Death To Everyone - Death To... All Stars 9, Age & Lawn Ornaments

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

This week your celestial goddesses discuss the tragic passage of time, the contestants of Rupaul's Drag Race All Stars 9 and Lawn-aments (patent pending). Grab yourself a strawberry thickshake and settle in for the show that you love to hear. Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Oh I bet you've never seen a tiny ballerina dancing in a bottle of alcohol before. Well, until this one, I haven't either. Hello, listener. of alcohol before well until this one i haven't either hello listener i bet you've never seen a tiny ballerina dancing in a bottle of alcohol before i would like one day zelda moon yeah co-host zelda moon hello to be described as a ballerina dancing in a bottle of alcohol yes i bet you've never seen a ballerina dancing in a bottle of alcohol? Yes. I bet you've never seen a ballerina dancing in a bottle of alcohol before. Do you? Well, I've never seen lazy shoes and hit the stage. Have you ever worn ballerina shoes?

Yeah, I wanted to be a ballerina. What? When I was young. Really? Yeah. I got. Yes. I got ballet shoes and a little tutu.

And a tutu? Yeah. black tutu The boys wear them too If they're gay If the gay ones do I guess you can do whatever you want Anyway, I'm Lazy Susan Hello, my name is Zelda Moon

They heard your name before Just checking Okay, well this is Death to Everyone Our podcast A show about the end of the world. Finally. Or rather, finding out how best to wrangle the remains of civilization after the apocalypse. Because it's the end of the world as we know it.

Imagine if this was the first episode that you ever heard. And I feel fine. And this is what was happening. Have you ever seen a ballerina fine. And this is what was happening. Have you ever seen a ballerina dance inside of a bottle of alcohol? I have. And, yeah, so we're two celestial goddesses, and here accompanied today by the driver of our space car, Matt Shears.

Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy. Did you ever wear a ballerina tutu as a child? Me? No. No, but I just found a photo of me wearing a pixie outfit that my mum had made. Me and my brother were both dressed as little elves, little pixie elves. That's cute.

I'll send a photo in our group chat. Yes, please. And I could even upload it to the Discord. Oh, go on. They would love that. That's a even upload it to the Discord. Oh, go on. They would love that. That's a reason to get on our Discord. Oh, my God, listeners. I want to do a drive soon.

Not driving in the space car. Sorry, Matt. I know that's one of your trigger words. But I want to do a drive. Drive? No. I am the driver. I want to do a drive where we, like, have 17.

I want to do a drive where we like have 17 because like on our Apple pod, on our Apple reviews, we're like close to 50. And then on our, have you ever seen a ballerina dancing inside of a bottle of alcohol before? No, on our Google, on our Spotify reviews, we're like close to 100. Yes. Yeah, so we have 52 five-star reviews on our Apple podcast, which is really helpful in getting us up the ranking. Ooh, very, very funny. I find myself actually laughing out loud.

Love it. Lol. That's lol-ing. And then on our Spotifyify we're at like 82 and i wanted to see if we could get those like last 17 to get to 105 star reviews is there 82 plus 17 oh sorry it's actually 83 oh i see there we go i was mistaken i was thinking about you know what that's really vulnerable and and I really appreciate you earning up to that. And...

A little kiss for you. Oh. Yeah. Not for you, Zelda. Oh. For the listener. Thank you for leaving a comment and ignoring Zelda's cruelty. What?

Yeah. Well. Shame. Shame? Yeah. Well. Shame. Shame? Shaming. Shaming me here on this day. Okay, so. Have you ever seen that?

Ballerina dance inside. Okay, so. I have, okay. I like Star Wars, you know? Star Wars, what fun? You're crazy. Old, then like new old, and then like new, new old, and then like the TV shows. New, new.

New, new old. Like the Rey saga. Yeah. Then they announced like 10,000 shows coming out on Disney+, which is fine. You know that we're fans of Plus here. Yeah, we do love Plus that and some have been great some have been okay and then even i listener a casual slash like slightly more into it than most you know person absorbing star wars out in the world yeah was like the acolyte you know what i don't need to see the trailer for that i have literally no desire to what's it is it who's it about oh it's

about the acolyte it's like about a friend of princess leia getting ready for a ball no but i didn't watch the trailer like i saw it announced and blah blah blah but i was like so it's set in the High Republic, which is before anything else. Like on screen, this is the earliest Star Wars we've ever seen. Wow. Whatever. It's like a couple hundred years before like episode one.

Cool. That, I think, fabulous idea. I wish it was a bit more disconnected because I think Star Wars is a franchise that you can like play around in and it has Carrie-Anne Moss incredible fucking love her yeah she was great obviously in like the Matrix Classique but I really liked her in like Jessica Jones and stuff like she can act she doesn't just have to be Trinity she's great, that face. So I've watched the first three episodes at this point in time. Spoiler alert for the acolyte.

It's terrible. But in the first five minutes, she's killed off. Oh, well, lucky her. She's back in, like, flashbacks or whatever. It was so curious to me that, like, she's, like, the biggest name on the project. And she was in, like, I didn't watch the trailers, but I still saw, like, them come up. And she was never like i didn't watch the trailers but i still saw like

them come up and she was never heavily featured which i thought was curious but obviously i understand now because she dies but i'm like boo also just like boo it's like you're not sean bean in season one of game of thrones wait what happened to? If you kept her until the end of the season, and then it was a shock that set up the stakes of the entire franchise, sure. But that's not what's happening here. We don't care about someone that we've seen for five minutes. So why the fuck cast Carrie-Anne Moss in the role? I love that as an encapsulation of your personality.

I don't care about someone I've seen for only five minutes. They can live or die and then like oh even that like the fight scene is like all like martial arts in like a cool noodle bar and whatever and like that's fun but it's like you're only doing that because it's carrie ann moss what why if i wanted to see Carrie-Anne Moss do, I don't know, athletic things, I would watch The Matrix. Oh, you think they're trying to like harp on The Matrix? Yes.

Oh. Which like is like a nod to like her lightsaber being green. That's fun. I like that. But like I don't need to see her do like a fucking force backflip that you've never seen before. But because of Carrie Ann Musgraves. Anyway, that's actually not even my issue with this show.

Oh, God. But it, it, oh, it's so, okay. There's two things. One, I'm not enjoying it. I find it a bit cringe. Why are you still watching it? Oh, I have to know. Oh, God.

You're the worst. But I'm not going to watch season two of fucking Rings of Power. I don't need to know how bad that is. You watched all of season one. Yeah. I think you're going to watch the season two. I'll watch the first episode. Whatever.

You'll watch all of it, you stupid bitch. I have to know. You'll laugh up whatever they throw in your little slot bucket of IP. I know I said this, but when, like like at the end of season one of rings of power where like the fucking volcano erupts we found out how they named mount doom yeah and it's like murder and it comes out and the word appears in like evil font so fucking lame die anyway i really Shame. Die. Anyway. I really liked Rings of Power. Oh, my God. Man. What? What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you? Well, we know what's wrong with me. Cheating on everything. Oh! Oh! Oh! I talk about how much I love things all the time. Have you ever seen a ballerina dance inside a bottle of alcohol?

I love that show. Anyway. So then, like, so it's unfortunate. What I'm getting at is it's unfortunate that it's fucking terrible because, so episode three is the episode that I just caught up on and it features, like, what the death hole of YouTube is calling, like, a lesbian cult.

So, like, basically the series like follows these twins. One was a Jedi and then she left the Jedi Order when she was still in training, whatever. And then like there's a murder, right? Carrie-Anne Moss. Several of them. And it's like they think that it's this girl and then when they go and talk to her, it wasn't her.

It turns out her twin is still alive. and like so these four sensitive twins were raised in this lesbian sith cult or whatever the fuck and one is evil and one is good and that's the setup of the show but it's just unfortunate that like i'm not enjoying it like i think it's just unfortunate that, like, I'm not enjoying it. Like, I think it's really terribly written. There doesn't appear to be any fun or whimsy to it of, like, why it should exist other than just to, like, have more merchandise at Disney parks. Well, and also an essential conversation about, like, the interplay in humanity between good and evil.

It's incredibly profound, actually. It's like She-Hulk all over again. No makeup. Shitty secret. No! it's it's incredibly profound actually it's like she hulk all over again like makeup shitty no it is like people are shitting on this show like i've like worse than she hulk i would say people are getting on their podcast they are and like i'm coming at it from a different perspective mine is more valid because i don't care that they're lesbians i care that it's lame like there's this scene where they're like chanting in the cult but the chant is really lame and they're all doing these like but it's not like fun or silly it's like self-serious and like yes we're enchanting the la la la like oh just it just is just doesn't sit right but yeah watching the fucking internet explode like it it's just so depressing because i've

then gone through like youtube and i've found like because i've had my normal like nerdy channels that like break down the episode and never say anything bad just objectively be like this is a callback to this thing or whatever which is fun i don't know why but i've now found like the other side where it's like this is woke bullshit oh the lesbians are here the gayest star wars ever is the worst thing that's ever fucking happened george lucas like are you okay yeah like it's crazy so anyway i'm mad at the show for not being incredible because it has given these fucking dude bros so much ammunition and unfortunately they're correct well they're picking at the wrong things but it's also like so interesting to see how like some of them will like not say that it's the gayness that they hate. But every chance they're like, the lesbian cult.

And it's like, well, no, like, two of the characters are lesbians. The rest are just women. There's no evidence at this point that any of the other ones are lesbians. I think you'll find that every woman that doesn't sleep with them is a lesbian. Oh, my God. And it's just so weird. And, like, things that in a different – and, like, the discourse here is that Andor was, like, the one TV show that was really good so far, apparently. Because Mando has become too woke.

So, like, people are off Mando because fucking Bo-Katan came in and whatever. You are making up words. Like, I just want came in and whatever. You are making up words. Like, I just want you to know you've just been making up words. No, but like the reason that people fucking loved Andor is because it's just all white guys and then Aunt Petunia. Like, it's crazy. I think the day when we have a sophisticated enough like AI tech that can like immediately generate

different versions of shows they will be your version that you turn on will be like 98 lesbian death cults yes and their version will just like all the characters will suddenly just be like they're going to join the white military and have fun shooting bitches and protecting ladies. Yeah. And we both come out and we're like, I love the acolyte. Yeah. And you're like, wait, what are you, lesbian death cult?

Those are just good old-fashioned boys. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I suppose my message is everyone's an idiot and should shut up. I just think that you might be part of some of the most toxic fandoms of all time. They're so awful. I was watching Curgeon play Overwatch.

Oh, God. Because he plays that video game, which can I just quickly say, have you heard of this, Matt, Overwatch? Yeah, but I've never played it. I don't know what's going on in that yes yeah it's the ugliest thing i've ever seen i don't mean to shit on it but i mean visually it is like a pile of shit it's a piece of shit it just i've never like it was like how are you even understanding what is happening on screen because there's no thought to composition

because every frame is filled with like 10 000 layers of garbage it's awful and it's like you're staring into like a technicolor blender of human fecal matter and i just i don't understand but i was like coach like are you playing with other people? And he's like, yeah. And then I'm like, well, like why is the mics not on? Like why can't I hear the other people you're playing with? Isn't that what happens in these games? And he's like, I had to turn it off. The 12-year-olds were bullying me.

And I was like, that is so fucked. I couldn't imagine anything worse than hearing their awful, awful things. Like, yeah, we're all faggots. Look at you. You're wearing a headset. You're wearing a headset, but you're also playing as like a mech in Paris shooting love balloons at people. Like piss off. Diva.

Yeah. I read something that George Lucas said the other day and was like the problem now with Star Wars is that everyone who enjoyed the series, like enjoyed the movies in the 80s or whatever, they've all grown up now and they just don't like this kind of stuff anymore. But they're trying to catch on to like some sort of nostalgia as well. Yeah, it's like it's never bringing back your childhood.

No. And it's never going to make you feel that way again. I would like to hear a review from like a 12-year-old of the show. And that's the thing, they love it. There are kids now that love the Scooby-Doo movie. And it's like, girl, that was trash at the time. Generationally, yeah. It's like you're blinded by what you are raised on.

Yeah. Before your brain is free from it. You know, like the new Star Wars shows, they're not like very sophisticated. No. That's why I want everyone to watch AJ and the Queen instead. RuPaul and that small child she abducted driving across the country. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? I feel like they've made the shows perfectly for the demographic of like. Kids. Yeah. Like 12 to 15 year olds, you know. Are you a 12 to 15 year old Zelda?da i don't know maybe i'd say that i think that perhaps rebel season one was targeted at 12 to 15 year old rebel season four darling but it is it is really tricky it's the same with like um well it's not at all the same but

like like pokemon games like when they release like pokemon let's go pikachu and let's go eevee it was like yeah because we're trying to go pikachu i think that is how it's pronounced you're right sorry um you're drunk again let's go eevee yeah um but those games were like essentially like the Gen 1, like red, blue, green, re-released on Switch, da-da-da-da-da. But the whole angle of those games was to make it for kids, like to make it entry level from Pokemon Go into the franchise in a slightly more like, you know, involved way.

It's like, right, but the age demographic that we're looking at there is the same demographic that you were trying to pick up in 1995 when I started playing the game, but this is the easy version of that game. I'm like, what? You think it needs to be easier? No, I'm like, it's an easier game than the one that was released for me at that age 20 years ago or whatever. The lead's in the water.

The kids are dumb now but it's such as but but are they or is it just because everyone panders to that thing or whatever you know and it's like it's like x-men 97 is like not a kids show which it isn't but like the show in the 90s was but then to continue that and that tone has meant that the new show isn't for kids. Like, that's just, what's that about, you know? Let's sort it out. In the meantime, Zelda, can you tell me how the world ends this week? Oh, I would love to. Well, secretly, when manufacturing headphones through time every pair of headphones listener every pair

the ear pods the ear fucking big buds the like big the you know helmets that have headphones built in so when you're like candy yes i guess well they've all got big little needles inside. And when you put them on, they quack. And they stab your brains out. To what end? Why are they doing this? No, but like why? Who was behind this?

What was their motivation? It's just a malfunctioning feature. It was meant to protrude from the outside as like a defense mechanism. But instead they were all installed on the inside. So it was like a go work, go broke kind of situation. What? Like trying to make self-defense headphones for like, you know, women working at home.

For everyone. Everyone everywhere. And then they were like, oh, they fucked it up. They fucked it up. And now people are dying as a result. Yeah. And they all into your brain. So, you know, at every point someone wears headphones,

especially if you've been in an airplane. And, yeah, all at once. They just go off. And, of course, then all the animals are like, well, what's happening over here? And they kind of go nuzzle up and then it gets them as well. So it retracts and then goes again. Wow.

Yeah, that's bad design. Gets them as well. So it retracts and then goes again. Wow, yeah, that's bad design. So unfortunately, everyone is like pinceted through the head to death. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's crazy.

It's not good. What about people that don't use headphones? Oh, no, everyone does. What about the deaf community? Yeah, to keep their ears warm. What about the people without ears? Darling. It's a fashion statement.

I see you wearing sunglasses at night, but I don't pick apart that, do I? Oh, true. No, you got me there, girl. Thank you. Who is the giant woman in this scenario? I don't know what you're talking about. Okay. Well, with that done, we're going to dive straight into this week's episode.

Are you ready listener i thought you were have you ever seen a ballerina dance inside a bottle of alcohol coming up after the break it will be right back Death to everyone Hello, listener, and welcome back to Death to Everyone. I'm Shuleng, you're to you. Do you know one of my favorite things about living in this 21st century of ours that other generations didn't have? Yeah.

If you see someone. Say something. If you see a picture of a man on the internet. A man? A man. I mean, I suppose this might work for us. If you see a picture of a man on the internet, go on. What do you do?

On Instagram. Oh, yeah. What happens? Like this other person that lives in the world there's a pretty good chance that you can see their dick within five minutes yes i just think that's marvelous i think that's fabulous i mean if you've even on like youtube and you're like that guy is a bit of a babe and then you like type his name in and then say like dick yeah there's a chance not unrealistic that that dick will be there somewhere yeah that's crazy like that didn't used to happen

zelda i have to tell you like in the 1950s when people were wandering around they weren't like hey greg from the post office and then i dick. I wonder what your dick looks like. Yeah. They'd just never know. People would just go to their grave not knowing. And you wouldn't know until you were like married to someone. No, exactly. So it was like you'd probably see one set of genitals your whole life. And if you were to see more, you'd be labeled like a heretic. Yeah, a harlot.

Yeah. You know. And you'd be probably expelled or excluded from society. Whereas now I can be like at the post office, like Greg's dick. And then quietly know whether, yeah, like there's the dick. Sometimes, every time that I'm in an Uber at night going to a gig gig or whatever and i'm like on grinder yeah in the back seat yeah i'm like i wonder if the uber driver like if the light reflecting off my passenger window is can he see what i'm looking at like yeah maybe you know no but because can you not see that no of course not no that? Because I can see the reflection. It's bright.

You can see the reflection, but that's because of the way you're angled. My angle. But surely they can't. No. Thank God. Why? What would they see? What they would see?

Dicks. Dick. Dicks and butts. It's just like, yeah, that would be one of the things I'd miss if I were back in time. Access to dick pics. I mean, it's just more the knowing. It's good to know. I just want to know.

It's interesting. Love. Interesting information. Yeah. Ooh, that's good. Okay. Now, my dear sister. Yes?

It's time to discuss. Yeah. Which lawn ornament goes into the bunker would you go as far to call them lawnaments no okay do you have a lawn you do now i do now have a lawn okay well let's start there oh i would never put an ornament on my lawn why not because ugly i don't want an ornament i want plants in my garden yeah but you could have an ornamentation. You have a birdbath actually, bitch. Yeah, the birdbath is the one exception.

Girl, that is one of the proto lawn ornaments. That is one of the OGs. Yeah, it's incredible. Well, so darling, you sapped that Kool-Aid long ago. No, but I'm talking more about like flamingo. You might be talking more about something else, but you have a lawn ornament. Yeah.

Okay. Well, there you go. Tell me about that. What's your obsession? I love my bird bath. It's like the best investment I've ever made in my entire life. It's brought me so much happiness.

It's actually so true. I love it. Listen up. When Zelda moon got this birdath, Zelda doesn't drive. And so sometimes we take on a treat day to a location where she can pick something up that's heavier than normal. Yeah. Kind of like when you take your elderly grandparents out for a nice trip. And she was like, I want this specific birdbath at this, like that they only sell at one Bunnings in the state.

Yeah. What was it? It was like a mottled bottle green. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. The base and the bath. Yes.

And how much did that cost? I ended up paying for it. Probably like a hundred bucks, 120 bucks. It's quite beautiful. Glazed ceramic. That's good. And you've had it at two houses now. I have.

So in my previous house, it was in the garden bed. Fabulous. Possums used to drink from it. Have a video of that if you care. I could share it if you like. No, actually, you know what? I recently made all of my birth path stories into a highlight on my Instagram, so you can actually go there and see the possum at any point in time.

A supping. But I was so perplexed when I moved house, because there's a lot more windows in this house, but they're not direct into the garden because it's on a hill. So I tried to position the bird bath somewhere that I would best be able to enjoy it. And the birds. Yeah. Of course.

And now it is indeed on a small section of lawn in my backyard. You know, yeah. But, ooh, it's so fun. You really have to stand up away and like look out the backyard for quite a while. Yeah, it's not really like, yeah. Why don't you hang one off your balcony like railing? Like a little seed tray? Not a seed tray.

A little bath. A little bath. Maybe. Does it come in glaze? Maybe. In glaze. Yes, but you don't feed them seed, do you? Absolutely not.

That's good. Absolutely not. That's like, the people that do that do that that's weird oh my god get it together and it's like you're doing that for you yeah so you can get attention from the birds yeah but it's also like the same people would be like no no get the get the octopus off that you know wait like tuna or whatever and then like pry it off and it's like no it needs to eat that you fucking moron wait or like no that bear is hunting the deer like yeah that's what happens the portrait you have of the person doing that in your head

they do do that it's like it's like the fucking famous stingray right now everyone's like they are not taking care of that stingray what's you know they're pregnant stingray baby what you don't know about their pregnant stingray oh my god how do you not know about this there's this stingray right at some aquarium and it's pregnant except that it's in an enclosure that doesn't have any other stingrays in it so how did it get pregnant anyway and that mystery has lit the internet on fire with intrigue virgin mary of sting but as time has gone on it's like well it might be what is it

parenthogenous or whatever where like some species can like like females can reproduce without a male and all this stuff and like it could be that or whatever and then like did an ultrasound and there's like four pups in there or whatever the fuck and anyway but now it's like well past the regular gestation period for a stingray and people are like what is happening i think the stingray's name is charlotte um like what is happening with charlotte well how is she still pregnant and then she has sores on her and people are saying well first people were saying that she was impregnated by the sharks that are in the tank because sharks and stingrays are in a very similar family so there's like kind of like a hinny situation where it might be possible but then they're saying she has fucking sores on her the sharks have bitten her why are

you still keeping the sharks in the same tank as the stingray who is pregnant anyway those people yeah would have the same people it's like any seeds on their balcony. Yeah. It's like, just because you care about Charlotte because she's trending on TikTok does not mean that you're not a fucking idiot who would indeed hold a chip out the window for a seagull. You fucking piece of shit. See, I'm glad to know about Charlotte now. Can I just say thank you for sharing? Yeah. That's important to me. You'll love it.

And I kind of think immediate bunker material, Charlotte's in the bunker. Charlotte is. In the ocean area. Yeah. Why do we have two stingrays in the bunker? Oh, true. You can have a friend.

Yeah. Well, I think that that's. That's good. That's good. Okay. God. Yeah. Yeah.

So Charlotte and sting. God. Yeah. Yeah. So Charlotte and Stingray Owen. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. But wait, what the fuck was I going to say? Oh, yeah. No, my impression of someone that has like sunflower seeds on like a feeding log that they hang up in their thing because they just want company, I guess.

Yeah. To cry for help. Maybe it's sad. Maybe they do want company, I guess. Yeah. To cry for help. Maybe it's sad. Maybe they do need it. I don't know. Is that they might have, like, a man cave out the back where their husband, Terry, spends his time. And, like, it's got, like, a pressed tin Harley Davidson sign

that says, like, welcome to the cave. Get ready to misbehave, I yes um yes and then it might yeah but and like a horse who've above nailed into the anyway but i don't think like that woman who that's her husband yeah i think she just likes to see the birds it's like oh yeah she doesn't think about the consequences of her action. But I don't think she cares about nature in a way that she's, like, helping. I think she'd also plow through a kangaroo, like, happily, driving home at dusk from one of Terry's car meetups. Yeah.

Like, as long as they weren't in one of the, like, registered cars. Fucking roo. Yeah, they'd be like, oh, fuck. But she'd love to look at the cockatoos and play like uno yeah she'd be like oh i love orson's prom the rosellas yeah yeah i don't think she's an environmentalist i think she has like she's like she's like this is for me yeah this is my time yeah she's a virtue signal yeah but not even virtue i don't think she does it for the virtue I think she does it for the like

I just want to see the motherfucking birds And this is how you get them I hate it And I shan't be doing it on my patio Thank you very much Maybe you could do like a competition You know So that like only the most worthy bird

Can get a single seed Or the carawong. I miss that carawong in Carlton. I have no carawongs in fucking Ascot Vale, let me tell you. The way you talk about each of these animals as if they're like very famous and everyone knows. I fear that that's, yeah, I have a war perspective of the world. But I don't like, like, gnomes.

Ew. I don't like flamingo. I just don't like, like, it's the same as aquariums, like putting a little, like, gone fishing sign with a little frog next to it leaning on it. Oh, no, I don't like that. I don't like it when the, to go to the fish tank of it all, when it is something that like should be, could be in a fish tank.

Like when it's like a fish made out of ceramic. Yes. Like I'm like you, I know that that's not moving. And I know that it's not a real fish. Yes. But if it's a gone fishing sign with like a skeleton of a fisherman next to it, I like that. I like those little bubbler treasure chests that open.

And the clamshell. And I kind of think that they're amazing and maybe you should get one. Okay. The clamshell thing is not something I thought about for a long time, but I do like that. If you could get the scale right. Yeah. The scale is an issue.

Speaking of scale lego scale is so fucking crazy it might be once again one of your specific niches no it's awful like even like they're constantly re-releasing the same sets right and none of those sets match the determined scale which would have to just be the minifigure yeah like that's the size of you know a guy a guy so therefore everything else is scaled proportionately to that and in like the thing about lego is you can build it to whatever fucking scale you want but then you look on YouTube to various Lego builders and their little towns. Yeah, the doors are the same height as the fucking dude,

but then the lighthouse is weirdly just like twice the size of a house. But darling, the lighthouse should be seven times the size of the house. But oh, I suppose that's a bit expensive. So all of a sudden the scale of your little mock is for fucking nothing are you legitimately angry about this it's just so ugly yeah sort it out just pick one and then just go with it awful do you you said something there that i just want to like double i don't want to fact check yeah you said um this you see the scale of the minifig yeah and then you go online and you find one of those videos where people are setting up their little lego town yeah

so you said that like like it might be a universal experience. And then you go online on your adult person's computer. Well, I watch it on the big screen on my TV. I paid a lot of money to watch people build Lego towns on my TV, and I just wish that they were to an appropriate scale. Is that so much to ask? Is it? Oh! Ain't all I'm wearing.

Okay. So what do you want? Like, what do you want on your fucking lawn, darling? Well, okay, here's the thing about gnomes. I think that they're ugly. Good. But I think that they're ugly good but i think that they're also iconic and i like the idea of the people that have them yeah and for the people that brings joy

that makes me happy yeah the thought of them being like look at this cheeky little guy and that just being so happy and i think like once again it's an issue of oversaturation that like because it's everywhere i think only of the kind of like but the thought of someone initially being like we'll put a little gnome in our yard and hide it just to like add a little something to the yard that you could find. Oh, I quite like that. You can peek out next to the liriopes. But I wish that we had just more variety in that. But I grew up in like the hills.

So a lot of my childhood was like kind of a gray scale, like fairy statues you'd find. Like, you know, they might be like a fairy sitting on a book that's open that says like dream to be you or something. And it would be like hidden amongst some pebbly garden bed. Wishes are made in the garden. Yeah, exactly. Or there might be like a little Buddha.

Yes. The original lawn ornament. And then there might be like a toadstool. Yes. Which is quite cute. Yeah. Which I think are all fabulous. But I think to me a good lawn ornament is that it has to be hidden

and has to be like a surprise and delight moment for the viewer. Well, that's where so many decorators go wrong because they're like you just put it out there yeah and it's like yeah and i know it says lawn but it doesn't mean it needs to go in the middle of the lawn correct yeah um growing up our front yard, we had like a little waterfall situation. And it was a face on the wall, kind of like a sun or like a god of wind blowing the water out of the spout of the mouth. That's nice. Yeah. And I always hated that. What do you think about welded wrought iron statues?

No. Like a dog, but it's made out of gears. My dad, wait, oh my God, it's all coming back to me now. My dad, when my parents split, went through a real period of creating lawn ornaments. And he made a gigantic ladybird that is still in his garden. Yeah. And he made like, no, well, even before the divorce, he'd made a few weird things like surfing things or whatever.

But like made a huge dragonfly out of like, you know, corrugated iron and whatever. And then like strung it from the tea trees in the front yard. But his prized possession lawn ornament was like a dog bowl or like a bowl for like possums or whatever. That was a ceramic hand like this. And the water would collect. Wait, you've got to explain what it is.

Yeah, so I'm making kind of like an open claw, I guess. Kind of like if I was Thing but flipped on my backhand. Or like the talk to me hand. Yes. But like reaching up. So that if you could create a little pool for the local animals in the palm of your hand, and the fingers create a kind of a wall to protect from predators. So this hand that was gigantic, it was like probably the size of, I don't like a desk chair yeah um like without the legs

and he would repaint it every few years so like at one point it was all just like flesh colored and then the next point he would like paint the fingernails to be red but then all the red would be dripping down and then he would paint it blue and that like yeah your dad's having fun he seems fun but haunted objects in the front yard what do you think because i remember a time before those little solar lights and then they just appeared like that you know like the chain of four solar lights that you could buy for like seemingly just far too cheap and then like they were just everywhere down footpaths and they just never seemed to particularly work they cast off the glow of like they never work like yeah a glow stick and all i'm looking at is a solar panel

yeah oh they're so ugly so ugly they have the little solar panel like you could take away from the situation. Oh, and then like poke up like a little tent peg. Yeah. Ew. Matt, what do you think of those? Yeah, they're terrible. Good. I want them to be really bright.

Yeah. But you're never going to get that from a solar light, you know? Yeah. People used to fall down our stairs a lot. We had really, really epic stairs at my... You described them as epic? epic epic epic in the like traditional sense um but like at the stairs at our old house and it was made by this like stone mason from the hills that lived here in the 50s or 60s yeah so they weren't like, like, like they were not made to any standard.

They weren't like legal. They just existed. Yeah. And so they were really uneven too. Like me and my sister, because we grew up with them, knew the exact spacing of them. Yes. But everyone that would come and visit our house would go down.

And like in the hills in the middle of the night, it was like dark, dark when you would go down at like in the hills in the middle of the night it was like dark dark when you would go down at the end of a night and like so many people tripped down those stairs oh were they like slate so they were slippery as well no they were like a composite material it was like a not like a concrete but like something akin to a concrete but then with like big rocks embedded into them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Crazy, you know?

Wow. I'm not hearing a better option than the Humble Bird bath. Do you know, I really wanted, you know that motel, we've talked about this, but the street art motel. Yes. That is on the Frankston Highway. Yes. I, at one point, was like, I would love to have that in my front yard yeah

like a miniature version and like have it planted around like it was the relic of an old hotel and so i set about building one with cement and a mold and like poly card and it was so bad. And it was so warped. And it was terrible. But one day I'll get back to that. Yeah. Because that'd be so cool. That's cool.

You'd keep at it. Turn into a little planter. I would love like super little guys. You know, like the 175th scale. Yes. Like I would love little people hidden around my yard at that scale that's fun because that's the right amount not imposing not ruining but if they were like a little restaurant like hidden in your garden that had a little solar light so it looked like it was a bustling nighttime restaurant and it could be quite enchanting if you stumbled across it in the

night in your garden that would be fabulous oh. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. But sadly, that doesn't exist. That is sad. Very, very sad. But yeah, I don't think I could deny you the joy of your bird bath. It is truly the only thing you like in this world. I think it might be. I think the magpies would love it. Oh, yes.

That's good. What if it had a little gnome peeing into the water? Absolutely not. On the edge of the pond. That would be cute. Ew. His pants are down. He's got a little bum cracker.

Ew. And with that, congratulations. Both Charlotte and the bird bath you're in that's it no more discussion it's so funny and like when the birds would yearn you'd be like oh i also hate the bird baths that have like concrete built-in little birds sitting on the side of the bath. That's a lie.

That's not a bird. It's just to tell the birds everything's okay. It's like, come down, it's safe. They know. See, this is like Pokemon. It's like, I can do it. I don't need the baby version. And the birds are like, I know it's water.

Do you know what's funny about the bird bath just quickly is that like if you took a like plastic tub that was used originally for australia post yes and put like a shallow amount of water in it the birds might still come and drink from it yeah and it's just like the line between something that's quite aesthetic, cute and twee and beautiful and something that makes your house look like it's derelict is such a thin line. Absolutely. And I like the idea that the birds don't carry the way. True. They're just like, I'm just so thirsty.

I'm just a bit thirsty. Yeah. It is February and summer. Why is there not a lot of You live next to like a river Yeah Why aren't they drinking that water? I don't know Certainly they've got better places to be

I think of my back As a bit of a sanctuary actually They have to be safe when they're drinking Yes When they get caught by sharks Sharks in the freshwater river Yes Brackish It's safe when they're drinking. Yes. When they get caught by sharks. Sharks in the freshwater river. Yes.

Brackish. It would be brackish. See? Good work. Have you been to Ricketts Sanctuary in the hills? No. Listener? Yeah, that's a cool place. There was this guy.

Ricketts? Ricketts. William Ricketts. William Ricketts, who was this guy ricketts ricketts william ricketts william ricketts who was this sculptor white dude who was which is important to note because he made these sculptures where it's like all of like him in the middle and then these like little like fairy children who are like depicted as indigenous, like Aboriginal kids, like all like hugging him and like molded into trees, looking at him.

And that's a sanctuary up in the hills. And you can go and see his sculpture garden where he like donated his vast collection of like his little kids that he's sculpted it's purely innocent it's a nice place i'm just saying it does seem a little haunted in the night like i'll send you a picture we'll put one up on the discord but it's a beautiful part of the world where I come from. But it is, it can be a bit like the vibe of the hills can be a little haunted. Let me find this beautiful picture. Oh.

And that's all I'm going to say on that. Oh. But that. Okay, well, we'll be right back. Congratulations, Charlotte. Oh, my goodness. It's finally time, sister. I would like to know which contestant on Drag Race All Stars 9.

Let me tell you, we're not putting Nina into the bunker. Oh, what happened there? Because... Disney. Disney happened, as previously discussed i just think it's really funny that she's like all i want to do is help people and the whole fandom has been like fuck you and she seems genuine about it like she's genuinely good and it's really funny because it's like she's that that character in Mean Girls. She's like, I just want us all to bake cakes. And, you know, and everyone's like, get fucked, you piece of shit.

I really didn't like in the Rose Tash, she kept saying how nice she was. Boo. We get it. You've raised thousands of dollars for charity and you're doing this for charity. But stop telling us. Yeah, but it's like that's not a joke tell jokes where if if i said i was nice it would be a joke exactly you see that's the kind of comedy i'm looking for um something so ludicrous that it could only be a thing of absurdity

okay so what which one of them goes into the bunker yeah you want to put another drag queen in the bunker yeah okay well i mean i vote roxy andrews i'm roxy andrews and i'm here to make a clue i like roxy a lot yeah and i don't even know why it's almost like the drag race fandom has like completely oh like incepted me with the love of roxy andrews for no reason it's like she's she's the it bitch yeah they're like it's like looking at everything she's done this season it doesn't add up but i don't care baby you can't read the doll you can't read yeah who else do we like i love how beautiful plastic tiara is so beautiful i like beauty yeah but i do want to like

my question is like how much how much of her drag is like her unique point of view, ability, everything? Yeah. Because like I think she does have a lot of like very like distinct qualities in that sense. But like how much would that all disappear if she wasn't exceptionally beautifully, just naturally the most beautiful person? Yeah. Like if you take that away, what is she? Which I'd be eager to know i like got mick yeah we like mick i like that kind of chaotic energy i just wish that she was

a bit less cool girl yeah when she was featured on the episode of 24 hours of love with vanessa vangie mateo yes and she was an absolute fucking mess yes that is good that's the thing i think we haven't had such a strong reincarnation of the simple life dynamic as with mick and violet yes like they are very nicole richie and paris hilton to the extent that i kind of can't believe that we don't have that show was someone talking about that they pitched that well i don't know that show. Was someone talking about that they'd pitch that? Well, I don't know. They should do that immediately. Yeah. Imagine Gottmik and Violet, like, on a dairy farm.

That would be incredible. I would love that. Just, like, trying to do something. What are we doing? Yeah. Everyone, stop. Put down, pull over to the side of the road, get your phone out. How much would that cost for WOW to produce that? They should do that immediately. Yeah. cut belgique or whatever and violet flipping burgers

at a burger king yeah and like doing the drive-thru window with mick like working the front counter getting overwhelmed by the fryer yeah wearing a headset dropping nails into the fryer by accident. Yes. What are we doing? Okay. Them doing a tour bus for old people, leaving the old folks home. Woo. Incredible. Yeah, it's good fun. Ugh.

Okay, so Chanel. We do need someone to organize Christmas. No, we don't. We don't celebrate Christmas in the bunker, you freak. Maybe if Chanel came in, she'd be very distressed about that. She would, and that would be quite funny. But she'd be able to sing. Matt, you're a musician.

How was that musically? That was really good, actually. Oh, thank you. I'd like to sign both of you right away. Sign what? Sign you. I'm signing you. I'm signing on you.

Contract. Signing my gigantic rack that I got in the bunker. Woo! Woo! Okay, well, we're not putting in Georgia. Well, she's small. She wouldn't take up a lot of space. That would be helpful.

She could live in the ducts. alien in aliens and yeah and be like that would be quite good actually because i'm like what more than which one do i like which i think is important but also it's like who's benefiting from being in the ecosystem of the bunker because like i guess got mick could take over from tall patty doing makeup for mystique because she's a makeup artist like if she ever wanted to take some time off she's had a lot of issues recently she has but like i think roxy what's roxy doing like Like she'd probably hang out at Wendy's and maybe perform. Wow. What?

She would gossip over the counter to Courtney. Like I think that Courtney would be her only friend in the bunker. I think that Sabrina would pretend to be friends with Roxy Andrews. She would love hanging out. Yeah. And I think Roxy would really try to have sex with Patrick. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And she might get a gig at Roxy's. I mean, at Reggie's. At Reggie's. She would, indeed. And then Plastique, we've never had a TikToker in, except for the Osboro squad. And she would not like them. No.

She would not. Now that you've said it, is it Georgis in the vents? Imagine Georgis in the vents. And she's not busy. I mean, what else? I have to install vents. Yeah, I think vents. Come on, big vents.

Big vents. Matt, what do you think? Oh, definitely. 100%, I agree. Do you like season nine or do you more of a season 7 fan? Yes And is your favourite drag queen Supuzula or what?

Yes Do you like her? No Not after the scandal Which of course Matt you remember the scandal was Wait what was it again Matt? It was that there was Too much spinach in her teeth

too much the right amount you're right man that's exactly what happened to okay wait so george's george's is the season nine all-star queen that we think should go into our doomsday bunker. Yeah. Exclusively to rattle around in the vents. She's not allowed out of the vents. Oh, okay. Then I really like that. Okay, great.

Georges, you're in. And you're getting in the vents. You wanted to talk about this just to just, what, complain about Nina? No, I think Nina's a very distinct phenomena. I don't dislike Nina. There's something about her face that makes me like, I like, she looks like America. Like she looks like a Keebler elf and like also someone who's on vacation with their like Mormon wife.

Yes. With their 12 kids. Yes. And I like love how like terminally delightful she is. Yes. With their 12 kids. Yes. And I like love how like terminally delightful she is. Yes. And I think she's like genuinely like back in the day, like the Chanel days. Yes. And the Roxy days.

Yeah. You would have fucking freaks on the show. Yeah. Like us. No, but like people that were genuinely like drag queens before drag race yes and they just had these really distinct personalities that weren't necessarily like reality tv show personalities they were just like weird yeah and i think like this keebler elf looking bitch who is into feet and raising money for charity to help gay people is like, that is gay culture.

She's into feet? Have you not heard this? What? Yeah, that's her whole thing. What do you mean? At her shows, she's been kind of like pulled up by the fandom for like doing these foot bits where she like sucks on the toes of like some hottie that she pulls from the audience. Yeah.

While she's dressed as Tinkerbell. Oh my God. Yeah. Get into it. Cause I don't know. Cause everyone kept saying like that, like they were kind of talking about it in hushed tones, like something bad had happened.

And I was like, oh, well let's do the research. Let's find out the backstory and see what the kind of lay of the land is is it like a shangela is it what's the situation yeah and as far as i could tell and correct me if i'm wrong but they're just like she's got a foot fetish and it's like fabulous okay yeah like right one of my best fuck buddies had a foot fetish and it was great i mean that's i think foot fetish is funny because it's like one of the fetishes that like people are genuinely still like

you're like yeah it's like so banal oh my god it's nothing to a gay person yeah i'm just like i don't care did i tell the story on the pod about the person that i had to my house this was years ago who like had a foot fetish but like like wanted to like worship my feet and he like came over and like whatever and we ended up like him on the floor like where like not even like near the bed like kind of wedged more like under my wardrobe like was his head and then like his legs in the air because he's like wait so half of his body is like poking out into narnia or what yeah and like like then his legs like sprung up and his asshole is there and like i am literally fucking his hole with my big toe and like second toe because it's's a gape and like,

he's there and I am like full, like pulling out and kicking back in. And he's like, I mean, I've, he like was seeing the face of God, like having the best experience of his life. Well,

I couldn't get my whole foot in his asshole. Well, I'm sure it's a little more lube, I probably could have. Well, it sounds like you didn't really try. Yeah. I was scared that my little toenails were going to slice him open or something. Yeah, did he tell you to clip the foot? Well, mine are always clipped, darling.

Like, would that be okay? I wasn't anticipating. I'm showing Zelda my foot. Would that be all right? No. That's too long. Not because of the nail length. That's a wrap though.

Yeah. But I was like, am I not destroying you right now? And he's like, no, he was loving it. Amazing. Where's he now? Oh, I did hook up with him a few times. He's working for FIFA? As a ball?

He, I don't know. Yeah. You know what? He actually he actually no i shouldn't say that wait no i can't i can't he worked he worked somewhere that people would know oh okay incredible um yeah but feet man i think it's always really interesting in the discourse about tarantino where there's like the very valid critique of like you know what uma thurman brought forward about working with him on kill bill where she was made to do something she didn't feel safe doing on set which is driving through that jungle really fast in a car that didn't have proper safety stuff because there's all this pressure to do your own stunts and they didn't have the time or whatever and i think that that is completely like quite upsetting to hear and like a not right way to treat your muse yes or any person on a film

set yeah but that like that critique is then always mashed into and he's got a foot fetish because like in every one of his films there's like a lot of lingering shots on women's feet you know there's a whole shot of just like uma thurman's fit where she's trying to wiggle her big toe and like yeah yeah constant feet and he like definitely does have a foot fetish but i'm like if there's an artist or like a filmmaker who has a fetish who has something that they're interested in sexually yeah and they're trying to communicate someone is sexy in a film i expect them to the best of their ability abilities to try and communicate what they find sexy because that is their job as an artist yes to recreate that feeling for the audience yes Yes. And if their fetish is feet, then no doubt their artwork is going to create foot fetish like artwork.

It's not like as if those actresses have been like put in a situation where he's like, now you got to do the foot scene. Like, I think it's just like, this is the script. This is what happens. This is the shot. Yeah. Do you consent to be paid to do this work? Then that's completely fine and completely consensual and completely okay. Just the weirdness that people have around that.

I'm like, that is not bizarre. And for you, like for your dream version of sexuality displayed on screen to just be like the most vanilla sexuality. Yeah. vanilla sexuality yeah like you need to now come to the most normal version of sex and sexuality for me to find this acceptable is so creepy and it's much creepier than someone having a foot fetish because it's like oh you want every single person in missionary laying perfectly still on a bed with three pumps and they're done while we cut to a ceiling fan it's like i don't find that interesting yeah because i find someone communicating what they find sexy to be immensely more sexy and interesting in a film.

Yes. So, and that's why I think it's funny that Nina West is also copying that thing. Well, with three pumps and we're done, we'll be right back. Adios, mi amor.

Hello. Listener. Just to clarify, we did put in Georgius in the roof And she's in the roof Someone get her down And we're also going to put a broom in So that someone can hit the vents every now and then That's good

Very important So a broom and Georgius I think sometimes she'll do a jump split Like a low split And just be dragging her puss through the vents. Like a dog with worms or whatever? Not like that. Oh, okay.

So for our third and final topic this evening. Which age gets into the bunker? No, so many moons ago I would have said 17 but not anymore now i think i'd say 37 why 37 because i don't know why that's how old you are isn't it no but i will be unless i kill myself first. You still age even if you're dead. It's just your bones are now 37. There is no escape. Oh, I went into a vat of acid, I go.

Your molecules are 37. Ooh, what age? So when I was young, like maybe 14, I was staying with my aunt and uncle in America in Lowell. Lowell. Lowell. Lowell. Which is a whole different thing.

It's very suburban, like American town on the outskirts of Massachusetts, like outskirts of Boston City, but like further out. And it's like this perfect little suburban town that's been set up around this lake very picturesque but i was like aunt julie can we go and swim in the lake and she was like no well you can but chrissy my autistic cousin can't because she has autism and there's mercury in the lake and apparently it's bad for people with autism and i'm like uh julie i think mercury in the water is bad for everyone yeah i just thought that was funny uh anyway so she was like you go ahead though and you were at the age of what 14 anyway so then i was talking to my um uncle mike

who's like a very like straight up and down American as apple pie kind of man, who's got like a mustache and speaks like this. And he was like, I was like, I don't know, talking about, I don't know. It must have just been my birthday. I don't know. But he was like, I remember being young, 16. That was the best age. I'm like, okay. And he's like, 16.

I remember 16. This man's an accountant with like, yeah, a severely autistic child, like nonverbal. And then two other kids like in America, in this like Mercury Lake town. Only in America. Like the crushing financial pressure of the American healthcare system. Like all of these factors that make life a little bit harder.

And he's like, 16. You had a job. You could drive your car. You had enough money just for the things you wanted, but you didn't have any responsibility. I wish I was 16. And I was like, like mike let go you're holding me give me your yeah um and that's how i got into this body i'm mike

yeah isn't that scary yes how much more time did you spend with mike alone that oh you know what my favorite uncle mike story is no i don't know so we're in this house so the thing about this house in lol um is that like there's an american dream home right like you know the look of the american dream home like a california bungalow no no like the kind of like the um the family stone like or they're like these like white picket fence homes that are like two stories oh like more from like um yeah like a rom-commy home yes yes yes yes they like gets the snow at christmas and like yeah with a lawn that's like 30 meters long yeah yeah but because like in lowell it's like being built really quickly to kind of resemble that but the plots of land are much much smaller so the house itself looks very grand but it's like a miniature

of one of those homes so you go inside and everything is like weirdly proportioned and laid out so you're like everything's on top of each other so like every room lazy that is not okay mike was on so there was like yeah so like everything was like super compressed and compacted, like a badly built Sims home. And so we're at the house. We're all staying there. It's very cramped, very like everyone's on top of each other. No, they're not.

What? And I'm in the kitchen. Like we're doing the washing up after like dinner. And then I can hear that everyone's gone into the family room to watch the TV. And they're watching Funniest Home Videos. America's Funniest Home Videos. America's Funniest Home Videos. And they're like, oh, we've seen this one before. We've seen this one before.

And I'm like, what's going on, guys? Yeah, well, have you seen this one before? And Mike's like, no, we haven't. Yes, we have, Dad. Well, you've seen this one before. And I was like, no, we haven't. Yes, we have dad. It's the Christmas edition episode. And they're like, no,

we haven't. Yes, we have. She's about to fall off the swing. And then the little girl falls off the swing and like, see there, right there. She fell off the swing.

We seen this one. This is your favorite Mike story. I no so then everyone goes to bed except like that that was just supplementary story no this is just to give you a sense of how they talk to the television they're not enjoying america's funniest home videos but they've watched it enough that they've seen all the episodes and are now watching reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos, which I would dare say is one of the few shows with absolutely zero review value. And the way of proving it was that they were watching a girl on a swing and they proved it because she fell off it. Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed it. Which you wouldn't be able to guess otherwise. But there was this like, and they weren't laughing or enjoying it.

They were just fighting with each other about whether they'd seen funniest home videos yeah and knew what was going to happen next and had to prove it to the other person in the family he was arguing with his like 13 and 10 year old daughter like jesus anyway so then the kids have gone to bed i'm still up because i'm 14 and whatever and he's watching Law and Order SVU in the background. And me and my aunt are just sitting talking in the kitchen. And he's like yelling at the TV because he's seen the episode before. And he's like, he did it.

He did it. And it's like silent. We continue talking like, yeah, so i'm going to school this is my favorite classes yeah yeah because he raped her oh my god just screaming at the screen like he's gonna get a prize for knowing what happened. Oh, my God. It's just like this guy on TV is full of shit. He's lying to the police. Oh, my God.

And this is your dad's brother? No, this is he married in. Oh. He's from Pennsylvania. Wow. Grew up next to the Hershey's factory Wow Not actually I think he grew up in like a trailer park near there

Okay Yeah Cool Like literally a trailer park Wow Which is quite cool Is it? No, I don't think so

I think it was very poor Yeah But, yeah What a wild ride Yeah What are we talking about? Age. Well, I think...

Because we're right! I mean, growing up, I was always, like, always enamored with 14. Because 14 was the age that you could become an Evangelion pilot. I thought my story was depressing. There you go again, Zeller. But as I grew older, I was like, 14? What the fuck does a 14-year-old know about anything? Why are they letting them pilot giant robots in the show Evangelion?

Yeah. 14 is too young for that we should write a letter thank god kara was 15 why would they let that happen well because oh god you don't want me to go there how did this policy get enacted although 14 well it's because to have a you know connection with the evangelion you need to you know and the soul of their mothers were in the Evangelion. What? But then I was enamored with 27.

Before you were 27? Yeah. So there's no age you look back on and say that was the best age? Well, no, because I'm having the time of my life right now. I've never been better. No, I think that age is like, I just could not care less about age. I just think age is so stupid. I think that like.

Aging, you think it's bad or you think. No, I think it's fine. It doesn't change anything for you. No, it's like. But you must admit that there are very clearly different times in your life that have different moods and vibes. Yes, but that doesn't matter. It's not a consequence of age. You don't think?

Like partially, but I just think the idea of like... You don't think like you at 21 is very different to you at 37? No, not really. You are a different person now. If you met you at 21, you'd be horrified. If I met myself now, you'd be horrified if i met myself now i would be horrified so again what do you think 21 year old zelda moon would think of 37 year old zelda moon i just like like would you hang out and play games? Probably. Because at 21, I didn't care about someone's age. Like, I just, oh, I just think it's so boring.

Like, I suppose I'm talking about more about like dating and hooking up and like, to a lesser extent, your social circle. But like, I just don't care. Like, I've never cared. Age is just a number. I just, it perplexes me on like dating apps where people are like around my age or like 35 and under or like 45 and under or like between 25 or like when they're 27 and it's like between 20 and 30. Yeah. It's like, oh, so you'll go seven under but three over. Yeah. Like why?

What? Like what? I just think what happens on the day after your birthday when you turn 31 yeah you're no longer are you would i have any interest in even speaking to you yeah like why it's just so stupid well you've got to draw an arbitrary line in the sand somewhere certainly you have one what's your upper limit? I think it's just more about personal interest. And if you have something to talk about. If you met a World War II veteran who was really into Evangelion.

Then maybe that's my person. But since that's unlikely. At 100 years. yeah but since that's unlikely at a hundred years um yeah i just think age is so interesting but also like not important in the way that society puts importance on it i think when i was younger i definitely shared that view i think now when i look at like young people who i love like the vibe the vitality the fun and you can have like some iconic like moments but at the same time i'm like you are very young like i note how young you are if you're like 21 yes but you i'm like wow you're young yeah but you love doing that you love being like i'm old now i'm old oh i don't do i don't do

those things because that's what young people do you do that all the time plenty of things that young people do there is no young people thing do yeah you do anything you want there is young people thing do no there isn't yes you could go on a flying fox if you wanted yeah but you know what okay supposing you're correct supposing that like all the young people thing do is just all people thing do yes then i'm saying the way you might approach it your attitude during it and the the sort of conversations and experiences you have along the way and the process of the thing we do yeah then that's the difference perhaps it's not the event but it's the way you interpret it the way you approach it yeah you have more wisdom now and not even just yeah just your general attitude i think is a little bit shifted and like you do notice when someone

is younger because they're not responding in the same way that you are. Yeah. With sheer delight. They might have, yeah, a different way of approaching. Matt, what do you think? You educate the young. Like kids? Yeah.

Yeah. They have a different approach. They have a very different approach, yes. They have a different way of thinking about the world, six-year-olds. Yeah. It's funny, like I teach from about grade three, mostly grade three to grade six. And when I start teaching them violin in grade three, they're like,

oh, this is something I have to do. And then there's a real shift in grade three to grade four and they're just suddenly like, wait a minute, I don't have to do anything. And they can just start like, wait a minute, I don't have to do anything. And they can just start like questioning everything. Yeah. And it's just interesting watching them gain that consciousness. Yeah.

Something suddenly stirs inside. Yeah. Fuck you, man. Yeah, they're like, wait, why are we doing all of this? You know, it's not just music. It's like everything. Yeah. At school.

Yeah. And they become monsters yeah then they become real annoying yeah so the number what age well i think that the reggie's women kind of have it together. I think like a 50 something. 54. 54 feels very like, I might go on a cruise at 54. Yeah. Like I could see that for me. I wouldn't do it now is what I'm saying.

But at 54, I could consider a cruise. Yeah. Because I think it's going to be more fun then. Honestly, Zelda, that thing do. Cruise. They do cruise at 54 like that just i'm like margarita cruising at 34 yeah exactly that yeah i aspire to 54 i look back and i say what age is fabulous what age is fabulous because you have i just think that you should

be fabulous yeah but like think about the things you have access to you don't have access you have more money now than you ever did yeah like and that's a consequence of age you're not gonna just be able to walk into the job that you have now yeah as a multi-millionaire ceo charlotte tilbury like some people obviously do because they're just born into means or whatever. But like for you specifically, at this time in your life, based on your experience in time, you could now live on your own. Have a bird bath. Yeah.

Have your own bath. Yeah, I think that it's less, yeah, age is tied to financial stability or freedom yeah depending on how you've lived your life yeah yeah and that's i think i mean i was working in hospital i was just so poor but i was also having fun going to uni that's the other thing though is like because of how age exists in our culture like uni is never as fun i don't think than when you're like just out of high school because when you hear people go back to uni they're like it was good but there were all these fucking kids there and it kind of sucked because they're so annoying also like you've submitted your

fucking assignment or whatever did i need to know about that on instagram if you've submitted your fucking assignment or whatever. Did I need to know about that on Instagram? If you've chosen to enroll and study, congratulations. Like if you hate it so much, pull out bitch. Fuck off. Go on. I keep getting all these memories on Facebook from like 10,

I guess it was more than 10 years ago. But all my posts were like uni-related stuff, like this assignment is killing me. And like does anyone know where we can find the questions for this essay? It's so good. I was like. Shut up. That doesn't matter.

I was so annoying yeah oh i hate when my like memory box opens up from facebook i'm like oh shut up i really want to delete my facebook account yeah oh i'm so over it oh so 54 maybe no but i'm trying to think about the age that I look back on fondly. I really loved high school. That was so fabulous and chic. I'd love to be like 16, 17. No. I mean, the last year of high school, that was fun. You're so demonic.

Because you, like, had your friends. Some of them had, like, a license so you could like get booze. And you could like house parties were never as fun as they were in high school. Like or maybe just into uni. Like a really fabulous house party. They have such different lives. I fucking hated high school. So not 16

Not 16 Not 17? No What about 18? No What about 19? Absolutely not 20?

We are not going under 27 Under 27? What about 25? 25 was good No I feel like 25 was like Like you're halfway through your 20s Yeah You're having a good time I think 24 is just another like extra year 25 was like, you're halfway through your 20s. Yeah.

You're having a good time. I think 24, those are just another extra year. I think we need an age to aspire towards, like 96. Well, I'm not aspiring towards 96, unfortunately. Nothing's good at 96. 103. Nothing's good at, nothing's better at 96, is what I'd say. Except for bragging.

Like everything is couched in like, how marvelous I walked down to get the newspaper today. The only thing that contributed to like positive parts of society was the letter from the queen at 100. And now she's dead. Yeah. What's the point? What, you think I want a letter from a king?

No. King? How's he going? What? You think I want a letter from a king? No. King? How's he going to write them with those sausage hands? Oh, wow. That's quite cruel. What? Ew. Imagine getting a letter from the king.

Coughing up blood onto a letter. Ew. I don't. King. Kill him. God. up blood onto a letter. Ew. I don't. King. Kill him. God. Put him on a list. Yeah.

I think, like, that's the thing. I'm, like, torn because it's, like, I don't want to be just, like, in this for myself. I'm in it for the bunker, you know? You know what I. So there's a point where talking about age as in. Age. Where it goes from being endearing to be like, I'm four and in three months I'll be five.

Yeah. To an adult being like, I'm nearly 28. I'm like, so you're 27. I know how age works and also how numbers work. One will come after the other and I'll accept it from the seven-year-old who's really excited for their eighth birthday party. Yeah. But like, yeah, girl, you'll be 37 next year.

Like you don't want to hear people talk about their upcoming birthday. I get it. I know how it works. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, I'm nearly 40 nearly 40 okay so how old are you tell me now boo when is it acceptable stroke of midnight like i will be 40 in three seconds oh i love 1201 birthday messages happy birthday um yeah that is the one thing we've lost.

Like I feel like back in the Facebook days, you'd get like messages from like you felt like a celebrity. You'd get messages from like the most obscure people in your life being like, happy birthday, Rob. And you're like, thanks. Thank you for the confetti emoji. Guy I met 10,000 years ago. But now it's like just the core for you

maybe then it's like no i don't know but you know what i also don't like is just people not being into their birthday i don't really do anything i don't really well me this year yes leave me alone i didn't want to do anything what's that about why is this such a well widespread phenomena is that yes everyone is like like it's the new in vogue thing is to not be into your birthday i just like i've celebrated it enough and such broad levels do you know to me it's tantamount to people who are like we're not going to get married because we don't believe in the institution but we are going to have a great party when then when are we having a great party because if we're taking another excuse to have a giant party off the board i just don't want to live in this world oh like we got you know we just don't

have excuses to party and if every year someone throws a fabulous birthday party for themselves i'll be there that sounds sounds great. Thank you. As long as it's a fun time and they're not annoying. And I don't feel tired that night. Also, the temperature has to be radical. But, oh, I love. You're a regular party animal. You're right.

Yeah. I am at a birthday party. What was it? Okay. To me, like, it goes like if there's something to celebrate, I'll be there and I'll party. I am at a birthday party but what was it? okay to me like it goes like if there's something to celebrate

I'll be there and I'll party celebrate celebrate but you know what I mean like if it's just a club night out that's different because it's like

well what are we doing here what's the event what's the guts Saturday what's the shape of this event that we're enjoying like what's the the story

whereas if it's like about conversation ruminating on this person their life their influence on us like a collection of people who don't normally get together because they're from all different parts of this one person that's fabulous that i love bringing in all the different gems yeah look at my collection look at my gorgeous friends look at the sapphire discussing life with the emerald. They don't normally cross paths. And some of them hate each other and some of them like each other.

Yes. Yeah. Ooh, and when the amber stone's next to the, I don't know. Diamond. Other one. And you're like, you're so similar. Look at you awkwardly being next to each other. Yeah, I hate it when they don't immediately become best friends.

Oh, Matt, what age should we put in the bunker? Just do 30 30 30 You're kind of like still young enough that you can do everything You can go for a hike and everything Go for a hike But you've kind of gotten all your 20s stuff out of your system

And that's the good idea You've got a little bit of wisdom but not not enough to, like, make you jaded. Jaded? Zelda's not jaded. God, I've never been so jaded. Jaded. How old are you, Zelda? You sound just like the people making that weird Lego town.

How old are you? She can't tell. How old am I? Yeah, he's like, you're an androgynous age it's um well do you want to reveal i was first conceived um first conceived when you're born yeah um several millennia ago distant galaxy of course i've spent some time on this planet observing things and some time on some other planets. So, you know, that's why age is really kind of a novel concept for me.

Abstract concept for you. You're just immortal like the vampire. Yeah. Northern vampire. Yeah. Me and Nosferatu have a lot in common. Nosferatu's coming up a lot on this show. I know. I just can't stop thinking about Nosferatu.

Okay. Okay. 30. Oh, I feel like it's really depressing if we put in an age that's under our age. Well, I can feel that energy coming off you right now. Like you're worried about putting something in the past tense. But I don't mind that. No, it should be in front. So we have something to look forward to.

Because we've said that it's the good age. I think you're too depressed to have this conversation this week. Yeah. I want to put something depressed to have this conversation this week. Yeah. I want to put something in the past so we can be like, that was great. Okay. Then it should be like two.

Two? Yeah. No one will be able to talk or do anything. No, we're not changing people's age. It's just like, what age? Wait, we're not changing people's age? No. I think everyone who was in was just that age forever. No.

Baby Meg. No. See? Yuck. It's awful. It's more just like the idea of an age. Oh, I don't know about that.

I think maybe they can be physiologically whatever age they currently are but everyone has to say that they're this age in order for it to have a meaningful impact on the bone marrow.

So when you have your meaningful impact you just want to freeze the bunker as it is. You just... What, you think everyone in there is plus? Yeah. That's the show, Zelda.

Yeah, right. What are you doing? I think that there's a giant plus in the corner. There's a lot of things that are just in the corner. We got Georges in the roof, and then we've got a plus, and then we've got many other abstract concepts you don't want applying to Bayonetta. Yes.

Just leave her alone. 30? 30. Okay. I'd say 30 or 25. No, not 25. I hate 25. Oh, my God.

What happened? Are you okay? I don't remember. What happened at 25? What was I doing at 25? I don't remember. What happened at 25? What was I doing at 25? I don't remember. No, I think at 25. Someone with a lot of trauma says.

At 25. Mike would be yelling at the screen right now. I've seen it. Yeah, because it's in the past, Mike. You're right. We should look forward. How can you put in something that you haven't experienced yet, though? Or is it just the idea of it that you like?

I, unlike others on this podcast panel, have hope. Why don't we just say 40? I have vision for the future. What about 40? No, I'm not interested in 40. 39. I don't know about 40. 40 is too like.

39. 39 is a good one. Well, what if it doesn't live up to the standard of 30? Because I feel like a lot of people would say. Wait, when did you have a kid? Me? Yeah. Last year.

Yeah, but how old were you? I'm an unknown number. Vanity. No, I am 33 as of recording this right now. Okay. So you have done a lot of the like big life milestones. Yeah. You know, like you've got a house, you've got a life partner,

you've got a kid. Yeah, a wedding. You had a wedding. So you kind of like don't have as much to worry about as much as Zelda and I do. Yeah. If you instead were, imagine this, you were at the exact same age you're at now,

except no wife, no child, no house. Do you want a wife and a child and a house? No, no real career path. But you are the proud owner of a bird bath. So in that situation, if you could possibly imagine it, what age would you be looking forward or backward on, yeah, that was a really good one? Well, it depends on how you feel about your stage of life right now.

If you feel like you haven't achieved enough. Well, you can't be directing that at me. This is a hypothetical. No, because if you go backwards in time, then you could do whatever you wanted. If you're 25, you've got so much to look forward to. You know what? You are right.

Instead of an age, we're putting in a time machine. Excellent suggestion yet again. And you're right. It should be in the form of a hot tub. Yes, the hot tub time machine. That's what we'll be putting in the bunker. What a perfect way to end the age discussion. I'm going to go in for a little bubble bath.

And I'll be reliving my glorious age of 24. Something tells me your hot tub time machine might include you getting into the bath with the toaster. Take me back in time, darling. A bird bath time machine. Yeah. Some of those birds are de-aging. Oh, yeah.

Well, this episode of Death to Everyone might be the death of someone. No, that's good. A time machine. A bird bath time machine. Yeah, you missed that while you were thinking about your own death. Bird bath time machine, what do you think? Bird bath time, well. But it's also a hot tub, so you can have a hot tub with the birds.

No, I think a hot tub room's good. Well, considering we're talking about what age, we didn't ask what machine. You really just don't want to commit to any of these ages, do you? I just think age is so whatever. We really have hit the third nail. If you think whatever, then lazy should decide. Yeah. I don't care about age, but I-

Sounds like you want to pick a number. But it sounds like you really care about age more than anyone else but i will say it's just meant to be a funny little thing we were just meant to be having fun it's like oh what how old are you today on your birthday it's like i'm this age yeah yeah you know like obviously you're not that age yeah Because people will still age normally in the bunker. What? And you won't be aging at all. You're a celestial goddess.

See? You'll just be the same forever. You can do whatever you want. I don't want the Meg to be 30. She can be like, no, she is still 20 million years old, but she has to say, how old are you, Meg? And she goes, 40. If everyone's lying about their age, then it should be 27

because that's the age that Fran Drescher lies about. Oh. Yeah, see, that's why I was saying 39 because I feel like people who are 40 would always just like perpetually just say. 39. I think 39 sounds like 499 on your phone bill or whatever you're like it still sounds old yeah 39 is not a young number 39 if you're if you're 45 it's what you would choose like you wouldn't be able to get away with i could get it but i would say 40 and then you're

the youngest 40 not the oldest 30 yes you know yeah yeah yeah but I would say Like we need it to be believable So yeah 27 Wait let me just fact check this Like yeah the 27 club With Amy Winehouse And um Heath And Heath Ledger

And you know all the kids Jim Morrison Kurt Cobain Yeah All the famous ones that died Dynamic Janis Joplin And Heath Ledger and, you know, all the kids. Jim Morrison. Kurt Cobain. Yeah. All the famous ones that died. Dynamite. Janis Joplin.

Jeannie Joplin. Oh, my God. Cops are coming for you. They found us. 27 it is. Everyone in the bunker now insists that they're 27 years old. That's fun. See, I like that.

Why didn't you say that? I did. And if they want to kill themselves with a toaster in the time machine. Wait, are we also doing a time machine hot tub? Maybe. Does it work? No. Okay, good.

No, it barely works for a hot tub. Which time machine gets in? Perfect. We have to watch Hot episode Which Time Machine gets in Perfect We have to watch Hot Tide Time Machine Yeah Because I've never seen that Why the hell would I watch that? It's awful But what if it's really good?

It was pretty funny I enjoyed it They go back in time And they They They play No don't Don't spoil it Matt

Let's get started by the Black Eyed Peas To that People in the 80s And they think it's amazing Matt you're ruining the film They play- No, don't spoil it, Matt. Let's get started by the Black Eyed Peas to that. People in the 80s and they think it's amazing. Matt, you're ruining the film. That's not going to give away anything. I don't think I'm ever going to see this movie. Well, get ready for Movie Club on the Patreon. That's true.

Yeah, we'll add it to the list. Yeah. Okay, great. So wait, what have we done this week? So we've done the bird bath. That is added. The bird bath. That is canon.

Is in. Charlotte? She's in. Charlotte the stingray is in. Yeah. Then we discussed. Which, oh, Georgius is now in the air duct. Yes.

Above the printer. Congratulations. And she's kind of doing a little like split slide. And then, of course, everyone now in the bunker has to insist that they're 27 years old. 27 years old. And we have the hot tub time machine. With plugged in toaster. And a toaster?

Yeah. That's the time machine. She's going back in time light stim she went back in time she left behind her old form well it's not like she can die why because it's only one way to die in the bunker yeah but that's why it's called going back in time quote unquote it's a loophole yeah i see you know like if you don't want to go pompeii room you can go back in time oh well what an incredibly optimistic episode of death to everyone this has been fabulous what episode number is this we're

getting close to the one year mark listener i can't believe we've done one of these every fucking week. Yeah, that's crazy. The past year. And now Gelda's just, she's had it. What? I love my bird bath. Another year closer to death. I love that stingray.

See, I love it all. We're getting very close to the 50. Yeah. The big 5-0 close to the 50. Yeah. The big 5-0. That's cool. Okay. Incredible. Well, listener.

I'll talk to you later. TTYL. Oh. Oh. Do you have like a private chat with the listener, do you? Yeah. Huh? I say things to them.

They can't see in front of you. Planning for your special day Okay Goodbye If you'd like to contact us or send us a fan fiction, you can do so. Send us a message at death to everyone pod at gmail.com. And why don't you support us, please, on patreon.com slash death to everyone. Goodbye. Bye-bye. you