Dear Hank & John - 362: Time and Cheese Grater

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Can I use eggwater for coffee? Do cows eat chickens? Does soup make you pee? How does electricity know when a circuit is closed? How many pancakes are required for a stack? Is John trying to pull his hair out? What's some good cheese-grating small talk? Hank and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hey, hey, so listen, um, we're in Jamaica, cold open. We're in Jamaica right now. We're on vacation, hankin' me because we're not just brothers on the internet. We're also brothers in real life. It's pretty cool. And we're recording this on an iPhone, so apologies for the poor sound quality. That's gonna sound great. But we had to run away from our spouses to record it at all. Now we had to send them to the spa. I'm not sure that this is how they prefer for this to have gone. For vacations to go. Yeah. But we're here. We're gonna answer some of your questions. Prov provide you with dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and ASC Wimbledon, but we're gonna do it in a little

more of a chill way. Yeah, real chill vibes today. It's more of an easy listening DJ energy. Like we're surrounded by a bamboo fence, which we are. Imagine that. I feel like the main thing that those great DJs do to make you feel calm is they extend the last sample of the phrase.

For a while. Yeah. All right, what's on? Yeah, I want to tell you a story about this morning. Wait, is this going to be a damn dad joke? No. No. So last night, I woke up in the middle of the night

in Jamaica in my room because it sounded like someone had knocked a shampoo bottle. Oh. In the bathroom off of the thing and I hit the ground, I went, doop doop. I was like, that, look, here's the situation. This is what I, because I'm very tired.

I'm very tired and I was like, either that was nothing of importance, or there's a person in my hotel room. In either situation, the right call is to lay here quietly, with my eyes closed. Yeah, because if I do that almost every night, it's not gonna get better if I'm like, what are you doing in here?

And so I laid there and I was actually pretty at peace because I knew there was like a 99.99% chance that it was just something. And then about 20 minutes later I was still awake because it wasn't that at ease. I was still awake and I heard the noise again. But this time it was obviously because at this point I was awake and being woken up a fruit bat dropping a mango on the porch. Oh, yeah

We had a couple we had a couple of fruit bats drop a couple things on the porch here, too Yeah, I was like there was one in my shoe like eight more times Well such a to fruit bat living. It's absolute yes life of like eight more times. Well, such a fru-pat living. It's absolute best life. Yeah. We've had a great time in Jamaica. Full disclosure, we have had a few drinks today. Yeah, I've had a half a drink. I'm having a drink now. It's good. It's good. It's delicious. John, do you want to answer some questions from our listeners? You're the one with the questions, but I can't. Well, I was asking you if you wanted to do it.

I'm recording. By the way, if you're impressed with the recording quality, I just want you to know it's all me. John is holding it in his hand so carefully. Like it's a delicate flower. Do you see that lizard? Where, where? Right over there, man.

Oh, he's a big one. This is a great radio. You see that, lizard? That's straight out of the dis-American life school of audio description. We're on the back porch, too. And like, there's a walkway right behind us. So you're gonna, y'all aren't the only people

getting the show. No. My name is Maddie. Maddie writes, you're an eagajon. And I'm making the hard boiled eggs for my lunch tomorrow. Good. Now that I finished boiling my eggs eggs I have a pot of hard boiled

egg water left over and I want to use said egg water to make my coffee but my mom says this is unacceptable. I believe my idea is efficient environmentally conscious and inventive. Plus I would imagine that the residual calcium in the water from the eggshells could be beneficial. Wow. The question is, can I drink hard boiled egg water? I wouldn't generally value your inside pumpkins and penguins and eggs.

Maddie. Maddie, this is so disgusting. It's so disgusting. So bad, Maddie. It's really bad. I don't know why. There's like a lot of other things that you can do with that water.

You know, like, let's put it on the plants. Exactly, just water the plant. You think that calcium's gonna be helpful for you. You don't want a poor boiling water on the plants, though, it's already hot. So there's three efficiencies. Okay, all right, the water's already hot. That's part of it.

That's part of it. There's three efficiencies. There's the efficiency of, you don't have to use any extra water. Right. There's the efficiency of, you don't have to use any extra water. Right. There's the efficiency of, you don't have to use any extra heat. Right. And there's the efficiency of Maddie's time.

Right. And that actually, the heat one actually is environmentally sensitive. You know, like, there is, there's a cost. Yeah, it takes a lot of energy to get it on. An energy cost to heating up the water that Maddie is gonna use for Maddie's coffee. Now there's also three costs that Maddie is incurring. Oh great, great. I see you've done some prep work.

Really? I'm not sure what they are yet. We're gonna find out. It's, so, last number one. No, that's the third one. The one you're thinking of now is definitely number three. No, cost number one is the social cost. No, that's number three.

No, no, no, no. No, no. You have to save the funniest one for the fair. No, it's not the funniest one. Oh, okay, I'm excited to see where else you got. Social cost is just like the absolute shock and the horror. It's like, I know the social cost. Yeah, I'm now Maddie's mom knows.

But now, so does everybody who listens to this podcast. But it's like when I revealed to the world that I drink or I eat my cereal moistened with water. Yeah, tap water. And now, every time you go anywhere, there's people wearing John Green as a monster cereal water shirts. No, but like it's very similar to the situation

Maddie's in except for the second and third costs which we haven't gotten to yet. Which is that like there's, it's a bummer when people look at you with that shock and horror that your mother surely looked at you with. So that's cost number one. Yeah, so I guess you know, do you know what cost two and three are? I know I take one. You take cost two.

Okay, cost two is there's some, there are things in this water that aren't in the normal water that is used to make coffee and people who make coffee assume that you're going have water that's not using some boil eggs. I don't know what's in there, but I know it's gotta have some hydrogen sulfide, which is the eggs smell. Yeah. And you don't want eggs smelling your coffee. Like you boil eggs and you do get a little bit of an eggs smell, right? I think you do.

I mean, sometimes I get cracked, I'll tell you what Hank, I'm starting to think that Maddie might have a case to make here. Well, but there's also like, you know where their eggs concern. You know one of the main places that egg has been, because I know where one place every egg has been. Yeah, I know.

In the cloaca of a chicken. Yeah. And I know that sometimes they've been, I don't know, you might be British in which case that hasn't been washed as much. So in America, we wash them and then you have to refrigerate them because they don't know, you might be British, in which case that hasn't been washed as much. So in America, we wash them, and then you have to refrigerate them because they don't have that protective layer.

But even so, I don't think you necessarily want to like lick raw egg shells, which is essentially what you do. I mean, I guess the water is boiled. It's been boiled. So you're just, you're licking boiled egg shells. Yeah, so I am a little worried about the sanitation so we got we've got some Sanitation concerns and some taste related concerns which are related to each other, right?

That's maybe that's two and three or did you have a third? No, no, we that's two that we think that we think so number one is people will be horrified Yeah, it's gross. And then I think I think number three It's gross. And then I think, I think number three, hold on, I'm thinking. It doesn't happen yet. I did have it earlier, man, but then I got real into your thing about the egg water. Oh, I remember the third cost. And this is a common cost that goes unnoticed a lot of times. Is, Maddie, if you do this, you're gonna have to live with yourself.

Yeah. You know, for the rest of your life, you're gonna have to live with yourself. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Well, yeah. But you can't,

you can't on, it's an internal social cost plan. You can't, on we are social beings, even absent the judgment of others. You can't on make a mistake, Maddie. But here's the thing. Maybe if you put a bunch of calcium in the coffee water, it's better. There's only one way to find out.

Maybe Maddie's going to be the only person who knows. Because even if it is better, I'm not doing it. This next question comes from Catherine Erasks, dear Hank and John, at a lecture at my university, the professor is speaking told an anecdote about how he started a farm a few years ago. As a way to encourage us that everyone fails, he told us that his major farming failure was that three months after getting his animals, all of his chickens were dead because the cows ate them. I thought he was kidding because cows definitely don't eat chickens, right? But he seemed serious. And when I googled it, there's a story

about a cow named Laal who ate 48 chickens. I was taught in elementary school that cows are herbivores, was I lied to. Our cows actually full of bloodlust in and coming for us in the night. Check out under the bed for 100 cows, Catherine. Well, bulls are definitely bed for 100 cows, Catherine. Well, bulls are definitely coming for us all the time. Like, if you ever near a bull, you're like, oh, you're not chill at all. You're not being cool about that.

I thought you were a cow. So there's that, but I also think, I mean, I'm not an expert on this, Hank, but am I correct in assuming that while cows don't usually eat ummm, animals, they still can kill them? Uh, not only do they do that, but cows are always eating animals. They're just usually very small.

Um, so cows just like chickens will eat bugs, they eat bugs all the time, and I think that they even, um, intentionally eat bugs sometime. Ummm, um, um, eating a lot of meat can be bad for a cow. Sure. But almost all herbivores eat meat. And this is relatively recent. So if you don't feel like this makes, this didn't like hit your schooling,

it's not necessarily because you were lied to, it made because we didn't know it at the time. Wow. But like as we have continued to study animals, like a deer, we'll see, like, there's a lot of time to observe every moment of a deer's life. But now we see that deer will preferentially go to bird nests

and eat baby chicks in the nest. Really? And you're like, that's a deer. That's not cool. That's like monster behavior. Yeah, but I haven't heard anything that messed up since Maddie wanted to make coffee out of her egg water. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha. So next time you watch Bambi and you're so choked up about all this business, just remember Bambi's mama was a monster. Maybe deserved what was coming to her. Yeah, just like the rest of us I don't know. I hope people don't get mad at me for that. What was it true? Okay, I don't You've worried about getting canceled for that one

Doesn't feel like the one doesn't feel like the one. No, I mean it's coming. I for sure, but that's not it I think that cow feed even contains some meat and bone meal. Okay. Great. So what's our next question? Always learning and watch out, especially if you're a chicken,ir the herbivores. Beir the cow. This next question comes from Noah who asks, dear Hank and John, does suit make you pee? Stop asking me about my arc, Noah. Yeah, I probably get old. I bet it does.

Does suit make you pee, John? Yes, correct. Moving on, this next question comes from Nika who asks, dear Hank and John. Yeah next question comes from Nika who asks, Dear Ankhijan. Yeah. My fiancé is confused about electricity. He calls it electricery. I agree. I love the idea of a conspiracy theorist who thinks that electricity isn't real. You know, that like, there's some other, like, it's the government doing it with government thoughts.

Yeah. What could electricity be? Well, that isn't real. We'll continue. We'll continue. His main issue is, how does electricity know to go down a wire that's connected to a circuit, but never go on down the wire that's a dead end? How does it know not to travel into a dead end?

Does it send scouts? Please help. Electric or treats. Mecha, what do you got? You got anything here? I got a little metaphor that I think will be helpful. You go. No, you can't see what you got.

All right. Well, I want another tingling. So I was hoping that you'd go on one of your long science rambles, well, and I could get myself a cocktail that's just rum and this soda called dig. Yeah. If it's, yeah, yeah, actually I'm going to do that. You can go on one of your, go on one of your science

ramb. Okay. So he's a situation. Imagine any time that that's people are confused about electricity or I'm confused about electricity, I tend to think to myself, okay, it's all just like water. So there's pipes and there's stuff flowing through the pipes and there's stuff flowing through the pipes, this water.

And it's kind of this, so imagine, for example, that if you put a little bit of water into a pipe that's already full of water, the little bit of water at the at the front isn't the water that's coming out of the back. So if you put like new electricity into a wire, the electrons that are coming in the back, like the ones you just created aren't the ones that are coming out of the other end. They're getting pushed through the whole system out the other end. And in this same way, you can imagine if you have a pipe that leads to nothing, that pipe is full of electrons and they're not going anywhere. And so there's no, like, so if an electron tries to get in there, it's already full.

Now if something connects to a circuit at the end of that pipe, then suddenly those electrons will have somewhere to go and those new electrons will flow in to take up the space and they'll be pushing. But if there's no place for it to go, if there's no outlet for the electrons to flow out of, then it doesn't matter how much pressure you push on the end of that pipe, you can't put water through it. You can't put electrons through it,

because it's already full of water, and no matter how hard you push, you can't get any more in. Now, the moment you give any opportunity for some electrons to come out the other end, if you have a bunch of pressure, they will pop out the other end for sure, which is why you don't want to stick a fork into a lecture socket. But that is how I imagine it. Okay.

And it is always very helpful. It's also sort of like, helpful in terms of like how wide the pipe is, how much resistance inside of the pipe, how fast the current is flowing through the pipe has analogs. And sometimes people will come at you because this isn't a perfect metaphor. And of course, it's not. But it's a lot more helpful than any other metaphor I've ever used to help me understand the sort of day-to-day of how electricity works.

Great. Well, I thought that was a good answer, and it was long enough for me to get my drink. John has discovered on this trip just how much I need bifocals and he will not let me... It's hilarious. Like, I mean, I need bifocals. My doctor was like, hey, you need bifocals and I was like, you shut your mouth.

My doctor on the other hand was like, that's not even good. You've been going to their five years. No, you will not. You can't even go another five minutes. Like, I'm like just trying to do everything. Hank, he either has to have the phone so far away from his body that like his arm can barely get there.

He has to have it like right underneath his nose. It's a problem. Yeah, it's not great, but it's okay. It's just weird to me that my younger brother would need bifocals. Like, I'm worried about what that implies for me. There's so many science questions. Do you want to try another science question? Yeah, I'm good at them.

Okay, this one's from Angela who asks, Der Hank and John, I recently purchased a heating pad at CVS. Yeah, the safety instruction state. Do not use in an oxygen atmosphere. That's a great plan. Does this mean that the product is not safe for use on Earth? Oh, no, we don't have an oxygen atmosphere.

Bring my heating pad to Mars, but not until after 2026, Angela. It's not 2026, is it? I think it's 2027. Oh, that's so soon. 2026, is it? I think it's 2027. Oh, that's so soon. I know, but don't worry, Elon's on it. Yeah, so the reason we don't live in an oxygen atmosphere, we mostly, most of air is nitrogen.

It's weird to understand, this is something Hank's been writing a lot about. It's weird to understand that air is made out of stuff, you can feel it a little bit here in the to understand that air is made out of stuff, that you can feel it a little bit here in the Caribbean, that air is made out of stuff. But usually it's hard to remember that air is made out of stuff, but most of the stuff is nitrogen.

Still, you stick your head out of the window of a moving car. That's true, then you feel it. Most of the air is nitrogen. And if you are in a pure oxygen environment, really hot things that may have a spark associated with them are real bad. Right. The flammability, things burn much more easily in a pure oxygen atmosphere, and this, and you are likely to have a lot of oxygen around in certain medical situations,

but usually it's not gonna be a pure oxygen atmosphere. It's gonna be, there is pure oxygen that's going straight into the nose, or nose and mouth of the person who needs the oxygen, right, and that helps, the person who needs the oxygen. Right. And that helps get the oxygen in the blood. Your heating pad is good, man. Yeah. Your heating pad is good, man.

Yeah. But you've got to watch out if you're ever inside of a Martian habitat. And you start noticing that they're increasing the oxygen levels. Because that might mean that the people who are trying to put down your rebellion are about to burn down your entire habitat. That is really, really true. Why not for that? I've noticed that in red mars?

I'm not sure which one it was, but yeah, it was one of those. Okay, all right. Good job. Thanks. I was going to guess, I was going to guess dune, but then I remembered that's not on Mars. That's on a fake Mars. Yeah. This is on some kind of knockoff invitation Mars. Oh god. So John finally we have one that you are qualified for. It's from Clyde. I thought I did a good job with that oxygen. It's not Clyde at all. It's Kyle. This is not Kyle. Hi Kyle who asks dear Hank and John how many pancakes are required for a stack? Mmm

Well, I mean I am a little bit qualified when I worked at stake in sharing the minimum Definition of a stack was three pancakes. Okay now. I think that it's definitely not one It's definitely not one and it's not four. Oh no! You do not need four pancakes to make a stack. I feel like it might be six. No, almost no one can eat six normal size pancakes. They can eat six eye-hot pancakes, maybe.

Yeah, well, a little skinny ones. But I'm talking about a proper pancake, a steak and a shake pan. Those are big boys. And I think three is the most you would ever want to eat. Yeah. And so I think it has to be three. And then if you have five, six, eight stacks, that's all fine.

Anything up that way is fine. I don't think two pancakes is a stack. Is it a little weird that pancakes are their own food meal when they are just the simplest bread? No. Because I don't think to myself ever, it's breakfast. I'm going to have three slices of bread. I think that almost every morning.

Okay. That's true. Yeah, yeah, out of toast, I'm them. Yeah, but the pancake thing, so it is a little weird. Pancakes are weird because like we also treat them as one thing when they could be anything, right? Like there's no reason you can have sweet pancakes,

you can have savory pancakes. You can put meat in your pancakes, you know? No, Matty would. Eggs. You can put a in your pancakes, you know? No. Matty would. Um... Eggs. You can put a... A extra big shell. Just a extra big shell in your pancakes.

You put that egg water for it. Just like Matty. Yeah, and then Justin. Just kind of like put them in the egg water just for a minute before you put them on the frying pan. Just give them a little soggy. What happens? Do you think two might be a stack? I don't think two is a stack, right?

I don't know. It feels like they're stacked. One is stacked on the other. No, I think why not ask the experts, and in this case, that's staken shake, and in this case, they say three, which reminds me that today's podcast is brought to you by Staken Shake, my first employer.

Already at the sponsors. Already at the sponsors. Podcasts is also brought to you by Electron Pipes. Electron Pipes. Yeah. Delivering heat and light and entertainment to your home since 19-something. Or 18-something if you were. Right, yeah.

Just in the sort of early days of the Belkerv. Yeah, where you happen to get hit by lightning one afternoon have your house if I lightning you then and then you're like wow it's warmer. On fire. That was both good and bad. Also today's podcast is of course brought to you by Maddie's egg water. Maddie's egg water. It's it's ready for coffee. Oh, and this podcast is brought to you by Ting, the Jamaica soda. It's as far as I can tell, grapefruit flavor, but only the good parts. Mm.

It really is. It's just like only the good parts of the grapes. It's kind of actually surprising to me that Ting hasn't taken off elsewhere. I think that it might kind of require it to be warm. Maybe, but there are warm labels. But people used to say that about Mountain Dew. When I was a kid, people said that about Mountain Dew,

they'd be like, oh Mountain Dew, but this Ting, it's pretty perfect. It's good, I like it a lot. It's bottled by PepsiCo, according to the bottle. Yeah, I already looked into it. Because you know how Ryan Reynolds bought aviation gin because he liked it so much. Yeah, did you think about buying it was like maybe I could buy ting I mean yeah, I can one is a little more colonialist than the other

There's a number of problems with this idea. Yeah, I don't think it's a great idea You know, I don't know that we want to get in the sugar water business. Yeah I don't think it's a great idea. I don't know that we want to get in the sugar water business. Yeah. Just one more sponsor. Oh, right. Sorry. Today's podcast is also brought to you by

vlog brother's beer. Vlog brother's beer. Oh, no. A thrilling new beverage. Oh, well, I think we should be like Ryan Reynolds and get in, no, it's got to be something, what's something classy like Ryan Reynolds has? Oh, you're right.

What about like, what about like a beer that's not around anymore that we have lost to time? Oh, there's one, they make one in Indiana called Champagne Velvet that's made from the first ever beer recipe. Yeah, Champagne Velvet. Yeah, like from Mesopotamia? No, from like 1908.

I guess the first ever Indian beer recipe. Or beer recipe in 1908. I guess the first ever Indian or beer beer. 1908. No. You want to try to like resurrect Mesopotamian. No, I bet it's not great. Booze. I bet it's not great. I kind of like that idea though, just to like a licker.

There's like a historical licker. They can't shut up about it. Beed people. Mead. Mead. Yes. Ied people. Mead. Mead. Mead. Yes. I do love a mead.

This next question comes from Louise who asks, Dear Hank and John, another one you're qualified for. As I write to you, I'm watching. It's hard not to be insulted by your definition of what I'm qualified for. That's a bunch of science ones and then how many pancakes in this deck?

No, you'll like this one. As I write to you, I'm watching the Rex and Versus Sheffield United game TV. Paul Mullins has just scored so Rex and it's now up three to two with less than four minutes to go. Oh God. Heartbreak is incoming. Well, it ties not so bad. Oh, as the BBC keeps insisting on showing Ryan Reynolds reactions.

IDK, I guess he's objectively handsome or something. I occasionally see John standing beside him. And I just got a no-John, what are you doing with your hair? Are you actually trying to pull it out? It looks like you're trying to shampoo it incredibly vigorously. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the match, Pup gets in big with Louise. I saw this one at the inbox and I started

and I was like, I need that one. That is hilarious. The one to come through, please. Yeah, I mean, it's, I do it when I am experiencing amazement. Or we act so every time that, the only time the BBC like, or when I'm experiencing

Disappointment right and so the only and I was obviously reading for rexam in that game It's great David versus Goliath story and So every time they cut to write Reynolds I was in the background like pulling my hair in amazement, I could not believe that Rex and was scoring against a side that's gonna be in the Premier League next year. I was genuinely shocked. And yeah, but then I did see some of the resulting memes. And I don't know, I was just doing it, like right before, I don't know why.

Yeah, it's just, you know, it's nice that John has such a visible tell. Yeah, it's not an affectation. Where is it on the sleeve? I do. I'm not a great actor. I'm not very good at that card game BS. That's right.

You know, John and I, one thing you'll know about us is that we won't ever get into professional gambling. We're not like, I think I know how we're going to make it work. I think the reason I wouldn't get into professional gambling isn't because I wouldn't, I'm not like vulnerable to it, because I totally am. Yeah. I think the reason is that I can't handle it.

I can't. Absolutely not. I can't handle the swings and roundabouts. I can barely handle sports when there's no gambling involved at all. John, can I tell you a story? Sure. So for about four or five weeks, I've had an eye twitch.

Yeah, I know. And I thought to myself, I'm gonna go on this trip, on this vacation. My brother and sister and I are my wife, and it's gonna be relaxing. And I'm not gonna let myself hope. I'm not gonna let myself hope that it's gonna fix my eye twitch. Because that's, you know, things are complicated. Yeah.

But I currently can't make my eye twitch. Yeah, well that's the thing about an eye twitch. Once it's gone, you like can't make it come back. Yeah. But then once it's there, you can't make it go away. Yeah. Well I once it's there, you can't make it go away. Yeah. Well, I'm really glad. And, you know what?

We'll see. I'm sure it'll be back tomorrow. I'm sure it'll be back tomorrow. But we've changed. I've been. Yeah. We should lean into this experience. I've been telling you Hank.

And I know we got families and jobs and everything, man. Like, I get that. I love our kids. I don't. But like, we could, we could, we could make a go of it here. Yeah, you know, we're somewhere. We're somewhere.

I don't know. I wanna be right here. I like this house. This square foot of water. Yeah, yeah, no, I really do. I just, like yesterday I said to Sarah, I was like, hey, I mean, I love Indy to have with some big civic booster and everything, but like, it's not as good as this.

I'm sure it's got its, it's, it's difficult to use as well. Of course, but like, but, but, but the weather is better. There's so much winter left. There's so much exactly. We're going to go back to it. I like how much winter you've got left. We've got another month. It's true, man. Oh, Lord. All right, John, I got another question that you're qualified for.

Great. Dear Hank and John, I am a waitress at a restaurant that is famously known to stand at the table and great cheese on all your food. Oh. Sometimes these people will go absolutely ham and I will have to awkwardly stand above them in silence for a solid 60 seconds while churning copious amounts of cheese onto all of their food. What are some things I could talk about to break the silence?

I need to be as advice is greatly, greatly, oh, pun intended, appreciated. Not summer, winter, spring, or fall, autumn, autumn. This is a great question. It's so good. But I think the answer is that you're doing the right thing, which is trying to make them as uncomfortable as possible with this abuse of your time and cheese greater. Because you have to be nice to the customer.. Because you have to be nice to the customer. Yeah, you have to be nice to the customer. And that's your job as a server.

But you don't have to imply that it's okay for a full minute and a half of cheese grater to happen. Yeah. Because the cheese grating is like, it's like a, it's like a, a stick. You just texted me. No, I didn't. Well, yes, you did like a, it's like a, a stick. You just texted me. No, I didn't. Well, yes you did.

No, I didn't. You definitely did. Check your own text messages. Oh, I did. You weren't, you weren't listening to me so intensely. I knew you were allowing me in the way that you sit next to me. So weird. I hear you say though I text him.

Okay, this gets to something important. Hank and I are convinced that Mark Zuckerberg is way wrong about the metaverse. All these metaverse people, they're so excited about something that already happened. That's the thing, like we think that these metaverse people have the right instinct, but they've drawn the wrong conclusion. Yeah.

We can already enter the metaverse, and it takes us about three seconds. However long Hank and I were just talking. Maybe 0.5. When Hank was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. I was in the metaverse. In the metaverse. He literally wasn't here.

Uh-huh, it was no longer in my physical body. And so the question is, does Mark Zuckerberg really think that we need to put on a pair of goggles to experience that when it's already happened? Do these people have any exposure to theory of mind? Do they understand that consciousness does not exist and that it doesn't, it can exit from the, it can exit from the sensorial experience of the normal body and leave it behind, not perpetually or even always, but like sometimes, sometimes. And I go, man, I'm in the metaverse all the fucking time.

My phone tells me every long, how every day, how long I've been in the metaverse. Right. Every week. Right. And, you know, it's a very, it's a very intense experience. Yeah, like already. When you're, when you're in TikTok. Yeah. It feels like you're just like bobbing on the ocean. Yeah, man. Just swimming like a dolphin. There's this Annie Dillard essay where she writes about how humans spend all their sleeping lives in much of their waking ones in this sort of like insensate nebulousness. And that's what the metaverse is. And I just don't need, and maybe someday I will. Maybe that's the 10 year bet is like, people are gonna wanna go all in on the metaverse is. And I just don't need, and maybe someday I will.

Maybe that's the 10 year bet is like people are gonna wanna go on in on the metaverse. But like right now I can go to the metaverse whenever I want for however long I want. With no barrier of entry or exit. And then just leave it whenever I need to. Except for my cognitive barrier of exit, which is very high. Because I desperately don't wanna, my mind is like, that all seems very hard out there. Don't leave. Don't leave.

Yeah, I even earlier today, I was like, well, you've been scrolling for way too long. Earlier today, I was like, I was scrolling and I was thinking about how they're these two emails I have to answer today. And I was like, oh, that's gonna be later. That's gonna, and like, I don't know, I'm very conflicted about it, Hank.

Yeah. Because I think you're right. I think we enter the metaverse easier than ever. I don't think that we need fancy tools to enter the metaverse because I don't think entering the metaverse in a deeper way actually is deeper. I think that there are benefits in certain circumstances,

for sure. Yeah. To each their own. I just, I think that there are benefits in certain circumstances, for sure. Yeah. And like, to each their own, I just don't think that it's going to be broadly, it's going to be broadly anywhere near as mass adopted as just the smartphone. Yeah. Or maybe it'll be like, so here's an example. Okay. There used to be a time before pants.

Yes. And then we had pants, right? And it may have been that the people who made pants were like, what's next? For leg coverings, but it was mostly pants. Mm-hmm. And maybe there were pockets. Mm-hmm. And maybe there were cuffs. Maybe there was a handfold or something. There were things with clasps. Yeah. The thing was pants. Right. I think that a lot of people think that this like what's after the smartphone, but I think the smartphone is pants Mm-hmm And I think that like the pants will continue to get better. Mm-hmm, but I don't think there's a thing after pants

I think that there is probably not a thing after pants except that the There's like also shirts. Yeah, but I just don't know. But I don't think there's a thing coming after the smartphone. I think that is a mistake. There's lots of other things. But yeah, the idea that the smartphone, that like the iPod happened and then the smartphone

happened and then the Apple watch and the earbuds, the earbuds happened. And then it's going to be something else. Right. I think that no, of all of those things, the only thing that really happened was the phone. It is very small, screen filled personal devices. And the iWatch is just another one of those. Yeah. Apple Watch or whatever it's called.

And it's not, and it's also not that interesting and like not that wildly adopted. It's just another watch. It is itself a watch, which is something that we've had. So I just, yeah, I think that the, I think that they can't get out of their minds, the idea that there is some other thing that's coming next would really only one thing happened. and it is very big and very impactful and it's and it goes very very good idea and a very you know powerful combination of technologies but we're not going to have another one of those. That's what I think I think the 500 years from now people are are gonna be using smartphones. I mean, I think- Fingers crossed.

I was gonna say this. This. Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's a long time. Was this some other good reason? That's a long time. That's a long time. This is reported.

Yeah, we're almost done. Do you wanna come make a podcast with us? Right now. Yeah. Oh, right now. Oh, it's no pressure. Okay. We'll wrap up here. We'll move to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay. It's time to transition to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon because Sarah just got back to the house.

What happened in Wimbledon news, John? Well, as everybody made fun of me for, I watched the Wimbledon game from the beach on Saturday morning, and it was, we were up against the third place team in the lead, Carlisle United, and oh my God, it was the ugliest, most disjointed game of soccer, the great AFC Wimbledon commentator Mike, Mikey T, at one point said, I don't think anybody's going to be buying the deluxe edition 2 DVD set of this game.

A bit of a mess. It was hideous, but we drew Neil, Neil. And you know what, if that's what we do for the rest of the season, if we just make good teams look terrible and have absolutely no hope of scoring goals, that's fine. Yeah. All right, they're good team. Yeah, they were car well united, they're in third place. So, I mean, we're still four or five points out of the playoffs.

So, we'll see, but we're also well clear of relegation. That's great news. Yeah. Well, this week in Mars News, but we're also well clear for relegation. That's great news. Well, this week in Mars news, NASA is going to be partnering with Blue Origin on an upcoming mission. They're going to be studying Mars' magnetosphere together. It's called Escapade,

which every letter is capitalized. So do you want to venture what the first word might be? Elevated. Escape. Space. No, it's just the ES is from escape. Oh. Oh no, the ES AMP and A are all from escape.

OK, this is my favorite kind of NASA abbreviation. So now you got a P. So wait, the E, the Esca is all from escape. The C, the A, are all from escape. And then there's P, E, P, A, D, Esca, P, A. So is this P, A? This is all the rest of them are just one word. Okay, escape, pit, pit, word. Okay, escape. Pit. Pit. Padaya plasma. Wait, you said all the rest of the merges one word.

I thought it had to be a word that began PAD. No, there's not very much. One word is letters. Sorry. I want to worry. Escape. Let her plasma alien acceleration. Tismo home dynamics. asthma alien acceleration. Dismo. Dynamics. E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E with the insurgent. They're going to study how solar wins might have thinned out the planet's atmosphere a long time ago. Yeah.

I'm worried about that for us. Yeah. Yeah, I'll pay attention. It's going to help scientists understand more about how Mars lost all of its water. Yeah. It's a big thing to try and figure out. And a few companies were considered to be involved with the mission in Massa Pig Blur Origin to help with the launch space crash at the end of 2024 on their new Glen

rocket that's Glen with four ends. Is it literally? No. Okay. That's a project for all of us. I know. I was like, man, I didn't know if Jeff Bezos was a key phrase supporter. It'd be nice if he made a donation here and there.

I feel like, I feel like just getting the digital download bundle is a little light for him, honestly. You could do a little more lifting than my friend. Yeah, well Hank, Bezos, thank you for the news. From Mars, thank you for ponding with me. I just saw a rat. I just saw something that I think it might have been a bird. Oh, okay.

It was up there pretty high. Yeah, they live in the palm trees. That's where the rats stop to live. Okay, well, cool. Thanks for potting with me. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tune of Metish. It's produced by Rosie on a halls row house. Our head of communications is Brooke Chottwell. Our head of communications is Brooke Chottwell. Our editorial assistant is Debuky Chakravarti. The music you're hearing now at the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.