Death To Everyone - Death To... Appliances, Ellen Degeneres & LGBTQIA+

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

This week the godesses are back in the studio after a 3 week break. Important discussions take place surrounding kitchen appliances, talk show hosts and the LGBTQIA+ community. Join us to find out what is going into the bunker. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Crab Hello there. Oh, Suleng, your sister. Oh, balagda to you. How are you? I'm good. How the fuck are you? How do you get out of bed in the morning? How do you sleep I'm good. How the fuck are you? How do you get out of bed in the morning? How do you sleep at night?

Yeah. My name is Lazy Susan. And I'm Zelda Moon. And you, dear, beautiful, sensual, yet brave, yet kind, but with hands that are firm like a dock worker. You, my dear dear are our listener and you specifically are listening to the number one pod in australia as awarded by the podcast regulatory commission for young australians as of last week. Congratulations to us. Which is huge news.

Very fabulous. Very exciting. And this, of course, is Death to Everyone. Wait, is that a lie? No, it was a full fib. Oh. But, Zelda, we need to start making things up about this show. Starting to. Like it's good and it's short yeah um this show is called death to

everyone it is a show where two celestial drag queens decide upon what needs to go into a bunker um after the apocalypse to be preserved for the next generation yeah like the seed bank the seed bank yeah where's that. Yeah. Where are we? Flashback Friday. Doing episode one again? Yes. Seed Vault. It's a soft reboot.

After the award. All the new people that came because of the award. Oh my God. So, here you are. You're back on land. That's right. So, for those of you listening at home, you might not have clocked but we have not recorded an episode in three weeks because we spent two nights recording four episodes of this godforsaken fucking show

and you can tell that there's two of them that are the late shows yeah the ones where we're really loopy and it's just the ones with just the two of us yeah and those ones are cursed like so cursed so um think about that but yeah i've just been away for three weeks in mexico and zelda has been back here just keeping the home fires burning yes she keeps lighting those home fires check your smoke alarms, everyone. How was your time in Mexico? It was so good. I had such a dreamy little time. Oh, here's the best part. This is a real kicker.

You suck any dick? Sail the moon. Or just your boyfriend's dick. So we were at this party. Did you see anyone suck dick? We were at this party and it was in a church and it was this gay guy local gay guy on the scenes birthday dick sucker he was a dick sucker and he had his birthday and we didn't know him but he owned a local pilates studio and was turning 50 and i think he was rich wealth i know i know he was wealthy but like he was like he wasn't rich because of a pilates

studio he was wealthy because life full of happiness yeah what do you mean no i think it's more just that uh you have a you have time to have a pilates studio it was a wealthy person's folly oh it was like oh well i'll open a pilates studio because i'm rolling in oil money or something like that and he was a party boy and so all of his friends were like the cross-section of like mexico city party scene for the last 30 or 40 years. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he said, I'm turning 500. And he said, because I'm a vampire.

And so everyone had to come dressed as vampires and come to this church. And it was stunning. And there was free bar, 100% free the whole night. And there was a little confessional set up where everyone could do cocaine quietly. And then there was tacos outside. And everyone legitimately committed to the vampire theming. And there was all different types of vampires. Wait, what do you mean?

Like there was, you know, like your Queen of the Damns. There was your classic Dracula. There was Nosferatus. There was like Buffy's. There was, you know,s there was your classic dracula there was nosferatus there was like buffies there was you know like there was everything amazing so it was very fab it was me and benign girl and benign girl's fiancee raf who was the reason we've been invited to this party and me and benign uh being silly bintis on the dance floor just having a boog and this little mexican gay boy comes up to us and he says are you the beastie girls i'm just remembering that you told me this story and me and benign were like what the fuck we are

at a private party in the other side of the fucking world who are you and he's like i loved your youtube channel and he said like where's zelda and we're like she's not here and then we danced and laughed and laughed and danced but what a fucking surreal moment that's so cool. That was great. I was at work when you were sending me all these various videos of this very cool like party cathedral, like in the stock room at work looking at the party happening in Mexico and I was very sad.

Well, you know, I think everyone was exactly where they needed to be. sad well you know i think everyone was exactly where they needed to be that stock wasn't going to stock itself oh my god the world needs you well there were some dicks that needed sucking and where were you and also the day before i left i realized my australian passport was expired what yeah how did you travel i have an american passport oh talking all american but so i left on my american passport and was like i'm gonna fly into mexico on my american passport and the guy at australian customs on my way out was like just so you know you can't get back in with an expired australian passport you should apply for like a visa or something oh my god and i was like oh thank you duly noted and then when i went

through san fran it was very chic came in on my american passport and the woman looked at me and she said welcome home sir and i said oh thank you said sulangyo to you and then went through mexico tried on one of my off days to like do this visa thing that the guy was don't lie no i went through it and then it was like do you have any supporting documents and i was like well my passport for australian they were like you don't need to apply for a visa you you're an australian citizen you should have a passport. And I was like, well, that takes six weeks, doesn't it, website? Yeah. Left that. Wasn't going to deal with that.

And then Curjan, boyfriend, said, so did you screenshot that to show to customs? I think you should probably try and figure something out. Now, just to give you a little mind picture, those of you playing at home, Curjan is a spreadsheet boy. He's a planner. He's, you know, what time am I getting up tomorrow kind of person. Not me. What time am I waking up tomorrow?

I don't know. We'll find out tomorrow, I guess. You know what I mean? Like it's just too much. I do know. The world is stressful enough without planning. So then we come back to Australia. Cur coach it's been like i don't know i'm just a bit worried about you getting back in because you'll have just spent 21 hours flying

like there's a chance they'll just turn you around and send you home anyway he got to custom skate got to the guy and was like hi here's my american passport and he's like oh and how are you getting in i was like and my australian passport which is expired and he's like oh and how are you getting in i was like and my australian passport which is expired and he was like huh okay we'll come on through who needs to worry zelda moon he said the guy that i'd come out through had made a note on my file oh and that was all good well that's kind yeah i would have been been, I am stressed just hearing this. If you stress. Even knowing that it's still expired.

No, but I have a new passport in the process. Yeah. So it'll be. That's another lie, but go on. By the time of distribution, I have another passport in the process. Yeah. It's pretty easy. Anyway, how have you been while I've been gone?

So lonely. Did you do anything fun? Did you go on any dates? I have had a few little dates. I only want to hear about either really good ones or boring ones. I've had some exceptionally boring ones. Amazing. I've been going on a few dates with um a man who works in finance

and karen not garen from finance um yeah and he's a really like sweet very handsome guy but he is like i he is so boring what what happened on a boring day okay so on the first date we were talking and you know everyone does overtime right like you know oh i started whatever but i'll be there till you know i just stay back today whatever yeah yeah so he works in an office and that's you know office life and it's like okay but what if you arrived at nine and you left at five? Like what would happen? Like I know you usually get there at eight, but what if you got there at nine? It's like, I don't know what you mean.

It's like, well, or, you know, like I know you usually stay back to like six or like 630. But what if you like got up at your desk and left at five o'clock? And you're like, I finished work for the day. I get paid till five and now I'm leaving. It's like i i don't do that i usually have to stay back it's like yes but what is wrong with this fucking generation what if you had to what if you just did it he's like but i i wouldn't do that i don't i don't do that i have to stay back i've got lots of work to do well like why is everyone such a fucking narc? Like, when did this happen? But, like, just the inability to even, like, play with the fantasy land of... That's his fantasy land.

Well, no, like, that's my fantasy land. Can't even get there. Like, it was just very, like, down the line, and I like that. You like that? Yeah. You like that future? No, but I like hearing about it far away far away and where what was the setting for this conversation we were in a korean restaurant in the city

um delish he also had a great butt so you know maybe you need to marry a boring man i think so maybe that's the thing maybe that's the key i like it stop chasing conversation and personality maybe that's you're wasting your time well i like i mean my semi ex or whatever it's a very boring person and i still find him fascinating well there's a thing where you get so boring that it loops around to being some of the most entertaining people you've ever met absolutely yeah that's probably boring is the wrong boring sounds derogatory but it's not that it's just like play very like i don't know focused i guess what do you mean you're not getting distracted by things i don't understand that i just every single person needs to stop working overtime

unless you are getting paid handsomely yes yeah why like and beyond like why it's like like you're gonna die one day yeah like news to you hello like your death is imminent you are a rare chance your consciousness shouldn't exist yeah and yet by all fucking outsized odds of the world you do exist and you're telling me you're wasting your fucking experience of everything at a desk doing the same thing every day yeah why even if you got fired even if it all fell to shit it would be better than you wasting your fucking life yeah on some expectation that this is good for you or good for your career to what boring don't do it you are you will trick yourself yeah into wasting your entire life doing this and it just it's like

as soon as you stop acting like it needs to happen or like it matters the world will respond to that energy if you just say to your boss like hey very frankly i'm not working overtime unless i'm paid for this what's your plan they have to then answer and legally they have to like they have to answer within what's happening with work work practices in this country which means that they do have to pay you or compensate you for your time reasonably so like yeah you know within reason i'm not saying never work overtime if you're really engaged and excited with what you're doing but like it's seldom worth it yeah it's not worth you waking up 30 years from now realizing you've fucking wasted your life so good thank god I stayed back at work that Tuesday.

Yeah. Nah. Okay, so last pod that was just us. We did experience the moon wind. Moon wind. Yeah. And now it is your turn to decide the fate of this little fucking speck of dust in the galaxy. So for my apocalypse this week, I would like...

Have you ever heard of Stephen King's cell? I've heard of Dragon Ball Z's cell. Different cell. This is like a cellular telephone. Everyone picks up their phone one day. Like a beacon is sent through every possible phone. Yeah. one day like a beacon is sent through every possible phone yeah and when you answer the call and put it to yeah it sends a signal into your brain and you become apps like a murderer

immediately a crazed psychopath and so on this day everyone goes crazy that's picked up their phone and kills every other person. And then, yeah. So that's what I'd like. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Crazy phone.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. Crazy phone. Hello. Hello, Barbara. I'm going to have to call you. Wow. Crazy phone. What about all the animals?

How are they going to die? Well, I assume that there's people that have phones who work in the nuclear oh like you know like the nuclear buttons industry and um they're gonna they're gonna be off killing and so when the nuclear power plants you know you need to cycle them um so when they go down, the core overheats when the water evaporates. And then that causes nuclear meltdowns all across the world. Because everyone's off killing. And then the power grid goes down and all the, you know,

like basically just everything that needs maintenance within the year starts, you know, blowing up. Yeah. You know, there's gas pipelines running across this entire country. What happens when the, you know, the guy that's meant to not light it on fire doesn't come to work? Yeah. Okay.

Well, with that, let's go into our very first round of paperwork. It's going to make it into the bunker. Yes. Okay. Okay. the bunker yes okay okay let's take a break bye hello hello hello hi it's the murder phone. Hello. Lose your mind. Okay, my darling sister. It is time for us to discuss. Do you wait?

Do you think that if you had a murder phone and it only went through Apple, Android people would be so smug about that, wouldn't they? Oh, they'd love to talk about how they didn't kill anybody what did you rather be covered in my neighbor's blood than have an android um same i suppose that would be the first to die well you'd be the first to die because you would do the ios update before i would this is true you'd get the murder but that's i would kill you first you die first crush my scov finally payback for never updating your apps oh god oh this i just updated while i was away because there was an issue on my phone that i need to try and resolve it was running on data

from 2017 oh yada yada yada yada if they can't get it right in 2017, why do I trust them to get it right now? Okay. And so anyway, updated, and suddenly there was all this trash. Every time I opened my phone, it was garbage. What a widget. I don't care. Do you know every time they update technology, it's just to tell you what the fucking weather is? They can't think about a single thing.

They're like, but you could find out what the weather is. Oh, get yourself a Google Home. It could tell you what the fucking weather is they can't think about a single thing they're like but you could find out what the weather is oh get yourself a google home it could tell you what the weather is i'm like i don't want to know what the weather is thanks i'm fine how do you do you look at the weather before you get dressed no what do you mean who cares yeah but you will when you're sweaty baby i'm always sweaty whether has shit all to do with what's happening in my regulatory system. Oh, my God. I have horny chats sometimes with this guy who's obsessed with free-balling. And he talks to me. Every time I talk to him, he's like, yeah, I'm free-balling today.

I'm like, okay. And he's like, I'm so sweaty. My balls are sticking to my leg i'm like well yes just like every other time you've told me like uh-huh i just i mean like sometimes people have the shittest kings free bowling the guy that has a thing for just like jerking off with people yeah yeah i hate that like gooning not gooning with a mate no vibe like gooning is at least a thing yeah this is just like oh we're gonna jerk off together and it's like you know the the the value of having another person there is that you don't have to jerk off no there's more options all of a sudden i just can't but it's not even like and then we'll have sex or whatever it's no this guy

i'm speaking about someone specific yeah his whole thing is just that he wants to jerk off with people there like with like your little legs rubbing together maybe maybe but he's very specific and he doesn't want any like additional like no contact what about no so no like hand on thigh maybe a hand on thigh but not like a blow job or not like you know like it's just like honey get a fucking life i'm so sorry but what are we doing here just do it next to a pillow put a pillow next to you i know it's just like how many other people have that kink so it's like you if you have that kink wouldn't you spend your life apologizing for forcing other people to do something so lame so

boring so boring yeah like i don't know yeah i'm free bowling yeah okay yeah sticky and the the worst thing though and this is kind of we've spoken about this a little bit but it's just like when the expectation is like a huge investment from you yes either financial to buy equipment or to be involved or like to somehow become like a meryl Streep level actor. Yes. Like. To engage in the phantasmagoria of it all. Yeah. There was a guy back, back, back in the day that used to like,

his whole thing was that he was asleep. He was like, come. He was like, come over to my house. I'll leave the door unlocked. Yes. And I'll be asleep.

Yes. And you like hook up with me. Like you jerk me off in my sleep. Yes. He's very unlocked. Yes. And I'll be asleep. Yes. And you like hook up with me. Like you jerk me off in my sleep. Yes. He's very hot. Yes. Maybe very hot. He was very,

he's hot. But anyway, so his whole thing. And I'm like, okay, great. That sounds good. Yeah.

So he's like, okay. And he's like, well, um, let me know when you're heading over and I'll unlock the door, like put it on the unlock and then I'll go to sleep. And I'm like, honey, you're a millennial.

You're not going to fall asleep in 10 minutes. What are you thinking? Oh, my God. And so the worst part of this whole kink was that we had to both pretend like he was actually falling asleep. Did, have, have I not told you that I've had sex with this person as well? Oh, no. What?

Yeah. Did he live in? He lives in. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Because I know another person who has hooked up with him. And I know that we've spoken about it.

I feel like you've told me that story before though. Why didn't I tell you that I talked up with him as well? that we've spoken about it i feel like you've told me that story before though why didn't i tell you that i talked up with him as well well the sleeping beauty so like the way he's in an apartment building and you need to like go in the little like back door thing there was no back door i came through the lobby oh maybe he just sends the Uggos through the back door. Pardon? I don't want anyone believing that you're touching my unconscious body. No. The Uggos?

I withdraw that statement. Wow. No, but then he was like, I can unlock my apartment door. Yeah. But it only stays unlocked like where you don't, you can just put in the key code and it will unlock automatically. Yeah. For like 30 minutes or whatever. So this whole stupid kink, which would work if you lived in a house that you could just walk into. Yes.

Work, if you lived in a house that you could just walk into, is now completely destroyed. Because we have to believe that you're setting the alarm code so that it's fully unlocked. You're going to your bed, lying down, falling asleep immediately within that 30 or 25 minutes. Bullshit. And you're arriving and getting unhinged. Yeah. Yeah. And then, I don't know, it also is just a kink that is you being the fucking worst lover in the world.

Yeah, there's a lie in there. And just being lazy as shit. And we're just serving you. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Boring. Yeah. Although, I mean, maybe it wasn't the same guy.

Maybe it was. It definitely was. But we, he fucked me. So, like, he was lying there. And there and i like had to sit on his dick and there was a point where like we went onto the floor yes like so we kind of got up but i distinctly remember that he was like had his eyes closed and he just kind of like got up like like like i'm asleep i stood up and lay on the ground and then i like sat on his dick again on the ground and then like after a while he like did the same thing but to get back on the bed and then after he came it was like and we had pre-discussed this it was like you

have to like tuck me back in and then like after he, after he came in, I, like, had to, like, pull the sheets up and then I left. The pretend sleeping throughout. It's insane. But, like, a lot of those kinks where it's about, like, ceding control to someone else over your, like, quote unquote, like, unconscious body or just ceding control of your body in general. Yeah. The person who's ceding control is inevitably the most type A control freak piece of shit that you've ever encountered in your whole life.

And they are so bossy. Yeah. That I'm like, no one has ever taken control over you or your body because you are so fucking annoying. Everything has to be exactly, exactly how you want it specifically yeah you need to just chill out yeah anyway our first topic for discussion is kitchen appliances and which one goes into the bunker zelda i want you to know you're not an uggo oh thank you i just everyone listening you can't see Zelda and despite sounds

to the contrary she's not an ugger or a swamp hog she's a very fetching young woman oh thank you although I never

took a swamp hog as an insult till now did someone put a soda stream machine in or did we just play with it

no Edie did Edie did put her soda stream in yeah okay did we just play with it did no ed did ed did put her soda stream in yeah okay so there's one appliance down yeah and we can't pick that and i never would have fucking picked that oh okay i didn't okay do you know what's i hate appliances oh my god this is your topic it's because i want to talk about it. What do you think about microwaves? Would you like rather reheat on a stove and then have a pot to clean or just put in the microwave? On a stove. Although apparently the gas from gas stoves is killing us all. Have you heard this?

I'd rather die. Than hear it? Microwaves are just like maybe for popcorn. Yeah. On a stove top. No, no no no like i think it's like that's probably their use you don't reheat food in a microwave like you add it like leftovers like leftover pasta you're gonna stir fry leftover pasta to warm it up baby i have yeah we all have but you don't choose that method. I don't. I just say the spotty heating freaks me out. Yeah, you have to like mix it through.

It's so hot on the outside and bone cold on the inside. Yeah. What about heating up a lavender bag with a cup of water in it in the microwave? Yeah. I like that. But it's gone wrong for me too many times where you burn the lavender bag. What do you mean? You just accidentally leave it in for too long and then forever more you have this like burnt smell oh

on your heat sack you know kind of yes also they make me anxious those little bean bags filled with heat because i'm like what do i do when it runs cold i don't yeah what if i'm in bed and it's cold now i have to get back up and reheat it when will it ever be enough i don't do it i don't like water bottles i don't like the no yeah um and also like it's not big enough if if my whole bed could be that then sure but what just my feet even then i need one for each ankle. But I do think a microwave, like she's become A-list. It's like no one disputes a house with a microwave. It's almost considered fridge level. Oh, what house doesn't have a microwave?

Matt, your house wouldn't have a microwave, would it? Oh, 100% we do. You're Steiner. Oh, it doesn't matter. Oh, you're Steiner, but you're not Byron. No, definitely not. What? You know, like people from Byron Bay wouldn't have a microwave in their house.

I don't know anyone from Byron Bay. You're the lucky one. Okay. So like A-list appliance. We're not including fridge. Fridge is the diva. Like obviously everyone wants a fridge, but it's not an appliance. No, it's going to be like sit on a tabletop.

Yeah. That's the fridge, oven, dishwashing machine, you're out. Yeah. That's not what we're talking about. That's good. We can talk about white goods in another episode. Yes. A riveting episode coming soon.

Wait for that one, yeah. You know what I hate about microwaves, though, is cleaning that dish, like cleaning the glass plate. Yeah. And then there's the bit of plastic with the three little wheels, and you've got to get it on the right grid so it turns again. Yeah. That is just finicky and annoying. It is annoying. But I like that it's made out of frosted glass.

And I do think- You don't see much frosted glass these days. Remember the 80s when there was those like- Remember the 80s? Not that either of us were really there. But there's like hideous square ice cube glass things that they made lots of fucking ugly house windows out of. They're back, baby. Ooh, I hate those.

I love a glass brick. Glass brick, a small shallow pool of very blue water and like a giant palm frond. Baby. No, I hate that. I want to smack it with a bat. Confrond, baby. No, I hate that. I want to smack it with a bat.

So the thing, plus side of microwave, it's accepted. It has a few uses, which we'll get into about my feelings about appliances with one use. And also it's quite camp to have a little window, a display window window and then like a little revolving platform that's true like food in there is like and then it explodes sometimes yeah yeah that's all very camp that's good also the danger of like no metal never yes and when it does, it's like. But yeah, the whole, the spinning rack and then the window. It's like, that's, that's like high camp, like kitchen theater. Yes. And like the oven, even though she is the original diva.

Yes. Has the window, but there's like, not really the light going on inside. No, the light's temporary. And it's just sitting there. It going on inside the lights and it's just sitting there it's stagnant yeah she's just like what like what what am i meant to do where's that the microwave also then when she's done you know i do know i don't like microwaves where you have to like press the button to release. Because that button press is always very, like, it's a deep press. And it's very mechanical where the rest of the microwave experience has led you to believe that it's a little touchscreen.

Yes. And then you've got the hefty button. I prefer a handle. A handle. Yeah. I'm just going to pull it. Yeah. No. And the slam.

Do you leave, I always leave the microwave door open afterwards. To like let it air out? Yeah. No. Oh, really? She's got it closed. You snap it closed. When am I coming back?

No, because then like. I don't know when I'll be back here. I know that there's moist air in there and then I'm just locking it in. No, there's vents. One of my brother's microwaves, I think current microwave after you use it the vents stay blowing for like 15 seconds i hate that i hate innovation just destroys everything what about a stick blender you call that an appliance i don't know do i guess uh yeah small kitchen appliance yeah but it's not living on the bench it's in a drawer somewhere yeah okay

that's cool yeah i like i like the stick blender yeah that has one oh well it has one function but many purposes that's right yeah yeah you can kind of like purees little yeah yeah and i guess in that like the um with some vanilla essence and maybe some honey the automatic whisker what do you call that the two spinning bitch you know an espresso no she's a handheld mixer oh with the two things and then you lick them yeah yeah for making a whipped pie yeah that's good i like that yeah yeah that's good and that feels like kitchen oh and you can club someone with that because the thing about the two blades on the stick blender is that like i can't see what's happening it's more that's why it's kind of a wand experience because you can't see the little blades doing that work oh twirling and yeah um

okay what about like a pasta machine okay now we're getting into the bullshit. Here we go. Yeah. I hate that. I hate a pasta machine. I just am like, anything that was bought, like there has not been a new appliance that has been like the diva. And every year they try with some truth. Why does everyone have an espresso machine in their house? Pods. What the fuck were you thinking? George, you have a lot to answer for george cluny hello yeah the environment's on the phone i just am like you

it's disgusting coffee and we have the solution you know how to make coffee i'll take an instant coffee over that trash yeah but also they look ugly they They're ugly. But anything in your kitchen bench that is just like a full square on the bench. And like, it's just taking up space. I think like the only acceptable one is the toaster. Oh, you would say toaster. You're not a toast girl? I don't have a toaster. How do you make toast?

I don't have toast. I don't like toast. It's too scratchy on my throat. Baby, you make toast? I don't have toast. I don't like toast. It's too scratchy on my throat. Baby, you've got to lube it up. No, I don't like condiments. It's like banh mi. That hurts me. That's scratchy.

Bread. How have you lived this long? Or like sourdough. Yeah. That's so hard and tough. You live in Carlton. Yeah, I don't eat that i only have my pureed gels no too scratchy oh so wait when you say you don't like condiments

yeah what do you put on your toast okay well no if i was having if i was having toast i would have peanut butter that's a condiment no i No, I mean, okay, I mean condiment. Like, I don't like mustard. I don't really like jam. Who the fuck is waking up at 6.30 in the morning and putting on a slathering of mustard on sourdough bread? But, you know, like, and I don't like pickles in a jar. And I don't like, no, I don't like sandwich things. You're not in on sandwich culture. I don't., no, I don't like sandwich things. You're not in on sandwich culture.

I don't. You love a sandwich. Sandwich to me is like the top tier food. For me, a dinner meal is every meal. A dinner meal is every meal. Yeah. Like I'll have a stir fry for breakfast. What are you taking on a bus?

Like a long bus ride. What are you taking? A stir fry? Maybe. You know how people have like, yeah, like a sandwich at lunch? Yes. No. I'm with you, Lazy.

I'm just, I love sandwiches so much. They're great. Sandwich. Bread is the best thing in the world. It's the perfect meal. I will, I'll have bread, but I'll like have it with a dip maybe or like what is dip if not a condiment that just doesn't have a home no but no you're twisting my words what about a rap oh a rap culture um not really i just what did your mother make you for school lunches?

Sandwiches. But now I have a choice. Stir fry, mother. Well, when mom left, I did have a lot of stir fry for lunch. Well, tell that to your therapist, darling. I like lived through some of the worst sandwiches ever made when my father made school lunches. Yeah. And I still stand for sandwiches because I realized it wasn't their fault.

You know what? Like, it has to be. What about grilled cheese? Yes, that's great. Okay. So what? Grilled cheese with a bit of mustard? Absolutely not.

I don't like mustard. Mustard. What about Dijon? No. I'm not talking about that, like, you know, hot mustard bullshit. I'm talking about, like What about Dijon? No. I'm not talking about that, like, you know, hot mustard bullshit. I'm talking about, like, a Dijon mustard. No, I don't like, I don't really like mayonnaise either. Ew.

Do you like egg? Yeah. Okay, then you like mayonnaise. I like curried egg. Curried egg, like, smashed up on a sandwich. That's probably what, if, and with, like, some iceberg lettuce. Oh, I love iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce is the best lettuce. It's true.

There was a big misinformation campaign that went around. It's cause get fucked. Cause is like, okay. Cause is better though than rocket. Yes. What the fuck happened there? Rocket can suck hole. It's shit.

Baby spinach has its place. Oh, I love baby spinach. We won't talk about you, baby. But like if Iceberg came along today and you didn't have an opinion of her, she would be like sweeping the nation. She is. No, but people took her for granted because she just was so, she was the Kelly Clarkson.

She was available. She just always delivered. And then everyone just was like, well the kelly clarkson she just always delivered and then everyone just was like well obviously you're going to be able to do it but like you don't feel excited about her anymore and also it's like only good on the day you get it oh my god you know what i mean i love iceberg lettuce also what a shape and like what a shape. What a name. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine. It's so good. Not for the people of the Titanic, though. Intensitive.

Famously, it was their least favorite type of lettuce. Anyway, so what do we think about the sandwich press, which is the- George Foreman. The 2000s, like if our generation was defined by any appliance it was the sandwich press i think what about juicer that feels like a that was like a purchase of boomers that's true when they were trying to turn their lives around yeah after the the After the recession. My dad got the lap band surgery back in the day. Oh, yeah. And we got him a juicer when he came out of hospital.

This is where they put the rubber band around your stomach to make it half the size. And he was like, I'm going to juice everything from now on. There's nothing I ain't gonna juice and we the whole house went through like a three-week juice moment oh my god and then never juiced again and it's disgusting like that is the worst appliance to clean it's the worst to clean that like mesh sieve that catches all the fiber. The fruit flies buzzing around your compost bin. Oh, no. Imagine working at Boost Juice.

I just would rather die. I like, I can think of nothing. And you know, when you're there and you're waiting, and this happens at bubble tea places as well, and they have the like the big blender cups and near the sink, there's like 50 of those cups in there stacked kind of into each other i do love those blend tech blenders though and i loved at the shopping mall where they would those like hot girls would like flip down the like the soundproofing around the blender

yeah or the little cup on cup yeah the the it's in a booth yeah it's got a little soundproof booth um that was very cool and like boost was like the moment but blenders do they like that that's an appliance that i feel like you have to go to a shop for that having it the home version is not as good i think there are people though that like you see them in their life using an appliance correctly and all the time like my housemate loves the blender yeah but he uses it all the time and gets a lot of joy out of it yeah when when it's like part of his everyday routine i'm like well god who am i to stand in the way of your blending uh-huh or even the sandwich press yeah loves that yeah and that to

me is like that's fab that's good as long as you're using it i just hate those like appliances that just sit there like like a waffle how often yeah when are you having puffergees again like i just don't believe you but i do like jaffles jaffles are the fucking best Would you have Okay are you a Spaghetti or a baked beans In Jaffal Oh I think it's gotta be baked beans God I knew you would say that Well it's because the particle size is correct For the scale of the bread

No it's fun The spaghetti bits They get chopped in half I Growing up I was always spaghetti And my brother was always baked beans And who's a rich surgeon now And who's nothing

Who's an uggo walking around the back and my brother was always baked beans. And who's a rich surgeon now and who's nothing? Who's an uggo walking around the back? Oh, wow. Baked beans fucking suck. It's so sloppy. They're great also. Baked beans are so much better for you. I'll bet.

And protein. Whatever. Yeah, I can. Of course you would pick that. What? B. Whatever. Yeah, I can. Of course you would pick that. What? Baked beans. Matt, baked beans or spaghetti? Baked beans.

I'm just, yeah, we're on the lazy side for this whole topic. I don't know, Zelda. Sorry. You're not hitting the mark today. What about the kettle? We didn't even talk about her I was waiting for kettle I think a good kettle could be quite chic

The kettle Let me tell you something There's never been a good kettle What about the one that just sits silently until it starts going Like a stovetop kettle Yeah With a little whistle bit yeah yes it is good it's quiet for so long and then it's really not yeah i like that relatable content yeah well i just before you kettle heads come after me kettles are always ugly but they are by far the most practical thing that you can have. Yeah.

For teas and the like. Who's using crockpots? What's happening with them? That feels like a technology that I just am not meant to understand. I don't understand that. I also don't, I would love to get, I'm moving house soon, and I'd love to get a mortar and pestle, like a big one. Can I tell you something, Zelda?

Am I ever going to use that? Can I tell you, I need i tell you something zelda am i ever gonna use that can i tell you i need to tell you something oh no no i just i have like my whole life i made a few very like prominent hints for birthday gifts that i would like and people like my birthday will roll around and they'll be like i just didn't know what to get you and i'm like i've been telling all of you motherfuckers for maybe the last 10 years that all i want is a mortar and pestle oh my god and like it's not even like i'm being quiet about it i am like i would love a mortar and pestle i'm always thinking about more pestle no one has ever gotten me a fucking mortar and pestle oh my god people were like the most obscene

absurd gifts you've ever seen not Not a mortar and pestle. There's like three things like that. That I'm like so blatant. Like I would love this. And I'm like, why? And every time I see one in a shop, I'm like, oh, wait. One day. For one day, it is just the perfect gift to get me.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And now all you motherfuckers who listen to this podcast are all going to get me mortar and pestles. I'm sick of, I want to buy my own things you're sick of gifts no but like i know what i like you know yeah do you know what the other thing that i've always wanted is an ice machine yeah i'd love an ice machine that's like i i'm just like i can't believe i don't have an ice machine i love ice yeah you do i love ice. Yeah, you do. I love ice more than anything in the world. Yeah.

I think... You can't spout an ice without ice. What about you and like a little stick milkshake blender? I feel like that's very you coded. Yeah, I... Like, I'm a fit-face waitress walking around my house. Walking the mall shop. Yeah, I really like that yeah

but you're not gonna have a milkshake every day no too much milk milk oh oh no I don't have milk

in the house milk and toast get fucked condiments milk what do you eat gherkins gherkins

oh you know how at fish and chip shops how they would have that big glass thing of like pickled onions oh i swear to god zelda that's my transition to adulthood is when i stopped wanting fish and chips and just started wanting that big ass i love it so juicy that it's like i have this vision it's the same when people eat fucking like oysters and like it's all juicy that it's like I have this vision. It's the same when people eat fucking like oysters and like it's all that grease that gets spilled down your fucking chin. It's vinegar, darling.

It's vinegar. And when you bite into those onions, it's the same thing. It can't help but trickle down. Oh, that makes me feel sick. Moisture. No, I love that. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Anyway, I guess it's kettle.

Kettle. Okay, kettle. Yeah. So like three, two, I love that. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Anyway, I guess it's kettle. Kettle. Okay. Kettle. Yeah. So like three, two, one. Kettle. Everything else. None of the manga.

Okay. I'll be back. Bye. To my world To my dream world Hello everyone! Hola amigas! I hope you've boiled your kettle! Up for discussion next is talk show hosts.

Now, we don't currently have any talk show hosts in the bunker. We can only have one. Well, there is only one. Rikki Lake. Why Rikki? Why not? Well, listen, darling, I love Rikki Lake, but I wouldn't put her in the top of all talk show hosts.

Oh, to me she's... I don't know, I like Rikki Lake. I think she's funny. I think it's... Well, I mean, I suppose it's not that unique to ricky really but you know like being an actor and then talk show host yes that is the pipeline um i don't know i just always in my mind it's like if i'm thinking of a talk show host it's ricky lake full stop maybe jerry springer do you know how ricky lake was in that film mrs winterborn or whatever hairspray go on she was in that film mrs winterborn and it only ever played on like channel seven on a sunday night and i feel like that film actually just

doesn't exist but it only existed on that and the only thing about that film that I remember is that Ricky Lake wore big hats. Anyway. Okay. But what about Oprah, honey? Yeah. O. The big O. The big O.

Yeah, she's fine. She's fine? Yeah. Oh, come. I don't really... Like, Oprah to me is like... Sorry. Orpa. Pardon?

Do you know that her name is actually Orpa? Orpa? On her birth certificate. Pardon? Do you know that her name is actually Orpah? Orpah? On her birth certificate. Why did you go with that? I don't know. I don't know. Oprah's very self-serious. But that's what I like.

She is like the duality of like Oprah is a god to people. She's been fully deified. Yes. And yet she's like such a charlatan as well and like so full of shit on so many things it's like a fantastic duality yeah okay like she's like kind of mastered that routine so much so that like we can't even remember a time before she was like the top person in the game so far beyond it but like then you see her do an interview like when she did that megan markle and harry interview she's so good at creating tv moments

without it ever being like oh she's so exploitative yes but she is she's just an incredible interviewer who just like hears a phrase and then just turns it just a little bit so it becomes like a perfectly concise little soundbite yeah and then to have done like giving cars away to like people in the audience and creating that and when she flew everyone to australia with um john travolta flying it yes just incredible yeah what a hack she's the best because she's a hack, but she's really good at making people think that she's like, but also it's like she did it all herself, right?

Like she scrapped her way to the top of the heap. Like it is amazing being like, yeah, I'm going to step away from this now and I'll just do this. I'll just own. I'll do this little thing whenever I feel like it. Yeah like that she also gave us dr phil though which might be unforgivable yeah that's a shame what about ellen ellen ellen so i don't care for ellen what a unique opinion um growing up i loved arrested development so i liked portia de rossi and then by extension i was like well ellen must be cool right but now i don't know that any of them are cool but here's the

thing i like about ellen that she's evil i think ellen's biggest mistake was pretending like she was a nice person because then you can only fall if you start as an awful person and stay that way it's fine i don't mind if ellen is an evil woman yeah i wish that that was the vibe yeah i wish that her whole show was like her being evil yeah you know how she used to do those dances unfortunately through the audience and everyone would clap yeah and every time on the show she would dance over the table. She had a little coffee table set up between her and her guests. And she'd dance over the table.

And then one day on April Fool's, the crew got a slightly bigger table and Ellen spread her legs to do her dance over that table. And it was just too big. Oh my God. I have not seen this, but that's very funny. It's incredible. I do like those skits where Ellen hides and then scares people.

See, that was the evil coming out. Yeah. Or when there's like guests on who are terrified of snake and she brings out a snake. That's good. And also her downfall was so good. So funny. Ellen, that's not true

it's just amazing i invited you ask everyone ask your manager incredible there are a lot of talk show hosts um well here's the thing wendy williams yes problematic but fabulous fabulous you know i've never actually watched an episode. I've only seen bits. I think that's the only way to consume Wendy Williams these days. I don't think anyone's sitting around watching the reruns. It freaks me out, the concept of being an audience member at one of those shows. It seems so American.

Like, how many people are there in this country? They're all going there. Or like, slightly different, but like Judge Judy, it's like, how many people have these crimes? There's a lot of people in America. Like, how are there so many more, though? What do you mean? There's so many people in America.

There's just so many people. Like, that's so gross. And they're all like, there she is. I love you. Well, also, like. Don love you. Well, also like. Don't you love your children? It's not either or. You don't have to be like, okay, kids, sorry, Ellen.

Someone is good because they're on something. It's so weird. No, but like you have to like the people who are there. So you're on vacation, you're in LA and you get tickets to see like a show being taped. So you're already high on the fact that you're in la and you get tickets to see like a show being taped so you're already high on the fact that you're inside with this like free entertainment for the day you're seeing inside the tv then they have a person who's like the hype person who comes out and spends half an hour with you hyping you up and giving you prizes.

And then they're like, and now the host is coming out. Get ready. And I want to hear your biggest applause. And I want to see you lose your mind. And that's what happens. Did we ever confirm, did Benign ever go to a Big Brother elimination? Oh. Like, was she ever in the audience? I'd be shocked if she hadn't.

Yeah, she lived on the GC. Yeah. Because that audience at those eliminations every week that like, it looked like it was in a fucking. Right. Yeah. But that's cool. That's fine.

Oh, that's fine. Thanks. You're seeing someone come out of a house. Well, because it's also. What do you want? Okay. So none of the date, like nighttime hosts are getting in i just i don't think like i've never disliked anything more than men trying to be entertaining at night

oh no jimmy fallon is my nightmare no like the confidence of someone who is hot or was hot to think that they can do things. It's just like, I don't need that on television, honey. I need you to fade into obscurity. What about that? Kelly Clarkson. Do you think it should just be Kelly Clarkson? That's what you're saying.

Are you telling me that Kelly Clarkson is a talk show host? Kelly? What? She's a singer. What? She has a talk show, baby. What she's a singer what she has a talk show baby what what are you talking about what do you mean where do you think these kelly oaky clips will be coming from i i don't know what clips you're talking about don't pretend like you've never heard of kelly oaky what are you saying what's her talk show called? The Kelly Clarkson Show. What?

Even I knew about that. Oh, my God. What? Is it on now? Maybe. Yes. I don't. Oh, my God. So it should be Kelly.

You said something about Kelly Clarkson before, and I just ignored it. I find that that's often your response i just thought you meant she was a good singer no that too oh my god yeah i feel like kelly clarkson we can get her in at some other point because because there's so much to give okay but i just think like today maybe it's because her talk show itself is not that great. So I don't think we need it. Oprah, you want Oprah? I think Oprah.

Oprah's a good addition. Can Oprah act in the bunker, please? What do you mean? She needs to bring it back, the acting. Yeah, we can have that. Okay. But like, I think we've got to like give Oprah something to do. Acting.

In the nanny? What's she doing? Yeah. So when Fran is sick, Oprah fills in and in the nanny what's she doing yeah she's so when fran is sick oprah fills in yeah and plays the nanny yeah that works if you're not gonna let ricky lake in for some weird reason is ricky lake more than oprah no but to me is oprah gonna bring more to the bunker? How about this? Yeah.

How about this? Oprah can make the announcements on the PA around the bunker. Okay, tell me more. Everyone, please make your way to the bait bus. Assemble at the bait bus. We have tortillas until five. And then please make your way to the nanny set where we're going to learn macrame from mel b yeah yeah um hello that's oprah waking and run up in the morning oprah's the rooster of the bunker yeah she's doing she's just doing announcements she's got a few jobs clean up in aisle five of the reject shop please courtney do you think sabrina baby slut gets along with oprah

no okay they compete do you think what do you think michael b jordan's doing right now in the bunker well to be honest michael is probably just still going through his induction yeah he's not he's not fitting in he's not fitting in he's not fitting in he's not he doesn't get it he thinks it's kind of weird he wishes that he had kind of gone for like gone and stayed in the line like you think the line survived the apocalypse we know we don't know we don't have any information on that okay yeah but the people in our bunker do occasionally look around and be like maybe we should have gone for the land yeah like um i don't know that everyone loves being in this bunker i think that gaga and oprah are gonna like be so humanitarian in the bunker and that's a bit exhausting don't you think well that's what i think oprah just does

the pa okay and doesn't leave the pa suite i don't think she really wants to mingle like she's not interviewing romeo beckham she didn't become the wealthiest woman in the world just to have to sit around and chit chat with people in the bunker at the end of days she probably she probably has her own bunker yeah you know who doesn't have her own bunker ricky ricky got that call and she killed herself like ricky like might have a shed oh like yeah ricky answered but on a phone that still has a cord. Oh, my God. She's safe. Okay.

Oprah. Oprah, the new voice of the bunker. The PA. This is quite an unexpected turn for me, I must say. You didn't expect to have Oprah in the bunker. I did not think that Oprah Winfrey would make it into this bunker. One, two, three. Oprah Winfrey.

Okay. We'll be right back and we're back hello we have one more discussion this week my sister just one more thing we have one more slot

available in the bunker yeah you know we've been quite good this week. We've let two things in. That's it. Yeah. Usually we throw in some freebies. Not this time.

Okay. Okay. Final, final thing of the week. And this should be really easy, really cut and dry, really quick. Okay. LGBTQIA plus, which letter is getting in the bunker? You know, this should be simple. So straight out the gate. Let me tell you who's not getting in the bunker? You know, this should be simple. So straight out the gate, let me tell you who's not getting in the bunker.

And we've discussed this before. We'll discuss it again. Yeah. Gay men. No. No gay men. I'm sorry, but I am a gay man. Yeah.

I'm fucking pissed off and annoyed at myself like 98% of the time. Sometimes I hear my voice. Oh. I'm like, am I putting that on? That's it. i'm like disgusted is that real is that real my voice in my head doesn't sound like i've come to terms with it i feel like when we it was when we started doing the react we were listening to our voices so much i get none of that weirdness of like, do I sound like that?

Yeah. Anymore. So much so that when people tell me how my voice sounds, I'm horrified. You know, people at work lately have been telling me that I, my voice, or like things that, my wife. Things that, ridiculous things that I say, where I sound like Jerry Seinfeld when he's, oh, wait, that's his actual name, isn't it? Yeah. Jerry Seinfeld when he's acting in the Bee movie. They're like, you sound like him as the bee.

And I've never seen it, so I don't know. Yellow, black, yellow, black, yellow, black, yellow, black, yellow, black, yellow, black. Oh, black and yellow. Yeah, let's shake it up a little. Well, no one's ever seen that film, so we'll never know. Yeah, I always get pretty much exclusively from young kids for a while. How many? Go on. They would come up to me and they'd be like, you have the voice of Stewie Griffin.

And I'd be like, from Family Guy. And I'm like, yes, I know what you're talking about. Which is very offensive. Yeah, I could say, and I'm like, yes, I know what you're talking about. Which is very offensive. Yeah, I could say that. I'm not a gay little baby. I'm a full gay man. The voice, like, I'm like, I can't believe the people in my life and, like, people that work in official roles, like the customs man. Yeah.

Like, didn't just, like like close up shop yeah like i can't believe any single person is taking me seriously with this stupid fruity voice yeah yeah like what are you thinking yeah why are you all doing that the thing is that the gay people are surrounded by gay people and straight people are not and no matter what situation you are in you are a novelty and they're like oh that funny gay one. Wait, straight people aren't surrounded by gay people. No. So when you're the gay person that's surrounding them,

they're like, oh, this is fun. Why are you talking like that? Yeah. I tell you. It's like you're the only gay person in that straight person's life. Chances are. And if you're not, then you shouldn't. Like, well, well matt how many other

gays do you hang out with he's got gay i was actually just like counting that i actually know a lot so i was wondering what but he's a north side steiner dad yeah so he's been exposed i've been exposed and he's a musician and i'm a musician so you know fake shitty sometimes i've been in a situation though Where it's like I'm the only straight one Yeah Oh And how was that?

But it's fine It's good I would love to know what your voice would sound like If you'd been socialized as a gay man Socialized? Yeah And there's not a call for you to do a voice I'm not going to

You're like Hey guys Everything's a fabulous today i just have a big list i'm playing my guitar um another key thing who was your favorite character on queer as fuck i like brian oh okay yeah brian brian damn it uh wait which one was brian the asshole one oh right yeah oh that was michael um huh i think if i watched it now the what's his name emmett emmett would be my favorite because he's actually seems like a vibe yeah i don't know all those are really camp characters that i didn't appreciate back then i definitely appreciate a lot more now emmet also wasn't yes he was like the flamboyant one of the group but it was in a he didn't play it no it was

just like this is who i am he played it like a real person and he is actually like a great actor like that character was much more interesting than it needed to be. But I suppose that question, you just think of all the fags, but obviously the mother, right? Oh, yeah. Both of those mothers. Justin's mother and then Michael's mother. Sharon Glees. Love.

So good. Also, just like wear a wig. Wear a wig. Wear a wig. Wear a wig. That's profound. I love it. But they're itchy. And they fall off.

They're not telling women about, like, really good wigs. No. So when my mother was taken to the wig library after going through chemotherapy, I was like, this woman has been through enough take your fucking ratty crusty and dusty foul excuses for weeks how dare you this woman has raised two children and done a phd and you're giving her this like absolutely not yeah and then did you put her in a yeah yeah yeah no they're offering these girls fucking weekday show number hard friends yeah these poor women how dare they yeah bring straight women the good shit yeah Bring them the wigs that they give to the Orthodox Jewish girls.

They know what's up. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Okay. So the G gone. No, bye. B is also gone. Well, was B ever there?

Once a week. I mean, once a year. Once a year. We will have time for B. Yeah. But the B, no. And that's like, listen, if you are the B, ask yourself, do you really think of those letters you should get in there?

Ask yourself. Oh, my God. If you think so, then we've got bigger fish to fry. Wow. And I've just had too many issues with the bees. The bees? Out there. I have ruined my life.

The bee men. The bee men. The bee men. Oh, the bee women, they have it under control. But the bee women, and this is the only reason I will begrudge a bee woman, some bee women, not all bee women. Bee movie. not all b women b movie not all b movie is that they sometimes will be taking um more than a market share of the gamer men who like to play tabletop games this is true and i just we need

them in circulation and i feel like you're hogging them yeah you lose a man hog yes b women yeah yeah yeah and they're the kind of b men who I could spend the rest of my life with And who would consider it Yeah So back off Yeah Stop settling that Catan honey Share the wealth

Okay Okay Now it starts getting harder Listen I can't Like I think the A The asexuals, you don't want to have anything to do with our bunker, I don't think. The bunker is horny. The bunker is sweaty and horny.

Like, the ceiling is dripping. Yeah. And so I don't think that you're going to have a good time. No. If the A is coming down, it's like, it's not you, it's me kind of thing with our bunker. Yeah. Like, actually, Oprah is probably the least, it's me kind of thing with our bunker. Yeah. Like, actually, Oprah is probably the least tawny person that we've put in the bunker. You mean the L?

Oprah the L? Oprah's L? Baby. You think Oprah's L? Not just me, honey. People Magazine since 1985 thinks that Oprah's L. Really? Her and Gail.

Why do you think Stedman's just a little hat off to the side? Well, I don't know their life. I'd never assume that a prominent, very self-made woman who came up through the 80s and 90s had to force her sexuality. No, big L. Oh, I like her more if she's L. Which brings me to the point. Should it be L? No. I think there's a great case to if she's L. Which brings me to the point. Oh. Should it be L?

No. I think there's a great case to be made for L. I love L. L in the bunker? That's a vibe. If anyone is going to, and I'm not falling back onto old cliches where gay men think that all lesbian women are there to rewire lamps and wear Birkenstock boots. No. But if anyone is going to survive the apocalypse,

it's the lesbian community in every facet of the being. Yeah. Because here's the other thing. Limited dating pools, gay men would just resent each other, walk off into the abyss. Yeah. Let's still be waiting. The gay men in the

bunker are like well what are they going to put in next week i'll just wait i'll wait whereas lesbian women they'll be like okay so i'm going to date you this week we're going to break up but remain friends then we're each going to date each other's ex yeah and then we'll do this circle for about 50 years and that'll be it and then at the end we'll have a commune yeah but we weren't at any like we'll still be on talking terms the entire time. This is the power of the lesbian community. Yeah. Like, it doesn't get weaker from everyone fucking each other.

It becomes a stronger network. Yeah. This is important. Yeah, the binds are reinforced. That's right. Yeah. Like, you know each other. Instead of seven friends.

Like, I'll have sex with people, and then if I see them out, I will never speak to them. Yeah, you'll, like, avert the eyes. Yeah, yeah. never speak to them yeah you'll try like avert the eyes yeah yeah where it's like yeah you might understand fully what is psychologically wrong with trish but it doesn't mean you're not going to like get together and like have some margaritas and make zucchini bread yeah well not with the kettle that we put in the bunker um this is very true okay let's put a pause on l but if you do have l in the bunker you're're going to have to have astrology. And I know that that's going to hurt you.

Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. No. Yeah. But I do like Suk Workwear. Suk is coming. You can't have Suk without the L. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Pin in that the T. Go on. Okay. So I back this up with a story that when our friend who we're in Mexico with was buying some cocaine and some weed.

Benign girl. It was not benign girl. But then they were telling the story and they were like, so the dealer rocked up and it was this fabulous trans girl on a bicycle. And she said, hola baby. And then gave a bag with some weed and the order was wrong or whatever and then he was like i would have been so mad if it weren't for the fact that it was just like fabulous hot shit trans woman drug dealer yeah yeah that's i don't know we just like there's no one else on the flag serving as hard as trans

women and trans men yeah like there's no one else giving as much vibe and like sexy you know cunterella than that part of the flag totally they're like dragging our asses like up with them yes yes we are now better yeah we're absolutely benefiting from their, you know. Their steez. The rising tide that's taking all the boats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. True.

T, very good contender. Q? Queer. Queer. Everybody? Apparently. Queer is everybody. Yeah, if they've got like green nail polish on yeah well and like yeah it's like okay um no queer is do you know my distinction for

queer yeah sucking dick and cock not queer oh gay uh-huh sucking dick and cock and you don't see straight people or live a straight life at all like nothing nothing in your life abuts straight culture you're shocked when you meet us like you know like it's a rarer thing for you to be having a conversation with a straight person than the gay or queer person yeah that to me is queer i say like if your whole life is in like a like queer vortex you are a queer person like i don't think that there's a way that anyone mistakes you walking down the street for being a straight person ever yeah nor me yeah so and then every conversation you have is kind of queer coded most of the people you see throughout the day sorry matt except for you it's going to be a queer person yeah and then like the

job that you do is queer yeah like every part of your life is just queer culture yes everything think about everything you do whereas if you're a guy that just sucks dick and then goes back to the suburbs and hangs out with your straight friends that's just gay yeah that's fine yeah but it's not queer no there's more to queer than just wearing like a pearl necklace when you've got a harness on yeah yeah i i don't know too much about the intersex folks listen into the unknown that's right lgbtqia plus the plus well we'll get to the plus because you know my pitch is for plus what's plus well who knows i can't wait to find out other identities disney plus lgbtqi pledge plus plus you want the plus yeah into the unknown. And everyone else is for second? I know enough about them except for intersex, I guess.

Sorry to the intersex listener. Oh, God. I mean, it all gets a bit blurry, doesn't it? Because I was going to say there's no, like, NB. But that's not really. Yeah. It's like there's gender and then there's sexuality, obviously. You added it first.

Obviously. But plus. Well, i don't know plus what how about minus lgbtqia minus minus to be i'm like just to be clear to all our bee Listeners Because I know I'm going to get emails The G is going first Bees would send emails I have so many bees

That I'm very very close with It's fine I have lots of bee friends But I like yeah Like G is first We are the worst But trust and believe You're a hop skip and a drop from our unbearable nature yeah just in a different direction yeah um yeah i think plus

plus plus no oh come on the t or the l for me t or the l then it's going to be t sorry l but you know what the the the the t hasn't started delivering on in my personal experience that the l's have been yeah fun weekend weddings okay i haven't been to any fun weekend tea weddings i don't think i've been to an l wedding like a t is making a great guest to a weekend wedding. Yes. Yes. Of course. But yeah, where's the fun weekend wedding? Yeah, what's the T wedding like?

I don't know. The L wedding. That's a good time. That's good. The G wedding? Unbearable. Oh, get fucked. I'd rather go to an S wedding.

Oh, God. There's no way to do it right. Every way is pretentious. Yeah. You don't even know, Zelda, how unbearable my wedding is going to be. It is going to be just the worst thing that's ever happened. It is going to be foul. Well, I went to your birthday party this year,

so I can only imagine. Oh, that was a good time it was amazing but there will be tacos I can yes of course I feel like the whole menu will be Mexican I also hope that everyone drinks safe bet

I want everyone to be drunk drunk yeah I don't know what I want my wedding to be. Well, no, actually. In space? I do. Well, kind of.

Because I want to get married at Como in Italy. Just like Anakin and Padme. Well, that's it. This podcast is cancelled forever. You know, where they have their secret wedding. No one knows. No one knows. It's filmed at Como in Italy.

It's really beautiful. We're going to go there next year. We're going to Italy next year for Benign Girl secret wedding. No one knows. No one knows. It's filmed at Lake Como in Italy. It's really beautiful. We're going to go there next year. We're going to Italy next year for Benign Girl's wedding. Are we allowed to talk about that? Who knows? But then we're going to travel north and go to Lake Como. I get it. Well.

Plus. Mom and dad, I'm plus. We've always known. And we love you no matter who you are okay plus plus i'm gonna say plus yes i'm gonna say plus i think it's incredible that i've managed to convince you of plus with zero argument yeah you really don't have much to say because you don't even know what's in plus yeah but that's great isn't it well if there's going to be a weekend wedding maybe plus can deliver something yeah yeah who knows what but yeah it feels weird to rob teas of this moment but um yeah look at you coming for the trans community yet again oh my god um yeah but however sorry that's it is i wonder if if you get rid of

the tea community who's going to organize underground film festivals in the bunker this is true and if you get rid of the l community who's going to be organizing gorgeous little markets this is also true it's going to be a lot of work for those women that are partying in the shed exclusive straight women dancing in that that shed okay plus plus okay all right oprah congratulations oprah kettle plus a solid week here at dev to Everyone. And just a quick... Everyone has to now adopt that identity in the bunker. Because as we know, gender and sexuality are a choice.

You're not born that way, darling. You selected it for attention. So now everyone in the bunker is plus. Is plus. Yeah, plus. You're plus. Are you a plus? Gwyneth Paltrow, plus Is plus. Yeah, plus. You're plus. Are you a plus? Gwyneth Paltrow, plus.

Plus. Romeo, plus. Romeo, plus. Meg, plus. Yeah. Do you know your blood type? No. AB negative, everyone.

How do you know that? I asked them to tell me. Yeah, but that test is expensive. No, it's not. I've asked them to do that before and they said well that's a separate test that's quite expensive and i said well in japan everybody knows their blood type it's like a thing i also want to be an organ donor i haven't filled out the forms but if i die this is my admission you think people want that faces zelda i was obsessed with this

in mexico face transplants there's been 30 of them in the world. What? Face transplants. Have you heard about this? I have not. Okay, say you try and kill yourself and you're unsuccessful. Or you're brutally burnt in a fire because you're a brave firefighter. But your whole face is destroyed.

And they managed to keep you alive. Plastic surgery it all together using skin grafts. The old-fashioned way. But then, you know, your face doesn't look like a face anymore. And they managed to keep you alive. Yeah. Plastic surgery it all together using skin grafts. Yeah. The old-fashioned way. Uh-huh. But then, you know, your face doesn't look like a face anymore. It's more just a flesh mound. Yes.

Yes. They have invented a pioneered technology where they can take a donor face from a recently dead person. And, like, you know, once you take that thing off, it's not just like a mask. It's all connected up, like all the little wires back there. So they take it off and then over agonizing hours reconnect all the nerves behind the face and then sew it all together. And then you have the face of a dead person

and you have to take an immunosuppressant for the rest of your life so that your body doesn't reject the face and it doesn't go into necrosis. And because it's still your skull, the face isn't like sitting flush. It's like putting a single fitted sheet over a double like it doesn't go right and there was this woman that i read about late at night while i had jet lag yeah her mother gave

her face and she was at this medical conference and she was like it's like my mother's back with us to feel that face skin warm again and see those freckles again. Mother's face. Oh, my God. Yeah. So you're going to donate your face, lazy? Yeah, someone can have it. Good luck.

So I did my best. We're all good with it. Now you give it a shot. Full drag, like all done up. Your makeup is still on. What about if if if you're you die i guess of a heart attack um i'd like 45 but the person who needs new face they were burnt in a kettle accident and they were 23 and they have to get your 45 year old face yeah

what's that about good luck luck to you, darling. It doesn't look right. It's uncanny. I'm looking at it. Oh, you mean the procedure. But the face, there was one guy where it looked pretty good. And he looked better than he did before the accident. Wow.

He looked younger than he did. Yeah, wow. Yeah, that's all. Okay. That's what I've been thinking about in three weeks. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, well, thank you all so much. You've been such good listeners this week. You didn't say anything or make a peep. So we'll see you all next week. Sulang yor to you. Sulang yor to you all. Bye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matthew Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie.

If you want to send us a complaint or something positive, do so at deathtoevery everyone pod at gmail.com. Or if you'd like to support us with your dollars, patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye bye.