Death To Everyone - Death To... Melissas, Disney Performers & Cursed Objects

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Hello Listener, It's time for us to divine from our celestial void which Melissa makes it into the bunker. For centuries this question has plagued humanity and now we shall decide. Also this week we open a question up to the audience... Which cursed object gets into the bunker? Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 I'll show you. Hello everyone Welcome back to the cat show We talk about how kitties are now kids Oh my god, hello everyone, my name is Lacey Susan I am a magnificent tall woman Who's actually taller than people think I am Yeah, I'd say so

Everyone is always shocked to find out I'm tall Not tall, just of an average height You're slightly above Six foot wow how tall are you six foot okay hi everyone i'm zelda moon celestial goddess coming at to you direct from the void um i'm taller than lazy susan she is you're six foot three yeah yeah and in heels Gail's seven foot eight. You have a tall person's energy. You're like an ent. Willowy. Yes.

Quiet. You know, the thing about tall people is they spent their life apologizing for their existence because they're always, you know, getting in people's way at concerts and just being too, like feeling like they're too big. I don't like going to like concerts being in the mosh i feel like i'm ruining someone's experience that's right even just even in cinema yeah theater you've got to kind of do that courtesy shrug when i used to have my long hair for the vast majority of my life just to wear it in like a little bun and i used to always like lower it when i knew i

was going to the opera yes because i felt so rude well absolutely and that's it and so but then when you a short person's energy is that of someone who's compensating for the fact that they have never taken up space so they take up like more socio space yeah yeah so that's the energy that i have like a loud person who likes to gab. And then when someone meets me, they're like, oh, you're not tiny and annoying. You're large and annoying. That is how I've often described you. How are you?

And welcome to Death to Everyone. I'm good. Yeah. How are you? Oh, so good. You're thinking about getting a haircut? I am, I'm going to see our deceased Shh, shh I'm going to see our deceased sister, Banana Girl, after the pod

For a haircut at Chop Shop Do recommend if anyone's in the North Fitzroy vicinity Every gay and their dog is getting chopped at chop shop yeah i was gonna say maybe we should do which dog breed gets in the bunker today but i didn't say it till now so we're not doing it okay anyway um but i don't know what haircut to get i'm sick of myself and looking at myself you're you're obsessed with your hair yes why i like hair. And I just want mine to be right.

And it just isn't at the moment. How flat it is. Yeah. Like I'm like, not even a mop. A mop has some level of volume. I just like, I think it's all just grown out.

Anyway. It looks good. I don't know. It looks good. It looks like hair. My hair is also so oily. It does look oily. Does it?

Yeah. I washed my hair last night. Well, that's probably why it's so oily. You've got to stop washing it. Yeah, but then... Oh, anyway. Your hair is overproducing the sebum. It is. Really, I've gotten into a dark way.

And are you conditioning? No, I don't condition. Oh, that's good. Okay. My hair, like, more moisture, please. Anyway, welcome to Death to Everyone. This is our weekly podcast where we discuss a range of things and pull them apart because it is the end of the world.

But fear not, as the celestial goddesses that watch over this speck of dust in the Milky Way ghetto, we have erected a bunker and we'll put the best of the best in that bunker to be preserved for the next generation. We've been doing so well. Generation X. That's not, no. From X-Men. Oh. Gen X.

Generation X. Generation X. Generation X. Gen Alpha? Gen Alpha. Is that the next one? Yeah. I hate them already.

Born in what, 2020? Yeah. They're like babies. Sita. Sorry, we love her generation. She's an angel. Yeah, but she's always like, yeah, judging us. Whenever people say my daughter, all I can think of is the exorcist.

You know? When she's like, my daughter. Your cunting daughter. And she's stabbing the crucifix into herself. That's what you think of when someone says my daughter. Specifically you. The way you said it, it kind of sounded. Anyway.

Well, say my cunting daughter next time please You are truly messed up How are you Matt? I'm okay yeah thanks Yeah I've been a bit unwell this week So if you hear a bit of a nasal tone today It's because my nose is blocked I'm surrounded by it

Wow Zelda I don't know Listen I don't know that I can take this abuse The cracks are starting to show I don't know that I, I don't know that I could take this abuse. The cracks are starting to show. In your face? See? Listen to this. It's always a bit.

It's always a quip. You value a slight against me more than you value our friendship of 25 years. We're 23, darling. How is that possible? Anyway, so yes, that is what's happening on this show. And we've had two weeks of guests. Oh, it's been crowded house in here. That's right.

And I just think, you know, this is nice. We're back to bare bones. Yes, I can finally look someone in the eye properly. Just the two celestial goddesses and that weird pleb. Is that me? Oh, there he is again. Anyway. I'm like the driver in your car, you know, like your space car or whatever you're driving around space in.

Space car. That is now canon. Yes. We sometimes take the space car to the celestial void. We do. Oh my God, the space car. But I wear like one of those little hats And I like add a little dark suit You're definitely wearing a little hat

Yeah, and a vest No vest Pre-discussed vest energy The Yeah, no, I don't know, it's good Well, I don't know I don't know, should we dive in or should we go Oh, I got things to say

What do you got to say? What do you think about the new crowned Kwan? Nymphia Wind. Ooh, that's right. So much drag race stuff has happened. And we are experts on drag race. We are, of course. Now, the season 16 finale just aired a few days ago

between the last episode and this episode. I was under the impression that it was... Sakura had it. No, I thought Pl jane was gonna win are you out of your mind probably no way that that woman was gonna win i i like not a joke i didn't particularly i don't i didn't really care probably nymphia or plain were my picks just because i found sephira a bit meh like drag queen i think seaphira would have won had it been another season. Ooh.

But I just think Saphira is the like perfect pageant. Like not that she's like pageant in style, although she does have a bit of that, but like pageant in demeanor. Like she's got that perfectly measured. Every answer feels like it's like a perfectly balanced kind of like response. Like I believe we are all blank and that we should all come together as a community.

And so I think, and like, you know, like every look she delivered was like very considered and very like tailored and grand and draggy and beautiful. But like, yeah, I think it was just the, I don't know. I don't,

I just think that people were wanted just a different flavor. A little bit more spice because I think even, cause a lot of Saphira's looks were like big Teddy or like her goddess look on the main stage for the finale with like just the little straps across the nipples and stuff. Yeah. Even those were super considered and kind of conservative in their execution. Like it wasn't actually anything pushing.

And I just think the other two push a little bit more. I also think that Nymphia had that quality of like she almost didn't need the audience's approval. Like she kind of sat back a lot which i didn't find like i found it to be like a little bit i don't know she was just a bit like low energy towards the end which i understand they've been there for 10 000 years in roost basement filming this show but i just wanted like a little bit more juice towards the end. But then, I don't know. I mean, I think the whole show suffered from not having a live finale. Oh, totally.

Or like a big audience finale. So the rumor that I saw was that it conflicted with Rue's kind of like never ending campaign around their new book. So that's why the theater didn't happen. Because scheduling conflicts but it just like it's so much grander and more fun and i only i think that what i'd heard was that it was to do with the writer's strikes okay that they when they shot they were like concerned that they might get like lose the opportunity if the writer strikes into you to film a finale and then end up fucked over i spent the whole first part of the episode before i tweaked what was happening and then it

did happen being like there is there are two asian people in the audience and every time nymphia was around they would cut to them to those like the girl and turned out to be her mom and i was like it's so transparent like what is happening here but then they were cutting to them because they were the family friends but i don't know the editing like if you rewatch it that the audience was so weird. And then there's like the drag queen friend. And then there's like maybe a couple other drag queens that they cut to, but you don't know who they are. Yeah.

Like it just, it felt so fake. Whereas the live finale with that roaring audience and like Miley Cyrus or whatever. And Frankie Grande. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true. Oh my God. Selena S. Titty's crying about Frankie Grande. That. Yeah. No, it's true. Oh, my God. Selena Estides crying about Frankie Grande.

That just revisited me. If any of you have time, go and watch Selena Estides. Crying. Crying on that guy's, this, like, gay guy who's like, I just explore the world and I just want to see all the gay corners of the U.S. And he's, like, this very, like, well-meaning twink who, like, has just, like, started doing these at-home interviews with famous drag queens that were initially it was meant to just be like exploring the gay world but um now he did

an interview with selena stds and she cried like 10 times in the one sit down interviews i guess she's just emotional as a as a presence but like she starts talking about Frankie Grande and how long they've been friends for after they met in AA. And she's like, and Frankie is just so brave. And I was like, no one's crying over Frankie Grande. Oh, Lord. My other thought on the finale was just that at the like announcement event that happens at the same time where like the finalists go and are filmed reacting to the actual news of who wins because it's all filmed like with multiple winners blah blah blah um like, oh, it was so good.

That was great. And then also the, Safira's face after she lost. Oh. I saved a photo of it. I just was like, this is like, cause she's such a like professional. Yeah. That like, she could never like scream into the night. Like, cause like you, like, scream into the night. Yeah.

Because, like, you kind of contextualized. You're like, the length of time. I checked the email from when they sent out the Drag Race Season 16 audition tape. Let me just double check because I was still on their mailing list. Oh, my God. I am American. That's you. Literally. Okay. uh i am american that's you literally um okay so oh my god bear with bear with bear with i'm gonna cut this duration out

maybe i can say something interesting in the meantime to cover it maybe it doesn't seem like it and i keep trying um Hannah, keep trying Okay, so Oh, sorry We're back 2nd of November 2022 The casting process begins for season 16 Wow

Is that not fucked up? And it ended on the 23rd or whatever imagine you're sephira you go from november 2nd 2022 putting in your 11th tape oh and then you go through the whole process of making i don't know 85 000 gowns like i literally need them to like tabulate the amount of costumes and wigs everyone had to wear and then the whole thing happens and then you get to the finish line you're in the final three so you have to wait another two or three or four months from when it's shot as all of this momentum is happening the whole world is finding out about you. You're starting to get this incredible wave of support. Another outfit is made.

You do the finale. The show comes out. You do the final screening. And then you're sitting on a couch that is too low to the ground. Yes. So you have to splay your legs open. They're greased. Your beautiful greased legs and then

you find out that that other bitch won and you're a loser and the face crack on that moment just so real yeah yeah it it was it's a bizarre sometimes it's really heartfelt and like plane obviously already knew that she wasn't in the running um because she was already cut but she had fabulous energy i think once you let it go i think like if you just told them like a week before it's not gonna be you their energy coming in would be a lot maybe not but that's not what like i want to see the true energy because other times the reactions are Maybe not But that's not what I want to see, the true energy Because other times, the reactions are Like, I don't know, not that she reacted poorly

You'd be fucking heartbroken But it is just very interesting It's a social experiment Like a good example of like, when Bob won I don't think Kim or Naomi Either time Thought that they had a chance of winning So their response was very magnanimous.

They were just like, I've been preparing this. Like it's like when someone wins an Oscar and they're like, you know, everyone's expecting them to win. They're like, yes, go girl. Yeah, like Godzilla. But I think Safira and like rightfully so thought that it was hers. And like the whole energy online for so long had been like, oh, Safira is the kind of full package.

We're getting the most storyline of her. We're seeing her softer side as she's inviting plain Jane in, blah, blah, blah. And then just you're seeing the genuine shock of someone learning that new information that completely upends and changes their entire worldview. Incredible. And that thing. Yeah. Just like the.

And I think Nymphia was a surprise as well. She did seem shocked. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, I liked it. And then we had the announcement, but 12 hours later of the All Stars season nine. And Drag Race France. And Drag Race France Season 3,

which has a better beach-themed promo than three seasons of Down Under failed to produce. Except none of them are in beach attire. Well, except for Nikki. Well, it was really bad. Someone sent it to me and I was like, why did they only tell that one contestant the beach theme? And they're like, that's the host.

And I was like, oh like oh okay well um i'm really out of touch with friends but yeah why would like i don't know i'm just like if you're doing a themed promo shoot why are you in gowns at the beach yes but nikki looks great it's just holding that prop safety device whatever that is yeah um yeah any thoughts on all stars also that it's set up from the get go that it's for charity yeah i don't know why they're not famous enough for it to be for charity do you know what i mean like when it's for charity if it's like celebrity apprentice and it's joan rivers and she's got millions of dollars then that's fine but if it's i don't know vanessa vanji mateo i'm like she doesn't have millions of dollars, then that's fine. But if it's, I don't know, Vanessa, Vangie, Mateo, I'm like, she doesn't have millions of dollars.

They are getting paid like a very handsome fee. Oh, they are. 25K. Okay. For the, I don't know, four weeks of shooting. Yeah, yeah. Probably less. But, and 50K for their costumes.

Oh, that's stunning. Yeah. Do we know yet if it's going to be eliminations each week? No, it's going to be everyone staying Everyone staying I mean, I don't know But that's my I hope so

I really enjoyed the all winners one Where we just got to see everyone every week That was fun Yeah, I'm just like I'm like There's people coming back for the third time Yes That I don't need

Oh, you don't want more Chanel? Are you fucking crazy? No, Chanel we do need Yeah Chanel is the one that we do need you don't want more Chanel? Are you fucking crazy? No, Chanel we do need Yeah Chanel is the one that we do need You don't want more Roxy I think I haven't I just

For Roxy's sake You've been on two great seasons of the show You just You have looked incredible Like you've done it all You've shown us who Roxy Andrews is I just I'm confused i don't know

what the value of this is did you see her confessional look yes in that spagged janie jk yes um but i feel like the bee in your bonnet is truly about vanji who i love you just want season two of that show that she made for wow why are we not getting more 24 hours of love with vanessa vanjie with her the question on everyone's lips. If you don't know, listener. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. If you don't know, I'm about to gift you something that you can't take back. There's no receipt.

On Wow Presents Plus, they have a myriad of incredible programming made for $3.95, including Highway to Heal, produced by me and mum, and starring Art Simone. Art Simone. Couldn't recommend it enough. We did one season, six episodes. Go and check it out.

But the better show, and the first thing you should watch, is 24 Hours of Love with Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, which is like a Bachelorette-style dating show, Like a bachelorette style dating show, except they've shot it over 24 hours in one Airbnb in LA. Yes. And it's like, I don't know, 12 gay guys. Oh no, it's more. Is it more? I think it's 24.

Might be 24 actually. Yeah, it is of course. Like at the start there's fucking heaps and it's like every hour there's a chime or whatever. And it's like, cut one. It's so good. It's so like, it's an indictment of the dating show genre. And it's like, every episode is an hour of the time they spent in this shithole Airbnb. And like, they just run out of stuff to do and like it's so good

because like supposedly all these men are meant to be vying to fall in love with the man behind Vanessa Vangie Matteo which is already insane like like just like you have all these men that are like I don't know all these like gay out of work actors and porn stars and stuff. And they're like there. And then Vanessa walks out and she's like, hi guys, what's going on? You're trying to win my love. And you're like, oh my God. Like win the love of this crazy cross dresser who is famous for saying her

name repeatedly and walking backwards. None of you live in the same city. It doesn't matter. And then the gays are so compelling because they're all like. They're all demons. They're all demons. And not one of them could make it on like another dating show. So this is the dating show.

Like it's the like, and like what a proposition to be like, you do one day of filming. That's it. That's it. And then you're on the show. And like they just slowly get more and more tired as the day goes on and they drink so much that they're just getting drunker and drunker and drunker and vanessa's getting drunker and drunker and like then they have to stay awake for the full 24 hours. So like in the middle of the season,

it's like three in the morning and the gays are just like drunk, hung over and sleepy and like all asleep on the couch. And Vanessa is like selected one to go back to the bedroom with her. And then Gottmik and Violet show up and they're just aggressive and like absolute hellions. It's incredible. I mean, I just, it is such a great show. The highlight of the season though is at the dinner hour. We are graced by Vanessa's birth mother who comes to visit the Airbnb and she

isn't impressed by some. And in particular, one of the guys, she just doesn't like him. And then he's the next that gets eliminated. Banshee's like, sorry, if my mom doesn't like you. The mother is like, and this guy's like, hi, I'd like really like to get to know you more. And she's like, you speak too much. And then he's like, oh, I'm sorry. And then she's like, you've got a really bad energy

he's done like literally nothing he's also the only person who genuinely tried to engage her in conversation it was like oh you're enthusiastic i don't like that yeah she literally and she just kind of and then she comes back at the very end but she's just got this absolutely like antagonistic energy yeah she's like you can't have that man he's just so annoying it's so good anyway more of that i just like that is if they did a whole season of drag race in 24 hours i would love that with one beat like oh deteriorate 24 hours of drag race amazing the charity yeah then maybe you could get the heavy hitters to show up but there was in the because i watched the little like meet the queens which had them walking into the workroom which i hate saying that before the actual episode anyway

um but there was the scene of roxy losing to Alaska and like Alaska in there. I was like, oh, maybe there is hope for old Alaska. Because sometimes I fear that her vicinity to Willem has really put her up against. And also all the horrible things she said about them. Rightfully so. Perhaps, I don't know, whatever. But I just, I'm rooting for Alaska to like, because she just loves the show so much. She would do so much with it.

But I just fear that they, I don't know, don't like her. It's just weird that they've fallen out of love with her because she is, yeah, the show. Yes. In comic. And has so much more, like I like Trixie a lot. And Bob and all of the like super, super successful stars from the franchise.

But Alaska is the one. Well, I kind of think like the thing about Bob and the thing about Trixie, who I love, is that they like, their obsession is with Bob and Trixie, whereas Alaska's obsession is with Drag Race and drag. Yes, yeah. Like she likes Alaska, but I think she's also more interested in other people

well Alaska certainly likes drag more than Trixie does yeah if like Trixie is a drag queen who I fear does not particularly

love the art form Trixie comes to the Lazy Susan school of hating drag yes yes but yeah good so much drag race

to go around can't wait for Italia season 4 Chiara Francini And Did you know that season 3 Of X-Men 97 is now being Confirmed?

Season 2 is well under, like, is like done But season 3 is being confirmed I just wanted to give you that update No, I think that's important And Gambit is going to come back? Well, the last episode started with his funeral, which I sobbed through. Just took a chance then.

I didn't know anything about this. And Xavier. He'll be back. He'll be back. I didn't really talk about episode seven. No, six very much. There was a fire at the claw factory. Okay.

But you know, Xavier will be back. Oh, it was so good. The episode with the Shia out in space. It was amazing. Space car? There was a space car probably. But this week's episode, it was so good. Space car? There was a space car, probably. But this week's episode, it was so good.

It was kind of dealing with the aftermath of episode five and Rogues out flying around the planet trying to find out who was responsible for Gambit's death. If I know one thing about Rogue, she'd be a client. If I know a second thing, she'd be strong. Oh, my God. And third thing, she'd be strong. Oh, my God. And third thing, she'd be Wolverine. We're all Wolverine. Speaking of Wolverine, though, I didn't really like the trailer that came out this week.

For Deadpool. Deadpool and Wolverine. Yeah. Why did they put Wolverine in the title? Because it's about him as well. Isn't it Deadpool 3? Not anymore, baby. Oh, they changed the name.

Yeah. Oh. The movie's called Deadpool and Wolverine. But originally it was called? Deadpool 3. Like as a placeholder, I guess. Yeah. Anyway, I'm still excited for the movie and I hold out hope.

I kind of want it to be 24 hours of Deadpool and Wolverine. That's the solve to all of these burnt out franchises. Make it in 24 hours. I want to see everyone break after hour 17. Yeah. I heard that Hugh Jackman's boyfriend just moved into his mansion. You said this to me earlier in the week and I didn't follow up. Now that Deborah's moved out, a blind item.

Oh my God. Okay. You know, you probably don't. the week and i didn't follow up now that deborah's moved out a blind item oh my god okay you know you probably don't there's is this about hugh jackman being gay kind of okay it's about blind items you have like on tiktok okay you know crazy days and nights and like demois the girl looking at things under a hyaluronic press go Go on. There, for the longest time, have been blind items being published by websites that are, like, things that you can't say without getting sued, but that are, like, allegedly gossip about celebrities. But, like, they can't be substantiated, so they're just gossip. But, like, they'll be like, this A-list Canadian born actor was spotted seeing this C-list musician outside of his marriage at the Toronto Film Festival. Like, that's the kind of what it, and then you kind of have to deduce who it's about, like who the gossip is about.

So to be like, oh, that's, you know, Ryan Gosling was hooking up with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, oh, that's, you know, Ryan Gosling was hooking up with blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so on TikTok, there's a whole thing where people just read blind items and explain to you who they're about, allegedly. And more recently, there was a very famous blind item reader who died after she went on this like huge tirade about Jennifer Lopez because Jennifer Lopez got her first account suspended. And so she started reading all blind items about Jennifer Lopez from like the last 10 years. Oh my God. And then she died and everyone thinks Jennifer Lopez killed her. And what would be wrong with that?

She called her J Lulu. Zelda's face is shocked and appalled. I'm shocked. But anyway, then recently I was on Tik TOK and this like incredible, incredible blind item came up, which is this girl being like, so this blind item comes to us from blah,

blah, blah. It's about Apophis, the asteroid that's allegedly going to be hitting the world and destroying everyone. And the government allegedly found out about this in 2019 and has been burying it. And I was like,

it is so funny that the way that like, I don't know, this earth ending event I'm finding out is like a celebrity blind item, the asteroid. Apothos. This one is allegedly about earth. Heard of her? Yeah, and Apophis, the sassy ass asteroid that has been kept a secret

She can't go one degree to the right Yeah She is right on course I mean, that's my pitch for today's Well, I think that TikToker has unexpectedly given us our Apocalypse of the Week I know we've done astro but have we done apophis no and apophis sounds like secret celebrity bitch also a bit faggy yeah you know um i'd also just like to issue an apology and a correction because i did say um

hyaluronic press but i meant hydraulic press I work with a lot of skincare and I think about hyaluronic acid all the time. Yeah. So I just want to just... That's okay. Yeah. We'll edit that in. We'll edit it in. The girl with a hydraulic press.

Hyaluronic. Anyway, Apophis. This blind item comes to us from space And it's about an asteroid that's going to kill us all, allegedly We don't want to get sued By Apophis For defamation Yeah, literally, like, Apophis

I would actually never do that, you guys That's crazy This week, Apophis reps came out and said that they never intended to hit the earth and that they were just having a look you know a little fly by do you think you know how we are always moving like the planet's moving around the sun yeah what about the sun moving because the sun's moving everything's expanding expanding it's not like we're moving around a stagnant stationary. That is also Hedlund. We're just going so fast.

Yeah. Yeah, the universe is expanding. Yeah. Say more. That's it. Okay. The sun, you know, we're all just moving. Did you learn any fun animal facts this week, Lazy Susan?

Or tell me about an animal interaction you had, won't you? I only have a disgusting animal. Love it. Yeah. No, I hate it. No,

go on. Oh, I hate it. What? I just hate this interaction. This week? Yes. Oh my God.

Have you not told me this already? it's like, this is my least favorite type? Yes. Oh, my God. Have you not told me this already? No, because this is my least favorite type of story. Yeah, go on. So I'm in my house. And I'm like, when I walk down the hallway in my house, I just smelt something. Oh, no. And I was like, it smells like cat shit somewhere here we have a cat yeah

but it's like i couldn't quite put my finger on it and i was like oh my god anyway so then later that night i'm like sitting typing yeah and then i literally it's become so like there's a smell there's a smell and so I like go knock on my housemates and I'm like can you just come out here and smell this I feel crazy which is such a thing

my mum used to do be like I can't tell can you smell and we're all sniffing the room and they're like I don't know

I can't smell anything and I was like and then I'm like okay well maybe I'm just crazy and then I'm like I just yeah can't put my finger on it and then i'm like okay well maybe i'm just crazy and then i'm like i just yeah can't put my finger on it yeah and then i go back to the couch and i kind of lift this blanket and then i'm like put my finger on it literally literally oh there was cat shit on the couch

on the couch that had been like buried beneath one of the couch blankets. What lies beneath? And it had been like just next to where I had just been sitting. And I was so like, ugh, Tigre. Yeah. What the fuck, man? Yeah. And it's really bad because like. You're pregnant.

Yes. And it's bad because my boyfriend hates animals. Yeah. And hates, like, he just finds them to be, like, a bit unnecessary. Yes. Like house pets. Like, he doesn't think all animals should die, I suppose. He just thinks, like, having an animal that just hangs around your house is just a waste of time.

Yeah. And, if anything, going to just cause more heartache. A view that I don't share, but I also see of time. Yeah. And if anything, going to just cause more heartache. A view that I don't share, but I also see his point. Yeah. Particularly when I'm staring at couch shit on my couch. And then he's like, I know I have to tell him this story because it's such a classic couch story. But I know that it's also going to further his hatred of Tigre and just animals in general.

He's just like, that is so disgusting. Did he request a new couch before he returns? Like, literally. He just fucking hates. He abides the fact that there's like an animal in his house but like he just does not care for animals funny yeah well that's because he thinks that they're like also dirty well yeah maybe animals think they're dirty i'm sure they do anyway that's good yeah well thanks for that I just wanted to hear something cute

That was not cute It was not cute But I don't know Okay Anyway So We have our Apocalypse for the week

Yeah Apothos The comet Apothos Apparently Apparently Allegedly We can't say

Did I hope this TikToker Went into What would happen next. Like, does the whole world get incinerated and smashed into a million pieces? Let me... Or is it more like it eras, like issues a new era of like famine or like ice age?

Because it fundamentally shifts the ecosystem of Canada. Oh, here we are. Here is a different kind of blind item that is allegedly about the asteroid that is set to pass by Earth in 2029 and what the government is keeping from us. 2029? Right before COVID, scientists discovered something, the asteroid Apophis, that was probably going to kill the world a decade later. With all of the doom and gloom around COVID, the powers that be around the world quickly decided to minimize that, and then again minimized it a year later, and then again another year later.

They just want us to be docile like sheep as they try to do something about it, and will let us know if it succeeds after the fact. And again, this allegedly about the asteroid Apophis. Oh my god. And the planet heaven's asteroid Apophis will swing past Earth. And the planet heaven and the asteroid Apophis will swing past Earth and...

Get out of here. Just to give you context, I just need you to know what this normally sounds like. Here is a blind item that is allegedly about Taylor Swift and what her parents were like when she was younger

before she was famous. Like, it's so weird that she's like, this one is allegedly about astronomy. Oh my God. First of all, I listened to a great podcast this week about sheep. And how fucking cruel and stupid it is. This sheeple, or you're a sheep following.

It's actually a fantastic survival strategy for sheep because there is actually safety in numbers. Yeah. So like being part of a flock is an intelligent move. So wake up people. And I was like, yeah, actually. All right. What was this podcast?

Oh my God. It's this great, it's an. All right. What was this podcast? Oh my God, it's this great, it's an ABC science podcast called What the Duck. And I mean, I presume that they're- This one is allegedly about sheep. So- No, I mean the host. I don't know.

I mean, so I found them through YouTube. I mean, I'm guessing she's like a middle-aged lesbian but i don't know and i haven't pursued any further but that's the vibe i get okay um and the podcast is great the first one i listened to was her sending one of her friends to become like less scared of snakes and it's just all this recordings of him at a zoo being like what the fuck get the snake away from me it's really Anyway, it was like a solid half hour of sheep facts and I loved it. Wow.

And with that, I think we'll take your break. Courtney, take your break. Do it. Do the whole thing. What?

Oh my God. Sorry, I'll mistake. Courtney, take your break. Just ignore her. She hasn't been well. Try this latest

from Milan. Go on. Try it on. I take care of my blessing, dear. It's a gift from me to him. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys. This one's perfect.

And it's just my size. See, dreams really do come true. You never have to compromise. Oh, my God, you guys. Listener, what are you up to? Listener, you had some things to say. I'm so glad you enjoyed your breakfast today. Do you know what, listener?

We received your message. I'm speaking to one listener who told us to stop going in on bald people. And I said, that's just one of us. The other one is trying to defend the bald community. What? Yeah. You can guess who. But I just want to say, if you have no hair on your head, you're all right with me.

Oh, my God. And me. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. I got fucked by someone on the weekend who I presume was bald because they kept their hat on Anyway our next topic Go on

Okay Sometimes It's coming Apparently Allegedly And when it does come Obviously If only we'd listen to Crazy Days and Nights

That's the account name That's the website name Crazy Days and Nights It's so cheap When isn't it crazy? Well they don't report on the normal days and nights We had an email From dear listener Well, they don't report on the normal days and nights. Okay. We had an email from dear listener.

Oh, cat's out the bag. Yes. Oh, okay. What? Because I was saying that before. You said cat is out of the bag. No, I didn't. And I said it's cat's out the bag.

That's what I said. That's not what you said. Cat's out of the bag. You said the cat is out of the bag. No, I didn't. It's cat's out the bag. Cat's out of the what you said. Cat's out of the bag. You said the cat is out of the bag. No, I didn't. It's cat's out the bag. Cat's out of the bag. Yeah. Cat's out of the bag.

Yes. A puffer. Yeah. Anyway, long ago emailed us with a concept that is a part of the community. Yeah. The community. Of like different archetypes of drag. And one of them is coined the melissa yeah so basically like saying that like all drag can be divided into these three

quintessential types yeah which is the malignant no what is it yeah malignant melissa maleficent and maleficent actually maleficent is weirdly actually an archetype in drag. Yes. Drag queens, the chokehold the Maleficent horns have on drag is so twisted. And also, you're not dressed as Maleficent, but you are spooky. So you've got that on. Yeah, I've got the spooky Maleficent horns on and then a tank top that says slut and these are the these ones are actually really comfortable they're just like a rubber that's empty on the inside i hate maleficent horns they're oh i mean it's not even that they're

ugly it's just that like why are you dressing up as disney's maleficent. Like get a life. People. Do you think like when they cast Angelina Jolie. Yeah. That must have like that casting person. She produced it. Angelina Jolie. There wasn't like. Oh, she cast herself. Well, yeah.

I think like she was looking for her project. And it was Maleficent. Well, she can't act dear. Wow. I had to sit through Changeling. So I get to say that Changeling? My daughter!

That's not my daughter! Her daughter changed? Like it's about this woman in the 1920s or 10s Who like I don't know She lost her kid And then they like brought back just a completely different kid And was like here's your kid lady

And she's like that's not my kid And then everyone called her crazy That's amazing! That's a great prank we should have done that what happened at the end she never found her kid no but did she pardon me did she accept this did she kill the changeling no but like she kept the changeling intrinsically evil i presume it was yeah the kid was weirdly sinister and i'm like, have a heart, Angelina Because the kid is like six They're not in on it

The kid's sick? Six Oh, sick They're like an orphan Oh, yeah But that's what I mean Was the child evil? No

That's what I mean Orphan Was the child evil? No But like, is it No, they had all their hair Oh my god Was a child no they're like is it no they had all their hair was replaced by an evil child as based on a real story oh yeah well a supernatural is real okay

um i'm gonna hey matt can I steal your baby And then bring you just like A different one Tea grey in a bin It's like mask gaslighting isn't it And then you'll be Angelina Jolie That's not my daughter And she was terrible

That's good Oh acting Yeah But I wish gay men had fallen in love with Changeling Angelina as they did with Maleficent Oh Yeah And just been like That's not my daughter It's so had fallen in love with changeling angelina as they did with maleficent oh yeah and just being like not my daughter it's so i mean the times were different it was sun sorry it was really a time where like even like x-men were deprived of their classic costumes because it was too crazy to be seen on film. But Angelina's full body, pale blue, light gray latex outfit

being the palatable choice for the live action version rather than a blue tank top is so strange. In what? Tomb Raider. Oh. You know, like it's so that like 2000s-y, like, no, it has to be cool. Yeah.

But jokes on you because the OG outfit was cool. I do like seeing that Wolverine in that yellow. It's cool. Yeah. But I don't know. I think they made a good choice with the original X-Men. I don't think we need it all day. I'll bet.

So what are we talking about? Oh, yes. Okay. So anyway. Wait, you didn to tell the categories. Okay, you go. No, I don't know. You have the email in front of you. No, I thought we said that was funny.

We just made them up. No, we actually want to. Guys out the bag. Took time out of their busy schedule. Out of their bag. Yeah. Yes, I do have it right here. Sorry, one moment.

Okay. We have the mother, the Melissa, and the MILF. They're the three pedestals. Okay, and how do you describe what that means? Well, so every drag artist is either a mother, a Melissa, or a MILF. That's what I just said. She doesn't describe the other two. I suppose they're self-explanatory.

A MILF, I guess, is like A drag queen you want Wait, so there's mothers and milfs They're both mothers But like one that you don't want to fuck And then one that you do want to fuck Maybe one who's like nurturing Like what is it?

Like the two Marys The saint and the sinner Two wolves inside of you Yeah Two Marys. Yeah, like you have Mary Magdalene and... Left to go down in the city. And the third Mary.

Welcome for the proud Mary. Proud Mary. Hi, before the fall Mary. Anyway, it doesn't really matter because we're just going to talk about which Melissa is going into the bunker. Oh, yeah. As in a woman named Melissa. Yeah.

Hugo. Okay. So my cousin's name is shut up this is like ann all over again and i don't know if mel is like bunker worthy but can i or melissa both depending if she's in trouble but okay i'm invested Go on But she Oh I have another Melissa story What colour is her hair? Brown?

Oh It's gotta be brown If it is Melissa It's I mean very similar To my hair colour I suppose Is it? But she's always dyed blonde

Because Melissa has always been obsessed With Madonna Like obsessed And part of my gay awakening Was when she had her Maybe 18th and it was all madonna themed and her friends did like a little performance that redid the words to vogue but made it funny about melissa and i was like it's hard to get the syllables to fit vogue versus melissa

well there's many words in that song um anyway like I don't know if she's really like You haven't said a single thing about Melissa's personality She likes Madonna It's like a year one presentation about your mom Melissa's her likes, chocolate, the color brown She is, I mean, she's pretty fabulous Say one thing about Melissa Could I finish a sentence?

Maybe She is a single mum Who works two jobs Maybe She loves her kids But never stops Never stops Yeah I don't know

But there's just She's your cousin Yeah And you know She's obsessed with Madonna And she has children One child Now give me something about her personality.

She's nice. How many times have you met this woman? Oh, my God. Like, how many times have I spent with Melissa? Maybe like 500? Yeah, I would say. And you say she's nice. She's nice.

Two facts. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready for my next Melissa story now. I just wanted to say I have a cousin called Melissa. So anyway, when I worked at Pulu Chinese restaurant growing up, one of my friends' sister worked there, Melissa. Have I told this story before? And her partner's name was Mal, like Malcolm.

But everyone called them Mal and Mel. Yeah. And they both worked in the kitchen. Isn't that crazy? Mal and Mel. I can see this is your revenge for the turkey story last week. That's crazy. That is.

Do you know how to kind of similar names? That is so confusing. And they got married. Mal and Mel. Melissa and Malcolm. And them. M&M. Melissa and Malcolm. And them. Eminem. Do you know anything about them?

Their personality? Oh, they're really nice. I hate the word nice. Yeah, it's actually not that bad. It is. Just like fine. Growing up, whenever my parents would fight, verbally, my dad is so, he'd be like, it's fine. but verbally.

Like my dad is so like, he'd be like, it's fine. Like it would always. My dad never said that. Oh my God. That word. Anyway, Melissa Joan Hart, I guess. Yeah. Okay.

That was my first, my go-to because when I was like, I don't know, 11, my sister would always like, you know, Jennifer Garner. Yeah. Would every so often just check in and be like, so who do you have a crush on? She knew that I was gay. But she'd be like, you know, kind of with her friend, Sarah Goth. Sarah Goth? Yeah. Last name Goth or personality Goth? No, Sarah Goth.

Goth? Goth. PH. Yeah. Okay. Sarah Goth? Yeah Last name Goth or personality Goth? No, Sarah Goth Goth? Goth PH Yeah Okay Sarah Goth They would just be like, or Tegan Would be like, so do you have a crush on Robbie? Do you have a crush?

And then I'd be like, I have a crush on Melissa John Hart Far get You know, Sabrina, the teenage witch. I love, yeah. My favorite thing about her is her boyfriend. No, I just, I think because I wanted to be her. Of course. But I think the thing that is like, she had like a window where she was like the most charismatic young woman on the in

the world absolutely and now that window is closed and boarded over and being thrown into the dumpster did you see that like i don't know i think it was like a just like a a youtube channels comedy like a comedy youtube channel and she did a skit with them. Where she's like in a cafe and then she like does a Sabrina thing. And she's like, it's magic. It's so bad. Yeah. I think that was college humor. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she was a Republican. So that was the other thing. My sister, when I was like, I've got a crush on my sister to an 11 year old. She would, I'm sure I've said this before, but she's like, you know, she's a Republican. And I was like, ew, no, what are you talking about?

And then when Melissa Joan Hart's autobiography came out, they talked about how Aunt Zelda had sat her down, Aunt Zelda and Aunt Hilda had sat her down on set of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and been like, don't be a Republican. Like, it's so stupid. That's great. Girl, you're better than that. Because she was like a teenager and they were trying to guide her

towards the light. Yeah, she was a teenage witch. She was, famously. And then she was like, in the autobiography, she's like, it's just really hard to be an elephant in this donkey town. Because the elephants are the Republicans and the donkeys the Democrats. There aren't even elephants in that country. No, no, no.

It's just a symbol. Wouldn't you pick like a bald eagle? I guess you would. Well, actually, you wouldn't. You're like, do you have any just regular eagles but i haven't lost the hair yet oh my god um anyway i just think um anyway but now she is the star of like really bad christmas movies on lifetime yeah and she was also in this really bad movie about like a hoarder woman whose family comes to like check in on her. And she's just such a bad actor.

And she opened a candy shop at one point in like a small town. And she just seems like she's really happy. I? But also like rotting. Like she's like, you know how, like, Republican white women, like, become, like, yogurt? Yes. Like, yeah. Like, for some reason, you'll see, like, I don't know, like, someone else that was on, like, Star Moon Fry or whatever.

What is it? Is that her name? Anyway, one of the other women that was on Sabrina at the exact same age who wasn't a Republican. And they're like, oh, you're just a divine young 40-something. Yeah, yeah. And then you see her and you're like, oh, my God, what's happened? Yeah. First of all, I hated the Netflix reboot of Sabrina.

And I hated it even more when they brought in the, I don't know their names, but like the Zelda and... Carol and Rhea and what's her name? Yes. When they brought them in, but like didn't like... They were from an alternate universe. You'd love that. No, but it like didn't really even happen like that. It just like wasn't, they weren't like the same characters. Really.

They weren't zany? No. And also where's the puppet cat? Yeah. I don't know. Boo. Like you could have just done more seasons of Riverdale if you just wanted more Riverdale. Because that's what it was.

I mean, I kind of think. On that, when they then Had those like Psycho musical episodes What is wrong with America? Those episodes are so Shit I think if you're waiting For quality from Riverdale

You are absolutely Barking at the wrong tree Like Ooh And then they made that Winx show That was just like Riverdale season 7

Yeah They're all Riverdale And they're all bad It's like how Hot Department is all Melbourne comedy You're just different You know this is Magic Riverdale And this is Wicks Riverdale

Yes But that's just YA darling It didn't start and end with Riverdale You just need to get on the CWS And ride that air I shan't be going on any CWAS. Okay. What about Melissa McCarthy?

I knew you'd say that. I don't like that. What don't you like about Melissa McCarthy? Pooh. What did she do? I don't know. Okay. Name a Melissa McCarthy film.

Little Mermaid. I saw that. And she was in it. Yeah. Taking place in queer spaces. alice mccarthy film um little mermaid i saw that and she was in it yeah yeah and you think she was in queer spaces the games need to be stopped oh my god actually just quickly going back to all stars nine okay it was so funny on the meet the queens when nina west the ursula looking drag queen was like ashley eckstein's best friend who's another psycho i would love to talk about one day she was like um what like what have you done since your time on drag race and she was like oh it's been so incredible i've worked with all these charities the nina west

foundation with dolly parton's like getting books to children in need and blah, blah, blah. And then Gottmik's like, I was in the Fenty X shop. I had a photo taken with me in Vogue. And it's like, Nina's like, I just wanted to improve the world. And she's like, I got to see Madonna live in concert and go to the VIP section and eat little balls of, what do you call them? Arancini Arancini

Yeah Anyway A turtle Well, I'm going to circle back to Nina West later in the episode Anyway So you've seen The Little Mermaid Yes And that's your entire experience with Melissa McCarthy

Okay, have I seen her in literally anything else? I don't think so That's a business She's been in so many movies None I want to see What about Charlie's Angels? One She's in that?

She's the, you know when Lucy Liu is coming into that company to spice things up? She's like, does anyone else have an idea like this man's cook machine? No, I don't remember that You know when she's got the leather jumpsuit on and she's got the whip? Oh, yeah. And then Lucy Liu is like, I don't need your help. And then the woman running behind her with glasses, holding a book and wearing a cardigan is like, bitch.

And then Lucy Liu is like, I heard that. I? Philip J. Fry. That's so good. So you're like like I hate Melissa McCarthy I didn't say that What did you say about her? I have almost nothing to say about her

It seemed like you had a negative thing to say about Melissa McCarthy I just It's not Like I feel like the projects that she's worked on Are just not for me You haven't seen any of them Well it's because they're comedy films

Oh my god You're unbearable Aren't they not they are comedy films yeah so why would i see that what am i gonna do like yeah sorry to waste all your time when you could be watching the remake of the little mermaid god it was so bad that you could be watching a comedy film in the time that you spent watching that piece of shit i would rather watch a comedy film than watch that again and that's saying something um no what what other give me a few give me a few she's been maybe i have spy no oh she's so good in spy she's a spy well that's exactly the thing she's not meant to be a spy oh that's like where she plays roman atkinson kind of yeah kind of a johnny english type yeah

yeah yeah that film is so good and rose burn in that film you'd like that film maybe oh um and miranda hart oh my god um and then uh the heat with sandra bullock oh sandra bullock and they play opposite each other one's the madcap and one's the straight-laced. It's kind of like us. Madcap? Yeah. Of a ship? No.

One's like the messy bitch who's like a bad cop, and then the other one's like a good cop. They're cops. Like Miss Congeniality. Well, it is kind of Miss Congeniality coded. What, except they put Melissa McCarthy in Miss Congeniality? No. See, I don't need to say that.

You just made up a film that you don't want to see. I didn't make that. And then, most importantly, she was in a little town called Stars Hollow. La la. La la.

She's from Gilmore Girls? La la. Yeah. Wow. You know, I don't know what that is, but... What do you know about Gilmore Girls? No. Yeah. Wow. She's so cute. You know, I don't know what that is, but. What do you know about Gilmore Girls? No, no, no. Like that theme.

I presume that's the thing. I only know it from you doing that. Well, actually, it's not the theme. It's the interstitials. Ooh. They had like. Like the Seinfeld. Yeah.

The slap bass. No, but this is. Yeah. She plays the friendly chef lady. best friends have Lorelei Gilmore They both work at the Dragonfly Which they own That hot guy owns the cafe Luke Danes, yeah

Does she work in that kitchen? No Okay But sometimes her and Luke have run-ins Which is very funny Because they have very different ideas about cuisine Because Sookie's more of a high-end Michelin star chef hmm and he's more of like a grease pot you know and kind of grease pot yeah anyway so which are the

two well I think if we have Lorelei's Jeep on Thursdays to Saturdays yeah then we should have Suki okay okay everyone call her sookie okay yeah or melissa joan hart she kind of no that college humor video really put me off yeah but i like that's like roxy doing this season it's like let your legacy be good don't do new things because they'll probably be bad i just can't believe you watched a comedy film on the internet I just can't believe you watched a comedy film on the internet. What, that video? Yeah.

Yeah, I hated it. Where do you think your hate of comedy film came from? I think like watching Adam Sandler movies growing up. You didn't like any of the Adam Sandler movies? No, so I liked the golf one. Yeah, Happy Madison. Sure. Billy Madison? Happy Gilmore.

Happy Gilmore. Wait, what's the madison one billy billy billy madison is the one where he goes to school i hated that and then that demon one i hated nikki yeah was there another one that was good probably not wedding singer that's great that's a comedy film 50 first dates 50 first. 50 First Dates. Do you like that? I don't. Are they going 50 First Dates? No, I don't even tell you. That was great, that one. Oh, I do like that one.

Anyway. Oh, didn't I watch that Adam Sandler sci-fi movie? I already complained about that. Sounds like you just have an issue with Adam Sandler. And comedy, as a result, I guess. Do you watch these comedy movies with anybody else? You're just alone in your room? Great point, Matt.

Because I feel like a comedy is meant to be like enjoyed with friends yeah like you don't just watch it by yourself when you're feeling sad you're just sitting there angry just oh i'm not laughing now i laugh at this joke because i don't like watching comedy films but films either really but when i watch it with a friend, it's great. Unless it's a really bad one. And there are bad comedy movies. There are a lot to be bad comedy movies. You know what?

Perhaps you've taught me a life lesson and maybe I will try that out. You're listening and learning, are you? Maybe watch Spy. I could. I enjoy watching movies with... Like, I'll watch anything. I don't care. You enjoy watching X-Men with me?

You watch anything, mate. No. But when I choose to watch things, it will always just be a horror or sci-fi. Yeah. Like, hard-pressed to find anything else that I would enter. That you'd enter? Yeah. Like, enter into.

Why did you say it like that? I don't know. Anyway, pick a Melissa. Melissa Edgeridge? No, actually, no. Yeah, Melissa McCarthy. I'm a huge fan of comedy. So I'd love to have an icon from the industry in the bunker.

I think Melissa Etheridge has got a bit more cred than Melissa McCarthy. Melissa Etheridge? Yeah. Mel and Sam. Jesus Christ. Is that Melissa? No. Mel and Sam. Jesus Christ. Is that Melissa? No, Mel and Sam, they're the lesbian hot department. My cousin Mel.

I wonder if anyone from my family listens to this podcast. Mel. Mel. Maleficent. What about the Mel from my childhood? She makes great fried rice. Sorry, I thought you said Mel. It's really relatable.

See, confusing. It's hilarious. See, if more comedies were like that story, then I'd be into it. Melissa. Wait, Melissa. No, it's got to be Melissa. What about one pair of Melissa shoes that smell like bubble gum? Remember those?

No. Oh my God, really? No. There were this, like, okay. So maybe it was like 2013 to 18 was the peak of the Melissa shoe brand. And it was kind of like jelly sandals meets Crocs. Yeah. Like full molded jelly shoe, plastic shoe, one piece.

But they were more like ballerina flats or like sandal kind of things but their heels never went up to our size i tried um but they would do they did quite a few collaborations with vivian westwood oh that's why i knew this yeah yeah yeah um but they were all disgusting like disgusting and they all And they all smelled like bubblegum. Like, the rubber was fragranced. That is interesting. Yeah, maybe like a Vivienne Westwood ballet flat Melissa shoe. Only one, not a pair. The left one.

Would I prefer a singular bubblegum-flavored shoe or Melissa McCarthy? Would I prefer a singular bubblegum-flavored shoe or Melissa McCarthy? I fear that Melissa McCarthy would be like, I'm going to get in that Ursula costume and go dive with the Meg. My favorite thing about Melissa McCarthy that I've heard, I love women that become famous late in life because they've already had time to become jaded with the Hollywood system and then they become very famous, is that she has a wig room in her house.

And when she's developing a new character like Tammy, because she also makes terrible films with her husband that are just the worst movies. My sister constantly is like, that is the best film I ever seen. But they'll talk about their process, her and her husband Ben Falcone, and be like, she'll go into her wig room. She'll find the character. And the character really doesn't exist until she's found the wig.

And I just think that's so stupid. That's kind of like our process for like a funny drag show. And the vision of Melissa McCarthy going into her wig room, the wig vault, and just wigging it up and hearing the voice of Tammy coming out of that room is really funny. Funnier than a single shoe. She might be depressed by the lack of wig options in the bunker. I'm saying that we should probably take Melissa McCarthy's wig room. Perfect. We need a place for all of the wigs that we have.

Yes. Laura Dern, Star Wars wig. Extensions. The clip-in. There's quite a few. The cult wig. The cult wig. Beehive.

Yes. The micropang. Okay. Okay. Melissa McCarthy's wig room is the Melissa we're having. Congratulations, Melissa. You made it. Melissa McCarthy's wig room is the Melissa we're having. Congratulations, Melissa. You made it. Melissa McCarthy's wig room.

Good, good. Oh, wait, wait. Matt just sent us a message. Probably saying hurry up. MelissaNet. What is Melissa.net? What? I just found this website

This website that was made in like 1993 This is amazing What's fathers.net? That's a sister site Actresses Melissa Bell Melissa D'Souza It's very like

Sort of high school project website that I found Called Australianmedia.com It was literally This has reminded me of melissa oftema who was the replacement female bassist for the smashing pumpkins after the other one got replaced because i don't know billy corgan can't maintain friendships um and she was really cool but then they just kind of did without having a permanent fourth member and it's just the three

boys are the smashing pumpkins these days and they just have a bigger without having a permanent fourth member. And it's just the three boys are the Smashing Pumpkins these days. And they just have a bigger brand when they perform live, which I think is atrocious. Do you want her instead? She's really cool. I'm sorry, but just this was made in the year 2000. Yeah, it's still going. Fathers.net.

What is Fathers.net? Melissa.net. And is Fathers.net? Melissa.net. And they have Everyday Melissa. And then alphabetical by surname, they have Melissa Anderson. New. They've added a new Melissa. Melissa Baker. Okay, what happens if I click on Melissa Baker?

Where's the link for Melissa Shoes? What is this? And then it's got a photo of Melissa Baker Why are there bees everywhere? Hello there My name is Melissa And I've created this webpage With the help of an incredible individual

Who happens to be a computer wizard And my friend Ho Sheng If you would like to see a gallery of photos of me Grins Please click next I hope you enjoy And once again I'd like to see a gallery of photos of me, grins, please click next. I hope you enjoy. And once again, I'd like to thank and hug Hosheng for all of his help,

and not to mention his patience. You do not even understand what I put him through while we were helping me create this. Okay, let me tell you, I'm totally computer illiterate. And, well, he took the time and walked me through it all. I just want everyone to know he is the best winks thanks hoshang i hope you enjoy this melissa oh my god also did you click on the melissa virus page no because i did and then i went to melissavirus.com look at this website it's also from the early wait does she does it give your phone a virus? Melissa affects Word 97 and Word 2000 documents.

If launched, this macrovirus will attempt to start Microsoft Outlook to send copies of the infected document via email to up to 50 people in your Outlook address book. Cool. Oh, my God. The Federal Bureau of Investigations is on this, though. Don't worry. And this guy.

Oh, so there's a melissa virus there's a melissa internet virus from the dawn of the internet i'm gonna save this photo of melissa um i love this quote i think you should all learn it and live by it make your own rules in life don't let someone else tell you what true beauty is after all tree beauty is what lies inside tree beauty no matter what you think you look like other people are always going to think whatever they want to anyway they love you or they don't regardless of your opinion of yourself that's because your looks don't belong to you they belong to the beholder give them over and walk away you have better things to do barbara share that is not advice i need on my

haircut day well that was from melissa baker who loves hosheng wow wait so they all okay we need you all to go and check out melissa.net because yeah it says, welcome to you if you are a Melissa. This is a homepage. Or even if you are not, this page is dedicated to the Melissa's of the world. Famous and not so famous. We will endeavor to include everyone here. We have divided this into famous Melissa's, everyday Melissa, Melissa Etc, Melissa Shop, Melissa, Melissa, et cetera, Melissa shop. Melissa domain names, Melissa virus, the not so nice Melissa, adult Melissa.

Adult Melissa. The Melissa. A special Melissa. I don't know what that is. That's the editor's choice. And then there's a Melissa book, which has the, by Melissa B. If you would like to add your Melissa's site, please email mel at melissa.net.

So you can email mel at melissa.net and see if anything comes back. This website is run by those people from Bolovi Chinese Restaurant, Melissa and Mel. I just love when you click into Everyday Melissa's and they have the list of Everyday Melissa's. They all start by saying, hello, I'm Melissa. That's probably the only piece of information you don't need to provide, Melissa. But I guess Mel's luggage, you've opened the luggage. Everyone else has a website these days, so I figured, why not me too? This site is dedicated to weird, wacky, and just plain wonderful things in life.

This, of course, will include all my loony friends. Heather, I mean you. The best and the most annoying things around, and philosophies of life Not as boring as they sound I hope to update this page as often as I can with new stuff Sign the guestbook below and let me know what you think Wow And then what's new? All the latest on things you love as well as news

Terrorist attacks in the USA For all the latest go to BBC Wow 19th of September the beginning of the end what my new philosophies um can i tell you wow what a resource that at a similar era as when these websites were made i too made my first website um i would have been like i don't know 12 and i called my website size 4 oh do you know why why because at the time my shop on neopets was size 4 because you could upgrade the size to fit more stock out in your shop like bits of omelet that you didn't want anymore it was size 4 and then i met a website called size 4 which i

had for like 10 years and what happened on size four nothing wait what did you put up it was just like a hub for my loony friends to hilarious i'm talking about you yeah pretty much isn't that disgusting yeah what a great side i kind of think just as a quick update maybe the only website that you can access is melissa.net i like that okay okay okay okay so melissa mccarthy's wig room yes and melissa.net yes as a little bonus yeah all right we'll be right back welcome back everyone hello hello hello hello okay our next topic for discussion today Welcome back, everyone. Hello, hello, hello. Hello.

Okay. Our next topic for discussion today is which Disneyland performer goes into the bunker? Oh, this is a good one. Now, to follow on from the Nina West of it all. Nina West is a Disney adult. It's true a psychopath who has been employed by disney multiple times to bring light into children's lives at disney parks she is close friends with ashley extain the voice actor of asokatano from the Clone Wars series on Disney. Okay.

Before Star Wars was sold to Disney and now that it has been, she's been the voice actor for all of Ahsoka's appearances. And then when Bizarre O'Dawson was hired to play Ahsoka in real life, Ashley said nothing and has continued to never post a photo together. Rosario has posted many and like felt like, Oh yeah. But Ashley is so cut snake about like having Ahsoka torn from her because this voice of active life. She was going to get cast as real life Ahsoka? She did. cut snake about like having a soaker torn from her because this she thinks she was gonna get

cast as real life she did oh that's so depressing it's so like and that's like she's also a voice like she was in she was like a disney channel kind of girl yeah she was maybe on like raven or something famous animated show raven no like in like in her human body acting but then kind of only got jobs as a voice actor but i need to look at her she is like the character of ahsoka it was a great character ahsoka is um anakin's padawan who was introduced in the clone wars movie which was a piece of shit and her character was super annoying and the backlash was extreme like back when it came out in like the early 2000s and then they went on to make the clone wars um animated series which went for six seasons and then a couple years ago they

did season seven anyway across those six seasons ahsoka had an incredible story arc and went from being like the worst thing to happen to star wars since jaja binks to being arguably like the best character in the entire franchise who goes through a lot of like personal development and like she's my favorite character in star wars like she's great yeah however her voice actor is crazy she's crazy i'm like now she was on that's a raven for three years oh my god my God. Playing Muffy. See, I actually love Disney Channel. She was in Drake and Josh as well, which means she was on Nickelodeon. And she was on Hot Properties, the Sofia Vergara short-lived TV show about women who work in real estate.

Oh, my God. Well, she only, yeah. Anyway, but Ashley is crazy and is also a Disney adult and does a lot of stuff with Disney parks. Yeah. And she like goes to all the cons and like, yeah, but her relationship with Rosario Dawson,

like the public relationship is so crazy. I love that. She's just so bitter. And like, this is a person who like has then made like an official line of clothing. And like every Tuesday is like Tano Tuesday where she spare, like she has like inspirational then made like an official line of clothing and like every tuesday is like tano tuesday where she spare like um shares like inspirational quotes and like just helping young girls like get through their days just like ahsoka would because hashtag ahsoka lives

like her entire personality for 20 years has been around this character and then princess a warrior no she's a jedi well she was a jedi just a jedi she left the jedi order oh why because they didn't trust her oh there was this whole story arc where they thought that she was plotting against them but she wasn't someone she actually wasn't and then she was like and then they apologized and she's like fuck you so she So she leaves. Well, this also explains because the Clone Wars animated series happens between episode two, which is in the bunker,

and episode three. But you're like, well, Ahsoka's not in episode three. That's because she's already left. And that actually influences Anakin's distrust of the Jedi Order and leads, in part, to him turning to the dark side. Fair call.

So it's actually really layered. And she's got tentacles on her head. She has two leku, like all of the dark side. Fair call. So it's actually really layered. And she's got tentacles on her head. She has two leku. Like all of the Togruta. Yes. Wow. You could have just made up words. Yeah.

Well, anyway. She's got two leku. Like all of the Birkinti. But yeah, Ashley Eckstein is crazy. And then when she started posting things with nina west i was like oh my god they have the same crazy disney adult energy yes it's amazing that's very good rosario dawson is hilarious for just like not engaging with it and just being like i love her yeah she's like actually famous although i don't understand why rosario dawson had a personality and then now doesn't act with a personality that's another conversation anyway yeah neither of them are like actually like

disney park performers but i just as an intro yeah they are heavily involved in like advertising disney parks yeah and like experiences and oh for the like hundred year anniversary or whatever the fuck ashley had this like whimsical dress made of like the Disney music line spinning around her body. I'm like, you're crazy. You're fucking crazy. Disney loves it. But they're like, we'll cut you loose at a moment's notice.

Yes. Okay. So this has come about because. I hate that fucking Peter Pan. Oh, you know, it's so creepy. I get like Mickey and Minnie in their big plush suits. And your kids can go and like stand with them and hug them. I even will extend that to Belle and Snow White and whatever.

You just cast like a very beautiful young woman to play them. And like then, yeah, little kids can go and like feel like they're meeting that person. I don't, the Peter Pan one, whenever I see, and it's always weirdly like middle-aged women chatting up Peter Pan, which is inevitably played by some like broadway twink or like young woman and they're just like well hey how you doing hey i better go and see captain hook oh wow and they have like too much base foundation in the florida sun yeah and it just

is unnerving and they have that reddish wig and they don't look anything like peter pan also it's like there's always an interesting transition from any media from a comic book or a cartoon into live action the suits and the costumes need to be updated but where is the line between like a soulless like x2 version of a costume or like the actual like blue and yellow spandex right yes and that peter pan costume is a green tunic yes that has a frayed edge yes and on a real person it looks crazy and also that it's kind of weird i mean it's just creepy to have a middle-aged man not middle-aged but a 20 something man pretending to be like a 12 year old boy yes who's never growing up it's it was weird when michael jackson did it and it's weird now it's so weird like and like just think i guess i'm gonna walk over here now

yeah what are you doing wow i think that's pretty cool oh yeah me and tinkerbell are gonna go over here later like would you like a hug and do you know what else they do? Mowgli. From the Jungle Book. They have like another 24-year-old man in a loincloth running around, but like the loincloth is over a flesh-colored body stock. Like that. That is creepy. Mowgli doesn't need to be a character that your child meets. At Disneyland.

Like get the bear, Zazu, or whatever the fuck. Or the snake What do you have something to say? Isn't the bear's name Balu? Yeah that's right Zazu is the bird from Lion King or something? Bitch do I care? I guess not

I hope more animals shit on your couch This is why they're doing it But I just think it's like funny And very odd And uncomfortable to be like More animal shit on your couch. This is why they're doing it. But I just think it's like funny and very odd and uncomfortable to be like, oh, you know that 10-year-old boy who's naked for the most of the movie? Here's his character. Take a photo. What are you?

Take a photo. What? When you transfer that into real life, it immediately becomes horrifying. Help that small orphan child. But I like. There's two things about this that I like. One is the evil witch from Snow White. Firstly, because in her debut, Snow White, I love when she's closing. What other films did she be in?

Fantasia, maybe. Yeah. And like, did she do like Something in the 80s Like look who's talking Like what else has she done I don't know She did a few episodes Of Hot Property

But I like it When she's in witch form Yeah And she's closing that hatch That's so good Anyway But then at the parks She just has the best energy

She like waltzes around She's not wearing a wig Because she's got that Weird black cow thing on Yeah And like That Listener My favourite thing waltzes around she's not wearing a wig because she's got that weird black cow thing on yeah and like that listener my favorite thing about doing drag is when you're on king street and you're walking up and down to 7-eleven and then back to the bar and as you walk everyone's like oh

and you're like hello hi what's happening here and then you just keep walking that's the best thing about drag like a cape in a cape obviously and gloves and heels oh and it's like it's fucking cold but you're hot physically and everyone else is cold because it's 3 a.m it's just the best like that's why i do drag for those moments or like you're like you're like walking across smith street and you're just like it's 2 a.m so i'm just gonna walk and the cars come up and you hold out your hand and you say excuse me and then you just keep walking that's why anyone should to my understanding that's the only reason to do drag yeah it's to be like uh and she kind of holds that energy in the park.

That's my dream job. You just walk around and like, you're not even bothered to like actually be rude and sass people. You just barely acknowledge they exist. Yeah. Incredible. It's like the inferred sassiness. So that's the first thing I like about this. Yeah.

The second thing, is it true that there's like all the secret little doors for all the actors to get in and out of quickly because that is kind of my pitch tunnels beneath like a few little tunnels in the bunker to like you know like you don't have what do you call disney princess in tomorrowland yeah yeah what you know so they just don't have to walk through the like animal kingdom yes you know the wrong whoa exactly because you'd hate like what the fuck is bell doing it um she doesn't go galaxy's edge you would hate that what you'd be like this is breaking the rules this is not the law although it is kind of fun to do a display with toys from different franchises. Like here they are all in the Jurassic Park Jeep. Like Gambit, you don't belong here.

Sitting next to, I don't know, Polly Pocket, I guess. Yeah, okay. That's crazy. That's kind of fun. Okay. Well, yeah. Okay. Well, I know who it's not going to be.

And also Maleficent. She's not going. No, Maleficent. She's not coming. No, Maleficent. Absolutely not. Not Peter Pan, not Mowgli, not Maleficent. Not Balazuzu. Not Balazuzu. Not Bazuzu.

Bazuzu. Could you imagine going to a park and it's like the adult version and it's like Bazuzu walking around it's like Pazuzu walking around. That would be great. That would be fabulous. I like that they have the new droids that they take out in Star Wars land. They're so cool. Just a man hiding behind them with a remote control being like, it's real.

Yeah, I like that. I do like that. But more horrific aliens wandering around that place would be great. Yes. Like... And they don't have mascots at the Ghibli land. No, which is incredible. It's as if they've just left, is the theory.

They were just here. You just missed them. Come back again. I was re-watching the Jenny Nicholson avatar video. Oh, yes. And she was saying that in Avatar Land, they just don't have any of the avatars there, or like the... Na'vi.

Na'vi. Sorry, that's really insensitive. Because they're meant to be 10 feet tall, so they just don't do it. But like that everyone in avatar land has to pretend like oh yeah like we love the navi people and we've worked you know like they have to like keep the illusion alive so that when you're like oh i love that film avatar they're like oh you've seen the documentary and like they can't say that someone's on a lunch break they're like oh they just had to go back to

the lab and check that everything was calibrating for the uh great flight we're having on the flying 17th moon of the harvest which is kind of i like a really burnt out woman who's like melting in the florida sun who works at a kiosk in Avatar land, might be my favorite kind of performance that you could encounter at Disneyland. Like I think her and Courtney would get along probably. That's true. And I like that her costume is like Apollo,

but it's Apollo from the future, from Pandora. Yes. There are all sorts of interactive things like that in Galaxy's Edge But like the queen is the lightsaber room And I've seen so many videos of the poor employees Who are like facilitating that like 20 minute $800 experience It's just like so crazy Now we're gonna just check, you know

And put your special diamond inside of your lightsaber kyber crystal um and then there's like this whole because like there's a um i think it's like the black kyber crystal yes well of course it's like super super rare yeah because it's not in canon um but like you go on like youtube channels of like people who've gone and they're like god i guess i have to go back another time to find my black kyber crystal has anyone actually gotten the black kyber crystal yeah but they're very rare and why would you want it it's not canon anyway i mean if it's in the parks which are owned by Disney Doesn't that make it canon?

No It makes it Legends Oh you don't know about Legends or canon? I don't like that I don't like that I think you're the kind of person Who wants Starkiller to be canon I wish you weren't a fucking canon

I wish I had one right now actually Send myself in the sun. Actually, you know what? Oh, no, it doesn't matter. Anyway, that's my pitch. Oh, what? Tired woman at Avatar Land. Sold.

Okay, great. And can we have one exit door? It just leads to an empty room. No, well, I think that she has to live in tunnels just beneath the bunker. She can only be seen at her kiosk. It would kind of break the immersion if she was seen at Reggie's. Yeah, well, she doesn't. It's not allowed.

No. But at that kiosk. Oh, does she have to work for Avatar, though? I don't want everything Avatar related in the fucking bunker. I think some Avatar merch would be great in the bunker. Ooh, like the blue flying vulture reptile? Yes, yes. I wish I had the name to hand so I could be like,

Yeah. Oh, they, It's Melissa. Yeah. They sell like a rum-based drink that has like a light-up ball that they just drop into the drink and call it a cocktail. It's like a slushie. So that's what Melissa is selling.

Oh, her name's Melissa. Oh, shit. I revealed it. She didn't want me to say it. Sorry, her name's Pandex. Her name's Mal. Yeah. Mal, not Mel.

No, she's got some future name that she has to like call herself. Squasney. Yeah. Squasney. Yeah. Squasney. future name that she has to like call herself squash me yeah squash me yeah um squash me uh so we're talking about disneyland of course but at universal studios at nintendoland the food options look so cool what it looks so cool um when i went to universal studios like many years ago famously the jur, the Jurassic World was being renovated from Jurassic Park into Jurassic World. Fucking travesty.

But I still went to the cafe and they had cool dinosaur-themed meals. It was so cool. I love that stuff. Yes, yes. And now you get to love the things of Pandora. Oh. Which include pens that look like they're woven, but they're just molded plastic.

And then a ball that looks like it's woven, but it's just plastic. Oh, so they're all like in-world objects, the merch? Oh, okay. Then that's okay. It's not going to be like a plushie of like fucking Sigourney's character. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, good, good. Although they might have some information of her from the documentaries. Well, Sigourney could get, Sigourney's character. No, no, no, no. Although they might have some information of her from the documentaries.

Well, Sigourney could go. Sigourney's fine. That's good. What are we doing with Sigourney gets him? Jenny Nicholson was saying that she went to go and get this, like, you know, they had their version of, like, get your wand made at Ollivander's or get your lightsaber. You pretending not to know it's a lightsaber.

Hey, you gentle lightsaber, mate. Anyway, but they're like, now we can make your avatar. And they were like, we're going to scan you quickly with the scanning machine and then send off and make the DNA match. And then they take a photo of your face. And she was like, I wonder if it's going to be like 3D printed version of my face

or like 2D but printed onto like a soft doll face with my face on it and then they're like at the very end of this like oh in world experience of making your avatar yeah they're like what kind of eyes do you want and what kind of things do you want and they're like come back in 40 minutes and they just like go to the back room and snap together the eyes and the like head and the face and the body that you wanted and it looks nothing like you and has nothing to do with you and they're like here's your specialized avatar doll wow which i love that's so stupid that's quite stupid yeah okay so schniezler is in um and she's working at a very small kiosk

which is lit and heated to have the humidity of Florida. Yes. So she's constantly sweating. Of course. And she's wearing a headset very discreetly. No one else is there. No. But she's got to wear it.

That's part of the expectations at work. And she has to maintain the... She did a three-day training course on specific words from the Navi language that she can say. She actually also gets paid a fortnightly first aid benefit of $12.74. Yeah. Because she did do that course.

When it gets renewed, though, she won't be able to renew it as there is no first aid training in the bunker So she'll stop getting that little buffer Yeah That's okay And she does live in the tunnels beneath the bunker She does It's only this one tunnel

Yeah, it's that kind of dead end tunnel Yeah, kind of like the tunnel from What's that Sylvester Stallone movie called? Tunnel Tunnel Yeah Kind of like that Just one exit, one entry

Yeah And that's good for her And I think it'll be good for the world After the end of the world Tunnel. Tunnel. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like that. Just one exit, one entry. Yeah. Yeah. And a dog. And that's good for her. And I think it'd be good for the world after the end of the world to be reminded of James Cameron's masterpiece. No. No. Thankfully, they can't actually refer to anything like that.

Well, they can refer to the documentaries. And so, after a certain time, people will begin to think that the world above was Pandora. Was Pandora. Dogs aren't being like, oh, they're Navi people. They're still up there. Hideous. I hate it. Okay.

She might become a religious leader. I don't know. After a few generations. Okay. Okay. We'll be back. Hello. Really quickly.

Yeah. Victoria Beckham celebrated her 50th birthday this week. And it would be remiss of us not to extend our well wishes to VB. Deeply remiss. And all the Spice Girls were there And it was really cute Yeah, I love that they actually genuinely seem to have buried the hatch On all previous drama Yes

And I just pray for that for all of our girl groups Including our own Our little mixes Our BC Girls But, can confirm If you go all the way back to episode one, where we discover which Beckham child goes into the bunker, we made the right choice.

Vindicated. Romeo is the id child. Yeah. He's the tallest. Yeah. He's beautiful. Yeah. He is truly a hybrid of both of their faces.

In like the good sense. In every sense that's good It's incredible All the rest are stunning But he is the queen Yeah Like Brooklyn got a lot of the fame Because he was the first

Out the gate But I don't know Out the gate Victoria's Victoria's surrogate's vagina What? I just assumed that they had a surrogate Wow

What? Any other assumptions you want to paste on women? Nah, just that one Okay Now, correct me if I'm wrong But our next topic is cursed object Oh, yeah what cursed object yeah so yeah so we met up earlier this week to pick our topics and lazy suggested cursed object and

my mind immediately went to like oh a talisman that's you know filled with the soul of a witch from ages gone um as a cursed object which was like invented a cursed object yes yeah um and then what did you say like no like this thing like annabelle yeah yeah the famous doll that's cursed yeah and i do love cursed dolls like we already have one yeah kind. It's a puppet. And we also have the Avatar. Make your own Na'vi dolls. Remind us what your father's puppet doll is. Joe. Joe. Yeah.

That's in the bunker. Love Joe. Cursed objects. You know, I think cursed objects can be so many things. But like things that if you touch, they suddenly like bring sadness and angst to your life I mean I guess we can extend that to like generalized objects of superstition Like ladders or Like a peacock feather

Yes I wanna see your peac vase filled with peacock feathers. You describe yourself as Charlotte Tilbury. You are. And like she wears a flowing kind of garb. Yes. And there's like peacock feathers in a kind of antiqued brass vase. Charlotte Tilbury.

Yeah, what do you think about that? I think I agree. Charlotte Tilbury, congratulations. Yeah. Matt, have you ever been cursed? Cursed? Yeah. Not that I remember.

I guess if I were. I might be activated at some point. Sleeper agent. You. Oh, could you have sleeper agent energy? I don't know. Let's say some words. Like Matt might be like awoken one day.

Yeah. Let me just say something on the pod. I don't think there's a word we haven't said on the pod yet. That's true. We've even said swashu. Is that it? What about beep bop? That's to be in the right order. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Swashu Is that it? What about Bebop? It has to be in the right order

Yeah Oh sorry Swashu Bebop Bebop Bebop Swashu No Matt No Terminate Yeah

Terminate My dad This is probably my favourite cursed object My dad My dad This is probably my favorite cursed object My dad My dad My dad No my dad My dad

Yeah Wait is this about your dad? Shut up He likes to buy things. And sometimes, and he also likes marijuana. And so occasionally those two things go together. And I'll come over and he'll have bought new things whilst it's like three in the morning. And he's had a lot of weed.

And so like, there'll be like above the toilet, there's now a like 3D Jack Nicholson face bursting through the door in The Shining. But like just so it appears as if Jack is like bursting through the wall. Yeah. And it's like rendered in this like really shitty, like shiny gloss enamel paint. It doesn't look like exactly like Jack Nicholson. It looks like just shiny gloss enamel paint. It doesn't look, like, exactly like Jack Nelson.

It looks, like, just like a misc man. But – and then he also has, like, beautiful art. Like, there's actual beautiful art because, I don't know, like, throughout his life and particularly, like, when my mum was alive, she had taste and got beautiful art. And then also, like like he inherited this beautiful beautiful art from uh when my great aunt died and like they had a beautiful art collection yeah so the house has this like completely insane mix of like high and low art which is fabulous like

some things are timu and some things are like actual yeah and he i came to his house like a while ago and like let me the the ceilings are low it's like a beach shack yeah so there's not really enough space to display large pieces of art yeah and they come into the house and like this whole section of wall is covered by this two meter by one meter canvas. Like, and it's like a weird piece of wall that's between like an entryway and like another doorway. It's like bizarre. And it's a little girl, like oil painting of a little girl, like sat on a stoop looking despondent off into the distance in this like weird dark night painting like long shadows around her and then just at her feet like slightly

to the side is a single paper crane and like the lights are on in the house but it's clearly the dead of night and this woman this little girl like six years old is just like out alone on this like back step having just like obviously seen something and is crying and he's like i saw that in an option but i just had to have it what he's possessed by that is that painting is like my dad now like god and it's so haunted it's actually incredible I want that painting, it's amazing But like, it's so compelling But it's clearly like I don't know who painted it Or what happened to them after it

Or like what dosage they're on now But it is like If I can find a picture of this I will put it on the Instagram But it's so Haunted This little girl, imagine her in the middle of the night, but it's so haunted. This little girl, imagine her in the middle of the night. He's coming back.

He's coming back. He's coming back. Ew. Right? What's she looking at? It's just out of frame. That's scary. There's something else.

There's a reason she dropped that paper crane. Or was that even her paper crane? Like, does she come out in the middle of the night each night And there's just a paper crane there? What's outside of her house? And where are her parents? Scary

It's so cursed Yeah What about a door handle that always opens? Like you close the door And then it just That does happen in our house a lot That's really cursed Our doorbell just goes off sometimes

And there's no one there Hang on The manual twisty one? No Electronic Yeah Oh okay Like obviously radio signals and things

But it's like In the middle of the night Where it's like Do do Also your You sleep But half a meter From

Very thin glass windows. That's all that protects you from whoever ringing that bell. Yeah. And also, because I'm at the front of the house, there have been times where people have come to the front of the house with ill intent. Like there was these two guys that came onto the front porch at like three in the morning and they were like trying to,

I think they were trying to steal the mannequin that sits out there at the front of my house yeah don't rub the mannequin but um that's our cursed object but um they and it was like I could hear them like really like it was like they were next to my head um and

I just said they didn't think that I was there and then I got up and like banged really loudly on the window but it was scary I said hey and banged really loudly on the window. But it was scary. I said, hey, mate, get out of here. Get out. Shut the fuck up. What the fuck are you doing out there?

Yeah, but scary. I mean, a guy tried to break in. Not break in, but come through our back door. And then what did you say? I love sucking dick. Ah! We'll talk about that later Another time Yeah

Okay Okay So a cursed object Yeah I mean that painting sounds fabulous Yeah But what about a witch's tamulet That's imbued with hatred and ill wishes

I mean do you have an example of what that is Or are we just making things up now? That's a really good point. So what about a book that's filled with a witch's knowledge? Made out of skin. Yes. And each page has a different flower. And when

you light said flower on fire you'll release the curse on whom you wish. What about something like that? Or the painting. I think we probably need you to prepare a little bit more for this show. Oh, okay.

I think it's important for you to prepare for this show. What about... Because I take this seriously and you're not taking this seriously. Like voodoo dolls. Voodoo dolls yeah say more oh well you put a pin in a doll or no you get it you attach like someone's spirit to the doll and then you can torture the doll and it does the things to the person yes they're pretty cool yeah who would you want a voodoo doll of in the bunker? Yeah

Go on I don't think I'd want a voodoo doll of anyone though Well Matt, then why did you bring it up? No, it's just a cool cursed object I think Yeah, that's the first like I mean it's like the cursing object Yeah

Yeah, it is good Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. But are you trying to think of objects like the Ouija board and Ouija? Ouija. Ouija. Yeah. Ouija. And like haunted mirrors.

Well, Ouija didn't make it in during the board game episodes. Yeah, true. She had a shot. Which Jumanji got in. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. Cursed dolls. Dolls seem to be cursed a lot yeah yeah chucky yeah rocking chairs cursed areas i feel like

an object that looks fine in the daytime but it's scarier shit at night what does the monkey poor do isn't the monkey poor i think you can make wishes on the monkey poor cursed wishes oh but like they're they've got like a twist yeah you'd best be specific when my friend nina was young and driving like when i say young young and driving she was like one um and they were driving past a specific area And every time they would drive It was like on the way to the beach And every time they'd drive past a specific area Which is like this boggy marshland wetland area In Victoria

My house Your ass My house What? Every time they drove past my ass Anyway, she would start crying and just inconsolably crying. Grow up. And then as she got older, she would still have this awful feeling

every time they drove past. And she remembers seeing a woman standing out in the middle of this marshy swampland. And she'd be like, when she was three years old, and point out the window and say, it's a witch, it's a witch mummy, it's a witch. And then years later they found out the story of this one specific area and this woman had died in a flood that had happened in that area

like a hundred years ago and like had this kind of tortured story of like, you know, she lived in this house like and had this kind of tortured story of like you know she lived in this house like and she was kind of a like a like it had become like a local myth like that this like swamp lady um and then she died wow and that energy was cursing that area scary that's cool you're right we should put a spawn plant in the bunker hmm hmm

or just like maybe like a person that is only seen by a child eye there's not any children that young in the bunker

Nina West she's young at heart oh yeah we haven't decided which child's getting into the bunker

no no don't do shunt. The painting's pretty cool. Okay. I'll get a photo of this painting and then we can let the listener decide. We'll put it on this story.

What do you mean? Like, I think today we just say we haven't decided. And then you can make your- We're going to put a vote. Yeah. A witch's cursed talisman. Or the painting. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Great. That's fun. And then we'll report back in the next episode on which thing gets in. Yeah. Great. Ooh.

We're so interactive. Someone will listen two weeks in a row. Perfect. Perfect. Thank you, Matt. You're the two weeks in a row. Perfect. Perfect. Thank you, Matt. You're the cursed object in my life. Yeah. So have you been associating with any witches lately?

So it's Melissa McCarthy's gorgeous wig room and Melissa.net. Please check it out. Please check it out. Oh my God. And then we also have The woman from Avatar Land Yeah Who has her tunnel

Wait so is she a colonizer then? Yes That is the subtext Though in Avatar Land they insist that the Navi are okay with it What? They're so happy that you're selling your wares and they're so happy that none of them seem to be around and to that yeah but their giant drums are there your birth name yeah and then also we will let you know about the third thing well the listener decides in this

incredible first time event here Here at Death to Everywhere. Cliffhanger event. What are you going to put up? What options are you going to put up? Obviously, the stupid talisman and the image of the painting. I'll suggest it. And you guys are going to... Some of you are going to passive aggressively vote for the stupid fucking talisman.

I'm going to get a really good talisman as the object. I'm going to find that image. While you find whatever your picture, little drawing is. Okay. Of a sad girl. Yeah, what? Self-portrait? Okay.

Don't strain that imagination of yours trying to find a photo of a fucking necklace. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us this week let's read another riot yeah arts and craft and we'll see you all in hell yes goodbye our theme song music was provided by edie centric and angus leslie if you want to say something to I like that. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you want to say something to us, email us at deathtoeveronepod at gmail.com. Send us a picture of your ugly things.

And also support us at patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone. Bye-bye. Thank you.