D&D is For Nerds - Trouble in Orwa #8 Inevitable Betrayal

Episode Date: August 18, 2018

In which our heroes decide the fate of the tablets, the Heavens, and the Hells.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives show...s and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.comTwitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyShanks: twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 SANSPANCE RADIO. But be quick, as a lot of shows are close to selling out. Welcome to episode 8 of Trouble in Aura, a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure. Previously... Sickly Jacob just doesn't come out. No. Frangles? Don't let me drown in poo!
Starting point is 00:00:42 Can I use the way of the four elements to try and push him toward the rope? I mean, I'm on your side, Jack, but I really think it's funny if me drown in poo can i use the way of the four elements to try and push him toward the rope i mean i'm on your side check but i really think it's funny if you drown in poo i love when that happens though when someone jumps on another living being and it's like i can control suspend your reality audience you look down when it's opening its mouth and you see briefly into its gullet you look back up up, away from it, lowering your guard for a second, just thinking, no, no, no, no, no. You successfully forget what you just saw.
Starting point is 00:01:12 The creature begins to lose form and shape, and then when you're done, it's just skin. There was nothing else, as if nothing else ever existed. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It hits the ground behind you, Trisco, and the front half of Tom wedges into the ground. What will he say to the word Drangus? Find out next on His Turn.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Yes, Adam? You have a somber look. Sickly, Jacob. Yeah. You want to die. Your boot explodes. The creature no longer has a form. It's just spiders and snakes and green ichor and bits of skin and organs wrapping their way and climbing their way up your leg.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Cool. Although not. You take five points of damage. Yeah. I'm getting by. Does one go in your butt? Yeah, it does. One goes in my butt, one goes in my pee hole.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Nice. And then they meet in the middle and kiss. And as it continues to move up your leg, you look down and see that your foot is gone it just consumed your foot you fall down and as you fall down you fall in such a way that your head lands in some of the goo and the icore but your head brang you see this, his head goes through the eye core as if it were a puddle, a deep puddle. Your head comes out somewhere dark and unknowable. You pull your head back out from the pool of blood and it just becomes a regular pool of blood. You forget immediately the thing you just saw and how it said your name.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Good. Is my first name Sickly? Oh, no, I'm Jacob Sartorius. That's right. Oh, I thought your first name was Sickly. No, I'm Sickly Jacob Sartorius. Okay. It's armor class is no longer four.
Starting point is 00:03:20 I will try and aim a fist of four thunders at the gooey mass. You mean thunder wave? No, fist of four thunders? What's fist of four thunders? Thunder wave. Yeah, cool. That's what you were calling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's cool. I'm just double
Starting point is 00:03:39 checking. My memory is correct. That's a thunder wave that will also hurt sickly Jake. You cool with this? Yes. Why? I've been dancing with delight. My foot's gone. Your foot's gone.
Starting point is 00:03:55 My foot's gone. Will it do lots of damage? Look, it's happened. It's happened, Cass. Here it is. You deal 13 points of damage to Sickly Jacob and to the creature. You emulsify the creature, destroying it. Sickly Jacob, bang, hits the wall, and his head, crack, hits the wall.
Starting point is 00:04:21 Sickly Jacob falls to the ground And his leg, his right leg The one that's been partially eaten away Every now and then it Kicks or squirms like a dead bug might Sickly Jacob, you are not dead But you are in death saving throes Hell yeah My favourite place, haven't been here in a while
Starting point is 00:04:41 Chuck is a D20 for when my time comes Much appreciated Sickly Jacob, it's your turn, roll been here in a while. Chuck is a D20 for when my time comes. Much appreciated. Sickly Jacob, it's your turn. Roll. Oh, sweet. Is there anything anyone can do to help? Eight, that's a fail. Eight, that's a fail. You can hinder if you want. You could just, every attack you make
Starting point is 00:04:58 automatically hits and is a failing saving throw for him. Keep kicking me in the head. Well, he's failed once, so if you just hit him twice, which you can do as a monk on your next turn, he's just dead. No, as in help keep him alive.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Why? I need his soul. All right. You can make a medicine check. Yep, look, if I... Yep, medicine check. I want make a medicine check. Yep. Look, if I... Yep. Medicine check. I want him on one HP.
Starting point is 00:05:30 Trisco. Yeah. The sewerage water, this time comes a lot closer behind you. You still can't see each other because you've been moving forward. But it feels... Look, it isn't this, but it feels like the sewage water is closing you in with Martor. Martor slowly stands up and turns around. His first mouth is contorted in pain.
Starting point is 00:05:57 His second mouth on his neck opens up wider and wider in a smile. Trisco, it's your turn. I go... Do you do anything? I go... Hello. All right. I try and communicate with it.
Starting point is 00:06:19 All right, is that all you say? Hello, all right? You get basically a sentence. How's it say? Hello? All right? Um. What's up? You get basically a sentence. How's it going? Hello? What's up? Hello? All right?
Starting point is 00:06:31 You okay, man? Brangles. You can make a medicine check to stabilize him. Yes, I'm making a medicine check. You. Make me sicker. Now the aim is to die so you don't get my soul. You would have passed if it weren't for the fact that I use a bad boy card.
Starting point is 00:06:55 You want him to die. I do. But I'm so powerful. You literally had what you needed. One would knock you out. All right. Then it is Jacob's turn. I have so many stories.
Starting point is 00:07:08 On a one, you die. Left to tell. That's a seven. It's another family. Oh, that did look like a one. That looked a lot like a one. That looked a lot like a one. If he dies, can you, like, catch his soul as it leaves his body?
Starting point is 00:07:19 I don't know if I can. Can I? You're a monkey. You can be some crazy shit. There are ways to do it. You don't know them, but you could find someone. Oh, so I could bring a dead body and be like... Get his soul.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Yeah, potentially. Okay, cool. That's not good to hear. Oh, for me it is. Stop thinking of yourself. More like selfish Jacob. The sewage water continues to close you in, Trisco Martor's head rolls backwards
Starting point is 00:07:50 And slimy, filthy, awful tentacles begin to slowly come out It looks like something is slowly dragging its way out of his neck For some reason I'm picturing the end of Hellboy 1, the big squid monster in the sewer. Is your god with you? I'm sort of imagining the alien baby from Men in Black 1. Oh, right, yeah, so cute. Yeah, but creepy coming out of a neck.
Starting point is 00:08:21 It's actually more like the pug from Men in Black. Just a pug. Drisco, it's neck. It's actually more like the pug from Men in Black. Just a pug. Drisco, it's yours. It's my turn. Yeah. I say, oh, hell no, and then dive through the grate. No, how far away am I from Martel? You're, I would say, 10 feet from him.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Okay. Okay. I take my flask of oil to kind of open it up and sort of like... Actually, no, fuck, i might steal some balls yes yeah balls but you forget your balls oh not really i don't think he's gonna get a sleep ball or i don't really think he's gonna fall asleep what else you got and i got a sun rod that's just like that's just like a torch in it yeah it's like a flare yeah oh a flare not with the heat or fire. Just with the light. Yeah, okay. Um, okay.
Starting point is 00:09:08 I like the little scribbling out of presumably the sun. And then I turn it back over to do it again. Fuck, yeah, I don't know. Darken your oil and then... Yeah, I just like try and coat as much of an oil as I can. But if I'm ten feet away, I guess I throw it. You throw the oil?
Starting point is 00:09:26 Yeah. Oh, wow. Hell yeah. I guess this is an attack. Fuck yeah. Did I mention I threw it real hard? Oh my god. It coats him, but it hurts.
Starting point is 00:09:39 You know what? I'll just... Because this is not really a standard attack, I'm just going to let you light it in the same turn if you want. Okay, great, perfect. You throw it, it strikes him, and the throw was so simple, so deft, and so quick that you quickly get out your tinderbox as well,
Starting point is 00:09:54 light that, and set it, you throw the lit match at him as well. The lit match strikes, and he, from the bottom up, begins to become engulfed with fire. Right before it reaches his neck, you see your own head poking out and then the fire engulfs him completely. And I go, Dad?
Starting point is 00:10:14 The burning corpse lurches forward, falls between the grate and falls into the darkness below. What the fuck? The metal plates you can see are on the altar. I look down at him, swallow, and just go, great. That's all I got. There's the metal plates on the tablet, on the altar, whatever you want to call it. And there's also another book here.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Okay, and I call out to my buddies. Hey, is anyone alive back there? That's a good question. Brangles? I'll do another medicine check. You fail again. Hell yeah. 20!
Starting point is 00:10:59 20! You are... You're on one hit point, sickly Jacob. I guess I'm alive. You don't die until I say. All right, yeah. All right, we're out of initiative. So what would you like to do?
Starting point is 00:11:15 Can we all clamber over to the tablets? Yeah, sure. You can get the five metal plates here. We each want these five metal plates. Yeah. So, well, I look at the book. What is this book? The book is titled, in common, The Material Plane, Only One Representative.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Oh, weird name. That's interesting. Crack it open? Yeah. It's like a textbook, like printed textbook sort of thing. I read the whole thing. All right. You will be here for a day.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Can I read the table? Tom falls and hits the grate. He's fine. Too little, too late. Oh, I misinterpreted what was happening with Tom. I thought he'd already fallen down, but had fallen into the grate and was like, save me! And I was like, oh, I could throw on some string. No, he'd fallen through the grate that lets the light in.
Starting point is 00:12:16 What were you going to do, Cass? Read the table of contents. Okay. okay the table of contents is it's it lists a bunch of different places that you the first one is the material plane the next ones do not make sense to you there'd be a bunch of different names one of them might be for uh the fey rune one might be listed as another one might be listed as greyhawk these places mean nothing to you and another chapter talks about a creature called or creatures called star spawn in the diagrams there none of the diagrams match but some of the descriptions sound like what you just thought the the chapter on star spawn you give it a quick breeze through. native to these realms. Beings that are eternally hungering, searching, warring,
Starting point is 00:13:26 sometimes dreaming. These elder evils are far older than most of the mortal races and always horrific to humanoid minds. However much they might desire to enter and dominate the material plane, the elder evils are unable or
Starting point is 00:13:41 unwilling to leave their realms. Some are imprisoned in their dimensions by external forces. Some are bound to their home realities, and others simply can't find a way out. A subsection of that chapter lists a, or provides instructions on how one might theoretically summon such a star-spawned creature. The first thing is you need the signs of a comet in the sky. This section of the book is heavily scribbled
Starting point is 00:14:12 on by that spidery writing that you saw in the book upstairs. Alright, so presumably just notes on things like they need to do need to collect these ingredients yadda yadda yadda. Sacrifice a goat. Yes. Presumably this fellow thought he could summon the Sarspawn. Did a bit, but not enough.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Ordered the rest of them somewhere deeper in the sewer. Frankly, that's not important. What's important is these tablets. That's what one of us has to have. Well, I think that Trisco, if your Leeslord is able to assist me, I will assist you. Wrangles, can you get a good boy card? Yes, I can. Thank you. I'm a good boy.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Wrangles, a cursory look at the tablets. You see the words out of context, but nonetheless, you see the words. Kill Jackson's character. No. Mephistopheles is entitled to, and then it's followed by a long list. Oh. So, Mephistopheles, who is... Sickly Jacob.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Sickly Jacob's liege lord, has a long list of things that he is entitled to. Which, you imagine, you can see that the list is longer than that of Balsible or... Glazia. I say we... I don't tell you that.
Starting point is 00:15:41 You're too scheming. Seems like you were scheming. Well, I mean, I was scheming But Brangle suggested something And it just so happens it was exactly what I was thinking too Yes, I do believe that would best benefit me And I just don't think you could stop us Yeah
Starting point is 00:15:59 Thomas Hey, do you want to slowly turn our heads To look at Tiffany Jacob and smile? Yes Okay Thomas, Thomas Do you think I could Thomas is here Thomas. Hey, do you want to slowly turn our heads to look at Tiffany Jacob and smile? Yes. Okay. Thomas, Thomas, do you think I could start backing up? Thomas is here. Thomas would have taken some damage on that fall.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Adam. Yeah. The tablet with, oh, they know how many tablets are missing, don't they? Five. I'm afraid. The tablet with metastopheles, is that on a separate tablet to everyone else's? You'd have to have a closer look at it. Are we about to start fighting?
Starting point is 00:16:32 Tom took ten points of damage. I'm very afraid. Okay, now, Jacob, just be real here. We'll just take these tablets. We'll maybe switcheroo a little one of the names. I need the tablets myself. Do you need them more than you need your life? For my liege, Lord.
Starting point is 00:16:51 Yes. Oh, okay. Well. Thomas. We seem to be at an impasse. Thomas ambles up behind you. I'd like to just lean over to him and be like, charge. And give him a little kiss on the cheek.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Thomas charges. We're going to go kiss on the cheek. Thomas charges. We're going to go to initiative. Jesus, I need those tablets. I was going to suggest keeping you alive, but you acted before. That's fine. Look, this is a long time coming, I'm sure. Yeah, your liege lord gets more,
Starting point is 00:17:22 but if I get free, I don't care. That's true. Helping you maybe would get me good things, but not as good. Yeah, I can put in a good word for you with Glastia. Who do you guide Thomas to hit? Brangles. I saved your life. And Thomas is... If I survived this, that would be a strange conclusion.
Starting point is 00:17:50 That would be amazing. I really don't expect to. Thomas charges straight past you, Wrangles. You duck and dive out of the way. Damn it. Then, Jacob, I think you have your own turn as well. You can act. Fog cloud. All right. You, Jacob, I think you have your own turn as well. You can act. Fog cloud.
Starting point is 00:18:07 All right. You create a fog cloud around. You're so sickly. Even your attacks are sickly. We're already in a fucking sewer. And now we're in a foggy sewer. Jesus. Let's have a cloud.
Starting point is 00:18:18 More of a miasma appears around sickly Jacob. You're the worst. Wrangles? Um. I pull out my crowbar and I charge. You know you're better with your fists, right? Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:18:37 I'm a monk. I like the thing that you held the crowbar like where the rhino's horn would be. You try and gore. I just thought that you liked the idea of beating the shit out of me with a crowbar. I'm on one hit point, Kath. So, like, fucking one hit and I'm done. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:18:53 I run up to Sickly Jacob. I know he's on one hit point. I saved him. I say, you have made a grievous error. I flick him in the nose. With the crowbar? No, with my fantastical fists. Sickly Jacob, you're backing up.
Starting point is 00:19:12 You put your fist, your arms up to try and deflect blows. You cop several hits as Brangle's launches at you with a martial arts display. Your arm is broken at one point, but you take no actual damage.
Starting point is 00:19:26 What? I'm slippery, Jacob. Frisco, it's your turn. I start running towards Sicko, but, well, I mean, why am I so bad at this? I'm going to go home. I throw my sleep ball orb
Starting point is 00:19:40 at the rhino, at Tom. Okay. No. It's all I have in sweet dreams the mist descends upon thomas thomas you can tell that he's fighting it off it it probably takes a bit more to bring down a rhino than it does a man right Right. Oh, thank God. You can move still if you want, Drisco.
Starting point is 00:20:07 Do you have more balls? Only Cojones' sister, who is a brother. I guess it's kind of like, is the grate large enough for Tom to fall through? No, not really. It's barely large enough for him to put a paw through. Well, he can put a paw through, but he's not going to fall through no not really it's barely large enough for him to put a paw through well he can put a paw through but he's not gonna fall right have i figured out the timings of the pipes shooting out water random okay well now speaking of which yeah no one's hit still which is upsetting um i guess i just just like run i just try and like
Starting point is 00:20:43 put some distance between Tom and me. Maybe if there's the table. Is it like a stone tablet-y table? It's a big old stone one, yeah. Okay, cool. I guess I try and put the table between me and him, so if he charges, there's an obstacle. Cool.
Starting point is 00:20:58 And Jacob, it's your turn again. Who would you like Tom to attack? I think at this point Tom can just defend himself. Okay. If he's near Trisco, he can fight Trisco. I just don't think I'm in the frame of mind to be like, time to strategize
Starting point is 00:21:15 with my minotaur. Tom slowly starts to move his way around the table, and he's going to get you. He's not charging you, so he's not doing 48. It's the Benny Hill theme playing. It's the Benny Hill theme playing as he's running around. You get gored.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Fuck, I think I'm gonna die. This is really gonna hurt. Have you got a good point? What's this? Can I use a fortuitous circumstance? Gonna dish you some silver linings. Thanks, man. You get gold, but it feels real nice.
Starting point is 00:21:54 It's a pleasant gold. It's a pleasant massage. Look, this isn't an attack misses, so I'm going to say minimum damage. That's good. Put it back in the deck. So you take seven points of damage. Fuck me. Light minimum damage. That's good. Put it back in the deck. So you take seven points of damage.
Starting point is 00:22:07 That puts me on one. There's your fortuitous circumstance. You nearly died. I'm going to die. Fuck you, Jacob. What was the damage going to be without that? Minimum damage. What was the damage going to be otherwise?
Starting point is 00:22:22 It would have been 20. Oh, what was the damage going to be otherwise? It would have been 20. Oh, God. All right. Then it is... Oh, Jacob, you can actually act as well if you want. Burning hands. All right.
Starting point is 00:22:36 You take a step back and you cast burning hands. That's just the heat from my fever. How is he not dead? I saved him. You fool. I mean, does he still dead? I saved him. You fool. I mean, does he still have one leg? Yes, I'm hopping. Oh yeah, do I still have one leg? Yeah, you're hopping along.
Starting point is 00:22:52 I don't even have questions. Just push me. You shouldn't have saved me all those times. This betrayal was inevitable. Come on. Yeah, it kind of was. What are you on? Health flies. 17. About to be a bit less.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Ah, shit. I assumed we were all as weak as each other. No. HP-wise. Ah, boy. Brangles, you take six points of damage as you are bathed in fire. I stare at you with a knowing look that says, I'm a tiefling. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Three points of damage. Fuck. Fucking hell. Okay. Brangles? Shit. I would like to use every move I know and just destroy.
Starting point is 00:23:42 I want to try and break your back so I can wear you like a scarf. Look, something's going to happen. Is that a good boy, a good one or a bad one? That's bad for you. Oh. Oh. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Poor sickly Jacob Sartorius. Oh, poor sickly backstabby Jacob. That's it, man. You were going to kill me. I was trying to negotiate with you. I was honestly going to be like, we should keep him alive so he can ride his rhino. That's true.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Ride your rhino to hell. If he dies, does the rhino die? Because that would be great. I don't think so. Oh, man. I feel like the rhino is going to want revenge. All right. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Brangles, you do your, this is your karate kid move the flying lotus or the flying crane or whatever that your master taught you years and years ago when you were first learning martial arts it's a very special move you jump into the air everything goes into slow motion you rock backwards in midair tucking in your arms and legs, and then you lash outwards with both of your legs. Both of your legs connect with both of Sickly Jacob's knees. You break both of Sickly Jacob's knees backwards. sickly jacob's kneecap both of them kneecaps are shattered and shoot out like shotgun shrapnel from the back of his leg jesus both ends of the bones break out of the skin and are jammed
Starting point is 00:25:18 outwards you know nothing save divine intervention will allow sickly Jacob to ever walk again. My favorite part of this is you've not got one leg. So my force was so strong as to like break. It wasn't wedged. Yeah. Sickly Jacob, you go, you fall unconscious from shock. You're on zero again. You mean that dealt one whole hit point?
Starting point is 00:25:45 Well, it dealt a lot more than one hit point, but... Unless it doubles, yeah. Unless it equals your hit points, it doesn't outright kill you. Right. So she would have needed to do 21 points of damage in one attack to do that. You only dealt... It was maximum damage, so it was only like 10 points of damage or something do that. You only dealt it was maximum damage, so it was only 10 points of damage or something like that. Still, now all you gotta do is stomp
Starting point is 00:26:10 me on the head. You have a spare attack, which you can use to just punch Sickly Jacob on the floor, giving him a failed saving throw. Yes. That's one failed saving throw. And Drisco, you're still contending with a mad rhinoceros okay i
Starting point is 00:26:30 climb up the walls can i do that you actually i'm a sick climber yep you can climb up the wall i just climb up the walls to safety tom wait hold on can i climb so i'm like on top of one of the pipes can i climb somewhere so i'm perched top of one of the pipes? Can I climb somewhere So I'm perched Rather than just hanging? There's no pipes to climb up onto They end at the room Okay, right
Starting point is 00:26:50 I guess you could get up Onto that little lip Didn't they have a bit of a lip That we could go under? Yeah, you could get up Onto that lip actually How high is the lip? Is it above Rhino height?
Starting point is 00:26:58 It's about 10 feet off the floor It's high enough To be out of his way Okay, cool, yeah You can just hold anywhere really You've got to climb speed Yeah, cool I'll just climb up high.
Starting point is 00:27:06 You can just find handholds wherever you're going. You're an agile climber. I don't have enough time in my turn to climb up in shortbow, do I? No, you need your hands
Starting point is 00:27:16 to attack. Okay, yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. So you can get under the lip and then... Well, that'll be I'd say another turn or so. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:27:24 And then you can attack from on high. And that rhinoceros can't do anything. Woohoo! And, ah. Sprangles. You've got Sickly Jacob by his shirt front, and you're just bang, bang, bang, hammering him. You hear like a, like a, like a a like a jar being filled with liquid very quickly and
Starting point is 00:27:48 very loudly you turn to your right and you see a flood of sewage water rounding down the pipe that you are directly in the sight lines of You are slammed against the opposite wall by sewage water. Do I take damage from that? Oh yeah, you take a failed saving throw. Oh gosh. You are gonna drown in shit. It's gonna happen.
Starting point is 00:28:16 That's how I'm gonna go. No, I'm killing you. Prangles, you take eight points of damage. Oh no. You're fine. Then you're just gonna contend with fucking Thomas. And you're slammed up against the wall. You're fine. Then you just gotta contend with fucking Thomas. And you're slammed
Starting point is 00:28:26 up against the wall. You are knocked prone. Then... Is the rhino a little snoozy because of a sleep gas or did it just shrug that off totally?
Starting point is 00:28:35 It shrugged it off totally. You could try again and that'd be a new saving throw. No, I think I'm thinking out. Sickly Jacob.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Sickly Jacob, make your death saving throw. Here we go You need a ten or above It's a five Sickly Jacob We hardly knew you
Starting point is 00:28:54 You die Do you have any final words? Like a death Death speech Death rattle But you've got poos in your mouth Let's make a deal But you've got poos in your mouth Let's make a deal
Starting point is 00:29:04 I'd die on a cold pooey grate Deep in the sewers Sickly Jacob you had a good run Does the rhino no longer have allegiance to me? It would but Until the end of your turn Attacks Oh wait no That's something else ah damn it i
Starting point is 00:29:27 thought that was i didn't read the card and i knew that somewhere in the deck there is a card that's like an enemy will attack you no matter what tom is a bit scared now because he's just the rhinoceros. How's all those? Nice. I like that little look we just shared. Yeah, you did. You're like, what are we going to do here? Yeah. You picked up what I was putting down.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Yeah. What's Adam rolling for? God is making faces. What I'm really hoping, but I think this definitely is in it, is that the rhino has to find a new allegiance immediately. Tom. Bang, bang, bang, tom bang bang bang bang is panicking he doesn't know where he is he turns around and runs past all of you to the hole in the that leads away is he gonna get stuck in it because it's no it's big enough for him oh fuck you're right. It's a man. He's stuck in the hole.
Starting point is 00:30:29 Well, that's the end of those problems. We're out of initiative again. It's nice that sometimes things just take care of themselves. How you doing? I'm still up high. I'm scared. Calm down from there. The battle is won.
Starting point is 00:30:47 You can climb out, because Tom made a hole in the roof you can climb out through there and lower a rope to to get brangles out if you want sound like a plan yes did you hear what that guy just said i say we put our faith in god okay cool uh you got the tablets yes and the book yes grab all of them. Okay, do you want to take some of, like, Jacob's bones or something? Ugh! You can take my body. Actually, hold on one sec. I climb down and I punch his fucking face. You cave his nose in.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Okay, good. Can I try and affix Jacob to my body using... You can get everything out without too much hassle. What? Including Jacob? Anything you want in this room can be removed with the exception of Tom. Okay, I removed Jacob, but I want it to be known that I... Eventually Tom stops kicking.
Starting point is 00:31:32 That's fine. I tie Jacob to my body using the dagger whip he ruined. I didn't ruin that. At some point, Trisco, you've climbed up You've been ferrying stuff To and from the surface At one point It's just wrangles left to go
Starting point is 00:31:55 You've got the rope I do not The tablets are the last thing coming up That's just not how it will work How can you do that? How can you get the tablets lost? With me. But you're going to have to affix the...
Starting point is 00:32:09 Oh, I see. You're keeping the tablets on your body. Yep. Can I do that? The tablets would be too heavy to lift with you. That's just reasonable. Can I keep the one that has his god's name on there? Because I read the god's names. You can, yes. That is what I bring up with me at the gods' names. You can, yes. That is what I bring up with me at the end.
Starting point is 00:32:29 All right. So, at some point, it's... No, the gods are mentioned... There's god names mentioned a bunch of times. Not gods, sorry. Devil prince names mentioned a bunch of times. In all of them. Where's the list, though?
Starting point is 00:32:41 There was a list of what each god gets. There's a list of what each... It was one for Mephistopheles. Reading it closer now, you realize it's actually just not that clear-cut. That's why there's a speaker. Okay. Well, I just pick one at random then
Starting point is 00:32:56 and just hold on to that. All right. At one point, it's Trisco. You are out there with four of the five tablets looking down at Brangles. You have, unbeknownst to Brangles, used your deft hands to palm the extra one that you got back at the scriptorium. You consider your options. Brangles is stuck.
Starting point is 00:33:23 That rhino will rot eventually That's it What's the range of my bow from up here? You can fire down if you want So I've got all the tablets Wrangles has one of the tablets But you have But I've switched that out
Starting point is 00:33:38 No you've got just the extra one Do you remember you stole one from the scriptorium? You've got one to forge. If you want to make a full train. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I pull the rope up. Without Brian Goulds?
Starting point is 00:33:55 I pull the rope up, and then I lure it again and say, just kidding, man. Because my personality trait is I would rather make a new friend than a new enemy. That's great. Your help
Starting point is 00:34:09 wrangles out. And I get a good boy card. You do, but this is kind of spoiler alert, the end of the game. So, have the good boy card, you're not going to be able to use it. Thank you. I help play up the rope. Friend. Friend. And I hug him
Starting point is 00:34:25 Do you have any final business in Orwa before you leave? I'll be back It's late in the night I walk along Cobbled streets of Orwa In the shroud of darkness As a thief There are guards but I slip by them
Starting point is 00:34:43 Can you roll that? Cool I slip by them. Can you roll that? Cool, I slip by them. And I get out the last of my possessions, which is my other flask of oil and my tinderbox. And I look up at the homestead in front of me. 116 Downey Avenue. I walk inside. I get into the bedroom i sneak in there's a man sleeping there next to him is his work schedule of that fucking bar where he works i look at him and i use my disguise so I look like him. I hold my knife to his throat and I go, hey, wake up, wake up.
Starting point is 00:35:35 He wakes up and he sees himself staring at him. And I say, yeah, motherfucker, that's right. That's fucking right. That's fucking right. And I slit his throat and I pour the oil everywhere. And I light the tinderbox. And then it just cuts to me walking in slow motion away from the building. I then go to that bar where he works, looking like myself, order a drink from a different waiter who respects me.
Starting point is 00:36:09 I fucking down it and I leave a massive tip. No one has ever seen me since. Thank you. Hear, hear. That was... Wow. Brangles and Trisco, you bring the tablets and Sickly Jacob's body back to whence you came. I'm assuming, Brangles, you're trading or you're going to be trading the soul of Sickly Jacob for your own? Yeah, well, I will do that. I'm going to trade the soul of Sickly Jacobacob for your own yeah well i will do that i'll trade so i'm going to trade the soul
Starting point is 00:36:47 of sickly jacob for my own but i may still jump ship with my new friend well because what i was thinking and excuse me if i don't understand the rules is that obviously glacier appeals to your freedom want yes to get out of your servitude so i mean i do have this criminal contact in town we could use him to maybe forge it so it somewhat uh favors glassy more which would curry favor with her in order to adopt you as one of her own maybe i'm wrong on this ideally what you want is to just abandon balsible and to just get glass here to help you out of your arrangement with Bowsable. Cool. That's all you need.
Starting point is 00:37:28 It doesn't really matter much else. I put Sickly Jacob in a bin. And I go with you to Glossier. Nice. Sickly Jacob, your soul is destroyed. Rest in peace, Sickly Jacob. You were a good man. Nope, nope, nope, nope. The remnants of its energy are forged into a new devil
Starting point is 00:37:52 that is added to Balsible's army. Good. Devilish Jacob. Will the waiter's family seek vengeance on Trisco? Will Brangle's lose her soul in another poor deal? Will sickly Jacob and Tom be reunited in the afterlife? All these questions we leave up to your imagination. Thank you for listening to Trouble in Orwa,
Starting point is 00:38:18 a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure. adventure. He's living it up now. You wonder if he ever existed. If it was perhaps just madness brought about by the star spawn. Useful madness. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you'll find us at Sandspanceradio. Or you can find us individually. I'm at All Dogs Are Dead. I'm at Retro Archetype.
Starting point is 00:39:02 I'm at Goddammit Zammit. And I'm at Jackson B b bailey and if you want to hear our other shows head to sanspence radio.com and you'll find all of our content there there's heaps and if you'd like to support us head to sanspenceplus.com see you later dickheads don't call them dickheads no hey there fellow adventurer if you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SansPants Plus members,
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