Death To Everyone - Death To... Canadians, Chocolate & Drag Formats feat. Mum

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

This week we are joined by one of Melbourne's up-and-coming drag stars and long time friend of the pod, Mum! This is definitely got the correct amount of unhinged sleepover energy. Please enjoy! Check out Mum's instagram! @hello_itsmum Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Death to everyone! 🎵 🎵 It's a personal injury 🎵 Your mother. What are you up to in there? What are you thinking about? I told you to keep the doors open at night. No, I need to always be able to see you.

No locks on the doors. No doors on the doors. Have you seen that in America? What? Men that take off their daughter's doors as punishment. They're teenage daughters. They take the doors off the hinges so the girls are living in alcoves. Exposed to the world.

Like a nook. Yeah. What about the boys? I don't know. Do they have sons in America? Okay. I'm Lazy Susan. And I'm Zalamoon.

And I'm Lazy Susan. And this is Death to Everyone. A soul angrier to you all. A soul angrier. And this is a show where two beautiful celestial drag Queens. That's us. Report to you from the celestial void with our space car driver, Matt.

She is. Hi. Hello. Give me a honk, a honk, a honk, a honk. And we decide what is going into the bunker for the apocalypse.

Because not everything can go into the bunker. So everyone needs to calm down. Yeah. But a few things can. And we want to preserve those things. But even then, like Oak Milk, you might get kicked out. Like Brighton from The Nanny. You might find yourself on the wrong side of a boba tea.

Moment of clarity. And we'll kick you the fuck out. I've got to, when we do our stock take, very soon. Very soon. I've got some stuff I need to really drill into. I have a few issues. Ooh, there's stuff sticking in my craw. But.

What? Sticking in my craw. Craw? Your craw. What is that? You know, like a pelican has a craw. No. You know, like a big gaping moor.

Your craw. Craw. I thought you meant like crawfish. I mean, I'm sure the two are related. The fish that go into your craw. Into the craw, yeah. Of my gaping moor. That is the sack part of a pelican's little moment?

I don't think it's the sack part. I think it's like that, you know, part. Listen, darling, I'm not pretending I know anything about craws. I don't think you're ready for animal trivia. It's an idiom. Like you. And this week, listener. Oh, what a special treat we have for you.

Oh. What? Speaking of... Craws? Mothers. Oh. Yeah. we have for you oh yeah speaking of cross mothers oh yeah and and and oh wait please welcome our very special guest mom it's me listener oh my god yeah just before we start, I just want to thank you for being so patient. I mean, you've been begging me and begging me and begging me for a year to be on the podcast. We weren't sure you were getting our calls. They were going through to your agent.

Yeah, my agent, bum the drag queen. Bum the drag queen. There's a future in that. There's a future in bums. Mum and bum. I hate when people say bum. Bum. Could you imagine being on Grindr being like, yeah, come over and fuck my bum.

Shower in my bum. Yeah, fucking dump that load up my bum. Oh no. Fucking tongue punch my bum. What? Tongue punch. Punch my bum? Yeah.

Well, you've never tongue punched someone's bum. I would never. I'm your mother. So you're mum. Yes. But occasionally people will say, mum, the drag queen. Mum, the drag queen. Look, it's all about branding.

say mum the drag queen mum the drag queen look it's all about branding um i did i did choose the least googleable name in the history of drag but i'm kind of into it sometimes i get um messages from people um that they've they've accidentally tried to send to their actual mothers incredible um which is always quite good do you think it's true or do you think that's a lie for attention because sometimes don't you feel tempted sometimes to be like oops you know oh like can't wait to like no worries if you're running late but it's too like your bum but it's just someone else and you're like oh my god sorry i'm crazy like that you would just are Zelda? Anyway, tell us about your drag journey. Go on, tell us.

Well, I think I'm Australia's next drag superstar because, no, I just said drab superstar. You are that. How dare you? Australia's next drab superstar. I feel like Delta Goodrum is our only drab superstar We are Australia And we have a lot of drab superstars

Not to come for the A-listers As I like to call them The Australia-listers Which is in the world, Z-listers Except for Tulangyo Have you seen that the alphabet is different now? Oh my god What? Teachers are teaching the alphabet is different now? Oh my God.

What? Teachers are teaching the alphabet different now. What do you mean? Okay, so you know how we go A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V. What? What? You know? I'm glad they've updated it from where you learned it.

Well, it's causing a lot of issues because El Menno has become- El Menno. Kids can't differentiate it because they're idiots. Sorry. It's a microbe. It's in their brain. That doesn't make any sense because kids haven't changed. Like, it's not like they're- No, education's getting better.

Oh, right. Okay. Right. And X, Y, Z. Oh, she's here? That's nice. Anyway, there's just a bunch of phantom words

like letters that kids are learning because of that old way of saying it so now it's a b c d e f g h oh

like it's no I need it I'll find it let me pull it up you know what the kids aren't learning musical timing

phrasing diction like the old alphabet. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a banger. Okay, you ready?

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N. Oh. L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Now I never will forget how to say the alphabet Oh no, we've gone the Oh, no. Thank you. We've gone the complete wrong direction. Have you seen the Snoop Dogg kids songs?

No. Oh, Snoop Dogg's like, I mean, apart from doing side quests all around the world, has these like children's songs that are just little bangers. And this one, it goes, there is no one better to be than myself. And there's one that's like about cleaning your room and they are genuine bops and I'm considering doing one in drag. Well, the time has come. That's your journey.

My journey in drag. Incredible. Snoop Dogg. He was the original drag queen doing stupid things. The original fairy. Like, you know how you can never quite tell what a drag queen's artistic output is because it's so like amorphous. They're like, I don't know. things the original fairy like you know how you can never quite tell what a drag queen's artistic output is because it's so like amorphous like i don't know i write books and put out songs and

occasionally appear on television but for no real reason don't talk about art to my like that um yeah that's snoop dogg yeah well i prefer julie and Andrews' version of cleaning rooms. And A, and A, and E, A, A. B, oh, there's bees everywhere. C, I see you through the door that's off the hinges. There you go. Oh. Everyone can. Yeah.

No privacy. Oh, my God. Do you still want to hear about me? Yes. Oh, shit. Yeah. Everyone can Yeah No privacy Oh my god Do you still want to hear about me? Yes Oh shit Yeah Well my name is Mum I'm a drag queen

I'm quite tall And I wear red hair And I sing I sing at various places Whether people like it or not And Yes That's kind of it

I've got the most realistic breastplate in Melbourne Dude Dude Are you ready for the one? Because of that style Big hole Yeah And yes, that's kind of it. I've got the most realistic breastplate in Melbourne. Dude. Dude. You ready for the one? Dude, that's that. Big hole. Yeah.

Grazungas. Me and Bayonetta. We look really similar. This is an audio medium. Tall. You. Tall and brunette. And you wear glasses sometimes like Bayonetta.

Yes. And I can do lots of like flips and things. That's how I am. I genuinely injured my hip on the weekend doing, just attempting the most simplest lip sync. This is the thing. I'm a mincer and a pointer and a singer. That's it. Anything beyond, danger. I definitely agree with that mode of drag.

The Simone Biles of pointing. I do three minutes. I actually very much have learned a lot from you. I do three minutes of monologue before every number to explain and then I, yeah, mince and point. It's so important to give people an understanding of what they're about to watch. Sometimes I like to just throw them in the deep end. Just be like, here it is. to start the number Mr Ogibugi says

this is Trouble Closer to Hell well that's I'm good I've had a very long week at work

and it shows brag about it busy busy busy busy but you know what that's good

because now I'll enjoy my weekend all the more you've earned it darling yes very much brag about it. I've been very busy at my work this week and I'm still going to be working this weekend. She works hard for money.

I'm sorry. Okay. Mum? Yes? How does it all end? Okay. So, what a pleasure. What a pleasure to be here.

Stop crying. I just. Freak. Now, i'm sure i speak for some listener um who well if you're here then there's no one listening look it's a pyramid scheme there's another listener now you'll have on the pod um i'm sure listen i speak for the listeners who like me me, have a lot of anxiety. And during this period of the podcast, every week, I have a nice little mini existential crisis when thinking about the end of the world.

So I'm going to give everyone a reprieve this week. And I'm going to say that we're all going to go to bed. Everyone's just going to – it's just going to be a coincidence that we're all going to – all around the world, we're all going to jump in bed and just have a little nap at the same time. Oh my God. And so everyone's going to be asleep. And then the world's going to end and none of us knew, none of us knows it's going to happen. It's just going to happen.

And we were all asleep. We're all going to die in our sleeps at the same time, like in the arms of our loved ones. It's going to be beautiful and calm and happy i don't think what you're describing is beautiful calm or happy what the fuck happened while we were sleeping no no no well you just know i can't sleep now not knowing what might happen oh you know what i just like feel like a little nap like people are in bed everyone loses their own free will traffic stops people just leave their cars and go and walk to their houses. Yeah, everyone's like, you know what? I just a little.

And it's just, it's not like they're going like, they're not being compelled. They just feel, you know what? It's siesta time. And they're just so happy. And just everyone just thinks, oh. How can I ever sleep again? No, it's beautiful.

I might never wake up. It's so scary. Imagine the scene of like the state highway with like hordes of people all making the same decision. Everyone's just decided to pop home. Everyone's just decided to pop home. What do you think that looks like when the entire population is there? What about people on planes?

It's all comfortable. Well, they could all have a little nap. They're all excited about their. You don't have to go home. You can sleep where you are. They can sleep where you are. But everyone's just decided that, yeah, no, that's just, and no one knows that it's happening.

No one knows. It's a witch's curse. So they can't see each other all doing the same thing. All right, you pieces of shit. A giant woman. A giant woman. At least that's a little less scary. A giant woman tucks everybody up into bed and everyone falls asleep

and then they die in their sleep. They don't know. A giant. No, no, no. Giant woman just in their sleep. Okay. But they don't know. This is. A giant. No, no, no. Giant woman just comes and tugs in. It's like Santa rules. I think if you're listening at home and you think the prospect of everyone on earth suddenly like automatons just doing the same command, going to bed and then the world ends, making

way for the world to end without any fun. But they don't notice. Which is so scary. Going to bed. And then the world ends. Making way for the world to end without any fun. But they don't notice. It's all fine. Which is so scary. Imagine if we all just got up right now and started trudging towards our beds. I don't know. I just feel like a little nerd. And none of us are like, what's happening to me?

No, no. Everyone's so happy. Everyone's really happy. What I'm trying to say is, listen, if that is a calming prospect to you, you let us know. You might be the same type of mental illness as me. If you think this is terrifying, we can talk. Because that might be the scariest world ending event we've ever had. That's so not true.

It's so scary because in our version, at least people can run around and scream. No, no, no, no, no. No one knows that it's happening. The Katamari sphere is coming. No one knows. I can see it coming. No one knows. No one knows it's coming.

So it's like now. Everyone's just had the best day of their life. They're just happily lying down in bed. Everyone's having nice dreams. And then. Wait, what about like large swathes of the population that don't have homes or beds? They still have the best day of their lives. It's all relative.

Okay. They just kill it up somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. Listener Okay Do tell your loved ones you love them Because if you had a really good day today

I don't know what's going to happen when you go to bed tonight Yeah It could be See look, here's the thing If you've had a bad day today It's not going to be tonight So you're good Okay

No one can die in a bad bed But what if you don't realise that today was the best day of your life? Fuckin' A Zelda, do you think the best day of your life? Fuck, I know. Zelda, do you think the best day of your life has happened or is in the future? I think we'll be right back. Hello, listener. We're back. And we're here to discuss something very important. Go on. I think it's high time that we decided which chocolate goes into the bunker.

Chocolate's too good for children. I have a question. Yeah. You go on. Is this just like, are we talking like bars blocks? Or are we talking like things with chocolate in them? I think it would have to be considered chocolate if you could hand it to someone and say, I got you a chocolate. Would you like a little chocolate?

Whereas if you gave them a cookie with chocolate in it, I think they'd be like, sir, this is a cookie. Okay, great. Well, a little bit about me is that I work in advertising and one of my clients is a chocolate client. A chocolate, yeah. But I will not be disclosing. Which one? Lest I be fired from my excellent job that I love. The old bike clubs.

Yeah, we have, of course, in the past decided which favourite gets into the bunker. And so now we must discuss which chocolate. Which chocolate. Which chocolate. A distinct category. Distinctly different. And actually genuinely distinctly different.

It is. I do love the favourites. Chocolate. But none of them are getting in the bunker for me. Well, no. I don't think that they were ever like the top tier chocolate. No. Crunchy?

I mean, that's a good chocolate. Actually, no. That's like not even but that's like not even it's like not even like mostly honeycomb it's mostly honeycomb okay so are you talking like what chocolate that if i have to explain it again okay white and dark or like types of oh well white chocolate isn't real chocolate oh you think yeah no it's like a it's not actually like chocolate. It's just like a – were you going to be the last standing survivor of chocolate? No, white chocolate's not in, but you know. I think white chocolate has to be discussed because it is chocolate. I don't know.

Go for it. I don't think anyone would be confused or say that it's not chocolate. It has the consistency of chocolate. No, but that's what people always say when they're like, ugh, white chocolate, that's not even real chocolate. If you were handing it to someone, you'd say, do you want white chocolate? Otherwise, do you want this white treat? No.

Yeah. Solid milk confection. It's a broad category. It doesn't have cocoa, but yeah, I would still categorise it as chocolate. Do you know why you'd categorise it as chocolate? Because it's fucking cold chocolate. That's right. By everyone in the world.

You can't call it anything else. What about hot chocolate? Yeah, hot chocolate, great contender. Oh, so this was a time where my dad went through a phase because my dad loves hot chocolate. And he would go through his... My dad's quite a sweet tooth. An eight-year-old child.

Your dad's a sweetie, is what your dad is. Yes, everyone loved my dad. But he has a real sweet tooth and he loves hot chocolate. He also loves fucking bullets. I love bullets. That's licorice, right? Yeah, but that's licorice chocolate. I didn't know about that.

Oh, I love bullets. Bullets. Anyway, yeah, I don bullets. Bullets. Anyway. Yeah, I don't know. We went through a phase of like getting like premium hot chocolate, which is like shavings of chocolate. Yeah. Oh, like the French hot chocolate.

Yeah. Anyway. And having that at home. Yeah. Decadent. Decadent. Did he share it with his sons? Yeah.

It was after I moved out. Oh. No. That was an empty nester kind of move. It was after I moved out. Oh. No. That was an empty nester kind of move. It was more of a Milo household. Some men get yachts after their children leave. Doubles for hot chocolate and also for good pudding. Oh, pudding.

And do you buy chocolate for the home? No. In your weekly shop? No. I don't like sweet treats like that. I like a sweet beverage. Yeah, you love a sweet beverage. I like a sweet beverage yeah you'd love a sweet i love a sweet beverage but not a sweet treat no i i if it's on like a half half price i'm snagging that i'm going yes thank you and i do love who are you saying that like you walk up to the woman

at the counter like yes thank you i'm saying it to my friend the sales checkout but no i'll go i'll be so those like end caps where it's like that's a lingo from the uh from the industry but when it's all there and it goes fit that 50 off and it's calling to me and i'm like yes i will have some cadbury breakaway which is the best of the cadbury. You know what I don't like about the shops in that way? It's like the twin pack. Like two chocolates in one wrapper twin pack. I hate that. Just give me a big one.

Oh, you want a big one. You want the Twix to be fused together? Yes. I think that you've never been a single mother of eight kids. So you open one for poody on Sunday night And then you wait a week And the other one hasn't gone bad Or been tucked into by the boys

Yeah, also you've got two kids There you go Giving two kids a block of chocolate each? No, no, no, the twin packs I'm thinking like a twirl Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah Like a Twix situation or a twirl

I thought you were talking about those like holiday editions of Cadbury blocks No Double sized or it's like two in one No, I'm talking about like Cherry Ripe But it's like slightly bigger than normal But you know that one heart, like one is smaller than normal And two is slightly bigger than normal Oh

I don't like that Oh, that's not what I was I was thinking like if you had like a Twix. No. Which is by its nature a twin pack. No. Wow. Talking about the twin pack.

Look. Anyway, I don't like that. Why? Because you hate twins? You're distrustful of twins? You're a youngest? Wow. Anyway, what chocolate do you like mom well like of a block i will always go for the cabri breakaway now people always think they're

like oh isn't that just kit kat you're wrong it's kit kat if you like kit kat you're wrong. It's Kit Kat. If you like Kit Kat, you're going to love Breakaway. It's way more like thick chocolate and it's got this like – a slightly warm Breakaway is one of the most delicious and it's got the wafer in it so you feel like you can have more of it. It's airy. It's mostly air. Yeah. But my pitch for the winner of this category is, you know when you go to Hague's and they give you a little chocolate frog

for free? What? Oh, I didn't know that. No, no, no. So, like, you go to Hague's and, like, you're buying, like, your nana a box of chocolates, which she's going to inevitably forget that you gave to her. You know that my nana's dead.

Yeah, I killed her. No, but she's going to eventually re-gift it back to you. But because you're buying it as a gift, they go, here, why don't you have a little sample? And it's always this tiny little chocolate frog and you get it for free. And then whoever you're with, they always give them one. So actually the ultimate scenario, which I'm pitching to the bunker, is a Hague's shop where you go in and then your friend is already

in there purchasing a thing of chocolate. And then the lady behind the counter, she gives your friend a free Hague's chocolate frog and gives you one. You didn't have to pay a thing. You just got a free frog. That's frog and gives you one. You didn't have to pay a thing. You just got a free frog. That's my pitch for the bunker. The listeners will agree with me.

Do you reckon? Yeah. Why do you think you've got them on the side? What about that? Because I think that they are a discerning, very intelligent, very sexy group of people. I thought, aren't you one of them? wow

this is such a crazy time to find out that you hate women wow wow so I don't know that I've ever had the experience of walking into a Hague's I think I'd rather go to

the Hague but if i knew they were giving out frogs maybe i would but wait where was the shooting that was a lint see i've been avoiding hague all this time you think that shooting was about lint and that it's still going on i don't know what's happening in those stores and i don't need to know but um my ex-boyfriend used to work at coco black in chadston i think it was the chadston store and so for a while he he well actually still to this day he'll like if he's getting you like a little gift like a thank you gift or something he'll give you like a cocoa black and it is like just far too decadent yeah cocoa black's pretty nice but like also it's like

it's not what i want out of chocolate like if i'm having chocolate i want to be like wait you have you have a distinction between hags and cocoa black no, no. I'm not talking about all of Haig's chocolate. I'm never buying Haig's chocolate to eat. It is only to gift to someone so that they know that I spent between like $25 and $48. Wow. But it's not about the Haig's chocolate. It's about the experience of being given this little treat

because you never know if you're going to get it. You walk in there and you're like, maybe. It's like a very small version of getting a Birkin. As a waitress? Yeah. And you never know if you're going to be offered. And you have to play it so cool. Well, I'm disappointed you don't understand this experience.

Because there will be people screaming at their phones. I don't think I've ever had the same confidence that you have right now that what you're experiencing is a universal experience. Oh, yeah. No, you have no idea. Hey. I mean, okay, well, I'll give my pitch for my chocolate. You go.

I'll do my favorite chocolates. But what I'm hearing in that pitch is like a grotesque mechanical arm that comes out and throws live frogs at people maybe that's what could happen there is a universal you know what mystique is an actor okay well we all know that rebecca romaine okay um okay so Okay, so If I were to purchase a chocolate That's a delicious little treat Or like a bar of chocolate As in like a slab thing I like that crunchy one That's like blue with a little puffed flex in it

Crunch? That's quite good Crunch? Crunch What? It's horrendous That's insane And I love it That's quite good Crunch Crunch What? It's horrendous That's insane And I love it

That's good That is actually insane You know, those were really popular when I was growing up in Hong Kong in the 90s Wow So to me, that's kind of the taste of like a pre-9-11 Like childhood amongst the concrete and glass. Yeah, colonial Hong Kong. Well, I was there for Hanover, so it's fine.

And then I also like a chocolate with a hazelnut in it. Because hazelnut is like a rare nut. It's a rare nut. It is an expensive nut. So if you can get that cost down by buying it in a slab of Cadbury, whatever But anyway What about the Whittaker's hazelnut? That's good Oh, let me just say quickly

That like Whitman's sampler Which I know is something that you didn't just say Is something I fucking hate I hate the sampler I hate all samplers. Also, I hate roses. Okay, could you just calm down? Because like...

Stop choking me out. I just... Where are you finding Whitman sampler boxes in 2024 in Australia? Well, no, because like growing up, mum would always have like a Whitman sampler and then she would use it for like organizing her DMC threads or whatever. It's a fabulous, fabulous box. It kind of like has that embossed moment.

Is it a tin box? Yes. But like, I've just looked at that box so much. And then like also assorted biscuit boxes. It sounds like you hate your mother, not Whitman's Sam. We bought my mother in the bunker last week. Anyway, but my pitch is, I can't remember if I've told this story before, but let's just go again.

My dad. What a treat. He loves the chocolate. And he would get the chocolate. The hot chocolate? No. No. My dad, growing up, he is a horticulturalist, worked in personal garden maintenance.

Would have nailed the gardening trivia round. Yes. Thanks, dad. And he, one year year was gifted at easter when i say gigantic bitch i mean like maybe a meter in size egg it was this giant easter egg and then it was like you know like a giant like fancy wedding cake, like, piping and words and love hearts and all that. It was that, but for Easter, I guess. And, like, I had all of this stuff.

And it was all, like, it was thick. Like, it was maybe, like, nearly an inch thick the whole way around. Wow. All of it. And so, when I say for years we were eating this chocolate. Oh, no. And, like, we kind of, like, broke it into bits and then we had it in, like, Tupperware.

Not that, like, it was not safe to eat. Why was he given this? I don't know. It was such a mysterious gift. Decadent. I don't know your dad very well, but it seems like, he seems like someone who would just be like, oh, yeah, I just got given this today.

That seems totally on brand. Absolutely, yes. be like oh yeah i just got given this today that seems totally on brand absolutely yes anyway so then we had this like these egg like fractured bits of this giant egg and you know when you see a curved surface and you might imagine the sheer size before it was cracked every time you'd bite in you'd be like yes this curve is so flat that the original egg must have been quite gigantic. Yeah, like such a small... Anyway, so I have such a vivid memory of forever picking away at that delicious chocolate. Some say you still are.

I almost can't believe that it's all gone. Like it was there for so long. Anyway, I was the only one who would dare to eat it towards the end because my dad also like... Towards the end. Because dad had like such bad teeth because he has such a sweet tooth. So he couldn't like bite into it. And my brother wouldn't bite into it because I don't know,

he had like had braces or whatever the fuck. And my mom isn't much of a sweet tooth for that kind of, I don't know, gigantic Easter egg thing. She doesn't go in for giant colossal films. So I was the one who would like slowly chip away at it. And oh, what a glorious time. So I'm going to put one Tupperware container of that big old egg. Flat egg, Chad.

I was actually going to say, do you know that like Dessert Masters TV show with that French? Are you talking about Chef Amori? Yes. Yes. That's what I was thinking. The French guy. No. Let me tell you, Zelda, this is French man who is, he seems like a cunt.

Episode one, you're going to hate him. But then by episode eight, you're like, you've got a heart of gold. Is that Bake Squad? No, it's called Dessert Masters. I think he's on Bake Squad. Let me, I can look this up. Chef Amori. He does a show called Dessert Masters. Oh, think he's on bake squad let me i can look this up chef amore he does a show called dessert masters and school of chocolate i could have sworn he was on bake squad anyway he on tiktok which is where he kind of first gained fame does these colossal sculptures of like a crocodile holding a balloon in its mouth or something

stupid oh and they're all made out of chocolate and then he spray paints them white with like an edible spray paint and then details and colors them so that they're like shiny colored in sculptures at which point I would ask, why does this need to be made out of chocolate? Because it is now of a scale that no one's eating it at the event. You're not tucking into the giant fucking crocodile sculpture. At which point it's impressive that it is made out of chocolate. Kind of.

Except it's like a chocolate that has the same properties as a like a sculptural clay yeah so it's like it's probably not a tasty chocolate it's not like delicious it's fondant all over well i ate that whole egg let me tell you that kind of chocolate is not good no it's like a compound chocolate and you've taken away the only thing that made it visibly impressive which is that it's chocolate now you've painted it up and gussied her up. Now it genuinely just looks like a shitty theme park statue. At which point, I just don't think you're that talented. Because if you were just a sculptor, no one would buy your shit because it's ugly. That's all.

I think if you want a crocodile at the party, just bring a fucking crocodile. You're so right for that. Thank you. And brave. Yes. And Gary-o. Well, why not? She's of the family Sorry

I'm both a listener and a trivia goer Yeah I like it We had a listener And I watched X-Men the other night This is Yes I need a break

Yeah You're getting bunker pilled We had a listener at trivia the other night Tara, if you're listening And Tara was saying, I drive around And I love the show This is how she sounds I love the show

She's also Waluigi And she was like, and my child is always In the back seat, and then Zelda talks about Getting cum seeping down her fist How old is the child? Down my what? Fist is always in the back seat and then zelda talks about getting cum seeping down her fist how old is the child down my what face i think the child has probably aged quite a few years in the time since listening to the pod emotionally getting towards its one year anniversary no i mean i think

it accelerates your aging at quite a speed anyway i she was like zelda's got such a she's just got these filthy stories and i'm like i know and she's like but not you and i said not me you just don't say them as often no i know because i'm classy oh my god yeah like chocolate we turn off the microphone just like i'm everywhere well do know, yeah, because my boyfriend was like, Zelda told the most graphic story the other day. See, I respect Zelda for telling the honest story. Which one? Tongue punching a bum? And then it was like, no, it was the one where she said

that she was jerking off the guy with the nails painted. Oh, yeah. I thought that was quite, I mean, the one where she said that she was jerking off the guy with the nails painted oh yeah and then i thought that was quite i thought as i mean it's no cum cubes yes well that's what i'm saying is that there's been so many points beyond that that i think it was just how poetic and eloquent and descriptive you were in that story it It was so visceral that, like, you could have said the most depraved things than you have, God willing, asked Tara's child. But her first word is going to be come to. Yes.

But, yeah, I think you just really evoked something with your ruby red nails, with the cum sheeping on your hairy hand. And it's really stuck in my head. You did tell that story about your makeup ending on a gentleman's crotch. I mean, that's the thing. You've done plenty. I've done plenty.

I think I just, you know, I just come across as more of a PG energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Mum, I'm going to stop you there. That is disgusting. Disgusting, yeah. This isn't that kind of show.

Well, it's PG. I'm your parent and I will guide you towards better light. Okay. This isn't the bunker. No one's bum is full of cum. So what, chocolate? No, let's sit in that for a minute longer what um i would like to give a quick shout out to goo inside of chocolate

as a society we have just decided that it's appropriate to give people, celebrating events, children, like little pockets of goo of all different flavours. Like we have caramel goo, peppermint goo, snack goo, and then you just put the goo inside of a little envelope of chocolate and then when you bite into it, the goo seeps into your mouth. So, I mean, you've got kind of like, you've got different consist it the goo seeps into your mouth so i mean you've got kind of like you've got different consistencies of goo that we're working with like you've got

like caramel is a very specific sticky goo but then you've got like a turkish delight which is more of a like a gelatinous goo which i would like for the record to state that i adore turkish delight um it's because i'm so weird. I'm different. I'm doing it for the weirdos and the queer kids, you know. But you've also got the apparently standardized idea of what

strawberry is in chocolate, which is the most fragrant goo known to man that doesn't smell like any strawberry ever. What's it from? Why?

It's in my brain. What is it? Okay, give me a clean rendition. I'll see if I can pull it up. Me? Yeah. Oh. I'm pretty sure that was every single one of Timothée Chalamet's lines in Wonka, the critically acclaimed film.

Also, that was the last time we could ever believe that going to the factory would be exciting. The factor. Factory. Oh, that's right. My friend's mum, hello listener, worked in the Cadbury factory. Oh. In her butt? In her butt.

Oh, my God. Zelda, they didn't have a Cadbury factory in her butt. How many people could possibly have worked there? The OH&S conditions alone. Her butt does video. No matter how you pronounce it, it's still disgusting. Her butt was in Melbourne. Her butt makes chocolate.

Comedy. Ew, no. You said it. Oh my God. Hey, can I help you now? No, Zelda, you sick fuck. But that was good because you could just take as much as you wanted. While you were there.

And then you could go to the shop that they had on site for staff only. Because it's the Victorian Cadbury factory where you can't, public can't go in. But yeah. Yeah, a friend of mine is a paramedic And they get access to the seconds of Cadbury Wow And so you can go and buy like 500 chomps that are a bit off for $5

Yeah, that's what she had access to Yeah So yeah, that's my story that you just said Oh, okay Wow That was funny How about that? Ma?

Yeah. What do you like? Imagine if you were choking to death and some man comes in eating an irregular chomp trying to revive you. I wouldn't trust him with my life. I can see from the smears I've chucked on your teeth that you have been downing a fucking second. Look at that curvaceous chomp. You clearly can't understand how the world works. He says, shut up.

Full price too much for you, isn't it? That violet doesn't look like it's crumbling, you sick freak. It looks slightly solidified. I'm not participating in this slander, otherwise I might get fired. Cadbury seconds. You've been vegan most of your life. What chocolate do you like?

I've delved into the chocolate world a little. I have always been a bit of a lint girl. Oh, the little balls. I do like the balls. Lindor balls. Lindor balls. Or just like regular. Like the thin block.

The thin blocks. The thin cardian block. Oh, did you try their chili chocolate? That was good. I did try that one. What about Terry's chocolate orange? It's not Terry's. It's mine.

It's mine. You know what we haven't discussed, which is the chocolat of the moment, Tony's Chocolonely. I love that Tony chocolate. I don't like any of their flavors. I want them to come out with a wet goo one. Yeah. Actually, a friend from school has just opened a chocolate shop,

which is pretty cool. That's probably my favorite chocolate. How's the business? Do they give out chocolate frogs? I don't think they do. No chocolate frogs. Well, maybe they should consider giving out chocolate frogs. That might help.

Wait, what's? Me and Matt are just having a conversation. What happened over there? Are you okay? I think you're being bullied, Matt. Where is this shot? Sorry, a friend is being bullied, Matt. I don't know.

It's just a shopping Castleman. Oh, Castleman. I like Castleman. I'm sure that'll work out. I actually don't know what you're talking about. I'm not in the same room as you. As a 30-year-old beer woman, I reckon I've got about 10 years before I'll be in Castlemaine buying chocolates from that chocolate shop.

So thank you, friend, for me. I just, I mean, Castlemaine is probably the only place that could work out. Yeah. Destination. What's their point of difference? What's their USP? USP. What's USP doing?

Their unique selling proposition. Well, they make it like from the beans. They grind the beans themselves in the shop. So it's like a proper little mini chocolate factory. Nice. It's good. I don't know what you're laughing about. It's great.

Are you going to shout it out? It's called Cabossin Fave. Oh. What? I don't understand this bullying on this small business I know that's bad Well there you go friends The bus and the kibbussin

Well let's put something from kibbussin in the bunker That's my favourite. Castleman's favourite. I just, you two sitting here as drag queens who do a podcast being like, that's stupid business. Are you actually laughing about the fact that they've opened a chocolate shop? Or what are you laughing about? Matt, that would be so insensitive. Are you actually laughing about the fact that they've opened a chocolate shop or what are you laughing about? Matt, that would be so insensitive.

Are you crazy? They actually make way more money than anybody. It's crazy. Support small business. At Easter time, they make like 80 grand. Have you ever made 80 grand? I wish I had. Well, that's below the Australian median.

That's just for Easter, though. That's just Easter. I don't know what it is over the Easter period. Easter? You're right. We should put daddy's chocolate in. I think Easter eggs are probably the best, aren't they, really? They are good.

You know what? I just want to get the record straight. I'm going to get the record straight. No. I just want to get the record straight. I'm going to get the record straight. No, I just. Matt. What's happened? I don't understand. It's because you've got the curtain closed.

You can't see anything. I can't see you guys. You can't see us. But I want to just say, I can only talk on my own behalf, that it's just, it's like quite a whimsical thing to hear in 2024 that people have taken their money and invested in opening a chocolate shop and when i imagine someone having to say that to like a financier or like or any or anyone it just seems like a wild thing to have to say to people. Just a reminder, you were drag queens. Yeah, that's right.

I think it's just the, it's kind of like the Grimm's fairy tale aspect to it that makes me like, we've opened a chocolate shop. I'm a real estate agent for gingerbread houses. Yes, very there. Anyway. Actually, yeah. But also I respect your friends and i love them dearly and i've never seen anything well i think yeah i think i think you wouldn't

be laughing if you actually knew how much they eighty thousand dollars yeah yeah it's like they they were telling me about it i was like oh shit are you gonna open a chocolate shop now no no i can't make chocolate i would just melt other chocolate and put it into a different mold um i like when there's like a chocolate complimentary chocolate not unlike the one that you're talking about from hags complimentary but on the pillow when you get into the hotel probably is murphy beds it could never stay well no there's this seal they just get a bit melty and then set up again oh you're talking about physically say pillow well we'll have to have them adhere to the pillow

Well, then you find it in your sleep My hand behind my head Oh, what's this? A delicious chocolate Yeah Oh, keep a little chocolate What if it was like a pillow chocolate with peppermint goo inside? Oh, I love the peppermint goo

Because they're always peppermint, aren't they? Like the hotel ones I do love peppermint chocolate quite a lot, but I would never buy it for myself. When was the last time you had a pillow chocolate? I know. What's happened to the economy? I'm going to sneak into your bedroom at night and leave you a little chocolate. Oh, I love that.

Chocolate on your pillow. Okay. Which one? Well, now I feel really bad about mocking Castleman and their chocolate industry. Yes. Can you tell us the name of that shop again? I think it's pronounced Cabosse and Feve. Ah, nice.

Yeah, which is like French something. I don't know. And what's their top seller? Yeah, let's have a little look on Instagram. Cabosse and Feve fev oh it looks fancy it's pretty fancy it's pretty expensive it's well i don't know i just pulled a number out wait i felt bad because you made up a number you felt bad wait what what's their top seller, Mum?

I'm seeing they do, like, those, like, chard chocolates. Yeah. Chards of words. Melted in a spoon. You know, I mean, these look lovely, but they just look like that, like, fancy chocolate that doesn't, like, I don't know. We've just shouted them out. They're going to listen to this.

No, no, no. It's, like, too, like, it's almost too chic for me yeah you're talking about going to haig's chocolate no no but like they're like little they're just just like the the handing over by the sweet sweet old lady who works at haig and like and you haven't bought anything by the way like you're getting this fully for free oh that's. Because you're there with someone else. Because you're there with someone else. And she hands it over and it's like milk, just pure milk chocolate. And you just like walk along the little high street eating your little ill-gotten frog.

What are you holding it in? Your hand and then your mouth. So it doesn't come in a wrapper of some kind? And then later your stomach And then later But do they give it to you raw? Is this frog raw dog in my hand? Yeah, they've got little tongs

They've got little tongs and they give you She's got tongs, but you don't get tongs So what, you got a hole and it melts in your fingers While you gobble your little frog? It is a one to two biter Okay I don't think it should be a brand necessarily. I think it should just be like

ambiguously type chocolate. Oh, you like dark chocolate. Oh, pillow chocolate. But it could be like a dark chocolate with peppermint goo. Did we talk about wagon wheels? We did talk about wagon wheels. We've talked about them before. A few episodes ago. I wouldn't even say wagon wheel is a chocolate.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't call it biscuit. wouldn't even say a wagon wheel is a chocolate. No, I wouldn't. Biscuits. I wouldn't call it biscuits. I just call it a wagon wheel. It's kind of like defies. It's a category of its own. What would you say about Caramella Koala? I mean, I do like it.

If I'm going to pitch it on the goo conversation, that would be my goo of choice. And how do you eat it? Snap off the head? No. Lick in that little neck hole. Oh, no. You've got to start ear, ear, arm, arm, head, neck hole Oh, no, you've got to start Ear, ear Arm, arm

Head Oh, foot, foot Head Body Oh, capra cream eggs Oh, no Talk about goo Oh, no, that's so sickly

You have to like eat it out Oh, well, now we got to the bottom of that one quickly, didn't we? It's so delicious I would say, and again, if Well, now we got to the bottom of that one quickly, didn't we? It's so delicious. I would say, and again, if, I mean, look, if you're my actual mother, you're not listening to this podcast. But I would say that as a queer woman, at least part of my skills are because of my penchant for Cadbury cream eggs.

How many women have you gone down on where their pussy is a, like, shape and aperture of a Cadbury cream egg? It's more about a tongue strengthening and conditioning exercise. It's like I'm good at jelly shots too. Oh. I used to be a big fan of the Cadbury cream egg when I was very young, but it's too sweet. Oh, it's so good. It's so rich.

I also think in the initial campaign it was of a certain size it has got smaller it's fucking tiny i don't like that but i think it's exactly what you need for the like well that's the thing turns out it needs to be tiny because it's so sickly but oh i want one so bad i don't like that they're like three dollars now though again i should not be saying this. But the ritual of eating a Cadbury cream egg is so satisfying. And it does train children to eat raw eggs, which I think is important for young kids.

What chocolate is going in the bunker? Well, I feel like i've made my cases probably now i've got two cases look at me with all my baggage what was your choice zelda i want to put in a little a little container with the old egg yeah i think i'm down with that i think once you once you strip away your own nostalgia for that, it's bad chocolate. But imagine. Wait, wait, wait. We're not trying to give nice things to the people in the bunker. It's the best of the best, and that's pretty bloody good.

What, you want Castle Main? If you can't remember their name. What is wrong with you? Hothendorfen. It's the boss and Fev. Yeah, the Castle Boss. The fancy shard. I think we should do a, we'll go to Castlemaine with a big egg as an apology.

I am going to be going back to Castlemaine, as discussed. You should do a special correspondent. Yes, I'm going to go to Cabas and Fev. Yes. The boss and Fev. Yeah. Yeah, I love what you said. I'll tell them that you're coming to review them.

Oh, no. Don't tell them any of this. We're going to cut this. Absolutely not. Cut this all out. Anyway, which chocolate? Okay. I feel like I'm not hearing any votes for my dad's egg,

so I'm giving up. I voted for that. Matt did vote for your dad's egg What do you vote? I'm gonna vote for Listen you can have dad's egg I don't agree But it's not a hill I want to die on

But you know what If you are a single listener That relates to the Hague story We have stock take coming up So if you write us and talk about how relatable this is yeah you we will reverse course yeah and reconsider this similarly if you're jessica or tegan listening to this and you can remember those tupperware containers and that really thick old turning white egg right in and we'll fight the good fight yeah yeah okay i'm also

gonna ask my brother if he remembers because oh i love that egg i mean that disgusting egg yeah oh god it was awful can't wait we'll see you soon. Bye. Welcome back, listener. Which Canadian goes into the bunker? And here to help us decide, we have Melbourne drag icon, Mum. It's me. Are you a fan of Evangeline Lilly?

Not. No, I'm not not i feel like evangeline is kind of a seminal piece in the by by infrastructure given that she was on lost and she was always so dirty yeah i i never really got into lost which is funny because i love yellow jackets oh yeah i'm so ready for season three. Oh, me too. Now that I'm up to date, I can't wait. I reckon I've watched Yellow Jackets back to front like maybe five or six times. Oh. Like so many times.

I'm a re-watcher. I re-watched Yellow Jackets. I re-watched Deadlock a million times. If you haven't seen Deadlock, watch Deadlock. I've re-watched The Umbrella Academy many times. Oh, no. Oh, I like that. And Only Murders in the Building, both of which are coming out with new seasons soon.

This is really telling you a little bit about my taste levels. So would you say that Martin Short is your favorite Canadian? Is he Canadian? Oh, yes. Oh, I do like him. He is very good. You know what? When I Googled Canadians, I do like him. Or, you know what? When I googled Canadians, there are quite a lot of A-list Canadians. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Hollywood has never actually had an American famous person. That's the best thing about talking about Canadians is that you kind of realize. Oh, of course you would say Martin Short. You're such a freak. I love Martin Short. I love Jiminy Glick. Ew.

Is it Martin Short and Meryl Streep are together at the moment? What? What? Like in a romance. What? A twist. You don't know how good Martin Short is. He's so funny.

He's so funny. He's probably the funniest person. Okay. Ever? Anyway, Evangeline, her character was written into the Hobbit films because there aren't enough women in those films, which you could agree with. I mean, that is the books.

I do agree, yes. I mean, that's just the books. Wasn't there like a super cut of every time a woman speaks and it's like 12 minutes long? 12 seconds. Yeah, it couldn't be 12 minutes. And like, poor Lily, she didn't get that many lines. Oh, Evangeline. 12 seconds. Yeah, it couldn't be 12 minutes. I'm like, poor Lily. She didn't get that many lines.

Oh, Evangeline. She's so beautiful. Ugh. But yeah, Evangeline Lily's, oh, what? Yeah, Evangeline's character was written in and then she was fucking terrible. So like not her, the character. But also her.

Is she a hobbit? No, she was an elf. Because apparently they needed, that's the thing they wrote her in to then just be a fucking love interest. Seems like the only women in those series are elves or pretty hobbit women. There's female orcs, aren't there? Well, orcs kind of defy gender. I'm right here.

Oh, non-binary icons, the orcs. Like one with lipstick on and a ponytail. icons, the orcs Like one with lipstick on and a ponytail Yeah, the orcs, I don't know what gender they're rocking There's no women orcs Oh, wow They just get pulled out of the ground, I think What, women can't get pulled out of the ground? Yeah, what?

I suppose there's no women Pikmin either Next time I'm in the ground, I'm not calling you to pull me out of the ground. I mean, there's no mother orcs, I guess. What about Buffy? She got pulled out of the ground twice. Wait, you think a woman's only role is to be a mother? Wow. Wow.

Look, you know what I mean. Women do not exist purely to. Yeah, women don't have to make their whole identity about being a mother. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying the only way that an orc gets born is being pulled out of the ground. There's no orcs have their mothers. And the ground is a boy and so it makes more boys.

Do you think orcs have dicks? No. I don't think they have anything. Oh, they're like a little Barbie. Speaking of Barbie, Ryan Gosling, that's Canadian. He is Canadian. And he's not in the bunker Okay so you're pushing Evangeline

No no That was just my fun intro I'm pushing for Nanu Sorry I want Nanu Who's Nanu? Keanu Reeves Oh well of course we all know him by Nanu

You freak What? What's Nanu? What's the name of a chocolate shop in castleway they're great with their little shades is this like a did you call him nanu when you were a child no wait please no people call keanu reeves nan they? I'm pretty sure that's not a thing. It's absolutely not a thing. It's absolutely not a thing. Are we going to watch Nanu tonight on Matrix, mum?

Where's Nanu? Oh no. Can you explain to me a time where this has happened? No, listen up. I've just searched Nanu, nicknamed Keanu Reeves, and let me tell you, I am not getting anything back.

No! Oh no, Sheldon. You know what? Through my life, I have said to people, Nanu, and they kind of look at me like, is this one of your little bits?

I thought it was one of your, like, funky pop stars that you like it's your skellington no only talk about skellingtons again oh no no that's the sound of the ambulance when it comes to get you okay well my pick is keanu ree Well, we're just going to roll on, are we? Sorry, who? Oh, you're talking about Nanu. Anyway, what do you want? Jim Carrey? Ooh. Jim Carrey bothers me quite a bit.

Oh. I don't know. I love Jim Carrey. Yeah, but there's something about his energy that makes me scared. Wasn't he at like, there was a recent photo of him at a dinner party with some not nice men, and I was like, oh a shame oh there it is but you know there's only one answer to this question and it's not nanu yeah who is it it's celine celine our quebecois queen Our queen. Mrs. Dionne. Oh, coming back. Oh, coming back to me now. I do like singing.

There were things I'd never do again. But then it always seemed right. She's got frozen body syndrome. Yes. And yet she did so well at the Olympics. Are you saying she's faking it? I wouldn't say that. How dare you.

So not Deadpool? You don't want Deadpool? No, I don't want Deadpool. I can't stand Ryan, whatever, Ryan Reinhart. You went and saw his new film. Yeah, you get a whole trivia thing about him. Yeah. I don't have to.

What? Does that have to do with it? It's his movie. He produces it. He writes it. He's in it. Yeah, you're obsessed with him. No.

But what about Pamela Anderson? Pamela. Ooh, and a thin girl. Okay, but what I will say quickly about, is that like Canada, do you think Australia is Canada-esque? Like-esque, but sadly they- Or do you think New Zealand is Canada and we're America? No.

No. I feel like the- We're New Zealand to Canada. You know what I mean? No, but New Zealand is so much cooler than Australia. We're New Zealand to Canada? We don't want to spread misinformation I think Canada is too associated with America I think Canada shines compared to America

In a way that, like, maybe if we were next to America We might also shine in that way. I think the things that make us Canada style is we are Commonwealth countries and well. Destroy the indigenous population. What a time to find out you're a royalist. No, but like that definitely informs the cultural identity out you're a royalist no but like that is that definitely informs the cultural identity if you're you know and then you live in the shadow of america and your close allies with

america so you have a weird meeting point of american and british culture which canada does and so does australia and then you a lot of your cultural exports go and work in america which i would say like there's a lot of famous canadians a lot of australia famous australians who go and work in hollywood and are like almost undetectable um and like yeah they're kind of like the reverse of australia i do think that australia has like that extra little bit of everyone's like and you just you just came from randomly out there like oh you're such a weirdo but we love you australia yeah i'll see whereas canada it's less it's less like that i think yeah well i think they just assume everyone's canadian because like it happens so frequently like yeah like justin bieber

Because it happens so frequently. Like Justin Bieber. The Biebs. Who is America, but isn't. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's Canadian. But how weird is that? He feels like the most American thing that's ever existed. I would.

So, you know, my heart is torn in three ways because we have Keanu. Would you say your heart will go on though? Yeah, I would. Indeed. But Hayden Christensen and Carrie-Anne Moss, don't make me choose. Well, you're going to have to pick at some point, darling. Well, what about, well, you know, while we're on the kind of realm.

What do you want, Dwayne? Catherine O'Hara. The Rock. What about Katie Lang? John Stone. Sorry Dwayne? Catherine O'Hara. The Rock. What about Katie Lang? John Stone. Sorry, I just said Catherine O'Hara, and I think we need to sit in that for a second. Oh, yeah, no, you're right.

Okay, yeah, you say. I just think, you know. Is she? Yes. Okay. A famous Canadian, a Canuck, but her contributions to the culture have been immense. I mean, there's shits creek

that's kind of been the most recent thing but we have waiting for guffman we have best in show we have all the christopher guest stuff and then we also have her doing sally and all of sctv which is really good and i just think and home alone i rest my case i think the the the only way i would concede that is if also moira rose impressions were banned from the bunker absolutely i need them to be done i need them to be done a long time well i think the thing sorry listeners is that schitt's creek is not a good show no however it is buoyed by the immense talents of both Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy who are both incredibly talented and that helps a show with particularly weak comedic writing lazy if you wanted to tell me that you're a little bit Alexis

you could just say it oh I do love that i do love that what's the name murphy annie murphy she's so oh she's so good and kevin can fuck himself oh i did not like that i loved that um i love though how much canada is america to me in the sense that because in australia if you're listening in the 12 percent of americans that listen to this show howdy um howdy y'all only in america sorry about the state of your democracy yeehaw um anyway do you think that's helping i think that's good. But is that like when you saw Neighborhoods back in the day on ABC Kids, they were always like these Canadian co-productions with Australia. So we thought of like Goosebumps was all shot in Vancouver

and Degrassi was, you know, obviously actually Canadian. But like all of these like places that were meant to be like, like what other, there was like another show that was shot up in Canada. Queer as Folk. Like all of these like places that were meant to be like, like what other, there was like another show that was shot up in Canada. Queer as folk. Yes. Yes.

All these shows that are meant to be America were all shot in like, yeah, Vancouver or Toronto. And so like in my mind, that like verdant green that is like just Canada is America, which is so. So you're saying they're liars. Totally. Totally.

Ooh, maybe we should put in some kind of tree from Canada. Kind of maple tree pattern. You want a tree instead of Celine Dion. What about Alanis Morissette? Sorry, people are having trouble with the spelling of that. So they now say it. Mo-ri-se-te. Sorry? Is this the same people who say Minou?

This is a throwback to your hilarious alphabet thing. I'm laughing. Okay. We already have Rachel. I mean, sorry. We already have Avril Lavigne. I know. I was about to say.

Allegedly. Allegedly. It is. Kim Cattrall is a good one. Especially because you've got Sarah Jessica Parker, don't you? Well, that's the thing. Kim's kind of had her chance. Yeah.

Well, like her body. Her body. Her body's had a chance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's like, we really need to like, do we go for the most high profile Canadian? In which case we put Celine in.

I mean, she's not worthy of the bunker just because she's the most high profile. She's worthy because she deserves it. And she would be an amazing Friday night spot at reggie's well yeah but if we talk about who's going to go best on the reggie's lineup alanis is the reggie's lineup yeah do you think that the women having the best night of their life aren't gonna just absolutely lose it to celine i think those women would see celine and they would like like her but like they would see alanis in her like plaid and be like i don't i don't i want the record to stay that like this is a this is a very this is a sophie's choice for a flamboyant bisexual such as myself very into both of those scenarios but i just think

that that celine like, I think. I think if it was just gays in Reggie's, then it would be Celine 100%. But Alanis is definitely resonating with women in their 50s who are angry and drunk more than Celine. They've had many jagged little pills. I don't know. I'm just thinking about, like, say my mother would get around Celine. But your mother's not going to Reggie's.

She could be going to Reggie's. Your mother does not have Reggie's vibes. Where is she going? Well, she ain't never been to a Reggie's a day in her life. She's not waking up. You were just saying she was golfing the other day. She was. With George Bush.

She wasn't golfing with George Bush, just for the record. But she does love golfing and she's very good at golfing. And she did vote for Bush. She did vote for Bush. What about Sandra Oh? I've just suffered through two seasons of Killing Eve and I want to kill myself. Well, then I think that answers that question for you.

I do like her. I would like for her to answer every phone. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gu her to answer every phone the queen is coming sorry what's that from it's from the princess diaries i just i feel like everything that i want to put in the bunker i'm like here is the very specific scenario in which it will be used and experienced because i am a producer yeah but that's i think that that that is where we hit a snag is just a perhaps miscategorization of how we would use celine but i think she can't be at reggie's if she's coming into the bunker she has to be maybe doing super bowl with beyonce in in the Oh, you think she's like, she's like popping in

at the same frequency? Oh no, she's not. She's not a pop in, pop out. She's there. She would have to live there. But I think that that's kind of the issue is that she'd be entering in the diva space. We've got a high profile diva. We do have quite a few divas. But we know we don't have Carrie Ann Moss.

And perhaps it's time. What do you want to do with Carrie Ann in the Monk? I just wanted to hang out. Imagine. She's so stunning. This is a bad time for me to not know who that is. My God. What? Oh, help.

Now you know why you weren't getting backed up on that one. I also just realized that John Candy. Uncle Buck? You want to put your dad in the yeah i love john candy he's so beautiful and lovely i like planes trains and automobiles and do you know who else likes that your guy I found out in a YouTube video that I unfortunately watched after we went and saw Wolverine in Deadpool. Oh, I thought you were going to say Nanu. Who's my guy? Ryan Reynolds.

Ryan Reynolds. Mama, can I... You are obsessed with Ryan Reynolds. You've got that tattoo of his face. Oh, my God. On my face? Yeah. You said, I'd only go to the pool if you put dead in front of it.

You started drinking just so you could drink that gin. He's such a loser. And then I saw some stupid social video this week where he was like hanging out with Welsh pool. I was like, fuck you. No one cares about your little football group or whatever. What are you talking about? Oh my God. You know how they were like all the Deadpool variants. One of them was welsh poo wearing the like emblem from his stupid football

club i'm like that's not a fun easter egg you're just obsessed with yourself what do you think dick's like i think his dick is probably like just fine i don't think it's that good it's not like a big honker. A big honker. Yeah, no. It's not. If it was, he would be more chill. Yes. But it's not.

I almost think it's on the, like, more humble side, which is fine. But I also don't think he's. No, it is. But I don't think he's good in bed. No. No, no. I don't think. I think, like, of Ryan Reynoldsnolds his butt would be better than his

dick yeah which is a shame that he's straight then yeah i do think he's straight i don't think he would ever hook up with a guy but he played the hilarious bisexual character yeah that's not the bisexual representation we want in this world so unfortunately is uh the in the gamut of bisexuality he does represent a very specific type of straight bisexual man like it the erasure and i'm like i hate this man and i hate this character but i'm like i will fight for his right to be no i'm saying he's a bisexual man who skews straight yeah and so he's annoying you think that ryan reynolds is bisexual the character of deadpool oh my god who was it recently oh what's his name nanu no sean mendez oh yeah is he canadian oh he's got canadian energy doesn't he Oh, Shawn Mendes. Oh, yeah. Is he Canadian?

Oh, he's got Canadian energy, doesn't he? He definitely seems Canadian. But, you know, recently what's happened, you know how he's been hooking up with his chiropractor? No. How do you know this? I keep up with what's going on with Shawn. He worries me.

I just, all I know about Shawn Mendes is I really liked those pictures of him and Camila Cabello where he was like, he was, what were you laughing at me? Just the way you said Camila Cabello. Camila Cabello. Go on. Where he was like, he was like getting grass off her butt when they were out and about. And I just thought that was such little GBF behavior and I was so into it.

They had a lot of times where the they called the pats on themselves just to prove their heterosexuality and yeah it was giving gbf well yeah and so i think the issue now that like now that he's spent two years out of the spotlight because he kept having anxiety attacks and severe depression likely because he's a fag um we do be like that he so is something with these guys and he is now like back in but his he's with that like um that cult that miley cyrus is a part of that like they have sexuals have put they've put their claws into him it's like the they they like exclusive brethren yeah it's like they're like i saw some witch on tiktok talking about them being like oh they're inspired by solomon style magic good luck with that one diva it's like that magic is

weird and wrong but my magic is great she was. She was talking to Miley in this video, this random witch. Miley. And she was like, Miley, if you ever want to learn the real Solomon witchcraft that'll actually do things for you, come talk to me. And I was like, are you insane? I do love a TikTok witch. I watched this TikTok witch, like a reiki lady who's like lives in melbourne and she's so funny because

she's like she i will watch her stuff and she like reiki magics you through the screen but i genuinely feel it and i'm like her name is ella chi and i'm obsessed with her and my my eyes start like fully like going out of control drooping while i'm watching she's giving you an epileptic but it's so nice but she's like a very like funny sassy little diva but then she's like i'm um i'm sorting out your like your like bloated stomach right now with with the chi listen it's doing as much as Reiki as it has. Yeah, I've never had a bloat again. There you go.

What if we put in Carrie-Anne and Keanu? Or what if we put in that club in Sydney that's like the vampire rave club instead? Wait, what does that have to do with Canada? Well, the Matrix starred two Canadians. And the club in Sydney is? The Matrix starred two Canadians. And the club in Sydney is attended by two Canadians

in that movie. And then we don't have to worry about Alanis versus Celine, you know? And then we get a cool club, Vampire Club. Vampire Club. That's a whole category in itself. Witch Vampire Club. Okay, well I'm just looking at this look of Canadians And I don't know how to justify Hayden But obviously I want it to be Hayden

Well you can, you know what Well I already got episode 2 Attack of the Clones So you know You also got your disgusting egg in Yeah you've really been swinging it around I think I think I think it's all coming back to me now And we should go with Celine

Well speaking of Celine she did do that fabulous Cover of Riveting Man High My favourite song of all time perhaps What did you say That's your favourite song I love her version You know what you're right We should have Celine

Listen I'll her version yeah so you can hear that you know what you're right we should have selene um listen i i'll i'll go for selene if we can figure out right now what she's doing i think she's like she is the only person who's adhering to the bunker fucking um uniform which is a what was it like alpaca tunic yeah she's drab she is drab she's a drab she's she's drab but she's keeping it real she's i don't think she's friends with gwyneth no that sounds like like it's like the straight version of friends of dorothy um yeah no gwyneth is too fake celine very real she's best friends with nikki yeah in sickbay she's good friends with Nikki. Yeah. In sickbay. She's good friends with Leanne. My mum, no, she's not getting along with. But your mum is like, Selene!

No, I don't think my mum would care about that. Oh, really? Nah. I think she's good friends with Fran Drescher. I think they have a lot of chit chat. I think Selene really earnestly respects all the things that she did with that protest or whatever that was. Oh, my God.

You hate small businesses. You hate strikes. I think that Selene is probably impossible to talk to. But who needs to be talking to her when you can hear what she's saying? She is brilliant and will talk forever. I actually, yeah, I wonder if she doesn't. You know what? You know what I want for her is to host a karaoke night,

but where she just sings every song. Matt's on board. That would be funny. For how long? Forever. How many nights sitting there getting a like an intimate look at celine dion doing karaoke how many nights until that got old i personally think that celine's appeal is in the way that she's able to conjure and hold a very specific set of emotions like i think she can do

um dramatic sadness dramatic anger so perfectly that the crescendo of one of the songs is like i'm spent with celine i couldn't i don't even think i could do a whole night it's the lead i went to see celine at the rod laver Well, now we get to the bottom of things. Yeah. And when I first got the ticket, it was like a friend was organizing it and I was like, oh, yeah, sure, I'll come along because I hate gigs at arenas and stadiums. I'm just like, why would I bother?

And I got there and within like two songs i was in tears i was so emotionally someone hit you captured by this show i will never forget that show i loved it so much and we were like not in good seats yeah we weren't in terrible seats but we were i just, I couldn't believe. It was like it was just her and I. Celine. Celine. I do, like when I get asked one day to do like your 10 fanciest videos on the internet, one of them will indeed be Celine's interview where she's saying, Celine, oh dead, oh dead, mama.

And I would cry. I would cry because. Because he touched me yeah i like that oh yeah that's quite good actually maybe just that then alanis okay so like if we're talking about the best of the best yeah here's my thoughts on this is like alanis did incredible and then she did a few good songs oh my god We're gonna get in so much trouble I know but you know and then what My housemate

I know but then what Globally and then what She continued to have incredibly long hair And be Canadian And be beautiful Yes but which You know And inspire the only jukebox adjacent musical that I actually really enjoyed, which is.

Jersey Boys? Jagged Little Pill. Loved it. I don't know. Max McKenna. The thought of them turning that album into a stage musical makes my skin crawl. Again, I was like brought along to this show and I was like, I don't love jukebox musicals.

You don't understand. You like anything you're taken to. No, look. But I'm always ready to have a good old college try. But I went and I swear when the end of You Ought to Know, which isn't the end of an act. I was sobbing. No, it wasn't the end of an act. It wasn't even the end of you ought to know which isn't the end of an act it wasn't the end of an act it wasn't even

the end of a scene but everyone in the audience got up and gave a standing ovation in the middle of this show after that and i was like yeah just so do you like standing ovations yeah oh i'm i'm i'm whipped up with the excitement would you say have you ever been the first to stand? Oh, yeah. I've been the first to stand at every one of your gigs. I think that's just because you're traveling. I'm going to the bar. But no, I love, I love. Well, I also have this thing where I love to like feel the power

of being the first to start like a clap or the first to like start the movement of the audience like cheering during the first to like start the movement of the audience like cheering during a number versus like at the end like i love to feel the power i'm a narcissist i'm not a narcissist but i love shut up i'm a very good one um if anything i'm probably the best no i i just love the power of like being the first one to start a clap or like to stand up and then other people start standing up. Like I'll stand up at the end. You're like, it's not about them.

It's about me. No, but I just, I do love that power. That's really fun. It's like, I love the power. You know what, Celine Dion, I was the first to stand. They're applauding because I stood up. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's not like that. It's more just I want, I just like that. It's like I like when someone's baby is crying and I hold it and then I stop and cry. There's an element of like divine feminine power in that, which I really enjoy. But, yeah, I'm totally one of the first people, the first person to stand up or the first follower,

which if anyone did year 12 psychology, is almost more important. It's a good thing you're not a narcissist. No, no, that would be crazy. And so the question remains, which Canadian is going into the bunker? We're just now talking about Canadian as an abstract, they're just now talking about Canadian as an abstract They're just from there What do you think the core Of the Canadian spirit is?

This is a really great chance to talk about poutine Exactly We all ate poutine Patricia I love poutine What represents to you The Canadian spirit? They're meant to be polite.

Lumpjack. Ridiculously nice. Covered in gravy. Delicious. With cheese. Oh, curd, sorry. Doing them in a way that no one else does. Yeah.

Which. Soggy. Sometimes. You really don't have it. Great in person, not good when traveled. No, love it anytime. I reckon if I had to eat one thing for the rest of my life and that's it, it's poutine.

I'm dying pretty soon, I think, like if I'm only eating poutine. But, oh, I tell you what, I got home from a gig the other night and it was a particularly long gig and I got home and my beautiful girlfriend had ordered, surprise, poutine and I took my wig off, I took my dress off, I sat down and I cried a little bit because I felt so taken care of. We've got to keep these people with pepper spray away from you. I cried.

Three minutes in, I was crying. I swear to God, we're having a poutine bar at the wedding oh my god that's a great idea with a fountain yeah maybe a fountain gravy fountain um so my poutine story is actually really related to what i'm doing next thursday which is going to the myth opening night myth opening night we're going to see The Memoir of a Snail, the new Adam Elliott film. Oh, the sequel from the Geisha one. What? Oh, yeah.

The Geisha one. Sweet eyes. And Adam Elliott is like, you know, one of the famous alum from VCA where I went, which is very exciting. Any time someone came. He did Tiziana Buberini? Did you go to VCA?

Every time you see someone who comes from VCA, you have to say, oh, they went to VCA. That's the rule. It's like being Australian. I went to VCA recently, just to visit. Just to walk through the cafe. Anyway, Adam Elliott went to VCA. He went to VCA.

And when his last film came out, Mary and Max, which was literally like 15 years ago, an incredible film. I went to go and see it at the Cameo in Belgrade, which is where I'm from. And I got poutine just before the film. See, ties back. And I was like, oh, this is going to be so good. I got my poutine.

I'm going to go and see this new claymation by someone who went into my alma mater. Did you take the poutine into the cinema? Yeah, it's Cameo, baby. We're from from the hills you can do it all in the cinema hot food in the cinema is a rogue choice and we'll listen that that this is my hags this is my infinitely relatable experience so i get in and i'm like wait a minute what's going on here it's full it's like an afternoon screening of marion max and i'm like and there's only one seat? It's full. It's like an afternoon screening of Mary and Max. And I'm like, and there's only one seat and it's in the front row. And I go and sit down and I'm like, well, my movie's going to start.

And I had my like, it was in a plastic bag and I'm like fishing it out. And my fingers are like covered in gravy. And I'm like, I'm going to have one little one now. And then they're like like the lights don't go down instead everyone starts clapping and adam elliott comes out onto the stage and they're like give it up the the creator of the film is here to talk about it and i'm like oh no oh no and i'm like and he talks about the film that we're about to watch For half an hour

And I'm like quietly In this place Eating the slushies You can't not eat it because then it'll go cold Exactly trying to eat this poutine And I'm like Really interesting Did he notice you?

I think he did How did he not he said that one eating poutine went to vca yeah well because since then we've like like met and chatted a little bit did you tell him about the poutine no but if i see him again at the miff opening night i will be bringing it up i need you to take poutine to that night and i want because he's gonna turn around and be like it's you you me in the front row like you're so inspirational i know you keep going you keep eating it out of a thermos wow yeah um well i mean i've eaten poutine as well.

I don't have a fabulous story for it. Oh, what about a poutine store in the bunker that Celine Dion works at? I feel like that's insensitive. That's like being like, oh, like you're an Australian, so you now have to work at the like chippies and dim sim store in the bunker. Me and my chippies and dim sim store in Castlemaine next to the chocolate shop are very offended. But yeah, like we can't put a Canadian in the poutine store. It's like, imagine.

That sounds pretty good to me. We're flattening her identity down to poutine because we don't know a single other thing about canadian culture mooses i can talk about mooses i've been to the vancouver aquarium none of you are talking about the fundamentals strong true north proud okay well we're not putting brooklyn fucking heights in here um the beaver it needs to end What are we putting in? Poutine Just put fucking Celine in Oh Celine In a giant vat of poutine I think Celine But she has to wear the alpaca tunic

I think that would really I don't think I think she can't sing now She just has to be in the statue Oh why? You're like She can't work in a poutine store But she can't sing

Yeah I like that Like a tragic bird No No What? If Celine can't sing. Yeah, I like that. Like a tragic bird. No. No. What? If Celine can't sing, I want poutine. If Celine can't sing, I want poutine.

I'm going to Canada. And she sings. Fine, she can sing. She can do it if she wants, I guess. Good. Thanks. You know, Bunker, you're welcome. You're welcome.

I fought for you. You're welcome. I think she'll do great stalking those holes. Yeah. What? Like wandering through. Oh, stalking the holes. Yeah. You definitely said holes.

Oh, my God. Maybe I need the alphabet song again. You know what? She'll be like harmonizing with the beats of George's in the vents. In the vents. Yeah. Listener, we'll be like harmonizing with the beats of Georges in the vents In the vents Yeah Listener, we'll be back Goodbye

Welcome back. Hello. What do you think about, speaking of the bisexual spectrum, because it's not often we have someone like you here. Only once a week. Someone like me. One week a year you appear. Yeah.

It's not even Visibility Week. I'm invisible right now. Yeah, I can't see. Well, the listeners can't see me. Your corporeal form will visit upon us on the Visibility Week. However, what do you think of the Billie Eilish bisexuality storyline? Oh, look. All the kids are bisexual these days.

When I was coming out, it was a- Out of what, a hole? Because Matt's not going to pull you out of there. No, no, no. He doesn't have to. I pulled coming out It was a Out of what? A hole? Because Matt's not going to pull you out of there No, no, no He doesn't have to I pulled myself out That could be the new coming out All the orcs are bisexuals

Makes sense Yeah It does Yep Nothing else Sorry, mum Actually, of all the Lord of the Rings characters That are potentially bisexual

Like I don't know I just feel like those hobbits really have the vibe Hey They're wearing Birkenstocks They moved to Castlemaine They're doing gardening They're having like big communal barbecues Not elves?

Uh Bye But I think that they would do it for sex They're having like big communal barbecues. Not elves? But I think that they would do it for sex, but not for a relationship. Yeah. No, they're like, I actually don't have labels because they're hot enough that they don't have to be like, hi, I'm bisexual and I would like to sleep with you, please. Yeah. Wait, what was the question? Dwarves.

And my axe. Dwarves. And my axe. Yeah. I don't know. Dwarves have And my axe. Dwarves. And my axe. Yeah, I don't know. Dwarves have lessee energy. Oh. And I can say that because I'm a lesbian that occasionally makes bad decisions. I love the ants so much.

Imagine just being an old tree and cursing a forest. When I was younger, I went on the driving tour of all the the in new zealand where they did the filming and three minutes in i was crying i tell you what no i was going oh we're just seeing hills they're like over there is where the ants first came out and i was like oh it's it's just a hill it's just a hill yeah anyway what was your question about bisexuality? Oh, yeah. So on Billie Eilish's new feature on the Charlie XCX, you want to guess the color of my underwear. Yeah.

And her verse is like, I really want to fuck Charlie. Yeah, she's straight though. Yeah, she's straight, but I would absolutely like. And Charlie knows I want to fuck her. Lick her bum. Yeah. Tongue punch her bum. Yeah I want tongue punch her cream egg I've got a fucking

tongue punch her bum all these kids who are like coming out like the Jojo Siwa's do you want to keep laughing about tongue punching a bum or should I tell you about my Jojo Siwa theory okay no go on um i just think that like we're definitely in this like movement of like yeah we can all be

bisexuals which is great because i think i actually read a book about how there is like a theory there's a theory that that uh all women are to a certain extent bisexual um which i think yeah i mean to me i don't understand how anyone's not bisexual like that doesn't make sense i've never touched my own bum never in my life there's always a bevy of gender non-specific people to do it for me but jojo is a lesbian no no so what i'm saying is that like there's very much this like you know coming out and these young artists are like they're having their exploring what they're like gay aesthetic or their how they are as an out gay person it's happening post them

being famous and so they don't get to be a bit of a loser yeah like in private like we've all you know we've all worn rainbow socks you know like we've all gone we've all you know like done that thing where like we're like yeah no i'm like yeah i'm totally want to hook up with like all these women yeah and it's like yeah sure that can be true but also i just wish everyone just got a chance to be a baby gay loser in in private yeah and then they can come out and figure out how gay they want to be, but with a bit more experience. Yeah. But I think everyone should be nicer to Jojo Siwa.

I love Jojo Siwa. She's in the bunker. I love that child of Satan. Yeah. Because, you know what, she knows about the King Solomon magic. I just wish she had, like, an older, like, dyke diva who's just going to be like, baby, calm down. Just one sec. Take one sec.

But that's the thing about the Billie stuff is that like I want. I think she's in her like baby gay loser phase. Yeah. I just am like, I need you to like just, I want you to like soft launch the relationship or something. like just just i want you to like soft launch the relationship or something and then do this kind of like hard flex into like i really want to fuck charlie xx yeah like calm down and just yeah bless i mean yeah look i just have so much i have so much love yeah yeah yeah and at the end it was like um all of the underwear from this video is being donated to like survivors of sexual assault. Oh, I miss that.

Yeah. And I was like, oh. Oh. Like Billy is driving a trailer truck. And they're like, this is the underwear that we're going to donate. Yeah, I'm like driving over it with the fucking Tomcat. Maybe take another pass at that activation, Diva. I'm like, just maybe donate money.

I don't think they need this apparel. So, Mum, the time has come. Oh, yeah. Won't you tell us what third topic we'll be discussing for entry tonight? I had a few that I was noodling on. One was just going to be bisexuals, but I think we've talked enough about bisexuals now. Correct.

But just so you know, the answer to that was alan cumming um but what was the other one oh and the other thing that i sort of wanted was um queer pop stars which we've now just talked about so i guess the other thing which is what's left, was drag show formats. Go on. So I think that Reggie needs some programming, but there are like so many formats for drag shows that everyone knows, right? You've got trivia. You've got bingo. But then you've got karaoke.

You've got hen's party. You've got bingo, but then you've got karaoke, you've got hen's party, you've got bottomless brunch, you've got some that I partake in, which is like mailbox, which is a party that I do the last Wednesday of every month at Grouse. I thought that that was your original format. It was. There was another bar in Sydney that like used to do it a million years ago but in a very different way.

But I've changed it and it's called Mum's Mailbox. And essentially everyone who comes in wears a little sticker with a number on it. And then there's a cute little pink mailbox that you can write little notes to people and address them to their numbers. And then I come and deliver them and then I sing a love song and it's all cute. And it's a fun game to play.

But, yeah, and then there's things like pageants and competitions and I think that there should only be one. Only one format. Only one drag show format. I think that's interesting. Well, bingo's out. I fucking hate bingo. Yeah, we're not doing bingo.

I can't believe the chokehold that bingo has on like – I mean, I've done a lot of bingos and I love doing them with Gabriella Labucci because that's a fun night. But it's fun for me. I can't imagine that it's fun for a participant. Well, I think that there's an element to it, which is kind of public pleasing, which is that it is a game of chance. So no one's like kind of mad about losing. I am surprised after doing trivia for so long how dumb people are. I'm freaked out by how competitive some people are.

It's so scary. What? I'm a very competitive person. Well, we were both talking about you. But I would like to say that my competitive nature is that if I'm not going to win the game, I have to win the scenario, in which case I'm still winning, even if I've lost. So even if I'm losing, I have to be the most gracious loser. But also, if I'm winning, i have to be the most gracious winner like i'm like i'm never going like actually like they have to take a point off no ew ew ew or like if my table of

trivia has won like every round and we're getting like all the jugs of beer or whatever i'm like give the jug of beer to the next person because Pat's like, yes, you're a psycho. But no, I'm a very competitive person, but I have to win the situation, not necessarily the game. So maybe that takes trivia off the board. Yeah, although I love trivia. Actually, the other format.

Trivia? The other format. Trivia's not in. Fucking hate trivia. We run trivia. You run the trivia night. Yeah, although I love trivia. Actually, the other format. Trivia? The other format. Trivia's not in. Fucking hate trivia. We run trivia. You run the trivia night. Yeah. The only consistent event we've ever done.

Wow. I can't believe I didn't add here roulette because obviously I'm one of the hosts of Drag Roulette at Molly's. We love a spinning wheel. And roulette is fun. There's no spinning wheel at roulette. It's just a shuffle of a playlist. And so they get get up like multiple

queens or performers get up and at the same time and then they just press shuffle on a playlist and then they just have to perform whatever song it is it's it's a absolute bloodbath it's amazing to watch i've watched a lot of it on land during lockdown which i quite loved um but i haven't i don't think i've ever gone in person you should come but i'm not does that come on it does it really does they love it they love a bit of evidence love amy lee okay um but yeah there's lots of formats yeah i i think to me and i'm just going to make my hard, like what I think it should be, is that the only thing that I like in drag for events is a really hardcore competition, not a pageant, a competition that is like very intense.

There's no like everyone's special here. It's like really aggressive and all the girls are really mean and like they're like they're like destroying each other's lives behind the scenes and like there's a prize money that just makes it like so that people are just that little bit more insane so i would think like a three thousand dollar page pageant. Oh. Yeah. A competition. You can get a lot at the bargain shop. What is it called? The reject shop. Can I ask then if it is a very intense competition,

who are the judges? Well, Alaska Vanity and Sabrina. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Well, they're the drag queen diva down there. Yeah, but do you have a wild card? Yeah, I think that probably Sabrina isn't a judge. For nine girls now, Clippers?

What? I think Sabrina has to compete. It's Sabrina versus Bayonetta. Yeah. Because normally at the things, like at local drag competitions, they will have like some shitty person from the community who comes in and judges. Or a real housewife.

Yeah. There'll be like a rotating like third judge. Yeah. I think a little bunker patch would be quite fun. I like that. And I think it should be like for drag queens and also first timers. Well, and maybe like, you know what? We've said that Teresa will just pop up one day in the bunker.

Yeah. There's a great opportunity for that. Yeah. that Teresa will just pop up one day in the bunker. Yeah. It was a great opportunity for that. Yeah. However, my pitch for the best type of drag gig is obviously walking down the street.

What? That's the best part about drag is when it's like 2 a.m. and you're weirdly on King Street, but you're looking fucking incredible. So you walk down the street and everyone has a look. Oh, that is a good time. I hate that. Walking down the street? Just shake them all over.

So I live within walking distance. Don't tell them where you live. I mean, it could be anywhere. And no one knows how far I can walk. Within walking distance of where I do a lot of gigs. And so I do a lot of walking, uh, like trotting up the street in my very high heels.

Yeah. Famously. Um, and like, I do a lot, you have to do a lot of like, Oh, Hey diva.

Like, Oh, Oh yeah. Hi. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yes. Yep.

Doing a gig. yeah just up up there oh these oh are they real wouldn't you like to know i hate it i hate it i'm not getting paid for that i'm getting paid when i get into the venue oh see i don't do drag to get paid. I just love the art form. I don't hate that you do drag. I just hate that you get paid for it. That is the single funniest thing that's ever been said on Drag Race of any franchise. Pamara reciting something that was said about her back to me, Cooper. I heard you said about me, I don't hate that she does drag. I just hate that she gets paid for it.

And it's like, you know what? It's a great time to talk about that. National television. It is. That is so funny. That is the funniest thing that's ever, like, it's so evil. That is the rudest thing you could, you do it. You do you.

I just don't want you to get paid for it. Hilarious. Oh, coops. Icon, legend legend diva star. But alas, since there's no fucking randos in the bunker, there's not really anyone to strut by. And there's no 7-Eleven either. So perhaps not that gig.

Oh. Pageant. You can't go into a reject shop at a Wendy's? I would and will. Zelda used to always make me benign when we were performing in the city, go across to the Crown Food Court. Yes, it was so fun. Do you guys want to get there early and go into the Crown Food Court?

We're like, for what? Do you want to eat some dinner? No, just to walk around. It's hilarious. You want to see what they see. I love it. You know that video that famous like art film where the woman is walking down the street it's like a trans woman and she's got

the mirror mask on you remember that no oh i need to show you this she's like in florida it's like hot night and she's got one of those full face masks that's completely reflect like reflective like looks like computer generated and she's got these big huge stripper heels and a very like iconic strut and everyone is watching her and it's like little kids

that are out on the street but then like it escalates and escalates and people start following her I have seen this it's so intense yes yes yes yes that's the energy yes i fucking love that it's so because you also don't know you might fucking die i think that's it you're playing the you're playing the real dragon roll that ass um but the other thing wait what was i gonna say no god i just i i don't you are insane i could if you asked me where i would rather less

be while in full drag crown food court has got to be up there like crown food court maybe like the footy on friday night footy wouldn't want to be there because like i think there are places when i'm out of drag i would rather die than be there but in drag princess of genovia yeah all of a sudden it's like fuck you i can be wherever i want to be also that place is lit like a hospital what is wrong with you nothing i got no makeup i can't do it I'm bulletproof I've never looked bad in bad lighting ever Wait, what? Yes Well, listen, Zelda

I like your passion I like your gumption And I like the spirit you brought to tonight's discourse I'm also fully aware that we're very close to a stock take So why don't we put in whatever you just said oh my god yeah no i'm team i'm team like fight to the death competition here yeah yeah i'm just trying to imagine okay so obviously reggie's can host on a thursday night like a pageant um but what would the i guess there'd be like a travelator that looks like a fake road oh for you yeah right for mine for this for the strutting drag queen oh well no she just struts

the holes oh oh yeah right like a yeah i, I suppose they do that anyway. I mean, really, I just want to be Bayonetta walking around. The gig where Zelda Moon gets to be Bayonetta is your favorite drag gig? Yeah. No, I think a pageant would be quite good for the bunker. Okay, what's the name of the pageant? Yeah. Moles in the Hole.

That's a winner. Oh, great. 3,000. I like it. That's a winner. Oh, great. Yeah. 3,000. 3,000. And Megan Mullally can be in the pageant on her night off. On her night of nights. Yes. Oh, my God.

I fully forgot. I wrote a full, like, song from the perspective of the Meg for when, on the night when Megan Mullally leaves. Wait, I wrote it ages ago. Shall I find it? We'll make polite chit chat. I remember. Now speaking of things that

people have done to us, Jordan today, moments before we came in to record, sent the Death to Everyone pod email a gorgeous painting with a vase and flowers. And it has Godzilla taking dogs for a walk. Wow. And I like it a lot.

Thank you, listener Jordan. Thank you. Did listener Jordan make the painting? There is literally no text in the email. That's our kind of fan. The only thing is the title of the email that says Godzilla walking the dogs. I want emails that seem like someone just mashed their hand against a keyboard. A vague suggestion of a message.

Yeah. I like it. That's good. Is that why you didn't like my very, very well-written and very well-thought-out, very long fan fiction about Lady Gaga getting into the bunker? I don't know that I ever received that. It was a submission. It was perhaps just a touch long.

For our famously short podcast. Yeah, no, you're right. It's much better to be talking about touching bums. Did we have a song or something? Yes, I've got it. Here. My heart breaks at the flip of a calendar page I know it's just a day, but it feels like an age

Halloween, I know just what that means She's off into the bunker, nowhere to go for me. Oh Meg, I wait here on the ocean floor for you. Oh Meg, I make a Ladoo you. Oh Meg, I wait here on the ocean floor for you. Oh Meg make, I'll make a Lado, oh, you. There she goes, dressed in her witch's clothes. I give her a smile as fake as her long green nose. I wave goodbye. You don't see me cry. Oceanarium water, oh, it flows on by. Now I may be a dinosaur, but why can't you see my heart is sore from missing you October 31st.

Oh, I may have lived millennia, but I didn't know love till I met ya. Oh, I'm in love, my lady, my lally. Oh, make our way here on the ocean floor for you I'll make, I'll make a look door for you I'll make, I'll wait here on the ocean floor for you I'll make, I'll make a look door for you. Yeah.

Bravo. Oh, I like that. There you go. Wow. Beautiful. That was beautiful. What a beautiful. at home that's beautiful beautiful that was such like 2009 like baby me in my bedroom kind of energy i loved it um you're gonna have to send me the full thing so i can put it in properly yes um

excellent oh well that's so good of course a reference to the fact that mega malali gets to leave the megalodon tank i just couldn't stop thinking about how sad the megalodon is on that one day because like megalodon might like halloween and it's just a lonely i actually might cry three minutes in um okay the pageant is called uh moles Hole Moles in the Hole Welcome to the stage Moles in the Hole Bayonetta Moles in the Hole Moles in the Hole Deathmatch

Yeah Cool You want to call it Deathmatch? I would never call anything like that No, it's a weird name It's a bad name Bad taste Particularly if you already have a podcast called Death Tape

Can I ask a question? Double down You can ask one question Do the people in the bunker Like, are they listening to the podcast? How would they do that? Like, do they know about the podcast? We don't have a podcast in the bunker. So you don't have a podcast in the bunker?

Well, the bunker, like, you know, you know. Yeah. The podcast episodes are, like, stored in an archive in the library. Yeah, I guess if we're in a bunker situation, the world's ended and there's nothing else to podcast about. I think, like, you don't. Which piece of rubble ends up in the bunker? Yeah.

Oh, that's going to be a good one. Oh, I can't wait for that. A speck of dust. Yeah. Ooh. Oh, no, I'm having an existential crisis again. No. No.

You thought you got away with it. No. There is limited entertainment at the bunker. It mostly comprises of the nanny cast. And that rat race menu screen. And now, moles in the hole. Thursday nights at Reggie's. Yeah.

I think we put all programming on Thursday nights. $12 espresso martinis. Well, you know, Thursday night is the only night in the bunker because every day is Thursday night. Okay. It just depends on what. Mom, you get a freebie for the bunker. I would like to put in the band Boy Genius,

and I know that they're not doing, they're not making music together anymore, but in the bunker they have to be what a choice i just love them so much and i'm so devastated that they're not going to make another album maybe they will maybe when they're you know maybe it's one of those like 10-year projects or whatever but i'm so like frankie muniz or what like which genius boy are you going to put in there this is biphobia frankie muniz is bisexuality incarnate my three favorite boy geniuses actually i can rank them lucy dacus i'm a lucy dacus son a um phebe Bridges rising, and a Julian Baker moon.

You said all this, but you didn't say a boy genius. Like, was Richie Rich a boy genius? Was Kevin McAllister a boy genius? Kid Omega? Yes. How about Ninu? Wait, who's in, what do you call it? What?

You know, the one that gets all the powers. Doogie Howser? Doogie Howser. That's a boy genius. The other one. The one who gets all the powers. In the movie. Darling, if I have to explain it to you more than that, I don't know.

The one that gets. In the future Tokyo. Come on, bitch. Future Tokyo? Yeah, Neo Tokyo. What? Akira? Akira He's a boy genius

Yeah kinda Who is it? Is it Kaneda? Canada I'm not enjoying this joke Because I need boy genius to exist Yeah what you're saying Frankie Muniz Kevin McCallison

This is a very serious Serious And then the point from Akira There's not any other guest who's had this kind of gym Junos, Kevin McCallison. This is a very serious, serious point that I'm making. There's not any other guest who's had this kind of jib. Okay. I think it's a very serious discussion. And I think that. Oh, you know what?

I agree. I just, I wanted to clarify. I'm going to save the boys. I love them so much. And imagine like their album was already heartbreaking. Imagine the music they could make at the end of the world. It would be just, oh, incredible. Yeah.

I demand that they re-record and like do live performances of your fabulous Megalodon song. I think that they would do a beautiful like three-part harmony of I Megalodon you, which is what it's called. Incredible. On sale now. Well, I don't know. I'm feeling pretty upset that Young Sheldon's in the bunker.

My sister will love that. Incredible. So Young Sheldon, the boy from Akira, and Frankie Muniz. You know what? As long as they're all played by Julian Baker, Lucy Dirkus, and Phoebe Bridges then I'm happy with that we'll see what we can do

okay but what a fabulous outing yes I can't wait to report to my family that that obscure chocolate that was in the cupboard

for three years is now in the bunker I can't wait to hear how many people relate to your hate story relate to my hate story let Relate to my hate story.

We can put a poll up. I don't know what you're going to put a poll up. Maybe a phone. Okay. End with that. A little bit of decorum, please. No, no. So, shards of a Giant Egg. Yes.

In digital Tupperware containers. And Celine Dion. Yes. And she's allowed to sing. Yes. And then a band of boy geniuses. Yes. Yes.

And of course. And the moles in the hole. Moles in the hole. Drag competition. Yes. Yes. And of course. And the Moles in the Hole. Moles in the Hole. Drag competition. Yes. Yeah. Wow. Well, thank you so much.

That's been a fabulous week in Bunker Chats. Yeah. I'm quite pleased with this. This has been fun. That's been good. Thank you for coming. Yeah. For guesting.

Thank you so much for, you know, having me. I'm so glad it could finally work out after you begging me for so many years it's so important yeah oh that's good well start the engine oh just quickly where can they find you me yeah oh at hello underscore it's mom on instagram and tiktok if you go on tiktok you'll see that i know how to do the apple dance so which will be relevant Me? Yeah Oh At Hello underscore It's mum On Instagram and TikTok If you go on TikTok You'll see that I know How to do the apple dance

So Which will be relevant By the time they hear this I'm young Okay And thank you Goodbye everyone Bye I love you

I love you Zelda Sorry Death to Everyone Was recorded at Natural Hardcore Studios By Matt Shears Our theme song and music Was provided by

Edie Centric And Angus Leslie If you've got something To send to us that isn't too long, send it to deathdeveronpod at gmail.com. And want to support us, please, on patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye-bye. Thank you.