Death To Everyone - Death To... Holes, Fonts & Internet Sensations (Brazilians) feat. Patrick Durnan Silva

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

This week we take a wild ride with comedy all-star, legend and proud member of sketch comedy due, HOT DEPARTMENT, Patrick Durnan Silva. We finally discuss which hole will be in the bunker, what font and also which internet sensation (likely from Brazil) will survive the apocalypse. Death To Everyone!!! You can follow Patrick here: IG: @hotdepartment OR @patriciaparquett Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Hello! Hello. Oh, sister. Hello. A soul aneur to you, my love. Oh, valet. Valet, indeed. How are you? Oh, it's a gorgeous summer's day in Melbourne.

Yeah. AKA disgusting, grey. Overcast. Anemic weather. Muggy. I'm in short shorts and a t-shirt and you're in a coat and long pants. Yeah. I wear a trench coat everywhere, darling.

For the mystery. Yeah. Yeah. How are you? Oh, I'm so good. Why? You're wearing short shorts. Yeah.

And sandals. Yeah. And sandals. Yeah. And you're in your mid-30s. What could possibly be going right for you at this point? Wow, not much. No, it's the X-mas period. Yeah. And you work in retail.

I do. It's quite hellish. It's a hellscape out there. Yeah. But it's also the home stretch. Once you get to the worst bit, it's nearly over. And then Christmas in July is the next big one? No?

Okay I'm done with trying to relate Yeah, please Okay Trying to relate to the workforce because you don't have a job Hey, I'm really pulling it off, I think I think, I was thinking about this before Yeah

And you haven't worked a day for some time. Since July. No, that's actually fucking untrue. Yeah, but you know what I mean. I work constantly shoveling shit. Please subscribe to this podcast. Actually, it's a really good opportunity to tell people, well, at the start of this, we need you to review this podcast only if you have something nice to say.

Because that is actually the only way that iTunes knows that we exist. Or that Apple podcast. I don't really care so much about Spotify. I think that that kind of deals with itself. But as far as getting in people's feeds. On Apple. On Apple. It becomes essential.

And also just, I want you to write something. We had a little. Only if it's five stars. I don't want anything less. Don't throw off the algorithm. We had a little uploading mishap with the last episode. And the Apple listeners were quite vocal about it. And you both added yourselves as the only listeners on Apple.

Well, I listen to all my podcasts on Apple, even though that app hates me. What? Yeah. Wow. Because I don't want to be on Spotify because I get into my vibe on Spotify listening to a playlist. And I don't want to interrupt that to then go and play a podcast and then come back and be like, where was I? Oh. Yeah.

See, that's exactly what I want to do. You couldn't find two more different sisters of your tribe. My name is Zelda Moon. And I'm Lazy Susan. And today we have a very special guest with us. Incredible. So this special guest has been sitting patiently and quietly. They are a fixture of the melbourne um alt comedy scene

um see i added alt that covers the catch-all means like you know if you've never heard of them that's fine it's old yeah you're just not cool enough to know and if you have heard then you're like yeah i know what's up yeah so today we are so excited to be joined by the inimitable talents of Patrick Dernan Silva. Is it Dernan? Dernan. Yeah, Dernan Silva. Silva.

Yeah. Is that a composite name? Like is your mother like- Don't do compost. Miss Dernan and then your dad Silva. I don't know. I think it's a Brazilian thing. We just take all the names or maybe it was just what they wanted.

And I also am like, I want every name possible. Wait, so is it part of the first name or the last name? So Dernan is my mum's, Silver is my dad's. And they're both Brazilian? No, my mum is Australian and my dad's Brazilian. Okay. And the thing about my life is that. Well, here's the diversity question of the pod.

And Patrick, you are a sketch comedian. Sorry to out you. That's cruel. I didn't want people to know, but I guess I wanted to start off as an actor, but so I guess we'll just go with comedy. Well, like I've known you for a while now, and I feel like I've slowly become better at introducing you because, you know, for the first little while I'd be like,

he's a stand-up comedian. And then I was like, they slowly become better at introducing you because, you know, for the first little while I'd be like, he's a stand-up comedian. And then I was like, they're improv comedians. And then now you're like, no, we do sketch. And there's a difference. Look, it's a hybrid. Like sometimes we even struggle. Yeah, isn't that fascinating to know yourself and to know your identity? It's a constant journey.

I mean, because I think literally the way I see it is like we're two actors who then also like we love acting but we're like, all right, we're going to do sketch comedy because no one was – we weren't getting any work and then all of a sudden we just made it into whatever it was. No one's writing roles for Victorian schoolgirls. So we need to fill that in. For a sad, awkward man.

And so, know sketch Stand up Performance art Is a big one In Berlin That we get called It's the best way to backdoor Into a full career Okay but

You said we So who Do you work with Is that What You didn't say Who are you Oh sorry

Who I am Well you didn't say Oh yes Yes well Hot department Is just me. No, Hot Department is me and my good friend and a platonic wife on a wolf. And we met in acting school.

And then. At the VCA. No. We went to Ballarat. With the boys. The Ballarat. Yes. Yes.

With Annie Lumsden. Annie Lumsden. Yes. She was in third year. Queen. Yeah. And which a lot of, it's so funny. a lot of comedians have come out of there. So I think, I don't know, something in the cold, incestuous

and, you know, maybe claustrophobic living style of Ballarat that just brings it out. Well, they say, yeah, comedy is born of trauma. Oh, yeah. And for real. Ballarat. I went to Ballarat. What? Oh, like you just went there. Ballarat. I went to Ballarat. What?

Oh, you went there. For David. I was like, I never saw you. Why didn't you say something? And everyone was like, it's terrible here. And I was like, no, it's great, guys. I don't know what you're talking about. I love Ballarat.

It's got like, it's very leafy and green when you come in. It's good. And like the first year I was there, I was like, oh, no, what have I done? Wait, you went from here to there? No, I uh narandra country new south wales don't make up words uh and before that i was in flampingtons uh which was it was uh i went from like small country town to like a larger city country town with the hopes to one day make it to melbourne and now here you are wow sitting with the elite is bellarat is bellarat gold rush or has that been yeah yeah yeah that's where sovereign hill is sovereign

hill which i used to live across my first year and every night i hear like yeah that sounds so beautiful and like so did you get like local rates to go to the the old-timey village of Sovereign Hill? No, but I had a lot of actors work there and they would just sneak you in. Wait, so people in your class were like, I'm going to go and play the beggar woman. Yeah, today I'm playing beggar woman number two with an orphan kid. She gets shot today. And she's like, yeah.

And so a lot of times I just sort of snuck in and just walked around. She's like, I know him. I know him. Bring him in. Hey, there's that guy who stole my drink. And there's a reason you weren't cast. I don't think, I mean, like, I think I like the idea of working in like a themed place,

but I think I would get a bit like, I would then start to try to fuck things up or just fuck with people and then i get fired because i would just you know i i just talk in a modern day voice i'd be like what is this an iphone you know the looking device well actually there's all these um great like scripts that you have to do at disney in the avatar world when if you talk about the film Avatar because they have a giant you're with the Na'vi on the planet of Pandora and there are people that work there because they're like the settlers and yeah it's really fun but when you go up to the front like desk

or the gift shop and you're like um so I saw Avatar the other night and they're like, oh, you saw the documentaries. The historical documents. Yeah, it was like three hours long and it was just like pictures of whales. It was really boring. Could have been a video game. I mean, do you like Avatar? No. No, I mean like.

No. Thank God. No, it's awful. But I didn't see the first one, but I saw the second one. Kate Winslet's accent there. I thought it was a woman of color playing her. And then when I found out it was Kate Winslet, I was like, oh, okay. She's versatile.

There we go. Do it all. Well, I like that Sigourney Weaver could play a 13-year-old girl. She's like, I'm very young. Hey, guys, wait up for me oh let's go jump through some water hoops joan was originally set up for it oh my god that would have been that would have been amazing whatever happened to her um okay so the world is ending. Yes. Yes. That is the thing the podcast is about. Yeah. The world is ending.

And it is your duty as a guest on Death to Everyone to tell us this week, how is the world to end? And how will everybody die? Ooh. What is your version? What is your favorite version of the apocalypse? I feel like I, I,

it'd be like melancholia. Spoiler alert for the film melancholia. I think I'd want it to be quick. So I think whatever it has to be, I'd want it to be pretty quick. So then I'm just like, I don't, if I survive,

I'm not like, Oh fuck. So now we know the duration of the apocalypse. Why don't you get more into those details? Okay. So I like the idea of the earth somehow just like, like flying through space. Cause I'm also like, what if I get to see space for a little bit? I don't know.

Like you get to see space every night. It's not real. The earth is flat and those birds aren't real. Yeah. Look out the window. It's not real. The earth is flat and those birds aren't real. Yeah, they're real. Yeah, because I'm just like, I wouldn't want the suffering to go on for too long. But also I'd be like very, I'm the protagonist, so I'd probably just like.

Like you want to survive? No, I just want it to be beautiful the way I die. You're like, I'm one of those famous protagonists who wants to die immediately. I just want something flowy. I just want my hair to be like flying I dye it. You're like, I'm one of those famous protagonists who wants to dye immediately. I just want something flowy. I just want my hair to be like flying around and I'm just walking really slow and there's like ethereal music and I'm just like cheek by boogle fat removal.

I get it just right before, so I'm like looking gaunt. I'm wearing like maybe a white dress and I'm like down by the Mary Creek or something and I'm just looking around. And do you want people to be like, wow, like he's so brave? When you're like, the world's ending, but like, God, I like support you. Yes or no. Like I'd be some people like, what are you doing? And other people being like, hurry up, Christine, we got to go.

Like a mother ushering her kids and they're seeing the bravery. But how I think like, I don't know, maybe the world just explodes. The earth just explodes. Planet explodes. Yeah, planet explosion. So there's like a rumble and then. And then there's like a run on like drapey white dresses and vocal fat removal.

And then like three days remain. I hope everyone has cheekbones before the end. I think I'd want to look like Nicole Kidman in The Hours or something. Yeah. Or like any of the women. I've got the end. She's looking like, I think I'd want to look like Nicole Kidman in The Hours or something. Yeah. Or like any of the women. I've got the nose. So I think that's it. I just want the like, for those people out there, I just did,

I sucked in my cheeks. I flared my nose. It has been discussed previously on this podcast, which plastic surgery is getting or cosmetic procedure is getting into the bunker. But we didn't really give buccal fat removal its day in court. Do you have anything to throw in there? Say that again. So we allowed two procedures into the bunker.

Facelifts and boob jobs. Yeah. Okay. What do you think about that? What do you think about that? They're fine. I don't think I'd get them because I'd be like what's the point no one's gonna look at me what's the point of anything no one talks to me what what procedure could you get that would make force people to look at you mmm um I feel like I'd get like knee extension so I can be a bit taller. How tall are you? I'm 178 centimeters.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Knee job. A knee job. Like, yeah, bones. I just collect bones from all the dead and just, and then just. So you didn't need to BYO.

Put it in me. If anything, it's a plastic surgeon's dream. They're like, ah, I got all these things to work from. Well, your brother does like surgeries from time to time. He does. He does indeed. He's a bone surgeon's dream. They're like, ah, I got all these things to work from. Well, your brother does leg surgeries from time to time. He does. He's a bone surgeon. What does he do? Yeah, he's an orthopedic surgeon.

Whatever you call it. Bones. But can he do leg extensions? I don't think he's ever done that. They're really not doing them in Australia. I don't think they're legal. Is that a thing? Yes.

Okay, so you can get it done. Yeah. Have you never seen insecure men on TikTok? What do you mean? They're all so secure and healthy. I only have confident, happy men. But the craziest part about that surgery is the downtime afterwards. The recovery time is like half a year or something.

And you never really get back to full strength. That's good. Because they cut that out and they build like a steel bone. And then your bones grow back very slowly. So there's a price to pay. So you'll be tall, but you're always at a walking pace. Tall but weak. Tall but weak.

Which I think is like, you know, who's running? No, yeah, true. After a certain age, who's running? You'll discover this on the other side at 30. Well, maybe I'll rebu age who's running. You'll discover this on the other side at 30. Well, maybe I'll rebuke the knee extensions and I'll just get a boob job. Yeah, you'll get it in the bunker if you make it in. Okay.

Well, so the world explores... What's the criteria to get in, by the way? Oh, God, darling. I mean, there's so many rules. Actually, you can't get in because you're gay. Gay people aren't allowed in the bunker. Okay. But if I do conversion therapy.

Well, you'd have to convert to the plus in LGBTQIA+. Okay. Yeah. Plus got in. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Yes.

So all of that to say, with that in mind, the world is exploding this week. Bang. Thankfully, there is a bunker That is dutifully maintained by two celestial goddesses Us That's us And now we need to just Sorry, can you raise your hand again?

Just so I can There's a lot of people in the room Just for those listeners out there There's about 20 people That's me Also I forgot to mention Everyone said what they're wearing I'm wearing a full knight's armor, but just without the helmet,

just because it is warm. Is it sitting under your arm or is it on the ground next to you? It is on the – it's on a pillar. There's a nice marble pillar here and it's right next to it. A knight's armor. And every time I'm wearing it. What weapon would you put in the bunker? Where?

What? What weapon would you put in the bunker? Oh. I – oh, I. From the man that brought you the world explodes. Here comes another trip into the imagination of Patrick. I want to bring a sword just because I'm like a gun. You'd run out of bullets. What kind of sword?

I don't know. A gun you'd run out of bullets and there's only one other weapon. And there's a rusty sword That just Can barely It's really heavy And like You have to

Heavy sword So a broad sword Okay Or a taser Anyway sorry Or a taser That's fun I think it's time for a break

Okay let's take a break Let me just take up more space See you right In a second. And we're back. Okay. Hello. We're ready for our... Wait, what was that?

That was my arm. I'm not going to maintain that throughout the whole thing. Just assume that you've now taken it off and you're just sitting naked next to a suit of armour. It's really wet. Matt, do you have anything to say to our guest? Hello. Hey, Matt. I'm Matt. Hi, Matt. Matt and Pat. It's really wet Matt, do you have anything to say to our guest? Hello Hey Matt

I'm Matt Hi Matt Hey Matt and Pat Welcome to the show Thank you Are we still working on our show? Yeah, Matt and Pat

Yeah, we'll do that after this one Okay, great Just don't tell the others Because I just like Yeah, I know You shouldn't have mentioned it I've muted them It's alright

I don't like you two doing bits Yeah It's like What was don't like you two doing bits. It's like, what was just happening? We actually just became like the thing. This is the show that I hate. Everyone at home knows we can hear you. There's going to be an ad for Matt and Pat in the show

later. I wish the planet would just explode right now. I've ruined everything. Matt, fuck off! Shut up! We're not doing radio plays. Okay, okay, okay. Sorry. Our first topic. I'm wearing armor as well. I hate this

ally shit. But I want to know what kind of armor. Anyway. Also, I just hate the idea of, no one actually wore that armor. Are you joking? Yes, they did one actually wore that armor are you joking yes they did get real fucking real what do you mean honey no one wore if you believe that someone wore that armor you are out of your everly well as in like in general medieval time they were like some rich one was like let's put a metal man in my hallway the whole version of history is just fabulous rich women

interior decorating well no one wore it no one wore it and if you believe it no one fucking did that honey just cause it was in your lego set don't bring that to me the only time it's ever been seen scooby doo

shaggy, and the dog needed somewhere to hide. And it's just not a thing. Like no one, there was not like 50 of those. Where are they all then, honey? They're everywhere. There's only enough. I've only seen enough in the world that could be in one rich woman's hallway,

not a whole battlefield of those guys. Oh, my God. No one was wearing suits of armor. Wow. What if they made like a Balenciaga one? I mean, no, they're promos. Or like. Lil Nas already did it.

That was the only other time. Yeah. Well, you know what? Night suits out of the question. Goodbye. Well, they just never were a thing. It's just. Yeah. Anyway, this know what? It's night suits out of the question. Goodbye. Well, they just never were a thing. It's just, yeah. Anyway, this is maddening.

And we're going to go break again. Our first topic for tonight. Is holes. Oh, what? I thought we were doing the other one first. Well, don't throw it at me if you want. Okay. So, holes.

Okay So Holes Holes So we're kind of We're looking now For what hole Will be in the bunker My first

I went to like A K-hole Oh go on That's an interesting Because I feel like We want to like You know Get out of

You know The real world And so we just We just take a lot of care And get in a K-hole Yeah Yeah Yeah Do you know in the K-hole. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you know, like, a K-hole is – it's a nice escape. I just worry about the efficiencies that we're going to run into when everyone's in a K-hole all the time. Yeah. Well, I think we do shifts. You're in the K-hole this week. Yeah. Have you ever been in a K-hole?

No. I was very close to one, but I just had to keep leaning I think we do shifts. You're in the K-hole this week. Have you ever been in a K-hole? No, I was very close to one, but I just had to keep leaning against the wall for ages. And then who gets to qualify whether you've been in the K-hole? I don't know. You know what? I don't know. Cause someone could be just making it up.

Like I'd be like, Oh my God, I did so much of that ketamine. I'm, I'm, I'm in a K-hole. I'm still in it. What does it do to you?

The ketamine Yeah What one's that one? It started its life as a horse tranquilizer Used by veterinarians You know how horses are kind of like eager Yeah, you need to shoot them with like two darts Not just one

Because they're just like all up for it They love to party They need to chill. And then so it really like – Yeah. Like everything's like – Yeah. And then everything's very like suddenly you can barely keep your eyes open

and you're just wondering around. Except what the thing that happened – Is it a good why? I think it just kind of takes you out of yourself. It's not for everyone. I mean for some people who like to be in control, i don't think it's a good one to do um but sometimes when you're just like now i just want to be on a dance floor and just like be fluid and everything's like i don't know i keep thinking i just keep thinking melancholy now but it's like beautiful yeah but

it tastes like shit it tastes like metal. It tastes like metal. Like mostly. Like when I run. Yeah. What's with that? Why is that? Because no one. Yeah. Wait, what is it?

What's that? Like when you run, like my mouth tastes like blood. Oh, like that. Metallic. I don't think I do. Yeah. That's so interesting. I think it's just like because I have that. Yeah.

And I think you're both so sick. You are so sick. I think it's just for people that maybe don't run. It's a real shock to the system. Your body's like bleed from being attacked. I mean, I hate running, so I probably wouldn't. No. No.

Well, exactly not after your knee extension. K-hole. K-hole. Yeah. So when I was in a K-hole, so it began like this. When? This was at. Two minutes ago.

Yeah. At Barber. And it was like I had been like having a like fun little party and like it was like okay well let's have some ketamine let's have some more ketamine every time i ran into someone different they were like do you want to like align a k and i was like yeah i just did i not just see you and i was like did it did it did it and then by the time i got down to the bottom of the building i was like whoa but then i. Wait, what was that whoa? I was like, should I lock this door with everyone inside?

Burn it? Whoa. No. But then I got down and I was like, I think I need to go. And so then, because I started being like. I started thinking that I was like a frontier woman living in the future. Mercy me, there's a naked man around me. She owned a diner. Oh, my God.

And she was for some reason really like against robots coming into the diner. And so she'd be like, I just, I can't have any more fucking robots in the diner. They plug into the jukebox and just steal all the electricity. And like then I was like saying this to someone like for ages. they plug into the jukebox and just steal all the electricity. And then I was saying this to someone for ages. I was just like, ah, these robots. And listen, you know, it's just been such a long summer.

We can't have any more robots. Now that the sun is closer to us, the metal's hot. Also, like, the person that you're talking to is, like, bent over a pastel getting fucking railed. Fuck me. And I just think with these robots, the person that you're talking to is, like, bent over a pastel getting fucking railed. Fuck me. And I just think with these robots, the circuit's all wrong. Rest in dust. You don't know what you're going to get when they stand up from that stool.

And they just start beeping and beeping. And I'm trying to do my work, trying to type away my work, and they're beeping and beeping. I can't listen to anything. It's like a fix from hell. It's so hard. No. It's very hard.

They start trying to fuck the milkshake machine. I can't listen to anything. It's like a fix from hell. It's so hard. No. It's very hard. They start trying to fuck the milkshake machine. I'm just trying to make a malty drink for my human customers. I saw one fist of any machine, and I don't think I stand for that. It's not right. When they said the future was here, I said not here. Not in my diner. Anyway, so then.

You saw her. No, I was anyway so then you saw her that's no i was you were i lived a lifetime as this future frontiers woman and then i should have been at suffering hill just as a painting for gold not even australian my ma the georgian sea south is sure isn heart. I don't know what I'm going to say. I actually just moved from the future to Sovereign Hill. Sovereign Hill. But then the- Came back in time to escape the robots. Just to get some peace, I saw a Furby and I damn near fell. That's how they holiday in the future. They go back in time like, I just need an 18th century.

Without the boopin' and the boopin'. That's how they holiday in the future They go back in time like I just need an 18th century And then I saw an Iron Man On a woman's hallway And I freaked out But it was for display purposes and no other reason Anyway so I digress At that point I said all of that And was just still talking And then it went to a level below that

Where I stopped talking And I was like I'm gonna go home And then it went to a level below that where I stopped talking. And I was like, I'm going to go home. And then thankfully Carlos, my housemate, was like, you're not going to go home, bitch. You're going to go into this alley and sit the fuck down for a second and tell me your twisted story. And then I sat down and the second I sat down it was like I stopped being present and I slipped away.

And I remember that someone must have shat in that alley. Someone? Well, that's the whole time. I was like, wait, did I shit myself? Like in my head. I was just like, it smells like shit in here. But I think someone had literally just shat because gay people are disgusting.

They're like shitting brave Shitting brave Shitting so brave It is brave for gay people to shit It is I think it's taboo, I think we should talk more about it Because you know a lot of it Sometimes it's about the anus

And I think it's fine to shit It's brave to shit I mean primary function really Yes Prime optimist I was trying to get back to robots I think it's fine to shit. It's brave to shit. I mean, primary function, really. Yes. Prime Optimus. No, I was trying to get back to robots. Prime Optimus.

That's what I call my hole. That's intense. Okay. Anyway, so it was all, I don't know how long it lasted. I don't know if I'm still there. This is all real. And so when I ask what K-Hole is like, it's future woman.

The frontiers role play. Traveling back in time. Shitting in alleyways. I think that's just if you give theater kids ketamine. Like no one else is running into that issue. They just sit there quiet. Straight people are like, oh, I had a K-Hhole and I just laid back and then I just woke up. I'm like, well, mercy me.

I'm quick. Come with me to the spaceship. I'll save you. Yeah, but I mean, don't do it. No, I don't. But there's other holes anyway. Well, okay. Like sinkholes.

Sinkholes. Make the pit. Is that quicksand? What are we talking about? I don't know how it works. I don't want to know. Well, okay Like sinkholes Sinkholes What make the pits? Is that quicksand? What are we talking about? I don't know how it works I don't want to know I don't need to know The houses that all of a sudden

They just cave in And like that freaks me out That could happen to you anytime Because no one knows why they happen I presume So it could happen Let's just keep it like that Let's keep the it like that.

Let's keep the ignorance bliss. But that's great. Also, like, there's such a perfect hole. That is true. Like a fucking cookie cutter. Yeah. Out of planet Earth. In New York, it happens sometimes, but man-made style, where because the streets are built on top of, like, all the old New York infrastructure

that like occasionally roads will just like disappear. And like a few years ago, a truck, a giant truck was just driving down the street. The person looked down, looked up, and the truck was just gone because it had just dropped. Yeah. That's my fear. That you're just going to drop suddenly.

That I'm going to be driving a truck. I can't do that No but that Yeah that all of a sudden It just goes And then like Some of them are so deep So it's like Even if you survive

Like who knows Like you might go To the other side Well that's where you Start your new life True In the hole Oh my god

That's how I can start again Just hope one day For a sinkhole to happen She's huge in the hole I'll be queen of the hole. I'll be the hole queen. Me and the rats and the people. The hole people.

The sinkhole people. It's really just the people that fell in that sinkhole. They don't really provide much for the economy. They just kind of loiter. A lot of them are dead. But there's this one gay guy down there in a flowing, gauzy white gown saying, I'm the queen of the sinkhole The queen

His voice echoing Playing Fade to Me by Manchester Okay so that's a good hole Scary hole Scary hole Alright yeah I was like what scary hole I like

Well I don't. Like honeycomb. They're kind of holes. They're like honeycomb. Or pores. Like as in pores. Yeah. Wait, what?

Like pores on your nose. Oh, pores. No, pores for a second. I feel unsafe. I was like, is that just what you call people without money? Because they have holes in their pockets. I'm seeing all the pores. No, do you have that thing with like, what's it called?

Oh, trichotillophobia. Trichotillophobia, yeah. No, I'm not an idiot. I do not like when those things happen. What about those holes? That's fine It's more when they're closely clustered like on a lotus Ooh, yeah

And they look like organically made It's very gross Will you just send that for attention? We've shared lotus chips at a Japanese restaurant before Oh I've never once dined with this woman I don't want anyone to What lotus chips?

Yeah Just leaves They were just chips that she stuck her little hole in Dined with this woman I don't want anyone And it went Lotus chips Yeah Just leaves They were just Chips that she Stuck her little hole And put holes in them And put holes in them A little bit poison

The woman out the back With a drill Being like Lotus chips I like the band Hole Yes Courtney Loves

Yeah that's good But also Wells Ooh Wells oh wells i like wells because when people get trapped down wells they get attention yeah like it's a good publicity little little boys that fall down wells yeah um i guess little girls yeah why is it gendered i know i think i just always aspired to be a little boy I think wells are mainly for boys You just like have this opinion I'm sorry

Wells are for boys Quicksand is for girls The fantasy of like pulling a pail up from a well That is good Oh yeah The fresh water You feel so And the little triangle roof above

Yes And wishing wells. Yes. I'm wishing, I'm wishing today. Who said that? I just love that it's echoing. Do you know this song? What are you saying?

What do you want from me? We used to have in my... When we lived in Brazil, one of the places we lived, there was like a well in our backyard. And me and my sister used to... But there was like a cement cover on top of it. It was like really old. Like this is, you know, and, and then we used to just play on top of it all the time.

And looking back, I'm like, that could have been. That would be the end of your fucking life. Yeah. But maybe that's how it would have started my acting career. It's the well boy. See, this can't sing I think the thing I love about humanity and wells Is like there is something about

They just put a hole in the ground And people started throwing money in it So weird Like what a business proposition Like yeah I invented wells And like I basically put a little roof over a hole and people throw money in there. Just little pieces of money. But it really adds up.

They're like, so it's for drinking. No, no. No, it's for wishes. Just coins and wishes. I just tell them they'll get what they want if they throw money in this hole. I wouldn't recommend drinking it. You will die. From all the copper.

That makes me think of like walls that are either covered in chewing gum or covered in locks. Oh, you don't like that. I get it. It's so like, oh, I love you forever, so I'm going to put a lock on this chicken wire fence. And they had to take them all down because they destroy the fences. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's why they had to take them off the bridge in Melbourne because they were literally undermining the structural integrity of this. Where did they have it in Melbourne? Bridges, darling, over the Yarra. Bridges? First time hearing of it. You've been swimming every day.

I always have to carry a wetsuit. You're like, we're never allowed to go across there. Oh, yeah. Oh, the other people live there. Have you ever been on a date on the South Side? Have you ever dated a South Sider? I think so. Gone to the South Side.

I want to say. She's lying. I don't. I've dated South Siders. Oh, really? And they're fine people. They're fine. But like, it's not my go-to.

Wait, did you have a date today? No no that got cancelled anyway So thank you Actually he's here right now Matt? Yeah He's always my emotional support Must have been so awkward

When you showed up and you're like Wait Wait a second You cancelled for this? Garbage Sorry about your date canceling no it was fine if anything it was good because i was like so not in the mood to try maybe it was an afternoon day you never had to try in the first place yeah well i don't know i don't know i think i i overthink and so especially

when you don't know that each other that well i'm like what am i gonna talk about and then i'm like holes in straight holes, yeah. Suits of armour. Yeah, you say, what's your favourite hole? Yeah, what's your favourite kind of hole? But no, I don't think I've dated in the South Side. No. Where do you go?

Jam Factory? What do you do? Take a photo in the Jam Factory? I like to go to Docklands and just walk around, go into an empty mall that's huge. Ghost Town. Eat. We'd go to.

Max Brenner. Max Brenner. What's that? The chocolate place. Actually, Zionist Max Brenner. Anyway. Really? Yeah.

We can talk about that later. Okay. Holes, holes. So wells. We've got sink holes. We've got. We've got. I think like.

K holes. Yes. Massive. because if we're thinking about it in the context of the bunker what what is the bank i think like big hole in ground that's great like just an abyss yeah i love abysses that's so fab and endless oh like the hole that you know gandalf on the balrog fell through. Oh, see. That is so good. Is that the big one? The one where he's like, goodbye, fools. And then he, is that the one? Fly fools.

Yeah, fly fools. Sorry. Sorry, I have to leave. Goodbye. Okay, bye fools. You fools. I got a date. Going to the south side.

That's the abyss. This is my big honey. Because like in. Patrick was watching in Brazil where they translated it weirdly, right? Yeah, yeah. He was like, So, yeah. How is your Portuguese? Oh, it's rusty. It's not. And this person that I

was going to date, he's Brazilian and like, but I don't, I don't. I try not to do it because I'm just so embarrassed sometimes. Does he know that you're Brazilian? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a secret. It would be such a good, like if you waited a while, it would be such a good reveal. Where you're like, I actually do understand what you're saying.

And it's, go on you fool. I've actually been listening to all your phone calls in Portuguese. Yeah. Um, no, I, and usually sometimes if I run into someone who's like like you know someone who's Brazilian in the street and they start speaking I don't want to engage

I used to try when I was like a few years ago they just think you're really funny because they're just like because you'd start the conversation like hey how are you good and then they're like

and I'm like I don't know I'm tap out I'm done I'm done yeah that sucks that was actually

I was speaking in tongue so that wasn't to our five Brazilian listeners we're so sorry but wait so I'm done. Yeah. That sucks. That was actually, I was speaking in tongues, so that wasn't good. To our five billion listeners, we're so sorry. But wait, so in context, the hole is like something that we want to be in this doomsday? Well, we've got to pick one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. The hole, the hole. A straw is a kind of hole. Yeah. I like a straw. Will we be drinking? In the bunker? I feel like we'd be drinking from right well we can also puddles puddles actually puddles are too quaint yeah and we're like it's quite delicate like puddles are like kind of like they tend to represent the like

urban decay. Yes. And yet we've romanticised them. I think it's like a conspiracy by the government to be like, aren't puddles just cute for rainy weather and children? And you're like, no, fix the road, Victoria. Look at Peter Rabbit and the puddles that he hops around. Look at all these. Yeah.

They're murky. They're murky and disgusting and malaria is coming out of those fucking little holes. I love malaria. She's so nice. She's actually going to be on season four. Malaria Frankenstein. Malaria Montresa.

Also cavity. Yeah, cavity. Oh, don't even bring it up. I need to get to the dentist. I just am like, do you need to get a referral to go to a dentist? You need to talk to the dentist. Me too. I just am like, do you need to get a referral to go to a dentist? You need to talk to your government. You need to get. They already cut me off about the puddles.

Okay. Well then, yeah. No, you can just rock up. You can just rock up to a dentist? Yeah. You just make an appointment and then you rock up and then you just go through. It's been a while. I think I'm scared about like scathing.

Scathing? Because scaling. Because that's, you know, like when they clean your teeth. I'm like, don't scrape too hard. I can control cleaning my teeth. But they do it professionally. They don't know how sensitive my areas are. That's where you tell them about your sensitive tooth hole.

You tell them about your sensitive hole in your teeth. Sensitive, sensitive hole. I've only got one spot that's too sensitive. Anyway. Are you okay? Wait, Zelda, you're bleeding. Oh my God. She's convulsing.

Zelda, wake up. My nails taste like blood every time I run and my teeth have very sensitive areas. But I've always had shit teeth. Shit on your teeth? shit on your teeth. Shit on my teeth. I always have had cavities my whole life. Every time I go to the dentist, they're like, well, the decay continues. Why don't you kill yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's because I have like the teeth that were made for like, you know, just eating Wonder Bread in like America. Like it's made out of just like very soft like soap. And so it's like they bend. It's kind of like the gorgeous filter that whales have when they're getting their krill. It's like a polite bite. It is.

But it's kind of like gorgeous like fly flaps in front of a butcher shop. Yeah. When you give it a gobby. It's like. Yeah. The tingling sensation is actually quite arousing. Yeah. So no cavities.

Okay. No. I want to live in a world post cavity. I think we need some kind of hole in the ground and it could be a well or it could just be an abyss. I think that need some kind of hole in the ground and it could be a well or it could just be an abyss. I think that's quite chic. Is the abyss there for like, say, if we're like, I'm done with this, I'm going to leave.

No, we already have a mode of death. We haven't picked suicides yet. Oh, true. But we do have the volcano room. Yeah. Where you get Pompeii'd when you want to die. Yeah. So, yeah, if you want to die in the bunker.

And like, what kind of bunker is this? Like, is it, are we, I'm picturing like a small little room. Like, yeah, if you want to die in the bunker. And, like, what kind of bunker is this? Like, is it, are we, I'm picturing, like, a small little room. Like, are we underground? Yeah, it has an oceanarium. It has a library. It has a bar. Okay, so it's like dreams, whatever dreams. Yeah.

No, no, it's not whatever dreams. It's actually quite a practical. Contentious issue. We've been working through this for quite some time. Like, we're not just doing silly bits. Sorry. I'm so sorry about that. We're not doing whatever silly bits you want.

It's after an intense conversation. Yes. No, I misread the room. I apologize. So it's not Patrick's Adventures in Wonderland. No, absolutely. No one would read that. No one would listen.

No one would listen. What hole's going in the bunker? Wait, wait, wait, wait, absolutely. No one would read that. No one would listen. No one would listen. What hole's going in the bunker? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Also, you don't want to like make a case for your hole? Well, I'm not in the bunker, so. Yeah, but your hole could be. Anus, yeah. What if your anus was like, you found out it could sing

and then it like kept us comfort and was like. Like a automaton. See, this is it. This is exactly the kind of shit that I'm not putting up with. Your anus can't find out how to sing. well in the future you don't know sorry about her um i think anus would sound like automaton we know how an anus sounds we're not looking for this information here today okay well you're the one that said josh the. Well, it's like, what about an artful flashlight?

Okay. Everyone has to share. I totally, I understand. People have, I've been at hookups where they like pull out the flashlight and like, you want to go? And I'm like, no, that's fine. Like. Don't you have one of these I can use? I'll just use a watermelon

The Like I understand getting your like dick cast And having a dildo Cast in a movie But like Yes That little dick fell down a well And now she's in a movie

And now she's in Euphoria She's joining the car. But like a hole. A hole. A hole's a hole. It's not that exciting. You know what? It's not as exciting because they all see you sitting down all the time.

And it's like, I don't want to, you know, the hole's useless. Your anus is useless. Your anus. Famously Optimus Prime. Just Prime. What a glory, glory hole. Glory hole. No.

Okay, but what if it was, again, I'm thinking about morales, because like we're under the bunker, like someone every day, you get to put your hand through the glory hole and you get something. It could be like a present. Yeah. And so just like, you're like, well, tomorrow, I wonder what I'll get tomorrow. Romeo Beckham's dick.

They're all just dick things. Michael B. Jordan's dick. One of the males are in the bunker. I think that's it. Oh, so you already got people there. Yeah. Everyone, Patrick hasn't been listening to the pod. Patrick's like, oh my God, the podcast sounds great.

We're like, go on. We're like, go on. We're like, go on. Like, have you been listening? I just, I really like clips. I watch like three clips on Instagram. I always say, I just, I like, I just can't listen to podcasts. Even my friend, even the ones that I'm on, I've never listened to them. I think that's for the best.

I just can't. And it's nothing against anyone. It's just that I hate you I wish it was just me I wish you could just take away all the other voices and it's just me I think that

that makes you more qualified to be on the show because we're not we don't want the fan experience we want people that are experts in the field of whole

oh okay in that case I'm going to renovate I think we're going to need to open oh my god you really don't even know you just yourself this face Okay, in that case, I'm going to renovate. I think we're going to need to open. Oh, my God. You really don't even know.

You just stopped. Zelda's face was like, no, we can renovate. We're constantly renovating. Okay, what hole, what hole, what hole? Yes, yes, yes. What hole? Yeah, Courtney Love is fab. And would it be the collected works of Courtney Love or would Courtney Love just be playing live all the time,

only whole songs? I've only heard that one album of theirs. Well, what else is there? And Cake. Like, was it? I Am. No, Dull. Yeah, I love that song.

So if that was playing, I'd be happy with that. When I was in year seven, everyone had to bring in their favorite songs to discuss because I went to a community school and that was work. And this girl, I brought Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. Because you're dead, yeah. No, they had three CDs, Mozart, Beethoven and Tarkovsky. And I didn't have anything else for my CD player that I'd gotten for Christmas a few years earlier.

So I just listened to those three. I love that. And I was like, Beethoven's really like, she's popping. She's going to do a tour soon. Huge. But I just didn't have a concept for how annoying that was. But then Alia, a gal at my school, was like, here's my song. It's by Kurt Cobain.

It's Nirvana. It's something in the way's something in the way something in the way and she's like and um just so you all know courtney love killed kurt cobain and it's like a room of 12 year olds and we're like yeah and she's like yeah yeah we're like stop it stop it alia yeah like where you need to talk to the police Alia Alia have you reported this She needs to be stopped

Oh my god You're onto something Yeah yeah yeah She was like I just He said in one of his songs He doesn't have a gun Then explain

Why he shot himself in the head Where is Alia now Yeah where is she But she was my first acquaintance With Courtney Love She's a physician now She still tells her theories to a patient. By the way, relax and Courtney Love, kill a cocaine.

Yeah, which I don't know. I think it makes me like her more. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Murder. I still vote for Abyss. An Abyss. Okay, yeah.

And what's the functionality of the Abyss? Just a threat. Oh, great. Yeah, because we've got to- Don't get too close. Yeah, yeah. And what's the functionality of the abyss? Just a threat. Oh, great. Yeah, because we've got to. Don't get too close. Yeah, because we've got to remember that. Will it have like a small like velvet teen rope around it? No.

It's just flush with the ground. You just got to not go near that hole. And like where is it? Is it like near the doorway? Is it in the bathroom? Is it in someone's room? Do we keep it in a closet? No, it's just in like a communal space communal space yeah there's a big kind of i think there's a more rocky space in the bunker

yeah where it kind of has been less like excavate yeah and there's like that and it's kind of got giant vaulted ceilings and then there's just the big abyss which i think after the second or third hundredth person falls into the abyss then they will put out a small velvet rope that says, mind the abyss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it will only just be two. They'll only have one little velvet rope section and then the rest will just be like. And I also think it's great because we have the Boston Dynamics

like walking dog butt in the thing, which famously if you kick it, it won't fall over. But if that kicked you into the hole that's quite your part yeah yeah that's it yeah that's it for you kind of like i yeah i feel like we also need that like yellow um you know like near the trains where it's like like like you know a certain amount of meters so there's that and then there's a rope so yeah just yeah well that can be after the fifth hundredth person Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the balloons will be like, we're in store on the floor. I don't want to rob us of whole like an album.

Maybe we have both. You know what? We haven't done both for a while. Maybe we can have the abyss whole, but then we play tribute to it every fortnight and we sing whole. We circle around it like a campfire or something. Yeah. And we just sing to it whole songs and songs that have the word hole in it yeah maybe they kind of become quite you know close with the whole yeah

there's got the whole world everybody now they're like this is not what they meant like you don't know apocalypse child. Just push them all in it. Well, I think it is actually the cavern room with the abyss is the largest room in the bunker. So when they have to have whole bunker meetings, unfortunately that is the only room they can book. Yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm sorry, I'm really backed up to the edge of the abyss right now.

I was like, Stacy, do you want to all bunch forward a little bit? Push, push. Yeah, that's good. Just make sure you're not bumping anyone. I like abyss hole. And it's mysterious too because it's like, where do you want to bunch forward a little bit? Push, push. Yeah, that's good. Just make sure you're not bumping anyone. I like that. I like abyss hole. And it's mysterious too because it's like, where do you go? Yeah.

Because what's beneath the – well, we know what's beneath the – but, you know, like what else could there be? Well, I mean, in my head, my tiny little head, I'm picturing like if it's an abyss, like it goes somewhere. Like it takes you out to another like part of the universe or whatever. Maybe it's not good. Maybe it great we have like a fable where there was only one person who ever came out of the abyss hole and they uh and then now they cleaned because they went it was scary they went no verbal because they were so traumatized yes yeah that's good that

he cleans the bait bus yeah yeah which is also in the bunker yeah what He cleans the bait bus. Yeah. Which is also in the bunker. What is it? The bait bus. The bait bus. Oh, great. Yeah. Anyway. Community.

Okay, so Abyss Hole and then once of Fortnite, some Hole songs are sung to the Hole. We wish you a very whole mess. We wish you a very whole mess. Incredible. Okay. Well, lock it in. I'll take a break.

Done. We're back. Hello. Huzzah. Take off that suit of armor. At once. It's making you say freaky things. It's me and my sword.

I'm fucking out. Wake up. No. It's me and my sword Fucking hell Wake up I feel like it would also be so heavy That I'd have so many back problems If I wore a suit All of the medieval stuff is bullshit

People are liars It's just a lie What do you mean? No one was carrying that sword, honey Oh my god It's too heavy, Have you seen it? And everyone then had really bad, like, bones because, you know, the calcium deficiency is like, I'm sure they're going to.

Bone weevils from the bone flower. Our next topic for discussion tonight is fonts. Fonts. Ah. Okay, what font was used on your 12th birthday party in Bo? Oh, God When did you move from Brazil to here? I was eight

Okay So you arrived Sorry, yeah So you didn't have friends when you were 12? No Or a computer No, if I ever did I don't think I ever made a card

But I think I definitely would have used word art Yeah, pretty cheap Like that was my thing Yeah, like I wanted like dimension I wanted color I wanted it to I want this to really pop I just say it's my card

It's my birthday I'm 12 And we do need parents to pick them up two hours later It's bold and outlined And there's a bit of shading And 12. And we do need parents to pick them up two hours later. It's bold and outlined and there's a bit of shading. But I think I was also very like, I'll always use Time New Roman. Yeah. I was told that that was like when I was in high school,

they were like, only use Times New Roman and that's all the people use in the world. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, yeah. Simone. This is hard to read. Mrs. Casey. I don't know about that Shut up

She like worked for fonts She was like He was just part of their like Government She's like Mrs New Roman What do you mean Mrs Roman

I don't get it Roman Oh can I just quickly say Yes That it's outrageous That there is no Roman song On Nicki Minaj's new album

Yeah Oh is it out yet Yeah it's all coming out Oh shit okay I gotta go Sorry this is that there is no Roman song on Nicki Minaj's new album. Yeah. Oh, is it out yet? Yeah, it's all coming out. Oh, shit, okay. I gotta go. Sorry, this is- But I need Roman. Roman.

There's no Roman. Nicki's gone. Do you think she's moving from that? Well, she did move, but then why do Pink Friday 2 if you're not going to have Roman? Yeah, well, I guess it's like the evolution. Take your medication Roman maybe she's gonna go

they should do a new accent they should do like Swedish Raymond Raymond what was that it's me I'm Raymond

I'm from Sweden that's uh district 9 yeah that's uh South Africa South African that's Nicky's new thing yes

I wonder if Nicky's ever been to South Africa. For sure. Probably. Yeah. Oh, yeah, fonts. I forgot. I was like, what is Nicky doing? Font.

Well, I mean, you work with a lot of fonts. I used to. Now I'm unemployed. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Wow. I should really buy, like, I need to, like, start selling a story that it's a bit more tragic.

I don't think people like it when you're like, I'm going to blow it. You should say that they stole your idea. Someone, a big corporation that you signed an NDA. I invented Spotify rap. And bullet points. Bullet points, you know the ones? Little circles next to words. That was me.

What about the hole in O? Get out. Anyway. What do you have to say about fonts, Lazy Susan? Yeah, I feel like you. So obviously you can't begin a conversation without fonts, without talking about Chilla, the original spooky font. You're aware of spooky fonts?

I didn't need to see it. Well, it's like, you know know a lot of fonts are about legibility But this one's about you know The feeling I'm spooked Like just reading those words They used to write horror books What did it say?

It wasn't what it said It was how it looked while it was doing it Chiller Chiller Which I think So we're living through the sans serif, like plain minimalist era. Yes.

And so we've had a dearth of like fabulous ones for quite some time. So I think that that was the last time that we had invigorating, fun conversations about Bond. But I love Garamond. Garamond. Yeah, I do like that. i do like that does that accent represent what it is like yeah it's kind of like a medieval style like so it wears a suit of armor um but i also hate uh when they're like fonts that are like this was done by a little kid when they're like fonts that are like, this was done by a little kid. Ah, right.

A little baby. What do you think of that kid who's on TikTok and he can do any, just from memory, I think because he's got Asperger's, he can read. No, he does. But he can like, he can write any like style of font or like every logo and he does it on chalk and it's like accurate. Wow. Yeah, well, anyone can trace a picture picture anyone can have autism and trace pictures and like 2023 software and he sings

and he's like and it's really cool and his name's patrick um yeah not no i know so yeah i think. Chilla. You missed that era. I missed that era. I think it's a time gone by. It was probably the best of the era. Well, it's like now everyone's just trying to be like slick Instagram page. Well, you know when it's like all flyers and like little magazines will have like a giant block of like orange and then an image that's been inverted a little bit with orange and then the text will be like weirdly split up so it's like gray in d i b and then

it's like come study at rmit you learn about fashion you know all the words will run off the page and the text will be over someone's like head and then like a hand clipped out of a magazine it like outlines their body and it goes, it comes out of the mouth. Yeah. Design. Like come learn cooking. Yeah. It's like, yeah.

It does make me think of like Marie Claire magazine, except for some reason, like Kate Blanchett's head takes up too many letters and I just see like. How did they get away with that? Like what if I was seeing it for the first time? I need to know that it's Marie Claire. When did they think like in the life of like, I don't know, maybe not Marie Claire but like Vogue that it was safe

to start putting heads in front of the letters? Yeah. Because like, yeah, exactly that. I'm like, where? They would have had Marie Claire. I'm going to be on the front cover of a Vogue. I reckon there was like a really big meeting that day. I think there should be a movie made about the day they sat down and like guys like we can see like we need to like really

make this edgy yeah we're safe people know vogue i want the model with the smallest head we'll start with her they just start hiring models with like g heads or like you like to match the actual letters she She's got that very rare condition. We found the G. She's just got that V quality. I don't know what it is. She's got it. I don't think anyone's ever covered the V.

Yeah. Listeners, if anyone's ever covered the V or the E. Please ring us at 0404-932736. Is that your number? No, that's that kid's number who does the drawings. He also does my admin. I did walk past a shop today that

Zelda, that's amazing. Oh my god. Congrats. Keep going, keep going. So mean of me. Sorry. And we just apologize to Debbie Downer over here Debbie

That wasn't the part of the sentence Deborah You walked past the shop And the font was papyrus And I thought Yes you would sell body mud Yeah I was watching YouTube the other day.

Oh, my God. Romy, congrats. So good. I found my password for my Wii. And there was a woman and I just kind of, you know, when you wake up to like what's happening and you're like, what is happening in the world in 2023? And she was like, if anyone wants to visit my slime shop and i was like a grown woman her business is slime shop

and i was like she just like in the future people sell slime like it's not right Like we sell Mug and goo And slime In my slime shop Like that is Middle Medieval Like come to the slime shop Pick out whatever Flavor slime you'd like But who are the people

Buying it Well everyone wants Slime darling Because everyone has ADHD Well I mean You can get a fidget spinner Or a

Or um Or you can just um Break a lot of your pens You know That's how I do it Well I think the fidget spinner or you can just break a lot of your pens. That's how I do it. I think the fidget toys are a bit of a scam because you can fidget with anything. Right? I just do it with my legs and face every day. And it makes me so relaxed.

I feel okay. Introducing body shakes in papyrus. She invented shaking your body? But like a whole, I'd always wonder how long that business would last. Because like slime, yeah. I'm like, is it cheap to get? Is it like expensive? Well, I think the slime industry has like a vice-like grip

on Midwestern housewives. From what I can see, that's the main people running the slime cabal in America. That's a big statement. Like, no, and I think that they're like, they're just buying. Boys have wells and older women have slime. There. Older women lobbing slime through the postal system.

But it's true. And they're usually like Mormons or like Jehovah's Witnesses. What kind of slime? Like they sell types of slime. Like the fun slime. Fun's like, well, likes of slime like the the fun slime funds like well to me that's like i play animal crossing girl like that's who buys slime that's who buys slime i'm saying who oh who makes the slime who runs the slime game in this town i need someone on the pulse to be like yeah this slime is sophie's garden from house moving castle you know like

yeah they need to have someone on the pulse but i think that they just like can commit to that life where they're like i'm gonna google and be like wow spongebob's really heating up today we're gonna make pineapple themed slime yes i did see like starbucks themed slimes the other week it's like wow that's yes yeah i kind of love the idea though that if you try to like Open your slime shop You're like Hammering in your little sign Onto the front lawn Of your like thing

And then suddenly in the mail You're getting like Threatening slimes From the other slime moms There's one guy On sexy Twitter Whose like whole thing is slimes Have we talked about him?

No No It's like kids choice Green slimes But he's like jerking off Furiously in a shower Like while it's about him no it's like kids choice green slimes but he's like jerking off furiously in a shower like while it's flowing on him someone's like there's another katie perry she invented fapping over slime she walks so he could slime wait so it's like they slime on him while he's like he's like sitting in the shower and there's a slime twink.

Aficionated slime twink, of course. Who's like got a super soaker filled with, I guess, viscous enough. No, wait, liquid enough slime that you could spray it on him. And his body is like the slime is quite opaque. And so his hand, you can really just make out the out slime of his dick. Ah, so it's quite like ambiguous. Yeah. What's he pulling at? I just don't know.

That makes me think I don't like it. And so that makes you think. When in like some of those like amateur videos when the guy's like jerking off or sometimes fucking and the lube is like frothy. Yeah. And you're like, well, is it karma or is it? No, that's just the lube. Yeah, yeah oh yeah is it calm or is it no that's just the lube yeah yeah oh yeah it's like that that's seafoam yeah it's seafoam yeah yeah it makes me it makes me feel itchy looking back so i was like if that was coming out of my hole yes and not to

be confused with courtney love but out of my hole i would be like yeah i'd be like that looks uh uncomfortable i don't know i don't know who knows yeah itchy but maybe there's a market for that but out of my hole, I would be like, yeah, I'd be like, that looks uncomfortable. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Who knows? Yeah. Itchy. But maybe there's a market for that.

Frothed? Yeah. It's like frothed milk. Yeah. Like frothed? Say it one more time. Well, it's like turning butter. Maybe like eventually.

Turning butter. You eventually turn lube into like a body butter. Or maybe it's only baristas who have that because they're always frothing milk and they just know how to froth a hole. Are you okay? These are families. There are families like driving to SeaWorld right now

listening to you say froth a hole. Well, this is what me and my family do. We sit around talking about holes. Have you been back on the hole in the backyard again? We've been frothing holes again. Yes. Well, fonts, right? Okay, yes.

Sorry. Fonts, I think, well, I sometimes struggle reading certain fonts because it's like ADHD, am I right? No. But like, you know, having to read quick, so I want some kind of friendly font. Well, apparently scientifically a serif font which means it's got the little bits is easier to read i do like that in my emails yeah yeah so that's a good time for legibility but i would be do we need that in the

bunker no do i want people to read all the signs i've got a lot of time well that yeah are we making signs like live love love and stay away from the abyss that's all on the sign what yeah hmm font i just to say that i don't want to talk about this the whole like ariel versus helvetica of it all i have no interest well it's helvetica ariel's just not a thing i go go to Helvetica more, but... Well, Helvetica is the original. What's the tea? Okay, right, yeah. So what's the history there? What's the beef? Well, honey, I don't... People get paid for the use of their fonts, and some Swedish guy

invented Helvetica. I don't know if that's true. But then it was just booty-boo knocked off by some operating system that invented Ariel. We pay so much money in the advertising industry to use fonts. Yeah. Officially.

You should just use dafont.com. Yeah, exactly. What is everyone doing? Yeah, I just, I've been free fonts. Yeah. That's how I go too. The amount, like Melbourne Comedy Festival would be destroyed if someone started checking up on whether people had bought

the licenses for these fonts. You know? Yeah. You'd go in and you'd see like, girl on a duck, and then you'd be like, call her up because she didn't pay for like. We're suing you. Yeah, Mystic Wonderland font from Da Font. They have to do the show to pay for the font.

That's how currency works. It's like the first two years will cover the font cost. So year three is where we'll see the profit. And once you sort of start breaking about eight years in, then you'll be able to pay for your fonts. Absolutely. We would be, our lives would be over. Oh, absolutely.

We've used so many fonts. Do we want like. Wingdings. Oh, that's fun. I actually like wingdings. It's just like once you find that little picture of the Statue of Liberty, you're never finding that again. Why am I going to remember that M is like it's just like once you find that little picture of the Statue of Liberty, you're never finding that again. Why am I going to remember that M is the – like it's just too much.

Well, Ted, you probably know the conspiracy of like one of them has the 9-11 with two buildings and a planes. Oh, my God. I remember this so distinctly. I was in America on my grandpa's computer and I got sent like a chain email from a friend at school. It would have been dangerous yeah and i was just like these if you add these numbers together from the flight to like the date

that it was yeah and then i was like mom have you seen this and it's like when you change it into wingdings it's like a plane flying into two buildings with a skull with like, and my mom looked at it and was like, Robbie, we need to talk about what this is, which is anti-Semitism because it had a Star of David at the end. Ah, there we go. And she was like, yeah, so the Jews didn't do 9-11. George Bush did. Let's talk about that.

Well, I only know one conspiracy and it's Avril Lavigne fake. 9-11. She faked 9-11. She was like fake Avril. From all that money from Sk8er Boi. That's how she died. That's right. And she's a Brazilian woman, that one. That's apparently

She died in like the fake one. Wait, is that Brazil's claim to fame Yeah that's the one thing We have fake Avril And they have a huge museum Well they don't have anymore she's in the book True

I would love That as like a national identity Fake Avril comes from Brazil You might have had a Samba you might have had a Saka But here's fake Avril Lavigne I was looking up the other day I was like Cause like

Who's the most famous person from Brazil? Oh god Who doesn't play soccer Or anything that force me There's this great actor And I don't know her name Fernanda Baby

Oh we had We had Chaves He was like a national Oh Silva Santo Oh my god X Shusha. Shusha is like an icon. I'm not speaking. She's like, Shusha up everyone.

Everyone shut up. I'm trying to think. Her name's Shusha, X-U-X-A, Shusha. And she had this kid show. Like she was like this big, like TV presenter. And sometimes she would like bring on guests and literally, and one of them was that woman who sings, don't want no short dick, man.

It's just singing to a bunch of kids. Like Brazil had no fun. Because it was not much like a filter. Sometimes you wake up at 8am and there'd be people like, you know, gyrating like in their half naked. Yeah, I'm always on the radio. That's fine. Right?

So. You know, very liberated culture. I'd want shusha in the bunker if we can bring this one. Well, we need to figure out which Brazilian's going to the bunker. And I assume that we need to not have you here for bias. That's fair. Shush up. Shush up.

I'll be living in a puddle. No puddles either. What did you say? Too quaint. Too quaint. Oh my God. I don't want to think about that Okay

What font? I don't care Okay well I want like a nice sign To be like welcome So let's do something nice Like Like do we want to be funny

Like the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel font Like 1950s No I just get annoyed I get irritated day by day I'd be like What about like Outside of a cinema Like showing now

Letters Oh that's fun showing now letters that's a font i guess i i'm i just keep hearing chiller so maybe that's okay i think it's chiller and it's in those like cinema signs and you guys um that's very millennial core of you no and then you can put passive-aggressive like housemate messages on it like wow robbie uh uh ben's out tonight you've already used too many letters you've like spent we really don't have that i used an upside down m to write wow we got two r's a w and a exclamation mark i've just thrown out all the letters that pertain to me true yeah okay chalkboard it is okay okay all okay. All right, so, yeah, we're chiller.

Chiller. Chiller? It's just a chiller. Chiller's also more forgotten about. Like, people think about Impact and Comic Sans and blah, blah, blah. But, like, chiller was there, but. I'm not, like, other girl. Chiller was there for us.

Yeah. Wait, well, yeah, I did have a lot of spooky parties. Oh, you're a scary girl. Wait, well, yeah, I did have a lot of spooky parties. Oh, you're a scary girl. I just, you know, it's like, you know how Dragula is a thing? Yeah. Like the whole thing. What was that?

Oh, it's just so like, woo. Spooky. I'm a scary girl. But it is so weird. It's like, there's like two types of drag. There's all drag and then there's spooky. And it's like someone made a whole show dedicated to like, ooh. Because I've never seen it.

How long does it, how can they maintain it that long? Like it's like Fear Factor meets Drag Race. They start doing snuff films. They like literally like have to eat bugs and shit. Oh. So it's like, I don't know. Like, and everyone's like yeah this is the representation we needed i'm like for like spooky people yeah like where's saint patrick's day

people yeah oh my god like like it's very much like night before christmas all the different trees and i'm like yeah dracula is just one of the trees where it's like thanksgiving drag queens and i think it's a very like it's a there's a there's an audience for that like you know people they're like i'm spooky and different yeah but i work as an accountant but being spooky yeah being spooky god i'm a little bit spooky tonight now yeah that's good you're ready to to be in a brickcom i i honestly i would love that that is my favorite thing probably the best thing I could imagine for you. Yeah, I think.

What? Well, this is good. This is my voice role then. I'll just use all this. For the rest of the podcast, I'm going to do a British accent. Britcom. Britcom. Okay, just quickly, Matt, what do you think about chiller?

I definitely use chiller a lot. But I think I also have quite nostalgia for jazz ink pen. I don't know if you ever saw that one on Microsoft Word or whatever. Jazz ink pen? Yeah, it's kind of like a sort of quirky kind of handwritten font. Like curls empty? Yeah, not curls. They're not that curly.

It was more like calligraphy, I guess. Sorry, sorry. But all the jazz standards are written in that. So when I was studying jazz, it reminds me of sort of 50s and 60s jazz music, you know, so it's kind of like a nostalgic sort of. Oh, my God, Matt, this is disgusting. I was going to say, I feel like the only time I type it, I'd put jazz.

Wow. Wait, no, it looks. I do put a dash through my Z. Is that pretentious? I feel like you what? I put like a dash through my Z. No, that's cool. I feel like you what? I put like a dash through my Z. No, that's cool. Is that cool or is that pretentious?

No, that's cool. Okay, cool. I feel satisfied. Because I've got like doctor's handwriting where I just give people like free scripts for things. No, it's just, yeah. So I'm like, if anyone has like little bit bots they put on, I'm like, that's great. You took the time. And I do the line through seven as well because I think that's good.

I think that's important because a lot of people's sevens be out here looking like one. I'm sorry. I've been on TikTok all day. A lot of these sevens be out here looking like one. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'll use your jazz font when I'm like playing Zad.

I'm killing suicide note. I'm writing and I have a cigarette. I just picture myself with a cigarette and there's jazz music playing and it's like film noir. Yeah, it's like very beatnik kind of vibe. But I don't really love it. I'm happy with Chilla. It's fine.

Well, I'm glad you took the time. I just wonder like those handwritten fonts like jazz ink font, et cetera. Do you think anyone in history has ever been fooled by them? Be like, Oh, Santa wrote this letter. Like with a perfectly spaced out. Oh, I love a corporate like from the owner of the company. And it's like handwritten font. And then like the signature is like an JPEG of a JPEG of a JPEG

pixelated, stamped at the bottom it's like sincerely Clarissa it's like fuck you robot it's got like residues from the previous JPEGs different faces and haunt spirits trapped in the JPEG that you like never left

they're like this is warm and it's like an eviction notice dear customer number five we need you to evacuate immediately love katrina um the only other one i'd say is like a sort of nice calligraphy like gothic font or something you know like that's what i that's what i always used to try and draw like in the back of my workbook at school yeah you know that brings me nostalgia i definitely went through quite a few calligraphy pens in my years just like t-staining pages and writing like little tales that you know yeah did you write poems no i like I was very intensely into world building. Ah, yeah, okay.

But I was like, it was clearly just a knockoff of every single thing I was reading at the time. But I was like, it's a magical world where there's schools. But actually, then it was. And then it got ripped. Then JK came and said. This is good. This is good disease.

But each school taught a different type of magic. You can only go to that school. Ah, so it's very selective. Yeah. What were the magics? God. It's just like Dracula. God.

You can harness the power of God. Catholic school. You could be God magic. You could be heathen magic but they didn't get funding yeah public schools just very thinly veiled like yeah oh god oh oh god please if you're listening please give me an ink pen so i can write my story but i was like and like you know when kids as well are trying to like um write character names they're like, it needs to be like otherworldly. So it's going to be like, Uri.

Yes. Kalufia. Gemantri. I still play RPGs. I know what you're saying. It's called Canar. I used to, because I used to think I was going to become a singer. There's still time.

But in my, when I had to do tests, like, you know, for English and we had to do creative stories, sometimes I would rip off lyrics from a song and then try to make it on my own. And one time I used a Regina Spektor song called 20 Years of Snow because it was so abstract. I didn't know what the song meant, but I was like, he's a wounded animal and he comes around quite a few years.

It's 20 feet, 20 years of snow. And then within it, I'd be like, and he walked to the house and I tried to feel it. And he lived in this house and the house, he was a wounded animal because like, and I was so pretentious.

Do your teachers like it? Well, they'd be like, wow. I mean, I don't know. I feel like some of them, there's like, no, you know, fuck it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One teacher really called me out. Like, he was just like, what is this? You gotta stop writing these students. You need to stop writing. You're like, I walk a lonely road. The only road that I've ever known. I don't know where it goes. Around the world. Around the world. Around the world. But sometimes backwards. Went to his house.

I once, like, whole cloth stole one of my sister's poems that was like assigned because she was three years ahead of me so like i had similar assignments that she had so i just took the one that she did when and she's very talented yeah as a writer and i'm very talented as a thief and i i did it and then I was like God perfect crime And then the teacher was like Robbie this is so good And I was like

Oh thank you And he's like We're gonna put it in the newsletter And then it got in the newsletter And my sister like comes home Like holding it And is like What the actual fuck

It was so good Oh my god Jennifer Jennifer Did you have to like fess up? Yeah I was like Obviously that's still one the actual fuck. It was so good. Oh, my God. Jennifer. Jennifer. Did you have to, like, fess up? Yeah, I was like, obviously that's not one. To the teacher or to the school?

No, just to my sister. Oh, okay. And did she seek vengeance? Keep it quiet, girl. You shut your mouth. I'll split the newsletter money with you. Did she seek vengeance or did she just let it go? I think she let it go. She was mature.

Wow. But, I mean, obviously she's never stopped talking about it. I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, no, that was definitely. Every year she puts a little bit of poison, just a slightest amount to make you feel weak over time. Absolutely.

That was a good time. Okay. Chiller. Chiller. Chiller it is. Let's go on break. Okay. And break Hello

Hello Gather round the abyss What is our third topic for tonight? Oh yeah it's mystery Okay well I was thinking The world explodes Okay so this was thinking uh i the world explodes okay so this is my thing about the world um i just want to still be a rebecca black in this world and so and it doesn't have to be her but just someone like someone becoming internet famous making shitty music, making music that they have no idea about.

I just love the concept of kids singing about like, we be in the club tonight and we be dancing all day, but they're like 13 or whatever. But maybe that's too niche. Wait, Patrick, no, rewind. I want to press on this. Okay. Oh, stop pressing.

When you were asked to bring a category of thing to be discussed of what's going in the bunker, you came back with, I don't want Wreck-It-Black necessarily, but maybe just, and then just. But I mean, like, because there's a uh, and then just, but I mean like there's, cause there's a million of them, you know what I mean? So you're saying, maybe it's not specific. I get it. I'm with you.

Go on, why don't you tell me what it is? Yeah, it's like accidental famous YouTube songstress. Yeah, yeah, but um, but they're not good. Well, none of them are good. Like Tan Mom. Is that what you mean? You mean tan mom?

I mean, I was thinking more of like young girls and guys in that 2011 era trying to make songs and then all of them just faded and then all of a sudden. But the only one that recovered was Breaka Black. Okay, so not tan mom. Matt, turn off all the lights. Okay. Okay, well not to him Matt, turn off all the lights Okay Okay, well, okay

So is there going to be like Okay, if you could become an internet sensation in a bunker No, I'm going to refine it so it's simple If you could become an internet sensation in a bunker Like, or if you could bring an internet sensation in a bunker Who would it be? Wait, okay Okay, we just, we landed

Internet sensation God, I was really workshopping that Well also because I had one And I spoiled it When I sent him a message Wait what I didn't see what it was Oh

It was But I also I was like This is when I'm like Maybe I should listen to podcasts Because I just said The death of 70s folk music What the fuck And you disagreed with that

Like yeah that would have been good No I was like We dodged a bullet darling What the fuck? And you disagreed with that. Like, yeah, that would have been good. No, I was like, we dodged a bullet, darling. I'm just trying to bring my own agenda. Okay, what if I make this podcast just a bit more like, let's really dig deep in the history of music. I know they're like zany drag queens, but I think we need to tackle some.

You can cut all that out, man. Okay, I'm going to, everyone, I'm going to, everyone shusha, shusha. I'm going to do as if you just asked me. Can you ask me out, man. Okay. I'm going to, everyone, I'm going to, everyone shusha, shusha. I'm going to do as if you just asked me. Can you ask me again? Okay. Okay. Patrick.

Yes. We have a tradition where our guest brings the third topic for the night. Interesting. So what topic would you like to bring? Oh, I should have prepared something. Recite word for word what you've just said. There's three things about I would say, okay, how about this? I just thought of this now. If you

could bring one internet sensation into this bunker, who would it be? I can't think of anyone. Who would yours be, Zelda? Well, I mean, the first person that comes to mind is Rebecca Blackhanger. I don't like that. Sorry, Matt, can we go again? I love Rebecca Black.

It's weird that I feel like you're lying about not listening to the podcast because we've talked about her a lot recently. Oh, you have? Yeah. On the podcast? Well, because she keeps slandering her. No, I did it one time and then all the gays of Melbourne were like, what happened

what happened i just if you want to react yeah if you want to listen to the pond we'll just we'll come back in an hour but the no just i didn't realize that i was coming for the the gays and the girlies like i do think it's cruel that katie perry used her as a prop oh what i didn't know about that. Do you think Rebecca can? No. In Last Friday Night, the music video. Oh, true. And she's like, your friend Rebecca's cool. I thought that was pretty cool, though.

That guy's so hot. Well, the theme of that is Katy Perry is like embracing all the loser kids out there. Yeah, because she's a freak. And Rebecca was the queen of them. True. True. Did she come in in the car i can't remember it she came in like why can't you be like your friend rebecca she's nice or something like that oh yeah okay yeah yeah um and she's like kids one day you will hear about hyper pop the world is going to change covid will take over yeah so you'd bring Rebecca Black Oh no god no Internet sensation

Well so we already have We have a YouTuber We have a YouTuber We have Susie from Now Career Education I'm sure you're familiar She's a Canadian nail technician Lovely okay I love that So we're looking for something that's internet sensation perhaps.

Yeah, like Smosh. Oh. That's more YouTuber. Yeah, but that's still internet. No, to me, an internet sensation is someone that's cross-platform. Oh. I'm thinking about the dress. Like the blue one.

She was everywhere for a second. And Rebecca Black was not just YouTube. She was everywhere for a second And Rebecca Black was not just YouTube She was everywhere Oh my god if we had that dress in the bunker It would just constant It's a conversation startup Okay so I can think of the time once Where maybe I saw it as white and gold

One time where like if I squinted I just think the rest of people are lying I think so too Like I'm like it's never not been blue Unless they like changed the photo It is blue right it is yeah yeah i thought it was brown what was that matt i thought it was brown you did not think it was brown i just i maybe i'm remembering wrong but wait what dress are you seeing hang on matt get out of that room matt if you can hear us quick follow her voices our voices. Follow the dress. Right now.

Because I'm partially colourblind. Oh, God. What don't you have? Sorry, just another thing about me. I'm a Brazilian with ADHD and I'm colourblind. Also, I was going to be a singer. Your favourite hole should be your mouth hole. Yeah, because I am. Do you, every time

anyone said Brazil tonight, all I can think you Every time anyone said Brazil tonight All I can think of is Come to Brazil Is that an Alaska song? Yeah What do you think about that? Don't like it I mean, what I like

I feel like they were like Brazil was like Hey, we need some like Tourism over here And we need more drag queens Can you make a song about Brazil? Drag queens love going to Brazil It's the best

place to perform apparently for all drag because they like pack out stadiums for drag queen yeah so every drag queen that comes back is like i'm obsessed with the brazilian fan base actually the i think also why i do appreciate that song is because literally every comment a brazilian would make in anything is come to brazil you see every, like every, like, you know, Katy Perry, they're like, come to Brazil, come to Brazil. No matter what you'll say, like in the comments, there'll be all these Brazilians. And then there's you being like, come to Ballarat.

Hey guys, come back to Ballarat. I'm doing cabaret show. It's just, it's called two men in one stage. I'm playing both men. That's the secret. I would like to see that show. I don't want to make it But I will make it for you Do you hate making shows?

No It's hard Yeah It's really hard When you like Yeah I mean as you both know It's like that process

As you have seasoned thespians They're not allowed in the bunk room But I do I love those moments When you're like yes And then when you're doing it We got it The plant is douching.

Don't you get it? I'm talking about we're siblings who are fucking. It's so simple. Yeah. But yeah. So the dress, you want to bring the dress in? Well, no, I'm just saying that that is the example of an internet craze. Okay.

So Lazy's down for dress. Like it's got to be sweeping the internet yeah across cyberspace like tom's photo yes tom cruise no myspace tom oh yes but that was pretty platform specific no because it's transcended time it has it's very internet sensation tom's photo. It's kind of, I mean, like, yeah, it's not like memes. I feel a bit like. It's like a little bit between that.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. Like Salt Bae. Yeah. Yeah. He opened a restaurant that's closed now. Yeah. Oh.

Because it turns out it was Anthrax. It turns out you shouldn't be using an ungloved hand to season all your food. What internet sensation? Yeah, I'm thinking about, no, I'm thinking about like image search, but you search by image. That's cool. Wait, fuck me, what? Let's bring in image search.

What internet technology is getting brought into the bunker? No, but that's a sensation. Maybe. I'm still sensationalized by that. And I use it to verify nudes. What? Like, is this too good to be true? Let me just Google image search it.

Reverse image search. That's sensational. What the fuck is happening? Every week, every week, you come in here. Internet sensation. I mean, another thing. Maybe. What about like, I mean, something, I mean, another thing, maybe this is more specific, but I'm like, I also want like Hilary Duff doing the raise your voice song. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

So you thought you were going to be a singer? I just want that playing a lot in a bunker. Hilary Duff doing things is great. Yeah. Yeah. And she can, what if we had like a hillary duff or we could have hillary dive if she's alive and then she's just walking around and you're watching the abyss yeah she could have a small little like area yeah but she just doesn't but it has to be her from like 2000s to like 2005. We can't go back in time. This is hard.

Yeah, we can. We can put it wherever we want. Yeah. The. So many rules. Well, none apparently. Okay. What about.

No, I lost it. I just think it's the worst Okay you know what Let's start again Matt Spoons Alright your favourite spoon Go You would have hit a home fucking run Because it would have been the McFlurry spoon

But the You've seen We've never been so on fire Is when you said spoons And we're like Everyone's eyes lit up Yeah Everyone's fucking eyes

Is lit up No Well Zelda's Reverse image search No I'm not Email Excel

Come on guys Excel and papyrus I had another funny one Yes Maybe Another funny one You mean the first funny one The

U2 album Oh yeah That's right Very funny Matt is destroying you He's eviscerating you from back there He's like I can hear it

By the way what you're saying Not funny A little bit I heard it Yeah okay U2 album That was annoying That wasn't

That wasn't funny That was awful Matt what did Zelda do to you? No I said it as a joke I said it as a joke I'm sure you did. Just like reverse image search.

Reverse image search. Do you guys seem to take this that time? I can't do it. Girls, girls. But what about Tom Myspace photo? That was on Myspace. What about, yeah. No, but.

Okay, but internet. I just think it's a shit topic that I brought. I brought a big pile of shit of internet. And it wasn't specific. What about the jar man? One guy one jar Yeah Two girls one cup Oh I do love two girls one cup

Because that's for women in the bunker They're definitely in the plus And they're Brazilian So they're actually Brazilian So if you want to bring more Brazilian They're not They are They're not

That was filmed in Brazil Because I'm obsessed with it. Like beyond, I know this is so stupid. Like, and it's like, it's gross. And like, I don't watch it. I've seen it five times, but like, I don't know why, but I just feel like it's another staple of like, just, I don't know. I just, and I love it. They're Brazilian and I love it.

They're like, there's this whole side. It's important to stay connected to your culture. Yeah. There's another two famous people. There you go. They're like, there's this whole site. It's important to stay connected to your culture. Yeah. There's another two famous people. There you go. They're the most famous people from Brazil. Shush up. Um,

because it's them. They featured on it in front of the kids. Doing their number. Bringing back their number to cheese TV. That was the original cup song. That was the original cup song. So Two Girls, One Cup, for those of you who don't know, was a viral porn sensation where seemingly two young women, Brazilian in fact, were like swallowing just shit. No, first of all, they have a cup and they start pooping in it.

One of them collects it. And then they start eating it together like an ice cream. And then they like, anyway, the rest, you need to watch it. It's going to put it in your letterbox. Yeah. It has the consistency of soft serve. Yes, it does. Which part of-

The slime. The original slime shop. The original slime people, yes. They're like, We need a fake poop But it's gonna Yes Do you think it was fake? I don't know

All these years later It was fake No It looks like I mean you could It looks quite It does look like soft serve So like there's this

And also I'm like Sorry You could Like you know Like piping bags Yes Piping bag Soft serve

Into the hole It does come out Yeah You could fill the hole You could fill the Yeah Yeah They could have Douched out Yeah Fill themselves up Did you see it emerging? Into the hole. It does come out, yeah. You could fill the hole. You could fill the crevasse. Yeah.

Yeah. They could have douched out, filled themselves up with, you know, this chocolatey soft serve. Yeah. Like preset. That's genius. See, like that's filmmaking. That's like a Kubrick film.

I just think it's like astounding to me that like we've had this whole conversation and you have the deeply, what I assume was like the Australian thing where like if something comes up you have to say oh they're australian or whatever and you've been doing it for like oh yeah fake avril lavigne she's from brazil who goes one cup two more brazilian brazil she's from brazil donald trump brazilian would you know would you know actually his hair is from brazilian the creator of chiller, they were Brazilian. Your sister is Brazilian. But I think that's magnificent because I think this unofficially should be which Brazilian women should be let in the bunker,

which Brazilian person, and what internet sensation. And it should be a double up. And it's the two girls, one cup. Was the cup from Brazil? Made in China. I think, yeah yeah it was probably yeah imported exported and the slime from heartland usa in my slime shop mindy slime mindy's slime all the time you remember two girls one cup that was me that was me that was my other Poop is loud Poop Mud Oh my Oh Conjuiced blood Um Okay

Wow Two girls one cup Two girls one cup An abyss And some That makes me happy though Two Brazilian Proud Brazilian women

No it's just two girls one cup It's gotta be Like I can already see them Shooting that Into the abyss hole Yes They do No they've retired

honey yeah let them breathe that's the thing I'm like people gays go to court

for Rebecca Black every time you say anything about her why aren't you supporting the two girls one cup why aren't they doing hyper pop

yes right that's what they're doing in the market or like film or even if they could be authors I'm gonna look them up tonight

actually that's what I do see what they're doing see the market. Or like film, or even they could be authors. I'm going to look them up tonight. Actually, that's what I'm going to do. See what they're doing. See what they're up to. Come to Brazil. Come to Brazil. In my mind's eye, I can still see like of the same era. Yeah, it's like the jar guy and the two girls with a cup guy. And then there were these gals with eels.

Ah, yes. So many eels came out. Yes. That's when I first heard the word Genki Genki because there was a website called Genki Genki Party. And that's all I knew about it. But then it's not that. And so later when Zelda was throwing her K-pop party Genki,

you were like, I need to go to this. I love that. And then you got there and said, this isn't what I thought it would be. Wait a minute. Affordably priced beer and drag queens performing. Fun music. Did everybody come with eels inside already? You're like, I've got mine.

It must be a little surprise for later. I got octopi and eels. How long does an eel live inside of someone? I mean, what's the inner eel inside of us all? Inside every young woman. There's two eels. 30 squirming eels. There's 30 of my eels.

And a heart song. I reckon it could probably live for about three days. Good, good. Well, you are filled with seawater. Yeah, seafoam. Imagine. Oh. Sorry.

Is it true that, like, I remember growing up that it was, like, a thing that was said that, like, if you had. Everyone has three eels inside them. The good eel, the bad eel. Yeah. No, no, yeah, yeah. That if you had, like, particular types of worms in your like colon if you like held meat outside the anus that the yes little i mean the worms little head yeah yeah they'll come out and take

it yes thank you yes is that true what type of worm is that i don't know if that works but i knew that that was like a it was a practice because like we yeah i think or like a light like you get a lighter and stuff and then like. They can't eat light. No, but they can make something with it. Yeah. Put on a show. And you catch them and you make a show.

I would just like to say, and quickly, in a similar fashion to how you can't help, you can't help bringing up when someone's from Brazil, Zelda has managed to once again derail an entire conversation towards sea life. Like, given an opportunity, she's like, yeah, yeah, two girls, one cup. But remember the eel?

Fish, fish, fish, fish. We all have a passion. And we all have a calling. And we all have an eel inside of us. A Brazilian eel inside you. And if you call it a piece inside you yeah and what do you have to bring robbie yeah what do you bring up all the time a chiller invitation and a sister's poem yes uh well patrick uh it's been just so much time.

We've got more. Yeah, well, it's on Segway. Oh, you're on Segway. She's on Segway. She's on a Segway scooter. Okay, you take it away. So I'm scared to ask you this now, but we also get you to just bring one thing,

one indisputed thing into the bunker, which we don't get to have a say in, but you just get to put it in. Right. And this is your last gift to the bunker before you leave this show. It's a gift to the bunker. And never return. I think I'm a pretty good housemate. I'll just say that.

Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. So it's a gift for you guys. Well, no, we're not in the bunker. We're the inhabitants of the bunker. This is my bunker. Well, no, it's like your bitch. Where well no we're not the inhabitants of the bunker well no it's like your bitch where i now own the bunker and you are not in the bunker but you can put something in the bunker for the residents of the bunker could be we could put in a resident

okay it could be a thing so i could Gas Put something in there I would probably Put in Oh my god And I would say I'd probably put in One of my Creative writing stories From year 11

That included Regina Speck's song Or Cat Power Or Oh Cat Power Shit Yeah and so it's pretty deep So they're gonna be reading it

And gonna be thinking In like a little glass case Or how do you wanna Do you want it? Do you want it in the library? We can put. No, I think just a piece of paper. Just like a regular piece of paper and they have to take care of it.

It's just always, it's like American beauty. Typed in chiller. Typed in chiller and then they have to read it. They're like, oh. Yeah, probably the most underwhelming gift I would want. No, that's great. That's good. That's real good. real good okay i don't know i'm ugly and stupid whatever it's okay you're getting your knees done um was this brazilian guy you're gonna go on a date with was he short no at all yes how tall jealous uh like this tall so for the listeners out there, I'm doing this hand gesture.

Okay. Well, this week in the bunker is going Anabyss. Anabyss. Favorite hole. Chilafont. Chilafont. Two girls, one cup. Two girls, one cup. The famous Brazilian women, Two girls, one cup. Two girls, one cup.

The famous Brazilian women, two girls, one cup. Retired. Retired. And as the world explodes, they're like running like, get in! You're like year 11 writing assignment. Get on, girls! They fly across the middle of the paper. Oh, God.

Yeah. And yeah, that's what I would bring to this. Wonderful bunker, which I hope to see one day. Please invite me. I would like to see it. The pre-tour. Wait, I didn't get it. So wait, you make a bunker, but no one's inside?

No, there's people in the pool. But are yous in there? No, we're the celestial goddesses. We're watching. We're watching from above, but we're guiding humanity. Oh, I love that. Okay. But most people. How many people are in there? No, we're the celestial goddesses. We're watching. We're watching from above, but we're guiding humanity. Oh, I love that. Okay. But most people How many people are in there? Well, Victoria Beckham. No, not

Victoria Beckham. No, sorry, Mel B. Romeo Beckham. The cast of The Nanny are in there. The whole cast of The Nanny. Oprah, but she's not allowed to leave her little room. Ruby Goldberg, but in white face. Oh, great. Megan Mullally, who shares the oceanarium with the Meg.

Oh, I love it. Okay. Billy Lord, the skeleton of Carrie Fisher. Gwyneth Paltrow has a handcuff to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Handcuff. That's a punishment. That's fair enough. Yeah, there's a lot of important things in there, yeah, yeah. Handcuff. That's a punishment. That's fair enough.

Yeah. There's a lot of important things in there. It's good. Yeah. I like it. It sounds very- You're going to love this podcast. I am.

I'm going to go back tonight and listen to this. I've got the leaked tapes. Yeah, it's still going. Amazing. Thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. This has been great. This is actually so nice and so fun.

And it only took two hours. That's great. Oh has been great. This is actually so nice and so fun. And it only took two hours. That's great. That's why Matt was being cruel to you. Cause you just were blabber mouthing. Me. That was me. That was me a hundred percent. Cause I have so much to say and we're not going to leave.

Cause I have a few more things. Okay. I'm going to start Matt and Pat now. Yeah. You can have the Okay. I'm going to start Matt and Pat now anyway. Yeah. You can have the left. I'm tired. Matt's been looking up orcas. What?

I can see the orcas in the office. Oh, I've been sewing one. Sewing? Oh, what? Oh, my God. Sewing a little animal. Matt's given up the slime business and now he's making pieces of animals. Wow.

Do you sell them? Yeah. We're going to sell them on the weekend, yeah. Me and my partner. At a market? Yeah. I just like am horrified to think of you fucking perverts at home being like even more now in love with your little fantasized version of Matt.

Like he's sewing little like children's toys. What are you doing, Pat? I was doing a query. Come and pick up a bowl of pasta. Anyway, that's does some of the dishes. What are you doing, Pat? Are we still recording? Can't just pick up a bowl of pasta? Anyway, that's the end of the end. We brought a bowl of pasta

from his house. And then we finished the music. This is the end. This is the end. Okay. Sign off. Death to Everyone

was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. Do you have something to say? Say it at deathtoeveryonepod.gmail.com. And if you'd like to support us, please do so at patreon.com. Such that to everyone.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. What was I including? I thought we finished. I'm so sorry. bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye