D&D is For Nerds - Northern Bounty #4 Blue Ice

Episode Date: February 11, 2017

In which our heroes sit down for a solid chat about werewolves. Chet is the White Wolf, Trissa guesses the affair before it happens and D'aryl remembers dating a werewolf.Want to help support the show...?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadAdam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Sans Pants Radio, what show is this? Welcome to Chapter 4 of Northern Bounty, a D&D is for Nerds side quest adventure. Previously. It's not the merchant here, but you imagine the merchant's son. There's a boy of maybe nine manning the counter. We have yaks and goats and such. Oh, do you have like a yuck? A yuck?
Starting point is 00:00:23 We haven't any for sale. What the fuck is a yuck? A yuck is a haven't any for sale. What the fuck is a yuck? A yuck is a rock. You don't know what a yuck is. I'm frightened. The doors burst open again. Hello, my name is Terrell. I'm a wandering paladin.
Starting point is 00:00:33 I didn't ask your name. But then behind him is a big hulk of a man. He's wearing fur coat, fur, like fur everything. You can see the wolf heads incorporated into the furs all over the place. Seek. The wolf man introduces himself as Huck Duffy. He's the town sheriff. Blacksmith says all of his silver has been taken.
Starting point is 00:00:54 You know what that must mean. The white wolf is coming. What? Hob behind the bar starts humming a very loud, and he picks up something and starts clinging it like, please don't have this conversation in my tavern. Introducing Mayor Fenris
Starting point is 00:01:10 Wolf. Fuck off. I don't have much gold, but I have a brother in Coldrose who owns a ship. I could arrange free passage straight to carcery if you help me with this. Done. Deal. Okay, everyone. You're standing around the tavern bar with Hob Hamlin and Huck Duffy.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Hob Hamlin leans across the bar to you guys and says, I don't mind if you make plans to do this sort of stuff. I just appreciate it if you didn't do it in, like, the tavern floor. It's bad energy. What? It's bad energy. Excuse me? Bad energy like necromancy energy?
Starting point is 00:01:44 I don't... I'm a pacifist, he says. I come from a long line of pacifists, and I would appreciate it. Right, look. Yes? If you took the violent energy, even just to your room, I'd be happy if you did that. Sure, Hob, you've been real nice. We can do that. Huck, do you want to go
Starting point is 00:02:07 to the room or, like, town hall or something? We shouldn't leave the building. You can go to the town hall if you want. You'd have to go outside to do that. Yeah, yeah, we can stay here. It does look like, through the window, you can actually see it looks like it's died down a little bit. You can see the town hall. Oh, let's go to the town hall. Everyone, here's coats. I'll get, like, halfling
Starting point is 00:02:24 coat and just shove it in barrel insulation and goodness at one end and that ends the top maybe you pick him up put the coat like coats coat the barrel no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no tie it around him. What if he gets hot? He can sweat. That. Put him in barrel, then we ship him, then we go into the end. I'm going to say Alexander, the elf hunter, goes with you guys as well. Okay. He steps up and he says, I don't want to be unincluded on talks about
Starting point is 00:03:00 werewolves. No, fair enough. As we're leaving, which I assume we are, I want to ask Huck Duffy, has that always been the way of the tavern man? You know, he's been a pacifist? Oh, yeah. I remember when his folks came here, they were pacifists as well.
Starting point is 00:03:16 They're dumb... He just seems like a weirdo. He is, yes. His entire family is. He leans in. You can hear each other now because the winds aren't so bad anymore. And you're actually quite warm in the fur coats. He leans in and gives
Starting point is 00:03:30 like a bit of a conspiratorial whisper. He says, his family coat of arms is just a sheep. I'd like to raucously laugh. Did you not see the painting above the fireplace? You guys remember. There was a painting above the fireplace? You guys remember. There was a painting above the fireplace of just sheep.
Starting point is 00:03:50 There was maybe a shepherd in it as well, but it was maybe a little odd to see as well because you don't know if there are sheep around here. That is truly ridiculous. Makes me feel better, though. Yeah, he's an idiot. I hate so many people in this town. You go into the town hall.
Starting point is 00:04:08 You have to light a fire here because no one was inhabiting the town hall, so the fireplace obviously wasn't lit. Someone lights the fireplace, and then you sit down, and you begin to hash out a plan. So Huck Duffy says, Usually, with the silvered weapons, we just hunker down, and if the werewolf tries to break into any of our individual homes, the weapons are enough to keep him away.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Oh, right, so blacksmith got a silver weapon stolen. Ah, right, he thought a big hunk of silver. Oh, well, there's a silver mine not too far from here as well, which we did continuously get silver from, but the mine is not operable during winter. It's too dangerous. So the only place where there's silver is the druid's household.
Starting point is 00:04:52 The druid has a weapon made out of blue ice. Oh, right, yes. Blue ice is another weapon I've heard. But the druid's... Is it a big weapon? It's from memory, a big axe. So you could break it down into several knives? Yes, you could.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Then everyone gets one, is what I'm thinking. That's a good idea. I like that. Ah, thank you. Well, is it too cold to go there now? If anyone were to go there, I would go... He looks out the window. If you were to set out, I'd say set out now. It looks like the weather's going to hold for a little while at least.
Starting point is 00:05:26 It's two days' travel from here. If you head towards there, you'll pass by a trapper's lodge. I haven't seen the trapper in a while, but he's a bit of a recluse anyway. You'll be able to stop there for the night. Okay. I mean, yeah. We can go north, go to Trapper for day rest Then go up to Druid
Starting point is 00:05:46 I reckon it's Alex boy over here He can probably protect the township While we're not here Alex has just been sitting on the conversation Not contributing anything but just listening Very intently to your conversation So yeah I reckon you can probably protect The town while we're not here
Starting point is 00:06:02 He shrugs and says I've killed a lot of things in my day That's not terribly comforting Or benefit and you can probably predict what we're not doing. He shrugs and says, I've killed a lot of things in my day. That's not terribly comforting. Or benefit. I've never killed a werewolf. Did I ask you if you had? I want to give... To Aral this look like, get this fucking guy.
Starting point is 00:06:17 This fucking guy. This fucking guy. Anyway, yeah. Paz puts up some hands and says, let's leave it for the white wolf, shall we? She's like, what languages do you know? I know elven and common. Both of which Alexander potentially knows.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Where are my languages? Ah! Help! All right, calm down, calm down. I know eights. On the same page as your skills. I got them. Common, nerve, elven, and dwarven.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Common, orc, draconic, giant. All right, so me and... The of Giants is just common real slow Hello Anyway Who'd have turned a lot to look at Ali? I know we get swivel chairs, that's good That's pretty nice That's a sound of me swivelling Let's head for the Druid's Hole My feet touch the ground with these chairs That's. That's pretty nice. Whoop. That's the sound of me swiveling. Let's head for the druid's hole.
Starting point is 00:07:06 My feet touch the ground with these, yes. That's nice. That's abnormal. Yeah, yeah. Anything else we need to have here? What are we going to do with Iqfar? What are we going to do with Iqfar? Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Iqfar. Have we got like a wine cellar? Or a hole? In this Iq town. No, no, no. I think what we probably need is someone on guard because he's a crafty little boy. I can look after him, Huck says. Here's an idea.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Why don't we fill the barrel with flour? Then he can't move. He can't breathe. No, up to the head. We don't really have the flour to waste on, Huck says. Okay, this is an idea. Myself and Alexander can babysit him for you. All right.
Starting point is 00:07:47 I just don't want to leave too far away as I'm the only one who has a silvered weapon. No, that makes sense. Leave too far away? Is that what I just said? What a dumb phrase. We've all said dumb things in this game and it's fine. Do we trust...
Starting point is 00:08:00 Hang on, because this is a million dollar bounty. Do we trust these bugger lugs enough to not do anything with him? Don't kill him. Don't kill him. It doesn't matter what he does. There's a million dollars in it for us. I'll make sure he stays alive.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Dollars aren't a thing. A million gold. Good. He's a thousand gold in it for us. Yes. Bought it down. What did I say? It's a million dollars.
Starting point is 00:08:24 I meant a hundred a hundred silver that's it yes we'll go is what I'm saying you set out yeah
Starting point is 00:08:36 alright I like to think the bounty that we get like you either read off or like the hype looked at us like for one million gold like
Starting point is 00:08:43 they know that's all or the hype looked at us like, for one million gold! Like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. They know. They saw. Alright, let's head for the Druid's Hall. Do you set off? Oh, actually, probably going to be late to getting night. So, I would say... Spend the night and head off in the morning?
Starting point is 00:08:59 Yeah. Huck Duffy recommends you stay at least one night and head off in the morning. The weather's going to flit about back and forth, but it's going to do that if you leave now or if you leave later. But we don't want to be caught out at night. The only thing is, you've got to watch out because the white wolf is going to probably stalk around a little bit tonight. So I think it's safe for everyone to stick in groups. I don't know what groups you want to arrange, but...
Starting point is 00:09:24 Pairs, the body system. Oh, no. I'm going to get stuck with someone dumb. You can choose. Do it like back in school, like we were playing ball. How about this? We will stick with our party.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Yeah. And we'll have this. Just stay safe tonight. I don't care where you stay. Just stay safe. Like, let's just, all four of us, including Ikva, we'll go to Whale Devon, and we'll stay there for a bit. Sounds's just all four of us including ikva we go to world devon and we stay there for a bit sounds if any of you have fought or heard of werewolves before i assure
Starting point is 00:09:50 you the white wolf is no regular werewolf have any of us fought werewolves before well no well only you could tell the difference yeah so maybe darrell have you ever fought a werewolf before evens i have odds odds I haven't. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? You are very intimate with werewolves. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:11 You probably dated one for a couple of years. She was all right. Dated her. Dated her. Oh, shit. She's a werewolf. Killed her. She bit me.
Starting point is 00:10:18 I got hairy. I was like, it's good. It happened years ago that you fought a werewolf, but you remember it as being one of the hardest fights of your life. First off, trying to just avoid being bitten is like its own separate challenge, but then you've also got to watch out for their vicious fighters. See how I've got all these scars? I rip open my... Hairy chest.
Starting point is 00:10:41 I like to imagine just like the werewolf's top jaw and bottom jaw and just press them into your chest. I've got imagine just like the whale's top jaw and bottom jaw and just press the bit to your chest. Like all these six girls. Jesus Christ. How have I never noticed that? Do I just not see you naked? It seems like you do it a lot. The winter wolf is far larger than any regular werewolf.
Starting point is 00:11:01 It's maybe as big as a maybe as big as a giant. What? He's pretty big. I can speak giant. It's big. Is it the werewolf half werewolf half giant? I don't know what it is. Okay. Many people around town claim it's a
Starting point is 00:11:20 hell beast sent by the gods. From up the north where the gods send wind. Oh look here, gods send snow. Because it comes around the same time by the gods. From up the north, where the gods sent wind from. Oh, lookie, a god sent snow. Because it comes around the same time as the wind. No, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. People make the connection. Maybe it's a god.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Hey, who knows? Anyway. A lot of speculation happening in this town hall. If you see it, don't fight it. Just run. All right. I didn't intend to. Okay, let's go back to our whole house, whole room in the tavern. Mm-hmm. And wait out the night. All right. I didn't intend to. Okay, let's go back to our whole house,
Starting point is 00:11:45 home room in the tavern. Mm-hmm. And wait out the night. All right. We'll head off at first opportunity in the morning. In the night. How soundly do I sleep? Oh, was Teril going like...
Starting point is 00:11:57 Trissa sleeps like a fucking baby. So do you, Chet. You sleep like God. Daryl, though, in the night, you're woken up by the sounds of someone screaming. Oh, that's not good. And then a wolf howl. I try and look out the window. It's white-out conditions right now.
Starting point is 00:12:15 You can't see anything. You're amazed you could hear it over the wind. What kind of scream was it? Male? Female? Sounded female. Oh, no. I reckon, look, is Trish around? Trish is asleep. Yeah, you guys? Sounded female. Oh no. I reckon
Starting point is 00:12:25 look is Trish around? Trish is asleep. You guys have a bedroom together. Alright.
Starting point is 00:12:30 I don't know how many it'll cost me. I'm happy to pay the difference. What do I
Starting point is 00:12:40 think? Fucking damn it. Did you just go back to sleep? No, no. I go down and maybe wake these muggalugs up. It's up to you.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I know where... I wake up Triss. You get out of your bed. Immediately you're like, oh, no. It's all this shit. Wrap up in rug. You wake up Triss? Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:05 All right. Triss, you're awoken. What do you want. Yeah. You wake up Tris? Yes. All right. Tris, you're awoken. What do you want? There's a werewolf attack, I think. I heard a scream and then howling. Are you sure it wasn't a dream? I just want to check. Because, I mean, that wouldn't have worked.
Starting point is 00:13:17 I have a hard think. It didn't wake us up, so. Now I'm like 80% sure it was real. Well, are you good with numbers? Look, I heard scream. I woke up. Right, let's go% sure it was real. Are you good with numbers? Look, I heard scream, I woke up. Right, let's go. And then I heard howl. So maybe scream was in dream, but howl was not in dream. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Wake up the other one. Alright, wake up other one. What? What's happening? Is it morning? Almost. There was a tech. All three of you are fucking freezing if you're out of your beds It's so cold You were freezing in the beds
Starting point is 00:13:47 Wrap up in a rug Chuck on my Wrap the blanket around me You all spent A solid Five minutes Donning the heavy furs You have purchased
Starting point is 00:13:56 There was a Scream In the hell I think over That direction Okay Go downstairs I presume there's a downstairs
Starting point is 00:14:04 Creep downstairs. Yeah, you're upstairs right now. You go downstairs. Didn't he say... Didn't he... Sorry, whisper. Didn't he say that if we did see it, we'd run? We would use.
Starting point is 00:14:14 So why are we going to investigate? We're not going to investigate. I was just going to say, like, maybe we'd be weary. Oh, so don't go to sleep, because whatever comes up and eats us in our bed. Did you do one? Yeah, so you just spend the rest of the night awake and ready? Maybe, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:26 let's have a guard wash. Shifts. Alright, I'll take the shift. I want to go downstairs and maybe bar up door. Okay,
Starting point is 00:14:34 you go downstairs? Yes. The downstairs has been broken open. Ah, bullshit. Something has come from the inside
Starting point is 00:14:41 and it's just broken down. The doors were heavily barricaded. They've just been absolutely destroyed and it's just broken down. The doors were heavily barricaded. They've just been absolutely destroyed and wood has been sent everywhere. All right, I'll go back upstairs. Not safe here. You also saw a figure lying half in, half out of the door. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Not safe here. I'll go to this person. Your approach? Get my halberd out. There's blood everywhere. Get halberd out.'s blood everywhere Get hell buried out Can you tell who it is? Look around
Starting point is 00:15:06 You You can't tell who it is The body has been absolutely Viciously savaged There's so little Recognizable on the body You couldn't tell Gender
Starting point is 00:15:19 Race Let alone who it is What time is it? It's probably like one Past midnight How dark is it? Very dark. Light a torch.
Starting point is 00:15:26 It's also whiteout conditions. You can't light a torch. You just can't. It's too windy. Fuck me. Let's go back to bed. Close the door. Pretend we didn't see anything.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Where's our door? Wait, where's our wizard? You open the barrel? Yeah. Who's looking in the barrel? Me. Where's our wizard the barrel me where's our wizard pop he's in there oh thank god put the lid back on wait take the lid off do you see anybody oh you're in a barrel wait did you hear anybody wait sorry i'll take it out did you hear anybody don't cast a spell
Starting point is 00:16:02 couldn't if i wanted to, he says. Okay, put it back on top. He didn't wait for his answer. Yes, I did. He said he couldn't. Oh, okay. Couldn't cast a spell. He might have heard somebody. Alright.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Too late now. I like that you let him sleep in the barrels. God. Oh, man. Oh, his legs. I like that you let him sleep in the barrels God oh man Oh his legs Oh He's gonna die just because the blood isn't circulating If he wants to walk around he can How?
Starting point is 00:16:35 I'll walk him How does he let you know he wants to walk He makes a noise he goes He shakes back and forward And I'm like oh Ickfur needs a walking or a pooping. Does he know that? And I never explain it. Because I'm going to say there's shit in that barrel.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Jesus. After that first time, then we develop a system. The first time he shits in the barrel, we're like, we can't be having this. Now I've got to get you a new coat. I ruined your coat, you bad dog.
Starting point is 00:17:11 You have to wash the coat out. Goddamn. It probably happened on the trip there to Valve Haven. All right, then you didn't ruin it. Good. All right. And then, yeah, go down and investigate who this person did. Like I said, you couldn't tell It's physically impossible
Starting point is 00:17:28 If you want, you can spend a solid 10 minutes Just searching Not 10 minutes, 5 minutes Just patting down the body and stuff Seeing what happened Exactly what happened around here It's fucking freezing cold by the way You probably just drag the body in a little bit
Starting point is 00:17:44 Because otherwise I'm actually just going to roll damage from the You probably just drag the body in a little bit, because otherwise I'm actually just going to roll damage from the cold. So you drag the body in a little bit so you can do it in warmth. You find the sigil of a god you couldn't place on the body. Oh, that's the ballad. That is bound to happen. It has been a terrible accident. Well, he was the most annoying one. I thought he was going to Ruby House or Cold Rose.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Cold Rose. Numb shit. I was about to say numb nuts. Yeah, numb shit is better, though. I like numb shit. Numb shit is... Yeah, fucking numb shit. Well, I guess they're not getting help from Cold Rose anymore.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Here's the question. Where's the mayor? If he was going Here's the question. Where's the mayor? He was going off with the mayor. Where's the mayor? Was he going off with the mayor? I thought only he was going off. Yeah, they were. They went together.
Starting point is 00:18:32 What, Mayor Fenris Wolf? No! He couldn't be. No possible way is here, well. I was so certain it was the sheriff dressed all in wolf dress. Everything styled wolfy. The only person who seems to know what's going on and the person who organizes everything every year
Starting point is 00:18:58 but can never manage to capture the white wolf. Everybody's the wolf. I'm the wolf. There's a whole town of wolves. Are you a wolf? Maybe what? You're a white wolf? I'm a white wolf.
Starting point is 00:19:11 You're a white wolf. Maybe you turn into a white wolf. Oh, jeez. And look, he said it was big. Are you sure it didn't mean tiny and small like a gnome over there? Maybe it's a gnome or a wolf. Here's what we do. Everyone gets a silver bullet
Starting point is 00:19:25 I mean a silver knife Everybody stabs himself in the leg Whoever dies was the wolf Systematic leg stabbing If it really hurts you Probably the wolf See a better way to do it would be to get a steel dagger and whoever isn't hurt...
Starting point is 00:19:47 But everybody gets hurt by steel. But, like, if the werewolf stabs himself with a silver thing, they could be just like, Oh... Just like... I'm fine. Anyway. What do we do with this gross mess?
Starting point is 00:20:04 You don't know where Hob is. You imagine, you know he has like a cellar. You know he bunkered down in there. Do you want me to go let him know? Let's go make Hob know. You go around behind the bar where you saw him lock it up. So things firmly bolted shut from the other side, you imagine. Like knock in,, pound the door.
Starting point is 00:20:27 There's no immediate response. Do you keep going? Yes. Hub, wake up. Hub? Hub, don't be dickhead. You got to keep pounding. I'll keep on pounding.
Starting point is 00:20:39 It's cold as shit. Come the fuck out. Why are you doing this, Hub? Hang on, because this listen isn't so good. I've got a crowbar. Oh my god. No, no, no. Just give me one. Christ almighty, Hob.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Wake up! Wake up, you fuck! Golly, you are hammering for a solid 15 minutes before finally his dismal listen score of negative 2 allows him to hear you. Hob, you piece of shit. You wasted my time. I am so tired.
Starting point is 00:21:09 You hear like a latch on the other side. Finally. The little thing opens up and Hob, bleary eyed, obviously a very heavy sleeper. He's got like bags under his eyes and shit. Pokes out. Bags, wrinkles. You're like, Hob, do you wear makeup? Pokes his head out. He's like like bags under his eyes and shit. Pokes out. Bags, wrinkles. You're like, Hob, do you wear makeup? Pokes his head out.
Starting point is 00:21:28 He's like, what? Hob, there is lots of bad energy in your tavern now. What happened? El Nido. He climbs out. Oh, do you like, well, he probably can't see the body behind the counter, but he climbs out. Takes one look at the body and immediately runs to the doorway and starts hurling. Bodily
Starting point is 00:21:47 hurling, chucking up into the snow. My eye just wanders to the painting of a sheep. Oh yeah. I don't even know really why we needed to wake. Not the best option, I guess. Bob, clutching the side of the door, says, take it out, please. Take it
Starting point is 00:22:03 out. I'd like to scoop up as much as I can. It's like, carry it. Hob realises what he's kneeling in as well. The gore that you just couldn't drag in. And then he starts retching anew. Holding just like the mess. I don't know where to put it. There's no back door.
Starting point is 00:22:20 You've got to take it past him to get it out. Hob, don't look. Close your eyes, young boy. He's fine. I'll take it out him to get it out. Hub, don't look. Close your eyes, young boy. It's fine. I'll take it out into the freezing street. Can I just dump it? Chuck it in. Lay it next to your door.
Starting point is 00:22:32 All right. There we go. I got rid of it. Got rid of most. Hub stands up shakily on his feet and he says, Why did you wake me up for that? Well, it is your bar to your establishment. You should probably be aware of it.
Starting point is 00:22:45 We can deal with that tomorrow. Yeah, I honestly don't know why we woke you up. It just seemed like a good idea. Thought you'd want to know. You don't want it going moldy. What's it? Yeah, there you go. It might have gone off.
Starting point is 00:22:58 What's the damage to the door like? There's no door. Just no door? Or is it like a massive hole? Yeah, well, there's no hole. The door frame is still there, but the door and all of the barricade that was put up on it has just been broken and is splinterous. Can we put up a table in front of the door just to keep the wind out?
Starting point is 00:23:17 Yeah, yeah, please. I gotta be alone. You go back to bed. Listen more. He's like sweating heavily. Just a bit of advice, you know. It's hard to... You don't hear.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Maybe set up a bell that you can ring from above. He nods slowly. He seems just very keen to be away from here right now. He climbs back down the stairs. Go back to that. Out of the darkness of the snow, stumbles Mayor Fenris Wolf. He's clutching
Starting point is 00:23:53 just furs around him, and as he stumbles forward, you can tell... Hang on a second. I heard a girl scream. Clearly it's not a girl. Wow. The mayor I heard a girl scream clearly it's not a girl well the mayor the mayor is just clutching furs around him you can tell he hasn't spotted
Starting point is 00:24:13 the corpse but when he sees the gore at the ground at your feet he says what happened did someone get attacked can I grab the mayor and just slam him into a wall of the tavern what is the meaning are you the werewolf just slam him into a wall of the tavern? What is the meaning? Are you the werewolf?
Starting point is 00:24:27 What? You've got to tell me if you're the werewolf. You can tell he's not wearing any clothes underneath the fur. You're naked under fur. You're a werewolf. No, no. I am not putting him in a barrel. No offense, Mr. Fenris Wolf, but I think you might be werewolf.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Do you have any recollection of where you are? No. No. No. Just saying, like, look, you're naked. Werewolves get naked when they attack and turn back to man. You are a man. You probably attacked Mr. Terrell.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Just saying. Please. Is this true? No. No, I'm not a werewolf. Please. I'll let him down. Okay. I believe him. Please I'll let him down. Okay Why not make any rolls for this stuff because it's too fun Question mr. Met why you'd make it I Why your fruits just Dangling in the way much as the furs back at him. I
Starting point is 00:25:27 Says a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. I sleep naked with my wife and she will tell you that is what I do. What does your wife sniff? Why didn't you put on pants before you came here? Why did you run naked? Why are you even out here? I grab him up, push him up against the wall again. Why? You do that and then a deep baritone from the doorway says, Why are you even there, Teal? I grab him up, push him up against the wall again. What? You do that, and then a deep baritone from the doorway says,
Starting point is 00:25:50 Put the mayor down. But he might have been a werewolf. Huck Duffy is standing in the doorway. What if he's a werewolf, though? He's naked, and he came here naked. I just came from the town hall, Mr. Wolf. Your wife says you weren't in bed tonight. There you go.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Look at this. He's naked. He's walking around the house. He's not even... No, please. He falls to his feet. Question. I'm guilty of a crime, but that crime is not being a werewolf.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Oh, he had an affair. He explains that he has been sleeping with one of the barmaids, who you guys have not met yet. Get the barmaid. The barmaid was the female scream you heard. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:26:39 So as the wolf, he killed the barmaid. So he is the wolf. He is the wolf. We're both against the wall again. We've got you right-handed, Mr. Mayor. Alright, so what happens is a cursory inspection of the tavern
Starting point is 00:26:54 comes to reveal the corpse of the barmaid as well. Oh, that's so sad. Huck Duffy is on your side. He's like, Mr. Mayor, do you care to explain any of this? And the mayor explains it as he was in bed with the barmaid. They were doing the deed. Canoodling.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Canoodling. When the barmaid's parents walked into the room, found them, the barmaid freaked out and ran out into the snow just in terror. That's when the mayor says the werewolf attack happened. Bloody, Bloody convenient. The parents of the barmaid, though, when they are brought round by Huck Duffy, say that both of them ran out into the snow. Put him in a barrel.
Starting point is 00:27:34 Put him in a barrel. For the time being. Put him in a barrel. Quick question. The werewolf attack, was the mayor here when you arrived? The mayor was here. The mayor was mayor long before I came to this town. And you were saying werewolf attack long before you were here, yes?
Starting point is 00:27:55 Werewolf has been attacking this town since I've been mayor here. Sheriff, sorry. So I would assume that if mayor was werewolf, mayor is werewolf. Mayor is definitely werewolf. Tentrally. werewolf, Mayor is a werewolf. Mayor is definitely a werewolf. Tentrally. $100 up front, Mayor werewolf. If it is one werewolf, because a werewolf bite, if hidden, could mean that there could be a session. He's naked.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Do we check his body for bites? You're very clever sometimes, Truss. Pull him out of the barrel. Bring him back out of the barrel. Oh, by the time as well, a lot of people have started assembling in the tavern. So there's a lot of townspoke here. All the people again. Everyone's going to see the mayor's fruits.
Starting point is 00:28:32 The mayor is publicly taken out, looked up and down, and no bites are found on him. But the crowd is kind of in a frenzy at this point. And a lot of them are saying that either the wretched wound has healed, or that it is not a wound at all, and the mayor was sent by the gods as an evil spirit. Still not out of the quest. The town is kind of against the mayor
Starting point is 00:28:55 right now, and it looks like a lynching might happen. Why did you guys elect him? Look, mayor... He's not elected. I'm very elected. That's not how mayor's chosen him. Brass taxes, mayor. No matter what way this goes, you're not going to be mayor next election. I think I'll be alive next election.
Starting point is 00:29:15 He starts crying. He breaks down babbling for maybe the third time since he started grabbing him. All right, crowd. Everybody calm down. No need to lynch probable wolf mayor. Let's just tie him, put him in battle for night, and then if you break out again, clearly
Starting point is 00:29:32 you will. Fenris wolf for mayor, not a werewolf. I will 100% guarantee that I am not a werewolf. It's running a pose. You just have to be like, he's a werewolf. Could you imagine if like in the presidential election, they had to deal with shit like this?
Starting point is 00:29:48 Like Trump was like, I am not a werewolf. Stop calling me a werewolf. And then everyone's like, but what if he is? But what if he is? I don't want him running my country, frankly.
Starting point is 00:29:58 So look, everybody come down. No lynching. Cause what if he's like, look, 90% he wolf. 10% he might just be dumb man i think he i think regardless whether or not he is a wolf he's still a dumb man so that's a hundred percent huck
Starting point is 00:30:14 duffy steps up and says you three to the druid now the druid will know more than we will all right but for the weapon and get the druid and bring him back if you can as well. Alright, but try and keep the mayor alive. Keep him in the barrel. Don't worry. I'm too neutral. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:30:31 To the druid! Keep him alive but if he becomes a wolf kill him good. Alright, you set out now? Everybody's awake now I guess. By the time
Starting point is 00:30:41 this has all happened it's morning. I didn't sleep much neither the snow has calmed down so it's not snowing so heavily but the wind is really bad and so you need those furs to keep warm and you head out towards the trappers
Starting point is 00:30:56 the trapper is his name is told to you can we take Nobble with us? can you take what? Nobble Name is told to you. Can we take Noble with us? Gregor. Can you take what? Noble. The kid.
Starting point is 00:31:08 I fucking love Noble. He's got a good head on his shoulders. He's a fucking, like in this town. Noble is like the most fucking level-headed person. So, did you seriously ask Noble? No, we don't need a child. What was the name of the trapper? Because if you did
Starting point is 00:31:26 Gregor His parents would have said no But halfway there Novel would have come up behind you With like a little shitty kid's bow No, I want Novel I didn't meet Novel So I wouldn't have asked
Starting point is 00:31:37 Yeah Okay We'll head out to the trapper's cabin Let's go to this Gregor boy And rest there And keep going to Druid Sea. Maybe Grego, maybe he knows
Starting point is 00:31:46 because he's up in the wilds. Maybe he knows a little bit more about Woof than everyone else. Yeah, we can at least chat and talk to him.
Starting point is 00:31:55 We don't have to deal with the rest of the villages. That's pretty good. That's good. But will the wilds be more pleasant than the villagers? Find out next time
Starting point is 00:32:02 on Northern Bounty, a D&D is for Nerds side quest adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, Thanks for watching. plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest.
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