Dear Hank & John - 343: Raccoonanity

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

How often does the moon go around the Earth? Are bugs alright? How do I not cry at rude customers? When's the last time you had a good cry? What is the animal version of "humanity"? Hank and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. What is I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank? It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you a DBS advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars, the planet, and AFC, Wimbledon, the soccer team. John, your birthday is coming up. It is. Or it just happened as the people who are listening. Sure.

And I've got your present. Oh. It's a cup of dirt. Oh, thank you so much. Why is it a cup of dirt? Why just figured you'd appreciate the sediment. Okay, that's... Is dirt sediment...

Cup of dirt! Is dirt sediment? Yeah, okay. Got sediment, got sediment, didn't it? I feel like it's... well, you're the science. It's got set up and dinner. You're the science. It's not, yes.

I have a little less COVID. I have a little less COVID. Yeah, I can tell. Then I used to have, I'm not testing positive or anything. I just don't feel great. So that's a bit of a problem. Yeah, I remember that. It took me quite a while to feel sort of back to normal, it ish, whatever normal is.

Right. I think I've backed a normal now. And it's a challenge. So what, John, were I know because I share a YouTube channel account with you. But what were your favorite YouTube finds of COVID? Was it that weird medieval history one? Because you went hard on this. I have been watching a lot of YouTube.

Like Sarah watched like proper television. And I was like, I'm not watching proper television. I'm not getting out of bed. I can't get out of bed. There's just no way. I mean, you can make fun all you want of my YouTube watching. But I see your shorts watching, which is way worse than my YouTube.

I didn't get really a look. I don't get to choose. Medieval history was really big. I did a lot of, I did a lot of like two-hour long medieval history. And then the other thing, which was a big. I did a lot of, I did a lot of like two hour long medieval history. And then the other thing, which was a big discovery for me, is one of your favorite YouTube channels, technology connections. It's very good. Super enjoyable. And really like changes your daily life because now when I fill the dishwasher, I think about that process differently. Yeah. You understand all of the thought and work that's gone into doing the things

and making the things that exist. It's wild. Yeah. It has also how much there is. It is also radically deepened my appreciation for the drip coffee maker, the much more lined drip coffee maker. Now that I understand it is really a wonder of engineering. And when I drink my awesome coffee available at awesome coffee club.com uses a promo code dear john

for three cents off your first order. When I drink my awesome coffee every morning, I'm like, this is great. This is incredible. What Mr. Coffee and its clones have given us. You've also watched a lot of soccer videos, a lot of F1 videos. Yeah. And a video called Weezer Cruise. Oh, that was about the history of the Weezer Cruises. You know Hank, I'm fascinated by affinity cruises, cruises for people who share love. Yeah, I know.

I don't want. There's one for the moody blues called the moody cruise. It's so good. I mean, that's for people who share love. I got an affinity cruise. Yeah. I don't want. There's one for the Moody Blues called the Moody Cruise. It's so good. I mean, that's the kind of thing where if you're the Moody Blues and you're kind of semi-retired or whatever and somebody comes to you and you're like, I don't really want to do it, but the quality of the rhyme is so good. But you made a great pun, so I have to.

Yeah. And then I listened to a lot of, I kind of was like background watching a lot because I was so miserable, I couldn't like really stare at a screen. So that meant a lot of sort of like podcasty but video things like about history mostly. Just as a way to try to get my, I mean, I was just trying to get my brain engaged.

I don't know. It was, or just give it something to do, you know? Yeah. So how did the Weezer Cruise got? Was it all right? Yeah. I mean, that was the weird thing. I watched this like 16 minute video and the main subject of it was, it was like trying

to make fun of Weezer, but the main subject of the video was like, Weezer did like eight concerts in four days and they really took good care of their fans. Oh! Oh! Nurs. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! And I was like, Oh! That's great. He's like, it was pretty good. Like, it seems like, I don't know much about Weaser. I've only heard one of their songs. So I don't have an opinion.

I don't know what the current situation with Weezer is. But from that video, which was trying to make fun of Weezer, my main takeaway was, seems like they were pretty nice. I think like a successful cruise. I wish I kind of wish I was there. I don't care much about Weezer, but that's a great. Yeah, sounds like it was a pretty fun like five day trip. Well, I just had a wild idea.

This is not for us, but it's not. I hope it's not. I can't handle the idea of a nerd fighter cruise, not because I can't handle the other. No, it's not. But mostly because I can't handle the idea of a cruise of a cruise. Yeah. So here's what you do.

Okay. You listen, not you jump. Okay. Yeah, so here's what you do. You, listener, not you, junk. You go on an affinity cruise for a thing that you've never heard. Like a lot of you have never heard of the Moody Blues. I guarantee there's a bunch of people out there unaware of the Moody Blues. Go on the Moody Cruise or what have you. Go on the affinity cruise and just see, just like ethnography, just be like, where am I?

What am I in the midst of? And at the end, are you a fan of the Moody Blues? Because I think 99% chance, you are a lifetime fan of the Moody Blues. Right. I would argue, right, I would argue that really, you should only go on affinity cruises precisely to find something new to love and people to connect over it. Well, but all the other crew stuff is already there. You still get to do the crew stuff. There's still a water feature. But I also think you shouldn't go on an affinity cruise for a thing you have an affinity

for. You got to pick something and just like you are going to dive head first. Like this is like immersion language learning Yeah, but for the moody blues you're gonna know so much So to so much moody What if what if like moody blues fans are huge gatekeepers and you get there and they're like oh you've only heard I can't name a moody blue song you've only heard the sweater song You you suck we hate you and then you're just sort of outcast for five days like you shunned

No, by booty blues enthusiasts. This is the thing. I think almost I think I think There's no chance that there's an affinity cruise out there that one will not just assume that you're in like they will just assume They're not gonna like, like I quiz you, they'll assume you're in and you'll just be in. You know, maybe you like do a little studying beforehand. But, but, but, but, and, and second, no, no, I think you got to be radically honest. I think when people are like, Hey, what was the first thing? And they will love that so much. They will be so happy. That's the thing, Hank, is that they'll bring you in. You'll be the most popular person on the crew. The hardest core Moody Blues fans aren't gatekeepers, because they're confident in their

fandom. They don't have to tell you, you're not a real AFC Wimbledon fan if you didn't go to a game in 1986, because they know in their hearts that they are Moody Blues fans. And so there's no, there's nothing else to it. And that is what's so beautiful about the idea of an affinity cruise. Imagine going on the Moody Cruise Hank and you're seated. This would be the such a good YouTube video. You're seated next to a bald haired man with long hair.

You know what I mean? He's got the horseshoe, but it's long hair. And he looks at you and he's like, Hey man, when was your first moody blues concert? And you're like, it's about to happen. That he's gonna be so psyched. He's gonna be like, no yes. Hell, yes.

I have decided that whatever you're into He's gonna be like, hell yes, hell yes. I have decided that whatever you're into is what I'm into with some of it. I, this is the best idea we've ever had. I'm, which I absolutely will not do and do not want to do. But I, I really wanna watch the YouTube video of the person going on something like,

it doesn't have to be the moody cruise, but something like that where they just have no idea what it is, and you're just gonna be immersed in the culture. I just want to do it. Just do a straight ethnography. As long as you're like open and accepting about it. I want to do it.

I want you to be so bad. I want you to be so bad. One of these people I'll be so mad. All right, John's in. John's doing it. He hates cruises, but he's gonna do it. All right, hold on. I will pay you money. All right, I'm really. John's doing it. He hates cruises, but he's going to do it. All right, hold on. I will pay you money.

All right, I'm really struggling here to find a list of affinity cruises. Yeah, especially because there's a cruise company in New Zealand called affinity cruises. That is hurting me. What would you call an affinity cruise if not? No, did you just make that up? I did. I did. That's great. I've invented a genre. Yeah. Okay. Themed Cruises.

This is just Royal Caribbean. All right. It's like country music, jam rock. The Star Trek, the cruise. Oh, John doesn't care very much about Star Trek. I really want him to. All right. Star Trek, the really want him to. All right. Star Trek, the cruise.

I'm not going on the Biker cruise. I'll tell you that. Okay, here's the 65 best themed cruises. All right. Chris Jericho's rock and wrestling rager at sea. I'm gonna pass on that one. I'm gonna pass on professional wrestling cruises. Okay. Meow Meow Cruise, a cruise for cat lovers. I feel like that on that one. I'm gonna pass on professional wrestling cruises. Okay.

Meow meow cruise, a cruise for cat lovers. I feel like that's too broad, too broad. Yep, yep, yep. Star Trek the cruise is on the list. The kiss cruise. The kiss cruise number nine. Happening, they've been doing it for nine times. Uh huh.

Imagine being the only person who's at their first kiss cruise. What? Wait, what are their names? They're the guys with the paint, right? Well, I thought they were the guys with the paint, but I'm looking at a picture of them now and they're not wearing painted faces at the kiss cruise. Maybe that's where they go.

You know, I think that's the right call. Maybe. Yeah, that's just, we're all ourselves here. This is where we're gonna be ourselves. We're not gonna have our face paint melting off in the Caribbean sun. Right, right. I think that's.

There's also the ultimate disco crews. Yeah, to me that's too broad. I don't want like, Well, it's specific. It's cool in the gang. Sister Sledge, um, Billy Ocean. Those are the headlines. I almost don't want it to be music. Like there's a, well, professional wrestling. It is, John. Oh, there's a, there's a knitting cruise. There's a golden girls cruise. There's a golden, a cruise for golden girl enthusiasts where there are three women who cosplay as the Golden Girls.

That's the whole thing and that's that's enough for a cruise. It's all Golden Girls all the time. It's the Golden Girls cruise. John, you would be the most popular person on the Golden Girls cruise. There's no doubt in my mind. I could finally feel famous. at the golden girls' cruise. There's no doubt in my mind. I could finally feel famous. I think I'll make back in 2023. I will pay you.

I mean, here's what I'll say, Hank. We're gonna crowd-funded. I can afford to pay my way onto the golden girls' cruise. That's like, and also I don't, I'm not somebody who gets excited about getting paid. I mean, you'd have to pay me so much money to go on the Golden Girls cruise for it to be like worth it

for my financial perspective. But, oh, there's... It departs from Miami, the fictional home of Blanche Devorow. So, it's very specific. There used to be a NASCAR, the cruise, but they stopped doing it during COVID. All right, I think this has gone on too long. This is my first thought about this bit. But I think the ones I wanna keep on the West

are Star Trek and Golden Girls. Oh my gosh. Yes. I, sorry, John, if I wasn't paying attention to you, I was reading all about Golden fans at C, which is the name of the Golden Girls. Wow. Anyway, it's up to you. You get to decide.

And now we're going to answer some questions for our listeners because it's been a little bit of time. Did we start it for this day? All right, our first question comes from Kalista, who writes, how often does the moon go around the earth in a day? I tried to look it up and just got confused. Most people I ask say once a day,

but you could tell me twice a day and I would have no choice but to believe you, confused Kalista. On the earth. Wow. Yes, you go. That the moon goes around the earth. Yes.

Once every lunar month. That's right. Oh, thank God. I was not positive. Which is not the exact same as a month unfortunately. No. which is not the exact same as a month unfortunately. And the moon doesn't care about the year. The moon doesn't care about the day. Indeed, indeed, the moon does not know about the year.

That's true. But I just mean that there's no connection between the length of a day and the length of a lunar month. Right. And the same way that we don't... A year lunar month. Right. In the same way that we don't... In the year in a lunar month. In the same way that we don't contextualize the movement of the sun around the center of the Milky Way very often. Right.

Exactly. But it feels like maybe there should be some relationship between the number of days in a year and the year that we think like there's 365 of these in a year. But there isn't. There's 365 point, number, number, number, number, number out to infinity. And that number changes, which is wild. But also, well, it changes very slightly, yes.

But it's changed a lot. Right. Over the course of time, like the day used to be hours shorter, and in millions of years from now, we'll have 25-hour a day. Right, it's weird. It's weird. It's very weird, but then the oceans will boil and that will be even weirder.

So that's way further. Yeah, but I mean, like if we're talking in long time scales, what do you think the chances are that there will be a human around to witness the 25 hour day? Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the 25 hour day. Hmm. Ah. Well, what I can say for sure, John, is that the earth will still be turning. I don't, I mean, we don't know. You know, we don't know that.

We definitely don't know that. It is a million years, it's a long time. I don't know what kind of shenanigans we'll get up to trying to slow up or speed down the earth. But I do think that we will have a hard time affecting it. It's not that we won't try. It's just that we aren't big enough. I mean, there, well, there actually are people who want to do that to Venus.

They want to speed up Venus because it rotates very slowly. And so if you hit a bunch of ice asteroids into Venus in the same direction, you could theoretically speed it up. Yeah, just get it spinning. Once it's spinning, it'll stay spinning. I know about that from science. That's true.

So, all right. Well, that's the situation. So it's every 20. But it looks like it goes around us once a day because we spin once a day. And it stays in the same place while we spin It doesn't stay exactly in the same place. So so it indeed it actually very it's very slightly different I think it's I don't actually know which way it is. I think it's slightly longer because it's moving in this guy while we are spinning but this is but this gets to something that's quite interesting,

which is the way that lots of people measure time is by the moon, not by the sun. There is no reason why we have to have a solar year instead of a lunar year and other calendars, lots of other human calendars, including the Islamic calendar, use lunar years, which is why, for instance, the month of Ramadan, the month of fasting in Islam,

the month of Ramadan moves around the seasons because it's a lunar calendar, not a solar calendar. Oh! Yeah. That's awesome. Well, it's, I did not know that. Yeah, very good. Okay. Well, now we've both learned something.

I've learned that my guess was right. And you've learned that Ramadan is sometimes in winter and sometimes in summer. And also, whether, of course, it's in winter or summer, depends on whether you're in the northern or southern hemisphere, which is something- Which is true for all of the things. That northern hemisphere people often forget. There's a whole hemisphere down there.

I mean, in fairness to northern hemisphere people, we're most of us. Every time somebody in Australia is like, it's so cold in July. I'm like, huh? What's it like down there? It is legit weird that 90% of people live on the top half of the planet. Well, there's more land up here. Yeah, that's the thing. There's more land up here. And even the phrase, there's more land up here, right, implies that the northern hemisphere is above the southern hemisphere, which it's not in any kind of real way. Exactly.

But you have to have a representation of the earth and something has to be on top. And people who are like, it's arbitrary. I'm like, is it or are 90% of us up here? Yeah. Like if you were going to do it one of the two ways, which you have to. Right.

This makes sense. Indeed. Indeed. In Penguin maps, the southernisphere is always above, I've noticed. Yes, because it's because... Yeah, all the... 100% of the penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere. No. Yes!

No! They've never crossed! They can't get up there, it gets too hot for them. First off, Hank, I know for a fact you're wrong because I've seen the penguins in Indianapolis. Okay. Second, I know you're wrong because I've seen the movie penguins of Madagascar where there are penguins in Venice and there are penguins all over the dang place. Oh, you're right. There are a number

of penguins that don't vent on cross, but you're right, you're right. There are there are a number of penguins that don't vent on cross, but you're right. You're right. Hank, I would think that as the science one, you would be above such inaccurate. I was wrong. Anti-biology statements. Yeah. John, you're the penguin expert. You've watched that. Penguins, I got a movie, like eight million times so much. And you are correct. I'm so glad that you caught me. You're correct.

Now that you're watching the film. The fight for the ability. Yeah. That's the discovery. You're definitely correct that watching the film Penguins of Madagascar makes you an expert in the field of penguins. I basically have a PhD in penguinology.

John, do you know who Tom McGrath is? Donald thinks so. Well, and you can't be advantage of an expert, because he's skipper and penguins is Madagascar. Okay. Penguins Madagascar was one of the last great animated movies where all the characters were not played by like fancy actors.

They were just played by people. I know, I know John Malkovich plays Dave. Yeah, my God, that must's been an amazing phone call. The phone call where John Malkovich's agents pitched him the villain in the forthcoming DreamWorks Animation movie, Penguins of Madagascar. And John Malkovich was like, I mean, I'll probably do it. And then they're like, yeah, I'll do it. My partner, a heart song is doing a cameo

in the first five minutes and he would have been like, oh yeah, no, then we're good. I'll do it. Oh man, God, what, I, but who are we kidding? I mean, I would, there's literally nothing I wouldn't do for money. Oh, I would, I would be in a DreamWorks pic so fast. Oh my God, you wouldn't need enough to pay me. Oh, I would be in a dream works pick so fast. Oh my God, you wouldn't need enough to pay me.

Oh my God. For me to be in penguins of Badagascar too, like, Sag minimum, got to support the union. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, Sag minimum. Well, this next question comes from Anzli who asks, Deeran Conjun.

There's a, it's 4am and there's a moth, slamming itself again and again across my kitchen ceiling. So guys, going out with reckless abandon and their dustiness makes the impact shockingly loud. I'm not sure what their dustiness has to do that. But Ainsley wants to know, is this moth okay? Does he have a sense of pain?

Are bugs all right? This is a level one emergency Ainsley. No, the moth is not okay. The moth is stuck inside. Yeah, well not only that, but like the moth is never okay, right? Like from the time that the moth becomes a moth, life is brief and full of danger. It's true. So. Moth is never okay, especially when my cat is around, my cat will eat a dozen moths.

There you go. In like four minutes. Yeah. He is remarkably efficient moth eater. Yeah. But yeah, the moth is, the moth is, well, if the moth is never okay, does that mean I am never okay? Correct.

Oh. So moving on, we have this question from Justin. Devoke did a bunch of research on like insect injury, which does happen. They can't. Apparently, what we have, we have determined through science that insects can get brain injuries. Probably the moth is not giving itself a brain injury, though, because it's doing this on a zone and it's doing it, I would assume in the safer way. And as for whether

insects feel pain, they feel something when their bodies are injured. And we don't know what that is because we've never been an insect, but they feel something. And that makes scientists call that thing but they feel something and that makes scientists call that thing pain when they're talking about it. Though probably not when they're talking about it in scientific papers. But it's hard to not call that pain. When there's like a clear nervous signal being sent because of injury. So the moth is never okay. Rescue the moth or feed it to your cat. Hmm. So the moth is never okay. Great. Rescue the moth or feed it to your cat.

Yeah, try to get the moth outside so that it can be not okay and it's preferred environment. Yeah. This next bunch of comes from Kali, it's Deer John and Hank, I work at a paint store. How do I not cry every time a customer is awfully rude to me for no reason?

I get that maybe they're having a bad day, but then they're mean to me and make me have a bad day. And I'm just a humble paint store employee, not selling a crylic paint, Kayleigh. I had, I was at the DMV recently and there was a woman who was being mean and all the people at the DMV were visibly distressed about this. Like there was no one in the building who was not, like, aware of and experiencing a negative emotion. And then the woman, like, very nearly felt a her knees crying and And then and then everything changed in a very different direction and it is was just clear that like this person didn't know which emotion to have and

Had it was in a situation that she did not know what to do about now at the paint store That seems a little less likely than at the DMV where like maybe you do need this thing in order to get a lot of your like normal life done. But the way that I saw them respond in that moment made me feel really good about the people at the DMV. And they, you know, they, they were, they all started, like everybody became human again. And that I think is a thing that is missing in the way that people seem like more now than ever are treating the folks who are paid to help them out. It does seem like more now than ever. And I don't mean that in like an old man, yells at cloud kind of way. I mean it in a, when I talk to people whose jobs

involve interacting with customers, it seems to them like more now than ever. And I think that may speak to a shared underlying level of fear and anxiety and discomfort that expresses itself that way. But when you're experiencing that, when someone is yelling at you about paint and you're like, I work at the paint store, I am doing my best and I am adhering to our regulations as a paint store. It's very, very difficult not to let that negatively

impact your day. And honestly, Kaylee, I would cry. I would just start crying and be like, well, there you did it. You got it. Is that what you wanted? Did you want to have to realize that I'm a person? Because now you have to deal with that. I guess.

But it's so hard. I mean, I remember the terrible situation to be at. It just how are, and it makes so much sense that people, like fewer and fewer fewer fewer people are Choosing those kinds of jobs and like they're really really hard jobs They usually don't pay very well and they can choose them and people are if people aren't nice to you then like The yeah, I mean I sometimes found it helpful when I was in those situations to Think of the person who

was yelling at me as being very afraid, very like feeling that they were going to lose something that was important to them or have something taken away that was important to them. They're going to lose a client, they're going to whatever, they're going to get sick, like that's what I would tell myself. But it's very hard because the truth is, like, that's a lot of times that's certainly not why they think they're angry, you know? Yeah.

What did Ryan Reynolds tell us about conflict resolution? He said that you have to say, you have to like tell them what they just said to you back. Yeah, you just repeat it back. So this really is like a cheat code in life. It's ever since Ryan Reynolds told us about it. I use it all the time. It works really well on our own. It's incredibly effective.

Not just it's like incredibly effective with kids, with everybody. It's also, but it also lets me know for sure whether I'm actually understanding the problem. Exactly. So if you repeat it, it's actually useful for me as well. So if you repeat it back and you say, so your concern is that you bought oil paint

and you needed acrylic paint, is that correct? Or do I have it? And they're like, yeah. And then you say, is there more? Is there, you know, is there something else? Or do I have all of it? And they're like, you have all of it. And then once you really understand it,

and then if you can try to empathize and say, oh wow, like if I thought that I was buying acrylic paint and I bought oil paint, like I would definitely be frustrated and I absolutely understand why you're frustrated. What can I do to help? Because I didn't buy the wrong kind of paint. That's a you problem.

But you don't say that part out loud. Yeah, you probably don't say that part. Yeah, I mean, validate and empathize, I think. But that's what it should be. But you also need to be able to go to your favorite podcasters or your second favorite podcasters, Kaylee, I don't want to make guesses for you. You also need to be able to go to your favorite podcasters

and say, this sucks, and it makes me cry. And have that feeling validated, because it does. Well, it's very weird to have people just be mean to you in life. Yeah. Like, it doesn't happen all that often, and for good reason, because we're people,

and we, in general, are made uncomfortable by that. And so we don't, we know what it's like to have people do that to us. And so we don't do it. And it just, it's so fun. I just hear a normal person. When you do do it, you think about it. Like it haunts you. I'll give you an example. We got off a plane flying to Hawaii and everybody in the airport line was pretty mean. It was pretty unpleasant experience. I was really tired. And then the car wasn't like,

the car that we'd like hired wasn't already there. Yeah. And we called them and they're like, oh, yeah, he's on his way. He's like 10 minutes out. And then like 10 minutes later, we called them again. And I was super frustrated, not being my best self, really, really not being my best self. Yeah. Finally, a guy comes in and I'm like, huffing and puffing and annoyed. I'm not like yelling at anybody. You're making anybody cry, hopefully, but I'm clearly annoyed. And the guys like, I'm really sorry. Like I had this really challenging client who like changed

the delivery place on me twice. And I feel really bad because I'm such a huge fan. And I was like, oh no, he heard me coughing and coughing. And he didn't do anything wrong. He's just trying to do his job. It's a, yeah, it's a world that is, that is like, yeah, I mean, I just, I have to remind myself whenever I can, how convenient things are when they are inconvenienced, like being frustrated about that. And that's another thing that like it feels like like a thing just changed where people expected a level of convenience that that's so true.

Less available. That's so true. And it's just such a silly thing to expect that level of convenience, especially during a pandemic. And then, and then also especially during an economic downturn or like supply chain disruptions, it's a complicated world that's gonna have inconveniences. That's so true. I just wish that there was like some like public service

announcement on TV that's just like everything's gonna be a little harder right now. And also like everything's gonna be a little hard forever because systems that involve humans involve humans. Right now and also like everything's gonna be a little hard forever because Systems that you're the mom humans involve humans and you're a boss and like you're a mammal You know what yeah exactly. It's you're never okay and nobody you're ever talking to is ever all the way okay because we're not machines Kaylee is not a paint machine

Kaylee is a person. And that, I think, might be part of the issue. We need to, like, understand the extent to which humans participate in all of our systems, even the ones that work hard to make the human invisible. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by The Moth. The Moth. It is never okay. It's a days five guys is also brought to you by John

Malcovitch's agent. John Malcovitch's agent. Make an awkward phone calls to John Malcovitch since 1978. This podcast is also brought to you by golden fans at C. If you want to get your tickets to Golden Fans at C, it's in 2023. And John might be there. And today's podcast is brought to you by the Lunar Year. The Lunar Year. It's just another kind of year. It's just another kind of year. We also have a project for all of the message and tickets from Asher to Isabel. Today's podcast is also brought to you by the concept of cooler younger sisters,

who among other things can always be relied upon when you need a second person for a bit. For example, the world's best or worst dad joke first aired in 1959 to be set at the end of any explanation. And that's our plan of attack. It looks like a nail. Nope, it's a tack. All right, we did it, Asher, it is a bell. That Asher gave us lines.

I love it. If you get a project for awesome message in the 2023 project for Rossmann, you don't give us lines now. You're underperforming. No, don't feel obligated to give us lines, but we are always happy to have lines when they are given. Yeah, that's, that's great. All right, Hank, before we get to the

important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, let's answer a couple more questions beginning with this one from Emily. Dear John and Hank, when's the last time you had a good cry, blushing and blubbering, Emily? Oh gosh, well, I have, I definitely know the answer to this question. What was it for you? Well, my friend died last week, and so that was several times, but we went to his memorial this weekend, and everybody had a good cry. Yeah. There was lots of big good criss. Yeah, I'm really sorry for your loss, and for Mizzou's loss.

It was the mayor of Mizzou, Montana Montana, for the last 15 years and just a deeply beloved figure who really personified public service. Yeah, I mean, I just like, you know, obviously everybody's, nobody's perfect or anything, but the way that he handled being, one of the speakers referred to him as a street mayor, that he was just, he was always somewhere nearby and he was always talking to people. And I just think that like, you know, I was so much to learn from, from, leaders who don't make splashes, you know, who aren't like out there, a big, like, being talked about all the time that are just doing the work. And so it was very touching to hear

from all of his colleagues and friends. And also, like, it had been a long time since I've been to any kind of service and I've in a different stage of my life. Now that I was the last time I went to a funeral or memorial and it felt different as a person who is solidly middle aged now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and his death is much closer to the death of a peer than it is to like the death of a parent or a grandparent. Yes, always previous, but yes, it's very true. Previous funerals had been from people who were well, and in very different generations for me and very different life stages, whereas John was 58.

So, and like in the middle of his career in many ways, so. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm sorry. For me, it's been a while because the medication I take now makes me not cry as much, but it was during the Turtles All the Way Down movie. The last night of the Turtles All the Way Down movie,

it like ended at 5 a.m. and coming home from that, I had a nice, nice long cry. Nice. Yeah. Well, I got another question, John. Yeah. In a very different vein from Connor who asks, steering, John, what is the animal version

of the word humanity? Do we just add itty to the end of the animal name? Like, Pinguinidity. Pinguinidity, doggy, pelicanity. pelicanity works, doggy does it. Yeah. I was supposed to work, pumpkinity and pinguinity, Connor. So usually my understanding is that it's gotta be ITY or ITE. Right? I think that the answer is right there and you're just not there yet.

Is it animal? No, because it's... You got to have like a collective... Animals. All dogs together. No, that's the dogs' individuals, not all animals, just dogs. What is there, so like their version of humanity. So like we have humanity, all people together.

Right. All dogs together, it's not like a pack. That's just a small group of dogs. Right. We're down all dogs, it's dog kind. Oh right, Human kind. We used to say mankind all the time in English. Yeah, we really did. Yeah.

And then I remember like the first time I read human kind, I think it might have been like later Kurt Vonnegut. And I was like, what? Human kind. Human kind. But human kind. Human kind. But of course, that is a far better term for human kind. Yeah. It sounded weird, but it was correct.

And now it doesn't sound weird anymore. Can you believe it? Well, it's amazing how that happens with language over and over and over again in every single time it happens. And people act as if it won't happen. Yeah. And boy, it's going to be, people are going to hate it. It's the end of everything I can't believe.

And I accidentally say, man, kind of going to string me up and my career will be over. No, it'll just be like, oh, that's probably better if you say human kind of thing. Yeah. Dog kind. So dog kind. Animal kind.

But I think, but I think, I think, I think, I think But I think he'll call it. But I think he'll call it. I think he'll call it. I think if it ends in an an, like human, or an an at all. Yeah, maybe. Like what's it? Because there's a winnity works too. I mean, like there's like the bird or ren.

I wouldn't say renny to describe renns. No, you're right. I wouldn't say Renety to describe Ren's. No, you're right. But, and I wouldn't say Chicken Anity, I would say Chickenity. Chickenity. Chickenity. Or, I might say Chicken Kind. Chicken Kind.

But I would say Raccoon Anity. Oh, there's nothing. I mean, Raccoon Anity is the way that Raccoons refer to themselves. Hey, can I tell you it's incredible. Raccoon Anity is the way that raccoons refer to themselves. And can I tell you an incredible, a raccoon Anity also sounds like what they get up to. Can I tell you an incredible story of raccoon Anity? Incredible. I can't believe we saved it for the end of the pod. I can't believe we just invented raccoon Anity. So Sarah and I have like an outdoor sink and grill. And the other day Sarah came inside and she was like,

why did you leave the sink on all night? And I said, I didn't. And she said, yes, you did. It's on. And I was like, I definitely didn't because I have COVID. And so I wasn't outside. Like, I think I have the ultimate defense. I was not out. You think I woke up and went somewhere? It's not outdoors yesterday. And Sarah's like, well, why is the faucet on? It's like, well, the kids did it. And she was like, I don't think they did. I don't think they could have.

And I was like, well, let's go, look, we go out there. And there's fricking raccoon paws leading all the way up. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Two, the sink. And then the sink is still on. And I was like, obviously a raccoon walked up, turned the sink on, washed its hands, and then didn't turn the sink off because why would it? It's raccoon anity. Yeah, yes, they performed raccoon entity upon you.

Yes. We got, yeah, I believe that's called being raccoon anated. It's not raccoonity. It's raccoon entity. We're sure about this. We have one chance for raccoon entity. It's got to be a raccoon entity if we prefer it, but I think it's raccoon entity. Look, maybe raccoonity is all raccoon kind, but raccoon entity is what all raccoon kind

get up to. Yes. Racoonity is all raccoons together and raccoon entity is the behavior of raccoonity. I want to be in a band called raccoon entity. We're going to have so much fun on that stage. Oh, bad. Yes. Just you're like one thing much fun on that stage. Oh, man, yes. Just, you're like,

one thing that there definitely is, is Emily. You're like kiss, but for raccoons, you wear like raccoon makeup at all your shows. Yeah. Yeah. You're hardcore fans dress up as raccoons. There's a future where they make it and we don't.

And in that case, Come in. I'd say it's 90 10 in favor of raccoons. And they are the most likely species, I think, just given their handshape to achieve sentience. Yeah, they got a lot going for them for sure. They walk it around on two legs sometimes. They wash their hands. Yeah. You know, they know what's a pandemic. You're being careful out there. They heard that I had Yeah. You know, they know what's a pandemic. They're being careful out there. They heard that I had COVID.

And so they, they ran to the sink. They were like, oh my God. Oh my God. Geez. Oh, the guy who lives in that house, he's got the COVID. Don't touch the handle again. Just leave it off. Why would we turn it off?

We don't have to pay the water bill. Rackenality. Look it out for number one. All right, Hank, this week in AFC Wimbledon news, AFC Wimbledon went to nail up in a football game for the third consecutive time. And the universally the response among AFC Wimbledon fans was, oh, no, what fresh L is this? I've never seen a group of people be less excited about, uh, to no, there was, it was just universally immediate. The moment

the second goal win in, which was a really good free kick by Ethan Schisler. And the first goal was by Nathan Young Cooms. And why see the moment that second goal went in, every Wimbledon fan, you can see it in the crowd. Every fan was like, oh no, not this again. But maybe because our opponents, Crawley Town are really, really terrible. Or maybe because they got a 55th minute red card. Oh, wow. We managed to secure a two-nil victory with-

They got a 55 minute red card and you didn't score again? No, but I think to be fair, the ASC Wimfulded players might have been under like team orders not to shoot the ball under any circumstances. And indeed, not to like, yes, just just kill time. Yeah. It truly felt like AFC Wimbledon manager, Johnny Jackson had said to the boys, if you we get a two-no lead, you will not concede a goal. I don't care what else happens. You will not concede a goal. Yeah. I want you to take the football, put it in your mouth and swallow it. There were so many times when like one of the younger players like tried to like take a free kick

or something and one of the old players usually Chris Gunter would would take his hands and like lower the temperature. He would be like, calm. We got a calm down. There is no rush here. So we held on to our two no lead, which I think was the whole job. And now we have one a second game in 2022, a second league two game, which is great news. And we are in 10th place in league two, which is not not half bad. I was the news from March. I'm getting used to typing league two table to see the table instead of league one table. League Two table to see the table instead of League One table. It's, it takes a little while to get used to. It's a shift.

Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? Well, I will say this guy, Nathan Young Cooms, who is on loan from Brentford. He's scored three goals so far, which is, I think, as many goals as any of our strikers scored last season. So it's good. It's good. Well, this week at Mars News, John, you know what would be nice is if we could grow food on Mars.

And that's what scientists are trying to figure out. So they have tried a whole bunch of different crops in various crops in basically trying to figure out Mars-like soil. It doesn't have any organic carbon in it, so that's, you know, trickier for plants. It doesn't have the other nutrients that would be created by living stuff on Earth. According to researchers, the winner is alfalfa. It's kind of too bad, but it's food. So not only will researchers able to grow a small crop of alfalfa in their version of Martian soil, they also crush that crop into powder

to make it into fertilizer that could then be used to grow more complex crops like curteps, still not great news. But like better. So for like 12 years, we're going to have to grow lots of alpha on Mars, crush it up. And then we can have a turn of party. We can grow some turnips. A dolphin turnips seem like just not, I mean, I've never wanted to go to Mars, but

now I really don't. Yeah. Well, don't worry, John. There's another option. They also found that they could use marine cyanobacteria called Sinococcus, a PCC7002. Oh, yeah. And that's the best that people say that's the best one. They could actually use that to desalinate water,

which would be useful on Mars, because it has very briny water. So going for researchers, we wanna see how other crops, maybe some better ones, fair in the soil, they'll also need to find a way to deal with the fact that Martian soils

have perchlorates in them, which kill things from Earth, including people. Oh, yikes. Perchlorates might be the biggest problem about going to Mars. And it seems like a big problem. Yeah, it's not clear how universal they are, but they seem if they are universal, it's going to be tricky.

Yeah, that seems like a huge issue. Yeah. Wow. It is a huge issue. So the good news is that maybe by the time,28 rolls around will all be robots that within side computers. Yeah, I mean, I think that that seems like the easiest way right like there is a part of me that's like it seems a really hard to like reverse engineer a planet for these, this particular organism. Seems, yeah, it seems like it might be easier

to just do the person. Right. Yeah. People are smaller than planets. They're complicated though. It's all quite tough. It's all quite tough. I agree with that analysis.

But it's great to know that we could grow alfalfa, which we could then turn into turns. All right, Hank, thank you for potting with me, and thanks to everybody for listening. You can email us your questions. We promise we'll answer more next time at hankinjohnatgmail.com. We're off to record our Patreon-only podcast

this weekend stuff where we talk about things that we like this week. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tune of Medicets, produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohaus. Our communications coordinator is Brooke Schottwell. Our editorial assistant is Deboki Trock-Ravardi, the music you're hearing now. And at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

you