Death To Everyone - Death To... Cadbury Favourites, The X-Men & Hairstyles

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Chocolates, mutants and hair. With a foundation like that, what could possibly go wrong? This week we are burdened to ask the hard questions... What's in a name? What's in a drag name? What's that Skarsgård's name? Who could say. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠ ⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠ ⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Especially you. Especially you. Especially you. Especially you. Especially you. Let's get everyone. You. Do you think we should start some sort of homewares line, like Suleymyor, but we could call it Especially You? And it could just sell in Kmart, and it could be like candles and small totes with like a picture of a frog riding a bike.

Yes. Except they all have a witchy curse pasted to the bottom of them. Yeah, but like hidden, like phantom thread style in the construction of it. Yeah. Like you burn down the candle, you're like, why is there a child's tooth in here? And then as you're saying that, your face begins to melt. Especially you. Homewrecks by Zelda and Susan. Zelda and Susan.

Do you know, what's the Arnie movie where he's on Mars? Oh, Total Recall. Yes. That effect. Where the face melts. His face exploding out of his skin. Incredible. That's so effect. With a face melt. With his face exploding out of his skin. Incredible. That's so good.

Such a great movie. That's what happens when you purchase from Especially You. Especially You by Zelda and Susan. Okay. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Death to Everyone. You look fucking sexy and bangable today, no matter what anyone's saying. My name is Lizzie Susan. A little saying. My name is Lazy Susan.

A little snack. My name is Zelda Moon. Hello. And this is a show, a program for the ears, where we two celestial goddesses of drag decide upon which frivolities of humanity will end up in a bunker when the apocalypse finally fucking arrives. Yes, and it a cut comes soon enough truly no but you know what who better to judge everything than us drag queens yes

um how you doing darling i'm good i'm good you know woke up had a piece of toast yeah brushed your hair yes my long luxurious Yes. Can I tell you something? One thing. Okay, so I feel like we may have... Okay, so I've got two things to say. One is that we have resurrected the Beckham family from obscurity. It was us. Right, yes. Yeah, I need to watch that show.

Yeah. But anyway, it obviously was just produced in the last couple of weeks because we started talking about them so much. You're of course referring to the viral clip of David Beckham correcting Victoria Beckham while she's being interviewed for their new show. Correct. And she was like, we were very poor growing up. And David's like, no, you weren't.

No, you weren't. Your father had a Rolls Royce. Yeah, tell him the truth. Yeah. Yeah. And she, strangely, she just replied, AIDS. Couldn't even afford AIDS. Growing up, we all had, no.

That's enough out of you. But did you know that David Beckham, as a tramp stamp, has the word Brooklyn. Wait. I didn't know this. Yes. I knew that he had like- And one of his children's names.

Above his ass. Above his ass. He has a curved tattoo of Brooklyn in like cliche, I don't know, like chav font. Well, incredible. What? Yeah. That's great. But then he had that tattoo and then font. Well, incredible. What? Yeah. That's great. But then he had that tattoo and then he was like, you know what?

I'm going to call my son Brooklyn. Oh, wait. So it was just for like the burrow. Well, I don't know which came first, but I don't really care. Okay. Well, that is great. And also just imagining the skeletal hand of Victoria Beckham with the perfectly manicured nails. At all times.

Covering it as she pegs him. Do you think VB has pegged DB? Yes. Yes. I reckon. Or at least a finger or two. Ooh. It was the 90s.

No, they would have done it last night. I don't think they've been fuking. I think so. I think. I think so. I think not. I think so. I think. I think so. I think not. I think so. That's why he put the Brooklyn

tattoo there to ward off the skin. Victoria, think of your son as you beg me. When you beg me, this is who you peg. As I look at your ass all I can think of is Brooklyn.

Which of course all that makes me think of is gargoyles. Why is there no drag queen called Peg? Peg Bundy. Peggy. Peggy. Peg. Peg Zaras. Also, my boyfriend came up with his future drag name, which is incredible.

Go on. 930. Welcome to the stage. 930. If any of you steal it, I is incredible. Go on. 9.30. Welcome to the stage. 9.30. If any of you steal it, I'll know it's you. 9.30. And then the drag daughter of 9.30, 9.35. You'll never have the grace and dignity and charm of 9.30.

You're five minutes late, 9.35. Why did he need a drag name? No, he just said it, apropos of nothing. He was like, if I was going to have a drag name, it would be 9.30. Oh, my God. I have been thinking about drag names a bit this week because I just caught up with... up with you think you're starting okay i was watching drag race philippines season two yeah and there is a contest so drag race

philippines season one the winner winner, Precious Paula Nicole. Yes. Whose name is hilarious. And on season two, there's another drag queen called Captivating Cat Cat. So between Precious Paula Nicole and Captivating Cat Cat, what naming conventions? I love it. That's great. Well, I think that's a drag name when, you know, completed correctly, should at least bring a smile to your face.

That's another jab at me, isn't it? I often smile. People won't stop laughing when I say your name in their company. Like that. Oh, my God. And they say, ha, ha. How's your week been, Zelda? Wow, well, it was good until right now.

Good. Well, I thought about the Beckhams a bit and how much we've done for them. What else have I done this week? You're going to pay it forward. Actually. Go on. Shall I tell her? Okay, so I was talking to this boy,

um, grinder, a man. Yes. Um, who I'm fairly confident. We'll never listen to this. So let's just go for it.

So we started talking like maybe like two weeks ago and on the first day that we started talking. So, okay. Like here's some, some groundwork. He's very handsome and very, very fit, like muscly. Yeah, which is whatever. That's fine.

That's great for you. Good for some. Yeah. And I had an element of, so there were two things. Like one was like an obvious ESL moment, which is fine, obviously. Yes. But the broken English paired with photos of an incredibly fit human being, I was like, well, this is catfish territory.

Yes. But I find that immensely entertaining. So I was like. We're back to mystery bugs. Well, exactly. It's like, tell me more, whoever you are. Yeah. I can outsmart a catfish.

And yeah, within the first day he was like, can I call you? It's like, no. I hate talking. I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone. I hate it. And what I hate more than that, talking on video phone. Well, yeah. I think they were very wrong. You know, the futurists were very wrong

when they thought that we would all want to be on the video phone in the future. Cute on Pokemon, that's about it. Ugh, ugh. Yeah, it's a bad angle. It's never right. It's awful. And do you know what they don't talk about? They're like, oh, I look so ugly.

I'm like, arm fatigue. Even if you look good you still have to hold it there and be a fucking tripod and it makes you put your fucking thing on speaker true and then everyone's looking anyway so but i was like well i mean this is curious catfish behavior because also like the thing with like these conversations on Grindr, obviously you like want to jerk off together on the video call, which boring. If you want to jerk off with me, come over to my house.

Like I'm not going to do it with you over the phone. Like that's putting one of my favorite activities with one of my least favorite activities and that's crazy. I'm not going to be on the phone. Yeah. So anyway, but I was like, well, this is kind of entertaining. What else am I doing on my Tuesday night?

It's like I'm watching a show. Or a social experiment. And so we exchanged numbers. We're talking on WhatsApp. And then he calls. And we have like a. So at that point, you know, he exists. Well, I was like, this is also great to prove or misprove.

The disprove. point you know he exists well i was like this is also great to prove or misprove the um the disprove um the no i think misprove is your new like friday night sitcom about a young detective who chases ghost ghost fish catfish oh ghost night fish um anyway and we have a nice phone call fully clothed no jerking off thank very much um but he is from turkey and he's moved to australia and like it's all oh my god and it's like a perfectly fine phone call and it yeah, yeah. We'll meet up and that'd be great. Anyway, it still hasn't happened. This was like maybe a week and a half, two weeks ago. But last night we were chatting again and he was like,

can I give you another video call? I was like, here we go. What's he doing this for? Is he trying to sell like Verizon plans for video calls? Like what's happening? He has the vibe. Okay. So, you know, his vibe is, you know, when you're in a shopping center

or walking down Swanson Street and there is like a skincare brand that you have never heard of and there is an enchantingly handsome man on the street being like, come in and try a sample, won't you? He's got that energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like hot and it's weird yeah that's how you end up with those giant cartons of rare especially you

he will be a great ambassador for especially you um yeah and also when we have a beauty school for it it'll be especially you but just a you oh we you um the online course of especially you as a now premium reseller of especially you products oh my god we want you to have all the information we had when we started this company sorry anyway we have phone call number two this time he's wearing a tank top oh Wait, what was he wearing in the first one? T-shirt. Okay. So with little victories by inches.

Yes. Okay. Turns out very hairy. Great. Ooh. Yeah. Like hairy to like, he had hairy shoulders. The shoulder pads.

And I remarked and I said, you're quite hairy. And he said, I'm Turkish. And you said, gobble, gobble. No, I did not. Anyway, so that, I still haven't met him But I've had two phone calls With a stranger Boo

Yeah But how funny What a weird experience Like He also doesn't live far away Like he lives in North Melbourne Well that's what you think

Some guy in Turkey On a green screen There's a Melbourne in Turkey Darling Wow Yeah so Imagine if that's the guy Some guy in Turkey on a green screen There's a Melbourne in Turkey, darling Wow Yeah, so Imagine if that's the guy That I spend the rest of my life with

Yeah Yeah Taking it nice and slow Yeah He did tell me some haunting things though About why he moved to Australia Oh, like depressing things Yeah, like

Oh, yeah Being gay, not easy Not in Turkey No in turkey no gobble gobble okay yeah well um i fear that my my week has been kind of the the sadder opposite end of the spectrum it gets sadder well it's it's tragic for me because I was at a gorgeous dinner with all of Kergen's friends, and he has a gorgeous circle of friends who are all kind of fabulous in the same world as him. They all do youth camps and stuff.

Yeah. And they all get along really well and have lots of in-jokes. Anyway, Kergen starts telling a story about something that happened like to him that's something i know about but no one else at the table and i don't know what happened but the spirit of like a 40 year old like woman at a barbecue who's like fed up with her husband entered my by being that yeah not for the first time. Go on. And I was that person who was like, oh, he's not telling it right.

He's not telling it right. And then I was like, oh, this is what really happened. And I'm telling his story that he's told me to his friends. And, like, he doesn't know how to tell us. I don't believe any of this. He's good at telling stories. He's a delight at dinner parties. And for some reason this like disgusting couple behaviour

where you're like, oh, no, shut up. You're like negging each other in front of your friends. And he looked at me like he was seeing some disgusting mask slip, Phantom of the Opera. And yeah, I just have felt disgusting at myself since that moment. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine co-hosting a stage or co-hosting a podcast with you.

Matt, does that ever happen to you and Alyssa? No. No, you don't nag each other. You're too sweet, both of you. Sure. We only lift each other up. Her hairstyle, incredible. Isn't Alyssa beautiful as well?

I was mesmerised. Oh, that's nice. Giving very like earth goddess energy. Yeah. I'll tell her to listen to this podcast now but wouldn't you like you would buy um especially you from alissa from alissa or for alissa no from alissa like if it was in like a wicker shop oh yeah if it was in like a gorgeous like this is nothing like freshly woven gorgeous like all natural products. Oh yeah. That's the energy.

That's like our deluxe line. We need like that line and also like a brutalist line. Well, can I tell you a really embarrassing story about me and Matt's wife? Oh God, okay. Yes. Okay, so me and my wife. I mean, I didn't get to give permission for this,

but yeah, sure. It's only embarrassing for me. You're asking Zelda if it was okay. Matt, can you do me one favor? Yeah, what? Can you say, my wife? My wife. Oh, no, not like Borat.

No, that's gross. I didn't mean to do that. I don't think people are supposed to like him. I can't keep up. Maybe when I was like 13, yes. So? I'm 14 now. I.

What happened, Robbie? I've known Matt for many years, many, many years. My wife. Matt, stop saying that. And so, as such, I've also known Matt's girlfriend, Alyssa, or wife now, for many, many years. And me and Matt worked together at a cafe for many years and we have a lot of overlap in some social groups.

And so we were at Golden Plains, the festival, and I ran into Matt and Matt was high out of his ever-loving mind. But then... On life. On life, on life, on life, on life. And then we were like, oh, my God, you've got to come and see this art installation in the other place. So we go through and there's a sitting area and there's Alyssa,

Matt's girlfriend at the time, and then I'm with a group of people and Matt has wandered off and I'm like oh my god so good to see you and then I like realized that after four years probably of knowing Alyssa I did not know her name and I was like and we've been introduced multiple times and I'm staring at this situation and I'm like, this is just too much for me. So I go around and instead- This is the person that I talk about like every day at work.

Exactly. There's no reason to have forgotten the name, except I'm terrible with names and it's just not going to stick until something this traumatic has happened. And then so I go around the circle and introduce every single person I know the name of to Alyssa, to elicit Alyssa into saying her own name. Oh, my God. And then I'm like, this is Greg, this is Bob, this is Bar. I don't know why I've invented boring names.

Bar? Bar is a cool name. This is my friend Bar. And then I'm like um and then you and then alissa turns to me she's like you can't remember she called you out she called me out directly and she was like robbie we've known each other for four years and it was like this like moment. Like my whole, like the universe imploded in my eyes. Well, you were off looking at the public art and it was so like my nightmare.

And I've never forgotten it. Are you sure that wasn't a nightmare that you just had? She looked at me and you know, because Alyssa, she doesn't like hold back. She's not saying it in a mean way. She's pretty blunt. But she would just say it. Yeah, she doesn't like hold back. She's not saying it in a mean way. She's pretty blunt. But she would just say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She doesn't know how to lie. Yeah, she's just like, this is what's happening right now. You don't know my name. And it's so bizarre. That's amazing. But also I think that's so funny that you said that because that happens to her all the time now. Good.

Calm has come back around oh yeah she just she forgets everyone's name she ran into bar the other day and didn't know but she also just like meets people like 17 times sometimes and that that person like it's just specific people they just don't their names just don't stick in your head or whatever. I just think names are not important. But even the person, she's just like, hello, my name's Alyssa. And they're like, yes, we've met like six times. Jesus. That's why you never introduce yourself.

Yeah, that's right. Catch me introducing myself. I never would. No, I don't do it anymore. I'm like, how are you? Yeah, that's right. I just say, how are you? And then it covers all bases. Yeah. If I've met you, how are you? Yeah, that's right. I just say, how are you? And then it covers all bases.

Yeah. If I've met you, if not, whatever. But that's the devil. I don't need to know if I know you. But it's going to be really bad when I have dementia because I'm good at masking not remembering people. So when it starts to really set in, make sure. I need someone to devil-wears- wears Prada me and whisper in my ear.

That is, can I tell you? I, at my workplace, I work in like a huge team of people, but I work closely with about 10 people. So the other 200 people, I don't know. And as a manager at work i devil wears prada all the time with my team i'm like who's that what's that person's name tell me quickly who's coming who's ugly over there and my favorite is when i ask someone and they're like i don't know either i'm like oh thank god i'm not the only monster. But you're gay.

Yeah. You can just be like, baby. Baby bitch. What can you do as a straight person? There's nothing you can really do as a straight person. No. No, no. Honey.

Oh, hey, honey. I think, yeah. Mate, how are you, mate? Mate is good for the straight. For the straight. That's the whole. Yeah, mate. Oh, mate. How are you, mate? Mate is good for the straight. For the straight. That's the whole. Yeah, mate. God, I really like, I slip into like verbal protection mode because I deal with a lot of tradies.

I'm like, hey, mate. Code switching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it just makes my life easier. Hey, buddy. How you going?

Hey, thanks, man. Yeah, a little tradie voice for you. Okay. Well, Kane. Hey, mate. How you going? Hey, thanks, man. Yeah, a little tradie voice for you. Okay. Well, Kane. Hey, mate. Yeah, so look, the problem's over here. If you need any help, just sing out. I'll be out the back.

Sing out. Yeah. Oh, God. Ooh. Yeah. And then I go out the back and there's girls. I'm like, hey, girls. Going out tonight.

Do you ever think about what your voice would be like if you weren't a big old poof? Oh, I think it would be. Well, you have a brother, so we know. True. I wonder if I would sound like my brother. Your brother's pretty Oceana? Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I would have an accent. You know how my dad speaks. I do. He was a heterosexual man, allegedly. Yes. That one time. And he speaks like, hello, darling.

How are you? He really does. And so I never had a chance. This is like relatively as straight as it was going to get for me. This is just what, like, gay people get the gay twang just by chance, but you were taunted. Indoctrinated. Yes.

Yeah, like those weird children raised by the monkeys in the wilderness. Or the wolf woman. Yes. Raised by wolves. Raised by wolves. Okay. No, no.

Say more. That's a movie right There's a TV show That you watched I watched About the two androids Raised by wolves Oh that one

Yes yes yes yes yes Oh my god How did I not talk about You defended that show I love Raised by wolves Vehemently Okay Oh I thought you

Isn't there There's something else Called Raised by wolves Isn't there Your childhood Raised by wolves is good isn't there? Your childhood. Raised by Wolves is good. Season one, much better than season two, but I do like a big snake.

That snake thing, can I just say, that was the most cooked turn in any TV show I've ever seen. Did you watch season two? Yeah, I watched all. I was obsessed with that show as well. Oh, my God. I liked it. Yeah, I'm on your side, Zelda. We have so much in common. I was obsessed with that show as well. Oh, my God. I liked it. Yeah, I'm on your side, Zelda. We have so much in common.

We do. Unlike you, Crone. We should have worked together originally. Yeah. So did you work at the cafe that Bay Marie worked at? Yeah. Yeah, we all worked together there, yeah. Can we have, please, a Lazy Susan name origin story?

Oh, I've had to do this five times for my audition tape. My name comes from the fact, I've had to do this five times for my audition tape. My name comes from the fact that I worked in hospitality for a long time and I was working in a restaurant on South Bank. Sorry, sorry. I could hear the judges.

Sorry. I hate you. I was shut the fuck up bitch I will stab you to death I was working in hospitality I was working in hospitality and then I moved to the big city. I did.

I moved. Pursue my dreams. I'm sorry. I can't stop making that sound. You think I'm saying another point. Go on, please. We need the origin story. You asked me

Yeah, I'm very interested Please continue Okay I'm giving you one more chance Please One, that's it Yes Okay

Okay Okay So so okay you go you go I'm not doing it again you go I was working in hospitality with my friend Alex

who Alex Morris and obviously Matt Shears was there as well and we decided one day to come up with hospitality themed drag names

yes and then we had a and we had a whole thing Where we I just came up with them And there was Bay Marie

Yes There was Lazy Susan Yes And there was like A few others like Keish Lorraine Oh that's good

Stake Julian Chair Where's chair now? Well she works as the only Chair impersonator in Melbourne Please welcome to the stage Chair Oh god

So did Matt get one? No I was too straight You said ew keep it off My wife No I wasn't allowed to have one, I don't think It was against the rules Oh, maybe I just wasn't working

It was against the law at the time A lot of stuff happened and I had no idea what was going on Really, over there Yeah I was all too innocent, really Yeah But it was good times Good times, good times

And look at us now Yeah Make it a podcast. That's right. So why don't you get back on track? Okay. So I believe. How does the world end?

It's my turn. It is. It's your turn. The world is ending because there is no more oxygen. Because what happened? There was a new type of air freshener released to the market, and there was unintended consequences from it spraying into the air in that it absorbed and combined with oxygen molecules

and forced them to burn off in the atmosphere. So there was suddenly no air in the world due to this new product by a specialty. It was us. Yeah. Crimes of future past. Wow. Yeah. And so everyone suffocates, but they smell good.

Do they smell good? They smell good. Wow. I do love a choke. Yeah. It's slow at first. Oh. They smell good. Wow. I do love a choke. Like a... Yeah, it's slow at first. Oh. First the clean, then the smelly people.

Huh. Yeah. So you have to do like a big advertising campaign to get everyone to buy the same air freshener. Well, it's not intentional. We just didn't do very good testing. Oh, okay. We didn't realize until it was too late yeah air freshener gone amok should we just get into it you know what honey let's get

let's get soaking wet okay we'll be right back after these words from our sponsors And we're back! Hello, everyone. This is Jet to Everyone, the only podcast that exists anymore since the apocalypse. Correct. Now, you've been invited to a party. And you've brought something that everybody can enjoy Well, you know, Zelda, I'd go as far to say It's what to bring when you're told to bring nothing

God, I want to kill myself For our first topic tonight, we will be discussing Cabri favorites And which of these favorites goes in the bunker? We currently have 7% audience in America and 7% audience in the UK. Huh. Yeah? Hello, cunt girl.

That's just what she calls British people. No. Okay, so with that in mind, we need to explain a few things. I don't think we need to in the UK because I think they have favorites in the UK. However, in America. In the US, they don't have favorite things. So I want you to imagine we have Cadbury chocolates and they have a range of regular sized bars, you know, like you do with your Snickers and your Mars and your Hershey's. But they have miniature versions of their entire brand range, plus a few interlopers that are served in a tiny, in a box.

Purple box. Each one is about the size of a thumb. In the box. What's in the box? Okay. What's in the box? Oh my God, we're straight today. That's the curse.

What's in the box? That's from Seven, Brad Pitt, Gwyneth Paltrow. I thought you were talking about Blue's Clues or whatever. What's in the box? In the whatever. What's in the box? In the box. What's in the box today? The show is called What's in the Box. Okay.

I don't know. Okay, so, favorites. Tell me your category favorite. This is a discussion that comes up a lot around the mundane dining table across this great country of ours. Go for it. The selection. Crunchy, dairy milk, picnic, morrow.

Morrow, the knockoff Mars bar. I think there's dairy milk, caramello. Yes, there's caramello. Yeah, boost, Turkish delight, cherry ripe, old gold. Caramello Yes, there's Caramello Boost Turkish Delight Cherry Ripe Old Gold Which is dark chocolate Twirl

Which is like a flake covered in chocolate And I think Caramilk And you can get a Caramilk block in there nowadays Do you say flake? Yeah No flake There's flake No, you've got twirl

Maybe there's flake Oh, there is flake Well you got twirl maybe there's flake oh there is flake well i can't tell what's happening here not on this honey there's flake yeah there's flake flake shake we've already got that in the bunker go on okay so i think twirl is a unique achievement in in human culture uh because give it 12, give it 12, give it 12! It is just changing up an old thing and making it new without any additional ingredients. It's just dairy milk chocolate that's just changed its outfit, which I think is quite chic because it's the flaky chocolate on the inside and then it's like the thick chocolate

on the outside. So it's more about a textural experience. I'm saying that that's quite an achievement in the art of chocolatiering. Yes. And I like Twirl does have a special spot in my heart because it does, of course, remind me of Viennetta. It's a great putty. Would a box of favorites be considered putty?

No. Interesting. I think obviously Morrow was added just to compete with the Mars bar. Yes. And it's fucking terrible. And the Morrow branding is made to look like it's like the mask bar, not in the bunker. Not in the bunker. Not in the bunker.

I see. There's been some controversy online when Dream was replaced by Caramilk. Oh, Dream is a white chocolate. Who the fuck cares about Dream? Yeah, but that's the thing. It was like, there's always one fucking contrarian who's like, oh, it's my favorite. You know those fucking losers that their personalities like in the thing?

Like they're no one else like. Yeah, they're like, I'm Dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that Turkish delight. No, you don't. No. Shut up. No one does.

And Cherry Ripe, ew. Okay, so I loved Cherry Ripe growing up and then I haven't had it in many years because vegetarian. Is it not vegetarian? It's like gelatin in it. Oh, you don't do gelatin. I try not to. The things that I know about, I know about the rest.

I don't want to know about. That's a great way of approaching the world. Yeah. But do you know what? Okay. So I say all this about 12, but I think my heart belongs to Caramello. Caramello Koala. Just the Caramello two blocks.

Two pips of the Caramello, and it's a dairy milk chocolate filled with that sauce. And it's like I wouldn't have a whole block, but the two is quite a delight. Up, up, up, up. If it's not in Koala form, what the fuck do I want Caramello for? Honey, I don't know what to tell you. The two pips are what you get in the favorites box. What happened to Caramello Koala? She's living her life elsewhere.

She's not in the box. She's not a favorite. She's not. I think that's ridiculous. Well, no, because it's like the Avengers Assemble. I said I think that's ridiculous. But that is my main thing is that they are the original Avengers. I mean, Picnic obviously sucks in comparison to a Snickers.

Oh, well, Picnic is not trying to be a Snickers. Well. Because it's got the wafer. Yeah. If you're wasting my fucking time with that wafer shit, when have I ever wanted a wafer? Am I a 1920s fucking child? Like, a wafer?

How delicious? Yeah, that wafer? How delicious! Yeah, that's because they haven't invented electricity yet, bitch. Wait. Wait until you hear about gooey caramel that doesn't go hard, dear chief. Yeah, that's inside of a koala shape. Anyway. Well, I... Okay, listen.

You don't need to tell me. I love caramel koala. I will still buy a caramel koala on its own of a trip to the pharmacy as a treat for treating gonorrhea. But aren't you outraged that it's not in koala form and therefore shouldn't be admitted? No, but I respect the fact that Caramello has a different life. You can buy a block that's just Caramello, yeah. But who would do that?

Well, not me because I just like the two pips. Okay. I'd pick Crunchy. That's a great choice. Because what else is like that? Yeah. And you really can't get the honeycomb experience. And if you are going to be a 1920s orphan, honeycomb is quite chic.

Except I think they were eating actual honeycomb. You know what's fucked up? When it's hard. Oh. And you're like, why is this? Like, why can't we get quality control on this? Yes. And there's like cursed bits that are more solidified than others.

Yeah. Sort it out. Yeah. That's true. That's sick. Okay. So here's the fucked up thing. I used to work in advertising.

Yes. I used to work on some ads for favorites and there was always this thing where we'd be like let's do an ad where like people are discussing like what's their favorite picnic or whatever and like the dad's like i love flake or whatever and then cadbury would always come back and be like they can't acknowledge that anyone has a particular favorite. We can't acknowledge that there's a value ranking to any one of these. Oh, my God. It has to be that they're all equal.

They're all beautiful. Oh. All my children are beautiful. And so even if they would be like, we'll do a special edition box where it's just flakes for the guy that loves flakes or whatever. They're like, we can't. Even to go that, like we can't acknowledge that people care about things at different levels. Oh, my God.

I'm like, honey, you really think Morrow is that girl? No. Matt? I would probably go with either crunchy or cherry ripe. I liked cherry ripe for some reason It was just like one of those weird Coconut, cherry Flavour things

What's wrong with cherry ripe? I mean it was good It was a bit like strange though I'm just like not that in I'm like why is the desiccated coconut showing up to the party? I don't understand And it also doesn't taste like pharmaceutical cherry. No, it is a strange one,

but it's one of those weird things that you just like. Invented. Otherwise it would probably be the Boost Bar, but I think that was like a pretty new one, wasn't it? Yeah, that is like next generation. Yeah, that came later. I remember when Boost Bars came out. Yeah, and it had that Viking lifting up that giant Boost Bar. Yeah, that came later. I remember when Boost Bars came out. Yeah, and it had that Viking lifting up that giant Boost Bar. Yeah, that was the thing.

And I went, Boost! And it's got a layer of caramel. It's got a nougat filling and then small cookie pieces. It's quite good. Suspended in caramel. It's good. It's just very dense. It's very, yeah, it's a lot. Yeah. It's quite good. Suspended and caramel. It's good. It's just very dense. It's very, yeah, it's a lot.

Yeah. It's one of the boy bars. Pardon? The boy bars. You know, it's targeted towards young men. Neutral grain. It's like tradies and young men. Yeah.

And then there's like the snack bars, which are like for women having a break in their busy lives. Like what? Like Kit Kats? Oh. That's their whole business is like you're a young mother, you're not allowed to stop for anything because femme labour, but you can have one moment.

I feel like that was the Cherry Ripe though as well. Yeah. Well, do you know Cherry Ripe is the sexy one? Oh, yeah, it was kind of like a little bit of a naughty. It's for like, yeah, younger women who are single. Yeah, it's like, oh, a pile of cherry ripe. Who is the morrow for? Well, it's who is it for?

Do you know, okay, so let me tell you a story about when I was at a bar, a pub, a country pub in the middle of like nowhere, and me and two of my gal pals, Nina and Kate, were there and we were having a great night just getting absolutely fucking pissed. And at the end of the night, this guy comes over and starts trying to chat up Nina and Kate. And he's like, hey, ladies, how you doing tonight? And they're like, good.

What brings you down here? Are you guys dating him? And they're like, actually, no, we're dating each other. No, he's a faggot. Yeah. And then they held hands and were like, we're dating each other. No, he's a faggot. Yeah. And they were like, and then they held hands and were like, we're dating each other. Do you have a problem with that?

Because we're very drunk. And he was like, no, no, no, but let me see if I can convince you otherwise. And he's like, you want to see a trick? And then he took a sealed can of Carlton Draft beer off the table where he put it because he was carrying like two stubbies, one that was open and being drunk, the other one that was waiting, the lady in waiting. And he took the can and banged it against his skull

until small streams of beer pressurised, fizzed out of the can and kept hitting his skull until the full can was open and had exploded down his face. And we just sat back and watched and he was like, what do you think of that? And that's who the morrow is for. I need you to imagine it. I'm trying.

Yeah. That, what is wrong with this country? Well, I think after you've done that trick a few times, there's a few things wrong on the cat scan. Wow. Yeah. But no, I vote crunchy and I don't care. So you pick.

Listen, I'm going to go for Crunchy as well. What about a Curly Wurly? If she ever makes it into the bunker, I pray for her. Curly Wurly and Chomp. Chomp. Chomp had that cool T-Rex. Yeah. And Curly Wurly had that poor man with that arm disorder.

What about, oh no, I don't remember the name. Have you seen, I'm sure I've sent these to at some point. There's this Japanese candy and it's like long man and all of the advertising is like these really weird ads that like, it's like a long strip lolly, but it's like alluding to it being like the businessman's dick. It's like long man. Anyway, it's like alluding to it being like the businessman's dick. It's like long man. Anyway, it's great.

I'll show you something. What is the favorite? Crunchy. Okay. I'm going to say crunchy is allowed. Yeah. Let's do it. Lock it in.

So box within the crunchy heading down. One box for the rest of time. I think that's fair. No. Is it like the Tim Tam thing where it just keeps refilling? Well, no No, it's not Ration

Don't be stupid Okay, excellent Well, I'll see you at the next segment then And so on. Which... Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Which X-Men gets in the bunker? Marvel's X-Men?

Yep, I've heard of them. And I've seen three, four of them. Four of the films. Five of them, if you count Wolverine I guess I do yeah I've got adamantium in my bones but I also have song and dance

Hughie Hughie's here to discuss the X-Men oh my god okay, so he's a Bryan singer, so am I The X-Man. Oh, my God. Okay, so. He's a Brian Singer, so am I. Okay. Wow.

What do you think Anna Paquin is doing right now? Anna Paquin, what are you doing? I don't know. Do you think she's okay? I don't know do you think she's okay i don't think so i think it's hard to she's had so many peaks and valleys in her career won the oscar so young then disappeared then got on the hottest show on television and married to your hottest co-star from True Blood. Which one did she? Oh, she married Bill.

Bill. Yeah. Hottest co-star? Like they were considered such a hot couple. What? He's not hot. He's hot. He's not hot.

I wouldn't kick him out of bed in the morning. I would. I wouldn't let him in. Get out. As if. What's his name the i am quantum no the one i actually care about the werewolf the one who's part of the well him too but no the one who's part of that family that's good he was the viking He was in succession. He's one of the brothers.

You're the one who knows actors' names. No. He plays Eric. Oh, my God. Alexander Skarsgård. Skarsgård. As if Alexander Skarsgård isn't objectively incredibly much, much, much hotter than that one. Hello, world.

This is me. I'm done with Alexander Skarsgård. Kick him out. Why? He's. This is me. I'm done with Alexander Skarsgård. Kick him out. Why? He's not a good actor. I'm done. I don't say anything about his acting, darling. And when you've got an ass like that. Does he?

I don't know. Well, that's it. What does he do? What does he do? He's very tall. He's very ferocious. Very what? Ferocious.

Yeah. And he has, deep set eyes. I like that. I just am done. I had to go and see The Northman. That was fucking bad. Oh, so bad. Ew.

Ew. What about, I like it. I like that that family is all around. I like their brother, Pennywise. Pennywise, yes. Do you know why? He was so good in Barbarian Incredible and the dad's

good too so the dad's in Good Will Hunting Okay I think about that film too much Anyway So there's a few pillars of pop culture That I've based my entire personality around One of them is the animated X-Men series from the 90s

Which I haven't seen What do you mean? Just that At all? Like I know the theme song I'm aware of it But I, yeah It was like all these shows that felt like

they were like channel 7 cartoons versus like ABC cartoons wow yeah so you were you

like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles they were also a bit more like 80s vibes like Batman the animated series um you're too busy watching

Jimmy Neutron I guess. Exactly. Or whatever the fuck. I needed the bright colors to sustain me. Those shows were too dark. Okay. So there is an enormous, enormous.

Okay. I didn't pitch this. I love the X-Men. Like more than anything, more than I love you. The listener. you but you wanted to do x-men i like it okay it's camp it is camp oh so camp okay so um there's a huge huge roster there is like um classic like core x-Men as in like pre animated series, like the OGs from like sixties or whatever. Then there's like the animated version,

which is like to those who know it's like that is the crew. Then there's the first three X-Men films, which is kind of. Which is awesome. Yes. That crew. Yeah. And then there's everything worse from there.

There's been a few other animated series, some more successful than others. There's a lot to pull from. And then, of course, there's all the fucking comic books. So you're not thrilled by the original live action? No, I love it. Oh. I love those first three movies, especially number three,

which everybody hates because it's terrible. Is that last ten? I like, yes. I like bad things. And I love... Who was the one that played Angel Wings in that? Oh, Misk Twink. Boo.

Okay. But I do love the scene where he's soaring off the wings and the dad's knocking at the door. I was like, we didn't even get to enjoy you with the wings on. Warren. Anyway. So there's just so much to pull from so many different versions we're starting to get a trickle of mutants into the mcu but please who are you entertaining as an option okay so my favorite x-man has always been rogue um which we went to your mother's house for dinner tonight your mother had rogue hair

legitimately looked like if you were going to cast a woman to play like adult like grown-up rogue yeah it could be your mother today well maybe um i don't know how a southern accent is um but yes i love rogue i love rogue and gambit oh so hot what an incredible couple rogue's journey like through the comics is so fun so good i also love rogue and magneto together but i much prefer when rogue is with gambit um magneto is like her other off and on again love interest aren't they like wildly different ages oh you're gonna're going to say that. I just think it's a bit inappropriate. Oh.

A younger woman? The power dynamics are. Well, not if we're talking about their mutant powers anyway. Is she the most powerful one? Is that what you say? No, I don't say that. Who's the most powerful mutant? Ooh. That I would know.

Okay, well, that cuts the list down significantly. Not the one that cuts the list down significantly planet head or something oh like krakola anyway um uh okay who's the most powerful mutant i guess it's gene i guess gene um but also probably maybe legion leg Oh, God, the one in that miniseries. Yeah, I guess. But Legion, I don't really like that. But Legion in the comics is really fun. So is it going to be Rogue? Okay, well, don't make me pick so quick. Because I do...

Well, yes, obviously it is Rogue, yes. But thank you so much for coming. But I do love... I mean, Storm is a great contender. What did she say? Well, in the animated series, she is... Let's get Stormy! She... Like, that characterization is so bombastic and huge.

And, like, camp, camp, camp, camp camp camp camp camp camp camp like surrounded by like all of those characters are quite camp but like every time she uses any of her powers she's like i summon the grand power of the skies and they're like you don't have to say that you have the power correct but it's every episode in all five seasons Yeah It's so good Yeah But what does she say in the movie, in the first one? You say I know you want to say it

No, I can't remember the exact phrasing But she says it's to the frog man Toad Yes, pardon me To Toad Man Just Toad This is why I wouldn't last in the X-Men universe I don't know if I know the wording exactly.

You want to know what happens to a frog when it's struck by lightning? To a toad. The same thing as everything else. Incredible. So good. Halle Berry. So in the first X-Men film, she attempts an accent. Yeah.

Which is also like... Which they had to dub over. I learned recently. What do you mean mean like she did a bigger accent oh my god and then they had to get her back into the studio to re-dub the entire film because it was too crazy and then in because yeah she's um yeah but uh yeah then in the second film she just drops it and by the third film it's just Halle Berry in a wig okay so here's some contenders I think like Rogue Rogue goes in with Gambit. Who is Gambit without Rogue? I don't know. Sure. Storm, incredible.

I love Emma Frost. That's January Jones. January Jones does play Emma Frost in that terrible movie. And what's her power? Emma Frost is a really, really strong telepath. And she develops a second mutation later in life where she can transform her entire body into diamond. It seems like everyone's a telepath. No.

Like Jean. Jean. The gay one, Patrick Stewart. There's a few. There are a lot of overlapping powers. Diamond doesn't hit a dead cat. There's the Cuckoos. There's Emma.

There's Psylocke to a lesser extent. Well, don't just throw names around. Psylocke. Oh, my God. Psylocke's dangerous territory. Yeah, we've all seen Fiddler on the Roof. Okay. Oh, my God.

You tell me what X-Men characters you know, and I'll tell you why you're an idiot. Well, do you like when Magneto turns that senator who's against mutants into a mutant and he shows up at the beach and he's turning into water? Yes. I like that. I love in The Last Stand where they're

in the house and when Jean is like losing her mind and she's like killing Xavier and Magneto's like, Charles! I like that line. That's okay. If you know, you know, I guess. I like that, but obviously the only thing that matters

is the portrayal in the original films of Mystique. Ooh! Which is like, I can't believe that we just, I think that's when we perfected superhero films. And I can't believe that we have spent any more time making them when we had a woman full ass naked in three films for children with blue skin and prosthetics and then outfit changes. And I just am like, well well what are we doing now yeah like you got something better there's a guy that shoes arrows now who cares i've seen

the naked lady i don't need this an iron man honey there was a naked lady that slid under doors she is so well done in those movies incredible and also like mystique's comic book uh look is one of my favorites it's so strong she's got this fuck ash bob um her outfit like she's got the blue skin but she's got this like white outfit with skulls it's just so cool and like it's a departure but it is equally iconic and there's that music that plays every time she's on screen. It's like. And in the second film, there's this incredible bit where Magneto, her kind of like lover, but also boss, but also father figure,

is in prison, but like they have to make a special prison because he's a magnet. Yes. And so they make it out of plastic. Oh, God. And they're like, we can't let any of his freak friends find him, but then guess who does? And she does it by giving all of these guards, like, these drinks laced with iron. Yes.

And then she, like, saps the iron out of their blood. And it all flies. And she makes a tiny little ball of iron after killing them all. And then smashes it through everything. And then she's like, too much iron in your blood. It's confusing that you're mixing up the pronouns, but I'm following. Because Magneto does all of that.

Oh. Well, in my mind, it was her. She laid the groundwork for him to do that. And she says the line. Doesn't she? No, she doesn't. It's Magneto. Well, in this movie theater. He's the master of Magnet.

He's the Magnet Man. There he is. Magnet Man. Fucking hell. So I quite like Polaris, who is one of Magneto's daughters. She's great. She's crazy. Is she in the comics?

Huh. She has like green hair, green outfit, green lips. Who played her? She is in one of the terrible X-Men TV shows. But she's great. In my fan, like I'm hard for, like hard on the, pardon. My complete sentence is, I'm hard on the side for. Oh, wait, go on. You're hard on the side for um oh my god for the scarlet witch and quicksilver being magneto's children like it's just being constantly like flip-flopped and blah blah blah blah but

that's the that's the x-men that i like um i think that's more interesting. But yeah, like Mystique. So, you know, Mystique is Lesbana and her partner, Destiny, has an incredible character design. That is the most lesbian thing. She's dating a girl called Destiny? I'll bet. She lives in Collingwood. Too much iron in your blood.

How is it Destiny's vegan? Oh my God. Anyway, Destiny has a great character design. She wears a gold mask. And then her entire outfit is essentially a big cape. And I love it. But Destiny and Mystique raised Rogue. I believe it.

Oh, my God. That's also lesbian behavior. Yeah. Taking a poor orphan girl and helping her. Yeah, and that's how she goes to the Brotherhood of Mutants because Mystique's like, come on over. Darling, you don't have to tell me how she got to the Brotherhood of Mutants. Fuck off.

Jesus Christ. Alan Cumming as well as the teleporting one with the devil tail. I love that. Well, that is Mystique's other child. So Rogue is adopted, but Nightcrawler is like Mystique's son. Yeah. She tricked Nightcrawler's father into having it with him because she was pretending to be a lady and then the baby came out blue and then it was the jig is

up and then she was like bad demon baby she wasn't a very good parent yeah yeah i love the teleportation opening scene of x2 is though, is so good. But also just Alan Cumming is great. What's it coming in? None in the bunker. Get out. Okay, well, we need to... Yes?

What else are we going to talk about? Well, I mean, we need to make a decision. Not yet. No, there's so many other good ones. What about, who would you like? I think you would like Moira McTaggart. I do like her. Well, she's only recently become a mutant,

but that's a whole nother thing. A superhero called Moira is my kind of. Yes, yes. What about you? Like that actor who has the big eyes, who plays magic, Ilyana in the new mutants. I shouldn't be talking about that.

What are these new mutants? I love the new mutants. So like in the movie, like the movie is pretty bad, but she's great. Ilyana is a great character. Colossus's sister. It's Kitty Pryde. Yeah, she's fine. Do youana is a great character. Colossus's sister. It's Kitty Pryde.

Yeah, she's fine. Do you want to add Jubilee? She has a great yellow trench coat. You like yellow? This is the issue of you can't go past Naked Lady with blue skin. Who else do I like? Monet is great. Underrated mutant character.

Beast. Yeah. I love. Baby, I hear the blues are calling and scramble days such good casting he's like perfect for it it's very good

it is Frasier canon I like to think that X-Men is just Frasier like in the same universe yeah who else I bet you like I love Spiral I like the one with ice powers Who's hot and Canadian The rogue gets with in the movies

Boo! He's hot I hate that actor He's in Animorphs He is Loser He's the hot one in Animorphs Yeah, maybe then

Not in X-Men Oh, that's cruel You put him up to James Masden. Masden. Masden. Do you know what's sad about some of the twinks that were cast in X-Men? Is that Bryan Singer obviously is a fucking pedophile. And he would, like, groom young men and put them in X-Men as a way of, like, being like, I'll get you a spot if you come to this party.

Ew, he's such a creep. Is that not the darkest thing ever? And for it to be like this film series that's about empowering the orphan gay children of a world that doesn't love them, for him to be there praying on them and be like, yes, you're an outcast with ice powers. Come to the party. He's also powered by ice.

No, I hate Bobby Drake. Boo. Boring. Also gay. Is he gay? Sometimes. In the comics? Sometimes.

Okay. Yeah. Started? It's only us. Animal's, oh, I might be wrong. It's only us. Animal's theme song. I can't remember. I think he was definitely gay originally in the Ultimate Universe, but I think it's become canon.

The more I hear about comic books, the more I'm like, this is just like full like playhouse. Like this person's dating this person and this person is having a kid with this person. Like when are they fighting crime what else anyway i don't know there's so many to pick from but it's rogue also oh rogue is just like there's so much um like i love gloves you do love gloves, but you know who doesn't need gloves? Or clothes? Is it raven.com? Raven.com. Raven, oh my God.

Mystique. Yes, very clever. That's true, now that you bring her up. Why don't we say, in a moment of inclusivity. One for this show. We shall be having any more moments of inclusivity. Maybe-huh. One for this show. We shall be having any more moments of inclusivity. Maybe we bring in the Darkholm family. Baby, you just said worse than that.

So that would be like Mystique, Destiny, Nightcrawler, Rogue. Oh, Destiny's the girlfriend. Yeah. That's hot. I guess you're going to bring your girlfriend over. She's hot. Although I don't want her to envision a way out's the girlfriend. Yeah. I guess you're going to bring your girlfriend over. She's hot. Although I don't want her to like envision a way out of the bunker. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we have to decide what form.

Are they cardboard cutouts or are they people? People. Are they actors being paid to portray those people? No, they're the 90s animated version. Like holograms? No. Like at the Madonna crew in Wisconsin? Ooh, yeah. Let's talk about that again um yeah i

think that's good okay although i kind of want gambit as well he's there too no he's not wait matt who's your favorite x-men character well i was just gonna say maybe you should bring in mystique i'm on robbie's side because she'll be quite entertaining because she could turn into anyone that she's ever seen. And if you got bored in a bunker, you could be like, can you just turn into someone like, you know, like something interesting. And we've got Lindsay down there. She could be other Lindsay for the night we want to put on the parent track.

You know what? You know what? Could be other Lindsay for the night we want to put on the parent track. You know what? You know what? Let's bring in Rebecca Romijn mystique. Yeah. Because you're right.

She can be rogue when I want her to be rogue. Yeah. She can role play. She can host another season of that reality TV show that she did. Yes. What is it? Body of, body of art. Work of art.

No, that's work of art is the- Oh, yeah. China Chao. Oh, yeah. Yeah, China Chao. It can be her job. It's just role playing.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, the body paint. What is it called? It's so bad. But Rebecca Romijn used to host a body paint competition reality show and she will have to do that in the bunker between her shifts as meet and greet mystique yeah oh also they had this whole feature out recently where jennifer

lawrence was like complaining about how long it took her to do her mystique makeup shut up i'm like honey have we ever heard from rebecca romaine on the topic because she looked correct yeah and she put in the hours the the oh my god those later movies where they try to make mystique into like oh it's that whole oh it's so bad she's evil and fun being evil yeah um also jessica get fucked go fire a bow and arrow in a forest That's it I like Jennifer Lawrence I just think that she's not Mystique And also the issue was

Is that she signed on to do Mystique And then did Hunger Games And became massively famous And they were like How can we put more Mystique into this film Now that she's contracted to do these films? But yeah,

terrible. The one thing I did like is that scene in the bed where she turns into Rebecca Romijn. I didn't realize that happened. Yeah. Cause, um, Megan is like,

show me your true form. And she turns into Rebecca Romijn. And then it's like, no, your true form. And she turns into Raven Simone.. And she turns into Rebecca Romijn. And then it's like, no, your true form. And she turns into Raven Simonier. And then she turns into blue skin. Oh, she didn't turn into Raven?

Simonier, no. Oh, my God. That would have been so good. Raven's home. Mystique's name is Raven. I'm just going to, just so you're aware. Simonier? Okay. Mystique it is you're in incredible get in there girl and we'll be right back can you please like edit in the music from yes every time we send a letter oh yes buckle up

welcome back everyone I have a very very very exciting topic for you. Lazy Susan is losing her mind. She knows what I'm about to say. Oh, my God. Go on. There's been weeks of contention.

Every week, she's like, I want to talk about this. And I say, sister, anything you want. I'll be more than happy to talk about whatever fucking thing you want to bring to the table. If you want to talk about those X-Men, you go for it, sweetie. You want to talk about a shopping center shop? Sign me up. I support you. And every week I've said, I'd love to talk about hairstyles.

And Lazy Susan says, so this week we're going to talk about anything else other than hairstyles. Well, let me tell you, can I? Hairstyles, up for discussion. Lazy Susan, which hairstyle should make it into the bunker? Okay, well, I've put a lot of thought into this because I support this topic of discussion. Despite the misinformation being spread on the other half of the room, I love hair and hairstyling.

So hairstyles. Let's go back. I like men with mullets. That's hot. I like Men With Mullets. That's hot. I like The Rachel. I knew you would talk about The Rachel. Well, it's interesting that they made a hairstyle that's impossible to do and then forced every woman in America to do it.

My mum had The Rachel. Now she's got The Rogue. She's just working away. Oh, I didn't say this, but appropriate for this. So I, for, oh God, maybe two or three years, used to dye the rogue streak into my hair. Matt, you can just turn off the computer now. It's not recording anymore. Like I had this whole patch was all white.

Yeah, right. Do you think you were happier then in your life or now? It was cool. Yeah, just tell me. Answer the question. I've never been happy. Go on. Okay.

I like, oh, like the big ratted Jackie hair. That's hot. Ratted Jackie. You know, like big volumous, you know, Jackie Onassis hair. Oh. Yeah, that's great. But okay, do you know what actually I do have a fixation with? When women, and I guess non-binary people and men could do this as well,

but particularly femme folk, take all their long hair and put it up in a really high ponytail on the top of their head yeah and it's like a top ponytail and it streams down like a little fountain and then they wear that to a formal occasion like a prom yeah i love that would you accompany it with a scrunchie or like more discreet well it's a formal I love that. Would you accompany it with a scrunchie or something more discreet? Well, it's a formal occasion, so a scrunchie would be necessary. But like a nice silken scrunchie. Yes. But I remember I used to always be like, kind of like,

like, wear your hair like this. To my gal buds. They're like like wear your hair in a top of your ponytail yeah and then like use it as windscreen wipers on your face it's so cool that's fun yeah um what about a padawan braid what is a padawan braid oh my god like from star wars yeah padawans always had a braid oh like the um what's his name anakin anakin yeah he had that yeah what's his name in real life um hayden christiansen hayden christiansen yes i feel like he owns that hairstyle okay the other thing i'd like to say is bangs no what we're in Australia. That is called a fringe. Okay. Whatever you want.

Could you say it right, please? Talking to an American. Okay. A fringe, which I think is like, it always looks good. And then when you look back, it always looks bad. Do you know what I mean? It's like this mirage of hairstyles where you're like, if your friend gets bangs, it looks amazing. Pardon?

You're like combing your bangs. If your friend gets hair in front of their face, you're like, you look so different and it's like shocking you into being like, this is cool. I got bangs. I got bangs. Name layers. But then when you look back on it, you're like, you look crazy with bangs. But then when they get bangs again, you're like, you look so good with bangs.

That's all I have to say on the matter. Growing out a fringe, not fun. Well, thank God, not everyone has to do it. Like our dear friend gail weathers from scream the micro bang oh my god tiny little bang yeah courtney cox lately god you're insufferable what What Okay well What about Micro bangs

Bowl cuts Bowl cuts No What about I don't like a hairstyle that infers like Like we should be calling the department of Human Health safety

What is it I see Child safety What about Child abuse haircuts Not a thing You know what I love of human health safety. What is it? I see. Child safety. Uh-huh. What about... Child abuse haircuts. Not a thing. You know what I love and have always wanted to do?

Oh! Is like the little slit in the eyebrow. You said that. Maybe I should just get you attacked by someone, like an actor paid to slit your eyebrow. And that could be for real, like Piper.

You know? Who's Piper. You know? Who's Piper? From Charmed. She has a slit in her eyebrow? Yeah, but it's like a scar. Does she have Holly Marie Combs? Yeah. She's in Ocean's Eleven.

She's in the Oceanarium. Okay. Okay. But no, my actual pick is the beehive. Oh. Everybody's getting a beehive in the bunker. Incredible. I do like the beehive. Everybody's getting a beehive in the bunker. Incredible. I do like the beehive.

Yeah. But they do have snatched ponytails in the bunker at the moment. Yeah, but that's a clip-on. Underneath that? Beehive. No, you just clip that onto the top of the beehive. And you don't like men that are balding. It's not my favourite thing.

Like you... I love hair. Hair. Like you... I love hair. Hair. Hair. Long, beautiful hair. Yeah, I like hair. Yeah, so when they don't have hair, you're like... Yeah.

I feel mean saying that, but I can't help what I like. I just like that. I like a man with a bald patch. True, you do. Yeah. Yeah. Sexy. You also hate long hair and i love long hair i don't like long hair i don't like i'm like here's the thing i think about with long

hair number one like i'm like pulling a long hair oh thanks for the sandwich dear disgusting it's in the drain yes and then we Yes Fun to pull out of the drain I miss that so much Are you okay? Pulling the hair clump out of my shower drain That's my biggest regret of cutting off my hair That is disgusting That's like a scene from a horror film

That's like popping a really good blackhead So satisfying I'm just gonna to leave that there but what about when you because it's not just the hair it's all the soap scum yeah it's all soapy disgusting

and then also when you're in bed together with someone with long hair or when you're like kind of moving around the hair is like just laying across things in bed people with long hair need to tie up that hair is like just laying oh tied up in bed long people with long hair need to tie up that hair more more just in life yes okay because it does get everywhere yeah um are there any other worthwhile hairstyles other than the beehive not really buzz cut buzz i do love a good um like grace jones, like... Yeah, yeah.

That's hot. I mean, obviously, Cindy Lou Who hair. The intensely styled braids into, like, various Christmas shapes. Oh, yes, amazing. Incredible. Yeah. I mean, like, I think just generally, like, white people have the worst hair

because, like, black hairstyles and like the incredible like braids and everything is just much more interesting oh totally yeah white people are like well i guess i'll just flatten this out i guess straight and down my face is the best we have yeah to dream yeah the rachel was the pinnacle this is some sort of and that was yeah it was like that's too complicated. And then like every black woman in America was like, that's too complicated, bitch. So sorry.

I'm trying to think of like Elizabethan. I do like a Roman curl. Oh, I do love when they plucked all of Queen Elizabeth's hairline so it was back really far. I want to start experimenting that in my drag. I want to like shave my hairline So it was back really far I want to start experimenting that In my drag I want to like shave my hairline back So I can put my wigs on the tip of my fucking skull Yeah but I think the beehive Looks great on everyone

Everybody looks good Everyone looks good in a beehive Oh my god Everyone looks better with big hair Do you know on the subject of hair Have you seen this interview recently with Danny Beard, the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race UK? Yeah.

And she was doing an interview on the BBC about her reign out of drag. The whole thing basically was like, this is your reigning year. You're appearing on the national fucking network out of drag. So why are you not in a mug? Yeah. Which is, I always suspected that she was not that way inclined. She didn't really want to be a drag queen. She wanted to be famous.

Yeah. And the whole thing of treating having a beard like being a fucking marginalized person in drag. Yeah. Having a beard doesn't make you like akin to being like looked down upon in the drag community. It's like, babe, no. It's not the same.

No. Like it's not the adversity that you have to overcome to be like, like it's not even like when they're like, oh, when are we going to get a plus size winner versus when are we going to get a winner who didn't shave that day? Fuck off. Also, the key issue with Danny beard is that it's really Danny stubble. Right.

Like it's Danny facial hair. Like Dandrogeny has a beard. Yes. And that is very different to whatever the fuck that is. T.Dorella III. Yes. Couldn't agree more. If you're trimming it with clippers.

Yeah. Like, uh-uh. Which is like, fine. Fine. It's fine to have a beard. I don't care. And I actually don't ever want to fucking talk about it again. Like, I just like, I don't care.

And if you want to make your whole drag persona about you having a beard, then please go and discover anything more interesting about yourself like i need you to look past the first inch of your skin and think about your internal workings why is this the idea i don't care that you have a beard shut the not interesting we get it so beehive micro bangs you could have both a beehive with a micro bang yes well that's the hairstyle then i with scream style micro bang yeah gail weathers micro bang on a beehive yeah imagine Yeah. Imagine Mystique with a beehive.

Fuck yeah. Incredible. I love it. I think if I could have any mutant power, it would be having a lit cigarette that I put out on people. Ritz. You know? And then as soon as it's extinguished,

another one materializes in your fingers? No, I have to light it again. Zelda, don't be stupid. What's your superpower then? Wait, what? Just the sound effect? She's the lit cigarette girl. That's not a mutant power.

Some mutants have bad powers. Oh my God. I always thought I just want to fly so I can make a dramatic entrance. Because you know, like in Stigmata, where like there's the moment where she's like, that's very dramatic and everyone's looking. I want that when I enter a room. I just don't know why. But I like also can fly as in like levitate.

Instead of walking to the other side of the room, I just like glide across. How many times are you going to perform Dua Lipa's levitating? I'm levitating. That's so good. Matt, what would your mutant power be? You can't have lit cigarettes out on people. Well, that's what I wanted.

No, I don't know. I guess maybe being able to shrink. No, I don't know. How about being able to make decisions quickly? Just change size, I guess. That would be fun. Like Ant-Man. But he's not a mutant, I guess.

I want you to know that Lazy Susan just gave me a cheeky wink, suggesting that you give yourself a a honking big dick. Not one part of me, the whole of me. Not just one. The whole of him. A honking big hole. Okay. Just get one giant finger or one giant knee. One giant dick.

Or a dick, yeah. or one giant knee. One giant dick. Or a dick, yeah. But no, I would probably choose to go kind of like, yeah, be able to like shrink down and like crawl into a pipe or something. Yes. I've always dreamed about shrinking down and crawling into a pipe. What's in there?

No, like then you could go like and get into places like the borrowers, you know? Like bookshelves. Yeah, you climb around. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Correct. But that's because being shrunk is an adversity that they have to overcome together, not because I'm like, oh, I wish I was them.

This is shrinking Matt over here. No, but then I could get really big too. That's scary because you would kill someone by accident. Stomping around. Please be careful. Well, imagine one stomp. Where are you stomping? He's making pools.

Also, there's so much infrastructure just underneath the surface. Stop it. You step on a road. It's just a fantasy. It's all right. You can just go with the story for a second. Oh, darling. Fantasy.

Please. We are. We are writing this. Stone cold realists here, darling. Jesus Christ. Now let's make sure we get the right Gale Weathers micro bang on these beehives and call it a fucking day. I will not be insulted here again.

Fantasy, fantasy. This is real. Shut off that microphone. I'm worried about the infrastructure. That is like a big, like there's that whole genre of like giant woman crushes you with her thigh. I love it. And like tiny man gets stood on. Did you watch?

And that like, yeah, obscure porn. Have you, have I ever watched The Boys? No. Oh yeah. There's a new, in the new show, there's that, there's a girl and she shrinks. Yes. Yeah. But I'm talking about in The Boys when he shrinks into the guy's dick and then he sneezes

and he turns big and explodes from the guy's dick. So good. Is this on television? Yeah. Television's changed. Changed with it. Well, what a fabulous week it's been here on Death to Everyone. Mystique.

And the adventures of Lit Cigarette Woman. That isn't... Can you answer the question seriously? What? You can... You're already that woman. Why don't I smoke? Oh my God.

But in this world, I would. Oh. Woo. Fucking no. What was the first thing we talked about? Oh, Cadbury Favourites. One mystique's eating a fucking crunchy in the bunker. With a blunt little fucking microbang.

Hot. And hair that's three feet tall. Clipping ponytail on top. That actually looks really nice sometimes. It does Yeah Okay okay We're done

Thank you so very much for listening everyone Okay Bye bye We'll see you next week Bye Bye Death to Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. You got something to tell us?

Tell us at deathtoeveryonepod.gmail.com. If you'd like to support us, would you consider doing so at Patreon? Patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.