Dear Hank & John - 355: The Spy Who Traumatized Me

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Does it really take one to know one? What do I say when I hand someone blood? How do I catch up with news on a monthly basis? How do I keep my impact in perspective?  Hank and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn 

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank at John. Nor is I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John do you know why Santa doesn't get stuck when he's going down the chimney? Why? Because chimneys are claws trophobic. Oh, they just shoot them right down. Cause they're just like, oh no.

Slips on through. I don't love a Santa. I'm claws turphobic. Yep, correct. Well, it's not gonna happen in a no-bel. You don't have to make fun of my jokes every time we just move on. I don't make fun of them every time.

Sometimes I like them. Well, in the times when you don't like them, we just move on. I don't make fun of them every time. Sometimes I like them. Well, in the times when you don't like them, you just move on. Hold on. I'm just going to ask chat GPT. Oh, you were asking chat GTP for a dad joke? Oh, I hadn't thought about doing that. Yeah, I got a dad joke from chat GPT Hank. Why was the math book sad? Because I had a lot of problems.

Yeah, it's a little obvious. That's a good one though. Huh. I bet Chachy PT and it's cold dead heart. Does it know why it's funny? Yeah. What if I say, tell me a dad joke about John Green? Why was the John Green book always so sad?

No way yep keep going say why why why was the John Green book always so sad because it was the fault in our stars Holy crap How did it know that we had just made that other joke? That's a great joke, Chad G. Fiti. I'm not sure it's. But only if you know about the joke we just made. I was gonna say, I'm not sure it's a great joke, but it's a terrible joke

without the context of the math problem joke. Oh my God. I swear to God, that's what it says. Maybe Chad G. F PT only tells dad jokes about why things are sad. Maybe that's its way of telling me that it's sad. It's not really a joke. It's just an observation, but you know, fair enough. All right, Hank. Devastating. Let's make the pod. Let's make the pod quick before there's an AI that can make the pod for us. Is it? Well, is it? I'm looking forward to that. Maybe now. Maybe you and I are together

on a beach watching the world cup right now. And this is not even happening. What I wouldn't give to be doing the same thing I'm doing now, but on a beach Congrats to Brazil by the way for no up before halftime against South Korea So be weird to make a podcast on a beach because people will be like, why are you so loud? Yeah, we'd be like, hey, welcome to the podcast If you don't like this part of the beach, there's other parts of the beach. Hank, when you filled out your will, which I just wanna reconfirm, you have done.

Yes, correct. Did you put in there anything about what you want to happen to the sound of your voice? You know, no, I didn't even, it doesn't, I don't think that's a great question. Should I? Should I, should I like do the thing with my face and my voice and be like, you can continue to be me after I'm gone, but only if you do X, Y, and Z.

Only if you're cool about it. I'm happy to be in an Apple commercial in the future, but only if they're chill. I don't know. I'm on the fence about it because we do have enough recordings of our voices to be able to make fake voices. Oh, yeah, I know. It's very easy to have. Fake voices.

And that would be cool. Like, I would be able to, if I end up in a situation someday for whatever reason where I can't speak, like, I'd love to be able to continue to have my speaking voice, you know, as my voice. Sure. Uh-huh. But I am a little uncomfortable with the idea of it being used after I'm gone. And I don't think that it would ever come up really

because why would anyone want dead John Green to hawk their product, but like, well, I gotta keep making vlog brothers. Yeah. And so maybe, maybe my vlog brothers videos after I die, you'll make a video on Friday and then every Tuesday, a holograph of me will appear and say whatever chat GPT says based on all the vlog brothers videos I wrote in the past. Nothing weird or sad about that.

I got, I mean, I got to keep doing it somehow. That's a sound like I'm not going to replace you. I'm, I have to turn you into a computer man. Oh God. That sounds like a very sad movie. I mean that is Oh God. He loved his brother so much. Yeah, computer became him It's called boy. I Unfortunately, I think this is a great idea For a movie. Yeah, so. I prefer when you're dead.

No. Please do not force me to continue making vlog by those videos on Tuesday, even though my mortal body has left the world. Please. Please. There must be a way out. It's fine, John.

You won't know. You'll be busy. I may know. I may know. I may know. And I'll tell you what, if for some reason I do know, if I'm stuck in some kind of post-existence limbo because you won't let me die all the way, I'm gonna be very angry.

Oh, that is a good, I'm enjoying this movie. But, no, I think the movie is, you know, like, HG Wells is the time machine where, like, the guy keeps trying to go back in time to, like, get to the moment before his one true girl died and all that jazz. Like, that, to me, there's something like so sad and, and particular and beautiful about a really good AI that could do a really good job of making you feel

like you're in the presence of that person over text or whatever, and how like I would just get addicted to that, I think. I would want it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's somebody who's got a written something about this already. And then, but specifically with vlog brothers, I really think specifically with vlog brothers

is interesting because it's not just about you, it's also about the community. There's almost like a shared need for Tuesdays to continue. And so everybody just kind of collectively agrees like, ah, maybe we'll do it this way, but then eventually in Act 3, they've got to be like, you know what, this ain't right. This ain't right. We gotta let this, we gotta let this man get in the ground. Well, I just asked GPC one of the questions

for my listeners. I'm trying to figure out if it's right or not. Yeah, I don't know why I took this funny conversation in such a sad direction, Hank. I mean, I wish I could tell you that it's unlike me, but as Chad GPT just pointed out, it's totally like me. They've got me nailed.

They got you nailed. The John Green's new book is also gonna be sad where his brother dies in a tragic accident and then he recreates him using computer software so that he can continue making podcasts with them. I can't, I can't, honestly, I can't write that. It's too sad. It is very sad. It's first question comes from Jess who asks, dear Hank and John, I was wondering if in

your opinion it does indeed take one to know one and to be advised, you can offer as greatly appreciated. Thank you, Jess. I feel like it does help to be one to know one. I sometimes sometimes feel like I am that. And so I'm seeing that in a way that you don't want me to be seeing that. Like you didn't intend for me to know what you're up to, but I'm you, so I get it. I think certainly with naughtiness or dishonesty, sometimes it takes one to know one. Like some people can just be like so lacking in guile that they'll be like, well, why would that person say that if it's not true?

Yes. Me, for example. Are you lacking in guile? Not really, but I am, I do sort of expect all people to be telling the truth at all times. Oh, that's interesting. Not me. Yeah, no, I definitely, I've found out.

Wait, well, you're not expecting me to tell the truth at all times. I know you are. No, I've learned. No, I've learned. No, I've learned. No, I've learned. Definitely certain circumstances where I know to not trust what you're saying. In that case, it doesn't take one to know.

And I don't usually tell big lies. I just like, I just didn't try to make a point will sometimes exaggerate my position a little bit. And I, and like, I will have to say, John, you cannot. Yeah, Sarah will do it too. You can do that when it's just the two of us, but do not do that to people who don't know you. So I think in some cases, it's maybe helpful to be one to know one, but I don't think it's universally necessary, right? Like there are aspects of empathy that can reach even to places where

we aren't. Like I don't have to just rely on my own experience of physical pain when listening to someone else talk about physical pain. I can also rely on their description of it and trust them and believe them. I think that it often takes one to no one, but not all ways. There are definitely situations where I look at a person and I'm like, I don't know that one. I was watching a little mini documentary about a hockey player recently and he sort of like went through his path

of becoming a professional hockey player. And I was like, I am not one of those and do not understand what you did. That does not, that seems way outside of how I would have handled all of the circumstances you were in. I would not have done that and do not understand how or why you did these very hard things. Yeah, exactly. Like I can no one without being one when it comes to like sporting excellence, but I think if you've been one, you do know one better. Yeah, yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't know one at all.

When it comes to sporting excellence, it's very confusing to me. Looks very hard. Yeah, I think that it's, I don't think it's that dissimilar from like getting really into playing the guitar or whatever, getting into writing. Like why did I get into writing really?

Was it a deep love of writing? Kind of, but it was also that people told me I was good at writing and the only damn thing I wanted in the world was to be good at something and have adults like me and give me praise and be proud of me. And so that only happened near writing. So I got better and better at writing.

I don't think it's that dissimilar for a lot of elite athletes. You know, the thing that maybe it does take one to no one is the absurd desire to stay on top. I find this completely baffling. You know, like, I know you don't, you don't. And maybe this is something, maybe we're getting, maybe this is like therapy, Hank. Maybe this question is helping us open up a space

in our relationship that we haven't seen clearly before because I am baffled genuinely by Hank's desire to continue staying on top, as I would say, you staying on top, as I would say, to like, to find new ways, new mountains to climb, while also staying on top of all the previous mountains. I do not feel this same urge in the same way. Yeah, it's like a very big game of twister. I got one hand on this mountain, one hand on this mountain, and that other mountain's very far away

and like about in an awkward place. Yeah, no, it's not, it's probably not for the best. That impulse. It's probably not, but then at the same time, it's given us a lot of gifts. This is true for a lot of gifts. This is true for a lot of things about ourselves that may be healthy or not healthy, where it's a little hard to know if it's healthy, but it has served us really well in the past.

So it's hard to try to actively seek out different behavioral patterns when there have been big advantages to the ways that were accustomed to doing things. Yeah, I also, I continue to have this problem, though I've created lots of stories in my head about why I shouldn't have this problem. But I continue to have this problem where I feel like, if I can do something, I should, to honor the reality that like, know what, like, other people can't do this,

and it should exist, and so I should do it since I can. Or I don't know if this is a thing they can do, but like I can try and I have the I think I have like a lot of the tools that a people don't have access to. My former self didn't have access to that person certainly would have wanted to do this thing if they could have, but they couldn't and now I can. And so I should. And I don't know. I don't actually know what to do about that, because I like, I do kind of agree with myself. Right. That I should. Well, sometimes, sometimes. But what you've just said reminds me of something William Faulkner, the great novelist said once, somebody was, you know, blow and smoke and telling him how great his books were

and how proud he must be to have written them or whatever and he said yeah I don't know if I hadn't written my book someone else would have and I thought I've thought about that a lot for a long time because William Fogner's books are extraordinarily specific. You know what I mean? Like, he's writing about a whole lot. Like you're saying, but I think you're wrong. He's writing about a rural county in Mississippi. If I hadn't written my book, somebody else would have is a strange thing for anyone to say,

but especially for Fogner because it's not like he was Ernest Hemingway or Jane Austen. You know, he had a life experience and an approach to writing that were unusual even in the time. But what I think is true about it, and I, I, I, I, I, I'm, look, I know I mean, look, I, I know I'm not, not Faulkner, but like, I 100% have come around to the idea that if I hadn't written my book, someone else would have, and that if I don't write the books that I hope to write, that's not going to be like some kind of like global catastrophe or anything,

because someone else will write them, like publishing will be fine. Um, stories will move forward. So I think like being able to kind of de-essentialize yourself is really important. However you do it, but I also think, I mean, I genuinely think Hank that that like you do great work, incredible work, special work. And I think you're right that in a lot of cases

there's nobody else in the short run who can do it. But like the world will be okay. I remember like when I couldn't write it a follow-up to the Fallenar stars and there was just so much pressure on me because you know the book had sold 30 million copies. It was a huge part of like the publishing company being profitable that year like people's jobs, etc. And you know It was just It was a lot of pressure even though everybody tried to insulate me from the pressure It's still felt like a lot of pressure and I remember at one point my therapist said You realize that like if you die

Before you write another book Everything will be fine like Like nobody's going to say like, yeah, oh no, we better shut down the human enterprise. We didn't get another book. They're going to be fine. Like, they're going to figure it out. And that's what I would encourage you to say is like, yes, you have gifts and talents and and and you need to use them and you have to honor those gifts. But like, you also have a family and you gotta honor that too. And so if there is a way for you to say like, you know what, the world will figure it out without me.

The stuff that I'm not able to do, the world will figure it out. I think that's good. It's weird that I have such a hard time with that, but I do. I know. I'm just telling you. But that's the world would be okay. If you died, it would, here's what I would say.

If you died, what would be sad for me and sad for most people would not be the loss of all the ideas that Hank was going to make. It would be the loss of Hank Green, the person, and the kindness and generosity and light that he's shown in the world. Thank you. That is a good perspective. I wouldn't be like, oh God, we were just gonna do the awesome T company.

Dammit, Hank. Typical. Never, never getting stuff done. No, I wouldn't, it wouldn't even be on the radar. This next question comes from Sharon who asks, do you're Hank and John, I work in Enicu and one of my many jobs is bringing the nurses the blood that they've ordered when it arrives.

Oh yeah. I'm trying to find the least weird way to tell a nurse that I have blood for them. Yeah. so far I've brought your blood or here's your blood or is this your blood or cold fresh blood for you? All don't work. What should I say instead? Mama my sharein. Mama my sharein. Sharon.

Mama my Sharon. Yeah. Maybe it's, mama, my Sharon. Yeah. Oh, maybe it's Sharon in the end. So I think the obvious one, first off, it's not that fresh. Okay, so I wouldn't say cold fresh blood for you. That sounds like it's cold. It sounds like it can be that fresh. That sounds like you took it out of your own veins.

What I would say is I've acquired some strangers blood for your work. Is my word, do they just call it blood? Is there not like a more technical term for it? I've heard in your profession, you periodically require the blood of strangers. Well, good news. Here's some B negative. You gotta walk out, you gotta be like, who's human juice?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is this? Where's it at go? Is it yours? Yeah, walk up to the nurse. Is this yours? Walk up to the nurse and be like, you know what's wild?

This used to flow through the veins of a different person, but then we refrigerated it, and now it's gonna flow through the veins of a different person, but then we refrigerated it, and now it's going to flow through the veins of one of your patients. Haven't you ever wondered what it tastes like? Hey Edward Cohen got your blood for you. Oh! Oh! Nurse Edward? Here's another. Here's another. Handle the blood and then say, is it just me or do you only work at night? All right. I got I can do this all day.

Heck yeah, this is this is my genre of joke. You could say, it says that this is, it says that this is Vlad, but I think it's just typo. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh.

Huh. That's. Huh. Huh. Huh. That's embarrassing. Did Chad GVT write that joke? Oh, that was me.

It's embarrassing. Did Chad GPT write that joke? Oh, that was me. Black. You think, do you think Chad GPT came up with black? I think you walk up to them, you hand them the blood real subtle. Like, and you say, hey, don't tell anybody,

but yeah, I mean, this, this blood is great. It's gonna work. It's off the market. Like, it's just don't, let's not ask too many questions about it, all right? It's not make it weird. You just take the blood and you trust me that it's blood. And then we're good. It's got all the parts in it. A promise or handed to them and say, it's definitely blood.

And I don't know why you're looking at me like that. It is not V8, okay? Of course it's not V8. Why would I do that? Oh, by the way, don't do that. That's a good way to get fired from the hospital. What do you actually say? Okay, there's gotta be other people in your profession

who you meet sometimes who do this. Because we, I've never given blood to anybody do well except for the person in the bloodmobile direct. I was going to say I've given it but only out of my veins. I've never like given somebody else's blood. I will say I will say. I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say I will say

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It's not that it's lab. I've got a typo joke that's also a type O joke. And it just doesn't work unless I'm holding a bag of blood for someone. So if you wouldn't mind just handing that over. It is mine after all. I I think you just say I've some, I have some blood for you. I have, I have your blood. Yeah, whatever you say with the other stuff, like whatever you say when they order ibuprofen

and you bring it to them, just say that. Yes. Except instead of ibuprofen, it's blood. It's just a matter of medicine. Right. Got the ibuprofen. It helps people feel better after their c-sections. Did somebody, did somebody order some blood?

So just so you guys know, you can't door-dash it, okay? You actually have to like call down to the area of the hospital where I work, all right? Stop trying to get it on. They don't have it on. They don't have it on the subway. No, I think that's exactly right, Hank. Treat it the way you would treat ibuprofen.

Last one, last one, you walk up to them and you say, hey, I've got your blood just a heads up. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I did just want to double check and it is totally fit for human consumption. You just leave it right there. You just leave it right there. Yeah, you just leave it right there. Just be like, I'll let you imagine what that might mean. That's true.

All right, this next question comes from Jay, who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm a backpacking guide and I work off-grid for two weeks at a time, which means I miss a lot of news every month. How do I catch up on the news without getting overwhelmed overwhelmed trying to sort through dozens of daily newsletters? Do you have any favorite monthly or semi-monthly news sources? People normally end with buy, but I end with H-I-J. Oh. I like the alphabet. Yeah. H-I-J. J, first off, I think it's easy to get overwhelmed sorting through newsletters, even if you aren't off grid for two weeks.

I would encourage you to lean into what is good about that experience and just be off grid for a couple of weeks and come back and look at Google News. And if anything's real important, it'll be up there at the top. You know what I mean though Hank like I think there is something to being an engaged and informed citizen for sure but there is also a line at which like you don't need to know. Yeah well I've heard this a number of and had this experience as well. When traveling in other countries I you sort of like get back and you're like, well, everybody's really obsessed with that thing right now. But I don't know anything about it.

And because I'm like coming in halfway through the narrative, it doesn't seem that important to me. Right. Or worse, we come back and they're having the exact same conversation, but they can't tell that they are. Right. Because it's about some other thing, but really it's about the same thing.

Right. Which is that the president was on Twitter. Deeply atypical. Yeah, like I remember when we were on our honeymoon, which unfortunately was the last time that I truly did not have access to any internet. Yeah. It was 2006, and every day we would at our our hotel we would get a one-page printout like a Xeroxed copy one page of

news and It fell out it was wonderful to read because I would be like wow These important things that are happening are happening and they are important, but they are not happening to me. And I in some ways prefer being super engaged understanding what's happening every day, but here's my own experience with it anyway, Jay, like if I drop in three days late to the how did Will Smith do as the live action Aladdin discourse?

I'm good. Like I, I'm good. I've, I've actually saved myself a bunch of time because I've allowed this whole thing to unfold and then I can go see and, and see how it's unfolded rather than like watch in real time as it unfolds. So I think it's unfolded rather than like watch in real time as it unfolds. So I think it's good and you should just read something like the week or read a weekly news magazine. Like, I don't know, time.

I think they still make that one. Is the week thing? Yeah, the week is like, it's a weekly news magazine. It's a weekly news magazine. Yeah. It just kind of covers like, and it covers things in very, you know,, not a lot of detail, but from multiple perspectives. Yeah, just do something like that.

Sounds like it probably be better than the way I'm doing it now anyway. That's what I think. If I engaged with the news mostly through newspapers and magazines, which I did in 2019 and 2020, my life is so much better. So much better.

And I don't know if like the level at which I'm informed is better, but my life is better personally. Yeah. John, this next question comes from Evan who asks, dear Hank and John, I'm someone who was raised to recycle everything possible and waste as little as I can. I often see people, and I often see,

and I often send people that Kentucky Bluegrass review from the Anthropocene Reviewed to discuss water use and how dumb lawns are. However, I recently watched a video from a well-researched and respected news source that kind of changed my perspective. They said that 6%, only 6% of water on the entire West Coast is from personal use.

Just 6%. How can I justify being so cautious when I am a minuscule fraction of that tiny fraction? Enjoying an extremely long shower, Evan. There are a number of pieces to this question. The first is that the vast majority of that 94% is agriculture, which is pretty important. Which is for humans.

So you can't like, this is a big frustration for me when people talk about, well, only this much is for people. I'm like, well, but the vast majority of the rest of it is for agriculture, which is all directly or indirectly for people. And then there's also the reality of like some of this water is very specific water that is that a lot of work is being done on. And there's a lot of energy that goes into that work to make it potable, to make it drinkable water.

And so that's a sort of, it's a very separate set of water than stuff that's being pumped directly out of the ground or directly out of a water source of river or ditch, and then straight onto a crop. Because there is a lot of added capacity that needs to happen if the amount of water is increasing. And especially if you're pumping drinking water onto a lawn, you run out eventually

and you have to build new capacity both for managing the outflow of that waste water because a lot of times for your shower, for example, like all that water has to be processed and for the inflow of water, because that water has to be treated so that it's drinkable before you pour it on your lawn. And there's just not a better way to like run two pipes of water unless you have a well. Right, right.

And so the question of like, if you're thinking about the amount of water in the river as finite, which is true, or the amount of water in the aquifer as finite. Then we are competing with agriculture, and by far the much more impactful thing you can do, not like not watering your lawn, not taking short showers, is not eating red meat, which is extremely water intensive. So you can take basically the longest shower you ever want to if you're

trading that for never having hamburgers again. Right. So we have to make kind of different buckets in our minds for potable and non-potable water because potable water so much energy is spent making it safe for drinking or cleaning. And like for example, if you're working in agriculture and you have to wash fruits or wash vegetables after they are harvested, that's going to be water intensive. And in a lot of cases, that's going to involve potable water because it has to,

because it's touching something that is later going to be in a person's mouth. And that seems to me like a pretty necessary use. It's unfortunate that it is so much, but it is a pretty necessary use of potable water because otherwise we would have more salmonella outbreaks and ecoli outbreaks and stuff like that. There is no reason to use potable water to water lawns except that the water coming to houses is potable water. And so that's why I do think that we have to imagine it a little differently because it is an utterly unnecessary use of water. So like even if it's a tiny percent of water, it's one that

is totally without use. Yeah, well, it's also, it's not a, it, it, it, lawns in total are not a tiny percent of water. They're actually a very, they're a big piece of that 6% and 6% is a lot. Like if we decreased the amount of water being consumed by 6%, then that would be a really massive thing for the west, which is why a lot of places that are not on the coast in the west don't have like a lot of, you know, the Southwest, they don why a lot of places that are not on the coast in the West don't have like a lot of, you know, the Southwest, they don't have lawns. They, they, they learned that lesson.

They don't need to do that. They don't do that. Yeah. So it's more than 6% of the potable water, at least it is here in Indiana. And it's a really, it's really significant in part because it is so high energy to make that kind of water. It is energy intensive and therefore fossil fuel intensive to make potable water. So the less of it we make, the better. Yeah, and also to move it around the whole system, which takes energy.

It's funny, you don't think of the energy of the water coming out of your tap, but like there's something pushing the water out of your tap. And that is, ultimately, not a media, not like directly, but ultimately that's electricity, which is wild to think about that, which reminds me, John, that this podcast is brought to you by Kentucky Bluegrass Grass. It's, this sponsor is not happy with us right now, but Kentucky bluegrass, one of the finest crops in America. What does it provide?

No, it's just showing us questions. Yeah, I mean, a place for, yeah, soft to play. Children to play. A soft place to play is the main thing it provides, which is not no value. Not value. It's just less value than we maybe give it. So anyway, I can't believe they paid us Hank for that. That's really bad. That level of

endorsement. But today's podcast is also brought to you by John Green's book that is so sad. John Green's book that is so sad, the fault in book that is so sad, the Fault in Our Stars. I didn't want it to be sad. I mean, I knew it was going to have sad parts, but I do not think of it as a sad book, and there is a little part of me that gets like a little, I don't know, like, just... Fresh fantasy when people say it's a sad book. Not that it, not because it's not sad, but because, like, I actually think it's much easier to write something that's sad than it is to do what I hoped the book would do, which was to be sad by way of being kind of honest and funny and hopefully true.

It's fun, guys. It's also brought to you by Blood, Cold Fresh Blood. Delivered straight to you when you need it. Potable blood. I mean, you can have it colder. You can have it fresh. I'm not sure you can have it both. And today's podcast is brought to you by Chat GPT.

Chat GPT just gave me some new titles. I asked it for what it would, what it would, what would be a good title for a book about trauma and espionage. And here's some suggestions that it gave me Hank. Trauma and betrayal. The spy who traumatized me. The spy who traumatized me is such a good, it's such a bad title. It's real, invisible wounds, which is also so bad. Yeah, but invisible wounds is like the kind of title you might see. Maybe in the 80s. You might, yeah, you might. Yeah, that's true.

And then the last one, broken bonds. I don't know. I could see that. I could see it. That's great. I mean, there are definitely books called Invisible Wounds, you know, like that is, it's not a book I would write, but it is a book. I like broken bonds, too, because maybe it's like a James Bond novel, and it's about like all the James bonds come together, but they're all like us. They've all had like a bad, a bad time recently.

Like that Spider-Man movie? Yeah, and it's the Bond multiverse. It's called Broken Bonds. And it's Bond multiverse, but they're all like, they've all had really something really bad happen to them. Probably their girlfriend died. Let's be honest, that's mostly what happened to Bond. Oh, well, I was thinking about this recently

and the reason the girlfriend has to die is because essential to James Bond is the James Bond cannot be compromised by love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why he doesn't have a family. And then at the end when he can be compromised by love, he totally is. Anyway, we also have a project for awesome message

from Laura and Daniel. We wanted to take a brief moment to say how wonderful it has been to be a part of this community. Thank you, Nerdfighteria, for showing us the good that can happen when people come together. Thank you, John and Hank, for your work and for teaching us to imagine others, complexly. We are better people for having known you. DFBTA. I don't know if that was an intent. I don't know if that's like an inside joke for them. Oh, or if you just embarrassed them with the tie-bell, but that is definitely what I mean is I mean, yes. D F B T A. Don't forget to be. Don't forget. Be to awesome. Don't forget being

Trombone, excepting, excepters. Don't't forget Bond team assemble. It's good. It's good. Is that how covalent bonds work? No James bonds. It's the bonds by the birth. I was just hoping there might be like a third level to the joke that covalent bonds have to announce to each other that it's time to assemble.

Probably. Yeah. assemble. Probably. Yeah. Okay. Great. Hank, you'll recall that recently, AFC Wimbledon were getting really close to the top of the bottom half of the league two table. We've been on a great run. I don't want to make it about me.

Okay. It's probably about the players. It's probably about the things that they're doing on the field and whatever, whatever. But since I visited in real life, AFC Wimbledon has not lost a game in League 2. So they did a lot of their FA Cup game, but that's not a foul really. Some would argue that's good news that's not really some would argue. That's good news. It's just one another game we don't have to play. Yeah.

Game we don't have to think about. We're getting focused on the competitions that really matter. The week two season and the Papa John's trophy. Those are the only two things that were still. We're in the last 16 of the Papa John's trophy. We have a one in 16 chance of winning it. I haven't mentioned it to you in the past because like all AFC Wimbledon fans, I am actively embarrassed that AFC Wimbledon participates in the Papa John's trophy, but whatever football is about

winning things and I will hold that Papa John's trophy aloft. Should we should we make our way to the final? But that's probably not going to happen at any rate. We are now 20 games into the league one league two season, which means that we're almost halfway in. And AFC Wimbledon are now at the bottom of the top half of the league two. Whoa. We are in a leaventh place.

We have 29 points after 20 games and we are 15 points clear of relegation. Not only we are 15 points clear of relegation. Not only are we 15 points clear of relegation, we're only four points off the playoff. Whoa, we have turned this season around in stupidly dramatic fashion. We beat Grimsby Town over the weekend, Hank. And you know,

Grimsby Town. It's definitely, I've got a couple pieces of ANC with all the news for you where you're just going to love the team names. We beat Grimsby town over the weekend, you know, and you know, that's not easy. They are the grimest of the bees. I mean, they are, they are grim bees, for sure. And they're called the mariners. They play out of northeast Lincolnshire in the town of Grimsby.

And so, you know, that's never an easy opponent. We won one nil. Credit to Grimsby, they brought over a thousand fans to the game, but we won one nil. Ethan Chislett, Ethan Chislett scored like both of our wingers, Ethan Chislett and Ayubis all were both told that they were too small to play professional football and given up on by their childhood clubs. And now both of them are with Wimbledon and have been for a long time. And they are proving to the world that it's not about the size of the dog. It's about the size of the fight. I don't remember the cliche, but the point is that Ethan Chislet

and I, Ubisoft are both amazing. And I, other teams need to not know about how amazing they are until at least the end of the season. It was a great game. We deserve to win. We, I, I was really, really pleased with how we played also like this new Wimbledon has some real Wimbledon DNA in it. We're good at the dark arts. We can slow the game down. Harry Pell had a seven minute fake injury that I enjoyed every second of. He was writhing around on the ground.

The goalkeeper was talking to the ref. I genuinely don't think I touched him. I think he's okay. And then after seven minutes, he finally stood up and the ref gave me a yellow card and Harry Pell just smiled and patted the ref on the back. Like, that's good. We've needed that. We've needed somebody who has that in their locker. So I am, I'm greatly enjoying that part of it. That part has been great. So yeah, lots of, lots of things to be excited about. And Hank, and we've hired a new director of football operations.

Okay. That's a big deal because like part of professionalizing the club is hiring, you know, like, so look more like another club in league two, where we have similar, you know, where we're similar in more ways. And, you know, professionalizing. And our new head of football operations, Hank, I'm so excited about him. Yeah. So I don't know what that job does. He, like, he, like, helps out with scouting

and leads recruiting and also does all the analytics. And I don't like to judge a book by his cover, Hank, but if you Google Craig Cope, you're gonna see a nerd. I mean, and I say that as a nerd. Craig Cope, Craig Cope looks more like me than he does like somebody who played professional football and then has become like a grizzled scout. He looks like a date and I'm just basing all of this off his appearance. He looks like a data nerd. He looks like he's passionate, hardworking, committed. I'm so excited about him. Previously, he was the technical director of one of the all-time great football in England team names, Sola Holmors. The Sola Holmors? The Sola Holmors. That's tough. That's, that's,

that one's tough. It could be the Sully Holmors. I don't know how they say. I don't know. Don't be done second get yourself. You had it, you had it right first time. That was great. Got in one. Oh, so thank you, solo, home wars for giving us an exciting new director of football operations. I'm sure that that's very important work. It is. Well, this week at Mars News, John, scientists think they may have located the origins of

3.4 billion year old megasyony on Mars. Oh, because you want to do that if you can. So we have thought that there were a pair of meteor strikes that set off two megasyony's 3.4 billion years ago on Mars. And in 2019, scientists traced the possible starting point of the second one to a crater, which is 75 miles wide, in the Martian Arctic. And a new study has found possible origins of the first megasynami using data going all the way back to NASA's Viking 1 spacecraft, which landed on Mars in 1976. When it landed, scientists were surprised to find a lot of boulders on the landscape. Researchers now think that those boulders might have been debris from a megasyunami that was carrying pulverized rock away from the site of an asteroid impact and studying maps

of the area and looking for particular characteristics. Researchers traced the possible impact site to the 69 mile wide pole crater, which is around 560 miles away from Viking one's landing site. So that's a long way to carry a bunch of big rocks, but it is after all a megasynami. The scientists used a simulation model for the formation of pole crater

and they found that the impacts might have created a megasynami that was high as 1,640 feet tall. Whoa. That's a good thing we weren't around to see it. That's like a proper skyscraper, like looking up and you're like, well, that's taller than the tallest building. That's 120 stories of water. Yeah. Brakish, gross, undrinkable water that is about to pulverize me. That's correct. Yes. That sounds fun. I'm glad I wasn't there for that party. Yeah, 3.4 billion years ago.

Guess is nothing was around. But who knows, maybe. We'd have a hard time knowing for sure. That's how it works. Wow. Wow. It's so wild to think about Mars having that much water. Yeah. Well, it's also wild to think about like knowing all this stuff about stuff.

We can't see things like that on Earth because the Earth's surface changes too much because of plate tectonics and water. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Right. Right. So that could have happened on Earth. We just wouldn't be able to see it. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we had some, we had some pretty epic events back then, I'd say. Yeah. That's true. In the early days, Earth was pretty nuts. Yeah. You know? Yeah. We got a moon out of the deal.

We got a moon. Yeah. Hit by something big enough that it made a moon. It rained for like five million years. That was weird. There was like a lot of liquid water. There were volcanoes all the time. It was wild.

It was wild. It was wild. And it's a little bit like now Earth centered. It's like early middle age, maybe. Earth's like 28, 30, 32. I guess that's not middle age. How old, that's a great question. In terms of a human lifespan, how old is Earth?

Oh, it might be middle aged. The planet. Part. So yeah, so it's like 40, so it's like calm down. It's chilled out a little. Like it started to see some of the volatile approaches that it was taking aren't going to be long term sustainable for it's. Yeah, it's been that way for a, for a while now. I think probably the time the earth was like sort of 10 in human years.

It was pretty grown up, honestly. Yeah. So it matures a little bit faster. Yeah. That be as the fun. When's it going to get just to say heads up? Yeah. When's it gonna get real old and crotchety?

Oh, well. When's it gonna start like, when's it gonna start like saying uncomfortable things on Twitter just due to a lack of awareness of the platform? As far as I know, a long time. Great. Depending on your, depending on what parallels we're drawing directly, I'd say long enough that we don't have to worry about it.

That's about Alice. Does Alice have to worry about it? By we, I mean humanity. Oh, great, yeah, cool. Thanks for podding with me. Yep, you're welcome, John. If you want to send us questions, it's a deer hank, and nope, it's h's Hank and John at gmail.com and the podcast called Dear

Hank and John, which you probably knew, but maybe I should say it all. Maybe not. Maybe not. You can find it. You can find it wherever you get your podcasts. Please support us on Patreon. We're up to make our Patreon only podcast. This weekend stuff, where we talk about stuff that's important in our lives. But actually, the coolest thing you get for being a patron is every month we all get together and we talk on Zoom and it's so great. It's good.

That's the best part of my month actually. It's just talking to my brother about stuff that matters to us. Yeah, being worried. And the semi-private environment. You're being worried about things. It's mostly just us talking authentically about what we're worried about, which is a lot. Plenty of things.

Anyway, patreon.com slash to your Hank and John. Hank, thanks again for potting with me. I think you gotta read the credits now. That's right. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuneham Edtich. It's produced by Rosiana Halzrohas. Our communications coordinator is Brooke Shotwell. Our editorial assistant is Deboki Trocravardi, the music you're hearing now, and at the

beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.