Death To Everyone - Death To... The Bunker *YEAR 1 STOCKTAKE* feat. Benign Girl

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

It has been 1 year since we started this podcast and started working on our bunker. To celebrate we've invited back our celestial sister, Benign Girl to help us decide what needs to leave our bunker. If you want to learn more about the artist formally known as Benign Girl head here: @nic.le.gugu Thank you for supporting us throughout our first magical year! Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Turn to everyone! 🎵 🎵 Christmas William 🎵 Listener, we've done it. We made it through a year. Ah, thank Christ. Another year of life is gone. But the first year of Death to Everyone.

Yes. How exciting. Think about all the memories. Wait, let's do a quick replay. Benjamin. Let this happen and come. And that was everything that happened in the last year. I'm Lazy Susan.

Hello. I'm Zelda Moon. And this is Death to Everyone, an incredible show about two sentient young women who decide each week what goes into a doomsday bunker to be, what is it? To be... Preserved. Preserved. For the future of all humanity.

Absolutely. But sometimes even a celestial goddess can make a mistake. Darling. And so it's time for our second episode of Stock Take. Stock Take. Stock Take. We're going to kick some shit out. Now, last year, well, we did Stock Take over Christmas because we were like,

we don't want to do a proper episode because obviously, like, people are away. We don't know. But for the orphans who were still listening over christmas we did something fun wireless simple we did it for new years was it new year yeah oh well it's a brand new year new financial year this year that's right and so we've decided that it's yeah it's every biannual biannual back you know they exist once a year but we also have a special guest to help us here today because you kind of need an Daniel. Bye. See you. We know they exist. One, two, yeah. But we also have a special guest to help us here today because you kind of need an outside auditor if you're going to get things in and out of a bunker.

Yes. So we have returning our first ever return guest, Benign Goo. Yoo-hoo. Hello, BG. Here we are. Here wehoo. Hello, BG. Here we are. Here we are. At Natural Habitat Studios. With our space car driver, Matt Shearer.

Toot, toot. There we go. We thought it's the role of all celestial goddesses to kick shit out of the bunker, so that's why we had to bring you in. That's right. That's right. And how have you been? Honorary celestial goddess

That's right And Benign Girl now exists Only in audio form How have I been? I've been I've been Alright Alright

I don't know I just feel like you know Melbourne winter sort of thing Yes Just getting through those months. The hot shnog. It just kind of feels like the last couple of months has, like, blurred into one big blob.

Yes. Of nothingness. Of fucking over it. Yes. Yep. But, yeah, I have been, like, having some peak stress in preparation for the big day. The wedding! I can hear the bells.

I'm so glad you brought it up because I wasn't sure if you were going to tell the public about your nuptials. Well, I already know that everyone knows because they're always like, I know everything about your life. I listen to the podcast. That's good. That's brave and kind of people. But yeah. So I will be at this wedding. It's in Italy.

We can say that, right? Are you going to stalk us? Sicily. Sissy. Sissy. Because you can't go to Sicily without sissies. Yeah. So how's it feel?

I mean, obviously a wedding is stressful enough to organise, but when you're thousands of miles away from the eventual venue. Luckily, we are not just some chewy couple that have gone there because we watched The White Lotus. My husband-to-be is sicilian but so he has connections and having all of those people on the ground well you know like just to the sicilian type okay yeah but like that's the thing i all i imagine when you're organizing a wedding is that you have to like taste the crab cake and then oh see we're like so raf's mom's friend she owns well she runs like a sicilian food tour company what's her name oh my god what's her name

calm a calming presence calm and she literally is such a calming presence like every time we're passing out about something she's like like, don't worry boys. I've got this under control. I'm so excited. It's going to be so chic. So, um, there was the,

you guys coming and there was, and obviously you were my top pick for MC of the wedding. Oh, you know, you got a half deal. And then things changed. There was some other plans in the works and maybe you weren't going to be able to come. Yes. And so then I asked, I had to ask someone else to MC. to ask someone else to MC.

And then when you did say that you could come, I then had to go back to her after her being like, she was like, I'm so nervous about this, but I'm so honoured that you asked me. Oh, my God. And, okay, I'm going to go away from pet. I think I can really smash this. Like, thanks so much for asking me. This means so much.

And so I had to, like, go back and tell her that she was a backup. Oh, my God. So orky. She's going to kill me. But then she was like, oh, well, I could never live up to the talents of. I tell you what now. Celestial goddesses. The pressure is fucking on. Yeah, there was.

I mean, I felt so bad because it was so exciting i think we were like yes we're gonna be all clear to go and then like there was all of this scheduling stuff that meant that was really uncertain that i was like we can't go because we actually just don't know and then as soon as it was all clear we were like we're booking the tickets and it's happening but it was like why did this have to be so fucking stressful what but anyway now i really gotta fucking turn it out um yeah so which actually is saved because you can't have a geisha cillian wedding without uh drag queen as the mc we're in like this process at the moment because we booked our flights to like into milan and then out of amsterdam which is what we're gonna fly out of but um

we like you get the full additional like luggage checked luggage for free but we're like do we like how much baggage should we bring can we survive on the seven kilo bag each, me and my boyfriend? But like, and I was like, do I devise a way to bring a full look, heels, wig, makeup, and boy clothes in a seven kilo bag? I just am like. What about all the makeup? Like, is it small enough that you can, you know, like. Well, that's true.

Under 100 mils. Oh, my God. Decanting. Is a cryolan paint stick less than 100 mils? I would say so. Oh, God. This is so, so rough. But it's, like, quite a challenge.

Imagine, like, I'll just do it all with, like, one blush stick. Yeah. But, no, I'm so excited about that. Well, if you need any bag space, I can shove something in for you. It's when you're flying just between, like, you get killed on those, like, little $30 flights with the carry-on. Yeah, because this flight is $6, but $100 to add a bag. Yeah.

So we'll see. But hopefully, because Kurt is Kurt is like also a very, very light traveller like me, like we might be able to sort something out. We'll see. We'll see. Because I don't want to spare anything on the decadence now that this is probably going to be the height

of my drag career. Like at a gay Sicilian wedding. Like truly. I'm going to have to like pick a chunky heel as well. Cause you know, there's cobblestone streets. Literally. That's been such a topic with the girlies as well.

Like what heels am I going to wear? I mean, my mom, Oh God, my God, I cannot wait. The heel, the shoe situation.

She found her shoes. Don't worry shoe situation. She found her shoes. Don't worry, everyone. Thank Christ. She found her shoes. Well, now it's me. Now maybe we're the same size. We could do like a sisterhood of the travelling still at her. Oh, my God.

But, yeah, the last time I emceed a wedding, I wasn't aware that I was the emcee. What? Tricky. Well, okay, so I'd been asked by my friend's sister, who I love, like, dear friend, like, you know, they treat me like family when I go and visit. It's truly the sweetest.

And they had been like, we're getting married and we'd love it if you just, like, basically brought people over from the, like, dining pre-drink space into the like the reception area into the like ceremony area I was like oh honey I can do that like I just you know essentially just being like kind of part of the flavor of the mix and so that was like what was like pitched to me at least in my memory and so then I had like booked my flight to go up to Sydney for this. And then the night before we had this Halloween gig, the three of us at Schoolhouse Studios.

Eating the slices of cheese. That's right. Where we all did like a monochrome look with our skin painted in our signature colours. So like blue and blah and so i'd been painted like marge simpson yellow and like was like oh my god and so that went like until like one in the morning and then i was like and i'd brought my bag i think for some reason that i was going to take up with my suit and my shoes and everything and i was like well i can't go

home now my flight's like four in the morning because it was like this cheapest flight to sydney four or five in the morning so i was like i'll just go to wet for a few hours makes sense so i go to wet on wellington and like i don't like you know it's like a casino in there like what um time was this like one in the morning oh perfect perfect time because i'm like what's the point. Oh, perfect time. Perfect time. Because I'm like, what's the point of going all the way home and then going all the way back out? And so I'm there and like getting this yellow paint off and like walking around and like having fun

and like literally shoved my wedding gear into like one of the lockers that went on Wellington. So you shoved something else somewhere. Anyway, so then because it's like a casino in there and there's no clocks, you lose track of time really quickly when you're in there. And like lost hold. And so then I look, I think I saw someone with a watch still on. I was like, do you know what time it is?

And they're like, yeah, it's like four. And I was like, no. and they're like yeah it's like four and i was like no and then like i like grab my shit put my clothes on run outside get into a like taxi drive to telemarine and like literally get there five minutes after the gate has like closed like the check-ins is closed and i was like no no no no no and then like the sun is rising i call my friend like who's also like heading up to sydney for the wedding and i'm like i think i'm just not gonna make it it's like actually too expensive for me to rebook and like listen like i wasn't actually doing too much anyway so then she's like i'm just gonna i'm just gonna call up because like obviously the bride's like she's woken up at five to start

doing her makeup and everything it's gonna be a long day and she's like i don't think you know specifically that you were going to be quite important to this event oh my god and i was like what are you talking about i was just gonna be like a guest who also like jumped in and did a bit of she was like just just hold there she calls me back and she's like so you are going to be emceeing the wedding and i was like what and she's like and so you just need to um get on a fucking plane and the mother of the bride is going to pay for your flights with a Qantas miles. And I'm like, oh, oh my God. So like I'm now haven't slept.

Covered in yellow paint around the ears. I thought you were going to say you were covered in something else. And I also didn't have shoes. That was the other part. I didn't have like wedding appropriate shoes. So I planned to buy some in the morning from like Target or whatever. So I land, I get picked up by my friend and the like brother of the bride to be. And they're like, we've got to go.

We are so like, we are like, they've just left in the party bus when we were leaving the house, like to go to the venue to like blah, blah, blah. And I was like, well,

we need to stop at a big W or something. Cause like, and so we're like speed running. And then they're like giving me like wet wipes to get some of the yellow paint off. Cause there's so much of it around my face. And I'm like, Oh around my face and i'm like oh my god and i'm like like i look crazy because i have not slept and i'd been drinking all night

and whatever and then um my friend is like do you want a dexie i got a few dexies you can have a dexie and he's like yeah and i'm like like taking these dexies being like it's gonna be fine we're gonna make it oh my god and then like we get to this venue which is like at the pier and it's going to be fine. We're going to make it. And then like, we get to this venue, which is like at the pier. And it's like this beautiful, like stunning, very expensive wedding. Wait, where is this again?

In Sydney on the like, yeah. And so we get in and suddenly like, and like, they'd kind of been like the crisis managers of the, like the only other queer people at the wedding so they kind of like knew the significance of everything that had happened to this point and were like we cannot have you show up as the friend of the black sheep of the family and be a fucking mess we need to like

sort this shit out and then like as soon as we got there it all like clicked into place and it was like it all went perfectly but it was like because i was in boy but i completely forgot that i was like still being a drag queen you were like you fucking piece of shit divas i was so i was like can you give it up for the maids of honor here darling and they were like and i was like they've been walking around in those fucking shoes all day, so you better clap harder than that. And still, to this day, people will be like coming up to the mother of the bride and be like, whoever that MC was that you had at your daughter's wedding was so fabulous.

Really just brought the energy. And I was like, it was all the Dexys. But fuck. So you can expect that energy. Yeah. BG's like, uh, wait. I think that's exactly what you ordered. Well, I mean.

All the backup. Yeah. I knew. I know what I'm getting myself into. Let's just say. This is the bloody issue. Because I need to be there to be the balance Yeah But, oh God

It's a small glimmer of hope But we'll see I'll probably be here manning the fort But there's one hope left Oh my God I thought hope was all gone No, there's one hope left What's one hope left Oh my god Yeah I thought hope was all gone No there's one hope left One hope

What's one hope? Oh it's One hope straight Too depressing to air to the listener I'm gonna kill No Oh that's just great So yeah

It's gonna be so fab And also I think like I have been backstage with you at many shows, so I kind of know the kind of nick that we'll be getting on that day when you're getting ready for your wedding. What, the Paz attack? The Paz attack that is about to take place. I'm so excited for that.

Yeah. You'll be like an emotional support animal. Yeah. I'm worried about it's insane, that's made me think like, because I feel like, yeah, before going on stage, I would always be like, I need 10 wines. Yeah. I'll be like, I need to get really drunk before I walk down the aisle.

I'm like, I probably shouldn't do that. I think you can do a little bit of that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit. Just a little bit. But you do have to kind of say hello to a lot of people. So it's kind of hard to like, you will get a chance to like let loose. Lucy LaDuca's let loose throughout the night. Oh, so exciting.

Do you know how I was like convinced that like in the lead up to this I was going to be filming my season of Survivor Australia? You were going to be one of those people that had to like cancel their wedding No, well, the dates matched up Fuck That it was going to be like the finale would be like just before the wedding. So I would be like skinny legend. Oh my God.

I've been in the wilderness myself. You come in with like a scimitar. I cut my way through the Italian jungle. But anyway, that didn't happen. Fuck. But now it's married at first sight Well, I clicked the box that kept my details in the system Oh, yes

And I have been asked to audition for Tipping Point Australia So, yeah, you sent this to the chat yesterday or whatever But I don't understand what that is. It's that game where the coins are, like, on a ledge. Yes. Like, being slowly pushed out by that little rod. You know?

What? And it's always just, the most like middle Australia, like people like Stan. It's like, and now we have like Cheryl from Ford Meadows. Well, that could be you. Yeah.

I'm so excited. I think you're like, you know what? Getting good with the production company, darling. And then they'll love you. I was just going to say say listener if you work for what is it channel 10 and double shine no who is it channel nine fucking book this bitch for

survival already yeah um i didn't realize you were so keen on survivor is this like a long time it's like a like a childhood fantasy like literally like I used to lay in bed at night when I was a teenager being like, one day I will be the sole survivor. I love that because it's like we're all three of us lying in bed. You're wishing that you could be on Survivor. I'm probably wishing that I could like pilot an Evangelion. You're probably wishing that you could be John Candy or something I don't know

Singing a little song, staring out the window And yeah, I have auditioned for every season of Australian Survivor Farm That is a good narrative for when you get on I know But I'm almost kind of like at the point now where I'm like Actually, you know what? Fuck you. Yeah, like you didn't want it?

Well, you can't have it anymore. You can't get into that mindset, darling. You've got to be like me and just keep throwing yourself. Yeah, now I'm all eyes on tipping point. Is that what you dream about now in bed? Yeah, that's right. Think about the 10-year-old sitting in bed right now being like, wish I could be on tipping point.

I'm trying to remember what it's called now. It's like Zone 1 or Drop Zone 1. Like you've won a coin. Okay, I would like to pick Drop Zone 2, please. I have never seen this show. I'm so confused. It's like on every day. At what time? Like 4pm. I can't have you seen this show. I'm so confused. It's like on every day. At what time?

Like 4pm. I can't have you at 4pm. That's not the Survivor time slot. Well, I'm really sorry. I'd hate to break it to you, but like I'm all eyes on Tipping Point. Okay, listen. Tipping Point is going to be the tipping point in your career. And then you're going to move forward.

I just, I remember so distinctly my old housemate, Meg Stoyos, who's incredible painter. Check her out. But she would always say like in the future, like I just believe that you can't be alive during this time without being on a reality TV show. Like I think that you have an experience, like, you know, it's like being in medieval times and not having like roasted a hen or

like, yeah, it's kind of like the thing. Yeah. Like you can't have lived during the like 2020s and not gone on some stupid reality TV show. Growing up. I always would watch judge Judy and be like,

how is there a never ending supply of these court cases? Yeah. Small claims. Were they real? Some of them. I think some of them were staged, but like most of them like were real things. And the rulings are final.

Yeah. Judge Judy Shining. Okay. So BG. Yes. a final yeah um okay so bg um we told the story was it on your episode i can't remember the charlie xcx story oh yeah um so the world knows that you were quite a fan yeah yeah and then in between last episode and this yeah rat summer has entered yeah the world has embraced charlie yeah charlie is the shining beacon of pop yeah um what do you have to say about that i like i am not a. I'm just like not a brat. What? Tell me why. Like, so I actually was having this conversation with a friend the other night because she was like, I love brat.

It's so amazing. And I was like, it's actually just not that good. You're like, no tipping point. It's not pop two or number one angel. It's just not. And anyone that says that it is hasn't fucking listened to them properly. Yeah. And it's like, oh, you're a brat, are you?

Well, where were you before? Where were you? So you're enraged as well. Well, like most of the people that are like I'm brat Like would have been like what is this? Before at Charlie They weren't ready for hyper pop

Yeah they weren't ready and it's like well if you weren't ready then Maybe you don't Now that it's in chartreuse you think you know what it's about Yeah It's a bit more of a lime No It really has put you know what it's about. Yeah. It's a bit more of a lime. No, it really has put a sour taste in my mouth. Yeah.

The whole brat thing. And do you think it's Charlie's fault or the fans' fault? Fans. Like Kamala. She's still incredible. I still think the album is great. Yeah. And she is great. Yeah. And she is great. But it's just this icky, like.

Yeah. It's become something that's not even about the music or the person. No, it's like a cultural wave. Yeah. But it's like, it's not even funny. No. Or like, I don't get it. Like, it's like like what do you actually

talking about because you're not a brat yeah i'm not a brat yeah but i actually am a brat from way back yeah yeah like not of charlie brad i mean like a brat in the like a bratty child i feel like i've got bratty tendencies. Yes. No one here is arguing. You're definitely like, you wouldn't have gotten the chocolate factory in Willy Wonka, is what I will say. Like you'd have gone to the factory, but something bad would have happened.

Yeah. But like that, yeah, that's my two cents. Yeah. I'm just like, shut, that's my two cents. I'm just like, shut up. So who's your diva this month? Like who's getting you through the long winter? Sound of the summer. Who has been my divalicious diva? Are you getting on board with Chapel or Sabrina?

No. No. No. I actually have been like I went back through My like Because I've been like trying to put some songs together That just like classic hits Yeah

Or something like for Something Like a wedding? Yeah But like I went back and I found this song And I've just had it like on repeat Oh god

It's My Number One by Helena Paparuzio or something I don't know how to say her last name But it was like the winner Paparuzzi Summer It was like the 2006 Eurovision song winner Oh amazing It's so good Well maybe I'll put in a little bit of it here.

Wow, what a track. It's like such a stomper. Why don't you give us a little rendition? It starts as, You're my lover, undercover. You're my secret passion and I have no other. You're my secret passion and I have no other. Don't know it?

No, 2006 is like Between like maybe 2005, 2010 Was like the era that I was really into Eurovision Maybe it wasn't 2006 But I don't know Maybe it was like 2002 Well you could probably get her for the wedding There's still time Where is she based?

Athens I guess. Darling, she's not busy. Call her up. She's a boat ride away. Absolutely. That was a, I was like, love her. That's a diva that I've been. You what?

Oh yeah, Charlie's out. Charlie out, Helena in. That's good Well that's good Oh Charlie will be so disappointed when she listens She does listen Yeah So

It was MIF opening night on Thursday And I managed to get tickets to the opening night gala To celebrate Which was at If I'm not wrong Was it at Hoyt's? Yes They had it at Hoyt's.

Is that not the worst thing ever? I asked them about this. Some of the organisers were like, Hoyt's, was this a decision made? Like, do you think this was good? And they're like, well, here's the thing about Hoyt's, is that previously we've split the opening night film and we'll have, like, one audience at the Capitol and then we'll have one audience at the Arts Centre and we'll have like one audience at the Capitol and then

we'll have one audience at the art center and we'll have to like have them split because there's just so many people. Yeah. And Hoyt's is the only cinema in the city that you could have the entire group. Why not just like make it more expensive and more exclusive and have it somewhere chic. I don't think they want to have like less people at the opening. I think they want to make like more of it. And have it at chic. I don't think they want to have, like, less people at the opening.

I think they want to make, like, more of it. And have it at Hoyt's. And have it at Hoyt's. At Melbourne Central. Just go past the Shot Tower. Force Sarah Snook to go up the escalators at Hoyt's. Which, you know, she didn't deserve. She got some chippies from Schnitz on the way.

Yeah. But you know what? The cinema from um schnitz on the way yeah but you know what the cinema is comfortable and it was chic anyway i'm in a suit with annie my friend annie and we're both dressed up in theming with memoir of a snail we have these snails on and we've like diamantied the snail trails down them i had like a snail that i'd made out of clay super glued to my scalp with like diamantes down my face to be the snail trail. I'd been so cocky with my drag queen self being like, we use super glue all the time to glue on earrings or nails or whatever.

So this will be fine. And like, like people are like, how is that snail just staying on your head without like an apparent clip or anything? And I't know and then cut to like four and five in the morning when i get home from like the afters and then i'm like well time for the snail to come off and like when i take off an earring that's been super glued to my ear all night it just like pops off that's it go to bed this i kind of hadn't really accounted for the hair and the hair follicle that like it was now stuck and it was so well adhered and i'm like oh my god and i'm like pulling it it's not coming off and then i pull it some like the clay part like separates and so all the clay that like the polymer clay is like still on

my head and then so i spent an hour like trying to get it out with like like alternating between like coconut oil and like um dish detergent and like all this stuff and then like a little like brush and like i'm getting so like you know like claustrophobic in your skin feeling like. Yeah. And so I'm like scrubbing at my head and like pulling it off and pulling it off in chunks and blah, blah, blah. And then like I finally get it all off and there's like a bright red spot where it was. And then I go to sleep the next morning. I wake up and it's like yellow and scabbing over and dying this like whole patch on my head.

And I'm like, what the fuck have I done? It looks so irritated. It's like dying. And like the whole night I'm like flashing back to every time I'd like so confident in the middle. I'm like, it's okay to put super glue on you. And yeah. So now my whole head.

It just like makes me think of that time when you like, I can't remember what you did. I think it was literally just because you'd shaved and then use your dirty makeup brushes, but you got that like scab thing. Oh my God. I forgot about that. Oh my God. Why do I do these things? Jesus Christ.

I am sick of it. I'm sick of being a stupid bitch. I just can't go into my next decade being fucking dumb. We're all sick of it too. But also it's like the, it was worth it, obviously. Was it? Yeah. I don't think, I think even if I went back in time and went up to myself

and was like, don't do it. I'd be like, why? And they're like, the scarf. And you're like, eh, it'll be fine. And I think the amount of people that just came up and were like, I need to talk to you about this outfit. Like industry people, like people that you could never book a meeting with

in a thousand years were just like, let's talk. So I think it's just worth it to always be like the stupidest person in the room in that way. Yeah. Because the king always sees the jester. You say that like the thing that people say. You know, there's always a joker in the back.

There's always a lonely clown. It was so chic. The lesson is always wear a snail. Wear something. Always wear a snail. Vivian Westwood knew. BG. Yes.

What the fuck is the apocalypse for the week oh i forgot about that you were meant to be thinking i was thinking before and then we like started chatting so much but um all right improvise this is your good chance i was gonna say but then we already like spoke about it but i guess I could say it anyway. I was going to say like brat, the Charlie XCX version. Yeah. Like keeps infecting people so much. Yes.

To a point that like everyone like is so brat that they like their whole like internal organs start like exploding out of their insides. Their brain is like melting. They're like, I'm brat. And it's like such an infection that like goes on to other people that. Yeah. Yeah. Like your grandmother's brat. Everyone just like starts becoming so brat that they like disintegrate.

Someone's house and there's like splatters of like lime green goo on the wall. Yes. Oh no, she's brat. Help. So that's the apocalypse for this week. Wait, is there anyone that isn't brat? Us.

Us. And it's us trying to run away from the brat invasion. Too many brats. Yeah. I really liked that album, actually. Are you Bratz? You don't even know her Angel.5 or whatever. Are you Bratz?

Me? No. I was driving out to Warrnambool and listened to the whole album. And I found myself being like, this is good. And I think there was something about committing to it. Because I would not normally just sit down and listen to an album cover to cover but like because i was trapped in a car and it was like the sun was setting and it was like because like the thing about charlie is that like the lyrics are so basic that they sound stupid but then when you listen to

them at the right time of day you're like yeah so true babe when she's like she's a beautiful woman and he's like what's that one where she talks about wanting to have a baby and she's like he's an amazing woman and she's a good father or whatever yeah yeah i just got really into the brat mindset oh it's coming for you it's coming careful any photos of anything green And posted it to your story on Instagram And said Brat But you know what I fucking hate most about brat era Is when people have like

Made shit merch versions Lawrence Chaney Sorry But like What did she do? She did one that was like fat And did the like lime green t-shirt With the font

But the thing about the font is that it's not just crisp font it needs to be lightly blurred yeah for it to be real brat and like a lot of people are missing that and i just need you like if you're gonna do it do it promptly you can see that it's fucking blurry it would take you two seconds well i mean see that's that's the whole issue is that no one actually is it yeah they're just pretenders yeah doing it for attention yeah i don't know why i i didn't realize that of course you would hate brat the most. Anti-brapped. But it's because, and why I interrogated, is I

not that yeah, it's like it's because of the fans. Like it's the marketing campaign and it's the hype that has taken over and it's very like but yeah, kind of like Gaga like the issues that I have with Gaga.

It's like this thing has evolved beyond the person into something hideous. The issue. I thought your paws were up. Benign. They're not? What? No, your paws are up. Her paws.

Yeah, your paws are up. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-A. Zelda only likes people that have no cultural cachet or any buzz around them like Katy Perry or J-Lo. Yeah, it's true. Speaking of, I don't know if it's time, but for stock take. Yeah.

Okay. That's probably a good point. The doomsday bell has rung And it's time to go For our first break Okay well let's go for a break And we'll come back And discuss I'll try and put your knives down To my Death

To my dream And we're back. Back, back, back again. Now today's stock take. Yes. And we're going to kick some things out of the bunker that just aren't doing much. And I mean, if we, the curators of the bunker, aren't constantly referring to things and

tortling, then they're not really doing it, you know? No. That's what they need to be doing. Bayonetta, she's bulletproof. She stays in the bunker. She stays busy and blessed in our minds. Yeah. The set of The Nanny. That's not going anywhere.

Let me tell you. The Megalodon. Yeah. Sorted. Megalodon is there. Yeah. And square. Yeah.

And then there's, you know, like there's so many things that are untouchable at this point. Like Oprah in the big prawn. George's sitting in the duck. Yeah. Yeah. That like everyone else seems so hot on that. I don't really care for that, but whatever. I love Barbra Streisand's cloned dogs.

They're incredible. I love the jam DVD player. All those things, listener, don't worry. But sometimes in our haste for this speed run podcast, we've perhaps put some things in with error. We are culpable. We are fallible. Not as much as you, listener, but we are still fallible.

Now, I've been sure to update the list, and we all present have said list. BG, you've scanned this list, and I hear that you've created your own list. BG, you've scanned this list and I hear that you've created your own list. Things that you perhaps have stood out as curious entities in our doomsday bunker. Well, just circling back

to our conversation before the break. Oh, yes. When someone with the name Katie came up. Yeah. I just, I don't agree. Was it Catherine?

People with the name Catherine. It was. Or people with the name. It was the, which Kate? Which Kate? Kate. Yes.

Yeah. Um, I. Yeah. Yeah. Had a better suggestion Oh Yes

So you think you know better That Horrible woman Katie Price Wait is that her name? Yeah Katie Price There's a Katie Price Hang on let me look this up

I was rooting for Cate Blanchett Oh that's not her name No Katie Price is Oh Guys I've fucked it I was rooting for Cate Blanchett. Oh, that's not her name. No, Cate Price is... Oh, guys, I've fucked it. Perfect. Go on. You mean Cate Price, she gained recognition in the 1990s

for her glamour modelling work and most notably on page three as a tabloid newspaper? I mean, I'm intrigued. Say more. Cate. Because Cate got in. We've more. Katie. Because Katie got in. We've put a few Katy Perry things in. Yeah.

One do I. But Katie herself, yeah, did make it in. I believe Lazy's reasoning was like, if not now, then it's probably never going to happen. Yeah. What, Katy Perry getting in? Yeah. Well, I just did some Google searching. Oh, yes. not now then it's probably never gonna happen yeah what katie perry getting in yeah well i just did some google searching oh yes and i got the right wrong but i think the cage should be in

there is katie hopkins katie hopkins she's like this horrible right wing like very outspoken transphobic woman yeah but i just think her in there would bring some real drama. Wait, what is she famous for? She's like, it's just, it's just ridiculous. You know,

she goes to a cafe with her oat milk latte and like, yes, she's that one. Oh yes. Um, Katy Perry, bland. Katy Hopkins.

Yeah. Fiery. Yeah. Fiery. Yeah. Wow. But we're not in the business of adding corrupting things to it. I think if you kick out a Katy or a Kate, I would love to hear another suggestion. Well, okay.

This is a depressing tidbit. At Stocktake Sometimes you do find things That you didn't even know were there You know That's true You're like Where did this even come from

Yeah I was looking at the list before I was like I don't remember half of this stuff Well you've been blacked out A lot of the time Ever since you got hooked on Cold and Flu Codrills

That's how I get through every week So I mean you know Things could go in So here's the thing about Katy Perry I think The case for Katy Perry No the case against I'm afraid I just like

Zelda messaged me midway through the week And was like okay it's okay The next single that she's just put out Is actually good And then I had just listened to it And I was like I don't know what she's maybe she's got a leaked demo of some other thing and it turned out she was talking about the the limpest piece of shit fucking elevator music it's bad it's to me yeah like obviously it's bad. It's. To me. Yeah. Like, obviously it's bad.

Like, I'm aware that it's bad. No. You said no. No, you got it. But to me, that song is Lady Gaga's The Cure. It's like the most, like maybe the most generic song that she's ever put out. Yeah. It is just like fucking bland.

It's actually really specifically about her child who she'll meet in every lifetime boo wait so you're booing katie perry yeah but i still love it yeah the song is bad the film clip is worse wait there's a film clip now yeah oh i didn't realize the film clip is like her like she looks her body at the moment is crazy but she's just like at the beach jumping into the water with some like hotties on a boat with some hotties and then it ends it's like you use all the budget for woman's world and then this got like weird anyway it's just hot i mean like yeah yeah i mean to be honest in the ecosystem of the bunker and you know as the katie perry and you know apologist here like i don't i don't want

to use her in my wheelhouse of bunker jokes i never do yeah i'll use the ve Vegas thing in the bathroom joke. That's funny. But like Catherine, I just, I've never gone to her for a laugh. Yeah. So. Catherine. Katie. Yeah. Catherine.

Katy Perry. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's her name. Yeah. What's her, what's her last, like real last name? You know this, don't you? No, I did have it in.

I used to have it locked and loaded for any time. You did, yeah. Oh my God. I actually just remembered. I have quite an interesting story about another Kate. Oh. That my friend told me the other night. Yeah. So one of my friends is like, she sees aliens.

Like she's, i don't know oh my god there's this like there's this whole thing it's like a whole like um belief that there's this intergalactic federation and there's like these aliens that are controlling the universe yeah and people are like into it yeah it's like a religion or yeah i mean that's just fact go on well yeah and um anyway there's this woman called elizabeth who is like a channeler and my friend is like really into watching like elizabeth's videos and like listening to all her content and stuff. And this friend, like, she's like, she's in, like, she's in on it. You know what I mean? Like, I see the aliens. I know that the starships are there.

Yes. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. So she was telling us the other day this, we were like, tell us more about like why, you know, it's true and stuff. And she's like, well, get this. Oh my God. So Kate Middleton was actually, so the royal families are lizards.

Yeah. We all knew that. The reptilian. And so like Di-Di Yeah Was her She was in there to like Blow shit up Oh she was a human Influencer

Human that was getting That was That the Aliens had like Told to go in there And blow it up Because the aliens Are at war with the reptilians

Yeah I don't know Sorry I can't like Clarify on that one But Safe to assume What would they do to spread misinformation? Kate

Is the next one She's the new like The new one that's in there to blow shit up Amazing Anyway Kate got murdered Yes That's what happened when she went missing. Yeah.

Elizabeth, sorry, Kate got murdered. They cloned her. Yeah. So there's a clone of Kate. This Elizabeth woman who channels the Intergalactic Federation. Yeah. Told Kate's spirit to go back in to the clone's body. So the Kate Middleton that we know now is a clone of Kate Middleton,

but with the spirit of the original Kate Middleton. But is the spirit fighting the mind of the clone? Yeah. When they speak, which one is it? And it's the spirit Kate Clone Kate is like void So what was the point of killing her then They didn't know

Her spirit was going to get channeled By Elizabeth So what kind of weak source is the clone spirit She's got fucking She's just a clone Trampled by Kate's spirit Well I don't know if you ever saw If you've seen Dolly the sheep

Can we tunnel the clone? I want to hear her story Couldn't find its way out But I don't know Maybe Maybe cloned Kate with Kate's spirit Is the Kate that should be going into the bunker You make a good case

I tell you what We would use that more than we're using Katy Perry I think the thing about I can't believe the Galactic Federation of aliens That hover above the earth haven't Like why do they have to keep using like Frail human women Like I'm like

I don't know that I would necessarily pick out like Princess Diana To like Be like hold the hopes of blowing shit up in the reptilian Like, I don't know that I would necessarily pick out, like, Princess Diana to, like, be, like, hold the hopes of blowing shit up in the reptilian. Because of the reptilians there, I like an earth-born species that are in disguise as humans. Or are they aliens as well? Yeah, like, have they evolved alongside us unknowingly?

Yeah. Like, we didn't know. We didn't know. Yeah. I don't know. We're going to have to look into this. Get the experts on. Did the Kate Middleton clone with the spirit of Kate in back in it,

did she write the post about like I'm actually like dealing with cancer at the moment or was that happening while she was being cloned? Well, I don't know, but I think maybe like that's actually being written against her will. Yeah. By the lizards. The lizards, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, that's good. I will say that Benign, on your last episode, the topic that you brought for discussion was conspiracy theories. And that famously was when Avril Lavigne's body doubled into the bunker. True. You're obsessed with this topic. Yeah.

Well. Are you part of this alien cult? No. Tell us. You know quite a lot about it. Look, I've just somehow surrounded myself with people that... Yeah, I guess they really find you. Are you just filling your, like, media, like, your social media

with the Katie, what is that, Katie... Katie Hopkins. Katie Hopkins. Katie Hopkins type figures and you just. Well, I actually, the first time I found the Katie Hopkins, like all about her was the, there's this video of, there's those two guys, I can't remember the names, but they like invite her. They convince her to come to this, this award ceremony in prague yes and they faked

her out yeah it's like the center for unity and something it's like spells out cunt and she's like receiving the award smiling and it just says like cunt behind. They do like the most elaborate plan, like get all these actors in to pretend it's this like award. I love that. So that's how I first found out about Katie Hopkins. But she was in the news like last year. Didn't she come to Australia or something? I don't know.

Yeah, was it when she... It's either her or Jordan Peterson. They come and talk and people protest. Yeah, was it when she – it's either her or Jordan Peterson. I remember. And they come and talk and people protest. Yeah, and everyone was like, fuck off. Yeah. I remember when Posey Parker came. That was the one. She's like a bit like that.

Maybe that's what – Posey Parker came and then Katie had something to say about it. She's always been – Yeah, that's what it was. The issue is with Katie is that we're – Very. Yeah, Catherine Elizabeth Hudson. Hudson. There we go. The issue is with Katie is that we're just – Yeah, Catherine Elizabeth Hudson. Hudson. There we go.

Is that she is just in such a like hard flop era, like where it's like she's been a big old dag for a while now, we've known, but the world has kind of like moved on a little bit without her yeah and the issue now is that because there's new pop girlies because do you remember there was like four years where we didn't get any new pop girlies that actually stuck like we'd have like normani for a second and then she would just be like but but by the way, there's no album, bye. And you're like, oh, but I thought you were going to be like the summer of Normani. Yeah.

And instead it's like nothing. Yeah. But now all of a sudden like the post-COVID jam has been unlocked and we got Sabrina Carpenter, Chapel Roan and Charlie hit the mainstream. And so all of the like former diva girlies are either like rising to the top to be the reigning queen, Taylor, or falling back and kind of becoming a bit like sad. Like Katie and Nikki. Oh, Nikki. Like everyone's just kind of like fading into their 30s.

Like, so are you saying that you want to keep her in for pity? Nah. I think we should feed her to the Megalodon. Whoa. Like so are you saying that you want to keep her in for pity? Nah I think we should feed her to the Megalodon I think Yeah I mean Katie is Like the fall from grace is real or whatever But I don't see a Like I think it's sad that the ecosystem

Not of the bunker of planet earth Can't like support Both Like let her be Like it's fun Like she's not like She can be without being so heavily Criticised

It's like why the super super And I mean I say that as someone who just said that the new song is Fucking terrible But I also think it's fun yeah it is fun i think that's like 10 years if it came on in like a like aisle of a shop i wouldn't riot but it's so weird how people do indeed riot yeah yeah or like when women's work come out they're like it's I said, fuck her. It's like, okay, so then. Kill her. Don't listen, darling. Just don't listen to something else. Yeah.

Listen to her old songs that you like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like I don't think like, well, as a musician, I think like, yeah, you shouldn't just be like Katy Perry's finished now because she had a couple of bad songs. You know what I mean? Or bad in your opinion as well.

There might be people who like them. Yeah. I think that like... We don't know. Meghan Trainor's had a long career in such things. Yeah. And I think just because you've been so famous, like there's plenty of artists,

like there's so many artists, right? And not all of them are as famous as Katy Perry, Beyonce, Britney Spears and whatever yeah so like if you're up there why why why doesn't the system allow you to move to the middle it does without being shamed no like because you can still produce and develop music and release music and it doesn't reach the same heights but But that's not a failure. There's just less people listening or less people enjoying. But that just puts you into like a lower rank with infinitely more contemporaries of the same level.

It's just interesting. I think the issue is that Katie never had that. She was never like, like Lana Del Rey had her like summer where she was the number one girl in the world but then she very quickly went back to like middle of like you know just an art like you know a kind of um journeyman artist who like comes out with an album but then disappears but katie's bread and butter has always been world superstar. Yeah, true. And so her offering, like Katy Perry music, it doesn't have, like she as an artist doesn't have a unique thing apart from being the most famous woman in the world.

Like that's always been her like selling point. And so without the most famous woman in the world thing, her music is just whoever the top producer is or dr luke or whatever the fuck um wants to make and just as easily that those producers can work with the next person and they will sound like the new most famous girl in the world and it's just it's really hard because i don't think yeah like i don't think the katie prairie brand is able to adapt to middle of the road when you were like the actual zenith of the pop music industry for like three summers because it's yeah i suppose my perspective because most of what i listen to right is like japanese music

or korean music and the korean system is so different It's like so much more severe. It's like that would never get released because you'd be dropped. Like no production company would let you put out a flop album. It's like only hits for two years and then you either join the army or you are like forgotten. Like that's how it works. Which is worse. Yeah.

Supermarket. like forgotten like that's how it was yeah um supermarket like or and and so like that kind of like the system is so fundamentally built around what is hot right now and only what is hot right now could exist yeah so then there's no room for any of these flops or like long-term career artists yeah yeah and then um but japan like my comparison there is like utada right like who was like the like was slash is or whatever like the mariah carey of japan like yeah the fucking superstar like right up there with like i don't know all the others um but then like their most more recent albums Have still been really well received critically

But aren't as popular Like there's no more like the number one Like absolute smash hit But her last three albums have been the best albums Yeah Like sonically yeah And it's like that is fine And no one's like out there

I don't know Rag ragging on Utada. Yeah. But yeah, it's funny and interesting. And anyway. But she will, I think that's like, she will find her place to the middle. It's just going to take her a while. But like, this is the shock of her big comeback being like, no. Oh yeah, no. Like like another especially after the last

one was a flop yeah it's like to come back with a like really like this is going to be my superstar moment and it's a bit flop is sad um i suppose my other thought there is like madonna kind of experience in a different way because it's a different age bracket so there's different layers of complexity there yeah but um yeah like not being able to reach those critical heights anymore but refusing to go into the middle yes which maybe is a bit of the katie as well like especially when you look at the promo or the production quality of this first single yes like that's not a single for someone who's happy happy just doing the music that they want for fun it's trying to be the superstar so like you have to acknowledge that you're no longer that.

If it happens by chance, like for Kylie Minogue, then that's great and you can run with it. But producing everything to be that and not being that is probably where it's... Which I think is the canny thing about Kylie Minogue is that she, even though she's always like top of the mind in the gay world, she's like not always, like like top of the mind in the gay world, she's like not always, like remained top of the heap in the pop world.

But because of that, she went and found her own unique sound and like found cool and interesting producers to work off with. And like that has informed so much of like the Kylie that we have now is like, she is such a like club sound like queen doing that. So like like she was so far ahead of her contemporaries in far as making things for the club, like the gay club. Well, it's been like a lot of fodder about someone who's getting fed to the Meg. Yes. Wait, well, hang on.

My pitch, though, for what I think we should kick out in terms of like a person. Yeah. Is Shoshanna. Shoshanna. From girls. From girls. Yeah. What the fuck?

I hated that. How did she get in? Great question. Picking one of the girls. I like that was the topic. It was the episode Where we had Bambi on Yeah

And you know what She selected the topic So it's Bambi's fault No she didn't select that topic Did we not select it? We just had girls character Yeah no Bambi did

Did she pick To do girls She picked She picked She wanted to pick Sex and the City Oh but we'd already done But I just Like She picked girls. She picked... She wanted to pick Sex and the City. Oh, but we'd already done. But I just, like, I just don't think that girls...

You don't like girls? I liked season one, and then I got over it. I think you need to go back and watch it. I watched all of it. I'm not going to suffer through that again. I'm like, I just don't think that girls is, like, something that needs to be immortalized, especially Shoshanna.

Well, you did make a quite compelling case for Katie. It was a very pity vote. Yeah. But I don't think you could say the same for Shoshanna. I don't think we could sit here for 20 minutes And talk about why Shoshana should stay You can't even pronounce her name correctly Yeah Shoshana

Yeah Shoshana Well I You know what I'm fucking I feel fucking devilish And I think we should just Kill them both

Oh I agree The Meg is hungry Yeah Let's get it Save the animals Feed the Megashoshanna Is it just humans? Is it just

Or is it What are we getting rid of? Just humans Well we're starting Animals Listener Or characters We're gonna do

Sentient beings In this round And next we'll do Non-sentient Okay So Matt if you have any Animals that you wanna kick out Now's the time to speak up

Now's the fucking time And let me tell you It's not gonna be Mishka. Well, can we get rid of the mosquitoes? What's that? No, they will. What is your issue with mosquitoes?

Their new album didn't flop. They're brat. Mosquitoes? What were the mosquitoes? The mosquitoes are for my Dino Rider toys. They what? Because when I used to play with Dino Riders, I would let mosquitoes bite me in the summer

so that then I could pluck them off and smash their little bloody bodies at my dinosaur teeth. That's right. So the mosquitoes are part of the Dino Rider toy suite. But they are just swarms of mosquitoes that fly around the bunker. What have you got an issue with that? And there's a large body of stagnant water. Yes, but so many things in the bunker. Because that's part of an object,? And there's a large body of stagnant water. Yes.

That's not really sent because that's part of an object. So we can't get rid of that in this category. Mosquitoes. Yeah. They're part of something else. So they're in there because of the dinosaur. You're saying that you can't have them because they're annoying. Yeah.

But then you're like, we need Kate Hopkins. Create some drama. Why is two girls one cup in the end? This is disgusting. That's day. You back off, bitch. I don't think about that anymore. That's it?

It's such a year 10 kind of like, oh, have you seen this video? Yeah, well, listen, we've got to have some kind of entertainment. It's historic. You know, okay, here's my other pitch yeah that could kind of do us a little bit of favors what if what if what if in like so shoshanna's dead she's going to the meg that's over done i'm not trying to defend that that's fine but what if as a way of kind of making the best of a bad situation the aliens conjure the spirit of kate middleton and get her to go into the body of katie perry to fight the reptilians in the bunker

and so we can kind of have this removed from kate middleton is removed well she's dead because of the apocalypse right because of the brat summer the kate middleton clone with from Kate Middleton's clone. Well, she's dead because of the apocalypse. Yeah, right. Because of the Brat Summer. The Kate Middleton clone with Kate Middleton's spirit has been killed. And so the clone spirit and the Kate spirit fly into Katy Perry. Yes. And then the three of them hang out. So she's actually an alien now. Well, no, because she was never an alien because the Kate Middleton spirit

was human, but the aliens could talk to her. Yeah. I assume. So they were just telling each other. Matt. Well, no, because she was never an alien because the Kate Middleton spirit was human, but the aliens could talk to her. Yeah. I assume. So they were just telling you. Matt will know Elizabeth the Channeler. Oh, it was the Channeler. Elizabeth the Channeler channeled into, like, got the message from the aliens, then told Kate to go back into her clone's body. God, she's good.

Yeah. Wait, so she can also talk to the dead. Well, yeah, she's a channeler. She spoke to the spirit realm. The living aliens above and the dead. Okay. I mean, God, we should get her on the pod. I think that's fabulous.

I think because then we'll go another half year and if Katie hasn't stepped up her game With the spirit of Kate Middleton And a clone Kate Middleton inside of her Then that's it She had all her chance Yeah And I think that

You know what For Katie's next album Maybe if this was part of her marketing campaign You got three women inside you One's a clone of a princess The other is a princess Katie, if you're listening, we can produce you next song. I mean...

Natural habitat. Yeah. Okay. Well, incredible work. Sorry, Shana. You've got three women inside you. Yeah, we do. We've got two spirits inside of one woman.

Yeah. Okay. Incredible. We've got two spirits inside of one woman. Okay. Incredible. Okay, we'll be right back. Hello. And welcome back. Okay, up next for discussion, the inanimate objects of the bunker or the concepts uh what do

we think okay benign have you seen anything inanimate that you hate i um i have one thing yeah that i think that god this is so stressful does need to go yeah And it's because, as I was saying before, when like fans like talked to me about it. Fans of this pod. Yeah. One thing that was like a lot of the time, like it'll come up like when I'm cutting someone's hair. I was listening to the podcast and blah, blah, blah.

Do you talk about it when you're cutting hair? Yeah. Wow. It you talk about it when you're cutting hair? Yeah. Wow. It's really taking off. Yeah, that's great. And everyone's so annoyed at me for putting nail clippers in there. What? What the fuck?

Yeah. No way. Yeah. Sorry. Oh, you don't want to get rid of them. Absolutely not. They're important. They're great. I felt, okay, well, you don't want to get rid of them. Oh, they're important. They're great.

I felt, okay, well, if you guys want to keep them, I'm happy to keep them. I used the same example the other day in a message to Zelda being like, that's someone who gets this show. That's someone who understands. A listener, a fake fan. Yeah, a listener. Because the other, sorry, when I was thinking about this before, I was like, the nail clippers are amazing. Yeah.

But they're only good for like the first two snips. And then the best part is like ripping the rest of it off. Oh. What? No. With your teeth? Ripping? No.

Why don't you cut it all no no so you like cut like big toe especially that's the best one yeah like so you hook it under snip snip and then you like get the thing that's been hooked and kind of like peel it oh and that's that's like sometimes it goes too far sometimes the peel is no not ify. No, not if you do it properly. Well, you need to teach us because I don't know. And the peel is like squeezing a blackhead or something. It's like, yeah, like as you peel it. But see, that's the, yeah, I think the thing about nail clippers and why they're so controversial to idiots is that they seem like

if you have a tool That you can't replace with something else Yeah Then nothing else can do the job Yeah Then that's valuable It is I can't think of another other thing

That does what nail clippers do as effectively Well I'm glad that it's staying Oh absolutely Because I think it should as well Well and don't let them shame you I was just listening to I was just listener suggestion. See, that's why you're in charge of what goes into the bunker.

Yes. The goddesses. Don't let the fucking haters get you down. Katie. Katie. Okay. Anything else that stood out? You know what?

I do have something that I'd like to say, which you brought it up the other day and i was like what and then i was like oh i hate that we landed there and i can't even remember the justification for why no you said i hate that the fabric in the bunker is alpaca wool oh i think it's so shit like i'm like i'm sure we spoke about it at length And made ourselves really excited by it But like I'm like We could have had like Disco Dot

Oh my god you talked about Disco Dot a lot that episode Or like a sheer A sheer like purple fabric With like little silver Silver strands woven in That's like You know like What they would put in a Like Logan's run, like the future, you know?

And I'm like, no, like the alpaca wool when it was brought up again, I was like, I don't like to think about anyone wearing that. Wasn't it? Wait, why did we have alpaca wool? Well, exactly, Matt. That's my issue. The episode's called John seeing his loincloth. God, the world has changed a lot since that moment.

Was his loincloth made out of a pattern? No, it was short women, disco dot, and John Cena's loincloth because we talked about the Oscar thing. Wait, did we already put disco dot in? No, but you titled the episode not Fabric, strangely, but Disco Dot because you thought Dis disco dot was more of a clickbait title And did we get a million listens? Why did I do that?

Why did you call it disco dot? I don't know, I used to work in social media I know what sales, honey You don't even know what you're writing about You just write random words It's called imagination, Matt I can't remember why we landed on that I think we were talking about

It was like knitted Maybe I talked about that hot redhead That like sheared the alpacas at my brother's farm Oh you probably did That would have swayed me And he was wearing a Deadpool t-shirt Oh my god Anyway

That was like three years ago But I'll never forget his face Yeah no we could get rid of that. But let's get rid of something else as well. I'm going to fight that. Gross. Well, okay, good. Alpaca Wool out.

Because even... Yeah, goodbye. Disgusting. No. So no fabric. No fabrics yet. What about Alpaca Wool with Kate Middleton's spirit inside? She's trying to tell us something even when we were getting ready to live um i considered like because we had our fabulous costumes already but i was thinking for the second one like when we do

live next year or whatever that we would have to be wearing sacks made of like felted alpaca wool for the deep cut but i'm glad that we won't have to do that we'll come back okay okay so that's good yep great let's cut that out okay alpaca wool is now out of the bunker goodbye that's good that's good Survey, survey, survey I don't know I feel like this is going to be controversial Because I think a lot of people like it Oh no But I wrote it down because

It like, it kind of cringes me out Go on The sick bay oh go on well like just when i was in school like i remember people used to just like use it all the time i don't know like sorry i don't know if cringes me out maybe it hurts me or something that they got to have that special yeah because i just feel like i never like got sick well not that i never got sick but i just kind of felt like it was this thing that like i couldn't do you weren't allowed well like some people would be like i'm going to sick bay and they just like go all the time you didn't feel like you're like i'm gonna wait until it's an actual emergency yeah like i was like don't use sick bay for no reason. The emergency never came.

Yeah. Well, I thought earlier in the episode, you described yourself as a genuine brat. And now I'm quite confused. No, I said I was, I had brat, sometimes brat tendencies. But when it came to sick bay. No, that's not laughing at us. You can't waste their time.

Yeah. They have a lot of like, they've got to triage a lot of people down there Someone could be having a heart attack While you wander in with your headache Yeah Like it was annoying There were some people who were like

I'm so sick I have to go to sickbay And it's like no you're not Or like lying down Yeah laying down at sickbay Listen I definitely had a lie down at sickbay I had a lot to what was you you well you know what though i had i was the other people because i was the people that genuinely needed

sickbay because i used to get really bad migraines when i was in high school like And I would get auras, like flecks of light so I couldn't see properly She was trying to get in Elizabeth was channeling you And then I would get this, I know if I started getting the auras That I had 15 minutes before it was like go time. Like I couldn't move. So I would like have to make a decision about where I was going to land because it was going to be like a solid like two or three hours of like, I will be vomiting.

I will be like need to be in pitch black. I will be just in the most insane pain. And so, yeah, when that used to happen at like Swinburne Senior Secondary, I'd be like run to the sick man and be like, I need all the ibuprofen now, which they couldn't give me. Do you think that like in the bunker, is there not somewhere more plush that you could lay down in that situation? Maybe, but not anywhere where like clean.

And where do you want evil's mother, Nikki to work then? I'm sorry. I actually take it back. Leave the sick bay. You don't want evil to come for you for a second time. I think I just like, I think I just,

no, I think it's good that you got that off your chest. Yeah. What else is on your little list? Well, nothing else is I just. No, I think it's good that you got that off your checklist. But what else is on your little list? Well, nothing else is. I wrote. Well, we've passed it already. No, you say.

But I was like, young Sheldon. Oh, no, that was a, that was more of a funny bit. Yeah, but no. But I agree. Let's cut that out. That was for boy genius. It bit. Yeah, but no. Oh, but I agree. Let's cut that out. That was for Boy Genius. If Shauna is out, Young Sheldon is out. Perfect.

Good, good. I don't know. I don't really like that Young Sheldon. But Meg has already eaten Young Sheldon. That show got like so many seasons and it's a spinoff of The Big Bang Theory and it's about to get another spinoff. Ew.

What? Young Sheldon. Ew, we're not talking about this. That's crazy. Are there any other inanimate objects? Teenage Sheldon. We've got J-Lo's mud. That's not going anywhere.

Got what? J-Lo's mud. It's a really important consistency. What else? There's a lot of nice little objects in there that we probably, that probably people don't really remember. Yeah. Yeah, but so many are so good.

A little bomb. I mean, it's. A little round bomb. Yeah, I love that. Sardine cans. It's hard because there's just so many good things. Well, we've really done. You know, when I look at this list,

I do feel like a lot of peace and calm inside of me. Just imagining them all in the bunker. Yeah, I feel like a bird that's feathered quite an elaborate nest of ideas. Like a bowerbird. Yes. Absolutely. Because it's like, look at all these gorgeous bright pieces of tinsel. One of my favourite objects is the hand clappers made from Nicole Kidman's hands.

Well, exactly. And that's where we really shone as creators. That's so good. Yeah. That was funny. Oh, good times. I do like that. Do you know what I will say?

Laser tag. Where was that? Laser tag is the high school sport. I know. We put laser tag in And now I'm just kind of like When have I thought about laser tag? Oh, I've thought about that a lot

That would be quite fun to play in the bunker I love laser I wish there was a good place to play it right now I'd be playing it instead of doing this Remember the very convoluted law that we scripted around it You have to pass the witch trial first. Yeah, it's true. That's true.

That's true. Yeah, no one's playing laser tag because they would die in the woods. That's true. Just the set. Just the set. Oh, my God. Did you guys see all this breakdancing stuff at the Olympics? Yes.

Wait, so yes or no? To what? Ray Gunn. Ray Gunn. Ray Gunn. Ooh. It's like I'm. Wait, what? I Gunn. Ray Gunn. Ray Gunn. Ooh. It's like I'm- Wait, what?

I have a compo you don't know. No, what? The breakdancing. The Australian breakdancing. I just saw someone breakdancing. I didn't read a single word. Oh. She's just getting a lot of hate because she did a weird routine.

Like a kind of kooky routine. Yeah. Did they win? No. No. They got like zero. She just embarrassed us on a national stage.

But I think she's amazing. I mean, like, I love that she went. Yeah. It's definitely going to be like a cool running style film made about Ray Gunn. Yes.

It should be a judge on like Drag Race Down Under or something. Yeah. You've got a night ahead. Okay. So there's more than just that video? There's like a whole thing because she did her PhD on break dancing.

But she came from the world of ballroom dancing. Ah, cool. And she's kind of this like dorky, malarkey, like 30-something woman who looks like she, like, I don't know, runs a very fabulous book club. Yeah. And has a lanyard. And, like, she's up against all these people that look like breakdancers.

Yeah. And then she's just kind of this, like, frumpy. That's great. Like, not frumpy, but she's just, like, got a Gorman coat. Yeah. She's not as, like, break's just like, she's like got a Gorman coat. Like she's just like. She's not as like break dancey look. Yeah. What you typically think of as a break dancer look.

No, she's going to like Moonlight Cinema. Like kind of vibe. And then the fucking uniform that she has to wear is just so daggy. That is so perverse. But like, it's incredible. Like all the things that came together Like her doing that weird dance in that fucked out hair Let her do her awkward dance

She didn't put a hat in it? Yeah That's crazy They all wear hats so their head doesn't catch on fire Yeah so they don't get a big scabby area on their scalp Their hat is glued on Oh my god Big scabby area on their scalp. Their hat is glued on. Oh, my God. Because I was listening today to someone talking about, like,

how breakdancing ended up at the Olympics because the Olympics were like. Yeah, see, that's a real thing that should be talked about. It's pretty wild, the story, because it's like there's no prior to this, prior to it becoming an Olympic sport. Prior. Prior. Like the way that break dancing competitions had functioned or breaking as they call it in the industry is that you would go and the competition

would be held and the judges would watch and at the end of the competition they would point to the side that had won and then that was the winner and then if you interrogated it any further there was no like rubric to what made good break dancing or bad break dancing there was no scoring that you could examine as an outside person so you never had an understanding as to why one person won and one person had lost just kind of like attitude and like a bit of the vibe the atmos the steez. And so for it to become an Olympic sport, they had to make measurable stuff. Like actions that they did and how good the technique was and stuff like that. Yeah, so they kind of called this consortium of breaking people together

to decide what made good breakdancing and how to measure it. Interesting. And now it's not even coming back. Is it not? No, it's not coming back to the next Olympics. Wow. What do you mean?

That woman was the only person to ever represent Australian breakdancing. Well, then there was the B-boy as well. Oh, thanks. It's like she was the only ever B-girl that will represent Australia. I can't wait for the dolls to come out. What, the ray gun doll? Ray gun doll. It spins.

Kind of. Pull a cord and it spins on its head. Yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah, I don't think breakdancing should be an Olympic sport, to be honest I love that it's like I think it's like It's obviously kind of like the Olympics are a bit naff And so having something that is so centred around being cool

Is odd It's odd It kind of makes you lamer i actually enjoyed watching it though i watched the b girls yeah i mean obviously i mean i was like that was cool and so like there's other types of dance that have gotten into the olympics but yeah do you think if drag goes into the olympics like she'll come back well i actually was thinking about that when I was watching the B-Girls. I was like, voguing could be an Olympic sport. Oh, my gosh.

Well, breakdancing is like the metric of what you've just described. Yeah, like voguing because it's like they did a triple whack and then a death drop or like whatever. Like, yeah. I wonder, yeah. Do they have names for the moves? Yeah. like whatever Like, yeah I wonder, yeah Do they have names for the moves in? Yeah Yeah, yeah

And they both kind of came out of 80s New York, you know Culture So watch out, Brisbane 2032 Oh my God, I don't know It's going to be in Brisbane in 2032 In Brisbane? Yeah Darling, they won it, The river's running brown.

Wow. Do you know the whole opening ceremony and just how all of the different sports have been in these absolutely amazing settings? Like in front of the Eiffel Tower, like at some beautiful country. Yeah. Like what the fuck is it going to be at in Brisbane? The zoo. Australia Zoo. The Slingshot.

True. Yeah, well, they can use the GC as well, I guess. They can go out to the GC. Yeah, yeah. Have a little side event. No. Oh, and will they do, like, the swimming at Waterworld or? Wet and Wild. Yeah, yeah. at Waterworld or Wet n Wild Yeah

The Super 8 Aquaracer Yeah Yeah Gian Rooney Yeah Well I think that's the only other thing that like She's gonna make it The thing that I

Oh my god she will be the face of that The Olympics Yeah Oh my god It's actually like Australia does Like it's kind of like The thing that I like. Oh, my God. She will be the face of that. The Olympics. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's actually like Australia does like it's kind of like because our country is so small and the only thing we spend any money on is sport. It's like the one thing we're qualified to do because it's like the australian government has so neglected the arts and every other form of culture and has continually spent just gazillions and gazillions on sport

yeah that like we are now so over represented in the olympics for a country of our size that like this is the only thing we can be entitled to do so i just have to enjoy it yeah i can't wait for the mascot yes nothing could ever beat sid ollie millie yeah it was discussed misha beat them yeah the bear from the moscow olympics we did olympic mascots two weeks ago yeah yeah the bear The fucking bear bitch. What do you got? That's what are you good at? Yeah. I mean,

we are doing stock take. Yeah. If only there was a way of just quite fond of Misha. Yeah. It's fine. We gotta keep, keep him for a while. Yeah.

Yeah. He has balloons. Yeah. I don't have any balloons. Is Gian not in the bunker? Gian. Rooney. Yeah. in the bunker? Rooney Yeah Oh no

Gian Rooney starts the day with special K Well You know At the tail end of a guest episode You get to put something in So Oh my god But look

I think it's time for a break And then we'll enter our last little section Yeah So alpaca wall You're out But how does it go? I don't know Moths? Just drop it into the void a break and then we'll enter our last little section yeah so alpaca wall you're out but how does it go i don't know you did mods i'll just drop it into the void oh yeah okay round up everyone until we find a new fabric no fabric no fabric um but sadly i i think the sick bay has an important

place and i think that i i actually i brought the nail clippers and Sickbay to this conversation and I've backflipped on both of them. Okay, that's fine. And you know, it's so good that you came brave and ready to engage in a spirited debate. That's really good that you can, yeah, that you're not just fixated on... You're not closed-minded. Getting what you want. Yeah.

Yeah, that's good. Okay. That's a can-do attitude. Listener, we'll be back. Bye-bye. Okay, welcome back. Ooh. Everyone.

Now, I just realised that I forgot to tell my depressing story at the top end of the episode. That story? Which story? Not that story which story not that story what which like the most recent depressing thing that's happened to you yeah okay yes thank you yeah yeah it's good okay incredible okay so i'll be telling this to listener matt and bg lazy i told this story to earlier on this day so okay maybe like 10 years ago oh hooked up with this like discreet tradie off grinder whatever maybe oh i don't know five years ago 10 years ago whatever same thing like middle of the

night vibe on grinder came over was like probably coked out of his head but like it was hot the tradies can always afford the cocaine is this beastie girls hq yes yeah yeah um and i remember it being hot and he was hot and like discreet so like it was still kind of like, yeah, like, I don't know, just fun. But there was an edge of like, oh, you are perhaps too fond of these illegal substances that you have. Was he cokie or messy? I think at that time he was cokie. Rich? Was he like on Viagra as well or something?

Because doesn't being that into coke. Yeah, look, I was, as the story will go on, like on Viagra as well or something. Cause it doesn't, being that into Coke. Yeah. Look, I was, as the story will go on, I was trying to recall the details of the first hookup, but it was a really long time ago. So like,

I don't really remember, but I do think I remember it being really, really fun. But like, did we actually like fuck or like come and like i don't recall that and normally i would recall that so that's that i feel like you would know if you didn't true i'd be more enraged yeah you'd be more like well that was annoying yes yeah what the fuck am i wasting my time for i think that's the vibe i think it is. Because when he re-entered my life a few weeks ago,

I was like, is it worth it? I can't remember. I think it isn't because there was drugs and then there was some other thing. Wait, in what form did he re-enter though? Okay, so that was that. Then about a month ago, he reappears on Grindr. But no longer discreet and on whatever he's like they're existing publicly as a

faggot with like a face pic no but so you had him favorited no no no no how did you know it was him well because i think i just started talking to him and then I was like, wait, I remember you. And then like piece it all together. Yeah. I even have him as like a friend on Facebook, which like I have no history of. I like have no recollection of how. It was the 90s. Anyway, so then he reappears and I'm instantly like, oh, I remember there being like some hesitation.

Like, I don't think it was a one-off just because he was discreet. But anyway, so then that's that. Doing chit-chatting a little bit about like maybe hooking up. Then on Friday night, yeah, Friday night. Um, he messages and he comes over. Um, he was like in the area, whatever he'd like normally live South side.

And when we were messaging, I was like, kind of like, are you on something? Like if you're on something, I just want to know. Or like, what's the go? I'm not going to make you feel ashamed. I just need to know.

Yeah. I just need to know if I'm inviting. Wait, sorry. The one I'm bringing to my house. Before he arrived. Yes. Yeah. Like when we were chatting about like, maybe going to like, oh, should I come over?

Yeah. Because the way that he was texting was super erratic. Yeah. It'd be like one message. And then then an hour later there'd be five messages. Yeah. And I would reply and then I'd get like, you know, it just wasn't like how a conversation goes. Wait, how old is this guy? Maybe like 30.

Okay. Yeah. So anyway, then he's like, no, no, I'm like stoned, but that's it. I don't do anything else. He's like, okay, well, that's fine. Whatever. So then he comes over and instantly I'm like, you fucking liar. stoned but that's it i don't do anything else it's like okay well that's fine whatever so then he comes over and instantly i'm like you fucking liar like he was so glitcherella um like oh um not like weedy boy no like not like cute fun like hitting the glass barbie and yeah perhaps yes sadly but i was like okay like

who knows how this will shake out but whatever so then we're like sitting on the couch and like we he also was like it was late and it wasn't necessarily a hookup we'd just been like chatting so it was like come over and just like hang out Maybe we'll have sex But it wasn't so explicit Which was kind of nice It's one of those classic 11 o'clock at night Hang out with two friends Anyway, so he comes over Sitting on the couch

And then we're like Kind of watching something But we're both like You know what Like and I Also by this point was like How can this end As quickly as possible

It's like if we go to sleep then when i wake up eight hours has passed so it was like all right let's go to bed the only salvation is death yeah so then we like go to bed and like we kind of fool around a little bit and then we're like going to sleep and then like i'm not very good at sleeping so like i'm still awake and then but you know like maybe like half an hour in i'm like what the fuck is that and then i'm like dude dude wake up you are pissing in my bed oh my god and i rip off the doona and there he has like and he was so out of it like bless this mess but fucking hell and he's like just pissing like pissing all over me pissing all over the bed no and he's like in a little fucking puddle Of his own piss And I'm like dude

Like you have to get up And you gotta go home man And then I'm like stripping the bed And I'm like Pressing the like piss out of the mattress Like Like it was just Like wringing the mattress out

Yeah like Snow White At the well Wishing that I'd made different life choices So wait by the time you'd whipped Gotten up and whipped off the doona Was the piss over or was it continuing? Like was he still pissing? Yeah it was the active stream

Which is weird to me Like he must have been like yeah like not to you know but bless but goddamn he like it was kind of like he wasn't like that out of it like it was a weird behavior and he was like i wouldn't say that he was apologetic but he was like oh shit okay it's like i just need to know like he he woke up and he left yes oh yeah what were you gonna say i just i'm like well i the first thing i think said to zelda when i heard the story was like i'm used to hearing this told from the other side like a lot of the yeah friends that i've had in my life have been the pisser. I have heard that one as well.

Yeah. But hearing it from the other side, I'm like, yeah, fuck that guy. Yeah. And he was so like, oh, like, is it a big deal? And like, you're pissed in my bed. Yeah. Like, yeah. So he was getting dressed and I was like, yeah.

You should have pissed on his clothes. I mean, the thing is that like piss in the right context, I am okay with. That's fine. Sometimes, you know. Like, no, like I've done all sorts of things with piss. I'm not anti-piss. But I am when it's soft burnishing yeah and that's why we had to get rid of all the alpaca wool in the bunker anyway listener everyone thankfully by the time i had sopped up all the fucking piss it had not yet penetrated like anything that isn't washable Yeah So everything is fine

But god damn what a harrowing experience That is so annoying It's just also gives such a bad name to meth addicts Do you know what I mean? It's like there's gonna be like you won't hook up with a meth addict now And like the whole meth community is gonna be like Well they don't represent us Not all meth addicts are pissing in beds Because the whole meth community is going to be like, well, they don't represent us.

Not all meth addicts are pissing in beds. When the piss was coming out and then you were like, get up. Yeah. Then did he like keep pissing? No, he like stopped pissing. So I think it was like a purely unconscious movement. So that's weird because it's like he woke up and then he immediately, you knew to like close his urethra. Right.

That's really curious. And what I, an added detail is that I did note that his dick was like wedged between his thighs when he woke up, like when I pulled back the doona so i was like i don't know i just in that moment i was thinking about so many things i was like did you need to go to the bathroom and so you wedged your dick between your legs to prevent yourself from needing to pee and then like is there so much piss here but i didn't feel a jet stream of piss onto me because it was diffuse dripping through your thighs.

Like there were just so many questions, you know, made a little waterfall. That's so annoying. I just am like, I need someone to match the energy in the opposite direction of being so embarrassed. So then at least you can be gracious and like, I'm doing all of this it's okay but like

just yet now it's time for you to leave but it just wasn't that he was more like what you never pissed in your bed every night that sucks i just i'm like we're looking at the death of shame so anyway that's but you know what. But you know why he's so fucking dead to it? Because he was like DL for so long. His shame meter is full. That man has lived in shame as a tradie faggot for years. He does not have darling. No, pissing in a bed is the least of his worries.

Yes. Anyway. What a fabulous story. Do you reckon he told the story at work the next day? Oh, I've pissed in this guy's bed a lot. No, I don't. Like, honestly, I would be... The way that he was when he left,

I was like, he probably doesn't remember. Wow. Do you think he made it home safe? Yes. Because he was so out of it. He was like, can you book me an Uber? So like, yes. He checked when he got home.

Yeah. I was watching him leave. When I closed the door, I was like. Piss trail. I was like, what if he's waiting outside to just come piss on me again? I watched him until he vanished. And did he have a long Uber ride, huh? No, not really.

So then did you have to like, or were you like, can't be asked? Or like, this was in the middle of the night. And obviously you took all the sheets off the bed that were covered in piss. Yes. And then you just like slept on the bare mattress? Well, no, I was sort of like. That's a great question, Ben. Thank you for investigating.

What was your level of shame in all this? I was fueled with rage and Katy Perry wide awake. So I remade the bed, but I didn't have like my little like, not mattress protector, but you know, like my sheepskin, whatever. Well, that was the thing that saved the day. That was. The last thing standing between the day. That was. Yeah.

The last thing sent between you and a new mattress. Because once the piss is in the mattress, what the fuck do you do at that point? Did you say it was a, not alpaca wool, but sheepskin? Sheepswool. Sheepswool. Are you saying? Well, if this was to happen in the bunker, you'd need something like that to protect from the piss. Yeah.

On the Murphy bed. Do you want to, I'm going to lean a little bit closer to the microphone. There you go. Just want to hear you say piss. Just to get. Piss pot. Yeah. So anyway.

That's good. I think you for sharing that Yeah But thankfully That could never happen in the bunker Because everyone's full of cum All bodily fluids are cum Yeah So I mean

If I woke up And someone was cumming on me I'd be like Bring it on Thank you Well I mean We don't really have a

We've done our Our main work for the week Yes Well, I mean, we don't really have a... We've done our... Our main work for the week. Yes. So that brings us to, I suppose, unless anyone else has any bodily fluid in bed stories. Any cum cubes for us for this week? Yeah.

Bananga? Yeah, just go back and listen to that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throwback Friday. Any peanut brittle? Yeah. Yeah, just go back and listen to that one Yeah, yeah, yeah Throwback Friday Any Peanut Brittle? Yeah Did we talk about that on the last time I was here? Did we talk about it on the pod?

Or just the cum cubes? No, definitely didn't talk about Peanut Brittle Oh, do you want to do that story? Go on, I love that one I'll do like a fast Yeah, yeah, yeah I was like seeing this guy Come on. I love that one. I'll do like a fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like seeing this guy and it was like all going so well.

Like everything was good. We were like getting along. And it was probably on like the fourth date or something-ish. We were like doing the thing. And anyway, I was the top in the situation. And it like just came out as it does sometimes, you know, like in, out, in, out. And then it like fl came out as it does sometimes, you know, like in, out, in, out.

And then it like flops out. Yeah. And I looked down like, cause when it comes out, you're like, is there going to be some poo there? Like just double check before you go back in again. Yeah. This is our lives. Yeah. Yeah.

And there was no poo, but there was all around my knob, like a Mr. Whippy, like little peanuts, like the ones that you get on your ice cream. Oh, my God. Like, clean. Yeah, they were like. Crushed peanuts. Yes. Like the ones that you get on your ice cream Oh my god Like clean Crushed beers But they were obviously a bit soaked Because they'd been inside Through the entire human digestive tract And like I was obviously shocked

And then he was like What? What? And then i showed him it just became very awkward i went and like washed it off we stopped like doing the thing yeah and then we never saw each other again yeah well you did see each other again well i mean like i did in that way. Yes. And then, like, he has come into my life in another way later. But it's just weird that peanuts can really, like, end something.

And survive so, like, intact. Yeah, like, if there was poo there, maybe we would be married now. Good thing you weren't allergic. Yeah. Yeah. be married now but it was good thing you weren't allergic yeah yeah yeah well actually my is allergic to peanuts funny that's a weird kind of message i've had this conversation with him before and i'm like how fucked would it be if it was you that was fucking him yeah because he could have killed you yeah yeah. Swollen up inside.

Yeah. Like it could have gone up into like Raph's urethra. Yeah. Like traveled up. Yeah. The peanut shoot. Like parasites in the Amazon river. Absolutely.

Oh no. So yeah. Beware anaphylactics. Yeah. You could be fucking the peanut hole. Yeah. Beware anaphylactics. Yeah, you could be fucking the peanut hole.

I think just the vision of it being so pristine. That was what it was so was the freakiest thing is that there was no poo on it. Yeah, yeah. Like it was nuts. There was no like brown smear around the nuts or anything. No trail mix. Mid-session snack. No.

Wow. Yeah, no, I hate that. It's too, because it's uncanny. Yeah. It's not gross. It's uncanny. Yeah. And uncanny is kind of almost, yeah, it's more unforgivable than gross.

Yes. Because gross is human human but the nuts maybe he needs a channel to connect to his anus you know like because that's some alien shit going on oh my goodness okay bg our last task for the day is that you do indeed get to put something in the bunker. Well, I think she deserves to be in there, right? Go on. Go on. Well, I had a connection to Gian Rooney because she went to the same school as me. And she was, like, on, like like when you walked into the sports center,

like there was a photo of her above because she was like the school's shining star. And she's just so like random D grade Aussie celeb. Yeah. It's very like, then you were lazy Having this weird obsession with I do love Gian Rooney as well Yeah

Like when you first brought her up I was like Gian I know Gian I remember for some reason Me and my friend Cameron Were like obsessed with Gian Rooney And like we were like Obviously just two little faggots

Although I don't think Cameron turned out to be gay, but definitely faggots, like who were like in grade three and four like running around being like, I'm Gian Rooney. Now I'm Gian Rooney. But I feel like she could work really well as like if you ever needed to do an ad for the bunker. Yes. Like she would be like a good face. Like do an ad for the bunker. Yes. She would be like a good face.

She could be like, yeah. Come join us today. Yeah. Because she's gone from Australian Olympic athlete to like brand ambassador or like, you know, she. She's a TV personality now. Yeah. But she does commentary on the Olympics and she, um, she's a TV personality. Yeah. But she does commentary on the Olympics and stuff.

Yes. So, well, she could, she could like, if there was ever like a battle in the bunker or something, she could do that. She could commentate. She's very overqualified actually. She really does need to be. Yeah. Maybe she's good.

We haven't got a sport yet in the bunker, do we? Well laser tag oh well that's a high school sport wasn't it true yeah were you getting rid of that no no no it was discussed but it's fine oh it's fine um i i just had two more i i agree i think it should be john oh yeah that's great and she can visit the oceanarium to swim laps in the morning. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she would have such a nice life in there.

Yeah. I just wanted to bring up, I had two little things that I've written down on my notes, which is just that, do you know Tana, Tana Mongeau from like the internet? No. This is like diva who's like in the same universe as like Trisha Paytas and that sort of thing. Tana Khan comes from her. Oh, Tana Khan.

She dated like Jake Paul and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, she has this like veneer that keeps popping off her teeth. And she's like, whenever I go to a humid climate, my veneers that keeps popping off her teeth and she's like whenever i go to a humid climate that my veneers pop off and she's this like young beautiful woman and then like and she's so like the most la human being that's ever existed kind of like equal parts the devil and kind of incredible but like then you see her veneer like pop off mid conversation and like fall down the front of her body and then beneath is like the little chitlin that's like left over that they've glued the

veneer to and her like veneer tooth like her real tooth is like black and like rotting away and someone in the comments of the latest veneer pop video because she's in hawaii and the veneer has popped off and she had to super clue it back on so i kind of do relate to her but she someone in the comments was like oh she probably has really bad veneer breath i had not even considered this idea of veneer breath what the fuck is veneer because they cut away the enamel on your real teeth if they're doing bad veneer work so that they can fit the veneer on top but if the tooth rots from behind there's no way to ever clean it so you constantly have the scent of rotting tooth in your mouth. And you have what they call veneer breath. Imagine being in LA and talking to all these fabulous hot LA people.

And they have this stench coming from their mouth. Oh. Wow. That's all I have to say on that. Whoa. Oh, veneer breath. That's really scary. Yeah.

Veneer breath. Well, thankfully, that's not the teeth that we put in. We put in vampire nubbins. That's really scary. Yeah. Veneer breath. Well, thankfully, that's not the teeth that we put in. We put in vampire nubbins. That's right. At least you can see the nub. Yeah. Not like Tana Mongeau and her little chitlin teeth. The Tanner I know is Serpa Design.

He does those YouTube paludarium videos. He has a big dumpster truck ass. Well, I'm glad we've both found our equilibrium online oh and the last thing you had two notes oh yeah and nomadically ryan is a tiktoker who's like got ex-mormon voice which i love um you know like boys that were mormons and are like softly spoken and then they like become un-mormon when they realize they're massive faggots. He was traveling across America in his car, like a Hyundai and like coming to terms with his like immense amount of baggage from being a Mormon in America for so long.

And he's on TikTok documenting his journey. And he speaks like David Archuleta, who's like another ex-Mormon who I love. Anyway. Okay. Someone out there will know who David Archuleta is he was on American Idol anyway he came out as gay realized like finally like you know the closet was glass kind of thing like everyone knew he was a massive fag but he didn't came out as gay and then like within a week is in a relationship with this Colombian guy and they are buying a $50,000 van to drive across America in and as the story has come out like on his socials he's like how I met the love of my life and now we're traveling across America in a

van and blah blah blah, blah. And like, then you see the guy and you're like, Oh, I guess like this is just how it works. And then as it's gone on, it's like, and he doesn't speak any English and I don't speak Spanish. And the way we communicate is with Google translate. And I'm like, Oh, I don't know, sweetheart. Like you are too much of a pure soul.

And then he's been like fully like posting the like love bomb storyline on his TikTok. And everyone's like, are you okay? And he's like, I've just found love. And if that's too much for you, I don't know what to tell you. It's really scary. How can you like actually No you can't that's the answer This is not love actually

With Aurelia and what's his name Something preserved in the bunker It's a worry and I just like Someone's gonna end up Like heartbroken or dead God protect someone's going to end up like heartbroken or dead. Wow. God protect.

I mean, like, you know, those boys that come out of the closet fresh and then immediately stumble into like their lifelong relationship. Yeah. You're like, girl, you never had a chance. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, on that note, I guess. Yeah.

Jan, Jan, Jan that note, I guess. John, John, John. Sorry. Up, up, up, John. So we've put some things in to review. John Rooney, congratulations. You made it, girl. Alpaca, as a fabric, goodbye. Shoshana, you've been eaten by a megalodon.

And Katy Perry Why, I hope there's enough room in that incredible mind of yours For Kate Middleton's spirit And of course the clone of Kate Middleton's spirit It's been channeled, didn't you? Yeah That's good Does Benign get to take something out though? A freebie?

Oh yeah A freebie take out Or you. A freebie take out? Or you get a freebie put in? Well, she got a freebie put in. Oh, yeah, I put Gian in. Yeah, no, Gian's good. Okay. Matt?

Sorry, I was just wondering about the format of the show. Well, me too. So are the listeners. Matt, did you have anything to throw into the stock take this year? Do you have any ideas, thoughts or feelings that you want to get in before the end of the stock take? I'm just really enjoying looking at all the things that are in there. I think if you don't remember, listener, what's in there, you should get access to this list.

Yeah. Oh, which is available now on Patreon. Yeah, that's true. Beautifully made Excel spreadsheet you can find on the Patreon right now. It's like, yeah, it's like Lazy said, you know, it's really nice looking at it and just imagining all the things in their right place in the bunker. Matt, did you used to be a Mormon? You're giving ex-Mormon voice right now.

Like there's just all these little beautiful little things around everywhere. Like you over there is the Pompeii room and Reggie's and, you know, there's dry ice and things floating around, crunchies all over the place. Yeah. That sound one. And no Hague's Frog Chop. No.

Sorry. Maybe that's what we should put in a little buddy car. It's a beautiful place, the bunker now. You've really done a great job, you two, of selecting the best of the best. Yeah. You should be so proud. With some help with some friends. And, yeah, I think, you know, of selecting the best of the best. Yeah. You should be so proud. With some help with some friends. And, yeah, I think, you know, this is your legacy, really.

You're right. This is really going to be what people will remember you for. Hopefully not the blood I left on their sheets. I want to be remembered for the good things. So, well, what a Sentiment To extend to our listeners Thank you for joining us For the last year This is of course

The last episode No Oh yeah We're doing more Okay Yeah yeah yeah I guess we'll see you In next year

Yes Thank you Goodbye Benign I'll see you in A year Yeah Once a year We have Benign on Let's hope someone gets their hair cut and bitches about this to you

Oh yeah true what about that though You say that thing The thing your life is now What? Where can they find you? Oh yeah Chop shop I guess Chop shop

Where can they find me? Do you want business? Do you want to advertise your business? Oh Nah you're up to pussies Bo already Yeah Don't come Don't come Don't come.

Don't come. Don't come. It's actually kind of hard to get a booking nowadays at Chop Shop. Okay. But if you are already a customer, please continue to come. Yes. Yeah. Keep that hair growing.

And if they are, they'll already know, so it doesn't matter. So actually she doesn't need any of this. Don't go bald. Oh, what happens if someone goes bald? Oh, as in like? Like your business is done. Well, no, sometimes they like, then they grow out a beard. Oh.

Because they don't have hair anymore. You do beards too. Yeah. Yeah. What about pubes? Matt! We haven't quite branched out to that yet. Matt! Anything haven't quite branched out to that yet. Matt! Anything is possible. This is the kind of blue shit that we do not

do here. Is that the line, is it? Yes. Sorry, asking our barber friend, do you do pubes? I'm just trying to think of ways to save the business, that's all. Fucking hell. Because you could do like the close shave down there as well

This is not the footy show We're trying to have fun here Discuss things, you don't need your dark, nude sensibility Okay Sure, sorry And with Matt having lowered the tone It's time for us to go Three of us need to go home and put cum cubes in our arses

Okay, we'll see you next week. Jesus. Read the room, Matt. You've got to clean up your bed as well. Oh, my God. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Ethan Centric and Angus Lennon. You got something to say to us?

Send it to us at death to everyone pod at gmail.com and where would you support us at patreon.com

and gain access to the entire list of things in the bunker at patreon.com bye bye bye bye Thank you.