Death To Everyone - Death To... Bread, Mugshots & Beverage Temperature

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

Hello Hello Hello! Please enjoy this, the worst episode of the show we've ever made. Love you! Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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🎵 🎵 🎵 I've seen it in the witch's eye. Seen what, dear? The listener. Sitting around their house, surrounded by their own filth. Sitting around their house, surrounded by their own filth. Nothing but their headphones, keeping them tailored to reality. It's so nice to have you back.

Here at Death to Everyone. With only three occupants. Yes. Lazy Susan. Hello, that's me. Zelda Moon. Hey, what's up? And our space car driver magic oh i like that one i don't know what i'm doing anymore do you know what when we spin off death to everyone into kind of merchandising land i think we should do um a video game a la simpsons

hit and run but it's Matt driving the space car driver. I like that. And then each different time you can kind of, you like there's different levels. You're driving through different apocalypses. Um, and then occasionally you get to go into the bunker and see what's going on. You can drive around a car that's made out of,

um, Carrie, Carrie Fisher's bones. Yeah. Um, you know, I think you can drive around the giant shrimp yeah like i think those are the vehicles i like that a lot did i show you that video game i can't remember what

it was called now that it's like seven foot woman with a ponytail and a gun bayonetta yeah pretty much um and it's like the like lowest quality like video game, but they actually released it, I think, on PS5? Like shop? I like that. It's amazing. That sounds very good. You just walk around and you're just the shape of a hot woman. Wow, relatable.

They made a game of my life. And what happens on this podcast, Silver Moon? Well, you know what? On this podcast, listener, it's the end of the world. And for your benefit, we've created a doomsday bunker and each and every week we discuss a range of fabulous topics and decide what should be preserved for the future of humanity we are overqualified to do such a thing really it's true being burnt by the planet so many times. And its offerings.

That's what I try not to do. Now the sun is back out in Melbourne. I don't know. I bought my very first new sunscreen of the new season. What? Why?

Didn't you buy it through me? Oh, I get the shitty brand. Why? Well, you mean? Didn't you buy it through me? Oh, I just, I get the like shitty brand. Oh. Yeah. Why? Yeah, well, I don't know. Oh. Yeah.

I'll hook you up. Well, yes. I mean, actually, the Mecca. Allegedly. I'll bloop that. Yeah, yeah, sure. They do a really good sunscreen. It's good.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, a really good sunscreen. It's good. Yeah. Yes. Anyway. How are you? I can't have you wearing Nivea or some shit. No, I would never wear Nivea. It stings my eyes. I wear Cancer Council or I do the other one.

You know, the basic bitch ones, but they do the work. Well, I mean, yeah. The 50 plus. 50 plus. Yes. Anyway, how are you? I'm good. You know, just living my plus. 50 plus. Yes. Anyway, how are you? Anyway, I'm good. You know, just living my life luxuriously.

Yeah. Yeah. What's been happening this week? I don't know. Not too much. Just, you know what? I don't think I've talked about this game that I've been playing recently. Just quickly, shall I?

So it's called Another Crab's Treasure treasure and you play this like little hermit crab in the ocean and at the start of the game uh a lone shark um steals your shell and wants to like resell it to you but like runs away with it so then the game is you like following this like um shark through the ocean, trying to get your original shell back. That's cute. But being a hermit crab, you can like pop on all different things that have fallen into the ocean.

So you can use like. A can. Yeah. You can use a can. You can use a broken in half tennis ball as a shell. You can use a coconut shell. That's all cute. A little shot glass.

That's very fun. And it's kind of shot glass that's very fun and it's kind of like a souls like game so it's quite difficult and then like you'll come up against like the samurai um but it's a lobster or like yeah it's really cool yeah it's cute as hell and then like the sardines in the ocean attack you because they have little fish hooks stuck on their heads. And it's all like all this trash in the ocean has created this whole ecosystem. Well, it's good that children are learning about that. You know, if you don't like something in your life, throw it into the ocean. You know?

But I'll drown. Like that woman who hated that necklace. And she hated that man. Yes. she went back to finish the job but yeah that um i mean that's been my life for the past few weeks really that's good it's good well i'm glad you're doing that instead of throwing yourself into the ocean thank you yeah and how's your week my week is good it. We're in the thick of myth and I've missed two screenings already. So that means we're doing very well. I don't know if this is going to be happening by the time this comes out. So we'll see.

But I shot this content for Myth, which is very nice, very kind, where I dressed up as Werner Herzog but in in like a gorgeous gown and went around and talked about like the Mif Hub and like things like that. And it was just like a, you know, four hours of shooting, but in like, you know, stiletto in like a Friday night, walking through the city. So it was a little bit intense because as well, when you're dressed as Werner and not a glamorous woman,

the response is not yes slay mama drag queen the response is like when osvarato is returned send it back from whence it came what is that creature but yeah so i was doing like i am here walking through the streets of Melbourne having fun seeing people smiling and going to cinema um but like it was like none of it was scripted it was just bullshitting for like three hours like I'm now eating a frozen coke it is so delicious but my teeth are retreating well trust and believe um but it's now been a week since we shot that. And they were like, we got a tight turnaround on this one. And there's been crickets.

And I don't think it's going to come out. No, it's true. Cowards. I am like, I need to know what's happening internally. But I'm like, I think that that might have been a bridge too far for the old melbourne international film festival do you think it was when you told one of the board members to fuck off well i did do that um but you know she knows why and that is how of course the proverbial cookie crumbles oh my god and to that very special listener hello hello it is so nice.

See, you need the voice to go with it. Like you can't just walk around dressed as Werner Herzog. Well, you see, I mean, you need the voice too. Otherwise it doesn't make sense. I don't look at all like Werner Herzog. I mean. It's like I just look like a fucking, like in the makeup, in everything, in the bald cap, in the the like thing i look just like a

like ghoul like i just i like verner should be very insulted if he sees it um because you really need the troopy eyes don't you but he's much more handsome than that but anyway because when you do like i mean character makeup is a very specific art really because yeah if you just do old makeup yeah like to layer old makeup with character makeup it's kind of also i was just like who cares yeah i think it's like that thing of like you get as close as you want to it's the snatch game rule it's like yeah you just do as much as you want to do and then like you just say that you're that person yeah and that's the most important part. An impression just needs to be some element of that thing.

And I chose a dress with spangly sequins. Did you feel glamorous? It feels rough on my skin, but beauteous on the eyes. Were your armpits cut up afterwards? No, it's the long sleeve. The green. Zelda's green long sleeve. Anyway. It's such a betrayal of

sequin to like hurt you so much for daring to wear it. Yeah. Although I must confess these are not sequins. They were paillettes. Anyway, so that's very funny. I think in drag, sometimes that happens where you do something

and then it never sees the light of day. Oh. Again, the time factor is real, but we don't really need to keep it a secret that we're getting ahead of the recording game before your time overseas. In Benign's wedding. Yes, but at time of recording,

listener, we've had an alarming news update. Not for Katy Perry, though there probably is. I'm sure. But for another incredible diva, Jennifer Lopez. She donated all that money.

She did. $4 million. $4.5 million. To the people of Palestine. Yeah, which that's nice. That's great. And also is getting divorced from Ben Affleck. It's a win all round, darling.

She doesn't need that, man. I mean. How long have they been together? Not long. Two years. That was the COVID thing, though. They were, like, figuring out their brand. You know, like, they were like, this is a good story for both of us.

This is a good story. I wonder what. That's why people get married. Yeah. I mean, if you're Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, and probably just. Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, probably just... Just don't for the story. But, like, celebrity gossip is not my area of interest.

However, I would love to know what's going on there. Well, I think it was This Is Me now. Right. Like her turmoil. But that is so crazy. Why is she so crazy for? Why? Because she's Jenny from theenny in the block yeah the block

if she becomes the host of the australian block that would be great um anyway so that's all actually have you seen all this blake lively stuff going on at the moment oh only in my peripheral vision and listen i'm not going to go in depth i'm not going to go in depth but what i will say is on the internet blake lifely is in a new film that's about like it's a it's a rom but without the com a romantic film that is about a woman who survives domestic abuse and then goes on and finds her new partner and it's based off a book and it's directed by a guy who's from jane the virgin who bought the rights to the film to direct as his first feature and star in as the perpetrator of the domestic violence. So he's directing the film. The film's coming out and then on the red carpets for all the events they're hosting around to drum up kind of PR for this film, none of the cast has anything to do with the director they will not

take photos with him they will not be seen with him and everyone started noticing and they were like what is going on here why is jenny slate and blake lively refusing then people are pierced off at blake lively because she starts promoting her non-alcoholic alcohol brand as an event for the film. And they're like, this is kind of inappropriate for you to be promoting your brand when this film is about domestic violence. And then people are like dogging Blake Lively for like, one of the interviewers was like,

if someone comes up to you to talk to you about domestic violence after seeing this film, what were you doing? She's like, should we give them my phone number? Should we give them the address to my house? And people were like, how dare Blake Lively not want to help people who are the survivors to domestic violence? And she's like, what she's actually saying is incredibly reasonable that just because you star in a film about domestic violence doesn't make you an expert on helping people who have been through that situation and you shouldn't expect an actress to suddenly be your therapist because you saw her in a film like going up to toby mcguire and be like sling a web and dance to jazz for me baby anyway the internet has turned on her with such a furor, her and Ryan Reynolds.

And while I don't particularly have skin in the game for these two people, I'm like, what did they do? What did they fucking do? And then I keep looking and it seems like she was just like a bit offhand with people in an interview once or twice, promoted a brand while she's promoting a film which is not crazy and eyes are on you isn't that what you do it's like if you've stopped every celebrity that was simultaneously promoting a film even if it's about very incredibly serious

topics and also their products then you would just shut down hollywood as a whole because guess what it's happening all the fucking time and it just feels like we're at this point where like the scandalabra is so like brightly lit that like people want to have a big takedown in the style of like the mask slip of the Harvey Weinstein era, where it was like, people were like, I can't believe these revelations that are coming out about this person that completely upend the narrative around them and they're treating this woman like she's done something

criminal when it's like i don't know she doesn't have to be the fucking best person in the world you don't have to like her but you don't have a reason to be treating her like she's like so evil it's like and they're like there's this weird tone of to be treating her like she's like so evil. It's like, and there's this weird tone of it where they're like, she reminds me so much of girls I hated in school. I always knew she was the devil incarnate. And it's like,

what are you talking about? Like there was legitimate critique of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds when they had their wedding at that plantation but that was like years ago and it was part of a conversation where they came back and apologized and like okay well we're going to try and

make this good, make this right but then it's like now it's all being put into this thing of like she's like screwing over this director and she's ruining this director and she's ruining this film and she's completely insensitive to women who like she's practically a domestic abuser at this point because she's ignoring all these women and she's selling her products from her product line and it's like i just am like you need to like she you haven't found anything that

she's actually done that is worthy of your amount of anger about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's an actor on a press tour. Yeah. Doing that. It's the same with Jennifer Lopez. It's like she did a big vanity project and she, like, has seemingly been a diva for a long time. The end. Like. No.

She didn't do anything bad yeah it's just she just is doing it she spent her money yeah on doing something big and stupid but like it does feel so weird that it's like how dare this woman in her 40s 50s want to do something big and extravagant. We don't agree with that. That's why we put in that fabulous sample of mud. That's right. Anyway. Yeah.

I mean, I did see bits and pieces of that and I don't know. It just like, yeah, there has to be like something. It feels like, and thankfully it wasn't Katy Perry this week, so I was glad about it. When does the target shift? Yes. Oh, that's good. And also, she didn't need to be in Deadpool and Wolverine.

We didn't even see her face. Also, the voiceover didn't match the sound balance or whatever of everyone else in the scene. She was too clear. Did you notice that? I didn't. But I shut off emotionally at that point. Just rocking in the corner. So obviously recorded in a studio

but like it just didn't match. Yeah. Isn't she on a busy city street? Anyway. Yeah. Well, they had to do all this weird filtering to block out the sounds of her abusing all those women. Jesus Christ.

And killing those children. I don't know. Whatever she does in her spare time. Yeah. I think that's it. Next Satan. Blake Lively. Okay.

So, it's the end of the world. Whose week is it? Yours. So, it's time for the end of the world, is it? Let me tell you, listener, we do this every week. Every week we give you an insight into how the world ends. And this week is no different. Have you heard of trapped water?

Yeah. This thing? Did we talk about this have i already done this yeah have i done this you talked about oh did you talk about that in our personal lives or in our public lives what does it mean just check through the archives oh my god you go give it a shot oh now i know we'll tell us if we're wrong no i think i did talk about this oh my god i think it was an apocalypse be confident do it do it and i'm scared oh my god what's trapped water lazy season i know just the idea that um oh my my God. I mean, I really have spoken about this before. Okay, deja vu, right?

Okay, so here's the apocalypse. That was all part of it. It's like, ooh, storytelling. The storytelling is indicative of the content of the story, which is about deja vu. Have you heard of trapped water? Ah, deja vu. So what happens is everyone in the world gets deja vu you know and um and they

um they they have a meal explain what trapped water is have you ever heard of trapped water it's deja deja vu and so they all start eating and then um like if you've taken your medication once you take it a second time because have you heard of trapped water it's deja vu no and then they take their medication multiple times on the podcast and have you ever had a second time because have you heard of trapped water? It's deja vu. No. And then they take their medication multiple times. I don't think you talked about it on the podcast. And have you ever

heard of trapped water? It's deja vu. Did you? And then. I think you were just telling me about it. They get up and they go to sleep

and have you ever heard of trapped water? And then they, people keep doing things that are bad for themselves but they can't remember because they keep thinking they haven't done it

because it's deja vu. Yeah. And so the world kind of grinds to a halt while everyone repeats the same activity over and over again caught in an infinite loop until they starve and die in the spot because they're not doing the thing that they're meant to be doing because have you ever heard she's releasing trapped water deja vu yeah listener trapped water, as per, I think Lazy told me privately, not on the podcast. He freaked me out! Is like, you know that water bottle? And you drank 95%, but that 5% you left in there, and then you screwed it up, and then you put it in the recycling?

That's trapped water. And I presume the death that Lazy was going to implement is that eventually, with time passing all water is trapped or something yeah well that's the thing they're like worried that like already there's considered to be like millions of gallons or liters of water trapped trapped in in plastic that will not biodegrade and let the water out for millions of years so So the issue is, yeah, all this trapped water stays trapped and doesn't go back into the rain cycle. And so we could potentially, if that continued for a long time, if that continued, run out of water that is now trapped under landfill.

Can I just say? Yeah. I'm not a scientist. Yeah. However. That much is obvious. Can I just say? Yeah.

I'm not a scientist. Yeah. However. That much is obvious. I have found objects in my garden that are made of plastic. And I have, as a child, lost toys in the garden and then found them 10 years later, very emotionally. And they've deteriorated. And like the plastic is like brittle and broken down and like pathetic and faded.

I just don't know if I believe the half-life of plastic. Yeah. You know what? You're right. Because, I don't know, that's like three years in the garden and then it's like all crumbly. I found a piece of Lego in my garden yesterday. It wasn't crumbly, but I'm sure if I left it there, it would be calm. That's the quality of Lego.

Danish brick. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean, but it's about the plastic, like the quality of Lego. Danish brick. Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean, but it's about the plastic, like the microplastics. Yeah, but if you can't even see it. It just poisons. I'm so over, you know, like my DNA being altered by microplastics. It's just not my thing, you know.

You didn't say that you're not a scientist at the start of that. I'm not a scientist. But my DNA is altered by microplastics. Is that how DNA works? Yeah. That's how micro the microplastic can be. Microplastic do be like that. It do be. Anyway, let's fucking get into it.

Oh, okay. Sure, sure, sure. Matt, has your life been affected by microplastics? Yeah, I think bottles don't like completely dissolve They just turn into smaller pieces of bottle That's an issue, I guess Yeah, like the half-life of plastic is still like thousands and thousands of years Damn it

I'm pretty sure But plastic's so good Oh, it's handy That's so evil Keeping your lunch fresh So evil But plastic's so good. Oh, it's handy. That's so evil. Keeping your lunch fresh. So evil. It's not good.

True. Soon we'll be 90% plastic. What? Well, if we keep eating microplastic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just be almost all plastic. You really? You said you're a scientist? I'm not a scientist. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would just be almost all plastic. You really, you said you're a scientist?

I'm not a scientist. Oh, good. That's what will happen. Okay. That's 90% you say. No, if you say so. Okay. And listener,

who I presume is a scientist, we'll be right back. To tomorrow To my To my dream world And we're back. So the only time I've ever been a scientist is in the game GoldenEye 007. Oh.

The scientist woman. In slap mode. Yeah. Slappy. That's your favorite. That informed a lot about your life. I do love a slap. And I loved that like all slaps was so, like it was more of a like a sideways chop than a horizontal slap.

A karate chop. And it really informed, like I remember like playing GoldenEye in person, like at school or something. And like in order to like slap on that diagonal, you're really like just clapping the cheek as you like still swipe through. It's quite good. Ooh, that is quite chic.

I'll have to try it. Yeah. It's very, have I shown you like Rose and Camellia? That like flash game on the internet Oh my god, listener Is there a woman with a ponytail? Yes

Good, I'm in But Rose and Camellia I'm pretty sure it's called Rose and Camellia Is this like online flash game from Japan Where you like You like You like start as maybe like the, like the, um, um, the like, the, um. Spit it out.

I know. It's like medieval times. And it's like, you're the woman who like brushes the empress's hair. You're like the little servant gal or whatever. Yeah. And then you have an altercation and then you go into a slapping match and you have to like slap to attack and then like dodge the duchess's slap and then you like slowly progress through like the hierarchy of the thing anyway it's so good

and they're all just like anime gals slapping each other oh it's it's so good. A game designed for me. It's amazing. I like that. It has a really good soundtrack. Anyway, do recommend. What's the category this week? Okay. Our first topic for discussion, listener, is bread. Bread.

You ever bread? Bread. Bread. You ever had bread? Bread. Get bread. Oh, I love bread. Do you love bread?

I'm looking forward to this one. You make a focaccia From time to time Matthew We had my focaccia last week We did You bred us While we ate A Zelda's lasagna

Yeah That's not bread That's pasta No but Listeners will remember We had a lasagna Oh yeah yeah Flashback Fridays

Yeah yeah Long time fan First time caller We had the focaccia And then we got bread Yeah Oh god What? What Matt?

It was your bread Your bread Whose ass? What? What? Jesus wasn't there Whose ass? But Jesus is in a form of bread

The original bread His skin is made of bread Yeah Is it? Flat bread Yeah Because you have the skin is made of bread Yeah Is it? Flat bread Yeah Because you have the body of Christ Flat bread

Yeah The wafer Yeah the wafer A tortilla Jesus is a biscuit I thought you were talking about the like Picture of Jesus on toast Oh that's good too

Oh no that was Mary Virgin Mary on toast I'm sure they've all been burnt into bread at some point Jesus has been bread You the end of the day. You know how now and again it's like, oh, there's this piece of toast and it came up and it looks exactly like Jesus or exactly like the Virgin Mary and everyone thinks it's a miracle. Yeah.

Which it is. It is obviously. Undeniably, it is a miracle. But yes, I love, that's actually my favourite story from the Bible is that Jesus is in the loaves. Because it was the most like magic that Jesus did. You see this one thing? Now there's lots of it.

But that's the thing. It's like, you know, people are like, read the Bible. It's really like high fantasy. And as a kid, you're like, okay, well, you're not really describing the magic. And then that was the one where it was like, oh, he's got like Alex Mack level skills. So I did like that where he was like, here's some more bread. Here's some more fish. Yeah.

Who doesn't want more fish? There's enough for everyone. Yeah. Nat water? Wine. Yeah, that was good. Nat water? I'm walking on it.

He did have a love with water. Nat cave? I'm coming out of it in three days. Yeah, that was less impressive because it was like, I want to see you when you come back to life. Don't do it after the light score. It seemed like, yeah, a lot of this magic was happening a little bit behind closed doors.

Yeah. Jesus. Jesus. But undeniably you make great bread. Well, I don't know. I never tasted it. You've never had the body of Christ? I'm in. I didn't.

I've had it once, but I've never really felt comfortable. Oh, my God. Did you think you would burst into flames? No, I'm just like, it feels rude to be in someone else's faith and be like. I'll have a taste. Yeah, can I have a little snack too? Yeah. When did you have it? When I was in Naland and we went to church there. to be in someone else's faith and be like, I'll have a taste. Yeah. Can I have a little snack too? Yeah.

Like when did you have it? When I was in Naland and we went to church there. Oh. And, but there were like much more like everyone now come and have, it was very like high energy, fabulous experience, but it was like, it wasn't sit back and you can kind of enjoy and partake,

you know, more of a spectator, but like, they were like, get the fuck up, bitch, and you're going to eat. Because in at least the Catholic Church, if you haven't done your Eucharist or whatever, then you can still go up, but you cross your arms and you get blessed by the priest as opposed to putting out your hand and eating Jesus Christ. Yeah, see, I didn't. All of what you just said is news to me.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm surprised that you weren't burnt to a crisp. Well, there's still time for that. Yes. I will be quite, quite shocked if I get dead and then I go to hell. You know, I'll be like, well, the eggs are on my face here. I really thought that this wasn't the case.

Of course. But yeah, those little flat wafers are pretty nothing. They just kind of like dissolve in your mouth. Yeah. But also like when I did it, you would go up with your like palms raised and receive it in the palm of your hand and then you would eat it um but not really eat it's more like a like let it dissolve swallows like you're chewing on you know the body of christ but um in like older times or like depending on the church you go to like some people will just go up and open their mouth with their tongue out and the priest will put it on your tongue. Oh, see, that's very chic.

It's like party girl. It's so like. Give me the ecstasy. Yes. Lay it on my tongue and let's have a fucking crazy night with the body of Christ. Like, bury that. Yeah. So weird.

That's great, though. Priests rarely get to touch people's inside of their mouth. Give them an opportunity. Oh know yeah wash your fingers before you receive the money i remember when i did my communion or whatever i the priest was like and over this way little girl because i had long hair. Yeah. It was before I understood what was happening. If I was priest, I'd take the body of Christ, and when they opened their mouth, I'd put my fingers really deep inside of their mouth into the liver.

And I'd be like, who's next? I'm priest. Come on, body of Christ. I think you're the exact kind of priest they don't want. You're bad for the image. I just want to go. You have a boyfriend. You can body of Christ his throat.

Oh, don't worry. Okay. Bread. What other bread is good? Well, listen, I love bread. Bread is great. And if they didn't want us to have it, why did it taste so good? Garlic bread?

Garlic bread. Garlic bread's up there, I reckon. Garlic bread's pretty good. But it's such a lot, yeah. I feel more guilty about garlic bread these days. You should. Because it really steps on the toes of the meal. Like it's like, are we having pizza or are we having garlic bread?

They're both a meal. Well, it's true. And I mean, like where does garlic bread fit? Because if you're having pizza. Yeah, but. You have it with pasta. So you can mop up all the sauce. Yeah, but garlic bread is so of its own thing.

It is living life. But if you're having pasta and you have it with like focaccia, which is still incredibly flavoursome and can sop, but it's not like... Garlic bread is oftentimes at a saturation point. It can't sop. It can't sop anything else. It's yellow.

It's filled, darling. Yeah. So, I mean, delicious. It tastes so good. It's so soft darling. Yeah. So, I mean, delicious. It tastes so good. It's so soft in the middle. Oh, yeah. When you squeeze it like a sponge and the butter melts out. Oh, and then it's all bread.

What? I'm hungry. Did you bring some? Yeah. Garlic bread. You know what else I love, which is really like, I don't know. When I was growing up, there wasn't really all these types of bread. Not in the suburbs of Melbourne.

No, there was tip top. Yeah. And I wouldn't buy tip top now, but, you know, on the rare occasion that it's ended up inside of my house. You love it. It's so good. I feel like tip top's only good for fairy bread. Yeah.

Or when you give it a light toast, so it's like crispy golden brown on the outside and then like cloud-like. You've got to only lightly toast it. And then you smear it with a lather of butter and then you just graze a knife with Vegemite across its surface. And then it's so delicious. Oh, actually, quickly. Oh. its surface and then it's so delicious oh actually quickly oh the way that my boyfriend makes vegemite on toast and i know he's gonna listen to this and i want you to know you're sick

hi curtin you're sick you're unwell but the way he does it is like i want you to imagine the toast toast there's thick unmelted globs of butter, but that are not spread evenly. There's just like pads of it. And then thick Vegemite in like welts on the bread, like with huge expanses of empty bread around them. Yeah. How?

I'm Australian. I mean, I hate toast for many reasons but one of them is when you're trying to spread it rips apart the toast the fuck they're that about it's about you no technique honey i understand angles and pressure clearly not well because i'm not having that issue mad are you having that issue? No. Oh, my God. Sorry, diva. I don't like it.

Also, I don't like toast anyways. I don't even know why I'm bothering. Perhaps it's because you keep ripping it up like Blake Lavey rips up the Constitution. Yeah, so maybe he's just trying to preserve the integrity of the bread. He is. He's not. He's not. Because you have to use you've got

to use the heat on your side yes and if you don't get that first layer down of butter in a thin even layer that kind of melts into the bread then you're going to have a really hard time because you haven't buffed out the floors to spread the vegemite onto it's true but that's why it's catching is it's got to glide across you're not like poking into the bread at any point or putting downward pressure almost at all yeah um you want the fine grain of the the bread to kind of graze and pick up the vegemite from the knife yes um that is tricky it's hard i'm not saying it's easy. When I stay at my brother's house, sometimes I'll have peanut butter on toast because I'm a child at that house.

That's good. And I have the same thing that the children eat. Push them out of the way. And that's quite good. But alas, cob loaf? What about like a big cob and then you pull it all out and then use the insides to eat what you put inside? That is good.

That's good. What's the dipper choice in there? Well, it's got to be like, I don't know what, but it's like white with green things in it. Oh, yeah. Like a spring onion dip. Yeah. That's chic. Would you have a cob loaf at your wedding as a centerpiece on each table?

Yeah. We're like dip as you choose. Imagine a wedding full of big circles filled with things. Like then you have a pumpkin and it's filled with the pumpkin soup. That's good. That's fun. Everything just gets hollowed out. And bread.

It will also be served. Oh, you know what? It's called dinner rolls. I'm sorry, but dinner rolls are so good. Buy them for yourself and enjoy them. You're gonna love having dinner rolls in your little shelf. My nonna will always have

the ones that are that shape. She's making an oval shape. And then the ones that are round. And like rip them in half. You can't cut them in half. That feels... It's not tradition

Quite good Yeah Delicious And you know why they're good Is they're so soft Yeah I don't like I don't want a sourdough bread

I as I can't have like bun me Like too scratchy on my throat You can't have a bun me No With a white roll baguette Absolutely not It's gonna slice my esophagus

What? Are you made of gelatin what's happening i you're 90 plastic darling you can't even touch it no it's so severe what and like that is worse i mean i know we've talked about this before but like when you go and get brunch and it gets served on like two seemingly delicious slices of bread, but they're actually like reinforced like fucking iron in the shape of bread. Yeah. And you try to cut through it with literal metal cutlery and it can't pierce the toast. That's true. I mean, I think that Melbourne has an issue.

We have a sourdough issue. We have a sourdough crisis because it's become the default bread yeah and it isn't it doesn't have default characteristics no because yeah it should be fresher softer fluffier for like certain types of meals it has to be user-friendly but that's what i mean morning rolls have come in in a big way and that's like a soft brioche although can i say darling brioche is over can we calm the fuck down on the brioche yeah i don't need it i think that's because we've been to that place up the road one too many times but i do agree it's too much too much yes yes i used to work at a bakery that was one of my many jobs really oh yeah yeah wow yeah cob cob lane bakery really cob lane cob lane Cob Lane Bakery Cob Lane

I like Cob Lane, it's good I worked at their flagship store In Yarraville For many years Hectic I worked at Baked in Srento When I was growing up And boy were you

I was smelling a flower Oh that was so good It was my first job at 14 and 9 months You know when the Mine was at Wormhole Books What where? Wormhole Books Okay just checking

And did you enter the wormhole? Yes Although that was like very short-lived I think the woman was like, eh And then I went to get fresh Get fresh! What did they sell at get fresh? Fruit

Ah, get fresh It's right next to the NQR back in Boronia Ah And I would get there at 5.30 And collect trolleys. You're a trolley boy. Trolley boy. Yeah.

And then like mop and then Anne-Marie, the owner, the owner's daughter who really hated her life, would yell at me. Yeah. She was very excited though. she was going to see like a concert one like ricky lee or something the owner of this is so weird but not really a secret whatever but like the owner of baked in sorrento has like many children and one of them was this really hot son who like everyone in high school was obsessed with because he was so hot.

And he was in like the year above me. And he always smelled of fresh bread. But he, I don't know. I always felt like we have a special connection because I work in your family's business. Hey, Gareth. How's it going at the bakery? I wish his name was Gareth. felt like we have a special connection because i work in your family's business hey gareth

how's it going i wish his name was gareth um yeah but he was so hot and he was the first like hot zach that i've ever met how many more have you met after that so many i feel like every zach i've ever met is so hot zach it's the z it's i mean it the Z is an informative part of my naming choice. Matt, do you know any hot Zachs? I don't think I know any Zachs. Oh, you're missing out. I know. I have to meet some.

You have to introduce me. Zachs are so hot. It's true. It's true. Do you think anyone that has a Z? Zachary. Zachary Binks. Or an X name?

Yeah. Yeah. Xavier. Max. Max. Yeah. They're good. Okay.

Like a gem. What about a French stick? French stick. I like baguette. I think baguette is my choice. Baguette's a pretty good. Wait, what kind of baguette. I think baguette is my choice. Baguettes are pretty good. Wait, what kind of baguette? Baguette with the tip.

Like this long? Yeah. Like a tip. About a metre long. Because, oh my God. So growing up, I was obsessed with a baguette. And mum would like, we'd go to Safeway and she would get a baguette and cut it, like break it in half. Safeway and like she would get a baguette and cut it, like break it in half.

And then my little arm would go down and I would hollow out the baguette like across the time it took to collect all the week's groceries. Remind me never to have children. Because what you're describing is the behavior of a termite. Yeah. Matt, you like baguette? Beautiful. Yeah. Human.

Gorgeous mound. You like baguette, Matt? Yeah Oh, wow Yeah, no, I do But I wouldn't say it's in the top three Okay, what are the top three? Definitely number one is bagels Famously, I love bagels

I didn't realise bagels were in bread If bagels are in bread, then bagels How are they not bread? They're like savory donuts. They're round, Matt. Bread is long. Yeah, definitely bagels. A good sandwich loaf.

Probably like a whole wheat or something like that. And maybe pita bread. Pita bread. That's pretty good. Pita bread, that. And maybe pita bread. Pita bread. That's pretty good. Pita bread, but like a soft pita bread. Not like mountain bread. Yeah. Mountain bread is like very thin.

Yeah. Pita bread, like a souvlaki bread. Yeah. But it's got to be oily and then set on fire. Yeah. True. Like naan bread. Oh, yeah.

Actually, not pita bread, naan bread. I'm going to go with naan bread. Yeah, that is good. Garlic naan, the queen Like naan bread Oh yeah actually Not pita bread Naan bread I'm gonna go with naan bread Yeah that is good Garlic naan The queen of naan Yeah Oh I love it

They put the nuts Oh it's so good You know what's good though The dense German loaf Falkenbrot Oh yeah Up a nickel Falkenbrot

What's that? It's a dense dark green loaf Furnished back Made from a garlic Barley brain It's a dense, dark, green love. Furnished back. Made from a barley brain. It's injera bread. Yum. But everything, crumpets and injera are both so skin adjacent. Crumpets.

Oh, my God. Oh, actually. Or English muffins. I like, speaking of high school, there was. Who was speaking of high school? What? Go on. Speaking of high school, there was a group of friends in the year below me in high school who had a band called Crumpet Mode, which I always think about because it's like Crumpet

Mode on your toaster. Yeah. And I know that one of their older sisters Listened to this podcast So hello Hello Crumpet Mode You can tell What's his name? Callum

That I think about Crumpet Mode all the time Is Callum hot? Oh he's such a babe Yeah And now he's fully gay guy Callum He's not like our gay guy He's like actually hot or whatever

I'm that Sure I'm like Callum Hot guy Yeah Should like our gay guy. He's like actually hot or whatever. I'm that. Sure. I'm like Callum, hot guy. Yeah. Should we throw out a few more names? No, I think we've got it. I think it's bagel. If bagel can be chosen, then bagel, bagel, bagel.

100%. I'm all about bagels. It's the fucking holiest thing. Oh, see, I'm not really much of a bagel fan. Because who is begging us to go to the bagel place? There's a bagel shop across the road from the studio. Oh, I thought that really much of a bagel fan Because You're always begging us to go to the bagel place There's a bagel shop across the road from the studio I said that was brioche Or whatever, it's all the same

It's all bread It's all bread No, because bagel Like, sure That's lovely But then it gets so complicated And then all of your fabulous seeds just fall off. Your fabulous seeds?

How is it getting complicated for you? By the seeds. That's why they put extra on. You're not meant to have all of them. God had wanted you to have all of the seeds. He would have served you with a funnel. Yeah, but you know, and then they're just everywhere. I don't.

I will sometimes, like, I'll have to, like, if I'm going to get a bagel at work, which sometimes I do. You do like bagels. But it gets complicated. It gets complicated. So I have to get a plain bagel. Yeah, plain bagel's good. Which feels like they're not as good bagel. No, they're fine.

They're fine. Because I'm saved with the seeds. I think that an cooked over abundance of seeds is a fabulous thing about a loaf and if it has enough seeds to spare that says a lot about how generous that food is being with you yeah but are they spared or are they spat all over my body you know well you could take a bucket and put it around your neck i guess i assume you already brought your slot bucket from home. And then at the end, just pick all the seeds out of the bucket for an extra afternoon snack.

It's like eating a flaky pastry, like a filo pastry. Everyone hates flaky pastry. No, we love it. It's delicious. But you get covered in the flakiness. It's part of the experience. I think it's not complicated. Life's V messy.

Clean it up with Viva. You know? Ew. That's how it's not complicated. Life's V messy. Clean it up with Viva. You know? Ew. That's how it be, darling. Like mess is a part of life. You know? That's why they put erasers on pencils, darling. You know, because mistakes happen.

Your mother knows about that. Crumbs. Crumbs. Crumbs. Well, what's the cleanest bread that you can eat that doesn't set off your sensory issues? No. You know, the scratchy bread going down your throat and the seeds that go on your thing and make you feel very overstimulated.

Just raw dough. No. What is good? I'm not really one for bread. I don't know. You don't even keep bread in the house, do you? No. What do you have for breakfast?

You keep it in a box outside. I don't have breakfast. That's bad. Yeah. Sometimes I'll have like yogurt on oats with some berries. That sounds fucking disgusting. I'd rather come in. But yeah, no, like I don't have, like I, cause I don't eat sandwiches.

Like what is wrong with you? Sandwiches? It's so boring. Oh my God. I nearly opened a sandwich shop a couple of years ago. I wish you had a map. I mean, we'd be talking about it in the same way now that it would be closed. That's right.

I don't think it would have been successful, but I had this like dream of of just giving up art and music altogether I also have that dream Becoming a simple sandwich maker There's something really honest about being a sandwich maker Absolutely Just finding the right bread Here's bread

Here's lettuce Finding the good toppings Here's a tomato A beginning, a middle and an end Such an underrated thing, I think. So, yeah. You just don't like sandwiches. No, I don't.

What about bao? Yeah. Or pretzels? Or pretzels. Pretzels. Like a big pretzel? Like a bready pretzel? Yeah.

We're talking about bread. Yeah. Not like. Like in a little chip bag. Not packet pretzels. Pretzels. I always think I'm going to enjoy that more than I do. Like the big pretzel?

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know that it's really... It's quite dry. Yeah. It's got to be a lot of condiments going into that shit. Yeah. I need that mustard and I need that ketchup. Oh, see.

Yeah, I know. So, look, you know, I don't know. I love that French baguette woulduette would stick out of your shopping bag if you were a woman. If I was a woman spending my money from my job. I don't know if men buy French baguettes. Well, I mean, maybe they do, but who would know? And who would care?

Yeah. Because they'd be standing next to a woman doing it. And you'd be like, oh, look at her. She's fabulous. Look at that bread iconically sticking out of her brown paper bag. She's just thinking all her thoughts and walking around being her. And like kind of like she could do it with one arm. She could do it with two.

Yeah. Oh, that's so good. She's running up to skip over a puddle on the pavement. Yes. I like it. And then what's the man doing? I don't know what. He's going to go home and eat it?

He's not there. He died years ago Good The other thing about bread that I do like Is the bread slicer Oh yeah Because when I worked at Baked in Sorrento I did operate that many, many, many, many, many times

A little work safe ad And every time it is terrifying It's so loud and it vibrates and it shakes and then i love i don't know if yeah yeah but like the little like bread duster that you would dust down the machine and you would dust all of the little to be clear when i worked at a bakery i did not know anything to do with the bread or the baking i just was serving coffee and helping people. And helping people. Helping people.

Helping people to live their best lives. By bringing the vibes. Hey, guys. I did bring the vibes, I'm afraid. You know, I think if you could have a world-class entertainer over you. You know, hospitality taught me how to do drag. Because you have to be able to just...

You have to be able to, like, you know, no matter who walks through that door, you've got to be able to do your best to entertain them. And I did that. So, Lady Diva, 12 rolls for you. Hey, team, what are we thinking about for breakfast this morning? Any coffees to start you off? When we worked together in the cafe, I just kind of like stood behind you and just waited for you to just do all of that

so I didn't have to do any of that customer service. Which they loved you there. Yeah, but I would just kind of just like just not say anything until. The strong silent time. Yeah. You can just do all the entertaining and I just sulk in the background. And that's the great thing about doing a lot of talking is that it seems like work, but you're not actually doing anything. Okay.

So bread. What bread? I think it's got to be bagel. I agree. I don't care. Bagel it is. Bagel. You know what?

And the other thing about bagels is that when you have like a hula hoop or like a woman's earring hoop or any other kind of hoop, like the solenoid ball, you could spin that on one finger. You can't really do that with a bagel. The hole is not big enough. Yeah. Yeah. But it looks like you should be able to go, whoa, I'm holding a bagel.

But you can't. No. And that's, I don't know how to feel about that. Let me tell you. You're nothing But imagine I don't want that to be a bigger hole in a bagel The hole's ratio is correct So that the fillings don't drop through

Yeah you need If anything you need a smaller hole Like a really tight hole It needs to almost be like It needs to be puckered It needs to be tight Tight hole to bread Yeah

Ratio Yeah. Tight hole to bread. Yeah. Ratio. Yeah. Yeah. Tight hole. Just a little dimple. For the cream cheese. Yeah.

Anus. Oh, Matt. Whoa. Could you just. We're trying to fucking. Anyway, let's move on. Now that you've fucking. Yeah. Bagels next.

You've actually ruined it. Yeah. Fuck. Jesus. Matt. Yeah. Jesus. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show.

We have our guest here today, our disgust for Matt. Ew! You're fucking disgusting. Oh, look, I just, I was just trying to keep up, all right? Anything else to say about an anus? Yeah. Oh, my God. There's this guy online that's stressing me out. Trump?

Did you ever heard of the Janoskians? They were like a prank YouTube brothers from Melbourne. Oh, I just remembered my bread story. Sorry, you go. Too late. Anyway. Pranksters. They were pranksters.

One of them, like they ended up having a music career and like being in LA and being like the It Boys for a second. They're like larrikin Australian boys was their genre. Oh, I don't like that. One of them dated Ariana Grande for a while. And Bo Brooks, who was one of the Janoskians, which I'm learning now on the Wikipedia, one of the Janoskians, which I'm learning now on the Wikipedia stands for Just Another Name of Silly Kids in Another Nation,

which is so stupid. My brain is actually atrophying as I read it. Yeah. But Bo Brooks, who is on Tink Tonk, now lives in Craigieburn and is a ship like packing boxes at the Amazon factory warehouse, which is no shame in that game. But the,

the fall from grace that like he's spoken about on like interview shows is like, I had the whole world at my fingertips making these like prank, awful prank shows on YouTube and being like a famous pop star boy with his like five friends and brothers and then it all is over now and he's like 28 and that's it like that's his he's reached his peak yeah um and now he's like you know back in with the parents and like struggling to make ends meet and it's all very like oh and he had like serious addiction issues so that's stressful enough like it's quite hard but like he seemed to be like okay well we're

gonna bounce back i mean like the thing he was famous for was also awful so i assume terrible but he recently he has been talking about how he's like he's like i'm going to do a hundred days of semen retention oh and now he's like talking about how he's doing semen retention he was in melbourne the other day walking around doing like vox pop interviews with people in the street being like what do you think about my hundred days of semen retention just like not coming for 100 days? Yeah. No one needs to know that. What? And then. I got a 100 day load.

No one needs to know that except for Sheldon Boone. But then he was like, now I'm doing overlapping on his 100 days of semen retention. He's like, I'm doing 30 days of reading from the Bible. Because now he's worse than the other. He's like, I'm doing 30 days of reading from the Bible. Because now he's worse than the other. He's super into Jesus. And can I just say like, we know his favorite type of bread. This is day eight out of 30 of reading the Bible. And one thing the Bible has taught me is that I'm not a religious guru.

And I am going to stop acting like a religious guru and one thing that the bible has also taught me is that anything that I read relate that relate to my experiences don't have to be shared with every single person through words but rather by action so I usually finish everything that I say I'm going to do. But in this case, I truly believe that books and words and things that you read should be between yourself and your past experiences to be able to adapt to live a better life through action.

So today will be the final day of me reading this Bible. And if anybody would like to read the Bible, they can do it themselves. I'm not going to vote for anybody because I'm not here to save anybody. Okay, well that's all new because that's quite intense.

I didn't realise that he'd given up on reading the Bible to people. And learning this in real time. Well, but what day is his load up to? Well, okay, so here's the next part is that then he goes online after he starts reading the Bible, day two of being like a religious zealot. And he's like, I need you to empty your pockets for Jesus. And he puts up a GoFundMe for a million dollars

and starts harassing people on the internet being like, we need to raise money because Jesus said we need to empty our pockets to help people. And then everyone was like, what? No. But he did get like $1,000. Oh, my God. But because, I don't know.

And some of the comments are like, Dove emoji, good for you. Thank you for spreading the word, Dove emoji. The lamest fandom. Yeah. Anyway. But anyway, so then he takes it down and it obviously is spiraling. But he was like, so I was just, my plan was, I was going to share

the money with the people of Craigieburn that was his plan wow okay if you want to read the bible you can read it yourself I'm not going to read it

I'm actually not going to do that I love that you know what I started this but you if you want to read it you can read it yourself i'm not going to it's like you know what i started this but you if you want to read it you can read it yourself yeah because i'm not going to read the whole thing to you yeah if you want to read it um so the genoscians that's like i just think it's hard when you the full fame cycle is over that's it get off turn to christ well that's it Get off Well then you turn to Christ Well that's it And save your load Listener If you're not gay

Then you might not be aware of this But there's a phenomena In the gay community Where like You'll update your grander profile To say like Six day load Or

Three day load To indicate To potential suitors That you actually haven't come For three days, maybe six days. And that when you do come, there'll just be a lot of come. There's got to be six days. So six days worth of come. And like, this isn't a funny bit.

This is how gay people that you know interact with each other. Just thought you should know that. I don't think that they needed to know that. Well, I ruined it for you. You thought they were fun and sassy. Six day load. No, but really they're just carrying around a six day load. It's true! I mean, it's not wrong.

It's not wrong. It's because they're Janoskian. Pranksters. Seems like the final prank was being played on the people of Craigieburn They're gonna love it when he donates So many young women Looking to find

Massive Load of cum Anyway You guys are disgusting Matt, don't shame gay people for expressing themselves That's not the kind of show we have here, you bigot It's just how we communicate Do you want us to also go back into the closet, hide ourselves, lose employment?

I wish you would He's catching on There it is Okay, now Just one more quick bread story Is that yesterday I was in the garden And I like

I was so blessed Because there was this like a magpie in the front yard Which was clearly like young magpie But like we I was weeding the garden in the front yard and the magpie was on the lawn and we were two meters away from each other for maybe like two hours bury that and it was so cute and i was like i'm making friends with that magpie it's finally happening and this is my confession oh you fed it. Well, I attempted.

No. I know. It's all the moon. That's not being a friend. I know. But I had previously, earlier that day. Previously on Zelda's Boring Day. Jesus Christ.

But no, I like found some bread in my fridge that had gone like just time to go how could you call this boring because i don't eat bread so then i had these like two little fucking dinner loaves in my fridge that i'd placed into the bin but they were like it was a fresh bin bag and they were like right just there i've like done it maybe an hour beforehand. And then I was like, Magpie, we've spent all this time together and I can see you struggling to find worms right now. And I have this rotting bread in my bin. So I went and I got just like, I just got half of one and I ripped it up into little bits. And I went out to then like release it onto the lawn

and the Magpie was gone. So I didn't actually do it what did you leave the bread there no then i would attract rats um we all know how that goes no they're possums um so anyway that was my story oh that's good so your bread for the bunker would be a moldering loaf that you've just pulled out of the bin i you know what? I should have said this. No, I don't agree with that. Actually, never mind. Good. What?

I was going to say, maybe my bread should have been like, you know, like tuppence a bag for bread for the birds. Tuppence. But it's kind of evil. Don't feed native animals, people. Tuppence a bag. Okay.

But now it is time for us to discuss which celebrity mugshot goes into the bunker. Mugshot. Mugshot. God. Yes. So. Okay.

So we have the heavy hitters. Yeah. Obviously, you've got your Lindsay Lohan. You've got your Amanda Bynes. You've got, you know, all the divas have had them. You've got your Amanda Bynes. You've got, you know, all the divas have had them. You've got Paris Hilton. You've got your Justin Bieber looking through time and space, a watery-eyed little binch.

Natasha Lyonne. Marilyn Manson. Naomi. They're so good. They're good. Do you know which one I really like? Who was the guy that robbed a bank To pay for his wife's gender affirmation surgery?

Mugshot Of man Who robbed Bank To Pay For Wife's

Gender Affirmation Surgery? Search To pay for wife's gender affirmation surgery? Surge. You okay? What's happening? Oh, and he's so hot. Ugh. John Wodowicz.

To pay for his wife Eden's gender reassignment surgery. Eden. Eden. I like that. David Bowie has a pretty good one. Keanu. I nearly said Nanu. Keanu Reeves has one. Look at how cute he looks.

He does look so hot in these. Can you describe what his face is doing? Okay. It is almost expressionless, but just the slightest curve to his beautifully luscious lips. He has long hair cascading around his face. Stunning. Khloe Kardashian.

Oh. What is she? Oh, DUI. Everyone in LA gets DUIs because it's ridiculous. You have no public transport there. If you're a celebrity, you're not going to hop in a fucking Uber or a taxi cab lest you be, you know, abducted or held to ransom or worse, have to hug them.

Have you seen this with Chapel Road recently? I saw that someone that isn't her was nice to the fans. Madison Beer. Oh, Katy Perry was talking about this. They put up a clip of katie perry as well from the panel or the project or she's like it's my job as a celebrity to stay around and hug fans katie perry said that yeah wow they put me in that position and that's why i'll do anything for them well i'm like so you're the reason this really unhealthy expectation is you were feeding the birds okay interesting okay well this isn't a katie

week yeah um this mugshot of john wilger is very hot yes he's a fucking babe he's so stunning stunning stunning um to me like it really does have to be the ones that are like burnt into the public memory because that's what i want in in the like i assume this will be like framed in the library yes um yes correct but i think it'll have to be like maybe the lind can i think of a like obviously like this hot mugshot guy right yeah he wasn't a celebrity before that no so that's we're not doing that also that whole thing is kind of weird um oh what supporting the trans community what that guy that's not what i'm talking about who are you talking about i'm talking about like What? Supporting the trans community. What?

That guy. That's not what I'm talking about. Who are you talking about? I'm talking about like the hot mugshot guy. Oh, hot mugshot guy. Yeah. Yes. That, yeah.

Paris Hilton. A photo for possessing cocaine. And in the photo, it looks like she possesses cocaine in her bloodstream. Listener, I must say, if you Google celebrity mugshot, there is a cavalcade of results. Everyone's been arrested. Everyone. I feel like there should be an iconic one of like Jane Fonda or something for being, you know, like at a protest.

Yeah. Sadly, there's not like that image. I feel like it kind of has to be Lindsay Bruno Mars got a mugshot Oh for cocaine God Yeah they're all just drunk or alcohol related Everyone's just high on drunk

But that is it It's kind of like the right crime Like some of them are dark Like Mickey Rourke's Like DV Blake would have laughed and taken the photo And said it doesn't matter It's kind of like the right crime. Like some of them are dark, like Mickey Rourke's, like, DV. Blake would have laughed and taken the photo and said, it doesn't matter. You know how Blake Lardy always does that.

But the ones where it's just like, I don't know, drug. I'm like, of course they have drugs. Oh, Shailene Woodley. Do you know that actor? Yes. She got arrested for being part of a protest. Shailene. Also, she's crazy part of a protest. Shailene. Also, she's crazy.

But I do like Shailene. Engaging in a riot. I like that. Taking part in a protest. Oh, wait, was it anti-vax? Because I know that she was. No, it was the pipeline. Oh, that's great.

Well, maybe. I mean, that's pretty good. OJ Simpson. Oh, God, that's so dark. Yeah, that's great. Well, maybe, I mean, that's pretty good. OJ Simpson. Oh, God, that's so dark. Yeah, that's a bad one. Michael Jackson. Oh, Donald Trump had one recently as well, didn't he? Yeah, we're not framing a picture of Donald Trump with that.

Of course not. You know what? It's fucking Lindsay. I don't know what we're doing here. True. I mean, it's kind of undeniable. Can I, I don't understand when mugshots are taken. Because why is she in an orange jumpsuit?

Yeah, I think sometimes it happens once you've been processed. Or sometimes it happens the second they bring you in. Yeah. Or, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what that's about. If you were going to go to prison or like jail for something,

what would it be? Feeding the birds. Feeding the birds. Public nuisance? When I'm queen, that'll be a public offence. Do you reckon? Oh my God, everyone get it together. You did it on the weekend.

No, I nearly did it. If anyone in this conversation is almost guilty of the thing. Yeah, almost You had intent Wow Yeah, that's 90% of the law and your body Pardon? Sorry, it's plastic

What would I be arrested for? Yeah Arrested for Yeah Feed All the birds Put her to death They get floppy beaks If you feed them bread They get what? They get floppy beaks If you feed them bread Their lives are so short anyway

Kill them Oh my god They get floppy beak syndrome Floppy beak We've talked about this before Floppy beak Don't feed the fucking birds everyone

or if you do make it a challenge like put worms in your lawn that's part of a natural diet I want to get a worm farm oh that's going to be so cool mine was filled with spiders

really? yeah that's kind of cool it's scary because I don't think they were meant to be there I don't think but the worms were happy I forgot about them oh my god That's kind of cool. It's scary because I don't think they were meant to be there. I don't think.

But the worms were happy. I forgot about them. Oh, my God. I don't know what crime I would commit. I don't know. Maybe public slapping. Oh, that's you. I'm slapping him.

Yeah. Okay. So, well, I thought there'd be more to pick here, but Lindsay kind of seems undeniable. I just remember that spate. I mean, do people still get arrested? There was just a time where people were getting arrested a lot. Do you know what I mean?

Like celebrities were getting arrested. It was much more like common. Maybe they're smarter now. Yeah. I do think that the culture has shifted. I mean, not only do a lot more celebrities not live in la um i think that it's just generally you find a way to get home easier but like it's a it's a nightmare it's a genuine nightmare because i don't know how you're meant to like go out in LA and get drunk and then get home? Hmm.

You know? That's a nightmare. If you're a celebrity... Get me out of here. If you're like Lilo, do you pay a car service? Like, how do you trust? Why doesn't Winona have a mugshot? I thought she did.

Isn't she famous criminal? Yeah, she rubbed. She rubbed. She fed those birds Rubbed them of their beaks Oh my lord Okay, well, I mean, that's the second What's Lindsay going to say when she goes into the library next? And sees herself?

She'll be, I mean, listen I don't know what relationship Lindsay has to her past True Except for what I Lindsay has to her past. True. Except for what I was able to glean on Lindsay, the O Network original show, where Oprah tried to help Lindsay. And Lindsay, at that point, was beyond help. She wasn't up to her Irish wish yet.

Irish wish? You know, her Netflix film. But she makes an Irish wish Jesus Christ Okay Lindsay Lindsay There it is It's a mug

But she's got two And we're putting in the The orange jumpsuit Because it really makes her eyes pop Oh she looks fabulous I thought she had like seven Yeah Probably

She's got like She had a hard time Save some for the rest of us But it's like She didn't Yeah It's like She was obviously going through a lot Fame was very Intrusive on her

She looks stunning Who's that one? What's that? Bottom right What's that? He's famous isn't he? Who's that? Shia LaBeouf

Who is Mia Goth's boyfriend Really? What's that? He's famous, isn't he? Who's that? Shia LaBeouf. Oh, Shia LaBeouf. Who is Mia Goth's boyfriend. Really? Yeah. He's pretty wacko. Wow. Oh, yes. What do you think is going to happen with Mia?

Is she about to explode? I hope she doesn't explode. Well, I hope that Shia LaBeouf isn't saving up a hundred day loan. Well, Shia, yeah. I need Shia to be out of her life i think she needs that washed away um because speaking of people that have done things that are incredibly terrible he to fka twigs was it what yeah he was really violent oh shit and super like manipulative and scary yeah um okay okay also yeah if you see chapel run don't hug her leave her alone oh yeah is that what the issue is she's not she was just

like she put up a tiktok group saying i don't want you to think that i owe you a hug or a photo or anything if you see me in public yeah i might refuse and that's fine because i don't know you yeah you're a stranger to me yeah um and the internet has like been like you're an entitled little brat and it's like you what are you talking about you psychos yeah and like you know what fans like i have done so much for you what did you do they made you music to listen to on your walk what did you do for them paid them some money for the music that you enjoyed that's the end of the transaction you listening to it is not a fucking like you don't deserve a fucking nobel peace prize because you listened to music yeah

or were excited about a piece of art that you enjoyed. That is not labor, you piece of shit. When people talk about fandoms, like the fans have done so much. No, they didn't. They just consumed the content. They enjoyed the product that you made. It's nice, but that person doesn't owe you hugs.

Yeah. See, this is just like what happened last week. I hooked up with this guy who like had a six day load. I sucked it right out of him. And then the next day I tried to give him a hug and he was like, whoa. I actually don't owe you a hug. Yeah. You already enjoyed the content.

The transaction ended. Yeah. Yeah. You enjoyed the content that he'd worked hard on. Yeah. Six days. Yeah. And you got the benefit of that.

Yeah. And so I don't think he then owes you an additional thing. And it's up to him if he wants to give you that. He's not going to read you the Bible. No. He's not going to give you a hug. And you got the benefit of that. Yeah. And so I don't think he then owes you an additional thing. And it's up to him if he wants to give you that. He's not going to read you the Bible. No. He's not going to give you a house. And you know what? If you want to read the Bible, read it yourself.

On your own time, actually. Yeah. And we'll be right back. And we're back. Now it's time for the very final moment of discussion. Finally, you come along. And our final topic for discussion today, listener. Oh, it's a good one. Is which beverage temperature

is going into the bunker? Very important. I don't know about you, lazy, mad listener, but I just can't stand a beverage that's too hot. What about one that's too cold?

I don't think it could ever be cold enough. I love a great iced beverage. We all know that. Yeah. We've heard it. Clinking around. Yeah. Trying to find the right word.

Crinkling around. Rattling. Clinking. Rattling. The ice in your drink as you slurp it down. Ice is good. Plinking is rattling the ice in your drink as you slurp it down. Ice is good. I just don't understand piping hot beverage.

You physically can't drink it. Well, we all do. You don't burn their mouth off. How sensitive the inside of your mouth is. Yes. Marshmallow. It's just too much. I like it when you drink something really hot And it slides down your esophagus

And you can feel it being hot all the way into your stomach I don't like that That's nice But I wouldn't do it every day And I hate getting blisters inside of my mouth Yes Yes You can get that same feeling from cold drinks

Well, to me, the ultimate beverage is And we've discussed this before, but you know what? I'll say it again. Iced water that is truly cold as ice is the superior beverage of all time. And I don't care if they tell you not to

because apparently it's bad for you. Apparently, like, you should only be drinking water that's the same temperature as your blood Yeah yeah But um fuck you I like to live a little Live How hot is your blood Matt?

Isn't it like your body temperature? Yeah Like 36 point something or whatever That's hot Is it? No It's pretty hot If you go into For water For like a drink Like if you're having like a tea or whatever That's hot. Is it? No. It's pretty hot. If you go into a-

For water, but like a drink. Like if you're having like a tea or whatever, then obviously it's a lot hotter. I would like my tea to be very hot though. I hate- If you're having just a nice refreshing drink, like the same temperature as your blood. Damn, the temperature is disgusting.

I find you in every lifetime. Leave Katie alone Yeah I mean Like if I was going to make a tea Yes I'll make a tea Like I have tea When?

But I'll I have one On the weekend I think I certainly own a lot of tea bags Didn't you watch that episode of Zelda's Boring Life? It was the season finale. I had a tea.

The thrilling two-part season finale. Well, the first part was making it. The second part was making it cool first. Because that's what I would do. Because straight from the, like it's literally boiling water. It's 100 degrees. It's bubbling. It's 100 degrees. If there's steam, it's literally boiling water. It's 100 degrees. It's bubbling. It's 100 degrees.

If there's steam, it's 100 degrees. If there's steam... 100 degrees? No, that's not how boiling works. Well, I don't know. I'm not a scientist. If there's steam, it's 100 degrees. Well, because it evaporates at 100 degrees.

Isn't that what it... See, water is like one of those fucking chemicals that, like, doesn't obey by the rules. And I just find that so confusing and beyond anyone's comprehension. I feel like a doctor would have a lot to say about today's episode with the various kind of things that you're talking about. You're confused by bagels. Yeah, the strict rules and confines you put around your experiences.

No! I don't like that. It's too confusing. finds you put around your experiences. No! I don't like that. It's too confusing. But, so I would make a tea and I just let it cool. By a windowsill? No. Like by me.

But like not. You don't want to like put on your fingerless gloves and hold it in both hands and go, la la, la la. No. No, I don't want to do that. But, like, I'll let it cool and, like, I'll have it, like, warm. Like, I'll have tea warm. Warm is, I even hate hearing the word warm.

It's just, like, it's so, like, warm. Like, I want it hot. No, hot is too hot. Mama, I need it hot. No. And I want to go like this. No, hot is too hot. Mama, I need it hot. No. And I want to go like this. No, I hate that. Me too.

I don't like that. No. If it's too hot to sip, like. Too hot to sip. Then it's too hot. Yeah. And like, I love a great soup, like a pumpkin soup or like a tomato soup. Who could forget season one, episode five?

I want to eat soup. My God. But it is not as enjoyable when it's fucking piping hot. You need to like, that's also where bread, bread, that is a great activity for while your soup cools down. Because you can dip and then like, that's also where bread bread that is a great activity for while your soup um cools down because you can dip and then like that's fine that'll like you're expanding the service area exactly have a little heat sink so that's really good um but if i was just like chug on like a tomato soup oh my god i think i like the thing I like about the two extremes,

the extra cold and extra hot, is that it does – it, like, masks bad flavors sometimes. So with things that are a bit acrid, like if I'm getting coffee, say, in far north Queensland, I want it extra hot because the heat will mask the burnt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know? Like there's just, you know, and like if I'm drinking a very cheap wine, if I get it very cold, the cold will hide the like.

But you're going to say very hot. Can I boil that wine? I swing so violently between loving mulled wine and hating mulled wine no back when i would drink did you ever go to oh my god what was that trendy little bar in the city in that alley it was tiny saint jerome's yes yes oh my god when i used to go to saint jerome's and get mulled wine and be cool oh my god Blast from a bus Oh my god When I used to go to St. Jerome's And get mulled wine And be

Cool Oh my god Yeah like That is a warm beverage I could handle I miss that place That was so cool That little scum bum cafe

Yeah Oh So weird Where all the Crockery was different It was actually The peak of like Indie sleaze

Very Like Typewriters and hats. Yeah. Amanda Palmer writing songs. Wow. God. In another life.

I'll find you. Jesus. But yeah, as I don't drink anymore, I don't have much of a love for warm wine. But yeah, I mean, at the same time, like what you say is true about like, it needs to be piping hot to mask, like in a way, like if you've got a, like if you've gone to the cinema and all of the ice has melted halfway through Deadpool and Wolverine and you're left with like watered down soft drink that's become room temperature.

That's not it. Well, I think there needs to be a massive overhaul on how we get ice in this country because cinema ice needs to be regulated. What? It needs to be regulated. What? When we went to Deadpool and Wolverine, trying to get the ice in the cup dispenser was taking a thousand years. Yeah.

And I didn't have a thousand years to spend. Well, apparently we did because we went into Deadpool and Wolverine. But that's so annoying. I just want a big ice scoop But I want like thick Like Thick ice Like big cubes That like I don't know

But like I need to like rest The water for a while in the ice So that it really is cold enough Chilled Okay well you know what I think we've said it, we've both said it in the ice so that it really is cold enough. Chilled. Mm. Yeah. Mm. Okay. Well, you know what?

I think we've said it. We both said it. Mm. I think we both like an icy cold beverage. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's good. I think that's quite good.

Except for when it attacks you and you get a little brain freeze. Oh, true. That's hard. And you have to put your little thumb on the inside of the roof of your mouth. What do you think about when you pick up a really, really, really chilled beverage, like maybe in a glass bottle or an aluminium bottle? Maybe. And you feel like your fingers are getting stuck to it just a tiny bit.

I like that. That's scary. I want to feel it. I want sensation in this life. I want to feel something. Good to feel something. You know, everything can kind of start to blend into this sort of a grey goo. And I need to just, I just want to feel.

And those little moments of extra cold or extra hot are a great reminder that I'm alive. That I'm fallible. And death is coming to all of us. Oh my god Matt, any last words before we make this decision? Make it cold Let's do it Let's do it

Okay, look at this Put it in an ice machine In an ice machine You know one of those things Yes And you like scoop it out Yeah, but I'd like it to be big cubes Big cubes with an ice tray

And you're And it goes... Yes. Yes. That is the thing I love so much. I was staying in a hotel recently and I was like, it went down to the front counter each night that I was there and I was like, could I please get a bucket of ice?

They brought it up in a plastic bag, which thought wasn't weird what do you mean they brought the ice up yeah from the ice machine yeah not in like one of those silvery tin buckets yeah but in a plastic bag but what kind of bag like a plastic shopping bag what just full of ice for the ice like here you are your majesty like that's how you get it from the servo. Like, that's how you get it from the... Yeah, it wasn't like a clear bag that said, like, from the Arctic. Yeah. It was like just... And it was the unnerving thing about the experience

is that it's a man in a suit, like a uniform. Yes. Dressed in, like, you know, a fashionable charcoal grey that they would have spent months deciding on how best to, like, present the staff at this hotel to look sophisticated and fancy but at a budget. And then they undid all that hard work of perfectly selecting the buttons and the collars and lapels and him getting it cleaned every week.

And then he walked up and held out a plastic bag with ice in it. And I said, well, that's not very fancy. Could have maybe spent a bit more time on how you give the ice to the customers. I love, and I know we'll get through the episode of like which ice grain, rice grain goes into the bunker. But I love when you go to like a Chinese restaurant or whatever. And the little tub that comes out with the rice in it.

That's so good. Plastic with rounded edges. It's always so smooth. What an object. It's got a little symbol on the top embossed sort of Chinese character. It's like unlike anything else. And can I say, Don't clean the thermoses

Don't ever clean them I'm sure that's adding a fabulous flavour A depth You know what I'm talking about I do Lindsay Your mugshot is in The orange jumpsuit Lindsay

And then for bread bagels yeah and everyone gets bagel bagel thursdays what bagel oh everything everything bagel with just a schmear of cream cheese and then options for locks if they want it have you seen that movie um it's called like everything everywhere all at once do you like that film? Have you seen that? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's great. So good. It's sucked into a bagel. I do think that movie is great. I'm just being facetious. Mm. Mm.

Feed. Okay. You know, bagels. Bagels. They're in that movie. Yes, I do. Oh, okay. Just checking.

I, yes. I'm affirming you. Yeah. That was kind of the better Deadpool and Wolverine that film. It indeed was. And googly eyes. Googly eyes. Like I love googly eyes.

Yeah. Sometimes great. Sometimes just a bit too much. And that's what makes them good. They're kind of neutral. They're like good and evil. Use both. Yes.

So if there's going to be a beverage in the bunker it is ice cold. Gaspacho for all. Yeah, right. Well, I mean, what beverages do we have at the moment? We've got the strawberry thick shake. Strawberry thick shake. Conveniently already ice cold. Ice cold. I can't remember what others right now. No.

Yeah, you know what? It's impossible to know. It's going to be okay. Well, listeners, we've made it through another week and we're so excited that you have come with us on this journey. Yes. Please continue. Cat is out of the bag. We're going to go now. Cat is out of the bag.

Won a drag competition recently. But we will go now and we're actually going to go and record our very first Patreon video. Yeah. Not video. Yeah. Not video. Soundscape. Watch along. Movie club. Whatever.

Who the fuck cares? We'll talk about it next week once we've recorded it. But, you know, if you're not on the Patreon, there's going to be content. Yes. We're going to do monthly movie club where we watch one of the movies that I feel like mostly I haven't seen. But maybe we both haven't seen. Listen, we put up the polls.

They just didn't want the sound of music. Oh. I don't know. Okay. Stay in denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. Okay. Sulang, you're a listener.

Okay. Death Day in Iran was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Madge our themes and the music was provided by Edicentric and Angus if you've got something

to say to us send it to us at deathdayaroundpod at gmail.com and won't you join us for Movie Club exclusively on deathdayaround.com

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