Dear Hank & John - 371: Eyeglasses, A Finger, I Dunno

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

How do I find meaning in life? How big would a ball made of all the world's mosquitos be? If Neanderthals were around today, would they understand memes? Where is it 5 o'clock right now?  Hank and John Green have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn 

Hello and welcome to Dear Hagen John. Dores, I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you to be a advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC, Limbeldon. John, did you know that Vin Diesel only has two meals a day? Hmm. Yeah, he has break fast and break furious.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I would like a delivered better. What I like about it is that Vin Diesel might be the most unlikely Hollywood billionaire. You know what I mean? I see a Hollywood billionaire. Did he do it? I, he's up there. I don't know. He's a wealthy man, you know? You look at a Ryan Reynolds, you look at a Meryl Streep, you look at a, even a Tom Cruise,

and you think to yourself, I get it, you know? Yeah. You look at a Vin Diesel and you think, well, good for you. Yeah, I don't really think, I don't really think he can easily earn as much as $50 million per year, depending on his film output. I don't really think he can easily earn as much as $50 million per year depending on his film output.

That's not really my first thought, but that is what celebritynetworth.com says. Oh, and they're very trustworthy. I've read, thanks to them, I know your net worth. Yeah, yeah, me too. It's impressive. I actually, I hope you don't mind, I emailed them. Can you do that? Can you be like, hey, here's my bank account. I'm sure you can. I mean, all the people on the Forbes list do that. They ask the, like, one year I was on the Forbes, like, best paid authors list, which I,

I was like, I politely asked to be excluded from this conversation. Yeah. And they were like, no, because we're pretty sure you've made this much money. You made $ be excluded from this conversation. Yeah. And they were like, no, because we're pretty sure he's made this much money. You made $3 million from Vlog Brothers. You made $4 million from the movie and then you made $11 million selling books. And I was like, well, all those numbers are wrong.

Signific, in the case of Vlog Brothers, wrong by $3 million. So that's how they get the data. is they say, we're going to publish inaccurate information unless you send us accurate information. Then I was like, well, I don't want to send you accurate information because that's weird. It feels private to me. And so they published an article where they said he makes $3 million a year from Vlogbrothers $4 million a year from movies and $11 million a year from

seven books a year oh man I so if I just want to hang a lantern I've not finished soundproofing my new studio yet so if it sounds a little more echoey than usual that's why but if it doesn't sound more echoey than usual please let me know so that I can stop. It's not soundproofing my studio. I love that you are in a soundproof studio and I'm just in my basement. Like I'm watching Everton play Crystal Palace right now.

It's just a big empty room with a lot of ceiling and wall. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I need to put some more baffles up, et cetera. Oh, I think this is usually the part of the podcast where we talk about how we're feeling and how we're doing and stuff.

And I think we should skip that today. I think we should go straight to questions from our listeners. I'm gonna talk about Vin Diesel. I know how he's also one of the least likely Hollywood billionaires to only have two meals a day. Like there's no way that's the case. Two big meals, man. It doesn't matter how often you do it.

It matters how much you do it. It's a much, yes, man. It doesn't matter how often you do it. It matters how much you do it. It's a match. Yes, exactly. John, so now that we're got to vindies a lot of the way, I haven't looked at these questions at all. I'll be honest with you. Do you have any suggestions? We're going through a little bit of a weird time, y'all, to be just in the interest of full disclosure. Do I have any what? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Questions that you like? Oh no, oh no, Hank, I haven't looked at the questions. I've had a very, I've had to maybe the busiest morning of my life. And we appreciate you for it. I'll tell you what though, I did get back from Sierra Leone. I don't think I've talked to you since I got back from Sierra Leone. So let

me talk about that for just a moment if I can. Yeah. Sarah and I went to Sierra Leone. I don't think I've talked to you since I got back from Sierra Leone. So let me talk about that for just a moment if I can. Yeah. Sarah and I went to Sierra Leone to see the progress with the maternal center of excellence, this hospital, this maternal and child hospital that's being built, funded primarily by Nerdfighteria from people who subscribe to the Awesome Coffee Club, the Awesome Sox Club.

We've got a new thing, Sun Basin's soap, which I mean, Hank, Hank. Yeah, people want soap, it's good soap, people want soap. It's good soap people. It's not soap It's not just that it's good soap like it's the best soap I've ever used like and I'm a fancy soap person It is like a game changer soap. I What's your what's your flavor of choice? Do you have a favor? Well, okay? So I like Forester But I have an issue for a ger for a ger for a ger but I have an issue with forger. Foreger, but I have an issue with Foreger that I've been meaning to bring up to you,

which is that it's not great for the bath. Oh, interesting. Because the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, They stick to the bathtub a little bit more than I would like. They don't net. Yeah, so that's my only issue with forager. It's great in the shower. It's become our number one go-to shower soap. So I mostly use the charcoal one, which is amazing. Nice. It's great.

I'm so, this soap thing is just, it's amazing. I think it has the potential to be a game changer because it is genuinely the best soap I've ever used and all the profits go to charity. But anyway, what I was going to say is that thanks to all of that, plus the thousands of people who donate monthly at P.I.H.org slash Hank and John, the maternal center of excellence is happening. You can watch a video on the vlog with the YouTube channel about it, but the foundations are being poured walls are starting to go up the rough plumbing and electricity and internet stuff is in. And oh my gosh, it's so exciting. It's huge.

It is a 48,000 square foot complex that will finally, finally bring the kind of dignified world class healthcare that every delivering mother and newborn baby deserves. I'm so excited. Yeah, it's really amazing. You being over there and texting me the whole time was very moving and I really wished I was there with you. And it's amazing.

It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing what can be done when people work together really hard and it is amazing how hard our community has been working to make this happen. And it's really wonderful to see it already having an impact. That's it. It is amazing to see what people can do

when they come together. And in this case, when they come together across every continent, across all kinds of different backgrounds, across all kinds of cultural, social barriers to express real meaningful solidarity with the people of Kono. And then to see the way that the community has embraced the hospital with 65% of the construction workers being women from Kono with the whole community being excited every time there's a meeting to discuss the progress.

All they want to hear is canico faster. I talk to so many people who were really excited and one woman, especially who's a welder on the site, told me, you know, one day we will give birth here, and we will bring our children here. And so this place matters to us so much. We want to make sure that it's built right and that it's built for generations. And it was just awesome. Very special trip, something I'll treasure in my memory as long as I've got memories. John, do you want to answer a question from Hope? Sure, it is my favorite of the major emotions. Hope asks, dear Angadjohn, I'm 23 and lucky

to be comfortable in my life. I've got a good job and a great husband, but this comfort means I don't know what I'm working towards anymore. How do I find meaning in life when I'm not constantly aiming for a milestone or goal perching in your soul, hope. Well, that's lovely.

That's great. Isn't that a nice situation to be in? And isn't it the, really, the situation that we are all in no matter what? I mean, I guess there's sort of like a, it's not the situation all of us are in all the time, but there are certainly a lot of times in a life when you may find yourself in that position and it's a nice place to be, but your problems are still problems.

Yeah, you're probably, but also I think that regardless of the problem landscape, there is always some amount of, why am I here? What is this for? What am I doing? And how do I figure that out? Right. I mean, that's the question. It's a big human question, which I guess maybe I feel like we've always been asking it in one way or another. But we've, you know, have codified that question in a lot of ways.

And I feel like sometimes just call it philosophy. And I don't know. I think it's a tricky one. Yeah. I mean, I have an opinion on it. You know, I think we're here to pay attention and to be together and to accompany each other through the trials and travails and joys of consciousness. I think we're here to make each other unalone and to be to observe, to pay attention. And for some people, that means like figuring out what keeps the stars apart.

And for some people like me, it means trying to write about different human responses to trauma and why they're different. So that is a less important job than the astronomers have. But it's my, both very important. Yeah, but it's my job right now. And so I think, I think there's two things here. One is if you don't feel like you have a job, you know, like you get a dog and the dog wants to work.

The dog needs to have a sense of meaning in its life. Maybe the sense of meaning in the dog's life is that it is the companion to a very lovely child. And maybe the sense of the dog's meaning is that it is the squirrel chaser who ensures that the yard is free of squirrels. I think that we need to do that stuff, you know? And so maybe it's about like, you don't feel like you're doing enough of that stuff. And so I would encourage you to explore doing a little bit of it, whether that's like, and sometimes it's as simple as breaking out of your routine, like instead of going to the place you usually go with your husband in the evening, you go somewhere else and you're like, oh my god, those are stars, they are far away. Yeah, I think one of the big things that we're here to do or we're here to do that we do is appreciate that. We are, we are appreciators.

Hague is on a journey of meaning. He's on a journey of meaning. Yeah. So he's on a journey of meaning. And so he's on a journey of meaning, and he just said, for the first time, we are here too, which implies that we are here to something. Yeah, I think that, and I think that there's also like, what you are feeling is the desire to try and find a good way to live a life,

which is a thing that you get to do. Yeah. And that's, there's lots of people who think lots of ways about that. And there are gonna be some ideas that resonate more and less with you, but I would suggest, looking out for the kinds of people who talk about that. And also I think that we are here to help.

So. Here to help. Here to accompany. A accompanying for me is like help, but it's specific. It's like help, but also tells you how to help. Yeah. Which is not by like saying, I'm here for you, but by like enacting, I'm here with you.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you feel a growing or deeper connection to the great body of human souls who came before you, the hundred million people who aren't here now, but made here and now possible? I mostly think about that on in terms of humans, but in terms, like I don't really draw like the big like Thing that is the crested over me a lot lately is that Is that the species lines are not clear?

Yeah, and okay individual lines are not entirely clear once you get to like a cellular level of things So I definitely feel a sort of remarkable space occupying one piece of the four billion year history of life on Earth, which is very long. Like sometimes you get in the cosmos stories or looking up at the galaxies, you get this sort of insignificant story, which is certainly there. in like the cosmos stories or looking up at the galaxies, you get the sort of insignificance story, which is certainly there,

in terms of physical space. There's a very hard to imagine as significant, but in terms of amount of the universe, in terms of temporal space, life has existed on Earth for a substantial percentage of the lifetime of the universe. Right. And there's every indication, as we continue to look, that it could have happened earlier,

but it couldn't have happened way earlier because you need some stuff to happen in order for the ingredients necessary to exist. Right. And also, maybe it takes this long for this to happen. Maybe it takes four billion years of uninterrupted life for the first person to, the first instance of the knowledge that you are on a planet or that stars exist or that galaxy's exist or you know The first for the first chair to exist, you know, yeah, maybe the reason we haven't seen a lot of aliens is not Because there won't be a lot but because we're actually pretty early. Yeah So that's I definitely feel do you feel a deep connection a growing connection that you didn't feel maybe three years ago

to that great Endless ball of life that stretches back four billion years, which is millions of times longer than humans have been here. Yeah Yeah, do you feel when you think about it, do you feel awe? Yeah. Do you feel an almost, if I can use some Latin, do you feel something akin to a mystereum tremendous, a feeling that there is this tremendous mystery that is both enchanting and awe-inspiring and wondrous, but also like a little terrifying and its largeness.

It's probably the same feeling, but I would probably call it something else. And also, I don't really feel it unless I look for it. You'd call it a non-misterium tremendous. Yeah, I mean, one of the great things about now is that so much of that stuff is still mysterious, but known to be knowable. There is truth there, even if we cannot uncover all of it. There is truth, like the big, I would argue that 95% of matter in the universe is probably known to be unknowable. No. Yeah. No. No. I mean, that's the thing about dark matter and dark energy is that like,

we don't know what they are. Yeah. And we don't know if we can know them. Yeah. But we certainly don't think we're certainly not acting as if we don't know if we can know them. Yeah. But we certainly don't think, we're certainly not acting as if we can't know them. We are, like the institution of science is actively trying to figure out what those things are. And there are many people who have ideas about what they are. And I've actually asked this question to a lot of astrophysicists, do you think that we will someday know why the universe exists?

And most of them do say no. They mostly say no. I don't think it's possible to know why the universe started existing because ultimately, that is outside of observation. You can't observe it because it happened before observable things. Mysterium, tremendous man. The ultimate. Mysterium, tremendous. I think they're wrong. the most mysterious, the most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most most I think that if you look, there are many times when that would have seemed to be the case. The idea that we would have known how the earth was created. Not very long ago.

It's just like, people would say, of course you can't figure out how the earth was created, but now we know how the earth was created. Yeah. We can watch as other planets are created. We can see it happen in the sky. And so like, it's not going to be, it's not going to be a light thing. We're not going to be able to see it with light, which is how astrophysicists and astronomers mostly see, like mostly understand the universe is that they look at various kinds of radiation.

So it's not going to be a radiation thing. Yeah. But it might be a math thing. It might like, there's other ways to interrogate the universe. And so I think that like, in some universe, I feel like humans will exist long enough to figure it out. But I don't know if it's this one, you know? So I'll just say it. I think that you're religious. Is that faith to you, but I think that humans can figure it out? Yeah. No, it's not faith in the traditional sense. That's why I didn't but I think that humans can figure it out?

Yeah, no, it's not faith in the traditional sense. That's why I didn't say, I think you're a man of faith. I think you're religious. It's a very specific different thing. I think if you like spent an afternoon in a church, you would be like, well, that was interesting. Oh, for sure. I, I mean, I find it all, I find it all very interesting.

What if this whole thing, I'm just pithole in here, Hank, what if this whole thing ends with you as a chaplain at a children's hospital? John's trying to make up stories. He wants things to be, he wants things to be a a good a good story. I love a symmetry You are a chocolate at a children's hospital pursuing your MDiv degree having had Not really a blinding light spiritual awakening, but like a blinding light scientific awakening That was a kin enough to a spiritual awakening that we can no longer really separate them and I Be a really weird separate them. And I, I'd be a really weird, I'd be a tomato lab establishing, doing tests on the tomatoes to make sure that they don't have any weird diseases. Yeah, which is what I was doing at that time. What if that's how it all ends? Maybe that's our retirement plan.

I can, Hank can't retire, but maybe he can become a child. I can't retire, but maybe he can become a chocolate. I can't retire, but maybe I can become a tomato slide enthusiast. It would quality control on fungicides. Doing quality control on fungicides. Now that sounds important. I don't know what any of those words mean, but it sounds critical. Yeah, no, it's definitely important. Got another question. It's from Deon and Joyce.

They say, dear John and Hank, given that there are 96 million pounds of mosquitoes in the world. How big would all of them be if you put them together? Like in one giant blob, how many Olympic-sized swimming pools would they fit? Thank you for your time, Devon and Joyce. Devon and Joyce, you've made a classic miscalculation. Do you agree, Hank? I think that there are a number of different variables we need to consider. Continue.

I think that if you work hard enough, Devon and Joyce, and if you believe in yourself, and if you have the right tools, you can get that ball of 96 million pounds of mosquitoes into an infinitely dense state that forms a single particle of unfathomably dense matter that then explodes into a new universe of mosquitoes. That's what I think. You know, that is one of the guesses. I just did an actual spit take. I went to have a sip of McCroey.

All the astrophysicists say we can't figure out how the universe started, but over on Dear Hank and John, somebody just did. And I was just pissed. Yeah, there's, I mean, it's pure gas. The idea being that, I mean, if you want Mysterium Tremendum, the real place to look forward is the Constance. There are a number of constants that seem to be constant across the whole universe that if they weren't, a matter would just fly apart and not do all the stuff that matter does, like stick

into stars, and it might not even exist, or atoms couldn't exist. They would just be like, there would be protons and neutrons and electrons and quarks and stuff, but they wouldn't be sticking or atoms couldn't exist. They would just be like, there would be protons and neutrons and electrons and quarks and stuff, but they wouldn't be sticking together. And the idea is that like all this stuff seems very precisely tuned for something. And physicists, wait, what do you mean?

I know, this is like where it gets a little bit like precisely tuned. Yeah. So bro, you are on a journey of meaning. I know. So like, nobody like to talk about this and like this Icom community, because it's very easy to get very sort of,

we'll about it. Yeah. The numbers seem to be. It seems hard not to get we will about it based on what you just said. The numbers seem to be the way that they should be if you want a universe that has certain things in it. And that's not like humans or life. So the existence of humans and life seems to be potentially a inevitable consequence of everything being set up a certain

way that like sometimes you can get these sort of stable far from equilibrium things, far from chemical equilibrium things that is like life, and there's no reason why that couldn't exist in a universe like ours. But the thing that it does seem to be well set up for is to create stars and black holes. No. And so that makes them, that makes some people who are a little bit on the edge of the astrophysics community, a little more woo-woo, say, what if there is some sort of like multiverse situation where lots of different like universes are set up, but then the ones that they're sort of like an evolution of universes with a natural selective pressure toward

universes that can create more black holes and Because that would be because if you create a black hole, then you create a universe at the same time What I don't know, I'm out. That sounds all tell you, I gotta get Katie Mac on the phone. Check that one out. Katie Mac is going to be the exact person who would be like,

Hank should not be talking right now. Yeah, I gotta have a gree actually. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it is one of those fun science conversations that's more a fun science, but there's no way to do tests on things like this or confirm them.

But that's why I said that and you did a spitt take about it. Because that is one of the guesses and it's pure guess, it's not a hypothesis or anything. But yeah, so the mosquito black hole would be infinitely small. So that's a great point, John, that you could take 96 million pounds of mosquitoes and make them into

a singularity. But if you wanted to leave them at standard temperature and pressure of the earth, which I don't, yeah, that's understandable. They are, you know, at least certain species, very bad for humans. Deboki has done a lot of work. All right, give the try and figure out how big a mosquito is. So this is the tricky part is figuring out

how big a single mosquito is because they're different sizes. Different sizes, yeah. So, and also the different sizes at different times, like if they've just fed, they're bigger than if they haven't been fed. But she has come to a broad conclusion of around 2.7 microleaders

because that's close enough, basically. And given that, the total, if you had a, at peak mosquito season, you got all those mosquitoes together, it would be about 110 million liters, which is not that much. It's 44 Olympic-sized swimming pools full of mosquitoes. You just had a great idea for a horror movie.

It's called 44 Olympic sized swimming pools of mosquitoes. It's so concise, right? Like it's, you know just what it is. Yeah, like Sharknado. It's so concise, right? Like it's, it's, you know, just what it is. Yeah, like shark NATO. It's like shark NATO. It's not, it's not as short as shark NATO. I think you could just call it 44. I think you do have to say Olympic-sized swimming pools. I think you can say 44 Olympic-sized swimming pools of mosquitoes. Yeah. Scientists were so, so busy wondering whether they could, that they couldn't figure out

that they didn't ask whether they should. It's a great tagline. Why did you do it? I don't know. We were wondering if we could. We ended, we ended malaria. But it must have been really hard though. Yeah, it was a lot of work. We ended malaria except for the tributes. And then the movie's about the tributes, of course it is. Yeah.

Every couple of years, we need to send people down into those swimming pools to find out if those mosquitoes are still making the malaria. Yeah. And who should be chosen, but an uncommonly attractive, heterosexual couple who aren't a couple yet. How are they ever going to survive swimming through 44 Olympics-ized swimming pools of mosquitoes? Only time will tell. So now we've moved out of Jurassic Park and we're doing the Hunger Games.

I was thinking more like speed, you know, that Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock film, you know, where they're brought together by trauma, but they know they're brought together by trauma. And so they're like, is this really gonna last? They're like, we're gonna make it last. And then in the 44th swimming pool, one of the best to make a major sacrifice for the other, a loss of something, eyeg glasses, a finger, I don't know.

And that's when they realize like it was all worth it. And then they, then you flash forward and it's five years later and they're swelling from the mosquito bites as finally down and they've got a nice little house in the suburbs and a two-year-old and you just didn't see in a nice pleasant breakfast scene and then what's over there in the corner?

Oh, it's the finger. It's the finger that reminds them of their love Maskski Oh That's the horror movie ending. That's not the speed ending. That's the smile ending Hank. No God I shouldn't have said any of that because we're on strike and I should not be given out ideas to Hollywood like that. This next question comes from Gabore who asks, if Neanderthals were still around today, would we be able to communicate with them either verbally or by some other means? Not John Jacques-A-Bore, just Gabore.

By some other memes. Yeah. You can communicate with anything with memes. Yeah. Even a seven year old. I mean, it's like their primary way. I've heard. Could me and Rital's hang out with us?

I mean, like, well, of course, I don't know. Because we don't have them to ask, but. No, we don't with that problem. There is a lot of actual active research going on to try and figure this out. So they have done some work with the ears to see what frequencies the species can hear best in, which is interesting. And they've studied the range of frequencies that ears are most sensitive to. They have found that both Neanderthals and humans have that overlap, where Neanderthals could definitely hear in the range of human speech. That's not a surprise,

obviously, like dogs can, too, because they can hear us talking. But they seem to be quite capable of hearing humans and possibly even more capable of hearing human speech compared to other human ancestors. Wow. And so it seems like it wouldn't be surprising if Neanderthals talked. And if they did, then it wouldn't be surprising if we could figure out some way of talking to each other. Now, it is really hard to speak to people who speak different languages. It's hard to learn different languages. And that's probably going to be even harder. It is definitely harder if those languages don't share any roots, you know, if they're they didn't sort of come from the same place. And obviously there are forms of language on earth right now that we cannot decipher. And it may be that they just

don't contain a lot of information or it may be a problem of just how differently the information is encoded. We're talking about dolphins Talk about dolphins and dolphin, like stuff. Sure. But my guess, if I'm just gonna like, confidently state things about science. And that's what you're doing. That's what you've been doing the whole time. So, in fact, this episode at Dear Hanger John,

I think we could talk. I mean, I'll tell you what, we could certainly scootily poop. Yeah, which talking has been proven over and over again, that you don't have to speak the same language to make a baby button. You don't, but it helps. I think. I agree with you based on my also unscientific opinion. There is a great YouTube channel about prehistory and non-Homosapiens hominids. The person who makes it is called Steffen Milo.

It's one of my favorite YouTube channels. It's like 45 minute documentaries that are like, how do we know what kind of tools Homo erectus used? And then you're like, wow, these people are amazing. Humans are amazing. We can figure out so much. Wow. So I would recommend watching that instead of listening to Hank and I hypothesize.

Absolutely. Which reminds me though, that today's podcast is in fact brought to you by Hank's hypotheses. Hank's hypotheses. There is a God. That's definitely not. Who made the universe. No, wow.

And who taught Neanderthals to talk. Yep, that's right. That's what I said. He is a man with a beard. Who sends you to heaven if you're cool. Yeah, did we get too far into my faith tradition? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like VidCon.

Wait, how is it like VidCon? Well, you gotta get that invite. It's like, yes, there's multiple, just like VidCon, there's to get that invite. There's multiple, just like VidCon, there's multiple kinds of badges. You can go to different rooms with different badges. Right, right, right. And there's a, you get a plus one if you get into. So think about here, you're going to get that too. This podcast also brought to you by Vin Diesel's Net Worth. Vin Diesel's Net Worth. What a bad system that would be. Vin Diesel's net worth. Vin Diesel's net worth. What a bad system that would be.

I bet it's constantly fluctuating. Imagine if you get to the gates of heaven and say Peter is like, oh great job man. We dinged you for all the lacroise you drink. I've really created a lot of unnecessary abuse. A lot of single use. A lot of single use.

But we molded it and, you know, your heart was in the right place and you do, you got that contamination OCD. So we kind of get it. Anyway, we decided to let you in. You get a plus one. You want your wife or your daughter? Oh, you're son.

No, he's getting in. I'm not worried about him. Oh, okay. Yeah, those are the two troll makers there. Great. Yeah, those are the two troll makers there. Great. Yeah. Oh, today's podcast, of course, is also brought to you by, I don't remember anything that happened

before this moment. Like I am living in the present, huh? But I always put notes to the top for you. Hank, I'm living in the present in a way that nobody has ever lived in the present before. It's a radical, radical presence. Today's podcast also brought to you, of course, by the mosquito black hole. The mosquito black hole, it is a pathway to a new universe that is composed entirely of

former mosquitoes. And this podcast is also brought to you by my journey of meaning. Oh, man. It's just looking out for that Mysterium Tremendum. See where it's at. I'll tell you what, if you could have seen Hank 20 years ago, and then you see Hank almost acknowledging that he's experienced the Mysterium Tremendum.

I can't even tell you. It's the biggest turn. Nah, I was all over the place, man. I've always been all over the place. I guess that's true. I've only, I'm a religious person, but then when I talk about my religious beliefs with religious people, a lot of them think that I'm a demon,

you know, sent to distract the people from the really important stuff, which is sexual ethics and nation worshipping. But I've only fallen on my knees in prayer, like in like tearful prayer in my whole life twice. And once was at the world's largest wooden crucifix, which is surprisingly large. And that one was completely out of nowhere. I'd never had a a theistic thought in my life. And then I saw the world's where I just wouldn't crucifix and just something came over me. So whoever designed that one did a good job.

And then the other was on Thursday. I thought you're gonna say some f***ing like that. It's true. I did it once at summer camp. I was looked up at the I was like under the stars. I didn't fall at summer camp. I was looked up at the, I was like under the stars. I didn't fall down in prayer, but I didn't sort of like, and then once it happened with a donut.

Yeah, oh God, of course. Some people say it's the word's greatest creation. Taurus is our surprisingly common. I mean, he made us so that we could make donuts. And we're kind of donuts. We, oh my God, Hank, we are donuts. Yeah, we're donuts with limbs. We've also got a project for us of message, John, it's from Alex, who, for Kathleen,

Alex says, surprise, while I've got the voice of John and or Hank, it's Hank, to be sappy on my behalf. I'm so grateful to have a brilliant caring and all-around wonderful person for a sister. You inspire me and I love you. Don't forget, you are awesome and I'm always in your corner. Thanks for being in mine. Okay, I've said two and a half things now. Next time, maybe I'll throw something at you when I see you next. Hopefully soon. Lovely. I'll make I'll throw something at you when I see you next. Hopefully soon. Lovely. I'll make sure to throw something at John as well. It was lovely until the end. Like that.

No, it was. It was very sweet. Very sweet. Thank you for donating to the project for awesome. Hank, before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, and there is a lot of news from AFC Wimbledon, so we do have to devote some time to it. I apologize. Okay. We have a really important question from Jess who writes, dear John and Hank, people always say it's five o'clock somewhere to justify their drinking in the morning. Where is it five o'clock right now? Pumpkins and penguins, Jess.

Well, it's only exactly five o'clock somewhere at certain times, Jess. But as it happens, that time is approaching. It is for us. Wow. It's 259 PM right now. So one minute from now, it will be five o'clock somewhere, but where, Hank, where will it be 5 PM? I'm concerned it will only be 5 PM in non-human locations.

It is currently, and this is a little bit wild, John. Okay. I'm ready. No where. No. Yeah. So, uh, in Montevideo, it's 4 p.m. So Palo Halifax Rio de Janeiro, all 4 p.m. right now.

Um, in, in Acra, it's 7 p.m. Uh, and in St. John's, it's 430. 430. Because some of you really want to make things just troubling. But yeah, according to this, this website, you know, it's five o'clock nowhere. There's a big gap between four and seven. Like just to be there.

No, no, you are mistaken respectfully. Okay, I gotta hit the extended list. It is five o'clock. So we are in, oh, it's, I got it. So it's where it's negative three, right? If it's, if we're negative five, I'm a negative five. We gotta look where it's negative three. It's currently, okay.

So it's five o'clock in what I believe is the edge of Alaska. No, no. What are you talking about? That's what it's saying. It's five o'clock in what I believe is the edge of Alaska. No, no, what are you talking about? That's what it says on this website. Dude, bro, what? That would be five AM. No, it's just five PM. Okay, it's later in Europe. No, it's later in Europe than it is in America right now.

Greenland, that's Greenland, the other one. That's Greenland. Greenland, Greenland. Were you looking at Greenland and thinking it was Alaska? No, I was looking at the names of the towns, which are all, they all look like they're inuant to me. Why, really? It is five o'clock right now, five p.m. For less than 10,000 people,

but it is five o'clock for some people, because actually the most like populated parts of Greenland, it's 6 o'clock. There's a pretty narrow slice that it for is 5 o'clock somewhere. But there is a tiny, tiny slice of sort of inland Greenland and southern Greenland where it is currently five o'clock. And then there is also, oh no, it's seven o'clock there. Oh no, this is a catastrophe. I'm telling you, John, it's not five o'clock for many places. Well, they've just made a weird choice.

That's all. Well, that's a very time zone effect. It's five o'clock in a bunch of greenland. All of ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e West Greenland like, what up? They got a really weird situation there in Greenland. It's five of, they got a couple extra time zones for no good reason. Yeah. And it's seven o'clock in, in a far Eastern Greenland, which is not the decision I would have made. But again, that's for the Greenland people to figure out.

But in a bunch of, in Nuk, in Southern Greenland, five o'clock. It's five o' three now, because it took us so long to figure out. Yeah, yeah, we really almost did it but then we didn't. No, we were so confident and then we then we thought it was five o'clock nowhere. Is there an hour? I mean, I actually I think of all the hours. This is the hours, this is the hour where it is five o'clock for the fewest people right now. I think we may have gotten the one.

Man, I gotta tell you, you look at the time zones of the world map and you do think, they're not trying very hard to make this make sense. No, no, there's not a, there's not a real meaningful commitment. Indianapolis is a great example of this. Indianapolis is longitudinally identical to Birmingham, Alabama. And Birmingham is in the central time zone in Indianapolis is in the Eastern time zone. Well, I mean, the, the best part is the, the place in China where you grow across a

border and, and you lose eight hours. Yeah. time zone. Well, I mean, the best part is the place in China where you grow across a border and you lose eight hours. Yeah. Well, that's all part of it. I mean, you know, that's my biggest criticism of the Chinese government, Hank. I don't know about you, but I think other than that, they're doing everything right. Hank, yeah, I'm so glad we got to do this together and learn that we're currently experiencing one of the lowest volumes five o'clock anywhere that you can possibly experience. But I need to get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Okay. AFC Wimbledon continued their astonishing, astonishing losing streak, losing today on the last day of the season to Grimsby Town, a great summary of how it went for us, Grimsby. We did not win any, I don't think, of our last 15 games.

We finished only a few points clear of relegation. And that relegation is not the funny, it's no big deal one, but like the catastrophic one where you're no longer a professional football team and you have to go down to the National League. And there's only two promotion spots in its hell on earth. The thing that that Rexim just suffered through. So not a good season, I think it's safe to say, like getting relegated for finishing 21st in league two is not a good season. Hard stop. But, but we're staying up. We're staying up and there was one highlight, one highlight to our season, aside from Ali Al-Hamedi all-yall homity emerging as probably the greatest striker in the history of football.

There was one glorious day in our season. Now not every Wimbledon fan will agree with me. So I'll just tell you that it was a glorious day in my season. You know what that was, Hank? It was yesterday. It was yesterday morning, had a bit of a rough weekend. But then the franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Kean's Hank, they had to win a game to stay in League One.

They had to, all they had to do was win a game. And they were playing a team Burton Albion that had absolutely nothing to play for. When loser draw, nothing is going to change for Burton Albion. They're in 17th place and they're going to be in 17th place. And I figured a totally unmotivated Burton Albion versus a franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes that knows that a win secures another season in League 1. It's not even going to be close, but my god, it was close. Burton Albion parked the bus hank. They defended 11 players behind the ball as if their lives depended on

relegating Milton Keynes. You would have thought that all 11 of these players had been in the meetings with the English FA, where the English FA said that the Wimbledon football club should move to Milton Keynes because a club in Wimbledon is not in the wider interest of football. That's what you would have thought. You would have thought that we raised these kids in our academy the way they were throwing themselves at the ball. And then with 30 seconds left in the game, Milton Keynes had a corner and there was the most glorious series of goal line clearances.

I mean, one guy like got hit in the face and then like didn't go down so that he could block another shot. It was incredible. It was beautiful. I will forever be a Burton, Albion fan. I will never forget this extraordinary act of generosity, sending Milton Keynes down to league two, same league that we're in. We have to play them twice next season, which isn't fun, but it might be fun if we beat

them. And I just, I, I, you, you can't want other people to suffer, right? Like that's it, that's a, that's a poison pill in a human life. But after a season, okay, where we got relegated and we were supposed to be pretty good. And after a, and after that season, where we won only 11 out of 46 games, where we ended with a goal difference of negative 12. I needed a jolt of joy and hearing the Milton Keynes fans yell at their owner, Pete Winkelman, proper bond villain, the person who relocated the club from Wimbledon to Milton Keen's hearing them yell at Pete Winkelman

and tell him that he was an idiot. I was like, oh, finally, we agree on something. So yeah, you can't revel in other people's pain, except occasionally. Yeah, it does seem like you were doing that and it also seems like maybe that person shouldn't have done that thing. So that's really what it's about. Don't make the mistake.

That's right. Don't make the mistake. You know what's up with the consequences. As Alice says every day in her karate classes, the Sensei says, actions have, and then Alice says, consequences, ma'am. Wow, cute. Actions have consequences, Pete Winkleman.

What's the news from Mars? In the news from Mars, Fox, the television station announced that they're gonna be sending celebrity in quotation marks contestants to a celebrity get me our Mars to a fake Mars in a show called stars on Mars Stars on Mars. They're gonna participate in stars on Mars various competitions and they're gonna stars on each other off of fake Mars Voting each other off of fake Mars stars on Mars stars on Mars

Foting each other off of fake Mars stars on Mars stars on Mars People who are gonna be on Mars include Tallula Willis To who are a person Demi Moore. Oh Tallula Willis. Yes Ronda Rousey the professional fighter. Yes, of course Adam Ripon the Olympic figure skater Okay, Lance Armstrong the bicyclist. No. Yeah. No. Why? I don't know, John. He's literally the leading guy. He's like the most famous person on the list. William Schatner will play the role of mission control. Not clear what, why they've picked these people. There are some NFL players. Okay, there's a lot of them.

It's not just the four of them. No, no, no, there's some former NFL players. Just a bunch of people I've never heard of. I can't, I'll just tell you, I can't believe they didn't ask you. You know, if they did, they probably didn't get me. I'm just saying, like, it speaks to me that something's fundamentally wrong with this show that they didn't ask the world's

most famous Mars enthusiast. Yeah, but I wish them all the luck in that really high quality television show they're making. Yeah, so it's gonna make them do in the Mars, the news from Mars much easier, because it's gonna make them do in the Mars. The news from Mars is much easier because it's gonna be the news from Stars on Mars. Stars on Mars is such a good time.

It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time.

It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. And I don't know that forward is the right word. I look in expectation toward stars on Mars. And I'm very grateful to you for paunting with me. Thanks to everybody for listening.

If you want to email us your questions, please do so at hank and john at gmail.com. This podcast is edited by Joseph Tuna Meticch. It's produced by Rosiana Halcero-Hoss. Our communication score, a narrator, is Brooke Chottwell. Our editorial assistant is Daoki Trocrovardi, the music you're hearing now at the beginning of the podcast

is by the great Gunnarola, and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.