Dear Hank & John - 374: Shorter, And Worse, But More Authentic

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Hey, what's up with the podcast now? How do I destroy a thatched roof in a wind tunnel? Hank and John return from a brief hiatus to give you all these answers and more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Do you want to say I prefer to think of it, dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the best advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Whibbled and John. I had a month, months, to remember that I needed a dad joke for this portion of the show and I just remembered just now. You don't need a dad joke, Hank, that actually segs nicely into the conversation.

What is it? We need to have it with our listeners. What does it do? It segs. Like it's a segway, it segways. It's segs. You know what, S-g-e-s. Segs nicely into the conversation we need to have.

But not s-e-g-s, which is a different thing. Okay. What we are segwaying our way into, Hank, to be grammatically incorrect, to apparently please your needs, is that we need to have a talk with our listeners about the future of this podcast. So Hank, you had cancer.

Yeah, I mean, the past tense is kind of messy, but okay. Well, right, fair enough. You are in currently diagnosed as in remission from cancer. Yeah. And verb tenses are weird period, but this has led the whole cancer thing, I think it's safe to say, has led to, I don't wanna say a midlife crisis,

but AE, we're hoping. That's exactly the kind of thing that is supposed to be something I say, not something you say. And yet we've ended up in this universe. Exactly. This weird role reversal, where suddenly you're the one obsessed with mortality, is strange and surreal in part of a larger phenomenon where we have both, I think it's safe to say,

kind of rethought our relationship with being alive over the last six months, the same six months we haven't been making this podcast. Yeah. John, how do you get an elephant on a segue? Oh, geez. Through encouragement. Through encouragement. The person, no, you take the S out of seg and then you take the F out of way. Mm-hmm. There's no F. Oh, like you get the F out of the way.

No, you were so close, you almost did it. It was really frustrating for me, John. I don't. You take the F out of way. There is no F in way. Yeah. There it is. Oh God.

Okay. When you, when you require audience participation for a dad joke to work, you should never expect it to work. But my point is that we don't even need dad jokes because we're changing the fundamental nature of this podcast to be because we're changing the fundamental nature of this podcast to be more in line with the fundamental nature of who we are now after this experience.

I mean, I just made the noise. Ah! So I don't know how, how significantly we've changed. But okay. I agree, we should take a step back and we should look at it from 30,000 feet. We should take the opportunity to imagine. And in fact, we've already done that.

And we just need to tell the people about that. I may have forgotten about that conversation. So we're remaking the podcast, Hank. We are reinventing deer, Hank, and John, not quite from scratch, but almost from scratch to reflect this new reality that we live in. What is the first thing that we're doing? The first thing that we're doing, John, is that we're committed, we've made a commitment to

each other that we're going to record for an hour instead of for like two and a half hours. Yeah, we're not going to record for two and a half hours. First off, we're just not going to do that because we want this to be more of an authentic experience anyway. That's part of what I've come away from in thinking is that what people really value about Dear Hank and John is not actually our high quality comedy bits. Right. And that surprised me because they are such high quality. What people value is the conversation between two brothers who love each other a lot. Right. And that's what we're going to provide. Yeah.

And like, well, we're going to let what happens happens during that hour. But if it results in a 30 minute long episode of Dear Hank and John, that's great. And we're happy with that. We're not thinking, boy, we're really letting people down. Or boy, I'm not happy with how that turned out, because there's not enough usable stuff in that episode. We're thinking, dope.

We recorded for 45 minutes in the episode's 44 minutes long. Or we recorded for an hour, and the episode's an hour long, and it's a no-cut special. But the main thing is that, and this goes nicely into point two, which is that we are not going to think

of dear Hank and John as work. And indeed, it's not work in the sense that we are not going to think of dear Hank and John as work. And indeed, it's not work in the sense that we don't get paid for it. So. Right. And like, this is just like a thing that happens, you know, like at first, it's like, oh, let's just do the goofs. And then it starts to be, oh, well, the goofs are going so well that like we should make

sure that then in addition to the goofs, there's ad placements and then there's people relying on things to happen. And then it's, and we're still gonna have ads. Stressing, yeah, yeah. But like, none of that money goes to Hank and me. It goes to Complexly, which I guess is a company that indirectly does pay

both Hank and me something. But like, it's not, you know. We're not reliant on, it's not reliant on that money to pay us our salaries. It's not like a direct through to from one to the other. Yeah, exactly. And the, yeah, but also to some extent, like, you know, what once something becomes a thing

where people, you know, internally, it's complexly like there's infrastructure for like sending us the ad placements and making sure that the thing, and so like we have to be respectful of the needs of the people who like can't do their jobs if we don't do the things at the right times. So that makes it more of a job.

And we're still going to be doing that. Like if Kelsey needs us to do an ad read and needs it by Wednesday, she's going to have a bite. We're going to do it by Wednesday. Yeah, absolutely. But the, but, but during this part, I'm not going to think about any of that. That's not, I just want to have fun with my brother. Yeah. That's what I want. I want to have fun with my brother and I'm not going to think about that

stuff. Which was what we've been doing, but like there has been some extra pressure. Yeah. And I think sometimes we're like, how do we make this thing really good or how do we market it better? No. And look, here's how we're going to market it better. If you guys, if you listening, want to tell people about dear Hanga John, you can. That's 100% of the marketing that we're gonna do. Yeah. Please do things. If you wanna clip us and put it on TikTok and do lip sinks,

yeah, I might do a lip sink of my own voice. Right, sure, of course. And then I'll do John's voice, but I'll have a filter on that makes my mouth really small. Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah. And, yeah, and by the way, if you don't want to tell people you know about this podcast because you're embarrassed that you listen to it, that's also fine. That's okay.

And I certainly don't want you to tell people about the podcast you weren't cool because one of the great things about this podcast is that everybody who listens to it, I like. And I don't want you to tell people who I'm not going to like about the podcast. Please don't, because that's the new vibe. The new vibe is we're not trying to get a million downloads a month. We're trying to make sure that people who suck don't listen to this podcast. There's so many podcasts for them Hank because this is the hour a week Where we're just brothers hanging out and talking to each other with people we adore

Yeah, whoo all right the third thing that's changing and This is gonna be a bummer for some of you. Yes Is that we're no longer doing the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon just kidding. It's actually going to be most mostly news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon this week. There's a lot to catch up on. So much has happened on Mars in the last six months, Holy crap. Oh my God. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it justice. And indeed, I can't do AFC Wimbledon's endless drama justice, but we are not going to do this weekend stuff. Our hit Patreon only podcast any longer. Basically, we're scaling back the Patreon. The thing about the Patreon that we think brings the most value and that we really love is doing these monthly live streams with our listeners. That's the thing that we really love and think is super valuable. And we're gonna continue to do that. We're not gonna do this five minute silly podcast every week because we're focusing on each other

and doing stuff together that we hope will be fun for everybody. Yeah, it was kind of like so first of all, I don't, you don't get a lot of feedback with any podcast. You know, a YouTube video, you get't get a lot of feedback with any podcast, you know, a YouTube video, you get immediate within the four minutes of it being uploaded, somebody's watched the whole thing and they're leaving a comment with so much of what we do. That is the way that it works.

We don't, we get, and we get feedback for dear Hengen John in the form of questions and interactions, we know people are out there. This weekend stuff has always felt a little bit like shouting into the void. Yeah. And I know that it's not. I know that there are people who are listening to it

and are enjoying it. And those old episodes will stay up. If you become a patron, you'll be in access to the old episodes. But also, we hit the, like, we finished the podcast. This is what happens. We finished the podcast. And we do our little outro.

And then we stop for like five seconds and then I, we start this weekend stuff. And it's like, I don't know, it like, the arc, it ruins the arc, it ruins the arc, it ruins the vibe. And this, this is what it's all about now, is holding on to that arc. I'm really excited about these changes, even though I know that it's gonna be a bummer for some people. But the other thing is that we're probably not gonna be every week anymore,

because we're gonna be when we can do it. Yeah, we've had a little bit of trouble because our schedule's changed during the hiatus. We've just had a hard time finding the right time to I mean, I would argue that my schedule changed during the hiatus, your schedule evaporated. Yeah, yeah, so but we collected. Oh, okay. I'm gonna put it on another person. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, once again, I'm trying to present myself as the protagonist of your cancer journey, Hank. And I feel like not enough people. Not enough people have bought into this narrative.

And it's really frustrating for me that the main person who was shaped by Hank's cancer was John. I mean, it didn't have no effect. Right. But I, but again, I feel like a lot of people have put you at the center. Hanks Cancer. Hanks Survivorship. Hanks Cancer Journey. Mm-hmm. Where's John's Hanks Cancer? Yeah, I think we should, but I really should have renamed it to like John Kinslinfoma.

Yeah, I mean, I prefer to think of it as John and Hanks John Kinslin phoma. Yeah, I mean, I prefer to think of it as John and Hank tri-limphoma. You know, that was actually on the table that the tri guys would come to Mozilla and we do a tri-guys tri-chimotherapy, but I'd be like an honorated tri-guy for a day. And they come in and we do chemotherapy and see what that would be like.

I love that. It did not work out because as it turns out, getting chemotherapy is really exhausting and sucks. And as they told me how it would work, I was like no way. Are you coming to do this? Like I'm gonna be in my backyard sleeping during when you would like me to be doing things aside from that.

Yeah. It was a great idea. It would have been really cool. It's a great idea, but man, chemo knocks you out. I was, it was a real, among the things that have been weird for me was seeing Hank take a nap. Like, Hank didn't even take naps when he was two. I took so many naps. Yeah.

The only times I take naps are when I have, I'm actively undergoing cancer treatment and when I'm on a boat. Oh, that's true. That's true. I have seen you take a lot of boat naps, but they are the same reason because I feel like I'm going to hurl. Yeah, the boat naps never fell to me like naps, more like, and I guess that's true with the chemo naps too. It's more like an enforced sleep. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Like seeing Hank on a boat is actually pretty similar to seeing you on chemo. Like you're not all there emotionally or like intellectually. You know? Like there's a lot of you that's just kind of like in a little bit of a state of misery. Yeah, the last time I was a boat with wild,

because I went in this whale watching trip with Katherine and it was a surprise. And she was like, you really wanna do this? And I'm like, let's go. No. And but it was a surprise. So neither of us were dressed well for it because Katherine would have made sure

I was dressed well if she had known about it. And she herself also would have dressed better for the occasion. So we were both very cold. On the way out, everything's fine. On the way back, I had to go like sit in the back of the boat. But then this one of the crew was like, you're hang green. Oh, no.

Talking to me for like a long time, when I'm clearly, clearly in the back of the boat for a reason. Yeah. No, when I'm on, clearly in the back of the boat for a reason. No, when I'm on a boat, the only question is, is it going off the side or off the back? I'm not a boat man. No, which is a blessing, you know? I don't know, it seems like some of the boat people

have great lives. I think they're having a good old time. I like enough expensive stuff without getting into boats. You know what I mean? There's cheap ways. Yeah, well, I mean I had the boats, but I hear what you're saying. I have a kayak Yeah, if that's yeah, that's being in the boats like I'm good I'm covered. I've I enjoy kayaking on the white river and I never feel seasick when I'm kayaking on the white river for whatever reason But you put me on a proper boat with an engine I do not have a good time. Yeah

There is no way to get from the free town international airport to free town in Sierra Leone without going on a boat And I know what you're wondering Well, that doesn't make any sense. Well, it makes sense if you are a colonial enterprise make any sense. Well, it makes sense if you are a colonial enterprise founding an airport that you want to be separate from the people. And so this is where it was set up and now where it still is all these decades later. And so you have to go on a boat. And I'll tell you, getting off like a 30 hour airplane trip and getting on a boat is not my, not my most glorious moment in terms of likelihood that I'm going to vomit. Well, John, if you do want to get into boats, I have good news for you. I just saw this article

at one viral on Twitter that the headline is, Turning the Tide, the Sustainable Future of Super Yots. tied the sustainable future of super yachts. Well, I mean, a couple of observations. I actually am actually not as concerned about the sustainable future of super yachts as I am concerned about the fact that you're still on Twitter. Probably that's yeah. Yeah, I mean, I will say that whatever they're doing over there at Twitter.com It is making it less compelling to me like I am not drawn in anymore. I still see you tweet quite a bit. I have to say and that implies of course that I'm on Twitter

How do you see him John? I see him the old fashioned way, Hank, on Twitter, which is a problem. I, but I think the difference between this is that I accept that there's something horrifically wrong with me. I accept that this is. You're right. This is a terrible, terrible personal failure.

You're right, because I really do think that, like I like look back at the last 10 years of my life and I'm like, you know, the amount of time I've spent on Twitter, probably appropriate. Wow. Are you serious? Yeah, I had that thought this morning. Holy. I mean, that is astonishing. I don't, or at least I don't regret it.

Is the feeling. I regret it. Have 100% regret it. I regret. Well, yeah, I regret like every everything I've invested into Twitter, emotionally, the power that I've given over to the platform. I regret all of it. Now I will say like great things have been done through and buy Twitter. I don't want to take anything away from that, including like one of the things that happened while we quit the podcast was that our community

had several hundred millions of dollars of impact in reducing the price of the cost of tuberculosis, diagnostics and treatments. And some of that might not have happened without Twitter. And I think that Twitter mattered in that. It's weird how people feel like what happens on Twitter matters in a bigger way than things that happen on other social media platforms.

It just, it feels, it's worse. It's worse. Yeah, it feels, and I don't like, I don't have my finger on why it feels that way. It feels that way to me too, but it also feels that way to other folks. And so that, I was frankly, I haven't said this publicly, but kind of astounded at the level of sensitivity

to the signal that those people and organizations had. It felt pretty empowering and very, I also maybe haven't, I have said this publicly, but like, I am amazed by the work that we got done during those efforts. And I am also like extremely proud of you because I know what went into that

both in terms of like educating yourself and behind the scenes work. It was, it's like legitimately astounding. Like I'm astounded. Yeah, no, it's definitely the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me and some weird things have happened to me. Thank you, Hank, as I've said a million times, but it's very true. Like none of this happened in a vacuum and if it weren't for partners in health and doctors without borders, then the treatment action group and thousands of nerdfighters who've now organized themselves as TB fighters, then none of that would have happened. So it's not by any means a story primarily about me, but I am really glad to be part of

it. And looking forward, there are so many other ways that we need to improve access to TV treatment. So the work is by no means done. So those are, I think, the main things that are changing about the podcast. Yeah. I do not know to what, like, I've done a little bit of talking behind the scenes with people, and I know that folks are not enthusiastic about losing this weekend stuff. But I don't know how big of a deal that is to folks, but I do agree that for us anyway,

like by far the most valuable and rewarding Patreon thing has been the monthly live streams. And we'll keep doing that. And so many people show up for those. Yeah. This is a good old time. It's just great. So to summarize, as of today, dear Hank and John, we'll be shorter and worse. It'll be more authentic at least. I do, surely enough,

and worse. I have a question that I found that I do want to ask you from our listeners. Do you want to do one listen and question today? Absolutely. I'll do 16. I'm here for an hour. You have my full attention. Okay. This is from Duncan who the subject caught my eye. It says, I want to destroy a thatched roof in a wind tunnel. And I'm like, yeah, you do. Yeah, of course. Hi there. Duncan says, I'm one of the only roof thatchers in the United States.

I've been doing a job in coastal Georgia for the past month. And I've been wondering what the wind speed required to tear apart a thatched roof is. I've heard that they'll hold up better than other materials, but I only have anecdotal evidence for that. One of our roofs in Denver, New Jersey held up

pretty well to Hurricane Sandy, better than any of the other shingled roofs around it. Another roof that we're refatching right now on Cape Cod was fine during the bomb cyclone that washed boats up on shore and flipped boards over our on our scaffold. Question has been eaten me alive. I can't stop thinking about it. We'll answer any questions you might have about roof thatching. And I'm also willing to answer any questions you might have about roof thatching. And I'm also willing to thatch a small roof free of charge if you can help me destroy it. Oh, I thought it was, I was actually a manid of a roof. And so for a second, I was really excited. I was like, yeah, I don't care what the material is.

If they'll do it for free, I mean, it sounds like Duncan goes all over the place. Yeah. Yeah, indeed,apolis needs a Duncan goes all over the place. Yeah. Yeah, indeed, Apollist needs a stronger thatched roof community anyway. The first thing this makes me think is, is it possible that we've had the story of the three little pigs wrong all along? Right.

That in fact, because what are the three little pigs? There's the one that's got the thatch. Straw, straw, wood, and brick. That's basically thatch. Straw with brick. I think basically that. Straw, wood, brick. I think the person with the straw, at least roof, might have been better off. We got it, Duncan.

I want you to build a whole house of thatch. Like just big enough to fit a little piggy in. Yes. And then we're gonna get a wolf. No. Who can blow really hard? Well, a leaf blower. Yeah, I actually don't think we need the wolf I think we can have a non-mamellion source of wind

If you will That's I think actually Duncan proposes that with the wind tunnel or a leaf blower might work a really high-powered leaf blower The bunch of leaf blowers. Yeah. What is the most legally or leaf blowers, yeah. What is the most legally powerful leaf blower you can acquire or make? And we could talk to our old friend Mark. Mark was my first thought to, I was like, Mark Rover knows the limitations of a leaf blower

all like already just it's already in his head. This is a great Mark Rover video. And we're getting about us. Oh my God. Mark, a real, real, a real test of the three little takees And we're gonna have to figure out how to create the wind. That's the real hard part. Yeah, I agree. And do you have it just be wind coming in from one direction or do you have it sort of a circular

wind? Right. Like, it might have different results. I have no idea the answer to this question, but that's not going to stop me from speculating. Well, I know how to blow blow the most air easily anyway. Great. How do you blow the most air? You get a jet engine.

Okay. Um, I went to a... You want to talk about something that actually cost more than boats. Yeah, you rent it, though. You don't have to buy it outright. I went to a monster truck show. Yeah. And at the monster truck show, there was an ambulance. And I was like, that makes sense.

But then the ambulance came out onto the monster truck area. And instead of inside paramedics, there was an extremely inefficient jet engine that shot not only a lot of wind, but fire. And they placed a late model sedan behind the ambulance and they turned it into a problem just like a like a hazardous waste problem that I personally was like, that seems like it shouldn't be allowed, but I guess it is because I just smelled like wafting burning plastic throughout your area. And so good everyone in town.

Like it was not, it was a problem. But, but that guy, yeah, who owns that ambulance. Yeah. I imagine it's not too like the monster truck show could afford him. Mark Rober could definitely afford him. Can he make a, can he make wind without making fire? Because that will be an issue for the straw house. I bet they had to modify the engine to make fire. They just have to undo whatever they did. Okay. Or just not put, I don't know.

I don't know how it works. I don't either. But Mark Rodeo would. Yeah, absolutely. Mark, even I know a guy with an ambulance full of jet engine. I don't. I know you know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I do. Yeah. But you think you could get in touch with them. I love the idea of cold emailing the guy who has the ambulance jet and saying, listen, I'm a YouTuber, but I'm an educational YouTuber. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to sell out here. Okay. I'm trying to get you to do science with me. I just want wind. I just, I don't to get you to do science with me. I just want wind.

I just don't want to explode something. I have a strong suspicion that the woodhouse would actually come in third. I still think the strawhouse would come in second, because I don't think wood roofs are that good. That's actually why I need a new roof is because I got this cedar shingle roof. I don't think it's that good. Now it is old. But I think a stiff wind would definitely blow it off.

Yeah. Yeah. So the question is, should it be whole house or just roof? You know what I also, you know something I've been thinking about ever since I first read it. This is off topic. Yeah. But I think about this all the time. In medieval

France, okay? When I don't know if this is true, but I read it in a book about medieval France, when your neighbors would want to come talk to you, they would just lift up your roof. Really? And they'd be like, hey, how's it going? What's going on in here? I feel like you don't know what I'm doing in here right now. What are you up to today? Well, that was a different time in terms of privacy expectations. Hank, your roof could be lifted up at any time by any of your neighbors. I guess you just know. And they could just be like, hey, what's up, man? You guys come and do the church later, the only entertainment in town.

We do. Only entertainment in town. We do. Yeah, a bunch of Judy show. So unless there's like a traveling theater troop in town or like the apothecary with his cart has come for a visit. Other than that, you're just going, yeah, so I don't know. It was a different time. But yeah, imagine that, just like somebody lifting up your roof and being like, hey, what's

up? You want to go to the fields? Francois, I have a door. That's what I would say. I don't know that the door was that door. I don't know. Again. I didn't get out of the house by like,

get it going through the roof. I think the door did a thing. That's true. There had to have been a door, right? So like, but why is this image so firmly implanted in my head? I'm sure I read it in this book about medieval France, but maybe who knows? At any rate, the other advantage of a of a that truth, of course, is that your neighbors can just, I don't know how it works, but I assume they can just pick up the roof and say, hello. Yeah. Well, I'm curious how the roof is actually attached to the building, but I'm sure Duncan could

figure that out. And so you sort of like say to each of the artisans, you say, make this thing as good as you can. Right. Make the best possible strongest straw house you can, but you can't use anything but straw. Right. You know, now are we talking about the house or just the roof? Because I think if it's a microbe video, it should be the whole house. We're trying to answer Duncan's question, and we're just getting the ambulance with the

jet engine, pointing it at his that's truth that he's making, then I think it could just be the roof. Because that's the question he's trying to get. Can you use, can you use mud? You can, right? Because you have to, because like, you're not just using bricks, you're also using mortar, you're not just using, you might just be using wood. But I think in the straw house, it's going to be a mix of straw and some kind of material

that strengthens it, which could be mud or clay or I don't know. We'll get a dunk in cows this year. If anybody wants to check it out, I'm sure that he wouldn't mind. It's at thatching.com. Well, it's not like he's hiding his, wow. He really got the, he really got the good website, Jesus. And I'm looking at it.

I don't see any mud, but I do see what appears to be an extraordinarily sturdy looking roof. Ooh, wow. These are pretty, pretty beautiful. Wow, cheese Louise that is not really expecting. Yeah, pretty beautiful. Wow, cheese Louise, that is not really how it's expecting. Yeah, me either. Okay.

Well, this roof is not what I was anticipating. These roofs are gonna be fine no matter what. Are you kidding? They look like they could stand up to, I don't know if you can make a house out of that material. I think Duncan could figure it out. I also think that if you pointed a jet engine out of it, it would be fine unless that jet engine was shooting fire,

in which case it would not be. So we'd have to be really sure with the guy with the ambulance that he could turn the fire off. So your argument is that the three little pigs wouldn't have died from any of those three blowings. Because... Unless it was a fire breathing wolf. Unless it was a fire breathing wolf

because in every occasion, no matter how much wind you put, but no, there is a point at which, if the wolf can blow at 200 miles an hour, that could be an issue. I'm saying, which is... I think 200, I bet 200, this house that I'm looking at right now that Duncan that would be fine, I bet at 500 it would not be. Yeah.

Well, first off, I don't want to be in a situation where there's 500 mile an hour wind period, hard stuff. No, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. That seems like Jupiter stuff. Yeah, that's like, if the Earth stopped spinning suddenly, that's what you'd be dealing with. Can that happen? No, luckily.

Are you sure? Yep. Is this spinning right now? It's going. Woo-woo-woo. I just felt it. I feel it now. I'm conscious of it.

Oh, boy. We are in space. Oh, God. Most planets in our galaxy are broke planets. Most planets in our galaxy don't have sons to orbit at all. They're just lost. They're just hurtling through space. Boy, it's gravity.

Good thing. Good thing. I can feel it. I can feel it. You ever wake up and you're like, they turn it up a little bit. Do they turn gravity up? Because this is, this feels like a lot.

Do you feel it right now, though, Hank? We are. Oh, yeah. Orbiting a star. Oh, yeah. Total vertigo. We are hurtling. Yeah. Woo.

We're going to feel that real good when we see that eclipse that's coming up. Oh, you know the Indianapolis is in the eclipse zone. I know. I'm going to be there. Oh great. You want to go to racks? Yeah. I'm the eclipse.

The racks. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse.

I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be for the eclipse. I'm gonna be on the racks room, early eclipse. We thought a lot about it. Look, here's the situation. We read Eddie Diller's essay about the total eclipse

and watching it go up the hillside, and we thought to ourselves, what if we could watch it go up the racks? And they're like, no, and I'm like, there's a price for everything. Yeah, exactly. Like, fine, everything has a price. We'll buy your racks. That's our racks now.

And it's our racks now. And then I'll sell it back to you the next day because I desperately don't want to own a rack. One of my biggest life ambitions. Hey, we're making the podcast a little bit worse and a little bit shorter, but also we are buying a racks and we're gonna pour all of our energies into running it. Just like our secret brother Dave and that Wendy's.

I wonder if any of the rakses are inside of the eclipse zone. Oh, that's a great question. In fact, it's such a great question that I'm gonna look. You are gonna look. It only has a 115 mile wide path of totality. I know, and it happens to go over your house. Does go over my house, and it goes over Daytono High over the Raxes.

Does it? Yep. I don't know, man. I don't know that it goes over my house so much as it goes like 30 miles south of my house. Yeah, we might have to go somewhere. Like Rax. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha South with me and it's on the north side of the 115 miles. No, I mean, from the map I'm looking at right now, Indianapolis is literally in the thing. Okay, all right, well then maybe you're right. But I'm looking for Dayton and I can't, I don't know where, oh yeah, it is also Dayton is

also in the path. Yeah, I think we can think about it. Yeah, I might rather be at my house if I'm being honest, but we can go to racks the day before and eat Eat leftover racks while watching the eclipse. Yeah, cold racks. Oh nothing better under the Cold racks and a yeah at a warm doctor pepper with under the path of the soda solar eclipse. Yeah, I mean, I might go for a warm beer Cold racks of warm beer never cold racks and warm beer. Never, I've never tried.

I've got to hope it's not cloudy. How often is it cloudy? In India, I've lost on April and April. A lot, I would say. 40% at the time. But then if it is cloudy, we'll just get in the car and go to racks. Well, because date and I'm sure

always has better weather. Well, it's not even that if we can't see the eclipse, at least we can see racks during the eclipse. And we can look up at the eclipse. It'll just get dark at racks. Yeah, and another day. Yeah, yeah, a rack's darkness approaches. Yeah, all the people at the racks will be like,

what did you guys do? The only thing is the now that we've revealed our, now that we've revealed our secret strategy, it's possible that there's going gonna be a large nerdfighter gathering at the racks outside of Dayton, Ohio during the eclipse. And anybody can get to the racks. Oh, and a lot of people can get to the racks.

Are you kidding? Well, yeah. You don't think we have any fans near Dayton? That's a good point. There is a whole, there are people who live in Dayton, Ohio. The exact reason they put a rack there. Exactly. Actually, the main reason. Yeah.

Yeah, one thing about racks is they didn't put them in non-populated areas. Like, yeah, they were at least that smart. By the way, racks is a roast beef restaurant that from the 1980s that only has three remaining locations that Hank and I are obsessed with. But somehow, I've never visited, even though we've had plentiful opportunities too. Yeah, we had a whole plan, but it got interrupted.

It got interrupted by cancer, like so much else in the last year, but that reminds me, Hank, that it's time to transition to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, and I know that we have 15 minutes left, but there's a lot of news from AFC Wimbledon. But I'm weird here. I've missed telling you the news from AFC Wimbledon so, so much. It feels like all of my AFC Wimbledon passion in some ways just goes into a vacuum

because I can't tell you about it. I've already been to two games this season. I took my children to Mansfield, which is in the middle of England. Yep. And it was like three hours and 12 minutes of train rides, four different trains to get to Mansfield. And then a long walk, at least according to my daughter, on a highway, to get to the Mansfield FC stadium, which is the oldest continually used football stadium in existence. And I'd never been doing a way game before. And it was an awesome, awesome experience because it's so much louder like the away fans sing the entire game. They never

stop. They're very loud. As Alice said to me, they're loud and they seem drunk. And I was like, well, first off. Yep, that's probably right. First off, Alice. No vibe checks. No vibe check on Saturdays. That was a nail-nil draw. I took my kids all the way to England,

and then I made them get on trains for six hours and 24 minutes in one day to see a thrilling nail-nil draw against Mansfield. But we're pretty good this year. All right. We are, we're good. We're not great by, we are much better than I expected us to be. And pretty, even more surprisingly, pretty fun to watch. We are, we play with a real identity, like rigid and hardcore at the back, but also at the same time, pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah. So for a second there, you were in like second place. We were, we had one game where we were in second, we're now in eighth, which is just outside the playoff spots, but you know what? Everybody's like oh, where are we gonna finish? Are we gonna finish in seventh? I'm like guys, I don't care All I care about is that we're 11 points clear of relegation after 13 games like that's amazing We had one game last season where we didn't have to stress out about one game last season where we didn't have to stress out about being relegated. I would just love this season to have five such games, or ten such games.

The whole goal is to get to 52 points because you get three points for a win, one point for a draw. If we get to 52 points this season, we won't get relegated. We have 21 points after 13 games. This is phenomenal. I'd love to be in a situation. Let's just keep getting points. Let's not worry about where we're going to finish this season. I know what you're wondering Hank, who's good? Who'd we sign? Who are all the wonderful new players for AFC Wimbledon? Well, yeah, most importantly, we held on to 22-year-old Ali Alhamadi are liverpuddly and Iraqi superstar who could have gone to a higher league

but chose to stay with us for at least half of this season. Hopefully the whole season Ali Alhamadi continues to be amazing but we also signed this new guy named James Tilley classic big bottom small. Not the tallest man you'll ever meet, but... Uh-huh. Big bottom. Five foot nine. You know what I mean? If you catch my drift. Yeah. Uh-huh. He plays out on the wing five foot nine and he is good. He scored seven goals in his first nine games for us. We've also got this 18-year-old kid, Aaron Sassu, who's played for us since he was 10 and he's starting to get some game time. He's big and lanky, classic, small bottom big,

really like the combination of James, Tilly and Aaron Sassu, how they balance each other out. And we've got Jake Reeves. Now, you might remember, distantly in the past, Hank, Jake Reeves, because he used to play for us like seven or eight years ago. Then he went up to a higher league. Now he's back with Wimbledon. He's right in the middle of our midfield. He's our central midfielder in our captain, and I love him. I love him so much. He inspires so much confidence. I love the way he kind of like yells at the younger players to like get him, you know, focused, get him in, get them drawn in, he's really good. And then at the back, this is the most important thing, Hank. This is what I've

been waiting for six months to tell you. We've got this central defender. Now, you know that they were a DFTBA on the back of their shorts in the liminal space between left thigh and buttock. We've got this central defender named Joe Lewis who rolls his shorts up like a right yes Joe like a like a diaper or like a speedo okay yeah gets it high so we can have lots of leg flexibility I think his argument is like my thighs cannot be contained by these shorts it's two two and five my I just have too much thought which he has a lot of thigh let's just yeah let thigh. Let's just, yeah, let's call, let's just say it. Okay. He's, he's fantastic. He's Joe Lewis. I have to say

a little bit. Yeah. There's a, there's a, there's a shot of him after he scored a goal for us off a corner kick where you really can see the thighs. I don't know if you're looking at that, at that shot, but that, that's the one. one. I'm seeing a lot of thigh. That's for sure. So much thigh. More than seems possible. Yeah, I mean, he's tan all the way up too. So he obviously does this all the time.

Oh yeah, no, it's not just when he's, it's not just during game time. He trains like that. I assume he walks around London like that. And you can't even see our logo. He rolls up his shorts so high. He is probably our best player. He's incredible.

He's on loan. We haven't even signed him, but I am willing, I'm going to text you in this picture. I am willing to crowd'm gonna text you this picture. I am willing to crowd fund for this man. That's how much I love him. I'll crowd fund for him. I'll do what I need to do to make sure that we keep him. And I know we got a cure to burculosis and deal with maternal mortality and the football is not important, but I just, I love this man. Look at that picture I just texted, Hank. Look at those thighs under the lights. Wow. Wow. Now you see what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Wow. He's a whole statue. We'll put that on the Patreon. Forget about this week and stuff. This week and that. You're going to get everything you need. So we're good. We're in eighth place. We're winning some games. We actually have like one of the best defensive records in week two. And with a very small budget, we are overperforming. And that's largely thanks to our head of recruitment and our head of like a football magic. This guy named Craig Cope who's like a classic money ball. He looks kinda like us, you know?

Which is to say he just not- Put better at math. He looks like he never played professional football, just like us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But man, he's magic, he's magic. I'm in love with him too. I'm in love with the team this season.

And I gotta say, I wasn't a huge believer that we should necessarily bring back our manager, Johnny Jackson, but Johnny Jackson's been great this season. So it's all good, it's all golden. I'm so excited for the say if he won't win the team. I have to tell you, if you live in London or Mansfield, you gotta go see him. They're just so fun to watch right now.

This exciting. I'm glad that you got to watch it. What was it like at Nail Nail Game that you ended up watching? Yeah. And then one before that, I went to see Rexim earlier this season and that was a one-one draw.

So, haven't seen a victory in a number of years, but neither have a lot of Wimpled in fans. You'll keep going for it. That's right. Eventually, you'll just move to London, John. And then I'd be really bad for my marriage. Um, but it'd be great for my football watches. Oh, God. I want to go to London at least for a little bit. I do. I want you to go to love it there. You've never been to an AFC Wimbledon game with me. That's true.

Oh, you got to go. It's so, it's so fun. I've never taken anyone who said anything other than that was so fun, except for Alice when I made her go to Mansfield. Well, other than that, everyone's had a good time. Well, in Mars News, the biggest, probably at least recent Mars news is that they, so there's this plan to return samples to Earth from Mars. Yeah.

And this is hard. We've known with asteroids before successfully. One of the great things about asteroids is that they don't have very much gravity well, so you can just get the stuff and leave without burning a lot of fuel. Much harder with Mars, much bigger object, much more gravity, so you have to go down, and that's expensive. You have to come back up, and that's expensive, then you have to go back down to Earth, and all that's expensive. There's lots of fuel necessary to make this happen. But this is what we've been hoping we'll

figure out a way to do it, and in fact, curiosity is sort of bagging up or viling up little samples in vials and leaving them like a trail behind him like Like a little bread crumbs. Oh Expectation that maybe someday will be able to get those vials. Yeah, that's lovely. I'm like if we can come We don't need to get the vials. We can pack up the armed vials, but maybe who knows? What's it? Hey? It's still a beautiful idea that curiosity is just like leaving a little bit of bread crumbs being like, hey, anybody want to come? If you guys want this, they're here. I'm a little lonely.

I do have my little helicopter friend. That's true. The idea is that you could have a helicopter come and pick them up and then deliver them back to whatever the sample return thing is. Oh, speaking of which, ingenuity did one of the things that happened is that ingenuity, I think that it did like it's, I don't know, 80th flight or something. It still helps you to run around. It's still a helicopter. It's at it. 59th. It just did its 59th flight and it also said it's altitude record. So it has

gone higher than ever. I like the idea that as it gets older and they've further past its expected mission life, they just take more risks and they're like, all right, you know what we're going to do. Let's do it this big gnan. Do you think it can make it to the sun? Let's just get it. Oh, can we fly it all the way home? It's like, that's not how molecules work, unfortunately, but it would be cool if we could make that happen. That's a good point. Good point about air. Thanks for that. Thanks for that reminder. So the sample return mission is the sort of pie in this guy thing. And NASA did a an independent review. So the independent independent review board looked at the sample return plans and they were like, this, I don't think this is going to work, you guys basically what it said.

So they've been working towards this mission for a long time. It would, it would launch in 2028. It had a budget of $4.4 billion. Would it be? Would it be? Wow. And it involves sending a large sample retriever to Mars where it would collect the things that the rover left behind.

It would put the tubes on the rocket, on a rocket. That rocket would launch into orbit and then get picked up by an orbiter and that orbiter would then return to Earth. And so all these different things need different fuels. Like they all need independently to have a bunch of fuel to get where they need to go. Right. Which is why there's all these different pieces of it. Now if that all works according to plan, it would be a very big deal.

We'd be launching a rocket on another planet to get back to space, which is wild. And we'd get these pieces of Mars, our first ever like recent pieces of Mars. We have pieces of Mars that got here because like asteroids hit Mars, knocked them into space and then eventually they fell to Earth. And we can actually identify when that happens, which is wild. That is wild. But these would be like, they would not have to pass through the atmosphere. They'd be fresh. They'd be fresh. I've been hot.

Super fresh. Yeah. Pieces of Mars. Fresh Mars. And they could they don't want, they could theoretically have fossils in them, or they could even have life in them. We don't know. Yeah, that we would be able to do a lot more science on them if they were here on Earth rather than just the chemistry that you can do on the little lab that's on the rover. Right. So the independent review board found that those were really great and significant goals that they would love to see accomplished. And they say that the timeline and the budget

are not going to make that's just not doable. Oh, it's not realistic. Yeah, yeah. They think the realistic budget would be eight to 11 billion dollars. And the realistic launch date would be 2040. 20 what now? 40. I can't help but notice that all these dates being thrown around are significantly after 2027. Look, when we made that rule, 2027 did not seem like a time that existed. Yeah, that wasn't a thing that was gonna happen.

Yeah, now it looks like it will actually occur. So. Can't wait to be making our podcast, Dear John and Hank. And I'm getting used to the idea, John. By 2027, our podcast is going to be so bad and so short, but it's still going to, I'm still going to love it. I'm probably going to love it more than ever. Color me surprised that Elon Musk's vision of how fast we could get to Mars was not realistic

and even maybe intentionally manipulative. And have I been lied to by Elon Musk? Is that possible? Is that a thing that could occur? I mean, get off Twitter. So they made a number of findings and recommendations. Oh, and NASA is now establishing its own team to look through all that report. 2040. That's going to take forever.

Yeah. I think we could have humans there and back by 2040. And I'm the guy who bet that we couldn't do it by 2027. It would be a lot easier to get stuff back from Mars of a put person, like a human person just put it in their back back. And came home, which we would do. We're not going to leave the people there. So a human mission would also be a sample return mission. Yeah.

Is that going to have to wait until 2040? Because I imagine if it takes that long to get a, a, a, a vile, getting a person would take even longer than 2040. Am I gonna live to see, and I know we don't know. All right. So I'm just gonna cut you off of their hair, Mr. Darkness. Okay, Mr. Newly Dark, I know, I know we don't know. Believe me, I know.

Is there a chance that I will live to see a person on Mars, or was this whole thing for nothing? Did I get a chance? Did I get invested in this whole people visiting Mars for nothing? I'd say, you know, I'd say there's a chance. I'd say it's still not great. I'd still say it's not a certainty. It's nowhere near a certainty that you will get to see a person on the surface. Of course it's not a certainty. I'm saying like, if I live to be 90, which I'm saying, if you live to be 90, if you live to be 90, it's not a certainty. Okay, that's 45 years.

That gives us till 20s, when? There's practical reasons why this is hard. I believe it. I believe it. Yeah, not all this. There's practical reasons why this is hard. There's a lot of confounding factors as well, Hank, like, will, will, will humans exist?

Yes. Will we still have, um, will we still have like, will there be a fuel? Culture? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, will there be electricity? Um, yeah, there's a lot of questions. But I think we got a chance.

I'm a, I'm a, I'm, I remain broadly in favor of humans. And I think we've, I, I think when I look at our relationship with Mars, I actually am quite inspired by what we can do. But it's a little bit of a bummer that we can't get a vile off that planet until 2040. I mean, NASA's current state, stated timeline is that humans could be on Mars as early as the 2030s. And I'm like, I don't know about that. As early as.

That's great phrasing though. That's very similar to the phrasing they use around TB where it's like we could eliminate TB by 2030. And I'm like, yeah, we could. Anybody? Yeah. Anybody? Money? Money. No, we could go to resources. You could definitely.

I'll be on Mars in the 2030s. I agree that that is possible. Yeah, it just like would take, take dedication. And I have to say, as much as I do when I... It would take a lot more money than it would take to cure tuberculosis probably. Yeah, I think it's the number that could thrown around is $250 billion to cure TB. To NTB. Yeah, that's a lot. It's a lot. That's a lot. I bet it would cost more to go to Mars. It would save 1.6 million lives a year forever. Right? Because in some ways, we're still benefiting from not dying from smallpox. There's still people who would die from smallpox if

we hadn't eliminated smallpox. So that's the great thing about getting rid of a disease is that you save lives forever Or are we at least you increase the length of lives forever? Turns out there actually is no saving a life You're just don't need you're just delaying yeah, I've I've I've heard Thanks for coming to our podcast. We're back, baby. What do you say at the end of the podcast? What do we say?

Oh, boy. Hank's, thanks, thanks for making a pod with me. It's been a real pleasure. Thanks to everybody for listening. Send us your emails at deerhankanjohn. at gmail.com. Nope. Nope.

Just Hankanjohn at gmail.com. Yeah. And thank you for all of your emails over the last six months Do you hang can john at gmail.com? Nope, it's just hang can john at gmail.com. Yeah, and thank you for all of your emails over the last six months that we didn't respond to. Many of them meant a great deal to us. If you know how to get Duncan's that's roof into a wind tunnel or have access to a jet engine, I told you his website so you can find him.

I would tell you the credits of the podcast right now, but I can't, because I don't know where that document is anymore. I'm going to give it a go. I'm going to give it a go right now. Okay. Today's podcast was edited by Joseph Tune of Mettish. Our, of course. It's produced by Rosy on a Haas Rohos.

Our head of social media stuff is, could be Brooke Shotwell. We'll look into that. Oh. Deboki is Deboki Tragor Varities our editorial assistant? Yes, although not Brooke Shockwell. We'll look into that. Oh, Deboki, is Deboki track of Rarity's our editorial assistant? Yes, although not on this episode. She helped. Oh, great.

Oh, great. Did she write that terrible dad joke? No, that was me. Oh, great. That's always me. Okay. Well, by the way, as we're rebuilding this thing, Hank, feel free to just let that go.

Let it sail off into the distance. If it's stressful for you, if it's fun for you, keep doing it. Yeah, you decide. Okay. As they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT you