D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company I #3 Pyro Pits

Episode Date: May 22, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 San Spence Radio, Australia's most American podcast network. Hello there, this is Joel Dusha, acclaimed podcaster and San Spence Radio's most eligible bachelor, here to tell you that Plumbing the Death Star cannot be stopped, and as a direct consequence of that fact, are performing a live show at the Comedy Republic on June 5th. That's right, a live podcast featuring some of the worst brains in Australian podcasting. Joel Dusha, Joel Zammett, and Jackson Bailey will hit the stage on June 5th at the Comedy Republic at 6.30pm to entertain you with all of the terrible thoughts and horrible nonsense pouring out of their filthy mouths.
Starting point is 00:00:43 You can buy tickets by simply heading to the show notes below and clicking the link to the Plumbing the Death Star Cannot Be Stopped live podcast, or you can simply head to the Comedy Republic website. Either is fine. Tickets are moving very quickly. Like, we haven't sold out, but it's looking like it's going to happen, which is frankly a shock to me and everyone that I know. So if you are waiting to the last
Starting point is 00:01:05 minute i would recommend purchasing your tickets now plumbing the death star live episode comedy republic june 5th i will see you there unless you don't come in which case shit Previously on the stories of the Gwaii Hill Free Company. Oh, it's right here. Kentura points and you're like, maybe with your eagle eye view, you're able to see, with like a zoomed out view, you're able to see the many goblin tracks here. But you can see that there is a host of goblins.
Starting point is 00:01:46 It looks like they have some sort of riding animal as well. Anyway, Gobble needs a nickname now. Yes. Want to give it a go there? Yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 00:01:54 give it a go. No, you try. I got a little pig. Kantura. Kantura comes from long line of Kanturas. This is Shaken Tree Stumps World.
Starting point is 00:02:04 I was already previously shaken. Kantura's whole family are Kanturas. This is Shaken Tree Stumps World. Canturas, whole family are Canturas. Are your whole family fish? Everyone takes on a level of exhaustion from walking through the night. Well, mine's from thinking. You have two levels of exhaustion.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Cast in real life from roleplaying, I was furrowing my brow and now I've got to take. Did you see that big thing that you saw? That made a loud Cast in real life from roleplaying, I was furrowing my brow and now I've got to take. Did you see that big thing that you saw that made a loud sound? Big bird. Yes, does that come around here often? It happens every round again, right?
Starting point is 00:02:39 Does it land around here or does it just fly on by? Hazzlers again. I've seen it land, yes. It's not far from here. Do you know which direction? He gestures towards further where the Ironwood Forest is and in the direction that it was flying. There's a big tree.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Oh, right. It's bigger than this big tree. It's a very big tree. A very big tree, right. Up the top of the tree. And that's where the big tree. A very big tree, right. Up the top of the tree. And that's where the big lands. Yes. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:03:09 You've been very helpful. Here, have another bit of seed or whatever is in my rations. Here you go. Okay. Thank you. Go away before I eat it. Of course, of course. You have a good night.
Starting point is 00:03:19 Happy hunting. Just don't get too close to me. I would never dream. I'm not 100% sure you're not part of it. That's fair enough. Like another set of eyes that tricks me while get too close to me. I would never dream. I'm not 100% sure you're not part of it. That's fair enough. Like another set of eyes that tricks me while the big thing eats me. Always be cautious. Like in
Starting point is 00:03:32 my favorite movie, Riddick. Did you know it's not until 20 minutes in that he says anything? Really? He's just completely silent for 20 minutes. For the first 20 minutes of the movie, he says nothing. Then he has a voiceover, and it really gets you. A voiceover, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Yes, the first time he talks. He doesn't talk. Well, no, it's him doing the voiceover. Oh, well, yeah, but the character isn't talking, the character is talking, but the character on screen. Is that the same thing for Pitch Black? It's a non-diegetic sound, I think you call it. Yes, yes the characters, the character he's talking about, the character on screen. Is that the same thing for Pitch Black? It's a non-diegetic sound, I think you call it. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Does the same thing happen in Pitch Black? In Pitch Black? I don't remember. It's been a while since I've seen that movie. Yeah, same. Because that was the first one, because it wasn't really like... Yes, it was.
Starting point is 00:04:17 And then there was the Chronicles of Riddick in between. Yes. You keep what you kill. I remember, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the one where you kill someone with like a can with a can that's the Chronicles of Riddick
Starting point is 00:04:28 I think they maybe replayed that scene out in Riddick they do that a lot I can't remember though I remember at one point he kills someone with their own machete and puts the head in a box but the head falls in a box but he like alludes to that moments before it happens.
Starting point is 00:04:45 It was pretty cool. It was pretty cool. Did you know that the character who plays Riddick, Vin Diesel, I think it might have been on the set of Chronicles of Riddick, but he actually played Dungeons and Dragons with Judi Dench. Yes, I've heard this story. It's impressive, huh, isn't it? Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:03 Yeah. Well, you have a wonderful night Don't worry, I'm not going to eat you Just enjoy the seed and happy hunting So wait, have you seen Riddick? Yes, yes, yes, I have Yeah? Yeah, it's a good film
Starting point is 00:05:14 You know that movie came out in 2013? 2013? Are they making a fourth one? That's so long ago Yeah, I think so That's nice I mean, Vin Diesel, sorry It's hard
Starting point is 00:05:22 You get them confused They're basically the same character, to be honest. They're the same person. Absolutely, yeah. Well, are they? Vin Diesel wishes he was Riddick, I think. No, I think he wishes he was his Witcher boy or whatever it was. It's kind of a, well, either way, it's kind of like a Steven Seagal moment. Yes. You know what I was thinking about the other day? Tom Cruise is kind of the modern day Steven Seagal.
Starting point is 00:05:45 In all of his movies, he's really cool and he doesn't get hurt. No, he's a much better actor than Steven Seagal. I don't know about that. He's just more fun than Steven Seagal. He is more fun. But Steven Seagal is pretty fun, but just in a different way, I suppose. No, no, no. Have you seen the movie where he plays a drug smuggler?
Starting point is 00:06:02 It's American something. Oh, American, yes. Yes, yes. It's very good. I highly recommend it. movie where he plays a drug smuggler it's American something oh American yes it's very good I highly recommend it it plays kind of almost like not typecast it's a very good film I highly recommend it yeah can I counter with all of the the Jack Reacher movies yes I have not seen it
Starting point is 00:06:18 because I just I think you know he should have been a bit better than that it's just really bad he's a total Mary Sue in those movies. I'd imagine, yes. It's very frustrating to watch because he doesn't get hurt, which is a classic Seagal move. It is a classic Seagal move.
Starting point is 00:06:33 He never gets hurt. That's crazy. I just wouldn't... Look, movies like that confirm when I'm like, Tom Cruise is kind of a bad dude sometimes, you know? Because of the whole Scientology thing as well. Yes, I understand that. But a bad dude sometimes you know the whole scientology thing as well but that's why sometimes you separate the art from the artist because quite frankly i think he's a very good actor yeah um i feel like you don't need to separate them i feel like you're
Starting point is 00:06:55 just allowed to enjoy something that's bad i guess you look fair enough you just enjoy it and then you acknowledge that something bad is within it that That's, you know, because if all of our media had to be perfect, then we would never really consume anything, would we? Yeah, 100% no. We'd always be sitting around in silence, maybe reading a book, but then maybe even not even that. Ultimately, the objective is to be part of the solution somehow. Yes. It's a very good idea, Mr. Hootie. Be the change you want to see in the world, you know?
Starting point is 00:07:25 That's a very good idea, Mr. Hootie. Be the change you want to see in the world, you know? That's a very good life lesson to live by. Be the change you want to see in the world. Don't get any closer! I'm not, I'm not. I would never dream of it. I bet you steal the eyes or whatever. I'm so sorry. Look, here's another bit of ration.
Starting point is 00:07:37 You enjoy that? Hang on, wait. One more minute and then you run out of time. And that's kind of funny to me. It's exactly one minute, or it was one minute about five seconds ago. Six seconds now. What was that time? Look, I see you're a Vin Diesel fan.
Starting point is 00:07:54 What was that film where it was Elijah Wood and he plays kind of- Lord of the Rings. No, no, no, no, no. It was with Vin Diesel. He wasn't in that, was he? Wait, who was in Lord of the Rings? Who played Frodo? That was Elijah Wood. Yeah, it was, right?
Starting point is 00:08:06 Yeah, but I'm talking about the movie. It's a film where it's kind of a fantasy but modern, and it is with Vin Diesel and Elijah Wood. And Vin Diesel, on the press tour, he was like, I'm so looking forward, not to the sequel, but to the true... Oh, you're thinking of The Witch Hunter. The Witch Hunter, yes!
Starting point is 00:08:21 Have you seen The Witch Hunter? No, I haven't seen The Witch Hunter, but I have seen that interview. It's very funny. I got halfway through The Witch Hunter, and I think I turned it off, but I don't remember why. Did you ever see that one with Nicolas Cage, The Sorcerer's Apprentice? No, but I remember the trailers. Was it good? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:08:38 I didn't see it, but it looked fab. It did look very, very good. It looked awful. You know what else? Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Time for...
Starting point is 00:08:48 Woo! Woo! Yeah, so I saw it for the first time. So that bird has seen a lot of modern media. Anyway, the Wyvern is... Do you have that map there, Cherry Cheeks? Cherry Cheeks places the map out in front of you and holds up like a little candle so that you can see it.
Starting point is 00:09:08 So I think we're here, correct? On a point. Yeah, I reckon we're like around here, right? And he looks at Kentura. Kentura nods slowly. Yes, we are here. Apparently where it was flying to was a very big... I'd love to be there, sorry. We are here. Apparently, where it was flying to was a very big... I might have had a bit of a rash and gave me a bit of an ingestion.
Starting point is 00:09:30 So if we follow the way the dragon or the wyrm was flying to, there's apparently a very big tree and it's perched on top. I think it's a nest maybe or something like that. But it's a very big tree, so I guess if we could scoot around. Is it on the way to the goblins? Is... Oh, it's like in the same
Starting point is 00:09:54 area. Yeah, well, if we can deal with the goblins, they're not too much of a hassle for us. Perhaps then we could kind of scout the area, find the tree, mark it on the map, and then if we have the big location, then we can kind of figure out where that security is. And then we'll continue our way. So the plan is to continue tracking the
Starting point is 00:10:09 goblins for now, or to divert from the goblins? I guess you've got a level of exhaustion. You're kind of deep in on this one. I think we probably should go for the goblins and then... What does everyone think? Because I think that's probably the better one. Like, the tree we know is vaguely around here, but the goblins might keep moving. Yeah, I reckon we could give the goblins a bit
Starting point is 00:10:26 of a... We'll lose the goblins otherwise, won't we? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, let's do the goblins. Let's do them. Yes. Get them done! Gobos! You keep heading for a little bit longer, and then you can see lights in the distance. It's still...
Starting point is 00:10:42 It's maybe... The morning sun is going to be arriving kind of any moment now. And so there's a sense of urgency because the camp will be quiet and will be probably less active right now. So now
Starting point is 00:10:58 would be your best time to basically surprise them. You see lights in the distance. How would you like to approach this? Full of rage. Would you like... You rage and start sprinting. Should we send
Starting point is 00:11:14 Chenriichi? Okay, never mind. I think if we tackle with the element of surprise... You rage and start sprinting? Yes. Okay. So, first of all, you expend one use of your rage. Okay. So, wisdom, you expend one use of your rage. Just have a, again,
Starting point is 00:11:29 in Edge of a Pool, I've been like, yeah, so I think perhaps if we get Cherry Chicks over there to be very sneaky, they could go over there and perhaps Oh, okay. Your rage lasts for one minute. In that minute, you get some of the way there. No.
Starting point is 00:11:46 And your rage ends. Have they noticed me? Highs or lows? Highs. The Virginia Company. Yeah, you noticed. It's so funny, I'm exhausted.
Starting point is 00:12:03 I rage for a minute, then I get sleepy again Oh, that's not what I wanted I didn't realise that we're that far away That's okay, Big T We've got you covered I'll be putting on my clothes at this moment It's okay, Big T They're just goblins
Starting point is 00:12:21 How hard can it be? They're little ones, you know You could just use a step or whatever. They're puntables. Yeah, exactly. They're puntables. So, Big T, I've got some really bad news. You're sprinting after the goblins,
Starting point is 00:12:33 and as you start to come within sight of a band of them who turn around and look surprised at you, your rage ends, you start to slow down, get a bit tired, and then you hear a snapping sound and you you're surrounded by darkness you have a brief sensation of falling you realize you are falling and you're in a pit trap you have a split second you see sharp objects at the bottom of this pit trap you have a split second to avoid them. Unless you don't want to.
Starting point is 00:13:07 No, I'll avoid them. All right. Well, you got a one, so. I won't. The bottom of this pit trap is filled with glass. How did they even get glass out here? The glass looks to be salvaged from raids, essentially. So you can see like a thousand different lanterns
Starting point is 00:13:26 have just been chucked into here almost wholesale the entire thing is actually slightly covered in oil because of that there are potion bottles regular bottles both wine and uh otherwise basically any piece of glass you see probably planes of glass that would have come from a carriage. They're all just been have just been chucked in the bottom of this pit. You land on them. That's all right. You could probably like climb out. It's.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Yeah, I'm very big. You take five points of damage. You are cut up something fierce. And then let's go to initiative. So would you like to grab an NPC? Me? Yeah, to act with. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Well, me exerting all of my brawn didn't work. So let's go Falmorn in as the smartest man on planet Earth. I'm like, well, I'm stumped. I came at it with all the strength I had, but maybe like the bathtub incident. This is one that you have to use the brain for. Globble, who would you like? Let's go with Cherry Chicks. I have a little rogue we can work with.
Starting point is 00:14:40 It's the goblin's turn first. There's eight of them. They really are only aware of you right now They walk up to the edge of the pit Look down at you Tree stump One of them laughs and Do you know goblin?
Starting point is 00:14:54 No One of them says something in goblin And then You see a spark And then a flaming bundle is dropped into the pit. Can I throw it back? Well, if I'm going to get burned anyway, why not get burned on the hands I catch them with and then throw?
Starting point is 00:15:16 I'll allow it. I'll allow you to try and catch it. Oh. Oh. Fire hot. Well, you managed to catch it, tree stump. You will still take a point of fire damage. Yes, it's fair.
Starting point is 00:15:32 And then you need to make a dexterity saving. No, actually, it's your turn. You now need to make a dexterity saving throw to stop it from touching anything. You pass. So you're holding just a, it's just throw to stop it from touching anything. You pass. So you're holding just a, it's just like a bundle of rags that has been lit, but nothing within here has caught fire. Okay. I would like to throw it at the goblin who wronged me.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Okay. You throw it. No, Adam. You throw it up and it goes in a bit of an arc and it comes back down. Into my other hand. Would you like to try and catch it again? Yes, but I want to catch it with the- oh no, I'd probably go with the other hand. If it's coming in an arch.
Starting point is 00:16:18 You take another point of fire damage. What would you like Falmorn to do? Um, Come help me and figure this out. Could just Falmorn have... I'd like Falmorn to cast...
Starting point is 00:16:36 Can Falmorn see what I'm trying to do? Or what's happening? Falmorn, yeah, you can. I would like Falmorn to cast some sort of fire spell. Because I know... well, what? Okay. You're covered in oil.
Starting point is 00:16:50 But Fal Morn doesn't know this. Fal Morn doesn't know I'm covered in oil. Fal Morn knows that I'm trying to light the goblins on fire, which means. They actually don't. Fal Morn. How would they know that? Because they're seeing me, they're seeing fire coming out. They're not seeing you.
Starting point is 00:17:03 No, they're seeing fire coming out of the pit. No, it didn't, Cass. You said it went in an arch. An arch, yeah. But I actually never specified if it left the pit. Well, then Falmorm would just simply cast a spell to make the goblins go away from me. What is the best go-away spell for the goblins? Well, they're all standing in a bunch, like in a semicircle.
Starting point is 00:17:24 So maybe if they cast Create Bonfire right in the middle, this is a joke. That would be where you are, and the bonfire would fall. It's a hilarious joke. Is there an AOE? Firebolt would be a decent spell. It's probably the best one that they have going right now. So yeah, Firebolt.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Let's go Firebolt. Targeting one of the goblins. A flash of fire streaks through the night and slams into one of the goblins. What is a goblin's hit points? Ah, they are weak as shit. One point, though, does not bring down a goblin. That's not as shit. One of the goblins cops a ball of fire to the face.
Starting point is 00:18:13 They were not expecting it. Does part of me think I did this? Maybe it worked? That's up to you. You make that determination. Okay, it worked a little bit. It did work a little bit. So I should try again.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Yeah. I mean, you got this. I mean, maybe next time it'll work better. It did work a little bit. So I should try again. Yeah. I mean, you got this. I mean, maybe next time it'll work better. Yeah. It's Kentura's turn. It's Kentura time. All right, Kentura, you've got this. Hey, time.
Starting point is 00:18:34 You little hunting. Kentura's gone. You don't see Kentura. Oh, yes. I'm buckling my shoe. Yep. Good, good, good. Zoot.
Starting point is 00:18:43 An arrow strikes another one of the goblins. One of the goblins goes down. How's the lows? Lows. Lows? The goblin just slumps backwards. An arrow in its chest. A bone white arrow in its chest.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Cool. Nice. Yeah, Kintura's sick. He uses bone arrows made from other kills. He's got to keep killing things and playing tag but that's for
Starting point is 00:19:09 an unrelated reason. That's for fun. Yeah. No, it's not for fun. To hone his skills. Not for that either. It's part of his religion. It's like a ceremony.
Starting point is 00:19:19 I get it. Playing tiggy. Yeah. Tiggy ritual. And then Globble, it's your turn. So there's now seven goblins. Okay, I'll start.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Don't worry, we've got you big tea. Don't worry, Frostbite on one of the goblins. You'll need to move up. Yes. But yeah, you can then do that. All right, come on. One of the goblins makes a concept. Yeah, you can then do that. All right. Come on. One of the goblins makes a concept. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:19:46 Yeah, they fail. Good, good. Frost covers one of the goblins, dealing five points of damage, and highs or lows? Yeah, highs. Always get highs. Highs? That goblin kind of just collapses over, and maybe its arm shatters. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:02 Frozen solid. The goblins are starting to freak out now. That's cool. Does any of them have a breastplate on, by the way? None of them are wearing a breastplate. It's so big. You're not actually in the camp yet, just letting you know. Oh, okay. This is just a group of goblins that were presumably on guard.
Starting point is 00:20:20 Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. The three goblins, now able to identify where your party is, are going to pick individual targets. And now a quick word from our sponsors. I love ghouls and ghosts. I unironically believe in Sasquatch. I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime, and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Oh wait, shit, yes I do. If you head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus for as little as five buckaroonies a month, you gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America, the show where I try to explain an unsolved mystery or a monster sighting or a ghost story or whatever to the rest of Sans Pants Radio who do not care or listen. Once again, that's sandspansradio.com forward slash plus to gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America today. Another flaming ball is lit and then dropped. Would you like to catch this? Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Juggle. Yes, I would like to juggle. You take another point of fire damage. Okay. And you have one in each hand. Alright, and then the other five goblins are each going to pick a target and fire a short bow. The first target is Globble. Globble, an arrow, streaks through the night
Starting point is 00:21:45 And strikes you Dealing four points of damage Damn A arrow is fired down into the pit Tree Stump, no You take four points of damage as well, Tree Stump I can't curse it? No, it moves too quickly
Starting point is 00:22:01 Also, both of your hands are full I've got a mouth Well, you know what? You do You take four points of damage It moves too quickly. Also, both of your hands are full. I've got a mouth. Well, you know what? You do. You take four points of damage and you catch it in your mouth. One fires at Cherry Cheeks. Wait, did you get Cherry Cheeks to do something?
Starting point is 00:22:15 No. Oh, what would you like Cherry Cheeks to do? Sorry. Cherry Cheeks, is they good with bow or good with knives? They're decent with a bow. They could probably bring one of the goblins down. They are better suited to close quarters combat with a unaware or an enemy who
Starting point is 00:22:32 can't pay 100% attention to them. But since that's not happening right now, bow is probably the... Bow and hide, I guess. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cherry cheeks, fires, strikes one of the goblins, brings a goblin down.
Starting point is 00:22:47 Another goblin slumps over with an arrow in its chest, but not a cool white arrow. Well, that goblin was, I guess, the one that was going to target Cherry Cheeks, because Cherry Cheeks is also a fucking ghost. Holy shit. Hey, Xamon, a number between 1 and 31. Let's go with 14
Starting point is 00:23:06 Body blow, half damage from one attack Yeah, Cherry Cheeks just kind of dematerializes I'll see you later Who said that? What? What? See you later, see you later, see you later I'm just there confused holding two balls of fire
Starting point is 00:23:22 Then a arrow shoots at Kentura. That one misses and one at Falmorn. That's a critical hit. Oh, no. Falmorn. Skewered. You take a d4 damage at the start of your turn for d4 rounds. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:23:35 So for the next three rounds, one point of damage in addition to the regular damage. Wizards there. Seven points of damage. Falmorn goes down. Wizard's there. Seven points of damage. Falmorn goes down. Oh, shit. And will die. Yes. If nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Well, I've certainly got a whole lot of my own stuff to deal with. Can you tell Falmorn I don't have, I'm at capacity right now? Well, True Stomp, it's your turn. I would like to try and get these fireballs out. All right. So you throw each. Don't have, I'm at capacity right now. Well, Tree Stump, it's your turn. I would like to try and get these fireballs out. All right. So you throw each? Yep.
Starting point is 00:24:13 So the first one is a critical hit. Yeah. What would I even call this? He opens his mouth to say, hey, don't throw that. And I get it in the mouth. You throw it right into his mouth. You deal. What would that be? don't throw that and I get it in the mouth you throw it right into his mouth you deal what would that be I guess counts as
Starting point is 00:24:30 lodging damage just rags fire damage there's no real there's a magic section surely it's a bit magic right maximum double damage targeted spell not a bit magic right maximum double damage targeted spell
Starting point is 00:24:47 but maximum double damage you deal what would I add to damage technically I should add your strength I guess you deal 12 points of damage to this goblin the goblin spontaneously not spontaneously there was a reason the goblin the goblin spontaneously not spontaneously there was a reason the goblin completely catches
Starting point is 00:25:10 fire and then highs or lows highs oh no the body the flaming body of the goblin falls into the pit. Can I catch it? For better or worse, you catch it. You take four points of fire damage. Oh no! Oh no! So you've got the other one that you can still throw.
Starting point is 00:25:39 I'm going to allow it because you're technically dual wielding. So as a bonus action, you are throwing this other one. You got another critical hit for the other one. Yes. Think though. Well, maybe he can fall backwards. Big boom, quadruple damage.
Starting point is 00:25:58 But if the force is going backwards, he should be falling backwards. That's not really how it works also you don't get your strength bonus on this so actually you only do four points of fire damage which is very funny uh meaning that the uh the goblin is actually not dead so you just set another goblin ablaze that's good i really i kind of am juggling aren't i yeah not kind of you are definitely you are yeah all right what do you want? Oh, Falmorn just makes a saving throw. I'm pretty sure he takes a point of damage.
Starting point is 00:26:29 They take two, actually. What? So that's two failures and one success. So on their next turn, your next turn, Tree Stump, if no healing is rendered, Falmorn will die. Right. I have my hands so full. It is Kentura's turn.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Kentura? Okay, good, good, good, good. Go, Kentura. You've got this. Kentura, I guess, fires their bow again. Another pure white arrow streaks through the night and strikes a goblin, bringing another goblin down. There's three left. That's good.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Globble and cherry. It's your turn. I will give a bit of a heal to my good friend Falmorn, and then I will get cherry to attack and hide if they can. We'll just attack. So, cure wounds? Yes. A d8 plus 3.
Starting point is 00:27:25 They recover 11 hit points, maximum 5, so that doesn't matter that much. But... Burp. No, they burp. Stop thinking these rations, I must say. Yeah, it must be. And then Cherry fires his shortbow. He misses, unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:27:44 An arrow just streaks through the night. And then it is the goblin's turn. The three goblins turn tail and run back towards the camp. Good news and bad news. Tree Stump, it's your turn. Well, I need to get this body out of here. I'm covered in oil, yeah? No, you're not.
Starting point is 00:28:01 Phew, I was confused. If you were covered in oil, you would have caught fire. You do take one point of damage, though, for holding the flaming corpse. Can I put him down? Wait, hang on. The pit's full of oil. Hang on. Shush, shush, shush.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Hang on. Yes, you can. Shush. Let them make this mistake. Oh, big T. Oh, big T. God, can i put them down you're great
Starting point is 00:28:29 can i say you spent so much time and effort catching these bundles of fire taking bits of damage here and there and then to just set one of them down fuck that would have been so good. I'm so upset that Xamarin is present.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Because you would have. Because you would have been like, can I set them down? And I would have been like, yep. And that would have been it. That would have been it. You know we mock Tom for how long it took him to blow out a candle. Yeah, that's true. Fuck, Cass.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Come on. What are we doing with this bundle of flaming goblin? As a player, I absolutely adore you. What would you like to do? What about as a DM? I meant as a DM, because you're the player, I'm the DM as a friend, I also cherish you I'm also in character right now
Starting point is 00:29:30 so you have to be nice to me I would like to throw it out of the pit what else am I meant to do? if I can't put him down no, you're right there's not a lot of options available to you you could try to throw them out it's a difficult check, though.
Starting point is 00:29:47 What if you use both hands? You could try to climb out of the pit holding this flaming corpse. Or you could even just climb up a little bit and then drop the flaming corpse, so long as you're not in the oil. I would like to do that, thank you. All right. There is still a risk involved to this, but it's obviously a lot less than throwing the corpse. All right. There is still a risk involved to this, but it's obviously a lot less than throwing the corpse.
Starting point is 00:30:08 All right. So I've got some awful news. I've got some fucking awful news. Adam, lay it on me. So you drop the corpse way too early. Just the idea that I'm like, okay, look around you, put the corpse down. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Think of what Falmorn would do. Don't put it down. Climb up and then drop it. I forgot to climb. Gotcha. Drop it, climb. Big T, do you have two hit points, right? Three.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Three? Oh, you're so lucky. You take two points of damage. And then you can climb out of the pit. Yes, please. You successfully climb out of the pit. Yes, please. You successfully climb out of the pit. Well done. Smoke pouring out of it.
Starting point is 00:30:51 The largest source of light anywhere around. You climb out of the pit. You've got 10 feet of your movement left. More than that, if you want to use your action, you are 20, no, you're 50 feet away from the goblins. action, you are 20, no, you're 50 feet away from the goblins. So, you could spend another 10 feet
Starting point is 00:31:08 to get within 40 feet of them, and then do you have any attacks that close that distance? You've got a javelin. Yeah, the javelin or the hand axe. They do basically the same damage. Plus Felmorgan. But the javelin has better range. I'm 50 feet away, yeah?
Starting point is 00:31:24 Currently 50 feet, with 10 feet of movement. I'll get 40 feet away and throw him a hand axe. Okay, that's going to be a disadvantage. Actually, no, the javelin would be a disadvantage anyway. So, yeah, throw a hand axe. Sure. That might still be a hit. Yeah, that's still a hit.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Yeah. God, I forgot how fucking powerful you are as well. Yeah, you bring a goblin down. That's good. Two in one. Goddamn. You deal 11 points of damage definitely bringing a goblin down. That's brilliant to know.
Starting point is 00:31:56 And you actually can't not bring. Your minimum damage is their hit points. So it actually doesn't matter. Then what would you like Falmorn to do? They can fire another firebolt? Yeah. They're stable, yeah? Yeah, they're stable.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Another firebolt, then. They strike one of the goblins, dealing... Yeah, another goblin goes down. There's only one left. A bolt of fire streaks past you, Treestump. And then it is Kentura's turn. 91. Oh, Kentura's turn. 91.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Oh, Kentura. Oh, no. So well. Shattered confidence. You have a disadvantage on attack rolls until you can successfully hit. Oh. There's confidence. Somewhere in the darkness, Kentura sheds a single tear.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Globble and cherry. Yes, I'll try and get within 50 feet, and I'll cast Frostbite on... Surviving one. Surviving, and I'll get... Passes, unfortunately. Dammit, and I'll get cherry to attack there as well. Cherry hits. He might be able to pull this off.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Cherry brings the last goblin down. Good job. Everybody, let's reconvene. Let's reconvene. Everyone reconvenes, and then at the goblin camp, you hear, boom, boom, boom, boom,
Starting point is 00:33:17 boom, boom, boom, boom, drums going. I will get all of you to make a history check to know what that means. Globlet, some sort of alarm. Oh no, that's an alarm. Tree stump. going i will get all of you to make a history check to know what that means global it's some sort of alarm oh no that's an alarm tree stump yeah that's a war alarm the camp is being roused tree stump you look at the big flaming pit that is spewing light and smoke and you're like well
Starting point is 00:33:38 well you actually think tree stump you don't, you realize that this is not a pit trap. You were just running in the dark. This was a signal fire for them to send a message. Oh, no. I'm impressed. I figured that out. Wow. May I suggest, since we're all very wounded, we hide.
Starting point is 00:34:04 I think we've got to. Yeah, I reckon caution is the better part of valor on this one. Will our brave heroes successfully hide from the goblin horde? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Hey, I'm George Jimmerlis and I'm here to talk about Bookish, my book-themed interview podcast where I get a different guest on every week to talk about their favorite book and what that says about them. It's kind of half about the book and a lot about the guest because I'm trying to figure out why that thing you love is that thing you love. So if you've ever wondered, I like this thing,
Starting point is 00:34:56 I wonder what that reflects about me. This show is basically me trying to figure that out every week with a new guest. It's kind of half book podcasts and half psychoanalysis session from someone taking some wild shots in the dark, but it's a lot of fun and I think kind of informative. And there's books. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds+, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members,
Starting point is 00:35:37 the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon dnd adventures go to rest just search for dnd is for nerds on your favorite podcast app choice and join us on this epic quest of dnd podcast discovery

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