hell. That's what I want to do. I'd take offense to that, just a little bit. No, that'd be, like just a little bit uh no that'd be that'd be like that'd be like a little lame like i don't know like we've like forming a a kind of family unit or something nah do you

miss your parents i wouldn't i wish now that i don't i don't i give i give malto a hug but i really really know how to do it to animals, so I try and scratch his little head. That's good. You're doing a good hug. It is. That's mostly a good hug. Not very comforting. You're a good boy.

That's not even very comforting. I go real spitty. It's not like, it's not an attractive cry. I mean, no, man. No, that's shit. Leave me alone. Is that what you want? What I want?

What a croissant, you know? Just leave me alone. Now he's making things up. And I, you know, like, turn away so that we could look at my eyes. Well, that went well. Oh, gosh. He's like a sad onion, and the more uphill away, the sadder it gets. So I'm just going to put all the layers back on.

Are we on horseback? No. Linus is the only one mounted. There was only one horse in the town that came with you. Linus is riding up the front. You're on a little hunting trail. Like a trail made by animals that just pass. Larger animals naturally make tracks through the jungle.

You're on a path made presumably maybe by a tiger or something like that. You're not sure. Maybe you're a little afraid to find out. But as you turn away, tears in your your eyes you can see through the jungle another trail of sorts but this trail isn't one of an animal passing through it's a trail of devastation there's a tree bad name sorry dips yeah um there are trees that have been pushed over and partially decayed and destroyed. The greenery, any shrubs or green leaves or anything like that, has been torn down, torn away, and not crushed into the ground, but it looks like just destroyed completely. The path looks like something big has been forcing its way through and wrecking anything in its way.

Wow. You can see several corpses of smaller animals, either half devoured or completely devoured, just skeletons scattered along that path. You also see Seahall has stopped and is considering that path with a very concerned, curious expression. Do we all see this? No, just Molto Bene right now. Whoa, hey.

You guys see that? The procession stops and people turn around. Oh, my Lord. That is truly something grisly. No, what animals are there? Smaller ones, many that you don't recognize. This place is filled with animals that you've never seen before. You see many different types of birds.

One of the creatures looks like a half-eaten pterodactyl, although it's hard to identify. There is definitely a velociraptor that has been knocked to the ground, and as the creature walked past it, it devoured it into two bits, the back end and the front end. Can I use any of my knowledge of animals to figure out what this could have been? All right.

It's not an animal, but you know what does this? A shambling mound. A shambling mound is kind of like a sentient plant. So what happens is- Shambling Mound, also a good band name. Great band name. That would be like a kind of like 70s like prog folk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're Shambling Mound. This is our song. Yeah, it would be like long with like- It would basically be a rock band with a flute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all their songs would be eight minutes. Yeah. Basically, it would be Focus, if you know the band Focus.

Oh, they're great. Anyway. A shambling mound results when a phenomenon in which lightning or fey magic invigorates an otherwise ordinary swamp plant. As the plant is reborn into its second life, it chokes the life from plants and animals around it mulching their corpses in a heap around its roots those roots eventually give up their resilience on the soil directing the shambling mound to seek out new sources of food you know it is resistant to cold and fire damage lightning damage heals it it is fueled by the energy infused in lightning you know that if it finds you it will beat you down and try to consume you it's just an endlessly hungry plant like a venus fly well no it doesn't

try to attract you in it hunts you down so it's like a venus fly trap if a venus fly trap were mixed with uh like a bear i guess oh do i know what's good against it uh it has no weaknesses it has only immunities and resistances it can't be blind deafened or exhausted it has blind sight out to 60 feet which means that it doesn't need to see or hear you or smell you just if you are within 60 feet of it, it can supernaturally attempt to perceive you. It doesn't have eyes, or ears, or a mouth, or anything like that.

Jesus fucking Christ. Is there, can we tell? But beyond that radius, beyond that 60 feet, it has no sensory information. So if you are more than 60 feet away, it could never detect you, no matter what you do. It's quite a cute name for a horrific beast. There's a picture, if you'd like to see it oh yes i want to see that picture oh it looks like the iron giant shanks is referring to the shield guardian on the opposite page i was going to make a joke

about that but i thought if i didn't make a joke you wouldn't comment that. Wow, they are fucking terrifying and awful. They're way scarier than Triffids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gentle. So quaint, yeah. Does it walk around everywhere going, feed me, feed me Seymour? Sorry.

Yes, yes, it does. Good. It does that exactly. Hold on, I think I can hear it. It's singing. Feed me Seymour. Sorry. Yes, yes, it does. Good. It does that exactly. Hold on. I think I can hear it. It's singing. Feed me Seymour. Feed me. Oh, no, sorry.

We're not allowed to sing that. They sue like crazy. I didn't sing it. Yep. That and that, my friend, is the story we're sticking to. Good. Fuck. That thing sounds awful.

What thing sounds awful? The Shantytown. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That song. No, Fuck. That thing sounds awful. What thing sounds awful? The shadow town. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. That song. No, no, no, no song. We didn't talk about a song, guys. Yes, absolutely.

Correct. Linus maybe pulls on the horse's reins. Because the horse was about to turn around and look. The horse was about to turn around and look at, see the rest of you. And presumably he doesn't want that to happen. Because the horse will panic when it sees, um, Lunabon. Mm-hmm. Uh, but yeah, he pulls on the reins, so the horse stays facing forwards and says, I think it's best if we just keep moving. Hopefully we don't encounter the beast.

Uh, before y'all keep playing, let me just butt in here and say real quick, here's a word from our sponsors. let me just butt in here and say real quick, here's a word from our sponsors. Also, let me remind you that this Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I'm going to be hosting a quiz show called Big Deal, which should prove very unpleasant. Grab your tickets from sanspenseradio.com forward slash live. Now, as you were. On the way back that we have to.

We have to. I mean... Does it not count as an animal? It's a creature of the forest. No, I'm protecting animals that can't protect themselves. Look at all of this destruction. That's not fair. That can't live.

All right. On the way back, we're going to get them. I mean, we have to get Paula first. Imagine if Seahall was for you, but for plants. Imagine if Seahall was like, no, the Shambling Mound is fine. Oh, right. Thank God. She's not. Is she? No, she's not is she no she's not no she's like yeah what would the

dryad have to say about the shambling mound i don't care i am sworn to protect animals that cannot protect themselves if the dryad doesn't want to help me in that and the dryad's wrong we have gone on quite an emotional journey in the last 24 hours fame magic sometimes makes shambling mounds. It is potentially possible. I'm not saying it's likely, but she could have made that shambling mound. And it should be destroyed. So on the way back, after we've gotten Paula.

I guess we just. As you're having the conversation. It launches out of the brush at you guys. Holy shit. Oh, heck. It launches out of the brush at you guys Holy shit Oh heck Does anyone have anything that's No one use lightning As if you weren't going to fight it on the way there I thought maybe we'd be able to sneak around

I know there's a whole 60 foot radius thing Everyone just has to kill it okay Relax we got a Luda bomb Can I get 60 feet away using Step of the Wind? On your turn, you can Great So, Lunabon, it attacks you

Damn it Take These broken wings I'm meant to fly Good work Take on me. Come on. I don't know what I was trying to say with take,

but after it had come out of my mouth, I forgot, so I stopped. I liked it. I liked it. Take! There's something threatening about that. The man's like, oh. It's Britney, bitch. I will take Mound Town.

22. You take... Everything goes black. What? Are you serious? I don't know. No, you're on three hit points. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What the F? What the effing heck? So that did 30 points of damage. It brings two... It doesn't really have arms. It's more like just a mass of... Vines?

Yeah, vines and flora and just whatever was in the vicinity when magic struck it. All of that mass comes down on you, Lunabon, and engulfs you. You are grappled. You know, because you know Shambling Mounds, this is how it attacks or how it eats. For the Shambling Mound, it's not fighting sentient creatures. It's not sentient fighting sentient. This is just a creature that is not really intelligent

eating. This is like you have stepped into the Venus flytrap and now it's closing. It's like, ah yes, food is here. I'm consuming food. If you do not escape, it will eat you. Okay. And that's what it's going to do on its next turn.

Oh. That was its surprise round. It gets its turn. No, I'm just kidding. Lunabon, it's your turn. Oh, goodness. Is there anything I can do to just scramble out? You can make an athletics check to break free of its hold

can i attack and do athletics on the no it's one or the other well i'm gonna have to try my athletics check so you fail does anyone have uh skills yep plus 1d12 after a skill or attack. Why did I waste my good boy card on making bad coffee? 1d12 for a skill or attack. Spend it. Chuck it back in the boy. No, I get it. You got nine.

You need to make 14. Can anyone else help? Nine schnitzel. Sorry. You try to struggle free, but you can't. You're under so much weight. You dig and you dig and you dig through it. And it feels like you need, you eventually must be hitting a surface, but you just don't.

Oh, gosh. Then it is Linus's turn. Linus wheels his horse around and Lunabon is not visible. So he charges with his horse. Yah! Yah! Take these broken wings and learn to fly. I don't want to die.

Wouldn't it be ironic that you lost your ability to communicate with animals and then you were killed by nature? That's different. It would be very sad. It would be really bleak. Oh, you're going to die. I like that this started out as a fun adventure. We're on a boat and we're having a good time.

Yeah. And then it got really bleak really quick. It got a little existential. Yes. You're broken in ways I don't understand. So is Luna Bond. She's lost her connection to anything that gives her... I'm a drunk.

You're a drunk. But you're the happiest of all of us. Oh, isn't that sad? Because in this nihilistic theme, it's like only a man who commits to finding oblivion is at peace. Wow. That's beautiful, Shanks. It wasn't me.

It was Malta. That's very funny. Get a good boy card. I think that was really, that was very fun. That was a good line. And it was very funny to say that that was in character. Maximum damage against a shambling mound. You don't need to be that specific.

I think maximum damage is a card there. Oh, really? I think so, yeah. Because minimum damage is one of my cards. So I think maximum damage is one of yours. Cool. All right. So, Linus deals 19 points of damage to the shambling mound as he rides past and jabs forwards with his halberd.

He uses it like a lance. Then it is our Molto Bene's turn. Okay. I charge towards it with my rapier and shout, stay away from my quest, mom! And yeah, I go to stay away from my rapier.

But I use this card to deal maximum damage. Very cute Thank you Wow, you got a hit first Oh, okay, that's true Come on Roll them bones Psychic Blade as well

Oh, sorry, yeah, sorry I meant to Psychic Blade and hit That was my plan I just got excited because of the maximum damage card So you Psychic Blade Psychic Blade, Revere, and maximum damage You got a critical hit Oh! Now, it would be very funny So you psychic blade, use maximum damage. You got a critical hit.

Now, it would be very funny if I played deal minimum damage. What would happen? Would they cancel each other out? I would say that it's... Or do we have a real fist fight? I would say it's the order that they were played in, but I'm not going to play it. Okay, you're just letting me know you could fuck me, but not fuck you.

We're still going to take on the big bad guy. I don't mind. You can deal maximum damage to this boy. This boy is just a fight along the way. All right. So you deal maximum damage, which for you will be 24 points of damage to the Shambling Man. As you charge forward with your rapier,

you channel your psychic energy, your verbal attacks. You move them, the energy that you put into them, into the blade, and the metal disappears and is replaced by a purple aura, almost like a lightsaber, if you will.

Nice window over here. Yeah. You stab into the shambling mound and your purple blade cuts through the shambling mound like a knife through butter. All right, good job. Then it is Goody's turn.

Then it'll be Seahawks' turn, yeah? Yes. Seahawks, do you know any spells, ranged attack spells that could do damage to this gigantic plant monster? Seahawks shakes her head. I could throw fire at it, but it's resistant to that.

Damn. Because what I wanted to do was pick up Seahawks, and I'll carry her 60 feet away, so then she could just attack and be fine. She has a bow and arrow. She could use that. Is it on its turn going to try to keep consuming Whoever's nearby? It doesn't actually feel pain

It's not sentient, it's not a creature It's just consuming So anything nearby, it'll just turn to try to Because it's already consumed Lunabon Yeah, it's pretty confident It's not pretty confident, sorry It's pretty well on the way to trying consuming Lunabon Could I carry Seahorse using Step of the Wind

And get us out of the way So that we can can attack from range. Well, she's not right next to it right now. You don't need to carry her. She can move on her own if she wants. Who's the closest? Right now, I guess Linus rode past, so it would be a molto bene. So he could be eaten next turn?

Potentially, but it's only eating one. I guess that was not explained to you. Yes. That wasn't a lot of time. Alright, I'm gonna get him out of the way. You can drag because he's already moved his full movement

I will allow you to drag him five feet away, but no further. That wouldn't do it, would it? Well, it gets him out of the line. It gets him out of immediate range then you could move in and start fighting. Well, then I might as well just move in and start fighting. What I wanted to do was get 60 feet away so I wasn't aware of who was attacking it.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Ah, very funny. No, yeah, sorry. Because he's already moved his full movement. That's right. Because technically the way it works is this is all supposed to be happening at the same time. So he's running forward.

You can't grab him and drag him back because he's already been forward. Yeah, you could run in and also fight. And put Seahull 60 feet away. I would allow... You could push her 60 feet away. Yeah, sure. I would also allow you, if you wanted to, to run up there and at a disadvantage to your attack. So your attack's at disadvantage.

I would allow you to try and draw the Shambling Mound away from your friends. Including Lunabon? Lunabon, no. Yeah, it's already eating Lunabon, but it won't eat Multibene. It'll go after you, preferably. Yeah, I have no idea of having someone far away to attack it without realising it's being attacked. I can do that.

Just get me out. That's what I wanted to do. Can I try and get her out? I'd allow you to assist, and on her next turn, when she's getting out, she gets a bonus because of you. That'll be your turn, though. You won't attack. And then I'm the closest thing. You and Molto Bene.

It'll be a 50-50 shot if it tries to grab either one of you. I want to do that, Adam. I want to help Lunabon get out from underneath the thing. You run up and you use the help other action. Seahaw backs up so that she's out of its vision and fires... Oh yeah, I want to tell her that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She knows more about the Shambling Mound than you do. She fires. She deals a paltry 10 damage. Seahaw, you are not pulling your weight. Please do better next time. Thank you very much. Oh, I'm so sorry, she says. Stop yelling at me.

I'm about to fight this big, big algae monster. I'm coming. Speaking of a big algae monster. Lunabon, you are blinded. You're restrained and you're unable to breathe. are blinded you're restrained and you're unable to breathe the mound you pass the constitution saving throw that you need to make the shambling mound moves 40 feet away from you guys and lunabon moves with it it's got its food it's leaving but i jumped in to help her yeah you she still gets the help action because you maybe you like grab her as it's leaving but i jumped in to help her yeah you she still gets the help action

because you maybe you like grab her as it's moving away but it starts to move yeah it's moving it's got its food all right lunabon it's your turn is it so the the way that it's holding me if it gets hurt, could it drop me? No. It'll drop you if it's dead. So right now, two hands plunged into the shambling mound and grabbed your hands. You can probably tell from the... Well, you're blind, but you can tell just kind of innately. You know Goody well enough to know when he's grabbing you. The hands smell like Grugrog's grog. Yeah.

The stench of it. You get drunker. It smells like gasoline. It tastes like gasoline. Grugrog's best. Pure gasoline. Okay, well, I'll try and make another throw to get out of it. All right.

As the shambling mound moves away, you are dragged out of it. All right. As the shambling mound moves away, you are dragged out of it. The shambling mound doesn't notice. Because it is not sentient. It's not sentient. Oh, my God. It thinks it's got its food. It's leaving.

Oh, that's good. It'll come back. Eventually, it'll realize what happened, but it's not, like, smart enough to know that that's happening. Yeah. Linus's turn. Linus holds up. He's going to hold action until after Molto,

because he's not sure what to do. Molto? Well, I might... It's retreating, right? It's leaving. You can just let it go if you want. Oh, cool. Yeah, I just run up to Lunabon and check that she's okay.

She's badly wounded. You can see that she's very hurt. There's, like, bruises all over her. Her clothes have been just destroyed when she was slammed. You're bleeding from several places. You're not in a great way. It was crushing you when you were in there as well. I'm not going to lie, LB.

You look fine. Thank you. I feel fine. As she says that, a little bit of blood just pools out of her mouth. One of her eyeballs explodes. She needs to reset one of her eyeballs absolutely, yes.

Seahawk comes over and she helps you with that. Are we out of initiative? Yes. Okay, can I try and heal myself using my healing word? Yeah, sure. You heal the minimum from that. And see all

superior magic. Because the DM isn't fucking with this one. 10 hit points. So I'm on 18. Yes. We gotta go kill it. Are you sober? How far away is it? It's gone. Maybe 100 away is it it's gone maybe 100 feet don't worry about if it's 100 feet can i cast moonbeam uh yeah you can it's gonna keep moving though

you'll deal some damage on its turn but uh it'll just move and then it'll be out of range okay yeah it'll kind of be a waste of the spell to to be honest. Quest Mom, leave it. Leave it. We'll come back. We'll come back. Think about Paula. Think about Paula. We'll come back. Let's go get Paula.

Does anyone... Can anyone help? Can you help Quest Mom? Can you sing Quest Mom one of your songs? How short does the rest need to be if I sing Song of Rest for her to get health back? An hour. You need to rest for an hour. You can do that. Seahawks.

Can we take an hour? Seahawks is like, we've got some time. Yeah. Please. All right. You take a short rest. hour. You can do that. Seahawks like, we've got some time. Yeah, please. All right. You take a short rest. I'm not going to lie. You've looked better. To say good night and rest your weary head.

I know we've had a little fight, but now it's time for bed. fight but now it's time for bed i play i sing my song of rest to the quest mom i love the best oh ludabon you sweetie little girl and by now she's asleep. You heal a further 16 hit points, which puts you back up to full. Sick. Thank you, my quest son. You're welcome, whatever. I'm sober now, yeah?

No. Why would you think that? Grugrog's Best gives you a hangover that will last for days. Grugrog's Best, made by Orcish Craftsman. So now you're hungover. Oh, no. Do you want some more Groogrogs? Fixes me right up.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Oh, now you're a gatekeeper of my Groogrogs. That's for the best. You cannot hold your Groogrogs. I don't want to hold my Groogrogs. I want Paula. We will getugrogs. I want Paula. We will get you your Paula. I want Paula.

Trust me, we'll get her back. Okay. Oh, my name is not Goodness Gracious. Your name's what? Did you not know that was my full name? You're Goody. Yeah, Goody. Goodness Gracious.

That's fake. All right, Lunabon Strawberry or whatever your full name is. Yeah, a name I chose for myself after my husband. It's fine. Let's go. I'll tell you my actual name, but it's long and complicated, so goodness gracious, it's much easier. See all nods.

Good conversation, everyone. Let's go. Hey, I had enough of you being sassy. No, I haven't. I love your sassiness. She winks. You keep going. You finish your rest and head onwards.

That's right. You're not sober. Oh, no. But you're good because I sang you a little song. That's my old voice. Do you like the song? Yeah, cool. It was so good.

You're like a little Paula. Little what? You're like a bun. No, I'm like a big boy. Yeah, a big Paula. That's cool. You've been through a lot. And I give her kind of like a side hug. Yeah. I have never really

understood things. I understand less of this, but I approve. Thanks. And I hold out my fist and he, oh, that's not really. Yeah, okay, I still do it. Do it ironically. I shake your fist. Parents. What? Parents? What? I mean, shut up.

What do we do? Let's get going. Come on. As long as we're presenting a united front, we can't fuck him up, right? I am. I drink a lot. I need to save my bunny. Hey, Adam, what are we doing now? You turn around and you see Linus looking at all three of you with a mixed expression.

He turns forward and you head onwards. He turns forward and you head onwards. After some time, the trees begin to thin. And you can see, rising out of the jungle in front of you, this massive ziggurat. So it's like a pyramid, but it's got like... Like if a pyramid was a four-layer cake. It's a pyramid with steps. It's a step pyramid. Yeah.

Like a Mayan pyramid. Yeah, yeah. Esk. It hasn't been shaved yet. No, it hasn't been shaved? What? Yeah, to make the sides. Yeah, yeah. Esk. It hasn't been shaved yet. No, it hasn't been shaved? What? Yeah, to make the sides. Yeah, shave it on down.

That's what they did. Are you saying that Machu Picchu isn't finished yet? Well, no, it's not. They haven't put the pool in for a start. I've seen the Emperor's New Groove. I think you mean the pool. The pool? No, I don't. They haven't finished the pool yet. The Machu Poo-chu. I think you mean the pool. The pool? No, I don't.

They haven't finished the pool yet. The Machu Puchu. Machu Puchu. Pichu. This place would be so much nicer if you cleaned some of the fucking lawn. I haven't looked at Machu Pichu. I never went. Just go on Tinder and look at any man's profile age between 25 and 35.

I have seen much repeat you actually that is the best joke that's really good thanks if i had a human soul i would laugh a lot instead you got that dog i don't know that's just like that's really good you only laugh at bone jokes i. I like the word bone very much. No bones about it. No, that's it. It's got a good utility. Hey, can I borrow some bones? Roll them, bones.

My old bones. Anyway, you see it rising out of the jungle before you. Up the top of it is a massive dish, and within that dish is a flame. The fire is... It must be massive, because you can you can imagine the heat washing down upon you although it is already pretty stinking hot here also scattered on the ziggurat you see many yanti milling about or walking some of them are wearing big deep purple robes which have hoods that are pulled down over uh their faces so you can only

make out that they are yaunty by the fact that they have snake-like appendages like maybe uh a tail or something like that or an elongated face there are many others though wearing white robes they walk about and as they walk about you you can see Lunabon. You see it first. You see several smaller figures being led in chains. This is very distant, though, but you do kind of make it out. Being led in chains by those white-robed figures. One of them you imagine to be small and greenish. Several other ones more medium human-sized.

They're being led towards the top. And I would say all three of you can definitely hear distant chanting. It looks like whatever ritual they are doing, they are already part way through. I think we are about to intrude upon a party. I don't think it's going to be a fun party. I think I've seen our friends climbing up that mountain. And I don't have an invitation. To the party?

Yeah. Are you Action Man? Molto? Who's asking? Because I ain't telling. He has changed a lot. Remember when he was a sweet boy? I spit.

He was a sweet boy. Successfully? Yeah. Linus Tutts. We've got to get up that mountain. I've seen everyone carry the rain change. I think I saw Miss Greenchapel. Well, then we definitely have to get up that mountain.

It was quite possible with Miss Greenchapel. Well, if she's there, we need to get up that mountain because she is the greatest person outside of the two of you that I have ever met. And she has Paula, so we need to get up that mountain because she is the greatest person outside of the two of you that I have ever met. And she has Paula, so we need to get up that mountain. She does have Paula. Okay, everybody, I've seen where our friends are going. We need to get up the mountain.

Sounds like they need some heroes to save them. I'm sorry, you don't have to listen to him. I spit. Do you need a drink? Oh, man, it's going to be after 12 o'clock somewhere. No, I meant just the water. You seem like your mouth is very dry. No, I'm good, thanks.

Okay. All right, you head towards the ziggurat. We got the snake lady with us? Yes, she is bound and trussed over Linus's horse. You haven't really needed her at any point. Excuse me, Hissy? What does it want? First of all, I'm a goodie, not an it.

Second of all, what is that, and what is happening at the present time down with your friends in the robes? I am not afraid of yous. Well, then I guess we'll just kill you. Very well, thens. Hey, can you do the scary thing to the snake lady again? Sure.

None of you can look. I don't know if we have another hour to spare, Seahawks says. People are in danger. What if they're sacrificed right now? I thought it was a minute. Oh, no, it is an hour. No, it lasts an hour. Seahawks, come on.

Get your head in the game. But guys, what's the plan? Do we need help? We could just leave her or... If it's only a minute, sorry, I thought it was an hour before. But what do we want from her? How to be terrified of us so we can ask her questions about what the fuck is happening down on that there temple.

Okay, all righty then. How we might be able to entrench ourselves into The location that we are standing outside of Okay, so I cast a spell I need a drink You sit her aside and you use your What was the ability called? I forget It is called, we didn't write it down Because it was a new edition

It was called like Voice of Terror or something Words of Terror Good cop. She passes. Unless someone has something for a saving throw, but that won't help. Advantage on a saving throw? No, she is making this up.

You don't want to give her advantage. You'll be wasting it. Okay, so it fails, but I go up to her and I whisper in her ear, You have a skeleton inside you. I'm not afraid of this. Sorry, guys, I tried. Well, if we don't need her, maybe she should die.

Is that what you want? I do not cares. I don't cares. Just leave her. We're gonna keep you alive, because that seems to be more annoying for you. Seahall says, let's tie her up here, and then we can get her on the way back if we need. Alright, can we tie her up and nail her to a tree? I mean,

definitely just tie her up. Yeah, you bind her with... Linus is pretty good at it. He binds her to a tree. Nice. Up the mountain we go. To the ziggurat. Up the mountain we go. I never said you were going up a mountain. There is not some snow. It's a mountain. You called it

a mountain. No. You called it a mountain. No, what idiot said that? Cigarette. We have to go. I'm very not sober. Speaking of, I'll probably do for a second drink if I'm about to have a fart. Just have a whiff. Just sniff them.

That does nothing for me. It really does, actually. It does get you drunk. No, no, but I don't want to be drunk, Adam. You want to be fucking plastered. Oh, that's what I need to be. No. I've had my drink.

I'm okay for now. I'm not getting the shakes. You're probably getting sober, actually. Like, this walk has been really taking it out of you. You're sweating like hell, and that's probably sobering you up. I have this. Okay, good. Am I also sobering up?

Less so, but yes. I feel weird. Well, maybe you should take another drink. Yeah, I probably will. Okay. I have another drink. What's your intelligence right now? It went back up because I sobered up.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. So it's 12. All right. You keep it down. You're just taking a swig, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm not taking like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not necking it. What did we say your intelligence was? 12 No, no, it's 3 Wait, what? You take a big Gulp Take a big gulp

Immediately You know something is wrong There's drunk Did you just have a brain bleed? This is too much. You basically can only speak in one word sentences. What? Like I can?

Like that. You can only speak very falteringly if you're trying to get out anything more than a single word. You can barely stand. You are literally being supported by one of your friends. Zigarette.

Has Goody finally gotten too drunk this time? Find out next time on Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all our other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansplus.com. And for as little as $5 a month, you get access to episodes early, all completely ad-free, as well as a heap of bonus content.

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