Death To Everyone - Death To... Accidents, High School Education & YA Novels

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Ohh Listener. Have you suffered a fall recently? Walked into a pole? Your Celestial Goddess' know your pain, and we shall judge it. Join us this week as we discuss - which accident gets into the bunker? What do they study in the bunker? And for fun - what YA novel would they read to round out the day? Thrilling tales are sure to heard, so listen up! Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 No one would have believed in the last years of the 19th century that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men, or women, or anyone,

even considered the possibility of life on other planets, and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes and slowly and surely they drew their plans against us i'll be dakota fanning yeah you know what that is war of the worlds yeah and i'll be dakota fanning okay from war of the worlds i'll be gonna take a piss and then From War of the Worlds. I'll be. Going to take a piss and then there's all the dead people in the lake.

That happens sometimes. I'll be a tentacle monster that stabs someone through the heart. I fear that you'd be the son that's like, Dad, I got to go and fight in this war. I love that movie. Hang on, which version? The Dakota Fanning version? Yeah.

Huh. I just love the 70s. Like, yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. That soundtrack. I, the Spielberg one is, re-watch it, everyone. It's really good.

And then it has nowhere to go. It runs out of space. And then it kind of just peters out, which is how it always goes with that. Don't be with that. But God damn it. I love. And when you go on the Universal Studios ride, which I don't work for Universal Studios because I'm not. Yet.

What's her name? Yeah. What's her name? What's her name? Who am I? Sydney Sweeney. Have you seen this? Sydney Sweeney's been saying she used to be a tour host at Universal Studios.

Which one? Which Universal? Yeah. In LA. Oh. And then they're like, people that have worked at Universal Studios, because it's a very prestigious role that's kind of hard to get. It's not like a kiosk lady selling lemonade.

But it's like you're giving the information on the back lot. And Sydney Sweeney said it and then has been questioned about it since. And she just kind of dodges the question because it's a lie. And on the Universal Studios backlot tour, they have the plane that crashes into the suburban house and it's still smoking, you know, in War of the Worlds. And then it's like a ripped open 747. And then like it's incredible in front of a suburban house. That's so fun.

And it's so cool. And then it's just around the corner from Wisteria Lane. Oh, my. Where Beyonce was recently selling lemonade. Beyonce. In an ad for Verizon. Beyonce. What did you think of that ad?

I thought it has been the most accurate depiction of Beyonce in years. Okay. Wow. Like, I think cool Beyonce is very well curated. Yes. And the work of a lot of immensely cool, cutting-edge people. I think real-world Beyonce is like a big old dag yes like i think she's super sincere super christian and just wants to do little bits like she's just a 40 year old mom

that's her vibe yeah and i think that that ad was like weirdly tapped into that energy for the and we have because beyonce doesn't do interview or press we have forgotten that she's a big old like sweet sincere dag i loved when she was in space did you like it when she was wearing the gamer headphones with the cat ears kind of it was so demeaning to see yeah it's like seeing the queen in you know just like what yeah who did this to you yeah what about j-lo and ben oh i didn't watch the duncan ad oh god is that good it's just like a continuing saga but j-lo in i don't know i feel like there were a few but like where j-lo's in like the recording studio and then ben comes in and like these other people are there. But just J-Lo acting, I just fucking love J-Lo acting.

It's the best. It's the best, Jerry. It's the best. It's the best. Yeah. Oh, well, everyone. Hi, my name is Lizzie Susan. Hi, I'm Zelda Moon.

How are you, listener? You never respond. We ask every week and you sit there silently. And I don't mean to be passive-aggressive, but perhaps it's time you listened. Listen. Speak. Oh, yeah, that's the opposite of listening.

Yeah. Yeah. And this is Death to Everyone. A fantastic award winning podcast Yes We are the accolades I don't have room on my breast anymore We are here

It's the end of the world It is But thankfully we've constructed a bunker Where we're going to put the best of the best And then chuck out the rest To be devoured. Maybe. Is that what we write on the wall, the best of the best?

Chuck out the rest? But it's in blood. Well, and it's also in Japanese. Yeah. Maybe the rhyme won't work in Japanese. Anyway, we'll see. I'll ask my friend Ayano. I'll say, hey, could you help me with this?

We get it. You'll ask my friend Ayano. I'll say, hey, could you help me with this? We get it. You have a Japanese friend. Like, I have a life and a child. Do you really need my help with this? We get it. Ayano has a life and a child. She's so great. Maybe we should get her on one day.

Anyway. What are you going to say, darling? Zelda Moon. Yes. Is that the apocalypse you're going to suggest this week? What's that? The War of the Worlds. No.

Well, why'd you set it up? I just like it. If you, okay, but you know, if you turn around. Did you really? No, that's unrelated to anything. If your apocalypse this week is like, I'm giant and I grabbed my little long nail and I put it through the world. I'm going to be pissed when we have the War of the Worlds just sitting there.

Okay? Well, you just sit on that until it's your turn, darling. That's the other thing you're going to do. I'm going to sit on the world with my big ass. It's outrageous that I haven't crushed this word with my ass yet. One day. Put that on a t-shirt. whole thing it's outrageous that i haven't crushed this world with my ass yet maybe that is my first solo t-shirt it's just you looking over your

shoulder with your giant ass but like the ass is where the tits are did you see those um oh no what's her name they're like japanese plus size model how she's like i think i sent them to you i think they were for shiseido how she's like pressing like a lipstick on her ass against glass yes incredible it will be the planet earth against my ass um i would buy that. Could you do that? Maybe. Oh, incredible. Okay, well, that's my homework. What's happening in our lives?

Okay, I got re-ended today. Yeah, we all did. We're gay. I was driving busily around like a busy bee when this man, Antonio, in his piece of shit Honda rear-ended me. And let me tell you, honey, I have got a tow bar on the back of my car. So he looked a lot more incorrect after that experience when he came for the queen.

So were you stationary? Yeah, I stopped because we were in traffic and start, stop. And this bitch didn't. She just kept going. Wow. And then plowed into me. I can't. And I was like, and like so much so that a ashtray that I didn't know the car had

opened with two cigarette butts in there. And I was like, when, when, when did this car have a cigarette butt? Um, yeah. And then his, we were like on the Alexandra parade, which if you are from Melbourne, you know that that road is like four lanes of fucking chaos. And then so I had to find a way to pull off. I was in the center lane. He is driving behind me. The whole front bumper of his car has snapped. You can see the styrofoam lining on the inside.

And the piece just like falls off as he's trying to follow me. And it falls off. And then let me tell you about something about escalation and de-escalation because this man needs to learn about the second one but no we park he does the right thing comes up behind me and then get out and he's like doing this whole bravado performance i think trying to get in front of my potential anger of being rear-ended what give me an age bracket for this person 30 something oh okay all right right 30 something like um italian australian guy was he hot he was kind of hot okay and he's just like

oh fuck what fuck and this car's like there's like there was meth in the air maybe not not recently but there had been at some point yeah and the car said to me grand theft auto but you're not doing well yeah yeah um grand theft auto but you've got like three stars you know yeah um and so he like pulls it and he's like fuck fuck fuck fuck and i'm like are you okay immediately his like tack shifted when he realized that i wasn't gonna be a cunt to him and he was just like oh i'm fine i'm sorry about that like da da da da da and he was very sweet and like i look at my car there's like a bit of his paint that has like brushed the bull, like the back, but like, you know, plate of mine. So it's like obvious that it's fine.

His car is fucked. He's going to get a new bumper, like a whole thing. He's like, oh, can I get your details? We'll do details. And I was like, he's like, do you think you're going to go to insurance for this? And I was like, babe, like, look at it. It's fine. Like, unless something crazy happens in the next day. Yeah. I'm not interested. He's like, do you think you're going to go to insurance for this? And I was like, babe, look at it. It's fine.

Unless something crazy happens in the next day, I'm not interested. I just want this to be over. Because I have places to go. This is just so far down the list. Take all the details. Take all the photos. And he was so like, the second that he realized that I wasn't going to be like, his demeanor completely de-escalated his vibe was like oh and he was like so relieved like you know but he was a bit alarmed in the way that he was like oh sorry the brakes didn't work ma'am what do you mean the brakes didn't work on your car I guess but yeah like as in he didn't work on your car i guess but yeah like as in he didn't push them with his foot perhaps

that's maybe the failure there yeah anyway but that was my little like interaction of the day that is wild so i got to lazy's house about half an hour ago before we came to the celestial studio and i was like god my uber on way here. We went through a red light. It was really stressful. She turns around and it's like, hits me with that story. Yeah, well, you know, I'm always going to try and top you. We're friends. Not in that way.

Oh, my God. Friends don't have sex with friends No, they do, it's the best Back off, I'm married No, not you The friends that I have sex with these days, it's so good I'm trying to think about who, who is your friend? Me and Matt are here and you an unsexual either um it's unfortunate how sincere that laugh was um uh that's so fucked up but you are okay it's fine, your neck's okay. Yeah, my neck's fine. I've done more damage to my neck by just wearing stupidly big wigs.

You don't know that this neck is like... You might be powerlifting, Antonio, but my neck has been lifting and carrying the drag scene in Melbourne for years. Far out. Yeah. That's nuts's nuts yeah but your car has survived i get another war yeah um that wagon does except she's threatening the the battery is she's the battery is threatening to do something stupid in the next few days because because the the alternator belt broke as you all know if you listen to this podcast and the alternator is connected the engine to the battery and it makes the battery charge when you're driving i'm just gonna have to believe you on that one so when

that broke the battery then slowly died which is why we broke down in the middle of the road because the battery had died and all of the electrics in the car went out. There was no longer any battery supply. So since that happened, they were able to put a new belt on, but they didn't replace the battery. And I think when you completely run a battery to zero, it can really fuck it up. So I think the battery is struggling she's struggling to start these days.

When I've been driving around for a few hours, it's fine. It's back to charge. But I just think like she probably needs a new battery at some point. My brother, who is very interested in cars, told me once that the best thing you can do for a car is drive it. Yeah. Like just constantly. Yeah.

That to me is crazy. Yeah. You need a little rest no if you stop driving then that's when they start that's when they start yeah because the engine as well you just want to keep just going yeah that's oh too much for me um okay yeah wow i mean that's fucked up but i'm glad you're all right yeah how is the world ending this oh Wait, is it me? No, it's you. It's me. It's me. Finally, it's my time to just weave a little web around this planet called Earth. Everyone listening at home, she's about to say something.

And I need you to listen. Listen. Okay, what are we going to do this week? Hmm. I think there's a craze. Everybody on planet Earth is just crazy about those little finger, what is it called? The little things with like the one, two, three, four,

the little hopscotch finger things. Oh, like, fuck, what do you call them matt you know like who will i marry yes today except they're all they're not that they're like the same shape but it's like my one's a little panda and you can open his mouth and talk anyway in the process of doing this everyone gets um paper cuts except these paper cuts are cursed and everyone bleeds out Paper cuts are cursed. And everyone bleeds out. Okay.

Is that a small enough scale for you, sister? Yeah, I guess that's okay. This is what you wanted. Sometimes, you know, just... Of course, all the animals, because everything dies. It's the apocalypse. So all the animals are also doing, you know, the little... They're doing the... They're doing the little...

What do you call them? I don't know. It's the opening of community where it's like, give me some hole. I don't understand. Give me some hole. Bung hole. Oh, my God. In the jungle.

I've never seen that. Is that any good? What? Community? It's great. We've watched episodes together. Yeah, but like I haven't like watched it. Yeah, you should do that.

That's a great show. I have enjoyed the dynamics. It's it. Yeah, you should do that. That's a great show. I have enjoyed the dynamics. It's fun. Yeah. It's a fun, frisky use of character. Frisky. What a good way. Okay.

So that's it. Paper cuts. Paper cuts. And what is it when you can't stop bleeding? Hypochondriac. Stop whining about it. Oh, my God. What is it?

Hemoglobin. Hemo. Hemo. Hemoglobin. Hemosexual. He is the key. Matt, why are you so unhelpful today? Yeah.

I don't know what you're talking about. Well, you can't stop your butt. It doesn't clot. You're straight. Do you not know about it? Neither of you played Persona, have you? The film? No. About the women on the island? Oh god.

In Persona 4, there's, oh no, Persona 5, there's the particular character so you've got your party of characters, right? Ingmar Bergman. And one of them is like the one who's like, I'm here and she's not on the field but she's like at home at a computer

and she can like funnel you information about the enemies and whatever. And that's Matt. But I'm not seeing anything on his Google screen over there. You mean Ron Stoppable? No, who's the guy in Kim Possible who's on their earpieces? Do I need to say what I'm about to say? Call me, beep me. if you want to reach me. Kim Possible.

I don't know what that is. Okay. Well, we'll never know what the finger puppet thing is called, and it's time for a break. And we'll be right back. Bye-bye. Welcome back to Death Day, everyone. You've got Lazy Susan on the line and my good friend Zelda Moon. Hi.

And in the studio today we also have Matt Shears, our producer. How are you doing today, Matt? Hey. That's right, classic Mattitude over there. Now, listen, let's go into our very first topic. Can't wait. Now, this one's been sprung on us from Judy from Springvale. She wanted to ask the two celestial goddesses if we could answer,

what is our YA novel going into the bunker for the end of time? Zelda Moon. Yeah. You ever read a book? I have, mate. Yeah. Love it. You've got that look about you.

Love a good read. Book reader, book reader. That's what they used to call you in the schoolyard, didn't they, when you used to read books, huh? You got me there, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooga, ooga. Okay, now it's time to play the game.

What is going in the bunker today? Now, YA, young adult. I don't mind a young adult myself. Ooga, you know, when you're driving past a bus stop on your way to school, you know. I love it. What? Too, too crazy for radio. That's why they took me off.

Okay. So, why a young adult? Oh, no, you're still going. Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. That's the op.

Oh, God. Yum. Just the... Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. Would you just keep going if no one stopped you? You just keep going and going. I reckon I played the um game the other day with my sister. What's that?

It's where you have to... Someone gives you a random subject. Mine was office. Without your knowledge prior that's cruel yeah and um then you have to just talk for as long as possible without saying um on that subject that's fun yeah and then i just kept going and she's like well you got to two minutes and uh i don't know i'm bored yeah i'd like to two minutes and I don't know how. I'm bored. Yeah, I'd like to do anything else. People don't normally make it that far. And I was like, no, thank you. Is she excited about Deadpool and Wolverine? The movie that she'll be in reprising her role as Elektra?

Jennifer Garner? Oh, lazy Susan Giving me a dead stare Pretending to not know what I'm talking about Thanks for playing along Okay, let's talk about novels, shall we? Jenny Garner Yeah

Yeah, she's excited She said that Ryan was They only worked together for one day Because most of it was uh was done in like in a studio so they didn't they couldn't he had to be somewhere else because he was doing aviation stuff um his gin yes but um but he gave her a really good trailer and you know everything and sent a bunch of this gorgeous care package for when she started on the first day. Yep.

And I don't know. She's just excited to be back in that sort of space. She doesn't really, like, watch superhero films. Okay, yeah, yeah. But she's also like, it's a paycheck and it's a fun time and everything's air-conditioned. She just did an indie that shot down in North Carolina and it was hot and there was no trailer and everything.

So it's nice to just be back in a very high-profile environment. It's good. We've got to get her name back out there. Well, yeah. I think she chooses. Selectively these days. Love that. Thank you. It was nice. Selectively these days. Love that. Thank you.

It was nice. So that's what Jen is thinking. Okay, can you, I'm reluctant to give you more mic time. Can you explain what's our age bracket for young adults? Like YA? What's the zhuzh? I believe that there is like a technical thing. Like young adult, I think starts at like 10 and then moves through to like 17, 18.

Yeah. Okay. Because a few weeks ago we talked about children's books. Yeah. There's a bit of an overlap. We got to put some things in the library, you know? Yeah. That scrapbooking lady needs something to amuse herself with.

So. Okay. Okay. So we came of age in the like prime time of YA. Tell me about it. There was like Hunger Games, Twilight, Harry Potter, which, you know, arguably started as a kid's book and became YA

As time went on You know Bits and bobs The Fault in Our Stars She's dying of cancer What? What do you think The Fault in Our Stars is about?

I don't know I have no idea I've never heard that before She's dying of cancer Oh Diane of cancer That's her name She's a drag queen In the local scene Yeah Oh, she's Diane of Cancer. Oh. Diane of Cancer. That's her name.

She's a drag queen in the local scene. Yeah. And then she got the root call to the silver screen. Oh, good work, Diane. So what's your experience with any of these properties? Okay, so growing up. Yeah. I. Grow up.

Okay. I. Grow up. Okay. I, I hated like my favorite, my, my best and like subject at school was English always. But I genuinely don't think I ever read a full novel. I just like of the prescribed texts, I would just like kind of skim it and pay attention. And that was enough. I just like, what do I want to read like a Tim Winton book for? But what?

I don't know. Some of the good. Oh God. Cause I just wanted to read fantasy. Like I would just like push through that and then I would go home and I would read like Lord of the Rings or like my favorite series was the David Eddings. It doesn't have a name. I don't know.

But it's like the Bulgarian and the Malarian. It's like two, five book series. And then there was like an encyclopedia. And then there were two prequel books about the wizard and and the sorceress so bulgara pulgara pulgara diane cancer and yeah i fucking love those so i would read like what i wanted to read but i just i don't like i was so bad with homework it's like i'll do what i want to do but i don't you don't tell me what yeah i think that is like and generally teachers if they can find something that you're actually interested in are more interested in giving you that than they are enforcing you to read something that um you know like that you don't actually want to read yeah like if you can get a kid

actually interested in which is like there's some of the things that I'm hearing that they're like actually like getting kids to read that is like, I don't know, really fucking weird shit, which is great. The Bible. Like The Road, Cormac McCarthy's The Road. It's about like there was a film adaptation, but like it's about with Old mate your friend From Lord of the Rings

Miranda Otto? No old mate he's a man Aragon Yeah Oh Viggo Viggo Mortensen And he's got a shopping trolley And his son

And they're walking through Like the nuclear winter Of America And they're walking on the road fuck yeah and i think in the book it's just like son and father is their names and it's just like told as like it's like really fucked up apocalypse yeah where it's like what would actually be the case like there's no sunlight because there's nuclear winter um like like really diffuse you know and there's like cannibalism this movie's already out yeah i want to watch this it's great

it's really depressing um and there's just like yeah like you know roving bands of evil terrifying rapists and like that sort of stuff um yeah but that's really good and they kids were reading that as part of their like year 11 studies and i'm like that's so chic cannibalism rape these are the you know yeah zombies no zombies it's like you know they're trying to be as much like this is what would it be like oh so the black mirror do be like that um yeah so then like other like i don't know young adult things like well i mean i read harry potter and loved harry potter growing up um have certainly transitioned away from that well if you transition jk does not want to know about you fucking yeah it's just like it's crazy how well i mean i suppose it's not that crazy that the you know creative mind behind a franchise

would also be what would put people off it but um i would like never watch or read a harry potter thing now also it's just tainted by like people, people being too obsessed. Yeah, I kind of, like, I have a lot of, it's, like, such mixed feelings. I think she's, like, doing very, very active and continuous harm, which I think is the different thing of, like, separating the art from the artist is that, like, oh, God, this is such a tricky, I'm going to about to, I'm going to wade in here because there's a film that I love that a lot of gay people understand what I'm talking about that is by a fucking, by all accounts,

terrible man, Roman Polanski, Rosemary's Baby. Oh, I thought you were going to say X2. And that film is so revelatory to me because it's just incredible it's a perfect movie and it's like the blueprint of so much of what i love about filmmaking and like and i think that with film it's a little bit different because if you don't buy into the auteur theory, I'm not interested in throwing away the work of every single person involved in that film who like made it what it is just because that man who is part of it is a massive fucking piece of shit. But it is so complicated when it is like, I don't, I wouldn't like,

I guess I am saying it now, but I'm not like going to run around and be like, oh my God, like Roman Polanski is a fucking genius. But it is really unfortunate because it's like, I feel that pain of like, I love this piece of art so much and it has affected my worldview. And like, so even though I wouldn't engage in Harry Potter content, I wouldn't be doing that if she was just a sane human being right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I feel for the people that are like, this is my world. Absolutely. And I have invested so much of my love into this world and who are now having to contend with not being allowed to enjoy something that is so fundamental to them. And I think especially with that franchise, it sits so close to a queer experience just because it is like it's a group of others you know yes so it's like that is something we took you know like solid like it was a safe place for us to play in that world like you know any fantasy is escapism so it's like

such a betrayal to then be like oh well also it's like what that book series did for literacy and kids it's like just so many kids started reading because of that book and so it's like that is so unnerving but yeah because she is continually making active work yes towards harming the trans community day by day, spending her money on those causes, it's really fucking hard to just be like, oh, well, it's fine. It's like...

Because it's all still active. It's still active. It's still fresh. And she... Like the brain worms are incredible because it's like you could just not yeah it like you could just pick a neutral fucking cause that everyone can agree on like but getting like food to starving children you can never go wrong right that is yeah you could

just spend the rest of your days doing that and quietly be a fucking transphobe yeah but you've turned this into the fucking mission of your life and it's so stupid yeah because it doesn't change shit like she could spend every last penny she had in the whole fucking world yes and still there would be trans people and she wouldn't have fucking moved the dial at all. No. Like she could create, she can hate Mungo, which is what she fucking does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But guess what? That doesn't affect the existence of trans people. Trans people have been fucking murdered. Like yelled at in the street. Do you think that you popping around, adding another fucking, you you know bruise to the bullshit is gonna stop trans people from existing it's like no you don't get a say in that part

honey exactly you are a flicker in culture and this is a group of people that have existed inside of human communities since day dot so get fucked yeah you're arguing with gravity right go away um it's funny how you spoke to the um the film and everything it is like i was i've spoken briefly about this before but like the whole turfy murphy moment is so is like kind of similar like i grew up like since I was. Oh, Roshan. Yeah. Like Moloko was my favorite band. Then like she started doing solo work and I was obsessed and like, you know, like went to her concert and like held hands with her, like sobbing,

like just like my whole life, like from the second I heard that like Moloko album to, you know, and then all of a sudden it just like, oh fuck something that i so am fundamentally opposed to is a value that you apparently have yeah it's like what and then since then it's like well what the fuck do you do yeah um yeah it's just it's really oh lordy yeah but But it certainly puts a stain For real Harry for me

Yeah So Do you know One of the things that I have loved About getting to know My boyfriend Is

How Slowly He's like revealed to me How much He was really into Twilight In high school And it's been Just the He was like he's like revealed to me how much he was really into Twilight in high school. And it's been just this.

He was like, he was telling me about like some guy that had bullied him in high school, which is like obscene. The thought you could ever bully this boy. He's the sweetest, most beautiful boy. Yeah. And who's bullying in 2022?

I know. We'll ask JK. She's not JK anymore anymore um but he was like i was like why why was he pulling you out of interest i'm just gonna figure out where those softballs give me some ammunition go on um but then he was like because i I was reading Twilight in the school hallway and he's like, what are you reading? And then he was like, Bella and Edward's story. And he just, and like occasionally he'd just be like, it's like when Bella and Edward did this.

And I'm like, I love that. Oh my God. It's so good. Jesus. Oh, it's really sweet. Wow. Jesus. It's really sweet. Wow. Yeah. But yeah, that's a really, like, I have not read those books.

However, I did go and see that first film. And that's crazy. Do you know anything about the Twilight series? I've seen a few of the films. I don't think I've seen all. Maybe the first couple. Yeah. series i've seen a few of the films i don't think i've seen all maybe the first couple yeah i certainly saw when that when that one vampire was like driving through italy with a headscarf and glasses on i saw that bit um and i saw the haircut which made me very mad cutting off

is his name jacob oh yes yeahwolf. Yeah, they like shaved his head. Like, fuck you, and then I stopped watching the movie. See, how could you have not liked YA when you were so a YA audience member? Like, the haircut is too much for me. It's like meanwhile someone's getting bloodletted in the other room while they're like giving birth and you're like but the haircut well because oh yeah just yeah it's peak like it's very like bridgerton it's like where the fuck you're getting a fade dude you you're you're looking for period accuracy in bridgerton i'm looking for period accuracy in

period pieces and if like you're meant to be this like... He's meant to be Native American, right? Yeah. They can cut their hair. They can. But it's a whole... That's not why they cut his hair because people get haircuts.

They cut his hair because he looks hotter not wearing that stupid fucking wig. So it's like, I'm not interested in you putting someone hot in front of me. Like, if he has long hair, then I'm interested in seeing him with long hair. That's period accuracy, 2006. But that's the thing. That's the Bridgeton. It's like, well, they need to look hot and contemporary.

Well, I think Bridgeton is a very purposeful. I hate Bridgeton is a very purposeful. I hate Bridgerton so much. I have not watched any of Bridgerton. I haven't watched it. Why the fuck would I watch that? Why do you know about the haircut? I've seen ads. But I mean, that's not why I haven't watched Bridgerton.

I think like rewriting history is dangerous and wrong. But anyway. What? It's crazy there is not a single way that you can create a period piece without rewriting history well yes but like to to to be like oh no black people were there too but i think that's kind of i'm like that's fucked up that is not what happened so like but it is live your fantasy. Just like, don't call it England. Call it fucking like.

Bling-glen. On planet like Fubu. Like, fuck you. I hate it. But I think that's like, if like Shonda being the artist of that, it feels like she is saying like black women have been obsessed with period romances for a long time it's like there's a huge market for it but they obviously do not ever get represented in these documents and it's like we know that all of these things are stupid and that like

rarely are the accurate details there so it's well, while we're in the midst of pretending that a servant girl could get with a member of the aristocracy, we'll also just have a few people be black and you can thirst over a black man in this piece instead of a white man. It sounds like you have watched Bridgerton. No, I just follow the career of Shonda Rhimes very closely. She's very intriguing she's

kind of like like I've not enjoyed like I'm not a Grey's Anatomy girl um but I just find her to be so compelling she has three children at one time she was running three hit shows across two different networks she got like a like the one of the largest tv deals ever to move and make three shows for netflix she got like millions like the ryan murphy deal she got millions and millions and millions of dollars and i'm just like while she was still running grey's anatomy on cbs or whatever it's like this woman would just spend her day driving through LA from show to show and just somehow doing this. It's like insane.

And she was just like really a career that is miraculous just by her sheer like, fuck, I can do this. But I love that she's so keyed into like her audience of like people that really want trashy romance like it is just like grey's anatomy is dr trashy romance and then period piece trashy romance and then it's like you know all of this like pulpy fun shit she just knows exactly what it needs to be and it's very impressive interesting uh i actually i just thought i never actually finished reading the harry potter books because i remember when the last one came out i got halfway through and they cut harry's hair no i got halfway through and I closed the book. And I said to myself.

And just like that. If I finish reading it, then it will be over. Oh, you're one of those. I didn't want it to be over. So I never read the rest. And then when I saw the final movie, I was like, excuse me? The like flash forward. The spiders fight against them.

They are friends with the spiders. And then I was mad all over again. You know what? I didn't read the last book either. Like the Battle of Hogwarts. Words. Anyway, if someone could explain that to me. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I like the more mundane. I like what's happening with the Dursleys? Let's hang out with them for a little bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just, like, I just got, I got too old for it. I was just like, I'm sorry, I'm done. Yeah.

Sorry. Sorry. But I also can't, those films, those films. Oh, Mama. Mama. Like, terrible. Yeah. Unwatchable

If you did not know the plot of these books Those films are gobbledygook Like those are just like pictures Like pictures to go along with having read the whole book Because if you don't know You're like who the fuck is Dobby the house elf And why do I care And who is you know

Lucia Dinella Like what is dobby the house elf and why do i care and who is you know lucia danella like what where'd this bitch come from i haven't even set her up in any of the previous films i do hate oh god there's nothing i hate more than like a late introduced character who's been there the whole time yeah show me her in the background lost sipping talking to you specifically yeah they should you know halfway through do you know what i'm talking about like halfway through like in season it was at three or four they like opened that season with like a different perspective of when the plane crashed with like a new set of people oh we were just behind things the whole time like literally that and they like have the other like actual, like, you know, like Evangeline,

like over there. And then like, oh, it's like, yeah, they were there the whole time, but they were just like, you know,

but what would you have done for season four of lost? Like, you're like, you're going to do Gilligan's Island where they just like, I just show up and give me more smoke monster. Um, like it was fine, but like, yeah, fine, but like...

Yeah, I just think like those poor writers... Be well thought out. Plan out, make a 10-year plan. Yeah. Every single detail. Hire all those actors, fly them out to Hawaii, keep them on contract as very well-paid extras. Yes.

And hopefully they don't have any unforeseen life circumstances that brings them away from work for three seasons where they have nothing to do and they're just living in a way. Other than continuity maintenance. Thank you. Well, if George Lucas had his way, he'd go back to the first episode and just key them in to the background. Yes.

Oh, see? Maybe he wasn't to something. Anyway, why am I talking about loss? What's a young adult book that's good? Dinotopia novels. Yeah, that's my pick. Good. I like Tomorrow When the War Began, Australian fare about a war beginning.

And about people that go camping and they're saved because of it, which means I'd probably be in the internment camp. But there's also sex and life happening at the same time. Coming of age. Yeah. China invades Australia. China? China.

What else? Oh, yeah. And then Hunger Games. What do you think of the Hunger Games? I don't like it. Again, I haven't read the books. That's the little forest whistle. Yeah.

I don't like Miss Lawrence. What? What? You don't like Jennifer Lawrence? No, I've seen her pretending to act as a mystique no i don't like jennifer fucking lawrence no i see her taking up space being put as a main character in an x-men film when her character is not her fault she said yes she was contracted she would have said no contract she said yes contract. She said, yes, I'll sign that contract. It was before she had any other success.

What a bit of foresight, please. What happened was Miss Jennifer Lawrence gets Academy Award nominated for Winter's Bone. Then she gets asked to play Mystique in the stupidest shit. We're going back in time. Your baby Mystique now. And then she was also done. We're going back in time. Your baby mystique now. And then she was also done. And then she gets Hunger Games.

So then they have a three picture deal or something like that. There's nothing she can do. And what happens then is because Hunger Games is a huge, huge hit, and she's fabulous in it, by the way, then she gets stuck in this film and they're like, wait, you're famous now. Guess who's the fucking main character of the next few X-Men films? And then they just change the scripts and she would be sitting there

being like, how can I get on this? And they'd be like, pay $19 million. And she's like, I guess I'm doing mystique. And then they just changed the scripts so she was more and more a bigger part of it. I hate it. And they bent over backwards to make it like the Mystique story. That's not Jennifer's fault. No, I think it might be.

Everything you've just said suggests it's exactly her fault. That's fair enough. Do I? Okay. So, no, I i hate it i think they're really ugly films i think the like little rich people aesthetic is just like jj's oh my lmfao and like like oh it's just it makes me feel ill the makeup the hair the pomper like you don't like effy trinket and every drag queen that's ever dressed up as effy trinket since then no i just think it's such an unreal like in what like say something like this it's just an unrealistic vision of like what a society would do. What was your select YA novel? The Dinotopian novels.

They accompany the picture of books really well and kind of expand the story. But that is a fully conceptualized world where like It's realistic Well, they're not spending fucking 17 hours doing an updo every morning Like it's unrealistic that a society would be structured around that aesthetic Like it is just not physically possible What do you mean?

That's the point No! Because like That's the closest to our I'm not riding a Brontosaurus to work But I am spending 19 hours getting into an updo before work I just And then

It's a critique Help Then it's ugly Like and then Like if they look beautiful Did you like that McQueen dress That they're bringing back for the Met Gala Which is made out of monarch butterflies made out of feathers?

Because that was in the capital. You know what I will say? I like the aesthetic more than I like the aesthetic of fucking Cruella and the costumes in that. So if I had to compare disgusting costumes in film. The way that people want to talk about the costumes in Cruella, I want to kill myself. Yeah.

They're both like... Do you know that Cruella's mother Was killed by Dalmatians But they weren't actually The Dalmatians fault Cruella was Cruella was She watched as

Some dogs chased her mum And she fell off a cliff And ever since then She's not cared for Dalmatians That's why In case you wanted to know why Yeah She's not actually a baddie Yeah Her mother was killed by Dalmatians that's why in case you wanted to know why yeah she's not actually a baddie yeah

her mother was killed by dalmatians so that's why she's called cruella that's right um okay um but yeah also the fashion you can be whatever you want it to be because it's a book we're not talking about the movie what they don't describe the things in the book? Yeah, but you can imagine them being good. What do you mean? You're like, it was a red dress. Ugh! Why would she wear it? This is disgusting.

Why is it made like that? The zip doesn't even go up at the back. That's good. But I like a book where they're like, what if children killed each other? Yeah, I like that kind of book. That's a great thing. Like Harry Potter, I guess they do die from time to time.

But this is like the whole society is set up around killing these kids. Oh, my God. Speaking of society, perhaps my pitch is actually Animal Farm. George Orwell's 1984, the classic YA novel. But that's a book that didn't you, people read that as a teenager. Yeah. I wouldn't say that that was his like. I'm just, I'm listening to Radiohead and reading Animal Farm.

Yeah. At least that's what I did. Roshan Murphy and Animal Farm. That's, isn't that young adult? What is that? I would not categorize. It's a novella. It's like 80 pages.

Yeah. But I would say it's like Classic western canon literature Versus Like I am going to take up archery Because Katniss Everdeen did archery Oh okay I don't think there was like a backpack

With the pig on it Or the What's the horse in that? Oh shit The one that does the work The proletariat horse. I love. Clydesdale. Yeah, and it's got a does he have a name? Can't remember.

Okay. What about Artemis Fowl? Are you familiar? Uh, no. I love it. It's about a genius boy. Yeah, that was actually my favourite as well. So good. I think they declined a bit as they got on. Yes, yeah. But the first one was great. First one was so fucking good. Second one was actually really good. I think they declined a bit as they got on. Yes, yeah.

But the first one was great. First one was so fucking good. Second one was actually really good. I think there was like three good ones. Yeah, the first three were good. But yeah, about a super genius 12-year-old boy who uncovers the super. And he was just like real mean. Yeah, he was a cunt.

He was a little smarmy gay kid. And he had a butler. And he had a butler and he had a butler who was like a big burly guy artemis and he discovered the existence of fairies yes and then in his mega mansion because he's super wealthy and no one like he's just like no one believes him and then he's like i just want to steal fairy technology And then he holds the fairy's ransom and he's just a piece of shit. And he's like, give me your technology. And then like, yeah, he's like the villain.

It's like told from like the perspective of the supervillain. And it's a 12-year-old little sassy genius boy. Children are awful like that. That just sounds like all children. Especially rich ones. They're not smart. They're not smart. Yeah. But it's good. They're not smart.

Yeah. But it's good. I did see, there's been a film version of that, hasn't there? Yeah, that was bad. It had Maggie. No, it had, what's the other one? I want a nice, clean game. The one who's always been Smith.

What? Oh, my God. The one who plays Catface. No, it doesn't have her in it. Cat face in... Yeah, well, I love her. No, the one who's M. Judi Dench. Judi Dench.

Thank you. Judi Dench. There's Judi Dench in it. Okay. And she looks awful. Well, that's because the film was made badly. Yeah. And it spent years in production.

And now it's bad. And God spent years in production and now it's bad and goddamn. Okay. Well, look. Oh, my God, there are so many of these films and books. I'm going to say The Eternity Code, The Opal Deception, The Lost Colony, The Time Paradox, The Atlantis Complex, The Last Guardian, The Foul Twins, Deny All Charges, Get What They Deserve. Do you know what else I loved?

Series of Unfortunate Events. Oh, I bet. And that was a good time. However, neither one of the adaptations is really hit. Hmm. What? Don't worry about me. Okay.

I'm just bringing up my list of Dinotopia novel series because I feel you may be... Leaving them out? The Journey to Chandra, of course. My favorite one was The Lost City, though. Where's that? Yeah, tell me, who were the main characters in Dinotopia book? Triceratops.

What'd she do? Tyrannodon. Who what'd she do who would play her who would play her look how beautiful the artwork is it's so dreamy and you send us um listener in a message if you think that maybe dinotopia doesn't classify as young adult fiction these are she so swinging violently from like spot to 1984 um so these were the ones that i had growing up and my nephews are now reading them see what you're about to describe so the first is a um it's called river quest we see a uh dinotopian riding a Wait, what happens in Dinotopia? So the dinosaurs live alongside the people Realistic, yeah, go on That's all

It's basically the premise And then what, like who? Well, it's not really about Tell me a single thing that happens in this novel That we're supposed to add to the bunker. No, it's just, I don't know. Can't we put like a picture of Dinotopia down there? A picture of Dinotopia?

Leanne- That's me settling. Doesn't believe in evolution. She's going to tolerate a dinosaur? I've got an issue with her. Leanne. Okay. Well, like, I mean, I don't really care.

What's your favourite book? Matt do you have anything to throw in here? You just say Artemis Fowl I liked Artemis Fowl Yeah Is he gay? Lord of the Rings It's gay coded

Lord of the Rings is not YA Yeah It's not YA No No That's why I like David Eddings I'm not putting it It was not written With the express purpose of connecting

with the tween audience. It wasn't like Boromir's family had died five years earlier. I guess it's not specifically that. I would say it is like meant for. Fantasy does not mean. Yeah. No, but I think it appeals to that age bracket I think every young person

Losers of all ages will love fantasy So it's unified in that way And I think young people struggle a lot with Lord of the Rings To read it True Because it's so dense and fucking boring Yeah, and then there's the songs Does he write out all the songs?

Yes Oh dear Do you remember the start of Harry Potter When J.K. Rowling committed to paper the anthem for Hogwarts And it goes Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts And they sing it in the first one They never sing it again I wonder why

I would love it if after the battle of Hogwarts was over They were like silence and the fallen Voldemort. And then you hear like, Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hockey. And then they all come together like laymen around. Hockey, hockey, Hogwarts. Hermione shed a tear. Play the theme. Jesus Christ. her man he shed a tear play the thing jesus christ um oh my god no what were they saying something stupid lord of the rings oh yeah the thing i hate about the hobbit is that it's written in such a strange way of like a that was a kid's book. Yes. Yeah. But there's nothing I hate more in fantasy when it's like,

she wore her hair in a French braid. I'm like, I'm sorry. They have, what concept do the elves of like the woods know of France to wear their hair in a, sorry, a French braid, was it? I fucking hate that shit. And it pops up every now and then. It happened in an episode of, um,

oh my god, Game of, not Game of Thrones but, um, House of the Dragon in season one. And my face went red and I screamed into the night. I'm having my French almond macchiato drink. No, it was just like Some little thing

But yeah There's things like that Like France doesn't exist here Ma'am But you know It's like how Every episode of Of Death to Everyone

Is not Recorded in Japanese Oh It's like you're getting The translated version Of course So they wouldn't call it A French braid there

They'd call it a Hearthwind torch You know You know Okay so what the translated version. Of course. So they wouldn't call it a French braid there. They'd call it a Hearthwind Dolch. You know? You know. Okay, so what? We're putting the Nasty Little Gay Boy in? No.

Like that book? No. I think I want... I want like... I just want... Like I want it to be like... The Kite Runner. I think it has to... I want it to be stupider than that.

I think it should be like Fucking Twilight Oh yeah I think of those Like of the big franchises we've talked about It should be Twilight I just think that's like More than the rare That Mormon woman who wrote those film

Books I just And also Thor's good And it's like Those ugly covers Oh they're so disgusting Those hands like holding that My bless, thanks for the present mum

Bought me the book series once And I looked and I opened them Like oh thank you What a misguided gift Oh mama And then I had them on my shelves For many years and those covers are so ugly.

Oh, God. I feel like every op shop in this fine land of ours has that chess piece. Yeah, oh, my God. And it's so fucked that various covers of books have become like the cover of The Witches or whatever, like Roald Dahl's The Witches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like these iconic book covers that are like forever seared into the public memory.

And because of when Twilight came out, it was like, Picasso, photo filter, disgusting, like, photo. Yeah. Like, and now forevermore, that is the image. It's kind of camp. Yeah. Certainly stamps it in time, I guess. Yeah.

Yuck. Okay, but congratulations. We're sending them down to the library shelves. Twilight box set. One set. Yeah. Take care. Who's the, do we have any teens in the bunker?

Romeo. How old is Romeo? 19. Oh, okay. Leave him alone. And yeah, what? That's it? No, no.

Teens, teens, teens. How old's Billy Lord? How old's the gay goblin? Yeah, yeah. He might be... No, he's old. He's the oldest twink in the world. Anyway, that's good. Twilight. Congratulations, yeah. He might be... No, he's old. He's the oldest twink in the world. Anyway, that's good.

Twilight. Congratulations, Twilight. Locker room. And time for a break. Time. Welcome back, listener. It's now time. We're ringing the bell, ding, ding, ding, and going back to school.

Oh, good. You know, you kind of touched on this one a little bit earlier in the conversation. I did too. Okay, so we're talking about school subject. I don't know why we keep doing these young people topics, but we're talking about school subject. What is everyone studying from high school in the bunker yeah um i was the like english came naturally to me i suppose

because your affinity for reading oh my god but that's not to say it was my favorite subject yeah don't be silly my favorite subject wait what was your vca5 vca5 oh god so i did um one of them was i did like philosophy at monash uni which like counted towards like a thing so i did like first year philosophy i did psychology english oh my god ital Visual communications And Textiles Yeah From the twisted mind Psychology and philosophy Yeah

Matt what did you do? In VCE Yeah I did two arts Two musics English and maths Two arts What were your two arts?

It was like called Art and studio art or something yeah like the same thing but like art was more like the study of art right i think so and studio we still had to do a folio for each which was so dumb i don't know why i did six subjects folios being the basis of the art subjects is the stupidest fucking thing that i've ever seen in my life yeah it was really dumb they like force you to retcon your creative process be like truly yeah and then um this is i really considered all these processes and thoughts oh what the fuck vodafone piss off vodafone needs to not call me ever send me a fucking email how dare you i know you only know my number because i have it with you

um and then what what were your two musics um group music and solo music i guess it's like one you got to play with your friends and one you didn't yeah i guess yeah i still have fun And did you do well? Music was actually my worst, but I'm now a musician. So there you go, kids. Don't let the scores tell you what to do. I'm like a grained diva.

And look at me, I'm just thriving. She is. I think my best was English. Yeah. Well, you do. That's why you sound so posh. Oh, yes. My best Well, you do. That's why you sound so posh. Oh, yes. My best subject was textiles.

Yeah. And now you're a seamstress. Yeah, so. What did you do, Dava? I did. I did. English lit. Theater studies, drama, studio arts.

And I must – because I did drama early, so I finished by year 11 and then did another subject. And then theatre studies and then studio art and then philosophy. And I'd done international politics and then dropped it and then i dropped the fuck out of math yeah anyone who tries to tell you to do math fuck it off don't worry if you don't like doing math guess what honey you'll never have to do it again yeah i i did maths in year 11 and then i dropped it for year 12 and picked up textiles. Yeah. Best decision.

Yeah. And the fucked up thing that happens in this country is they wait your final score. And if you do a quote unquote valuable subject like science or math, they will give you additional credit. If you do an art subject, they will literally just take points away from you. Yes. It is the most fucked up bullshit. if you do an art subject, they will literally just take points away from you. Yes. It is the most fucked up bullshit. Yeah.

Every single one of my subjects got marked down except for English. Yeah. Yeah, mine too. English and Italian didn't, but the rest did. For a country. Languages they always want. Yeah. But it's just like, yeah, and it happens as well at the universities. Like Melbourne University will fund the shit out of their math department,

their science departments, and then dropkick their arts and, you know, fine art departments. And it's like what the fuck is wrong with this country that it doesn't value its art? Like it's just it's like you wonder why we have a completely like destroyed art scene in this country it's like if you supported it like you know countries in europe like france or even like england does it's like you would have a thriving art scene and it's not as if these things are not important you look at like oh it's like

conform the spine of your whole country's national identity to have strong art being created it's good for the fucking economy like taylor swift yeah it's like like yeah how dare you it's so obscene to mark children down for wanting to do something that isn't maths or science. Just circling back to, you just said dropkick. And I don't know if you saw recently, but Arnold Schwarzenegger was on tour in South Africa and he was in a gym, like a gym with like, I don't know, like kids and like, hey, work out every now and then.

And some kid runs up and jumps in the air and tries to like dropkick him in the back. And then he like falls on the air and tries to drop kick him in the back. And then he falls on the ground. And Arnie's like, I'm sorry, what? And kind of turns around. And then it was this whole thing of like, are you going to press charges? He was like, no. Good on him.

Bye. He tried to rear end the king. And then he fucking went home and pet his donkey. So you have just too much love for this man. I know. Fucking went home and pet his donkey. You have just too much love for this man. I know.

He needs to just get you hooked up to some of the more fucked up parts of his. No, I don't want to talk about this. So what should they be studying? So vibe-wise, like, yeah, as I said, if you like doing math, do math. but you ain't doing it in my fucking bunker absolutely not because in my bunker it's not like the regular world we're not going to punish you for liking to do fun things yes so and i think uh we also don't we don't want them to get too savvy down there. So no science. No. No science. Science.

Science abolished. You know what we probably should put in is Japanese. True. Get them caught up. Yeah, just in case. Okay, that's going in for contention. Yeah, it's just a practical approach. I really loved home ec at school.

That was so chic. It was the first time I saw those mirrors. Mirrors? So like the home ec teachers at the front preparing the delicious succulent meal and above is a 45-degree angle mirror. Oh, we did not have that at Sherbrooke Community School. But the students, you can see the aerial view. Down atop.

Bottom? What? Oh, my God. What about art? I think art, weirdly weak sauce. I mean, Matt, you can say that. I mean, I didn't take art because it sounded like it sucked. Yeah, I didn't take art either. I did this kind of. I think people can just do art. You know what I mean, Matt, you can say that. I mean, I didn't take art because it sounded like it sucked. Yeah, I didn't take art either.

I did this kind of thing. I think people can just do art. You know what I mean? You don't need to really learn it. It's the same with music as well. But I think the good thing about doing a subject on anything. I think you can learn music, Matt. Well, you know what I mean?

The good thing about doing a subject on anything Is just that it gives you the structure To kind of accelerate you through things quicker Like, you can learn anything by yourself, obviously Well, obviously Well, yeah Yeah, I mean, I think education As someone who is the child of two educators I think that, like, there's so much bad teaching that happens in the world.

But when you have a good teacher, it is revolutionary to your entire life. It will change you as a person. And yeah, I've been fortunate enough to have some really fucking good teachers. Okay, so what about, perhaps we need a teacher and who better than that four-legged high heel wearing monster from Are We All Monsters? That's a great teacher. Yes, what is his name?

You look at that and I'll say something else. So Viscom, like if we're not going to do art because it's a bit blech, at least Viscom has a bit more of a direction. There's a bit more of a like practical application of like going to graphic design or like. It's the grumble. The grumble. Yeah.

That's pretty good. And he has a pointed nose with a horn on it. So who's going to play the grumble? Enough out of you. We'll need someone to play the grumble enough out of you i need someone to play the grumble god so i think it should be played by um like maybe we could do an a like a screen thing like you know one of those disney ride experiences where they have like mickey mouse talking to you but it's like a screen but they have an actor behind it's like oh you look nice there fred better watch out for your wife

not really necessary. Anyway, we're picking the subject. Well, you were the one introducing the concept of the teacher. Yeah, we're putting that monster in. Yes, correct. So wonderful. And he'll be teaching. Which subject will he be teaching?

Well, I think, I don't know. I didn't do Viscom. I don't think, yeah, I just just what subject did i get something out i mean obviously i love doing the art subjects that was such a good time what was the easiest to gossip in connected curriculum cc cc everyone had cc cc babcock well she's already in yeah oh my god um Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, Sherbrooke made up a bunch of subjects. Oh, my God. Some of them like protesting the nuclear power or the coal plant. That's a subject.

Yeah. Wow. And like one of the kids almost got arrested. I loved that. Oh, my God. My school also had made up subjects, but we got to drop it after year nine. Religion. Bullse nine. Religion. Bullseye.

Yeah, but I do find that weird. I went to Catholic high school and after year nine it was like, yeah, religion's optional. I think it's like, number one, Catholic schools, I think you should have to believe in God to go there. Because I think if they weren't allowed to enroll Atheists Then they would crumble

Because how many kids actually are sitting there doing like Praying At a Catholic school I would be fine if every single person Except they're just a fucking front For the ultra wealthy To like somehow partition their kids from regular children Be like they're Catholic I'm like my ass they're Catholic For the ultra wealthy to like somehow partition their kids from regular children.

Be like, they're Catholic. I'm like, my ass, they're Catholic. You're not Catholic. They're not Catholic. Why is the government paying for your fake Catholic children to go and play tennis? It is a weird concept. Yeah. Like, we'll tie some rocks around your feet, throw you in a lake, and if you survive, you are Catholic.

Then you can attend our school, Centurion School for Girls. Wait, but if they survive, then they would be witches. Oh, you're right. If they drown, then they can be enrolled. Well, and that's the same for this school subject that we are running in the bunker. Because not everyone has to take it. Yes.

But if you want to do class, you have to be a damp, wet corpse. You have to survive a dunk in the ocean area. Yes. Oh, my God. Perfect. And they tie the Twilight novels around your ankle. Jesus. They'll get soggy.

Oh, we do the technology where it's a p your ankle. Jesus. They'll get soggy. Oh, we do the technology where it's a puffy book. Yeah. Textures. Yeah, that's it. It's like Twilight, but like feel Jacob's fur. And then like the glittery skin. Yes.

Yeah. Okay, good. And the subject is what do you need for the apocalypse? You know what? So in my high school, we got to choose in year nine if we did world history, like Australia in the world, or like those are two separate things. Or global Asia. And dear listener, I hope you can guess which subject I chose. Global Asia.

And as a result, I know so little about World War II and World War I. You know, Asia did get involved in World War II. They did. That wasn't covered in global Asia. That was more like asia now you know not as a result of the past of course um yeah interesting but i find it why are you proposing global asia for the class maybe oh it was such a weird wishy-washy subject. Yeah. Because this was in the 2000s sometime. And yeah, it was very like, you know,

what place does Indonesia hold in the globe? What about China? What about... Yeah, it was weird. The only equipment we have for this class greg is a globe truly what place is indonesia in the globe and can you come up to the front zelda moon and point it out yeah i hope that never happens to me we used to at sherbrooke have sport oh i've already told this story story But we got to pick the sport

And so we did Laser tag Rollerblading And Ping pong And only one of those And you can guess at home Is an actual Olympic sport

Laser tag Imagine that That'd be cool well warfare exists if fucking curling is a sport apparently then so should laser tag be um yeah okay fuck that's it what laser tag yes but you only get to play laser tag if you survive drowning. Yeah. But in which case you'll be a witch and then you won't get to survive. Although you will be a witch in the bunker. And how will we best approximate your magical abilities? What do you mean?

Like some of that paper that burns up really fast? We'll give them that every morning? You got excited and then you hated it. Yes. I see you've tricked me like a witch might. than that every morning? You got excited and then you hated it. Yes. I see you've tricked me like a witch, mate. You'll notice I'm wet but alive. I thought that was just more sweat.

Okay, so the grumble is teaching laser tag that you can only attend if you pass the witch's trial to prove that you're not a heathen. Yeah, in the ocean area. And in that situation, you will drown. However, there's only one way to die in the bunker, and that's the volume Pompeii Room. So I don't know if you'll die, but you will drown to death. That's for sure.

At which point you've proven your clean soul, then you may attend the Grumble's class. Yeah. This is a complicated one. It's a. Yeah. This is a complicated one. It's a complicated bunker. It's a complicated world. True. And the Grumble is played by...

And we'll be back after this. And we're back. Now it's time for our final deductions for the day. I feel like we've done a lot of work this week, sister. I'm working overtime. How are you feeling in there, Matt? You must be just so impressed by us. Matt was up at six with his child this morning, so forgive Matt.

Your phone's vibrating. Could you pick that up? No, that's his timer. Okay, so the last topic for tonight, just to round us right out, is what kind of accident could happen in a bungalow? Well, you know,

in honor of my accident Well, not my accident Antonio's accident today Yeah, his little bungalow in the bunghole Okay, so accident, Zellermoon What's your favorite accident? I, can I, there's nothing quite like Watching someone fall over

I couldn't agree more Oh my god No, like pissing your pants. Like a little, not what I expected, but little kids when they're like piss their pants and they're like, I had an accident. Like, oh, it's going to be okay. That's why you have 20 pairs of underpants. When was the last time you pissed your pants?

When I last pissed my pants. It's been, thankfully, a very long time. Very long time. I couldn't say. Yeah. I realized that the other day. I was like, when was the last time? Where does the time go?

Yeah. Yeah. So, I'm glad about that. Yeah, I guess so. But you know what? The liberation of it. Well, once it's happened. Yeah, you just lean in. You just got it. Yeah, I guess so. But you know what? The liberation of it. Well, once it's happened, you just got it while I pissed my pants. So if you're listening right now, if you're pissing your pants right now,

then you don't worry about it. It happens. Also, that's what washing machines are for. And that MIB mind eraser for anyone who saw. But that's a great accident. I think a, I don't know if like a blood nose is an accident or an incident. That's so chic. Yeah.

Yeah. Particularly if you have hypochondria. Because then the blood won't stop. You see someone really hot in an anime and then you're. Because then the blood won't stop See someone really hot in an anime And then you I think falling off ladders Is so chic

When I heard that Molly Meldrum had fallen off a ladder At his home I was like Obviously horrified Because like Molly Is an icon But I was like what a cool Like every time I'm on a ladder I think about Molly now I'm like you own a cool, like every time I'm on a ladder, I think about Molly now. I'm like, you own ladders.

That's you. Oh, my God. But it's like that is the accident. Falling off a ladder. I've fallen not off a ladder, but one, I was doing up the studio where we shoot kick-ons. If anyone is an overlap viewer of the YouTube series by Art Simone, Kick-ons, we shoot it up in the shed in my house.

You do shoot it up in the shed in your house. We shoot up in the shed before the show. But before the shed was the kick-on studio, it was just raw corrugated iron, and I needed to put up some insulation and then some cladding on on the walls but I didn't know how to do plastering or anything like that so I just used like MDF boards like oh like yeah whatever there's a death trap in there um but the the ceilings are three and a half meters high yes

and I did not have ladder or the means of purchasing a ladder at that time so i took there were two tables in there and i put them on top of each other and then on top of that table i put a crate and then i could reach the ceiling and when i tell you i was up there on my own listening to a podcast in the middle of the day and the gloss surface of the top table had no grip and the crate slipped out from beneath my feet and I pancaked onto the top of that table like arms, legs, spread eagle. And I hit it, like smacked it. And the whole building shaked. It was like a, you know, a hundred year old building. And I waited and just lay there as nothing then happened.

No alarms went off. No. And like, I thought it was going to keep falling because the table was on top of another table. So I was like, that's fall number going to keep falling because the table was on top of another table. So I was like, that's fall number one. Brace yourself for fall number two. And I just lay there waiting and just knew no one would have found me.

Like people, like if I died or if I'd really injured myself to the extent that I wasn't conscious or couldn't move No one would have found me for ages Oh my god That's sad Yeah Jesus Christ You don't have anyone come in to check on you? Not in the back shed I was single, Matt

No one cares if single people die What? Yeah No one's expecting you home If dating is for anything It's just so that there's someone to find your corpse We knew this Die in obscurity

My friend fell off a ladder And he broke his back Straight away He only fell like a meter And he just fell onto some nice soft bushes And he broke his back He broke his back He fell a meter

Yeah, about a meter Or like a meter and a half. Is he okay? Can he walk? What does he do now? Yeah, we have doctors that can fix broken faces. He fixed his back. Yeah.

Wow. He's back again. He had to wear like one of those sort of like Forrest Gump style braces but on his back for a while, which was unfortunate. God, that's good. God. Jesus. I saw someone slip on a banana peel once That's pretty good

I died That's the classic slapstick I couldn't believe it I saw it and I was just like They're like, help! What about a car accident? Yeah, I do be like that I drove into a ditch

I drove into a ditch in the middle of the night. I don't think that was her name. That wasn't an accident. Into a ditch? Yeah, so up where I'm from in the Dandenong Rainforest, the Dandenong Ranges, it gets dark very fucking quickly okay and all the roads are dirt up in olinda where there's a gorgeous nature reserve um and during covid me and my sister would go there to walk and so one i one of the like the way out of the parking lot for the nature reserve is classic hills life so it's full

gravel a tiny little driveway that is like essentially like a crossing over a moat because all the gutters because there's no gutters like there's no underground plumbing because everyone's on septic tanks like in that area so they just have these giant trenches dug on either side of the gravel road and then with like thick big round pipes underneath each of the driveways that like allows the water to pass through the trenches but it means that there's these massive fucking trenches there's no street lights so we'd gone in it was daytime then it was dusk and then we got back to the car and it was fully dark and we're like oh thank god we got back i'm driving out and the driveway that i thought was there was not there this driveway is like three meters like maybe two and a half meters wide yeah and everything else is a ditch the car dips forward and there is two wheels on the ground two wheels off the ground and then i'm

sat there my sister is like and she's like good in an emergency but she's also like a bit rattled she's like what the fuck are we doing now Because we couldn't even reverse out of it. Then the tow truck guy comes and he's like, I can't get you out of here. I can't even get the tow truck near to where I would have the advantage to get your car out of this situation. Oh my God. This tow truck driver, wherever he is, is like king forever. wherever he is is like king forever he spots this like tree stump that's further up in the like muddy mucky area manages to macgyver this like winch situation that goes around the tree stump

so it has the right pool i've seen jurassic park to the lost world and then pulls it in and allow and then pulls the car out of the ditch. You're Julianne Moore. I am Julianne Moore. What? And so much more. Yeah, it was crazy. Oh, my God. And that was it.

Wow. Truly wild. Jesus. And as it is often the case if you've been in an accident, it goes from being like the thing that happens, very exciting and chaotic and crazy to just the most boring and mundane things of your life like waiting for a tow truck yeah waiting for a tow truck in the fucking dark next to this nature reserve that is fucking haunted as shit yeah and wait like it's so dark you couldn't see anything

like i could barely see my sister like a meter away from me. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Okay. That's a pretty good accident. Yeah. What else? Before the comedy festival show, when I slid open my arm on that neon sign.

Dear listener. So we had our show, Drag Show, the game show. It's a drag show. It's also a game show. It was in Melbourne. So we were getting ready at home. Then Lazy Susan in her house has various ornaments. One of them is a broken neon light.

Not mine, by the way. Well, yeah. Like an old Corona sign that you might see above a bar. Yes. I think we have it at Reggie's. We definitely have it at Reggie's. we definitely have it and she's getting ready to leave yes i was literally out the door full drag yeah full ready to go and the final pass in the hallway half a meter from the door and slices on the broken neon glass her forearm

yeah on the outside yeah had you bandaged it before you came yes did it yes i shoved some like chucks over it and then yeah well you know like one from the kitchen no like the paper sorry not chucks like paper like viva clean it up with viva paper towel yeah and then i wrapped that up and then i put on a long sleeve. Gets to the gig and is like. Like, let me tell you this cut though. It was like surgical precision because the glass was so sharp. But you could, sorry, trigger warning.

You could see the fat inside of my arm. You could see the yellow fat. It cut down through everything. The dermis was open. Yes. Like, yeah. And then it's like, she was the gig. Meets us there and we're like, and she's like,

the show is an hour and a half. I'll be at the emergency room within an hour and 45 minutes. Let's do the show. And we did. And we did. And listen. The's do the show and we did and we did and listen the definition of the show must go on

if you've ever been to the emergency room which I have a few times you know that they're not gonna like triage nurse will look at that and be like

honey you just need some stitches that's not gonna take precedent over someone who's having a fucking heart attack the person they fell from a ladder that was on a table that was on another fucking table it was a crate on a

table on a table but yeah so it is that thing of like i could spend this time we could cancel the show lose all the money that we do not have on all the people that have bought tickets or do the show try not to bleed on the audience and then I think the triage nurses actually helped me a lot quicker because I was in full drag that's the other thing

oh my god and then they stitched me up it was a good time amazing and then one time I wanted to add a chain Oh my God. And then they stitched me up. It was a good time. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Jesus. And then one time I wanted to add a chain to some sunglasses, so I had my drill out and I drilled through my finger.

And then I ripped it out because I was so shocked. I was like, and I was on the phone to someone and he was like, yeah, I know, right? And I was like, no, I just drilled through my finger. My fucking finger. Oh my God. no i just drilled through my fucking finger oh my god when i was growing up i was helping my dad what year at school were you yeah you're so funny uh probably about like year four i was helping my dad aerate the front lawn And I like, dear listener

So like the grass aerator It's kind of like a pitchfork Kind of, but a little bit wider with more teeth And you kind of just like press it into the ground To aerate, right? But I was really young and weak So I would have it over behind my head And I would swing it over top of me and then

stab it into the ground because i needed that force to pierce the you know hard earth that's why it's so important to air out your lawn everyone and and at one point i swoop and it went through my shoe and through two of my toes oh my god that is so fucked yeah and i just remember being rushed to the bath and then just like them cleaning out the wound and just like the fucking blood poor like red bath yeah that's crazy that wasn't great but do be careful and that's why you walk like that? Oh, my God. In heels? Is that it?

What about, do you want to talk about your face? As an accident? I was an accident. I presume it was. My mother said I was an accident. In a heated moment or in a confessional? No, she was just like Well, why would I Like, I didn't know you at the time

It's not like a personal thing Do you know what I mean? I guess, yeah She's like I don't know She's like, we weren't planning on having a child But you know Ring-a-ding-ding

Go on She didn't ever say things like that Thank God Here's what I like as an accident That I am actually like Terrified of real life That like you Send a message about a person

To that person Like on Instagram when you send someone like Look at this cringy thing And then Benign actually did that All the time. Oh my God. So often. And it was like, she's like, oops,

I accidentally just said that to that person. I'm like, oh. And then it would be like, what did you then say? And then she'd be like, ha ha, you know what I mean, right? Ha ha. Jesus. Truly bulletproof. But that I think could be good for the bunker.

Oh, accidentally sending the person you want to gossip about the message. That's quite good. That's a good accident. I mean, similar universe, but yeah, like sending nudes to the wrong person. Or like you're doing like, oh, this freaks me out. You'll be like sending like a group image thing to like, oh, here are all the images that you requested of this like thing at work. And you accidentally include a dick

that you screenshot from Twitter. I live in constant fear of that. Every moment of my life. There is a Melbourne icon who I'll tell you off Mike, but they are very, they're everywhere. And also very horny gay guy. And then also they have a real life job, like working in education, doing stuff like that.

So one day they get a call from their friend after a night of heavy drinking and basically they wake up after a night of heavy drinking and there's like 85 missed calls from like friends and family. Haunting. And it turns out that the night before when he had intended to send someone on Instagram a picture of his dick, he had posted it as a story on his Instagram that is used for his whole life.

Yeah. Just a nightmare. And then hadn't woken up. It was out for hours. Nightmare. No. Oh, my God. Just.

I think that's quite funny. Maybe that could be the accident, just accidentally sending a nude to your entire contact list. That's the accident that happens all the time in the bunker. Like every third message is accidentally a nude. Recall. Yeah, unsend, unsend. Okay, great That's pretty good

Yeah Any other major accidents we're missing? Train crash Oh, yeah Plane accident Lost Lost No, I think nudes is good

That's a very contemporary accident Unintentional nude exposure Yeah Image Yeah Although no one's a very contemporary accident yeah unintentional nude exposure yeah image yeah although no one has a yeah but yeah yeah no one has a phone no but um kelly does have that flip phone with excel yeah but it could just be i think think maybe just occasionally. So we have the little TV in the staircase, right? With a jam DVD. That could occasionally flash a nude. Or like Katy Perry's music video occasionally gets interrupted. By a nude.

With a nude. Or the flipper board underneath the Virgin luggage collection. Yeah. Could occasionally flip to a nude. Yeah. I think that's great. Okay. And it's just, you know, everyone's got nudes.

So it could just be anyone who's been put in the bunker. Randomized nudes. Yes. Okay. Shit. Great. So this week, going into the bunker, Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, the incomplete textile collection with fabric pages.

Yes. You can take it in the oceanarium. Amazing. The class is directed by, I mean, taught by. Taught by The Grumble. The Grumble, played by Rebel Wilson. Oh, my God. And they are teaching.

They're taking the class of, what did we say? Laser tag. Laser tag. Laser tag. And the accident is... I was not going to remember that one. Incidental nudes. Yeah. Oh, and the only way you can take the class is if you survive a witch trial.

Yeah. That's all canon now, everyone. Yeah. That's canon. That's it. Write us some fanfic. All right. Well, thanks so much for listening. Yeah. That's canon. That's it. Write us some fanfic. All right. Well, thanks so much for listening.

Yeah. Another week, another million dollars. Oh, that pointy grumble nose freaks me out, man. The rebel's going to look fucked in it. Fuck off. For those who know, you know what's up. Yeah, you do know. Send your support.

Oh, my God. Okay. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Talk to you later Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios

by Matt Shears our themes and the music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie do you have something you'd like to say to us would you like to send us a fanfic?

Send it to deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. And won't you support us at patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone? Bye-bye.