Death To Everyone - Death To... Charli XCX, Musicals & Puppets feat. Edie Centric

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

This week we figure out what is surviving the orca apocalypse. Which type of performance gig, which cursed puppet and which stage musical. Thankfully we have the assistance of the incredible Edie Centric to help with these important decisions. Follow our guest: IG: @ediecentric Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Hello there. Hello. Now, guests don't talk until they're spoken to. You remember that, Zelda Moon? Yeah. They were about to start talking. Uh-uh. That's not how it works.

Okay. We like to keep some element of surprise on this bod. Okay, so sulangyor to you, my dear sister, Sheldon Moon, and to you, very beautiful today. Oh. The listener. They are important and special to me.

They do so much. And you, you're alright too. Oh, me? No, the other listener. We have two now. Okay. So it's a gorgeous week. Yeah. How have you been? Oh, you know, just living life luxuriously.

Every moment to the fullest. Yeah. I get home from work. And what do you do? Maybe clean an aquarium. Play some Stardew Valley. Do you play Stardew Valley still? Yeah.

I've been playing it a lot this week. Oh. Matt's quite a bit. The issue is you can't really commit to any of these long-term games. What do you mean? It's like when you were really into the island of forgotten animals. Animal Crossing? That's the one.

And then you just stopped and left them. I visit. And what about the sims like anytime you start one of these games I don't play the sims anytime you start one of those long games it's like you're making

a promise that you can't keep a game should be three three hours no um no I love my

I love Stardew Valley is such an incredible incredible game like to take the essence of Harvest Moon's nest and like No. No, I love my, I love, Stargazer Valley is such an incredible, incredible game. Like to take the essence of Harvest Moon SNES and like so beautifully reshape it and put it back out into the world 20 years later. The game that everyone that loved Harvest Moon wanted for so many years. And then we got it and it was better than you ever could have imagined.

And there's a new update coming quite soon. I'm quite excited for it. What are they updating? Chickens? Sometimes. Yeah, they add new, you know, fruits and vegetables. I just can't. If you're lucky.

Can't be excited about that. Yeah, you can't be excited about anything. I'm excited about some games. Such as? We have a guest. An exciting guest here this week. Buckle up, everyone. You're quite familiar with this guest at this week. Buckle up, everyone. You're quite familiar with this guest at this point. If you know this pod, then you've heard this guest's voice.

Do you think you could give us a rendition of our theme? That's so mean. Why? Because. Is that good? That's good. There is a vocal in that. You composed and sang it.

It's remarkable. You know, it's like when you hear the live version of, like, Jagged Little Pill. It's slightly different to the album version. Yeah, it's always a little bit worse. Hey. Hey. Don't fire shots at Alana. I Yeah, it's always a little bit worse. Hey. Hey. I want to talk about Stardew Valley. Alright.

Okay, well, quickly, quickly, quickly. Welcome to the pod, Edie Centric. Who is a composer of our theme music. Yes. Half composer. It was me and my friend Angus. Angus Leslie. Angus Leslie. As discussed in the closing credits

of every episode of this show i never get that far you're asleep with your face in the ashtray by then aren't you who would you marry in stardew valley pam pam i fucking tried everything you can't marry pam i didn't know that. I was enamored by Pam. Am I using that right? The correctamundo. It's not like when someone nail guns your feet to the floor and you try and jump. That's not enamored.

Pamid? Tortured? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stigmata. Stigmata. Wait, where does Pam work? Pam lives in a fucking trailer. She's the drunk.

She's the town drunk. She's the drunk. She's the town drunk. She's the best. And she has the job as the bus driver. Wait, they let her drive? She's the bus driver. Yeah, I haven't gone that far. Sorry, spoiler alert. No, I've been on the bus, but she was not driving.

She just stays at home all day and you bring her beer. But I stopped playing because I made too much mayonnaise. I just became a mayo mogul and I had too much money and the game wasn't fun anymore. Oh, my God. And Pam wouldn't fucking put out. Wait, so why does Pam not put out? So there's a host of eligible characters that you can marry,

but Pam is sadly not one of them. What the fuck is the point of this? What do you mean? Why is Pam off-liver? Because Pam. And up until this point, no one's wanted Pam. Pam's doing Pam. She's kind of just sitting at home.

I feel like she's home all the time. Well, since she lost the kids, it's not been the same. But that's the thing. It's like why in a game that's all about you can do anything. It's not that game. That's not it. Is that not the vibe of the game? No. You any you can do like three things farm any of these things you can get all these different vegetables i mean yes put things wherever you want

ish i listen i don't yeah you don't know what you're talking about this is why i hate these conversations okay next song okay so my name's zelda moon and i'm lazy susan do i say my name sure yeah go again okay my name's ed centric today yeah yeah yay um what an absolute pleasure to have you i'm so happy to be here i'm big fan biggest probably biggest fan i hear that you've never made it through one episode no that's true no that's not true i just have never made it to the credits i hear the end thing when i go god that's good and then i turn it off it is like not to i mean it's not even tuning our horn we just vaguely were like can you do this um it's so good it's really growing on me. Here's the thing.

When we first got it back, obviously immediately Zelda and I were obsessed because it was our dream come true. But then when we played it to other people, they were like, what the fuck are you people talking about? Oh, really? Yeah. And then we were like, wait, just wait, honey. And then now there's the same people that come back and they're like,

the theme song's so good oh good see that's what I mean by it's a it's a kind of a grower not a shower like you hear it

and you're like that's a bunch of confusing choices to make nah I love it but you know it's yeah well I guess we see your genius

oh thank you I see your two colors your two colors your two your duochrome duochrome Duochrome Duochrome shadow

Oil slick Okay Ambulance time How are you? I'm really good I've been talking about singing since 8am And I feel insane Wait what do you do?

Oh my god I feel like I'm like wait You're my Pam I'm like do you do uh oh my god i feel like i'm like wait you're my pam i'm like do you like what do you do when i'm not visiting you with beer not eligible to marry you oh oh that's not true i think we both know what he is um yeah so you talk about saying oh you do you boy right now i'm not gonna pretend I understand. What's the question? What do I do? What do you do? What is this?

What's happening here? What is this? Let me tell you, viewer, what I'm looking at. This is Anastasia looking bitch. Thank you. But I'm thinking of the Disney. Who didn't get a shout out on the Disney princess episode? It wasn't a Disney movie, honey.

Wasn't it? No. Famously not. It was by the same company that did The Prince of Egypt. Which I love. Well, those were the two that were like outside the Disney system. True. Right?

And they got all the like the more grown up celebrities. And religious. Like Barbara. Oh, yeah. Wait, Babs was in what? She was in Prince of Egypt, I think. Barbara Streisand was in Prince of Egypt? You're telling lies.

That's a lie. Everyone shut up. That's not true. You're telling lies. That's a lie. Everyone, shut up. That's not true. Someone was in it. It's not true. Yeah, he's an old mate, fucking tiny, funny guy. Danny DeVito. No, other one.

Martin Short was in it. Oh, I love it. Okay, Anastasia. And I wonder if, so Meg Ryan was the star. She played Anastasia. I'm sorry. Have you just mistaken Barbara Streisand for Meg Ryan? How gay are we?

We have the same surgeon. John Cusack, Christopher Lloyd. Kirsten Dunst played young Anastasia. True. Hank Azaria. Oh, we're talking Anastasia. I'm thinking Prince of Egypt. No, we'll go back to the previous.

Bernadette Peters plays Sophie. Kelsey Grammer, J.K. Simmons. Well, now I'm the bored one. Lacey Chabert. Lacey Chabert. Our Mean Girls fame. She plays Gretchen Wieners. This is a stacked fucking cast.

Okay, bye. Bye, new listeners. In Stardew Valley, I would marry Alex or Sam. Oh, sorry. I never asked you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I would marry Alex or Sam. Oh, sorry. I never asked you. I'm so sorry, Sally. I'm sorry. Wait, Alex or Sam?

Are they just like the young emo boys? No. When I first played, I married Alex, who's like the jock. Okay. And then I thought that that was boring. So now I marry Sam, who's the skateboarder. And what happens when you get married? Because I honestly just have my eyes set on...

Mayonnaise. No, on Pam. And she just never wanted to borrow me. So I never got that far. What happens? They move into your house. What? Absolutely not.

Yeah, they add a little room that fits their personal interest. And sometimes they water your plants. Sometimes they feed your animals. And other times they give you a kiss. Oh, they give kisses? Yeah. Does a thing pop up and it's like... And a love heart.

That's nice. It's really cute. I think if Pam moved into your house, it would just be like smoking inside and pissing on your plants. Correct. Yeah, I love her so much. She's good. Are you okay?

Prince of Egypt? Barbara Streisand was in the 1991 film Prince of Tides about a woman. So different. Incredibly different. Wait, a woman so different under incredibly different wait a woman undercover as well a woman um dealing with nick nolte and her um dark past living in the south oh you love the idea of me it's that is that one i don't think so not not to nick nolte oh okay can we nick nolte what a good name okay now um it is our job on this show it is our job on this show to decide what survives the apocalypse and what is torn asunder by whatever disgusting

and awful apocalypse awaits us all yeah so as the celestial goddesses we are and our gorgeous guest, it is our job to decide. But first we need to know how the world ends. Edie. Edie, it is your job. To end the world? Yes. Done.

What destruction will you reign on the planet? Would you describe yourself as a personist? Me? Yeah. Oh, it depends. It depends on where the moon is. Sometimes I'm very happy and chill and other times I want to eat my own teeth. You eat with the teeth, do you?

Yes, with the teeth, yeah. So how do you want the world to end? I don't want the world to end. Come on, be honest. No, I really don't. It's really nice. I feel like, well, I only learnt the other day that orcas, they're like, yes, good. Yeah, good.

Okay, she's biting. Yes, yes. Do you want your boner pillow back? You've already got it there. Zelda has a pillow on her lap. Yeah, I thought maybe there was a boy oiling situation. And now I've got one too and I, yeah, I can't get boners. Anyway.

Take the bills. I learned the other day that orcas, their back fins were like legs. They used to be legs. They used to be legs and they went back into the sea. They were like, this is stupid out here. We're going to go be the lords of the sea. So like it wasn't like a straight line from we started in the priority or goo underwater and they just stuck around.

I feel like, well, I feel like Zelda knows like, like sea mammals were on land. I'm so stupid. Like I can't, I can't. Talk through the stupidity. You've been listening to the pod. That's 90% of the content. Yeah, I'm learning a lot. That's what I'm saying, David.

You're simultaneously being both me and Zelda at this moment. Okay, cool. Because you're presenting a stupid fact, but you're also not knowing about it. Yeah, that's completely tracking. Oh, Mary, dare you. Sea mammals were on land and then they went back into the sea, right? Yeah, maybe.

I wasn't there. No one was. You weren't there, but you're so old. Drag queen, you're so old. Drag queen humor. Old. I think that probably, you know how that guy, no, it was a woman who jerked off that dolphin. Yes. Yeah.

She lived with the dolphins in that enclosure. Jerked off dolphin? Don't Google it. She got into like a romantic relationship with the dolphin. She was meant to be studying do you think you know how sometimes people get fucked by a horse that seems so dangerous this is jerry seinfeld you know when uh sometimes people get fucked by a horse that is oh that's hoofs are you know like you know when you're in like a- Not just the hoofs, the dig. Oh, I guess.

What do you think they're doing with the hooves? Use the mammal. But, you know, like in a, like a horse pen or whatever, how like the mud is all- Is this our not Stardew Valley again? So compacted. You can fuck the horses in this game. I'm going for Ed, the horse. How the ground is all like smashed in because they're heavy and strong. What if that stepped on your foot while you were getting fucked up?

What if that giant horse cut punctured your lungs is what I'm thinking. Also that, I guess. Yeah, well, that was, you know, that is the, that's what happened to Mr. Hands. Oh, can we not talk about that? Mr. Hands? Can I just, as a quick segue about that. I was very excited because my college boyfriend, my university boyfriend was going to be reading a story that he wrote.

And I was like, oh, my God, this is like, I'm like at university, I've got this artsy boyfriend, he's going to read a story. Is it about getting fucked by a horse? And he gets up in front of all of our friends at this gallery opening and he's like, I'm going to read the story. And the story is the like his imagining of the 12 hours before Mr. Hands is fatally fucked by the whole. So you have a type for sure.

For real. And I'm standing next to him and I'm like, wait, what? Really beautifully written though. I'd love to read it. It's really good. Wow. It kind of could be a film that James Franco would pay for. And what?

So the end is he gets fucked by a horse? And he describes the ecstasy and the oblivion of getting fucked to death. But doesn't he die? He does, but like later of internal injury. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't. Because the horse cock smashes up all his internal organs. It's fucking Wednesday, man.

Don't tell them what day we record. Sorry. They'll stalk us. So, Orcus. Oh, yeah. So I reckon like how, yeah, that lady jerked off that dolphin. I reckon. You're like, I can't talk about the horse.

The dolphin, however. Yeah. No, that's just hand stuff. That's fine. this is internal puncturing like in any context it's just horrific anyway so i reckon probably someone will get some kind of like whale flu that they probably devise and then and then uh we'll be all wiped out and then they'll come back onto the land and then they'll take over. Because I like to think of the end of the world as like we just end.

It's not like the world ends. I think that the orcas come back. I read the other day that like hammerhead sharks, like female hammerhead sharks gather under the full moon and just hang out and just talk pussy shit. Hammerhead sharks. Yeah. They are so cool cool how do you think

they're looking at each other they can't their eyes are on the side of their head maybe they're all in like a little yeah a little pussy circle that's why they get in circles they can hey um you know what else i like um greenland sharks oh that one that's like 450 years old and so just like kill me i'm just down here leave me alone how like that's like a real fucking old shark yeah okay but like when do you think it started looking so crusty and dusty what was the last day of her youth because if it was like she was 80 and then she started looking old and then she lived another 3 800 years yeah i think you'd hate that i think she's still she's she's keeping it tight she's moving all the time it's when the algae starts to grow on your body honey yeah that's that's old yeah a turtle there's a certain charm

because like it's like you know like the shell the you know different charm because it's like the shell, different, but if it's your actual skin and you're so old that you're growing plant matter, that's old. Yeah. It's a shame that everything that lives forever is kind of boring. Leave the Greenland sharks alone. I thought it was just one guy. No, it's a species. Oh, really?

I really thought it was one. A species, but they're all species. Oh, really? I really thought it was one. A species, but they're all old. Well, they grow old. Where's the babies? They're younger. Where's the babies? Have you guys made merch yet for the show from, like, things that you've said that are funny?

No. Can you make one that says, where's the babies? I think you need to, we'll just figure out which is the funniest thing that's said today, and that is what we'll go to Redbubble with and make a little t-shirt. So we'll die from a flu. Yeah, I think it's some kind of like crazy flu. Yeah, whale flu.

Whale flu. And then they're like, cool. We're like, ah, okay. This is what I think the whale flu would be. Kind of in line with what you said. But you know what? I'm just yes-landing. No one's attacking you right now, okay?

I'm just preempting. You've got that anesthesia look in your eyes. What if when you catch the whale flu, it's kind of like the reverse rabies and you need to run into the ocean and everyone just drowns in a body of water? Yeah, you need the moisture. I have one. Against your own interests. I do have a flag, moisture. I have one. Against your own interests.

I do have a flag, however. I like that. That's very scary. I do like that. Go on. But everything has to die. No, she just said it's a circle of life. Because that's the point of the bunker.

If you want orcas to live, then they need to make it into the bunker, into the ocean area. You already have a giant megalodon. Good luck. Yeah. Well, I mean, everything's fucked. Everything you've put in there is going to be fucked by that giant shark. Mel B is doing fine in the bunker.

Mel B versus the Meg. Who told you about my unproduced screenplay? Shit. I reckon we could get her, too. Yeah, we could get her. What else is she doing? She's not doing anything. Do you reckon she gets paid very handsomely to do The Voice, Miss Mel B?

I don't know. Maybe she's just showing up. Yeah, they like don't pay her at all. Yeah, she's there for the free food. Ugh. Ugh. I think about, okay, so actually we're going to get to this. Yeah.

Put a pin in this because I have something to say about it, Edie. It's just about free food. So we to get to this. Yeah. Put a pin in this because I have something to say about it, Edie. It's just about free food. So we'll get to it. But should we take a quick break now that we know how the world is ending? Let's take a break. Thank God. And we're back. Hello.

You really thought that break was going to be a break for you. Yeah, that was me mouthing showbiz. You thought we were taking a break each time? Yeah, I thought I got to go for a little walk or something. We got recess and play lunch. No. Play lunch. For your yukult.

Oh, correct response. It's disgusting. You say say that but you haven't had a yukult i've had it like once i went to the yukult factory when i was in grade three and what'd they say to you they said fuck you motherfucker so step away from that young child and stop telling all the children to go fuck themselves probiotics probiotics no do you did they have like a wait wait wait wait why don't make me finish this before when you said as a as a grade three you went into the you caught factory and said probiotics pro this what were you like pointing to when you said my uterus. It was all about abortion. I was a pretty, I was a hustler. I was an anarchist and I got a free pencil sharpener in the shape of a Yakult. I was going to say, did they have like a giant size Yakult bottle?

A bottle. Yeah, no, it's disgusting. I don't like cloudy liquids. What about cum? Don't tell us, tell your husband. Gross. Oh, come on. No, it's disgusting. I don't like cloudy liquids. What about cum? Don't tell us, tell your husband. Gross. Oh, come on. No, keep it away.

All right. Okay, you brush your teeth with the stuff. We're on different channels, babe. Toothpaste? You know? You coming? First topic for discussion Oh my god Tonight

Is We're all performers here You know I was about to say it's undeniable And the first thing we are discussing is What type of gig goes into the bunker? Because we've all performed at a variety of gigs in our time yes some haunted some incredible and that's why i would like to pull out the pin just quickly on mel b oh not on mel b okay so at gigs occasionally you'll be at kind of

ritzy circumstances doing like fancy drag gigs, brass drag gigs. I don't know what you're doing, Anastasia. Don't worry about it. But you'll get to kind of have a look at how the glitterati of the Victorian scene are living and what their parties look like. And usually they're quite chic and they're like serving very expensive alcohol and very expensive foods. But I'm always really fucking disappointed when I see the Arancini ball come out because I'm like.

The one? Well, they bring out the trays of Arancini. Is it because they're rich they roll one big one out? They're like. And Rhonda Birchmore kicks her way out of it. She does a number. Rhonda, get in. Please don't put her in the bunker.

She held me as a baby and I wouldn't stop screaming. Why were they? Where were your parents? My parents were in a showbiz too, darling. And they were like, Rhonda, legs are 11. Come over and hold on, baby. She's so scary. Anyway, go on.

Every time I see her, I'm like, is that Rachel Grimace? And then I realize it's Wanda Birchmore. Anyway, the thing about arancini balls is that they are delicious. A little bit of risotto fried in a crumb. Sometimes they have like a little peekaboo snack on the treat on the inside. Yeah, like a little cheese ball. Like a little Kinder Surprise. Yeah, a wealthy Kinder Surprise.

Or yaoi for our Australian listeners. And then, but that's a food that I can afford. That's a thing that I can have. So when I see rich people having it, I'm like, this is what I'm aspiring to. And you guys are just eating the same garbage that I eat. Oh, you're angry because you're eating peasant food. Yeah, I'm like, you should have some fruit or something that I haven't even heard of. Like, I should know what any of this is.

Do you know the story of the people uh here i go again with some facts you're the lazy scissors something about uh this expedition and they were they uh captured all these turtles and then they were fucked in the ocean and they got lost or something i'm making this up i don't know the facts but they were like fuck we're gonna have to eat one of these endangered turtles that we're bringing back from the Galapagos. And they ate one and they were like, this is the most delicious thing that man has ever eaten and they ate them all. And so they came back with nothing. So you want turtle balls?

If they were eating Galapagos turtles, toitals. Toitals. If they were eating Galapagos turtlesodles toodles toodles I would be impressed but instead they're just like Aaron Chaney bowl for you I'm like bring out dim sims and potato cakes at this rate you know they're frozen as well yeah they're not

chic and I'm like could you please just give me something to believe in but you know I said this to my friend who has like rolled in some very rich circles in his day and he's like yeah those are the parties that face the public darling at the other parties there's food that you haven't even heard of i don't want that either because i know i'm never gonna have it again i'd rather not know when i'm not miss when i'm no i'll eat so much that night that i'll get sick of it yeah i'll be like, lady, come back. Oh, God, taste aversion. Yeah.

When we were at the Myth opening night party, they had these giant charcuterie boards with, like, heirloom tomatoes as display pieces around the show. Like, fresh harvest was the thing. That's rude. I don't think that food should be, like, a decoration. You're like, I want plastic that's not going to go anywhere thrown out after one night. But I was like, that heirloom tomato on its own,

like full ox heart tomato. And I was like, that's 10 bucks. That's 10 bucks. I was just walking around going, that's 10 bucks. So poor. This tomato is 10 dollars bigger than my apartment. And then when they were like, okay, it's over now. If I leave the library and i was

like but that's 10 bucks where are you gonna put that and they're like pocket them i stole so many of the alien tomatoes and then i forced my friend to take one of the display bottles of olive oil you have to and then as i was walking out i was like squelching with ox heart tomatoes like in my suit because they were all cut in in half. No, they weren't. They were like just the pressure of my sweaty body after hours of being drunk and dancing. And so I'm like on the library steps like fisting tomatoes into my face being like, it's good.

I like it. It's expensive. Oh, buddy. Sometimes. Hugo Weaving, yeah. Hugo Weaving was not impressed. Hugo was there. He was there.

Our Hugo. hugo but not our kate oh she would and she was presenting the first film because she was a producer of the the opening night film kate wasn't there but she did come up on a giant screen before the movie and was like cinema screen yeah but like giant like a giant kate head in a way that you rarely see her. And she's like, I've seen Lord of the Rings. Hello. Huge head. Yes. Welcome to Mewf.

I wish I could be there. Fuck that. Yeah. Be there. Yeah. What's she doing? Nobody sees the wizard. Wearing a crochet dress.

Yes, she is the wizard. I love Kate Blanchett. That's all I have to say about that. She can stay. Huh. Aaron Cheney balls sad. Okay. So type of gig, ones that have good food.

No, I just said the opposite of that. None of them have good enough food. No, but you would want one with good food. No, I want like a food that I've never heard of and I'm yet to encounter that gig. You want Glubbagus Arancini. Yes. Okay.

Glubbagus. Anyway, Edie, why don't you take us away? Yeah, what are some cool gigs that you've done? What are some bad ones? I feel like because I don't really have much of an identity as an artist, I just kind of copy people and things, and that's kind of my gig. What? So I've done lots of weird gigs, just standalone strange gigs.

I did a gig a couple of years ago where I pole danced for like zero to 12-month-year-olds. That's pretty wild. Why did you do that? I can't say I'll go to jail. Oh, my God. No, it was a development for a show. Oh, fuck, you would have fucking died.

It was so funny. What song did you play? No, it wasn't. Oh, it's so hard to explain. But most of it was me and this other actor, like, mimicking these babies. So we would just, like, walk around and pretend to be them. And then there was a section where I would get up on the pole and the babies loved it.

Still got it, kind of thing. But, like, the people making the show, it and still got it kind of thing um but like the people making the show i think the person's name was rainbow you know what i mean and they they called it like um an uncertain time that was the name of the show like it was about covid so you were in development for this show and they were like, bring in the babies. Yeah. And they were like informing the work? So we developed the work. I'm moving my fingers in like a kind of fingery,

like bad fingering both at the same time, like quotations. And, yeah, so we developed it for a week. It was the worst week ever. And then they brought, they wheeled in a bunch of babies for the last bit to kind of like see how it how they responded to it i love in pole dancing like big pleases yeah big pleases and like the sound that clang that oh yeah the clap hits the ground well that's all You do that to get the money. It's when the guys are just talking to each other and then you, like, slap your heel down.

It's like, hello, I'm dancing, give me money. And what do the babies do? Wait. What do the babies do? Is it a natural instinct? The babies just have their hands down their pants. Oh, like the men. Yeah.

Huh. Yeah. No, the babies do... I don't know know it was so stupid that's weird that's a weird thing to do but also did they have arancini or what was the food situation like there was no food they didn't give a food during the week no not even like a you know a dry sherry at interval for these babies nothing, derivative. Matt, as the owner of a 0 to 12-year-old, would you bring it to a pole dancing development? You've got to expose them at some point. That's true.

Yeah, and you're a dirty pervert. That's right. The dads were there too, you know what I mean? It was weird. I'm here for my baby. Yeah, that's right. I got a teacher at some point, yeah. No, I wouldn't take them to a strip show.

So you hate women. Oh, wow, okay. Have you always not supported? Sex workers? Yeah, sex workers, artists? No, I have. I just not with my infant daughter. So you're a John.

Okay, good. Just establishing the law. Good. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I'm a guest in your home. You have a baby. That's awesome.

Congratulations. Oh, thank you. Your baby's so cute. I'm glad that your baby has been pre-warned about the guest. Baby. You should be on a registry for that or something. I hope so. I'd love to be on a list, darling.

Oh, look, I made top of the list. Okay, so I guess what I'm fishing for, though, when I kind of want a taste of is, like, what kind of free shit have you gotten at gigs? Like, what's the kind of, like, what's the best you've been treated? Have you been put up in, like, and stuff like yeah yep well you know like before well this is it didn't happen but before covid like the day that covid turned into a real thing and wasn't a meme about toilet paper anymore like that day where we all went home and was like, like that.

I was rehearsing to go on tour with Alanis Morissette around the world and that never happened. Yeah. You were probably maybe in the upper percentile of people that were punished by God's wrath. But, you know, like easy come, easy go. Like it didn't happen and I'll never know if it was good or not. Maybe it would have been shit. True.

Probably not though. Probably would have been shit. True. Probably not, though. Probably would have been awesome. I mean, I think Alanis is probably like going on tour with someone who's toured for 20 years or 30 years is probably good. I don't think I would have ever spoken to her at any time. No, no, no. Not if you're like, but like just things like the whole situation runs relatively smoothly, certainly,

because she's not like saying her first rodeo. Yeah. She's not. Yeah. She's not. The ride is probably good for everyone, right? Fancy things, though. Like just fancy free shit.

So this is what you want from like a good type of gig to put in the bunker is one where you get free shit. Yeah. That's the. You get driven places. You get like you get to meet fancy people like that to me is like the ultimate gig is that you're in a place where you wouldn't normally get to be in and you get to look at things you wouldn't get to normally look at and you get to meet cool people and you get like given free shit that's why you become a drag queen in my or an entertainer because like yeah like the rest of your life it's disgusting but then like but but then like you get these little rays of sunshine

where you're like wow we just got so much i don't think that's healthy though yeah i'm sorry this is not goop darling this is dead to everyone this is gorp sorry i'm popping all over the place i'm really popping off over here. I don't know. I remember doing a gig at Tiffany's, but, like, the Tiffany's in Chadston. See, this is good. That's my bit. And it was, like, very Arancini ball.

Like, it was – they closed – it was after hours at Chadston because all these people didn't want to shop with the civs, you know. Yeah, yeah. But they are the fucking civs. Like they're terrible, worst people. And I rocked up and she took one look at me and was like, absolutely not, and took like opened Zara, like lifted up the thing to Zara and got me a dress from Zara and made me change and tied a Tiffany scarf around my neck.

And then it was a Christmas gig, so I was singing Christmas carols, and my plastic pocket folder thing was not the decor. And so she just snatched it mid-song and took it away. And so I improvised Christmas carols for about two and a half hours, and it was unreal. Thank God. I imagine you just. Oh, and the bells, and the bells, and the bells. Yeah, it was fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was more fun. You're like, what a time to find out you only know three lines out of Silent Night. And that you don't care about Jesus Christ. What? Yeah, we're a Christian podcast Oh that's nice I love Jesus

No but that's great That's a gig That's so funny and you will tell that You'll get so much mileage out of like But also that you were in Tiffany's And it's like the luxury In Chadston The luxury stores around and then she's like, for you, Zara.

You look like a pig. Anything you want from this mid-budget store. Honestly, the best free stuff I've been given was from you, Zelly. Just mecca shit. Did you get a bunch of free stuff when you did that campaign? I do all sorts of things that results in me getting all sorts of things. Handjobs. That dolphin has never been the same again.

Keep coming back for more. And the blowhole is not for that. No matter what it might be called. It's for tips. That's where you put the tips. When it clacks, it's single pleaser. Yes. When I hear that sound, me and the babies know what to do.

Do you think, though, like X-rated SeaWorld would be a goer? Like people fucking in the oceanarium? Sexy SeaWorld. Because, like, there's no sexy theme parks. And I think that there's enough horny people to make a sexy theme park. Well, I think, like, Wet is a sexy theme park. Isn't, like, Amsterdam, like, no sexy theme parks. And I think that there's enough horny people to make a sexy theme park. Well, I think like Wet is a sexy theme park. Isn't like Amsterdam like a sexy theme park? I guess you guys are bending.

I'm doing like I want Dream World, but like sex Dream World. Like Come World. Like you're going down a slide, but it's a dick. Like that. Like at Sexpo where they have the haunted ride, but like you hold on to two dildos and go through like. So it's like a hen's party, but you have to pay to get in and it's and it's the scale do you have sex maybe baby i don't know what's by the way i i i was listening to the episode where you talk about wet on

wellington the other day and i can't believe it yeah and i'm so upset you can go you can go i can't you can go this thing is mondays yeah once a month on um oh that's so insulting i don't have sex on a monday oh what you want more you want more i don't want to have sex so i want to do like a bet middler kind of like set i would love to do a gig at where too slippery though fall Well, you could start lying down. Okay. You can't fall down if you're already down. I think we've talked about this a lot, but like Wet would be an amazing place to do like a good gig.

You should. It would be so fun. Or do a bad gig. Well. I was going to name it. So you have done pole for like babies and then you did horny for toddlers. Okay. Wait, you did horny for toddlers?

What's that? Well, if you listen to the pod, you'd hear about it. Horny for toddlers. I missed that one. She did the song by Moose T. I'm horny, horny, horny, horny. I love that song so much.

Me too. For toddlers. I didn't know. Did they love it? It slaps. Obviously, yes. Yeah. I'm horny horny horny horny I love that song so much me too for toddlers I didn't know did they love it it slapped obviously yes yeah obviously I was a treat

it's a great track and you're so tall yeah it's my finest quality so Zelda Moon what's your dream gig well we've I mean we've done

some like genuinely amazing gigs but I think like the gig is what you make it and the more that you can I mean, we've done some like genuinely amazing gigs. But I think like the gig is what you make it and the more that you can push it, which we've also done many times. Like we've done lots of things at the NGV and like there was, we did a gig at the NGV where we made costumes

that were like regular, like nice dresses but with gigantic security stickers, bleeding ink so that, I don't know. That's funny. That was good. That's good. That was such a fun gig. What about like the NGV Friday nights?

Yeah, are there any like genuine things we've done that I liked? Did you have fun doing Charlie XCX? We did do Charlie XCX. Did you? Yeah yeah i must have known that i forgot well she always has like misc drag queens come and dance with her on stage like locals like john waters had a bunch of yeah let's ride um and then because i know benoffi um is that a kind of dessert wine? It's a cake and a songstress. But she was like opening for Charlie and she was like, Charlie was like, hey love, you know we need crosses around here?

We need them for the cake. And then she was like, oh yeah, I actually do know one. And then she was like, lazy, will you come and do this? And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Yes, of course. Did all three of you do it? We all did it. And then we also had an Asia buffet and Prozac.

I do remember this. And it was so incredible. But also that Benign Girl is like the biggest Charli XCX fan. True. And so this was like huge. She was just like. But also like then as the night went on, Benign just kept like pushing her luck. Like what?

So she had a gig at what? At Black. No. She had Nightcap. Nightcap. Afterwards, like a 1 a.m. gig. Pop-up gig. Charlie or Benign?

Charlie. And it was like a loose thing of like do the thing at the festival and then like i don't know we probably will get you to do the same thing at the gig afterwards we'll just see how we go but you guys can come anyway yeah come and if we want you on the stage you can do that too yeah so then as like we're done with the gig at the festival we're still there and we're like somehow in like the vip area with like all of the actual weather was why songstresses free that was what i was excited about i was concerned about high heels and grass but anyway and then benign is so sloshed and she's like charlie charlie is that how she said it yeah. I really can't do impressions of anyone.

Because she did come out of her trailer. Yes, she did. And she took a photo with us and was like, thanks so much for coming. Yeah, all right, mate. Shine your shoes. I'm Charlie, actually. Yeah, that's right. Are you all boys?

You having a laugh? You haven't a lot And then Benign's like Tonight My friend Glenn Can he come to the after party He's really cool You'll really like him He's really cool

Can he come too Can Glenn Snooker come Charles you'd love him Charles Charles darling And her PA is like Get away from Charlie XCX No no I wonder why Benign Girl has that limp And her PA is like, get away from Charlie XCX.

No, no, no. I wonder why Benign Girl has that limp. Yeah. But anyway, they were very kind. But anyway, so the night wears on and Benign gets drunker and drunker and drunker. And like when we're on like stage, she like goes and like is getting right up next to Charlie. She's like, wow. And then as she's going on, she like gives her this big like on the lips and he's like

bye girl and we're on stage at this point so it's like Charlie just has to be there she's like if I flinch away from this disgusting

I'm gonna look like a homophobe yeah this is my brand yeah and then so like that night we all go back to Benign's for a quick drink

before the night cat oh my god and Benign Girl like has been suffering because she's so excited. And she's like, this is the most exciting day of my life, so I'm just going to, like, drink to just quell the nerves. And then she's drunk, drunk, drunk, and then she's so drunk.

And we're like, okay, well, we're going out to the night cat. We're all, like, ready to leave. Everyone's, like, touched up their makeup. The night cat's, like, a two-minute walk away. And then the nine girl goes upstairs. She's like, I just got to quickly fucking fix up my makeup. And then she like goes into her room and then we're like walking out the door and you can see her room from the doorway.

Kind of like a mezzanine level. You hear this and like you look up and she's like on her knees in front of a full-length mirror like touching up her lip gloss, just staring at herself from floor level. And then we turn around and hear this giant crash and the entire mirror that's been leaning against the wall just has tilted and smashed completely on her back. And she is still.

Never be your hero. We're there with like all these other people, like Prozac and Asia are like, what the fuck is going on like still in the exact same position like still holding the lip gloss like with broken glass all over her as if she's still kind of like putting not like three big shards i mean like into glitter yeah the mirror is obliterated and lazy and i just like silently get up we go up the stairs i like peel the mirror off and you like pick her up peel the mirror off her like take the pieces off her body yeah that i smashed over her cowgirl hat i think i think maybe just leave it and and then like silently we just all the three of us all get up and we go to join the rest.

And they're like, what the fuck is going on with you three? We're like, this happens all the time. It's a sacred situation. We're there for each other no matter what. And then it was Benign quite shaken. Oh, she was fine. She was fine. She was just chewing on glass, meeting her heroes.

Yeah, whatever. Fuck me. That's intense. So that was a good one. She was fine. She was just chewing on glass, meeting her heroes. Yeah, whatever. Fuck me. That's intense. So that was a good one. Yeah. Yeah. That was a good one. So but what do you put in the bunker when you say types of gigs?

Well, okay, is it like a cursed hens party? Is it like a dingy club gig that like added some shitty bar and you do three spot numbers? Because it's obviously a queer gig. Like are we taking fucking – No fucking but straight gigs pay better who cares there's no money where we're going but gay gigs like the thing about performing for gay people that no one tells you is that like no one's impressed they're like i'm impressed i'm at the front every time just being like, I can't believe this is real. Yeah.

Maybe it's just Twinkie gay men are not impressed by drag queens. They're just like, I could do that. Yeah. Fuck you. And are they in the bunker? No. Well, one is. The grandman in the meat box.

I love him. I love him. I was almost going to look it up up but i don't know if i can i'll go on if you've seen a dolphin getting jerked off no i watched the most like scary porn that is possible but i just i don't what no i'm not gonna tell you i'll tell you later it's fucking yeah um but i feel like i feel like in terms of types of gigs, I would always prefer to see something shit. Do you know what I mean?

There's something, unless you're the shit thing. Even. But I've seen like, I've seen about five high school musicals this year. Oh my God. Just gotten so stoned and had the best times. Me and my friend always did. For about like five years we had a tradition of just going to see school musicals. Please.

I'm so fucking down. Okay, I'll let you know when I'm going again. Please. I feel like you need to be invited to a high school. You do not. They let anyone in. Sometimes it's free. And sometimes it's free.

And it's so fun because the dynamics of like that one tall girl. It's so fun because the dynamics of like that one tall girl, every school has one, but there's one tall girl who's like standing with the dwarven children around her that are all her age group and she's like, come on, baby. And then she's got one line. It's incredible. So this is my job, do you see? This is what I do for a living is coach these kids to do, like,

things that are so beyond their understanding. Yeah, when they give them, like, you're doing Sweeney Todd and they're like. I was literally teaching Sweeney Todd this afternoon before I came and they were killing it. I don't understand why you don't get all these children to just do the X-Files Rock of Stedford. That's true.

The what? Oh, my God. There's no way I haven't sent this to you before. It's like from 1996 maybe. It's a Rock of Stedford and it's like all X-Files themed. And they go through like three different case studies. Fantastic. And it has like the X-Files theme song remix.

For people listening in America or the UK, the Rock of Stedford is like a competition between different high schools that used to take place where they bring, like public schools and private schools bring like a 10 to 15-minute long act that has all of the most like theater kids in it. And aluminium foil. Yes, but like the thing about the thing is like the thing about the they're like self-devised pieces but they usually crib from like the pop culture of the age and then

they're using existing like jukebox like if you've ever seen a beastie girls show and then but there's usually like a message that's been put in by like the teachers so it's like this is like a simpsons prestige. I watched this last night. I showed my new housemates. And it's about? The Seven Deadly Sins. Yeah. Is that the one we're talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Steve, Stephen. Steve. Stevie Valentine. It's me. And Tim and I found that on a lot of acid, one like New Year's Eve. Like it was 400 views maybe on that video and we found it by accident we were in a deep dive of um Rocker Steadford's and it is send it to fucking space I guess that's what

we're doing can we just put that in there just Rocker Steadford that Rocker Steadford is very good maybe X-Files Rocker Steadford thank you yeah it does need to be the X-Files one I think that's okay it is well there's it's so good also it's good because it's the one that doesn't have a message it's just like what about having 50 molders and scullers on stage oh i love it when they multiply yeah yeah yeah and all the um scullies and molders have giant phones and they do dances oh i love that yeah i was watching the simpsons one last night and just the one who's playing Homer Simpson, that, you know, 16-year-old girl who's like,

hey, mum, I got the lead in The Rock of Stedford. I'm playing Homer Simpson with a fucking swimming cap on with Sharpie drawn on. But I'm the lead Homer. There's 500 of us, but I'm the lead one. I'm main Homer. I'm main Homer, Homer number main homer homer number one and then yeah because it's mostly women as well which is you know like obviously it's super

progressive like colorblind casting rockers change the world but also that one has a message about um refugees what yeah seven deadly sins but in within it do you mean the bit where it's all like, no, what? And then there's the one about environmentalism in there. Yes. Because the sins have like social issues attached. The one that goes, Beep, bada, beep, bada, beep, bada. The club remix.

What's the one about refugees? What? We'll have to. Okay, listen. Put a pin in this. We'll talk about it later. Okay. I like gig. I like gig at.

I like gig. But yeah, my favorite gig is just like shitty bar, three spots. Oh, three? Yeah, like three. I'd do one if I could. Yeah, I know. You hate doing performances. Well, I like to just do one well or okay.

I just, I don't want it to be good. I don't want people with, like, talent doing things well. At least not all three. Can we have just one fucking gimp? Yeah. So maybe the type of gig for the bunker then is just, like, a little stage, like three metres by two metres. No great stage.

Yeah. Smaller. As big as this coffee table. Yeah. What about just like open mic? Yeah. Oh, see, that's a horse of a different colour. That's like inclusive of everyone then.

Yeah. That's what I think I mean. Like, you know how everyone does karaoke in those tiny little rooms? Yes. I am not interested. I want to see everyone get up and have a go at singing and being a bit nervous. Do you know what I mean?

Like at the Roxanne. Who's that? There was that karaoke bar in the city called Roxanne where it was like open karaoke. Shark something. Sorry to bring it back to mammals. They're not mammals. They're fish.

Shark or fish. Yeah. Fuck now. Okay, so did you ever go to the mash in footscray the commercial hotel i've never had a driver's license so see if you can sort it out um so there was a uh a former dock workers pub that by dock worker do you mean like people who work at the docks couldn't have said it more clearly myself i've never heard those words together there was a dock worker pub down by the docks and then it was called the

commercial hotel and then it was kind of i think it was bought up allegedly by mob wives sexy mob my favorite show of all time iconic women and iconic show and it was just down the road from me where i lived in yarraville and so we would go down there and they had drag shows, but they had some of the most iconically awful drag shows you've ever seen. And it was incredible. And you walked into this gravel parking lot into like the like cabana themed back area and then into the stage area where it's sticky as fuck. and then into the stage area where it was sticky as fuck.

But the best night ever at the MERSH was I had my straight friends who I was like, you've got to come to the MERSH. Me and my friend Emmett were like, you've got to come with us. And I slopped on some of the ugliest drag that I've ever put on in my life and I'm like, we're going. But then it started torrentially raining. Amazing. And I was like, you know, there's one place in the world where this won't matter.

So we go to the merge down the road, drunk already out of our minds, and we get there and the water is coming through the building. The foot through what? The whole area with its, like, awful uncertain electronics is flooded with water the water is gushing down the staircase with like the mirrored surfaces getting splished and splashed i'm imagining like the atrium at crown casino you wouldn't be wrong and then on the stage one drag queen doing my heart will go on in the water with one person watching

because she was like, I will get paid. And you only get paid if you perform. You will get electrocuted. She was in plastic shoes. There was nothing to electrocute, darling. She wasn't conducted. She was safe up there. She was safer than us.

It was incredible. I did my second ever gig at the mash oh really yeah does it still sorry does it still exist it does it does still exist because they were like quote unquote closed for renovation for years and then somehow it opened back up is it still a queer venue darling it was never a queer venue oh my god that's the best then probably like queer things in non-queer venues can we take that that is my favorite yeah okay so i think gay venues at straight places gay events at straight places yeah yeah so every month in the bunker so there's like an accepting straight venue in the bunker is it accepting i think it should be hostile tolerating hostile yeah somewhere on that spectrum and i don't think we're letting any people in but i'll accept like a cardboard cut out of a bartender yeah yeah sure yeah do you think yeah yeah just a

vending machine and arancini balls cooling on this on the heat labs this is vague and i love it i don't think it could be more specific okay yeah so queer event at a hostile straight venue yeah i was once given you know this story but you don't i was once given a gig by melbourne drag queen d flowers and she was like i've been booked for this 21st but i can't do it will you do it for me oh 21st rough and i was like yes i'm looking for a gig and she's like it I've been booked for this 21st, but I can't do it. Will you do it for me? Oh, 21st, rough. And I was like, yes, I'm looking for a gig. And she's like, it's in the middle of nowhere. And I was like, oh, yeah.

But it was like out near where I grew up, like out in the industrial estates. Where did you grow up? In Upway. But like this was like near the Ringwood a little bit. That's where I grew up. Opposite car city. Car city. Rip, I don't think car city is there anymore. should be a plaque with your name on it was here so sorry for interrupting keep talking up way 21st anyway

so there was an industrial estate um and so I roll into the industrial estate in my mother's suzuki swift and i'm dressed in like a little crop top and a little skirt and a giant yellow mop of hair and i get out of the suzuki swift i'm like i think this is the address meanwhile deserted factories around me nothing but the light of this one building and the one building is a bikey clubhouse. Where? And there are men in full leathers who are 6'5", all standing outside having a smoke. Oh. And I, like, go, like. Your clip cloths.

Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo, boys. The still night air. And they see me coming and their faces are like, why the fuck is the slut daughter of Ronald McDonald coming in here? And I'm'm like what's going on but because i was like so like galvanized i was like you can't show fear honey so i was like hi guys what's going on and they were like did you make your voice like that oh well hello

hello officer and then they were like i was like i'm looking for whatever the fuck the the pretty first girl's name was and they're like oh yeah yeah she's inside is she okay i was like okay so i go inside and it turns out the club chief speedy his daughter his name was speedy he had a white hair and in a tight little ponytail behind his head i can see him right now that's my type yeah nothing wrong with speedy well um his daughter was turning 21 oh that's so special and she and her friend love rupaul's drag race naturally no one else so this was not that this was recently this was like a few years ago no one else no one else loved rupaul's drag race she loved rupaul's drag race and her friend so they were like the two shining lights so excited to see me

they're like welcome the clubhouse is like corrugated iron an open flame like the shrine open flame like open fire place okay it was on fire is this what you do here and they were like tributes to like fallen members of the bikey gang like around the yeah i was like there's the bikies are actually like they're big legends very kind people i don't think that i would be scared of a bikey like that's not i think it's just like you know that you're like i'm here as a guest you're inviting you're in a vulnerable situation no matter where you run up really you're like, I'm here as a guest. Sure. You're invited me in. You're in a vulnerable situation. No matter where you runk up, really. You're in heels. I can't run, yeah.

But anyway, then this like one woman who's like high out of her ever-loving mind is like, oh, darling. And she's decided that I'm her best friend. And she's like, you look so fucking sensational. And then Speedy comes over and he's like, oh, you're the first T word we've ever had in the clubhouse. Did he say T word? Oh, my God.

He didn't say T word. He said the word. He said. And I was like, that you know of, Speedy. Winky, winky, winky, winky. True. And he was like. And then.

Sets the place on fire. Never again. And then behind the bar was the other entertainer. And so when you're at a gig, you find the other entertainer. And this was a topless waitress. And normally at the gig, it's like, you know, you and the topless waitress are best friends because you both know. You're experiencing it together.

Yeah. And you're both kind of the outsiders looking in at this experience i went over and i was like hey hon like how you doing nice to meet you hey i'm hooters speedy and hooters and she she was like hi and dead behind the eyes gone and she was like okay and i was like oh this is sad we were meant to be besties but now we're not going to be besties I mean now we're not gonna be besties um and then speedy comes over and he's like my son is gonna do um do a show and I was like number yeah and I was like I'm doing a number and he's like yeah could you introduce my son and then you do your number and I was like yeah and he's like my son is really

talented he's incredible on the guitar and i was like yeah and so i walk in and so this is two generations there's like the bikey men and then there's the bikey boys who are like the young guys with the like hoodies and the death metal bands and everything and then like the young girlfriends who all have the dyed black hair and then the older wives who all have the bleach blonde hair and the amazing like boobs i've seen sons of anarchy anyway so then the son i'm like oh so you're going on next um what number are you doing and he's like we're gonna do our song and i was like what's the song called and he's like hacksaw abortion wait wait wait hack hacksaw abortion okay that's not what a hacksaw is used for

well you know i'm just glad because he was pro-choice. And a woman's right to choose. Is this a song that he wrote himself for his sister? Well, I don't think it was specifically for the occasion, but I think that they just found something. But what if? Should have been you. Anyway.

Remember that time. And so I'm like, hello, everyone. How you feeling today? And there's like did they love it they're smattering of applause okay and i'm like now i have a nice and amazing surprise because we have blah blah who's performing with his band now i'm glad that i asked him before i went up on stage because it would have been so embarrassing if we'd done the same number, give it up for Hacksaw Bushing. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy off. Exit, try not to get melted by the open flame.

And then Hacksaw Bushing goes off. The sun is genuinely actually shredding it. And the boys are like nodding. Like, you know how like metal boys just like, they'll stand and they'll nod. I know. And then they feel a bit gay and they stop nodding they stop nodding very quick and then that one like coked out princess queen of the party was like doing her dance at the front like rock oh my god and she

was like living and then i was like that was amazing everyone give them up give it up for hackthorough abortion okay and now it's time for my beyonce medley and so i'm like i'm gonna do my love on top now you know the song love on top by beyonce because and so but the thing about it is it has these legendary key changes and because i'm like oh i'm gonna do a key change but i'm gonna going to do key change, key change, key change, and just, like, keep pitch shifting it up. So I key change, like, for, like, ten minutes the song goes and it just keeps getting. It's a durational number.

Yeah. Okay. Perfect for people on speed. I'm doing my Andy Kaufman moment and I'm like. And so as it gets more and more escalated, I become more and more, like, tipped out and I'm just like, but like, like speeding up, like, you know, just going higher and higher and higher until I'm crawling along the floor,

exhausted from performing it for so long, grabbing onto people's ankles. And then it ends with just like it getting so high pitched that like there's an explosion sound and then I collapse on the floor in a heap. And then there's just like it getting so high pitched that like there's an explosion sound and then i collapse on the floor in a heap and then there's just like this like silence and then that one coked out woman is like fuck she gets it she fucking gets it clap your cunt okay no it was positive i didn't know what you were doing it sounded like she was prolapsing and choking on her time at the same time yeah bring back and so she frothed it. The girl whose birthday it was frothed it. And we had such a good night.

And then I went over to Speedy at the end and I was like, hey, I'm just going to go. Can I grab my cash? And he was like, yeah, yeah, sorry, pardon me. And then he like starts like pulls out the water cash in his front pocket and starts counting it out. And then that woman comes over and she's like, Speedy. And he's like, what?

And he's like, Speedy, don't be a fucking cunt. This girl, this woman has come and entertained your beautiful fucking daughter on her special night. Don't be a stingy cunt. You pay her more. You give her a tip. Speedy goes like, ice cold. And I'm like, oh, my God.

It's happening. But then he like, and doubles my pay on the scale. You made it 40 bucks. Oh, no, it was like 800 bucks by that point. Shit, okay, I changed my answer. Can we put this in the bunker? Because I'm shattered I wasn't there. And that's a fucking gig.

I'm pretty sure you were there. No, and then as we walked out, that woman was like, I'll walk you to your car, doll. Oh, my God, I love her. She, like, grabbed me and, like, walked me in chief. At some point had picked up one of those balloons that has, like, fairy lights around it. Sure.

And she's just, like, holding it. I don't think she knew where she got it. And she, like, walks me over to the tiny little Suzuki switch and she and she's like is this you and i'm like yeah and she's like and then dumps me into my car and she's like do you want this and i was like you keep it and she's like the balloon yeah oh i love her and then she was like thanks oh my god okay that's amazing i i wasn't and then she walked back in and had i assumed the best night of her life because every night is the best night of that woman's life um i quick story i may have met this woman before or definitely the genre i vividly remember i saw the Violent Femmes once at the Corner Hotel.

And like, you know, that is the audience. Like that kind of like 40s to 50s, like used to be a rocker. A rocker check. And I remember being in the audience and there was this woman in the front who was off her face. And, like, the corner hotel has a small stage. It's not like you're at a stadium and this, like, famous band is far away. Like, they're right there. Yeah.

And, like, she's in the front row and she's just like, and she's like, fuck me. Oh, my God. To the lead singer who's, like, married with kids. Like, screaming it while they're like not playing the whole time the whole time like uh and like you know like spinning like she's just having a time of her life and she's just constantly like fuck me yeah fuck me fuck me i admire the confidence can we just fill the bunker with these women? Please. With all rock dog legends.

Yeah, just like women getting loose and having a great time. Okay, so I think that's probably the best pitch. Let's have a corrugated iron bar slash shed slash clubhouse filled with women having the best nights of their lives. Oh, I want it. And they're, you know, like reluctantly supportive counterparts. Oh, the men are like. I think they're flying solo actually. Whenever I see women like this, they are like on their own having the greatest time. Yeah.

Left the hubby at home. Yeah. And like maybe like a plaid shirt. No, I think it's tits out. Like I'm out on the town tonight. I've got a ciggy between my boobs. I love it. All right. Let's take a break. Let'm out on the town tonight. I've got a ciggy between my bubs. I love it. All right.

Let's take a break. Let's go in the bunker. That. Okay. And we're back. Welcome. Hello. With our supreme guest today, Edie Centric.

Oh, my God. Can you do? No. Don't make me do stuff. Can you do it? Everyone do their best chicken impersonation. Okay. You go.

You really rolled into that real fast. I think that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Lazy Sue? I was really impressed. For someone that likes birds and suggested the game, you're surprisingly bad at that. That's good.

Do it again. Give me again. Okay. That sounds like a man. That bird sounds like a man. That's not a chicken I know. Okay. I can Google a chicken.

Try next week. Okay. Well, that's enough of that. Next topic. Do you know I was going to bring in birds as a topic? And now I'm sad I didn't. Okay, okay. We have got some work to do. Sorry.

Our next topic for tonight, Davis, is, of course, stage musicals. Yeah. So is stage important? Yes, as opposed to like a film Okay Okay Okay It was her

It was all her Because that means We can do movie musicals Another time Okay gorgeous It can't just be musicals Yeah No

Okay So the stage version There could be a movie version But we're talking about The stage version Okay go off sis Did you pick this because I was gonna be here?

No we're gay Because that makes me feel really lame. We're gay. No, we're gay. That's why. No, but like, you know, we picked the two aspects of your personality. Oh, that sucks. Disgusting gigs.

I'm sorry. Yeah, fuck you for weird gigs and fucking musicals. You've got nothing to say about musicals? No, see, this is it. Like, I have so much to say say but i don't want to say it like i don't like hearing it come out of my mouth this is a vessel for which you to put in your disgusting thoughts okay all right i'm back in um no i used to i used to love musicals um and then uh like i was a part of this music theater company and it was my life. Like I loved it so much.

I wanted to drop out of school and just learn. Just be in a local community theatre. Just be a diva. And then like I'd been doing it for like seven years and it was my last show. It was like big deal. And the night before I lost my virginity and I – To a theatre guy?

No. Oh, good. But I sniffed a penis for the first time. And then I was like, this musical theatre stuff is nonsense. And I was like, I showed up halfway through the show and didn't go to the after party and was like, I'm done with this. I'm going to go get in a dick. Bye.

Actually, like the moment, the moment I had sex, I was like, this is foolish. What are we all doing? This is so stupid. The hymen broke and so did the spell. There you go. Yeah. That's amazing.

So you lost the V plates to a non-musical theatre guy? Was a musician, but not a musicals guy. What's his name? I'm not telling. What's his full name? His name was Guy Sebastian. Famed heterosexual. Ooh, that's fun.

Yeah, it's well. What show did you walk out on? Seussical. It's got to be. We didn't do shows. We did like three numbers from each show. Yeah, Developments, darling. No, like three numbers from each show.

So I know like three to four numbers from every musical, but that's about it. Good, good. It's turkey, lurkey time. Oh my God, shut up. It's turkey, lurkey time. That's such a good number. What do you want?

What's your stage show? Oh, you're still here? What do I want? Yeah. Probably Gypsy. Oh, gorgeous. an iconic show um do you have any particular thoughts yens about the staging or do you want to explain what gypsy is to zelda man yeah i don't know oh you don't know no oh you don't know um gypsy is about why i do it um oh how do you describe – it's kind of about a stage mother, really.

And then she kind of like tries to manufacture her kids to be stars and then the oldest just is always overlooked because she's not blonde and then she ends up being a stripper and gets famous. You would know some of the songs, I'm sure. It's based off a real story. What do you mean? Really? Yeah.

True. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, there you go. And it's got that iconic, you know. Gypsy, gypsy, gypsy. Nope.

That's, nope. Yeah, not Shakira's iconic song Gypsy. Oy, oy, oy. Yeah, it's a great show. Yeah, it it is good what about you well to me there is nothing more iconic than the like angela lansbury staging of sweeney todd with that giant spinning block i've actually never seen the show oh well listen okay so basically when angela lansbury did the original production of sweeney todd it was like, because it was always meant to be just like a songbook, like musical on the stage. It wasn't meant to be like an elaborately staged.

It's all of London, Victorian era London. Sweeney Todd. London, England. So they did this great thing where they made this kind of block that just moved around on giant wheels and casters. Sounds stupid. And it was one story high. Sweeney Block. Shut the fuck up.

And on one side was Mrs. Lovett's shop. Mrs. Lovett. And then there were stairs that went up to the top. And then on the other side, there where they upstairs they had the butcher's chair and then they had the giant thing that would digest them down into the stage.

So and it ends up in her shop like out the shoot? Yeah. So the actors would like the barber shop chair would turn into a slide and then the actors

would fall through the floor. Whee! So you're more interested in like the set design? I mean obviously fucking Angela Lansbury as well. Fucking Angie, mate.

What about you, Zelia? Yeah, go on, Zelda. Shrek-esque? Shrek-esque is my name. You can't pick the medley from Shrek at the end. That's not the set. I haven't seen Shrek. You've never seen Shrek?

No. You can't have the last five minutes of Rat Race where they all go on stage with Smash Man. Oh, iconic. Rat Race. Have you even looked at a book? What? You never saw Rat Race?

Rat Race? I was talking about this yesterday. What's going on? Fucking Rat Race is an iconic movie. It's so good. It's so good. John Cleese, it's a remake of It's Mad Mad World.

Kathy Bates, Whoopi Goldberg. Kathy Bates as the squirrel woman. Yeah, everyone's in it. It's incredible. It's about like, John Cleese is like a wealthy. You can't explain.

He's a wealthy casino owner and he like basically says to all these people, I will give you $20 million if you'll go and find the place across the country in Silver Lake where it is. And so they all set off on their own adventures across the country, including Whoopi Goldberg, Rowan Atkinson, Hot Guy from everything. Hot Dogs. Yeah, Hot Guy from everything. Yeah.

Hot Dogs from Big Brothers. Hot Dogs. Every Healy and Hot Dogs there. But they all get up to Wacky Adventures and Kathy Bates is in it as the crazy squirrel woman. And John Lovitz. Oh, John Lovitz. And Kathy Najimy plays his wife.

That's right. Oh, I love her so much. And they end up in the Hitler Garden Nazi convention. And Kathy Najimy plays his wife. That's right. Oh, I love her so much. And they end up in the Hitler car at a Nazi convention. It's incredible. It's based on a mad, mad, mad, mad world, isn't it? Yes, indeed it is. Okay, well. Anyway, what's your favorite musical?

The first stage musical I saw was Sound of Music, but Lisa McCune. Oh, fuck. I remember that. She is a fucking salada on a Salada. If Lisa McCune ever wants to come on the pod to clear the air, she's bringing nothing. Whatever, she's bringing nothing to the fucking party. But Newton was also in it.

Ew. May he rip. May he rip. Valet. Wait, who does he? The governor? No, he was the uncle one. The uncle one.

But they also gave him a song. He doesn't have a song. I love it when they give them a song. We can't have Bird and not give him a song. That's a sweet. Be brave. He was in Wizard of Oz as well and they gave him. Well, no, the Cowardly Anne has a song.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to interrupt you. This is really important. Did you know Delta Goodrum? You've heard of our Delta. Our Delta. When she was in Cats very recently and she played the cat that just has one song at the end.

And instead of just doing a breezy season of just showing up at the end, singing your song and then you're done, she was like, no, I want to be in the chorus and I want to learn all the choreography and she ruined the show. Like she can't dance. And she got taken off that early, didn't she? I think so because of that reason. She also doesn't have the pipes to do memory.

Sure she does. She's an idiot. So Sound of Music is your fave or your first? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not Lisa McEwen. I don't know. I guess I haven't really seen that many. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Lisa McEwen. I don't know. I guess I haven't really seen that many, but I must say, like, what a boring answer.

But when I saw Wicked a few years ago in Melbourne, it was so good. It's good. It's a good show. It's really show fucking good it was my password for a very long time shut up wicked 69 wicked 88 yeah she didn't know about 69ing yet yeah i didn't know what that was yeah not until that boy guy sebastian yeah guy sebastian 69 me and then I changed my password. Yeah, Wicked's awesome. Yeah, I fucking loved it. It was so good. Yeah, it's fucking – when she gets cherry pickered up with her giant coat covering the cherry picker. Oh, my God.

One of my favorite late night activities um is like when i'm drunk i'll go to bed and just be like watch everyone try and hit that yeah have you seen courtney take your break yeah i think i showed it to you that time incredible and that's like yeah that i mean like then i get to see whether the japanese production of that or the singapore production or the touring production is better at who's the better alphabet honestly if you just go to YouTube and type in me singing and then just go down yeah yeah yeah incredible really good incredible I will be doing that thank you so much you're so welcome on my life I have a 21 hour flight might download a few of them yeah but what goes in tap dogs I'm just gonna say like a high school production of a little shop or grace

i saw a high school do into the woods which is my favorite favorite music they do the whole thing they did the whole thing non-condensed the whole they ate so much shit it was maybe the best time i've ever had being an audience member like my favorite thing i know every word every note and just seeing this public school who had limited rehearsal time just wade their way through it was enchanting. Incredible. How was the witch? Oh, the witch. The witch.

Oh, fuck me, the witch. I think her name was probably Natalie and she just teased her hair and yelled a lot. You know when they just exclaim? Like it's just a lot of hands. I've been a drag queen for eight years at this point. How dare you? I know about exclaiming.

Because drag is just like a lot of people who really maybe weren't the strongest singers in their school productions being like, it's my time. Yeah, I've still got something to say. I'm tall. Yeah, I'm tall and I'm coming through. Yeah, let's do that yeah what a high school production of into the woods into the woods oh my god into the woods just my favorite thing about high school musicals as well is when they have like that one boy who's like the straight guy but like he's like you can sing you've got to go in yeah and he has a terrible time and he's just like no he's below he's treated like a god in that place well yeah if i ever had

a straight son heaven forbid i would just be like hey do you want to get laid do the musical yeah immediately when i was in year 10 late do the musical no just do the musical because you'll be the only straight guy with a bunch of horny chicks in like jazz tights. All the girls quit like weeks in. No, but like theater kids are the only ones getting laid in school, certainly. What are you saying? Because they just fuck each other. They create their own economy.

Yeah, but all the guys are gay. So that's what I'm saying. If you're like one of the two straight guys who do the musical, you are going to be drowning in musical theater. I'm going to say it. Puss. Puss. I'll say it from here so it doesn't pop. Puss.

It's brave and kind of you to say that on this part. I just think I didn't have sex in high school, so screw you all, I guess. No, I'm a celestial god. We're having a break. We're back. Hello. Hello. Okay.

Good chicken impression. This is very Zelda. Oh, dude. Can't stop laughing. It's just so funny. Edie. Yo. It's your time to shine, shine, shine.

Okay. All right. The theme, the category is puppets. Oh, my God. That is good. Thank you so much. I thought really, really hard about it hard that's fucking great oh my god okay go on which puppet okay well my first response is you know that like um

kind of like ostrich bird puppet that you get from the royal melbourne show with like a long neck and two long oh yeah the little marionette stuff that thing like an army of those oh my god i always wanted one you could get one you have a job you could have your own money yeah that's true i do i kind of see puppeteering in your future i should have been a puppeteer like dumb voices lip-syncing and very small yeah it was really the career for me. But I think maybe it's dead now. Maybe. There's never too late. Yeah, but I always loved that.

And then like the little fluffy feet. What did you love about it? Fluffy feet and like left to right and she's walking. Oh, you're getting into puppets. There's no way you're not. I like that. I like that a lot. You're Italian.

It's in your blood. Italian puppet Pinocchio. There I am. Hello, baby. Hello. Hello, that was blood. Italian puppet Pinocchio. Where are you? Hello, baby. Hello, that was you. Was that a joke? Hello, I thought that was you.

Look, I can be Italian. Okay, but I need to think about it more. That's my first impulse. That's great. But I'm just, oh, I don't know. Yeah, incredible. Okay, let's see, Sue. I grew up with an actor who's very camp as a father. And he was the stage lower in hell of virgins at high school,

which was that he had a ventriloquist dummy in Boston, Massachusetts, in the 1960s that he bought with his pocket money. And that valent ventriloquist dummy that my dad was devoted to um as a child managed to survive and come all the way back to australia with him and it was called joe and it was wearing a tweed suit and my father kept it in his office this is insane and my sister and i were terrified of joe because we were terrifying goosebumps children and rl stein knew correctly about slappy slappy's such a good name and so when we saw fucking joe we were like that's slappy he's gonna kill us in our sleep and so then my dad my like we complained about it so much because

we were so traumatized and scared that my mom was like it's okay i've told your dad he's gotten rid of slappy i mean joe and then slappy joe and so then we were like oh good joe's gone and then one day we were looking for something in the fucking cupboard i can't handle this and then a hand flopped out of the cupboard and then the head, which comes out, like it's not stuck in or anything, flops out with its jaw again onto me and my sister. And we're like, ah! And it was so awful. And we're like, you said he got rid of it.

It came back into the house and it's out of court. It's been here all along. I'm like, you said he got rid of it. It came back and the house had its own accord. It's been here all along. I'm listening. Okay, so my parents went through their own little, like, midlife crises. My mum thought about getting a tattoo of a butterfly. That's as far as hers went. And my dad wanted to get into ventriloquism. This is maybe why we connect.

Yeah, totally. This was here in my fucking childhood and my dad sings at pubs and stuff and so this guy bought him a dummy and it was truly horrifying same thing and then we were like theodore's gotta go like this is a bug and so yeah we just get hidden in different places in the house in the linen cupboard and we'd open it just being just there waiting. That's so weird. That's really gross. And maybe like this is like maybe something that's happening a lot more

than we knew about. Yeah, call in if you need puppet eradication. Okay, so the end of the story is that my dad was like, do you want to take Joe as an adult? And I was like, yeah. do you know why because i need to know where that fucker is all the time because if he ever disappears again i can't be sure he's gone i can't relax so he needs to be i need to be like he sits on a shelf in our our dining area ish yeah and i'm just like joe that's where you are wait in your home in my house that's where you are. Wait, in your home now? In my home. It's in the house. That's good. Because I need to fucking know.

Did he have a monocle? No, he had like plastic sculpted hair, brown, and like he's like a beautiful piece. Very scary. But, yeah, he's alive and he's going to kill us all. That reminds me, I had a good friend through high school, Claire. I can't believe that you – sorry, that's just so – I know.

That's why I was screaming. I was like, this isn't my Claire. I can't believe that you, sorry, that's just, I know that's why I was screaming. I was like, this is my experience. Um, yeah. And we did, uh, textiles together through,

um, VCE. And one of the first things that we made was like this, um, like a little human doll, like, well, just like horrifying,

like no features, just all one color human shape like and like the the legs were like sewn into the torso but the arms could like flip flop and to this day none of these in the thing because they're too scary so we made this maybe at the start of year 12 and then that entire year, this doll, we never really, like we never spoke about it, but we would hide it in places where the other one would find it. I love that.

Like I would open my pencil case and it would be in there. Oh, God. And then it was my turn. How big was it? Okay, like maybe like this big? Well, they can't hear that. Oh.

30 centimeters. Okay. Like a pencil case I guess Yeah Exactly pencil case shape Horrific Did you draw on it and stuff? No no no

No no That ruined the doll I'm so sorry And Up until this day We like Have constantly Where's the doll now?

It's in my cupboard Where's the doll? It's in the cupboard at home I'll show you I don't like I'd like to see it we lived together we moved up to the city the day of our last exam in year 12 is this the one that you adopted ferrets with yeah the fuck and when i um when i there was a period where like i'd moved out and claire still

had the ferrets and i would go and like take care of them when she was away and blah blah and then like every time i would go the doll would be in a different place. And yeah, it was quite weird. Yeah, that was the doll. And there was like one point where then like I moved out. I'd been living with Jeremy for years and then it arrived in the mail. She sent it to me. I love that.

And that's how I've got it, but I've still got it. I should, yeah. Yeah, it's sisterhood of the traveling awful fucking doll. Yeah, hellish, just naked, no face. It's just like the simplest little shape, but oh, it's watching. True. Yeah. Okay, well, I hate all of these.

Yeah, they're not going in. I don't want to. Theodore is not in the bunker. No, Joe, Slappy Joe isn't in the bunker. Neither is his faceless nightmare. Yeah, okay. What about the good puppets? Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy. Miss fucking cool. I love the crane in Mr. Squiggle. Oh, yeah. The crane. The crane. Do you mean like a bird or like a mechanical crane? No, the mechanical crane.

Yeah. But isn't Mr. Squiggle a puppet? Can't he come? Yes. I feel like he's pretty low-key. I like the blackboard, but then the crane was there sometimes. What was the crane called? I don't remember the crane. I like that Mr. Squiggle was puppet? Can't he? Yes. I feel like he's pretty low key. I like the blackboard, but then the crane was there sometimes. What was the crane called? I don't remember the crane.

I like that Mr. Squiggle was very low key. Oh, yeah, mate. He was so like that. It was weird puppet voice. Like Australians are like weird puppeteers. Flip it.

Yeah. All the like hoggle from Labyrinth. That's fucked up puppet. Yeah, that's good. I never watched Labyrinth because I feel like you both loved it, but I couldn't do it. You lost your virginity.

You weren't into it. Yeah, I was too old for this shit. If we're talking about puppets, what about Salacious B. Crumb? Who dat? Salacious B. Crumb is the little like, that sits on the side of Jabba the Hutt. The little. I gotta go.

I'm so sorry you had to be here. What? His name is Salacious B. Crumb. That's a great name. I don't know if I like the vibe that you're communicating. That's quite intense. Oh my, no, no. I'm showing a picture of Salacious right now.

It's real no dick energy. It's very like Jim Henson kind kind of monster except it's really scary yeah okay okay i also like um okay i have this vivid memory of um so there was like sesame street but then there were like sesame street like movies back in the 90s. Yeah. And there was this one Sesame Street movie where they like went to China. And like if I could ever find that again, I would love to watch it. I have like the most vivid. Remember how like in the 90s, Italy was more popular as like a concept. And also the Great Wall of China.

Yeah. No one talks about Italians being cool anymore or the Great Wall of China. What are you, what is this hot take? No one talks about Italy or the Great Wall of China. What are you? What is this hot take? No one talks about Italy or the Great Wall anymore. As soon as people found out that you couldn't see it from space, everyone got over the Great Wall of China. I've been over it for so long. See?

Since the 90s. No, since I fucking learned about it. I went to the Great Wall of China. Let me tell you. What? Does it do anything? No. It's just long.

How long did you walk on it for? It was like, you know when something's too hard for your feet and you're like, oh. I love that there's bits that like walk on and then there's bits that like crumble. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go. I want to go. Go to China, darling.

It's cheap at the moment. Yeah. Oh, but I want to be there with Big Bird. Okay, we can make this happen. Yeah, maybe. Make a wish. It'll come true. I want to walk the Great Wall of China holding Big Bird's hand.

That's so nice. I think puppets that have, like, I think puppets that are controlled by your hands, cute. Puppets with a person inside? Oh, no, no. With a person inside. Like a big bird. That's scary. Or Falco.

No, Falco's good. Maybe I don't know what I like. I love you so much. I think we should both stop talking and just go for a bit. I've been thinking that for a long time. Sorry. 88. You're the great one of China.

You love Big Bird? I love Big Bird's voice. Oh, no, I don't particularly like Big Bird. But you want to take him to China. Well, he was in that movie. I like the worm in Labyrinth, which you should watch because there's a worm with like little side ponytails that goes, what are you talking about, love?

A worm with a side pony? It's got two side like fluffy bits and then a fluffy bit on top and it's like, where are you going? And it's so good. Yeah, it's fucking great. I'll watch it for the worm. We'll know everything in that film. Like everyone's a pain in the ass and that's the great thing about it. Like there's these giant junk women that have all their junk on their backs

and it's like their body is made out of junk and they're like, oh, and they're like everyone's a piece of shit in the labyrinth but it's because they live in a giant labyrinth what about the snakes no see i didn't do dark crystal i wasn't fucking dark crystal what about now my favorite puppet is reneealweger. Good answer. In Chicago, when Richard Gere is controlling her. Oh, sure. I love Renee Zalweger, and I think we don't give her enough time or credit. I think she's had enough credit. I think I want her in the bunker as the puppet. What?

That's my game. I'm not putting person puppet in. Person puppet. Renee Zellweger. No. She is an Academy Award winner. Can we put in the worm? I've never met this worm, but I like this.

Sight unseen, whereas Renee's just sitting out there getting killed by orcas. I feel like there's going to be another category where Renee is going to be the answer. Renee? I'm absolutely not. Well, how about this? How about for the next 10 years i attempt to get renee zellweger a spot in this bunker and you have to listen to my justification yeah give it a shot okay spin-off podcast renee in the bunker what about um medigliana medigliana the cat i forgot

about medigliana it would have to be um mixi no darren the dog darren i feel like medigliana the cat. I forgot about. Madigliana is a fucking icon. No, it would have to be Mixie. No. Darren the dog. Darren. I feel like Madigliana. Yeah, Madigliana's. Okay. But Darren's hot.

Darren. You know that he would be hot. I feel you. I feel you so much. He is. I feel like both of you, well, you would end up with Raddus. Either Raddus. Yeah, fair point. Or Madigliana.

I am Madigliana and I want Radis. I would end up with Darren when he's like been leading me on for like three years. And then there's one night where he gets like really drunk and he's like, okay, yeah, let's do it. And then I hold on to that night for the next three years. Yeah. Jesus, I thought this wasn't therapy. Do you see anyone getting helped? And you just are the cat one.

I like, that's my Diggily Anna. Yeah. Okay, so for those of you who don't know, there was a show called The Ferals and Feral TV later on. And it just explains so much about why Australians are so fucking cooked. Because instead of The Muppets, which y'all already thought was cooked, we had these like, the plot of the show was that there was stray animals living out the back of a share house feral fucking rabbit feral and they all

looked like gutter punks and they lived in the shed at the back of an actual share house in like the north and they taught you nothing it wasn't like the muppet they did not care about you or your life but they were like yeah we're gonna make things work yeah and they were fucking cool yeah and madikuliana was a cat who was a stray cat and like they were not good looking puppets they were like feral looking like they had great like she meant to be a white cat and she's like gray with like black gunk in her eyes yeah yeah it was fucking cool so yeah like a samantha character sure she's's the Samantha of the Ferals. And then Charlotte's Mixie.

And then Raddus is... The Carrie. SJP, yeah. And then, yeah, and then Miranda is Darren. That doesn't make sense. No. Darren's Mr. Big. Steve.

Steve. Miranda. Okay, well, good. Fucking good. What are we doing? Not Renee Zellweger, so I don't care. Okay, well, good. Fucking good. What are we doing? Not Renee Zellweger, so I don't care. Oh, she's upset. You've really pushed me to the limit.

I've decided. Maybe the little friend to Oscar the Grouch, that little worm. Any worm I'm happy with. That's cute. I don't know what its name is i like the i like the idea of the worm with a ponytail though that's so funny to me but it's quite annoying and what does its voice sound like she's an old woman oh are you kidding can we please have this worm she can be in the women having the best night of their lives and she's like on the counter and you know it's because there's a puppeteer under the counter doing it.

She works the bar. She's waving around a pool cue. Oh, she works the bar. Come on, girls. Shots for everyone. Let's do the limbo. Yeah, okay, great. Amazing.

That's good when they can all line up. Renee wouldn't have fun with a bunch of women having the best time of their lives. She doesn't know how to talk to people. No. She's a Texas girl. She knows how to throw a party. She just doesn't like go out and talk to people during it.

She's never seen the sun. She belongs in a bunker. Edie-centric. Yo. As your last duty as our special guest, you get to put something in? Anything. Anything. Without any discussion from us. You can just have it in there. Oh, what. You get to put something in. Anything. Anything. Without any discussion from us.

You can just have it in there. Oh, what? I didn't know that. I've never got to the end of an episode. Previous. You're like, I'm your number one fan. Previous guests. We say it every time.

But yeah, previously, Banan Girl put in nail clippers. Nail clippers. Baby Slut put in a long ponytail. My sister put in. A long ponytail. My sister put in a signed headshot of my father that she got for her birthday. Oh, that's nice. My dad gave her a headshot because he forgot it was her birthday. Instead of a gift, he gave her a signed headshot of himself.

Your dad is a living legend. Holy shit. I want one. My birthday is coming up. Yeah, I'll get one for you i feel you might be the same person yeah i'm your dad um oh my god what do i bring i didn't know um i'm gonna bring my soda stream oh fuck yeah oh shit yeah because i just went to vietnam and i was having like nerve tingles the entire time and i think it was just because I wasn't drinking water because I like sparkly water and not normal water. Which apparently is bad for your bones.

Fuck my bones. I'm thirsty. I'm taking the SodaStream. Okay. I thought it was all parents. SodaStream and no flavors? Just SodaStream. No, just bubbly water, please.

Machine and some canisters. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So you don't ever drink just still water? I mean, I do if I have to, but I would prefer... Fisante. Fisante.

Si, si. I love Italy. That's weird. People haven't said that for quite a while. Whatever happened to Italy? I think Italy's coming back in a big way. What are you talking about? The Great Wall is over, honey.

I'm greater. What do you think the greatest wall is? The fine wall. It's all right. Cool. Okay. No more walls. Division.

It's ruining our world. Bust those walls down. Break it down. Thank you so much. Yeah, guys. Thank you for coming to our podcast. Thank you for having me. You've been a great guest and a beautiful addition. It it down. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming to our podcast. Thank you for having me. You've been a great guest and a beautiful addition.

It's going to be a long episode. I'm not going to edit it much. What? Yeah, all right. That's cuckoo caca bananas. All right. Great. If you're hearing this, it means that I somehow put it together.

Okay. All right. Goodbye. Bye. After everyone was recorded, Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by our very special guest today, Iddy Centric and not here, Angus Leslie. And if you'd like to send us a message, do so at death to everyone pod at gmail.com.

Or won't you support us at Patreon? At patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.