Death To Everyone - Death To... Halloween Decorations, Horror Villains and Death

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

HALLOWEEN!!! It's the only holiday we celebrate in the bunker so BUCKLE UP for a Death To Everyone Spooktacular! This week we dive into Halloween decorations, what is good and what should burn? Scary movies - ever seen one? We talk about that too. Finally we consider - what's the most chic way to die? Listen now to find out! Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Oh Hello Back after a thousand years The spooky ooky holla wooky season is upon us, Sheldon Moore I'm spooked, I'm spookerella. If you quiet on a cold winter's night, you can see wet and cold meek and malarly. Emerging from the oceanarium. But one night a year. Hello, everyone. It's Halloween. All Hallows' Eve.

Ooh, spooky. Are you spooked? I'm positively spooked. Well, we've got a spooktacular ready for you, listener. You beautiful listener. I know your bones are shaking. I think that there's something you can do about that. Well, sadly, not really.

Shaken bones. Yes. What do you think about when they have, like, funny graveyard names, like on tombstones for Halloween? Ooh, like... Gym socks. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I like that. Yeah, it's kind of like proto-drag. It's where we start... Silly name that you chose. Silly name for you. Yeah, it's kind of like proto-drag. It's where we start. Silly name that you chose. Silly name for you. Yeah. Okay, so, Zelda Moon, what's your relationship to Halloween week? I like Halloween a lot, as we have discussed on the podcast.

But classic, grew up with parents who were always like, well, we don't celebrate Halloween in Australia. Halloween week. And I would say, but it's fun. My brother would say nothing because he doesn't care about Halloween at all. Your brother doesn't care? No. Although the sweet justice there is that his children are obsessed with Halloween

because times have changed. And Halloween's more accepted in Australia now, I think. Yeah, parents gave up. Also, I think it goes hand in hand with new parenting styles where parents just give their children whatever they want. Correct. And so it's an event with candy and things. And dressing up is fun.

I also think that teachers are like, why is this a great week to just learn about things? Learn about crafts. Matt, are you going to raise your children with Halloween? If she wants to, yeah, we'll go out. But I never really did when I was little. And it shows. The joy, dead.

I know, I've lost it all. Spooktacular. Spooky. Why do you like Halloween? I like Halloween because I am a rational thinking human being. And as discussed previously, it's got something for everyone. Can I say? What?

I find it so boring. The narrative that is, I feel mostly pushed again in America, but it's like Halloween's the one night of the year that drag queens get to have off. So boring. The narrative that is, I feel mostly pushed again in America, but it's like Halloween's the one night of the year that drag queens get to have off. Like, shut up. No, it isn't. No. Like, no, it isn't.

It's not working. Christmas, that's when drag queens have off. Wrong. Because every day is a holiday. Oh, that's right. And they don't get to go home to their parents because their parents have rejected them. Well, that's right, and they don't get to go home to their parents because their parents have rejected them. Well, that's every day.

Did you, like, that whole, like, you're going to die, there's razor blades and apples. What? There was that, like, parents stopped, like, you know, back in the day in America, you could get, like, you know, fresh baked goods as part of your Halloween trick-or-treat cycle. But then there was these scares in the 80s in the news

about razor blades being found in apples and needles being found in things without wrappers. So parents then insisted that their children only had wrapped candies from that moment on. Wow. And it was revealed that it was all a lie. Shocker. That never actually happened.

Do you remember when Spinach was giving people hepatitis? In Australia? Yeah. I haven't met Spinach. Where does she perform? She's available at your local Coles and Safeway. But that actually happened Yeah

Yeah God, you'd be so pissed I'm just trying to make spinach and ricotta panini But I'm saying it's like If kettle chili chips gave me hepatitis I'd be like, maybe it was worth it But if I was like You know, new me starts today

And they're like, you have hepatitis from that. And I'm like, ugh, I didn't even get to eat chili chips. How dare you? I just had a green smoothie. Yeah, literally. Ew. Oh, my God. Do you know how many times I would have had food poisoning by now if I still ate meat?

Oh, my God. I would just die constantly. I had food poisoning from, from oh i don't want to you know put viet rose on blast correct they gave me no they didn't oh yes oh no they didn't i i was my recent food poisoning from viet rose was but a few weeks ago i had to like stay home from work it was like it happens so sick maybe once or twice a year. Yeah. Yeah. To you. I've only ever, I got Viet Rose recently, which is the best Veg O Luxa in Melbourne.

It is. So it's worth it. Correct. Roll the dice. Well, darling, you know, not everyone's perfect. But the tofu was a bit sour. That's the thing. And I had your voice in my head being like, tofu's a bit sour.

And so I immediately spat it out and then just had the like broth. Yes, everything else was fine. In fact, I had it on the weekend and I was like, oh, this tofu's question mark. But I ate it and I was fine. Yeah. You know, it's really good for you. Yeah, I guess. Your biome, it's strengthening.

But I constantly am like, oh, this pasta can sit on the bench, it's winter. Oh my God, pasta death. Pasta would never do that to me. No, it's countertop rice death. Rice would never do that to me. Famously does do that to people. Yeah, when all this college

That college student that like left the rice on the bench for a week And then died Or that person who hold Who, okay, so when the Wii was coming out This radio station in America ran this competition For who could hold on to their Wii for the longest And someone died Like their peers

Yes Oh my god That's sad when you die for like a console that people don't care about anymore Well, true for the longest and someone died. Like their peers? Yes. Oh, my God. That's sad when you die for, like, a console that people don't care about anymore. Well, true. She didn't even get to play it. In heaven. She died.

A choir of angels plays the Wii Fit game with her. Have you ever seen a ghost? Okay. Yes. Well, maybe. So, okay, I might have told you this story before Go on Oh God, I'm probably going to get the facts wrong And I know that my mother listens to this podcast

So here we go Only when it's uploaded to YouTube Yeah, true And we haven't done that in a while That's true Okay, so when I was young What age was I? I don't believe that.

My grandma passed away. Brag about it. And my older brother is like very, very, very like the least into supernatural anything that you could imagine. He likes cars, F1 and money. Correct. Not dead people coming back from the other realm. He likes going to work and then coming home from work to get ready to go back to work the next day.

Like we're very different people. And he's not single ladies. And when my grandma passed away, my brother saw her on the couch one night, like the next day reading the newspaper and like was she like semi-transparent or was she fully opaque i'd have to clarify that with my brother um but brother moon but he yeah it's like the least like of all the people i could think of to like have zero interest in making up a spectre story. Yeah.

Would be him. So your grandmother used to read the newspaper? She did like to read the newspaper, if you could imagine. But then, so that was like maybe a few days after. And then at the funeral, of course, we're gifted with lots of bouquets of flowers. Which is awful. Don't ever give people flowers after a funeral.

To watch something else die. Give them wine. That's what they want. Yeah. This story goes like in my parents' bedroom, they had one of those arrangements. And like it had, I used to, I call my grandma Nanny. So like Nanny's favorite flowers were like in the arrangement.

So what? What? Nanny, what pudding are we having tonight? Well, I don't say that anymore because she's dead. Well, she's still with us. Go on. As evidenced by the... Inspectors, the Nanny

Anyway Wait what did you call your grandfather then I don't know him Go on I actually really don't We should pry into that one day with my mother Nanny and puppy Well it's funny you say puppy

Because my like great grandfather We called puppy Nanny and Poppy. He, well, it's funny you say Poppy, because my, like, great-grandfather we called Poppy. Yeah. There's no way. In the year of our Lord, 2023, you can't say Poppy anymore without it being like, I miss you, Poppy, come home!

Oh, either that, thank you, or, like, yeah, Poppy. Yeah. Okay, sorry. Anyway, so so my dead my grandmother had just died and nanny's like favorite flowers were in one of the bouquets in my parents bedroom and one morning mom woke up and all of those flowers were at the front of the arrangement however my mom is very into supernatural things so she might have been lying for attention did you do that no no i didn't know no i was asking your mother she's listening she is yeah

um yeah so those two things happened uh in the rye house like the family home um after my grandma's death which are the closest encounters that I ever had there was unrelated to my nanny passing away there were a few times in that house where like strange things happened but I am also very supernaturally inclined so I think I was lying to myself there was a day where like I was in the kitchen and like all of the volume turned down on the stereo and i remember like as i like was like that's weird and i was like walking towards it i could see the knob turning down and then when i went to turn it back up like you you've been

there you know how like when you're looking out of the kind of top balcony you can see that little kitchen window because the kitchen is kind of and and like there were all these crazy shadows on like the curtains from the kitchen as I walked out of there to turn the volume back up. And then I was like, but yeah, that's spooky. So they're the things that happened. They all happened in that house,

but I don't know. You know, I don't know. I couldn't say. What about you? Um, I just called my nan, Nan. No, so my mother was on a girl's trip with her. Girl's trip.

Girl's trip with my auntie and their other friend. And they were all hanging out, just the three of them. And so they'd gone down to the beach together and were staying, this was up in Queensland, but staying at a house. And it was just the three of them the whole weekend. And it was the 80s, like this would have been before I was born. And they were taking photos, as you did, on film. At the time, oh man, they had a great but there was just like a like a bit of a weird

energy in this rental house and then they got the film developed and in one of the images was a man and he was cut off from the it was just like from his shoulders down and he was quite close in the frame, but he was there. I've seen the photo. A suit on a hanger. No, no. It was a full, like you could see his arm. You could see like down to like, you know, his knees. Kim Cattrall mannequin.

And then you can see the photo like of like, you know, my auntie D and everyone like sitting and this man is there. And they're like, when i tell you there was not a man there the whole weekend and like you know obviously like the first thing you go to is like oh then they've accidentally double exposed the negative and it's like from another thing but this with a double exposure you can tell because it's semi-transparent over the image. This man was in the room. Like the way the light was being cast from the flash, it's on them. Like you can see where the shadow is being cast from his body

being in the space. And like he's not opaque. He's not transparent at all. Like it's not like a double exposure on a negative. Anyway, so they were like, this man appeared in this photo and there was no man the entire weekend, not a single person, let alone when we were taking photos in that room. And then what happened?

That's all. Just isn't that fucking scary? What is it about men? It's scary. Stay away. Get out of here, men. It is girls' night. Well, yeah, exactly.

And then one time me and my friend Nina were walking home up my hill where I grew up in the Dandenong Ranges. And as we were, you know, my house, the driveway is at the crest of the hill and there's a giant streetlight above it. So you can kind of see anyone walking down the hill towards you is backlit. And we're walking home. We're probably drunk, as we were, a lot. At what age?

We would have been like 17, 18. Oh, my. Anyway. like 17, 18. Oh my. Anyway. And we're walking up the hill and we see a man walking towards us down the hill, which is like not crazy, but it is a bit more country out there. So you're not going to have like people just bopping around.

It's weird when you're in those streets and you're the only person who's normally there and then all of a sudden you're like, where are you going? And it's the middle of the night, maybe like 10.30, 11.30 at night. This man's walking towards us, but as he's walking, he doesn't seem to be getting any closer. He's just moving like he's walking but backlit and not getting any closer. And we both are like, can you see him? And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you wouldn't even think to say, can you you see him but as we were moving and he wasn't getting closer it seemed weirder and weirder and weirder and then he slid away up my driveway and then we were like what the fuck why is that guy going up my driveway this shape of a man and then when we went around the corner we were both fucking terrified and there was nothing there it was very spooky and then what happened and nina died that night but that's spooky no yeah what do you want from me? I'm spooked How do you go after seeing a horror movie? Like when you see The Exorcist Are you like

When I get in that bed I'm going to be all twisted No I'm fine generally I mean like There's been a few times in my life That I can remember being too Scared to

To like go to sleep or whatever. I think, yeah. The thing that's like always done me, like when I first saw Aliens, I was really scared, but I was also a child. Yeah. And then when I saw the new Dawn of the Dead, that remains a film that just like really gets under my skin for some reason.

Dawn of the Dead? Yeah. A zombie movie? Zombie movies just get me. Wow. that remains a film that just like really gets under my skin for some reason dead yeah a zombie movie zombie movies just get me wow they're like so creepy and sad and like they kind of feel quite nihilistic like there's something about the like impending doom of them like it's not so much that i'm scared that zombies are gonna come and knock on back door. It's more that they put me in a mood of like, isn't that so like claustrophobic that you're just stuck in this building waiting to die. That's what I like walk away with that residue on me. And I can't shake that feeling of being like, yeah. Okay. Gross.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Hmm. Yep. I definitely, depending on the film, will have like maybe a night of like the quick trot back to bed after brushing your teeth. You live alone.

And you're like, oh, I'm just going to, oh, the shadows, I'm just going to run back to bed instead of my, you know, leisurely stroll I might normally take. But yeah, you live alone. Yeah. And you've been robbed yes so it's like i don't know i'd be scared if i was you you're a single woman living on your own yeah um the robbing really that was the scariest thing yeah um can you tell that story oh my god it's an iconic story okay okay dear listener listen to my trauma it was black friday the shopping event of the year and i was working late

truly horrifying um Until midnight. I was working until midnight. And my housemate at the time, dear Jeremy, was working till 11 o'clock, as he normally did. That's fine. But it's unusual that we would both be working late because I normally start work at 7 a.m. and finish in the afternoon. Anyway.

So we both went in the house, Jeremy. So I'm at work, whatever. I get a message from Jeremy at like 1130 at night being like, Hey, it's fine. But like, we like looking for something in my room. And then I was like, what? No. And then he wrote back and he was like, we've been robbed. I was like, Oh. and then he wrote back and he was like we've been robbed i was like oh and then he like started sending photos of like his room completely upturned um and then like mine as well and he was like okay like this is missing this is like and then i'm still work for half an hour being like what the fuck i love that you just stayed there. Well.

You're like, the job still needs to be done. I finished at 12. And so I'm like stressed for that half hour. Fair enough. So my apartment is on the ground floor of the building. Well, don't give it all the way to the listener. They don't need to know. And there's a door to the backyard in the lounge room,

but there's also a door to the backyard in my bedroom, which we never used ever because my bed was up against that door slash window and that was wide open. So they had come in through my bedroom door, like to the exterior of the building, which is always locked. No sign of forced entry. And that was wide open. So they had come in through my bedroom door, like to the exterior of the building, which is always locked. No sign of forced entry,

which is just weird because like, I don't know. I locked that door eight years ago and literally never opened it ever again. Anyway. And then Jeremy's telling me what was stolen and like very frustratingly and sad was my like laptop, which like cry me a river. It's just a piece of IT. However, like had my entire drag career on there.

I like all the Beastie Girl stuff. 15 years of pornography. Correct. So that just like that sucked. Anyway, but because he'd stolen my laptop, I used the find my feature on my phone to track it. So by the time I finished work, we'd established all this. By that time, the police were at the apartment with Jeremy and they'd done the police report and blah, blah, blah. And then I finished work and I was going to head home.

And I was like, well, let's just see where this thief has taken my personal belongings. And it was a corner in the city really close to where I work. So I was like, well, I'm just going to go scope things out. Went there, obviously, like, I don't know, there's like 100 people on a street corner in the city at any time, couldn't see anything. And then I'm like following this ping around. I'm like, okay, well, this is crazy, but it's right here.

It's here somewhere. So I went to the police station on Bourke Street, went in, and I was like. I'm sure they were very helpful immediately, right? Of course. So I go in. I'm in line for quite some time, which it's not their fault. It's Black Friday after all. And the officer at the window, I'm like, hey,

so like my apartment was just burgled and my housemates done the report, but I'm just da-da-da-da-da. But this ping is like around the corner. Like, look, it's like right there. Can we like go and like suss it out? And she's like, no. Like we can't just go to a street corner and like search every person on the street corner.

Yeah, police would never just go and harass random people without any probable cause like we need like a reason to do such a thing you can't just like like they're protesting people yeah i was like okay um so it's like so and i was like but it's right like and this police station is like around that like literally like maybe 50 meters from the street corner she was, there's just like nothing we can do. And she was also like, and the officer that your housemate raised the like issue with half an hour ago is the officer who's in charge of the thing. So like that's the officer who's going to take care of it. It's like, right, but you're the one I'm talking to right now.

And what? Pardon? Like the one who just answered the call like why the fuck does that matter yeah truly so then that's it and i like go to leave the thing and i'm like looking at the ping and you know when like your um airpods or your computer or whatever is really really close to your phone and it kind of like magnets back to you it thinks it's back on you so that was happening and i was like i like i'm not crazy i don't have it but it's like had magneted back to me so i was like the person is like i was like maybe the police have apprehended this person and it's in like a police i confiscated this bag and now it's at the police station yeah

at which point she was like please leave so anyway i i exit the station i go to get the tram and because i walked further away it split off me again yeah and then appeared to be at the carlton club which was home of thieves well i worked there for quite a few years i was like oh i've been betrayed by my former you know a regular at at the Carlton Club has been stalking me for 10 years. And then I realised that downstairs of the Carlton Club is a KFC. And in the window of the KFC was the thief in question. And I knew this because he had a particular bag over his bike, presumably stolen bike.

In the KFC? Yeah. That was my housemate's. Well, he didn't want his bike to get stolen. So it was my housemate's bag and it was full of all of our shit. And like this. 15 years of pornography but like this person was

obviously like houseless experiencing homelessness and you know like on edge you never know I don't know you don't know what situation you're about to walk into I don't know so I'm just going to be safe

but I took photos I sent them to my housemate. And I was like, is that your bag? And he was like, absolutely, yes. And I was like, well, the ping led me here. And that bag is only, that's Jeremy's bag. So then this station is literally across the road from the Colton Club slash KFC. Like I'm talking 10 meters at this point,

like just across the road. So I'm like, well, there he is there he is okay amazing the officer just told me that they need like a reason to search someone above like i'm gonna search you yeah you're like that someone else's bag yeah so i go across the road and as i'm returning inside there was like all these officers coming back from patrol or whatever and And I was like, hello. Boys, boys. Hello. I'm in distress. I was like, look, I was just here speaking to your colleague inside literally one minute ago, but I've just been burgled. Like, da, da, da, da, da.

But that person over there, that is my housemate's stuff on his bike. And he's right there in the window. Can we go and like, can you talk to him and suss it out or search him or whatever like if you can just open that bag i can identify my stolen computer and all of my other things that got stolen like my wallet that will have my id in it like you know yeah and there's four officers and they looked at me and they said, we can't just go up to someone on the street and ask to look at their personal belongings. Are you insane?

It's a transgression. We would never. We can't just go up to people and, you know, like, it's like, what? What do you do? So then I, like, had my phone open and I know like it's like what what do you do so then i like had my phone open and i was like and the the ping of my stuff like because it was like it was my um my computer and my ipad and then like like those were the two things that were pinging like both of them um but there was a heap of other stolen shit yeah um and then like the guy comes out of the kfc and like

these four officers are still like yeah sorry mate there's not really anything we can do good thing you got the photo of him though i'm like but if you agree that the photo is there it's like right there that's him that that one and then like as he comes out'm like, was coming out of the KFC now. And like, you could see the ping moving. It was like, it's moving as he's moving. And then he gets on the bike and I'm like, he's getting on the bike now. Can you stop him? There's just no way to prove it. And then we all stood there in silence.

And as he drove down Burke Street, we watched the ping move down Burke Street. And that's the last time I saw any of my possessions. Well, thank God police are good for something. Which thing? The one time they didn't decide to harass a homeless person. But my favorite part. Well, the story's not over yet oh pardon me go on um but it does go for 10 hours so let's just get through it real quick so then whatever that was just like so so so

completely fucked go home and like i further identify other stuff that's stolen that was mine that jeremy i don't know he doesn't know where I keep everything in my bedroom. And then we like do more of the police report. The next day forensics come and like take fingerprints of everything and da, da, da, da, da. And why this is a spooky thing is that I left, like I was so like fucking exhausted by the whole thing by the time all of this was done was that I left like all the fingerprint dustings on all the surfaces for like days

and like if you ever get robbed and this happens to you wipe those fingerprints away because looking at all the things that he had touched for like a week yeah was the worst thing I could have done I should have just cleaned it up but he also like left a can of drink in your house. Which I found like two weeks later because it was deep in my wardrobe and I was like looking for, I don't know, a particular pair of pants and then I found a fucking can. What was the beverage of choice? The beverage was a pink fizzler. Oh, like a seltzer.

Yes. Because he had robbed, because i live in um you know the inner north the beverage of choice is a fucking that thing yeah um and he'd robbed another house around the corner before coming to my place where he stole that drink from um i had some very important fizzles that i was going to take to a picnic later on with my friend Chelsea, who's just finished her master's. At Edinburgh Gardens. Yeah, but so it turns out after like, because I took these photos and I sent them through and da, da, da, it turns out that the person

who burgled my house was easily apprehended because he was something of a melbourne hero do you remember dear listener but a few years ago when the owner of pellegrini's on collins street was stabbed by someone and then a person experiencing homelessness rammed into the stabber with their trolley and became a melbourne hero apprehended the stabber yeah as they were trying to flee the scene yes which is like peller greenies is a 24-hour like cafe restaurant in the city quite near the kfc actually kind of um and yeah they stopped them and then they became a melbourne hero and got a heap of fucking money because someone was like melbourne hero give him

and did like a go fund me and then there was like someone put in charge of like the account and like this guy gets like a drip feed of that fund which is But like, fuck you. You don't need to rob me. I just think it's so funny. Oh. You got robbed by a legend, a hero, and you're the only person in Melbourne who's like, I fucking hate that guy. And they're like, he's a treasure. I hate him.

He saved a life. And you're like, I had 15 years of pornography on that laptop and he took it all away from me. And there's just like, oh my God. And then like, there's so much, we could do parts of this story across multiple Halloween episodes. But like the ping then went to Sunshine

and then like we were on the phone to like the Sunshine police station and we were going to like go and like, well not we, but they. Get in the car, Jim. We can't just go to our house because, fuck you. You can't seem to do anything.

And then a few days later, the officer that was put in charge went on leave for two weeks. So literally nothing happened because like that's the officer in charge. I was like, so all of those crimes just go on ice for two weeks? Yeah. Like, yes. Yeah.

Yes. It's like nothing else can happen because that's the one who takes care of it. It's like, this is fucked. So fucked. And then another spookerella, a few, maybe like a month later, maybe even two months later, you were at my house. Benign Girl was at my house. We were doing Beastie Girl stuff.

Yeah. And I got this phone call. Yes, I forgot about this. Oh my God. And I put it on loudspeaker and Benign or you recorded it on your phone. But it was the person that had ended up with the iPad. Because as soon as like all of this happened, obviously I locked all of my devices remotely.

Yeah. And like put in the notes, like, if you find this, please call Kane on... And I get this call. He's like, yeah, mate, I got your fucking iPad. Yeah. I just want to do the right thing and get it back to its original owner. Yeah.

So you're going to meet me at this corner. You're going to pay me 500 bucks. Yeah. And I was like, pardon? And he's like, I just wanted, you know, I traded it for drugs and now I can't use it because it's fucking locked. So I'm just going to do the right thing and get it back to you. Yeah, that was a tense conversation.

Yeah. But you were also like, no. He was like, but we're trying to do the right thing. And he's like, then give me my iPad back. And he's like, for $500. Anyways, yeah. So what? I don't know.

That's the story of when Jeremy and I were burgled. By the most loved man in Melbourne. Fuck that guy. Anyway, because he was famous, they caught him. And then he went to court. Yeah. And when I finally, because all of this was on the phone, like everything, like all of it,

like I never, apart from the forensics officers. Yeah. Like everything, like all of it. Like I never, apart from the forensics officers. Yeah. But then when the time came for the officer to have me sign my like statement. Yeah. Which was like months, months into the whole thing before they went to court.

Yeah. He was super hot. Oh, good. Because I met him after work. I'm glad. And I was like, are you? Officer! Did you need to come into the city just to see me?

Hello. He was so handsome. Well, I think the incompetence of the police should be noted perhaps more than the hotness. Also, they could have really quickly fucking resolved that issue because I don't think, I think you could literally have just gotten your shit back yeah that guy would have i don't think you like you would have just been like okay well thank you know what i mean like i don't think you'd be that standing there like take this man away to prison no it's just like i just want my stuff yeah it's like i

don't give a shit if you went to court yeah like and it's like that could have been resolved that night at that hour yeah but because of the incompetence of the entire fucking organization it never got resolved yeah and you're getting fucking blackmail calls in the middle of the fucking night yeah from some guy and it's like could you people just do one thing yeah at some point it's cooked Okay Ooh Ooh Halloween The system is broken Yeah Curse on their families Yeah

Zelda Yeah Quickly Yeah How does the apocalypse happen this week? Okay The moon Has a face

Not like in that show But like in the Not like in that show You know that show Mighty Boosh oh i have not seen that good um but more like in the smashing pumpkins album cover like in the new zelda game or the old zelda game majora's mask no like the smashing pumpkins one an illustrated face beautiful and the moon blows a wind onto the earth and everything flies off was this apocalypse inspired by like an etsy drawing no that's just from my mind

okay well i'm blown into space everything Except for what's in the bunker. Correct. Okay. I'm going to allow this. Oh, you're damn straight you are, darling. And does the moon have lungs? Magical lungs. Magical lungs. Does it blow for 24 hours? No, it's just one puff. Wait, so how is it getting around the... It's really strong.

I said I wasn't going to question it, and yet here I am. Oh. Okay. Just let it be. Okay, listen, we'll be right back. Did you like that story, Matt? Oh, it was riveting. So many twists and turns.

It's my fucking life. And we're back, you. Hello. Okay. What's first on the chopping block? Oh! The first thing I'd like to discuss this week... Ooh. Is which Halloween decorations are going into the bunker.

Halloween, Halloween decoration. This is Halloween. Okay, so... Decorations. Let's kick it off. You motherfuckers out there in the world, not you listener, but person who's listening over your shoulder right now, listen to me. Heed my call.

None of these bitches know how to use the cobwebs that come from the fucking store. Yeah. Okay. So it's cotton. It's polyfill, right? You are meant to stretch it out so it looks like a cobweb that spiders live in. Have you seen how spiders are out there making their homes? Because they're not leaving whole fucking stuffing.

No. Like Big Ted has just exploded in front of your house into the bushes. Yeah. So why the fuck are you leaving it like that? As if that's acceptable. You stretch it out Catch it on a leaf Stretch it out

Catch it on something else Catch it on the fence post Catch it in the bush Why have we not had education on this It is when executed properly It is very effective Incredible I am spooked

Are there giant spiders living here, darling? That could be the only answer. Yeah. Or somewhat fucking incompetent, more likely. And that's it. I'm like, you had a choice. You went to the shop. You purchased this.

But here's the other thing. We started off, that was good. White spider's webs. Yeah. In my whole life, I've never seen a fucking green or orange spider web Yeah Uh uh I know that those are spooky colours

Yeah The spiders could be those colours maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe But for the fantasy that I'm living in Why the fuck are these spider webs being sold green? And like fluoro green

Fluoro green Uh uh And you bought that? Mm mm When white was next to it? When white was next to it? When white was next to it. And then you did it wrong? Yeah.

You know what else I don't like? The ones that come with the spiders in it. Ugh. I want to choose and then add. Add. Add. And you know what? Most spiders only have like a web, one web per spider.

One web per spider. And you know, are we living in the reality where this is the hatchlings? Then it better be a big spider web. Yeah. Or a giant spider. I just don't think these people are thinking about it. It's wrong. It's wrong.

It's inept. And it speaks to an issue within our generation. It's embarrassing. And I'm embarrassed for this country when I say it. And truly, it happens everywhere. Yeah. It's a joke. Kill.

Death to them. Yeah. Death to all of them. They'll be the first to be blown off. We call it the big blow off. And so that's my piece on that. You know what I love? What?

Old Skelly. A big old Skeletan. Surely I've shown you. There's a house on Ligon Street that always puts a skeleton on their roof and it just sits there. That's the decoration. That's fab. I love it.

Okay, well, here's the thing. This is the same as having the weird colored spider webs. Why the fuck are they giving me mini little skeletons? I'm not spooked by a mini skeleton, honey. I know how big a human skeleton is meant to be. What reality are we living in? I don't want decorations that look like the mini thing of the thing that you could just buy and put out.

Give me a bat, make me think, ooh, that's a bat. And then I go, no, it's not a bat. It's a decoration that you artfully put out. Not like a stream of representation. yeah yeah that's why snake toys are so good because they're usually to scale and that's scary things need to be right into scale yeah scale is important yeah not tiny little bats and tiny little pumpkins that aren't pumpkins made out of plastic what do you think about pumpkin carving? Love it. I don't think I've ever done it with a pumpkin who's meant for that purpose.

I think I do it to like a butternut and I'm always like, this is the fucking worst thing. Well, you really couldn't buy them here because it's a specific type of bread pumpkin. Yeah, that pumpkin got bread. Yeah. Yeah, that's why he's got that look on his face. Exhausted and satisfied.

Lit from within. But back in the day... Hollowed out. A gaping hole inside. Oh, we should tell that seed story one day anyway not our story to tell oh so then yeah back in the day you couldn't actually get the right type of pumpkin that's been bred to be carved. It doesn't have many. Who's that? A spooky guest.

So you couldn't get the pumpkins, but you know what you could get if you were young little baby me? Orange. Oranges. That's what we carved. Oh, my God. Actually, I don't like oranges. No. Sticky.

Messy. You know what's great? Mandarins. Can I tell you something fucked up about oranges? The good't like oranges. No. Sticky and messy. You know what's great? Mandarins. Can I tell you something fucked up about oranges? They're the good version of oranges. Also, you hold it up to the sun to see if there's a pip inside. Can I tell you something fucked up about oranges? I wish you would, please. There are three citrus fruits from which all other citruses come.

Okay, the citron family. Tell me, which of the two do you think comes from the core three? Is it the mandarin or the orange that was like the original and then was bred into the other one? Well, I feel like this is a trick question. It's a trick question, honey, because the mandarin was one of the core three. Yeah. The OG, the original.

Yeah. The orange was a creation after the mandarin. Why are you fucking with something that was perfect the first time? It was already compartmentalised. It's like a gorgeous little snack that the rind comes off easy. Easy to peel. Satisfying to peel. And it separates into those little Terry's chocolate.

Chocolate orange. Chocolate mandarin. Yeah. I just can't believe that they then went on and were like, let's make the orange. I love holding a mandarin wedge to the sun to look for pips. I love it. That won't be happening in the bunker.

And then you put it in your mouth, but you know where they are, and then you can sort them, and then you go. I don't like that. Anyway, all of this. Anyway, you carved fucking oranges. That's really sad. Yeah. It was like fucking Oliver Twist.

Okay. So all of this to say is that there's only one real decoration that is the winner. And it's one of the rarest Halloween decorations anyway. What we call in my household, low smoke. Dry ice. Oh my God. The diva. It's ephemeral.

Drama, drama. It's dramatic. It does its spot and then it leaves. It's so chic. It woofs. It travels. Tendrous. Oh, I love it.

And you know what else I love? Having the controller. Dry ice. I like that. Not a smoke machine. No, but you know. Dry ice. Yeah, it's a...

Dry ice, you put a little bit of the water on to the little cubes and then they... And it clings to the ground. Incredible. It's beautiful. Is that the one where you touch it and you clings to the ground. Incredible. It's beautiful. Is that the one where you touch it and you're, it burns you? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking cool.

Yeah, that's cool. I like it. Yeah. I was going to say like, well, see, we already have a witch decoration in the bunker. The hat? On Shakira's balcony. Oh, yes. And I really love a good witch. So I'm glad that's already covered.

Yeah, yeah. The thing that I was going to pitch was paper cut out bats. That's fun. Yeah. Like a home in handicraft. Yes. Maybe with googly eyes. Just because I like bats. But I think. It's because I like bats.

But I think that's better. I like that. Imagine the applications. Once you have dry ice, you really don't need to do anything else. Well, you can't have a party without ice. Lock it in. Okay, dry ice, low smoke, in the bunker, at Halloween or at all times? Oh my God, at all times.

You never know when it's going to come Every day is a holiday If you're the reason to celebrate Dry ice Dry ice Do you know as well, you can suffocate if you go and spend too much time in dry ice Too low If you go too low at the D floor Oh wow

Yeah I think that there'll be great applications for the cast of The Nanny Doing their little matinee performance with the dry ice on the floor Absolutely And when it creeps down a set of stairs Oh, incredible I love that Yeah for the cast of The Nanny doing their little matinee performance with the dry ice on the floor. Absolutely. And when it creeps down a set of stairs. Oh, incredible. I love that. Yeah.

It's all the time on Buffy they used to have a lot of dry ice. Oh, yeah. That was good stuff. All right. Lock it in. Dry ice, low smoke, going into the bunker. Thank you. See you in a sec.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Hello, Dasha. Welcome back. Dasha. It is now time to move on to our second category of what is going to the bunker to be saved from the imminent moonwind apocalypse. Yes. See, you're on board now. The spookiest apocalypse of all, moonwind.

I thought she just controlled the tides, but really, controlled my life. Okay. How are you saying that? Just before the moon went. We're talking about. Which iconic movie villain makes it into the bunker? Horror movie villain. Yes, because it's spooky time it's spooker so who

makes the cut what do you think classifies jeepers creepers jeepers creepers where do you get those peepers leatherface pennywise the clown jason freddy the scream. Jigsaw's Puppet. Whatever the fuck he's called. Who else? Chucky. Chucky. The killer doll. The doll. Yeah.

Yeah, like we're calling real like quintessential Halloween movie villain. Yeah. So we're not going to delve into like, we're not going to say like, you know, the concept of the devil from The Exorcist. Yeah. No, no, no. It's got to have a face or a mask. And it's got to have killed many women. I don't make the rules.

That's just how horror is. Okay. So let's just knock a few out. I don't think Jason is shit. Like Friday the 13th can go and eat a ham. There's nothing I find scary about a machete do you think that was about vietnam i love i would love to go somewhere and slash through a rainforest with the machete that do you think that there was like the cultural memory of vietnam was so strong that the machete for return veterans that had been in the jungle where the machete

was used was like so strong that people were like yeah the machete because i veterans that had been in the jungle where the machete was used was like so strong that people were like yeah the machete because i'm like why are you thinking about machetes um i don't know the answer to that question okay good good good okay leather face what are your thoughts on texas chainsaw massacre i don't know have you seen it recently not for a long time okay re-watch movie. It's so good. And it's like a family film. Because they all live together at the house. Oh, God.

And he's got a chainsaw. And he's got a mask that's made out of skin. He made that himself. You know what? That should be applauded. A creative man. A creative mind. Hard to find.

That's true. Not afraid to show some vulnerability. I made this myself. Yeah. No, I like something a bit more camp. More camp than a man running around with his own little homemade mask? We're not talking about the mask. Okay, what about pennywise yeah

do you relate to a gutter clown how dare you um i i do i like pennywise i like tim curry pennywise story pennywise or the new scars god pennywise i Pennywise? I do like Skarsgård. I do. I think he was fab. Very oof. And reminded me of when I've put on too much clear lip gloss because his lips are so juicy. He put on that plumping lip. Yes.

You do one too many layers and then you look like Pennywise. There's only a thin layer of gloss between me and Pennywise the clown. Yes. But Tim Curry, like they're both so good I remember hiring it from Video Easy The miniseries Yes Yeah, yeah, yeah Yes, and I didn't understand that concept

And I think, was it on like two VHSs? You had a DVD that you flipped, in my recollection Oh, oh, was it on like two VHSs? You had a DVD that you flipped in my recollection. Oh, well, this was. Double-sided DVD. Oh, this was on VHS. Oh, don't flip the VHS. But I think like I didn't understand. Yeah.

And like I watched it and thought that was the end. Oh. And then for like a long time. Oh. Yeah. Oh. And then I came to realize and watched the whole thing. Oh the end. Oh. And then for like a long time. Oh. Yeah. Oh. And then I came to realize and watched the whole thing. Oh, good.

Yeah. That first one is so good. Oh, it's so good. It is good. I just, once again, it's like the Lady Gaga thing all over again. The fans of it are the problem. I'm like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But that's true of a lot of these characters. Yeah. Do you know who escapes that, I think,, yeah. Yeah. But that's true of a lot of these characters. Yeah. Do you know who escapes that, I think, is Freddy. Yeah. Because he's got, like, a solid bit in that he's, like, kind of in a space. He's in the dreams.

He's got knives for fingers. He's got a hat. Fabulous fashion sense. Yeah. And, yeah, I just think there is something so potent about going into people's dreams, trying to kill them in their dreams. I want that in the bunker, that energy. That's the one with the death on the bed where you get sucked into the bed.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Also, the second one is super gay. I actually haven't seen it. Oh, my God. Well, you are going to do yourself a favor and enjoy that gift. Okay. Because it's so camp.

But I also love Mike Myers. You're scary. You're right. We're putting, oh, my God, what's her name? The first woman. Shrek? No. Shrek in Shrek? No. Shrek in the Bunker?

No. Badezzled. Elizabeth Hurley? Correct. She's in. How did you get to Elizabeth Hurley and why did I follow you? What do you mean? Because she was in the first Austin Powers.

You're right. Yeah. She's so good. Yeah, she's good. Let's bring her and Brendan Fraser. Now Brendan Fraser? Yeah, sure. He seems like a kind guy.

That's his whole brand and I'm suspicious. But anyway, what was that movie called? Bedazzled. Bedazzled. Oh, I remember that cover. What a great DVD cover. But like red leather jumpsuit. She's incredible.

Elizabeth Hurley should have been hired to do more and she should be hired to do more now. And you know that she looks fabulous in a beehive. And she's one of those people where like Sofia Vergara, oh wait, we've already discussed this. Go on. Where their son looks like their boyfriend in all the press photos.

Their son looks like their boyfriend. Yeah. I don't think we've talked about this. Maybe I just talked about it on the ride home to myself. Where their son is like now like, you know, an adult and then whenever they go out together because like she looks so hot and young. Oh, and incredible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the son looks like a young person that then they look like a couple. Well, VB could be that too. Victoria Bitter? Victoria Beckham. Oh, VB could be that too. Victoria Bitter? Victoria Beckham. Oh, yes. Yeah. But yeah, Mike Myers, the shape.

Oh, my God. So iconic. And just like quiet. That's what they call him in the credits, darling. Actually? Yeah. Oh, that's scary. Yeah.

Oh, I'm spooked by that. The first Halloween is fucking great. Yeah. Spooky, spooky. Oh, take me backooked by that. The first Halloween is fucking great. Yeah. Spooky, spooky. Oh, take me back to Elizabeth Hurley. Why are there no women evil ones? Where are the women evil ones? Food for thought, listener.

Where are the women evil ones? What about the ring? Samara. True. She is a a woman she's a girl she is um coming out of the tv so when we watched the ring and i was 14 13 at my friend vanessa's house we were all having a halloween party as we did every year and me and my friend annie had been like okay so because the in the plot of The Ring when you watch this tape, your phone then rings after you watch the VHS and then the voice on the other end of the phone tells you

that you're going to die in seven days. So we knew this. I think we'd seen it. And then I was like, let's call the house, Vanessa's house, as soon as the movie ends and freak everyone out. But little did Annie know, underneath the covers, I had my finger ready to go on Vanessa's number, and then as soon as the movie ended, I called from beneath the blanket.

And the phone rang, and everyone was freaked out, but no one more than Annie, who thought we were going to go away to another room to make the call. Oh, you were trickster. And she freaked the fuck out. It was incredible. And were you there going to be like, oh, my God. Yeah.

I was like, oh, my God, guys. But I don't know. Like, I think it's like, yeah, like Samara, it's a sad story because she's an abused child. Yeah. She's an abused ghost. Which is, yeah, it's kind of sad.

This is the, see, I feel I'm trapped. I feel trapped. You feel trapped in what? I feel trapped in this conversation because I'm realizing that this isn't my preferred genre of horror. What's your preferred genre of horror? Like the other ones. Ones without characters.

No, but like I like I love like exorcist movies and I love like more like I don't know like haunted woods. Demonic possessions. Yeah, like demons. Yeah. Demons and monsters. Not so much like a killer. Oh, I don't know, like haunted woods. Demonic possessions. Yeah, like demons. Yeah, yeah. Demons and monsters. Not so much like a killer. Oh, I love a killer killer. Yeah.

I like a twisted brain. Yeah, like Blair Witch. You know? Blair Witch not seen in the film. I like that. Where is she? Yeah. Blair Witch is the perfect horror film.

Oh, it's so good. I saw a list, like a top ranking. Wait, what's the name that she calls out in the night? Where is she? Blair Witch is the perfect horror film Oh it's so good I just I saw a list Like a top ranking Wait what's the name That she calls out in the night? I don't know What's the friend's name?

There's like a whole scene Oh yeah yeah Like Like Anne Anne Anne I like that

I saw a definitive ranking of all the best horror films of all time and Blair Witch was like at number 30 and I was like fuck it and I was like this is out of control like you people need to stop and like look at what you're doing because what the fuck

that is a perfect film. And if anyone says that they're not scared of it, it's because they didn't watch it right. Yeah. Idiots. Why is everyone so stupid except for us? Well, that's why we're being put in this very important position and they're not here.

That's right. So, yeah, I think Freddie's quite good. Oh, what about Scream? The Sc yeah, I think Freddie's quite good. I think, oh, what about Scream? The Scream guy. Because it's two guys. Well, it's ten people over the course of it. Yeah.

You don't like Scream? I love The Mask a lot. The film The Mask with Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz? Cameron Diaz? No one ever knows that Cameron Diaz, like, that was her first film. Huh. And here's the thing about when Cameron Diaz was auditioning for The Mask. the mask okay they were like can you please come in and audition young model who has never acted in anything before and she's like oh no i don't really want to and then they were like we have this film with jim carrey why don't you come and

do a read and she's like okay and then she came in they were like you're amazing and she's like okay well thanks and then they were like um would you come in for another chemistry read tomorrow? And she's like, no, I'm going on vacation. And then she went on vacation and came back and they were like, we're still obsessed with you. Do you want to be in this film? And she's like, okay, I guess. It's weird that you guys are obsessed with me. Wow.

And then she had like a massive career. Wow. And then she got all that cum in her hair. Are you okay? I didn't write this script, darling. Isn't that incredible? I like that. And think about like she is so good.

We were almost missed out on that because she was like meh. Cameron D in Destiny. With Charlie's Angels Come on Something about Mary My best friend's wedding Cameron D Charlie's Angels

Come on Okay Okay, that's good It just happened so perfectly Can you talk about come on? Yeah Come on Okay Are you talking about come on? Yeah. Come on. Okay. I vote Pennywise, I guess.

I vote Pennywise as long as there's no Funko Pops in the bunker. Oh, fuck no. Funko Pops. Oh. They thought that landfill from terrible pop culture things peaked at the E.T. video game. Well, let me tell you. No. It's every Funko Pop that's ever been created. I think about that.

Like, there is an issue with how much merch there is in the world. And I know that we are part of it. But, like, we are truly living through an age where everything has a thing. Yeah. And it's like the concept of like... I've been looking at some Zelda merch collections lately. Just out of interest. For the game Zelda, not for the drag queen.

Correct. collections lately just out of interest for the game zelda not for the drag queen correct um and it's like some of that stuff i have because i've often bought like the collector's edition when it came out and whatever yeah um and like i as someone who has collected video games their entire life like you get sucked in by the collector's edition because it's like ten dollars more and you get a coin that has you know link's face on it yeah or whatever or like a printed map of hyrule it's like okay well i'm never going to take it out of the box ever ever ever ever again so like why am i paying ten dollars for it but you're like it's only ten dollars so i might as well get that map that's quite cool but anyway so like you watch these videos of people being like this is my wild collection of like things and it's like you just bought them yeah like you just bought like they made it and

then you bought it yeah like it's not beautiful sea glass that you've found over the years like it's just something that some company made and then they made it for you to buy and you did buy it at the right time and then now you have it. Yeah. And then what? I know that's not like a wild concept, but like, what the fuck? And then what?

And then what? And then it just sits there and you're like, well, I have it. And then what? It's like, yeah, and lots of other people have it as well. Yeah, and then you die. Like truly rare things.

Like, it's just, it's not that. So like Funko Pop is the same thing. It's like, it's just something that is made and then you go and buy it and you tell yourself that like i'm a collector like no you're just someone who like buys some things sometimes yeah i don't know also they're ugly i think anyone that lived through beanie kids should know better than to fucking invest in another stupid collector's thing but i also think it's like if it's finite and precious, like actually, and it's really hard to find, maybe.

Well, just buy things that you like. Don't buy them just because they exist. Yeah. Or things that have a use in your life. Yeah. Like things that you can actually do things with. Like start a knife collection. Cheese graters. Well, you only need do things with. Like start a knife collection.

Cheese graters? Well, you only need one of those. Okay. You need a lot of knives. Hmm. I, you know, I have always had one knife that I like do all of my cooking preparation with, which like is like... Why it's good that you're a vegetarian um but like from the days where i like used to work in like a chinese restaurant growing up

like i was obsessed with like the cleaver knife that they would chop up the um lemon chicken with um and ever since like that's the knife that i've always had and you bought me a very beautiful version of that which I fucking love. We need to get that sharpened. Yeah I need to get it yeah I know. Also I need to like buff off some rust because it's like a real knife instead of anyway. Anyway like my mother came to my house semi recently and observed that I do everything with one knife and like like it does it all i can crush the garlic with the side because it's wide and i can cut through vegetables because it's also wide

but then it has a pointed tip so i can get detailed as well um and she was horrified and then she gave me a heap of knives which i don't use get into knives i have knife i'm good well maybe you're not one for knife collecting Like what the hell was happening with spoon collecting The original Funko Pop Disgusting Oh and you know like bespoke Oh okay two things Bespoke like teaspoon holders for the wall

Gross Look at it dangle there Congratulations You went to Irelandireland i guess and rarely enough space or too many slots what happens when you buy the next one yeah you start another rack loser god spend the next 10 years filling it up um and the other thing when i was growing up my best friend um was way more obsessed with Yowies than I was. And particularly not the ones that were the disgusting Yowie,

but the ones that were just natural Australian native animals. And his dad built him one of those tea things, like teaspoon things. A little hutch. Yeah, for all the native Australian animal Yowie toys. That's cute. Yeah, and I wonder where that is now It'll be the first thing to blow off the planet Yes, well, yeah

Okay, so no Funko Pops We'll just blow them off Yeah, but Pennywise And we'll put Pennywise in It's a little bit shpenny But I don't think Okay so we've recently admitted Mystique into the bunker

The shapeshifter to end all shapeshifters Pennywise is just in clown form Maybe a balloon I don't want him to constantly be changing And like stepping on raven's territory Well here's the thing about Pennywise Is that Pennywise lay dormant beneath Derry For a long time

It's an ancient evil. It's just an energy. It's a force. So it doesn't have to be active in the bunker. Maybe it's beneath the bunker. I think it's beneath the bunker and it's not active. It's just waiting. That's quite scary for this Halloween episode of Death to Everyone.

Yeah. Okay. That's great. An ancient evil beneath the bunker Yeah What's its name? It doesn't have a name That's the thing about it

It predates language They refer to it as it But it's because it doesn't have anything And it takes the form of the thing that's designed to scare you the most So it just preys on your your mind but it doesn't mean anything and then so like because dairy has like a history of dark things happening there yeah it calls to like the this clown that died there yeah yeah um and becomes that clown but it's not like that's just the Pennywise form. Oh, my God. So what does it turn into when it sees you?

This studio. You know what it turns into. Funko Pop Pennywise. Yeah. Matt, what does it turn into when it sees you? Probably. No, I have no fears I'm fine

Oh Steiner Wow Did you say Steiner? Steiner Well adjusted I went to Steiner school I have no fears

That's right Wow Yeah Shine me up What about you? Um Nothing How about

Being robbed by that famous hero? No No, nothing How about being robbed by that famous hero? No No, nothing Because what if you're nothing? Oh, like it becomes nothing Yeah So are you shrieking at the corner of the room where there's nothing right now? Sometimes

Okay Okay What if you were nothing? Or like worse worth a mirror. Okay. We'll be right back. Positively spooked. Spooky Halloween, everyone.

It's just me looking back at me. That happens to you every day. I know, I'm living in a nightmare. Yeah. And we're back. Hello. Oh. Okay. Final topic for discussion on this spooky evening.

We're going to decide for the bunker, the one and only way to die. The only way to die in the bunker. Spooky. Lazy Susan, what would you say is the best way to die? The best way to die. Well, I did posit that dying in an air crash is quite chic. Yeah. I think it's like top tier deaths because it is like you're guaranteed attention.

You're doing it without the people. Also. And it's something that we're all talking about all the time. So it's not like out of the blue. Where did that flight go? Yeah. So I think that is up there. But do I have anything else?

But then there's like the later seasons of Lost. And that's how you know it's not the best way. The only ways to die. So I think Quicksand is quite cool. Quicksand's good. What about a pit of snakes? You know, I always thought Pompeii is a fun way to die. Because plane crashes come and go,

but those people are still talked about. And people go gawk at them. Imagine. There you are, small dog. There you are, huddled in fear. Oh, you were scared at the end, coward? Yeah. Immortalised forever as a coward.

Brain is glass now. Yeah. Does that happen? Well, I read somewhere that, yeah, your brain turns to glass when you My brain's made of sand? Well, so they found someone's brain and it was Glass It was like, it becomes so hot so quickly that it just

Turned into Turned into glass Brain glass Wow Do they sell those in the gift shop or what? But that's like There's something quite quite like, yeah, like Pompeii is cool.

You're in a beautiful location. You're like, you know, I just think it's like, what a cool way. Like I'm not, everyone can die in Pompeii. Well, also like. Everyone that's died in Pompeii has already died in Pompeii. But like Pompeii is good because you think like, oh, volcano erupting. Well, the lava is going to flow quite slowly and I'm going to walk quicker than the lava will slowly, you know,

like dribble towards me. But no, no, that's not what got you. That's not what got you. It's the ash. And the toxins in the air. Oh, you're choking, and then you're covered in ash. Covered in ash. And then your brains turn to glass.

All I could think about was Swarovski crystals. And then I became them. I want to be immortalized just like Donald Duck in Swarovski form. Swarovski crystals are the Funko Pops of boring rich people. Oh, my God. They're so fucked. Yeah. They're so hideous.

Wait. If you had to choose between being a Funko Pop collector or a Swarovski. Funko Pop. Yeah, right. That's true. What about Pandora bracelet being a Funko Pop collector or a Swarovski Funko Pop Yeah, right, that's true What about Pandora bracelet charms? Funko Pop Yeah

It's weird that Pandora's still going Pandora can suck it Get out Go away Hideous But they're putting out a Game of Thrones Pandora bracelet this year Oh, they'll do anything They'll do anything I'm like, that's the only place that's still a Game of Thrones Pandora bracelet this year. Oh, they'll do anything. They'll do anything.

I'm like, that's the only place that's still touching Game of Thrones IP. But this is the thing. This is the thing. It's like, I like Star Wars, so I'm going to go buy the Death Star Pandora charm bracelet. That does sound good. But if they didn't make it, you wouldn't... I wish I had a Death Star hanging on my wrist.

I mean, sometimes I do think that, probably a bad example anyway um but like you know it's like and and there's just no fucking soul to any of this shit it's just like oh but you know what i do like is like i like um like i like uh buying like pokemon badges that's like the badge oh well okay so in world hot in world when they used to have those true blood bottles oh i still have one in my fridge well there you go just in case a vampire drops by and you just shit i'm ready for the other scars god um i really do have one in my fridge i should throw it out But that's like in world things are cute and fun Yeah that's great Because for a second you're like am I in the show

Yes And then you're like no I'm in a gift shop But see that's fun as opposed to fucking Like Sookie as a Funko Pop On your shelf get fucked Yeah Anyway ways to die So that's probably my option As long as like yeah quicksand no no no um

like getting covered in ash and preserved for that's quite sorry mini pompeii pompeii room pompeii um i like i was like yeah because that's to me a good death is iconic, it's not mundane, it's fabulous and big and not too much suffering. Although those people are screaming. But you've got to have some drama. Well, that's the thing about doing an air crash is that it seems like you mostly pass out before it happens. No, you're screaming. No, no, no. Because the sudden change in air pressure, you mostly pass out before it happens. No, you're screaming. No, no, no. Because the sudden change in air pressure, you just pass out.

Which is cool. Yeah, but does your brain turn to glass? I don't know. I don't know. Electric fence. You can't die from touching an electric fence. Well, you could at Dratic Bark. True.

Because it's like my fear of a glass door on a fireplace. You get melted onto it and then you can't pull away. Yeah, because your hand clasps around. Yeah, and then you're like. Don't wish on the electric fence. You go to the grave with a fabulous do. Backcombing is very tiring on the wrist. Electric fence, we'll sort you right out

And we're not having morticians You know when I So I did a diploma of specialist makeup services And I was going to channel into doing makeup on corpses On the dead Yeah Finally a client that won't complain. But anyway,

I didn't do it. But how cool. I wish you had. I could still do that. Maybe I should. I think you're a sensitive boy. Yeah. I don't think

you could handle that. You know what I don't like? What? Talking to people. I think you'd like that. I think once you got past the death, I think you'd be okay. But I think seeing got past the death, I think you'd be okay.

But I think seeing all those dead people. And also you think you're not working on young people. You're working on old people. You think you're going to be able to make them? You're giving them full drag beat? I'm going to send her out with a bang. Razzle dazzle. She would have loved it, I think.

Wait, you're telling me she's a massive homophobe? Let's open the coffin. Yeah. I'll take off the swastikas then. Yes, I think electric fence is great. I also think being kicked by a horse is great. That's, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Horses kick so hard. Oh, that's so scary. And you don't know anything. You think they're kind. Those big eyes. All of a sudden I've broken four ribs and I'm choking to death because I can't breathe. I think the way that I've come closest to dying in my actual life is probably in a bath. And that's how a lot of celebrities die because of like Oxycontin and like probably in a bath. Oh, my God.

And that's how a lot of celebrities die because of like Oxycontin and like being in a bath, like Whitney and like Aaron Carter. But the like you get so hot and then your blood pressure drops and then you just like fall asleep and then dip beneath the water. And that has almost happened to me a few times. Not because I was on Oxy, but just because I was like in a bath and I like my baths piping hot. And certainly not because you're a celebrity.

Wow. Do you think if I died now, like there would be like an article about it in The Age? No. Do you not think? No,'t think i think if art simone died now there would be oh yeah well that's easy she's gonna get an article now yeah but like i think i'd get an article it would be like local drag queen it wouldn't say lazy susan but it would be an article no maybe if you've done maybe no no, no. Your dad might.

He would get one. No, he wouldn't get one. Not now. In the 90s. But my dad, Russell Crowe. But the, I might get, come on, I'd get local drag queen dies in bathtub. No. You don't think?

In Pompeii. Yeah. Dies in mini volcano eruption. You don't think? In Pompeii Yeah Died in Mini volcano eruption But like You would do like a vigil or something I would Yeah but like you'd do like

Beat magazine might give me a swing Yes that's what I was gonna say Or like broadsheet or something Paid spot They would like do the ad For like the event that we do for your funeral Oh my god the Beastie Girls die Yeah

I reckon I'm at that point Honey I reckon I'm so sorry No there would be something It's a drag in the current Climate where drag Yeah where no one gives a shit about us

I think that there would be at least a small write up Come on Not in the age The age. The age. It's made in Melbourne. It's much slimmer than it used to be. There's no room for that.

They put regular things in the age. You know what I love? Pi eating competitions are in the age. My death doesn't get to be in the age. Where's the green guide? But like in the day. And because it wasn't like, you had to fold up just the bottom third.

Yeah. How cool is that? up just the bottom third. Yeah. How cool is that? What is that folding convention? Yeah. You just fold it up just that little bit. And then it always folded around like 9.30, 10 o'clock at SBS time. And so I always had to fold a bit down to see Des Mangan's world movie. Do you have that shared experience?

Okay. So Aunt Simone to me, Art Simone's getting an age, but who then is below Art Simone in fame level that will get in the age? Like who do I need to, do you think Asia Buffay would get an age? Ooh, maybe. Yeah, I mean like I think she would. But then again, I think that I would get a little something, something by the age.

Not in the age. But Asia? She would get it little something something by the age. Not in the age. But Asia? She would get it because it's like, you know. Maybe. Proud trans advocate. Yes. Dies in horrific hot balloon accident. Would you think Sabrina Babyslut would get one?

No. No, she wouldn't? No. Okay. Well, I'm happy to die. If Sabrina Babyslut doesn't get one. Yeah. I'm happy to go with that. No. Do you think Passion Couture would get one? No. Okay. Well, I'm happy to die. If Sabrina Babyslut doesn't get one. Yeah. I'm happy to go with that.

No. Do you think Passion Couture would get one? No. Jemima Handful? No. Okay. No. Vanity?

Vanity would get one. Come on. She would get an international something. Yeah. Like Lady Bunny would post about it. Alaska would post about it. Like everyone would post about Vanity. Yeah.

It's like vanity corny art that's it no if any of the drag race girls died drag race down under apps are fucking okay maybe if they died tomorrow and then in the day after's age but if we go like one maybe like a half year no one's thinking they are no it's not even about being thought about death is the news it's not about what they were on it's just if you have a credit that they can be like point to like and because it's a queer thing you add that into the mix as well he's describing the podcast so someone from survivor 10 years ago died tomorrow they would get a little something people care about survivor no but like what i'm saying is if you've been on any reality TV show,

in particular one with a fervent fan base like Drag Race Down Under or just Drag Race, but like if Aubrey dies 10 years from now, there's going to be a little thing about Aubrey in the age. Honey, no one cares about us. Well, that's why I have to pick a way of death that is notable, like

getting sucked into an escalator. Oh, and you can tend on this spooktacular episode. Drag queens are always terrified of getting sucked into things. Because we have so many little bits hanging off us. True. And there's nowhere to escape if you've got

tights on. A little thread from your tight gets caught in an escalator Do you think you get shredded like a piece of paper? Yes Oh my god I think they don't tell us how fucking weird we look After we get sucked into an escalator Because the world doesn't want you

They have to keep it a secret Because they're like, yeah, it's as horrific as you think Yeah, it's like train suicides They don't talk about that on the news Yeah, they're like, we can't tell you that you look like an accordion when you come out of there. Oh, have you seen some of the videos? Because that's actually not the trap.

The trap is at the top, that square maintenance hole. Yeah. Because if you fall in that maintenance hole, oh my God, you are crunched. Crunch and munch. But that's too painful. Oh. That's not like Pompeii No

And that's like Imagine dying in a shopping centre I think you will If you died in a shopping centre I'll get you in the age Well that Would be People care about shopping centres

More than they care about us So like That could be caused to get in Shrieking cross-dresser dies in Beloved Knox City. Epping Plaza. I think if anyone dies in Melbourne, they make the news in Melbourne. I don't know.

Like not like natural causes or like choked on a sausage roll. But like if you die somewhere public, it's gonna be like oh my god did you hear about that i think maybe um a great way dies they're gonna make it in the news okay splashy so um good ways to die i think having being tied to a fence and having a crow pick out your eyes and then brain how did you get there in the first place. What do you mean? That's good. What else is good? Constriction. Oh.

That's good. People this week have just been getting crushed by trees. It's the happening. They're getting crushed by. I hate Mark Wahlberg. Do you not like Boogie Nights? Well, it's the one exception. But I hate Mark Wahlberg. Do you not like Boogie Nights? Well, that's the one exception. But I hate Baby Voice.

Okay, well, that's, yeah. Mark Wahlberg didn't invent it. He just perfected it, darling. Oh, my God, I can't. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dipped in acid, obviously. Ooh.

But, like, that's the thing. None of these things are making the news, like, for all time. None of them are making the history books. I mean. And, like, you've got to die, like, being entombed as a pharaoh. Is that an option for death? I guess they didn't die of being a pharaoh. What about being, like, pharaoh 2IC where you get buried alive?

That's chic. That's a good way to die. Okay. You're going to the afterlife. Okay, I've gone cold on this. It's not as good as Pompeii. We do a room, like a kiln, that has a kind of... Oh, wow. You know what those things are?

A pottery kiln room where you get burnt alive. It's a pottery kiln room, but you know what they shoot the Mandalorian on? The volume? The volume. Those big LED wraparound screens. And we have Pompeii recreated digitally. And then they do it. And then it's kind of like a giant vending machine.

And then your Pompeii crystallized glass-brained body rolls out of the back chute. And we just put it on display somewhere. Do you remember? A little statue. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Do you remember the film clip to

freak by silver chair where there is like so the band i don't understand the question and i won't respond to it um i know you're pretending not to know um so like there's like silver chair the band playing in like a heated room and they turn up the heat and then it's like a um uh like a skin clinic and there's like old haggard dame and she comes to have a session and all of the sweat that drips out of hot silver chair dudes yeah with like long hair shirtless you know playing a song um drips drips drips drips and then she gets injected with it and then she turns from old crone into like sexy fucking little. But if it kept going, then she would die, I guess.

What about that? That's a good way. What about that? Silver chair plays sweat and then makes you baby? Till you die. Baby till you die. That's pretty good. You get super hot.

She had like crazy cheekbones Matt do you know what I'm talking about? No No one knows what you're talking about Okay Gentlemen it's Pompeii Okay Okay there's the Pompeii room

Yeah And it spits out keepsakes of your day But I want to be Yeah like You're the little curled up dog Okay yeah that's good And then we get extra furniture in the bunker As people die

Then their Pompeii corpses Are taken to the reject shop for sale Yes And if I have to explain that to any of you Then you're clearly not listening Sabrina and Courtney mark them down As they don't move and then eventually um Courtney yeah amazing that's a good way to die yeah yeah perfect maybe not as good as being blown off the planet by the moon but whatever I think as you're in line for the Pompeii room, there's like a thing where you're like, Pompeii, years ago.

And you hear the like, ah, as they're like from the Pompeii room. Yeah. And so it's kind of like a reenactment, but you're, today you become part of the magic of Pompeii. He said that about a daily enactment. And the year was 18. Yeah, whatever. 18. The year was 18.

I think that's just fabulous. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. Okay, so the primordial evil that is it Yes Lurking beneath the bunker

Beneath Yeah And then we have the Pompeii room Yes And then we have dry ice But year round All the time Yeah

Yeah I hope we haven't terrified you too much I hope each and every one of you Walk walks a little bit slower and creepier today. Thank you so much for joining us on this extra special episode of Death to Everyone. Thank you and sulang yor to all of you and your loved ones. Bye, Lek. Bye, Lek. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches.

And our theme song and music was provided by Edie Sintzik and Angus Leslie. If you have something to say to us, then you can say it at deathtoeveryonpod at gmail.com. Or won't you support us, please? Please. At patreon.com. Or won't you support us, please? Please. At patreon.com. Slash to everyone. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.