Death To Everyone - Death To... Pokémon, Spreads & Allergies

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

This week the celestial goddesses find themselves locked in a bloody skirmish over the subject of pokemon. Please try not to be splattered with blood and guts and this bitter bloodbath unfolds. In addition which spread (vegemite, peanut butter etc) and which allergy is coming into the bunker for the end of time. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Hello, my dear. Hello. Hear me, Margaret. It's me, God. Hello, everyone. This is Death to Everyone. My name is Lazy Susan.

Hi, my name's Zelda Moon. And this is a new podcast where two drag queens attempt to answer all the questions that modern day life has to offer with a little bit of humor, a little bit of heart, and a lot of good giggles along the way. You're not wrong there, Lazy. Now, can you tell the listeners? Gosh willing. Of course. Now, I just need a bit of an update.

What's new with you? What's new with me? Oh, well, so me and Greg and the kids, we went for a little trip this weekend. Oh, amazing. Down to visit the in-laws. They would have loved it. Oh, my gosh. And, you know, we do, it's been a complicated road to get here, obviously,

but we have a laugh. Yeah. So, my father-in-law, Barry, he- Love Baz. Hey, if you're listening, Barry, hi. Future guest of the pod, Barry. He is a real, real crack up. And I was sitting down to have a bit of a barbecue meal yeah um out on the front deck

they've got a beautiful vista um and so we were sitting down the kids were inside so it was a bit of you know adult time which is rare in our house but good fun indeed yeah and i opened up the uh barbecue yep to grab out one of the delicious kangaroo meat sausages we were going to be having. Lovely, organic, I'm sure. It's so good, low protein, I mean, high protein, low fat. Oh, my gosh. And so I opened it up.

He hadn't even turned it on at all. Oh, mate. And inside he'd put this plastic snake or it was a rubber snake. And I must have jumped about 10 feet in the air. I said, Barry, what have you done here? Oh, wow. I know. And did you tell the kids?

No, we haven't actually told them yet, but I'm saving that one for Christmas because I kept that snake. I'm going to give it a shot. Oh, you're going to do it to them. I know. I'm a bit of a naughty one. Yeah. Good one.

Now, what about you? I'm noticing you're looking very fresh. Thanks. Very sun-kissed. Yeah, look, I took Chels down to the beach. Oh. Yeah, we got like an Airbnb, just a little like two-bedroom place, just so we had some space.

Gosh. Yeah, and we really just like hit the waves all weekend loved it um finally getting back into the weather for it which is right god the winter is like it's a long slog mate like it's just so good to yeah get down like get out of the city yeah you know we um we took um we were thinking about taking the boards but we ended up just you know just having a swim because. That's nice. Yeah, it was, you know, it's the water's like not quite there yet.

Probably in January we'll be better for that. Well, Chelsea's new as well to surfing as well. So you don't want to. Mate, she, yeah, like I would have been down, but yeah, she was a bit nervous about it. So we, we just stuck to the front beach as well. Oh, nice. Usually a couple of degrees warmer. Oh we just stuck to the front beach as well. Oh, nice. So usually a couple of degrees warmer than the back beach. Oh, well, I'm so glad to hear everything's going well for you and yours.

Thanks, yeah. Well, now that we've caught up on that, why don't we dive into the main meat of the episode? We have to stop. I had a glimpse of a life I could have lived. In another life Instead I'm back to being here in the gutter Talking about guzzling cum I felt slightly uncomfortable listening to that

You could be on I mean, have you been in like the The top rated Australian podcast? No Australia is unwell As a culture, we are sick. And I don't know if other cultures, communities, places, and sects have this issue,

but our celebrities, by and large, are wildly dud. Yeah. And the most normal people like we elect celebrities in america i think you elect celebrities based on like wow like this is either the most genetically beautiful human being that's ever existed this person is like an incredible like dancer or they're just abhorrently rich in australia if they're abhorrently rich, they don't tell you. If like, and most of the famous people were just on Australian Idol in the first two seasons. Or Big Brother.

Or Big Brother. Or Bachelor. Yeah. And like, there's, that's it. Yeah. That's it. All of the like, Nicole Kidman, the, you know, Cate Blanchett, they're not part of Australian culture. No.

They left. Yes. Immediately. Yes. And, oh, God, Kyle Sanderlands. Have you seen him? Like ever? Yeah.

What a credent. It just, it goes beyond. Yeah. It is just bizarre that that exists and continues to exist and it's like he for some reason gets a platform and then people like must listen it's and go too right oh even the ones that aren't like don't make me sick in that way make me sick sick just generally. Yeah. Like, Chrissy or whatever. Yeah. Like, what are we doing here?

Yeah. What's happening? Why is it happening to us? Yeah. The only, like, I can think of very few, like, Australian celebrities that I'm like, get it, girl. Yeah. Of like, I like Magda. Yeah.

I mean. You know, like, I love Magda. I kind of think that like those the big girls blouse girls yeah they are kind of like so fucking intelligent and amazing and like next level yeah that it's like they're undeniable and they're not even in rotation like they're not i mean magda is still on the board yeah but like yeahda is, yeah. But like, yeah, the rest, it's like, what? Yeah. How, yeah. It's wild.

It is crazy. And it's not even like we don't have super talented, amazing people that could be the celebrities of our country. Totally. It's just that every opportunity that like a national broadcaster or drive home radio gets to platform someone, they're like, how about this guy who probably like plays footy on the weekends with his mates yeah and he's got some interesting ideas about fatherhood and then how about this woman who kind of like supports him in his larrikin behavior and she's kind of a cool chick she

doesn't say anything that's too offensive she doesn't go on about feminism or anything like that but she will you know she's a tough chick how about we get those people and we just make them the only celebrity that we have yeah i used to love what was her name the woman who hosted on abc insight what was her name i don't know anyway she was fab there's like a few kind of cutthroat journalists out there if they come through it's just the people that like come through as lifestyle yeah or comedy folks and they're the only ones who are in constant rotation imagine if you will a a fame economy that allows for one of our most famous comedians to be Peter Hellyer.

Insane. A man who has never told a joke in his life. And then one of our most famous radio personalities and also richest celebrities to be Kyle Sanderland. A man who is not funny, not interesting, and just a bigot. A piece of shit bigot. That even racists are calling racist. Which is just incredible to me.

And we're just going to give him 20 years of airtime to say whatever the fuck he wants. And doesn't have a gorgeous, buttery, smooth voice. Or this stunning face that you could just look at and forget that he's saying awful things. He truly is, like, foul. And, like, this is not, you know, whatever genetics did to him, that's God and him and that's fine. Yeah. Look however you want.

But the way that he styled himself with that goatee and the hair forever in a gelled peak. Yeah. It's like you have taken all the raw ingredients and decided to make a Molotov cocktail of shit and ugly and throw it at the Australian people. Every day from 7 till 10 in the morning or whatever. As you drive.

And it's like, you could, like, you know what I mean? It's just like, it shocks me that we allow this. And then the voice is like. There is that maybe Queensland rugby player. What is his name? He seemed like a nice guy. Well, lock it in. Also, yeah, Australia's obsession with sports.

There's also, is his name Jet Kelly? There's this, I presume he's like. Stop making up words. He seems like a nice guy. But I don't know. We're not going with it. Anyway. And even, I don't have anything against these two men.

They're fine. But Hamish and Andy being the most famous people, I'm like, you should be famous. Sure. You're both handsome, funny, sweet men. You are, in Australia, the most famous, famous, famous people that have ever existed. And your whole brand is just being sweet

and inoffensive, it just boggles the mind. You want someone with a bit of space. I just can't believe that everyone's like, these men, television forever. But that's what Australian publics want. They want like, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. Yeah.

And like, I could hang out with him of a weekend. Yeah. Whereas, yeah, it's less aspirational. Like you don't want to be Hamish. Yeah. Like you could pitch yourself having a beer with Hamish. That's right. Whereas in America, you're like, I want to be Cardi B.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like you do everything like, and it kind of fuels this, like, and it's diff, yeah. Well, America has an undergrowth. Like, it has, like, a, like, shithole shock jocks and, like, mid-level famous people on Dancing with the Stars. It's got a Jamie Lynn Spears. However, the, then it also has a really thick crust of A-list

that are people that are like so airbrushed and so like manufactured that like they could just not even begin to approach humanity like and then uh so they just has an entire fame structure built around these people you could have a beer with yuck and the few gays that managed to get in, it's a wonder that they do. Yeah. God bless. And you're forever like tokenized.

You can't just be there and be like, you have to be there as the gay. That's it. Magda managed to circumvent that quite a bit. Totally. Because yeah, she is. She's more than just.

She's more than just the lesbian friend. Yeah. At the barbecue. Yeah. Love you Magda. Also like on babe. Oh yeah. Like the barbecue. Yeah. Love you, Magda. Also, like, on Babe. Oh, yeah. Like, so good.

Mrs. Hoggett. Okay, Zelda Moon. Yeah. Enough of this riffraffery. How's the world ending this week? Okay. When I was a teenager, I used to come to the city. Like, by the time I was, like, 16, 17, I was allowed to go to the city on the weekends

and I would get up at like the journey on public transport from where I lived to the CBD on PT was two and a half, three hours because I would get a bus and then a train. Thankfully, only two modes of transport, but that was a long time. And I would get up at like seven o'clock be on the bus by like half past eight be into the city by like 11 then i would have my time in the city and then i would do that same journey to get back home yeah and there was one day where i did it to go to minotaur when it was on elizabeth street and i bought three models of Evangelions, unit zero, one, and two.

And then I got straight back on the way home. That was like a seven-hour endeavor to just buy three make-it-at-home models of Evangelions. Anyway, one day I met a friend in the city and we got bubble tea for the first time. And ever since, I've loved bubble tea, of course. I really wish the apocalypse would come sooner, Zara. And my favourite, one of my favourite things about bubble tea

is, of course, the pearls, little tapioca pearls. Delicious. Now, up until about a year ago, I have always had really long hair. Now, up until about a year ago, I have always had really long hair. And there was one day where I was on this trip and I met a friend in the city. And we went and got bubble tea. And him, being the mischievous scamp that he was, sucked some of those pearls into his straw. And he shot them into my hair, which was long and flowing.

So you were being bullied. Yeah. And then like there were these like pearls stuck in my like long, luxurious hair. Anyway. So today I'm making bubble tea and instead of pearls, I'm using planets and I'm going to stir it up and then I'm going bubble tea, and instead of pearls, I'm using planets. And I'm going to stir it up, and then I'm going to suck up planet Earth in my oversized bubble tea straw,

and I'm going to spit it into another alien's hair. Wow. So I'm going to just... What? I'm going to give you a note here. The part about the seven-hour train trip into the city, how is that relevant to what followed? It's world building.

And then the Minotaur figures? Yeah, that's just a little extra spice. And then you having bubble tea for the first time. I'm trying to connect with the audience. What audience is that? People that no longer fear death? Okay. Well, no comment.

That's fantastic. You've done a great job. Thank you. So, yeah, bubble tea. But I don't like the tapioca pearls. Can I say that? Oh, what do you prefer? They're good, but they're too chewy and they get stuck in my tooth.

Oh, they get stuck in your hair um uh they have to be right i like the bursting orbs oh you would why why because it's more instant i do like the gratification yeah what about the like jelly shards no i don't really like that. If it's on an orb, then why is it in the beverage? Because I like how the orb perfectly fits the circumference of the straw. I love those thick straws. But you know what? Hungry Jacks is currently running a promotion, which is you can get a frozen drink with the

Orbeez, like the bursting orbs. And you can get three different flavors. Blackcurrant makes sense. Bubblegum, which maybe what? I don't want to eat bubblegum. Let's have it explode in my mouth. And then the third flavor, which I can't remember. But those orbs, they're smaller than regular orbs

And they fit inside of a Hungry Jack straw Oh, I see, which is smaller than a bubble tea straw, of course I know, we don't need to explain that to the listener The other thing I don't like is those, you know You know, like maybe You know, like maybe It might have been like 15 years ago When you traveled on the train that one time Okay, no, maybe it, like maybe it might've been like 15 years ago.

When you traveled on the train that one time. Okay. No, maybe it was like 10 years ago. It was a spring day and I'd just come from a hair appointment. I had long, luxurious hair at the time. Well, you should be so lucky as to hear the insights of my life. When those like shots of bamboo were a thing, Like shots of bamboo were a thing. Shots of bamboo.

Like the little shoots of bamboo in like a disgusting glass of a vessel. Like wheatgrass? No, like bamboo. Bamboo. Not like a drinking shot, like in a, like a, you know what I'm talking about. Are you familiar with this, Matt? No, I don't know what you're talking about. You know how you could buy bamboo and sometimes it would be spiraled and it would be in a shitty vessel and often... Like a plant?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like a good luck bamboo. Yeah. Like your house warming, here's bamboo. Yeah. Okay.

And it's like little bamboo that has been like kind of bonsai'd into this like shape. Yeah. And like it can't live beyond that. And they were often in like a glass vessel filled with little like and it was when these like water balls. Water retaining Orbeez. Yeah, became a thing.

I hate those. I hate them. They look like a toy but they're not. And they look like they can't be crushed but they can they defy you know landscaping laws of like well what's the drainage like and like how much water and like when do i refill the water and then when you fill it with water you can't see the balls anymore because they turn invisible that is cool oh no i don't like have you seen that dank woman on tiktok who has the invisible orbeez she's like i'm gonna make a sentinels for a

wedding yeah she gets a giant vase and she like plunges a groom and like wife into the middle of the jar surrounded by these clear orbeez and then fills it with water and then like tweezers in petals around them and they look so foul uh incredible woman but uh yeah no i don't i don't really believe in that and they just like suck like they just like hold hold water and then what then what i don't like it um one final note i should have mentioned this before but the bubble tea i'm making is of course taro milk tea with pearls on planets. What about peach ice tea? Yeah, no. With exploding pearls.

Well, no. This is my fantasy. Okay. Okay. We're going to have a quick break, and then we'll be back. And we're back. It's time to dive into our very first category for today. What is going in the bunker in the category of...

What kind of Pokemon are you? What makes you do the things you do? Pokemon. Pokemon. Okay, so Pocket Monsters. What is your relationship to Pokemon, Zelda? And please, for the love of God, tell us a long story with lots of details.

Well, if that's the request, I can kindly oblige. Okay, so obviously I had red first. Hi, this is Lazy Susan from the future. I'm just coming to you to give you a quick heads up. There's going to be an eight minute and 21 second long treaties on the state of the current Pokemon industrial complex. So just be ready for that. And if that's not going to be your cup of tea,

I encourage you to find some anthrax or even just a suicide pill in general take it now and it should take effect long before the end of this so please enjoy what is um a true expert in the field discussing the state of pokemon then it went red, yellow, silver, emerald, which was quite a scandal because I didn't get ruby or sapphire when it came out. Right, the scandal, really. I waited till emerald came out. Then, oh my God, what's after emerald?

Was that then black and white, which I got black. Then, look, I don't know, but it ends with I didn't buy Violet or Scarlet. What about Sword and Sky? Yes, because I bought Sword and it was the first Pokemon mainline game that I never finished. And then I didn't buy the most recent one because it's shit. It's so shit. They are shit games. They look shit.

They run like shit. The gameplay is shit. They're just like shit the gameplay is shit the like it they're just fucking shit this is quite a twist i did not expect this from you they're fucking terrible games like i could have told you that they are like if you uh and it's such a genre of like fucking faggot of like yeah what my favoriteution is Jolteon. Like, shut up. Which is clearly wrong. I love Jolteon. We'll get to it.

It's Vaporeon for the win. She's spooky. Yeah, okay. She got webbed toes. But, yeah, gays have such a weird relationship with Pokemon, and they are blind to the fact that games are fucking shit why do the gays like pokemon i don't know is it because it's a world free of toxic masculinity maybe or is it because you go around to different gyms

and i just understand that yeah um but if if you're playing Pokemon in 2023 and you have ever said like, oh, this is a good game, wake up because it's not. Sheeple. It is the same. It's not even the same game that it was 20 years ago. It's far worse. They like inject gimmicks into each game, which then they don't continue on.

And I'm like, well, is this a Pokemon where the, like is this a world where there's competition and apricots or is there not are we now having pokeballs that can like explode with confetti like they could in emerald but now they can't in the newer game that doesn't make sense to me like if you introduce a feature like a night and day cycle in gold and silver then why isn't it in one of the other games like you introduce features and they layer and they build because the games get better as time goes on however that is not what has happened instead they inject gimmicks like mega evolutions or the fucking like swarovski crystal version in the new one or whatever the fuck and then they drop it for the next one because it's all just a fucking marketing gimmick but what you don't understand is that you

are the owners of the biggest most profitable franchise on the planet that has ever existed you don't need a fucking gimmick you just need a good game like if you had a good game that built on 20 years worth of games like you might end up with a product that people want to engage with instead like they just fucking band-aid they're incapable like they're incapable of creating a good game like also why the fuck does my pokemon know four moves i've watched the anime in 1998 or whatever and like the Pokemon know more than four moves. So is it like Magnetron or Diglett? And it's like, where is the strategy in this game?

How about making a comprehensive battle system where, I don't know, it's an engaging experience instead of here are four moves and like, oh, people will say that there is and there's like this whole network of like global championships and like, oh, get real. Yes, of course it exists, right?

But that doesn't mean that it's not bad. Like you can play Final Fantasy X and have characters that, you know, like have elemental weaknesses and strengths against a broad range of enemies. And you have 30 moves that you can select from. And that creates an individual style. And, you know, you can strategize and you can create these different feelings. But in Pokemon, it's like, no, Blastoise needs to learn this.

And then that's it. Yeah. And then you have to forget. Like forget? Forget? Forget? no blastoise needs to learn this and then that's it yeah and then you have to forget something like forget forget you can't handle five things but i've seen the anime i know that you can do that so like the game cartridge in the 90s she couldn't she couldn't do it but you know what we have now um better technology but we don't have better Pokemon games. So it's very frustrating. It's incredibly frustrating.

And something else that I fear that you might bring up is worse Pokemon designs. And get real, because they're actually quite consistent. Everyone has rose-tinted glasses about the first 150, which they unknowingly do extend to 250 Because the gold and silver Pokemon are extremely similar I don't think Lugia is part of the original Extremely similar to the original designs

But now they're like oh the keychain Pokemon It's like well then what the fuck is Magneton You know he's just a group of fucking magnets stuck together Like it's consistent you just choose to think that the new ones are bad and i'm not saying that some of the new ones aren't bad because some of them are but that argument is so fucking boring and like founded in a lie ignorance also can i also say that i hate Pokemon that are wearing clothes and Pokemon that have like, oh, and that was an issue

in the first 150 Pokemon. So there are design flaws also. And my God, this is one of the things I hate the most about Pokemon is like Nidoran female and Nidoran male. Because then later, again, with with technology and this is something good like there are pokemon with no gender and there are pokemon that do have two different genders and their appearance can be different and blah blah blah but the entire numbering system of pokemon is ruined because nidoran fills in two slots and that's wrong yeah you don't have pikachu male as number 16 and pikachu female is number 18

you know you're correct and that's and like i could i could permit it for the pre-evolutions because if i was following the logic of pokemon the anime then like those pokemon were discovered later but also having said that there is a flaw there because there are all of these different regions that like coexist but what as the one main character progresses through it then the numbers get added no no like the other regions existed for a long time like they don't have phones to tell everyone about the other they had cool video phones like in the anime they're so cool also when you're watching the anime growing up you the episode where ash catches all of the tauros didn't air in australia and it was really confusing all of the what the tauros tauros yeah the bull i'm back on board that episode wasn't aired because there was fucking gun violence in it but he caught like 30 tourists

shooting at the pokemon team rocket oh i do like that team rocket anyway so you know like it's a franchise that i love dearly and hate with fiery fiery fiery passion yeah and i just like i love like i do love pokemon i think it's really cute. I love that it has, like, stood the test of time and continues. And, like, the Pokemon company, like, has diversified. And there's so many different little, like, there's more adult Pokemon, like, animes. And there's, like, these little shorts. And, like, it's such an amazing, like, representation of Japan. And, like, the cultural love and reverence that they have for the franchise is amazing and the fact that it has yeah just continued to dominate globally is kind of amazing

but you can't tell me that they're good games and i never would and i never would my friend um you've made some very salient points. And I'd like to know which Pokemon you'd like in the bunker. In addition to those points. Okay. Well, my favorite Pokemon is Vulpix. Because Vulpix is like the little fox. She's, yes.

With the six tails. And she becomes the nine tails. Yes. Yeah. Gotcha. Because Brock, very hot, got that Vulpix, which was like, what? He's a rock trainer. Yeah.

And that was so cool. And that Vulpix was so pretty and sassy. And I loved that episode. And I loved whenever he would use that little Vulpix. So cute. So sassy. I love Volpix. My favorite Eeveelution Pokemon is Umbreon,

which unfortunately is the worst one in the games, but who cares? Umbreon is the dark evolution. Oh, yes, yes. So cool. But Jolteon is also great. mean i yeah but you like vaporeon i do that underwater mermaid one very cool very cool she's got mermaid tail yeah that's cool and a little rough and wet and also kind of not cute anymore no it's kind of like ooky spooky yeah it's a bit spooker like you became the underwater one and another thing is like i can't believe that what gen was it maybe it was by gen five i don't

know but they finally retconned fairy types and made some of like gen one gen two blah blah blah into fairy type pokemon because very yeah yeah they became fairy types and they weren't originally because fairy type didn't exist i never thought pokemon would do that and can't you do more right more like cunning yes some of the types are fucked up cooked like poison no like like gyarados. What's she? Water flying. Yeah, water flying. How is it not water dragon?

Oh, dragon's a type. Oh my God. Okay, I'm back on board, baby. And what are you bringing? You're bringing a Vulpix? I do like Vulpix. I also love Luvdisc. Okay, I am going to have to say it.

That's weird. Love Disc. Yeah. That's her name. It's a little fish that's shaped like a love heart, which is inspired. And your contention is that there's not been any slip in quality in the naming conventions or creation of these animals. And this one's called Love Disc. It's inspired by discus, which are my favorite type of tropical fish from the Amazon River. Discus fish are so loud, though.

Loud? Yes. I remember sleeping over at my friend Cameron's house and they had discus fish and they just kind of... Discus are so cool and they're really shy. But they eat other fish. They're murderers. Well, you know, a lot of things eat other things

So Can't relate And, wait, did I already talk about Pokemon wearing clothes? Yes Okay, but I don't think I went into that I think you did I hate that Like

Why do they like to have clothes? Because What, is it like organic? Yeah Are they going to the shop? No, no, no No It's like they're born with them

No Ew Like how Jinx has that flowing dress Are they going to the shop? No, no, no It's like they're born with them No Ew Like how Jinx has that flowing dress That's right And then like Hitmonlee has pants or whatever the fuck Or you want to see his dick And like Primeape has like what you evolve And all of a sudden you're wearing handcuffs

You're going to hate Digimon I do hate Digimon Because you know you'll have a little worm that turns into a full-grown man with an outfit i don't like that um i don't necessarily have an issue with humanoid type pokemon but when they are evolved with keep going i didn't say anything funny yet. But when, it's like, where did Machamp, did he win a competition to get that wrestling belt? I assume it's his skin. Yeah, but is it? It's his skin.

Because it's not like a claw. He didn't grow it. It's his skin. That makes me sick. It's in his skin. Because. It's like a leathery part of his hide that looks like a belt. No.

You know how there's that moth that has a skull on its back? Yes. Yeah, it's like that. No, it's not. It has stick insects that look like sticks and leaves. No. It's like that. It's just got wrestling belt evolution.

So what's happening under the ground with Diglett? You're the first to pose this way. Yeah. So there's just like, yeah, there's many bumps in the road uh-huh yeah yeah yeah also one of the coolest things in the anime is the little red beam and then the pokemon turns red and then it gets shrunk back into the ball can i can you answer me one question what how many pokemon games of which there are many replicate that visual style yeah well because the answer is zero well i mean they just throw the ball and it goes inside but the game came first yeah yeah but like there's a lot of weird things in red and blue um but like

that if somebody put me in charge At Game Freak Put me as the CEO of the Pokemon company Because even though it's not a failing franchise I'll rescue it From me yelling at it Anyway I like Psyduck That's alive

Glad that I brought him up What a duck. Yeah. What a duck. I liked it. I think that that was like, maybe my issue is there is a levity to the Pokemon that I experienced, I grew up with, that feels very like it's looking at nature and being like, what's funny about nature? And like, how stupid are ducks? And then it's like, nature And being like what's funny about nature And like how stupid are ducks

And then it's like well here it is Well I mean Psyduck is based on a platypus But go on What? What are you talking about? Psyduck is a platypus What are you talking he's a duck He has hands

Like platypi? Like claws Neither here nor there the point still stands It's cute that they're like He has hands. Like platypi? Like claws. Neither here nor there. The point still stands. It's cute that they're riffing on things that are weird and stupid about the world. And that's through the funhouse mirror allowing children to interact with nature. I like the one that's just a cocoon and the one that's just a pod.

Metapod and cocooner. They're fun and cool and I like that they just don't do anything yeah because i think uh not being able to do things is an important thing for children to learn did you play pokemon stadium yes you know that mini game where they're like dropping things on there yeah and you gotta harden that's so good so fun i was good at that game um but yes all that to to say, yes, Psyduck, maybe a Charmander. Yeah, which starting three Pokemon would you pick? Charmander, yeah. Okay, what about from Gen 2?

I didn't do that. Really? Gen 2? Yeah. No. Cyndaquil? Ugh! Totodile?

No. Oh, wow. I don't like them. Oh. I don't like the way they look, and I don't like the way they act. Oh, wow. I don't like them. Oh. I don't like the way they look, and I don't like the way they act. Oh, wow. I like the original, and then I'm just done. I played the game, and then when the new game came out, I think I had it.

And then I started playing it. Did you have gold or silver? Silver. Okay, good. And I started playing it, and I i was like it's the same game and then i think well why would i do this again i already did this and i was like why would i ever do this again i don't because it's not a fun game but it just gets you hooked on the idea of like i'm gonna go to 35 exactly the same places walk around them in the exact same fashion and just bump into random pictures

of things. And then maybe I'll catch him, maybe I'll kill him, maybe I won't. I don't know. And like that process repeated over like 25 hours. And once I was done with that one time, I was like, like I remember walking down the, where do you go at the end after you walk down the gallery of heroes or what is it called hall of fame hall of fame or something you finish the last thing you walk down the hall of fame and i remember being you know on my 55th uh pack of a4 batteries yeah and uh

feeling nothing and just being like and and just and having done all that work and played that whole game, I was like, I have nothing. Nothing has changed about me. Nothing. Nothing has moved inside of me. And I was just there sitting, lying, you know, sleepover style on my parents' bed in the mid-afternoon sun. Yeah. And I just felt nothing. And I was felt nothing.

And I was like, I can't do this again. Video games are not for you. They didn't. Well, no, cause there are video games that have had profound effect on the way that I view the world. Did you play journey?

No. Matt, did you play journey? No, I don't. I've never heard of that. When I played journey, I sobbed at the end. Like I played Journey, I sobbed at the end.

Like I was like inconsolable. I understand how art works. Like I get that you can take something away from the experience. And that's what I'm saying like was so disturbing about Pokemon to me is that by the end of that 25-hour investment in art, I felt nothing different inside of me. Like I hadn't been transformed like I had been by other games that I'd invested my time into. And I think that that's why I was like, I'm never doing this again.

Wow. It's like The Sims. Yeah. Although I think The Sims, you have a lot more scope for imagination. Well, am I going to put my mirror here or my mirror over there? And also, am I going to abuse these people or can they live?

I see. You know, in Gen 3, when I played Gen 3, I caught a Pokemon that had... Jennifer Garner 3. I had a Pokemon that had Pokerus, which is the Pokemon virus. And I have transferred that into every future game up until like Sword. You transferred that Pokemon? Well, like if you, you have to like keep it active.

So it's only active for a short period of time in a Pokemon. So you have to infect another Pokemon. And then when you put it in the bank, it like freezes it. But if you keep it in your party, it'll stop being infectious. So like you have to have an active Pokemon. And then like, yeah, if you keep it in your party it'll heal it stop being infectious so like you have to have an active pokemon and then like yeah if you trade it into the next game and then you're just keeping this virus alive yeah because it increases your stats but it's like super super super rare so i only ever caught a pokemon with the virus once like 10 years ago more than 10 years ago and i've still kept the virus alive. That's so sweet. I had never even heard of it until I caught a Pokemon like that.

And the other thing, oh, another thing. Shiny Pokemon get fucked. No pants, no shiny pants. The idea that that is interesting or good is a farce. Who cares? Also, it was meant to be extremely rare and like then when you actually caught a shiny pokemon it was a moment but in the more recent games because people all of a sudden care about having a green ekans or whatever the fuck what are you saying like then they built it into the game so like you do particular things and you increase your chances of finding a shiny pokemon get fucked it's meant to be a special extremely rare runoff and even then it's a curse

because they're all fucking ugly because it's based on old pixel art that it's just like so stupid and i hate it so i guess we should probably narrow this one down quite quickly, though. Yeah, I mean, I like Vulpix. Okay, well, listen, I'm going to say let's have a Vulpix. But I think obviously we need to acknowledge the fact that Pokemon don't exist in real life. I know, sad. So we have to figure out how can we have a volpix in the bunker and i my pitch to you is that we get a fox we paint it a very similar color to the coloring of volpix and add some like surgically implant some like costume details like a big tail and the ears and however long that fox

lives great but that'll be our pokemon and we and no one's allowed to acknowledge that it's a fox we're not doing that oh what's your sorry i'm just spitballing here it's blue sky no bad ideas what's your thought we're having a vulpix on the bunker like a a 3d hologram no i think like anime style vault pics like a 2d cutout it's alive but it's in an art style so i just we're trying to construct unlike android 18 which is like a real world woman yeah that we're paying to be android no No, that's real Android 18 Pardon We have diverged Android 18 We've got now wires crossed at some point

Because to me She was in there But it was a woman named Kathy who was being paid No! That is not We are going to play back the tape Because Android 18 is in the bunker as Android 18 If you're getting two Lindsay Lohans

as some mischaracters that no one's ever heard of before. But she's not two Lindsay Lohans. She is one Lindsay Lohan and she has to, every time that someone sees her, do a British accent and then go and change outfits

and do an American accent. Well, I don't see how that is any different than Android 18 being a real android from Dragon Ball Z that's in the bunker. That is a woman named Kathy we've employed to play Android 18

until the end of time. No it isn't. Not in my bunker. Listener, I'm so sorry. We can't have cartoons. We can't have anime people. Okay, well then we're having

a real life little Vulpix. A fox with ears stapled into its skull. No. Why not? Why do you hate animals? Maybe then we can just have like a bronze statue.

Okay. Now we're getting reasonable. I can't believe I'm compromising on this because I think you're really kind of speaking out of turn. Actually. Listener, I need you. This is in the future, isn't it? So this is.

It might be Possible to create Creatures from Cells or whatever In the future This We are This is What if they like

Made a Vulpix Like a fox DNA Do we start the breeding program now With foxes and something else Yeah get us started No they're not foxes They're Pokemon

Well Suddenly You know Before Psyduck was a platypus So I don't know which one it is It was based on a platypus You're like, inside the bunker it's Roger Rabbit rules Because I'm trying to construct something that can exist in real life

No Like the bait bus And the reject shop You think Sabrina Baby Slut is a real person? Not an animated character I can't talk about this madness anymore But I think if we're putting a Pokemon statue in Which I guess for some reason

I didn't say statue I said fox with ears stapled to it Then I think it should be something more ominous Like an onyx And it's gigantic and towering above us. And maybe we could dangle a little light from it. You could make an onyx. It's made out of rocks.

But it would be alive. Maybe it would be. Like an onyx. It would be like if you went to the Pokemon theme park. See, the thing I love about Studio Ghibli is that at the studio ghibli theme park he's like no we don't have any statues we have one warehouse where we have statues of the characters from the ghibli films everywhere else it's like the characters had just left yeah which is so good so good it's like no you don't get a giant plush version of No Face hugging your kids.

No. No. It's just not here because don't be ridiculous. They can't exist in the real world. I love that he's just so mad at people. Yeah. Yeah. He's good.

That's why we've got to figure out how we can get a Vulpix into the bunker. And I'm happy to workshop this all night. how we can get a Volpix into the bunker. And I'm happy to workshop this all night. But there's so many things that, like, I'm scared to say more. We've never broken this rule before. What do you mean? Rebecca Romijn, as Mystique, is in the bunker,

transforming into anyone she damn well pleases. Yeah. So you're fine with that? Well, yeah, she's ducking off to that same room Lindsay's going into. You get changed into someone else's outfit. I hate you! She's mystique. And then she's like, I'm going to transform into Greg over there. And then she backs into the makeup room.

I hate you. And then five hours later, she comes out in sloppy Greg makeup. We're cancelling the podcast. This isn't what is happening. Can you just spend disbelief a little bit? I hate this conversation. It's all on the record. I am so mad right now.

Well, listen, we can... There's no workshopping. What? Like, what you are saying is wrong. And that is not the game that we are playing. I don't know what to tell you. We're having a break. There's a statue of Onyx in the corner.

Goodbye. Okay, statue of Onyx. We'll see you in a second. Oh, I haven't heard the tension like that before. Welcome back, everyone. We're just going to move right along. The next topic is spreads. What the fuck do you have to say about spreads?

What, Vegemite? Great. We'll be right back. Hi, everyone. The next topic for discussion is allergies go on no this is good this is productive we're working through the seven stages of grief being a cunt being a bitch being a fucking cunt bitch Yeah Yeah They all represent you right now

You got my girl Okay Okay I need Okay we're calming down Everyone calm down I'm not calm There's no She's sipping a

A coke malevolently Maniacally? Benevolently. Maniacally? Benevolently. You can all message us and we can resolve. There's no need. There's nothing that needs resolving. Yeah, that's right. Okay, that's good.

That's good. I'm glad we resolved it. Quick thank you to Kathy for doing such an incredible job this month playing android a theme in the bunker if that was what we had said we would have talked about casting who's we would have like but that's not what we did and that's not what we do here so like i'm just so confused like listen i operate inside of the reality of the world when you a celestial goddess which could exist we have no proof that you don't sucks up the world inside of your giant straw which could exist we don't know that it doesn't and sucks up the delicious thing of the the world and then flicks it into some other. If I didn't make it clear, I'm shooting the earth tapioca ball into your hair.

Okay. Well, how do you know Pokemon doesn't exist in the real world? Like just because you haven't seen them. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm trying to get to. If they do exist, we need to figure it out. They could. By your logic, they could.

I think we have a little bit more certainty in the world about the existence or lack of existence we don't know what's in the universe and there could very well be a giant woman with a vendetta against my beautiful hair i hope somewhere out there in the universe is a quiet room where i can go and sit in and finally be at peace um i think it is time to move on to the next question um spreads what spread is getting into the bunkers of the moon. Crunchy peanut butter. She does make a good morning. Okay. So I did buy, by accident, light, smooth peanut butter. Oh, my.

It was two mistakes in one. And it tastes bad. Like, it's so disgusting. It's, like, sweet, too sweet. And it doesn't have the oil to cut through. And the worst part is when I put it on my hot toast in the morning, it didn't even melt. Hot toast. It wasn't liquid molten peanut butter with the nuts protruding from the lava. It was just like staying exactly as it was.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Have you had like Actual peanut butter Like from like An organic food store Yeah I fucking hate it I think you're wasting your time

Get like And when people are like Peanut butter's healthy And I'm like Not the way I have it You mean an inch thick Yeah Craft peanut butter

I'm not crushing peanuts And not adding Shit tons of oil And salt Like That's what makes it good. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, it's very bad. Yeah, no, no, no. But peanut butter, like, I will... I think growing up, I was much more into smooth. But I can't picture a world where I would buy smooth. There's a damn in a place for smooth. And that is called, like, crumpets, where you want it to really be about the seeping into the pores.

See, no, I still do crunchy on crumpet. I fucking love crumpets. You say it. But I like English muffins more. Oh, see, no, I don't. Also, they're so powdered. Why are they powdered so much? It's cornflour.

It makes it crunchy. Oh, no, I don't like that. Then I got like powder on my mouth. Then I got powder in my mouth. Powder's famously very dry. What, I want to eat something so dry that it... Oh, yeah, you have a thing about dry things, don't you? You need to salivate and then use your own liquids

to moisten the thing that you've put into your mouth. I'm pretty moistened. No, it's about a collaboration between you and the food. I'm buying something to then have to work and collaborate with it. Listen, I'm not saying anything, but you could learn a thing or two about collaboration. Me? That's like if your fucking smooth peanut butter

opened up its mouth and said, Oh, sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I shan't be going on your crumpet today No sleeping in the whole fantasy for you That's just not what we do here Sorry you thought it was something else But no it's not That's you

That's also that woman walking around The outside of the coals screaming into the night air What other spreads do you like What about Sorry do you like? What about... Sorry, here you go. I like... Here's the thing about Vegemite, which is what stops it from being good for the bun cum,

is that I don't think there is like an alchemy known to man that is more delicious than the combo of a wet melted butter on a toast with a thin schmear of Vegemite. However, that's two spreads. And so I would never, ever just entertain. If I don't have butter, I'm not having Vegemite. Like you can't have one without the other. So unfortunately that just means Vegemite is completely off the table. I would never eat Vegemite. I don't like Vegemite. I like the taste.

Growing up, I would have Promite. Like my brother and everyone else would have Vegemite. I would have Promite. And you would sit there and go, you stupid idiot. But I wouldn't have either now. No. I had a Vegemite this morning. Really?

Yeah. What do you mean? I have it maybe every, like, three out of the seven days of the week. Oh, my God. So you woke up this morning, and what did you have for breakfast? Oh, unfortunately, it was the only. Okay, so I bought a loaf of Matty White, which was just because I really wanted a tuna melt sandwich with like iceberg

lettuce i was in a mood so i had to buy a whole loaf of white bread was in a mood i was in a mood but that means like then you kind of have to like get rid of it quite quickly also it's like not normal like i would never really buy that yeah yeah okay but i get it because i had that so then i'd been working through it every day two more slices gone great almost done yeah and then we finally got down to the final two butt pieces of the bread wait so like the crust the crust yeah like the edit yeah which it's not really a meal i wouldn't call that a meal yeah but, but I was like, okay Fuck it. Yeah, and then bit of butter. Mm-hmm bit of a gem. I toast toast Delicious coffee. Did you had that this morning? Yeah this morning I woke up

Screaming mouth full of blood and I I didn't I don't really like eating first thing in the morning And then I thought huh well here I am in this new house in my new life. And maybe now I'm a breakfast person. I was like, I can't stomach the thought of eating so soon. And then I ended up technically eating for breakfast. My first meal of the day was like leftover mariponía. And I cooked some rice and I had that for breakfast. What time was it?

Like 10 o'clock. Okay. So it was breakfast, breakfast. Yeah. Like it wasn't edging into lunchtime and you're like, well, for all intents and purposes, it's now lunch. No, that's a breakfast meal for me. Wow.

I don't, breakfast, like, well, I mean, I'm not going to have toast. I agree with you. It's slim pickings and I'm kind of like over, think breakfast is kind of over like it's done but the last shred of anything that's holding on for me is i will cop a toast absolutely three days a week wow i just mean like yeah i was looking at buying a toaster on friday um don't do it and i didn't do it you've got a microwave um um yeah but butter is a good spread yeah great time like butter like obviously butter is delicious and you cook with it and like yeah we're all familiar with butter here. But there's something haunting about having it by itself. Yeah.

Yeah. Like you really have to be confident in yourself to just have butter. Like that's. You know what I had the other day on my Mighty White? Just butter and a single slice of cheese. Oh, yeah. It was so delicious. Did you melt the cheese? cheese. Oh, yeah. It was so delicious. Did you melt the cheese?

No. Oh, yeah. It was white, soft bread with just a... Oh, you didn't toast it? I didn't toast it. Wow. It was so unadorned. Yeah.

It was fantastic because it was like, wow, just let the ingredients sing. The mighty white, the softness came into focus 2020. And the cheese, the bite and taste of the cheese that's normally drowned out by the din of other things that I feel I have to add in order to feel like I'm doing something in the process, collaborating with the meal. I just let them do their job.

They were just cheese and bread living together in harmony in my mouth. Wow. You know what I mean? I do, I think. I hate condiments. Well, that's disgusting. And spreads. These are spreads.

I wasn't going to bring up any condiments. The only thing I was going to say, which is like, is it a spread? Hummus. I know it's a dip. You know her as dip. I wasn't going to bring up any condiments. The only thing I was going to say, which is like, is it a spread hummus? I know it's a dip. You know her as dip. But like Barbara Streisand. But she's spread on. Yeah.

She's multifaceted. She is. And you can just have a sandwich that's hummus. Yeah. I don't know. I don't. What about jam? Marmalade?

Preserves? Oh, no. That's what I mean. I don't like any of that. You don't. What about when you.malade? Preserves? Oh, no, that's what I mean. I don't like any of that. What about when you, have you ever had a scone? Yeah, with like, yeah, I have. With cream and a little bit of jam? Jam.

I just like, I like strawberry jam, maybe raspberry jam, but like an apricot. No, I don't like. I mean, like obviously apricot. I wouldn't even, when would I think of apricot jam? That's wild that you went there, because it goes strawberry jam, raspberry jam, marmalade. Marmalade. I know it's fucked, but that's the order. Oh, marmalade makes me... And then ones that have rind in it?

Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, that is crazy. Although when you have it like when someone else makes it and it's got the right amount of butter you the rindiness the bitterness is taken the edges are taken off i can't do it it's just not for me um i can't what about nutella oh my god. Yeah. Wow. Shit. You know, like hazelnut. Spread. What? What is she doing?

That's Rebecca Romijn. It's funny that Nutella has such a like monopoly on that flavor as well. Because no one else can do it. If you've tried any of the other spreads, like hazelnut spread from Aldi, it's like there's something wrong. And Nutella is incredible. But I think during my childhood, there were a few times where at NQR, not quite right, the shopping chain where they send all the out-of-date foods,

they must have gotten in a slab of contaminated nutella because my dad brought home like i don't know it must have been like one of those leader christmas buckets or something yeah yeah that would have been why it was there because it was july anyway so i think i overdid it and i've never quite come back to nutella in the same way taste aversion yeah um is honey would you consider honey a spread it's got to be talked about at least yeah okay i would vote honey of course you would you stain a child i um it's just so delicious like imagine imagine you've never eaten sugar before. I always think about this like our ancestors, you know, before civilization. And they find honey.

You would just go off your mind. Well, that's it. Sugar in the diet just wasn't really much of a thing, hey. No, just in fruit, I guess. But like honey is different. That's like concentrated sugar. And it tastes delicious as well. It's delicious. but it is too

it can be too much yeah and i don't think you would ever just raw dog honey you have to have the butter in a spread form yeah wait are you saying matt that you would just have honey on toast no nothing beneath it um if we're only choosing one then yes but no but like would you be happy with that until the ends of time? I think so. Like peanut butter is a standalone spread. It's like it's got its own lube to make its way across the toast. Yeah.

It does have its own oil, yeah. Yeah, honey is just stopping at the start of the spread. You kind of have to wait for it to melt a bit and then you can move it around. I don't know, but there's so many other uses for honey that you could have in the bunker as well, like put in some tea. Well, and like Kelly Clarkson, maybe we'll have an opportunity to put her in the bunker later on.

Oh, I think honey is going to find its way in. Don't you worry about that, dude. I think you had it right. I'm happy to just say, let's talk about... Oh, except fluff. Marshmallows, Brad? What? Oh, I've never had that.

Yeah. My people, the American people. Oh, my God. Got together and said, why not? Also, they also have peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. See? In a swirl. And jelly as in jam.

Smuckers, PB&J. Jelly as in jam. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Must be jelly. Because jam don't shake. Okay, no. Crunchy peanut butter

It's just gotta be It's just, that's it Yeah, it's incredible That's definitely up there for me as well Yeah Also I've been having that pretty much every day since I was born maybe So you're a toast boy

I'm definitely a toast boy, yeah What kind of bread? Except, you know what? This is controversial I used to have Well, I mean, I still do occasionally But I've kind of grown out of. I used to have, well, I mean, I still do occasionally, but I've kind of grown out of it. I used to have peanut butter, butter, and Vegemite on toast.

That sounds good. Oh. Oh, you like that? I mean, whenever I told anyone, they were like, you are disgusting. No, no. I think the extra salt would really help the peanut butter. It does. It's great.

And it takes the sharpness of the Vegemite, and it makes the peanut it's great and it takes the sharpness of the vegemite and it makes the peanut butter a bit more salty occasionally i would be like buttering two slices of bread you know for the morning yeah and then i'd be like wait do i want to have one with vegemite and one with peanut butter the dream combo because then you get a little sample plate of everything the last bite can be whichever one you want to leave your day off into yeah so mutter paneer or vegetable vindaloo yeah exactly and so but then when i had already buttered the other one i was like well i can't put butter on peanut butter

it's double butter oh yes you can and then you do it and baby not for every day but girl that is fucking good. Yeah. It feels like it should be illegal. When I go and stay at my brother's house, because they have four children, there's a lot of breakfast options. It's the only time that I have like breakfast, breakfast. And I'll have toast there. But it's so scratchy. Yeah, but they have white bread for the kids.

And that's like, it's the lesser of, it's like a sourdough or something. And I'll indulge and have butter, like a thin scraping of butter. And then a thick slather of crunchy peanut butter. Oh, it's so good. That's living. It's amazing. Okay. Crunchy peanut butter.

Congratulations. You're in the bunker. Down you go. Okay, we'll be... You know what? We do have a mnemonic tube system in the bunker. Yeah. And up until this point, nothing has been shooting out of those tubes.

Oh! But you know what? I think those pipes are the correct girth for the humble craft crunchy peanut butter. Yeah. Sounds good. So, yeah, maybe we shoot one in once a day. Yeah. Great.

And it just hits whoever's near the tube yeah watch out watch out rebecca romaine and we'll be back And we're back. Hello. Oh my gosh, it's time. Our final topic for today, dearest listener. This is good. We're going to talk about... Which allergy is going in the bunker?

We can only have one. I love allergies. I don't have any myself. What do you mean? Like I'm not allergic to anything. Wow. What am I allergic to? I was allergic to...

Like I think my skin will break out if it's like certain types of perfume sprayed on it. That's my allergy. But nothing major. Yeah, like misc sensitive. But when you find out someone's allergic to something, oh my God, it's like they're a celebrity. Everyone, I want you to know that Georgia, you can't eat nuts when you're in the same room as Georgia.

Okay, so I think you'd be hard- hard pressed to find something more iconic than nut allergies. Like I can't even be in the same plane as a nut. Yeah. Or my throat. It's like a witch's curse was placed upon you where it can just invisibly fly through the air and kill you. Nut allergy's got to be up there. Yeah.

Seconded only by the anaphylactic shock you might experience after being stung by a bee. That's cool. Yeah. So I, I mean, I haven't been stung by a bee in a really, really long time, but I am or was allergic to bee stings yeah oh my god there were so many points through my childhood where i was stung by bees it was bad wait really yeah and did your face start doing the thing where it blows up i was only it was localized to like where i was stung so i was stung was I ever stung on my neck?

I was. But like on my arm and like my whole arm would blow up. Yeah. But I've never had like the super puffy face. I was stung on my neck once along with my décolletage. Because there was a day where I was working with my uncle mowing lawns. And I was under a tree. Oh, my God.

Speaking of me having long hair. I was like under a tree oh my god speaking of me having long hair i was like under a tree who was speaking and and i hit a beehive and then truly and then there were all these bees flying around me and i was like they're in my hair And then there were all these bees flying around me. And I was like, they're in my hair. And that was the last time I was stung by bees. And I was stung like on my neck and I was stung on my head. And it wasn't as bad as when I was little.

So I think I kind of like have grown out of the allergy being as severe. Oh, I would give some serious money to watch you run around with your long hair. Be like, they're in my hair. my uncle is the only person who witnessed that have you seen the film my girl with macaulay culkin no okay spoiler alert spoiler alert skip ahead if you haven't seen my girl but i'm gonna spoil it for zelda moon now because she does not care yeah in the film my girl it's basically a coming- age story about a young 12 year old girl maybe younger she's like 10 whose best friend is macaulay culkin and she lives in a funeral home with her dad dan akroyd from grossbusters and jamie lee curtis i believe is the stepmother who's trying to relate to her because her mother's dead and the whole story is kind of like how do you come of age when

you're surrounded by death your mother's died and you live with death in a funeral home? I thought you were going to say surrounded by bees. So Macaulay Culkin and her have this very sweet friendship and they like tease each other a lot. And it's like all about the, you know, coming of age together. Macaulay Culkin is adorable. He's got his little glasses on. This is pre Home Alone. Oh, wow, wow his little glasses on. This is pre Home Alone. Oh, wow, wow.

Yeah. Post Uncle Buck, pre Home Alone. And he has a little kid's crush on her. And he gives her like a little ring. It's very sweet. And then they have their very first kiss. And it's the whole film. You've just been like, this is like a very, like,

it would be like a film that comes on the TV at Sunday afternoon. Oh, yeah. And it's just like so dappled light and just a gorgeous film. Like The Secret Garden. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so then she loses the ring that he gave her. Was it?

It was either, I'm sorry, it wasn't a ring that he gave her it might have been a ring that her mother had left to her oh i'm a little bit blur on these details now dead mother because the only thing she has of her she loses it in the forest and macaulay culkin goes to get it and he's this wimpy kid he's but he's a sweetie and his mother's like super overprotective because he's like a bit like allergic to everything he's got bad glasses he's just a sweet kid and he's in the forest and then he finds the ring and then he upsets a beehive and he starts getting chased and stung by the bees little 10 year old kid and he dies of bee stings and his glasses come off and it's like really sad and then they have the funeral at the funeral home and the little his best friend and first love

she knows that he'd gone back for the ring for her and that she's the reason he died yeah and she is like she's lost her only friend and she goes in having an open casket funeral and she goes in and she's kind of been avoiding it all day and he doesn't have his glasses and she's like he can't see without his glasses he can't see without his glasses and then she runs away into the woods to look for his glasses. And it's incredible. Oh. The iconic bee sting movie. Cute. Yeah. That's quite sad.

Yeah, it's so sad. Like, buckets. And then in My Girl 2, there's a bit where the new boy, when she's a bit older. My Girl 2? My Girl 2. Like, throws, like, pretends to throw the ring off the thing and she freaks out.

There's still flogging the ring storyline? Well, he is, like, being a doofus teenage boy trying to like you know muck around with her and then he crosses a line yeah and everyone in the audience is like you don't know what she's been through with that fucking ring so don't even start with me buster so it's very like good you're like fuck off wow yeah my girl now you can resume listening if you haven't seen my girl i see yeah um bee stings yeah that's quite chic that's quite good growing up i was really rashy like there were so many times where i just erupted in rashes. Yeah. For attention or what? Obviously.

There was like one time where my parents went away for the weekend and I blew up in rashes and like had to get a friend's mum to come and drive me to the hospital and like just, yeah, I was so rashy. I sometimes, here we go, like will get some rashes if my anxiety is like diabolically bad. Yeah. But that hasn't happened in a good couple of years. That's good. Yeah. That's progress.

Yeah. Not as rashy as I used to be. Not as allergic to beasties as I used to be. You're just improving year by year. Yeah. Just get, unlike Pokemon games, they get worse year by year. I loved, we were having a conversation with Benign Girl and her fiancé, and the fiancé is allergic to peanuts.

Fiancé? Fiancé? Fiancé. And Benign's like, no, he's not. And he's like, she's like, prove it. Oh, my God. And because he hasn't had a response in many years, now there's like doubt circling his peanut allergy.

And he's like, it's real. And she's like, maybe. Which I love. Like your bee allergy. What about you, Matt? Any allergies? I don't have any allergies to anything. No, I'm just hay fever.

Oh, see, that is an allergy and it's a lot. Yeah, it's horrible. You sneeze all the time. Everything is so itchy, like your whole face. My husband is Colombian. He grew up relatively close to the equator, not in a place that's having massive spring-summer cycle. So his body is like, you're not meant to be

here in australia where it's like pollen for like three months out of the year yeah and i i think it does speak to the fact that we're not meant to be here i am so appreciative that the trees haven't betrayed me anyway um i i love bees and i like honey yeah also this it's very camp those bees die that's true i love self-sacrifice yeah and also like having to um get tweezers and pull the sting around that's how we get honey in the bunker as well yeah true an apiary maybe instead of what about instead of putting an allergy and we put in an apiary i guess the question is like if we're putting the allergy in are we putting the the allergen in yeah or are we just having people they're all deathly allergic to bees but thank god there's no bees in the bunker whereas if we put nut allergy and we've just put the nuts in oh i see oh you're quite a scamp aren't you

playing 2d chess over here well you know what those mosquitoes that are just waiting to be blood in my dinosaur game need some little insect friends okay okay so bees we're putting in a b allergy yeah and the bees i think that's really fun that's great are you sure because i don't want to rob you of um of nut allergy because it's also very camp i think nut allergy is funnier but bees are funny bees mean swarms of bees funny you know what? We'll also have to bring in like the, someone, I'm just going to make sure that in the induction to the bunker, we have a set of Posca markers because I'm sure you're aware that each year globally, there's like a different color for the queen bee. So that when your new queen is born, you like mark it with the Posca color of that year.

What's the color this year? Oh, I'm not sure. I can't remember. I'm just going to introduce facts without giving me the full story. I can't be burdened with remembering every detail. Yeah, but how cool. That is very cool. So cool.

Okay. Bees. Bees and bee allergies. does everyone is everyone allergic to bees everyone's now allergic to bees amazing incredible and they can also use the the mnemonic tubes to fly around yeah a little shortcut yeah i like that yeah um and interestingly i don't know if anyone can die from this allergy because to die in the bunker, of course, you have to go to the volume and live through Pompeii. That's right, the Pompeii room.

I haven't even thought about her in a second. Yeah, maybe just because people are swollen. Yeah, you'd be fucking uncomfortable. There's no healthcare in the bunker. Well, we don't yet have EpiPens. No, we'll see if they make it. But your facelift might help. You know?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So in the bunker this week, we have... A gigantic statue of Onyx the Pokemon. And not of Olpix. Mm-hmm. A gigantic statue of Onix the Pokemon. And not of all picks. I've really gone through a hard couple of days.

And can I just say that this is not helping. I can't believe that we're giving these people a mid-season, like, wow, tension on the pod. I genuinely can't believe this is happening. I can't either. I feel like I've... Because I also know that you're doing it as a funny bit, and I am not. I'm deathly serious, Seldomoon. Oh, fuck off.

I can see your curt little face. I mean, it's Robbie. No, of course, it's very important to get these things straightened out. Oh my God, I can't deal with you. I just, I think it's... So there is a statue of Onix. There is crunchy peanut butter. Which also answers the question, which statue are we having in the bunker?

Well, sure, it shouldn't be a statue of Onix, because that's not which Pokemon statue is going in the bunker. It's which Pokemon. Which even the premise of that suggests that we're living in the fantasy of picking which Pokemon goes in the bunker. I guess we have a fundamental misunderstanding. So I think, no, you know what? Vulpix is going in the bunker.

It's going to be really fucking cute. And if you piss it off, it's going to flamethrower you. Yeah. So that's what's going in. Maybe the Onix statue will make it in when we get to the statue question. You've had it here first. Which I'm sure will be riveting. Yes.

And not tense at all. Because statues exist in real life. Also, we put Rebecca Romijn in. As Mystique. Yes. Mystique.ijn in. As Mystique. Yes. Mystique. We didn't have Mystique. We had Rebecca Romijn.

Yeah. As Mystique. I thought we had. Yeah. As Mystique and Lindsay Lohan as both twins. Yeah. Switching back and forth. Yeah.

Because we understand that. And we put Carrie Fisher's bones in day one because Carrie Fisher can't fisher can't just be alive well no that was a stylistic choice we established in episode one that we can't just bring people back to life i'm sorry what about in episode three where we put a megalodon in the bunker megalodons could be in the deep of mariana trench okay well that was the assumption that i was working you know the website that you could fact check that. Because let me tell you, you keep scrolling and the Meg isn't showing up. Well, listen, I wanted a world where the Meg could show up. Wow. But a 2D animated Vulpix?

You've broken the rules. In our fantasy world, the Meg can exist. Well, I just am like, well, then Carrie Fisher can be alive. Yeah, and we chose not to do that because that's not as funny. That's why a fox with ears stapled on is funny And I know comedy It's not wearing... We have already established the costumes that are in the bunker

And a Vulpix costume is not one Well, it's integrated surgically before it gets in the bunker Or we can breed foxes from this point on No, because they're not bred foxes, they're Vulpixes Well, we need to create the Vulpix through what we have available to us. No, we don't. Let's see. This is the issue.

I can't believe we're back here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live in this pain. I'm just trying to get to where... And, you know, of all the people who appreciate the lore, that law means anything to them yeah i would have thought zelda moon no she cares about these things what is possible yeah in the world this is a fantasy world yes so let me live my fantasy rules yeah that anything we say goes we're gods yes and so we need to set up the rules oh my my God. Or else this means nothing.

And having a 2D Volpix. Oh. I just, it's not likely. Oh, knowing what joy this is bringing you just makes me so much angrier. If you had a fox that had been bred with the staple on ears and the tail, and perhaps a man that walks around with a flamethrower behind it to give the illusion. Do you think when you go to Marvel Studios at the Marvel Park at Disney that there's a real Spider-Man? Or is it a very complex animatronic that creates the illusion of Spider-Man?

That's fantastic. Rebecca Romijn dipping out of hair and makeup every three hours to transform into someone new. That's fantastic. You are awful. I'll be right back. I'm going to be Greg now. That's fantastic. Oh, my God.

Who is Greg? Friends of Kathy. Fuck off. This is the last episode of this podcast I'm losing my mind And non-binary folks I have no faith She's breaking out in rashes right now I'd gone so well for so long and now

Wow This is important Okay, so we have a cute little vulpix pokemon whoever's updating the wiki we have this is the episode to talk about this we have um crunchy peanut butter yes being sent through the pneumonic tubes along with the swarms of bees yes now the beehive yeah just standard beehive quite cute i want one of those wild looking beehive. Yeah. Just standard beehive. Quite cute. I want one of those wild looking beehives. Oh, you want like a... Or do you want an apiary?

Oh, I don't mind. We can have a beehive. I like the ones that dangle from trees that have bears getting at them. Oh, did I ever send you that video? I think I did. Of like the guy who's got like an apiary in Canada. And then like on his night footage, there's like the bear that comes and like smashes into one of the hives

and steals all the honey. See, that's great. Bears being bears. I love it. Oh, bears are so good. I hope they get in one day too. Which bear species gets in the... Okay, yeah.

I'm so mad I can't even think Oh good We got the volpix it's in there now It's over Thank you I'm glad that you're happy The thing is That you aren't unhappy by that

Because you don't care I care so why can't I just have it my way Because also It has been that way for the entire pod. Except for the first episode where we didn't bring Carrie Fisher back to life. Listener, I'm sorry to betray the world building that we've set up since day one. Oh my God. A Meg can exist. Oh my God.

Also Jurassic Park rules. We could have brought it back through DNA. What are we going to bring back? A 2D animated image of a Vulpix? It's not. The 2D is out the window. It's a real Vulpix. It's just a Vulpix.

It's just Vulpix. Yeah. Just like how Android 18 is not like a cartoon version of Android 18. Yeah. Fuck. She could have been reprogrammed in a kind of like terrifying camp to think that she's Android 18. You're so evil.

Or she could be a robot. I'll allow a robot. She's an Android. Yeah. Yeah. But like built in a lab with science. A Pokemon, unless we can get there through a scientific method that we're developing now, I can get on board.

I'd like to thank you all for listening to our podcast this week, Death to Everyone. Next week we'll be rebranding. It's going to be called Death to Lazy Susan. It's going to be called Death to Structure and Worldbuilding Rules. Oh, my God. That's it. Okay. Thank you all so much.

I am so hot right now. I am like sweating. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as we all have. And we'll see you next week, maybe. We will be back next week and we shan't bring this up again Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios

by Matt Shears our themes and the music are lovingly provided by Edie Centric and Anchor's Testing if you have an opinion let us know

at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com or if you would like to support us please do so at patreon.com slash death to everyone bye bye

also being rebranded as Macy's I'll see you later to pay for my counseling getting out of here I don't know where she's going it's a trash she won't be able to get home