Death To Everyone - Death To... Emojis, Super Smash Bros. & Twins

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

Welcome to "Death To Everyone!" Join your hosts Lazy Susan & Zelda Moon as they decide what should remain once the world arrives at its inevitable end. This week we finally bust open the lid on Smash Bros characters, twins and emojis. Essential work being done here for the culture...thank us later. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon https://twitter.com/zelda__moon Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios

Hello. Especially you. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello. A sulangyor to you. A sulangyor to you, sister. Now listen, when I walked in and I saw you looking like you do, my life was changed forever. You look amazing. I'm not falling for it this week.

You, the listener, of course, look incredible. I don't know how you always do this every week. I've never seen someone with such a radiant joy but also secrets beneath their toque beneath their toque beneath their toque what is full of a toque yeah full of a toque yeah potatoes boil them mash them stick them in a stew you know yeah no hello lazy susan it's that time again and we're back here again in the red room You know? Yeah. No. Hello, lazy Susan. It's that time again. And we're back here again in the red room.

Yes. Two celestial goddesses just waiting for the end of time. Yes, just so we can judge things. That's all. That's our main focus. God cast me in the role. I didn't want... It was given to me, you know?

I would rather not judge things. Don't lie. I'm like Paula Abdul? I would rather not judge things. Don't lie. I'm like Paula Abdul. I don't judge things anymore. How are you, darling? I'm good. What am I good at? Everything.

I'm sorry. I just had two cupcakes and now I'm feeling high. Oh my God. I'm good. What has the week held? It is the end of Drag Race Down Under. Yes. So that means two of my major commitments of my unemployed life have now disappeared.

Goodbye. Thank Christ. Yes. I feel renewed. It was to your empty schedule was too full with those things. I tell you what, people think people think that you know nepo babies and rich heiresses are making it up when they have nervous breakdowns they're not doing nothing is incredibly hard work it is sitting on a mega yacht that's when have you ever been on a mega yacht? I'm a spy. Or a regular sized yacht? I have been on a sailboat.

Okay. When? So two times. One time when I was in Italy with my ex-boyfriend. Oh, Brad. And his uncle was like, you've got to come out on the boat. And he was obsessed with me being there. Did he have an Italian accent?

They're all Italian. Okay. Could you do an Italian accent? I'll get to my offensive Italian accent. But he, the whole family was coming out on the boat. And this uncle was obsessed with me because he thought his English was really good. And the whole time out on this boat where everyone spoke Italian, no one really spoke English the entire time I was in Italy. He was like, Robbie, let me tell you about the maltese falcon

and i was like what are you doing he's like you know the maltese falcon with humphrey bogart and i'm like yeah you there's a film it's a noir film called the maltese falcon he's like yes i have the gun i have the gun from maltese falcon i bought the real gun and i was like uh-huh and he's like yeah have you tried any of this bacala and i was like what and he's like the bacala you're gonna have bacala and it's a salted fish and it's disgusting oh and so that was the two things i learned from his uncle who was like intense and was kind of like yelling at all the women while they were like trying to do the food. He's Italian. Yes.

It was the most Italian stereotype of like the women were doing the cleaning. Yeah. And his wife was incredible. She looked like Susan Sarandon. And she was just like this aura of like grace and calm and fantasticness and he was just yelling like at her and at everyone in his vicinity like malty's falcon gone did was it really the prop from the movie? I didn't see the Maltese Falcon gun, but I didn't have my verification kit on me at the time. Damn.

I couldn't swab for the Humphrey Bogart fingers. But then the second time was Provincetown, trip to America with my friend Nina, and we had gone with her sister to P-Town, the gay town on the end of Cape Cod, which is where my grandparents live or lived. They're dead. And it's where they died as well.

Anyway, so we go to the tip, which is P-Town, which is where all the drag queens during the summer do their shows and they stay there for a month. It's where all the lesbians have the lobster parade. Lesbians put lobsters on parade? It's where all the lesbians have the lobster parade where they dress up their dogs like lobsters and walk them all down the main street and there's a lot of gay parties and it's a very quaint quiet like fishing village it's also where john waters

has a house it's incredible it's so picturesque so beautiful and when we went there with nina and her sister maya we were staying in like a shitty motel six just out of town and on our first day she found the one straight guy in p-town yeah and the whole day they start mackinac hitting it hitting each other up because obviously it's like a little straight people island there's no one else everyone's like fukin in the bushes yeah and then that guy had sailed in with a bunch of his friends from brown oh the ivy league university where they were all on the rowing team together and he took us out onto the their sailboat and they gave us drinks and took us and they were like you have to try this lobster bisque.

And it was dog. No. There was a very angry lesbian banging on the restaurant window. It was just a costume, you fools. The realism went too far. And so then we went for lobster bisque and then we were like, and then they kept buying these expensive bottles of wine and we were like in rags.

We'd driven across the country. I've met you. We had like 50 cents. Be kind, Zelda. If you can do anything in this life, be kind. So we're in rags and we're watching these like very expensive bottles of wine hit the table um in addition to the lobster darling the most expensive thing and then at the end of that whole experience they paid for it they dropped the black amags oh it was very chic wow yeah and uh is maya and this man still connected no no because then we

met up with them in new york and went to a party at their house in oh my god uh tribeca so tribeca is the neighborhood where like meryl streep has an apartment like beyonce has an apartment like everyone has an apartment in tribeca and so he invited us to a party at this like young people apartment where they're all like 28, but they're all lawyers. And so we went to this party and we once again were like rats come up from the sewer. Yeah, rags. At this party, like three months after this P-Town experience.

Yeah. And we're sitting around and all of these people were awful the worst people you've ever met in your life in this like for the area incredibly huge apartment like i'm sleeping on a tiny little like shred of a mattress topper in mayer's tiny little rental apartment in like bed stye so we're cupcakes. There's, like, lots of booze. There's lots of fabulousness. And then me and Nina are like, well, we should probably dance. What are we doing here?

It's a party. Yeah. And then we were, like, having a dance like you would at a Melbourne party. Yeah, make a dance floor. And these girls were, like, looking at us and, like, whispering. And then one of them kind of broke ranks with those girls who were all the like lawyers. And they walked over. And she was like, you know, the best thing about you guys is that you just don't care.

You're just having fun. And we're like dance with us. And she like danced for two seconds. And then the friends gave her this icy glare. And she went back to them. And it was like a Disney Channel original movie. And then we were each having our own disgusting time with these people, hearing them like, just like be really rude about like anyone who's not wealthy, anyone who's not, you know. And so then we're like, well, we're going to give a prize tonight to whoever steals the best thing from this house and then

me and maya and nina like go break up and whoever can find the best thing to steal oh my god and then so i went to the bathroom and i was like opening up the toiletries cabinet and i was like i'm taking this and then was like stealing like the body wash and a few other little things yeah and then you thought it was a hotel yeah and then we came down to the subway at the end so we hadn't seen what each other had been doing and we like opened up our bags in the subway like while this party was going on and like i had like this bottle of gin like an unopened bottle of tequila and like this body wash like lancôme body wash and then maya opened her bag and she had like all the cupcakes and then she turns around and pulls from her pants this giant coffee table book and we're like how did you do that because she was wearing like a tiny little like

pair of shorty shorts wow it was incredible and nina like the whole time i don't know i feel kind of bad and then she pulled out like one oregano spice from the spice thing and we were like nina you took it too far that's they're gonna have to replace that whole spice rack now you just ruined everything and so we didn't speak to them again even though they called us and were like let's hang out again we were like they're trying to entrap us yeah they were like where the fuck's the oregano gone but that's the thing i've been like that we just resented them so deeply they sound awful but you also sound like thieves so i don't know i'd do it again though the which part like if i ever got wealthy and got invited to i I don't know, Kristen Bell's house, I would be stealing things. Who?

You know, she does the voice of Anna in Frozen. She's the voice of Gossip Girl. Oh. She's... Wait, the voice of Gossip Girl? That was a show with real people in it. Yeah, but she does the narration. That's not one of the girls?

Well, it's the Gossip Girl. Oh. I thought the whole thing was the narration. That's not one of the girls? Well, it's the gossip girl. Oh, I thought the whole thing was that the gossip girl was one of the girls. Yeah, well, it's not one of the girls. It's actually Dan. Spoiler alert. But that's, so I'm. Okay, so when you're watching the show Gossip Girl,

what you're hearing is the voice of Gossip Girl is like reading aloud what's on the website in print. Uh-huh. And then you don't know the identity of who's writing the print. Right. Yeah. And turns out it's Dan. Dan.

Whoever that is. The main guy, Penn Badgley. I haven't seen Gossip Girl. XO. And Veronica Mars. She's Veronica Mars. Okay. I'm hearing Ally McBeal, but that's fine.

You were alive in Veronica Mars time. That's not for me. That shows so deeply up your alley. It's not even a joke. Veronica. Is she a psychic? She's a detective. Okay.

Kind of the same thing. Medium. It's a detective psychic. Hmm. Alison Dubois. Yes. Um, okay. I can't even remember how we got here you're asking me about how many times i've been on a boat okay um well fantastic response thank you um

i don't like boats no fuck boats when am i ever gonna want to be on a boat oh i also don't like the naming conventions for boats like calling them gals names yeah like i don't know marianne my girlfriend titanic hates that reference god um the ssn's it for me i love that she's called that the ssn get on that ssn oh my god i'm now so you family you know my um colleague from work anne who's a friend of beastie girls yes reluctantly um i'm just realizing now that i never called her ssn and i should have. I used to call her Anne Hogg. Egg. Egg, yeah.

But the SS was like the Nazi, like, you know, the Nazis. What? Yeah, so calling her SS Anne might, you know. What do you mean Nazis? Like the werewolf women of the SS. I don't know what you're saying. What? SS Anne is the ship from Pokemon.

I know that, you know, things can have two meanings. I thought it was like silly ship Anne. Silly ship. Yeah. Look, it's like Nazi supremacy Anne. Fuck. You've been, yeah, making a lot of enemies online. Like, I was wondering why no one on this chat room was talking about pokemon

i wrote my lapras here but what are you guys talking about oh god okay can i just say as well while i was editing this podcast this is not about the ssn it's not about nazis and it's not about uh the titanic but it is about the fact that 9-11 has been brought up quite a lot oh on this show and that's my fault that's on me yeah and i think that's because we were recording around the time of 9-11 yeah and during that time i always fall down a hole of like i need to just watch 9-11 content oh like i just i it's like i can't and you know if you're listening to this you understand like tiktok youtube you're watching 9-11 content but while i was looking up

9-11 i found out there are three rupaul's drag race queens who were born on 9-11 who are they ginger minjj. Pearl Liaison. And wait, wait, it's actually a really good final three. Ginger, Pearl. Wow.

I would have thought they were older than that. And Farrah Moan. Not on 911, 2001. Just on 911. Oh, that's three. That's higher than any other date that drag queens are born on in famous birthdays.

Wow. And doesn't that just shape your identity if your birthday is now the site of like a global trauma? Well, it's hard to celebrate anything on 9-11. Exactly. You can see it in each one of those people and it iterates in a different way. They all seem like lightly traumatized and like they haven't had a good birthday in a while not since 2001 yeah exactly and ginger would be the oldest which is why she's salty sea dog yeah and then farrah would be the youngest and that's why she's kind of broken but she doesn't know why she doesn't know why whereas ginger was like i remember the good days yeah you know 1998 9-11 that was my time to shine shine shine yeah yeah um wow so that's the end of 9-11 chat on

this pod we're not doing it oh okay we never bring it up again to us we're now deniers oh god okay so how did you feel about the finale of Drag Race Down Under? Our sister, Isis. Hi, sissy. I did love that. I mean, I think about being backstage with her and now being like, if I knew then, like if I could have like Alison Dubois'd and be like, one day you will be the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

But monkey paw, no one will have seen it because it will be the least liked season of this show yes oh god oh yeah true she really fucking turned it out so good for her and she looked fucking flawless oh stunning in that last gown that she made yes which is like she didn't just pay and happen to be skinny she made but the girlies that get on got mick or whatever and spend like 130 000 to just look incredible yeah fab yeah i thought it was uh i'm uh glad she won yeah and i'm glad it's over yes who knows what the next chapter for that franchise will be. The only way is up, baby. And what about you, Zelda Moon? Ooh.

Well, I'm... How much are we going to redact out of your week? Okay. So I have spoken about some of my dating escapades on this pod. Little kisses. And I had... Okay. How much do i say okay i don't want to yeah so uh i met someone on friday but zelda we were doing a drag show on friday yes thank you for that clarification to and your attempt to humiliate me will not work because I have no shame. That much is obvious.

Yeah, so I met someone on Friday and then we went on a really cute date on the weekend, you know, like within a day of meeting each other. It was super cute. And, you know, who knows from there. That's what I'm going to say. Stay tuned. We'll see how it goes. I'm excited but it was really cute it was so refreshing to meet someone not on an app whose you know profile was like looking for cum dump you know you leave my boyfriend out of this yeah it was very very cute do you know it's

well it's like um even if you don't like people and even if you don't want friends, the best reason that I can advertise to people about keeping a community of friends around you is that each one is like their own TV show that you get to watch. And as things happen, you know, you get the ups and downs and you're like, oh, season two wasn't so good. And this season of Zelda Moon is so good.

I'm just like waiting for the next episode to drop. Yeah, true. What's going to happen. It's so nice. It's been quite a fun couple of days. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

The other thing I will say is that it's restored my faith in bisexual men. It's restored my faith in bisexual men because despite meeting me while I was in drag, he like, there's like a tone of bisexual sometimes, sometimes, not all, not all bi. Not all bi's. But of like tokenizing you or being like, I'll have like a gay experience with you and that's it. Yeah. But I would never like date you. Yeah, no. But yeah yeah totally not the vibe here he's like i i just don't care like i'm just like i happen to be interested in you and that's just where we're at yeah yeah which is so refreshing um because like

like you know my very good friend sari um famous bisexual, just kind of that vibe. And I've always been like, oh, I kind of wish I was bi because like she just falls for the person like genuinely. Yeah. It's not about like, oh, I'm going to have like a, you know, like lessee time or whatever. Yeah. It's just person based, both physically and mentally, which is fat. Yeah.

What a way to be. So many options. Oh, they're just greedy, those bisexual fab. What a way to be. So many options. They're just greedy, those bisexuals. Pick a side. It was Bi-Visibility Week last week. Was it? Yeah. We're going around making them all high-vis.

We see you. We heard you. Yeah, so it was quite cute. So it happened. What else? Shout out to my friend tristan who came out as bisexual when we were 13 because he didn't want to come out as gay and spent three months out as bi instead of just going for the hard game there was a guy at high school that at my high school um who was like total like douchebag like um like arsehole jockey kind of guy in with the very cool kids on the peninsula who then like who bullied me in high school like

joined in the bullying like he was awful to me in high school and then the year after like when he was 19 he came out as bi and now he is like the cum dumpster of like preston they had elections already i'll run a stronger campaign next time um yeah and i'm like fuck i just i hate him so much i'm like you can be in the you take your time to come out that is fine but like you know you're a faggot back then oh yeah like don't oh like he hated himself so I've seen Degrassi no he's fine and now you get to bully him on your podcast and I will at every chance I get do it come dump of Preston you have been called out here today. You have 24 hours to respond. Yeah, anyway.

Trash. My question for you is... Go off, sister. How will the world end this week, lazy Susan? After careful thought and consideration, I have decided. Oh my God, you've prepared something

for the podcast. Can I tell you something? My boyfriend, Kurjan, said, how much of the podcast do you guys prepare and how much do you come in and just wing it? Yeah. I said, what the fuck are you thinking? All of it is just whatever comes to our brain at the time that we're saying it. And maybe a little bit after. Like,

what are you thinking? I'm not sitting here writing down, Oh, talk about how nine 11 is like Nazi boat from Pokemon. Yeah. Could you imagine if that was what we decided to anyway, go on. So I offer you this.

Okay. The end of the world this week have you heard about the simulation theory no that reality is a simulation the matrix yes yes and a majority of scientists agree that this is likely the case can i tell you that growing up obviously everyone has the list of names that they would name their children my ssn second to ssn my like uh name for child would be persephone because monica bellucci's character in the matrix is called Persephone. Which one's Monica Bellucci in The Matrix? She is the... Next to the guy having the steak dinner? Correct.

Ooh. Yeah. That's hot. Yeah. Because losers would say Trinity, but no. Persephone's so cool. Yeah, no good. You went for the non-loser option there.

Anyway, go on. Yeah. Wait, what was at the top of your child's name list? I like Noah for a girl. Oh. It's spelled N-O-A. Iconic. There's a Noah in the Bible that's a woman.

And then. And one that's a man. Go on. Yeah, I know. He's the famous one, but I'm doing the Trinity Persephone deep cut. Oh, I see. Thank you. Just to put it in terms you understand. Yeah, I know he's the famous one, but I'm doing the Trinity Persephone deep cut. Oh, I see. Thank you. Yes.

Just to put it in terms you understand. And then Finn is nice. Yes. And I like the name Hamish. Cute. Hamish is cute. Yeah. I also really love Lance.

Lance. Yeah. Like our amazing patron, Lance. Yes. Lance-y. Maybe that's why. You just like it because it's a type of weapon i do but there was also a neighbor's character called lance when i was growing like when we keep saying it like that lance lance who likes to dance what am i gonna say lance that's how

everyone will say your child's name if you call them lance oh well that'll help unless they're out of it yeah um yeah but lance is such a oh lance is such a cool name and there's a character on neighbor called um lance who is really hot so anyway lance and persephone okay so you're the matrix is how the world ends simulation theory thank you we're all in a simulation human society has developed or some So the matrix is how the world ends? Simulation theory. Thank you. We're all in a simulation. Human society has developed or some intelligence has developed to such a point that it starts creating fake iterations of all of reality to observe it, right, inside of a computer.

But we don't know and we never will. And then when that one gets big enough, then it makes a simulation inside of the simulation. so we might be like 10 simulations deep inside of simulations that aren't aware that they're inside of the simulation which to me i don't really care because it's like i've never experienced actual reality so i don't mind if i'm in the simulation because it's like i don't know if you told me halfway through drinking a diet coke that it was a diet coke and not regular coke and i didn't know and i never tasted regular coke what difference does it make so it's like reality is my reality right what would annoy me about that is if like if we're in version 10 and it's all happened before

yeah i'm like release the video games that i want now because they were already out in version 9 why am i waiting for the next asoka episode when i could have the whole series right now to which i'd say when was the last time you visited your animal crossing island and did anything for those people because they're in a simulation they are you're not giving them shit and you know what visiting them i visited them when i was at my brother's house the other weekend and what they say they said where have you? And my house was filled with cockroaches. Janine is dead and we had the funeral and we didn't know where the gardening shares were.

Yes. This has just reminded me, we haven't spoken about this, but like you just saying simulation, I keep thinking of like, this is a simulation, roche and murphy song and i'm in quite a state about the roche or turfy murph because what a situation yeah turfy murphy that's right yeah um yeah it sucks not that i really want to talk about it but i'll just loosely say yeah i'm just i'm in a tiz my whole life is a lie yeah like it's your life is a simulation no and in this simulation turfy murphy exists boo if you could like across to the other simulation

where turfy murphy is just regular roshin murphy would you yeah but everyone has tentacle hands hands oh absolutely then yes wrong person okay how many tentacles five yes okay so anyway in my version of the simulation there is an intern on simulation one and we're in simulation 10 and they spill their diet pepsi onto the console with our simulation and it fries out over the long weekend and so we just do why are we in a simulation because humanity wants to simulate and learn from it's animal crossing we're in animal crossing yeah we're in some kid's computer yeah so and our simulation just goes and it's over that's it except the bunker except of course which because the bunker is the external hard drive that's right so what are we putting in the external

hard drive labeled bunker today okay let's have a quick break and get into it let's do it and welcome back, everyone. I hope you've got yourself a refreshment. Ravishing. You know, when I listen back to the podcast, obviously we don't have anything to put in the quote-unquote break. So the break is sometimes six seconds. I love that.

Yeah. We're living in it. It's a fantasy. But it's also not a break for us. It's a break for the listener to just, that's a safe place to pause. Yes. To go and get yourself a beverage. Yeah.

To change your pants. You know what I love? When like some YouTubers, when like they start the video, they're like, you know what? This is going to be a long one. Grab yourself a drink grab a snack can i tell you and then come back but i only like it when it's genuine because that's what i was gonna say yes for the longest time you said that when i first met you you were all up on that business of being like i love it when they tell me to go and get a drink yeah but

then a few years later you were like i'm against it now robbie i don't like it when they tell me to do anything. I'm a person with a life and I can do what I like. Because it's a lie. They're saying it because they know that it's, you know, people will respond positive. So which is it? Do you like it or do you not? I only like it genuine.

Real. Just be genuine about what you like. Don't, oh, performative activism is the worst thing in the world. What about murder yeah it's a close second okay okay our first topic for tonight is twins ah twins which set of twins goes into the bunker we're absolutely twinning which when i said this to you you said i know exactly who i want so i'm gonna cede the floor to you, you said, I know exactly who I want. So I'm going to cede the floor to you to make your case for your twins.

Oh, okay. Well, bearing in mind that Zelda has nephews who are twins. Yes. They aren't in the bunker. You heard last week, they played with those toys too long and they broke up. Yeah. They broke my Dino Rider toys as if I'm letting them in to put a hole in the oceanarium.

Get real. We've got one Meg and she must be protected. That's true. We actually have two Megs. It's fine. Anyway, so I love my nephews dearly, but no. This is for fun. No one knows my nephews.

How entertaining is that? Please. My choice. Okay, so. The hentai twins from your childhood? Pardon? Oh, the evil twins. Okay, so Lazy has just referenced something that hasn't made the cut because dear listener special

you we recorded episode four twice oh i know i can hear you your world is shattering your simulation is breaking i'm gonna cut this out too no don't because it's an ad for patreon you idiot um yeah but the episode wasn't funny enough so we didn't air it but we're going to put it on patreon so but anyway you can pay money to hear something we wouldn't even subject the public to yeah but in that episode i talk about these twin friends that i had growing up who we called the evil twins very original name um and one year at their birthday party, one of my friends found a clipboard of printed out hentai that he used to jerk off to. And, um, everyone made fun of him and ruined the birthday party. Anyway, I also love those twins.

They're not in. They're evil. You can't have evil twins in the bunker. Printing hentai? Get real. No, my, um, twins, I'm just going to go classic, iconic. It is the little girls from The Shining. Oh, come play with us.

You can't have evil twins, but you can have two ghostly women. Yes. Come play with us. They're in dresses. They're cute. Yes. And they were killed by their father. It wasn't their fault.

Exactly. They're cute. Yes. And they were killed by their father. It wasn't their fault. Exactly. And, you know, like, they're not like people in the bunker walking around. You know, it's not like Susie who's doing, you know.

Nails. Romeo's nails. Yeah. They're ghosts. The same rules apply from The Shining. Obviously. Unless they were in Doctor Sleep. If that's true, they're not that version.

Do you not like Doctor Sleep? No. You don't like a woman in a fashionable hat i no i didn't like it no i just yeah no um but those twins incredible they are good put them in and we also we need some hauntings down there i think it's pretty fucking haunted i okay so twins we have zach and cody option they were living the sweet life and zelda's giving me a confused look because she didn't have a cable growing up yeah hey matt did you ever watch the sweet life of zach and cody only when i went to my friend's house i didn't have cable he thought what do you think of those two boys? Yeah, they were cute.

Pedophile. Confirmed bisexual. They were good. They were funny. What? So there was two boys, and their mom is poor. And so she has

to live inside. It doesn't sound like a suite life. Well, it's suite spelled S-U-I-T-E, like a hotel suite. Because they live in a hotel. Because that's their life, because their mother's so poor. And she cleans the hotel. She manages the hotel. I can't remember what she does in the hotel.

And there's a wealthy heiress named London. Oh, great name. Like Paris. Paris, London. Yeah. And she's London Tipton. To Berlin. And she's the heiress of the hotel. Every disco she's been in. And those two boys get up to all kinds of

mischief. Why aren't they supporting their fucking poor mother? Because there's jokes and bits to be had. Oh, it doesn't sound like a laugh riot to me. Go on. That's all. And then we have... Wait, how old were they like a laugh riot to me. Go on. That's all. No, and then we have. Wait, how old were they? They were like all age.

Because they grew up on the show. So they went from being 13 to. How many seasons? Oh, darling. In some places it's still going. There was the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. And then there was the Suite Life on Deck. When they got on a cruise ship and drove around.

What? You said they didn't like boats? What about with twins on them? No. And then there was the Suite Life. Wait. The Suite Life of Hannah Montana on deck. Wait.

Crossover event? There was a three-way crossover. Where's Simone? Where's Raven? I think Raven did pop up at one point. Good. She certainly visited the hotel wow yeah and then there's the twins sister sister um sister sister and then there's the weasley boys oh you like

redheaded i do yeah they're hot but you know who was bill was the hottest that actor is so hot i just feel like all of those actors like all the hot all the children of harry potter you know when you talked about famous people that weren't meant to be famous yes every single one of them none of those people were meant to be famous except for i think we're talking about the same guy bill what's his name in real life i don't know was he the one who was in day x machina i don't know he was the oldest one the dragon hunter he's the only one he's so hot he can stay he is hot he's in the bunker whoever that guy is n. Niall? It doesn't matter. No. He's Bill to me.

But those twins, I mean, those twins weren't the hottest guys in the world. Also, they constantly do cons, which- Is a con. No, that brings joy. But it's kind of sad because they're always just like, we were the twins from the Harry Potter films. Oh, you mean like the side characters who made it into three of the eight movies yeah yeah that's their life but you know do you think they're happier than us or not yeah they're happier yeah what a simple life go meet nerds yeah and they're redheads

how could they be unhappy yeah redheads famously loved by everyone. With that translucent skin. So, I mean, all of this to say, none of those people are getting in. What about Minty? I forgot about Minty. She's not really a twin, but you know that show on ABC Kids where it's a girl who's like, I wish my life was fun and exciting. And then there's a pop star called Minty, who wishes her life was better in the UK.

And she's English. And she looks exactly like the girl in Australia. And they switch lives. And the show is about them switching lives. Iconic. But all of this to say, and the same thing that happens to Lizzie McGuire when she goes to Rome. And she finds the girl that looks exactly like her.

Well, look, we were talking about Harry Potter and you're not talking about the other Harry Potter shows, so I don't know what you're saying. All of this to say it's obviously Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap. There's no other twin that matters at all in the world. What? Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap? She's a twin?

She's a twin. She plays her own twin? She plays her own twin she plays her own twin and one of them's english and one of them's american well that's not how twins work well it is because the parents had a messy divorce trap and they each one of them took a kid with them and separated the twins so they didn't know that the other one existed cruel cruel as hell and one's a rich um bridal wear designer in london england and then the dad is in the napa valley and he has a gorgeous vineyard in california and so they're both super mega wealthy and then the british twin goes to america for summer camp

which is weird because oh maybe it isn't i don't know how the holidays align for the Brits versus the Americans. No, no, no. But she goes to America for summer camp, all-American summer camp. Yeah. And then the girl from the Napa Valley goes to the same summer camp. And then the entire time they keep missing each other. And then they finally are fencing and fighting. And then they take off their masks.

And everyone realizes that they're not the same person. They've been different people the entire time. And then they have this fierce rivalry at camp. And then they become friends after they play pranks on each other. And realize that they're actually twins. And they have the same parents. Yeah. And that they've never met the other parent.

That they're going to go back in each other's place. And disguise themselves as the other twins. So they're liars. And in each other's place and disguise themselves as the other twin so they're liars and one of them has a pierced ear the other one doesn't do they get a pin with a they get a pin and a piece of apple and an ice cube and pierce it it's a very formative scene for a lot of young women wow and gay men like myself i they're not No It's

You need to see this performance Because if you let them in There's one Lindsay Lohan That gets in That's not twins No it's Baby Lindsay Lohan And also

What have you got against Lindsay Lohan She just has to keep changing Nothing I just want spooky ghosts Is there anything spookier Or more ghostly And translucent

Than Lindsay Lohan Could you Okay so ghosts is there anything spookier or more ghostly and translucent than lindsey lohan could you okay so laser susan has applied for drag race five times sometimes for america sometimes for down under three times for america twice for australia and my favorite so that means she's done multiple snatch games, right? Because in the audition tapes, you have to do snatch game to prove it. You have to do two for America. Yeah. And my favorite of all time is Lazy Susan's impersonation of Lindsay Lohan because she does love Lindsay.

I do. This isn't news to me. Would you give the good people of our pod, dearest you, an example? Well, you need to pretend to be Ruupaul and ask me who i'm doing oh god okay um oh no okay rupaul what does rupaul say girly voice um no i can't do impersonations. Oh, how does rapport sound? I've never heard that man speak before. He would say,

Lazy Susan. Wow, this is uncanny. Who are you playing for a Snatch Game? I'm going to do Lindsay Lohan, Roo. Oh, Lindsay. Yes, from Parent Trap, where she plays the twins. Give me an example. Okay, here's a little taste of Roo.

Because by that point in the competition, I assume we have a little bit of a familiar example. Okay. Here's a little taste of Rue. Because by that point in the competition, I assume we have a little bit of a familiar relationship. Yeah. And I go, hello, Rue. My name's Lindsay Lohan, and I've been starring in the movies for a long time. It was in the film Parent Trap, and Irby fully loaded. And I used to date the Aaron Carter, but then he was taken from me by that little Hilary Duff bitch.

And that's my redoer hand. I loved working with Jamie Lee Curtis on the set of Freaky Friday. And I don't think there's any more context needed. And the most important thing is that during the entire course of me being on Drag Race, I never acknowledge that it's a bad impression. I just have to be like, no, dead set to rights. I do this all the time. Actually, I would love to meet Lindsay just so she could see it.

Because I know exactly how she talks. See? And, dear listener, let me tell you, that is the audition tape that she put in for looking quite good as a Lindsay. Yeah. I mean, L.A. with Lindsay, Australia, Sydney. You remember when Nicki Minaj rapped about me in her song? Yeah.

Okay. Dean Alohan was my mother. She never cherished me like she should have And Michael, my father, went to prison And all that corrupted me as a young girl Well Ali Lohan is a talent girl And me brother makes apps Well, can I say

But now I live in Abu Dhabi Does she really? Oh, from time to time There's rumors that she's like a very, very high-priced sex worker. Ooh, if she's in Abu Dhabi, maybe she'll move to the line. She's been moving that line for a long time. Well, thank you so much for making my RuPaul, by comparison, quite strong. Audio talk.

Okay. So, if you tell me, because this is the Academy Awards all over again, we can't snub Lindsay Lohan. Well, what about those girls? They died, you know? How are we going to sort this out? Let in two sets of twins. Four? Four? Because yours, okay, how are we going to sort this out let in two sets of twins come on four because yours okay so you want to enter the characters of that movie like you want two lindsays in the bunker no i think

you're right i think it has to be adult grown lindsey lohan dressed up as child lindsey lohan still performing as both characters so one lind, two ghost twins. Go on. Okay, I'm going to allow it. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay, good. Good.

Now it's time for us to take a short break. We'll be right back. Stay where you are. Don't move and don't get yourself a drink. Where's Lindsay going? Where's Lindsay going? Yeah. What do you mean?

I've been listening this entire time. I'm absorbed by your fun yet frank conversation style. It's conversational, but it's informative. Goodbye. And welcome back. It's time for our second discussion. Hello. To decide what is getting into that floppy disk in the sky.

All of this isn't fitting on a floppy disk. You know, I used to obviously like download ROMs and emulators and stuff. Obviously. Okay, two things. One, my favorite games I would back up on floppy disk. Very cool. Or less cool. I used to wear a floppy disk as a necklace when I was at uni.

When I was like 18, from like 18 to 22 i like used to i used to have like really long hair and i would put like mousse in it and i'd crunch it up like kate bush and i would like make it really big and then i would wear floppy disk as a necklace anyway that's not the story uni i just something inside of me died the last little shred of respect I had for you disappeared. What? That I went to uni? No, just I thought you were going to be much younger when that floppy disk went around your neck. Oh. Because I was going to say, like, I used to very embarrassingly have a necklace that was like, had like a little slide, a little photo slide on it.

But that was in high school where the lameness went. Although, no, I was lame in uni. I uni i just don't know darling look at a mirror you're lame now that's a really unkind thing oh my god okay wait what was like oh yes okay so are you still like back up my favorite games on floppy disk just in case um but then the other thing is that like back back in 1995 or whatever when we first got the computer maybe not 95 late 90s um dial up internet i used to try to download harvest moon 64 but you had to like you couldn't partially download something it had to be completed in one sitting. And it took me like a year to actually download it. God, I don't remember what I was using. No, because that you could.

You could pause them. Yeah. But because you would get a phone call or blah, blah, blah, and it would kick you off or it would just drop out and then you'd have to reconnect. Oh, it took me so long to get that game. You could have just bought Harvest Moon. No, because it wasn't released here.

Ah. Yeah, like not back, like not, I don't think there was a PAL version of Harvest Moon 64. It was NTSC only. So I was deprived. But now you can get it on, you know, like virtual consoles and stuff officially, which of course I would recommend.

Anyway, wait, what? which of course i would recommend um anyway um wait what so dear listener the theme today of this conversation is which uh character from super smash brothers ultimate super smash brothers ultimate would you like to see in the bunker? Matt, have you ever played this game, Super Smash Brothers Ultimate? I don't know if I've played the Ultimate version. What's that all about? Why is it Ultimate? It's the Switch version. So it has everyone. Oh, Switch version.

Everyone's here. I've only played the Wii version. Oh, great. Wii, Wii. I think I was always either Bowser or Ganondorf. You are straight. That is so deeply straight. No, Ganondorf's hot.

Well, because they've got this really good power up and then they just like destroyed the whole game. So I thought that was quite fun. That's straight. You want to just destroy the whole world. Excuse me, you've got a podcast called Death to Everyone. Which is explicitly about me saving people. Did you forget?

Ganondorf is like the birth of my obsession with redheads and people with big noses. He's so hot. Oh! Anyway, great choices. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

I mean, Bowser's a terrible choice, but Ganondorf. That's good. I didn't say it was a bad choice, Matt. I just said it was a straight choice. Yeah, well, you know what? Yeah? That's me. And we love you for it. It straight choice. Yeah, well, you know what? Yeah? That's me. And we love you for it.

It's good. Thank you. That would have been Brawl. Brawl. Brawl, that's right. Yeah, because Melee was GameCube. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so let's dive in. Let's read about. I can see something unlocking inside of Zelda's face right now because, you know, we haven't touched on gaming at all. But it is a whole media pillar. Yeah. That, you know, we've talked about films, we've talked about music, you know, and to neglect gaming when I'm such a deep gamer is really weird for me. So I've said to Zelda many times we should do something about gaming,

video gaming, and she's always said no. But now when I do it, as I'm talking about this, she's like, so if it was 1998, we were talking about the original version, which was only released in Japan for three months. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're... She constantly wants to to be like let's just do video games get out the way yeah and i say no simcity simcity 2000 um but no we'll get like no okay so this is the

dipping of the toe yes but just watch as zelda makes this more complicated than it needs to be. Who's going in the fucking bunker? No, no, no. You go first. Okay. Yeah. So on the original Nintendo 64 game of this game, Super Smash Bros. I always would play as Kirby. Gay.

Kirby is very cool. Gay. Kirby could fly for as long as it wants. Gay. And it could also turn into a stone at a moment's notice and flop down on everyone. That's the sassiness of the gay. That's right. And sometimes it would be a rock.

Sometimes a spiky ball. Not in the 64 version, but go on. Could also suck people in, shit them out. Gay. Which is cool. Yeah. And would have different wigs. That right taking people's outfits yeah taking the best bit of a different person's identity be like i'll try that on for a bit absolutely and then it would absorb their power like the blob um kirby cool however yeah i from the longest time i used to think kirby is the only option

here because the rest are daft i don't know about mario luigi i don't care peach is pretty cool she can fly with her dress yoshi was weirdly bad in that game yeah and i don't get that because yoshi is obviously fab and cool and i don't know why they did that to her but whatever the fuck yeah so yeah the rest of the original girlies piss off ew to the person who plays as pikachu you're so annoying but the later iterations of the game i lived my life i continued to be me, an avid gamer. And I thought this is the legacy that will remain. And one day when you talk about this on a podcast, Kirby will be the obvious choice.

However. Oh. Then she arrived. She came in from the darkness. She's a gorgeous woman who's a little fitness instructor in the new game oh my god my dear gazing girls in the new game if you haven't played it since back then you can play as a fitness instructor not she's not a lizard she's not a fucking electric mouse she's not ganondorf yeah she's just a woman from fucking downtown la with a slick back tight pony some little bang bits yeah like a sensible yoga pant and a purple shirt. And they said, send this woman in to fight.

Incredible. And she's got the stupidest fucking powers. She twirls little hula hoops out of nowhere and they fly at people. I just, fuck, whoever did that. Her down base special is a yoga move that recovers your health. And she's from her own game world. Do you remember when the world went crazy and decided that Wii's were just for people that were going to die soon? And they did all these fitness things with them and gave out this little foot pad that you could get on and play Wii Fit?

Yeah, the Wii Fit board. Yeah. So she's Wii Fit board. Yeah. So she's from that game. Yeah. She's got an empire. Yeah. Like she's not just some like invention. She has a career.

That's not how you get in Smash Brothers. Well, she doesn't need to do anything else, but she like, she doesn't need to be there. Like she actually doesn't need to come and play Smash Brothers. She's just there because she thought it'd be fun. Yeah. But she's like above it she's saving lives actual human lives are being saved by this woman every day yeah and then she's like but you know what for fun i'll come play in the war

incredible there's a man version which i hate he should be like gotten rid of but the fact that you can be we fitness woman, incredible. And think, her in the bunker, you wouldn't be mad to run into her in the bunker. She would, I mean, she'd keep everyone in tip top shape.

Absolutely. And occasionally fight them. And if they weren't watching, she'd fling a volleyball at their heads. Yeah. I didn't even tell you guys about that. It's so good. So that's my select their hands. Yeah. I didn't even tell you guys about that. It's so good. So that's my select. Wow.

Okay. So her is first place and then Kirby runner up. Yeah. I think. Well, give me one more honorable mention. Um, who else?

Oh, Rob, the robot. Oh, Rob's great. So there's a robot called Rob R.O.B. Yeah. And he's got a little claw hand.

He's like a classic. he was an actual console that you could get yeah like a physical accessory to the nes if you ever watched um saturday disney at some point they had one of these robots rob robs as like a prop on the show because they used to have a lot of nintendo's nintendo sponsorship stuff and it was you know the the envy of all so cool in our backwards country in the middle of fucking nowhere remember amazing yeah oh sorry amazing yeah um how they would always play super nintendo games yes oh that was so good incredible oh anyway okay that's you know you've've made quite a good case there. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So on 64, I played as Pikachu. Another stab from you tonight. Thank you. Sometimes I just do it by accident. Which is like, but I was also like quite versatile on 64 because you only had 12 options and you know like you'd bounce around i would then lo and behold smash bros merely on gamecube had i mean it was it it was zelda and chic all in one down b special change between the two also it was the

proper version of chic zelda transformed into a man as it was said in ocarina of time there is dialogue that confirms he was a man the original trans storyline yes but like oh then they changed it into in further games to make it like zelda like. Oh, she like dressed up. She's like got boobs. And like, no, no, it's a physical change. It's a different body. Anyway. So that version of Zelda and Sheik, incredible, because it was the proper Sheik

and they both had the Ocarina of Time outfit, which is the outfit. Which is from the game Zelda. Everybody knows that. And she's the princess that you're trying to rescue in the original game. Yeah. Just so they know. They know. And if you don't know, turn off this podcast.

It's not for you. But she doesn't, like, she's not a business owner. She's just a princess. Like, she's actually just, like, inherited well. Yeah. So, like, it's not like a young woman starting her own yoga studio. Like, she's a, like, yeah. She didn't start that studio.

She was employed. Oh, contraire. So naive. Oh, my God. So that was a great combo. But then as the years went on, the roster is diversified greatly. And now there's, so so so so so so many players there has been some misstep so like up until the wii version they were all nintendo

characters then the wii version came around and they started introducing third-party characters which was huge news huge news and it was like And it was like Sonic. It was Pac-Man. Oh, imagine Sonic. Well, I mean, Sonic. You had Sonic and Mario at the Olympics, but that like doesn't count because everybody hates those games. But like having all these third party games in Smash Brothers,

incredible. Anyway. But then, you know, like the roster is huge. Like you've got Cloud from Final Fantasy, like blah, blah, blah. And the biggest misstep there is that Chun-Li isn't in the game, but two other Street Fighter characters are, outrageous. And the other is that Lara Croft isn't in the game. When you've got people like fucking Steve from Minecraft,

Lara Croft should be in the game. Because the idea is that all the third party characters are like beloved gaming icons. Yeah. So like when Banjo-Kazooie, when Banjo-Kazooie made it into Smash Brothers Ultimate, I like. Did you cry? I bawled my eyes out. Did you actually?

Yes. Are you joking? No. You cried. Oh my God. At the reveal trailer. No, you didn't? Yes. Are you joking? No. You cried. Oh my God, at the reveal trailer. No, you didn't. I like, and then like, honestly, honestly,

for like maybe a year following, like after the character was in the game, if I watched that trailer, I would still cry because like the history there is insane. Like Rare was like a second party developer for Nintendo that like helped shape their identity through the N64. Like and into the GameCube, like made all these amazing games and then was bought out by Microsoft. Massive misstep for Nintendo. And then like you went through like 10 a fucking tuna with like a little sucker fish on the side, realized that they could coexist.

Yeah. And that is all boiled. The first step was like, it was like when you could have cross platform play with Minecraft on like Xbox and Nintendo systems. Like there was stuff like that where it started to happen and it was like, wow. Okay. And when that happened, I was like,

there's hope that Banjo and Kazooie could be in Smash Brothers. And that was years before it happened. And then when it did, I cried. The machinations of giant corporations making dreams come true. So like, that's great, but they're not my pick because the other thing that

happened was that yeah platinum games makes bayonetta and it is the fucking craziest it like this game so okay if you don't know what bayonetta is, sorry, I'm so excited. I'm tripping over my own words. And I know that you're really excited listening to it. So we're here together. We're all gamers here. But Bayonetta is released. It is this like fast paced action game where you play as Bayonetta, the witch, who is like one of the last of her kind. She's an outcast. She's hot.

She's like seven feet tall. She has glasses. She looks like a dominatrix. She looks like a dominatrix. Her hair is woven into her outfit. She doesn't wear clothes. She just like, her hair is magically like entwined around her body, suggestively, of course, to make her outfit.

But then her hair also doubles as her attack mechanism, where she summons demons because she's a witch so when she attacks all of her hair leaves her body and you know summons into like a demon fist so she's naked wait you see things you see a lot of ass and you see front butt could you say that one more time for me? Do you see the front butt? Now could you say it as Lindsay Lohan? You see the front butt.

No. You freak. How dare you say that about Bayonetta. What about top butt? Boobies. Women have three butts. Oh my God. And some four with that little chin um anyway like incredible character design like her health power-ups are like fucking lollipops

her like special moves are like a stripper pole and as she's spinning around she smacks the enemies in the face with her high heel shoes her weapons she has double pistols and her stiletto heel are more pistols. That's good. Four pistols. Yeah. One of her final moves is this breakdown dance where she's like spinning and then she's on the ground. Bullets flying from all four pistols. And then she lands on the ground with her ass in the air.

She's facing the camera and there's a, like, a shutter style click. And it takes a photo in the game at the end of the finishing move. And she's on the ground and she's like. Does she not say anything? She doesn't need to say anything. Not after that. Not after that. And, like, there's this argument back in the day when, like,

oh, Bayonetta is, like, objectifying women and, like, there's this argument back in the day when like, oh, Bayonetta is like objectifying women. And like, this isn't what representation looks like. Like, oh, you know, she's like, oh, hello. She was designed by a woman. She like- Women cannot be participants in misogyny. Never. But like, it's, that's not it.

Like, it is like- She has shoe guns but it is like unashamedly like like oh she's proud she's like uses her sexuality to manipulate all the other characters around her on her terms she's like sexual she's just incredible and and that game is released does like fairly well is she an assassin no what's what does she do she okay so i'm so glad you asked but she is on a quest to find her missing sister like witch sister who has disappeared. And the angels, they're the enemy. So it's like Bayonetta, a witch that's kind of neutral, using demons to fight the angels.

It's so cool. So you're telling me she doesn't have a job. Protector of the world. Is she protecting the world or fighting her sister? Well, you know, it's one and the same. Well, it doesn't sound like she's helping people achieve their fitness goals well she can't she's inspirations i look at bayonetta i look you look at bayonetta's body and that makes me want to go to the gym i'm like that could be me too if i ever got up um okay so if my sister was ever stolen from me by angels.

Anyway, Bayonetta is kind of like cancelled slash like done. And then Nintendo of all companies, like Bayonetta wasn't on Nintendo console. It was on like PC, PlayStation, Xbox, because like it is not a Nintendo kind of game. Nintendo buy Bayonetta, the IP, and fund Bayonetta 2. It's released on Wii U and they re-release Bayonetta on it. And then they fund and pay for Bayonetta 3. And then she makes it into Smash Brothers. And let me tell you. There she is.

There she is. The diva. Now, obviously, like my namesake is in this game, Zelda. Zelda. But I'll be objective, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, also. I'll take myself out of it.

I've seen Zelda's shoes. Leather, not a gun. Bayonetta would keep everyone in line. She's seven foot tall, though. I worry about her grazing Carrie Fisher's bones. It's fine. So that's my pick. Do you think she'd get along with the Wii fitness instructor?

You know what? I think she would. Yeah. Strong women stick together. That's right. Yeah. That's right. You know what the best thing about Smash Brothers is?

You can't play smash brothers one player so they're both in the bunker oh actually though you can can't you no because of the glove the glove master hand the fucking master hand Yeah. Or Crazy Hand, which I feel like you would prefer. Crazy Hand? When you, oh, you never played on a hard difficulty? The harder difficulty you play, sometimes there's two hands, Master Hand and Crazy Hand. And he does crazy moves.

I don't think that that's kind of appropriate to call something crazy, Sheldon Moon. Not in this year of our Lord, 2023. Going through mental health issues, perhaps. Crazy? We don't use that. Oh my God.

However, the fact that the big boss in the original Nintendo 64 game was a white glove is so stupid and amazing. And that glove would fly stupid and amazing. And that glove would fly around and be like incredible. And every time it touched you, you took damage.

Its mere existence caused you damage. And who doesn't love gloves? But yes, those two good. Let's lock them in. Oh my god! Bayonetta's in the bunker! That's the best edition. That's the best edition. Don't get too excited.

That's the best edition yet. And, you know, oh, I can't win her. What about Wii Fitness Trainer? Yeah, that's good, too. She's fab. Your very strong argument, Lady Susan. Thank you for that. Thank you.

And you didn't alienate the audience like I did. That's okay. I'll cut that all out. No, don't. No, no, no. Okay. We'll see you around. That's okay, I'll cut that all out No, no, no Okay, time for a quick one And welcome back everyone Hi Just quickly

We didn't talk about Mr. Game and Watch And welcome back, everyone. Oh. Just quickly. We didn't talk about Mr. Game and Watch. Matt just reminded it. Yeah, that was the other character that I played. He was really weird because he was very glitchy, but he, like, threw these little sausages out of his pan. Yes! And hit people, which was really fun.

Oh, which is so good. The neutral B move is just him flipping a pan. Yeah. And the things fly out and hit what may. then his special attack he turns into an octopus that's right that doesn't really do anything kind of like master hand and just the more it touches you it hurts you yeah just all these tentacles are just like yeah wait so he was a he's sausages in a pan he had a little fry pan then he was he a chef well game and watch was all sorts of things well what do you do because like game and watch was the um like the little handheld device yeah

and depending on which game he could be a fireman he could be a chef so he had a job okay that's he can stay wait game and watch is in yeah he has a job zelda oh my god in um in octopus form he can hang out with the meg no i'm not gonna allow that oh my god meg stays with just miga malali and meg sometimes a witch's hat and occasionally once a year the hat goes in. But Mystic Game & Watch can stay elsewhere. Yeah, he's cooking. He can cook some digital sausages for folks. And we trainer will be like, I hope those are kangaroo meat. We need lean sources of protein after our amazing workout.

Okay, enough of this. We have one last to decide on tonight. And after all the excitement, I think it's very important that we just dive in. Dive in. Scuttle, first response. Okay. What emoji? One, we've let in too much tonight.

One emoji decided is going in the bunk. Okay. Well, I have two that I just want to discuss. Okay. Because for years, years, I resisted emojis. I hate emojis. I think they're ugly. And I think like oversaturated.

And then like there's a movie. No, I don't like that. What I did like was the Japanese emojis where like you construct, you know, like faces, but it's out of like kanji. The emoticons. Yeah. Yeah. So funny.

Also, there's the one of the guy flipping the table. Ones with like little flowers are so cute. And I used those for a long time. If you could imagine the person with a fucking floppy disk necklace. The girl with the dragon tattoo, the boy with the floppy disk necklace so i loved those for many years and then the you know how on like an iphone you can like download a keyboard like the korean keyboard or whatever you could download a keyboard specifically for these and many years ago they removed the one that i used and then i used to like have a folder

where i would like have them saved and i would copy and paste them into text messages and it was just like it was too much maintenance even for me and so i conceded to emojis but i only used one which was the eyes emoji which fits almost every interaction because it can be like i'm looking at you like you're a weirdo or like i'm looking at you like i agree with you or i'm looking at you like i'm judging you or i'm looking at you like i like you and they're most of my emotions you know but these days my favorite is the bat what's the bat for well i walked into that one and your turn eyes is a good contender yeah you really have turned me on to the eyes yeah because the default emoji in the beastie girls group chat is eyes yes i said that and it has been it has been quite useful in the past but i think you're missing the point here because to me

emojis are about one thing and that's about fuckability and i'm not gonna fuck the bat and i'm not gonna fuck the eyes oh but i will fuck that cowboy hat man. I don't know what you're using them for, but that cowboy hat motherfucker can get it daily and nightly and ever so rightly. Yeehaw. Abso-fucking-lutely. Take me down to the dude ranch. Yeah. He doesn't have a body. He doesn't have a back butt. He has a mouth. He's got a mouth. And a hat was his grandpappy's hat.

Plashed down through generations of Emoji Boys. Now it's here on your head. Frequently used. Always right. Do you take the hat off? That's part of the puzzle oh i love him oh wow i love him and also he's part of the like i got a yellow round circle head but then there's like others that are like i have a human face yeah i don't think that those two are gonna get along no i know no and i hate the new

ones that are like wizard oh okay yeah and let me tell you something hack about advertising because i worked in advertising yeah and one of the things that is like a recurring conversation is that every year you can uh put in a submission to apple or to like because apple owns the like well according to the unicode corporation that that is set up just to like create emojis and the artwork belongs to each individual console yeah the iphone owns their depiction of cowboy hat man yes the most fuckable but then of course other like the google pixel has their version but unicode or whatever the fuck is the creator of new emojis yeah so there was like a campaign to get uh like a muslim like headscarf emoji like

yeah blah blah and so then there's like always a stupid brand that is like we need to get the heinz ketchup emoji or whatever like we need to make sure that there are napkins for whatever the fuck napkin company so that is like the most hack idea that you can have in advertising is like let's um petition unicode to include an emoji that is vaguely related to our brand. I hate it. It's awful. You know what else I hate? On Twitter, how when a new movie comes out,

temporarily at the end of the hashtag, it has a unique emoji that only exists there. What's with that? How does that happen? I don't know. I don't like it at all i don't like it because it's not a real emoji no i mean i already hate them all so then like when there's more to contend with that like you can't copy and paste to use elsewhere but also in in that world

like in doing social media management for different brands there's like a lot of conversation about which emojis are allowed to be in the like body copy for these companies because if you put the eyes in all the fag is going to be like wait where's the dick well and there are some emojis that are just too like no we can't have that it's all the genes are ruined you really can't put all the genes in a post for anything they'll be like, we're not that kind of company. Yeah. It's an egg. Yeah.

Aubergine and peach. Yeah. The gays have ruined them. Do straight people use that? What's like the boob fruit emoji? The boob fruit emoji. Matt, can you help us out here? The boob fruit?

Yeah. Like if you're tech, well, Matt's been with his girlfriend, wife, for a long, long time. Okay, so if you were going to send your- I just invented when I was texting. Yeah, really, though. You would have never been, like, sexy texting anyone. Oh, that's not true. I sexy texted some people once.

Okay, so if you were going to sexy text the mother of your child, like, show me those sweet, and then you put in the emoji to represent her breasts. Maybe just, well, what's the peach for? That's for the bun. That's ass. Buns. The buns. That's lightly fluffed ass.

The back butt. I don't know. Maybe the cherries. See, straight people have no culture. No. The aubergine is straight, man. Oh, but gays use that for dick more than. We use the droplet emoji more than.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, actually, though, when I was in my grinder heyday, I had the rocket ship emoji as my. Because I was like, yes. Yeah, because you're an ice queen. Well, here we go. So then I was like living my life.

And then I was like, I really do well at like one in the morning. That's a great time. When people think that you're going to sell them ice. Way to sell them ice. And then I was living my life and people would chat me up at one in the morning and i'd be like this is great i love it here and then one guy was like are you selling meth and i was like why would you think i'm selling meth and he's like your username the rocket yeah means meth yeah blast off baby and i was like wait what and so i changed it because i was like

i'm now a lot of conversations are suddenly making sense as to why these men were talking to me oh my god i was like i guess playing coy to all these drug addicts just being like like i'm not up to much what about you they're like are you holding i'm like i'm not holding it right now but maybe later yeah i like to play and i'm not that puffed not yet and then so i'm like i'll change it to what an autumnal? So what I changed it to then was the cloud emoji. Oh, fuck off. And I was like, you know, it's like dreamy. I'm like, it's cute.

The cloud is cute. And then that same guy two weeks later messages me back and he's like, you've got to be fucking kidding me, right? And I'm like, what? And he's like, you know, that also means bad. Blowing fat little clouds and i was like does any fucking emoji on here not mean meth could someone tell me and then i changed it to a lion and then he was like you really are crazy and i was like what the fuck and he's like no just kidding you do what you want wow that's very funny it was so embarrassing oh my god and now i think a lot of melbourne thinks that i'm a meth addict like oh lazy susan dealt meth for a long time oh my god

and you were like no i just like sci-fi i just thought the rocket is very cute yeah well yeah wow what about the poo with eyes okay maybe there is straight culture so ian mckellen famous gay man played the poop emoji in the emoji movie what yes hi this is lazy susan from the future here just breaking in to say it was Patrick Stewart Not Ian McKellen Obviously I'm not here to spread misinformation About the poop emoji Or who has played him throughout the years

So Patrick Stewart, who is also a gay man But Just so you know Oh, Ian And that's why I picked the bat emoji It's the cowboy emoji. And we're only having one. Yeah, look, I don't care that much.

I hate them all. Then I win. We are going to have the most fuckable emoji in the bunker. I'm trying to think if any of them are sexier. Poop with eyes. I don't want poop with eyes no but i want this man but i do like speaking of new additions in the latest run of like new emojis injected the like little shocked face with the ripples oh that's good sometimes they're real get it right

yeah that's very good the upside down smiley face is like so impeccable. It is incredible as a piece of art. Yeah, it's very good. It means exactly what it looks like. Yeah. You know how they always have that thing about like what symbol do you put over like nuclear waste to make sure that future cultures who have no understanding of English would know to stay away from it? I didn't know that, but go on. English would know to stay away from it.

I didn't know that, but go on. It's a big design issue, which is like, how do you communicate to people who for 40 million years in the future to stumble across very hazardous nuclear waste, that there is nuclear waste and it's bad because they don't, you don't have English. You don't have, you don't know that they're going to be the same form of human body or anything because you can't do like sick person. Cause that might mean something different then and so there's all these like you know example designs of that like we'll put big spikes in front of it no no upside down and echidna would love that well they can't make

it look too cool or i'll start shooting mad max and nine inch nails music videos there you know the kids. Yeah. So then what? Upside down smiley face needs to be there. You're telling me that that wouldn't cross time and space? No, I think in that situation you'd use melty smiley face. No, baby. No, no, no.

The kids of tomorrow, that's how they're all going to look. Half melted? Melted by the Bluetooth. Fab, okay, yeah, a cowboy can come in. He sure can. Well. You know he will. Yeah.

What does he ranch? He puts it on everything. No, what does he raise at he ranch? He puts it on everything. No, what? What does he raise at the ranch? Raises the flag over this great country. Why do Americans love the flag so much? And the flag was still there. was still there oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh nationalism it's so like I just don't nationalism it's the

glue that holds and binds the country together like I mean I say America

but it's not just America some countries are obsessed with their flag obsessed yeah it's not just America. Some countries are obsessed with their flag.

Yeah. Obsessed. Yeah. It's just some colors on a rectangle, you know? You heard it here first, folks. I don't know. I don't, yeah, I don't have the answer for you. And I, yeah, flags are ugly.

What about those countries that have like a flag that's not a rectangle? It's like two points. Is that a thing? Yeah. What country is that? Someone? I don't know. Yeah.

But that exists. And can I say, it ruins the continuity of flag design. Everyone needs to have the same shapes. Yes. Anyway, that about rounds it out. Oh my God. Thank you so much for joining us tonight, everybody. Oh my god Thank you so much for joining us tonight everybody

And if you'd like more of these shenanigans You can find incredible extras On our Patreon Not right now but later certainly Thanks so much for listening And we'll see you next week Bye bye Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios

By Matt Shears Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you want to contact us, you can do it at death2everyonepod at gmail.com. Or support us on Patreon at death2everyone at patreon.com.

Goodbye. Bye-bye. Thank you.