D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #5 Quest Gathering

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I bet all y'all out there were wanting to start your 2022 right. Well, too bad, because Plumbing the Death Star is here to ensure that you start your year wrong with a brand new live show at the Comedy Republic. In 2019, we did an episode called How Would You Curse a Small Village that came out so heinous we couldn't put it on the public feed. And now, inadvisedly, we're putting it on the public stage by giving it another go and asking once again, how would you curse a small village? February 19th, 5.30pm at the Comedy Republic.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Tickets are $20 and you can grab them right now from the Comedy Republic website, link in the show notes below. Once again, that's February 19th, 5.30pm at the Comedy Republic. Come see Plumbing the Death Star live and think to yourself, Yuck. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company You get back to camp. It's kind of a buzz with activity. And then I just tell Morimash all the bullshit that has happened. Morimash's expression
Starting point is 00:01:29 becomes kind of like graver and darker the more you continue. Do we want to hold on to the armor? I simply can't abide that. I'm sorry, but company policy, you have the armor. We must hand it in, I'm afraid. And a lot of the
Starting point is 00:01:45 old-timers are sitting around that bonfire exchanging war stories. Ah, beautiful. You see, Love is Blind is part of that group. A half-elf by the name of Saren. I think this was my last venture out. I did not want to say anything until it was
Starting point is 00:02:02 over. It is the biggest rubber band ball you have ever seen in your entire life. Oh my god. The blue gem in its very center has like a little light, and you see that the gem actually glows
Starting point is 00:02:17 a little bit. Yeah, there, sweetie, thank you very much. When do you leave? My bags are packed. We'll look through those I guess new missions that have popped up over the time. You find a notice that there is a nearby or a not nearby, actually. This would take this quest would take you maybe at least a couple of weeks to get there and back, let alone however difficult the job itself is. But there is a disused castle that apparently a band of goblins are now using to harass local townsfolk.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Once again, that one is quite far away, but that would be worth, to deal with the goblins, that would be worth 500 gold. Yeah, it is. Hmm. That's weird. No goblins are easy to deal with 500 gold. Yeah, it is. Hmm. Goblins are easy to deal with, I would say. They're not very big. I don't know if I could kick them very far. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Because if I could, they're very quick. A local boy near in one of the farmsteads on the outskirts of Greyhill, a local farm boy is asking for a skilled bard or artisan to help him write a song.
Starting point is 00:03:29 He is willing to pay 10 gold. All right, 10 gold for writing a song. Okay. Oh, do you think he'll mind if we show up and we're just us? I mean, I can't hold a tune. Can you play anything? I can play hopscotch. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:03:44 I don't think – oh, it sounds a bit like a drum. Can you play anything? I can play hopscotch. That's pretty good. I don't think... Oh, it sounds a bit like a drum. What's the next one? A way shrine, not a way shrine, a tavern. A way tavern on like a through road going deeper into Kandor has been having issues with a ghost apparently haunting patrons and scaring off customers. The tavern owner is willing to pay 150 gold for dealing with that.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Right. Look, I don't really believe in ghosts. That should be pretty easy to do. A spooky hotel. A alchemist is asking for a bunch of rare and or exotic flowers. Oh, yes. Okay. That pays per flower and depending.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Well, the flowers are difficult to acquire. Is there any kind of flowers that are after exactly? Or do we know where they might be? Yeah, there's like a list. Some of them, you look at the list. Well, you're a druid. You glance over the list. You know some of them.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Some of them are just like rare and difficult to find flowers. Some of them you've never heard of before in your life. That is. A swarm of locusts is eating crops. Once again, in the area surrounding Gray Hill, the swarm of locusts is believed to be the work of a witch or a, some sort of malcontent mage. A bunch of farmers have come together and are asking for assistance.
Starting point is 00:05:07 They're willing to pay 400 gold. Yeah. Witches are scary, but again, they're not very tall. Yes, well, okay. As we're eating, was that you? It's kind of just like you're skimming through the... Skimming through the moor. I like the sound of the haunted tavern.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Yes, well, we could probably, honestly, we could probably do quite a bunch of these. The flowers, well, as we're travelling, we could probably see what's going on. This swarm of locusts seems that we probably should really do something there. You know, just dealing with that. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:48 And being sensitive. Seems to be. We need to be feeding the common folk. The tavern does sound interesting. That might be it right now. Yes. And yes, I've been going to the tavern and finding this ghost or whatever might be doing the haunting. If we help the tavern, maybe they'll just have a beer at the tavern.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Yes, maybe they will. Plus, you know, there's that local boy just needs a song written. Look, that Caskell one seems pretty far away. Is it possible to do the majority of these things, head up to where the castle is, then come back? You could try, yeah. I mean, look, we could aim for that if we wanted to and see where we go. Is the boy close?
Starting point is 00:06:34 Well, so you could swing through the Greyhill outskirts, head towards the castle, and then come back. So you could do the castle, you could do the boy, you could do the locusts. The tavern is the only one that's kind of out of your way. What about the flowers? The flowers, you don't know. You would have to, like, well, yeah, you don't know about the flowers.
Starting point is 00:06:59 You could go into Greyhill itself to find the alchemist to ask them, or alternatively, well, actually, all options lead to Greyhill itself to find the alchemist to ask them, or alternatively, well, actually all options lead to Greyhill itself, because you could ask the alchemist if they know where to find the flowers, or you could go into Greyhill and find someone who knows where to find the flowers.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Or someone in your party knows. Yeah, right. You could do the majority of the others just going into the outskirts and flicking up to the castle and coming back. Yes, I don't see why that's needed. Could I probably do that? Let's help a boy write a song and save a castle. Yes, why not?
Starting point is 00:07:35 Well, I think we're probably down definitely one member of our party. I guess you can always ask Chantel and Yola if they're still up for adventure or if they're wanting to retire for a bit. Let's see what they're up to. Oh, Chantal and Yola probably showed up while you were reviewing these. You're ready for round two? They're both not.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Oh, we made a new friend, Saren. Saren isn't here currently, but you could go fetch them. That'd be a little strange. Said the one to come. Well, you haven't told them, though. Yes, no. No, I wanted to.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Okay, so while Globble is going over all of the different quests, Big T, you go tell Saren that you've got a space. Saren has like a little swag, basically, like a teeny tiny tent for just one. Oh, it's good. That she is sitting out the front of. It's got like, it's red with golden trimming on it. When you approach, you kind of like,
Starting point is 00:08:41 you know how you can have a conversation through just looks? Oh, yes. You basically have the conversation through looks as you're walking up. Saren is like standing and grabbing her backpack before you can say anything. If it were a conversation of looks, but we had to only convey it in sounds. Can we try doing that? Sure. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Okay. Who's going to say the first? Oh, hang on. Okay. Oh. Meh-meh. Ooh. Meh!
Starting point is 00:09:08 Ah! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Meh-meh-meh! Good. Saren grabs her backpack, and it's kind of like half belt, half backpack, and it weaves into her clothes. She weaves it into her clothes bum bag she's got a bum bag on it's a bit like a bum bag yeah uh it like naturally has straps that go in and out of
Starting point is 00:09:34 her her billowy robe she puts it on and then follows you to the quests you're going to take the boy who needs a song you're going to take the boy who needs a song. You're going to take the locust problem. The alchemist? Look, we'll ask anyone in the party. Sharon now. Do you know any of these particular flowers by any chance? She shakes her head.
Starting point is 00:09:59 I'm a sardy. Look, probably not for us, then. All right. So little boy who needs a song The locust problem and then the castle Yeah? Yes, no ghost hunting? Or is that a bit too far?
Starting point is 00:10:10 Ghost hunting's a bit out of your way You could do that But it's a big trip to include that Yeah, look Let's just do the local boy first The swarm of locusts And then swing up to the castle If there's still an issue when we get back,
Starting point is 00:10:26 then we really should do them if no one's helped them yet. But, you know, we can do them later. Or they get help sooner. Nothing bad happens. Exactly. Ghosts, you know, they take their time, you know. Having made the decision, you set off.
Starting point is 00:10:41 You're heading westwards. The first time you've head west westwards you previously have been exploring like a lot to the north and west well out west there's a lot less forest simply because you're heading towards gray hill itself and as things become more and more settled there are obviously like fewer and fewer large natural areas. There's lots of grassland, a lot of farms, but apart from that, not much else. It's a very uninteresting countryside as you stroll past. But safe.
Starting point is 00:11:16 In this area, you do not need to roll encounters. That's good. Until you kind of exit the safe area of Greyhill and its surroundings, you should not need to worry about an encounter. But yeah, that isn't to say that necessarily nothing of interest will happen. Something interesting is going to occur. You always make such interesting adventures for us.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Well, it's just important to know that you probably would still be, you know, setting up camp and stuff like that. Actually, as well, seeing as how Morimash was heading towards Grey Hill, if you wanted to, you could travel with Morimash. Yeah, probably, to be honest. Oh, yeah, that seems polite. Morimash rides on a horse, but he makes sure that he goes slow enough
Starting point is 00:12:03 that you all can keep up with him. Oh, that's nice. Do you think the horse is bored? Do you say that to him? No. No, that's not polite. I think that to myself. I try and... Can I vibe-check the horse? Well, you could vibe-check the horse, but I might
Starting point is 00:12:18 speak to animals the horse. Yeah, but I haven't said this out loud. That would be so rude. Yeah, but I'll be having a chat. We're there for, I guess, several days, yeah? Oh, true. Okay. At some point, I'll have been chatting. Maybe only a day, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:12:30 You're not that far from Grey Hill itself. It would be a sleep, but that's it. Either way, I'm sure at some point I would have struck up conversation with the hooves. All right. Well, Tree Stump's vibe check goes off first. Tree Stump, would you like to pick a number between 1 and 31 30 30 yes are you ready to take a note yes wait that's not how it happened re-roll anything yeah thank you but more importantly how will how good's the horse is the horse okay because i it sounds like i did
Starting point is 00:13:07 a perfect vibe check on the horse the horse seems happy to be out and about that's kind of depressing i'm happy to be out and about let's not worry for a horse a horse's needs are simpler than your even yours tristan the horse is simply happy that it has a full belly and is getting to move around and stretch its legs there are no predators nearby it doesn't mind that there's a person on it and in fact it's positively it's positively encouraged by the whole situation that's good i'm glad it's all right. And Glopple, you cast Speak With Animals. Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:49 Yes, how are you going? My name's Glopple. I am Horse. Oh, yeah, nice to meet you, Horse. Having a good time? Yes. Yes, yes, that's very good. You know, I get to try and know the horse.
Starting point is 00:14:04 It'd be like, well, what do you like? Well, you've only got like, what is it, four minutes. So what are you saying to get to know the horse? You don't have time for a big conversation. What are your dreams, horse? Welcome to the best hinge date of your life. Yeah. Well, it's like 10 minutes, basically.
Starting point is 00:14:20 So just to kind of like, yeah, do a good vibe check, see how the horse is going. See if it wants anything. Is the barrow mouse treating him all right? Realizing I probably should be a better druid in my life and just check in on animals and nature. Check in on this horse right now, here specifically. Feels a bit like a middle manager coming around to all the frontline workers just briefly being like
Starting point is 00:14:45 hey just check in and I just want you to I just want for today only no for this week until I have a bad day and forget that I'm doing this I want you to feel like I care well you know it's like you gotta realise in the last maybe like less than a week
Starting point is 00:15:01 Gloppel has become a spider realised oh no he's fucked up gone to a better druid than he will ever potentially be um realized like i i couldn't even really identify where the grove was it took me a bit um that's not good um then there was a quest which was like hey find some flowers and it's like oh yes well yes i'm a druid i'm attuned to nature i understand where flowers are fuck it's basically, oh yes, well yes, I'm a druid, I'm attuned to nature, I understand what flowers are. Fuck, it's basically part of my, I don't know what the fuck that is.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Sun, flower, what is that? So yeah, I think maybe at this point, probably feeling a little bit self-conscious about the whole druidism thing and being like,
Starting point is 00:15:38 recently I used my druid powers to burn the corpses of two giants. That's nature, baby. That's nature. That's the cycle of life. Turn it back. Send it back to the earth, baby.
Starting point is 00:15:53 The giants eat the buffalo. Yes. The giants get burnt by adventurers. The giants' ash becomes grass. The buffalo eat the grass. That's the circle of life baby circle of life mostly all i do is cause things to go on fire as the philosopher elton john once said that's the circle of life and it rules us all so yes i think maybe gluple might be feeling a little
Starting point is 00:16:21 bit self-conscious uh and also the fact that, yes, what's kind of a really big identity shift from, yes, being like who he is as a person to then being a spider for way too long. And then a man, just a regular human with weird floppy limbs. The horse seems to be doing fine. It's happy enough. It definitely does not seem to understand what you meant by name. Like, it seems to think now, it's like, ah, yes, humans, they are called glopples. That is, I was wrong. I thought they were called humans.
Starting point is 00:16:57 They're called glopples. No, no, no, glopples. Yes, that's correct. And, yeah, the horse, like tree stump stump before you you figure out that the horse seems pretty chuffed to be where it is right now are you having a good time that's very nice you have a favorite food uh hay hay all right i don't have any hay but i might have this good here goodberry would you like a goodberry yes i um hold out my palm and feed this horse morimash watches as you feed his horse he's maybe having a conversation with yayola and you can see him and yayola exchanging
Starting point is 00:17:35 quotation marks and expression why what's wrong with feeding a horse i think you're feeding the horse medicine and, like, enough medicine to sustain a person. Imagine if you had, like, a big steak sanger in your bag and you're like, oh, for the dog. Yeah, half for the dog, half for me. That's being lovely to the dog. The horse eats the good, Barry.
Starting point is 00:17:57 That's good. Yeah, this is very good. Hey, you have a good day. We'll be here. Thank you. No worries. Keep enjoying your good times. Yes, maybe then go and have a chat to Morimash and Yola.
Starting point is 00:18:09 I'm judging my fucking ways, piece of shit. You pull back a little bit. Morimash looks over. He and Yola exchange like a bit of an expression. Morimash turns over and says, how's the horse going? Is he all right? Oh, yeah, horse is going. He's having a wonderful time.
Starting point is 00:18:23 I'm glad to hear that. Yes. It's good. It's, the horse is having a wonderful time. I'm glad to hear that, yes. It's good, it's good. You're having a good day. Yeah, I'm having an all right day, I guess. I'm glad, I'm glad to hear that. That sounds genuine, that wasn't mocking you. It's just a bit weird, like, you know, I'm not used to having these such thick thighs.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Truly, they are thighs for the ages. Yes, yes, yes. I'm not used to this, like, a rubbing effect between them. Truly they are thighs for the ages. Yes. I'm not used to this, like, a rubbing effect between them. It's strange. There's nothing moist there to kind of help them slip along. It's irritating. You should get a pair of riding trousers like me, he says, and he slaps his trousers.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Perhaps I should, yes. I definitely need to. I'm not sure if I picked up. I presume I picked up i presume presumably i picked up some kind of clothing yeah what are you wearing you're wearing clothes well yeah but none of them were my own some sort of sack you did you not have clothes i had clothes for a fish boy yeah then look hey yes you are bigger now but a lot of those clothes were probably like not that you wouldn't have had zippers or tight buttoning. I guess. Some of those clothes might still fit you.
Starting point is 00:19:30 So now you're a slutty fish boy. Yeah, I'm slutty fish boy with pre-moistened clothes. You would still certainly be wearing your, you could still be certainly wearing your own clothes. Okay. Actually, no way. No, I wouldn't be. They would have gotten etched by that fucking toad. You had nothing back at camp? Oh, no, I would have had something. Actually, no way. No, I wouldn't be. They would have gotten etched by that fucking toad. You had nothing back at camp? I know, I would have had something.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Oh, yeah. Everyone keeps some stuff back at camp. Pre-moistened clothes from my damp, damp skin that clearly is ill-fitting. I hate this. Morimash looks, looking at you. He's a half-orc, yeah? Yeah, he's a half-orc. Okay. Do they go beards?
Starting point is 00:20:04 Yeah. I'm gonna need someone to teach me morimash shaves though so oh yes well i will be definitely if i ever see that happening i'll be like how do you do that well before that happens on the first day morimash says well if you'd like i could um uh i could uh uh size you up for a pair of trousers. While I'm in Greyhill, I have a tailor there. That would be absolutely wonderful, yes. I'm not quite used to all this extra... Well, if you leave some gold with me, I can have my tailor do something for me.
Starting point is 00:20:38 My tailor. The tailor I go to. Get some stuff done for you. Yeah, of course. I would absolutely adore that, yes. Thank you so much. Do you wear... Socks must be a new done for you. Yeah, yeah, of course. I would absolutely adore that. Yes, thank you so much. Do you wear... Socks must be a new phenomenon for you as well.
Starting point is 00:20:49 What? Your boots, they're going to wear upon your feet. They probably already have. I'm shocked you haven't mentioned blisters. Just like look down barefoot. What? And now, a word from our sponsors. Hey, Jackson here, interrupting this garbage podcast And now, a word from our sponsors. know nothing about, inevitably making you frustrated but also entertained. Look for Plumbing the Death Star wherever podcasts are found.
Starting point is 00:21:32 Well, I mean, I suppose you can be barefoot. There's nothing against it or anything like that. It's like bleeding, blisters, splinters everywhere. You mean they, you don't have, huh? You mean there's another way? Huh. Oh, I have much to learn. Just one day like, where do you guys keep your foot blood? What?
Starting point is 00:21:51 You're quite accustomed to it. I can get some socks and boots. You know what? If you leave, how much do you have? I don't know, maybe like 15 gold? Yes. I can get you a full wardrobe, something nice. Well, something really nice, actually, I suppose. I suppose five gold would be enough just to get you a full wardrobe, something nice. Oh, that would be great. Well, something really nice, actually, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:22:05 I suppose five gold would be enough just to get you by. I can get you several sets of clothes and whatnot, some cold weather, some hot weather. Oh, that would be great. Look, here's 15 gold. You do what you need to help me. With 15 gold, I can get you something nice. Oh, yes, yes. I do need to get all kinds of manners of things because, like, honestly, I thought looking over at Chantal and everyone,
Starting point is 00:22:25 I just thought it was like a coating over the top, kind of like, you know, like a turtle has a shell. I didn't realize there was things underneath. That is insane. You wear armor. No, no, I meant for the foot. For the foot. That is insane.
Starting point is 00:22:40 You wear armor. But do you know what? To become a human and to look around and it's like a Tabaxi and a Goliath and, you know, a dragon person, you'd look around and be like, different bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the same way that you as a fish boy were bipedal. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Bipedal and just like giant flippers for feet. Like, just giant. Yeah, you keep spooking us now because we can't hear the gentle slap to know you're arriving. Oh, yes. Also, no tail. Fucking weird. So, yeah, no. It's very strange.
Starting point is 00:23:11 Yes, it has to be very appreciative of Morimash. Oh, my God, thank you so much. Well, you spend one night camping on the road. Excellent. And that morning, you see Morimash with a small, probably not like a proper mirror, just like polished silver and a straight razor shaving himself in the morning. Just like staring wide-eyed.
Starting point is 00:23:36 How do you... Morimash. Well, on the trail, there's not a lot but cold water. But were you in town or at camp even one might have access to lathers and stuff he explains the basic principles of of uh making a lather so that you can shave yourself but without one he shows you how to shave with his straight razor excellent how well of a job do I currently do? I can imagine lots of little tiny squares of toilet paper. You do pretty well.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Covering many cuts. Well, do I. Yeah, you probably don't cut yourself at all. The best news. That's going to be a surprise when it happens. Oh, no, Paul says it's security. Yes, yes, yes. Globble accidentally slits his throat from ear to ear without Maura Marsh's guidance. Yes, yes, yes. Globble accidentally slits his throat from ear to ear
Starting point is 00:24:25 without Morimash's guidance. Yes, no. He doesn't even know he died. Yes, shaving all that gross hair off my face, and every time I catch the disgusting pink skin in the mirror, getting a little bit sad, but going forward. Once this, he says, and he points to your head hair, once this gets to any
Starting point is 00:24:50 sort of length, we can figure out what we're doing with that, unless you want to shave that as well. No, he's providing some kind of warmth. I've noticed it's very cold with this body. Sure, it won't provide a lot of warmth, letting you know, but I suppose it will provide. It's't provide a lot of warmth, you know, but
Starting point is 00:25:06 I suppose it will provide. It's colder than when you were a fish. Well, I'm assuming that when you were a fish, you got like a seal has blubber. Alright. Fair point. Do fish have warm blood or cold blood? Well, it's a leucanthin, so I'm assuming that would probably have some kind of like, I don't know about
Starting point is 00:25:22 the warm or cold blood, but I definitely imagine it would be kind of, yeah. It has about the warm or cold blood but i definitely imagine it would be kind of yeah because it has to get like in water every now and again so i figured it would kind of want to be warm yeah that's just my thinking behind things anyway i just don't understand how they stay warm if the wood if the ocean's cold yes like how does their blood stay warm? Blubber. But how does it get warm in the first place? I know enough to know that I don't know how blubber works. How does a whale keep its blood warm? I couldn't tell you.
Starting point is 00:25:59 See, this is what I want to know. Hmm. It comes from a little egg, and that's in the cold water and then all of a sudden it's hot? How does it get hot? Wait, do whales come from eggs? No, they give birth to live young. Oh, no, they're mammals, they're live birth. Okay. Okay, no.
Starting point is 00:26:15 I just had an idea of a fucking whale roosting and I didn't know what to do with that information. Okay, no, well, if mammals have live birth, okay, you got warm because you came from a warm place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Yeah. Well, I guess it's quite puzzling for me that why do humans have hair? If not for warmth, I don't understand, but I will keep marching forward. Oh, for when you go to the tailor, I hand you one of my loyalty cards for the merchant discount. What? You know that's not a physical card, right? Why can't it be? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Okay, then. Okay, then. When you go to the – that won't work. I'm not going to the tailor. Never mind. Never mind. When you go to the tailor, say my name. I sent you there, and he'll give you a big discount.
Starting point is 00:26:58 When did you go to the tailor? When you get to the tailor, tell them, you know tree stump, and they won't judge you very much. They won't judge you very much at all. It's good. I use it every time. I do like you going like tree stump going to like a
Starting point is 00:27:19 human tailor to be like, well, we're going to need... You know those pants you have, can you make them wide and then they're short for me? We can definitely do our best. My name's Tree Stump. It's like their favorite client. They get to use all their excess sailing- Ah, yes.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Sales. You know how tailors have excess sailing sales? Yeah. You go into a tailor shop, they're like, man, I wish we could do something with these sailing sales, but no one's big enough. And I'm not going to cut fabric. Because you know how tailors, a personal goal for all tailors is to be like, we need to dress the biggest boy. And so they get someone who's six foot, and then they're like, oh, that's pretty decent. It's pretty big.
Starting point is 00:28:04 But then the Goliath comes in, and they're like, look at this unit. And they're pretty happy. They get excited, like, if you're a car person and you see a big car. Yeah. They're like, oh! Oh! Imagine how she runs. We have a big lady.
Starting point is 00:28:20 She's going to be dressed so well in my clothes. So, yes, we have that conversation. there he is. We have that conversation. Sorry, Adam. No, that happened. This is a flashback to Tree Thumb's first time in Greyhill. On the second day, about just after lunch, Morimash gestures to the path that he needs to now cut down. He bids you all good day,
Starting point is 00:28:45 and then he heads off to Greyhill on his own. See you soon. Bye-bye. Say tree stump. The rest of you move onwards. After a little while, you come to... So the locust horde one is kind of like a nebulous issue, a little harder to pin down exactly where you need to be. You know of like a nebulous issue a little like harder to pin down exactly where
Starting point is 00:29:05 you need to be you know like a general area where you can start searching and you know like in that area you could kind of talk to any farmer and i suppose you are in that area now so you could head to any farms that you wanted to and speak to someone or you could make a beeline directly for happenstance farm which is where the boy is who needs help with a song right well um i think we should probably head not so much like a beeline to there but a direct route there but while we are if it's not veering off too much asking some of the locals about their locust problem and maybe asking some of the cows actually about the locust problem is it a asking some of the cows, actually, about their locust problem. Is it a cow country or is it a sheep country?
Starting point is 00:29:47 What about both? Might be neither, to be honest. Yeah. A lot of the Greyhills... No, not animal, period. A lot of the surrounding area of Greyhill is wheat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:05 How's the lows? Yeah, let's go with lows. Lows? Yes. Oh, are you sure? Yes. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:12 Okay. Well, yeah, you don't think there is an animal farm in Greyhill, period. Yeah. For the most part, just many, many, many, many, many fields of wheat. There are some other crops. For the most part, just many, many, many, many, many fields of wheat. There are some other crops. You can get some exotic crops like potato or tomato.
Starting point is 00:30:31 But for the most part, it's wheat. The devil's apple. Yeah, the devil's apple. But no, no apples around here. Not since the Appleville Mafia came to town, making sure they're the only ones supplying the Apple game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, there does not seem to be any, even any sign of farmsteads.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Like, you can't even find a farmstead where you're like, oh, they have a horse to till the field. Yeah, right. No, like, do they have any chickens? Yeah. Is it suspicious how few animals are here? Yeah, it is actually almost suspicious i'm worried maybe that's like as we as we are talking to like some of the farmers be like and you look also i've noticed there's no kind of
Starting point is 00:31:13 beast of burden well if you ask specifically any far the first person you tell spits on the ground kind of half in disgust and says i the the locusts when they come through they'll eat everything in their path and sure enough you gesture it's like it is shocking the amount of wheat that has been clearly destroyed by locust pests like the what should be just fields upon fields of wheat actually kind of now that you're in among it and seeing it up close you see that it is mostly very mostly unusable piles of nothing just like stripped bare of almost anything uh stalks yeah the locusts when they come through they'll strip the the the the corn right off the stalk and, and this is the most filthy, disgusting part, any animal that happens to be outside the homestead,
Starting point is 00:32:09 they'll swarm it, choke it out, and kill it. Yeah, that's not good at all. Oh, no. I found nothing but bones once. An entire stock of cattle lost. That's absolutely horrifying. The animals that were saved, where are they now? The only animals that are alive were the ones inside the house.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Me, my family, and my dog. And then, sure enough, a dog. An old, scruffle-looking dog. Like a dog that should have the name Scruffles plods out and sits down. This dog must be 90. Oh. I give it a bit of a you know scratch behind the ear you're doing well i hope right what can you do and tell us about the
Starting point is 00:32:54 locusts what locust secrets is this suspicious farmer hiding find out next time on stories of the gray hill free company time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Are you thirsty for more Sands Pants? Let us shoot our long hot ropes of content right into your gaping ear holes. Head to SandsPantsRadio.com to check out all 26 of our public podcasts and become a member of Sands Pants Plus to check out 20 more bonus shows and bonus feeds. That's SandsPantsRadio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,
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