Death To Everyone - Death To... X-Mas Decorations, Carols & Love Actually

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

Merry Holidays! This week we're taking a closer look at the bunkers rejected holiday, Christmas. Which xmas decoration will survive the apocalypse? What carols shall we sing? And most importantly, which storyline from Love Actually? Listen to find out! Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Ho, ho, ho! Merry holiday!

From all of us to all of you, happy and merry holidays. It's Boxing Day. Get shopping. It's the second day. Why do you wish that Christmas was also New Year's? Just put them together. Get it out of the way. I want families sitting together, dropping E at the same time and coming up

and telling each other they love each other at 12 o'clock and then the next day we're just done that's it that weird six days between the two is weird you mean the seven day i'm not a calendar um yeah it is like a weird like no man's land land yeah it's good though i mean it is nice but it is just like what are we doing here could we are we what are we doing here where are we what's happening well yeah i mean 27th to the 30th yeah yeah look you've raised some good points oh i do what I can Hello My name is Lazy Susan And I'm Zelda Moon I just said that

And this is Death to Everyone Your favourite festive part A feast for your ears Now we don't celebrate Christmas here We celebrate Halloween That's right In the bunker As decided in the scriptures However We don't celebrate Christmas here. We celebrate Halloween. That's right. In the bunker.

As decided in the scriptures. However, while we're not celebrating Christmas, we will discuss it. Well, this is the thing. I think the main question we need to ask today is how can we be integrating, you know, this conversation about X- xmas traditions into halloween oh okay yeah because we night before christmas we have decided long ago that there's only one holiday celebrated in the bunker that is halloween halloween and of course we do have the costumes in the bunker yes but we do need to acknowledge this is a moment in time and you are away with your family right now. So we need to be here to support you.

Yeah. As celestial beings. You're going through it. You're having to put up with weird conversations with those you'd rather not ever see again. And why not listen to some of those as well? How ever are you doing, i'm good you know i've just been relaxing i've been taking time for me um i've been drinking too much but in like a like day

drinking have you heard of it yeah oh my god i just think at a certain age, day drinking, honey, it's great. Oh, my God. You know what? What? I was at work today, and I was walking through the fucking crowded halls of a shopping center, and I was walking behind someone who stank of red wine. Oh, see. But it was 10.30 in the morning.

Shopping drunk. Yeah. There's nothing you can do in the day that can't be improved by being drunk while doing it. Name one thing. Being sober. Yeah, greatly improved by drinking. Do you know what I don't like? Christmas decorations at shops.

Oh. drinking um do you know what i don't like christmas decorations at shops oh where they're like dust off the giant ball ball greg we're gonna hang it in the same position as last year because i want the ornamentation to be a surprise yeah you don't want a recycled set that giant christmas tree in flinders fed square honey i saw it last year get a a new one. What are we doing? Yeah. So I had a discussion with, again, the center management of a shopping center. And they told me, we were talking about like Christmas Day and everything. This was like a month ago. You're having a stroke. Yeah. And I was saying how I think Emporium in the city here in Melbourne

had really like chic Christmas decorations. Yeah. A minimalist rod with a star on top. Truly. And the Valley gal from the centre management was like, ugh, our contract ends in two years and I cannot wait. I was like, what? She was like, well, we like signed a contract ends in two years and i cannot wait i was like what she was like well we like signed a contract with the company that we rent the all of the center decorations from

it was a five-year contract this is year three or whatever and there's like a couple years left and then we can change the set that we order i was like wow and she was like they were really cool three years ago but now everyone's so sick of them because they're so classic. Yeah. It's a very classic Christmas. And there's like giant Nutcracker men at the gates with a flag with an H on it. I hate, I think the Nutcracker thing was not part of my experience. No, but I also don't understand, like you eat nuts all the time.

Oh, do you eat nuts? Not once for cracking. Like walnuts? You would crack a walnut? I have. Bitch, I've known you for fucking six years. I've never seen you crack a walnut. Okay, well, like, I wouldn't, but people do.

And growing up, we had a walnut cracker that wasn't in the shape of a, like, Christmas ornament. And, like, that was so good. Yeah, I love cracking nuts, but I never would. Yeah. But you would shell a pistachio. I love. Pistachios and cherries, similar in the, like, part that they hold,

is that they're, like, perfect for a snack with an activity attached. You know, like, you can crack open the pistachio and like you know do things with little shells um or you can like pull that little stem off the cherry and like tie it with your tongue or do something with the pit throw it at someone shoot it at someone's eye choke on it swallow it drama drama everyone's looking everyone's looking at me choked. Yeah. Anyway, that's fab. But yeah, I just don't like the like men. Men really do own Christmas. Who's the woman of Christmas?

Mary, I guess. But she's not like Jesus. And then like Santa and what, Mrs. Claus? Girl Santa? Mrs. Pac-Man? Yeah, it is giving Mrs. Pac-Man. It's like, oh, oh well he's got a wife but she dresses the same as him yeah with a bow yeah fuck off yeah i just i'm not buying into i'm

like i think mrs claus is working against feminism like i think that like if you buy into mrs claus power then you're like like well she works hard too no she doesn't she's an invention then you're like like well she works hard too no she doesn't she's an invention and invented to just be a spouse yeah that's her that's her function she does nothing in society get rid of her look you're not wrong um what do you think about elves i okay can i say this elf on a shelf thing that is like like my Berenstain Bears. That's like Mandala effect because that never existed. No. That is made up.

Yeah. Like literally two years ago I heard about it for the first time and I was like, I would have known about this. Yeah. You existed in the world. It does not exist. And people pretend like there's deep, you know that episode of like 30 Rock where everyone's like, Liz, why aren't you celebrating Leap Day?

And they like pretend like it's a big national holiday that takes place every four years. Sounds funny. It's a great episode. But they're like, she's turned on the TV and there's like a Leap Day movie that's like a Christmas movie, but like about a man who doesn't believe in Leap Day and then he becomes Mr. Leap Day. Anyway but that's how I feel about Elf

on a Shelf. Yeah. It's like what? And like what's the thing? What are you meant to do with Elf on a Shelf? You have to move it around at night? Oh I don't know about that. Trick your children? Ooh that I like. No what is it Matt? Yeah it does that. It like sneaks around the house and gets into new spots in the house and stuff. It sneaks.

And it's just in December. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, it's just Christmas period, yeah. Everything's so fun for children. It plays little tricks that, like, will, like, you know, put a little, like, It's you, Matt. You're the one playing tricks. It's not me.

I've never done it. But my students, I teach some kids violin and they always tell me, like, the elf moved my chair last night or something. I don't know what they say, but, yeah. That doesn't sound good. It's really silly. I think it's not a thing as well, yeah. When you say violin to

people to a lot of them go violin violin like what's that from okay oh um no one's ever done that other than you thank you thank you okay that's such a good song anyway so the point of this show in case some people have forgotten is to decide as the two incredibly wise celestial being drag queens that we're above it all quite literally and figuratively yes giganticing in the celestial void. People think we're in the bunker sometimes. We're not in the fucking bunker. I'm not slumming it with you and Katie Perry and Lady Gaga. So.

It's our job, however. To put things in there. To put things in there for your entertainment after everyone's dead. Yeah, we're caring for you. We're doing our job, so don't count after everyone's dead. Yeah. We're caring for you. We're doing our job. So don't count us in with you. Yeah. Okay.

So, also, thank you so much for those of you who have left comments, reviews. Five-star reviews have been really helping. And I've noticed we've gone to number one. Yeah. For all? Time. Yeah. Yeah.

We're now number one forever. But we still need more reviews because i want to get to number zero okay i'd like to be that's right yeah yeah anyway so this special festive season i will be deciding how the world ends yes it's your turn darling okay so here's what i want this is a important one yeah it's a good one it's a good it's your turn darling okay so here's what i want this is important one yeah it's a good one it's a good it's important one okay so i think obviously do you know that like what i'm trying to think the number one religion in the world is i think it goes christianity then islam but only just let me just I need to Google this but I

need to know what moment place I'll cut this out they're cutting this out don't have it no see no one religion in the world okay so the number one religion in the world Christianity then, then secular non-religious agnostic atheists. They just group us in like that. It's pretty rude. Then Hinduism. So, okay. So, for my Christmas-themed apocalypse, I kind of need to be something like 30% of the population-ish.

But everybody suffers under it. Well, exactly. So, we need to figure out how to do that the thing can i just butt in quickly the thing with religion that i've never understood is like if you like in order to believe in religion right like you believe that your one is correct you have to so everyone else is wrong yeah what what well that can't be because like if i believe this and you believe that where one of us is You have to. So everyone else is wrong. Yeah. What? What? Well, that can't be. Because if I believe this and you believe that, one of us is wrong.

Yeah, and you believe you're right. And even in our case, presume no God, you die and then you rot and that's it. Yeah. But what if we're wrong? Yeah. Because only one option is correct. Well, did you ever watch or read American Gods? Read? American Gods, that terrible, like, superhero show?

Not superhero, but they are kind of magical. It's got your girl. It's Queen from X-Files. January Jones? No. Wait, from X-Files. January Jones? No. Wait, from X-Files. Oh, Gillian Anderson. Gillian Anderson.

She plays the god of the internet. She would. Go on. But the thing in that is that it's all about gods that are kept alive and afloat by people's belief in them. So all gods exist as long as they're believed in oh classic yeah yeah so but for the atheist she dies and she gets what she believes in which is nothing and they just put you into an abyss oh we have one of those so so for people that believe in

you know a christian heaven they go to their christian heaven for people that believe in nothing they go to nothing everyone wins well i'm like i don't know that i want to go to the abuse if there's a heaven to go to i'll go to that yeah but i just don't buy it um god i hate religion anyway go on yeah yeah um okay so um the way that everyone's dying. Okay, so obviously, once again, working across, not everyone can be affected, but I think there's going to be, you know those Santa chocolates? They're hollow. They do the Easter Bunny one in the same style.

They're about a foot long, foil, smiling man of Santa, and then you take it off and it's like an etched Santa. Oh. Uh-huh i think i knew that was a thing honey of course what do you mean you know the easter bunny you get yes it's that but it's santa red tulip or whatever yeah red tulip yeah but that but it's santa oh you've not seen her i don't think oh this might be an issue then okay but what i'm saying is you're gonna wrap no saying is inside of that,

deathly spores grow from the factory where they're produced, right? And then when they're cracked open, the spores are released into the air. And I think there's enough going out into the open market, though it does concern me that you have never seen this, but maybe one of your coworkers brings one to work and is like, Stacey, we'll give little pieces out to everyone yeah and everyone gets this like rot inside of them and then they all die and the whole world dies because of the cracked santa cool yeah i thought you were gonna to say, Merry Christmas. Is that the sound that happens when you crack open the chocolate?

No. I thought you were going to say that the whole world got wrapped in alfoil and then everything down. That's the kind of giganticism that you would be doing. Yeah. Did you watch that new Netflix film with Julia Roberts in it? No. I need someone to talk to about this because it was so bad it made me so mad suffered from a quiet place 2 disease oh where it was shot like a tv show

directed by someone who used to make tv and they had like an a plot and a b why it plays two disease it's terrible and like the in the quiet place You know how they have like The two plots going on At the same time And you're like You feel like you're watching An episode of TV Yeah and it's like Where do the dinosaur things come from

No Oh Different conversation Okay go on No it's like You're following two different stories That kind of Completely unrelated

Except they just keep Cutting back between The two of them And it's not satisfying In the way that a film Is satisfying Yeah yeah yeah Because in a film They're just telling you one story yeah or one thematic proposition whereas in tv they're

like okay this person's story this week is this denaris is on ss and everyone else is on mystery i hate that anyway oh my god but the the thing it has that where it's like julia roberts and this one are in the cabin doing this and the other two are over here doing this and i'm like shut up just tell one of these stories it's a sequel to cabin in the woods i wish yeah anyway it was bad is it christmas movie no oh yeah i just made it just came out oh okay everyone will be watching it over christmas and julia roberts is absolutely hands down incredible no matter what. She's so good. She's Erin Brockovich. She's so like she can sell everything.

Yeah. And yet she's just so underserved. I don't know why she said yes to this. They're called boobs, Ed. And it's the second year running. I'm ignoring you. It's the second year running where another film has come out that's like, ooh, isn't technology spooky? Isn't the world ending?

Oh, this from the woman who loves Black Mirror. I like Black Mirror because, yes, they're brave enough to fuck a pig. This, you think Julia Roberts is going to fuck a pig? I wish she would. I wish she would too. But unless that, you know, it's like that's the issue. Everyone in the film feels insulated by the fact that they're in this kind of film. Oh, I see.

You know what I mean? I'm not scared because nothing bad is going to happen to these people because guess what? Everything's well lit. We're on Netflix. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, anyway, that and Don't Look Up. Don't Look Up.

That fucking turd of a film. I couldn't. I watched 10 minutes and I had to turn it off it was just like i would rather eat my own fucking face than watch that film again it was and it's like why like stick really talented actors the second they prove themselves to be talented actors we then find the most banal piece of shit films to stick them in for the rest of their career it just yeah if you're successful you have to actually be like nicole kidman and fight to get into interesting films yeah like aquaman 2 exactly exactly how did they get her in that

i think she was like oh well how many weeks do I have to do? Two days. I'll do it. That is so crazy. And she likes money. The trailer for Aquaman 2 is, like, I haven't seen either, but I saw the trailer for Aquaman 2. It's so bad.

I think that every Boxing Day, a la today, we have to go and see one film at the Lee and Gatha Cinema. But what am I seeing? Is it it aquaman is that the only option no there's that wish i'm not saying wish wish i don't wish to i shan't i shan't i just feel like i'm trapped either way yeah that's how i ended up seeing wonder woman 1984 i did not like that. No, me neither. Wonder Woman, first one, was probably the best DC movie I've seen in a long time. They're all pretty bad.

Anyway. Not like those Marvel films, which are bulletproof. I do not say that. You say that I say things I don't say. I said that just then. Well, if you'd come and seen the Marvels with me, like I begged you to, you too would see that Iman Vellani is fantastic. And I actually appreciate women in film.

Put your rage away. It's Christmas. I appreciate women in film, especially Pakistani women, young girls. I appreciated gal, gal Godot. She's a good gal Okay Okay So now that we know how the world is ending

Also Merry Christmas Matt Merry festive season Thank you What do you celebrate? I celebrate Eating as much food as I can

It's time to celebrate, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Is this your child's first X-mas? Yeah. I've got a daughter now, so, yeah, it's all about her now. We're just going to keep that Santa Claus mystery alive for as long as possible. Do you have to get, like, gifts for the first birthday and for the first Christmas?mas well she's only eight months

she'll be nine she's not like sentient yet you don't have to wrap anything eight months yeah i'll show yeah she won't understand this christmas it'll be next year that it's a bit more um exciting for her i think where it'll be like oh there's presents under the tree what do you yeah gonna do about it what are are you going to fucking do? Or whatever you say. Yeah, she's very much like into her directing mode of like, pick that up. Yeah.

Open it. Yeah. Now let me see. Okay. That delights me. She's more interested in wrapping paper than presents at the moment. Oh, like a dog. Yeah.

Like a little puppy. Yeah. That's cute. Oh, that's so exciting. Yeah, but it's given our family like a good little puppy. Yeah. That's cute. Oh, that's so exciting. Yeah, but it's given our family like a good little focus. I feel like we've all grown up now and it's like we're all a bit older. Yeah. We've lost the magic.

No, there is like a very distinct mortality era of Christmas after you've like empty nested. Yeah, everyone's left school now. And like your parents are like well we're just waiting to die and then and then like you're like but if there was a child i might have something to live for yeah you know things that oh it's so true thank god your brother had children what was the was there a gap when you and your brother and it was no children yeah and when i was still the youngest in the family.

You were like, she's 58. And I would still have to wear the Santa hat and hand out the presents on Christmas Day. I wish you would do. And they kind of get bleak, but they also get fun. Those kind of Christmas? Well, yeah. We're only witnessing it secondhand because my family like

me and my sister i we were very much spent spinster vibes yeah yeah so like it's just the three of us me my dad and it's like that's fun yeah you get boozy it's cute oh it's cute but like now now that actually now that kergen's come to christmas that sounds like one of those bad holiday movies but like there's kind of like you're putting on something for someone else like you know he doesn't know how wretched we are yet so it's kind of good to like, you know, like we're all on our behavior. We're all like, you know, pretending to be normal. So that's good. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, what a time. But yeah, I think once kids come into the picture, the thing that sucks about kids at Christmas, young kids, is that like if you have a friend, Nina, who like Nina used to come and spend all her Kate Patterson Christmases with me, but then all her family started having kids. So her sister had a kid, and then now they needed to go to, like, the other side of Timbuktu to visit the parents of that kid.

So everything gets thrown into the wind because all the grandparents want to, like, have their, like, life force. Life force of the child. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Well exactly So Matt

Are you going to be Ferrying Cedar around Or your child around For Xmas Yeah well No I think We've just got one thing

This year Sometimes it's like A bit of a Weird Dash around town Isn't it Yeah That's it

That's how Christmas Becomes a nightmare Because everyone's on the road yeah when you have when you overcommit now we've like learned to like spread it out over the week so it's kind of like that's the dream you do one thing on christmas day only and then the rest of the week it's like yeah we'll spread this out yeah just the inferior family, just the second class family. The things that aren't on Christmas Day, though, instantly feel more relaxed. Oh, yeah. And it's like they're all easier than whatever the Christmas Day one is

because that's like the day. I need to just like any future like relatives or whatever the fuck, I need to tell you, I will never be compromising my Christmas. I am not going anywhere else. I'm not going to any other place. If you want to see me at Christmas, you know where I am. But I'm not driving across the fucking state to see you because it's a special day. Diva. Bitch, no. They love you. I have plans. They just want to see you because it's a special day. There you are.

Bitch, no. They love you. I have plans. They just want to see you. I just want you all to know. You know where I'll be. I'm like a statue of Christmas. I don't want to see you with this attitude.

I'm serious. And I think if everyone just siloed and went to their one thing, that's fine. You can come visit me. Siloed and went to their one thing, that's fine. You can come visit me. So, like, how long does it take to get the grain to the top of the silo? And how long is it full for?

Getting off topic. This has got Quiet Place 2 disease as well. Yeah, but I think about that all the time. Do you know what I think about? That John Krasinski has a career. And it's just because he's attractive. He's very handsome. He's so handsome that no one noticed he's boring.

No, he's famous because he's boring. He would be a huge Australian celebrity. He was in that TV show, right? The Office. Yes. He was he was in that TV show, right? The Office. Yes. He was very handsome in that. Yeah. But like, I don't know. I just think if you go through life looking like that,

everyone being nice to you, even when you say stupid shit. What, did he say stupid shit? I just, I think that like. He's not bad. When the door closes, things would come out of his mouth. He'd be like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. And he's married to Emily Blunt, who I also, guys, I just, I don't know what I want.

She's Prada. Devil Wears Prada, right? She's Prada. Yeah. And do you know what? Everyone's like, she's so funny. And I'm like, where, when, at what point? Is anyone funny

no meryl yes stanley yes that movie is good it's trash you're krampus garbagio you're so you're sour cherry and i'm maraschino cherry i'd rather be shower candy just that wasn't an option okay so it's now our time we'll put this aside i just like emily blunt but yeah what has she done for me lately what has she done for me lately what is she mary poppins she was mary poppins she She fucking wishes. Yeah. I'm wishing. I love Julie Andrews. How have you not seen Saturday Music? We're taking a break. We'll be right back. Merry Christmas. To every And we're back.

Hello. We just watched all of The Sound of Music. And do you know what? It does sound good. Yesterday. Oh, no. Imagine naming something The Sound of Music. That's crazy.

What? What's the sound of music. That's crazy. What? What's the name of it? It's called the sound of music. That is good. Yeah, but good by virtue of the fact you know what it is. But when someone came up to you like, what's it called? The sound of talking. Like what?

Talking like a squawking tiger. We recently cut up curtains to make clothes and i said something about that and lazy susan said nothing about that because she hasn't seen sound of music i said it's like gone with the wind yeah and i said it's like sound of music i haven't seen gone with the wind either but she does cut up the curtains in that as well yeah people used to cut up the curtains for all kinds of reasons. Because you were on the wrong side of the Civil War. Because the Nazis were coming for you.

Jesus Christ. What? And now it's time for our first topic of discussion. If I cut up the curtains to make an outfit, I'd be wearing Anko see-through disgusting pieces. Oh, my. A little circle skirt. Hmm.

A little circle skirt. Which Christmas ornament goes into the bunker? I'm wishing. Okay, first let me, can you settle the score for me? One moment. Yes. Just tighten the knob. No, I tried tightening and I'm not strong enough. Tighten the knob. No, I tried tightening it. I'm not strong enough. Tighten the knob.

Yeah. Okay. Which ornament or is it which decoration? Oh, well, I thought as a point of difference from our Halloween episode, we would name it ornament. So it was like something to hang from the tree as opposed to decoration, which could go on your porch, an inflatable Christmas-themed pirate ship perhaps. Are you going to out your neighbors now

my neighbors have an incredible christmas uh themed pirate ship on their porch so you just moved house we're meeting the neighbors slowly one by one yeah one across the street seems to be in top position oh she's the best she's she's the queen of the she's like a soccer mom kind of oh yeah i saw her loading golf clubs into the boot of her vehicle. She's got a very big like Pajero type car. Oh, my God. The other day. This is Vanessa. This is Vanessa.

From across the street. Yeah. She has a child. I think she had two children, but the older boy. Oh, we saw him get off the school bus. Yes, we did. But I saw him, the second time I saw him was on the weekend. And he had a friend over. It's quite nice. And I saw him, the second time I saw him was on the weekend and he had a friend over.

It's quite nice. And they were outside on the street. I wasn't peering over the fence. Children playing. Just to clarify. But they were on like little bikes or whatever. And Vanessa, being the incredible mother and woman that she is, was out there being like, you be careful.

And then they're like speeding down the street to obviously like ride around the block or like go down the river or whatever. And she's out there watching. And then they like pull away and I hear her yell down the street like, I saw you not look when you crossed the road. Vanessa. And I thought, Vanessa, you are the one. You're the Nessie.

And you were like peering back, peeled back the curtain and was like, good. Good. She's doing a good job. What if the wind changes and you hurt your fragile knees? You'll want those kneecaps when you're older, boys. There's the new one that lives across the street. He dresses in women's clothing passes around the house and then your next door neighbor who has the giant inflatable ship

but the eeriest part is that there's a small spinning light projector and it's not like a projector in the digital sense it's an old school slide yeah it's just spinning the words merry christmas with some snowflakes and it's like a dull light it looks like straight out of the 1960s and it's on the side of the garage and at night it makes no noise it's just this like soft it's like enchanting but so eerie yeah and then ahoy anyway what no decoration or okay I said well I guess that I just I was thinking about tinsel oh well that's an ornament because it hangs on a tree. This is like how grain waves are a chip.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So what do you think? Well, I like the tinsel. I think the ply, it's never dense enough to really take me there. It's kind of like a it's kind of like a boa like this yeah there's chicken feather boa and then there's like ostrich why don't we use like feather like why are we not innovated on the technology of tinsel because i'm like the plastic can't be the best

what are we thinking here maybe it's like the storage factor it's pretty indestructible yeah i mean by design well i was my dad is one of these people he buys a new christmas tree every year and we'll just have like and then just like a tree no no no no we'll buy it pick up a new plastic one want and then he'll just be like forget that he has it and buy a new one on a whim so we now have like 500 old christmas trees oh my yeah yeah i i gotta say i don't like christmas tree that isn't a christmas tree yeah like a pan like a chopped pan oh i little but that's the thing it's like there's something that's so sad about it because it's like you watch it die over a month yeah and you And you have to water the dying tree. But the smell is so enchanting. The smell and the dropped needles.

I love that. Oh, it's so good. Oh, but when I drop needles at the park, suddenly it's an issue. Okay. At Rockefeller Center, they have the biggest live Christmas tree in America. And every year there's like a selectsman that goes across the country. I mean, mostly to the Alpine States up north and selects a tree that he thinks is right. And people can write and be like, I think we have a tree for this year.

And then, so this year they went to this like house and like, can we cut down this tree? Giant, like, I guess it would be like a 50-year-old pine. It might be. It's massive. And then they just chop it down and it just lives in Rockefeller Center for like a month and then they throw it away. And they shoot Hawkeye there and they move on. Did you like that?

Then they shoot Spider-Man there and they move on. Did you like that then they shoot spider-man there and they move on did you like that it's christmas time um yeah anyway isn't that sad yes this fucking pine is like what is happening i like how my brother does it where they live in a unintentional oh my um my brother lives in like i don't know know, is that rural? Yeah. Yeah. He lives on a farm. Yeah, okay. Like on a farm in country Vic, Victoria.

And they go around because like obviously they're not native, those trees. Pine trees. Yeah. So they go around and they like chop one down. But like a little sapling. Oh, they're weeding. They're weeding. Yeah. Yeah. So they do a a real tree but with you know it's like killing a rabbit it's like decorated with rabbit corpses and foxes of god um yeah they don't kill rabbits i'm just saying they should kill rabbits get rid of them yeah um okay so i don't i mean like okay even if tinsel is in the mix i don't

think tinsel's taking me there but do you think there should be an angel on top of a tree an angel or a star i think it's got to be a star i a star you know like i know that it's christmas yeah and by design i suppose you should put an angel there because are are you in Christmas because you love Jesus or because you love presents? I mean, is there no third option? Of what you love? What I love, family. Okay, so I think the only good thing to say about the angel, because yes, obviously growing up in an atheist household,

I don't really care what day this guy was born that you guys are still talking about. But there is something cunty about like a fabulous woman on top of the tree. Like, you know, she's got a face. She's got a personality. A star can sometimes be a little bit blank. Yeah. We had quite a cute angel that was like quilted.

We had quite a cute angel that was like quilted, like not robed, but like cute angel. That was good. Yeah. So I grew up with an angel. You grew up with a star. Yes. And I think it's because it's kind of the iconic Christmas tree. If you imagine like the clip art version of a Christmas tree, it's a star. Yeah.

It's got to be a star. Yep. Yep. Okay. So I kind of think my feeling, even though baubles are so iconic, there's something about them shattering that scares me. And then you're left with a little clip at the top with just the string. And if you grew up with Home Alone,

you know how much damage they could do if you were trying to rob a house. Really? I haven't seen it. Wait, what? Home Alone. You haven't seen Home Alone? You want to see a child scream for two hours? No. You'll love it. You saw like a five second clip. You're like, this has got to be

the whole thing. I've seen it. No. You haven't seen Home Alone. You know I was robbed. But actually, you kind of are Macaulay Culkin energy. Am I? Well, nowadays. Isn't he a real creep now?

I mean, he's married to Brenda Song. I don't know what that is. From the social network and the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. She played London Tipton. Okay. You got to say about Hawkeye. Yeah, true. Okay.

But I think the real winner for me is the candy cane. Oh, the candy cane. Because that's cool because it's like i can eat that you know it's a treat and buried in the branches you might find a treat there was a demon that i spoke to recently who told me who told me that on their Christmas tree growing up, they had candles. We've spoken about this.

Actual candles. We've spoken about this because of the mannequin that comes to life and then puts candles in the tree and then it burns their house down. And that was played by Olivia Newton-John. I think it was Germania. He told me. German guy I hooked up with recently. Oh, who was that?

You're German. Oh. Yeah. Yes. Oh, my God. This is a good story about, you know, sisterly love. But no, Zelda's just moved to where I used to live many years ago. And I was like, oh, oh well if you see this guy

on your grid you should because he was walking down the street and i spotted him and i was like that guy has a big dick you should hook up with him because i know what my sister likes and as a christmas miracle gift i said you should hook up which is not like i'm like i think that that is a peak gay world things. Who cares? But no, it is like, no. You own that dick now? Being like, I recommend that you go and fuck this person is a good time. But I think both of the times I've kind of let you down.

Hey, what was the other time? You remember that guy that was really into V8 supercars? Oh, yeah, that just never worked out. Both of the times, I have to say, the dicks are big. You would agree? Yeah, and for the record, I Both of the times I have to say the dicks are big. You would agree? Yeah. And for the record, I'm not obsessed with big dicks. I don't actually care.

This happens to be nice for sometimes. Yeah. Well, listen, it's. There you go. But, yeah, also, yeah, Germania was, I'd say like six and a half out of ten. The dick. No, that would be eight and a half out of ten The dick No that would be Eight and a half out of ten

Inches? But no I don't know It was a very like Intimate experience And that's I felt that With like someone that I've known for 30 seconds It's like recommending a book

Or something to someone Well you don't read but um it's like recommending um a cookie to a gal and then she's like oh yucky yeah it is like that exactly like that that's right um anyway what oh yes so i he had lit candles on his christmas tree growing up in germany oh well of course the germans are like crazy about christmas crazy about christmas well they have like the whole christmas in the square kind of vibe where they have all the like festive wonderland set up everywhere and you can go and like drink your gorgeous mulled wine

but you've seen one you've seen them all um when i went to japan it was in november and the christmas decorations went up while we were there and it was so incredible because like we went like of course touristy like all the major cities so ott it was amazing i do like that i do I mean, I think whether you're religious or not, whatever your relationship to Christmas is, like people putting in effort to decorate something is so beautiful. Yeah. It's a kindness that they're doing to the world.

It is like those people that like drive around the streets and look at houses because they're decorated. That's so cool. It's so nice. It's really nice. There's one house on my street that does it every year. And even though they do get in trouble like from me because they reuse the same decorations every year. They always add a new big thing, which is nice.

And it's like now such an eyesore. It's fantastic. Because the whole house is like covered in lights and it's so cool can i tell you when i went to japan we went to universal studios and oh it was the year that jurassic world came out or was it when the second one came out doesn't matter but they were revamping jurassic park land at universal studios to be jurassic world land and it was mostly closed uh i saw it on the water ride but most of jurassic park was closed because they were rebranding to jurassic world chris pratt i was so upset and when i went to went to the Harry Potter land, it was all Christmas themed as well. I didn't know that you'd been to that Harry Potter land.

Yeah. In Japan. Yeah. Was it open when you were in Japan? Yes. How many years ago was that? I was in Japan in 2015. Oh, my God.

It's been open for that long? Yes. oh my lord it was amazing it was so cool i would go i mean that's cool yeah it was really cool yeah and they were all like it was the most like in world thing like all the shops looked like real shops well you went out jk wasn't going to have them have coke what well she was just like if you're doing, you went out, JK wasn't going to have them have Coke. What? Well, she was just like, if you're doing this, you can't have brands. Well, I don't think those employees should be doing Coke. All right, get out.

And candy canes, when you suck on them, you can turn them into a sharp point. Yes, and stab someone's jugular. They get really sharp. It's scary. They can pinch your tongue. What about the RuPaul ornament? Oh, I love that ornament. It's so funny. There's something about those ornaments, though.

Like when you think about the sheer volume of ornaments being created every year, like I think factories maybe should just take a year off. Yeah. There's too many. Oh, yeah. Also, I hate, and this is my dad does this, and I love your dad if you're listening, but my dad does this, where you get like Star Wars ornaments for your tree.

I was going to say this, yeah. It makes me so depressed. I don't like that. Me. Can we just have one thing in the world that isn't touched by intellectual property? Yeah. Like just make your

like can it not just be shiny yeah i don't like nerd tree i don't like like my star is actually evangelion unit one no like boo just enjoy something in that world if you had an angel from evangelion that's kind of funny to have that on top because they're angels yeah no it's hilarious really i'm still laughing what do you think of wreaths on a tree on a door you know what oh right that's what i meant when i went to my brother's recently they had two wreaths on the gates to the farm it's quite plastic or real oh they? Oh, they're plastic. Yeah. They reuse them every year. Yeah.

Good. Nothing is ever changing or evolving. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I, yeah, like a wreath. Do you know what I love? It's quite fragile. So good and so effective.

At the end of school, like the year in primary school, when you would take all the like colored paper and you'd turn them into those paper chains did you do that yeah it was such a good activity yeah just do it for hours yeah teachers were like you can use the stapler until the state but then you make so many of them they're so good yeah it's good it's good what do you think about um snowflake-shaped ornaments? No. No, I don't really like that either. I also hate that glitter that's like really glued on there and has that disgusting texture.

It's like on the baubles as well. Crunchy. And see-through baubles. Unless you put something fucking cool in there, I don't want to see it. And we had this discussion recently, but fairy lights on the tree, there is a particular kind.

The spiky kind. It's like, yeah, it's like a hexagonal dodecahedron something or other shape that's then spiked. It's not like a star. No. It's spiky. It's spiky. It's spiky and it's all those classic colors. Red there,

yellow, green. You want blue? Guess who's there. They're so good. I love that. I think it's them or candy canes for me. Yeah, look, I must say that I don't know that I've ever heard of anyone hanging an edible

candy cane from a tree what we growing up what do you mean we growing up we had ornaments that were candy canes mama what what it was like you never got a pack of 24 candy canes and then went and like put it on a tree they're wrapped in plastic it's candy they now i understand why you didn't have a bigger response when i said it first yeah no i was a bit confused you what are you doing with your candy canes when you're buying them from the shop eating them i would eat the candy cane maybe maybe i would like hang it out of a Santa sock. What? Like poke it out the top. What? Matt, back me up here.

Yeah, they've got to be edible if you hang them on the tree. No, but would you hang it on the tree? You hang them on the tree? Yeah, we've got one on our tree at the moment. An edible candy cane? Yep. What are you talking about? Darling, take a vacation.

Enjoy yourself. I know. I'm not opposed to this. We've missed it this year. You can still rush out. They're going to be on special. What? Like the candy, like, wow.

You take those candy canes and they become an ornament that you can pick at throughout the festive season. That's what makes them great because then you're like slowly cleaning as you go. What do you think about advent calendar culture? Okay. It's really taken off recently yes i love those little doors number 18 that's good door number 15 oh so good it's just never enough though is it well they're all shit you just make one for like the whole year, just 365.

I need a treat every day. That technology should be a thing, shouldn't it? Like humans and a reason to live. Well, you know how like you just open each door each day. Yeah. I swear I get up in the morning. I swear to God. Like some people will design their house with like a wall that's a fish tank

or like a wall that has a fish tank in it, right? what about the houses that are having built-in advent calendar wall well are we doing this why not your house has that your kitchen has it it's called cupboards um that many i reckon you probably would have enough to do a month absolutely especially when you're taking into account the laundry, which has like 20 cupboards in it for some reason. That's where you keep the bodies of the bicycling boys out in front of the house. Well, they should have looked both ways. You would have seen the giant woman.

I've entered the sewer systems. Now that it's not there. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I'm perplexed, but I'm not opposed. I just had never considered such a thing. Also, it doesn't have a string. So what, you hang it with the crook?

The crook. It's designed that way. Is that the design intention? Yes. Actually? In the shape of a cane, which is a walking stick. Well, that's my name. Maybe that's why I've always had a weird relationship with candy canes.

Yeah. That's why you're so hunched over. That's why you're such a crook. Curved. Yeah. Like a cane. Yeah. That's why they named you

um well you know it is nice to have that kind of representation on the tree god disability awareness do you are you thinking like white with red stripe or white with green stripe because let me tell you i did not like green stripe i didn't even know green stripe was a thing yeah i wouldn't entertain such a possibility okay that's white and red okay you're like oh yeah okay well i'm just joking have you seen popcorn on a string i've seen this done on a tree on a tree and when you eat it off like you're eating it off like i don't think you're like edible candy underwear what what what did you say edible candy underwear you eat it off like you're eating off someone's ass like do you go out to the christmas tree like you're eating it off someone's ass yes tell the moon what the? The innocence of Christmas gone.

Nothing about that tree should be like eating it up. I love when all the presents get in underneath. Did you? Okay. So did you, did your family put the presents under as the month goes on or just everything the night before? Cause you couldn't be trusted.

No, everything went on. So gifts that weren't from Santa. Aha. Like gifts we'd go on the night of. Yeah. And then while we were sleeping, Santa would come. Of course. And then you'd wake up and it would be a flood of gifts.

Oh, positively magical. It was truly magical i like i have i i mean i remember the year that i got ocarina of time and like playing it for the next few days and my grandma nanny was there and i like she's dead but i remember so vividly her humming the Lost Woods theme. Oh, that's very sweet. And it's like actually a very nice memory. Yeah. Because she was like, well, I can't spend time with my grandson.

So I'll try and connect with him. She just came for a slice. A slice? Slice of the grandchild. That's me. I remember getting a copy of Casper Meets Wendy and sitting very close to the television watching that. Is that the sequel?

No, it's still one of the spinoffs. Oh, my God. Made for TV with Hilary Duff. Wow. That Casper movie. God, I haven't thought about that in such a long time. Good time, good time. Wow, I should re-watch that.

Yeah. What happened to Casper? I don't like how his uncles bully him. Or that long skinny one. They're What happened to Casper? I don't like how his uncles bully him. Or that long skinny one. They're all cruel to him. It's not nice. I had a Casper VHS growing up. Anyway, it was very cool.

I really loved that. Why don't they ever do Girl Casper? Ms. Casper? Ms. Casper? Well, it's the same reason why you hate Ms. Claus. Yeah, but suddenly the prospect of three ghost aunts that are mean. That's better than men. I'm back on board.

Let's reboot Casper and they're all women. I mean, did we just make $25 million each? Oh, my God. It'll flop, but we'll still get our paychecks. Yeah, well, we won't just be casting like... I'm on the landing. Okay. Wow. But we'll still get our paychecks. Yeah, well, we won't just be casting like... Amandolani. Okay. Wow.

Here we go. Here, Damon. I think fairy lights. And if you step on them, you'll know about it. Spiky fairy lights, spiky fairy lights. Do we want spiky fairy lights? Yes, they can come. Yes, it's happening.

Amazing! Okay, our first thing. God, we're doing so much on Boxing Day. day yeah this is more than i meant to be doing well i'm glad we didn't have to pack them up now but you do need to try some kate mckinney's what about just quickly before we move on do you set up the christmas decorations on the 1st of December and then you pack them away on the, how many days in December? 31? 31. 31 of December.

Well, I don't know because I don't decorate personally because I just, who has the time? Yeah. But I really appreciate people that do and I want them to get the most out of it. So I would say the full month. Full month. Yeah, but you're not into like halfway through November?

Oh, yeah, they can do that. Oh, see, I don't like that. I like it. I think Christmas decorations go up on the 1st of December. You can shop. You can shop. That assumes that I know what day it is. Yeah, you do.

And I just don't. You struggle with it. I don't. And also, do you know what I love about when people put up the decorations? If we move Christmas forward, you can start skiving off from work a lot earlier. Like if it's like, oh, it's Christmas. I can't respond to emails. It's Christmas.

So if like there's a candy cane in the office, I'm like, well, that is another 30 minutes to an hour to every single call I was going to make. Because it's Christmas. It's Christmas. What kind of thing are you expecting to work? It's Christmas. I can see why the workforce wasn't the place for you. Matt, when do you put up decorations?

Can I just say quickly? Can I just say quickly? There is a myth going on in the world that people work in offices. Let me tell you something about the whole office culture. It's designed for people to Skype off. And all the efficiencies, quote

unquote, where you're likeula i have to make a call and set up a meeting and write an email that's all fake they're just doing that to like pad out an eight hour work day it's not real office work isn't real there's maybe an hour of work and this is true wow there was a study there's maybe an hour of work that people do every day. There's like actual hour. Wow. And then the rest is just, well, now I should get up and go to this meeting and sit and talk. Like most things don't exist.

Yeah. Office culture is a lie to keep the population employed. Bureaucracy was invention. Sometimes I do look at like big buildings of like WKL Corp and you're like, what the fuck is that? Like what do they do? Like that is a five-story building in, you know, like a weird street in Brunswick East.

Like that business? That exists? That building? Like what could they possibly possibly and they're not doing anything let me tell you they're emailing each other like like most of the work like in these places can be done by one person in a day but we have to we have to invent work so that people can have jobs and the reason that it doesn't, like the reason that everyone's like comfortable with it is that the manager needs to have people to manage. Mr. Manager.

So if they pretend like there's only a job to be done, they're like, we need to have 500 people working here because I need 500 people to manage. And the people above them need 500 people to manage. So it's like everyone needs to maintain the illusion that this work actually matters. Because the second that you're like, well, did we need to have 500 meetings about moving this sculpture three feet that way? Like, it just doesn't matter. You know, the infuriating thing about you, sister, is that you're incredibly articulate. thing about you sister is that you're incredibly articulate so you masquerade stupid things by saying them intelligently i think that this is this is a fact of the world and i'm just here saying it and with that it's time for a break wait you're about to ask matt a question don't

leave matt oh that's all right when do you put up christmas decorations and how much do you think the workforce is alive? I've worked in an office before. It is a bit like that. But it probably depends on what industry you're in, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. The arts is a lot of.

Arts, government, it's all bullshit. Yeah, just a lot of bureaucracy and washing around. But, yes, Christmas decorations, I would say definitely first week of December and I think you're meant to take them down after New Year's, I thought. Yeah, is it like 12 days after Christmas you take them down? Yeah, the 12 days of Christmas. I think that's a religious thing though. Yeah, that's a thing, yeah.

But yeah, if you believe in that, then if you keep it up one day longer, then you get bad luck or something like that. Whoa. One more thing on religion that I was going to say before. I hate that, like, the Catholic, Christian, whatever, God is just called God. That is so arrogant. Mr. God.

Yeah. Everyone's version of God is just God. No, because like other religions will have multiple gods who have names. Well, yeah, but like. But like just like, oh no, we've got one God called God. Well, we actually don't. There's Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. Oh, so you do know about the Holy Trinity.

Yeah. Trinity the Turk. Yeah. It's Turk. Yeah. It's father. You call him father. But, like, other religions don't have a concept. They just say God. Like, whatever they're saying is God, unless you believe in multiple gods.

But all those words just mean God. Yeah, but, like. It's not like they're like, I wish we could call ours God, but, like, Christianity already took it. Yeah, but, like, it's just so boring. It's only boring because it's the only- You think he needs a name. Yeah, like-

What would you call him? Shabluma. Shabluma. Like there's no name. God is the name. But that's like also the stupid convention of like our sun, moon, and earth. Like what's the name of your planet? Earth.

What are you talking about? Like planet earth. What are you talking about? Or like the moon is called moon. What about like Titan, the name of your planet earth what are you talking about like planet earth what are you talking about like the moon is called moon what about like titan the moon that's like that moon has a name but our moon is just called moon what's our oldest friend the moon or the sun whereas all other suns have a name or stars you know yeah but it's like the og no but it's so boring it's like the OG. No, but it's so boring. It's like Coke Zero and then you have Coke. I want to have it. I think everyone deserves a name.

Okay, no, I don't think they deserve a name. I think it's like nice if they have a name. You're like, okay, so Chablis is the name of God now. I would like it if it was just like a really regular name, like just John or like Henry. Totally. That's a very biblical name. Henry. Henry's a good name for a God.

Jesus is God. Is he? Part of the Son of God? No, he's God. He's all three at the same time. Is that what Jesus is? Yeah. All three exist at the same time.

He's the incarnation of God on earth. So there's like Jesus Senior and Jesus Junior. Yeah. And then Jesus Dove. So yeah, God is. RIP Jesus. God on earth. So there's like Jesus senior and Jesus junior. Yeah. And then Jesus dove. So yeah, God is. Or a fee Jesus. God is Jesus. What's your favorite form?

Of Jesus. Yeah, you want Jesus or like God or like the dove? Baby Jesus. Yeah, I don't like the Holy Spirit. Baby Jesus is the best out of all of them. That's the one I like, but it's not a magpie, so it's not a debunker. Baby Jesus is good.

Baby Jesus. What are we talking about? Let's not in the bunker. Baby Jesus is good. Baby Jesus. What are we talking about? Let's go on a break. Yeah, okay. Bye-bye. It's Christmas lights, whatever. Now, we've pre-planned our topics, but let's just have a quick business meeting between us celestial gods.

We'll do the big one last, the one that we did last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're doing that last. But for the next one, I threw in that we should talk about Bible stories, but we've talked about religion a lot. Yeah, let's get away. I know it's the Christmas episode, but like I am, I've like. Darling, I've exhausted all my knowledge by saying Jesus three times. I'm going to say one more thing about it. And it's the Christmas episode, but like I am, I've like. Darling, I've exhausted all my knowledge by saying Jesus three times. I'm going to say one more thing about it.

And it's the loaves. It's obviously the loaves. You'd be obsessed with the loaves. What, and the spread? And just because it's like, oh, magic, and it's forever. Okay. It's quite cruel. It's the loaves and the fish.

Are they cooking the fish or is he just throwing uncooked fish at people? Because I'm like, thanks for the gift jesus uncooked fish yeah yeah i'm like um well you got loaves back there you can't think well i like i like things like burning bush i also like splitting an ocean i like that's good actually i also think that like your very new testament i'm very Old Testament. What's happened in the Old Testament? All the fun magic stuff. Where? Burning bush?

All of it. All of that stuff is Old Testament. Where's Lowe's? Oh, that's Jesus. Well, then when Jesus has magical powers, but nothing else does. It's all like, I don't know, politics between different countries. Have you read the Bible? I haven't read the Bible. No? I haven't read the Bible.

No, I haven't read the Bible. I was forced to study it. But wait, what's happening in Old Testament? That's burning bush. It's all the cool stuff. No, tell me another cool thing. Oh, like Sodom and Gomorrah. It's all the like do wrong by this and you'll burn forever.

Yeah. Whereas like New Testament is like the life of Jesus. So it's like sit in the real world. so it's like prequel new testament and the ultimate was like i suppose it could be and so sodom and gomorrah is they're all fucking and then god and then the ark is that old testament yeah okay no about her yeah and then the splitting of the ocean that that's Old Testament. Like a gray area because. Oh, was that not even in the Bible? That, look.

Because that's Moses leading the Jews out of the Israelites. Can we get a nun that Katy Perry's terrorized on this pod? Because I don't know what I'm talking about. Katy could tell you her parents were ministers. True. What about the frogs and the locusts and the giving of the firstborn in Egypt? That's all. That's all. Orborn in Egypt? Yeah, that's all. Or is that Passover? No, that's all Moses talk.

That's all old. That's all old. That's cool. Yeah, that's good. I like them. I actually kind of like those stories. They're fun. Yeah, I love fantasy.

There's eerie. Oh, you love fantasy? Not Mad Max Fury Road? Interesting. Okay. So instead, we're going to talk about which Christmas carol goes in the bunker. Oh. Ring, ring, manly on high.

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. That's the one. Ding, dong, ding, dong. Which also would double up. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Which also would double as a It's a very dramatic Christmas carol It's so good

You haven't seen Home Alone Baby, it features in it Really? It's the soundtrack You know, John Williams did the score for Home Alone He did Star Wars Yeah And he did Jurassic Park the score for Home Alone. He did Star Wars. Yeah.

And he did Jurassic Park. And he did Home Alone. And the soundtrack is so good. I was raising my hands above my head, so I had it coming. Today, can I just quickly? I was playing the Pulp Fiction soundtrack. What? Are you a millennial?

Aging? Millennial? Elder millennial? Jesus Christ. I was playing the Pulp Fiction soundtrack and a song came on and someone said, is this the Black Eyed Peas? Which song was it? The one that they sample. Oh no!

I was like, I feel sick for many reasons. Pump it louder. Pump it. Turn up the radio. Okay. When did the lyrics cut in? I was like, get out of here.

Anyway, that wasn't actually how the conversation went. But anyway. So. So the. Christmas carols. So what's that song called? It's called Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas That one Is it Silver Bells?

No, that's another one Silver Bells That's actually my favourite one If that's a second That's a close second You've done a lot of Christmas performing matches Me? Yeah

No, I've never done. Oh, wait. Have you not? No, no, no, no. I feel like you would be booked. With my band, the only song that we would ever, because I used to busk a lot with my band. On the street?

Yeah, at markets and on the street and stuff. But the only song we would ever play was Silver Bells because it's like the only like. What else happens in Silver Bells? What do you mean? What else? Silver Bells because it's like the only like. What else happens in Silver Bells? What do you mean? What else? Silver Bells. Yeah.

It's Christmas. There's some person. City side one. City side one. It's like the only upbeat happy Christmas carol, I would say, other than Jingle Bells maybe. What about Jingle Bell Rock? Well, that's just kind of

no that's that's lame that's not a car it's like the least rock song in the whole world giddy up jingle bell pick up the feet i mean it's got like some sass and character but it's not a rock yeah it's definitely not a rock song yeah what about that woman seducing santa claus What about that woman seducing Santa Claus? Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. What's that one? Santa baby, how are you darling? Jimmy dinner.

Eartha Kitt. Oh, my God. She's such a queen. Eartha Kitt, she could be in there and she could just be thinging. You just brush her out, like pull her out of the attic for Christmas time. I'm ready. Dust her down, set her up. She sings that one, Carol. So, okay, wait.

Drama boy? That one is quite camp. I like that one. What's that little boy doing? I have a gift for thee. I do like the, like, on the fourth day of Christmas. No, you do not. I do.

I really like that one. Do you remember when Katya did that and released that? That's the 12 Days of Christmas. Yeah. Katya released a track and it was like she hadn't really put out anything since Drag Race Season 7. And then it was like, well, Katya's putting track and it was like she hadn't really put out anything since Drag Race Season 7. And then it was like, well, Katya's putting out a Christmas song for this Christmas album of drag queens.

And it was that. And it was so bad. Oh, but it was what, like, on the third day of Christmas? And then she did it in a full Russian accent and the whole thing took 10,000 years and it's still, like, playing. Hmm. Yeah. Well, it sounds bad. That's not true.

I actually have made two Christmas albums with my partner. We've released two Christmas albums. What a reveal. And what was the best? What charted the most? The most popular was I think probably just Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. But we did some more alternative ones.

What were they? We did Last Christmas, obviously. I hate that. Everybody hates it. I fucking hate it. I think. I mean, I Everybody hates it. I fucking hate it. I think. I mean, I'm sure it was great when you did it. It was funny because I made my partner sing it and she isn't like a singer normally and she was so stressed about it.

We were recording it in the studio and it was like 40 degrees and she was like sweating. It was before you had children. You had time on your hands. Yeah, that's right. We also did this one of, I I thought was really funny at the time. It was something about a hippopotamus. I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Oh, no.

It was like it was really. You don't want to hear about this. It was very silly. I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Also, the fucking donkey. Oh, my God. There's a Christmas. How dare you call me that?

You are a Swamp Hog. Oh, my God. Maybe that's the Christmas carol. Swamp Hog for Christmas. You've all seen the bog. Well, let me tell you about the Swamp Hog from Christmas Town. They called her Zelda, Zelda, Swampy Hawk.

Zelda, Zelda, Swamp from the Box. Zelda, Zelda, Christmas time Zelda. The swampiest hog you ever did. Have I told you about my friend at work who keeps forgetting her name and then she goes, how stinky?

Because she keeps thinking her name is Stinky. Why is my name Stinky? Because it's like, she's like something like, I can't remember it, but something like Stinky, right? It's lazy. Lazy, stinky. One of the seven dwarves. Yeah, truly.

What was that, vagrant, lazy or stinky? Okay, so we're talking like classic Christmas carols, right? I mean, listen, darling, it's really tricky to get it up for any of these other ones. Cozy Little Christmas? We've just landed on the one. Like, I don't need to talk about this anymore. Well, I'd like to talk about Cozy Little Christmas a little bit. A cozy little Christmas.

No, because that's a... It's got a great music video. A great Katy Perry music video, which we didn't talk, a great Katy Perry music video, which we didn't talk about in the Katy Perry music video. And it's quite good. It's quite a catchy little cute song. And I suppose, I don't know whether H&M like. Okay, but here's the thing.

None of these are carols. Those are pop songs. Okay, well, that's what I was trying to clarify. Yeah. And you seem to be saying that whatever we say goes. Now you've betrayed me. Hmm. It's got to be Carol of the Bells.

Yeah. Oh, is that what it's called? Yeah, Carol of the Bells. It has a name. The lyrics are amazing as well. What are they? Well, I don't know if these are the right ones. I was just looking it up.

Carols of bells. I hear the bells, sweet silver bells. All seem to say ding dong. Okay. Okay. I think you've found the South Park version there, my friend. Maybe, yeah. Which I did love.

That? Mr. Hankey's Christmas Carol album. I had that. I did like that, Mr. Hankey. Okay, funny. Okay,'s Christmas Carol album. I had that. I do like that, Mr. Hankey. Okay, so that's good. But like how are we implicating it? Okay, so there's a few doors.

Implementing it. Yeah, there's a few doors in the bunker. It's all that people can sing. It's just at Christmas time, that's the only one that anyone knows. Do we carol? I don't think I understand the concept of caroling because we don't really do that in Australia. People carol in Australia. People knock on strangers' doors and just open to song.

I saw a bunch of people caroling at the shopping center the other day. That makes me want to die. What about it? I don't need that. Well, that's why you keep your doors locked and your lights off. I was singing outside Maya, just singing carols. But who are they? Oh, that's why you keep your doors locked and your lights off. I was singing outside Maya, just singing carols. But who are they? Oh, that's busking.

No, no, no. They're not knocking on Maya's door. But people do do door to door. And what, they go next to like Harold's jeweler and then start singing the next one? Yeah. What? They're just doing it to like spread Yuletide joy. I also don't understand that.

What's Yuletide? What's Yul? Yul all love joy. I also don't understand that. What's Yuletide? What's Yule? Yule or love it. It's Christmas. If I have to tell you about the Yule log and the Yuletide fun. Yuletide? Yeah. Yuletide.

Yuletide yourself over until dinner or else you won't be getting any candy cane. What's eggnog? I love eggnog. What is that? I don't know. Is that just milk with cinnamon in it? It's got eggs in it as well. It's eggnog? I love eggnog. What is that? I don't know. Is that just milk with cinnamon in it? It's got eggs in it as well. It's like a custard drink.

Custard drink. I used to love drinking custard. Yeah, I did. I don't know why my appetite suddenly twisted on custard and I don't think I can ever go back. It's got a little splash of alcohol in it though, doesn't it? When custard gets lumpy though, let's say. Like the nog.

It's like an alcoholic custard custard that comes in a carton and you pour it out the spout oh and then it like gets too much then i used to mainline that shit out of the carton like i definitely once said took a whole carton of custard to a movie oh and sat in there watching. Drinking the custard. Like Scooby-Doo Monsters Unleashed, like guzzling custard, which really, you know, how many could say that they were seeing a little insight into their future lives? My mum loves to make a Christmas pudding,

and she would drown that in custard she loves custard oh it's fine i'll still take it on a pudding oh no i don't i don't like custard i actually christmas cakes of all the cakes is the most tolerable because i love fruit dense spiced cakes They're so good These words are Like I hate it I just like I'm like chocolate cake No but like A rich Like spicy cake

Is so Like what a dream With like raisins Like a mince pie Love I love mince pies So much Oh my god

And they've got like a star cut at the top Do they actually have mince meat in them? No, they've got- No, they're fruit mince. Yeah. Fruit mince. I don't know what that is. I don't know.

We're just saying things. Do you like raisin bread? I love raisin bread. You know what? I say that. Raisin bread with butter on top. Well, what are you having it dry? You're imagining a world where we're having it dry.

Hot crust buns. Oh, no, I don't like hot crust buns having a dry. Cockroach buns. Oh, no, I don't like cockroach buns. A dream. I love raisins. I love little bits of preserved fruit. No. Like lachey cherry. I don't like this either.

I'm on Zelda's side now. Pudding, Christmas pudding is so delicious. Any dried small objects of fruit. Small objects of fruit. No. It's disgusting. It's so good. It reminds me of bugs, eating bugs.

You don't want to eat bugs? You don't want to save the world from global catastrophe of farming? Nope, I would die probably. If that's all that there was option left to eat, I would probably just starve. You haven't even thought about eating bugs? I have thought that's one of my biggest fears. Is having to eat bugs.

Is eating a bug by mistake what about like a seasoned delicious cooked bug nope what if you were on the street and they were filming who dares wins they came up and that guy had 50 and he said eat this bug nope i would just go away with no money wow wow can't eat the bugs i just i think i would draw the line at tarantula fruits small fruits remind me too much bugs bugs i didn't realize matt you were such a sensitive young man just about bugs what about worms worms i don't mind but i wouldn't want to eat one obviously there's a man i'd eat worms you would eat worms yeah you look like a boy who would eat worms i would eat worms they look

delicious you look like a cartoon of a boy who would eat worms with the curly hair and the striped t-shirt i take it as can i just say i'm always wearing this striped t-shirt and my boyfriend was like you look like that one from the adams family and i was like you mean pugsley whose personality is being quiet and chubby in the background and he was like yeah anyway needless to say it's another christmas divorce what do you think about like how suicides and divorces go up around christmas and incidences of domestic violence i'm i don't like those statistics if that's what you're asking. I'd like them to go down, down.

But I do think that life is rough and you've got to be tough. Yeah. That's a good saying, I guess. You would be a really good therapist. No one deserves anything. Children don't deserve water and life is rough. You've got to be tough. Okay, I have a story behind this. when i i spoke recently about bubble tea and my favorite bubble tea shop another

thing you can't do bubble tea disgusting you said nothing the other day when i sucked up the earth bugs is horrible okay yeah fair well if what about, please just send some live bugs. Go on. Okay. So there was this bubble tea place that was on Bourke Street. It was underground and had like swing chairs in it. What was it called? It doesn't matter.

But they also had like, they had like those little booths that you could rent out and like sell your little handicrafts from so you could like peruse that while you were ordering your bubble tea and there were swing chairs and it was really cute i used to go there all the time with my ex-boyfriend and it was also it was near like where the jb is underground on burke street you know why are you giving people directions to this restaurant it's closed so you know don't go looking for it but the comics are us used to closed. So, you know, don't go looking for it. Oh, my God. But the Comics R Us used to be above it, which, you know, I can do too far. It's just thing on.

Anyway, there was a girl there who used to, her name was Elle. And I used to go there so often that I became actual friends with her, the bubble tea girl. And we used to go and get coffee like a couple times through the years. And we became like actual factual friends. And on her Twitter, which for some reason is how we communicated in like Twitter DMs, her like little tagline on Twitter was, life is rough. You got to be tough. And I bring that one out every now and then.

And I think of Elle and how many taramuk tea with pearls that she made for me. If I'm to interrogate the story that I've been forced to listen to, just a little bit. A lot of backstory. I think it's the details. What? We spent maybe half the story on there being being swings in the store that is so cool

and how they were on a swing and if you're saying too hard you'd hit the person behind you and that's quite unpolite did l tell you stories about how that happened in store i would you know no i don't know please don't regale me you've opened the l door now we need to discuss no i don't think we ever discussed that particular. And where's L now? I don't know. We kind of, you know, grew apart. Well, Twitter went down.

Yeah. Life is rough. You've got to be tough. I wonder if I could find her again. She was so cool. She might be a listener. L, if you're listening. Yeah.

She was really, she was a cool girl. Okay. Yeah. And whereabouts was the store located specifically okay let's just say that no no no no is in the bunker and move on okay no no no no and that's that's perfect that's year-round oh it's great halloween very spooky too yeah that's halloween song yeah it is. All right. We'll be right back. Bye-bye. Hello and welcome back, governor.

Oh, yeah. Just said that you should be so lucky. For what? To hear my intricately woven stories. I was intrigued. I was asking questions, follow-up questions. That's being an active listener. Yeah. I said, whereabouts is the story?

What's wrong with telling a story? I enjoyed it. Okay. We're not having an issue here. Okay, well, I'm just checking. Because I feel like when we went on break, everybody laughed, and I didn't. So perhaps it was a joke I missed or I'm the joke. Well, you know, laughter isn't just people ridiculing you, Zelda.

Perhaps that's your experience of laughter. But other people laugh just because the joy could not be contained. And that's what Matt and I were exploding into. A joy that could not be contained because of're a delightful tale about l and that store thank you and how she used to have a twitter handle that said the thing that you just said i now yes okay keep going sorry no no you say i don't know i'm just i just laugh because i just am always just so unsure about whether lazy is sincere or not that's what makes me laugh but i but i have to assume that always she's taking the piss that's what i assume i've never taken piss except that

one time i assume the worst and then hope for the best yeah i'm a very kind person oh my god nick kind okay last no recently my sister said she said we're gonna fix this and i said what's this and she said you and she forced me to sit down and spend two hours and 14 minutes of my life that I had spared. That I'd saved. Yeah. I'd bunked those hours, and now I've spent them watching. Love, actually.

Which is how I presume the title of the film is pronounced. We'll give it to us clean one more time. Love, actually. Well, give it to us clean one more time. Love Actually. Well, it was Love Actually. Oh, it was Love Actually. What was that saying? It was Love Actually. Actually.

Yeah, so we watched that and now we are prepared to. To, well, okay. So Love Actually, a film that i believe to be perfect actually actually um is about eight different love stories in their various forms written by written by richard who gave us the films four weddings and a funeral and uh the iconic nodding hill with the aforementioned incredible julia roberts um anyway so this film i find out years ago that zelda hasn't seen it when i'm trying to talk to her about emma thompson patting down the bed listening to joni mitchell um and so i was like well it's now time for her

to have seen this and i was like i know zel Zelda hates, what's the word? Joy. And despises, God, it's on my tongue. Love. And I think the only thing she likes in this is saying actually. But I thought maybe this, you know cuttis has a very specific tone that might break through her icy exterior and get her to enjoy this film so i thought okay i see me i see and so perhaps and and then i thought well this is a perfect question for the bunker of which of the love stories in love actually gets to go into the bunker and we'll edit the film down with only this love story and then it will play in the bunker and thus no one

will spend two hours and 14 minutes they will all just spend the length of the love story that we've selected here today do you think if you divided that by eight you would get the exact frame time that no they give more to some martin freeman's not getting much no that porn story is just very thin three scenes yeah that's good that's the right amount for them okay so we'll try our best to approximate what the stories are about because i know not everyone has seen love actually but what's wrong with you okay so there's bilbo baggins bilbo baggins is a stand-in stand-in on a movie set with misc beautiful woman yes and they have to pretend to fuck and in doing so they go on some dates they fall in love and then actually date yes yeah they fall in love actually And then the girl in that couple says at the door

All I want for Christmas is you And then he jumps off the staircase and is happy Yes Story told Gorgeous Next there's Colin Frizzle He thinks that British women are disgusting and not interested in him

So he says that he's going to go to America where every woman will be stunning And they'll all love him because he's British And I have to say something quickly In that wrong hands A.K.A. And I don't want to cast broad aspersions here But the entirety of gen z has a problem with understanding irony and uh like what people were getting at they think that

they're discovering it for the first time so when this guy i was watching on youtube was discussing like the issues in the relationships of love actually. One of his keen insights, thank Christ he committed this to video footage, was that isn't it fucked that this man who's clearly got a weird relationship with women goes to America and gets rewarded by the narrative of the film and is given all these sexy women when he gets to America that completely confirms his ideal of the world where in America he'd be taken as sexy and beautiful. He gets Emma Frost.

Darling, did you miss, like, this is insane that you could watch that film and not understand that that is the joke. That everyone watching the film has a concept of what America is like and knows that not everyone in America is a model. And yet you're sitting here just completely without irony being like, yeah, I just didn't think that that was right, that that happened because it's not true to life.

It's just like are you fucking – someone got a nail gun and shot it into your frontal lobe several times. And then like just be like – they're like how is it that, you know, Alan Rickman is so awful to his wife? He's cheating on her. And I'm like, that's the plot that you describe the plot. I think January Jones is fantastic. She is great.

She's so good. She plays one of the sexy American girls that falls for Colin Frizzle. Anyway, Zelda, which one do you think should go in the bunker? Okay, well, then there's many boring ones. So I went into this movie thinking that it was about Keira Knightley, aka Natalie Portman 2, the sequel. And it's not really. She's barely in it.

But there's this whole storyline about the whole movie I'm waiting for the gays because it feels like of the era. It's like queer as folk era you were waiting for there to be gay couple a gay couple or like if you've got eight stories one of them gay well that that would be now yeah that would happen yeah but i thought of that time it was like maybe one well you know in four weddings and a funeral there's a gay no i don't know that this was his first film and there was gays and then he went backwards you know what we don't need to be in everything yeah but we're tantalized by the idea that one

of the characters is fag yeah and in love with his friend yeah who marries kira knightley and then he's not fag twist is that more interesting no then if you had your initial expectations just confirmed and served to you on a hot steaming plate or do you want to go back to kissing booth what one of these other films oh god give you whatever you want anyway i didn't like it i love that scene where kira knightley finds out that he's in love with her because he's been filming her all night i was saying as we were watching the movie she's gonna see the tape and it's gonna be him zooming in on his best friend dick and then it was him zooming in on kira knightley well you would be you know what you could do go back in time and you could make the parody film

that like is like the scary movie date movie hero movie oh my god like the zucker brothers version you could do that and i would call it like love comma actually exclamation mark question mark well i don't think you could give it the same name with different punctuation might just not quite make it under par avatar and avatar then we can have that okay whatever yeah um and i people are like oh he's such a bad friend he's such a bad friend when he goes to tell kira nally that he's in love with her and then she gives him that kiss in the street. This is in the plot of that little section. I just don't, yeah. I loved the Alan Rickman story.

So Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, two icons, a married couple, and we see the story of Alan Rickman flirting with a co-worker. He's like someone who works under him at work. A temptress. And she's so incredible. She's this woman with this brown black bob and piercing blue eyes. And her whole thing in life is to be this evil temptress at work. And she's like a woman that has never existed.

Oh, no. Hitting on a man so violently they're both getting nosebleeds she's like i hope to see you under the mistletoe later so i can get my christmas kiss like disgusting hues of like pink and white and like chrome yeah she's a she's a demon and then emma thompson is the most like warm stunning gorgeous woman you've ever seen in your life and in their storyline you find out halfway through that he is in fact married to another character that we've met throughout the process of the film and then he goes to buy a necklace for his mistress his flirtationship at work and emma thompson finds the necklace in his coat pocket and thinks it's for her

and then he gives her a box of a similar size for her christmas present and she opens it thinking she's about to get the first nice, generous gift from her husband that she's received in many years, and inside is a Joni Mitchell CD. And then she goes to her room, puts on the CD, and stands there and realizes that her marriage is a lie. And it's devastating. She weeps.

While some succubus is wearing new jewels. Runes and jewels and fairytales. The dizzy dancing way. Then Laura Linney has a hottie. She's got a hot guy, Carl. But she has a complicated life and she doesn't have time for a hot guy. Yeah, that's heartbreaking. It is.

You didn't like that? No, because they didn't just talk it out. She has a complicated life and she doesn't have time for a hot guy. Yeah. That's heartbreaking. It is. Yeah. And I don't know why they don't. You didn't like that? No, because they didn't just talk it out. Darling, sometimes people don't just talk it out. They just didn't talk it out. Do you think that happens in the world every time? No one will talk to me.

And I think that's what's good about Richard Curtis is that he writes interesting situations where things kind of go in a way that sometimes they do go in real life. Yeah, no, it was that, except for the Lily Allen and the president thing. So Hugh Grant plays the prime minister and he falls in love with a woman who's staffing for him. Lily Allen. Lily Allen. Yeah. And, oh, and this is the other thing that i hate when people

are like this film is so fat phobic against her because they keep calling it like they're like oh she's thunder thighs and chunky and they take it at face value thinking like and they're like and look at her she's tiny and it's like well yes she is tiny the joke of the film the joke written into the film by the person who was conscious and aware of what they were doing was that she is tiny and that the world is like how dare a woman not be kira knightley skinny and they're all calling her fat because she's not like tiny it's a critique and there are like moments in the film that are genuinely like he's making fat jokes just to make fat jokes, which is a problem. But that joke in particular is not like, oh, gotcha. Like the film doesn't understand because it's from, you know, 20 years ago.

I think maybe that's the issue because then there's this other boring storyline about like some guy and his agent and he's constantly calling that agent fat. Yeah. Which he is fat but like as a joke. Yeah. But like I think because they're both happening it's like just – You're just like – We just hate fat people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the sister in the – But if that stuff – because that stuff didn't need to be there and it wasn't – Yeah. Like I can't imagine it was ever funny. But if that wasn't there then the – yeah the Lily Allen stuff would have landed a bit better. Yeah, I think so. I think they tidied up the script a little bit and took it away from that.

And then the Colin Firth storyline where he falls in love with Aurelia, the Portuguese woman who cleans his house. Oh, God, I forgot about that one. And then he goes to get her and they've both been learning each other's languages so they can finally speak to each other. In two weeks? You think they're going to pick up that much of the other language in two weeks? I was playing, the whole movie is like five weeks till Christmas, four weeks till Christmas, three weeks till Christmas.

And they pick up Duolingo one week till Christmas. And then they meet on Christmas and fucking speak English and Portuguese. Yeah. That's not right. And then the whole Portuguese community is following her down the street, him down the street. That's crazy. That's kind of cute, but not realistic.

Well, just because you've not been followed by a crowd of Portuguese people doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Okay, you got me there. I love that woman who plays Aurelia. Because you've never been followed by a crowd of Portuguese people. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Okay. You got me there. I love that woman who plays Aurelia. No. No.

There are some. No. Okay. So, we're going to edit down the film and just keep one storyline. One storyline. Okay. Do you. What do you think?

Okay. So, God, it would be such a depressing film if it was just the emma thompson storyline yeah but it's the best one but it's so good and when anyone like i know i think kiri knightley does get forefronted a lot in the images of the film because that scene of the guy coming to her door confessing his love to her in cards silently in the night which is beautiful and i think people the thing that people it's okay just quickly on that it's like the guy who puts balloon words on the wall no yes this is pre-cringe. People didn't feel the need to constantly. They learned it from this move, actually. The issue with rom-coms in our day and age is that you have to get around people's intense, like, self-awareness.

But this is, like, in that sweet spot where people were open to this. And the issue of people critiquing it, being like, he's a bad friend hitting on his friend's wife number one it's weird that you're like on the side of monogamy so strongly that you're like how dare a man covet another man's property in the family of his wife you can't help who you love exactly and i think that that the whole character is built around the fact that he's trying desperately not to ruin his friend's marriage but he's desperately head over heels in love with kira knightley and the thing that

people say is like well he never spoke to her he doesn't know her that well how could he be in love with her which i think if you're going into a rom-com and you don't believe in the potential of love at first sight that you just see someone and know that you're in love with them, then you're going in with the wrong attitude. It's a fairy tale. It's a fable. It's a fiction for real. And in real life, yes, it isn't helpful to just be like,

I saw that person, I'm in love. But for the point of a narrative that is like a myth, that you see someone and you fall in love, which is when you hear people's love stories, like when they tell a story about how they met, they tell it in a way that now truncates all the story and say, I fell in love when I first saw this person and I knew that they were the love of my life.

So this is as if you're being told a story about someone's love. And in this version, it's heartbreaking because he's in love with her and he can't ever be with her. But for one night, for one moment, he's honest about that feeling. They share a single kiss and it's all that will ever be. And it's beautiful. Like, that's stunning. That's just so delicate and lovely.

And as soon as you poke it, of course, it falls apart. But it's a confection. It's like meant to be. It's a souffle. It's not meant to be like poked and prodded at. It's just cute. Qui-Gon Jinn is there and he has a stepson that he's taking care of. That one's okay.

How many Star Wars people are in there? Just. Is Alan Rickman ever in Star Wars? No, but he would have been great. Is that Hattie in there? Martin Freeman? no he's in the lord of the rings yeah no just kira and qui-gon yeah um but that little qui-gon kid he's padawan in the film is so cute yeah he is good. And he learns the force and attracts that.

No way. What is it? What do they call it? No, let me get it. What is the thing where you can like influence people, but it's not the force, but it's like, Oh, there are no droids here to get it and keep moving. These are not the droids they are looking for. I got it. It it because it was a

miracle that he learns that he teaches the young red-headed boy that so he can get jessica jedi man trick jedi man trick she's his jedi man trick that's the part i don't like when the kid gets the gal kids you know what i like the kids in the lobster costume and the octopus yeah it was the octopus costume i really liked that there was a whale costume actually there were some good costumes in this movie um uh i mean i like i think the alan rickman because that was good that's actually a really good story so beautiful i nearly shed a tear at those scenes it was really like very quite touching and i like didn't like it was all very real some of them are more fun and silly yes um but uh yeah so i would say that one you know what in a moment of sincerity i would say

that one and and if i was being silly i would say i want that hot doofus who goes to america and hooks out with January Jones. That ginger redhead. That ginger British guy. Yeah. Colin Prism. And he's in, okay, so I couldn't, you know, what's the show that he's in with the woman with the Dido haircut?

Oh, also the movie has a Dido song and I listen to Dido all day today. Can I tell you that? Okay. Quickly. Growing up when I used to play neopets i used to exclusively listen to um no angel by dido that like whole album like no angel either baby that one there's not a Dido song. Okay. Such a good album. Dido in the wall. I love that album.

The second album's okay, and then I remember when the third one came out when I was like an adult and I was like, I'll give it a go. Bad. She's done other stuff since, but anyway. So what one do you think? I agree. I was going to say Matt. Do you have anything to throw in on that? I have not much to input on this.

Have you seen it? Yes, yes, I have. Oh, he has actually. Actually, I have. Actually, do you know what the most distracting thing about watching this film with Zelda Moon is, which I don't encourage anyone to do? Oh, no.

It's when Keira Knightley came on screen and Zelda would go like. Every two seconds, every time she opened her mouth, she'd be like. Oh no. And when Keira Knightley came on screen and Zelda would go like... Every two seconds, every time she opened her mouth she'd go... For those of you who don't know Keira Knightley, she's an actress with quite a pronounced set of teeth. Yes, like the mouth of Sauron. And then she did keep calling her the mouth of Sauron. And every time she was like, oh, I look quite pretty. Zelda would be in the background going... He'd keep calling her the mouth of Sauron. And every time she was like, oh, I look quite pretty. Zelda would be in the background going.

Yeah. Well, I mean. What do you mean? What can I say? Maybe not that next time. I'll think about it. I think my favorite character is Colin. Yeah. Yeah.

Just funny. funny little extra. It's a good story. It's a fun time. Notting Hill is so good. Oh, my God, I love his. I've not, you know, this is the thing. I've not seen one of this guy's films that I don't love. And everyone's like, oh, he's a bit hit and miss.

And I'm like, he's, to me, never missed. He's like home run every time. I love About Time with Rachel McAdams and what's his name? You know, the Weasley. I love. Which Weasley? The hot one. The old Bill.

Yeah. Bill Weasley. He's so hot. He's so hot. Now he's a time traveler. And then I love Yesterday., I even liked yesterday, where the one about the Beatles songs disappearing. I liked Notting Hill, 40 Weddings and a Funeral.

Love, actually, I'm just like, this man can not make, like, they're so good. Notting Hill. Julia Roberts. Okay, let me tell you. Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts. I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her. So good.

Is that from that movie? That is from that movie. Okay. You'll see, dear. Yeah, I'll watch it. It's so good. Oh, my God. Is it better than Love, actually?

Well, I mean, it's as good as Love, actually. I see. Is this the director you're talking about? Yeah. Did he do Blackadder as well? He did work on. Did he write it or something, maybe? Let me.

He was. I think he was. I think he was. I used to just love that show when I was like eight, you know. Blackadder is so good. Yeah. I mean, it was. Blackadder.

That's what I was wondering about. With Rowan Atkinson. Just classic, like, British. Is that the one in the hotel? No. It cuts, so each season takes place in a different time period. But Blackadder always exists. He's like a descendant.

He's like one of his descendants. A subend. Okay. It's Mr. Bean. And Hugh Laurie's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rowan Atkinson is in Love Actually. And he's great.

And he was meant to be in more of the film. He's very funny. And then what happened? Well, they just had to cut it down, but he was going to be like a guardian angel to all the love stories. But he only had two that he interfered with, but he was going to be peppered through. Oh, he was going to be in Love Actually more.

Yeah. Oh, he only was in it too. Remember Johnny English? Yeah. I don't think we needed any more of that how do you go from being the voice of a comedic generation to that i mean i don't know the answer to that question it's like mike myers oh yeah how do you do like austin powers and then everything else you've ever done

and then everything else you've ever done. Guru. Love Guru. What? But he's Shrek as well, isn't he? He is Shrek. Yeah, that was. Yeah, I'll give him Shrek.

I'll give him Wayne's World. I'll give him. Wayne's World. I'll give him Austin Powers. Austin Powers is very good. So good. What are they not going to tell you? It's real good.

They don't say it's good? Well, I feel like people have like, I don't know. I can, the shark in a tank with a laser on its head? I mean. It's not sharks, though. As you remember in the film, they can't get sharks for Dr. Evil, so they have to do mackerel or whatever. Oh, it's so good.

That film really is for the gays. It's really stayed in the gay memory. And then that woman. Yeah. That aggressive. Yeah, Fraulein Maria. I love that her thing is just yelling. It's so good.

Oh, God, she's so incredible. Matt, did you get my Fralane Maria joke? When did you do that? Oh, okay. Someone did. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I missed it, sorry. Yeah, you don't want to miss it.

Comes but once a year. Okay. You can catch it next year. Okay. So we're getting ready. We're going to head into the new music. It's Alan Rickman. Obviously. Obviously.

Obviously. So we're including everything with Alan Rickman and everything with like their story. The touches of the story. You need to get a bit of. What is it? Emma. Emma Thompson. Thompson.

Yeah. Nanny McPhee herself. That's the only sound of music I like. I haven't seen that. No, no, I haven't. Jesus Christ. But I know that she gets more attractive as time goes on in the films. Hmm.

Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Oh, what a gorgeous festive season. Merry holiday. You ho ho ho's Do you like it when drag queens do that? They're like

No Ho means two things No Okay And I don't need another drag queen to do Mariah You don't like that? No You know what?

When I've done it I've also said ho ho ho It's fun Every one of us does I did And Slay We do that as well

I used to work at H&M and for years I would perform at the Christmas party. Did they ask you to or you just did it? Yes. And as soon as Katy Perry did the H&M Christmas song, obviously that's what I did every year. But up until that point, I think I did the Mariah. song obviously that's what i did every year but up until that point i think i did the mariah and like one year one of the old managers left and he went to cod non and everyone was obsessed with him because he's very handsome guy and this was like fresh story it happened in like early november

right so we had christmas party in mid-December. And I staged, you know, the whole like all I want for Christmas is and then I like lifted up a frame of him and did the whole number of being about him. It was quite inappropriate. I didn't get in trouble because I'm gay and that's sassy and not inappropriate. Yeah, it does sound like inappropriate work contact. Well.

And that's why Zelda can't work at H&M anymore. They loved it. Yeah. Well, I hope that you, the listener, have started thinking about what you're going to improve about yourself before the next year. Oh. And I hope that you recognize very quickly that there's nothing on that list. You're perfect to me. Darling.

Zelda, on the other hand. She's going to be working on being more detailed about the locations of various stores and stories. Which I've noticed is a recurring theme. Because when you were telling the first Boba story, otherwise known as Boba One. Did I say where that was? It was in Melbourne Central in the underground. I went to Minotaur, which was originally here. Oh, yeah. Walking here with my friend at the time i just want them to be able to picture it there knowing that people are listening in like turkey right now they're like

what well if they come to melbourne they can do the zelda moon hit list well and this was featured in gobble too oh no. Sorry, I was just thinking Turkey. Oh, I met Gobble Gobble. How was it? It was, like, interesting. Oh, gee, that story went downhill, Fez. Yeah. Wait, so you met the Turkish guy. I met the Turkish guy.

From video chat fame. Yes. So we had a few video calls. Pre-interviews, yes. Yes. And, yeah, we went on a date we went to dinner in the city and then we walked around the yara geographic location oh and we went to a we went to a bar as well did you drink i did not oh yeah that was a real please have a strawberry thick shake oh god um and when we sat by the river we were near a bin that was being rifled through by rats and i thought that was quite hilarious anyway he was um very hairy and very handsome

but told a lot of haunting stories about having to flee fucking turkey because gay yeah it was really like sad you're like and it's like i don't like the way these stories make me feel no but and and just that like you know like of course there's a constant thing right but the reminder of like people who move to a different country their qualifications from their home country don't match up to the ones here like then that happens you know wherever you go whatever it's just so shit yeah he's like i was a civil engineer back home and now i'm working in a fucking bakery and he can't get an engineering job yeah that's like i was a civil engineer back home and now i'm working in a fucking bakery and he can't get an engineering job yeah that's like unless he does like four years of study or whatever it's like that's just so hard um and he's like i want to be here because i couldn't

be who i am back home but now i've got like it's just yeah that's so dark yeah it was hard but um just one date and no no follow-up we've had another video call since then is it are we having sex what's happening no sex uh but maybe one day oh god i don't tune in five years from now we had three video calls and a hookup by the rat dumpster and no sex no sex no he was very like you know like i don't just hook up on the first date oh me too yeah same me too sister i would never do that yeah yeah and then i went home and took three loads merry and happy holiday into the abyss that's a good twist on the genre

thanks so much everyone oh wait what's going on this week spiky christmas lights the and alan rickman and emmett hompson edit version of love, actually. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Cool. The other thing, just quickly, at the end of that movie, there's all of these like low res compiled bits of people having love moments. Yeah. Why is it not shot on the same camera that everyone else is do you want to know oh god richard curtis's wife is a documentarian and she shot the footage for the opening and closing in real life on low res cameras yeah and i think it's very effective

because you immediately are snapped out of the glossy camera effect and you're starting to think about real people in your life no i'm snapped out of the experience camera effect and you're starting to think about real people in your life no i'm snapped out of the experience i'm not watching a documentary i'm watching love actually well love actually features different types of cameras yeah and you're an apologist for the fucking white water rafting scene in the hobbit aren't you if you think that i have seen that movie you have another thing i feel like i've spoken about this on the podcast before but it's filmed with gopros and it's horrendous i there's not a good part of that film well that's also true so shut up shut up

merry christmas everyone actually okay death day everyone was recorded at natural habitat studios Merry Christmas, everyone. Actually. Okay. Actually. Death Day of Round was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. Actually. If you want to say something to us actually, you can do it at deathdayofroundpod at gmail.com.

Actually. And in the world, you support us at patreon.com death to everyone bye