Death To Everyone - Death To... Short Women, Disco dot & John Cena's Loin Cloth

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

It's us again! This week we ponder the lives of short women (5"1 ONLY). We discuss the merits of cloth and decide which oscar winner will be in the bunker. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 Oh, how I'm there. How's the lanyard to you all? How you do-do, listener? How don't you do well? Don't you do well? You do well. You do it so well. You do it, do it, you do it, you're doing it well. Hi, I'm Lazy Susan.

My name's Zelda Moon, and welcome to Death to Everyone It's your favorite podcast, favorite podcast And this is a television show that has been adapted into a podcast By way of a book, a mini-series About two young celestial beings, goddesses Who spend their days, you know, thinking about the imminent apocalypse. Yes. As we are on the knife's edge, dear listener, of the apocalypse.

We are coming towards an end as a species. That's right. And they spend their time thinking about what they're going to be putting into the bunker for the end of days. Yes. Things are either in the bunker or as Zelda famously says, I'm not in the bunker for the end of days. Yes. Things are either in the bunker or as Zelda famously says, I'm not in the bunker. So here on this show, we decide. And you, although you are completely inert in this conversation,

you have no real place here, get to listen. And listening is a very good skill. It's a very important skill. Yeah. And if you find yourself talking back to this podcast, And listening is a very good skill It's a very important skill Yeah And if you find yourself talking back to this podcast Think about your communication Do you spend more time listening or more time talking? Because it's our time to talk

You can try to talk over us But you won't ever No Oh, Zella Can I tell you something from my day today? Yes I've been sitting on this one Oh, she's been.

Yes. Okay. So today, and I'm going to conceal the identities of the people involved. Under a cape? Darling, ample space beneath my cape. Excellent. So beneath my cape of secrets today, I was on Facebook a rare occurrence oh yeah occasionally i go on facebook just to check things out see what's happening see the invites and ignore them yes and there

was someone who had friend requested me who i used to sleep with back in the day when i was a single lady run on mcdonald yes yes he's come back for more. Yeah. Another taste of my happy meal. Ew. Any who's will be. Yeah. He is an older gentleman. Okay. Greek daddy.

Not Greek daddy. Okay. Not Greek daddy listener who we will tell you the story later. Yeah. This is another older gentleman, but he's what they call a silver fox. He's so stone cold babe. And we were hooking up for quite a while, but like just once in a blue moon. And it was a good time.

It was a great time. And he was like coming into his sensuality, sexuality. Right. So previously he had been in straight relationships. Married. Married. With children. Oh, actually, yeah.

Okay, so, but like he now has adult children. Yes. Okay, so I only knew about that as a passing thing, as a concept. They were always not featured in our casual late night hookups. And rightfully so, there are a lot of those. in our casual late night hookup. And rightfully so. There are a lot of those.

Anyway, so then he popped up. And then I'm like, oh, you know, Adam, because he's also a nice person. Yeah. Kind person. And even though the sexual component is gone, I'm like, I'll continue to see you around and it will be fabulous. Yeah. And then I went down on his page as i went down on him those many years ago and he was like i'm so excited it's my son's 25th birthday and his son is a stone cold hot tea

biscotti like such a babe yeah like just world-class babe wow but then he also had mutual friends with me so i had to try and get to that i'm still also supped at the bisexual teat wouldn't you say well i don't that's what people would be saying i don't think that he is bisexual because he knows a lot of people that i would consider to be keeping uh hit company you know oh yeah what about that time he sucked on your dick oh the dad yeah no no we're talking about the sun now oh yeah no the sun and i have mutual friends oh the sun and the sun also rises and so isn't that interesting? I'm on the edge of my seat.

I feel like, I mean, it's not as juicy as this story could be. It could be that, like, I saw the sun and I was like, oh, my God, I slept with that kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not the case. So straight sun. Straight sun. I need to send you this picture just because I think the part that's missing from the story is just how hot the sun is.

I would love to see it. Because I think once you see how hot the sun is, you're like, oh, that's crazy. Okay. Okay. I'm sending Zelda the picture across the room. Okay, I am receiving the picture. She's receiving the image and you're at home and you don't get to see this. No.

But Zelda's going to do a pretty accurate job of describing. I can do that. How hot the sun is. Oh, okay. I have received a photo i'm now opening the photo oh oh yeah wait we're sure he's not gay uh well he's melbourne very melbourne okay so this is a um a photo that's taken to look like a candid photo but is incredibly staged. A very handsome individual is squatting, you know,

in a nonchalant way, like, you know, in front of, like, concrete shapes, kind of like a wall, but ones you might find in, like, a clothing store that sells predominantly black, grey and white clothing. Yeah. Or it could be at like the Holocaust Memorial in Germany. That could also be true, yes. Incredibly handsome, perfect skin, has a questionable amount of rings on.

Okay, let me, I'll send you the other one. And a single silver earring but what a handsome boy oh actually there's one where he looks a little bit oh god you know because that i feel like he's quite generically handsome in that well not generically handsome but like so then we have this well he's squatting in front of concrete not just anyone can do that i don't know oh okay well he's definitely straight yeah so um yeah oh but then this next one i don't know. Oh, okay. Well, he's definitely straight. Yeah. So, oh, but then this next one. Oh, I don't like that one. So, this, I've now got a series of three photos.

So, photo number two. We have three photos. He's got that kind of like surfer grown out hair that's like kind of like it's bleached blonde. Well, okay, can could be bleached for this um this picture which i've cropped in because it's got his father in it is taken in a location where i have had sex with his father incredible incredible no incredible oh that's great yeah um like uh you know it it's like kind of coastal setting. Yes, yes, yes. But in this photo, he's more handsome than he was in the first photo.

He's pulling kind of like a, oh, shocked expression. But it's definitely a facial expression of a straight person. A gay person would never look like this in a photo. They wouldn't be allowed. No, it's just physically not possible. The third photo, this is my least favorite. He's wearing a. He looks like he's listening to the hottest 100 countdown.

He is at a hottest 100 party. He's wearing his friend's Melissa's hat who lives at that house and he didn't bring a hat and she said, babe, don't worry. And he thought it was really funny. Yeah. So it's like a yellow wide brim floppy, don't worry. And he thought it was really funny. Yeah. So it's like a yellow wide brim floppy hat. I don't think he thought it was funny. I think he put it on knowing how unintentionally cute he would look.

Melissa thought it was funny and this cunt was like, I'm going to look hot no matter what. Yeah. So bring it on. Like Nirvana, like, you know, like I'm androgynous, but it's very cute. Yeah. But he's also pulling a stupid face. So he's like, stupid hat, stupid face, and no clothing.

It's like, hot people, like, don't you have enough? And you can see his bare chest. Yes. Yeah. So how is his father's dick? Well, that's the thing. And, like, I'm trying to think about how much his father might listen to this. Anyway, but I do wonder whether he has the same dick.

Well. Is that the case? Yeah, maybe. Oh, my God. For research purposes. And how is it? Oh, listen, Zelda, we can talk about that off air. Well, how's the listening?

I don't listen to that. Well, I... It sounds like it's a great dick I mean, if it was a bad dick You would have said something like It's good It's fine It's fine

Okay But you know, here's the other thing about the dad This might be giving away too much He's like six foot four, six foot five He's tall That's hot Yeah Coastal dad Yeah he's like six foot four six four five he's tall that's hot yeah coastal dad yeah and did you fuck this man yes good but that's the thing if i ever meet this guy now that i know that we have mutual

friends the first thing i have to be like which i would never say but i would like i fucked your dad yeah and for like for once for that to be true i say say it to so many people, but a seldom is it actually true. Yeah, true. I love it. That's great. Isn't that interesting? That is very good. You know, Miranda Geliath says this fabulous thing about, you know,

sometimes we plant seeds that, you know, come back, you know, and are with us in our darkest hours or whatever. You know, it was like a gift that I gave to myself from the past. Well, it's funny you say that and this story because I have also been sitting on a story today that I didn't tell you. Sitting on a secret. Yes, and it is exactly as you said, a seed that I planted some time ago that then sowed some fruit last night.

So, listener, I don't think I've told this particular bisexual story, but there was this one night. It was the day of or like a couple days after Final Fantasy VII Remake came out, which was four years ago. Of course. It's an important timestamp because I'm sure you'll be delighted by the timeline. Now, that came out and then I went to WET one night

and I was walking home from WET at like... WET is the gay sauna for those of you who are not from Melbourne. At like 2am, probably. It was late, maybe 3. I'm walking along Johnson Street and there is this like metalhead guy lost in the mist and we were kind of walking in the same direction and we got to chatting and then what? Go on.

I beg French. What was the first sentence? I don't know. He was extremely wasted. Yeah. And I was absolutely filled with happy memories. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so we were chatting and he was like, oh, my phone is like,

I can't get an Uber because my phone has died and I'm just going to have to wait for the first tram. And I was like, well, my phone is like, I can't get an Uber because my phone has died. And I'm just going to have to wait for the first tram. And I was like, I live around the corner. I couldn't in good conscience let you just wait on the street. You can always depend on the kindness of strangers. So then this random guy comes back to my house. The fact that you weren't stabbed to death is just a miracle. It's amazing.

Have faith in people out there. Don't do that. aren't stabbed to death is just a miracle. Oh, it's amazing. It's amazing. Have faith in people out there. Don't do that. Don't do that. So anyway, he comes back. We play Final Fantasy VII because it just came out. Did he know about it? Yeah. He was ready for the fantasy.

Oh, he was. Yeah, absolutely. Then that was that. And he, like nothing sexual happened except that, I don't know, he came back to my house and it was weird. Anyone coming into your house is very sexual. No, yeah, it's probably part of, yeah. So he charges his phone.

He stays until like 7 a.m. and then like goes home. And that was that. Then we were friends on like like, Facebook or whatever, and we've caught up I think twice since then. Just with this random guy? Yeah. I, like, met him for a drink in the city a couple times. But you don't drink, Zell.

No, but it was just wild times. And had met his partner. What was her name? Esmeralda. Pretty much. And she's, you know, like a. How close do you think she is to wearing like cat ears? Oh, daily.

Okay. Yeah. And not about little elven tips on top of her ears. Oh, less often. Okay. Too stinky for that. She's stinky. I'd say stinky.

Yeah, I met his stinky girlfriend. So after I found this man stumbling around drunk in the street, I met his stinking girlfriend. Stinking girlfriend. So then, so that's that. And through, like, I mean, yeah, there's not a whole lot of mutual interest there other than like, I don't know, it's just fascinating these people that come into your lives and you become friends with. You do.

So, but like through the years, like a little bit of a like, hey, what's up? How you been? Whatever. Anyway, last night he messages me. I haven't spoken to him all year, this year so and he's like what are you doing i'm like i'm just at home it's like hmm drinks huh i was like wow you know that i don't drink but sure you can get drunk in front of me So then he came over to my house with like a slab of beer Like the whole box? Yes

Whoa A box of six, like four times six This man has a drinking problem Well, who knew that that's how you bought alcohol? What was the alcohol? It was, oh my god, I don't know. It was a blue label beer bottle. Oh. I don't know.

Okay, go on. And we played. I just need you to be able to explain this to the ambulance. And we played Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, which is the second game that just came out last week. So you see, Yeah, and then. Zelda Moon. Is that the end of the story?

No, we're getting there. Okay. Anyway, so then, yeah. But he came over and he was like, oh, we've broken up. He and his partner have broken up. He and his partner are older. That's right. Meow, meow.

I was like, I see. And that's why you come out of the woodwork, isn't it? Yeah. Zelda's always here for the bisexual men of Melbourne. Who are just curious to drink their box of beer and play a rebirth game um anyway so he gets progressively drunker and drunker how many years he was already drunk's so touchy feely. And I am just like, I am trying to be not the person that I am.

And like not lead the sexual aspects. Well, yes. And just like, if he's going to do that, that's fine. But I'm the gay one. So I can't be the one who's leading that shit. Yeah. But anyway, he gay one, so I can't be the one who's leading that shit. Yeah. But anyway, he was very much leading it. And then towards the end, like, I was like, I need, like, I'm going to bed.

Because I, like, had work this morning. And you had a podcast to record. Well, that's right. And I need my roof. You need a roof, right. And then he's like, oh, I'll come in. Like, I'll come. I'll go to bed with you. I'll come. I was like, oh, I'll come in. Like, I'll come. I'll go to bed with you.

I'll come. I was like, sure, whatever. But we're doing that now. What time are we talking? By then it was probably two. Two in the morning? Yeah. Oh, this man would have, I would have called the police.

Oh, my God. And then he's like, he gets into bed with me and he books his Uber. And then as soon as he's booked the Uber To go home, which is great He's then like, grabbing my hands And he's like, you can feel my dick if you want And did you? Well, I mean, he literally put my hand onto his dick

And how was the dick? It seemed fine Oh, you didn't get through the layers? No, no, no, no. The Uber was on the way. But it was so curious because all night he'd obviously wanted to do that. Yeah. And until the Uber was booked and there was a three-minute countdown,

then he was like, oh, yeah. That's what happens when you live your life inside a strategy game. Yeah, but here we are four years later. Do you think that he got a box of beers so that he could work up the courage to like, let a man touch his dick? That is exactly what happened. Yeah. So he was sitting there.

Yeah. He'd started drinking. Esmeralda is gone. Yes. She's back to the tower. Yes. And then he's like, do you know who I should hit up? That stranger I met who was filled with good memories on the street that night.

Yes. And then booked and you were like, I'm free. Yeah. And then came over and then nothing happened all night. He like kind of cuddled me on the couch a bit. Yeah. And then you finally got to touch the dink. Uh-huh.

And then what? Then he evaporated into the night. And he said message me tomorrow we'll hang out tomorrow night tomorrow night that's tonight that man is too available yeah he sounds perfect for you but yeah anyway that was my little story wait is he gonna drink another slab tonight i imagine so oh what is happening there well at least you can start right from the save point right yes or do you have to go oh no no no no no we are loading it up from the save point okay good i cannot go through another

four years of this four years oh but yeah so you know the romance is you do for the bisexual men of this fucking country? I'm here if you just want to, I don't know. If you're bisexual, not gay, not gay. If you're bisexual or straight and listening to this and you are thinking about maybe having a gay experience in five to ten years, hit Zelda up today. She'll do an amazing plan, a good deal. It's got really low interest rates. Slow burner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very slow burn. I have a few different options you can pick from as well. Yeah, plausible deniability plan. Yeah, we could go to a neutral bar, as previously discussed. I could also just hang out at my house. We could talk about video games or going Super Saiyan. Okay.

Wow. Well, that is just what stories we have. It's such a delight. Zelda Moon. Yes. Now that you've explained something that makes me want to die, why don't you tell us how the world is ending this week? Okay.

But just a nice, good one. Oh, yeah. they're all good i can't do with the bubble tea every week darling um this week sister there's been a shift in the plates of the planet and tectonically that's correct and And I hate to be the broadcaster of worldnews.com. However, there are caverns and crevices and the world is being torn apart. And everyone's falling into a big gaping chasm. Chasm. Yeah. Crevices. Crevices. Nooks. The crevices will get you, but the... chasm. Chasm. Yeah. Crevices. Crevices.

Nooks. The crevices will get you, but the... Chasm. Chasms, thank you. They're the ones that really trip you up. Is he using earthquake?

Yeah, this part, it's partially earthquake. What is it? If the world is ripping apart? Yes. Because of earthquake? Well, the Titanic. The Titanic plates.

You know, it's the creativity and artistry that you bring to this job that makes me think, wow, I'm glad she has a podcast. It's the plates that have shifted and everyone's fallen in. Wait, did you leave in that whole Tan Buck explanation that I gave last week? Yeah. Oh, okay. Then you can say whatever you want. I also couldn't edit it out because you talked about it through the entire podcast.

Yeah. You made many Bach jokes. And then we were calling the guy from Salisbury, Brighton Salisbury, Mosh. Yeah, that was good. He was Malsh. Anyway, yeah. Anyway, yes. So everyone's fallen in a chasm.

Okay. As distinct from the abyss in the bunker. Oh, God, absolutely. A chasm has a bottom. Yes, and you'll hit it and die. And roots sticking out. Okay, great. Yeah.

So a chasm for you, me love. Me love. Okay. okay well with that sorted it's now time to head into our very first break and we'll see you right afterwards afterwards they said after woods i know you went to sleep at two o'clock last night But you come here, you work We are here to do a job This is not fun playtime This isn't the gays are revolting No one's having fun like that anymore

This is a serious job And you're not taking it seriously So let's take a second to regroup and I'll meet you back here after you simmer down a little

okay okay and goodbye we interrupt this podcast for a telecommunication from the bunker. Detective Gaga could feel the stares of the crowd, and without having to speak to any of them, she knew every question they had.

It was the same questions she had. It was times like these she wished she still had her partner, Sasha Fierce, to lean on. Officer Sabrina Babyslut noticed her then and made her way over. Hey bitch, we missed you at last night's showing of the nanny. It was your favorite episode. I had to repair Volantis. You know how long it takes me to come back from giving controls to Joe. It was too much of a risk to go into public when she gave her body over to Joe Calderon,

but nobody could tune Volantis like him. The work amused him enough and kept him out of trouble. Anything to report? No, me love. No references. Gaga's eyes widened. No references? Not even an artistic nod? To do something so heinous in a space this confined without leaving even a fingerprint? No witnesses? Who the hell had they let down here with them? Gaga could see

the bloodstains even from here. She leaned in to see into the back of the bait bus, a figure covered by a sheet. She slowly removed it to reveal Romeo Beckham. He was covered in cum. Drowned in it, me love.

And the crew? All missing, even the gremlin. Gaga cursed in French. I wish you would have waited until I arrived to cover the body. Well, the scene hasn't been touched. It was only upon turning the sheet over did she see the tag with the sharpied notation, property of the Gobble Ghost. She whirled around. Was there a new face among them or another body to be found? She knew this case was going to take her to places she didn't want to ever go again. The hushed tones of the crowd of mourners and the glowing of the lit St. Rebecca black candles

filled her with dread. To be continued. Another gorgeous little snippet of fan fiction there from Andres on our Discord. I love Detective Pikachu and Detective Lady Gaga. Yeah, why is Gaga a detective now? Because when you need a spin-off for someone, they become a detective.

True. Just like Angel. Yeah. Yeah. It's a common trope. Yeah. Very good. Now we return to the proceedings.

Welcome back, everyone. Aloha. It is with great... Alohomora. Sorry. I don't know. It is with great pleasure that I introduce our first topic for discussion today. Thank God. And I would ask you, my sister, my drag sister, what fabric is going into the bunker?

We are so important here on this show and we're starting with the heavy hitters. Yes. Fabric. What will you be draped in after your debaucherous session on the Murphy bed? And what will the sheets be made out of? Well, yeah.

So there's obvious choices. Drag. We like a four-way stretch um do you think that four-way stretch has gone too far sometimes i wish it would go further um i'm sick of it you know i'm sick of it the issue is when she's stretched too far and you can see the white, like what lies beneath. Yeah. Oh, I hate that.

I hate that so much. I mean, like obviously the world of plastic fabrics has come a long way since the 1970s. Yeah. You know, polyester is very different to polyester back then. But to me, as a heavy sweater and a big-time regretter, I like a cotton. Cotton. Cotton.

But, obviously, problematic past. Well, yes. I mean problematic. Present and future. Yeah. Yes. Cotton. Although I do like the idea of one of those giant combine harvesters

they drive over the cotton fields. Yes. And what a special plant. Here's to you, cotton. Cotton. So maybe I think we're going to have to take cotton out of the running. For the evil. For the evil of slavery.

Evil. What else is good though? What experience? Silk. Silk. I like exploiting a bunch of worms. I love thinking about like, did you know that actually. Oh, go on.

If silkworms weren't farmed, they would be extinct by now. Is that true? I don't know. Someone said that once. The most annoying person in the world. Correct. Silk is great because people think that satin is silk. That silk is more coarse than satin. Is that true?

Yeah. What's satin made out of? Plastic? Yeah. Petroleum? No problem. Okay. Well, yeah. Silk, I love when they pull the bits out of those worms. Spider silk. Yeah.

That's cool. Whose idea was that? And why would you ever do it? Madam Webbs. She had a lot of ideas. Crazy ideas about how a world could be. You could only come together as women. Oh, my God.

To solve crime. And see into the future yeah what about that fabric that they just released which is like the it's like led fabric and you can like make ugly dresses have you seen this no adobe i think have like been like we have the new programmable fabric but the issue of having like computer geeks make fabric and then like make dresses is like it's the dress of the future and it's a woman and she's got like a grid and then she presses a button and it's like zigzags yeah oh my god don't women love walking around looking like ms paint yeah um i like that but i'm sure it's hideous it's disgusting. And it's also really blocky and she looks like a Lego lady,

so she's just like booped into this like disgusting dress. So we talked about Queer Eye last week and Bobby. Our little trip down. And we didn't talk to the sin of LED lights in interior design. Jeez, what has happened? I need to not see the light source if it's going to be LED. It needs to be diffused behind something. Truly.

But, like, oh, I just, it's just, it's too much. I, if it, like, it so looks like an LED strip. So, yeah, if it can be masked sometimes when i've been in a hotel sometimes when i've been in a hotel and they've hidden the led around the like mirror you can't see it yeah and there's just like a soft, diffuse, honey-colored light coming out from the edges of the mirror. I'm like, that's nice. I'm not thinking about that being like gamer room. Oh, it just makes me feel gamer room. You know, have you seen like the TV things

where like you put it on the back of the TV and it hooks up to the TV and it's like if you're watching the ocean, then like it will be blue to expand the image. I hate that. I hate it. So what is it? What is it? Every time I watch anything set at the daytime, every time I watch Pride and Prejudice, it's going to be blinding in my house.

Yes. I have to see every detail of the shelves around me because I'm watching Manchester by the sea. But then during the dark night it's going to be nice and dark and perfect viewing conditions for tv how dare you think you could but you know here's the thing let me i'll just the color changing is so like you know how people like the issue of giving people too many options like like, you know, Steve Jobs knew this. Because, like, people make things ugly real fast. If you just take away all their options, they can't do anything.

They'll be like, wow, how chic is this object? The second you give them widgets and bits and blah, blah, blah, then they end up looking like they've got their Android phones and they look ugly. Your things look ugly. Which is happening now to Apple products. They all look ugly yeah your things look ugly uh which is happening now to apple products yeah um but when people have those rgb led strips and they're like look i can make the room pink and purple and yellow and green and blue and red i'm like that's nice but if you you have to pick one you can't no cycling we're not doing

the why do we need the full rainbow happening here just live in the reality as if you only had a red light bulb i'd be okay with that i just think that the cycling the constant need to make it like different like now it's havana night so now it's like piss off i just want to be in the room and know what room i'm in i just wanted to yeah pick a color for this room for all time now yeah uh did you ever cover a light bulb with cellophane let me tell you my first boyfriend in high school yeah he we were like hooking up in his room we were in high school so it was at his parents house he stops the hookup midway through leans over goes to the bedside table pulls out something i can't see what it is turns the light off i hear more scratching sounds

he puts in a red light bulb and turns the light back on and he's like is this better and he was putting on red light wow we were like sexy time sexy isn't that sexy and what he just changes it over yeah he pulled out that red light bulb which he must have gotten at what's new it wouldn't have been an led light because i'm older than that yes so it was like a filament that wouldn't it in a light bulb that had been dyed which is the thing i guess that's people of my generation if you wanted a different light you better hope that that some hippie shop was selling one that's right i think i didn't cover so i didn't cellophane things, but I definitely put, you know, a satin scarf over a lampshade. Well, and that school camp, when we went on school camps.

Yeah. We would, you know, the gay room, we'd decorate the room and put scarves over all the lights. Yeah, a little bunch of ragged. Turn on the oven light so we had soft light. Oven light. Yeah, so they they come into the. And then we draped a, you know, wear the fabric across the oven door. Yeah.

No, the oven light over the range hood. And then we had the, you know, draped over the lamps. And just to set a bit of ambience in that Queensland hotel. Wow. Because we were there to go to the theme parks. Of course. And the teachers. Three Park Superpass.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I, talking about fabric, I worked with a furrier for three years, I think. The people that make fur. Yes. Yeah. So, yeah, I worked with vintage furs for many years and learnt a lot of the different processes involved

in working with different hides and cleaning different types of fur and different hair grades. How do you get the hair to stay in the fur? It's part of the tanning process, yeah. It clenches down? What do you mean? It's in of the tanning process. Yeah. It clenches down? What do you mean? It's in, baby. Unless you, like, take it out, which is, like, I suppose the extra step.

Like if you were tanning leathers and stuff and you didn't want the fur, you'd strip it out. But by default. It just holds in the follicle. Yeah. But it was really, like, such a fascinating experience because like obviously like I've been vegetarian since I was 17 years old. Like ethically it was really interesting being so engrossed in that world

because fur is arguably like the most visibly and, you know, marketable as like the evil of animal byproducts and whatever because it's like the least necessary imaginable. Like even leather is more ethically sound than fur because it has more of a utility that kind of can't always be replicated. But fur is a bit more lavish and therefore unnecessary and evil. But, yeah, I mean the fascinating thing about working with fur be replicated but fur is a bit more lavish and therefore unnecessary and evil but yeah i mean the fascinating thing about working with fur and and and learning about the processes is that like

we exclusively worked with vintage fur the only fur that we used that was new ever was um sent in from new zealand because there was this particular possum that I don't think was native that is like rife in New Zealand and there's like a big push in New Zealand to like get rid of this invasive possum. Like they colour that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like part of that conservation program is then this kind of New Zealand possum fur industry and there were some clients

that my friend who ran this business had that would bring in all these furs and then we would i don't know that there's a rich lady walking around in a possum but no but it would be for more like um throw rugs and bedspreads and stuff like that out of how many possums so many darling big possums, but goddamn. That's a lot. Even when you look at a coat, like depending on what fur you're looking at, some coats could have 50 animals in them. 50? Oh, my God, absolutely. Oh, my God.

Crazy. Well, now I know why Cruella needed 101. 101, yes. Famously 101. Yeah, with the 121. Yeah, but super, super interesting and, like, I really treasure those memories and that experience. Of the animal skin.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, so are you saying then your is fur? Fabric is fur. My fabric is fur? Absolutely not. Awful, vile, disgusting. I'm just saying it's really interesting. Absolutely not.

Awful, vile, disgusting. I'm just saying it's really interesting. But it was also like this was, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago and it's when faux furs were kind of becoming more and more mainstream and the quality was getting much improved. And, yeah, it's just interesting when you look at like good faux furs versus like cheap faux furs coming from a bit of a like insider understanding of like different guard hairs and different layers and the density of different layers of different animals hairs and um yeah and, like we had, we worked with, like, we had leopard and we had beaver hair and bear

and they all felt different and looked different. And the more we worked with it, you could instantly pick, like, the difference between a mink and a sable and there's all these subtle differences. And it's just, yeah, such a fascinating one. Well, I'm pro fur. You could pick an animal that was for the bunker, I mean. Yeah.

Well, do you think it's weird that, like, people will not wear fur and then wear a human hair wig? Yes. There's so many, like. Not saying that, that like women are killed and then their hair is taken and turned into 44 inches yeah but um there is a level of exploitation certainly happening in the human hair wig industry particularly for like level which drag queens are buying at oh absolutely but um people pick what they will publicly care about yeah and also society picks certain things that we care about publicly and things that we don't

like how many things do you think you can care about publicly well it depends how many followers you have on instagram well you currently i, I care about a lot of things, but I care about none of them too publicly. Yeah. But, yeah, it's just like the hypocrisy there is really interesting, especially when you start to pick things apart. It's like. Yeah, and like, you know, there's no one living that is living an un.

Do you know what I mean? Like there's no one who is pure no yeah live by yourself on a forest in well then you know yeah like maybe and then you're taking up all that space um yeah but uh what was i gonna fur. Disco dot then. Denim. Denim. My daughter's name. What? Denim is just cotton.

Oh, yes. Drill cotton. Drill. Yeah. What about linen? Yeah, beautiful. I mean, listen, I want high impact for the bunker i want something that people feel like sweaty in i want something to

hello oh my thing just went funny oh it's still funny no it's funny is you is your funny it just sounds different mine sounds different too i can't hear me, but I can hear you. I can't really hear you. Oh. I can't hear me either. Oh. It's not working. Oh. Is that better?

Oh, yeah, we're back. Yeah, that's better. That was weird. Oh, weird. Strange. I want something that's going to be like good on everyone, but also simultaneously kind of a bad experience. Gray sweatpants.

Oh. Sweats. Sweats are good, but that's more of a fabric. I mean, that's an item. Yeah, but I mean like. That material. Yeah. That fleecy.

Fleecy. Jersey. Jersey. That's what it is. I don't know. I think I want something reflective. Because, you know, it's the future. LeMay.

LeMay. Like a stretch lame yeah what falls nicely that's the thing my issue is what's got beautiful flow to it gorgeous chiffon floating in the breeze yeah see this is the thing like i mean like i want something i want like what's going to be good for Gwyneth. Mm-hmm. Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. To wear.

Also, what are they wearing? Perhaps they're all just wearing sacks. Well, at this moment, that's where we're at. Yeah. Neoprene? Neoprene. What about burlap? Neoprene was such a moment for a second there.

Burlap is good. It's scratchy. Yeah, scratchy. Burlap. They're all such a moment for a second there burlap is good it's scratchy yeah scratchy they're all in just like a sack how many times have you worn burlap in drag oh i did a bjork look once in a burlap outfit which was very scratchy yes um i think that's the only time yeah how many times have you done it. Yeah. Did a reveal out of a burlap sack into a red gown. Oh. Yeah. You're crazy.

Oh, you know, I had points to make. I don't know what they were. Burlap. Yeah, I like, well, I don't even care the fabric anymore as long as it's a sack. A sack of something. Hmm. What's a good sack material, Matt? Sounds like a loaded question

No, I mean I'm just asking a very innocent question here What sack material? What sack material? I wanted you to have something straight out of the gate I haven't got anything, I don't know I'd just probably, if this podcast was about me. Yeah, which it is. Yeah, I've set this all up.

I just probably choose like a wool. Oh, wool. Like a nice soft wool. Like a knit. Yeah, I like wearing a jumper, like a woolen jumper. I don't know if you listeners can hear this in Matt's voice, but obviously, obviously you like wearing a wool jumper. Wait, for like yak's wool or like lamb's wool?

Yeah, both are nice. I think like, yeah, like alpaca. Alpaca. It's quite soft. Yeah, that's true. I've had an alpaca jumper before. It's quite good. What is cashmere? Is that? Cashmere. Cashm soft. Yeah, that's true. I've had an alpaca jumper before. It's quite good. What is cashmere?

Is that? Cashmere. Cashmere. Is that wool? Gosh. The type of wool? Cashmere is from a particular type of sheep. Oh, there you go.

It's quite soft. Listen, I think that's, you know, because in, I grew up in the hills and when they would say like one of the fire things, because we live in a high fire danger area bushfires is that wool is like the best thing you can wear if you're in like fire protection for fire protection yeah because the fibers singe they don't burn and like they don't like you know if you're wearing a polyester onto you you can it can melt onto you and then fuse with your skin. And then when they peel it off, it peels the skin with it. Whereas if you wear wool and you can soak wool in water and then you protect yourself from the fire.

Wear a wet jumper, you're going to catch a cold like that, darling. There's a nice warm fire next year. So perhaps that. Wool, woolen sacks. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you can make them into sack shapes if you wanted to. Absolutely. I guess we could, Matt, yes.

Yes. Alpaca. My brother has alpaca on his farm. I helped shear them. You sheared the alpaca? I helped shear them. What did you do? I watched somebody else shear them, yeah.

But I did lead them into that area oh you did yeah did you pull them by the neck come here some you pull by the neck did i ever send you the photos of when we were doing the oh yeah did they have just like oh greg's coming to the farm today and he's the guy that she is the alpaca so they hire yes this particular family from gippsland who just like their job is just rotating around all the different farms shearing their fucking alpaca on like a six-month rotation. And so this like family show up of like mom, eldest son and daughter. And the son was so hot. Okay, well, I could have called that one but he like he's not like he shears alpaca what do you expect right except he was wearing like a fucking um what

fabric what kind of sack was he wearing um no he's wearing like a stupid t-shirt with like deadpool on it oh that sounds um and he a cool guy. Like the color of the moon and glowing red hair, like this color glowing. He was so hot. They can't see that. It was amazing. Wait, so you're describing, you said hot and then immediately described everything that was not.

His incredible translucent skin. Wait, how is he out in the field i know shearing alpaca every day with no burns why how i don't know and what did he say hey mate yeah he was like that do you think he loves deadpool yes oh my god yes yeah yeah what do you think you know when someone's like like i my favorite film is insert film that came out three years ago yeah what was he doing before that what what did he do before deadpool came out where was he yeah he probably really liked family guy yeah yeah okay and and he he probably also liked jackass i keep discovering gay people that like family guy is that not confusing to you like i mean there was certainly a period where i liked it yeah but i transitioned away from that are you transitioning yeah

um dear listener can i tell you in the uh vicinity of the recording studio today lazy susan and i made a discovery yeah we do tell them where the studio is so you know where we are yeah but around the corner from here is a place called trans poor mation now it's called Transformers Transformers Transformers Sorry, pardon me Sorry, what I said made more sense

Yeah Transformers So at Transformers you can bring in your beloved pet And well, behold, while it is transformed Yeah, it's not that these are trans pets No Because the emphasis on the word trans might have you thinking This is like a queer organization And it wasn't like Transformed Yeah It's not that these are trans pets No Because the emphasis on the word trans Might have you thinking

This is like a queer organization For queer pet owners To get their queer pets shorn Yeah and dyed pink Yeah Assuming Yeah But

No And they don't even seem to be aware That their thing is called Trans Transformers Transformers. Transformers. It's based off the Transformers franchise.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Which is. I don't think it's got anything to do with Transformers. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. But what a road to go on. I was like, wow, Transformers.

Transformers. And they have a giant sign up front. And then they have bad Google reviews. Yes. And they haven't updated their Facebook page since 2017. The trans community has been through enough. Yes. And now Transformers.

They get enough walk-ins. It's all right. Really? Jesus. Have you ever been to Trans? No, you don't have a pet. No, I think my partner, she took her pet there a couple of times but had bad experiences.

True. What was the bad experience? Can you say? Mohawk? They turned her pet into a transformer. They were trying to push their queer agenda. She came out wearing a blue faux in its hair. It was a girl dog.

Susie looked ridiculous. Yeah, I think the other part of it that's really funny is just, like, their window display is just, like, a log, like a branch, like with all of its, just like a dead branch. And then, like, just one extension cord going into a power board on some fake grass. Incredible. Yeah.

That's like all they have in the window. And they said, gay rights. And I just look at it every time I'm passing. It's haunting. That is very, you know, when I was the director of the school production of Nightmare Before Christmas, I was like the theatre needs to be an immersive experience so when you walk through into the hall of our school we're gonna have branches dead branches in forming a like a tunnel yes like you know a human-sized entrance

for a tunnel yeah so it like goes around the entrance you know so you walk through as if you're jack skellington going into the dead forest to find the trees yes we i got one of the gals to start doing that and then if some little fucking kid didn't almost get their eye poked out by those trees because people can't have nice things. So I really stand by Transformers dead log thing because maybe they're trying to send an ambiance. A contrast between the organic and the inorganic of the fake grass.

It's a statement. It's very weird. It says to me, maybe this isn't for straight audiences, Matt. Maybe your eyes. I don't quite get it. Yeah. I don't really understand their point of view. Yeah, there's some things I'll never understand. You don't have to understand it.

You just have to tolerate it. Yeah. Well, when they have the float, which is just astroturf with dead branches. Robot dogs. Yeah. For those robot dogs. And the robot T-Rex. Okay. Cool. So, let's very quickly make dogs and the robot T-Rex. Okay.

Cool. So let's make a decision as if we knew. Alpaca wool. Yeah. Yeah. Just so when things light on fire, we know what it is. And can we have an alpaca? Sure, why not?

Yes. Okay, two. We have to have something because otherwise it'll run out pretty quick. Two alpaca. Does that mean we also get the hot redhead with the Deadpool T-shirt? I'm going to let that redhead in. Yes! What was his name?

I don't know. Okay, what's his name? Gerald. Gerald. Gerald. Gerald. Okay. Okay, get Gerald in.

That's amazing. And we have to acknowledge the existence of Deadpool in the bunker. Oh, God. No, just leave it as a mystery. That was from the before time. No, Mystique's all over it. She knows what's up. Ah, Rebecca Romijn. Okay, we'll be right back. Well, we didn't lie to you.

We are back. And now it's time for the second category on this fine show. Yes. So. Which celebrity who is five foot one goes into the bunker? Now, this is obviously, you know, we're not crazy. That's all. No, but we know Lady Gaga is considered in some publications to be 5'1".

Yes. So we're not talking about Lady Gaga because she's already in the bunker. She's already in the bunker. So we're adding a new 5'1 celebrity and we're going to have a door to celebrate. That's 5'1". The 5'1 door that only Lady Gaga and this other celebrity can go through. Amazing. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, I like that. And it goes into a room with, I don't know, pants or food or something in it. Or maybe to pet the alpacas. Yeah, the alpaca room is a 5-1 door entry. And no one can bend down. Okay. Okay. So not Gaga. No. Okay. So not Gaga.

No. Okay. So you say. No, you say. Okay. Well, when Lazy pitched this topic to me, she said, which height should we do? And I interpreted that as which height is going into the bunker. But she meant which height was in pick one height

and then we picked the celebrity. We're going to have many, many, many episodes of this show. Tune in next week for which 5'2 celebrity gets in the bunker. But anyway, as we are restricted to 5'1, and I do like things to be specific, looking at the short list. Also, this is another opportunity to get the Olsen twins in. And they're not going in. They're not going in.

So Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen are apparently 5'1". So is Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell, Ariana Grande, Vanessa Hudgens, and Reese Witherspoon. Yes. As some selects. Yeah. I was excited at the prospect of putting Natalie Portman in the bunker. However, she is 5'3".

She's 5'3". Yeah, so that's not happening. Of that list, I've got to tell you, I don't care. Oh, my God. Do you know Shakira is 5'1"? What? Yeah, Shakira is 5'1". What?

Shakira. And so is Anna Kendrick, scrappy little nobody. Oh, my God. Anna Kendrick. Wait, is Hil. Oh my God, Anna Kendrick. Wait, is Hilary Duff as well? Okay, I'm back on board. This list, Rachel Bilson, star of the OC, Sarah Hyland, that woman. Nicole Richie?

Birthday friend Nicole Richie, she shares my birthday. Shakira? This could be her chance. I mean, we already have a balcony in the bunker. We do. Well, here's the thing though You've already kind of said The gal that I'd like to make a case for Oh Christian Bale

No Reese Witherspoon No Reese Withouterspoon That's right You can say you're a bit of a That's quite good You're a bit of a

You're a funny little one. You're a funny little one. It doesn't have to be with us. No, it's a name. It's a name. She does have a spoon. But you're a bit of all right. That's good.

You can say, you're a bit of all right. No, I was going to say Vanessa Hutchins. Go on. I think Vanessa Hutchins is so vital. Who is she? Well, exactly. Exactly. Vanessa Hutchins has managed to carve a career for herself for decades.

And she never gives up. Even though. she probably should no well i mean even though it'd be easier to give up vanessa hudgens has stayed with her she played gabriella in high school musical one high school musical two and high school musical three and she is also. Wait, was she the evil one from those things? No, that was Sharpay. Oh, Sharpay. Sharpay. Anyway. Is she dating the Elvis guy?

She was dating him. She gave him the idea to be Elvis. Wow. Which she now claims. She said, I said, you'd play really good Elvis one day. And then he got the role of Elvis and dumped me. Anyway, she is the most beautiful woman alive i think just look at her face she's quite stunning just look at her face

she's really smizing she is i think she might be the most naturally beautiful woman of all time she's stunning like vanessa it's weird how stunning she is. But what has she done? Well, exactly. She went, she, okay, she was a baker in America. What? And then she gets offered a trip to Belgravia to be in the baking competition. Belgravia sounds like a fantasy land. She takes her friend and his daughter because he's single because his wife died.

And then turns out in Belgravia, the princess of Belgravia also looks exactly like Vanessa Hutchins. Are you? Is this the movie with Julie Andrews? No, it's not. And then the woman who is the princess doesn't really want to be the princess. And she switches places with Vanessa Hudgens, the baker. And then they live each other's lives in the lead up to Christmas in the city of this place that's obsessed with Christmas. And then Vanessa Hudgens becomes princess.

And she falls in love with the guy that she's meant to marry and teaches him to be generous and then fake vanessa hutchins princess falls in love with her friend and realizes that she likes being a normal person more in the documentary film the princess switch okay and then in the second one the the princess switched too, switched again. A switcheroo. No. Don't be stupid. There's a third woman who also looks exactly like Vanessa Hutchins.

And she's got a different accent again. She does accents? Oh, one of them's British, one of them's American. And then in the third one, wait, is it one of them British, one of them's american and then there's a posh british or an evil british oh so one's british and the other one's british no she's like oh how could i be doing that she's so evil she sounds a lot like ruPaul oh wow and Vanessa Hudgens flawless oh my god and she was also in Spring Breakers the Harmony Corrine film I don't know you need to watch the Spring Breakers Spring Breakers and she's just great and she was like at her peak when she was, what about us?

Yeah. In High School Musical, she was, like photos of her in her dresser underwear and a Mickey Mouse ears came out. My goodness. And America was scandalized because predominantly Christian conservative America didn't want Vanessa Hutchins, who is not white, to be with their children in her sexuality, the burgeoning female form. So they trashed her because misogyny,

and her career lay in ruins for a little while. Wow. Scandal surrounded her. Okay. And she is 5'1 one and she'll be wearing a wool sack yes i do like that and she would look great in a wool she would she is so she's just so beautiful it's absolutely obscene how you know i think it's just if she was in a room with all the other famous beautiful women i think we'd be like, wow.

Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes the B-list stink makes you seem less attractive. What was that one again? The B-list stink. Right. You see that and you think Netflix movie instead of thinking, wow, that is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Oh, wow.

I don't even call it B-list. I call it D-list. D-list. Vanessa. But she's clawed her way back because all celebrities like her. I like her now. It sounds like she's been through a lot. She's been through a lot.

And she dated Zac Efron. What? Yeah. When they were both in High School Musical together. Ugh. What about a song man flying? And she can sing. I mean, I've said it many times before, but it's still, it's just like the strangest thing to me,

your affinity for these like weird Disney properties and how you know these things about these people. Yeah. It's so strange. Back in the second one when Troy and Gabriella tried to just get away from it all by going to a golf course in the middle of Arizona. Arizona? Anyway. Hmm.

What happened on the golf course? Was there an alligator? No. Yeah. Sharpay tries to. No. Maybe it was New Mexico. Was there an alligator? No. Yeah. Sharpay tries to. No, wait a minute, it was New Mexico. Was there an alligator?

Sharpay once again is up to her old tricks on summer break, trying to get her hands all over Troy. And she's trying to break up Gabriella and Troy. Well, she just has to wait a bit longer. Play the long game. Like Zelda Moon. That's right. That's right.

You don't need the one to be handsy. You must wait for the hands to come to you. In the high school musical films, she is like a gay man. She's very gay man coded. Sharpay. Sharpay. What do you mean, Sharpay? Sharpay.

And Sharpay's Big Adventure, where she moves to New York to try and become a star. There is not something called Sharpay's Big Adventure. What do you mean well you know she's we've seen her smaller adventures as the villainess of the high school musical universe but now she's going on a big adventure to new york city what do you mean sharp a sharp a as in s-h-a-r-p-a-y i can't spell sharp a sharp a wow that's the character's name is Sharpay. Yeah. That's wild. She's always hanging out with her brother who is also gay, but he's not gay coded.

Peter's gay. He's gay. He wears a fedora all the time. Oh. Yeah. God, Disney. Well, Vanessa. Yeah.

Congratulations. You and your door have entered the bunker. Vanessa's door. Vanessa's door, Vanessa's door We adore Vanessa Do you think That's what we say to her Okay

Do you think that Gaga likes that she's now sharing her height with someone else in the bunker? No, no No, I don't think But I think Gaga doesn't spend a lot of time at her own height That's true She is. She's like nine foot tall flying around in Volantis. She's Volantis height.

Gaga strikes me as someone who doesn't like to be tall. I mean, short. Yeah. Whereas I think like our short queens out there vanessa hudgens doesn't make a to-do out of how short she is i wouldn't have known she was five one until today well i wouldn't have known she existed until today so we're gonna have to watch spring breakers spring breakers what's that about spring break you know harmony corinne who did gummo this is the last. You were in the 90s.

Yeah. Gummo. Yeah. Trash Humpers. Yeah. Okay. He made another film. Spring Breakers.

Hmm. Yeah. Tantalize. Girls with guns. With guns? Yeah, and drug dealers, and James Franco. James Franco? Yeah, and Selena Gomez.

Yeah, whatever. Cyclops is in it. No, that's James Franco. James Franco? Yeah. And Selena Gomez. Yeah, whatever. Cyclops is in it. No, that's James Martin. I know. I'm just being silly, sister. You do have a wit. You have a dry wit. I think it's time we took a drink.

We adore you, Vanessa Hudgens. Have you seen The Faculty? Yeah. He's not in that. I know. Shut up! Josh Hartnett He's not in that. I know. Shut up! Josh Hartnett is so hot in that movie. Doesn't he look like he's been stung by bees?

Yes. Yeah. That's all I have to say about him. Perhaps one of the ones from the bunker. And the other woman, the other woman in that faculty, she also looks like she's been stung by bees. Femke Janssen? Not Femke.

Femke. Who's the other one? God, I love her. I really hope she's in Deadpool and Wolverine. She'll come back. What else is she doing? That like HBO show sometimes? Could you please tell me?

What? Who's the other woman in the faculty? So there's the one who's always a lesbian. Yes, that one. That one. She also looks like she's been stung by bees. She absolutely always looks like she's been stung by bees. And that's why they're perfect together.

Because they've both been stung by bees. She absolutely always looks like she's been stung by bees. And that's why they're perfect together. Because they've both been stung by bees. Oh, and Elijah Wood's holding that camera. It is clear de val. Yes. She's great. She's great. But I'm a cheerleader. And stung by so many bees.

Okay. We'll be right back. Ciao for now. Bye. now we're not lying to you again we're back it's time for our final category god we're moving along at lightning speed this week absolutely the efficiencies you've made now the world has celebrated its annual tradition once again of the academy awards the academy awards congratulations you all did it you did and i kind of think what a year for movies i didn't watch no i saw the bit where they had the five previous best actresses.

You see John Cena? I did see John Cena. Naked? And then I saw the little loincloth that he wore. Yeah, I hate that. Just be naked. Just be naked. What?

Just be naked John Cena. Why not? Especially the butt flap. Why was there a butt flap? Just when you think america has sorted shit out no that's weird also what's he doing what's happening there john cena yeah he's in every movie that's so strange he's doing the rock thing yes the transition from being a wrestler to being a full-time star actor but he's good's good. Yeah. I like that John Cena.

He's a better actor than The Rock. I will have to take the non-advisement. But he's too fit. He's very fit. Is he five foot one? He looked short when he was naked. Let's find out how tall John Cena is. Hold the phone, please.

John Cena. John Cena. I saw the... He's tall. He is six foot one. Wow. He looked short on that stage. But that's because he's wide.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like a square. Yeah. That's quite remarkable. But The Rock is six foot five. Wow. Towering man.

Does John Cena have nudes out there? I think I saw something about OnlyFans and John Cena recently. I don't think John Cena. I don't know. Anyway, I saw the stupid Ken performance and I thought, are we losing what that was meant to be about? I don't know. I'm just Ken.

But I suppose it was fun, I guess. I just can't believe, yeah. But I suppose it was fun, I guess. I just can't believe, yeah. But we are deciding which winner of an Academy Award in 2024 is going into the bunker. Yeah. So, sister, I haven't seen Oppenheimer, but they had an incredible year. They did.

Apparently. Yeah. Do they fuck with any of that? I think, like, I feel crazy. Like, I can't, every, every person that I respect in film has been like, Oppenheimer, what a great film. And then, like, all these awards, these accolades. And I saw the film, sat through that film. And if I had to say like, what is a better film, Princess Switch 2, Switched Again or Oppenheimer, I would say Princess Switch, Switched Again. Yeah. Because at least something happens.

At least it's entertaining. At least it has women in it. The Oppenheimer film is so fucking boring. You would be remiss for forgetting that there was a nuclear bomb explosion in that film. Because it's so fucking boring. And I'm not even saying boring in the way that like, oh, I'm shocked that there was a film that was just conversations in back rooms with powerful men. That's fine.

But it was a fucking abysmal film. It was, it just, it felt lifeless. It felt uninteresting. And it felt like what fucking Christopher Nolan always does and always has, he cannot write a convincing character to save his life. They're all just two-dimensional cutouts saying things that sound like they were written in some loser's fucking diary. And then he can't write women. women being forced to play these like shrill like evil figments of a man's imagination that are all trying to destroy his life and so you have very capable actors tossed in like emily blunt

and like florence pew who are then forced to read this absolute drivel from a man who just what the fuck are these movies that he makes he doesn't make good movies he's not in the bunker he's not in the bunker but i do like killian murphy but i don't think he was good in obenheimer what did he do what did he do what did he do did he say anything no did he look across things and look what have i done fuck off ew yeah it's definitely like a film that like it knows what it's doing by how fucking like this is for dads that film is it is like the ultimate this is for dads yuck like many men watching it in a man cave yeah this is like a

boring book that they turned into a shitty fucking movie like oh this take me back to a time when the whole world was defined by the decisions of white men like take me back and like oh isn't it sad but like quietly you're so like jerking off by how excited you are about nuclear war because you're like back when men off by how excited you are about nuclear war. Because you're like back when men were men and they wore hats and women were harpies that yelled at you about having their babies. Oh, queen of the harpies. Literally. I'm like, fuck you.

All of this like reminiscing about the war is all just like this quiet desperation to get out of your shitty job and go back to a time where you could eat lead and hit your wife. You fuck. You little fuck. And big fucking shock. Guess who the majority of voters are for the Academy Awards? White men. Big fucking shock they love that white man movie about how great white men are and how hard it is to me the man deciding what happens in the world oh big fucking shock oh you didn't

like nominate the director of the one about the toy the girl's toy of course you didn't you don't respect girls because you know when people are like, oh, Barbie movie, that fucking blind, you know, like capitalist fucking, you know, like that whole, you know. I'm like, it's also like there's something cool about a kid's toy, like a girly kid's, like the ultimate thing that could never be respected by a man is a little girl's toy. Because of all women to be most disrespected

little young women are the most disrespected their thoughts their feelings their emotions are just tossed aside because they you are the least important thing in all of society of the least value as like an economic unit so it's like why would a woman's wants or needs or like childhood memories matter to you? Of course it doesn't. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. I have to agree. Well, my rant is about the stupid fucking Studio Ghibli film that won.

I love that they weren't there to receive the award. Did they not go? No. It's so funny. i wouldn't be like but boo yeah i feel crazy when people talk about that movie yeah because it was a bad movie yeah the boy in the heron yeah so if i mean it won best animation so like it did have beautiful animation i think it's just because they thought hey, I was going to die before this one. Yeah, probably.

But it just, like, I just didn't enjoy that movie. Like, and I've loved so many things that he has put out and that the studio has put out. Yeah. But it was a confused experience. It didn't know what story it was trying to tell. Oh, the parrot people? Oh, we didn't know. Those parrot people holding those big knives that are like the whole movie had been parrot people oh my god i'd be on board absolutely um also the image of the

fucking dude coming out of the heron's mouth is really ugly. Those big teeth and nose. It's ugly. It's so ugly. Show me majesty. I don't want to see this. Yes. Well, the heron looking like a heron is beautiful. And then it's like. Yeah.

But not in a cool way. In just like an ugly way. I think the first third of that movie was really beautiful and I was into it. And then it just lost me. Yeah. that movie was really beautiful and i was into it and then it just lost me yeah um and i think like they normally really hit really beautiful poignant understated stories yeah and and that is why those films sing so much because they don't have to be about the biggest craziest world ending event yeah it can just be about fucking kiki baking bread with someone and delivering it every now and then yeah and it's like beautiful so it just it makes me sad that

that's the one that the next generation is like because how's moving car i mean um sorry spirited away yeah one and that was a perfect film amazing yeah so i'm like oh it makes me sad that this is like i don't know the legacy yeah well you know what it was about how a straight man ran the world and he was getting old yeah and now he needs to put the blocks together and a woman is just i'm gonna sacrifice myself um yeah yeah i didn't like and that film just didn't make sense no and if you tell me like if you tell me the themes of it like i get it do you know i mean it's like i get it like there's like a whole thing of like this is hayami azaki telling his own story and it's like you can tell me all this shit till the cows come home, but the film outside of the meta narrative doesn't make sense.

If I didn't know shit about any of that, about where it lies in his filmography and how he's trying to like, you know, wrestle with his own mortality, that doesn't fucking matter because you didn't do the first thing that you promised, which was to make a fucking thing that makes sense. None of this made sense. No. For you to like halfway through the film be like like now the bird people and now we're meant to know about the bird people and then and you're in the realm underneath the layers and he went crazy oh shut up and then it's through a different timeline portal and yeah it just it didn't work no i didn't like it um good it did look good so

perhaps that's why i won but i my pick yeah sister from looking across these categories looking at the movies i've seen so few i know exactly what you're gonna say it's time sister and i know that she's gonna do quite well don't know how she's gonna fit through the whole i think it is time that godzilla enters the bunker minus one you know it's just her but um i mean i would love to hear an argument against Godzilla being in the bunker. Yes, of course. I wish you could try, but you cannot be denied that Godzilla is actually the perfect candidate for the bunker. She already speaks Japanese.

she um has a complicated diet can't be denied but um do you think she'd look good in a alpaca wool sack i do think it would be quite chic on her yes so wait um you think you think um so when boy in the Heron won the Academy Award, you thought the Oscars went to the boy and the heron and gave them the Oscar. And then when Godzilla minus one wins for best special effects, they go to knock on Godzilla's door and give gifts. That's the UFC. Yes, they, no, they just throw it into the ocean. She'll find it eventually.

I can't debate this. I can't debate this logic. But the Godzilla crew all wore these disgusting Godzilla shoes. Did you see that? No. So funny. Incredible. They all have these big, chunky Godzilla heels on them.

High heels? Yes. Incredible. So good. Where do we get them? Well, I saw an article today saying that they might make them available. Wait, they were wearing just a small run Godzilla shoes? Yes, Godzilla style shoes.

Incredible. They're amazing. Yeah. Listen, Zelda, I could sit here all night making a case against this, why maybe we should consider Robert Downey Jr. or Cillian Murphy or Emma Stone, but none of those people could terrorize Tokyo the way that she could. That's right. But where is Godzilla going in the bunker?

Well, she wants to go to the stadium in New York to lay her eggs. However, we don't have any sporting stadiums we just have a laser tag so i think she'll be seeking out the laser tag um jersey and um of course you'll have to do the witch trial first but shut but um she loves laser tag so she'll be seeking that out and looking for a partner the meg is the obvious choice. Oh, I don't like that. Why? Well, that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

The Meg is in captivity. Yes. And I don't think the Meg should be forced into a breeding program with Godzilla. I just said they would be friends. No, you didn't. I said they would play laser tag together. No, you said she was looking for a partner and most likely it would be the Meg. Yeah, no, a partner for laser tag.

Oh. You need to, you need, you're both wearing the vest. I misunderstood. I thought there was going to be some sort of force. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Godzilla is a sentient being. You can't put the laser tag packs into the oceanarium.

They're not waterproof. Okay, well, I'm just talking, I'm just talking. Talking shit. Just throwing out some. You're talking shit is what you're talking wow okay wow matt how do you feel about that are you okay with godzilla yeah i love godzilla godzilla and who there's always got to be one and how many people are operating the giant godzilla suit Oh no There won't be any operators For the organic living matter That is Godzilla You whore

Okay But Godzilla Great, great, great Okay So what's going in this week? So Vanessa Hudgens And the Vanessa Hudgens door

Because we adore Vanessa Hudgens Then we Vanessa Hudgens door. Because we adore Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens. Then we have Godzilla. Godzilla. Minus one. Minus one. And then we have alpaca wool.

Alpaca wool as a fabric of choice. And, of course, what could be more appropriate for bunker wear than a sack? Okay. But more bunker wear potentially coming at some point. Oh, yeah. We'll get there. Okay. Vanessa, I'm so proud of you.

You have more time to figure your career out because you're not going to be dying in the crevasse. It's true. Okay. And Godzilla, I mean, you can... She's always been famous. I just need her to keep Keep it under control Oh you mean killing people

Godzilla's never really about the killing She's more about the stomping I fear the collateral damage around her outbursts You know So just keep an eye on that Oprah will be watching from the giant shrimp Orpah And well what a week what a fabulous week and thank

you so much for listening to this podcast you could have listened to any podcast but you chose this one and to that we say thank you and also remember to leave a five-star review if you're listening on apple podcast because that makes a huge difference to how many people get to see and hear us. Yes. Okay. Well, goodbye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. You got something to say to us?

Got a fanfic? Send it to us at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. And why don't you support us, please, and have the luxury of joining our Discord at patreon.com slash death to everyone pod at gmail.com and why don't you support us please and have the luxury of joining our discord at patreon.com slash death to everyone oh bye bye goodbye