Dear Hank & John - 346: Pete's A John

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

What class would you invent? How do I know if someone recognizes Pizza John or not? How do I let one of my students know I recognize Snizza John? What do I do when a student tells me I look like I eat trail mix? Is time just an increase in entropy? How do you handle pizza emergencies? What beverage do we leave out on Pizzamas Eve? Hank and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. The worst I'd prefer to think of it dear, John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and F.C. Wimbledon. John, did you hear the latest Kanye Pete Davidson drama? No, I mean, but you want to talk about being behind the times, Hank. But no, I have not heard the latest Kanye and Pete Davidson drama. Please do inform me.

So it turns out that Pete Davidson's real name, just like my real name isn't technically Hank. His real name is John. And Kanye says that that makes their contract that they have together for a business relationship that I just made up in valid. And quote Kanye West, pizza, John. What? Pizza, John.

A pizza, John. Wow. I mean, that, okay. It's pizza, Miss John. I know, but that was tortured. It's pizza, Miss, John! I know, but that was tortured. It's pizza-mas. That was... You know how some books you read them, and you're like, this writing just feels effortless.

It feels like this just flowed out of the author. And then other books you read them, and you're like, wow, the author really had to do some work here, but gosh, that work was so valuable because look at what they made with all of this trial and tribulation. Like you read Elysees and you don't think like, oh, this was an easy one, but you do think like it's good though. That joke was both labored and bad. Well, if it seemed labored, that's not what happened. I had the punch line when I started, but I didn't have the setup. So I just sort of went, I just sort of went to see what would happen. But I knew that pizza, John, is where I wanted to end.

PeteSmus.com is where you go to get your pizza muskier. 100% of the proceeds go to charity. I can't really explain to you what pizza musk is, except that it's like a two week long celebration of me having a mustache once, 15 years ago. But, one of my favorite things about pizza mess is, it's when John finally shaves off his freaking beard. Oh, the beard situation is, it's frankly a crisis. Like, I'm taking this pottery class with Sarah so that I can wipe out it. Wow, so all the pottery people have never seen you without it.

No, they've never seen me without it, but also like the, some of the pottery, what's the pottery stuff called clay, some of the clay got in my beard. And then I was like trying to get it out of my beard with like a beard comb. And I was like, I hate everything about this. I timed this year's pizza mess mustache so poorly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You started waiting soon. Three weeks before pizza mess. I had the pizza mess mustache ready to go.

The problem is that it wasn't pizza mess yet. And so I've just had to keep growing this beard. And Sarah keeps saying, you know, you could trim it. Like there's no law that says that you have to. Yeah, at least the neck area. The neck portion. Maximum beard. And I think I am.

I think I am going to trim it tonight because I am done. I can't stop touching my face. But you are not. You are not allowed. You are not allowed to trim the mustache. The mustache has to be as long as possible. I know. I know. I know. It's going to be the fur. Okay. This is going to be the first, the most full pizza mustache of all time. It will be. It'll be the biggest pizza mustache, but that may not be the same thing as the best pizza. You heard it here first folks. This pizza must, 2022 is gonna have

the biggest pizza mustache of all time. I remember one year during pizza must, we were filming the paper town's movie and I only had like 10 days of mustache growth and it was so bad, it was barely visible. This year's is definitely gonna be visible, though he's gonna say it's not a mustache. So I don't know why, but we make videos during,

for two weeks a year, we make them like we used to. Back in 2007, when we made a video every weekday, it's super fun. I'm actually coming out to Indianapolis for a week of pizza mess so that we can be together, which hasn't been the case for an awful long time. We had a pizza mess together on the road. What was that paper towel? What was that? Turtles. Turtles, 2017. Yeah. It's been a long time.

And so it's been a while and I'm really looking forward to being out there to goof around with you and have a grand old time. Well, Hank, I will be gone for part of Pizzamas because I have to fly to Los Angeles to see a second cut of the Turtle Saw the Way Down movie. I saw the first cut last week and it's so good. It's so beautiful. I was really astonished by how good it is. And as an editor, did you then have a conversation with the director about all the changes and cuts and how you would create a decision differently as a vlog brother?

Have you thought about just doing jump cuts? Yeah, why not? It feels like there's a lot of work here and making scenes happen and why not just have the head moved to the other side of the screen without warning? No, I did not make any editorial suggestions. I loved the movie though. Rosiana and I saw it together, my producing partner Rosiana Rojas, and it's really extraordinary. The performances in it are so good. And so, you know, seeing a second cut is going to be super fun and relaxing because the first cut was great.

It's really, it's just incredible. But yeah, it'll be fun to be traveling during pizza miss again. I haven't done that in a while. The last couple of pizzas, as you may remember, were a smidge pandemicy. So not that this one won't be at all pandemicy, but I will at least be on an airplane, which is the life that I'm accustomed to if not necessarily the life that I want. You're gonna have a wild time, John.

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a quick trip, but I'm really excited to see the movie with more of the folks who helped make it. Well, congratulations, I'm very excited to see it. Thanks. All right, let's begin with this question from Kat, who writes, dear John and Hank, while my sister was filling out her college application, one of the questions was,

if you could require every college student to take one class that doesn't already exist, what would that class be? Ooh. What would your response be? I said a class on how to have a civil conversation, DFTBA, Kat. Yeah, I think that that's a really good one actually. Yeah. Conflict and de-escalation would be a great, a great class for everyone to take.

Conflict management course. Like Ryan Reynolds put us through here on this very podcast. That's not me and I still, I think about Ryan Reynolds lessons and conflict management every single day. I think that this country needs, I think also I think that that course should be taught within three different frames. One frame, personal conflict, two frame, observing conflict. So the way that you observe conflict that's going on, that you are not a part of, so the way I might think about, you know, a conflict happening in another country.

And then a broad societal conflict that I am a part of. How do we imagine and progress successfully through those different things? Because I think understanding national conflict through the lens, I often will look at a conflict that's happening somewhere else and be like, this is very simple. I see exactly what's happening here. But then when I am in one of those conflicts in my country,

I'm like, this is not simple at all. And I do not see what's happening here except that there's a bunch of people who are bad and a bunch of people who are good, and that's it. Right. Right. It's the same phenomenon as when you read The New York Times, and it's talking about a subject that you aren't an expert in and you're like, oh, now I know the news. But if you read the New York Times and it's about a subject that you are an expert in, you're like, no, no, no,

it's way more complicated than that New York Times. You can, you missed all of this stuff. You missed all of the subtleties and nuances. I think that would be a good course for sure. I also think like media literacy, data literacy would be a great course because we all need more of that than we have, I think, like more awareness of what's going on inside of ourselves when we encounter data sets and media and a better understanding of the sort of like multimedia war for human attention that is going on.

Right now, I think that if I could only teach one glass, it would be a class that every college student in America had to take. It would be a class in, it would be called work, it would be called, it would be called the novels of the green brothers in hardcover. And it would just be reading all of my books. Specifically, and both of your books in hardcover. Wow. Wow, John, I like the selfishness. My mind would be called, sock clubs of America.

Which one is right for you, probably the only one? What if there's, I don't know why there is in a class called storytelling because we do storytelling in all kinds of classes, but I feel like it's sort of, it's like down there not being talked about. It's like in amongst us, in amongst all the things, but then it never gets it's time in the light.

And it needs it. Yeah, you love a focus on narratives. I do. I think that, well, it's the only way we can teach anything. Right. Right. The only way the information has anything to hang off of. Right. Narrative is so under appreciated. You're right. Like the storytelling strategies are a form of media literacy. I was thinking last night as I was failing to go to sleep during an epic thunderstorm. I was thinking last night that I often talk about how these huge media companies are competing for the most precious resource in the world, which is your attention and the ability to

monetize your attention. And I really do believe the human attention is by far the most valuable resource on Earth today. But then I was like, except I am also trying to capture and monetize people's attention. I act as if this is a problem that only large media companies have. But I would like people to buy my books and spend a number of hours reading them. And I would like people to listen to our podcast, which is capturing and monetization of human attention. And so really, and then I was thinking, maybe the definition of art is an attempt to capture human attention.

Like, I think that there has to, but well, I'm glad that we got into the Let's Define Art Conversation because every time I've been in it, it's always gone really well. I think that there has to, but well, for I'm glad that we got into the let's define art conversation because every time I've been in it, it's always gone really well. That's right. It's easy and easy out. Just like other people's problems. I think that so I think that there is. So easy to solve. I think that the thing, but I think you did get close to something interesting. I think the thing that makes it art is what you do with the attention when you have it. Now what thing you do that becomes art? I'm not gonna do it, come on, John.

But something about that, so I think that there are definitely things that you can do with the attention once you have it that art, not art. And which is which? I'll leave that to the scholars. Yeah. Well, that's a good point, because like,

cable news is not just not art. It doesn't claim to be art. No, no one thinks it's art. You may think it's good, you may think it's bad, but we're pretty sure it's not art. That's a great point. Art is non-journalistic attempts to capture human attention. Nope. You're right.

You can't define it. Nope. You can't define it. You can't define it. It's bigger than our definitions. All right, Roger Reaver. All right, I don't remember the question, but I think we answered it. Absolutely, John.

We're expert podcasters. So it's next question comes from Jennifer who asks, dear Hank and John, I bought a sneets of John last pizza mess. And when I wear it, I receive compliments about the shirt. Of course you do. How do I know if people are complimenting the shirt because it looks very cool and has pizza on it or because they are Nerdfighters

and they understand what's going on. Pizza mess is great, Jennifer. She didn't actually say that, but it didn't matter. Yeah, it's a bold choice to wear a pizza jump shirt. And you never know if it's a nerd fighter compliment or just a compliment on an excellent t-shirt design, right? Well, so like there has to be a protocol. We got to establish a protocol.

Yes, that's what I was gonna say. So you're listening right now. So the thing you can't say, great shirt, because there are lots of great shirts in the world. If you mean, I know what's going on, you pointed them in the world. If you mean, I know what's going on. Right. You pointed them in the face and you say, I know what's going on.

I never mind to be with what I was on. There's Chicago train once years ago. And this person randomly pointed at me and said, boy, you got the devil inside of you. And I was like, crap. That's just what I didn't need to know. Probably right. And yeah, exactly.

I was like, you're telling me. I don't think that's a good idea, Hank. No, I think that's a little too aggressive. I think the obvious thing to say is DFTBA, but I think it might be funnier if you said, you know, Pete Davidson's a John. Pete's a John. By the way, Hank, did you know this?

What? About Pete Davidson? What about Pete Davidson? That his first name is, in fact, John? I am, I'm gonna, I do not believe you. Oh, I'm not giving up. I'm not, that won't work, but I'm gonna believe in myself. And... His middle name is the same as your middle name, though.

That's true. That's true. Pete Davidson is 28 years old. Yeah, I feel like I shouldn't talk about him. He's too young. It's too young to be the butt of jokes. Yeah. I agree. He's just getting started. He's just getting started. He even started making vlog brothers when we were a few days. I made one one year of vlog brothers and I couldn't handle it. Some random podcaster made a joke about how my name's John. I still, by the way, I still can't handle it, right?

Like, I still get upset when people make jokes about me and they're like, well, it doesn't matter. He's not a person and I'm like, well, I feel like one. I'm a person on the inside. Do you think Pete Davidson's like that? Do you think all celebrities are actually just people? No. That would be that's terrible news.

Oh, God, that's terrible. Strange thing I find about. Potentially devastating news if I have to start thinking of celebrities the way I think of people. So I Google Pete Davidson. And there's that little area on the side where it's like, here's like your basic information about Pete Davidson.

It's on the night. It's on the night. 1993, which is unacceptable. And I find it very strange that we get to find out about Pete Davidson's parents, but also his uncle. That is weird. That is weird. This is uncle.

He's got an uncle section. An uncle, a whole section for uncle. Got an uncle. We got plenty of uncles. I don't see him having an uncle section. I see him having an uncle section I like the fact that his subjects include social awkwardness recreational drunkenness and self-deprecation Oh, that's great. Why didn't I see that? We're getting different Googles. Oh, do I have subjects? I don't know But Pete Davidson subjects are similar to yours probably.

Actually closer to mine, I would like self-deprecation. I just, if I'm gonna have one of the Davidson subjects, I would like it to be self-deprecation. You, by the way, cannot have self-deprecation because you don't have to. No, absolutely not. No, I get pelicans and corn dogs. All right, I would like to get penguins of Madagascar

and then in parentheses film. Okay, I'm not interested in like the book series or whatever, I'm only interested in the movie. It's not about the magic show. And what am I subject? Ooh, can one of my subjects be you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Pelicans, corn dogs, John Green. Yeah. Science, comma, all. But like, but like, like surface level, science, comma, surface level, mind you'd be like a history and then in parentheses, amateur.

Yeah. Well, wait, wait, you do have a genre though. You, one of your genres is bidung's Roman. Do you know what that is? Yes. But not when you say it that way. What's, what's builden's Roman? Building's Roman is a, it's coming of age novel.

It's basically a way of repeating YA fiction. But my other, my other genres are interesting They are romance radio and video I didn't know radio is a genre here we are That's great Oh, man my Wikipedia page hasn't been updated significantly in a very long time. Like there's still a lot of it that's about like Tumblr in 2014. And I hope it never changes. It gets funnier with each passing week.

You got a great Wikipedia, John. There's a lot of things on there. A lot of ones. You won a Prince Award. You won the Audi Award and you won the won the, the, what's your, which your weirdest award? The, the Edgar Allen Poe Award is a little weird just because I have won a lot of awards. I'm looking at this list now and I, I didn't know about some of these.

You just, you, you, uh, I, that list also has an update it since 2014. I've won some things since then. I won a Los Angeles Times book. The weirdest award I've ever won is the Korean Literature Award, which is like the German children's literature prize. And it is the most beautiful, porcelain figurine I have ever seen. It is hard to overstate. Like I flew to

Germany just to get this figurine is how beautiful it is. John, I have a big question. Yeah. From your Wikipedia page. Oh, great. Where are you on a Brazilian soap opera? Yes. Okay. I was on a... I didn't make that up. I was on a Tellin' of Ella. Is that in my Wikipedia page? Yeah, it's on your filmography. So this is now the worst episode of Deer Angajan, which is just editing each other's

Wikipedia pages. I just wanted to make sure that wasn't made up. Really? Soap opera. How are you going in Brazilian soap opera? It's a little hard to explain. It's a good Brazil. Yeah.

What? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. I was on, what the heck? Yeah. It was a weird situation. Yeah, we were there for Nat Wolfe and I were there

for the paper towns, press junket, and then they flew us in a helicopter across town to this large, like, sound stage where they had created all of these different movie sets. It's kind of like being on the Paramount set or something. And then they were like, you're going to be in the soap opera, is that okay? And I was like, I don't know. And they were like, you're just playing yourself. You don't have to speak Portuguese or anything. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I see the only person I can play. Yeah. Yeah. I've got my acting ranges limited. Oh, by the way. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like yeah, and then I like scooted past them in the movie theater as they were watching paper downs together. These like two actors in the soap opera.

Is that why you flew to Brazil? I think it was one of the main reasons. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Exhausted just thinking about that. It was a little bit of a stressful time. So if you see someone wearing a pizza, John shirt Okay, I tell you about the turtles all the way down thing, though. We gotta go, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, you just do that. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, you point yourself and then you point to them and you go, eh, like that. No, you say DFTBA. Can I tell you about the turtles all the way down thing, though?

I'm not gonna say DFTBA, that'd be too awkward. Tell me about the turtles all the way down thing. I'm in going to say the FTPA, that'd be too awkward. Tell me about the churrosoltaway down thing. I'm in the movie. I don't know if I'm going to be in the movie if and when it comes out, but I was in the movie that I saw. And I wasn't bad. You're getting better. I don't like, as you know, self-deprecation is one of my things,

at least according to my future Wikipedia page. But I thought I was definitely the worst actor with a line in the movie. You know, like, you watch the movie and then at the end of it, you were like, hey, was there one person who could nack, then you would know who it was? But I think I was pretty good. Like, I was much better than I was in that scene in the fall in our stars that was so bad. Yeah, I've come a long way. All right, I'm looking forward to it. This question comes from Maya, John, who says, dear Hank and John, I'm a PhD student and I

teach a seminar on Zoom every Wednesday. Today, one of my students was wearing the Sneets a John shirt from this year's pizza mess. Did you only look out for pizza mess questions? I just searched for a pizza, John. Why is pizza, John? Why not the other one? Well, I was so pleased. I was so pleased. I wanted to see.

I wanted to serve one. And this person, Maya, doesn't know what to do. This is a common problem. So common, it's happened twice. To the same shirt. But I don't understand why you don't just say DFTBA. Like we have a thing that people say. Pizza John.

I think you do like, maybe you do a Mario voice. I think you have to just be like, hey, it's a Sneetsajun. Oh wow, okay. That's it, everybody, we figured it out for you. John, ask me a question that isn't something to do with pizza, and then I'll be back with another pizza question. People say I can't act.

It's me, a pizza-jun. It's hurting me, it's hurting. I'm so gifted, you know, like some people have to do so much work. Oh God, stop talking about it. Get into character and for me, it's so natural. The Kirsten writes, Elo Green brothers. I'm a high school teacher and a student told me that I look like I eat trail mix. Oh.

I don't really know what they meant by this, but I know that it was intended as an insult. What could possibly have been meant? Why am I so offended? And what course of punishment does this deserve? I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I'm hoping you can give me some clarity. Pumpkins and penguins, Kiersten. So the only, first of all, you are right to hate this.

I hate it. Yeah. And the only thing, and I say this with love, like you also look like you eat trail mix. And I do eat trail mix. But also that's going on the weekends. That's what it means. And I do. And look, that's good. So, so here's this thing. I don't know whether you eat trail mix, Kirsten. And I don't think that this is acceptable behavior, but there is only one recourse, which is that you have to bring this teacher trail mix

every day. No, it's a student. It's a student. Oh, it's a student. Oh, you're a teacher and the students have this. Oh, okay, thank God. Okay, now I'm on board. My brain broke.

Yeah, that would be brilliant. That's, I think that you now have a student who deserves a little bag of trail mix every day. No, I think the right thing to do is to just the next day in class, just be eating trail mix. The eating trail mix? Just like you're right.

I am the kind of person who eats trail mix. Like I'm a little granola. I care about the earth. Because that's what trail mix can be. I actually don't know if trail mix is carbon neutral, but it feels like it wants to be. You know, it feels like it's easier to greenwash than most foods.

Sure. I mean, it's, I mean, there's no meat in it. So there's that. If your trail mix has beef jerky cubes, that's not allowed. That's right out. It's not trail mix. If your trail mix has beef, it's not trail mix. It could be.

It could be. I'm thinking about it. I could chop up some of those cubes and a little peels and mix them with M&M's and peanuts. I think that'd be good. I think that you should definitely eat trail mix all the time now. Every time that's doing this in your class,

you should just be popping back the trail mix. Like what of it? You want some? Yeah, I'll share. It's wild. Like I guess we have our signifiers and we shouldn't imagine that I guess we have our signifiers and we shouldn't imagine that we don't have our signifiers.

What we choose to wear, what we choose to drive, how we choose to act, how we speak. All of these things look kind of shoes we wear. They all say stuff about us. Right. And should they, maybe not, but like these shorthands are never gonna go away, you look like a person that eats never going to go away, you look

like a person that eats trail mix to that student. And they thought that that would be an okay thing to say. And I think that the only way to exercise the dominance you need to exercise over this person is to have a lot of trail mix around now. Right. Yeah, just have like a like a bowl full of it on the way in that anybody can just stick their hands into. Just put it on the desk. Nothing says. Waiting for it back to had it back to a new normal quite like a gigantic full of trail mix, but anybody can dip their

hands into. That's right. That's the classic the classic communal classroom trail next bowl. the classic communal classroom trail next bowl. It's back. Hey, can I ask you a question? Okay. Is time, oh no. Just entropy increasing. Apparently, that's what they say. Time is just a measure of entropy.

I don't buy it. Like that's what measure of entropy. I don't buy it. Like that's what they say, but I don't buy it because I don't sense the increase in entropy. Now I do understand that the increase in entropy, which is the randomness of everything, is a sort of the inevitable consequence and like the one thing that goes in a clear time direction. Like I'm like, okay, I'll sign on board for that. That that has a time vector, but I don't think that's what time is, but physicists think it is, and I'm like,

you know way more than me. But I'm not experiencing entropy increasing. I'm experiencing time passing, which is totally different to me as an observer. Yeah, I was reading a historian recently who wrote that we think of the past as being remembered and the future as being unknowable. Yeah.

But in fact, like the idea that the past is known in a recorded, reliable, sort of historical way is a very recent construct. And, you know, 2000 years ago, the future was predictable through oracles. And the past was when, you know when turtles had the earth on their back and Odysseus was battling cyclops. And that's what memory looked like and what the future looked like. And this idea that we are progressing through linear time is not universal among humans. No. Is not universally held among all humans who ever lived.

No, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, that was a very difficult thing to have any kind of evidence for. Right, but there's also eschatologies that imagine circular times like Hindu escatology imagines these billions. I'm not kidding. I don't know what escatology means.

It means the end of the world. Okay. Well, I, you're right. Let's not get into it. Let's not get into it. All right. I just wanted to know and I would, I don't think I do. I need someone to explain it to me better.

I've read several books on the topic and they do tend to hurt physically. Time is so weird. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's so much harder than we thought. This next question comes from Brynn who asks, dear Hank and John, I'm getting married in five days. We plan to have our favorite pizza place catered with their pizza truck.

We have been together for eight years and we love this pizza. We celebrate every milestone with this pizza and today, five days before the wedding, the pizza truck broke down and will not be operational in time for the wedding. We cannot get the pizzas to us. Fortunately, we're having a small wedding, so we figured out how to get some food there, but how do you handle something going so wrong that was supposed to be so perfect?

I'm nervous also that I will hold a grudge against this pizza place forever. Pineapples and pizza lists, Brynn. Brynn, let me answer your question with a question. Am I marching through time or is time marching through me? Oh, wow. Is that, so entropy is what caused that pizza truck to break down? No doubt about it.

There is one configuration in which that, in which that engine works and there are trillions in which it does not. And so there is an inevitable future in which every engine works, and there are trillions in which it does not. And so there is an inevitable future in which every engine will no longer work. Yeah. And so what really happened is not that anything went wrong with your wedding or with the pizza truck or anything like that, what really happened is time. What really happened is that time did what time will always do. Oh God. Which is cause everything to fall apart. Anyway, happy marriage.

Marriage is, by the way, a tremendously wonderful thing. is, by the way, a tremendously wonderful thing. Yeah. Who I'm so I'm so glad that you have already enjoyed. There is because this message is from last year. The first one big downside of it, of course. Uh-huh. Oh, well, it only ends. It inevitably ends.

It inevitably ends. Not only does it inevitably end in the best case scenario, it ends in death. Right. Well, in the best case scenario, it ends in simultaneous double death at the edge of 130. Yes, that is the best case scenario. Yeah, and a skater in a tragic but very, very rapid accident of some sort. tragic, but very, very rapid accident of some sort. Shortly after celebrating their 101st anniversary, Sarah and John Green plunged to their death over Niagara Falls. No, no, I can't even be, I don't wanna be scared. I wanna be no scared.

I might be wrong, but when I'm 130, I don't think you'll be able to scare me. I think that part of me, I think that part of me will have died decades early. No, wow. John Green believes there is a future where John Green is not scared of things. That's, that'll give anybody hope at least. And I'm so, I'm sorry that this happened. But one thing about marriage that, about marriage that maybe we all learn, and it's best to learn it soon, is that always, there are going to be things that are not perfect.

And marriage is about each other, not about pizza. But life is also about each other enjoying pizza. So continue to enjoy your favorite pizza place and continue to enjoy each other. As long as you and the pizza place last, which won't be that long. Wow. I just can't. It's like there's a man yanking on the steering wheel of the car I am driving. No, you shouldn't say that. You just say it's like it's like it's like it's like I'm a balloon that, like, it's like there's a weight on the balloon of myself. It's like I have a sailboat and I'm trying to go in the direction that the wind is blowing me away from.

I know it's possible, I've read about it. Yeah. I think it's more like if we're gonna use similes, it's more like if you are trying like, just imagine what it was like to grow up with me. Like our daughter has this incredible habit of being like, well, at least like if something terrible happens, Alice is always like, well, at least it was just my baby teeth that got knocked out or whatever. And unlike that, but the opposite where I'm like, well, at least it's all still temporary and fragile and precarious and will inevitably fall apart. Yeah. It was never going to work anyway long term.

You were always, you were always going to lose access to that pizza some and just go, go and you do it. This isn't even that much of a joke. Like, I will sometimes have conversations with John where John where he's like, well, in two years, and I'm like, yeah, two years from now. So let's just let's do the two years. Right. You do say that a lot. Which it reminds me that this podcast is brought to you by the two years. The two years are going to be great. Even if at the end of the two years, you have to stop doing that thing and do something else. Are you specifically referencing the conversation

we were having right before this podcast? I know, I don't think so. What was that conversation? I was like, we can't, I was like, I don't think we'll still be doing vlogbathers when we're 70. Like we have to stop at some point. And you were like, you were like, yeah.

And I was like, so when do we stop? And you were like, I don't know, not now. Not this week. Yeah. Why are you thinking about this? You were like, yeah. And I was like, so when do we stop? And you were like, I don't know, not now. Not this week. Yeah. Why are you thinking about this? Not soon, like I'm enjoying a great deal. Yeah. Now that you present it that way, a huge percentage of my life has been thinking about things

that don't matter today. Yeah, I think that there are some teachings about that somewhere. I, it's so funny because I am always preaching this, but I am never internalizing it. Like I get so frustrated on TikTok when people are like, oh, like nothing matters anyway, like everything's crap and everything's socks and like the world's gonna end

regardless. I'm like, yeah, of course, that was never not the case. Like the world was always gonna end regardless. I'm so glad that you got to the whole point, which is that like we're the value comes from us and it comes from us now. Yeah, we don't live there. We don't live in the billion year timescale. We live here, now, with a bunch of other people whose lives we can make better. You're right, Hank, I gotta internalize that. This podcast also brought to you by John internalizing

that we live here now with a bunch of people whose lives we can make better. We live here now with a bunch of people whose lives we can make better. We live here now with a bunch of people whose lives we can make better tagline. Podcast is also brought to you by John Pete Davidson, pizza, John. And today's podcast is brought to you by America's new favorite college course, the novels of John and Hank Green and Hardback. Oh my God. We just want to steal money from students.

We've given enough, John. That's the tagline. We've given enough time for us. Give it hours. Give it anything. I mean, just crash course. That's true. We never really got paid for it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha us now. No. And I think that we have benefited from it in many ways. Yeah, no, I mean, that's

true. Peter Muleenberg, Hank, Peter Muleenberg, American clergyman, continental army soldier, and I was going to say, signer of the Declaration of Independence, but no, he didn't. He was named John Peter Muleenberg. So there you go, Pete Muleenbergs, a John. Yeah. Thank you John. I found one. I've reached, well done, I'm really impressed.

I guess it had to happen. He was a Lutheran. Wow. Another thing about pizza, John Muleenberger, Hank, that I did not know until just now, is you know, because I'd never heard of the guy. Do you know when Rocky is in Philadelphia and he runs up the stairs?

And remember how there's that statue? Sure. That's pizza John Muleenberger. That's pizza John Muleenberger. Everybody go, that's our new thing that That's pizza, John Muleenberger. Everybody go, that's our new thing that we all do on pizza, I did it. I did it. I did it.

I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. Oh, it was fake.

Remember earlier in the podcast where you were like, I believe that Pete Davidson's real name was John and I was like, I'm still going to get you. I just, I just have to wait and I did it. I did it. There is a statue. Even you said I did it seven times before I realized you did it. There's a statue of pizza, John Mule and Berg in Philadelphia, but it's not that statue. It's not that statue. This next question comes from Cameron who asks, do you're Hank and John? So you're supposed to leave out

and milk and cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve? Well, on pizza, what beverage are we supposed to leave out with the slices of pizza for pizza, John? I just take cash, usually. You just venmig me. Just whatever feels right for Crash Course, you know, just think about the, think about the quality is added to your life and then hit me up on the venmo. I can take cash out.

It's like you're like an opposite Easter bunny. Obviously Easter bunny. It'll be whatever you, whatever the, oh, sorry, Tooth Fairy. Whatever the Tooth Fairy gives you for a tooth, that's how much you give pizza, John. Yeah, yeah, but yeah. It's just sort of a straight from the tooth fairy to the pizza, John pipeline. I don't wanna be clear, all the proceeds

from pizza.com, go to charity, but when you cash at me, that's my spending money. That's mine. That's mine. Good Lord. You wanna know the best part about this pizza, John Mule and Berg statue. I realize that there is no statue that Rocky goes up to in the movie. Oh, yeah.

I hope you sure there wasn't it in Philadelphia. Well, I mean, statue of Rocky. This might have been my greatest trick of all time. All right. Well done, John. Some of that garlic dipping sauce too. Yeah. In addition to the cash. And it, no, in addition to the pizza and the cash, and also a small, a small statue of pizza, John Muleenberger.

I can't believe I can't believe that we discovered pizza, John Muleenberg too late to make any pizza, John Mule and Berg merch. What a horrible error. It is what it is, John. It's really pretty. Somebody at home, 3D print one for yourself. There's a fairly good chance that next week when I am trying to travel to and from Los Angeles in a 24 hour period and make a YouTube video that I will be making a biography of pizza

John Muleenberg. Well, of course, we really biography of pizza John Muleenberg. The original pizza John. Well, Hank, it's time for the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I'll go first. The news from AFC Wimbledon is worrisome. It's worrisome. We lost another football game.

We did not look good. We lost two one, but that rather obscures the fact that we were outplayed pretty much every second of the game and scored a somewhat fluke goal. And now we're in 17th place in league two. As you'll recall, league two is the league you really, really cannot get relegated out of because it's almost impossible to get back up. And because if you get relegated out, you're technically not in the football league, not a full time professional team anymore. There's been a lot of discussions over the last week about what Wimbledon needs to do, including discussions that Hank and I have had where I asked him to give me a lot of money

and he said no. Yeah, this is why you have to leave money for pizza, John. So I'm going to do with it. I swear. Yeah, I mean, it's really tough because it's not only a financial problem. Like, Wimbledon does have a lot of debt because of the stadium. Some of that debt is high interest. That those are real concerns, but also our playing budget is plenty good enough to stay in league two. Right. It's middle of the pack for league two and our attendance at Plow Lane is actually

pretty close to the top of league two, which is awesome and really exciting. And speaks to the fact that this football club has a really strong community at the center of it. But right now it's really hard to figure things out and it's hard to know what's going wrong. But this is four straight losses. And in league two, you just can't afford to get anywhere near the bottom two. So yeah, to worry some. So there's only two relegation spots and two promotion spots, is that what's up? There's only two relegation spots and so if you go down to the fifth tier,

there's only two promotion spots. Very hard to get back up because there's only two. Yeah, this is the most worried I've been since we started the podcast. In many ways, Wimbledon's dreams have come true. We have a stadium, it's owned by the fans. The club is still fan-owned, but we're starting to see a lot more tension and questions among the fan base. Is this the right strategy? And I

I'm a big believer in fan ownership. I'm a big believer that Wimbledon can find a way. But there are aspects that obviously need to change because really since Eric Samuelson left as the clubs managing director, we just haven't been on a good run. People often say that Eric Samuelson was Wimbledon's best ever signing, even though he was never paid a dollar to work as the club's chairman. I think that's true. I really think that it's been hard since he left. And yeah, I don't know how we get our mojo back, but nervous days. I'm sorry. So what would one of the particular challenges

of being fan-owned be? Well, it's a lot harder to invest in the team, right? So it's a lot harder. If you don't have somebody with deep pockets who's willing to invest, you can only spend what you make or what you can borrow. And I think that's always been the argument that the biggest, all the biggest clubs in the world are owned by, except for Bayern Munich,

are owned by billionaires on one level or another. Sure. I don't know if that's true, but all the biggest clubs in England, certainly. And I just don't think that's the right model for us, but it's easy for me to say I don't have to go to Plow Lane every Saturday and watch us lose to Carlisle United.

Right. Ugh, I'm sorry. What a...well, we've all been taken on this journey and the only thing that would possibly make it more painful is if I had invested a bunch of money into the club. Which, so... Yeah, that's fair enough. I mean, I would argue we wouldn't be in this mess if you and I owned a 11% of Wimbledon, but...

Oh, but. Oh, fine. You, you, you'll be saying, you and Sarah make very similar points. Interestingly. Well, in this week, in Mars news, the perseverance rovers been making progress, scutling around the Jezero crater and collected rocks. Just one of the, one of the most human things you can do. It's just picking up rocks. So it's collected four cores of sedimentary rock

from the former lake bed, and that brings its total up to 12, total rock collection sample collections. Two of those samples are from an area called Skinner Ridge, and they're made of a fine, green sandstone that's light in color, but also has some darker greens floating in it, and those greens are interesting to scientists because they probably traveled to the area from further away as they traveled down a river. This is very cool, because there was a whole hydrology going on. The other two samples were collected 20 meters from Skinner Ridge, from a site known as Wildcat Ridge.

Those samples are even lighter and more fine-grained compared to Skinner Ridge, and scientists are excited about this area because those fine grains often are found on Earth towards the bottom of lakes where they can help to preserve signs of life. In addition, Perseverance scraped some rock from Wildcat Ridge so that it could study the interior texture, and it found organic material in the rock. Now, organic meaning carbon containing compounds, not life containing compounds, along

sulfite minerals that are also associated sometimes with signs of life. So, in general, samples are promising. NASA tweeted about this, and they like, now we can't say for sure that this is a sign of life. And I was like, I mean, that's more than you said about anything else, my friends. That's, that's, that's really quite close. Yeah. But one day scientists will need to study the samples in person to actually get an idea

of what's going on there until then the perseverance rovers on the move again, and it's turning to an area called the Enchanted Lake to study more rocks, because it was rocks. Wow. That's mostly all there is. Also, it's the other thing. Not necessarily a sign of life. The necessarily is a really interesting adverb. Yeah, that's not exactly what they said. I wish I could tell you what it was. What exactly I said. But it was, I read it and I was like, whoa there. They sounded more interested than they've sounded until now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you don't want to over parse NASA statements, of course, but you also, if I learned anything from the don't worry, darling, press junk it, it's that you don't want to under-analyze this stuff either. You've got to get the right level of

analyze. Oh, boy. I don't think I'm going to go see that one, John. It seems a little bit too much. I mean, I'm not gonna see it. Hank, as always, thank you for making a podcast with me, special thanks to Tuna, who really had to do some hardcore editing on today's episode. Hank and I weren't necessarily at our tightest. Nope, nope, but we do our best.

We're off to record our Patreon only podcast this weekend stuff where we talk about stuff that's making us happy right now. And you can get that at patreon.com slash steering and john, all the money from that goes to, completely, to help us do all the things that we do over there. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Metash. It's produced by Rosiana Halls-Rohas. Our communications coordinator is Brooke Shotwell.

Our editorial assistant is Debuki Chakravarti, the music you're hearing now. And at the beginning of the podcast is by the great gunner rola. And as they say in our hometown hometown don't forget to be awesome.