Death To Everyone - Death To... Birds, Mrs. Doubtfire & Underwear

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

BIRDS!!! BIRDS!!! BIRDS!!! This week the girls get flappy and discuss the angels of the sky, BIRDS! Also the most requested subject 'Which person who goes undercover as someone else'?? And rounding out this weeks paperwork is the discussion of which underwear should be worn in the bunker at the end of time. ENJOY! Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Sincerely, yours. Mmm. Welcome home! You are a fascinating, interesting, nubile, young body, fresh to the world. And I love you so much, dear listener. When I think about you, my brain goes quiet. There's nothing there.

There's nothing to say except I love you. Did you watch that Netflix show, you with reese witherspoon no with renee zellweger what no no what's the one where renee zellweger pays the woman like heaps of money to sleep with her husband i love that movie. Big Little Lies or whatever. TV show. That one? No. Anyway, you, did you watch that one? Oh, is that with Penn Badgley where he's a serial killer? Yeah. No. He's named Penn Badgley? Yeah.

I would never have guessed. Oh, Penn. Penn with like two Ns. Pig Penn. Yeah. I like Penn. He's very handsome. He is. He's only getting more handsome. And you know what? He's. He's very handsome. He is.

He's only getting more handsome. And you know what? He's a podcaster as well. He is. Not as good as us. Obviously. You're obviously listening to us and not Pen Badgley right now. Yeah, good work, Pen, but try to keep up.

Now, I do have to offer a quick apology to our listeners. I've been told off twice. I've been told off twice for rebecca black like slander slander yeah so i'm sorry to those of you who um who feel that way and i will endeavor to enrich myself as a human being and and and over the weeks hopefully i will um you know come to love her as you do i think i got a message about you not liking her as well. I got, yeah. There was someone who was like, I might not be able to listen to this podcast anymore

because I thought you were allies. What was the argument? That she's a fab queen mama. Okay. What's any gay argument? When has a gay person ever made an argument? Sometimes I listen back to this show and we'll just be like, I don't know. Kettles are kind of cunty, don't you think?

And you're like, yeah, done. Yeah, I mean, that checks out. This is why gay people aren't allowed to be lawyers. They're like, I don't know. She's just kind of serving. She doesn't deserve to go to prison for killing her husband. Look at those shoes. And they'd be like, case dismissed.

I would, I'd love one of those little hammers a gavel yeah gavel round i do love a rubber mallet oh you know you really do and you never seem to have one on hand but you're always like we need a rubber mallet for this job it does it does everything i have secured my one at home finally but i have two at work oh they're just the best well to a man with a rubber mallet everything seems like a nail what do you hit with a rubber mallet a tent peg welcome to death to everyone hello you're back again or this is your first time this is a podcast hosted by two celestial beings in outer space my name is z Zelda Moon. And I'm Lazy Suzanne. We're your celestial goddesses at the end of time

and we're here to cast our judgment across everything that humanity has put forward. And say, I like this thing, I don't like that thing. Kind of like an encyclopedia dramatica. And we are giving what is going to the bunker for the end of time. What was that program?

In the 90s. Encyclopedia. It was like an encyclopedia CD-ROM. Britannica. Yeah. Right. That, what purpose was that? It was like before you could.

Before Wikipedia. Yeah. Before Wikipedia. Wow. I did have it. Yeah. I mean, it was just like, we used to have encyclopedias. Yeah. Right. What a time. You'd, it was just like we used to have encyclopedias. Yeah, right.

What a time. You'd get three sentences on like the Great War and that was it. All those lives lost only to be cut down to a little boop boop. Wow. I had hoped you had said the Great Wall and we were going to talk about that again. Well, we cut out the conversation about the Great Wall of China. Yeah. How are you, sister?

I'm good. I'm now entering December mode. I'm ready for December, which is a fantastic time of year. There's no longer an expectation. It's like the 11.30 at night of months of the year because no one can call you in December. No one can expect anything of you in December. And no one's shocked when you're drunk in December. So that's fantastic.

Just like 11.30. Like 11.30 now. But everybody wants to fuck. Everyone's fucking in December. At 11.30. Have you been fucked in December? I have. Do you remember?

Yeah. Yeah. It's a great time. And it's like a half month because then you're going to Christmas. Come the 15th, it's all over. Come the 15th. That's what you said when you were getting fucked in December. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much up until like even New Year's. It's like New Year's really runs until like the 10th of January. Oh, yes. No. It's like that's a blackout period. Literally.

Yeah. No, it's a blackout period. Literally. Yeah. Um, no, it's a good time. Is it? I love it. I mean, okay.

So I've been saying this a lot because I really enjoy the company of my family and every, it's usually like one of the times that me and my sister get to spend an extended period of time together where we're both not stressed about anything and we can just sit down and watch, know shit on tv yeah and then hang out with our dad who's also fabulous future guest of the pod and um we'll watch movies together and then the extended family will all watch movies and hang out and do things and eat food and as i'm saying this to people they're like i sit in a darkened room with my stepmother luann and she puts lit

cigarettes out on me and then says that i gained weight during the year and that seems to be a lot of people's christmas experience yeah lucky for you yes i say that as if i don't also enjoy my family's company so yeah exactly that so yeah, to the people who are going to have a shit time, I'm so sorry. Perhaps you'd like to listen to an album by Rebecca Black to soothe that pain. Shall we have a break and then get into our first topic of the week? Well, what's the apocalypse today?

Oh my God, Lady Susan, won't you please tell us what the apocalypse is for today? Yes. My apocalypse is a solar flare you know the sun occasionally puts out solar flares yeah and that it like and burns off the outer layers of the atmosphere yeah thus it's it exposes everyone on Earth to the radiation in space that we are normally protected by. And as a result, everyone dies very quickly of radiation. So not the flame whip, but the... Yeah, that's not really how it works, Zelda.

It's not really a flame. Okay. You know, the sun is not fire. Okay. You know? Okay. Anyway, so then instead of that, yeah, it does just, and then satellites are falling out of the sky.

Oh. And so a lot of people do die because of the radiation, but some people die as well because of like Elon Musk's Starlink and the falling space station. Elon Musk's Starlink? You know Starlink? No. SpaceX?

No. Elon Musk has a space company to go into space. Oh, for the riches. For the riches. And he has sent up some satellites into orbit around Earth. And he calls it Starlink. And he can provide Wi-Fi to anyone in the world. I have to say, Starlink is a really great name.

Well, it's the mixed bag that is Elon Musk. Well, you've got Starlink, great. SpaceX. Quite theatrical. And then X. Shit. Embarrassing. What would you have called Twitter?

Twitter. No, what's your other backup? No. We have to change the name. What are we calling it? Twitter 2.0. See, this is the issue. You would have been there being like, let's call it Twitter 2.

Why do they have to change the name? They didn't have to change the name. No, they didn't. But, you know, we're entertaining a hypothetical scenario. Oh, I don't do those. I just don't want to talk about things that aren't No, they didn't. But, you know, like in a hypothetical, we're entertaining a hypothetical scenario. Oh, I don't do those. I just don't want to talk about things that aren't real, to be honest. You know what?

Speaking of very quick tangent, I promise. I've been playing Super Mario RPG this last week, which is a remake of a, when did it come out? I don't know. Remake of an old um 64 game i think that was like a um collaborate oh no it was on super nintendo oh my god doesn't matter um but it was like this collaboration between nintendo and square and it's this rpg where like mario and co are yeah in this little adventure and it's rpg which is so fun anyway i was playing it today and you get to the Mushroom Kingdom.

And there are four houses in the Mushroom Kingdom that are all residential. Oh, no, that's a lie. There's two residential. One is an inn and one is a shop. That's it. And then there is the castle. And I was in the castle and I was in the throne room. And I was talking to the chancellor.

And I was like, well, where did you get these drapes that are like lining the halls? Yeah. Because like I didn't see a weaver out in the town. I didn't see the dye shop by a river. The dye shop? Like where have you established like trade routes to get these fibers here? Because no one in that town is doing this. There's two houses and a shop.

How did you get there? How did you get there? Because you must have come town is doing this. There's two houses and a shop. How did you get there? How did you get there? Because you must have come along the trade routes. No, I just walked. Yeah, you walked. Yeah, but, like, there's just no world building here. No. Like, where did these things come from?

You know, maybe it's just left, you know, they're like, okay, well, the drapes are coming in from the trade routes. But they have nothing to trade. They're not generating anything in the mushroom kingdom. Honey mushrooms. No. It's in the name. No, not even.

It's, you know, and I don't know about that. What about the inn? Well, they, even that. It's like who built the inn? The mushroom people. No, there's no carpenters. There's no quarry. There's a lot of stonework here.

Let's add a quarry. Anyway. Magic. Magical drapes. Magical tiles. Yeah, but I mean, there's no wizard present to cast such spells. Anyway, it's fine. I suppose I'll just suspend my belief i wish you would suspend your

entire soul from us i would love from a rope um i would love to do like like in the movies how you're like i was punched by someone strong and now i'm on a rope. So what? You know, like physical effects. I was punched by someone. Oh, like how that Harry Potter boy was permanently injured. What? That's what the documentary that Daniel Radcliffe is putting out now about the stunt double for Harry Potter that got flung back through a wall. Fun, except he hurt himself?

Very badly and now has a degenerative injury that he lost the use of his legs and is slowly losing the use of his arms. Wow. Yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah, and do you know what the documentary, this is more fucked up,

the documentary that Daniel Radcliffe produced about him is called? No, I don't know The Boy Who Lived Oh I would No I would like be like I get it's quite a cute little reference to the book But this is my life

This is my adult human life How dare you make this a little like Hang on And the documentary is about Daniel or about the guy? Adult human life. How dare you make this a little like... Hang on. And the documentary is about Daniel or about the guy? About their friendship and about the guy. But he won't... No, he's living.

Yeah, okay. He lived through the trauma. Right. But... That's fucked. I hate that. Also, it's a bit turfy. Like, aren't you supposed to be distancing yourself from that?

Well, listen, he's the boy who lives. I just, I can't even imagine the conversation where they decided that that was going to be the name of the documentary. That's insane to me. Okay. Yeah. Okay, let's have a break. Yeah. We'll be right back.

Hey, look at us being right back. Hello. We've done it. We're back. It's time now for our first category of what will be going into the bunker to be saved from the end of atmosphere. Yes. Our first topic for today, dear Lishna, and I know you've been begging us to talk about it, but here we are finally deciding which bird will be entering the bunker today. Zelda, okay, so for those of you who don't know, or just learning about my friend Zelda

Moon, because she likes the ocean. Or just learning about my friend, Zelda Moon. Because she likes the ocean. Yeah. She likes dinosaurs. Yeah. She likes collecting little statuettes of the characters from her favorite video games. Yes. And she also likes birds.

Yeah. And she has a little bird bath or did in her backyard and when a bird would land you could be mid-conversation and she would be like shh and then just watch the bird in her bird bath yeah gaze upon this beauty she's having a little drink a little bit yes rest assured i've set it up at the new house. Yeah. And it has been frequented. And then when we were at your mother's house the other day, she was like, shh. And then she'd seen a bird.

And so clearly it's a genetic issue. Wow. Go on. Yeah, that bird bath is the best investment I've ever made. It is so cute. The maternity ward for the mosquitoes. Get them out there. Okay. Well, you always find a negative spin on everything I find joy with. But my favorite bird that used to come and visit at the old place

was a carawong. And she wouldn't show up every off like when they're so often but when she did it was like you'd seen a unicorn um and i haven't had any you know anything so exciting happen at the new house yet but i have only been there for six days so i'm holding out hope also i don't have as good of a vantage spot on my new birthmark location. To view the birthmark. Is it in the backyard then? It is, but you know what I realized yesterday? Is that I now have a veranda and I could get a little tray for seeds.

No, don't feed them seeds. Well, whatever. I could feed them something. No, you can't interact with their diet. No, I can. I can buy food. It's not correct. interact with their diet. No, I can. I can buy food. It's not correct. It's not good.

These are wild animals. Yeah. And it's wild times. Over at the moon residence. Wouldn't it? Don't feed them. You know how some people make good friends with a magpie and it comes back? I want that.

I just get a dog. Yeah, okay. Maybe I should do that. Anyway, I didn't even realize this when we said we would do birds before, but I have a very fresh bird story. You do? Yeah, which was just fucking crazy. So I've just moved house into like an actual factual like four walls house house.

Just imagine what Zelda's old house might have been. She lived in a conch, a gorgeous shell. And there's a chimney in the lounge room, which has been closed off. And then there's like a disgusting little radiator in front of it which you know you'll learn to love her i'm gonna try to cover it up somehow um yeah i might learn to love it when it's cold yeah um but anyway that's that whatever then on thursday i get home from work uh very briefly because i'm going out straight away. And I hear a little scratch in my lounge room. And I thought, okay, well, it's a new house.

There's new sounds everywhere. I don't know what that could possibly be. Then I'm sitting on the couch. And then in the corner of my eye, I see a little, I was like, and I see something run behind the radiator, or at least I thought. I was like, oh my my god there's a there's mice or rats yeah like okay well that's you know fantasy's over now i guess and then

i like turn off the tv and i'm like well i didn't have the like i turned off the tv wait actually no the tv wasn't on. No, I didn't. Well, I put the TV at the side of the room, you see, because it catches the light in the afternoon sun. No, I didn't have the TV because it was really quick. I was just sitting on my phone on the couch. Good, I'm glad we got this part of the story set. Then I sat really quietly to try to entice the animal to think that I had left so it would return to its previous behavior and I could catch a glimpse of my new housemate.

We've all played Pokemon Snap. And nothing. So then I, and then and I like whip cracked onto the radiator to make some sound to see if I could then hear a, you know, if I was in a small cove and I got hit by a towel, I would go. And there was more sound. I was like, okay, well, there's something in there. And then I had to go. So then I left home for like four hours and I was like, by the time I get get back i think that this will have all just you know settled itself and it will be fine i get home and i open the door really slowly and push that

very quietly and then i hear a constant scritch scratching from the fucking fireplace so it's like okay well there's something in there and then i got the towel again because it was still in the lounge room and i hit it again and then yeah so there's definitely something in there and it's like it's either a rat a mouse a snake or a bird so then i do my thing where i'm standing on the table just in case it scurries out um and i'm watching and then a little bird head peeks out from the back corner and I'm like okay well it is truly the lesser of all evils it's a bird so then I had to like unscrew the the blockage pull the entire thing off the wall and then there's this terrified bird that has flown in the top of the chimney and gotten stuck in this like avenue of death and then i had to wait for it to kind of like re you know gain composure come out towards

the light i closed all the doors and then i just had the front door anyway and it got out and so you had the opportunity i suppose to become best friends with a bird and you didn't oh no no no that bird will never forget that you'll be back she'll be back to say thank you yeah and as she flew away did you like catch like her winking or blowing a little kiss um teardrops flew from its eyes and i caught them and you were like in my hand and i said in Spirited Away like, how cool! And like waving her off. That's right. That's nice.

Because I'd rather you be free and happy than stay here just for my happiness. No, no. What will make me happiest is to know that you're living your life well. And that sentence makes me think you might be ready to be a mother. But anyway, that's my recent bird story. Jesus. And the bird story that you just told, it had a lot of detail. That's all.

That was the abridged version, darling. Who are you gifting with the full unabridged thank god like if i had a boyfriend i wouldn't you know yeah yeah yeah yeah do be like that no i think like there's a lot of um men that i can think of that love that kind of thing you know they're into that yeah yeah how many do you know i know i just i think gay men who are geeky about those sorts of things that's the genre i like i am very much like enjoyed birds um but i wouldn't like go bird watching or something you make them come to me yeah yeah yeah if they just show up in my vicinity that's what bird watching that you're doing is like setting up a tantalizing oasis to trick them

yeah so that you can watch them dance around in a little pool i'm it's actually quite fucked if you think about wow i also like there were possums at my old place that would drink from that as well yeah so i'm just providing a service no cost no. Just let me watch you. Why are you saying it like that? Well, I think if you made it about people, if you want to eat some food today, Twink, you come over. I'll watch you eat. That's you. That's how you are with the birds, with the wildlife.

That is not true. I think I just, I like wildlife and I like them where they are. I don't need to see them. I also met one of my new neighbors yesterday and I said to him, serious question, have you seen any snakes around here? And he was like, no. I was like, okay. You're like, good, good.

Yeah, good. Yeah. And he was like, i've been here for eight years and i've never seen any snakes i said okay thank you not that i don't like snakes i just don't want them at my house and i also want to like garden without anxiety yeah well there's still plenty of things spiders you live near a river oh i don't think baby is gonna be spiders yeah there was two spiders in my kitchen last night. Who cares?

Just hanging out. Spiders are fine. Okay. Anyway, what birds do you like? Well, I have a pretty deep understanding of birds. Here we go. Love birds. So I like birds of prey.

Like at Healesville Sanctuary. That big, thick glove those peoples get to wear. Oh, yes. I like birds that come with an accessory, like a big, thick glove. Yeah, a gauntlet. And then they, like, hold them on the glove and then they, like, go. Do you remember that photo of Dita Von Teese in that outfit? No.

Oh, it's really hot. Put it on the gram. Yeah. Yeah. She's holding a bird on a glove. She is. Amazing. Must be a falcon or something.

And I did see a lot of eagles in Mexico flying over the canyons of the desert. Ooh. And that was incredible. And I was like, wow, they are massive. But to me, the, okay. So the list, I like hummingbirds, but that feels a bit showy. And they do stress me out. Like I'm like, what?

Just chill. And they can't. Well, their entire body structure is different to other birds. Exactly what I was going to say. But that's... They're not allowed to stop. They only have enough energy to get more energy. And if they stop, they die.

That's fucked. Yeah. God. It's tough out there. Yeah. It's like a coked out business person. god it's tough out there yeah um it's like a coked out business person um so yeah hummingbirds while they're impressive and they are small not not it but and also crows i hate crows i'm not into crow or ravens what do we have here the ones that go, ah, ah, ah. I hate it.

Why? Because it makes me think of afternoons playing basketball at primary school. Oh, yeah. No. And they'd be sitting around the bins being like, ah. I'm like, oh, you were just. And like, maybe it's not their fault. I can't confirm nor deny whether they were invested in me playing basketball.

Yeah. They're like putting it on or is it just who they are? Yeah. are invested in me playing basketball yeah they're like putting it on or is it just who they are yeah um but i think the ultimate bird magpie oh yeah because it goes like this and like not those shitty you know how other like magpies have a weird like booty boo knockoff version yeah yeah yeah they're not magpies it's black and white but that ain't a magpie and people are like no that's a magpie that's like an american magpie and you're like okay well it's not well she's not a magpie yeah sorry she might think she's a magpie yeah but no

and so the real deal magpie the australian magpie which has the most beautiful song and is so protective of its bebes that there's a whole season in Australia where they just swoop and swoop down on people with their beaks and, like, attack them. And I like things that attack. Yes. Because that's chic. And, like, it feels like it's doing more than other birds. Also, like, swooping magpie like there'll

be there'll be birds that will like maybe give you a little like uh like oh shit yeah but magpies won't stop no and they chase you going i got knocked off my bike as a child by a magpie really yeah i was like riding my bicycle and then um this is up in near the beach did it have little tassels on the handlebars? No. Did it have little clinker thinkies? It had nothing. It had no adornments. It was a garage sale bike.

Okay. And then I felt this like, and then I was like, what the fuck was that? And then it was like stabbing at my helmet and then it hit me again. And I fully like flopped off my bike. And it was, it was very painful and i was like well why were you coming for the magpie's baby exactly i was like i just three eggs and then i looked at my helmet and it was like indents oh my god from where the magpie's beak or like talons had gone that's amazing and i was like you've won my respect today. And ever since that moment, I was like, yeah, that's a bird I can fuck with.

That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah, they've got it all. That's great. There's other birds that we need to just like clear off the list. So like peacocks. Oh, yeah. I enjoy that they like fly up into a tree to sleep and then come back down for the rest of the day to just like walk around.

Also, they have a great call. That's kind of like, like, kind of. Yeah. But no, like too,

too showy, too showy and too like predictable. Oh, drag queen likes a peacock. Yeah. It is. It is upsetting. Like it's such a millionaires thing. Like playboy mansion. We're going to have peacocks running around.ock? Yeah, it is upsetting. Like, it's such a millionaire's thing.

Like, Playboy Mansion, we're going to have peacocks running around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flamingos, same boat. I don't think I understand enough about flamingos to even... I think it's like, it's kind of the Lady Gaga issue that you have. It's like, your issue is not with the bird, but it's with the fans. Yes. You know, the, like, flamingo fans Yes. You know, the like flamingo fans.

It's like, you need to go away. Like the ornaments and the prints and the, ugh. And it's so weird that humanity looks at these like majestic, insane alien creatures. And it's like, yes, I'll make a magnet out of you. You're going to be a great bottle opener one day. Yeah. And it's like, well, great. We've done it again. We made that thing shit. Yeah. Two cans. I'll make a magnet out of you You're gonna be a great bottle opener one day Yeah And it's like Well great

We've done it again We've made that thing shit Yeah Toucans Also once again Yep These birds all suffer the same fate Yeah

And yeah They're overexposed They need to have like five years off Yeah Where they just like Oh more I think 50 50

Yeah 50 Couldn't agree more actually Yeah Oh emus O't agree more, actually. Oh, emus. Ostriches, emus, and the queen of all, the moa. Moa. Which is an extinct bird from New Zealand that was like fucking gigantic and amazing.

And they only went extinct very recently. So there's, you know, slim chance they're out there somewhere. They're not, but imagine if they were. Imagine. They're so cool i do like those big birds and they do feel like they have a vibe and i like that they're so aggressive yeah but they don't have a nice call they have a very terrifying call if you've ever been like to an emu park they're like they've got this like deep base to their call that's like so frightening. Scary. Yeah.

Speaking of New Zealand, the Kiwi, very cute, but obviously not a contender. Yeah, I love eagles and like big birds, vultures. And big bird. Big bird. Big bird is my choice. I'm just building up to it. Only if he's on the Great Wall of China. No one knows what you're talking about. Well, edit more selectively, I suppose.

What about pigeons, seagulls? Pigeons, seagulls, no. They're like absolutely not. Also, most of the birds that people call pigeons here are doves, but anyway. Are they? Yeah. I like the ones that get little hair trapped around their foot and then they have a little nubbin foot. Oh, I bet.

I love that little nubbin foot at the train station you're like hey there's nubbin yeah she's been through a lot but she keeps coming back you told me this didn't you it's the hair the hair from hairdressers it tangles around their little nubbin feet or their regular feet yeah and then like they it cuts off the circulation until the little toes fall off. And then they end up with those little nubbins. And it's because of the hair. Okay. Here's the only other potential.

Where I'm from in the Dandenong Ranges, there are lyrebirds. Lyrebirds. Which you don't see all the time. And I've only, like I've seen them, but I've only seen them doing the lyrebird shit once. And it was in the depths of lockdown when you were only allowed to, like, leave your home up to, like, 10 kilometers. Did it sound like this? Come here, young giant. And I guess because there was less people around, there was just more animals everywhere.

Lyrebirds, yeah. less people around there was just more animals everywhere yeah and we saw an alaya bird doing its full show like the mating ritual and it was doing all its sounds and it was so incredible it was doing every bird call from like local birds that's so cool and then it was doing a few like yeah like camera shutter sound and like chainsaw sound and like all of these exact mimics of all of the the sounds of the area it was so cool international listeners we have a bird in australia that yeah mimics sounds that it hears and not just like okay yeah maybe if you squint like that sounds like it but like it genuinely sounds like the thing that it's mimicking. Yeah, it's incredible.

To a T. Yeah. Not since Dana Carvey have we had such a mimic. Not since Mike Myers have we had such a mimic. Have we got another one? Not since Wayne Brady have we had such a mimic. Okay. And yeah, just really quickly, like geese, incredible bird,

very scary, very territorial. When I was growing up and worked at Paul Lewis Chinese restaurant in Rye, I had to like get to work through the back alley and King Sushi next door, our rivals, was run by this eccentric Japanese man who had pet geese and sometimes he would leave the gate open and they would chase me down the back alley. That's incredible. Yeah. And what a smorgasbord was going on down on the peninsula in the 2000s.

Well, they were the two. The sushi place and the Chinese place right next door to each other? Yeah. And then there was just an ocean of fish and chip shops. Oh, wow. And pizza shops. God, fish and chip is like, it's gone out of vogue so hard. Totally.

No one is talking about fish and chips anymore. I hate, can I, I hate fancy fish and chips. No. Yeah. It needs to be like wrapped in shitty paper and like soaking through it. Like, don't give me like eat on a plate with like a garnish oh no oh anyway i um i actually like thoroughly agree okay it's the magpie the magpie it's gotta be the magpie australian magpie none of that faker shit let's lock her in

also one more thing just talking about like australian native like the australian magpie versus like american or whatever. I'm sure there's many species of possums in the world. But for us, we've got ring-tail possums, which are very cute and small. And then brush-tail possums, which are quite large and aggressive. It tickles me that in America they have opossums. Yeah. And they are so fucked up.

They're so demented looking. They are like a brush-tailed possum mixed with a rat and like a witch's nose screaming. Yeah, yeah. Like what is that animal? It's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah, I love the skid like, I'm from America.

Oh, it's so good. Anyway, that's all. Magpie, you're in. Magpie. And wait, so the magpie, I think we just have it like fluttering around at the ceiling of the bunker, not penned. No, no, no. It's not in a cage. You can't put a magpie in a cage.

But it will likely die. No, no, no. Because there'll in a cage. You can't put a magpang in a cage. But it will likely die. No, no, no. Because there'll be that one person who feeds it and they become best friends. Well, we'll see. Who would that be that's in the bunker right now? Who would feed the magpang? Well, that's, I'm going to add, law feeding because it's a wild animal. Okay, well, we're not talking about laws.

We're talking about which bird gets in. Yeah. And I'm saying, if you're caught feeding its seed, I gonna be like it needs it's a wild animal you can't feed its seed it needs to it needs to like find its own way wow yeah um okay well i disagree and i think it would be fun to say which person in the bunker is creating a bond with the magpie who's taking care of a magpie in the bunker i think um well so okay in that version of events yeah maybe it's billy lord oh yeah and when she doesn't have any other friends down there she she holds a loft a palm full of seed that she's saved

from her very generous seed platter that we offer for dinner every night and um and then as she's feeding it you hear oprah like don't feed the bird through the speaker yeah and then the camera goes and then she gets tased from above oh and the bird's like i've got a taser system. Well, Oprah does. Oh, that's good. Yeah. She, yeah. I don't think that goes without saying that that was installed with her. Yeah, well, she, BYO. BYO, Oprah. BYO, Oprah.

Thank you. Alrighty, we'll be right back. Welcome back, everyone. I hope you enjoyed your reprieve from us. Yeah, a little gorgeous break. Had a little sippy. Oh, did you have a sip? I didn't. The listener did.

Had a little sip of a Yakult. A shot of Yakult. your lower gut health is essential yeah do you think like the marketing for yogurt being like you must eat yogurt for your biome yeah what about before yogurt what do you mean we seem to do just fine when have we not been a dairy dairy bunch of galleys like many many many many years ago i'm talking about like european folk yeah from which we are descended yeah i don't know like maybe three thousand years ago when was yogurt invented well i don't know how long we've been having milk how long have the company's been lying to us about yogurt being essential. But also your lower gut health, right? Your biome was always, you know, living with the microbes.

Yeah, but that's what I mean. You didn't need to get them from yogurt. Yeah, but maybe it's because everything's so sanitized these days. Oh, true. And also antibiotics, which destroy your lower gut health because they kill all the good bacteria. It's wild that antibiotics are like so essential but don't overdo it uh so essential and you know when they stop working we're fine

what then what super gonorrhea it's not just a super gonorrhea but yes as as patient zero i appreciate your advocacy for the super gonorrhea awareness. Wait, you haven't had super gonorrhea? No, you're patient zero. Oh my God. In the future. No, that's a thing. I know.

Yeah. But there's one day going to be a time because, you know, obviously we have to just keep finding new strains of antibiotic that will fight, you know, various maladies, various infections. And every year they stop working and then we have to find new ones. And when they stop working, eventually there's going to be an antibiotic resistant strain. Sorry, just vomited a little bit in my mouth. That eventually is so antibiotic resistant that we don't have anything to do with it. Yeah. And then we're fucked.

You know what? By that time, the atmosphere is already gone. That's true. Yeah. That's true. This has just reminded me. i've been catching up to your listener on what is it girls next door oh girls girls next level the podcast with holly madison and um bridget bridget pringle yeah and it you know like of course this is your favorite podcast

but if you're unaware that is your second favorite podcast, dear listener. The Girls of the Playboy Mansion talk about each episode and I've been listening to it a lot lately. And the episode I was listening to this week, they were talking about an event that they were at in some episode that was raising money for diabetes. And Holly says, without, like, it is not a bit, it's not a joke.

She's like, okay, yeah, so, you know, here we are, like, at this thing. And where are we at with diabetes? Have we found the cure for that yet? I mean, it's good to check in from time to time. It's like. Why haven't we done anything about that yeah what's happening with this well we went to the fundraiser yeah in 2006 so where are we at with diabetes i mean you do feel like that sometimes funny with all these fundraisers you're like and now what like you know what i

mean what yeah what outcomes are we putting next to this money because it's like i think about that when it's like uh rare cancers you know and you're like well where's the what are we doing yeah where'd those millions of dollars go it's so hard my my ex works in um god i say that he's gonna listen to this and be like oh are we exes um no because like i don't know if we ever really i don't know anyway let's put that out here do you think we've had this discussion of, do we call each other exes or not? He, you and him. Yeah.

And what did he say? I don't know where we landed. I think we landed on yes, but that was like, anyway, it really doesn't matter. Before you became so weird. Anyway, he works in miscellaneous cancer research. It just sounds so complicated to the surprise of no one but yeah the more that he tells me about it i'm like wow it's it's not one thing it's right yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway but seriously guys sort it out yeah where are we out with i don't know cancer

where are we at with living forever yeah weren't we doing that was that not on the agenda someone tell me okay now sister i'm gonna need you to introduce this next topic because it's close to your heart and i'd hate to steal your thunder or misrepresent it because here we go okay so the thing that i would like to know of these things which is getting into the bunker is which people that are dressed like other people to go undercover in a movie is going into the bunker because i think about this genre a lot what's the genre called it's called people that dress up as other people to go undercover in a movie okay so when you have that you have of course mrs doubtfire you have white, you have, of course, Mrs. Doubtfire. You have White Chicks. You've got Parent Trap, which obviously we know Lindsay Lohan is already in the bunker as both Halle and whatever the fuck the other one was called.

Halle Berry. Halle Berry. We've got She's the Man. There's so many different examples where people go undercover to be someone else to, uh, you know, get,

get away with things. I would even put in Freaky Friday in that mix with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan, because even though she's not dressing up as her mother, she is in her body, which is kind of like dressing up. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so yeah, which person dressing up as another person to to go somewhere it's getting into the bunker okay a case of mistaken identity you have been talking about talking about this for a while i do think about it but in all honesty dear listener i didn't think we would ever actually do it so i haven't graced my brain with um having to fill it with considering this seriously i love people in disguise so why don't you get us going well i mean obviously i just said white chicks um white chicks is like maybe the most important film ever made like and i think that that might be something that started out as a joke

many moons ago and now i'm like wait is that a joke or is that not true because it's a perfect film it is the perfect uh discussion of race and gender in america in the early noughties yeah right i i mean i have seen it but I haven't seen it in a long time. It's so good and there's not a bad bit in it. Wow. It's so amazing. If you haven't seen White Chicks or as they call it in Mexico, Where Are the Blondes?

Wait, what? Yeah. What? It's called Where Are the Blondes? In Mexico? Yeah. Wow. One of the great spanish titles for

american films but the best part about white chicks that is like because mrs doubtfire if she showed up at your house i don't know that i'd like clock straight away that it was robin williams under makeup no like i think mrs doubtfire like she's passing under makeup no like i think mrs doubtfire like she's passing she's got passing privilege and it shows um and even like the kind of haunting like ventriloquist dummy that is amanda bines and she's the man oh yeah kind of once again maybe it's believable that like when viewed through the correct lens you might mistake that for a young prepubescent man however in white chicks which does just a gender flip and a race swap they look insane and the whole film is not just that they're dressing up as a misc other person which is the

case in mrs doubtfire yeah she doesn't need to look like anyone else she's just an old woman yeah in white chicks they're not just a woman a white woman they are two specific people who have they like their fbi agents who are charged with taking care of these two women to take them to the hamptons because there's been kidnapping threats against them. They're very wealthy. They're the Hiltons, coded. And they get injured slightly before they can get to the Hamptons. And so they refuse to go to the Hamptons with their nose cut up

and they just have a little bit of an injury. And so because they're refusing to go, the FBI agents face what is to be another failure, another mark on their record because they keep fucking up. So they're like, if they don't show up at the Hamptons, we're done for. So they get their friends at the agency to do them up in prosthetics to quote unquote make them look exactly like these two women, these two socialites. And they put them in this makeup their skin is haunting yes like spray painted like white with these blue blue bianca del rio contact lenses and insane wigs and body shaping it's incredible so they're giant they're like

over six foot the wayans brothers and they show up and every single person that has known these two socialite women and interacted with them for years is like, oh my God, here they are. And they're like, I can't believe you've gotten a little taller, haven't you? And it's incredible. It's so, it's like a David Lynch, like it's surrealist. Like it's, yeah, incredible. See, that's the kind of attitude I wish I had when I was playing Super Mario RPG. Just to let it go. Just to let it go and just have fun.

And obviously it's like a riff on Some Like It Hot, which is another great going undercover to dress like. Dear listener, i have an announcement to make yeah i've decided on my final thought for this topic yeah and i want you to buckle up because it is of course dolores from sister act there you go people dressing up as things to go undercover whoopi goldberg dressing up as a nun, back in the habit, you might say, in Sister Act. Why did she go undercover in the second one? Because Lauren Hill is there and they needed another movie.

Wait, because in the first one she witnesses a crime. Yeah. And then the second one she witnesses a crime yeah and then the second one undercover yeah well like witness protection kind of whatever the second one sequel they wanted to make another movie that's why okay and the third one well is that happening apparently i keep talking about it i keep reading about like it's happening but like i don't keep talking about it. I keep reading about, like, it's happening. But, like, I don't know. Show me. I keep reading about this in entertainment today.

Yeah. I fucking love those movies. I've not seen them. What? No. I've never seen Sister Act. Oh, my God. I can't tell if you're joking.

No, I've never seen them. What? No. Actually? No. What about the soundtrack? No, I know. seen it. What? No. Actually? No. What about the soundtrack? No, I know. I will follow him.

Follow him wherever he may go. Yeah. And I like Kathy Najimy. Yeah. But mostly from Rat Race. What? Oh. What about the redhead one?

Oh my God. Nicole Kidman? What about Maggie Smith? What about Maggie Simpson? What do you mean? How have you never seen Sister Act? I don't know Wow We're Protestants

Can we watch it? Yeah Oh my god Wow, okay, well I mean Can we watch it? Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay. Well, I mean. Now who's going to start a letterbox about what films I haven't seen?

That really genuinely surprises me. Okay. What about Sister Act 2? Never seen the Sister Act films. Never seen E.T. Never seen Sound of Music. I'm sorry. What? We've spoken about this so many times.

Yeah, but I try to block it out of my memory. How much of lead paint was in that paint you were drinking? How have you not? I mean, Cesar. Cesar Act I've seen. The Sound of Music is long and boring, but there is a lot of frolicking and incredible songs in that movie yeah um what's the other one i like i like her when she's uh the the different nanny what mary poppins oh julie

andrews mary poppins so you've seen mary poppins but not sound of music yeah do you like mary poppins that's a good time i like how um the lady suffragettes we're clearly soldiers in petty coats yeah don't let's crusade that was feminism though we adore men individually we agree that as a group they're rather stupid incredible incredible yeah um wow okay well anyway you'll just have to take my word for it. But Sister Act is amazing. And Whoopi, as an undercut of The Nun. I love Whoopi Goldberg.

I love, you know, like I love uniform as a concept. And it is sad that uniforms now are so ugly or non-existent, with the one exception for some reason being people who work in banks and people who work on aircrafts and people who work for the Lord, nuns. Yes. That's a great uniform. I do like – and when I was in Mexico, I saw these nuns driving towards us full pelt in a ute.

Get it, girls. Smoking ciggies in the front seat. Actually? Yeah. Oh, see? That's good. And my friend, when she was in Italy, went and stayed with some lazy nuns, which is such a genre.

What do you mean? They were like, well, this is where you're staying, because they had an inn or something like that. And then they're like, you can make your own bed and set it all up. And maybe you can get me something from the store if you go that way. Like they were just like the shitty, I mean like lazy nuns. Such a genre. Well, they have a lot of work to do.

For the Lord. For the Lord. Actually, I did bingo two nights ago with Gabriella Labucci, my favorite nun. As in how many crowns of Down Under does she have? None. Love you, Gab. Anyway, so then she was the only time I've ever done bingo before because I'd always said bingo is stupid and a waste of all our time

because no one here is showing a skill or tenacity of spirit. You're all just stamping the numbers that is read randomly from this machine. Yeah. However, I was like, for Gabriella Labucci, I will do bingo. That sounds fun. And I went to the Ballarat Leagues in Ballarat, and it was fantastic. The vibe, you know, like an out-of-town audience?

Mm. Was incredible. Mm. Because the gays in the city don't appreciate the drag. These gays in the Ballarat leagues were like, this has been camp and fun and we love you and we adore you and we don't want to talk about how visible your lace line is. Yeah.

Oh. Anyway, all of this is getting back to nuns in the way of before we started gabriella the bitch turns to me and she says honey one of us reads the balls the number and the balls and puts them into the little ball organizer yeah yeah and the other one on the the roving mic then recalls the ball, the number, and gives the rhyme. Yeah. Yeah. The legs 11. Legs 11.

Ronda Birchmore. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, wait, what? And they're like, you just make up a rhyme. And I was like. Oh, no. Oh, no, indeed.

Oh, no. So then it starts. Oh. And I'm like, oh, number 55, arrive alive. Don't drive and drink like my cousin who's in prison because he hit someone while he was drinking and driving. Number 55. And then it just kept going. And it was like number 32 it was out of the blue

the honda civic it railed into that woman but darren was behind the wheel and so that was round one where like the the myth of darren my alcoholic uh alcoholic cousin, just kept growing. I think people- Also, they were all centered around the same- I just kept plowing this joke into the ground. You? And people didn't, I think, know that I was joking. They would appreciate their legs 11.

No, exactly. And I was like like and number 49 it was past the time when he should have been home with his kids but instead he's in prison like yeah anyway and then in the second one it was like 41 i used to be a nun but then i witnessed a crime and I had to go back to dry. Oh, my God. And then I just had an extended mythos about how Lazy Susan used to be in on true bingo calls. Wow. And then had to go undercover like Connie and Carla.

What? Connie and Carla, the film about Toni Collette and my big fat Greek wedding going undercover to be drag queens to get away from the mob. Oh. Yeah. Huh. And their drag wigs are really good.

The film is pretty good, fine. With Tony? Yeah. Cool. Tony looks great. And Tony is, like, passing as an AMAB drag queen. Huh. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Okay, one more you know the final scene in the bird cage yeah where the like stuffy dad has to get in drag to get out of the club so there's no scene at the gay bar yeah that's good and that's a person in a costume undercover in the movie or whatever yeah that's good and we weren't allowed to. Yeah, our family was not a birdcage family. You've seen The Birdcage. I have seen it, yes. Our family was.

Growing up, I saw that movie so many times. Yeah, my mom was like, I don't like that film. Do you like The Birdcage? No, I don't really care for it. Wow. Yeah. Nathan Lane. I. Nathan Lane. I love Nathan Lane. What a gift.

Him in Dix the Musical is such a treat. But yeah, I just, I don't. And Ally McBeal. That's true. Callista. Yeah. What a name. Who else is called that?

Callista Flockhart. That's so good. list a flock heart that's like a bird um so yeah yeah no i just i think that there's something about that 1990s gay that like makes my teeth hurt you know like i just maybe it's too close there's something about seeing it on screen that it's the polish it's the happiness it's the joy it just doesn't reflect anything that i've experienced as a gay person. Yeah. Yeah. I fucking love that movie. Okay.

Well, I vote Dolores. I don't know who you vote. You vote white chicks. I do vote white chicks. So what's your fantasy here? You want both of them in as the characters from the movie in like their white chick form? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. White chicks. movie in like their white chick form yeah maybe yeah yeah white chicks well i i mean whoopi as that nun would bring a lot of joy and we haven't got religion down in the bunker yet yeah damn straight so maybe that's what we need a little church i don't know okay this is going too far well that would be goldberg dressed as a nun in white chick's makeup. Are you going to allow this? That's called compromise. The prosthetics to look like Paris Hilton. Quite the compromise.

Yeah. Okay. Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah. In prosthetics to look like Paris Hilton. Yeah. Dressed as a nun. Dressed as a nun. Dressed as a nun.

Yeah. In the bunker. Yeah. White nuns. Is the name of the film. I, what a great way to end up. Yeah. Okay. I mean, Whoopi would probably do it.

Maybe. She's free. What's she doing? The View? Yeah. Yeah. Is that? I don't know about that. I just, I'm glad Who? The View? Yeah. Yeah. Is that? I don't know about that.

I just, I'm glad Whoopi's getting paid. She is. She's truly one of these people where you're like, I can't believe that we have squandered decades of Whoopi Goldberg as an A-list celebrity. Yeah. Like, it just does not make sense to me. Because I'm like, she is so fucking talented interesting and fabulous that it's like i feel the same way about rosie o'donnell i'm like i need both of these people to be back in

our media diets all the time beyond just like being on the view or you know whatever yeah being in star trek they're so good they're so talented and we need them i love that hat she wears in star trek oh it's so good. Lazy Susan is giving me a dull nod. And she's dressing up as someone else to get undercover. All righty. Okay. Let's lock it in.

Lock it in. Whoopi Goldberg, White Chicks Makeup. See you after the break. Goodbye. goodbye and we're back welcome back hello oh you're talking to me hello hello Hi. How are you? I'm good. So good. Oh, so good. A soul agneau. We have one more topic for today.

But this is exciting, isn't it? It is because after our begging last episode. You say begging, I say demanding. For people to write in, we did have a few emails come through to the account and thank you so much for that. If you would like to send one through, please do so at justdoeveryoneapart.gmail.com. Yes. And we have our final topic for today

as requested by you, listener. By you. Which undergarment gets into the bunker? Thank you so much for that suggestion. I can confirm, sadly, that I did try to purchase the Skims nibble bra on a Black Friday sale this week, and it was already sold out. So that won't be in the bunker. Oh, shit.

Wait, it's got nipples on the outside. Have you not seen the nipple bra? No. What? Really? No. Oh, shit. Wait, it's got nipples on the outside. Have you not seen the nipple bra? No. What? Really? No. Oh, my God. Skims, maybe like three weeks ago or something.

Yeah, Skim K. Released a bra that has nipples built in. So when you wear it, you look like you've got rock hard nips. Well, you can do that. I used to sew beads on the outside of my Kmart padded bra. Yeah, I know. And it does do the job. It does.

Yeah. But they're sold out, so you can't have one. Well, you can buy beads any day or night, honey. And then you could select the size of your nibs. Isn't that a treat? That is good. Jumbo wooden beads. I've found in the past when trying to do something to that effect,

getting the precise location of both nipples is quite a challenge. That is good. Jumbo wooden bees. I've found in the past when trying to do something to that effect, getting the precise location of both nipples is quite a challenge. But that's it. It's a pick and mix. It's anyone's game. Because they're meant to be placed, but they're not meant to be precise. Like a nipple is a conversation piece. It's not a precise sign. The location of my nipples is purely to start a conversation.

That's right. Where are they looking? Why are they cross-eyed? Actually, you have three, right? Well, actually, there was a time when the Beastie Girls, me and Benign Girl, are both in the three nipple club. Yeah. Like Harry Styles before us.

And Zelda Moon was the only outcast. Normie, Normie, is what we used to say. How's those two nipples today, Normie? Yeah, get two cubes of ice to make them erect, not three like us. Normie! Yeah, it still hurts. Shuckling pigs. What?

Yeah, that was us. Yeah, but you have three. Save some for the rest of us. Well, that's it. Somewhere there's someone walking around with one. And an IOU note from me. Actually, you know, I was going to send you a script. I don't know why I didn't take it, but I saw this guy on Grindr earlier.

He was like mid to late 40s. Normal photo, normal photo, normal photo. Then like shirtless photo on his profile. normal photo, normal photo, normal photo, then like shirtless photo on his profile. And the lump, the pimple, the bump on his like stomach up here looked like a nipple. Oh, so it was quite low down. Could that be a nipple?

A stray nip. It was like, I'm going to say like five centimeters from his belly button. It was really low. It couldn't have been. I think you need to with these grindermen. Just start asking them. me sir is that a nip or are you just diseased what's happening what's happened here um okay yeah let's uh where to begin we kind of we we really have the best of both worlds because we've worn a lot of conventionally male underwear and female underwear.

Okay. Connoisseurs of both. And lingerie. Well, this is what I was going to say. Zelda Moon purchased the most disgusting women's linger which to wear under her drag and it was like a sexy g-banger like a sexy lacy g-banger and i think it was like one of those things where you purchase it and you're like oh just see and then it arrives and you're like oh no and it is like the like craigslist like cross-dressers looking for fun. Yes.

Like women's underwear. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. And that is, it's like, there is a type of underwear that is not worn by any woman that has ever existed. And it is only worn by men on Craigslist who have women's underwear fetish. Like it's lacy it's plastic lace yeah that like would absolutely just give you a yeast infection on site yeah and

it is it's nqr i hooked up with a guy once who was like very oh god such a dark time in my life but um oh he was just like i just i'm like trying to edge into this story by like also maintaining oh you were edging i was edging deeply no maintaining a certain level of grace no charm no go for it but but does he listen maybe he needs to hear it no i think so he was there is like a corner of my sexuality yeah that is like the more i'm not saying the word disgusting but the more like schlubby like this man was like, he was closeted into his forties and had a kid. They divorced.

He was living back at his parents out near knock city. Okay. Why do we keep talking about knock city? Darling, it's the central premise of this podcast. Knock city stories. Anyway. Darling, it's the central premise of this podcast. Knock city stories. Anyway, and he was balding in a way that is like the most like just the crown. Yeah.

And like super hairy and just like the most like this man is like his role in life. His sorting hat would say you need to operate a a boom gate at a late night parking garage. That's what I'm saying is there's no way of gracefully saying that that is such. It's a genre. I love that genre. Yes. You don't say this isn't a bad way. No, I'm like a loser man with a bald spot and a kid that he's not really in contact with who smokes choice cigarettes no

wonder you were edging i mean like that is it in like such a way anyway so he would be like into like a late night hookup yeah and like like sweaty as well i don't know like there's just that is a genre that is like one and now like the the that part of my sexuality is is uh dormant is dormant and bricked up you know we're like keeping the fairest purse behind that wall because i of course have the most beautiful gorgeous stunning boyfriend now but this is not to say that he is that genre at all um No. But God, I love just like Loser Dad. Yeah. Such a genre.

Yeah. And he would be into like a late night hookup once his parents had gone to bed. Oh. Because he was back in the parents' house. Wait, in the same like literal building or was he in the bungalow? The same building. Wow. I would drive out maybe one in the morning to building or was he in a bungalow? The same building. Wow. I would drive out maybe one in the morning to the middle of this suburban street,

Knoxfield vibes, and meet him out on the street. And he would quietly try and walk me past to the screen door at the back, which was closest to the entrance to his room, where inevitably the office office family guy or friends would be playing on the giant plasma screen tv that was three times the size of what should have been at the foot of his bed so that every night was an imax experience and you know there was like um display pieces that were like a jack daniels bottle that he might have gotten for a gift um sat on a shelf and um kind of that like synthetic fur minky blanket on top of the whole

situation yeah my brother used to call those the porn rug a porn rug yeah yeah and his he was like now that he was like experimenting with his sexuality after his separation yeah and divorce yeah or just separation i don't know i didn't ask questions he was experimenting now with his fat which was women's underwear yeah and seeing that dick pressed up against the inside of a shitty synthetic Kmart lace panty. Yeah. Like it was like, help me. Like it was like. Get me out of here. Like when, you know, you've drunkenly walked into a like fly like fly wire door you're like pressing your face against

it yeah that that's the um the dig how was the dick no it's just it's just bad dick oh okay of course but that's like the fantasy yeah all and like it was incredible anyway um but yeah that was a little bit so he was exclusively wearing the panties. Well, that was the thing that came like probably in the last quarter of our various dalliances. And I was like, this is fine. Yeah. No shame on this game, but not for moi. But it has forever seared in.

Yeah. The black lace panty. Oh, black. That was my next question. God, no. Yeah. What a genre. I think, like, there's something kind of hot about, like,

a dick not fitting in underwear. And if it is truly, like, women's underwear, it is not built for that. So, like, a hard dick is going to flop out the side yeah that's hard well it really does but it you can only suspend that with asterisks asterisks um so yeah i mean i'm gonna say that's not the undergarment of my dream i may be like yeah i think that like i have never seen like women's like negligee deployed correctly in the flesh what about um fembot true a little bit fembot xyz oh that too but like austin powers fembot

is like peak lingerie for me. Cause I love that. Like, like the little bit of chiffon. Kind of a 90, like super short. It's kind of sixties. Like I, I prefer that kind of lingerie to like a Dita Montice set.

Though still beautiful. But my, you know, like we wear a lot of corsets and that kind of thing like sore trap i'm not putting that in the they're not in the bunker there's no fucking i love i see the necessity of a corset of course but i'm never going to encourage anyone to ever do that to themselves because the issue with a corset is once you've done it and you've seen the silhouette and the transformation. There's no going back. You can't.

You can't accept just a regular thing. And we've both done this. There'll be nights where you're like, you know what? This outfit doesn't actually benefit from it. I'm not going to bother. And then you look at a photo and you say, well, I'm never doing that again. I will wear a corset every time I am in drag. Yes.

And you try to remember that until one day. One day you think, you know what? No, it's a poofy skirt and it's going to be fine. No, it's not fine. Wear a fucking corset every time i am in drag yes and you try to remember that until one day one day you think you know what no it's a poofy skirt and it's gonna be fine no it's not fine it's wear a fucking corset wear a corset yeah it just i mean it does that insane silhouette it's just so sassalicious that you can't get back after that. Okay. I hate stockings and like they're not, that's not what we're talking about here. And nylon. Well, so I wear in my regular life like just like briefs exclusively. Which is like a deeply Australian thingian thing as well yeah okay there's uh um like yeah i don't like boy legs like little trunks i don't like boy legs

wait trunks yeah what does that mean oh like boy legs like Like a loose... No. Like the undies that have legs. I like that. You're talking about like a Y front experience. That's what I wear. Wear normally. What I don't like is the one that then has the legs. Oh, I love the legs. No.

That's what you're wearing today. How do you know that? I know that because I got to your house and you weren't wearing any fucking pants. Well, I'm at home, Zelda. Oh, my God. I don't have to wear pants at home. But you knew I was coming over and we were going to record. Well, maybe I was suddenly shooting my shot.

I just lit a candle and was like, oh, wait, you're here. Okay. Yeah, I don't like those. No. I think the why, it's come back. But to me, it always strikes me as like, it's like a little kid's underwear. Oh.

To my, like, I think they're like, I associate the like trunks with men. No. Like footie boys. No, I just like, it's also a comfort thing. I just find them more comfortable. I think that like the why sometimes your legs then rub together they do you don't have any protection they do do you know

what i do the other day after a full like moment in drag i was like dying yeah and of like the chafing yeah and so i like put on like a bit of talcum powder and I was like, why is every adult human being not talcing it up? Not talcing up. It's so good. It's so luxurious. Jesus Christ. Are we sending a bottle of talcum powder in as well? Well, maybe.

Maybe. Maybe the world could understand my pain. I don't know. A jock strap? No. Yeah. You don't like jock strap. I have recently come around a little bit on jockstrap no yeah you don't like jockstrap i have recently come around a little bit on jockstrap okay

i think the thing that i didn't like about jockstraps okay so come with me on a quick journey but the the jockstrap is ubiquitous in gay male culture yeah it's fucking like it's the whole kit and caboodle it's what everyone's obsessed with and to like, it's the whole kit and caboodle. It's what everyone's obsessed with. And like, it is probably the, the sexiest quote unquote thing that is in the like undergarment world for gay men. But I would contest that. That is an invention of porn that is informed by an american sensibility totally so i think in american gym class you would wear a jockstrap if you were playing baseball and you'd have a cup in there and it would make everything easier to wear so your you know young gay man would be in the locker

room of either school or university and see a lot of men in jockstraps from playing sport yeah and then that ended up in porn because it was a fantasy of like the straight unattainable jocks that you were in school with yeah and so then that filters into porn and then the american porn filters into australia and then suddenly you've like inception retconned the gay male psyche in australia to be obsessed with a thing that was never part of your childhood yes so i just think i'm like what like what is how it's like how all the naughty nurse uniforms are based on nurse outfits from the 1950s yeah instead of like scrubs yeah do you know what i? It's like, you're like, so it's like, there's something that is like a, like your sexuality is based on a photocopy of a photocopy of someone else's

idea of what's sexy. Yeah. Whereas I love when you see Australian porn, Australian made porn, and they're in like footie shorts, which you could understand is the same jockstrap experience. Well, but I would argue that the Australian version is silk or satin boxer shorts.

And here we are. And here we are. Because there's no more formative experience of gay male sexuality than the silk boxer. Yeah. Family Guy, Futurama. Maybe it's got Wile E. C oh my god why is wiley coyote on every fucking pair of satin boxer shorts at game on yeah maybe it's got a pig going oink oink i don't know why but yeah silk non-breathing disgusting get them for christmas boxer shorts that were like yeah the formative years of your

sexuality yeah and they always stang totally disgusting yeah um so hot yeah no one ever wears them no um if you're a listener but also here's the other thing yeah cool gals when i was growing up in high school wearing silk boxes so chic and cool yeah that's cool that was such a vibe i hated the aesthetic of like like pants falling off with your like silk boxes sliding down your ass like i hate that and that was like every boy in my high school um but obviously like hated it but like so hot yeah um so like it's a real love hate relationship yeah bogan core yeah it's like the people who beat me up in high school that was their underwear of choice um they're like how could they have such hard fists and such silky smooth boxes?

Yeah. And what about you, Matthew? What do you think? I'm happy with anything as long as it's supportive. Oh, you like an underwear. As long as it's supportive. Oh, you like an underwear. No, if it's female, boxers, whatever, male, lingerie, stockings. Clothing doesn't have a gender, Matt.

It's not going to just like bounce off your body if you put it on. You can put it wherever. It's fine. As long as it's got a bit of support. That's all I need. A bit of love. Yeah. So no.

No, definitely not that no anything but the silk box boxer oh wow anything but okay um and no jockstrap because that gives you no support around the back no support around the back um jockstraps make your butt look nuts though they do it's good you're nuts they can't they are the um yeah cinderella it's good. You're nuts, local nuts. They are the Cinderella fairy godmother of asses. Like men's thongs, you need a better butt to pull that off. I also, I mean, like I love, in a North queer that is just rocking a thong is such a vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fab.

Yeah, that's fun. I didn't understand growing up how annoying underwire bras are and my gal pals were like they when they decide to turn on you yeah and maybe not today maybe not tomorrow that little fucking wire is gonna come out from beneath and you will spend the entire day with it stabbing your ass or your your boob and so like that whole day and then you take it off and you're like no no, it's fine. It's fine. Like, you know, I'll throw it away.

I'll go and get a new one. But you're like, when am I doing that? Yeah. No. And so then you inevitably put it back on and then you're like, wait a second. It's this bitch again. It's you. You're back.

Yeah. It's so evil. Yeah. And no other undergarment, even a corset is that rude. It's so, so evil. Yeah. Um, wow. Hmm. Hmm. Even a corset is that rude. It's so, so evil. Yeah. Wow.

I just think Y front briefs are hot. And there was that period where like American apparel were doing them in like the kind of like 60s, 70s style with like the colored edge and stuff. That is nice. But they were such a poor cut. it was always baggy around the butt um and i never understood why the cut was so bad like for such a and you know like on project runway and i know you do um there's not a single woman in america that would like to have a big fat ass oh michael how wrong you were um but they would occasionally do like an underwear or like a swimwear challenge and i remember the like you know this was 15 years ago whatever and watching it being like oh what could you possibly you know design that hasn't

already been designed it's like the least amount of fabric that you could possibly do but um not so no it is like it is ever evolving and it's very complicated um and you know when you find what works that's a life-changing moment yes okay so i think the secret sauce here outside of silk boxes yeah outside of the jocks trap yeah the like quiet sexiest undergarment is adult grown bisexual man who wears rio underwear that has like it started to tear away from the elastic band and yeah and it's the cheapest flimbiest it doesn't even have a waistband it's just elastic it's so hot it's such a vibe it's like wow that man doesn't even care if I live or die. Yeah. He's just oblivious.

Yeah. It's such a vibe. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. If you are a listener who's sporting a Rio underwear, like that comes in a 10 pack for three cents. There's maybe like three black, three white, and then like a gray and a purple and a green.

I love that line in When Harry Met Sally. He was always so confused because I had days of the week underwear. And he just got obsessed. And he said, why isn't there Sunday? Why isn't there Sunday? And he wouldn't believe what I said. And he said, what did he say? Well, there's no Sunday because of God.

What? No, anyway. I wouldn't say no watch that movie it's so good um i there's something kind of hot about days of the week underwear it's a real like stupid bogan tradie thing to wear or an alpha underwear that would that's where you can get the days of the week a what underwear alpha from kmart oh alpha yeah yeah alpha oh alpha no love alpha i can't deal with that alpha yeah like alpha you think you're the alpha male of all men yeah like or what in your like social network you've established that you're the alpha get fucked what alpha well they're not going to make an underwear brand called Beta. Maybe they should. Beta cuck. Mama, I got you these for Christmas.

I've always thought of you as a beta. My little Richie is such a little beta cuck. Here's your underwear, six pack. But, ugh. I just hate that. What's in a name, Zelda Moon? Alpha male? Alpha male.

Alpha male. Yeah. Get, ew. Alpha. Oh. Alpha. Uh-uh. Hmm.

What about Rio? You're not from Rio. Well, who do you think is an alpha male? I don't. Well, there's always got to be one. No. Yeah, in any game. Who's like the alpha male of planet don't. Well, there's always got to be one. No. Yeah, in any given... Who's like the alpha male of planet...

Maybe Arnie? Of the planet? Yeah. Who's the alpha male of the planet? Yeah, Arnie. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. You know he has a pet donkey?

Do you know that? Do you know that he had a secret affair with his housekeeper, producing a new child, and then he divorced his wife? Do you know he ran as a Republican in the state of California and won? Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that he had a pet donkey? His son is now acting, and he was in Gen V.

Okay, that's enough out of you. What about a nightie? Ew. Yeah, okay. All I think about is how if you smoked in bed in the 80s or the 60s and you caught on fire, the night tea would like melt and fuse to your skin. And then they couldn't, if they had to pull it off to stop it getting infected, it would be like fused to the skin.

And I think, I don't know how I want to go. No. What about those long sleeping hats? I was, my cousin and I know... How do you have a story about this? No, no. Just about the... For sleeping, she was recommending a Snuggie.

Oh. No. Snuggie makes me want to die. That's the porn rug turned into... Uri. Uri. That's what it was. Oh.

No. I'm not doing that. No, no, no. Growing up, I had like a weird, not like 90, but it was like a long t-shirt. I don't know where we even got it from. And it had Tweety Bird on it. No, it was just white. Bad attitude.

It was white and it had a blue rim on the t-shirt cuff and around the neck. And it was like, it must have been from the 70s. But like, what a strange thing to see a child walking around looking like screws yeah yeah it was very that yeah um yeah but i i really enjoyed that okay well let's lock this in nice and quick oh what do you think it's gonna be i would say in the course of this conversation Silk Boxer The Rio Or No I'm not going to say the jockstrap I think that's Dane out

No I don't mind a jockstrap But no it can't be that Like Oprah's not wearing a jockstrap I'm not going to I could see Mel B in a jockstrap I mean I love The ones you can get from Eagle Leather Like the Like, I could see Mel B in a jockstrap. I mean, I love the ones you can get from Eagle Leather that are like this, like the. Like vintage one.

Yeah. The one that looks like a wrestler's jockstrap. Yeah, that's hot. That's so good. And they come in all the different colors in there. Thick, thick strap. Yeah. You know, when I was, when I was burgled.

Cast your mind back. By that famous guy? Yes, the Melbourne hero. He stole all of my underwear and all of Jeremy's underwear. It's good that he took both because it would have been really sad if he'd been like, only one had nice stuff. But, you know, like when you think about it, it kind of makes sense if you were experiencing homelessness, underwear is probably something that you would be. That's what I learned about Bombas socks.

Number one most requested thing in homeless shelters is socks and underwear. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So that makes sense. But it does wig me out thinking about when he, you know, like got to wherever and was going through his bag of stolen goods and found all of my jock straps that he unknowingly stole and his ass looked great wow um yeah yeah do you know what i think the the opposite situation of on the rio front and when i see a man is wearing calvin klein all i can think about

is how much those the underwear cost or like um yes or like the versace you know that waistband or that like off-white one and i and i think about the psychology that got us there which is that you're like you're gonna see this and see how much i've spent on what is essentially just a name yeah like i don't think that they're particularly better and it's just you thought that this was going to impress whoever got you down to your your scantish um but like i don't know that just kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies it's like a bit american psycho i'm like oh good for you you got the expensive one yeah it's very and it's just for whoever's undressing you yeah so it's like not even just like i bought a versace whatever coat or whatever yeah for everyone to see and for me to feel you know seen in yeah but it's like this

is your little at this last moment before the pumping because it's 45 for a pair is that how much oh my god at least there was i was when i was on my trip this year i ran out of underwear at one point because it was just hard to it was sunday yeah yeah and i had to go and buy a pair and i was in london at the tan lond, yeah, I was looking and I was like, well, I'm in Selfridges in London. I should like maybe I should treat myself to like a pair of, you know, bougie underwear. Yeah. Which I quickly was like, why the fuck would I do that?

Because I went and looked at the prices of some of those undergarments. Yeah. And it was fucking crazy. Yeah. It is. It's just I'm like I can't even. I'm like why and for whom and for why but i think like going into this i definitely thought it would be satin silk boxer shorts because of the

trauma and the love hate relationship um but oh they're like the cheapest shittiest ones from kmart that have those like ripping holes and they just keep wearing them that is so hot yeah i imagine it's like a guy who studied environmental science and he just keep wearing them that is so hot yeah i imagine it's like a guy who studied environmental science and he just doesn't care he just doesn't he just buys them and goes and then that'll be it for the next five years i guess oh my god that's it's really that's good such a genre that's very hot okay done rio rio it's gotta be yeah Okay. Done. Rio. Rio. It's got to be. Yeah. Razamatay. It's got like the little logo just at the front.

Tiny. Tiny. It's anti-capitalism. It is fighting the good fight. It is the underwear of the proletariat. We are living in the new world order. And the first against the wall, Calvin Klein girlies. Oh my God. Yeah.

Amazing. Well, what an incredible um week of additions well so what do we have we have the magpie the magpie we have Whoopi Goldberg in white chicks makeup yep in a nun's habit yep so we're getting white chicks and sister act yep into the bunker into the bunker and then under the habit what is she wearing? Rio undies That are old That are old Holy Rio undies

Holy Holy Yeah And the magpie's black and white Just like the nun outfit It's a very strong feeling this week And like Whoopi Goldberg So Wow so wow oh no a theme is emerging oh my god she's gonna be like whoopee is gonna be so mad

about getting up and putting on five hours of aesthetics every day yeah well rebecca romaine is there and she's not complaining is she um i reckon whoopi would probably leave it on for maybe three or four days and like it would just be like peeling yeah yeah i wonder what temperature it is in the bunker did you ever hear about the show and i watched this growing up, and this was very early cable memories of mine. Cable. Called Black and White. And they took a white family and put them in prosthetic makeups to look like a black family.

Oh, my God. And they took a black family and put them in prosthetic makeups and made them a white family. And it was like completely without irony, without anything. It was like a social experiment done for TV. And the show was insane. And the daughter, the white daughter of the white family, who was super earnest, she was like 19,

she joined a beat poetry class that was entirely black. And she was like, and she did her beat poems in that room and everyone was like starting to embrace her and like her and then she revealed that she was a white girl and everyone was like i don't know that you should be here anymore like it was so the most awkward thing you've ever seen it was incredible oh my god that makes me it is out of control and the white family were unbearable because they were like these well-meaning like liberal progressive family and they were just like it was so dark the things that they thought it was appropriate to say and like do and yeah and they're like i'm gonna act black now oh yeah it was a worry when

you started the story i thought you were going to talk about changing rooms which i mean admittedly when they put sand in that woman's house that was more disturbing but uh black and white check it out everyone wow yeah it's really, as far as a document of the early 2000s that you could never, it will never exist again in any form and is likely buried at the bottom of an ocean somewhere. Yeah. Haunting. Which is why White Chicks is so incredible,

is a single document that manages to remain relevant this very day. Thank you so much for listening everyone to death to everyone this week and we can't wait to have you back again kiss your loved ones tonight and say goodbye it'll get a rise out of them what do you want wow yeah okay okay death to everyone was recorded at natural habitat studios by matt shears our theme song and music was provided by ed centric and angus leslie thoughts comments concerns send them in an email to us at death to everyone pod at gmail.com and if you would like to support us in buying a new set of real underwear you can do so by

logging on to Patreon. Death to everyone at... Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.