Dear Hank & John - 378: Pelican Dream Chat

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Are orcas the only animals that sink ships? Will vodka give flowers a second wind? Hank and John Green have answers!  If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hike and John. Who is I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank? It's a podcast where two brothers bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Rumble then what? No. Gosh. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you the news advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Rumble then.

Hank, we only have 45 minutes to record today because we spent the first 15 minutes of our recording session talking about stuff. I don't know why we, why do we do that, John? I don't know. We were just having a brotherly conversation and forgot to record it, unfortunately, but hey, listen, I was just thinking, oh, do you have a dad joke? Oh, no, that's fine. No, no, no, no, no, I'll just go in later. I was just thinking. And, totally give me the stink eye if I'm wrong on this one.

But have we not talked enough about the fact that you had cancer? I think I'm good not talking too much about it. Are you? Or maybe I feel like I've talked too much about it, I don't know what the right balance is. I'm trying to understand if it's like better for processing to talk about it more in public, or if it's better for processing

to just kind of move on from it in public, even if you, I presume, aren't and won't move on from it privately. Yeah, yeah. I think that it will continue to be a part of my story, but hopefully less and less as the years go by, obviously, as the years go by. But yeah, I mean, it definitely has changed my relationship

with anxiety a lot. I hadn't really understand and how I didn't have the tools to deal with that because I hadn't dealt with it as much. I certainly had lots of stressful and nervous making and anxious times in my life, but not to the point where it sort of takes over the way that it does now sometimes. And you've been very helpful in that. And because you do have that experience. I have, I have, uh, yes, I have swum through those waters. I think the best image for it I've ever seen is, um, is in Edna St Vincent,

Millais poem where she talks about, um, how three flakes and then four arrive at the beginning of a snow storm. And you just see a few flakes and then there's a line break of a snow storm and you just see a few flakes and then there's a line break and she says, then many more. How like it just starts off with just like a thought or like a few thoughts and then many more. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing that has helped me the most has been thinking about what you said, which is like the anxiety is saying, like, hey, there's something we need to pay attention to. And if you're like, I don't think you're there, that doesn't help.

No. If you're like, there isn't something we need to pay attention to, shush. That it's, it continues to sit and build and get spikier and spikier. So you have to say, yes, there is something that we should be worried about. And here's what it is. And I recognize that your fear is valid. And I see it. And we are doing the right thing with regards to it.

Yeah. And we still need to do the dishes. So let's just do that. There is still a world. Yeah, I've been struggling with my mental health some, not some quite a bit over the last few months. And we just got a puppy, potato. His name is potato.

Yes, I've heard of potato. Do you know why we called him potato? I don't think the listeners do. It's because the lady we got potato from is this wonderful Croatian lady. And every time she would show us potato, she would say, look at him. Look at him. He's just little potato. You touch his ear potato. You touch his toes potato. He's just potato all the time, no matter what. And we we told the kids that and the kids were like, what a great dog name.

He's just little potato. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's just potato. We should name him Franklin or some fancy dog name. You know, like King Joseph the fourth of Bavaria, but no potato. Well, so anyway, yeah, I mean, the good news is John that I don't have this new peekaboo virus. Oh, there's a peekaboo virus.

Yeah, it's super, it's very worrying. Pretty much everybody who gets peekaboo is sent straight to the ICU. Oh, yeah. Okay, I like this thing where the dad joke comes in unexpectedly, but like not in a way that's in line with the rest of the podcast. Like that did not line up at all with what I was talking about. I was talking about potato and it's clear that you just weren't listening to me and looked at the dad joke. I was bringing it back to the health conversation.

Okay. All right. Yes, at least you don't have the peak of boot virus. Anyway, it is both helpful and not helpful to have potato in my life right now, because on the one hand, he forces me to go outside no matter how bad the weather is. And I guess that's good for my stupid brain that likes to be outside and get smoothed over a little bit by the wind and whatnot. But on the other hand, Jesus, he's a lot of work. And I don't have a lot of energy right now. So I'm just faking it till I make it Hank, which is another thing I find helpful

when it comes to overwhelming anxiety or depressive episodes is just, obviously, you can't overdo it, but just do the basics, you know? Do the basics. Do what's in the list. And it's nice to have a busy schedule because you're like, I have to do a podcast now. Yeah, and well, I would say almost that we get

to do a podcast now because I've missed, I've missed doing this. Right, I mean, I've had a real, but there are times when I'm like, I don't wanna do anything. It's sure, of course. I don't think I've told you this yet, but I've had a real, it's only in the

last two weeks when I've started to like turn to Sarah. Like you and I will be like texting at night about something stupid, about the news or social discourse or the quality of the declining quality of certain social media platforms and the fascinating lives of the people who own them. And Sarah will be like, why are you giggling? And I'm like, oh, I'm just talking to Hank. She's like, it's time for bed. Read a book. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I want to talk to my brother though. And I just like, I, it's only in the last couple of weeks that I've even allowed myself to think, oh my God, I'm so glad I get to talk to my brother.

Well, let's hope that it stays all good news. Yeah, I'm not that worried about that. Yeah, I'm not that worried about that. But I know you are. I'm a little worried about it. It's, I mean, it's so annoying. It's annoying. Like, I thought that surviving cancer,

there was always, there were people who are like, like cancer survivorship is hard. And I'm like, okay, I believe that. And here's what I think that means. After you're done with cancer, you have to like go back to your normal life and like remember what that's like and try to do all the things that you were supposed

to do before and have all the same, like things that you value that you valued before when you're like, actually, what's it all about? That's like, what's life? Why are we here? I thought, and that's hard. That is part of the survivorship thing, but very important to cancer survivorship

and why there is a lot of support for people who have been through cancer treatment and cancer and are currently in remission, is that it, there's a bunch of problems. Like, you get disabled by treatment, you get disabled by your surgeries, your cancers, your chemotherapy, like that stuff, like lingers and is hard to work through. You have a bunch of like things that might go wrong in the future that you have to keep an eye on. Like I have this dramatically increased chance of sudden pulmonary toxicity and scarring

that is a years long thing and I can never scuba dive ever again because of it, which is weird. Cause it's weird. It was all these like things that you've worried about. I'm worried about. I'm gonna stop you, but I am gonna stop you. I think it's great news that you never get to scoop it up.

That's actually, I hate to say it, but that's like, it's huge for me off my list. I mean, if you were gonna, if you were gonna scoop it up, it wouldn't cause me so much stress. So I appreciate you at least doing one thing that's gonna make my life better. But go on, I didn't mean to interrupt. Yeah, and yeah, so the, to make my life better. But go on, I didn't mean to interrupt. Yeah. But it's not just that. It's also that there's psychological stuff too.

Right. And that's part of what changes. Yeah. I have a bunch of increased risks for a bunch of things, including other cancers, including my own cancer. And so the including mental health problems, which are very real. Yeah. It feels very much like I, I, like, should be worried all the time. Right. And like, I kind of should be.

Right. And that's hard. It's easier, it's honestly easier right now because I'm about to have a scan. And after the scan, I'll know what's up. But this is my last scan of the treatment plan. So if I get another scan, it's because we think something might be wrong.

Yeah, I don't want to make everything about tuberculosis, Hank. But it was believed for many years that tuberculosis was linked to madness, especially in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, that insanity and tuberculosis kind of went hand in hand. And what actually, of course, went hand in hand is that when you have a serious life-threatening illness, it changes a lot of things about who you are and the way you look at the world. And also, there is social isolation and stigma and people talking to you differently and all kinds of other factors that are, that can really profoundly shape your experience of being

in the world. And so that totally makes sense to me that all of that stuff would be linked and that you would feel like you need to worry. Like, I, you know, I think it's part of what makes it hard right is that you can't fight it with reason because it's perfectly reasonable to be worried. Yeah. Yeah. And also, like, it's a thing that you, that's very easy to be worried about and you don't actually have the information.

Like, what, like during cancer treatment, it was like, I'm doing the thing I'm supposed to do. Right. And now it's like, uh, yeah, right. Like, now I'm just waiting. Well, yeah, sitting here. Yeah, with regards to health. Yeah.

I also, this is wild, can't take my, like, the main ulcerative colitis medicine I was on before because it increases the chances that the cancer will come back. So I have to take, like, my old crappy, you see medicine, but so far so good with that stuff. Okay. Yeah. So it's all a whole different set of stuff to deal with. Like, for example, sharks, this question is from Bruce, who asks, dear Hank and John, I know, transition, only the most professional

podcasters could pull off that kind of transition. You never hear that stuff on Mim-Bam. There's been a lot of news about work as destroying boats lately. Are they the only animals that do this? How many shrimp would it take to sink a sailboat? Hank and John, more like sank by prawn, Bruce. We're it's reading just for that sign off. Yeah, I don't really have anything else to say.

Now, sharks will do this. There was a boat in Australia that was recently attacked and partially destroyed by cookie cutter sharks, which is the most adorable little name for a shark. Do you know how cookie cutter sharks got there adorable little name, John? Do they bite in a way that like leaves behind a perfect Christmas ornament shape? got there adorable little name, John? Do they bite in a way that like leaves behind

a perfect Christmas ornament shape? Yeah, yeah, it looks leaves behind a little cookie hole, like the size and shape of a cookie. Wow. It's so upsetting. That's a bit of a bummer. I was hoping that it would be. And Australians were like, yeah, we'll call that

a cookie cut a shack. Because it's God. Thank God you didn't pretend to be Australian for a year. You just pretended to be British because it's adorable. And everything in Australia has to sound really cute and be horrifying. I, um, I, I can't do accents as, as, as you know, what if I try to do an English accent, it sounds German. I'm, I'm, I'm, um, and if I try to do a German accent, it sounds German. I'm, I'm, I'm, and if I try to do a German accent, it sounds like way too German. I've been dungeon mastering my, my son and his friends

in a, in an adventure. And, and I'm first off, I like to think that I'm a pretty creative person. It's been my, my career. And yet somehow these kids, they're just so unafraid of being like lame. Everyone knew that was going to be an intellect devourer. You're not tricking anybody. Like, guys, you know, just be give lip service at least to my plot twists. But anyway, I try to do voices and they're relentless. They're like, where is he from? Is he French, but his mother's Polish? Is he Algerian, but he's got a dad from Botswana? Like, what's happening there?

Yeah. But I do have, I think I have, I think I've mastered one Australian word thanks to the social internet, which is no. And I think it's like this. I think it's like, nah. Yeah, that's kind of it. No, nah, nah. No.

No, nope, nope. I didn't get it that time. No. Nope. Oh, God, I lost it. I had it in a hot second. No, that's when it was just nope. I think that shrimp could totally shrink a synchorship.

If they wanted to, Mantis Shrimp punch really hard. I saw a video when I was thinking about this question of a man getting punched through his boot by a Mantis Shrimp and he was like, that hurt very bad and then he takes out his boot and he's bleeding on the inside of his boot. Oh my God.

If you can make a man bleed through a boot, then you can probably, if you work hard enough, punch a hole through a boat. But the challenge for Mantis Shrimp would not be whether they can do it. It would be whether they could get organized and collaborative enough to do it. They're pretty smart,

but I don't know that they have that going for them yet. Yeah. Hank, I really need to ask this question because I have an astonishingly similar story, so similar that it reminds me of your first novel, an absolutely remarkable thing. Amy writes, dear John and Hank, last night I had a nightmare involving a pelican. It was trying to eat me, which was really scary and painful. What's the likelihood of being eaten by a pelican? How do I stop this from becoming a recurring nightmare? Pelicans, pumpkins, and penguins, Amy.

Now, first off, Hank, can you be eaten by a pelican? I assume not. You can. I mean, if somebody wanted you to be, they could make it happen, but only after you were already dead. And they'd have to do a lot of the work of that. Yeah. Pelican's don't have teeth.

Pelican's size. I actually ordered pelican at a restaurant once. Pelican soup. It was delicious, but the bill was enormous. Oh, God, there's two of them. All right. So I know nothing is less interesting than other people's dreams. It's my friend Amy Cross, Rosenthal. I always like to point out immediately before telling me about her most recent dream. Yeah, but I would like to tell you about this pelican dream I have because it's nuts. So I'm walking potato and I'm with a neighbor, not a neighbor I know well, but like somebody

from the neighborhood I've met a few times who's also walking their dog and we're just chatting when this gigantic pelican. And by the way, there are pelicans in Indianapolis, like when this dream happened, which was like three weeks ago because they come through for their migration. And so I had seen pelicans in Indianapolis a few days earlier while running in Eagle Creek. So it wasn't totally out of the blue. I see a pelican, but it's even bigger than most pelicans.

And I think at first, like, maybe I'm just like much closer to it, you know, than I usually get to pelicans, because it's like, right, for some reason, it was standing on a wire, it's like right there. And the person I was with was like, God, that's huge Pelican. I was like, that is a huge Pelican. And today was kind of barkin' at it. Pelicans kind of lookin' a scant at potato.

And I was like, don't eat my dog, man. Okay? Like, just don't eat my dog. That's how big of a Pelican it was. Yeah, okay. Pelican opens its mouth Hank. Uh-huh. And you know what's in there? Your dog? No, like a four-year-old. Oh my god. Four-year-old human is in there

crying. And the lady's like, you got to do something and I was like, me, why is it always me? Why? Why? Why? The one dead on his head? You're trying to do something. You don't have to be the hero. You get to be the hero. So I climb up the telephone pole as, you know, I could totally. And I reach into this gigantic oversized Pelican's mouth

as I totally could and pull out this four-year-old who's just drenched in Pelican spit, spit all whatever. And I take the kid down and I'm like, he's like, oh my God, thank you so much. He doesn't, you know, he's four, he doesn't talk that much, but he's like, thank you, thank you, thank you.

That was so scary. I was like, dude, where are you from? And he's like, Hinsdale. And I'm like, Hinsdale, the suburb of Chicago. He's like, yeah, this Pelican flew me here from Hinsdale, it started this. can fool me. Your famous day was my gracious. My gracious. Crapman, do you know your address? And he's like, no, I'm for you. I was like, well, we got to get you home, buddy.

This is going to be a problem. And that then it turned into a madcap road trip with this neighbor. I don't know very well. Two dogs and a four year old who is trying to describe to us what part of Hins daily lived in. That's great. And I woke up thinking my first thought when I woke up was, is that a movie? Like could I make that into a movie?

Probably not. That's probably not a movie. But it could be. Is it a movie? Here's what I will say, John. If a pelican could eat a person, they would. You think so? Oh, yeah.

Pelicans, you've catch a meat and like pigeon sometimes. Oh. They'll eat whatever. You just wouldn't fit. Like they don't, they can't, they got a little hole at the back of their throat. Only a size thing can fit through it. Sure.

So they're not a bar safe, including four-year not a part of it. Including four-year-olds. I know. Again, this guy wasn't getting eaten by the pelican. He was just entraveled. He was just, it was, it was a mode of transportation for him. He didn't want it to be, though. He basically been kidnapped. And you know the largest pelican, the dimension pelican, can weigh up to 33 pounds and has

a wingspan of almost 12 feet. Now is this a dad joke? No, that's a wingspan of almost 12 feet. Now, is this a Dan joke? No, that's a real fact. That's terrifying. They are maybe the largest flying bird. 12 feet. Different ways you can define it. 12 feet.

12 feet. That's a dinosaur. Like that's a dinosaur. Like they look and we think maybe feed the same way as, as some tarot actles. Oh man, that's wild. That reminds me actually that today's podcast is brought to you by the Dalmatian Pelican. The Dalmatian Pelican, it can't eat you. But what if it could?

Today's podcast is also brought to you by Pelican soup. Pelican soup is delicious, but the bills are enormous. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by that Pelican who kidnaped a four-year-old. That is not cool. And that, that guess is also brought to you by Nairs. Nairs, it's what, it's like what birds have instead of nostrils, I think, and Pelicans don't have functional nairs, so they have to breathe through their mouth. Is that true? Their mouth breathers like Harry Kane? That's right.

I don't know who Harry Kane is. He's a striker for England who just always breathes through his mouth. I don't know how else to say it. It's not, it's not. I don't mean it as an insult. I just mean it as an observation. They're like that. I'll tell you what, there's about 14 people who listen to this podcast who just burst

out laughing. Yeah, they got to, I think that they have evolved like a separate thing to do with their nostrils to excrete salt maybe, because they eat so much ocean life. Yeah, so they just nod out that salt. Yeah, smart zoos crystals. They've got a project for us, a message from Jonas, who asks, who says, Wait, could you just like, pen them, I'm sorry, I don't want to interrupt the project for us, a message, could you just like, pen them up the way that, you know, we do with

other animals that we want stuff, their stuff, and just make them, make them nod out crystals all day and use those crystals in our, in our soup. Yeah, we could, but not, we won't do it until and unless someone makes a pastory about how it's really good for your gallbladder or some crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like how the best coffee has to be pooped out by a civet or whatever. It's the same, it's the same concept. Right.

It's the people are like, I, this, this special slate flaky salt, but it's the exact same stuff. I'm like, I mean, who have stuff you guys? Who wants Himalayan pink salt, you know, when red sea salt or whatever, when you could have salt that is literally derived from pelican snot, that is gotta be the most luxurious salt of them all. John, can I tell you something that made me feel weird? Yeah, but you got to read the project for awesome message first. This is from Iones, who is sending a message to the people of the Nerdfighter crafting hangouts.

That sounds fun. Yeah, I didn't know that was the thing. Thank you for the many awesome moments and for letting me be a part of your group even though I don't knit. I can't wait to regularly join you all again, especially to Katherine, whose friendship became especially valuable for me, DFTBA. How lovely. That's lovely.

It's great to know that there are communities within the community of Nerdfighteria. That was something Hank and I wanted from the very start was the idea that people would be able to connect with other people who share their interests around the world through Nerdfighteria, and it's great to see that happening. Now, what is it that you wanted to tell me, bud? So, I got access to the platform behind the social shopping on TikTok where you can see what you can sell as a creator. You can make videos, sell products, and then you can make an amount of money every time

somebody buys the product. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you make a commission. Yeah. Which I think is broadly fine. I think it's a little weird, but broadly fine. The test resulted in one quarter of my for you page being tick tock shop advertisements. Many of them hosted by myself. Yeah. Um,

I, which is the most uncomfortable when, when, when I'm advertising to me, yeah, when I'm always like, hey, get Hank's cancer socks. I'm like, oh, god, that guy's so annoying. So I can't imagine what it's like for other people. And enough. Yeah. Tiktok, once you make a video that is successfully selling something on TikTok shop, TikTok will not stop showing it to people. Yeah. Even if you ask them to. I have found, so, so when I'm in this little area, I can see what is selling a lot, and I can see how much you make when you're selling it. And the, and I can also like watch the videos

that are promoting it and the amount of like bizarre nutritional supplements that are selling with like brands you've never heard of that. I can't imagine there's anyone checking what's actually in this stuff. And like the videos are like it cured my acne, it made me sleep better. It like it does everything. These things, they do everything. Right.

And like, you know, because they are nothing and they sell for a fairly high price, you get paid a lot per sale. And I'm like, this is a very weird thing to be incentivizing. Well, to be fair, we've been in that business one way or another, not you and I, but like humans have been in that business one way or another for literally thousands of years. Yeah. So it's not a huge surprise to me that that business continues to be a business.

It's just like being invited into it and being like, look at the, look at the plethora of things that, right, look at all the money you could be making. Like do, I do wish I made more money from TikTok. Yeah, well, you know, I think that the main thing is, but it's people to sign up for the awesome socks club and I guess that is the main thing. It's a good store, like that's where all the, like I guess that's the main thing is, what is people to sign up for the awesome socks club? I guess that is the main thing. That's where I'll put it.

Yeah, I guess that's the main thing. That's what we need to put it on. I have been asking myself why I'm on TikTok lately. But then I just got a good idea for a TikTok. So I think I'm going to make that one so now. And maybe that's why I'm on TikTok because sometimes I have good ideas for TikToks. That's, yeah. Hank, let me ask you a question that is not a leading question. By the way, you're going to be fine about that penguin nightmare.

It's going to be fine. Just don't have my penguin nightmare. Yeah. Let me ask you another question. There's a hole with the back of the throat. You're too big to fit in it. Bella asks, do you want to take my sister heard from a friend that if you pour a shot of vodka into the water for your bouquet of flowers, they'll perk up and have a second

wind. And so far it seems to be working. The two whoops we gave vodka to, especially compared to the vase that we only gave water to. Well, they did like a control trial, not only refreshed after being droopy, but totally opened up. Rose's my sister had for over a week are still looking like new. What is going on here? Vodka and Vaz's Bella. Yeah, this is a real thing. This is real.

Yeah. They're just like me. I've heard great about that. That's not what happens to me. No, I turn, I go the other way. You put vodka in me. I turn, I start to droop. I must go to watch TV and sleep now.

But yeah, it inhibits ethylene, which is like the ethanol in the vodka, inhibits ethylene, which is the gas that plants involve in ripening in various ways. I don't really know how, but it makes it not produce that. And, but don't just put like straight, like don't put them in straight vodka, that will kill them. And there's like a ratio. You can look it up. And there's also it, this is what I love. So you could also put citrus soda in because the glucose is good for them, like the sugars in the soda, and the acid makes it so that the water has an easier time getting up the stock for some reason. Which means that not only are plants drunks, they're like dirty drunks. They're just seven up in vodka. Hey, hey, hey, there's nothing wrong with drinking seven up in vodka or Mountain Dew and bourbon or rum and coke or whatever, whatever your condo.

I don't know. I mean, I do. I love this like the, the thought of a seven up in vodka does sound lovely. I just don't think it's the highest class of cocktails. I think it depends on the quality of the seven up you got, you know. That's true. But if it, but it doesn't need a good seven up, they're plants. So you could just use like they can get the lowest number whatever it's called. Yeah, they can get the doctor thunder seven up to no worries. Uh-huh. Western family is the store brand we have here.

That's a good family. I like sodas. I like what's Western family's doctor peppercall, do you know? No, it's just called Western family. I've, John, I'll be honest with you. I don't buy soda. I know you don't. I know, which is, by the way, such a,

I don't know, I don't know exactly how to explain to you how it comes across when you say I don't buy soda to me, but it's a little bit like when I tell somebody that I'm vegetarian and then they respond that they're vegan. Like, okay, fine. Okay, good for you. It's kind of competition.

All right, I'm glad you know by soda. Congratulations, okay. Okay. Good for you. That's great. All right, I'm glad you know by soda. Congratulations. Okay. God, what it, what it must be fun, you know, to live without one of life's primary joys as a virtue signaling. Yeah, I do drink it sometimes, but like I don't have it in the house. It seems I can't have it in the house. I can have LeCroix in the house, but I can't have like, I doctor Pepper in the house.

I have to, I, but I will like go out of my way to get it. Like I'll, I'll pick Alice up from school and be like, hey, listen, we got to stop by the circle, okay. Daddy's got a, daddy's got to pick something up. Totally. That's fantastic. Yeah, I do that with fast food sandwiches. Yes.

The other day I went to the warehouse to pack socks. And on the way, like the whole day I was like, I'm going to go to McDonald's on the way. And I left like a half an hour early and I just, yeah, the whole love. I had loved the fast food sandwich, man. Yeah, they're so salty. There's so much salt and you know what else they have

that I really like consistency. They taste the exact same as the last one. Yeah, I went to him McDonald's, I didn't even know it was there. I was like, oh man, I got on the wrong road. How am I going to get to McDonald's now? And I was like, well, I go so find another best food restaurant. And then I was like, there's McDonald's. And it was exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah, I would call it a miracle except it's actually the most common thing that could possibly occur. Yes. All right. Isn't that the case with so many miracles? Like, uh, yeah, plants just everywhere.

What are you? You just grow yourself. That's amazing. And they are. I'm not going to go on vodka sprites. Yeah. Yeah. Even after you've been like cut down.

Yeah. So that you can be enjoyed in someone's home as long as somebody gives you vodka and seffan up, you're like, all right, I'll hang around for a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say this party a couple extra days. All right, Hank, it's time for the all important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Do you want to do Mars news?

Yeah, we usually do. Okay, I don't know how it works. You know, remember this, you don't remember that in the podcast, we do Mars News and AFC Wimbledon News every week for the last 300 episodes or every other week now. No, sometimes you go first. Oh, yeah, I mean, I can go first. You can go first. There's no, that is not set in stone.

What is set in stone is that the people hang, they come to us for news about Mars and AFC Wimbledon. That is the primary reason why people listen to this podcast. John. Yes, that's why we save it for the end when they have to wait. They have to get all the air. They have to go to the other stuff. Yeah.

John. Yeah. So, you know that we now have a little helicopter that flies up. Helicopter around Mars. This is one of my favorite things we've ever done. We put a little helicopter drone on Mars and we've flown around so much. It does the thing that it's supposed to do.

It flies around on Mars. It's supposed to go on like 12 flights. It's been on like 12,000 million. Exactly, somewhere like that. Well, since we figured out it definitely works, everybody is fever-illustially working on new, extra-earth helicopter designs. So the fact that it's still in operation today, it's been able to do so much. NASA will probably want to send up more helicopters

on future missions that are more capable, and that also means ways to them, they want to improve. And that also means they want to improve on that design. So like they've learned a bunch. Recently, they tested out a new dual rotor system that has two carbon fiber blades that are longer than the ones on ingenuity. And as you move scientists in China, also recently published designs for a quadcopter called Marsbird7. Marsbird7, it's foldable to help save

space on the way to Mars. And that might not end up being a design used for a future mission, but China is looking at launching a sample return mission around 2028 or 2030 and planning for the little aid to me. But I'm waiting for that mission to involve the helicopter of some kind to be involved in that. Cool. That's great. Yeah, I mean, it does make me wonder. Tell me if this is a crazy idea. So a big part, the biggest part of the energy is getting leaving Earth's atmosphere, but then there is a little bit of extra energy that comes with landing and then having to go back, leave Mars's gravity and go back to go back, leave Mars's gravity and go back to Earth, right?

I wonder if you could keep the spaceship in orbit and sort of just like drop down a bunch of helicopters for the, to go pick up the samples. Well, they have to, they still have to get back. You can't helicopter all the way back to space. Great point, because there's no air. Yeah. Solid point, that happens when we try to

but go to the top of Mount Everest in a helicopter. There are people who use the air up until you cannot use it anymore and have designed systems that use the air until you can't use it anymore. And then have a rocket that blasts off from that platform. In fact, I designed one of those based on a helicopter in Kerbal Space Program once.

Oh, well, that will totally work on Mars. I don't know. Maybe I will. Actually, that's a very cool idea. I shouldn't have diminished it. I love that idea. Like a helicopter. It was very helicoptering. And then it kind of folds up.

It's little helicopter wings and just becomes a rocket. Yes. I think that I put it on YouTube if you want to search for a helicopter. It's got a gift for titles. Well, it works. From America's second favorite fourth year in Gushsak or team. So it's got, you know, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,

it was the middleing of times. Right now, AFC Wimbledon are 10th in the league to table. And it's December 6th, as we're recording. So this is important to know, because yeah, 10th is great. Last year, we were not in 10th, but there's a big thing coming up next month that could really reshape what kind of season we end up having because as you'll recall last season, we were

doing okay. And then we sold our best player to a team in cutter, Ayubisal. And then we plummeted down the ranks and barely survived at the end of the season, staying up with only one game to go. I would like to not repeat that experience because getting relegated from the fourth tier of English football is, I think, it's safe to say an unmitigated catastrophe. It would be very difficult to get back up. We would be in big, long-term, like, existential trouble. We don't want it. Um, this year we have two players, uh, who there's just no getting around the fact that they are very good and they are part of the reason we are very good. One is Jack Curry, who's been with us since

he was 10 years old, our left back. And the other, of course, is our Iraqi scouts are, um, our liver, pudley and Iraqi, uh, the great Ali Alhamadi who just keeps scoring. He, we just played Ramsgate in the FA Cup, the knockout competition. We won five-nil Ali Alhamadi scored two goals. He could have scored more. They brought him off when he was on it about to get a hat trick and he was clearly annoyed by that. He scored two goals against Nott's County, one of the best teams in league two, who we beat for

the two last week. He is probably the best striker in league two. And he plays for us. And that's a big part of the reason why we're, why we're pretty good. Holding on to those two players in the January transfer window, uh, I think we'll have a lot to do with how the second half of our season goes. But we're into the third round of the FA Cup, which is when all the big teams come in. That's when you can play Manchester United or Liverpool. We got about the worst possible draw that we could have gotten, in my opinion, we drew Ipswich, which is like it's going to be hard to win, but also nobody cares about them.

Totally. They're like, they're going to go to the Premier League next year. They're, they're one of the best teams in the championship. They're way better than we are, but who cares? They're called the tractor boys. The what? I know. So like, it's hard to get excited about like room, room, chug a chug a yeah, let's take down those

track down the trackers. Yeah. Here, maybe you'll win and then you'll get the, I tell you what, if we want it would be amazing, but it's also like it's not gonna be on TV and you make like a hundred thousand extra dollars if you're on TV. We were on TV against, we were on TV against Ramsgate.

It was great. I got to watch AFC Wimbledon in stunning high definition on my fancy TV. That was really fun. But yeah, this, this is not going to be put on TV. Who wants to see Ipswich and AFC Wimbledon on TV, me with like nobody else? So yeah, so we've got, we've got that coming up and we've got the January transfer window, which I think is just going to tell us a lot. Hank, there's part of me that just wants to like, I mean, Nerdfighter is so good at fundraising. I just, I have to, I have to resist the urge. I know, I know, I know, I've talked to Sarah about it as well. It's not just you who's reminding me. Just telling you, Nerdfighterio is really good at fundraising.

Now, they're obviously best at fundraising for tuberculosis research and cancer, access to cancer treatment and stuff like that, but like, you know, fourth tier English soccer teams matter too. That's right, John. That's in a different way. Just in a different way. Just in a different way, specifically in a way that we can't raise money for. It wouldn't be right. That's basically in a way that is less. Yes. Yes. Primarily in terms of magnitude difference. Yep. Oh yeah. Yeah. so we'll see. Well, Hank, thank you for podding with me. Thanks to everybody for listening.

Sorry, we didn't answer more questions. Please send us your questions at Hank and John at gmail.com. Dear Hank and John is produced by Rosiana Haas-Rohas. It's edited by Joseph Tudor Maddish. Our head of commuting communications is Brooke Shotwell. The editorial advice and assistance comes from DuBoki Chocoverd. And the music you're hearing now in the beginning of the podcast is by the great Gunnarola as they say in our

hometown hank. Don't forget to be awesome.