D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #30 Tongues (Season Finale)

Episode Date: November 25, 2023

The party follows a screaming barbarian into the dark. Hecktor yells at a child while Pip uses alchemy to succeed where sorcery failed.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading t...o jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. This Friday. You ready?
Starting point is 00:00:18 Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, Friday. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network.
Starting point is 00:00:39 All right, here's the score. We're trapped here in Barovia, right? Because even though there ain't a drop of water around, it's like an ocean in here. These bloody mists surrounding us are like walls. And bloody is right, because our jailer? None other than Strahd Von Zarovich himself. But don't go concerning yourself with that just yet,
Starting point is 00:01:00 because if we don't kill him, things are going to get even more pear-shaped. Lushen? What need you of I, a wizard supreme? The darkness over there. It is magical darkness, pierceable only by a wizard supreme.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Oh, a wizard supreme can look through it. Gorub punches Lushen in the stomach. Gorub looks at you and says, I know a method of dispelling darkness. A first barbarian method. Right. It requires a barbarian scream.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Gorub. scream. Gorob. Ah! The darkness begins to recede. Oh my god, it's working. Okay, well, let's head down to this desk. Okay. He's screaming, Gorob leading the way? Yeah, yeah. He can lead the way
Starting point is 00:02:00 if you want. Well, because the darkness is receding, right? When he gets close to scream, does he need to be in proximity to it? What do you mean? As in, like, how close does he need to be to the darkness to start yelling? Well, let's imagine his voice is a torch. Okay, I see. I imagine Pip's bringing up the rear.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Is it like, as we go down the stairs, the darkness, like, recollects behind us? It's like, imagine his voice is like a torch. There's a 30 foot space around Gorob Lushan where you can exist. Okay. Cool, cool. Scary.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Yeah. All right. Fun times. Well, yeah, I guess we'll keep descending down the stairs into the basement. Are you going to keep Goroblushan in the center of your formation? I assumed he was. Yeah. Just checking.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Center of the formation. Marching order, basically. Yeah, center of the formation. I guess me and, I know Pyrrhon's not going to like it, but up the front, looking for traps. Pyrrhon definitely needs to be coached into the dungeon period. Sorry, did I say dungeon? Oh, Adam, you've just taken the wind out of Salmon's sails. Salmon might as well have just become clothes like a dead Jedi, right?
Starting point is 00:03:11 Oh, sorry. All right. All right. So, Pyrrhon needs to be coached in, but when he realizes it's going to be either go in with you or Pyrrhon on his own outside, he be Either go in with you Or Piran on his own outside He decides to come in with you So Piran up the front
Starting point is 00:03:30 Checking for traps Piran at the front I guess making sure That there's no traps or whatever That they stumble upon Me behind him Shield and spear at the ready Tarpos behind you maybe Probably
Starting point is 00:03:44 Gorub and Lushen Then you and Tarpos behind you, maybe. Probably. Gorob and Lushen. Gorob, Lushen, then you and Tarpos taking up the rear. Yeah, sounds good. Good marching order. Piran leads the way. When you're all down at the bottom of the stairs, Piran turns to your formation and says,
Starting point is 00:04:03 there's a door of sorts in this direction, and then there's a corridor in that direction. I don't know if you can hear it, but there's something wet down the corridor. You can strain your ears to hear if you want. Yes, please. Both of you can hear. It could be water dripping, or it could be a footstep on puddle.
Starting point is 00:04:25 It's hard to tell. And just sort of just in one place. It's a steady rhythm, yeah. Steady rhythm. It could be either, yeah, a footstep in water or it could be a drip, a heavy drip. Water from where? If I like, can I roll to like recognize it as anything? I mean, I know this is a trickier kind of, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:45 No, not really. You can't place it. In terms of what it would be, we've dealt with the crone, we've dealt with the maidens. Could it be the mother? That's true. I forgot about the mother. Always forget about the mother.
Starting point is 00:05:00 Could be. What is she tapping? How close was the door to us? The door? Oh, sorry, the door in here. I thought you meant the door back the way you came. The door in here, it's just at the edge of your light. So it would be about 30 feet, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Let's move up a little bit more, see if we can see. If we get a little closer. All right. Let's not forget all the noises we're hearing. It's crazy when you hear the dripping water over that. We're going to really strain. Okay. You approach the door.
Starting point is 00:05:36 You can see it's a heavy set wooden door. There's iron hinges and reinforcing struts on it that are heavily rusted. When you step into this part of the basement, you realise you're standing in water. You look down and you can see that the floor is wet beneath you. Weird. Is Tarpos walking
Starting point is 00:05:57 on it? What do you mean? The ring of water walking. Oh, I suppose, yeah. She would be standing on top of it, but it's not like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a deep puddle. It's like an inch or whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Yeah, it's not even... No, she's growing an extra inch. Can I find the source of the water that's coming into this room? You track it onto the walls. You can see it appears to be seeping out from the bricks on this wall. That's weird. We don't hear any... I don't...
Starting point is 00:06:27 No, I mean, we haven't really moved that far from underneath. You're maybe 10 feet from the bottom of the stairs. And... That can't be good. So it probably wasn't water dripping then. It was someone walking. A door closes somewhere in the darkness. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:49 It is something. Maybe we need some light in here. Tarpos, could you cast sunlight? Give us a better idea of where we are. Yes. Tarpos can. Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Well, maybe that's a good idea. Bring some light to this dark place. All right. Gorog can stop screaming. You'll be happy. That will get rid of the magical darkness? The daylight spell immediately bathes this entire space in light. You can see properly now. Gorub and Lushen
Starting point is 00:07:13 stop screaming. Okay. Now I scan around. See if I can see what the group was. This room is big. It's about 60 feet across and then it's maybe 120 feet deep it goes very deep underground you can see up the other end where you were hearing that yeah noise you can see that there is a chair oh that is blood stained and then there is a big heavy door, not dissimilar to the one that you see here.
Starting point is 00:07:46 In addition, you can see there are several chains dangling from the ceiling. And on the chains, stuck to them, are parts of people. No entire corpses, but bits and pieces of people. Can we see what was making the dripping noise? No, you cannot see that. That's concerning. There are two doors in this room. That's the door that you're right next to
Starting point is 00:08:05 now, and then there's the other door. You can see that all of the walls in this room appear to be seeping water out onto the floor. I wonder if this is where they make the new hags, maybe? Oh, no, they do that outside. Bury them. Weird.
Starting point is 00:08:22 All right, well, they've got this door, that door. We know whatever was over there was walking to that one. Well, let's find out who's down here with us. So you're going to the other door, not the one that you're currently at? Yeah. You approach that other door. You can see that there is a little metal slit, if you want, where you can open and look through.
Starting point is 00:08:40 We'll let Piran go to town. Go to check the traps. I don't want to look through and get my eyes poked. Yeah, that seems like a great way to get your eyes plucked. Piran checks it. He turns to you and he says, look, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:55 I mean, it's got to be a trap, right? But I can hear sobbing on the other side of the door. Yeah, that's got to be a trap. Right, that's got to be. Let's open it or knock uh can i use i guess it's so useless i was gonna say primeval awareness to i think that takes some time doesn't it yeah i think it might actually and it also will just tell me within like a mile it's not like it's not acute enough are there any puppets little guys around yes yeah no actually maybe i won't i just want to i want to be able to detect what's cute enough. Are there any puppets little guys around? Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Yeah. No, actually maybe I won't. I just want to I want to be able to detect what's around us. I don't really have that ability though. You could knock you could knock, but I don't know what it would do. I'll cast Divine Sense. See if Undead, Celestial Fiend
Starting point is 00:09:41 all of that. Any kind of that You get Undead a lot of Undead, celestial fiend, all of that. Any kind of that miasma. You get undead. A lot of undead. Oh, no. There's a lot of undead. I whip around. In 60 feet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:55 There's a lot of undead around us. Maybe I pull out a manual. Do I get a direction of where it is? I think so, yeah. You can see it's on the other side of the door it's a presence so powerful that it's radiating through the door so just that one you can see a lot of the corpses hanging here they have the after effects of necromantic magic applied to them so um yeah necromancy has been, Ludmilla has been here. Whatever is behind that door is very powerful undead. Thank God it's behind that door then. It went through the door.
Starting point is 00:10:31 It opened the door. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you detect nothing from the other door? I'd have to go back. Right. I walk back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I check before the door. You detect no necromancy here. No necromancy. Just behind that door. Right. Yeah. Or an aura that isn't powerful enough to penetrate the door. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:57 So those are the only two doors out of this room, really. Sobbing. Yeah. But sobbing's a trap, I say. Everything sobs in Brovia Because it's the best way to get you to walk into the dark woods That's a Willy Wispy's number one move Could be a Willy Wispy
Starting point is 00:11:13 Could be a Willy Wispy, they are undead How powerful was it though? Those are sort of piddling in terms of undead monstrosities It would be more than what I would imagine a Willy-O-Wispy would give off, right? Yeah, unless it's a lot of them. It could be a lot of individual signatures that are all together. We did, though, see a Will-O-Wispy
Starting point is 00:11:36 go to the Vistani caravan. Yeah, we did. Delivering, perhaps, the results of a bargain struck with the morrowhags. And maybe it is Will-O-Wispies. In which case, just, well, they, the results of a bargain struck with the morrowhags. And maybe it is Willy Wispies. In which case, just, well, they opened the door. Can Willy Wispies open doors? They don't have hands.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I guess if they could open doors, they wouldn't need to lure you into the forest. They'd just come into your house. Did Piran peer through the slot? There was no keyhole. Oh, no, actually, in the one with the slot. Oh, the slot. Sorry, yes. I thought you were talking about peering through a keyhole. There is a keyhole, Oh, no, actually in the one with the... Sorry. Oh, the slot. Sorry, yes. I thought you were talking about peering through a keyhole.
Starting point is 00:12:07 There is a keyhole, but there's also the slot. Peering did not. No. Okay. I'm going to do something stupid and look through the slot. All right. You open the slot and staring inside, you can see a long corridor, maybe another 50 feet-ish. And you can see that there are cells in here.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Oh, God, she's a jailer. There are several jail cells. You can't see into any of them. All of them are closed. These are all experiments. And appear to be barred. You can see there's another chair at the end of the hallway here. God, it's dead.
Starting point is 00:12:44 When, yeah, unfortunately you don't catch what it is, but when you open the slot, you see it looks like rat-sized creatures scurry into the darkness. Oh, no. Whatever they are, you have no... It looks like they kind of roll and bobble away. Right. The undead presence stays.
Starting point is 00:13:04 The undead presence, yeah. Do you continue your divine sense? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you, one solid divine entity falls apart into all those little blobs that hide in the corners.
Starting point is 00:13:16 All right. Closing it. You can also, when you open it, you hear sobbing inside. So, it's a jail cell. I believe something quite similar to the werewolf in the past.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Oh, right. This is Ludmilla's, I guess, experimenting on all kinds of things. So undead. Yes. A lot of them coming together and then would fall apart and scurry. Do they look like hands? They kind of look like rat type. I didn't quite get a good look.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Could be hands. Good bite size. They're rat size. I only kind of got a glimpse of the size. I didn't see. Hand is kind of the size of a rat. Well, if you've made that connection, you look at all of these corpses hanging from the roof.
Starting point is 00:14:01 None of them have hands. How many did you say there were? Quite a lot. We talking 10? 50? There was enough. Impossible to say. Enough to make a person size.
Starting point is 00:14:14 That's not something I've ever come across, have I? That's a weird. The idea of a bunch of animated hands coming together to make a being. No, no, that is not well that's sort of a perversion of the crawling hands or animated object comma hands sort of modus operandi really typically they recreate the sort of crimes of the person they came from not become a man well if it is animated hands um here's some information the animated hand is easily spotted as it is a hand that crawls and attacks. Attempt to recreate the crimes of the owner it is from.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Also with the thine villain's corpse shalleth be handless. I like to point up to the corpses hanging from the ceiling. An animated hand feels no love, tiredness, or illness, and it cannot be slain with necromantic or cold damage. While the animated hand may be undead, I point to you Hector, it is also not. I just look into the middle distance.
Starting point is 00:15:14 So the turning of the holly will not bother it. They can, as so many things in the dark places do, they have a venom. They will infect you with murder's victim. I'm rubbing my nose. And here's the best thing about this one.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Victims of murder's victim will know thyselves for their tightening of thy throat until constriction occurs and air ceases. End of sentence. So if you get bit by the hand, I don't know what to do. If it is indeed animated hands we're dealing with. Were you detecting necromantic magic or undead from the
Starting point is 00:15:56 cells? Was I? From the cells? I mean it's shifted. The aura shifted. It looks like they're just trying to stay out of sight. It's hard to tell. I don't know if anything was coming from the cells or just the hands themselves. Yeah. I'm just wondering if they check out that other door.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Yeah, let's do that first. You go to the other door, and Piran checks up for traps. Piran says, hmm, well, I've got good news and bad news. Which would you prefer first? Give me the bad. I've got good news and bad news which would you prefer first? give me the bad the bad news is
Starting point is 00:16:26 this is Ludmilla's handiwork that is bad news the good news? good news is I know what it does and it's not that big a deal he tries to open the door and it refuses to budge you see a magical an arcane symbol flares on the face of the door
Starting point is 00:16:44 I've seen this symbol before in the cathedral. It's just an arcane magical lock. Oh, okay. Well, that's not so bad. Yes. It's actually the door is not even stuck itself.
Starting point is 00:16:58 If you touch, please, he shows you, you touch the door and you realize there's like a force field preventing you from actually interacting. It's a lot more obvious in the cathedral. She doesn't have a door behind it, but it's just a magical barrier preventing access.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Can you get through this? No, I can't. A powerful magician might be able to. Gorub and Lushen. I shouldn't have said magician. Spits in both of his hands and Korub cries out, Why did you do that? Lushen comes over.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Everyone might want to stand back. Except, of course, our most powerful and liege. They bow towards Tapos. You, I'm sure, if anyone, can withstand the mighty magic of a wizard supreme! Lushen bathes the door in fire. Oh, okay. The magical seal flares,
Starting point is 00:18:02 and then nothing happens. That usually works. The magical seal, Pyrrhon, is it only where the door is? Like if we went around to a wall and broke that, would that get us through? We could try. I look to Gorob and Lushen and shrug. Gorob pushes Lushen's head like he needs to push him out of the way but that doesn't work obviously
Starting point is 00:18:27 and says stand back let the first barbarian be your guide of course the three of you weak idiots might want to step back
Starting point is 00:18:41 of course not our liege our leader you Tarpos years of my life our liege, our leader. You, Tarpos. Years off my life. Our liege, Tarpos. Do you have, can you move stone or mud or earth? Tarpos not.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Tarpos can move stone. Could you move the stone around the door? Tarpos usually can move stone. Magic. The magic of wild exhausted. Right. Nature has no magic left. The magic of wild exhausted. Right. Nature has no magic left. Yes, of course.
Starting point is 00:19:12 Okay, back to Garab and Lushen. Back to the barbarian. I'm sure, of course, had the magic of the forest not failed you as it did, the stupid, slimy idiot Tapos gives them a look and they shut up. Oh, thank God. Tapos gives them a look. And they shut up. Oh, thank God.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Good. Love to hear it. As Gorob goes to turn, they both very purposely turn away. They've pissed her off. They know that. Gorob spits in both of their hands and it's Lushen's turn to get upset. But before they're able to draw a weapon, Tapos, only maybe the two of you here, Tapos mutters under her breath, nature stronger than you. All right.
Starting point is 00:19:52 Lushen casts Booming Blade on Gorub's sword, and then Gorub swings the sword and creates a mighty crater in the wall. They keep going like that for a little while until eventually they've made a big hole, but you notice every time they swing instead of going through the hole the barrier flares. Yes, um, guys, relax. Stop. They've made a window
Starting point is 00:20:19 into the next room. We can look in at least I guess. You can see in the next room there is a big stone slate? Slat? What you would put a body on. Slab? Slab. I was looking for a different word, but slab is also accurate. There's a big stone slab, and on the stone slab you can see there are several different bits and pieces of a person. You can see the arms, rather than regular human arms,
Starting point is 00:20:46 are instead the arms of a dust hat. It looks like this is a thing to be assembled. So I think that is the... Does it look like the creature that attacked us in the past? So it's got the werewolf head too? Or the spiky-mouthed piranha head? Oh, sorry. I was like, when did I establish...
Starting point is 00:21:03 I don't know how you made that connection. Yes, it is a werewolf-esque head. It looks halfway between a transformation. It doesn't look like a true werewolf's face. But yes, it is indeed. Get a good boy card. I don't think I ever established that. I think me and Dammit figured it out at some point.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Good job. Yeah, it's halfway between the transformation. With the helmet off, you can see it properly now. That's why it has, it had like a flat sort of face, but that's just because it's not got a snout yet. So I'm guessing that, so. Oh, sorry. One more thing.
Starting point is 00:21:37 You can see a soft blue aura on the floor, but it's on the other side of the slab, so you can't tell what's making the aura. Okay. All right, so I'm, first as a guess here, is that the hag is working, or was working with Ludmilla. They would come to a deal where the hag would deal with
Starting point is 00:21:55 the townsfolk. I'm assuming Ludmilla would give them the townsfolk or then she would get them, perhaps use some of the saliva, the bite, or whatever of the werewolf. She somehow managed to replicate that either on an undead or on something that was soon to be dead. And then they've made – it's just werewolf and hag.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Is there anything else? Well, actually, now that the hole is opened up, you can see that there is a faint necromantic aura. You think undead has been thrown into the mechs. This undead werewolf and hag mixed together to make that. That's a lot of parts. That's a lot of, that's, you know, three entries in a manual. This sigil, this barrier, the only way to stop it is through a dispel magic or.
Starting point is 00:22:44 A dispel magic could work some sort of disjunction type spell but that's magic well beyond any sorcerer you have access to yes brute force he says that very under his breath brute force is not going to do anything I mean
Starting point is 00:22:59 a sufficient amount of force might be able to overwhelm the magic but that's not my area of expertise. And would there be something perhaps in this area that might turn it off? No. From my understanding, it requires a code word of sorts. Code word? Yes.
Starting point is 00:23:15 I don't know what it is. I was looking into it, but I don't know what it is. Right. Presumably, Ludmilla herself knows it, and I don't even know if anyone else does know it Any of the things you know about Ludmilla Bride of Strahd Created the undead god Ozymandias
Starting point is 00:23:33 Created the bog men Yeah I'd like to take some devil's horn Some Dragon blood, I've got one left I'll use that for the legendary energy. And then what else will I? And then water, I guess.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Okay. I'm going to try and make a resistance to magic potion to see if I can walk through. All right. Okay. You've made a fairly strong potion. I maybe get down from squatting around my little alchemy kit. This potion is a resistance to magic. I don't know if this will work,
Starting point is 00:24:07 but maybe where sorcery fails, alchemy can come through. This is not going to affect all of us, obviously, but if one of us drinks it, perhaps we can walk through and explore on the other side for a time. It'll give you five turns. So it's not going to be long, but if there's anything in there we need to check out, even to just step inside and have a little examine, maybe you could do it with this potion.
Starting point is 00:24:28 You're the monster hunter. All right. Time for you to hunt some monsters, I suppose. What have I been? Anyway, I'll drink the potion. All right. You drink the potion, and then you try to walk through. Your hand, it's like a waterfall, but of weird static electricity.
Starting point is 00:24:47 You put your hand through and it passes harmlessly through the barrier. You can step through if you want. I step through and just give the area an examine. Stepping through, you're on the other side. There's the slab, as you could see before. There's a big dusty desk with lots of papers sitting on top of it. And then there's the blue aura on the other side of the slab. What would you like to investigate first?
Starting point is 00:25:09 I'll get some of the papers and pass them back through. You grab just as many as you can fit in my hands. Just a big handful, yeah. Shove them back through the portal or the, sorry, barrier. Yeah. And then what would you like to do next? So that was one round? No. No, no, barrier. Yeah. And then what would you like to do next? So that was one round? No.
Starting point is 00:25:27 No, no, no. That would be two rounds. Okay, so I've got three left. I'll have a look at the blue aura. All right. See if I can see what that is. You walk around and there's just a blue circle of light on the floor. You can't tell its purpose or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:25:41 That's three rounds. Okay. I'll examine the slab. You walk over to the slab. There's bits and pieces of the chest and legs look to be human, but you can see that there's black pus
Starting point is 00:25:56 coming out of it. It looks distinctly necromantic in origin. Like I said, it's got the arms of a dust cag, and then it's got a half transformed human head. And then I'll step back out. Oh, and one more thing. You would see
Starting point is 00:26:12 that there are little blue strings connecting. It's not zipped up together, but there are little blue strings connecting all the different pieces together. Like they've yet to be pulled taut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scary. I step back out. All right, you're back through.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Okay. It's worn off, but I explain what I saw. I don't know what that blue thing is, but... Pierron picks up one of the pieces of paper you brought back, turns it over. Well, I can't make a hide nor head of this, but he shows you one of the pieces of paper, and you can see the completed creature. I guess we can assume what these papers are about. In the completed creature,
Starting point is 00:26:48 is it just the three monsters coming together? Thank God. Hey, I'm glad. It looks like her zombie, a werewolf, and a dust cag combined. Okay. That is a new thing. We're going to go pick up the papers that we threw as we're, I guess, walking back to the hand door.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Scanning through the papers of note of anything. And it'd take you a lot longer than that time to figure out what's going on. I figured as I'm getting there. All of the papers here are too dense. You'd need a committed amount of time. We'll put this in our packs and go investigate the hand door, I guess. Okay. What would you like to do? They seem to scarper whenever we...
Starting point is 00:27:34 The sobbing appears to have stopped. Okay. All right. Sobbing has stopped. So, see a hand? Kill it? Yeah, pretty much. They're not going to run from holy.
Starting point is 00:27:45 If you try to turn the undead, they're not going to listen. Because they are, like I said, undead and not. Yes. But radiant damage will still do them. It should do. Doesn't say anything about them being resistant to it. Yeah, so you should be right. Yeah, you're not going to kill them with Cold damage Necromantic
Starting point is 00:28:05 Turning down holy Not going to do it either No love, no tiredness, no illness So I'm assuming that means no poisoning Charming or exhausting them Otherwise they're just a hand So your hand, stab it I guess Okay, you open the door
Starting point is 00:28:20 You hear Scary In the darkness and then it stops Do you step in? No When you open the door, you hear, scary, in the darkness, and then it stops. Do you step in? No. When you open the door as well, actually, in addition to that, you hear, from one of the cells. I call, hello? Hello?
Starting point is 00:28:38 Why are you down here? Who are you? My name is Iris. I was taken. From? We were traveling. Traveling through. And something happened.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Attacked us in the night. And then everyone went crazy. I'm scanning for hands. You don't see any hands. Can I light a torch? Sure. I'd like to hold it up to try and light the area. It's not any more lit than it was from
Starting point is 00:29:07 Tarpos' daylight spell. But, yeah, are you stepping into the room? Look, we're going to have to do it eventually. So, yeah, I'll step in. You fool! You've fallen for my trap! But seriously, hands just
Starting point is 00:29:22 come out from everywhere. You stepping in, you hear that again, and you look around and you can see all over the wall that you just walked through, there are many, many hands clinging to the wall. Let's go to initiative. I'm not going to say you're surprised because you kind of knew something like this was about to happen.
Starting point is 00:29:43 But if we're going to head forward, we're going to fight the hands one way or another. And we can't do any AOE thing in there because feasibly this person, who I still suspect is probably a monster or like a Willy Wispy or something, feasibly they could be just a person and we don't want to set them on fire.
Starting point is 00:30:00 God damn it, that puppet used so many of my abilities. That fucking puppet. Am I about to get hit like eight times by eight hands? Yes and no. Okay. It's more than eight. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Dear me. What it is, is it's a numbers game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, two, three hits, one critical miss. Okay, that's good. Critical miss, you taste awful. No. If this attack was a bite, it is not a bite attack. Tender, take a d6 penalty to your next attack roll. Okay, okay. Okay, all right. And then three hits, so, Pip, you take... It's gonna be barely anything Yeah but what if they give me
Starting point is 00:30:46 Murder's victim That's what I'm scared of You take 9 points of damage That normally would be nothing Adam But we're running On empty 16 hit points and you need to make 3 saving throws Oh my god
Starting point is 00:31:02 We just fought puppets Plus 5 right hit points and you need to make three saving throws. Oh my god. We just fought puppets. Plus five, right? Pass, pass. What's your con saving throw? Two, seven. By the hairs of your chinny chin chin, my friend. My throat feels... Is my throat already fucked up, actually? Yes, it is.
Starting point is 00:31:19 You can only talk in a whisper. That's true. I fucked it. The puppets, he was forcing it. Hands was in... The puppets, he was forcing it. Hands drop down on you, Pip, and then roll out from several of the cells. There's six cells here in total.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Of the six, four of them, hands just start spilling out. Oh my. It's Piran's turn. Sneak attack them hands, Piran. I don't think there's enough room, actually. I don't think Piran could get to them. Uh-oh. Piran's turn Sneak attack them hands, Piran I don't think there's enough room, actually I don't think Piran could get to them Piran fires a bow
Starting point is 00:31:50 Twang He hits one of the hands And, yeah, he kills one of the hands Okay, that's good Excellent, excellent So, you don't have time They move too quickly And you don't have time to count how many hands there are
Starting point is 00:32:03 So, rather than tell you how many hands there are I'm going to give you a bloodied equivalent for when you've killed half of them. Thank you. Awesome. Pip, it's your turn. Can I get into a place fighting the hands where I can fire off a, I want to use the spell lightning arrow, but can I fire it off so that I won't be affecting anybody near me? You take out essenceence of Lightning. Run it all. You drink Essence of Lightning, then put the bolt in your mouth and suck on it.
Starting point is 00:32:33 It requires a bit of saliva to activate. And then you cast Lightning Arrow. Is that a bonus action? Yep. So you make an attack. That's kind of irrelevant, honestly. I mean, you hit. That's kind of irrelevant, honestly. I mean, you hit, but it honestly, yeah, is irrelevant.
Starting point is 00:32:48 You will, I'm assuming, unless you get minimum damage, you're going to kill a whole swathe of them. Yeah, you didn't get minimum damage. That's all you needed. Good job. Hell yeah. They're not bloodied. But they're close. Yeah, but you gave them a Yeah, you did hurt them.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Hell yeah. Alright. That was Pip them a... You did hurt them. Hell yeah. All right. That was Pip's turn. Heck it's yours. Right. Can I... Oh, heck it's yours. Heck it is. Can I get into the room?
Starting point is 00:33:14 How many... If you can, you will take a tax bot. Okay. How many hands can I see that are in five feet of me? Of you right now? Yeah. That'd be like eight, maybe? Oh, sick. All right. Cool. Well, I will do Word of Radi. Of you right now? Yeah. That'd be like eight, maybe? Oh, sick.
Starting point is 00:33:25 All right, cool. Well, I will do Word of Radiance and get all eight. Nice. Kill these hands. Four of them are destroyed in a flash of holy light. Sweet. By doing that, can I then step in without taking attacks of op? You can take fewer attacks of op.
Starting point is 00:33:43 You can't take no attacks of op. Okay. That's frustrating. No, I'll... Pip is currently on the front line, and he's the only one. Yeah, I... It's pretty risky for me to step in here. It's a bit of a give and take, though, because obviously if you move...
Starting point is 00:33:58 Right now, they can only attack Pip. But there's... Sorry, all attacks are directed towards Pip, but there are fewer attacks that they can make. But if you step in, obviously Pip isn't the only one who's going to take damage, but the enemy's going to be able to make more attacks a turn. Okay. Because there's more surface area. There's more adventurous surface area, if that makes sense. Right.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Okay. Okay. I, in that case. It's up to you. I'll stay where I Okay. I, in that case, um. It's up to you. I'll stay where I am. Stay where you are? All right.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Then that was Hector. It's Tarpos's turn. Tarpos is straight up out of magic. Oh, wait, no, they do have some. They were lying to you. What were you asking them to cast? I don't know why I thought they were out of magic. That's right. Um, well, anyway, they're going to cast...
Starting point is 00:34:45 Yeah, they cast the spell. And you see there is a... At the other end of the room, there's a window, a jailed, like a barred window outside. That window wasn't there before. It's there now. Actually, in fact, you realize that this logically doesn't make sense. A window in that position would not lead outside, but there is one now.
Starting point is 00:35:08 And through it, it's not nighttime, through it, moonlight bathes the room. Hell yeah. Four are extinguished in holy moonlight. It's not dissimilar, or it seems quite similar to Penia's magic in a way, but it feels older somehow than Penia. Oh. Like maybe like, what did you do? What was that? Nature magic.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Thoughts was gone, but is not. Don't think about. Fair enough. All right. That was Tarpos. It's Gorob and Lushen's turn. Gorob and Lushen don't have your reservations, Hector. Of course.
Starting point is 00:35:48 They charge in, and you know what? Gorub's going to rage. Gorub's going to rage. Gorub's going to, hey, Gorub's going to Gorub, baby. All right, so Lushen, oh, no, Lushen's definitely out of magic. It's not even... It's the end of day two. We're on.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Jesus Christ. Gorub and Lushen destroy two more hands. Okay, that's good. And then, as they... Oh, no, sorry, they take several attacks apart. As they blaze away past you... Hit, hit. Hit.
Starting point is 00:36:23 Three hits. They've been... They're fucking in the wars, these Hit, hit. Hit. Three hits. Uh-oh. They've been, they're fucking in the wars, these two, dude. Yeah. They're like, what, like four levels of exhaustion currently? 11 points of damage. 11 points of damage. They're going to need to make three saving throws, all of which are at disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Damn. Uh-oh. I don't know how to cue. I don't know why I rolled after the first one. Gorub and Lushen scream. They turn around, all four eyes bulging out of their sockets, and then they point to one of the unoccupied jail cells, and lightning strikes them from that jail cell.
Starting point is 00:37:03 What? Huh? You know, it's a will-o'-wispy. Oh, fucking hell. Of course, will-o'-wispies. I forgot they float electricity. Jesus Christ. A will-o'-wispy floats out of that cell.
Starting point is 00:37:17 Jesus Christ. And yeah, it fires a bolt of electricity at them. That's a hit. They take 11 points of lightning damage. Gorb and Lushen are on two hit points. Uh-oh. And then it is the hands
Starting point is 00:37:34 turn. Oh, they even haven't even had to fucking go, god damn it. Oh boy. Fuckers willy wispy. You get hit twice Pip uh oh I don't know how to fix this hands deal 5 sorry
Starting point is 00:37:50 6 points of damage to you there is no way to deal with it you just gotta hope you make the saving throw Jesus Christ you get a new saving throw every turn but there's no way to cure it otherwise
Starting point is 00:38:01 unless you want to make an impromptu alchemical thing yeah no no I'll let your you know so long as it so long as you've got ingredients that should be in the right place. All right. So, yeah, you take two points of damage. You need to make two saving throws, Pip. Yep.
Starting point is 00:38:16 Pass both times. Okay, thank God. Thank God. A mountain of hands attack Gora Balush. Here it is. That is hit. One hit. Good for them. And half damage
Starting point is 00:38:32 is still enough. Gorrub and Lushen fall. Okay. Boom! They fall backwards. You hear behind you, Hector, Tarpos give a strangled cry. Uh-oh. And then in
Starting point is 00:38:47 shock and disbelief and fear. And then it is Pyrrhon's turn. Um, um, um, um, um, um. Pyrrhon, you can hear Pyrrhon disappearing behind you. He fires his
Starting point is 00:39:04 bow and arrow, and somehow, 5th edition somehow allows this. He sneak attacks the Willy Wispy. Oh, that's good. That's good, that's good, that's good. That was Piran's turn. Pip, it's yours.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Can I remember, can I... So we heard a voice. That voice, what... Could we tell what cell it was coming from? No. What, oh, fuck, what name did they give? They said their name was, I'm just going to have to let Pirin deal with it. I can't remember enough to be able to fight back. I will cast, not cast, sorry. I'll do a spray shot on the, whatever hands I can't remember enough to be able to fight back. I will cast...
Starting point is 00:39:45 Not cast, sorry. I'll do a spray shot on whatever hands I can see. Sure, absolutely. It's my last spray shot for the day, but I'll do it. I'd say you can hit six of them. Yeah, great. And I'll call out. If anybody can remember the name the suffering person gave us,
Starting point is 00:40:00 somebody say it. You miss one of the six. Minimum damage is enough for these hands. So you deal, you destroy five of them. They're bloodied. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details.
Starting point is 00:40:29 We got you. Rogers. Then it is, that was Pip's turn. Hector, it's your turn. You're down to half the amount of hands. I remember that person's name. It started with an I, I think. It did.
Starting point is 00:40:43 I-one? No, I-one is the other one. I don't remember their name. It started with an I, I think. It did. I-I-I-O-N? No, I-I-O-N is the other one. I don't remember their name. Right. If I was a car, say... I'll give you a hint. I'll give you a hint, but I get to draw a bad boy card. That's alright. Nah, we'll be fine. Damn it.
Starting point is 00:40:57 It's a funny hint. I'll give it to you anyway. Goo Goo Dolls. Oh, Iris. Iris. What happens if you know the name? If you know the name, it goes. Why would it give it a name, though? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Maybe it's stupid. Maybe that was it. I don't know. Yes. So how many hands do I think I could get in a, say, 10-foot sphere? The maximum amount of hands you could get is eight. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Okay. Okay. It's like, do I use a shadow spell? Oh, damn. Just really hope that there isn't actually a little girl in here. Yeah, true. If I was to go into the room now, would I get the get and got?
Starting point is 00:41:54 And if I cast my cantrip? Word of Radiance? Yes. That wouldn't reach into the cells. Okay. You could get six hands with that. Six hands. Okay. Iris, fuck off.
Starting point is 00:42:06 And then I cast... What? You hear a voice from one of the cells. My bad, my bad. Sorry, Iris, that was meant. I thought you were the weirdy. Never mind. Word of radiance.
Starting point is 00:42:19 All right. Are you getting... If you want to get six... Sorry, I don't know if I said this, but if you want to get all six, you're going to have to take some attacks. I guess I'll go in there and stop them from strangling my idiot friend. Critical hit. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:42:34 That sucks, dude. It's a numbers game, baby. Throw as many enemies as you can. Oh, no. Terrifying slash. Maximum damage on the target. Must make a DC 16 wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the target is frightened of you for 3D4 rounds.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Oh, fuck. Oh, no. You better make this save. Maximum damage would be five points of damage. First off. Then you need to make a wisdom saving throw. You pass. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Thank God. So five points of damage. And then you need to make a constitution saving throw. I don't think you can actually fail that, though, unless you get, like, a one. You've got so much fucking juice. You've got con up the oazu. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:14 All right, you move in, and you're getting six of them with Word of Radiance. Mm-hmm. Your save is 17. Fail, fail, fail, fail. All of them fail. Nice. What's the damage? 2d6. 2d6. Doesn't matter. Minimum damage is 17. Fail, fail, fail, fail. All of them fail. Nice. What's the damage?
Starting point is 00:43:26 2d6. 2d6. Doesn't matter. Minimum damage is enough. You destroy six of them. Hell yeah. And Pip, you no longer have to worry about hands. Oh, that's awesome.
Starting point is 00:43:36 All of the ones near you were destroyed. There's just ones kind of at the back of the cell. All right. Then it's Tarpos' turn. Tarpos maintains that spell. Another four of them are going to need to make saving throws. Four more are destroyed. You're making neat work of them.
Starting point is 00:43:53 That's Tapos. Oh, and then Tapos gets the Tapos, puts a hand on your shoulder, Pip, and says, you fight well. Oh, thank you. She casts a spell. She casts a spell. She casts Healing Word. She kneels down next to Gorob and Lushen, grabs their hand with her hand and says, Rise
Starting point is 00:44:13 my knight. You're not 100% sure if she actually did magic just then. Hearing that... Yeah. Yes, my lady! I guess it is receptacle now, I suppose. She rolled maximum hit points, so I'm saying that's what she said.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Gorbun Lushen are on nine. All right, it's Gorbun Lushen's turn. Yes, we will kill for you, my lady! No need to kill. Yes! We will slay for you, my lady! Not what I want! God damn it, Garble Lushen. They kill another
Starting point is 00:44:56 two. Alright, it's the Willy Wispies turn. Uh-oh. Yeah. Um, oh, fuck. Just missed out as well. The Will-o-wispy could have just straight up killed Gorob and Lushen. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Um. Those poor, poor things. Poor, loud friends of ours. It's going to hit them with another lightning attack. It wants their fucking soul. It misses. Unfortunately, that's the Will-o-wispy's turn. It wants their fucking soul. It misses. Unfortunately, that's the Will-O-Wispy's turn. It's the hounds' turn.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Who's exposed? They begin crawling along the ceiling and drop down onto you. Excellent news. Oh no. Getting under your armor? Scary. So, Pip, you get attacked four times. I thought I no longer needed to worry about the hounds hands They moved, unfortunately
Starting point is 00:45:46 I did a little DM trick that I like to call Lion You get hit twice You take five, six, seven points of damage You're on three hit points Oh, fuck it You need to make two con saving throws
Starting point is 00:46:03 At least I'm next to you now. You pass both of them. Okay, that's good. That's good. That's good. Four attacks. Hit, hit, hit. Three hits. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Heck, you take nine points of damage, and you need to make three con saving throws, which you're insanely good at. Yeah, you're fine. And then... Get away from my throat. Tapos gets attacked four times hit miss hit critical miss oh nice nice nice snap out of it no no it's not transformed yeah you know what actually
Starting point is 00:46:37 one of the hands stops What? It remembers. It remembers what's happened to it. No. That hand scurries into where you've been hearing that girl's voice. Uh-oh. Uh-huh. It's grim. And Tapos takes four points of damage and is going to need to make two saving throws. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:02 You hear that little girl scream. Yeah, fair enough, because her hand's going to order. That is with your plus. That's two passes. All right, and then Gorob and Lushen get attacked four times, and that's it.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Then that's everyone getting attacked by the hands. That's a hands for another day. Only one hit on Gorob and Lushen. That's five points of damage to Gorob and Lushen. They are still standing, but it's touch and go Alright
Starting point is 00:47:27 That was the hands It's Piran's turn Twang He fires again at the Will-O-Wispy He hits the Will-O-Wispy Nice Once again D&D allows her sneak attack
Starting point is 00:47:35 To do full damage And allows sneak attack Is he about to Fucking Murder this Will-O-Wispy Oh my god Yeah he does
Starting point is 00:47:43 I don't need to roll The rest of the damage. Okay. The Will-O-Wispy in a puff of smoke and a little bit of static charge disappears.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Awesome. You know that's a Will-O-Wispy death. Fantastic. Alright. That was pure and simple. You hear,
Starting point is 00:47:57 yay! So proud of himself. And then it's Pip, your turn. I'll wheel around and just fire two shots at the crawling away hands, just regular ones. All right. Hit, hit.
Starting point is 00:48:09 You don't need to roll. Two down. Great. And it is, heck, your turn. All right. Can I still get a good chunk of them? You can get eight of them with World of Radiance if you're willing to take two attacks of all. I mean, last time I only got a crit.
Starting point is 00:48:22 Yeah, we fine, I think. Yeah, what's the stats on that one? All right, it's two hits, but they're both 19s. Imagine. Oh, my God. That's just fucked. All right, six.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Eight points of damage to you. What's your total right now? Oh, boy. I'm on 18. I'm on three. Whee. And you need to make two con saving throws,
Starting point is 00:48:43 but a one is the only thing that you fail. There's a 20. twenty Yeah you're fine Word of radiance Thank you Penny for your strength in this Trying times Forgive the father for what they do Pass pass pass
Starting point is 00:48:58 Three passes Five failures Five more dead You can count them now. There's five left. Oh, that's awesome. All right. That was Hector.
Starting point is 00:49:09 That was your turn. It's Tarpos' turn. She continues to maintain her spell. One passes. One fails. She kills another one. There's four left. That's including the one that went after that girl, by the way.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Tarpos looks into that cell, and you can see she has a very, very serious expression on her face. Okay. Then it is Gorob and Lushen's turn. They are not paying attention to anything. They fucked it up twice. Oh, no. Oh, wait, no.
Starting point is 00:49:34 That's disadvantage. That was just one attack. They hit. Somehow do better. Thankfully, one of their rolls, they really whiffed it, but that allowed a second attack, which they hit. Oh, great. So you're down to three. And then it is the Hans' turn.
Starting point is 00:49:53 One attacks Hector. Miss. One attacks, let's say, Gorgon Lushen. Miss. All right. It's Piran's turn. Oh, no. Piran.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Oh, no. Critical fumble. Critical fumble. Yay. Wind her up and let her go. Oh no, critical fumble. Critical fumble. Yay. Wind her up and let her go. If this attack was made with a ranged weapon, it travels to the opposite end of the one intended. Oh no, Pyrrhon maybe hits himself. Ow. You hear
Starting point is 00:50:17 a string snapping from somewhere in the next room, and Pyrrhon cries out in pain. Pyrrhon takes. Oh, no. He sneak attacks himself. Well, it was a surprise. Yeah, he didn't expect it. Yeah, he was expecting that.
Starting point is 00:50:32 He takes. So that's what that's like. That's what I've been doing to people? Oh, my God. He takes 25 points of damage? Oh, my God. That's bad for him. Piran, no.
Starting point is 00:50:46 It's like fires him. Pierre, no. It's like fire's a crossbow, and then the crossbow just embeds in it. Well, that just simply is not cricket, he says. Pip, it's your turn. I'll just plug away the last two hands. Miss hit. There's two hands left. One of them is I'm kind of ignoring that one for the moment
Starting point is 00:51:08 One hand left, it's fighting you Alright Grab it like that Like this, with your hands To get clasped hands with it and then crush it I'll attack it once with They don't fly, you know that right Grab the spear and
Starting point is 00:51:24 Stab it once That's a hit, don't need to. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grab the spear and stab it once. Fish kebab. That's a hit. Cool. Don't need to roll. You destroy that hand. And then I whip my head around to where Tarpos was looking. There is a little girl chained up in this cell.
Starting point is 00:51:38 You can see that her arms and legs are unnaturally long and her hands finish in claws. You can see she is part dusk hag, presumably partway through the process of being turned into a dusk hag. The hand, the remaining hand that remembers what it was, is up against her throat. Oh, no. Is it like it's choking her? No, it looks...
Starting point is 00:52:06 When you... I'll say we're out of initiative. When you look at it in the cell, it gestures to the exit while still wrapped around her throat. Right. You think it's taken a hostage. Iris?
Starting point is 00:52:22 Yes, the little girl says. Right. Are you... I look at Pip and I'm just, hey, this is above my pay grade, man. You hear a jangling from behind you. You look around and Piran has taken a set of keys from next to the door. He hands them to you. I think in this one instance, what I would do and what the right thing to do perhaps is are the same thing. Let's just let them go.
Starting point is 00:52:52 I think you're right. Iris, where were you from? Vistani Caravan. Okay. She's dressed as a Vistani. Yeah. Right. Do you know where they would be?
Starting point is 00:53:05 I start unlocking the cage. She shakes her head. No. Hunk, hunk, hunkle. Hunkle is bad now. He made a deal. Right. Of course he did.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Yeah, yeah. That's a shame. Well, he was probably a doll, and he's probably dead. Yes, a puppet. What? Never worry. Hunkle won't be able to hurt you anymore. The red pip. dead. What? Never worry, Uncle won't be able to hurt you anymore.
Starting point is 00:53:28 The red pip. Yeah, well, yeah. Hopefully. Hand. The hand, you can see it uses one finger to kind of gesture around and it uses that one finger
Starting point is 00:53:43 as if it were a head and it nods it up and down. You were... What has happened? Do you want a pen? Shakes. Okay. Is that a no? Nods.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Right. Okay. Are you trying to strangle that girl? It does a big circular gesture. It points again to the exit. You want to leave. Thumbs up. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:12 Well, we're not stopping you leaving. You just leave the girl alone. If you leave, you're not going to attack us. It nods, yeah. I just kind of like step aside from the door. Free to go. It tightens a little around the girl's neck. Hand. Have you unlocked the door. Free to go. It tightens a little around the girl's neck.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Have you unlocked the door? Yeah. It gestures to the girl's cuffs. Do you want to take the girl with you? It does a circular gesture. I think she's just a hostage. Right! Assurance that if we let the hand go, we're not just going to squash it.
Starting point is 00:54:43 If you're not attacking us, I honestly could not really give two shits about you. If you want help, I can try to help you. I don't know how we can help you, but. I don't think we can help the hand, Hector. Yes, I don't think we can. Yes, says Perrin. I don't think the hand is our quest. I'm aware, but.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Let the hand go into the woods to fight the puppets. There's too many little things in the woods. Alright, you convince the hand. The hand lets go of the little girl, hits the ground, and then as quick as it can, it scurries past you and out. Right. Good luck
Starting point is 00:55:20 hand. Good luck to the hand, yeah. Yes, best of luck. I can't wait to read the rest of that man's story. Sorry, that hand's story. Yeah, I'll unshackle the iris. All right, yeah. Yeah, you... She unsteadily, shakily gets to her feet.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Are you feeling okay? She looks down at her arms and legs. She's about as tall as you, heck. Okay, I... But with like a child's body, just long arms and legs. She's about as tall as you, heck. But with a child's body. Long arms and legs. Do you know where they were going to?
Starting point is 00:55:52 We were going to Kukuchuri. Do I think that she belonged to the caravan? It's very possible, yeah. Describe the man in the tattered things. I'm like, the tattered cloak. Do I think that the Vistani are the type of people to, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:15 If she goes back to the Vistani, are they likely to fix her or at least look after her? Or are they likely to be like, corrupted, stay away? It depends, to be honest. There's a lot of Vistani groups, I guess. Yeah, many Vistani, all of them act differently. Do they have different, like, group names? Like, if she was like, oh, I'm from the, like, Vespucci clan, I'd be like, oh, I know how the Vespucci would respond. Oh, the Vespucci clan, of course.
Starting point is 00:56:43 I love the Vespucci and the Volkswagen clan. And the Chiorio clan. But yeah, would I know the different groups? Or is it kind of like the internal politics of the Vestadi are just too complicated and Pip never cared to learn? There are two, culturally speaking, there are two major, shall we say, two major, culturally speaking, types of Vistani.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Yeah, sure. The Vistani who travel a lot and the Vistani who don't travel much, who tend to stay stationary, like the ones, for example, like the ones outside of Valakai. Yeah, sure. Vistani who tend to stay in one place tend to do so for a reason. A big part of that reason is that they are allowed to. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:57:29 A Vistani encampment anywhere either faces a lot of hostility from local Barovians or whatever. Yeah. Or they face hostility from the wolves and stuff. Yeah, from Barovia itself. Yeah. So a lot of them tend to move. Those who stay, yeah, have a reason to stay. And in Barovia, at least, that reason is typically because Strahd pays them no mind.
Starting point is 00:57:51 Sure, yeah, yeah. And that will often mean that a lot of the Vistani within that camp are like, well, Strahd's the thing going, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, a lot of them are like very, you just got to know who you're talking to. A lot of the traveling caravans are just just kind of whatever they're just various different groups it's impossible to tell who you're talking to until you know them okay um all right was there anything else in the cell maybe i gestured to uh the others to like uh check the rest of these cells the rest of the cells contain nothing but rats and bones.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Okay. And that was it for this whole area. That was just the two doors. One we can't get into. All right. Okay. Okay, Iris. You okay to walk?
Starting point is 00:58:39 She shakily nods. We're going to go out now. We're going to maybe try and set up a camp. Right? We're going to go out now. We're going to maybe try and set up a camp. Right? We're going to rest? Are we heading back to Kuchari? Maybe I'm taking a hand open to try and find moss or whatever. I think resting would be a good idea.
Starting point is 00:58:58 We're all pretty fucked up. Sorry, effed up. Nice child presence. If she didn't hear you say fuck. Okay, so... Perrin eats an almond. Oh, where'd you get almonds? Here's a little bag of them.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Okay, so we're going to head up now. Then we'll have a rest and perhaps in the morning we'll head off and hopefully try and reunite you with your family. Okay. Okay, I'm Hector, by the way. Iris, she says again, she, like in a way that a child might if they were taught to do this, she puts out her hand to shake yours, but when she does so, she immediately retracts it.
Starting point is 00:59:44 She pulls both of her hands up against her chest. Do I have any spare gloves or anything like that? None that will fit her hands. Gloves that will just fit her hands. Is she wearing at least
Starting point is 00:59:59 warm or shivering? She's wearing warm clothes, but they don't extend to her hands or legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's not like freezing. No. Her extremities are definitely not protected, but her chest is. Yeah, well, it doesn't sound like she needs those. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:15 Okay, well, I look at the others. I'm heading upstairs. We'll clean up down here, yeah. Let's go. I'll clean up down here. clean up down here. Let's go, says Perrin. I'll clean up down here. Tapos,
Starting point is 01:00:28 and if you want to wait here with me and Perrin, we'll head upstairs. Can I search the hands? Can you? Can I ever? You? Now, you're not going to believe this. Do I find hounding killer hands, Adam?
Starting point is 01:00:43 Do you? Waza waza. How many doses find hounding killer hands, Adam? Do you? Wazzle, wazzle. How many doses of hounding killer hands you want? Dude, I'll take as many as I can get. You can get a sack full. Oh, my God. 30 doses. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:00:57 You find a bit of treant poison, two doses. Nice. And that will be it. All right, no worries. Hey, the hands is good. Sure. I'm happy that will be it. All right. No worries. Hey, the hands is good. Sure. I'm happy to have the hands. And then just about this room and the previous room, hang on, you find some treasure.
Starting point is 01:01:14 Oh, right. Oh, yeah. I guess while I'm searching the hands or whatever, maybe Garmin, Lushen, and Topos are searching for treasure. and Lushen and Tarpos are searching for treasure. And in addition to that you also find tucked up in a, underneath the
Starting point is 01:01:32 chair, we'll say here, just tucked underneath it looks like it's almost been just kind of forgotten about to be honest, like it wasn't really even meant to be here. You find a spell scroll. Oh, cool. It is...
Starting point is 01:01:47 Do you speak Draconic? Yeah. Of course. I'm a Dragonborn. It's funny that I speak Draconic because I'm a Dragonborn, but I was not raised by Dragonborns. True. I guess it would have been impolite, you know?
Starting point is 01:01:59 Well, a lot of people learn and speak Draconic. There are many reasons for it. It might not necessarily have been because it was impolite. Hell, it could have been Pip having a bit of a gap year and trying to rediscover himself. Maybe when Pip finally left the monastery, being like, it's about time I actually learned my own language. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Well, it's a scroll of Blight. Oh, okay. What does Blight do? Do I know? It's a powerful necromancy spell. It drains the life force of a person it's really powerful against plants okay do i know that like only like i couldn't use this spell scroll could i so there are two there are two different types aha that's right there are spell
Starting point is 01:02:41 scrolls and then there are scrolls of spells or something like that yeah yeah now a scroll of a spell i forget the two different names but they got fucking names like that the scroll of a spell is if you have the spell you read it out and it's like you get a free cost okay yeah cool the other one is just if you speak draconic you can read it out it's like the spell has already been charged. It's like a add water, make your own spell sort of thing. As opposed to a
Starting point is 01:03:12 brew kit or whatever. Now, the one you get is the just add water. So you just need to read the words on this page and you cast the spell. I'll just tuck it into my pack I guess
Starting point is 01:03:28 Once we're done in here we'll head back up to the surface You reconvene on the surface Did you end up Going over the hags for Whatever they had No I'll do that now too No you did get Yeah but we didn't look for treasure did we
Starting point is 01:03:41 Oh sure sure Maybe somebody else do that and I'll set up a fire. Because I'm good at that kind of shit. Yeah, right, you do that, I'll keep a lookout. Keep comforting Iris. Yeah. You find another spell scroll coiled up. You know how the hag just became dust and the robe?
Starting point is 01:04:03 Up the sleeve of that robe, you find another spell. Locate creature. Do you speak Draconic? I can read all things. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, it says locate creature in Draconic. Is it a everyone can cast or? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:15 I was. Piran holds it up. Found something. Oh, it's a scroll of locate creature. Well, that could be useful at some point in the future. I found a scroll of blight, I say, and I take it out and wave it around. Good for killing plants. Also useful in the future.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Plants need to be weeded. That's true, sometimes. I'll light a little fire. Are you camping here for the night? What time is it, roughly? Maybe 4 p.m.? By the time, would we be able to get back to Kootree before dark? Actually, no, sorry, it would be way later than that.
Starting point is 01:04:48 Sorry, it would definitely be sundown at this point. I don't think we're going to get back. It's too dangerous in the woods at the moment. We'll make a little camp. Picking out any of the best bits of wood to make a lean-to? Well, you can kind of use what's left of the cottage. Yeah, yeah. If you don't mind being in kind of use what's left of the cottage yeah yeah we think
Starting point is 01:05:05 you don't mind being in the cottage we do we do yeah yeah it's scary i mean there's the most shelters in the basement the darkness spell has gone come back no it's still there yeah yeah yeah you would be in dark yeah the amount of hands that could be just hiding in little crawl spaces and stuff who knows what miller's gonna do yeah do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. We'll use whatever wood we can on the outside to make enough shelter for us. As you sit down, it's not bedtime just yet. You've made the fire. You've had some food.
Starting point is 01:05:36 It's just like the closest thing that Barovia gets to a moment of serenity. I imagine we're eating strawberries, maybe, from the pound of strawberries I bought. We've got to work through it before it goes off. True, true, true, true. Each of you quietly munching on strawberries, grateful that you have them, and then Pip slumps face first. Huh? Huh? What? He just falls. Just fump fump. Yeah, he just hits the ground face first. Pip starts making ragged breathing
Starting point is 01:06:05 noises what is okay I immediately go and cure wounds you waste the spell nothing happens does he at least
Starting point is 01:06:13 gain some he well yeah sorry he does gain hit points you're right does he at least like get some spell is absorbed
Starting point is 01:06:19 by the night you recover 10 hit points okay nothing it doesn't stop him medicine check medicine check grabs you by You recover 10 hit points Okay Nothing It doesn't stop him Uh Uh Madison check
Starting point is 01:06:27 Madison check Grabs you by The shirt Hector And we'll get to that In just a second Pip You're sitting at the campfire
Starting point is 01:06:34 Everything's normal And then It's like someone Stabbed you in the chest Oh no You feel It feels like a dagger Is working its way
Starting point is 01:06:43 Into your chest Near your heart. All energy leaves you and you slump forwards. Does it remind me of like the icy feeling in my chest from Balagai? I was just about to say. Usually being stabbed is a hot feeling. It feels, even if the blade has not been doused in fire, the panic of it all makes the blade feel hot. This does not feel hot.
Starting point is 01:07:08 It feels like a shard of ice in your chest working its way towards your heart. You are rolled over by Hector, who's trying to help you. You grab Hector by the shirt and say, The geese. The geese. I look around, looking for a goose. Valakai extended its city limits Yenda I shrug
Starting point is 01:07:37 How do you get rid of a geat How do you get rid of a geat Everyone's standing up. Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't know. Maybe I reach out with one hand for my alchemy kit and just start pouring through it to see if I can make anything. Sure.
Starting point is 01:07:55 So there's a gogash. Yeah, maybe go through who it could be. A gogash. I mean, he's a husband of... Kribbit. Kribbit is in the Abbey. Last you saw him. Last we saw him.
Starting point is 01:08:10 It would not be... They could not have got to the Valachar by now. And then there's Yender. Unless a Gorgash... What happens to a vampire's heart? The heart stops beating. So if a Gorgash goes in, does this... Or is he no longer part
Starting point is 01:08:26 of the... Pip, the edges of your vision are beginning to get black and your vision's beginning to become just a pinpoint. Okay, fuck. I just don't have anything that affects magic anymore. I use it to go through that stupid wall. I hate that wall!
Starting point is 01:08:42 The wall's killed me. Alright, alright, alright. You're fine. I hate that wall. The walls killed me. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Um. You're fine. It's gone. It's gone. They're out.
Starting point is 01:08:55 Whoever it was, they're out. Fuck, they could go in again in any second. They wouldn't have gone in willingly. Distantly. And moments ago. Oh, no. Valakai is half a flame. What the fuck's happening in Valakai?
Starting point is 01:09:13 Really, Valakai just can't catch a break right now. Really can't. As Keening and Erwin Martikov are running their way through the streets. What? the streets. What? Erwin has slung under his shoulder the heavy crossbow that you saw him using when Valakai was besieged by bats. And you can see his other arm
Starting point is 01:09:31 is heavily just destroyed. There's a dagger in his shoulder there, but the arm looks like it's been through a thresher almost. He's clutching it up against his chest. He turns around in the distance. You can hear the ear splitting,
Starting point is 01:09:49 whistling noise of the town guard trying to close in. He turns in that direction and just fires the crossbow bolt into the darkness. Then he drops the bolt. He starts slowing and falling behind as Keening picks him up with his bad arm and just uses that to support Erwin as they keep charging their way towards the city gates. Keening's face is heavily bruised on one side. His lips are puffy and his eye won't close properly. As he gets to the gates, both of them are terrified that the plan hasn't worked and that the gates are going to be still barred to them. Oh, no. just barely on the other side is Yender gesturing for them forwards. As they get closer and closer and closer
Starting point is 01:10:47 Owen jerks in Keening's grasp and then is dragged backwards into the darkness. Keening turns to look into the darkness and then turns to look at Yender. Yender has a wild eyed expression. She's not sure what to do. Keening isn't sure what
Starting point is 01:11:04 to do. Then the same thing grabs Keening. A tongue slithers out of the darkness, wraps itself around Keening's boot. Keening is on his face and being dragged into the darkness. Yender does not take that lying down. She sprints. She sprints into Valakai. But the second her first foot steps beyond the city limits, Gronk!
Starting point is 01:11:30 Gronk! Distantly, Kribbit bowls forwards. Distantly, Pip falls nearly face-first into a fire. But right here, Yender forces herself to stay standing. She charges after Keening, being dragged into the darkness, firing Guiding Bolt after Fire Spell, trying to light up the darkness however she can. A few of those blasts illuminate something made of tongues.
Starting point is 01:11:59 Oh my god. She grabs Keening by his good and bad hand and tries dragging him back with her. Keening looks in Yender's face. Esion, just leave. Yender looks down at him and there's a brief moment of consideration. She thinks about the people who are suffering just as her and she shakes her head and says, mate, you're worth more than who are suffering just as her, and she shakes her head and says, mate, you're worth more than we are.
Starting point is 01:12:28 And she starts dragging. It's true. Over her head, behind her back, she puts a hand on the chest that she carries with her. She focuses with all her might, and a light can be seen through the cracks in the crate. It's so strong is the light that it pours out of the keyholes, that it slips through the cracks and illuminates the darkness for a brief moment. Yender closes her eyes, focuses for a moment,
Starting point is 01:12:56 and when she opens them, light streams out of them, holy light, as if she was just skin containing the energy of the sun. She looks up at the creature in the darkness and it recoils for only a moment, for only a second. Yender and Penia are not powerful enough to stop this for any length of time, but that moment is all they need. It lets go of Keening and both of them are on their feet again. Yender is so weak by the time they get back to the gate that instead of carrying Keening, Keening carries her and they drag each other out of Valakai city limits. Pip, you distantly feel better again. But Valakai, unbeknownst to you, Valakai, unbeknownst to you, becomes immersed in a heavy snowstorm focused just around the city limits of Valakai itself.
Starting point is 01:13:58 As with the full power of Father Lemmik, the Burgermaster of Valakai banishes Strahd. Distantly, as the last rays of sunlight disappear from the peak of Castle Ravenloft, a shadowy figure looks at the snow-drenched Valakai. A smile curls on lips that can only just be seen in the darkness, and two figures stand behind him. It would seem that Father Limmick has come. How rude. No invite. A go-gash. One of the figures stands a little straighter. I want you to go to Valakai, kill the Burgia master, bring me his head and tell the King of Tongues I wish to contract his services. The figure nods and then walks off. Escher steps out of the darkness, the other figure.
Starting point is 01:14:54 And, master, what would you have of me? Now that I have a Golgash, the figure slowly turns. Why would I need you oh my oh my alright and then we return to the fire you're okay okay
Starting point is 01:15:14 something's wrong in Valakai Yender wouldn't go in intentionally if he wouldn't suffer like I just did on purpose Cribbit is too far away. There's no way Cribbit could have gotten there in time. Maybe the laniel.
Starting point is 01:15:30 If she wasn't dragged, why would it have stopped if she was dragged in and then... Maybe she made it out. She must have made it out. Or she died. Also true. I was going to leave that one unsaid.
Starting point is 01:15:41 Oh. We were all thinking it. I pop a strawberry in my mouth. Well, if she's in trouble, then can we... I look to both Talpas and Garb and Lush and... Can you scry at all? Is that something you can do? No wizard can scry.
Starting point is 01:16:06 It is a magic only theorized. That's patently not true. I'm pretty sure I've rescued him. All wizards put up a hand. Lushen puts his hand up. I met a very powerful seer who could scry into the... A parlor trick, nothing more. Tapos, Tapos, is this something you can do?
Starting point is 01:16:26 Tapos shakes her head slowly and says, No, don't know. I mean, it could be to do with the fire we saw. That's true. Something's happening in Valakai. Something's wrong. Also, something happened in Kuchiri that... We still need to rest. I look to the forest. I don't know if we can...
Starting point is 01:16:45 No, no, no, no, no. You know, we've got to be patient about this kind of thing, or just clever about it. Just leap in. Yeah, yeah. It's time. We need a good sleep if we're going to even begin to deal with any of the problems we've got.
Starting point is 01:16:59 Let's be happy with the problems we solved. Yes. Well, I stressed, Pip knows Keenings down in Valakai. Yeah. Absolutely on his mind, but not Pip will voice that maybe Yender's dead, but he won't voice that Keenings could be dead.
Starting point is 01:17:18 Yeah, I was kind of like, the words like falling out of Hector's mouth would be, but if Yender is in trouble, she was looking after. I feel I got a little bit more tact. So I guess keep that to myself. Swallow your tongue, as it were. As it were. As it were.
Starting point is 01:17:41 As it were. All right. I guess let's. The forest full of puppets, we should set a watch. Of course. The body of the other Vistani that was caved in around here. The corpse is still there. They're still there?
Starting point is 01:17:57 Yeah, the corpse is still there. At some point, we'd be putting it on the back of the horse with the other one. When you pick up that corpse, the little girl, she begins wailing and crying. I was like, I really would have done this before, when she was asleep, I feel. Oh, okay. I just think that's pretty sure.
Starting point is 01:18:19 It stands to reason that more tragedy is ahead of you. So why not head that off at the pass? Yeah, of course. I would assume that, like, you know. No, I mean, like, it's a good assumption to make. Yeah, it makes sense. I assumed that the Vistani was the same kind of group. So in the back of my head, I'm like, well, when she falls asleep,
Starting point is 01:18:37 I will get something to wrap both of the Vistani that we have in so that she doesn't have to see that. Yeah. That's a good idea. Just tracks. Well, so concerned is your group with attacks from without, from little puppets that you don't notice in the night. In the basement, in the room protected by Ludmilla's magical barrier,
Starting point is 01:19:04 The room protected by Ludmilla's magical barrier. That blue, faint aura flares once, and then Ludmilla is standing in the circle. Of course. Oh, no. Maybe she won't notice. As soon as she steps out of the summoning circle, she's about to make for the door, but she looks over at the desk and she can tell something's wrong. She's missing maybe 28 of her documents. She just very quickly thinks to herself. And a great deal of the wall.
Starting point is 01:19:33 That's a secondary concern, honestly. Unimportant compared to documents being taken. Fair enough. Very annoying. Nothing she doesn't have backups of, but just annoying that she's going to have to make new backups. Unless they're still here.
Starting point is 01:19:49 She walks to the door, opens the door, and steps out, passing harmlessly through the barrier into the basement. She looks around, and then slowly, completely without any need, able to see in the magical darkness, Slowly, completely without any need, able to see in the magical darkness. She walks, creeps slowly up the stairs and looks out at Gorub and Lushen arguing. Is it their watch? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Es nasko.
Starting point is 01:20:18 Both of them fall asleep. Oh, no. She walks out into the middle of your little encampment and looks around at each of you. She very calmly takes a deep breath. She wants to hurt you, but now is not the opportunity. Later. That'll come later. She collects her documents.
Starting point is 01:20:41 Grateful that she's not going to have to make copies. And then she goes over to the little pile of ash underneath the robes she collects the ash oh no that's concerning and then returns back to the little temporary study she has here she teleports far away back to kuchuri back where she's finally gotten everything under control she knew that only you fuckers could have done this to her. Her undead just decided suddenly they were unlinked to her magically. That's awesome. A lot of people are dead.
Starting point is 01:21:18 Oh, no. She has, once again, however, control of her undead. It was, at the very least, if nothing else, it was a good experiment to see how they would fare against adventurers. She had always planned on turning them loose in Vagabond. This was just ahead of schedule, and it's annoying she's going to have to do it again to see the beginning of the experiment. That's unfortunate. When she dumps the ashes in the middle of the room, the halfling working behind one of the desks gives a little, hmm, a harumph, displeasure that she's dirtying the workspace, but she ignores him. She's thankfully, mercifully able to ignore him for the most part.
Starting point is 01:21:58 He does what he does, and then she gets to reap the benefits. Okay. She reaches her hand into the pile of ash and then slowly draws her hand out. She reaches her hand into the pile of ash and then slowly draws her hand out. As she draws her hand out, the ashes begin kicking up in a little whirlwind, a little eddy around the ashes. And then a awful gnarled hand is dragged out of the ash. As she continues, the ash begins to fall lower and lower and lower. And she pulls the morrow hag further and further out of the ash until the morrow hag is once again before her and the ashes are gone. Once she has completed this spell,
Starting point is 01:22:33 she dusts what little ash remains off the shoulders of the morrow hag who looks very grumpy at the situation. And Ludmilla says, I would like to renegotiate our contract. Okay. Alright. Things are changing. Emmanuel didn't say nothing about getting her head back out of the ash pile.
Starting point is 01:22:54 Yeah. Okay. We kill her once, we kill her again. Yeah, I'd like to imagine when Ludmilla came to our camp, the notes would have just been in my hand as I was asleep. Because I was going to be like, oh yeah, during when we I'll read them, I'll go over them. So I
Starting point is 01:23:10 imagine she's like... She didn't have to search hard. No, they were right there. You get one attempt at trying to decipher the notes, and all you know is their notes on how to make those creatures. Unfortunately, you don't get very far. That's fair, that's fair. Big night.
Starting point is 01:23:28 Maybe I'll be able to find out more next season when we return to Vampire Infested Barovia. Thanks for listening. Pip and Hector will return in Season 3 of Once Upon a Time in Vampire Infested Barovia, and in two short weeks Adam is joined by our very good friends from the Scaredy Boys podcast
Starting point is 01:23:48 for Cult and Worship. Tale, Fairburn Point. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns
Starting point is 01:24:14 that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.