Death To Everyone - Death To... Harry Styles, Pets & Smells
Episode Date: January 31, 2024Darling heart divas... Harry Styles? Did you ever think the day would come? Well here we go! Pets and smells, unrelated? Or more related than you think! Listen now to find out... Death To Everyon...e!!! Follow us, won't you? https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon https://twitter.com/zelda__moon Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/ https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/
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🎵 🎵 Hello out there
Hello sister
Sister, however I am
Sister, so long to you sister
Hello
It's so nice to be back here in the studio
Of course, and welcome dear listener, to Death to Everyone
Now you don't know this dear listener, but we were meant to film this, record this yesterday
But my car exploded
On the way
And we were driving down the highway, 10,000 miles an hour, screeching like a bat out of hell
And then all of a sudden the power steering went out all the lights on the dash went
out yeah and it was just us on the open road tilting towards madness there was a moment where
lazy was like my little dashboard thing is indicating some icons zelda can you get the
manual out and see if you can't find what these mean and it was the first time i've ever held a
car manual pull your driving goggles
down yeah i took off my driving gloves and i flicked through the manual and um i was quite
overwhelmed by a lot of what i saw in there and i wasn't much i don't recall getting any answers to
those questions no i was like i'm seeing a small man and a fire symbol and uh what looks to be tnt
and a skull and crossbones.
I didn't even know this car had a skull. This is the international symbol for radiation.
Is that a bad sign?
So then we tried to dash back home.
And I was like, if we can make it home, then we can just like ditch the car, come back.
But then as we were driving down the road in fairfield the car stopped just stopped
just it was like girl we did our best but in a very like like meant to be kind of way it stopped
just when we could easily push it into a car park yes so it was actually like okay yeah and we were in the middle of fairfield so we
can go and get a bite to eat yeah um go shopping yes and wait for the people to come yes to help
us the um the most incredible thing about this story however is that lazy had a gig after we
were recording yesterday and um with the time frames and stuff when i got to her house she was like i put on my
eyes and like her eyebrows like block brows severe eyebrows and then eyes um and nothing else though
no base no lips like not not a lash just like half you're half done, you know, and we do always have makeup on when we record.
Well, of course, but this one time it was half done.
And so all of this happened with Lazy Susan.
With his like severe mistransparency eyebrows.
Like pencil thin eyebrows.
Like, yeah.
And many people were looking.
Yes.
For the three hours that we were on the side of the road.
But thankfully I had a costume for the occasion in the back.
Yeah, you did materialize a safety vest.
You should always have a high-vis safety vest in your backyard.
Back your boot.
Just in case.
Because it actually is like, not because of safety,
but just because people respect you for some reason.
Yeah.
Like, so we had to defend the parking spot in front of my car so that the tow truck would be able to help us get the car up when they arrived.
And so for 30 minutes, they had to stand in this car park and just like glare at people to tell them not to park there.
And somehow it worked.
It worked.
Anyway, my name is Lazy Susan.
My name is Zelda Moon.
And this is a show called Death to Everyone.
Where, you know, we talk about a lot of different topics,
and then we pick which things from those topics
should be preserved after the apocalypse.
Yeah, we're gazing upon the smorgasbord
that all of life and Earth has to offer,
and selecting what we'd like.
Jell-O cubes.
Yeah, that's delicious and
i'll snack on that forever more mousse a little soft serve oh my god oh we should do that topic
one day so growing up um we went to the pub occasionally um like occasionally like i don't
love pub fair yeah it's just not my pub genre yeah yeah like when people like now i'm like oh
let's go to the pub i'm like which one well you don't drink why would you go to a pub true true
true true true but um good god i loved the chocolate mousse at the pub growing up see i
would always like get overwhelmed by like having a dessert And so my mom was like, maybe you should just have the frog in a pond.
Oh, yeah.
Just make sure you don't overdo it.
Remember last time?
You're going to have the frog in the pond.
But what would happen?
Would you go crazy or would you vomit?
Yeah, just vomit.
Oh, wow.
Too much.
Yeah.
Our cat got hit by a car when I was young, Wednesday.
And something turned off in her brain that told her when to stop eating.
So she would just eat until she was sick.
Yeah.
And so I think that that's a similar thing that affects me.
I see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Both of our cats got hit by cars.
Wow.
Yeah.
We were pretty irresponsible.
Both survived, though. Hmm. But they came back different. Wow. Yeah. We were pretty irresponsible. Both survived, though.
Hmm.
But they came back different.
Okay.
Did they die and you resurrected them in a cemetery?
Yeah, a little pet cemetery, darling.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait, what happened with the other one?
Boo.
He got hit by a car.
Your cat's name was Boo?
His name was Boo after Monsters, Inc.
The little girl in Monsters, Inc. is called Boo.
I haven't seen it.
Then why did you say what?
Because what?
Do you know what the plot of Monsters, Inc.?
Tell me what you think the plot of Monsters, Inc. is.
Oh, okay.
I know that there's like the little green one.
Okay.
And the fluffy one. Yeah. yeah they which are called greeny
and fluffy okay good they work in a factory yeah what do they make in the factory i don't know
because i feel like every scene like every image i have is that it's really empty and there's just
lots of things walking around i presume it's ar monsters. These monsters work in a factory and then...
I don't know any of...
I can't see anything else other than this empty factory.
Maybe they...
I don't know.
They're going through a hard time.
They're like...
I don't know.
I haven't seen it.
So Fluffy and Greeny are going through a hard time.
That's the start of the film.
Yes.
What happens?
They are looking to get into a different industry, perhaps.
What's the industry that they're in?
They're in warehouse management.
Okay.
Two monsters in warehouse management.
Yes.
And I think
Oh, I know that there's a franchise of these movies
And one's like a university
Yes
So they are
They're aspiring for a different life
Not necessarily a better life
But just a different life
And they're going to go into higher education
So that happens after the warehouse closes and then they become.
So it's like kind of like a Billy Elliot,
like,
you know,
like,
you know,
working class people are losing their jobs.
Working class monsters have to go in and reeducate themselves.
But something I've always pondered is where,
where is this happening?
Where is the warehouse?
Well, you tell me, darling.
You're writing the feature.
True.
I think it's Northern England.
It's not in England.
Well, maybe.
No.
I, hmm, where would monsters like to be?
Jamaica.
But I feel like
It's like all of us
They want to go on vacation
True
Maybe it's in Bali
Like Hotel Transylvania
Oh
I haven't seen that
No but that looks fun
Does it?
I love
You know what
My nephews have seen it
They really liked it
Connoisseurs
They liked that Mario movie
Yeah true
Boo
Bad sign
So how close was I?
Like 60%? 68% I'd say yeah great no they do work in a
factory if they work in an energy factory because the monster world which is where they live
is powered off the screams of children really yeah and so monsters have to terrify it is like
our real monsters yeah yeah so they have have to terrify children to fill up these screen jars.
Yeah, with power.
And then they basically go through doors into their cupboards,
like their walk-in wardrobes.
I guess kids without walk-in wardrobes already have enough to be afraid of.
But they come through those doors into portals into their rooms.
And then so the big blue one is the best scarer.
He's the Jack Skellington of this situation.
And then he accidentally brings a little girl back with him through the portal one night.
Little girl.
And her name's Boo, because that's what she always says.
And she's not afraid of him.
And then they think that children are evil.
They've been fed a lie.
And so when she comes back,
they think they're going to be contaminated by the child.
And then he realizes that children have souls and that they're real.
And then he's like, fuck, we'd be making a huge mistake.
And then at the end of the film, they find out, spoiler alert,
that the laughter of children creates more power than the screams of children.
Oh. So what, then they go tell them jokes at night yeah and then like it changes the way that the monster will
and monster university is monsters you is like a it's like a flashback you know before yeah when
they went to the university to learn how to be good monsters. I see. Yeah. Oh, I don't like that.
But, okay.
And that's, yeah.
That isn't, the whole thing of Aria Monsters was that they were like, went to school.
Yeah.
And then went and scared things.
Yeah.
But there was no like reason.
They were just doing it.
But I mean.
That was Nickelodeon in the 90s.
It was absurdist. It was, there's no like reason They were just doing it No reason But I mean That was Nickelodeon in the 90s It was absurdist
It was
There's no reason
That professor had four feet
With high heels on
Yeah
And a pointed nose
And spoke like this
Gay people are evil
So
Yeah
I mean all of the RL monsters are gay
Yes
Like
Oh my god
That crumb
Holding his eyeballs
Yeah
And putting up his sweaty
piers.
Ickis, little Twinkie.
Yeah.
And then, oh, my God, Obliana.
Oblina?
Oblina.
Yes.
Oblina, Ickis.
She was so good.
Reverse candy cane.
Oh.
Yes.
Ickis. People would hangse candy cane. Oh. Ears. Ears.
Ears.
Ears.
People would hang those on trees.
Yeah.
Do you know that?
They do that in an episode of Iron Monster.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
And, well, just before we dive into our first topic for the week, sister, how are you?
I'm good.
Just give me a little update.
I've just been, aside from my car deciding to light itself on fire.
I'm good.
I've been bumping along.
I'm really enjoying the new season of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 16.
Yeah, so my sister has suffered from fatigue.
Oh, je suis fatigué.
She has not seen it for some time.
Some time.
Well, I mean, no, I watched last season of America.
Yeah, but you didn't watch Italy.
I didn't watch Italy.
I didn't watch Spain.
I didn't watch Mexico.
I didn't watch Belgium.
Because, do you know what?
I want to have other things in my life.
But I make appointment television for US.
I'll do UK.
Are you going to do UK versus the world season two?
Maybe.
You have to.
With Hannah.
Hannah.
And also, you never know when the next Jenny Jacquet will be around.
Jenny Jacquet. Not because she was a good drag queen, just because she has a good drag name.
I like Jenny Jacquet.
And yeah, so I don't know.
But it's good. And I think that the discourse around plain Jane is quite interesting About like this character on the show who's being like a bully for no reason
It's a kind of misguided attempt to try and give us what we want
And people who are like, this is what you want when you say you want a villain
And it's like, yeah, but I think like to kind of go to the prime example,
when like Jeremy Carey or Fifi was like being rude to Sharon Needles,
it's because she didn't understand Sharon Needles.
Fundamentally, like she thought that she was a betrayal of all the things
that Jeremy Carey stood for.
And so when that was happening on the show,
if you went into a villain's perspective, it made sense.
Like she's like, I've worked for years becoming a drag queen.
This is what drag is.
And you being here at the same level as me,
not having to have done all those things undermines my position in the world.
So it's like, you get it.
With Plain Jane, like i don't understand
aside from the construct of the tv show like i want to be a villain yeah what her perspective
is and why she's going after a mandatory meeting except to just be like your shit yeah you know
what i mean and all of that attention like if you're going to go that hard in on someone
or people or just be that character it highlights you and if you're not immaculate
like it's a dangerous game to be like i'm critiquing other people's drag so then of
course people are going to critique yours yeah um and it's just funny
because from what we've seen so far and i don't know who work off drag race i'm just going from
these three episodes but the argument has been said that it is like kacha meets jimbo yeah which
like yeah yeah yeah those comparisons always really annoying but from what we've seen that
is kind of it yeah so it's like yeah like
are you an alternative girl like yeah i don't know have you got your shit sorted out like and
that's why it's like the violet chachki the first villain winner my favorite um the violet chachki
of it all is like you could see that she held herself to the same if not higher standards than
she held other people yeah so it's like her genuine opinion of things that she thought about other people's things
affected how she looked and what she did.
So I think it's like that of like, you can't do the Jimbo stupid talent
and then come for someone for looking messy.
Because it's like your talent is something that's meant to be intentionally bad,
intentionally messy.
Yeah.
So it's like, why can't you transition that thinking across?
Whereas like Violet,
everything she does is in the pursuit of beauty and perfection.
And so obviously she treats everyone like they need to fit that standard.
Yeah.
Anyway, it's weird.
It's very curious.
But I just think it's like, it's a bit too produced, self-produced.
And it's like, well, I do want a villain.
And I do like that this is something
but but i think already because like on season 15 we had mib yeah who was similarly like villain
adjacent yeah but she um was like had unclockable makeup and yeah you know like amazing costumes and like was a fool
like you don't think of her and need other people in order to describe her you can just
explain her personality and stuff for sure it's like yeah it's just interesting and she seemed
to get joy out of being a sassy bitch well she was it was also shade yeah like she wasn't actually
awful she was just a drag queen she just kept
like mugging and being like i can't believe i'm saying this to you but whoopsie yeah yeah and
like plain jane just seems to me to be like not enjoying herself like it all just feels a bit
sweaty like a bit too overly calculated a bit too like rehearsed um and not like she's kind of
getting anything out of it. Yeah.
Where it's like, if you're going to be mean to people, at least enjoy it.
Exactly.
Okay.
Well, I think it's my week.
Go on, girl.
How will the world come to an end?
This is how the world ends.
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's that?
Go on.
No, what's that?
It's a poem.
Is that?
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
I think...
I've already done...
Yeah.
What do I think for this week?
Hmm.
I'm going to go with... you know what, short and sweet.
I am a celestial being, of course.
And I do wear heels.
Oh, my God.
And this week I'm wearing stilettos.
And under the pin of my stiletto, I'm crushing planet Earth.
Another crushing from Zelda Moon. Goodbye. It really is episode 26. stiletto i'm crushing planet earth another crushing yeah from zelda moon yeah goodbye
it really is episode 26 um but just yeah just kind of like a grape popping under the pressure
of a finger yeah okay how good well listen we will go to a break while you pop your giant stiletto on um and then we will decide what's
going to be surviving your um stiletto moon yes yeah okay okay see you in a second
and we're back hello now for topic number one today, Zelda, what are we doing?
We shall be discussing...
Can you smell that?
What?
Which smell is getting into the bunker?
Great.
Excellent displaying there, Zelda Moon.
Can you hear that smelling?
Can you hear the people smell?
Smelling the smells of smelly men.
It's my new song.
I see.
Smell is a rub.
What?
Okay, so I think to differentiate this between fragrances,
we're not talking about fragrances today.
Midnight Fantasy.
Jennifer Lopez, live.
We're just talking about smells. Yeah yeah i think just anything in the smells and this is brought on because i was going through
my notes app as i want to do um and it said smells i really like and then underneath it
had one option is a tan bark sometimes i'll just open up my notes up and write things down just in case
Like for example, you know how like Guardian
The Guardian
Like the news site
Yes
The news publication
Has like, they'll get like local Australian comedians and people in entertainment
To be like, 10 best things I saw on the internet
Oh, go on
What about that
Don't you like
Oh
Just like
As we create a podcast
About our opinions
It's like
What do I care about
Some comedian's opinion
On ten things
Anyway
But that's
The thing
If you like that comedian
Well that's the issue
There's no comedians
That I like
They also get personalities
Hmm
People from the world.
Oh, like Lillian Chin?
Maybe.
Okay.
That I would agree.
There's just the comedian part that I'm having that's knocking for me.
But I always have now started my 10 things that I've seen online list in my notes up for one day if they ever ask me.
Oh, my God.
Yes. And? Do you want to hear what I have so far? I'd love to. Okay. List in my notes up For one day if they ever ask me Oh my god Yes and
Do you want to hear what I have so far?
I'd love to
Okay
I think
Well because they need to be things
That you've thought of funny
Yeah
Best thing
Oh so I have
Adore Delano eating a taco in her car
Oh that's great
I love that
That's really good
And Volantis
The flag dress Of course I love that video. And Volantis.
The flag dress, of course, which you can wear in the bunker.
And that's all I have.
You just need to be wowed by eight more things on the internet.
Well, when eight more things appear that are worth it on the internet,
I'll let you guys know.
But don't tell the Guardian guys.
If you work for the Guardian, tell the Guardian that I I want this And I guess I have to be famous enough
But if I've done that
They'll know I have something to link in my obituary
That's true
Famed Guardian writer
What do you think Volantis smells like?
Paint?
I reckon they would have just finished spraying it white
And I think that
body suit yeah looked like it didn't take paint well i feel like it wouldn't feel completely dry
no no no it's like that plastic that you can't put spray paint on yeah but that's what they did
stays tacky yeah yeah so i think it would smell fumy yep in that whole giant warehouse where lady
gaga was doing the art pop thing.
Do you know what I was reminded of the other day?
When this is in the Volantis era, Lady Gaga's app that she put out.
Oh, no.
The Kardashian app where they-
Have you never seen this?
I need to play this to you because you download this app, but it was during art pop and it
was like, this is a lifestyle app.
Hold the phone.
Okay.
This.
You just reminded me of something else, but we'll do this first.
My name is Petka.
I am the interface of this application.
No.
What?
Hello.
My name is Petka.
I'm the interface of this application.
Before you can exist in the universe, Narkop,
I must first generate your aura.
Oh, gosh.
She's so... Do you think Petka is in the bunker?
I don't think.
Hi, I'm Petka. Well, I suppose Gaga is, so maybe she feels like putting on that Petka is in the bunker? I don't think. Hi, I'm Petka.
Well, I suppose Gaga is, so maybe she feels like putting on that Petka voice.
Wait, what are you saying?
What?
Lady Gaga and Petka is two separate people.
Oh my God.
How dare you?
Is Petka short for something?
Yeah.
What?
I don't know.
Okay.
Wait, I'm going to find out.
I need to know now because Petka.
Well, that crazy celebrity, foe, whatever that is,
has reminded me of my favorite celebrity's insane video that she released this week,
which is, of course, JLo's trailer for her new album slash fucking TV series,
music video, video album thing.
Is it not a movie?
I don't understand what it is.
But I think my understanding is that it's like maybe eight episodes of something,
but they're all like eight music videos with a big storyline attached or something isn't that what it is i yeah i don't know but i just it's crazy did you
watch the video yes it's incredible she's riding a motorcycle across the glass desert and then
she's in outer space but then she's at a friend's wedding and then it's like oh oh, my God. I can't wait. I also just think it's funny because J-Lo will have all the success.
J-Lo has done the things that every famous pop star has done.
She's been in films and been incredible.
Hustlers was very good.
She's released epic music videos.
She's done the Supertime halftime show The thing about it is
It always feels so low stakes
When it's JLo
I don't feel like the world stops
When JLo does something
JLo released this entire
Insane thing
And everyone's like yeah
Well
What a harsh critique.
Stop my world.
I also, she wore those glasses this week.
What glasses?
The like Schiaparelli like glasses with the built-in angry eyebrows.
Oh, that's cute.
Did you see them?
No.
I sent them to you.
Well, I don't read everything people send me, darling.
You didn't even have to read it.
It's a photo.
I can't read with my eyes.
Okay.
Smells.
Smells.
Do you like tan bark?
Go on.
Tan bark is great.
I love that.
I mean, like, obviously, it's just about things that you connect to your childhood.
So tan bark, burning rubber, alcohol, blood, copper, you know, those things.
Yeah, those things.
Yeah.
But there's, like, I mean, like, you know, like, because there's, like,
there's a whole world of smell that is, like like things that are so bad or like non-pretty smells,
not made to be enjoyed, not like cookies and cream and flowers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That I think are like in the like wheelhouse of smells that I like.
Like a really, really intense blue cheese.
Okay, yes.
Is like so pungent and so ugly that it kind of loops around to it's like
yeah intoxicating yeah exactly yeah um what do you think about horny smells like
like i'm going to smell your armpits i love i love a pit smell yeah it's dang um pits what about more intimate areas oh like balls dang balls and ass
ass the love language ass um eyelids inside your mouth
that no it smells yeah what do you think about those smells i do like them okay yeah human
musk you you know?
There is like...
But you can like, it's obviously a person-to-person thing.
Yes.
It's diet dependent.
It's, you know, like there's a lot of different...
True.
The body can make many smells.
I think, like I'm fine with all of that.
And sometimes it's very hot.
The thing that I don't like is like when you go to a hookup
and you've obviously both like had a shower
before you go and meet someone to have sex presumably
and then they put on deodorant.
Yeah, I hate that.
It's like you don't smell yet because you've just had a shower
and if you're getting dressed to go out for 12 hours,
put on deodorant or whatever.
But like if you're about to have sex with someone like what's the point if you then like accidentally like smell it or like lick
anywhere near there your tongue goes your tongue goes like you get copper in your tongue yeah
it's so shit oh no aluminium that's the one yeah god that's disgusting i hate it um yeah it's also i mean i think people are so indoctrinated with
like you need to always smell like deodorant so it's like i was reading somewhere the other day
that people put on deodorant to go to bed yeah it's insane like i'm like yours like that's sick
that's crazy like and it's just like there there's no, like, I don't know.
Like, I think you're talking to someone who's been told twice at two different workplaces to go home and put on deodorant.
Oh my God, what?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
It's so embarrassing.
What?
Which workplaces?
Well, at Hudson's Coffee, it happened.
At age?
At age adult. Like, sorry yeah no i was um at hudson's and i was working the hospital alfred hospital or something like that maybe
there's a private hospital that has a hudson's and i just would occasionally pick up a shift
at the hospital the store yeah and i got there and then was working and like yeah it was bad like it was
just one of those situations as well where like they only gave you so many work shirts and i
hadn't washed this one from a previous shift so it's like it's fine when you put it on and then
like suddenly this when you reactivate it yeah it's awakened and it's something like i'm gonna
kill you which is like not a vibe.
No.
And the manager was like, you need to go and get some deodorant right now.
And so I went to the hospital gift shop and for some reason
bought salt crystal deodorant, like a salt crystal.
And I didn't know that you had to wet it.
So like me in a hospital rubbing a completely dry salt crystal
under my piers.
And coming back and he was like, what did you do?
And I'm like holding up the salt crystal.
You're like, I prayed it with this crystal.
Yeah, well now I feel like we've really dealt with the situation.
Oh my God.
And what happened the second time?
Same thing, but like I think someone else had some deodorant.
At Hudson Coffee?
No, it was at Blondie.
Damn.
But you know, I don't know.
I also just am like, yeah, I don't really care that much.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yes.
But people are terrified of that situation. Yeah. Because they do crazy things. Well, but people are terrified of that situation.
Yeah.
Because they do crazy things.
Well, exactly.
I think it's like if I was someone that experienced more shame,
then I might, you know, like be like, oh, no.
But I was like, that's kind of funny.
Yeah.
Okay.
What about, I don't know, any other favorites?
Any other favorite smell?
Yeah.
Jesus.
There's so many,
like,
I mean,
like obviously there's like bitumen when it's raining and it's been a hot day and the water is just like evaporating off the bitumen and putting that smell into the air.
Love that smell.
Like that kind of ozony gorgeousness.
Fresh cut grass.
Yes.
I mean,
a favorite of all.
Absolutely.
Um, the smell of like the Mac laptop.
Oh, yes.
Like when you just get it out of the box.
Yep.
That's so good.
I like that little bit of perfume they have in the Ben Nye setting powder.
There's like something there.
Oh, like a soft.
Yep.
Powdery.
They use Ben Nye setting powder.
Yeah.
Like the loose powder.
Yeah.
Huh.
What do you use?
The Kryolan one. I can't afford that. Are you rich? Wait, is the Ben Nye sitting powder. Yeah. Like the loose powder. Yeah. Huh. What do you use? The Kryolan one.
I can't afford that.
Are you rich?
Wait, is the Ben Nye one cheaper?
Much.
Yes.
Oh.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I've just always had the Kryolan one, so it's just the one I repurchased.
Yeah.
We need to do, yeah.
Wow.
Ben Nye I don't think is good for a single other product though.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever tried anything.
No, no. They have a clown white that's like actually the most disgusting smell as well. Oh God. a single other product though yeah right yeah i don't think i've ever tried anything no no they
have a clown white that's like actually the most disgusting smell as well oh god hmm um i like all
those smells um i like it very much i kind of like it a shmell um but my favorite is tomato leaves
oh the tomato bush that's nice yeah and what memory is that connected to
well i don't know i mean growing up so my dad's a horticulturalist and we always had a veggie patch
and we're italian so there were always tomatoes in it um but that and also my non is veggie patch
like always tomatoes like so many plants um but yeah like i it's just those
like hot summer nights where you like go out and water the summer night um yeah but you go out and
water the veggie patch and that smell and all those little bugs that fly off catch them in the
golden hour but um it's such a good smell um and thankfully one that is semi-universal i would say because
there's a few candles out there in the universe that you can get that smell like oh yeah you have
that really nice one who does that good the one i have at the moment is flamingo estate flamingo
and new york company yeah uh la la la check out La If you have a spare
100, 200
How much is that candle?
Oh Jesus
Yeah probably
I don't know
Yeah 100 bucks
Isn't that fucking crazy?
Matt how much would you spend on a candle?
Nothing
You've never spent money on a candle?
No
Not a birthday candle
Not nothing
Not a tea light
No I don't think so
well you haven't bought a 48 pack from ikea of those tea candles i'm just not into candles
you're not into smells i'm into smells not candles though how do you get the smell into your room
you're an incense boy uh yeah i used to like incense. Now I'm more like those, what are those misty ones?
Like air wick spray?
No, like a humidifier.
The one that's on the timer that you're sitting in the room and it goes.
No, you like burn essential oils and you put it in water and then.
Oh.
Like, oh, no, not the reeds.
Not the reeds
No, they're electric
Or you put a little candle underneath, like an oil pot
What is it called?
A humidifier
An oil diffuser
Yeah, a diffuser, I guess
Yeah
Actually, we should decide what the smell
Like whatever smell we decide to put in the bunker tonight Actually, we should decide what the smell,
whatever smell we decide to put in the bunker tonight.
We need to figure out how it's being carried out.
Ooh, true.
Okay.
Well.
This is the smell of certain plastics.
Obviously, the My Little Pony smell is so iconic.
But I remember coming back to the hills where I'm from, like the Dandenong ranges where it's like just a mix of all the, like, you know, the nature and the wet like
ferns and mud smell and all of that.
It's like, it was almost, it's just like this overwhelming, like you can almost cry.
Like I think scents like really affect me more than like totally a lot of others
like you know i don't need to be able to see yeah oh actually even though i said that it wasn't
fragrance but um jeremy my like very good friend you don't you all know um when we were like
teenagers and like went on a few dates or whatever a long time ago um jeremy used to wear
this particular like diesel fragrance and we like both like reminisce about that fragrance because
it like holds such a strong strong memory yeah it's crazy well i think that's the thing it's
like you talk to young or no like gay men about they're like well i mean just anyone who was around in the 90s in 2000s
about lynx africa yeah right like how like much that takes you back to being in high school yes
where just like men were like drenched in that smell yes which is worse than just the body odor
oh it's the most offensive smell on this planet i believe um officially yeah yeah
burning you know what i um stayed at someone's house the other day and when i had a shower the
next morning they had a link so it wasn't africa but it was some other cursed fragrance line um body wash in the shower and i thought
you're perfect for me this is it this is love
something fresh cooking on the stove i mean there's so many good smells i also like the
smell of paint um like just that that room smell of paint i you know what even like i've never smoked a
cigarette but there's something about that as well these days that feels almost nostalgic like
yeah cigarette smoke like out or whatever you don't really smell cigarette smoke anymore yeah
anywhere yeah no and like i i do like i think fresh cigarette is like a really
nice smell like that burning tobacco leaf but then it's like when it gets stale or like i don't know
i had a friend like a lot of friends that were like chain smokers and i remember like waking up
to one of my friends and she had like just like cigarette breath like that morning cigarette
breath and it's just like when you hit that point
You're like
I can't do this
Okay so
Well I think the vessel makes sense
A candle
Probably makes sense
I think a candle is what we would choose
As celestial goddesses
But I think you make a pretty good point
With that timed
airwick sprayers where did they come from there and why are they so like attention seeking
my um one of my mom's exes had one in her house that fucked. And this was like many years ago.
And there were a few times where I like stayed over there
and like would sleep on the couch in the lounge room or whatever.
And all night, every like 45 minutes, it would just be.
You're like, thank God this room smells good.
It's insane.
Because it's like in a public bathroom, maybe.
Yeah, because. But it's still terrifying when it goes off, you think you're alone. And then it's like. Because it's like in a public bathroom, maybe. Yeah, because.
But it's still terrifying when it goes off, you think you're alone and then it's like.
Yeah.
But the like in someone's home and like, I don't know, it's really funny when you have these products that are like super like low end.
Yes.
Like they're just like the supermarket product and they have to figure out how they're going to like model it
So they go for this kind of like sleek minimalism case
That slides over the whole thing
And is meant to like help it disappear into your minimalist white house
But then it just becomes this like evil little device
Sitting in the corner going
When I moved into the house I am in now,
there was one on the windowsill in the bedroom.
As the first thing I did was like, get out, get out of my house.
I have, but I think that that would,
that energy would be good for the bunker.
Like a bit of, well, they don't have a sense of time of course yeah so that
will currently there is no yeah maybe that's how well well maybe that's it maybe we just do
measurements of time in the bunker but it's like oh i'll see you in three weeks three airwicks from
today or yeah on the 25th airwick we will start the feast of souls yeah that could be quite good
yeah yeah but maybe they'll just say on the 23rd yeah i don't think that has a name yeah just yeah
yeah um that's great okay so that's good now what is the refillable liquid sand Scent. Scent. I mean, my vote is tomato bushes.
Tomato bushes. Just put it out there.
A temptation to remind them of the world above.
Your nonna's yard.
Yes.
I think that is quite an enchanting smell.
But also tan bark.
Tan bark.
What about pits?
Pits.
Armpits. That does feel like, I mean. What about pits? Pits, armpits
That does feel like
I mean
Yeah, they'll be like, well we were saved by like
We can compromise it and have it be your nonna's armpits
Oh my god
I don't like that
You don't think we can't have that?
No
What's wrong with that?
No
No I don't think we can have that. No. What's wrong with that? No.
No.
Pits.
Pits.
You want pits.
Okay, who's pits?
Michael B. Pits?
Michael B. Pits.
Well, yeah, whoever it is, they need to be scraped.
Scraped while they're in the bunker.
Yeah, milked.
Well, you know, Matt's in the bunker.
Yeah, out of your pits, my man.
Yeah.
I don't wear aluminium deodorant anymore as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
So they're a bit fresh sometimes.
But, yeah, the good thing about the one that I found, I used this one called Mugu.
Oh, yeah, I've heard of Mugu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's quite good.
It just doesn't stop you sweating.
It gets rid of the smell but doesn't stop you sweating.
So you just end up with really big.
Sweat patches.
Pit stains, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The, what is it?
The antiperspirant side.
Yeah.
I don't fuck with that
yeah
that's
no
I'm like yeah
I literally before I came here
I was like I'm gonna put on
my antiperspirant
just because
I'm gonna do that favor
to the people in this room
oh my god
um
but
now that I know that
neither of you
tried for me
I put on deodorant
but I'm wearing the
Aesop deodorant today
so it's
really just
that's really just an idea
of a thought.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah.
Mugu.
Okay.
Well, then, Matt, it'll be you.
Okay.
Yeah.
Matt, sweat in the bunker.
So, not your nonna.
Not my nonna.
Leave my nonna's armpits alone.
Leave Rita alone.
Well, what do you think
There's like middle aged women
Having the best night of their life
Over at Reggie's
They're not going to swear
They're
And that's why I don't want it
That would smell awful
What do you mean
Excuse me
Well it's just not for me
Okay
I straight people into
Things like that
Into what
Like
Smell Like your partner's armpit smell
Is that good for you?
Yeah, I mean, I like the smell of my partner
I have dated people in the past where I didn't like their smell
Name and shame
No, I'm not naming anyone
No, but yeah, and then it kind of, after a while
It's like, we need to go our separate ways.
Hmm.
Okay.
Hmm.
But yeah, no, I think it's important for all people
to be into their partner's smell.
Yeah, I think they say if you don't like the smell of your partner,
then it means you lack a chemistry.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Okay. Well, listen, I'm not as sold on. Chemistry. Yeah. Okay.
Well, listen, I'm not as sold on this now.
Okay.
Wait.
Fuck.
This is important.
This is important.
Well.
Petrol?
Yeah, let's do that.
That's pretty good.
I was going to say before.
But maybe like the petrol that's like been spilt onto the asphalt
yeah yeah asphalty petrol yeah yeah that's pretty good okay so and does the oh no i think that
betrays the i was gonna say like does the cover for the airwick have like the petrol color so
like a little rainbow so you're like that's the limited edition like catches the light a little uh rainbow iridescent like that's
the limited edition one for the bunker yeah i think that's good we'll get airwick on the line
and see if they'll do a limited edition petrol themed airwick um amazing yeah okay when we
release like um the the line from the bunker especially you yes like one of it won't be
airwick it'll be an Airwick, especially you collab.
Yeah.
Or it'd be like Air King.
You know how you said about the Soda Stream King.
Oh, Soda King.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Gotcha King.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fabulous.
Well, let's do that.
Yeah.
Petrol sent out of an Airwickick, especially you, Soda King.
Yes, that goes kuh.
Yeah.
Excellent.
And that's also the new measurement of time.
Yes.
Sorry, most important.
Very good.
We'll be right back after this.
Kuh. To run To run
To run
Hello
Hello
We're back
Now, we've done this once before, my sister.
Have we?
We have.
We're not discussing which thing from this topic gets in,
but just here's a concept.
Are they in?
Yes.
And this was asked by one of our listeners.
Was it?
Yeah, many months ago.
Yeah, right.
I can't tell you who and I don't know why.
Oh, my God. Let's just say it was Anne. Yeah, right. I can't tell you who and I don't know why. Oh my God.
Let's just say it was Anne.
Anne Hogg.
Okay.
Today we're discussing, based on their current merits, does Harry Styles get into the bunker?
God, this is going to be a short segment.
But you know, I can't just come out and say no.
I will.
No.
I'm not.
I'm going to weigh it. I'm going to weigh it.
I'm going to really weigh it.
So, like, I was one of the poor, unfortunate souls who had to see Don't Worry, Darling.
And with Florence Pugh.
And directed by Olivia Wilde.
And let me tell you, Wilde it was not.
Olivia Tame And Harry Styles is a confoundingly bad actor
Truly in a way that I don't quite understand
You know when you see things
You're like I don't understand what a good actor is
But I know it when I see it
And when I see Harry Styles act
It makes me want to like
Vomit inside my mouth
And then swallow it back down I see Yeah because act, it makes me want to like vomit inside my mouth and then swallow it back down.
I see.
Yeah, because I want to spare the moisture.
But I find that that's bad.
I've only ever seen him act in the Eternals, like the MCU movie.
What was he doing in that?
He was in the post-credits scene.
Doing what?
He's a
celestial goddess
basically
oh shit
yeah he's an eternal
from another planet
oh my god
and he's teaming up
with Angelina Jolie
to go on a
has he ever come back?
not yet
will he?
I mean
apparently
but who knows what they're doing
yeah but
I mean he was put in there
as a teaser
for a future project
So, like, I'd say so
Ew
Yeah, gross
Okay, so what do you know about Harry Styles?
Almost nothing
He works at a monster's university
Yeah
No, I don't know what they do there, it's quite empty
I know, it's very empty there
He was a One Direction direction yes and where does one
direction come from the uk yeah and what where did they how did they form oh i don't know i know
there's zane zane that's the two directions um and then I know Watermelon Sugar High.
And I know that you released Nail Polish.
Yes.
Like, and I hate that a lot.
She just did in inverted commas.
Yeah.
Because it's like, you know, actually anyone can wear Nail Polish.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, no shit.
Any brand.
You don't need to buy the harry styles version yeah so i think yeah if it was just there's various points at which harry styles is
like i think it just becomes more and more egregious the the further along you go so it's
like being a like reality tv show contestant on the x factor and getting put with a bunch of other random boys
wait so they didn't go in no they were all losers and then simon cowell was like what if all of your
stinky ass losing could get combined into one competent person group yeah yeah so then they
put them all on together and became One Direction. Wow.
And then they became like heartthrobs, even though they didn't win.
And then they ran on like this never-ending massive world tour
and just got Spice Girls, essentially, until they burnt out.
So their whole thing was that they were like approachable,
you know, the classic archetype of like approachable young men
that young women can feel safe you know
non-threatening teens harry styles was the breakout star of that because he's kind of foppish
he's kind of sweet he's particularly inoffensive um and the issue is with being inoffensive as your core quality and kind
is that if you amplify that to global superstar famous,
you're like, well, why are you global superstar famous
when your whole thing is that you're just, okay, you're just approachable.
But then he started wearing dresses.
And then we finally get to, I mean, he went and had his solo career
and has had the most success of all the 1D boys.
Yeah, right.
Actually, can I tell you a story quickly?
Maybe you should.
One time when I was at the Peel when I was 18, just 18,
I was like hitting on this guy, which now when I reflect on it,
I was like, I wonder why this guy isn't interesting to me
He must be in like 30 something
In like a suit
He'd like clearly come from work
He was in like a button up shirt
But he'd taken the jacket off
And it was like getting to that like
People like the dance floor was starting to thin
Yeah the thinning hour
Yeah and I was like dancing up to him
And he was like
He literally looked at me and was like
No
Which was fair enough And I was like dancing up to him and he was like, he literally looked at me and was like, no.
Which was fair enough because I was 18, but I must have looked like 15.
Like, you know, I looked very young.
And then he was like, no.
And I was like, okay.
And then some guy did come out at the very end, at the like five o'clock mark.
Yeah.
She'd be like, sweep me off my feet.
And he took me back to his apartment.
And he was an older guy.
Must have been like 35, 40.
Yeah.
And then he took, no, maybe that's just like in retrospect he seemed old.
Yeah. But I was actually this young.
Maybe it was like that.
Anyway.
He takes me back to his apartment.
I get to the front door of his apartment in Collingwood.
Yes.
And he points across the street to where there's some like flats.
And he's like, the Muslims live there.
Oh.
And I was like, oh my God, what's about to happen?
Yeah.
This is like awful.
Yeah.
And then he takes me into his house.
So that like, I should have left then.
But I also had nowhere to go
Because I was still living in the hills
An hour on public transport
That hadn't yet started up again yet
So I was like, I am here
This is where I'm sleeping tonight
Otherwise I'm walking around
Anyway, get into his house
His apartment
And I want you to picture this guy's house
Floor to ceiling mirrored built-in
robes ikea bed set and a tall boy with a like light blonde pine finish oh yeah on top of that
is like a single framed picture of like some random friends yeah there's always that maybe like a few junky elements and then a like not junky but like
little pieces of just like detritus like oh i thought you meant like a meth no no like keys
the keys and like a little beanie baby little g dropper yeah yeah And then like a fucking, it's always like something like that.
Yeah.
And so,
and then the,
the room is like lit by the sun because it's got these down lights in it
that are like blinding you.
And there's no second light source.
And then in the corner of the room,
the tiny room is like a,
a gym bag,
like a country road gym bag,
just like next to his like pristine sneakers that have
been lined up along the next to the tall boy and then everything else nothing else in the room
so i want you to imagine that yeah and he's like i'm just gonna go to the bathroom i'll be right
back and then i like lie down on the bed turn the light off no don't turn the light off and then i'm
like sitting there in the bed and I look to the left To the like
Bedside table
And on top of the
Bedside table
Dead body
One Direction magazine
Like one of those
Little kids magazines
That you could buy
They're about the size
Of a K-Zone
Like an A5
Yeah
And it's a magazine
Just with photos
Of One Direction
Oh
And I'm like
Young looking 18 year old
Yeah Just come to this guy's house I could fucking die with photos of One Direction. Oh. And I'm like young looking 18 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just come to this guy's house.
I could fucking die.
That has got to be one of the creepiest things that's ever happened.
Yeah.
Anyway, so I was like lying in that guy's bed and then like he,
I can't even remember what we did, but then like he went to sleep
and I just lay there like staring at the ceiling until I could like leave and go home.
Wow.
Like the sun slowly.
Yeah.
That reminds me of a kind of similar just in maybe the age difference.
But like when I was like fresh to the city, probably still 18, maybe 19.
I remember hooking up with this guy but it was just through
you know what it was through manhunt.com you hunted those men i did um this guy who lived
in saint kilda um but he would have been yeah late 30s early 40s kind of vibe um and i went to his place stayed the night we like we
didn't have like sex sex but we had like oral sex um and he had like these two dogs and it was this
whole thing and then the dogs like slept on the bed and i just remember that was really weird but
it was he was a really nice guy and it was like whatever. But then the next morning, I think because I was so young
and like, you know, just didn't have enough life experience,
we got up and then he was like, he invited me,
but he was like, oh, we're going to breakfast with a friend.
Do you want to come?
Oh my gosh.
And I was like, sure.
And then like we go downstairs and we go to this cafe in Tequila
on like the Esplanade or whatever.
And it's me and this guy who is more than twice my age.
And he's like diva, like girlfriend from work or whatever.
And the three of us just sat there and had breakfast.
And the whole time I was like, I wonder what she thinks is happening right now.
And then after that, I went home.
Wow.
And yeah. How was divaa i remember her to be fabulous
and great well wherever you are now yeah i hope you're okay yes but yeah it is so funny those
yeah if my friend brought a random like hookup to a brunch yes like i don't know that you understood The brunch invitation Right And especially like
I mean the age dynamic was
Yeah
Extreme
Well thankfully you've always looked
20 years above your age
Okay
So
But I think the power of leaving
Is the power of your 30s
I love leaving
Yeah yeah yeah
Just leaving whenever the fuck you want to leave.
Yeah.
And not feeling any kind of way about it.
This is not just for hookups, but just for all things in life.
All things.
You don't ever have to stay in one place.
No.
You don't have to stay there, no matter what it is.
Just go.
That's it.
You're done.
Yeah.
And when you're done, you go.
Yeah.
And that's it.
I love it.
Harry Styles.
Yes.
Anyway, so the gay shit
Oh yeah
Okay
So this is the issue
You know like
There's a
There's a big conversation
About whether
Harry Styles
Needs to be explicit
About whether he is queer
Bisexual sucks dick
Yeah
Because he's inferted
A lot of times
Then he's also started
Dressing in like like queer coded ways.
Yes.
And everyone who like is in the rabid fan base and, you know, also outside is like, people don't owe you this kind of explanation of their sexuality.
You can't force people out of the closet.
To which I say, shut the fuck up.
To which I say, shut the fuck up.
Like, I do agree with you that, like, random strangers on the street shouldn't be forced to be explicit about their sexuality.
However, I think if we talk about, like, what you're using,
quote-unquote, using your platform for
and what you're making your money out of.
Yeah.
Like, I don't think he owes us shit,
but I do think that you can't deny them that he's like having his cake and eating it too.
That's the thing.
If you're going to like profit through, yeah, like using clear, like, yeah, like dressing flamboyantly and, you know know like doing every signal to suggest something
and like using that as a tool in your marketing campaign for yourself for whatever reason
but then being coy about like whether you suck dick yeah and eat ass it's like well
what and i think it is because it's about the kind of like all the queer things that are safe that don't put in people's mind the
explicit act of gay sex you can be gay in every way or like queer coded in every way except for
the act which is why ellen was allowed to be a completely neutered lesbian on television because
it was like middle america can accept the way you look like a lesbian the way
you dress like a lesbian and the way that you act like a lesbian you can even call yourself a lesbian
but you're not allowed to ever be explicit about the act of sex that you're having with someone of
the same sex because that's where you alienate your straight middle american fans because you
know and your publicists know and your team of like
incredibly like high-end professional pr people know that as soon as you say i suck dick you have
lost some money yeah and i it's like so calculated that it's offensive because it's like to to then
deny it and protect like to for the fan base to then deny and be like
no one owes you this kind of explanation it's like sure but the reason we're not getting this
kind of explanation is because he knows that it would alienate a whole group of customers exactly
and so being explicit would cost him that whether it's explicit and then he's straight yeah just to say like i am
a straight man and i'm dressing like this because i think it's cool but i'm just like like taking
these queer coded imageries that like has you know been a way that the queer community has
signaled to each other but also being like this the the reason that gay people are like shunned
or you know like
dressing effeminately but like there's a case we made the straight man could do that yes but
then leaving it in this weird or say i suck dick and this is the guy you know like whatever like
but it's like you can't be explicit because you know this there's a cost
and even yeah and that's exactly it.
And that's why it's left vague.
I remember seeing, I can't remember exactly what it was.
I think it was a trans moment.
But like Katy Perry did like some, like just misc,
like it was like gay month in the States or whatever.
And she did like one Instagram post about like,
I support trans kids or whatever and she did like one instagram post about like i support yeah trans kids or whatever
and the comments are fucking crazy like the people being like fuck you unfollow like i can't believe
i've been betrayed after following your career for the past 10 years or whatever um so the evidence
is there right and it's just whether or not, yeah, like you-
It took Taylor Swift like two years.
You know, that's why it's like, even though it's like the bare minimum
and also like who cares about your opinion,
but like when celebrities do support anything, it is like-
But like there's only like a handful of openly, like, out, even now, pop stars that are in, like, the top tier.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, not even in the top tier.
I just don't even think, like, you know, we don't even have them.
Yeah.
Like, Whitney Houston spent her entire life closeted as a bisexual.
And it's like, and,, I guess like Lady Gaga said
that she was bisexual many moons ago, but like,
it was kind of like, once again, never given the like,
then you see Lady Gaga out with, you know,
weirdly Lindsay Lohan has done more for gay visibility.
I don't know.
Anyway, but the thing about that that i find
frustrating is just like the the case to be made that that he deserves some sort of kudos
when it's like i don't know you're just kind of watering it down or like not giving us
the like explicit confirmation which is like if you were having sex with men just say it
why not why not you know you don men, just say it. Why not?
Why not?
You know, you don't have to say it, but I do have to ask why not.
Why would you not think that that's important?
Well, yeah.
Why are you scared of saying that?
Why is that so bad that someone would know that about you?
Yeah.
Because people, you know, you don't want people to know about your private life.
Guess what?
You've released two documentaries about yourself.
And you're making like music that's autobiographical why is this detail this one detail being left out we know about your relationship to your parents to every single one of your exes to watermelon and sugar
pie yeah but you don't have i took in the ass one time come on honey you know why you know why
you're empowering homophobes and it's like when yeah
when taylor swift her whole career like up until a few years ago didn't come out and say i'm against
donald trump i'm against like the actions of the republican party because she knew that she had a
country fan base and if she alienated those people she she would lose them forever. Yeah. So she played on that ambiguity.
It's like, fine, great.
But you know why you're saying nothing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's, yeah, it's better for the bottom line.
And so do we.
And that's why you're not in the bunker.
No fucking way.
Get fucked.
I just like, yeah, I just, I don't like that shit and i think the nail polish i can't well and i hate it yeah
it's just like all of that stuff that is like this is kind of queer and i'm like no that's
nail polish yeah the things that are queer uh having sex with someone of the same gender
and that like having a different experience of your own gender
like these are like these are the spaces that are explicitly queer the things that have built up
around queer culture yes but they are not queer culture like it is so weird to have it boiled down
to something as stupid and goofy as oh i wore nail polish like and there is nothing um homophobic about being straight
no intrinsically it's like you can be straight and like you don't have to be the straight person
who like has leaned into being like you know maybe actually like queer is how i would identify
yeah like no yeah well you know i think it's like if you know that you
like i i don't know if you know that like it's not for you that it's like that you are not part
of the queer community that's okay like i think not everything needs to be for everyone yeah
and i think like i respect that when i see it in people that are like, I support you.
I'm not part of it.
It's not like I'm not profiting me anything.
I'm not taking anything from you.
I just support you in whatever the fuck your life is or whatever.
So yeah, no, fuck off.
Absolutely. However, the second that he does become explicit about queerness in some form,
we will revisit this and discuss.
Hmm.
Do you think that,
cause Sean Mendes is like the same kind of world,
right?
Well,
I think like doesn't direct,
like maybe not in the same way,
but just gay people wish he was gay.
I think he is gay.
And I think,
I think Sean Mendes is the opposite of harry styles i think
harry styles is straight and is just knows that there's there's like a value to seeming like hip
and contemporary and queer like his young fans who are now a lot more open and accepting without
alienating some of the older fans who maybe aren't or from places where it's not accepted. I think Shawn Mendes, however, I mean, I'm sorry.
This is like, I know this is like harmful to him that he's like,
everywhere he goes people are like, fag.
But that is a gay man.
I am so sorry.
I mean, like I could, yeah, we can all lie.
It's fine.
It's fine to be like, whatever your journey is.
That is a fucking fruit, honey.
Like, I just, I mean, I've seen him talk and with his, like, ex-girlfriend.
Yeah.
And I'm like, I know this story, honey.
I've watched this movie.
Yes.
Yeah.
That is, you're a gay man.
I'm like, whatever you need to do but i suppose
in the different way it's like if we presume that harry is straight then yeah there's a benefit
like of course there's a benefit to not come out as like be explicit about that yeah like i'm not
queer at all just right um but for
like there then the opposite when it's like sean sean you know our friends harry and sean um
it's the that taylor swift thing except that it's like you would like being authentic would mean
that you lose a lot of opportunities. Yeah.
Blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And that is so fucked.
It is sad.
And I think it's like,
these people are operating inside of a,
the real world.
And I think it is funny.
Like it would cost you like a whole,
like choice of arm will never be at a certain level just by the fact that he's gay.
Like it is part of the reason that he's gay like it is part of the
reason that he's like so successful in his like niche category i mean aside from just the other
like stuff about him but like yeah him being so openly gay and i this is what i love and will was
talking about last week it's just like someone being so explicit in the sexuality side of things about what he's interested in, his preferences and that sort of stuff.
That's exactly what middle America is afraid of.
Or like bumfuck nowhere Australia.
It's like someone talking about like, not I like to wear nail polish,
but like I like to go to a glory hole and you know, whatever.
So fuck you, you Harry you know what
like maybe you are allowed in the bunker
we'll just give you the code to the door but we're
not going to be explicit about it so you can
and just like it'll
be kind of in a range you know
we'll give you each number in a range and maybe you'll
talk about it I think if
he ever found his way in
we would tell him that we got that um like black
4.0 paint and did a big circle on the ground and then one day he would walk into the abyss
yeah and he'd be gone forever yeah that's great harry and goodbye but yeah at this point in time
no absolutely not get fucked yeah get fucked are the other ones bad from One Direction?
I presume they're all awful.
Zayn is weirdly super cockney.
And has this really thick British accent.
And then that's quite funny.
And he's the hot one, right?
He's the hot one.
He's very hot.
And then there's an awful one, right? He's the hot one. He's very hot. And then there's like an awful one who is like actually so awful that it's kind of like,
he's like become just like a weird, disgusting pox on the world.
Yeah, right.
And then there's an Irish one who's blonde and he's just seems like an amateur.
He's the baby spice.
He's just like an inoffensive,
like sweetie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then the,
that's all of them.
Yes.
No,
there's another one.
Is there four or five?
Who knows?
I don't care.
I think it's just four.
Is there four?
They're all crushed under my sternum.
Oh no,
there's five.
There's the other one.
Gary.
Yeah.
And Gary's doing well
Yeah
And that's it
However Harry
Get out
And we'll be right back
And now we're back for our final segment.
Finally.
It happened to me.
Right in front of my face.
And I just cannot hide it.
Are those the words?
We're going to discuss today which pet gets into the bunker.
Yes.
Which pet? Oh, we already talked about some pets. How funny. Well, that's it. We're setting to discuss today which pet gets into the bunker. Yes. Which pet?
Oh, we already talked about some pets.
How funny.
Well, that's it.
We're setting it up.
It's thematic.
Of course, Boo and Wednesday.
Wednesday.
Both dead.
Now.
Well, they were hit by cars.
No, they lived for years after that.
Wow.
They were very cool.
They were both black cats, which explains my bad luck.
You had two black cats at the same time?
Mm-hmm.
That's cute.
You could tell them apart.
Yeah.
Cute.
Wednesday had that eating thing.
She was a little bit of a big girl.
Okay, so talking about pets.
Before we started recording, I was like, are we saying like domesticated animals or like pets that we have personally had?
Like, I don't't know i think it's
like an it's a category yeah like i think dogs cats birds mice rats snakes lizards turtles fish
fish uh what other ones are there sea monkeys um rocks with googly eyes with the googly eyes or without your choice grasshoppers
skinks that you've caught in the summer yeah yeah um there's you know lots of puffer fish
uh jellyfish okay so um anything you could keep at home yeah like those crazy women like that one with the orangutan that tore the face off
okay well and what everyone gets a pet um no we're just saying that if anyone is allowed a pet it has
to be this category of this category okay category um okay well i have grown up with dogs and cats.
Dogs and cats we've had in the family.
These days, all of my family members all have dogs and cats, actually.
Yeah, we still all have a mix.
Your father has cats.
He has cats.
My brother has both, and my mum has dog.
I like dogs and cats equally.
Maybe I sway more towards dogs of the world.
Yeah.
And then I have always had aquariums.
Growing up, I've always had aquariums.
I've had big aquariums, small aquariums, freshwater aquariums.
Yeah.
And in more recent times, I've transitioned to keeping a shrimp.
Which is the coolest pet.
And very cute.
And I bought an aquarium last year that I haven't set up yet,
but it's ready, to have a turtle.
Yeah.
Which I'm in a constant debate about if I will do or not.
They live too long.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's my pet history as a baseline.
What's your pet history, sister?
So, yeah, cats.
Oh, and I did have a ferret.
I had a ferret for a year and a half.
So when I first, oh my God, okay.
So when I first moved to the city,
I moved in with my friend Claire
and we went to high school together
and had always talked about ferrets.
We'd never seen a ferret.
We were just like, ferrets are so cute.
Then one day we'd been living together
for like maybe two, three months.
And we were like, we can do whatever we want now.
We're adults.
And then we got in the car who drove
claire good and we're like we will go get ferrets and while we were driving i was like looking up
where to buy a ferret in victoria so you got in the car before the plan had been made like
not a joke we were just like oh my, we could do that thing we always talked about.
Let's just do it right now.
See, where's that woman gone?
Where is she?
You become a planner in your old age.
Oh, my God.
So then we drove to the peninsula, funnily enough,
and went to a ferret breeder who had just, like,
He was doing what to the ferrets?
parrot breeder who had just like... He was doing what to the ferrets?
These like massive outdoor like enclosures of ferrets.
These small, long creatures bopping around.
And then we wanted like kind of young ferrets, of course.
Oh, God.
And in the pen of the ferrets of like the younger age um there were like lots of albinos and
then two that were like the natural color and we were like well we want the natural color so claire
got her ferret and then i went to get the last one and the person was like oh no no you don't
want that one it's missing a leg i was like what and then i was like well no? And then I was like, well, no, I want it.
Like, it's cute.
Like, and it was missing its back left leg.
And then the breeder was like, all right, well, I'll give you a discount.
One leg up.
And I got it for half price.
Half price?
Yeah.
If anything, it should have been a quarter.
Well, right.
Yeah.
And then we went home and had ferrets.
And we had the the i lived there for
like a year and then when i moved out i didn't take my ferret with me because we were like we
should keep them together a ferret is for life not just for christmas well claire had them forever
until she gave them to another friend so but they were fucking awful they were the worst pets i've
ever had in my life. Why? They stink.
And you didn't like that smell?
They bite.
You can't toilet train them.
They're awful.
They're really, really awful.
But they're extremely cute.
They are so cute.
Yeah.
And they sleep a lot.
So when they would wake up, they would be really personable
and they would come up and they would like kind of snuggle
and bounce around and be really cute.
And then once they'd been up for half an hour,
they'd come over and just like bite you.
And Claire used to feed them chicken wings
and they used to always hide the chicken wings in and under my bed.
And every night when I would get home,
I'd have to like check for fucking chicken wings first.
Claire, stop giving the ferrets
chicken wings that's quite cute no but anyway sorry sorry i just remembered that time i had a
ferret why would why did they what do they think they're doing when they bite you i think they just
don't like you know when a dog bites you yeah playfully it they know like they're not biting to pierce yeah because they have that you
know ability to like tell the difference yeah but ferrets don't have that they just think that
they're having fun with you yeah but like they have really sharp teeth and yeah they're they're
they're awful wow so never again with the ferrets. Absolutely not. If I ever, Laps, sister, listener, Matt, anyone,
remind me of this moment.
I'm not having stinky ferrets.
They're awful.
We had female.
They were both females and we had them desexed
and they still stank.
Wait, why does having reproductive organs make them stinky?
Because they're trying to get some, you know,
that's their armpit smell.
They're musking.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
And the boys smell worse.
They're awful.
Awful.
Anyway, so what did you have?
I had a pet rat named Marcy as well.
Marcy.
Which is funny that we're rat and ferret people,
but I guess you could tell that that's what this podcast was brought to you by
Oh my god
Ew
Ew
We really are just so fat
But it's because I wanted a cat
And my mum was like, we're not getting a cat
We'll get you a mouse or whatever
And then she did some research
Or someone was talking to her and was like
Don't get mice
Mice stink
And weirdly enough, rats are just a lot more hygienic So we got rat some research or someone was talking to her and was like don't get mice mice stink and weirdly
enough rats are just a lot more hygienic so we got rat yeah mossy and she was a sweetie pie yeah um
but like yeah i just like i can't deal with those animals that are just like constantly
pissing and shitting uh-huh and like just you know what i mean it's just yeah and like they're
just too fragile they're constantly about to die like you need something that can get hit by a car and live
just to survive being my family yeah yeah yeah um there was a weird parrot man that lived on my
street that had a giant tropical parrot oh my god like that was like i don, like, giant and would sit on his shoulder and he'd just walk around.
That's so cool.
And I was like, your identity can't be parrot.
Well, check it out, darling.
I think it was.
Yeah.
But, yeah, birds as well because they have, like, the weird thing where they're, like, those big birds.
They think that you're their like life mate.
Yeah.
And so they become super protective of you.
I don't like that.
Big birds, birds.
Big bird.
Big bird on the gravel of China.
Birds freak me out.
Yeah.
I just can't tell what they're thinking.
Yeah.
Love undomesticated birds birds especially visiting my bird bath um but yeah but
i would never have a pet bird like it's just weird as well and i also think like don't they need to
like fly around what i even like people who have like a pen or whatever you still fly in like 20
meters to the other side yeah um i just't, they need to fly like a lot.
Well,
I remember hooking up with some guys,
like a couple and one of them had,
well,
they had both had like a bird that was like a budgie or something.
And it would just fly around the apartment.
So number one,
you just find like random bird shit on things,
which is so not it.
But then it's just like hard when like,
like later on they were like oh
we accidentally like one of us stood on like harry or whatever and it's like i can't be sad about
that that's so stupid like it's just like why are you living like this why have you turned your life
into an obstacle course oh my god because i think that's the thing it's like does it add like how much complication versus how much joy does it
add to your life yeah and i think birds are more complicated than a dog with like less affection
less of the fun things that's why it's like with a fish tank relatively low amount of like it's going to impact your life.
Yeah.
It's not going to ever get underfoot.
It's not going to ever like shit all over your apartment.
Yeah.
You can choose when to interact with it, but you get almost no, well, you get absolutely
no affection from it.
Yes.
It's like a moving painting more than anything.
Wow.
But.
Okay.
But that's the thing So it's like
There's that trade off
Whereas like yeah
Dogs add a shit ton
Of complication
To your life
For every second
That they're in your life
Yeah
Feeding
Walking
Vet bills
Kennels
Yeah
Like
Just their random
Fighting
Fucking furniture
That ends up in your life
Yeah
Like things I don't know Just constantly Having to think about them When you want to go on vacation Like just their random fucking furniture that ends up in your life. Yeah.
Like things, I don't know, just constantly having to think about them when you want to go on vacation.
Yeah.
No, but you get the most personable creature that's like going to actually want to spend
time with you and like be a big old sweetie.
But yeah.
You currently have a cat at home.
Yes. Tigre
Your housemate's cat
Yep
Which is the perfect
Can I say
If you live in a share house
Get your housemate to get a pet
Because then
Everything is not my issue
Like I can opt in
Like I'll help
And I'll take care of Tigre
When he goes away
And I'll
You know, whatever
But I Like, you know, whatever. But I like,
you know,
Tigre needs to go to the vet at the last minute.
That's not,
that's not me.
It's not your problem.
I'll be like,
Oh my God,
look,
he's bleeding.
But then that's,
that's it.
He's vomiting blood.
Yeah,
exactly.
But it's like,
that's as far as my expectations go.
Like you couldn't send me to jail for anything.
Yeah.
See,
this is how I feel about having children.
Cause that's the experience I have with my nephews and you're like it's
bleeding you're just a really good uncle yeah yeah yeah um yeah that's what my brother said
when we had a baby he was like i was born to be an uncle it's meant to be well that's the thing
that's why you know genetically there's always a gay in the family. Not that your brother is gay,
but just that you have to have someone to take care of the children.
I feel like a lot of people get dogs just as a warm-up to having children.
Either a practice or a Band-Aid.
That's right.
It's like a little test run.
It's like, oh, could we handle a child together and probably a lot of the time people are like it's too much responsibility but did you enlist to
anything like that no we didn't have any pets before we had a baby we just went straight into
it i think that's probably the best way to go do you have a pet now me yeah um i'm actually looking after my old family cat at the
moment at home calypso yeah and she well she was kind of my cat at when i was living at home
and then when i moved to share houses i was just like she was an indoor cat and i was just like i
can't take her yeah yeah it's not it's not fair on the housemates to always be like making sure
she doesn't run onto the road and you know just like rental properties are hard
to get cats in or pets into in general anyway and i mean they used to be yeah now you're allowed to
yeah so i just was like i'll just leave her at home she's much happier there and just go and
visit her and stuff but yeah it's so nice she's just coming for a visit at the moment and so she
just like is so cuddly and affectionate some Some cats are, like, really a bit, you know.
Flighty.
Yeah, or, like, you have to work really hard to, like, earn their affection and stuff.
Or they, yeah, are a bit, yeah, not very nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this one's good.
She's great.
But she's getting really old now, so she doesn't move much.
Yeah, I think when they get old, they become more docile, which is fabulous.
Yes.
That's, you really want an old one.
Because then they can't run.
Drag their legs along the ground, their back legs.
My boyfriend, Kurjan, hates animals.
He hates them.
He likes the thought.
And when we first started dating, I was like, yeah, I'm not really drawn to the idea.
I don't feature the idea of getting a pet.
I like animals existing in the world.
Great.
But I don't need a pet right now at this point in my life because it's not like I'm going to be staying in one place.
i'm going to be staying in one place or i don't want to have that feeling of like i have to to be here reliably for the life of this animal which is you know 20 years sometimes even more
and so it's like wow what what am i doing for the next 20 years and so it's like i take that
very seriously i wouldn't want to do that to an animal but like i didn't realize until later
into our relationship how much he was like
oh no i just don't fuck with those motherfuckers yeah like i don't want to touch them i don't want
to talk about them i don't want to look at them like keep that shit away from me because it's just
too much does he like fish though i don't i think he just thinks it's all a liability
He said as much
He would just be like, no, that's too much bullshit
Oh, funny
I've had fish before and I like having fish
It's fun
It's nice to watch them just floating around
Trapped
In a little bunker
You feel like a powerful
Celestial goddess
Yeah, you can send the food down Here you go Yeah In a little bunker You feel like a powerful Celestial goddess Yeah
You can send the food down
You know
Just
Here you go
Here's some food
But
I had a fish
In my last year house
Before I moved in
With my partner
And
I loved that fish
I named him Linus
And
He was just such a sweetie
He would like
Come up and like
Nibble my finger.
And then one time in the middle of the night,
I think he was getting a bit restless or something,
or maybe the tank wasn't quite clean,
and he would start to kind of try and jump out of the tank a bit.
Suicide.
Yeah, death by jumping.
And then so I was, like, really like really like anxious about him jumping out and one time
in the middle of the night i just had this dream that like and i kind of heard noise and i was like
something's not right and then i just woke up and i couldn't see him in the tank i just sat
bolt upright and i couldn't see him and he jumped out down the back of my chest of drawers where
his tank was on top of my chest of drawers so there's a giant water fish tank on back of my chest of drawers where his tank was on top of my chest of drawers
so there's a giant water fish tank on top of my chest of drawers and it's full of clothes so it's
extremely heavy and i just heard him flapping down there and i just got my torch and i was like
i have to get him so it was like you know those stories about like mothers who just like lift
giant car off the baby on the road or something giant like building off the baby So it was like, you know those stories about like mothers who just like lift giant steel.
The car off, the baby on the road or something.
Yeah, giant like building off the baby.
Linus, no!
And I just moved this whole chest of drawers.
I don't think I could ever lift it again.
And the fish tank, it was all like full of like water
was like sloshing around and stuff.
Oh, good.
He needed some of that dark there.
That's right.
And I managed to move it.
This is at three in the morning. And then I picked him up and, you know, of that dark there. That's right. And I managed to move it. This is at three in the morning.
And then I picked him up and, you know, it was like classic.
I just dropped him in the water and he just lay there, like on the side.
And then eventually just like started wiggling his tail a little bit.
He was probably out for, I don't know, I don't know how long he was out before I woke up.
But I heard him flapping down there.
So it would have only been a couple of minutes.
But I couldn't believe that I just, you know,
like woke up in the middle of my sleep.
Saved your child's life.
That is your, like, test run of having a parenting.
Yeah.
You saved Linus.
And wait, where's Linus now?
He's dead.
Wait, what happened to him?
I don't know.
I think he just got tired of life. No, no? I don't know. I think he just got tired of life.
No, no, I don't know.
He's kind of stopped eating for a while.
He might have gotten sick.
I'm not sure.
But, yeah, they don't last for ages, goldfish,
unless, like, you are really on top of, like, keeping the tank clean.
Aren't they, like, the lowest effort fish?
They're pretty, yeah, they're pretty low manians
but the thing is and lazy's always she's had aquarium so she knows this but people who have
never owned aquariums will always ask like oh my god what are your fish's names and it's like well
they're fish so like they will die it's funny giving them funny names, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's like pet fish aren't like a pet dog.
No.
Like, it will die unexplainably, and then you'll get another one.
I've still had a lot of emotional attachment to different fish
that I've had through the years, but it's not the same.
Yeah.
So like.
You give them a little nickname, but you can't be like, yeah.
Yeah.
Super like.
Yeah.
I mean, when you have a bunch of like small fish that all look the same,
it's just like, oh, they just want, they could be,
that could be George and that could be.
Yeah.
But I do like, I mean,
like that is kind of the only instance where you could keep a swarm of something like a giant school of tetras yes so it's like what about a
swarm of bees and maybe it is bees we've got we already got bees yeah and jokes on you because
we already have the oceanarium oh yeah we don't need to worry about fish tanks today
and we've got the meg. Yeah. The real pet.
And some crustaceans.
Yeah.
I love, I mean, I love sea monkeys.
I think sea monkeys are so cool.
Just because it's like, it's just a shitty thing.
It's a shitty thing, but it's also.
Do they just grow from like powder?
Well, it's just their eggs.
They have eggs in it.
Oh, right.
And they're just dried eggs.
Well, yeah, they're just kept their eggs.
It's a genetically modified like type of brine shrimp that like is able to reactivate after a long time in dormancy.
Because a lot of aquatic life like that, like things that live in ponds and stuff as you go through the seasons they will
yeah like if they lay all the eggs while they're alive then in the summer when everything dries up
the eggs survive and then when the next wet season comes everything comes back to life and the cycle
starts again so you could take that and put them into a little packet yes and that's i think i love
the branding yeah of that which is so chic that it's like, I don't
know, calling them sea monkeys, making that imagery of them.
Yeah.
It just, it's like, puts your imagination to work.
I think it's like kind of similar to when people, you know, have the voice that they
do for their dog.
And like, you know, like how dogs have like a whole overlay of like personality on them.
Yeah.
Where they're like, oh, this is Terry.
Terry's a grumpy old man.
Oh, right.
And it's like, well, Terry's not a grumpy old man, Trish.
Yeah.
He's a dog.
He's a dog.
I can see him right there.
Yeah.
But you've imbued him.
Yeah, you've put a whole story on him.
Yeah, right, right, right.
That makes him like, you know, Terry doesn't like it when I vacuum.
He thinks it's really, you know.
Yeah.
So if I ever got a dog, I think it would have to be a big dog.
Not a big, big dog.
Medium size.
Kelpie.
Blue Heeler.
These are the dogs with like personality, vibe.
Yep.
Very intelligent.
Very intelligent and not small, which is like an unfortunate quality for a dog well so
just the ones like the ones that are like inbred as fuck like i just think are so tragic and like
not like it's not that i want them to die it's just that they look like they're dying and i feel
for them because it's like yeah we should this is our fault humanity's gone too far and we need to get rid of you it's like um it's like cows and chickens and stuff in like factory farms it's
like i don't want them to die i just don't want the next generation to be born yes so it ends
we just need to and i think that would be great if we could just get rid of all the super inbred
dog breeds just start again get rid of the schnauzers.
Get rid of the, like, bulldogs.
Get rid of the, like, everything.
It's like the chihuahuas.
Like, they can all go.
We'll just kill them.
Oh, okay.
No, sorry.
What do we do?
Nuder them.
Oh, my God.
And then just not make it illegal to make them.
Okay.
Because they're, like, okay because they're like fucked
they're so fucked um yeah it's cruel to create something you know is going to live in pain
and yes like there's um there are so dear listener you probably know this about me by now but i do
frequent a lot of weird reptile channels on youtube
and which i don't know why i never want to own a like reptile reptile but anyway
um there are particular breeds so like in like snake keeping there's all these different like
morphs that you can get which is just like different color variations um and there are specific color
variations that come with certain defects of the animal like this is chelsea she doesn't have a
liver but look at how cool she is yeah but she gleams in the sun isn't that cool um yeah to the
point where like it is like some of them are so bad that it's like it's illegal or whatever to
purposefully breed for those traits because those traits come with um yeah like they can't
they don't have body uh probably like motor function and stuff like that like redheads
is that so no um yeah which is so weird. Yeah.
No, it's exactly that.
It's so depressing.
But yeah, it's like, well, why?
Yeah, don't make something like that.
Have you seen Gattaca?
Exactly, that poor Ethan Hawke.
Okay, so what are we thinking?
A dog?
No, I'm not doing dogs or cats I just think it's so like
It's just funny that this has become the fundamental human debate
And we can't just put a crown on one of those two things
Because I'm not indulging people
Do you like dogs or cats?
I'm like, they're both fine
They're both doing different things
Like it's so weird how long and how many
times in your life you're gonna have this conversation it feels like a conversation
you're only gonna have in primary school then you find out it's a conversation people have
into the day they fucking die as if anyone gives a shit like no one's saying like do you like
zebras or goldfish more you know i mean it's just like they're just different things it's fine they're
allowed to be out here doing different things sure um i'm tantalized by the sea monkeys
my mother killed my sea monkeys while i was away in camp oh shit yeah it was a there was a heat
wave okay so the sea monkeys though there's this product that i've always wanted more than anything. Little bubble dome watch.
And it had a little like you unscrew the bubble dome, fill it with water,
and you could put your favorite two sea monkeys in there and walk around with them for the day.
What?
Is that not incredible?
Oh, my God.
It looks like from the future.
I would wear it as an adult and just carry around like little sea monkeys.
I mean, that feels cruel to those brand stream monkeys.
Oh, why do they care?
They don't have souls.
Oh, my God.
Do you think, I feel like, I mean, I'm a vegetarian.
I just don't eat like any animal things.
But like, I don't understand.
Like, I'm not going to think about it because i know i'm not going to eat it
but like the ethics of like eating muscles yeah and clams i just i don't i don't know
like whether they feel it well just whether they're anything yeah well apparently they're
not they don't have a central nervous system yeah right but like in heart, I say it's an animal.
But is it?
This is a woman who just put a stiletto heel through the United States of America.
And she's suddenly caring about these mussels and clams.
Yeah.
Because like I would never eat that.
But what a weird, I don't know.
But you'd eat seaweed.
Yeah, right.
So it's like...
Where's the line?
Yeah.
That's often debated.
I don't know.
We can't answer these questions here today.
But clams are delicious.
Oh, my God.
You like seafood.
I do.
Well, seafood is the only meat that I eat.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I've killed them before.
And I'll do it again.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Well, we're certainly fucking not putting ferrets in let
me tell you that much yeah um and i think it's like yeah it's just those genres because otherwise
a cladsdale horse is quite cool oh a miniature pony as well people always like people have like
yeah there's like why i'm in a japonii just thinking about like pets that people would get
when you live in like near country areas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like there'd be just people that had horses.
Which is weird because horses are like so expensive.
Like that is like a real, like you do get the majesty of a horse.
Yes.
But God, you don't even, like they can't come and like sit on your lap you know what i love oh
maybe this is my pitch is arnold schwarzenegger's donkey he has a donkey he has a pet donkey
it's really cute i think you've brought this up before probably um he makes a lot of social media
content with his donkey it It's really cute.
Actually, though, the thing that I've always wanted,
which is donkey adjacent, is the little goat.
Oh, goats are great.
I love how fucking terrifying they look.
And they scream.
They scream and they've got the eyes of the devil.
Yes.
And they've got the horns of the devil.
And they're great climbing.
They're more athletic than we'll ever be. Yeah, if you down they jump on your back that's so cute and i think that i could probably convince kergen to get a goat with me that's great yeah that's pretty
and i love a like a an animal that comes in natural like heel sounds. Like, ooh, where are you going in those Manolos?
Is that my pet goat or is that a businesswoman coming to the front door?
Exactly.
And goats are the businesswomen of the petting zoo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, for sure.
Yeah.
Look, I think, thinking about what we have in the bunker already,
we've got plenty of shelves that need to be stocked at the reject shop.
We could put some sea monkeys on those shelves.
And whoever might like to set up a little aquarium.
Get a pet.
Yeah.
That's quite good.
Okay.
I like it.
Well, you know, as well, because if any of you want to actually buy sea monkeys,
it's the original neo-Nazi.
No, the Nazi.
Not neo-Nazi.
He was just like an old school Nazi who made sea monkeys.
What?
He's dead.
But there's a whole story here.
But his family have like locked up the patent for the specific for the genetically modified sea monkey.
So the new sea monkeys and water dragons, which you can get at Officeworks,
and there's a load of fucking crap.
I hate it.
It's so ugly.
Also, water dragons?
Baby, no.
We're not going to a land of myth and legend.
We're going to 50s ladies that are underwater with hair.
Yeah. legend we're going to like 50s ladies that are underwater with hair yeah anyway they don't always
hatch oh they rarely do hatch which is really frustrating anyway so we'll make sure that it's
the old school nazi sea monkey jesus christ wow why There's just so many Nazis out there.
I guess it was just a time where there was a lot of them hanging around together.
Jesus.
Yeah, which Nazi gets into the bunker?
No.
No.
None of them.
Zelda being brave here on the pod and saying zero Nazis allowed in the bunker.
What about Coco Chanel?
No, not even Coco okay all right well that's it sea monkeys the smell of petrol stocked at the uh
reject shop the smell of petrol through an air wick especially you colab uh sprayer that goes
which is now the official time demarcator in the bunker
and then
oh no
oh and Harry Styles can fuck off
the absence of Harry Styles is now getting into the bunker
in fact when I aim
at planet earth I'll be looking at his house first
that'll be the entry point
yeah
incredible
well gorgeous another week of satisfied customers we will see you all in hell
yes um if you have the eyes of a goat you'll be first in okay thank you so much
death to everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears.
Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Bledling.
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