Death To Everyone - Death To... Hollywood Animals, Vanity Fair & Feuds feat. Jennifer Garner

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

We're dealing with some heavy hitting issues and it's our pleasure to do so. Joining us in the galactic void this week is Lazy's blood sister - Jennifer Garner! It's finally time for the most anticipated topic for discussion yet - the Vanity Fair Young Hollywood Stars Edition from 2003. The likes of Amanda Bynes, the Olsen twins, Mandy Moore, Hilary Duff... Raven-Symoné. Who gets in?! Famous feuds? Who rules them all?! Animals, you know of them, maybe you love them, but which famous one is so good we need it forever more? Go on darling, join us won't you? Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 Hello sister. Hello sister. Sister. And hello to you, wherever you are. Dear listener. You left last night. You didn't leave a note. Has that happened to you before?

Where you wake up and okay quick little tangent but very famously one of my high school friends who will remain nameless for the sake of this story hooked up with a fellow classmate who was a straight boy okay gay guy so my friend is a gay guy okay hooked up with a classmate who was quote unquote a straight guy and he came over after like there'd been a bit of finesse like the work had been done over msn messenger to kind of set up lay the gary groundwork for this hookup yeah and so the guy comes over and he's a sweet idiot like that's the genre of straight man. And my friend wakes up in the morning and on the nightstand of his childhood bedroom is like $3.80. And the guy had gone.

What? No, no. No. And he was like, I've paid my whore. He was like paying for the hookup. What? No, no. No. And he was like, I've paid my whore. He was like paying for the hookup. What? Yeah. What did they do?

They like gave him a gobby. Oh, boring. $3.80 worth. Well, it's a living. Well, that would have been two trips on a Mikey or e-ticket. What were they called? The cards? What were they called? Metcard. That had been two Metcards.

Gotten you all the way from Belgrave to Sassafras. Sassafras. Yeah. Wow. I don't think that has happened to me. Well, you've never given anything of value. I mean waking up to someone missing

I don't think It's because you sit awake all night and watch them Oh, there Jesus Christ There was Going somewhere? I say that you've woken up slightly Is everything okay?

Are you enjoying your time here? Can I get you a water? Yeah Stay right there. I see they're not yet fully erect. I'll just wait. No, but not the same thing at all. But every now and then my nephews come and stay at my apartment.

Yeah. Very cute. And not the last time, but the time before, they were sleeping in obviously a different room. And I woke up in the middle of the night to one of them, silent next to my bed, standing there. And then I woke up and I was like, and he was like, can I get in bed with you?

I was like, how long have you been standing there? There's a reason that fucking haunted children are a trope in popular culture because every child is fucking haunted truly and also like if i was a kid i would have been scared to be standing there in the dark if i was a kid when i was a kid if i had ever been a child um scary gross yeah wolf would have gotten me okay Okay. But anyway, hello, lazy Susan. How are you? Good. I'm very well, thank you.

Good. And I'm very excited as well. Oh? Because we're not alone here in our celestial sky. Yes. We're joined by... The one. The only.

My incredible sister. Sister, Jennifer Garner. Hello. Oh, no. Did that pitch? my incredible sister, sister, Jennifer Garner. No! Oh no. Did that peak? Did that peak? Yes, did that peak?

Matt, did that peak? All good. Good work, Jennifer. So we're going with Jennifer Garner here today because, you know, my sister works as a nuclear physicist and doesn't want her identity ruined.

Yes. Before the peace summit. Yes. So her alias is Jennifer Garner. You're happy with that one? I'm really happy with it. That's good. I love Jennifer Garner.

Although I was, you know, keen on Lazy Sister, but we didn't get any votes in the room. I mean... I wonder. Susan and Lazy Sister. I wonder why you would be so mad if you ever met another drag queen called lazy. Would I lazy, lazy sister.

I'd like her. Okay. Okay. So how are you? Oh, I'm good. I was trying so hard to be quiet. You were,

you had a real concentration phase. I was avoiding eye contact because I just, like, it's a concern. I've learned stuff about myself tonight. Just about my volume. Oh, that's right. Okay, so when we came into the studio to record, Matt was here with his beautiful wife and newborn child. And then dear, sweet Jennifer Garner came in

and laughed one of her wicked witchy laughs. And then the baby was immediately like, what the fuck is this? It was like, ah! And like the most placid child you've ever seen seconds before and then like tears yeah no i and do you know what though like i mean it's it's a tangent but i'll go like so one time was having dinner with my best friend and her stepmother and i laughed and i scared her dog that she was holding and had like a little baby dog. And the dog went, oh, and then like ran out.

And I thought it was funny. And she was like, I'd be frightened too with a laugh like that. I think that that's, yeah, we are a family of laughers. Yeah, just stink. What kind of dog? I didn't get a good look. I scared away too quickly. The poor dog.

Jennifer, what's happening with your life? Oh, yeah. Well, working as a, what am I, as a physicist. Yeah, you can talk about what you actually do. I don't know. I just can't. And I just had like two weeks holiday. And I came back and I was like, I need to leave.

This is too much. Just, yeah, I can't wait Until the next holiday Yes Home stretch now it's almost Christmas Yes yeah I'm looking forward to Christmas I'm already talking about Christmas movies Of what we can watch

For Christmas Which is obviously at a family Christmas It's a very highly Debated thing every year About what we're going to be watching over the course of Christmas. Like you watch one movie? No, there's many movies, but we just have to figure out what they are. And it's really, it gets heated.

It does. There's one main movie night. So every year there's a very fierce debate about what movie we're going to be watching for Christmas. And for me and ***, we'll watch a bunch of like hallmark movies during that time very important or some of the netflix ones the vanessa hudson princess yes the princess switch switched again yeah it's called switched again the second one is called switched again yeah it's the blonde wig one yeah and yeah so in the first one there's twins

that don't know each other oh why didn't we talk about that but no they're just two women that look identical and one of them is um a princess in the in the country of belgravia yes i've seen the other ones of baker and then i haven't seen and then they stay she goes there and takes over her life and then in the second one there's a third girl that looks exactly like Vanessa Hudgens. All of them are not related. And she's evil and blonde and sexy. Evil?

What's the accent? She's posh and British. Hello. Sweetie boo. Yeah. Yeah. And it's Vanessa Hudgens stretching her acting muscles because she gets to do an accent and wear a blonde wig. Vanessa Hudgens is a very important person.

Yeah, she's great. We watched Christmas on the Square. Like all the ones that our cousins and our other family will not let us watch in front of them is what we watch. And then we have one big movie. One big that we watch with everyone. Nightmare Before Christmas. No, that gets voted down I think every year.

Every year. Yeah. But you were the two voting. No, no, no. And then there's the big family night where everyone watches everything and that's the hot contention of like what will make it through to, you know, the family movie night. The family movie night.

Which has to feed like it has to work for demographics all the way up to 65. Yeah. And then it has to be the perfect mix. Has to have not been seen too recently by everyone. What was last year? We did The Family Stone the year before. Which didn't go down well.

David Copperfield was a choice. That was beautiful. I loved that film. That was good. Yeah, that was great. And then, I don't know what was last year. No, it was the Lindsay Lohan one. The Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie.

Did we get them to watch that? Yeah. That got a surprising amount of support. We did. Yes. Lindsay Lohan. And she falls off a cliff and has amnesia. Have you seen that movie?

Merry Christmas. I have not. It's good. I'm hearing, why don't you just watch an episode of Hawkeye once a night for like the days leading up? What's Hawkeye? Oh. Hawkeye is like one of the terrible Marvel Disney Plus shows,

but it's set at Christmastime. With? Christmastime With Jeremy Renner Oh He had an app He had an app And he had an accident See what I mean Get off your phone

Maybe you'll see the snowplow Oh my god No he got very hurt Yeah But not as hurt as Lindsay Lohan When she fell off that cliff Oh my god He was a makeup artist as well.

He was a makeup artist? Yeah. Is he a bit? Fag. I don't know his life, but I don't know. Do you know, I think it's so funny because he's one of those people that got super famous in the like six month window where he was very hot. Like physically?

Physically hot. And I don't mean like fit fit i mean like his face was working and then like it stopped working what disjointed like his face he was like really hot for three months and in those three months he became the most famous person in the world for a second yeah and then all those contracts just held on long after the face stopped working. He's handsome. He's like, literally, I'm saying this. I don't mean to judge.

Jeremy. The beauty standards being enforced upon Hollywood leading men. But he was like, when you buy a banana, justice is about to go on. Oh, so it's perfect. And then. And now it's banana. And it soured everything else in the fruit basket. And that's what happened.

Avengers Assemble. But yeah. I haven't seen an Avengers movie. I haven't really seen it. I think I only watched Jessica Jones. Oh, great choice. Yeah, I do like her. She's good value.

Well, you know, you did play Elektra. Yes, I did. And I rumoured to She's good value. Well, you know, you did play Elektra. Yes, I did. And are rumoured to be playing her again. Do you know that's how me and Ben and I met? Back off. No, no, actually it was the one where he's blind. Yeah, Daredevil. She was electric in that.

She was electric. Yeah, I was. Yeah, the royal she. And so what do you think now about Ben and J-Lo? You know what? I think it kind of works because they're both a bit, and now I have listened to the pod so I know J-Lo is yours. Yes, I'm ready to defend.

Go on. I will defend J-Lo, like 100%. She's lovely. But I think they're both a bit like that kind of cringe, like matching track suit. Oh, yes. Like very much that couple. And I think that works because when I was with Ben, it was not so much.

It was a mismatched pair. Yeah. And, you know, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. You're too tall for him. I'm tall. I have.

And I don't think Jennifer likes the drama of living with an alcoholic. Yes. Well, and I have a lot of stuff going on. I've got my cooking blog. Don't lie. Dare you. Did you see this? That's to Jennifer, not to you.

I am Jennifer. Did you see there was like a publicity moment where jennifer garner was spotted um like she stopped at like a homeless uh uh what is it uh she gave a homeless but i gave a homeless person her shoes shoes yeah but like she like stopped in la and there was um a person there and then she was like we need we need to um get them some shoes some there and then she was like, we need to get them some shoes, some shoes. And then called over the paparazzi and were like, what size foot are you? I'll give you money for your shoes. And then took the shoes and it was like perfectly lit, perfect time of day.

Just a random coinkydink. I hate this cynicism. a random coinkydink that I hate this cynicism. Jennifer Garner was like, if you just happen to be following me at this exact time of day, you might just see me get some shoes for a person experiencing homelessness.

Wow. Oh, you don't think? Oh, you don't think? I don't know about celebrities. What is happening? Okay, let's get down to brass tacks here. We're here to do something specific here on this podcast. We are here to make the little shopping list for what goes into the bunker at the end of days,

at the apocalypse. But of course, we need to know how the world is ending this week. And as you are our guest, Jennifer Garner, would you please tell us how the world is ending? Oh, okay. Well, can I pick like a Station Eleven? Because I watched that recently. So I want Station Eleven because that scared me.

Like a flu? Yeah, like a super flu. And what, like 99% of the world just goes. Yeah, yeah. And then we've got, you know, the 1% that have survived. Yeah, yeah. Survived. Survived. They can Survived. Survived.

They can go into the bunker. Well, Romeo Beckham's less than 1% of the population. Romeo? Romeo Beckham's in the bunker. Oh, is he? I missed that part. He's the only of the Beckham children. Section 11 was that recent one where they're like in the apartment building.

Yeah. Yes. It was so good. It was so good. Yeah. No. And yeah, Station 11, we're going to Station 11 it. Me and I'm going to graph this onto me and Lazy will be in that apartment

building because we're brother and sister. And we'll survive. Yeah. will be in that apartment building because we're brother and sister and what's that yeah well you know of course um due to how how this works me and zelda are celestial goddesses in the sky but am i a pleb you're a pleb yeah all right but we can i'll send you my corporeal form to come and join you in your dim apartment complex for three hours a day. Do you question? Yes. How do you feel when... Okay, so Lazy Susan and I call each other sister

because we are drag sisters, but as the arguably real sister, how does that make you feel? Jealous. Like when I first listened to the podcast, like because I was like, oh, I better listen because I was telling Robbie, I mean Susan, that I was like, I'm going to listen, I'm going to listen, like I tell our dad that I listen to his podcast.

And he listens to this, so. Oh, no. And so I finally did. And then you open and you go, hey, sister, like that little voice. And that's how he answers the phone to me every time i call him and it's like you've been doing this with other people you've been doing this with hordes of people not hordes just hordes it was heartbreaking heartbreaking really shitty i'm so glad you poked the horn well no i just think it's interesting because my brother would never think about it ever again he just would never think about that

why would he think about it he's your brother that's my oh point and benign siblings i don't think would give a shit either they would also just never think about it. But I feel like you are more attuned to, I don't know. Like maladapted maybe. No, I mean like have a stronger relationship. We were talking about like at Susan's birthday the other day about like when we eventually become the Grey Gardens ladies and we're living in that big house together. Who would be little Edie and who would be big Edie?

And there was a moment where we looked at each other and we both knew I was going to be big Edie. But neither of us wanted to say it. Who's going to be cooking the corn beside the bed? Who's going to be cooking in a bed, fighting raccoons and riddled with dementia? And it was obviously me. But do you know what?

Big Edie had the better life because she lived with wealth for longer. But little Edie is iconic. She only knew outfits for the day. Oh, it's a good time. All right, well, shall we? Okay, so District 9, it sounds good. Station 11. Station 11.

Same, same, whatever. And let's get into it. Yeah, okay, we'll be right back after this break. Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back, everyone. Our first topic for discussion tonight will, of course, be the famous, the best movie animal. Which famous animal that has graced the screen will be joining us in the bunker? I can't believe you didn't prepare me for this.

I mean, listen, yes and. Let's yes and. Wait, you didn't tell her the topics before. No, he told me two. I told her one of them and then I forgot to tell her the other one. But do you know what? This is good. Well, what about a knee jerk, quick,, we'll go deeper, but first thought. What flashed to mind?

You hear movie Animal, you think? Movie Animal. Oh, God. First movie that flashes to mind is Beethoven. Oh, the big Saint Bernard. But I only remember one thing that happens in that movie because doesn't Beethoven get covered in spaghetti, doesn't he? He does.

What a dream. Is it Charles Dernan? Is it Charles Dernan no Charles Grodin Charles Grodin the guy from Clifford yes yeah he's like yes I always thought he was a very handsome man you're like there's just something about the way that this man is entirely contemptuous of humanity and children and adults that just turns. I just like how he's angry. He's angry. Yeah, Beethoven would be the first one I would think of. But I don't think I could make a compelling argument of why he'd be in the bunker. Can I sit and... Yes, you dwell zelda moon okay

um well i mean i don't really care if it's tv show or movie okay just putting that out yeah yeah i think just famous animal famous animal that is on screen yeah um you know who that is? Babe. Can I get it up on board, James? La la la. Wow. Okay. I'm all good. So.

DJ. DJ. So Skippy is not in. So Skippy Is not in Fuck Skippy Yeah Skippy's The kangaroo Yeah Baby no way

No absolutely not Jump on As Sabrina Babyslot once said She wouldn't even drive back to drive over Skippy True Okay so that's good The look on your face Jennifer Garner

Is horrified We are Well Equipped For An orca So Free Willy could just Jump right in

What about Charlie? Out of that tank Into our ocean area With Meg Yeah Would you prefer Free Willy or Charlie From Ocean Girl

Charlie Who's Charlie from Ocean Girl? The whale that she swims with. Charlie, no! None of you have played Ocean Girl at the beach enough, and it shows. It's funny, when you go to the beach, and one of you is Charlie and one of you is Ocean Girl, I was always forced to be Charlie by Nina Mulhall. Oh, yep.

That tracks. She was like, I'm Ocean Girl. You're Charlie, the whale. You're the whale. Which I think she'd done also to her siblings throughout the years. I was like, you know, there are other human characters in that show. Shh, Charlie. Charlie doesn't speak.

You go, ooh. So, shh, Charlie. Charlie doesn't speak. You go, ooh. So, yeah, Free Willy, maybe, but probably not. Compelling. I like, I hadn't thought of them until you said, but Milo and Otis. Oh, those, yeah. But so many of those animals. I know. That's the dark one.

Also, Homeward Bound. Oh, yeah, yeah. But so many of those animals. I know. That's the dark one. Also, Homeward Bound. Oh, yeah, that Labrador. Oh, so cute. And what about? What about? You saying Bade made me think of Charlotte's Web. Well, they didn't have like a spider actor. Oh, well.

I think a little Charlotte could do quite nicely. With her little whip. Who played Charlotte in the movie? Julia Roberts, that's right. Was it? Yeah, she voiced it. Oh my God. So I was watching Ocean's Eleven last night with Kirsten.

You're going to say Ocean Girl. I was playing a game of Ocean Girl. No, I was watching Ocean's Eleven and and I was, like, with Kurjan. And we were sitting on the couch, and he was like, and I was like, he's like, why is there no women in the Ocean's Eleven? And I'm like, well, I can't speak to it. And it's a remake of a Frank Sinatra film. But also, I think it's because there's, like,

the iconic woman in this film is not part of the Eleven. And then I was like, and here she comes now. And then Julia Roberts walks down the 11 and then i was like and here she comes now and then julia roberts walks down the stairs and you're like wow this is the most incredible movie style moment you've ever seen because it's julia roberts and he's like and heatherway i'm just like even does he watch movies no no he doesn't does he no he's like he's insane he likes shrek too oh my and um that's it and i was like i just don't even know where to start and so you'll be watching a film and you say something like that you'll be like i just don't even know where to begin like he was watching matt damon and brad pitt and he kept thinking that they were the same person. So he's like, wow, there's Brad Pitt again. And I'm like, that's.

I don't think you can blame that on not watching movies. I think that's facial blindness. Yeah. I found him having a lengthy conversation with a lamb. Although you and I now realise you both are strangely obsessed with knowing actors' names. Yeah, it's like, yes. It's odd.

Like, it is odd. We grew up with an actor for a father and a director for a mother. I don't think it's weird that we have an attention to that. It's like in the way that your father is a gardener and you always go outside. So you're going to say something kind about how I, I don't know, know plant names or something. Well, all your plants are still alive.

This is true. You know, I know names, but my plants are dead. You can act like they're alive. I nearly did a boring segue before when you said something about grafting. I was going to talk about fruit tree grafting, but I controlled myself and now we're here. And that's kind of you. Because instead we got to talk about Charles Grodin. Now, okay, so the thing that I think you're leaving out,

what about that yellow boa constrictor that was around Britney Spears' neck at the MTV video? Oh, okay, but that's like... That's an iconic animal from history. That's not a movie star. Well, she's a fucking star of pop culture. That's true. Yeah, I do like that.

That's a cool snake. I think she is the most famous snake. Apart from Anaconda with your girl J-Lo. Jennifer Lopez in the film Anaconda. That's for you. I was like, what other famous snakes are there?

You know who the most famous snake is? Yeah. T-Swift. I called it there. I was going to say Meghan Markle. Which I don't believe anyway. Anaconda! Great, except a lot of misinformation

in that movie. About anacondas? Yes. And Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, I would kind of prefer if the film Anaconda was about Jennifer Lopez hunting an anaconda to make it into boots. She's like... That feels more appropriate.

That's correct. It's just a documentary. Like a 101 Dalmatians but with J-Lo and an anaconda. Yes. And like you're on her side instead of you know well we were all on Glenn Close's side in that movie

I don't know what movie you watched but I was on her side were you also on Emma Stone's side when she was in Cruella that movie

no wait you hate it right oh it was trash oh fuck I hate it so much it wasn't bad also it's so bad

when people are like and and the amazing costumes. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? It was just, and if you're going to have a villain, make it a villain. Don't give it like a justification, like, you know, my mum died by dogs or something. Yes. It's like, no, just make it so she's crazy and wants to kill puppies. Absolutely.

Yeah, like it's fun to have like movies that are centred on the villain instead of the hero. Yeah. But not if you then like don't lean into them being evil. That's why everyone loves Gone Girl. Truly. Truly. Speaking of Ben Affleck, have you seen Gone Girl. Truly. Truly. Speaking of Ben Affleck.

Have you seen Gone Girl? No. Get on Gone Girl. Oh, my God. You'd love Gone Girl. I wish we could make that a Christmas movie. I think it is a Christmas movie. Could we try and sneak it in?

Yeah. It's about a woman who dyes her own hair. It's so sad. And A Sunshine of This Partless Mind is also about a person who dyes their hair. I thought you were doing a haiku. No, I'm not that intelligent. But, you know, it seems the genre of animals doing things has dried up. Like, the 90s school camp movie genre was all about Dunstan checking in,

Milo and Otis-ing and, you know, Homeward Bounding. And now there's no animals anywhere. I think that's Peter. Peter destroyed it all. Yeah, I think Peter ruined those movies. What about, yeah, because obviously we're not talking about any animated characters. Well, yeah, rather not. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

But like, obviously Anaconda, the role was partially done by animatronics. Oh, that's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about Salem? Yeah, Salem. What about him? Do you think, like, okay. You're talking about Oh, that's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about Salem? Yeah, Salem. What about him? Do you think, like, okay. You're talking about Sabrina, right?

Yeah. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the sitcom. Yeah. But the, I guess the cat is a real cat, one out of every ten. Yeah, I feel like the points where it's jumping off a table, running away. It's running, yeah. That's a real cat. But the rest, not so much.

The puppet wasn't real i love that puppet i was watching sabrina the teenage witch the other day while i was doing my makeup yeah can you tell me in the world of sabrina the teenage witch not outside anything just in the world sabrina what is her like status in school? Because when she goes to school, everyone seems to fucking hate her. That's why you can compare the original Sabrina with the reboot. That's where they got it wrong. Because the original Sabrina, she was a loser. She was a fucking loser.

It seems like Harvey is the only person in that school that tolerates her. But he's a loser too and that's why. He's sweet but like beloved because he's so attractive. Yeah, yeah, he's a cutie. But I don't think he is aware of how much he could have. But then everyone is like, fuck this bitch. Like the teachers hate her even the teachers and then all the students like obviously the bullies hate it but then there was like an episode where someone came up to her and was like geez i used to always think that there was something like

you know you were so perfect and amazing but now i realized you're just human like the rest of us and it makes me like you more and i was like like, oh, my God, no one at the school likes her. But not perfect and amazing. But I think she's got this, like, brown noser energy and everyone thinks she's, like, the smartest girl in school. Oh, yes, that's true, yeah. And then they hate her for it. And even the nerds hate her.

Like, no one likes her except for her really insecure friend. Yeah, that friend. Val. Val. Wait, is it Val? I think so. Yeah, Val. Yeah, maybe.

God, I hated that reboot. Yeah. Why did you immediately send her to a magic school? Like, send her to a fucking shitty, like, euphoria high. Yeah, because it was odd. They were like, yeah, it was obviously trying to please every demographic. But, oh, my gosh. And Kiernan Shipka.

What? I don't know about her. She, like, was great at, like, being in, being in the background of January Jones smoking a cigarette and drinking scotch, but she's not good at acting, being forward in the frame, talking. I love January Jones. She's amazing.

God, she doesn't get enough credit. But you like her from when she was Diamond Lady. She was a terrible Emma Frost. But yes, I did enjoy that. It wasn't her fault what they did to her. She loves that she was that character and I think that's very funny.

Oh, she talks about it? She does. Do you know what January Jones said in an interview that I thought was really funny? An interviewer asked her, apparently you were a bit of an ugly duckling growing funny. They were like, an interviewer asked her, I was like, apparently you were a bit of an ugly duckling growing up. And she was like, are you kidding?

I was beautiful. Because it was like, everyone hated you because you were such an ugly duckling. I was like, they hated me because I was gorgeous. See? She's the perfect celebrity. You've got to love someone who says that She's like, I don't know where you're getting your facts Maybe from the people that were losers in Hollywood

She's like, oh, yes, say it So, I don't know, are we missing any other vital animals from cinema past? My favourite one was the mouse from Mouse Hunt. Mouse Hunt? Or Mouse Trap. Nathan Lane. Yeah, Nathan Lane. And what's his name?

Oh, yeah, Tolly Magoo. Nathan Lane. Christopher Walken. Oh, okay, yeah. No, but he's not the second fiddle in that. No, no, there was another guy. The guy from There's Something About Mary. Yeah.

But Christopher Walken was the weird mouse, like the exterminator guy. And they would have used 10,000 mice. Yeah. There's not one mouse that's just sitting in retirement with like $6 million from that movie. Well, I'm actually really surprised that you haven't brought up the most essential animal. What? From a little show you like to...

Are you talking about my life? Oh, baby, I hear the blues are calling. Toss salad and spray all day. Oh, I forgot about Frasier. Frasier. And there's a dog in that. My favorite show, Frasier. I do love Frasier, and there's a dog in that. There's a dog. My favourite show, Frasier. I do love Frasier.

And I love Kelsey Grammar. Do you know that they're doing a reboot of Frasier? I'm... Yeah. Without anyone except for Frasier? Which is true. Because if Frasier was... If that was the next chapter of his life, everyone would have left.

Right. So, like, Frasier is actually, like, a probo friend who loses all his friends every, like, six years. Yeah. Because he didn't retain any of the Cheers friends either. Yeah. Interesting. I think they visited.

They do, yes. During Frasier's 14 seasons. I think that that's it, I think. What about Lassie? No What about Toto? We're not talking about Wizard of Oz Wizard of Oz is our 9-11

Yeah, we don't talk about that I think Because yeah, there's really not that many Well there's like the horse that is famous for almost dying in Old Mate, Never Ending Story, Stuck in the Mud. Oh. Yeah. The bear from Revenant.

Good times. Almost killed Leo. Is that horse's name Atreus? No. No, it's not Atreus. Oh, what about the most famous horse? The war horse. Have you seen the war horse? No.

Okay. So on stage, war horse was played by a puppet. R-tax. Thumb tax. R-tax. In the play, war horse was played by a puppet. In the movie, directed by Steven Spielberg, which I was forced to go and see because my friend's dad was like I've got tickets we're going to see War Wars

at gunpoint so the whole conceit of the thing is that the horse is surviving World War I and every time someone sees this horse they're like wow that's the most beautiful horse I've ever seen and it

gets weird because as it's surviving all these battles and just going around it doesn't talk or anything it's just like happens to it's like the forest gump of horses that's yeah forest gump forces and it's just showing up at random places but everyone is talking about this horse like they want to fuck the horse and they're like there it is the sexy war horse i think people a lot of people deep like just with jennifer garner what are you trying no i'm just some of the people like the sensuality that people relate to horses like equus that play that play that Daniel Radcliffe did. That's about a horse, isn't it? So what's your point?

And then he gets naked. Yeah, next to the horse. I've seen the photos. Yes. There's a lot, I think, deep down, like it hasn't been, I don't know if it's on the Kidzie report. I need the world to talk about this. Yes. What about Shadowfax? Who's Shadowfax? Gandalf's horse. report but like i need the world to talk about this yes what about um shadow facts who's shadow

facts gandalf's horse tolkien loved horses oh well i'm not hearing a lot of support for shadow facts i'm on board with shadow facts what did shadow facts do in the fucking lord of the rings he rode for three days straight without resting. Thank you. Thank you. Finally, somebody on this podcast took sense apart from me. God. Did that happen on camera? Yes. He saw every moment. Yeah.

And so he's the war horse of Middle Earth. That's why the movies took so long. The extended cut, they filmed the horse. Oh, God. Okay. Well, where are we at? I would vote Free Willy

I reckon Well that was a Fucking dark horse Vote What about Flipper then? What are we doing here? Who's Flipper?

Flipper's a dolphin Is he? Well is it Do you want Something that's gonna Be sharing The ocean area Let me tell you If we put in something else in that ocean area,

it will be eaten by the Meg. The Meg's going to eat. And I think that that's good cause for boredom. So maybe we should put an animal in that we want to punish. Who are we punishing? Well, like. Are there any other? I'm like, there surely must be more animals.

Well, actually, maybe whatever they are. What's a famous bird movie? Any movies about birds? Birds are not. What about the same? I used to love this movie called Pauly. It was this little parrot. Oh, that's right.

That was a good one. About the life and time of Pauly Shaw. I told you there was a bird. Oh, that's sad. Owls. Hedwig.ls headwig headwig oh yeah do we want to punish headwig no well yeah i think we're being a turf it'll be the meg's dinner fly away if you can so wait i like the assumption that then like every participant in like, every creation of JK Rowling is also a TERF. Absolutely. Like, how is Ed Wigg a TERF?

It's like, I'll only deliver. Sorry, the letter was addressed to a Ms. I don't see one here, so I'm just going to keep flying. Fuck you, Ed Wigg. Dead naming. you Hedwig dead naming oh scribbling out

things and rewriting them with a little talent but do you know that like there's obviously this thing where everyone bought

owls after Harry Potter came out and so the UK had a massive owl population boom and then there was

all these orphan owls just like flying around the streets that they had to build a sanctuary for like massive owl population boom. And then there was all these orphan owls just, like, flying around the streets. They had to build a sanctuary for, like. Cute. And the same thing happened with clownfish after finding Nemo. And so there was just, like, lots of clownfish just being brought home,

dumped in freshwater tanks. Anyway, I don't know. Put in flip-os, you know. Yes. Eat up. Okay. How about this? We will take all of those things and dump them in the ocean area.

Every famous aquatic animal is in. Yes. For a limited time. Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's good. Salem, bye. He'd probably come up with a funny little one-liner. All of them.

Not just the aquatic ones. Just every. Yeah. All of them. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Beethoven too.

Yellow snake. The Meg's going to eat them all. Which is good because Megan Mullally can only survive so long. So long. Yeah. It's really for Megan that we're doing this. Yeah. It's to distract from Megan for the first 30 days.

Fabulous. All right, great. What a plan. Great work, everyone. And break. Because I'm about to break. I'm about to break. Okay, and we're back. So, straight in, off the bat,

is a topic I've been thinking about for a long time, but we've never truly had the correct person to discuss this here. Yeah. And now, finally, my sister is here, Jennifer Garner. Thank you. And the topic for discussion is, which of the participants in the 2003 Vanity Fair Young Hollywood Edition cover gets into the bunker?

Okay. Now, on that cover story shot by the famed Annie Leibovitz is Mandy Moore, Alexis Bledel, the Olsen twins, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Raven Simonier. The girl who was with Marilyn Manson, Evan Rachel Wood. Evan Rachel Wood and is that it? Wait, where's Evan Rachel Wood? I think she was cut out. I think you had to fold it. She was in the Mad Magazine style folding.

She was a pop out. Who's that one on the left? Amanda Bynes! Oh, how could we forget her? Amanda Bynes. That's Mandy. That's Lindsay or the other one. Then who's that one?

That one's the one from Gilmore Girls. Alexis Bledel. Of Sin City Face. Oh, that's Evan Rachel Wood? Yeah. She looks different in 2003. We all did, didn't we, darling? Time makes fools of us all.

Yeah. Okay, so obviously this is an iconic moment in history. I think about it all the time. Because Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan were fighting at the time. So Aaron Carter had been dating. He'd been dating Hilary. Dating both of them. And then he moved on to Lindsay.

And then they both showed up for the shoot this day. And that was like, oh, my God, I can't believe they're both here. These two women who have been seeing the same man. Isn't Aaron Carter now like – Dead. He's dead. Oh. I'm glad you finished that sentence for me.

I was – He had a Trisha Paytas moment. Wasn't he like doing – OnlyFans. Yeah, like gay, meth-y vibe. Yes. He was having a rough time. Okay.

So. Yes He was having a rough time Okay So So But all of those women are still alive Okay, that's good Which is good Good for them Amanda Bynes, she's the man Yeah Yeah

See, I know Yeah Okay, so Do you want to start? Who do you want to save? All right. So I was. And also, just so you know, currently in the bunker, we do have Lindsay Lohan hired already.

However, we can double down her membership if that is what we need. She can't. She's in. She's in. If she's already in. She's already in, darling. Yeah. But we need to further her protections because she could be out one day.

Yeah, that'll happen. Go on. Make your case. Okay. So I was strategic about how I was going to end the world because I was going to station 11 it. Yes. Because you know how we're always talking about getting Lindsay, we're having a comeback. Yeah.

Oh, yes. The ultimate comeback is when everyone is dead and no one remembers what you did on the canyons and perfect and the world's new and like station 11 that no one's seen anything anything theatery before any movies oh you're thinking like 20 years into the post-apocalyptic landscape. 20 years in. People have forgotten the sins of Lohan. And so in this world, she's like the thespian because Megan Mullally's in the tank. Yes.

She can't get up except for Halloween. So she's the actor and we'll be – she's an actor from the before time. And then we put her on a stage and then she does like a one-woman show of like all, you know, the hits. Sound of music. I was thinking like stuff she's in. Oh, I guess. I thought you were going for like Julie Andrews of the Bunker.

But you know what? I like that idea. Like she plays all the kids. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Prairie Home Companion. Bobby. The Oprah special, the Oprah series. I know who killed me.

I know who killed me. Because they have no comparisons. Well, okay. I'm going to take that and ask, what other actors do we have in the bunker? Okay, so we have the entire cast of The Nanny. We do have the entire cast of The Nanny. And we have that set, so that could work for a Von Trapp house.

Oh, we can use the kids! Yes! Yes! From The Nanny! Yeah. The Nanny was already, a sound of music rip off. Okay. Let's just not go throwing punches to the nanny.

What other actors are in the bunker? Michael B. Michael B. George. I thought you said Michael Boo. Michael Boo play. Michael Boo play. In what?

Not in the bunker. Michael Boo play. Not in the bunker. Okay. Oh, yeah. I'm happy with that. Under no circumstances. Not in the bunker. Michael Bublé, not in the bunker. Oh. Yeah, I'm happy with that. Under no circumstances. What about in the day that we finally do,

like which fuckboy is getting in the... Oh, he's not the fuckboy. No. John Mayer's the fuckboy. The only way that he could ever get in is if it was like, which Michael Bublé is going in the bunker. Michael Bublé. And like, we're not doing that.

So anyway. Well, there's going to be a lot of episodes of this show. What do you think about John Mayer and Andy Cohen dating? Is that a thing? Is he dating Andy Cohen? That's the theory. It's flying around gay TikTok. I think, good.

Let them. Like, John Mayer, did you, okay. like john mayer did you okay so did you have read or listen to the jessica simpson yes very that man he's well okay so this i watched an interview where andy cohen was interviewing john mayer at like a new york 36th street why or whatever. And he was like, I always loved it when you said that you were, like I said that you were America's boyfriend. And then you said you're America's ex-boyfriend. And he was like, yeah, I did say that. And they were acting like it was really profound.

And that clip gave me like syphilis. Like it was so grotty. Like Andy Cohen is the ex-boyfriend? No, that like John Mayer andy cohen is the ex-boyfriend no that like john mayer refers to himself as america's ex-boyfriend well he did comedy you know he did stand up i don't care he did stand up don't say things you can't so he is america's ex-boyfriend yeah um when did he do stand-up um he it was a couple of years ago that like a clip of him doing stand-up? It was a couple of years ago that a clip of him doing stand-up was doing the rounds on YouTube. Yeah, and I think he's one of those musicians, I think,

that really loves comedians, so he kind of hangs around. It's a Jon Hamm effect. Yeah. Unfunny men who want to be funny. Jon Hamm. Oh, that's meunny men who want to be funny. John Hamm. You're a vegetarian. Yeah, so let them have each other.

Okay. My vote's for Evan Rachel Wood. And do you know that Evan Rachel Wood was slated at the time to be in Phantasmagorium, the Marilyn Manson film. Yeah. When they were dating. Yeah. And it was going to be fucked up Alice in Wonderland. Yeah.

Yeah. But like fucked up. Yeah. So one of my like very, very good friends, Jeremy, is obsessed with Marilyn. Yeah. Manson. For years.

So yes, I didn't know that. That's really, it was spoken about on the internet so much. And they're like, wait until you see how fucked up his sketches are for this fucked up movie. Was he writing them? Yeah, he wrote like a whole script that was like too extreme for people to read about how, you know, Carol was a pedophile. Who's Carol? Oh, yes. Ah.

profile who's oh yes oh i find it weird that marilyn manson has like a weird cross-section of fans of like sometimes people who like like i don't know like pantera also like marilyn manson what's pantera what what's that oh my god what's that? I don't know Like Pearl Jam Or like Like actual bands Yeah yeah yeah Yeah It's weird I feel like They like forgive that he's You could

You could never have Marilyn Manson now No Like she wouldn't Make it past the like C-list TikTok celebrity Like

You could only have that In the 90s That was the only like Conceivable It's like Jeremy Renner Being famous There was like a window Where it was allowed Like you could only have that in the 90s That was the only like conceivable It's like Jeremy Renner being famous There was like a window where it was allowed For different reasons but yes But yeah, Everett Drew Wood, fabulous

So no love for Raven Simonier? I do love Is she the only lesbian on the list? Maybe, I don't know their lives What's weird about Well Lindsay was famously the thing about lindsey lohan's like lindsey lohan should be getting booked every pride do you know what i mean like she is she was like in a same that's not where she is

lindsey doesn't want to she's a good good jersey girl but like she should be banking so hard on the like on the queer vote because she was in an a female relationship for like three years lindsey lesbian lindsey bisexualism not this week but yeah i think that that that she's not interested in going down that path. But she could totally have a career as a bisexual icon if she wanted it. I think she would get in her own way. Well, she would eventually say something really fucked. Yes. But the gays forgive Azalea Banks. So what are they going to do?

I don't. She cooked her cat's skeleton. And you know that cat skeleton? Gone in the ocean area. No, that can go next to... Favorite animal. That could be... You know what?

Where are... Where are... We're going to put the bones of Azealia Banks' cat in the bunker next to Carrie Fisher's bones. Perfect. That's quite cute. Skeleton cat for a skeleton lady. Yes. She'd love that. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Perfect. That's quite cute. Skeleton cat for a skeleton lady. Yes. She'd love that.

Yeah. That's good. I'm going to allow this. Okay, so the Olsen twins, no. Wait. We've been read so many times because we've missed two opportunities to have the Olsen twins in the bunker.

Do they need a look in? If we're... We're going to need clothes in the bunker. True. Nothing you can't get at the reject shop If we're putting in an Olsen it should be Elizabeth I don't think that's true Why Elizabeth? Why do you want Elizabeth? I don't know

She's the one I care about more than the others She's been in some things that I like She is wonderful as WandaVision You act as if New York Minute never happened. The burger restaurant. But I never watched Full House. I actually don't know how I know anything about them. Well, they're not in the bunker.

And then, yeah, I love how outspoken Raven is. And I also love that she does the, when she sees the future. I want that just. Because she could see into the future. You'd think that life would be a breeze. Life is a breeze. Seeing trouble from a distance.

Yeah. Well, it's not that easy. A name that has a particular pronunciation. That's good. What about Raven? I mean, what about Alexis Bledel? Does she need to be talked about? That's the that one? Yeah.

That's Rory Gilmore. No. You don't like Rory? I don't care. She is someone who is very beautiful, but also probably not a great person to act. Is she a Kiernan Shipka? Yeah. I think she's better than kian and shipka but like i don't think

that we need i think she knows as well she's not interested in doing a lot more and i i really struggle to separate actors from the parts that they play um yes mentally um and so I hate her because Rory Kilmore. You didn't like Rory? No. No. Mandy Moore? I like Mandy Moore. What's a Mandy Moore song?

I'm missing you like candy, yeah. I'm missing you like candy. But also she was in movies like Saved and American Dreams. Hmm. But also we're missing the fucking main point. If you bring Hilary Duff down into the bunker, she can say, that's so girl who's wearing a skirt as a top. That's true.

When you say that's so gay, do you know what you say? She could be the head of the pride parade. True! She's done more for gay people than Lindsay has. Is that true? Yes. What else has she done? She's done that. Evan's done more. She was in True Blood. Dun-noun. Is that a note from the theme song? Do you know as well She had that scene in Westworld Where she has a fly in her eye

Yes I've missed many opportunities To talk about Westworld Go on take one No I'll save it for the episode of Isn't it weird that you can't watch Westworld anywhere? Yes

You tell me about this Where it's gone. They took it off the server. Which is fucking crazy. It was their biggest thing. But Evan probably just asked for too much money. What about James? Give him some money.

Marston. Yeah. I think he's, isn't he got a new thing coming out? He's always got the sonic money. He's fine. He's a singer. Yeah. What?

James Marston. Oh God. He's great in Hairspray. Yeah. What? James Marston. Oh, God. He's great in Hairspray. True. I'm back on board. When he goes like this, that's me. That is good. I know exactly what you mean.

It is good. This girl looks like she could use a stiff one. Anyway. Crabs! Crabs! Crabs! I think that Hilary Duff was ahead of her times because she had a big fat ass.

All right, I'm with you. I change it to Hilary. You've changed my mind. I remember watching Lizzie McGuire. It's just sort of like core memories. Watching Lizzie McGuire and you were like, her parents are definitely Republicans. Oh my God, what age?

I think we're like, I don't know, I would have been like 10. And you were like, look at them. They're definitely Republican. They were though, you could tell. But like, yeah, it makes sense. In retrospect, of course they were. But why would they let Lizzie have a Hispanic friend? No, a Latinx friend.

And a Jewish friend. Who's? Gordo. Oh. Evan Rachel Wood is great in True Blood. She is great in Westworld. She's like, oh, have you seen Westworld? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's also in that. Westworld is so good. Oh, I didn't make it to season three. I did season one and then I was like, I've seen enough. I've seen all I need to see in Westworld. I loved it.

But yeah, no. But I'm with you. She's amazing. It wasn't tacky enough. We didn't, we should have talked about it on the robot episode. But anyway, the whole premise is like robot theme park. Fun. But I'm like, what theme park are they looking at?

Because that's not what theme parks look like. You know what I mean? It's not like. Oh, you want it like Disneyland. I want it to be like the Navi experience where it's like families coming through and be like, look at her. She's real. Look, she's got a fly in her eye. I would like, that's what I'm like in a theme park.

I'm like, the theming's great, but the food's so expensive. So you want more tourists like with corn dogs and you're just following this family and walking around. I'm just saying in every shot there was like a Midwestern family in like Hawaiian board shots staring through the window while a really dramatic scene. Somebody was like, Peter, come here. Look at this. And she's screaming.

I think you might be missing some of the nuance that they were trying to get established in the press world. I just want realism, Zelda. Oh my god. Famously of all time. They screened for that bullshit at the door. Well then, yeah. No reason they shut down.

Yeah, okay. And Evan Rachel Wood isn't that awful, but film that I've watched many times, pretty persuasion. It's a bad film yeah but she has a line she's like and when you're fucking my dog it goes oh how do you remember all these movies that you've seen i can't get my head around that the movies that you fixate on is so specific it's very well we have a thing in in um i guess just a relationship where i if i'm obsessed with something it's because it's got a sassy evil woman yes if jennifer garner's obsessed with something it's because it's got like an a neurotic balding man in it and she's like i just

relate to this guy so you wait so you both love seinfeld together yes actually it's like, I just relate to this guy still. So you both love Seinfeld together. Yes, actually. It's like the Venn diagram is a circle. But like, we'll be watching something and Jennifer Garner will be like, I know which character you like in this. And I'll be like, I know which one you like. It's the fumbling man who just spilt mayonnaise down his shirt. And it's like, whoa.

What was it like we watched Blackberry the other week? Yes. And Robbie, I mean, Susan, just leaned over to me and was like, these are all for you. Yeah, they're not a sassy woman in that film, but they were all. And so the film blackberry is about the men who made blackberry and the whole thing the whole time like yeah it was like i mean jennifer garner was like like getting too overwhelmed and stressed because the

the film was being too mean to them i was like i can't see this happen to my kin um anyway okay so you're putting in hillary duff i feel like it's gotta be so exhausted i don't care about these women hillary duff is going in the bunker it is like every single like you couldn't put more women together that i don't care about okay um hillary duff is going in the bunker. It is like every single, like, you couldn't put more women together that I don't care about. Okay. Hilary Duff. And that way we can have Hilary and Lindsay both there at the same time. Wait, and they don't get along. Or they do now.

They don't get along. Oh, okay. Perfect. Great. Okay. Okay. Excellent. Okay.

Sounds good. Let's have a break. We have a tradition when we have a guest on the pod. Jennifer. Miss Ghana. Elektra. Put your red ribbons on and let's go so what is your topic for discussion so I wanted to bring in

feuds because I'm a very non-confrontational person but I love being around confrontations I like to watch it especially

so that's why I have lots of Scorpio friends because I like Zelda's least favourite topic is astrology so now you're in a feud so what's signing? oh god no no okay astrology. So now you're in a feud.

So what's signing? Oh God. Taurus? No, no. Okay. What do you got to say about the bull? Taurus. Stubborn.

Well, Katja is a Taurus. Oh, you're like Katja. There's only 12 types of people. Go on. When you include the rising and the moon. No, no, I won't do astrology because I don't want to be hated. Although my colleague said to me today, we were talking,

and she was like, she said, you like astrology, don't you? Like it was so disgusted. And, yeah, I realised I had made myself known for someone who's – It's hard to have your own beliefs when you're working, you know, in the public sector. There's persecution on the land. Well, we're physicists. We're scientists. That's right.

Okay, so – Wait, but as like a fun hobby or like genuinely? Oh, like I don't believe in it, but it's the same reason I do crystals. Like I like to just like spend money. It's a fun activity. You know what? I'll support any hobby that is also fun or for money. It's just very stupid and I like to buy little spells from witch shops and go home.

And yeah, no, I don't believe in it anyway. But I like to just... If you move into a new apartment, do you like smudge sticks in the room? Oh, I've got the smudge stick. Like there's a shop because I live in Hippiesville. And they sell protection oil so I do the protection oil at the front door. And you'll notice

my sister has never had her face melted off by a demon. Can you say the same? I don't want to talk about hell gone. My experience with Pazuzu. Go on. So I think it's very fun and I love it.

Co-star was a big moment for me. Yeah. So, yeah, I want to bring feuds into the bunker. A feud. Well, yes, a particular feud because I love watching people fight. I hate it when people are angry at me or they confront me, but I love watching other people have a really emotionally dense time. Couldn't agree more.

Yeah. So I had to pick between two feuds. Tell us. Yeah, get that ball rolling. So my first one that I had, because it was really hard because there's so many. So one is between my hairdresser and the lady who runs the boutique next door. Go on.

And they were friends six months ago and then I visited again. And I was like, have you seen so-and-so next door, the boutique next door? And she's like, and my hairdresser, who I'm pretty sure is a Scorpio, she was like, you know, sometimes people show you who they really are. Oh. Oh. And so apparently it was all about the bins. As it always is.

And they had a massive falling out, but it was very about the bins. As it always is. And they had a massive falling out. But it was very, very dramatic. Did someone put some of their trash into the other person's bin or did they knock them over? No. You didn't follow up. Because I didn't want her to think, I didn't want her to see how much I wanted to gobble this up,

this confrontation. You're like, this is your fourth haircut this week. You have nothing left. I didn't want her to see how hungry I was for deets. So I just, you know, kind of like waited. But she, I mean, she knows me so well. So she delivered. So like 20 minutes passed after she said that.

And then she came back in and someone just, the bell rang from the boutique next door and she's like, may as well just go to Kmart. They buy themselves, all that stuff's from Kmart. Oh, my God. Wait, what's in the boutique? Oh, it's just like, because you know where I live, it's all like tourist traps. So it's all like, you know, little handcrafted things.

Like a jade roller? By local artists and stuff like that. And they sell like rollies and the shoes. Oh, like an ugly mule. I'm wearing rollies right now. Well, it's a good thing you... Wait, do rollies have the wheels in them? What? Like Heelys?

What? I'm not wearing Heelys. Jennifer Garner. If you're telling me that there's a brand out there that sells shoes called rollies and they don't have the little wheels in the back heel. Jennifer Garner gave away her Heelys to that homeless person and now has to wear so i had to choose between that and that feud and um kendra wilkinson and holly madison because i love that feud holly madison i listen to her book because you can't read her book. You have to listen to it.

I listen to it every six months because I like it. For context, for those of you playing at home, if you ever watch The Girls Next Door or The Girls of the Playboy Mansion. Come on to my house, to my house. They had Holly Madison, Holly Madison, who was the number one girlfriend of Hugh Hefner and lived at the Playboy Mansion. And then the youngest girlfriend, who was Kendra Wilkinson, the sporty one.

And then there was boring Bridget. We love Bridget. Yeah, but you can't say she's not boring. She was the smart one. She had depths. Boring. Go on. So anyway, in the time since the show, when they left the house,

they were friends. And then Kendra put out her book, which had a few things to say. Well, I came prepared. We absolutely need to decide which one gets in the bunker one day. All right. So. Well, today it's both of them, certainly. In 2015, Holly claimed in her book, Down the Rabbit Hole.

Oh, clever. Kendra had apparently given an interview to a tabloid explaining that she wasn't friends with either of us, as if she was somehow better than everyone else. So I decided to text her how I truly felt, that she was a coward and that she tried to act like the real girl on tv but she's the fakest person i've ever met and that if she had a problem with me she should have confronted me like an adult instead of just going silent i love it

and so okay context on this book when you listen to this on Audible, she does this British accent when she reads excerpts from Alice in Wonderland at the start of each chapter. That's like that stupid voice we put on. No, she's like, Curiouser and curiouser, the mad hatter said as he went down the way.

And it's like every chapter, and then it's like, so we went to Taco Tuesday down at Hef's favorite place in downtown LA. But then it always opens like, oh, it seems this place is quite mysterious. That's us on this podcast. And the whole thing is like vaguely, vaguely, she manages to link these like alice in wonderland quotes to the text that she's explaining like about her time at the playboy mansion it's incredible it's also like marilyn manson you thought you could make the twisted version of alice in wonderland

but holly madison had you covered binge she knew what sorry what why did you say that What? Sorry, what? Why did you say all that? Anyway, they're feuding, yeah. And now that Holly and Bridget have a podcast, they're always like, Kendra can come on anytime she wants if she wants to dispute anything or make anything clear. And it's really funny. And then Holly's like bitching.

She's like, I think Kendra's mother decided that she was going to leave a message on my Instagram. Like why is she bringing that to my account? Why is she bringing her negativity to my account? I'm like. Yeah, no. It's good. Yeah, it's a very juicy feud.

I like it. Yeah. And because it's so low stakes. And Kendra has a new show now. Yeah, she's a realtor. If they don't cast her on fucking Selling Sunset soon, I'm going to lose my mind. Oh, my God.

I thought that show was over. We've only just begun, darling. Okay. Okay, you go. No, Zelda, you go. Okay, here's my pitch. Subs or dubs? Subs?

Subs or dubs? Correct. What's a sub or a dub? So, during the globalization of anime, there is an argument for the merits of the original language version having subs, subtitles, or localised voiceover, dubs. Yeah, and that's how you end up with Tina Fey doing that voice in Ponyo. Correct. And Noah Cyrus.

Ugh. Sorry, go on. And anyway, that's a great feud that I think should go to the bunker. But just like a lot of anime fans? No, no, just a feud. You know, like Fran Drescher will feud about it with Gwyneth Paltrow, I presume. Like, okay, so we're going to watch Akira, but are we watching it subs or dubs? And I assume you're subs.

It depends. Ooh, unexpected. Usually subs, but sometimes dubs. Like, okay, if you could imagine. So, for example, like Princess Mononoke, my favorite movie. Yeah. Dubs. It's incredible. The dub Dubs. It's incredible.

The dub is great. It's so good. Who's doing the voice acting? Gillian Anderson is Morrow. Oh. So good. I was re-watching her episode of The Simpsons recently, and I was like, this has got to be,

she should have gotten an Emmy for this episode. She's so funny. She's so good. Or like Original Evangelion. That voice cast is like iconic like tiffany oh god so good but then like then there's pretty much everything else should be just subtitles because like oh especially modern like there's like 10 actors like voice actors who do all video games and anime and it's like you hear the voice and

you're like oh yeah it's blah blah blah like the um what's her name i think it's allison something like the voice actor who did lightning and final fantasy 13 is in like fucking everything it's too much so my i've got two as well i've got either subs and dubs or Shakira and her godmother or whatever. That's good. Oh, my God. I want to remind you because that's so funny. That witch on the balcony. Oh, my God.

Okay. Well, I 100% support what you've just said. Shakira. So would you say, oh, the Shakira one. Yeah. I mean, obviously. Shakira and her footballer husband broke up. They have kids together.

They have a house together. They moved Shakira's mother-in-law across the street so that she could be closer to the kids while they were growing up because they're very, very fucking wealthy. And then all hell breaks loose. About jam, wasn't it? What? I thought, oh.

The footballer cheats on Shakira with a young woman. But didn't she know by someone who used her special jam? Oh, yes. Yes. Okay. Not the special jam. Yes. The bon, bon, you know.

That tiny little jar you get from the burden breakfast. Yes. And it's got a little plaid top of it. Go on. Pardon. Anyway. So she then divorces the husband after they find out about his affair. then divorces the husband after they find out about his affair.

And then the mother-in-law still lives across the street from spurned Shakira. And the thing about Shakira is she's fucking crazy, but like incredible. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's lovely. And she sets up. Just my type of girl. She's definitely very witchy as well. And she sets up a legitimate Halloween witch on the balcony and its crone finger is pointing towards her mother-in-law's house

and she has just recorded a new song which is about her husband which is saying like why would you trade in a rolex to get some shitty fucking whatever the fuck watch swatch watch she says swatch why would you trade in a rolex for a swatch watch yeah and like just bitching about him and his mother-in-law and it's like a massive huge hit um obviously in spanish-speaking countries and she sing me one of the lyrics and then she blasts this song through her rich person speakers out into the streets 24 hours a day. Yeah. To accompany the witch. So people are driving past Shakira's mansion

and they can just see this old crone witch pointing its finger at his mother-in-law's house with this song about her and him playing. And everyone's like, well, Shakira's still mad. We should make that a tradition. Like every Halloween we get a witch and point at a different neighbour. Well, just a heads up for your hairdresser. That's good. Yeah, that's quite good.

Well, I should gift her one? A witch. Yeah. To point next door. Maybe I'll just do it for her. Yeah. Okay. I mean, that's pretty good.

I like that. Should we do that? I think that's pretty good i like that so we should we do that i think that's fab on one of the walls of the bunker we'll build a balcony with a fake door yeah the witch can be up there and the stereo and here's the thing it kind of ties into subs and dubs as well because i would argue dubs for shakira songs are better than. Huh? Because sometimes I'm feeling a little abused like a coffee machine in an office. Yes. Is the most transcendent line ever that I don't think is in the Spanish language version of She-Wolf. True. And, well, that...

Lucky my breasts are small and humble. So you don't confuse them with a mountain. Yes. Okay. So, they're two different songs. But I love the, I think it's just because I'm what I'm used to, but I love the English version of She-Wolf. Yeah.

And you love the Spanish one. I do. Yeah. What is it? Yeah. And there it? Yeah. And there's been times where I've played She-Wolf and she's like, oh, the English version. I think she's lying to you because I have heard Lazy play She-Wolf, the English version. Well, you know, subs and dubs, I switch.

Not loyal to any side. Yeah yeah i like that one that goes that one's a peanuts cartoon shakira invented gibberish yeah i don't think shakira's in no the witch the witch great okay that's a great feud. Yeah, that's, I love that. Lock it in. Okay. Amazing. Okay, so the last point of contention is Jennifer, you get to put something in the bunker. For free?

You got free reign. Without discussion? No. Just, you just can drop it in. Oh, without discussion like that animal thing? Without telling, okay. Whatever you can drop it. Oh, without discussion like that animal thing? Without telling... Okay. Whatever you want.

Yeah. So you can put in whatever you want, but it's your legacy. And we will be referring back to it for the rest of this podcast. Because I won't be in the bunker, will I? Well, I don't know. Maybe. Depends what you want. No, you're in the apartment building, right?

Because I'll be dead. Would you want to be dead? So is it my... Like, I want an item to be, like, obviously I want to live. Do you want to live? Oh. So this item will be my legacy. That could be anything. Just a frame photo of you.

Do you know what, though? I would do a headshot photo. Because I have lived with two different people who have taken photos of themselves professionally and framed them and put them in their houses. Wait, one of them is our father. Well, no, you know what he did. Oh, my God.

You know what he did. On one of did on one of my birthdays i think he might have forgotten and so he got a headshot of himself and signed it to me and then framed it oh and then as a present. Wow. But you also got a Furby, so. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, we're still going on about that Furby. Oh, my God. That is truly, like, mummy dearest level. Like, that deserves to be in a tell-all. And you know what?

I'd complain about it, and I'd do it to mum. I'd be like, yeah, that was really, and she's like, oh, it happened ages ago there was a year where um for christmas my dad i don't know how this happened like they gave us separate presents but i don't know there was one year where like my brother and i were really young and dad gave us both vhs for like surfing surfing tapes. My dad is a massive surfer but my brother and I... Sorry.

God. But my brother and I were not into surfing and my mum was furious because it was just, obviously he just wanted to do the videos. He just wanted to watch the videos. And our dad just wanted a headshot frame.

Well, he signed it to me, but it was really for him. You're like, my name's not Bill. Love, you came home from school one day and he's in your room and he's polishing the glass. Yes. Get out, get out. I was obviously meant to keep it on my dresser like a 50s. Wow.

Daddy. So many, yeah. Hope you come back from the war. Well, so you're proposing a headshot of you. It's I bring that headshot. I can't find it but I will and that can be my legacy haunting but I like it

wait so that one you're not going to repeat the tradition you're going to put in that one yeah I like bringing in that one I think he wears a smart hat in it well he'll be happy to know that that one. Yeah. Because he wears I think he wears a smart hat in it. Well, he'll be happy to know that. And also when he's

on this podcast he can, yeah, know that he's going to be in there. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. Okay, good, good.

Great. Well, the Meg's full to the brim. Hungry, hungry. We've done some good work. Gorgeous. And with that, we'd like to now thank you so much for attending this beautiful podcast. Oh, thanks for having me.

Jennifer Garner. Can't wait to see you in Deadpool 3. How am I doing that? And I can't wait to see you at Christmastime. Yes. For what are you going to watch? Ooh, what are we going to watch this year? WALL-E.

There's a new Horda movie about... Oh, with Melissa Joan Hart. We still haven't watched Holidays in Handcuffs. Here we go. Oh, my God. And I'll see you there for that. Yes. And, yeah, I guess we'll see you all next week

gorgeous thanks so much for listening everybody goodbye Jennifer Garner goodbye and goodbye Zelda Moon goodbye lazy Susan ok ci vediamo Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears

Our theme song and music is provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie If you'd like to send us a message you can do so at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com Or won't you support us at patreon at patreon.com slash death to everyone. And bye-bye.

Bye-bye.