Dear Hank & John - 342: Recovered Ancient Knowledge

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

How do I house sit for 100 ducks? How do I move a tectonic plate? How do power lines explode balloons but not birds? Why are so many US products not available in Canada? Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Ike and Jon. Nor is I preferred to think of it dear Jon and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the abuse advice and bring you all the weeks from both Mars and AFC, Wimbledon, Jon. Yeah. Did you know that you can put any boat on your head as a hat? I did not know that. All you have to do is turn it over. So it's capsized.

Yes. That's a fun. I like that one. I like that one. It would be really hard to make me laugh right now. I'll be honest with you. I do not feel well. Now, I want to be clear that Hank did not make me

record this podcast. I gave him so many opportunities to not do it. He said, you should feel free to not record the podcast, but just so you know, I don't have any guests. And it's been a couple of weeks since we were together. That's what he said. I didn't say that. I totally good.

I got a sub. And so I have risen from my COVID sick bed drenched in sweat, to make a podcast out of, I want to be clear about this, a desire to have exactly one conversation. Yeah. And Hank, I look forward to whatever, I look forward to whatever questions from our listeners you can dig up. But I need to talk to you in public about something. I know what you mentioned on Twitter.

I know what it is. That has me deeply, deeply disturbed. We need to have a talk, a very serious talk. You recently tweeted that you were outside of a jiffy loop and three different people screamed, Hank Green at you. And that that was like not as relaxing as you would have preferred. And I agree that's not relaxing.

Now we gently like when people encounter us in public and they come up and they say hello and say something nice about us or our work. Like that is a lovely experience. I don't want to speak for you, but like in general, like we are happy to take selfies and it is it's genuinely nice. It is something we enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. The, the, the exception I would, I would throw in there is if I'm like actively doing a thing with Catherine or Oran. Yeah. Like we're trying to get the thing done. If it looks like that, then, uh, hey, you saw, you saw us. Right. Exactly.

But I do love, and I live to chat a little bit and find out why people know who I am or etc And but John has informed me of a way to knock it yelled at when there's like a full jiffy-loop parking lot between you and the road Right, and it is so simple and I have known about it because John's been telling me and it works so well Yeah, and it is to wear a hat Yeah, where at and the great thing is, as I said, and the intro joke, I can get a hat anytime there's a boat nearby. That's true. It's very true.

Put it right on. I don't have so many hats now because I've realized that there's absolutely, like, I think it mostly introduces a little bit of, like, I'm just not quite sure if that's Hank. Yeah. And so like, the great thing about it, I don't really know who I am. He's the poor, poor fans. Yeah.

Still say hi. Like, people who are really invested in like, Nerdfighteria still say hi. Somebody who saw you on their for you page on TikTok three weeks ago, like he's like, oh, well, that's a guy in a hat. Can't be hit green, he doesn't wear it. Yeah.

They go from like 90, they eight percent sure to like 60 percent sure. And that's not, they don't want to do that. That's weird, if you're 60 percent sure. So it works, and I've seen it work, and what has happened because of this is, whenever I go on vacation, I forget to bring a hat. So I have a thousand hats,

and I never bring them anywhere with me, because I have established habits over my life, and I was never a hat wearer. Well, starting now you are, no more going to get your oil changed without a hat. That sounds like some kind of a great code, but it's not. It's just, it's just my mean what I mean. I could have sat inside of the Jiveeloob too, but it was a nice day. All right, that's all I wanted to say, Hank, wear a hat.

Okay. So, in addition to that though, Hank, where a hat? Okay. So in addition to that, though, John, I would like to propose the hat code. If I am wearing my Seattle crack and hat, then you can come up and say, hi, if I am wearing my suncocee bird sanctuary hat, then you can come up and say, hi, but only if you do like something exceptional first, like I need a handstand or, like, jump over your own leg, that kind of thing. first like I need a handstand or like jump over your own leg, that kind of thing. If I'm wearing my hats hat, that is like the cat's logo, but it says hats instead of cats, then I'm going to need you to not say hi, but you can do a little wave, but it has to be a little wave and it has to be like above your head and it has to be one, two, three,

four, five and that's the whole wave. And then you duck down and you put on your own hat that also says hats, and then you do, you could do a pirouette if you can, but if you can't, that's fine. I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into, which is that on occasion, that will happen. And so you are creating the possibility of that

occur. Yeah. If I'm wearing a tire art for like somebody walks up to you, doesn't entire heart performance and then says, hello, that is, I'm wearing my Mizzula Osprey hat. I you cannot say hi, you have to say, Playball. Okay. It works. Oh God. Okay, moving on. So here's our first question from McKenzie who asks, dear Hank and John,

I've been asked to house sit 100 ducks, help. John, help. Do you have duck experience? I've actually house at like 70 chickens and some of them were ducks. So I'm actually an expert in this field. Uh huh. Now it depends on how long your house

sitting a hundred ducks for. If your house sitting a hundred ducks for longer than about four days, you're gonna have to watch some YouTube videos. I think the chicken, yeah. I mean, that's my first suggestion. days, you're gonna have to watch some YouTube videos. I think that you got it. Yeah, I mean, that's my first suggestion. If you're house sitting 100 ducks for three days,

food, water, egg collection, and you're gonna be okay. Yeah, I think that we're gonna, you're gonna get plenty of advice for how to take care of the ducks from the duck owner They're gonna tell you what to do. Oh, that's such a great point. They're not gonna tell you one thing people who own a hundred ducks Will do is let you know Yeah about the car and feed it as possible Duck ducks. Yeah, but what they're not gonna tell you is What else to do with a hundred ducks? Like you you feed them, you water them, you walk them,

but what else do you do? Do you fight them? Do you take a lot of selfies? Can you crowd surf on ducks? No. Can you take them to a pond? What else can you do with a hundred ducks? No. Can you take them to a pond? What else can you do with a hundred ducks? Yeah, I think I definitely think like setting up an iPhone outside of the duck enclosure. I'm imagining that

these hundred ducks don't like live in public, maybe, but there'd be a lot of it. It'd be a lot of duck replenishment if they're just like out and about Yeah, I think you fight them not obviously not in like Trying to be fatal way, but people always say like would you rather fight like one duck-sized humans or a hundred human-sized Ducks is a real opportunity to find out what it's like to fight 100 ducks, sized ducks. And so, you know, I think you gotta have like, you know, the Queen's Berry rules kind of thing, where obviously nobody is allowed to get hurt. Right.

The referee has to intervene if somebody's down for more than 10 seconds, there needs to be a doctor on site, all that stuff. But I think you fight. Yeah. Well, there's always that question, would you rather fight a hundred ducks or one horse? And so you need a horse.

And the only person who really knows the answer. And you know what you're going to find out is that you'd rather fight a hundred ducks. So I asked on Twitter, what would you do if you had a hundred ducks? Yeah. Someone said, play duck duck goose, which would be a long game of duck duck goose. God, if you so fun though, if you had a hundred ducks and one goose. Yeah.

Somebody else said, first things, first names. You're like, that was cool. You're like Adam and Eve being like, and I shall name you cow. And you shall be hawk. That you're hawk. Yeah. And I was like, it's going to start going through weird things from the Star Wars universe your wedge antilles

You're I can't remember any other weird people from Star Wars Okay, all right, I would name dark lighter. I would name 26 of them Versions of Jar Jar Binks that aren't Jar Jar Banks. That's great. No, all 100. Barbar Dinks, Car Car Finks, Dardar Links, Car Far Nix. Now just go.

Yeah. Well, you don't have to, you can really mix it up. It could be a LARMAR banks. Yes, right. It's still a Jar Jar banks. You could get a hundred Jar Jar banks rhymes. Oh, easy. Easy.

And then like you just call them like DDB. And that's Dardar Hacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I just realized something, Hank, that's pretty significant. Uh-huh. So I just realized what duck duck goose is. It's a children's game. I know, man. I understand that. I just understand the

joke of the game. Is there like a premise behind it? I understand the premise. What's the joke? There's a touch. Yes. If you touch a duck on the head, nothing happens. See if you touch a goose. Duh, good changes. And if you touch a goose, it chases you because they're I'm going to wild aggressive. I am going to end you with my goose parts. Exactly. And all of these are weapons now.

Yes. You thought they were soft and fluffy, all of its weapons. That's right. My tail is a weapon, my beak's a weapon, my eyes are weapons. Shoot my feathers at you if I have to. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Bork you by wheels through the air.

Goose. Yeah. Next time you play Dr. Goose, don't just chase, attack. Oh, yeah. You catch them. You start flapping, stand on them and flap. Like that. Did you know that?

Signed? No, that's entirely new. You are the one who has let me know that there was a deeper premise to duck duck goose. I think I've made a discovery. Well, I bet other people know. No, I think that I have like recovered ancient knowledge Hank, like they did in the Renaissance. Yes, I think like I'm going back to Socrates.

It is sometimes called duck duck, gray duck, because apparently gray ducks are mean, or quail quail quarry, because in New Jersey and New England, where they can say all words apparently, quail quail quarry, are you joking me? All right, Hank, let's move on to another question. All right, Hank, I'm feeling better enough to ask a question.

This question comes from Gabe, who asks, quick question, John and Hank, how do I move a tectonic plate? Even if it's one of the small ones, like the Indian plate, could humans do something to push it away from Asia and form its own independent continent? Even if it took like hundreds of years and trillions of dollars, could we use rockets or bombs to move it? Bringing tech jobs near you Gabe, but tech just spelled T-E-C-T-E-Tect. It's um it's an exciting new

field, Hank, where we create new continents by moving tectonic plates. It seems like it would go great, but what's the science say? The science says no. I'm pretty sure that clearly the science answer with two letters, but in this case, it does. John, the great news is that we don't need to spend trillions of dollars to make anything a continent. The definition of a continent is entirely arbitrary. And it is, I know this because many people are taught

that there are different numbers of continents than I was taught. I was taught that there were seven. You may have been taught that there are five, or there are six. Or, and I might make up an eighth or ninth or tenth. Like, look, like not all of Europe even touches itself technically maybe. So you can make like-

Why is the UK in Europe? It's not part of Europe. It's like literally disconnected from me. Yeah. So you can say that Alaska and Siberia are a continent. Like just like the Paramo. I think you should. I think you should.

And in fact, I- This is it. I've got a proposal. I'm ready. Hank, I've been waiting for this moment. Uh-huh. There is the Lena River. It goes through Siberia. It's very big. It's very long. And that is where Asia ends. Uh-huh. And the continent of Alaska, Beerea begins. Okay, I love it. And it goes all the way across the rest of Siberia and all of Alaska and maybe a little bit of the Yukon territory, so Canada doesn't get annoyed. And that is our new continent. That's continent eight. There is a little bit of water that separates parts of Siberia, Alaska from other parts

of Alaska Beerea, but, but still the same continent, just like it is, just like it is in Europe. Yeah, and we're gonna go ahead and take all of those sort of upper territories too. Oh, yeah. That's part of it as well. Greenland, that's in there too. Absolutely.

Every... If you put Iceland into, you're not in Europe anymore, you're in Alaska, Beary. I don't know that you can make the case for Iceland. I guess people are out of your making the case for Europe. I'll make any case that I feel is makeable. You're right. What is it?

Is Russia obviously in Asia? Russia is partly in Asia and partly in Europe because continents are made up. Sure, why not? And also, Russia is partly in Alaska, Berea. Yeah, obviously. So large swaths of Russia are in fact, Alaska, Berea and territory. Now people are gonna say like,

oh, there's lots of political tensions between parts of Alaska, Berea and other parts of Alaska, Berea, well, there lots of political tensions and parts of Asia and other parts of Alaska, Bia and other parts of Alaska, Bia. Well, there lots of political tensions in parts of Asia and other parts of Asia. Parts of South America, other parts of South America. You think Canada likes us? Come on.

Yeah. This is just, this is a geopolitical reality, which is that Alaska, B area has a lot more in common with Alaska B area than Alaska has with Houston, Texas, like that's just a fact. No, it's also important to note that in response to the original question that absolutely know you cannot push. I think that the Indian continental plate is pushing into the Asian continental plate right now,

which means that we would have to not just push it, but overcome the force that it is already pushing with. So that would, you know, that was enough force to make the, like, the tallest mountain on earth and also a number of the tallest mountains on earth. So it's going to take, we generally underestimate the amount of energy that is inside of our planet. And to the point where, if you listen to the last episode of Dear Hankajan, you're going

to think to yourself, to you're going to remember the part where the inside of the earth has repeatedly killed almost all of the part where the inside of the earth has repeatedly killed almost all of the life on the outside of the earth many times over the course of the history of the planet. So watch out what you do. We probably can't have any effect on it, but as much as we can, we probably shouldn't. Cool. Thanks.

Thanks for that. Definitely don't use bombs. Back to Alaska Beary at jokes. Alaska. Well, I'm just like, no. You know the best thing about it, Hank. I mean, there's a lot of great things about it, but the best thing about it is you know that, um, that weird line that goes straight down the middle of the world for, uh, no particular

reason. Yes, the international date line. Yeah, Alaska Beary. Well, actually has a good reason to exist. Alaska Beary would be the only continent in two days. I bet you're right. I'm right. That seems right.

I'm right. It's a two day continent, which makes it exceptional. Which reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by the two day continents of Earth. There's one and we made it up and you can't. And to all the citizens of Alaska, be area, you're just going to have to get on board. Well, your nationality doesn't change. It's just that the continent you're living on change. Yeah, citizenship. That's not a big deal. Today's podcast is also brought to you by COVID fog. COVID fog. I don't remember anything

that happened earlier in the podcast. And this podcast is also brought to you by my Mizzula Osprey baseball cap. And additionally, today's podcast is brought to you by COVID fog. COVID fog. I'm really, are we done? We're just telling you when we're done. We also have Project For Awesome message from Tyler from Montana to Morgan. You are such a ray of hope to everyone in your life. You constantly think about other people and make the world a better place to live in. You're so kind, loving, intelligent, brave, and just plain awesome. You regularly challenge my

thinking, all in the name of loving other people better, being married to you is the absolute best. I love you, and I like you. That's so sweet. That's great. That's such a critical part of a loving relationship, both loving and liking. Yeah, absolutely. John, this next question comes from Alia, who asks, dear, I can John, my name is Alia. All right. Don't try to be Ryan Alia. This is like the singers fell differently.

Okay, I see. I was scrolling through IG today. The IG, is that what they call it now? The IG. Oh God. Through the gram, through the IG, the IG, is that what they call it now? The IG. Oh God. Through the gram, through the, through the Iggy, the Iggy Iggy today. When I hear you say those words,

it's like everything inside of me, like once to fold up. I was scrolling through Iggy today. Take under the ground and like trying to just wait out the winter. I was scrolling, so today I was scrolling through the gigadigee when I saw a video of some balloons hitting the power blind, a power line and it got me thinking, if the electricity

flowing through power lines is enough to make those balloons explode in a white light and make a lot of buzzing noises, why doesn't that happen to birds? Furthermore, why do birds stay chilling on power lines? This is urgent as I see a bird flying toward power lines right now, and I need to know if I should warn him best wishes, Alia. First of all, I'm looking forward to redesigning the Instagram logo to say, Iggity, ggity, which they are doing a lot of changes at Instagram and Facebook did just rebrand a meta.

Yeah. So I don't know. I think that it might be time. They are doing a lot of changes at Instagram and Facebook did just rebrand a meta. So I don't know. I think that it might be time. They could call it the gram, they could call it IG but I think that they should call it a gigadigity. Iggy-d-iggy. I don't think you wanna go, oh gigadigity, I think it's Iggity-iggy.

Iggity-ig-d-ig-d-ig-d. Yeah. Okay. Iggity-ig-d. The Facebook's largest social virus to rebrand their stuff. Like, we're fricking geniuses at it. We do great work, John. We do great work. So it turns out that if you, and now don't try this at home, but if you are just touching the power line and nothing else, you're just part of the system. And the energy is just going on by.

Joe tried this at home. And that's why birds can do this. So they're just sort of become part of the system. Now, what happens is if a bird, and this does happen sometimes, if a bird bridges the gap between two power lines, they are now part of a new system. And that system allows electrons to go from that one place where there's a lot of electric potential to another place and they are the bridge.

And so you can sometimes actually see when large flocks of birds fly on power lines, this can happen where that like individual birds will be close enough together that they will allow that a spark to arc between the two power lines and it will be a big thing that will kill a lot of birds. And this is what happened with the balloons. The balloons did not touch a power line. They touched two power lines at once. And that allowed the circuit to get shorted between those two lines. Wow. And this will happen sometimes. I don't know what it was, but it was like a some kind of Predator was chasing some other animal and was and leaped to from one Powerline to another to try to catch it and they were both shocked to death

Wow, and that and people are like they were like why are these two animals just dead on my driveway? And that's what happened Wow Wow, don't don't touch power lines. Don't touch power lines. But especially don't touch power lines in anything else it wants. But just don't touch power lines. If you're listening and you're a bird,

it's okay to land on a power line. How else are you going to get recharged? If you're listening and you're a bird, congratulations. It's amazing. Yeah, they can hear it through their feet because they're touching power lines. All right, Hank, before we get to the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, I have one question from Andrew who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm stuck with mediocre coffee

because I live in Canada. And my question is, why are so many US products not available in Canada? We're really not that far away. Andrew. All right, Andrew, good news. The Awesome Coffee Club is now available in Canada. So I can answer your question broadly, but for our purposes today, what you need to know is that if you go to Awesomecoffeeclub.com and you

live in the US or Canada, you can get amazing coffee sent to your house on a regular schedule awesome coffee club.com. The reason it is sometimes hard to get products in Canada is because it's another country and there's some rules and regulations that are different from the rules and regulations in the US, but we've figured it all out. It's not the physical distance. It's not the physical distance. It's the human constructions. Yes.

We can even send it to Alaska, as long as it is the American or Canadian parts of Alaska , so awesome coffee club dot com. John, it occurs to me looking through these questions that there is no longer any doubt in my mind that Rosiana gave us a bunch of bird questions and it took us this long to notice. Yeah. It's a lot of bird questions. There is no longer any doubt in my mind that Rosiana gave us a bunch of bird questions and it took us this long to notice. Yeah, it's a lot of bird questions. That's good. Like good. It has. Does she sometimes do this?

Maybe she does it and we never notice it. Does she sometimes collect on a theme and we just never notice? It was the bird episode, everyone. It was the bird's spectacular. Oh my god. All right. We thought we figured out duck duck goose. Hank. Uh huh. AFC Wimbledon have in the last eight days, AFC Wimbledon have played two league football matches in both of those games. We were up two nil, two nil. Look, John, I'm not going to let you feel bad about being up and then losing

or drawing because you're scoring goals and that's the thing you have to do to win soccer games. We were a two-new do a lot. We were a two-new do a lot. That's true. We were scoring goals. There was a lot of concern about not being able to score goals at all and I'm feeling good about you scoring goals. With six minutes remaining in the game on Saturday, we were up to Nill to Don Caster. And we went ahead and tied to two. We gave up two goals in the last three minutes of the game.

Then yesterday as we're recording this, we played Mansfield Town. Everybody's favorite Mansfield Town. We were up man's field town. Everybody's favorite man's field town. We were up to no after 16 minutes. And I was like, this is never going to work. And indeed it didn't. We then gave up two quick goals. And then our most experienced player, Welsh international Chris Gunter, got a red card in the 45th minute because he that's early. Yeah, he overreacted to getting the ball kicked in his face and I would argue that he didn't overreact that much given that the ball was kicked in his face, but I don't think the referee saw the ball getting kicked

in his face. I only think he saw the reaction. So that's how it goes. Sometimes got a red card. We gave up three second half goals. So we lost after being up two nil, we lost five two. When you get a red card, you don't just lose the player, right? You also lose like the ability to have that number of people on the field. So you're down to 10 players for the rest of the game. And for 45 minutes, we did not cope. We did not cope well with that situation. So yeah, I don't feel I feel like that's I feel like that's maybe a bit of an outlier. I mean, let's hope. And other than that, you've not lost any games. Here's the thing. Since January 1st, Wimbledon have been ahead in 14, one, four league games of those 14 games.

We have one, one. That's weird. That is weird. I don't know what you're doing, but it does seem like you're doing something wrong. So it's true that Josh Davison are very, very inexplicably large bottom tall person is scoring goals. It's true that Nathan Young Combs are new. He goes by NYC because those are his initials. It's true that NYC with his frosted tips in his beautiful hair has scored two magnificent goals. It's true that there's hope, and yet 14 leads and one victory is like, it's hard to

even explain to people who don't watch soccer how impossible that is. There are not that many goals in soccer games. Like leading them usually means that you win them. But not us. But not you. Well, here's what I think. I think that it's bad luck and that your luck will change. I mean, let's hope. Let's hope. I feel like I've been on a bit of I mean I in general, I'm a very lucky person, but I feel like I have had not had great luck the last two weeks. It is true. I feel like, well, you have COVID and your whole family is miserable is the week that you're allowed to lament. Why? No, it'll be your luck.

Well, this weekend, Mars News scientists have been surprised for the lack of water that they have found underneath the insight lander. So this is the lander. It's able to sort of like detect stuff, its vibrations and stuff, and that can tell us what's underneath it. And the lander has been exploring the Elyssian Plinesia in mentioning the Mars quakes in the area. And since exploring this theoretically, and since the area that it's exploring is definitely cold enough to freeze water, the scientists were hoping, wondering if there was gonna be any subsurface water,

but so far, the top 300 meters of that subsurface hasn't turned up any evidence using the models that we have, sort of like house vibrations move around inside planets. Any evidence of water at all. Mars's crust has a bunch of like holes and pores in it, and if those that would be like places for water to end up and then freeze, but we are not seeing that those spaces are cemented together the way they would be if there was frozen water. We're seeing that they are open. So that doesn't mean that there's no water there. It could just be like different or less than we were expecting. And so it's not plugging up those holes,

but it's that we are surprised by how little evidence of water we have found underneath the inside lander. It's new information and it is curious. Wow. So it's just one spot, it's a big planet. But still, that is weird because it is a spot that was chosen, correct me if I'm wrong, partly because we figured that there would be water underneath.

I don't actually know. Oh, okay. I'm sure that it was a thing that, I think that it was a thing makes, they did expect to see it. So probably there was some of that. Wow. Fascinating. I want a hundred ducks, but only for like an hour.

Yeah, I think that's a good business model, Hank. I think that might just stumbled onto a million dollar idea. The hundred ducks for an hour.com. Nice. Gosh. Well, there's no actually knowing Hank, it would be 100 ducks for an HOU.R. I think 100 ducks for an hour.com is available. I know, but you still,

like a lot of times even when the dot com is available, you're like home with my heart sings.club. It's not true. We couldn't get awesome socks, awesome socks club dot com. I wanted it. Yeah. We're definitely not getting it now. I'm hungry, John. What am I going to eat? I don't know. Good luck. I haven't been hungry in like five days. John, thanks for making a podcast with me, even though you have bad COVID, it thanks for all of the hat advice. If you want to send us questions,

you can do that at hankajunatgmail.com. We love to read them, and don't have a podcast otherwise. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tune of Metash. It's produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohas. Our communication coordinator is Brooke Shotwell. Our editorial assistant is Deboki Trock-Ravardi. The music you're hearing now is by the Greek and Arola, and as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be

awesome.