Death To Everyone - Death To… YouTubers, Board Games & Puddy

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Welcome back! This week Lazy & Zelda discuss their favourite YouTubers, board games and that delicious meal you have after dinner - puddy. The girls also take note of the very real threat posed by wild bears and wolves in America and Europe. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠ ⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠ ⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/ https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Oh now I'm shy. Just say it. You're with the first line. Thank you so much for tuning in, exclamation point. And it doesn't have any colour attributed to it. No, that's wrong anyway. Can you refresh? Because I've highlighted the first section.

You've tricked me. I have. Okay. Okay. Hello. Could you please be quiet mute her hello and welcome to death to everyone oh i hate australian accents do american talking all american hello do it in whatever that was. Hello and welcome to Death to Everyone, a podcast from the end of time. The world is doomed.

But thankfully, we're here to save the worthwhile crumbs the society has spat out over the past 4.5 billion years. What do we deem worthy to be spared from the rapture and stowed in our crucible of culture well join us to find out thank you for listening everyone this is episode two nothing has ever sounded more podcasty than that oh god um for those of you who don't know that that was um likely to be the only scripted piece of today's episode. Yeah. So you've got a sense of our amazing, incredible acting ability, but now the rest is just... Oh, now we're off chops. It's something I often say. It's off the cuff.

Yeah. Now, yes. So as we were saying, this is a show about the end of days. Obviously, I don't know if you've downloaded any of the social media apps recently, but the time has come. Armageddon is here. Yeah, she's around the corner. Yeah. So existential threats, what's going to kill us all? But more importantly, what do we save from the culture when the time does come, when the giant meteor strikes?

And who better to decide what the best of the best is than us? Two Melbourne drag queens. Yes, with impeccable taste and life experience. She wears every day of her life experience on her face. Pours the high size of satellite dishes receptors taking it all in yes um yeah so zelda this week how was your week i um i've had a very busy week busy at work busy with a lot of drag stuff we have a lot of projects coming up um including this one this was recorded in the past if you'd believe um but yeah lots of moving

parts lots of things happening but it's been good had a few cute dates as well i didn't know that no i know oh you were saving it i've been saving it just for this moment to see that You were giving me the bee stories in the car ride on the way here I was And you were like, I'm sitting on the best secret of all That time I got filled with cum So on the car on the way here, you're like, this isn't like when we did YouTube, Lazy Susan We need to be respectable now. We have a podcast.

20 seconds in, full of cum. So, date. Okay, so there's been That's some of it coming up now. Ew. Yeah, this is disgusting. There are people that want to listen to this with their children.

Oh, God, I hope not. No, yeah, I had a few cute dates. It was good. Fuck it out. And one of them was, like, a fan of horror movies. And I was like, well, come over, we'll watch a movie. And we watched, he hadn't seen Barbarian. So I watched Barbarian again on, was that Sunday night?

Monday night? Yeah. Oh, it was so good. What a great date movie. It was so good. We watched that and then we watched, oh, I don't, Ready or Not? Yeah. Yeah.

Which I hadn't seen. Did you like it? I did. It's camp. Yeah. It was fun. It was kind of a fun balance of like, because the description said thriller, horror, comedy.

And I said, what an interesting mix. But like the levels were right. I thought like the tone was quite good. Yeah, it's cute. I loved the auntie with the crazy hair yes um and the actor who plays the mother the mother it's andy mcdowell isn't it is that is that who she is yeah i don't know she was amazing yeah yeah um she's one of those actors that i kind of forget and then when you see her you're like oh my god she's so good i need to

double check this now. I'm so sorry. I can't just be spilling misinformation. This isn't Joe Rogan. That's topical. So this date. Yeah. So we watched Barbarian and he was very like, at the end, he was like, oh, my God, I feel so tense.

Like I've been clenching my fists this whole time. I was like, yes, isn't it so good? And he thoroughly enjoyed it. so tense like i've been clenching my fists this whole time i was like yes isn't it so good and he thoroughly enjoyed it and then yeah then we watched ready or not i thoroughly enjoyed that why weren't you making out by this point on lover's lane by movie two we were cuddling on the couch and then afterwards we had sex well's disgusting, that's absolutely disgusting. The horrors didn't cease. Oh no.

That was the third act. But I didn't enjoy the stupid shot that felt very sucker punch of like the diva in like the wedding dress with the shotgun ammo across her body,

like holding the gun with a converse. At the end? No, it was like halfway through the movie. Oh, well, this is the issue with horror movies is that you have to put up with horror movie fans and those people that end up making the horror movies themselves

tend to be people that are like, wouldn't this just look great on a poster? And you're like. Yes. And that shot is the poster. But I kind of think that when it's done right, when those moments happen in movies, I think Tarantino is generally quite good at it. It's like you are image making. Yes.

But it's just when it feels a little too cloying. Yeah. I'm like, i mean that shot in particular because it's her putting all that on and then standing in the mirror and going like that wouldn't happen yes it's like you're fighting for your life you're not checking yourself out in the mirror if you can't find time to to love yourself while you're fighting for your life you know know what I loved? All those little blood explosions at the end when it turned out it was.

They did make a deal with the devil. Yes, yes. And then the little wisp of the devil. Well, see, now you're a spoiler alert for everyone for Ready or Not. And I also enjoyed the dude. He was so cute. Like the husband. Yes.

And Samara Weaving. Who's Hugo Weaving's niece. Oh, that's cute. Who was she? The main girl. Oh, okay. Yeah. She's Australian.

Anyway. She's so pretty. Horror movies and a few dates, but a lot of drag prep that's how my week was how was yours oh wait i feel like you just said all the boring parts because i have seen those movies who cares you were like and then this happened and then the credits rolled well what's happening with the love life is this gonna work out this is good i i'm gonna see him again we're gonna go and see insidious two movies the red door yes amazing yeah so we're going to go do that i don't know it was cute it was like an actual

date which was nice vibe he um he is a dungeon master oh the dnd oh um you thought I was going down a path you couldn't follow she's getting into kink boring but the other kind of dungeon master oh and then he was showing me his like disgusting little sets that he's been building with

paper mache and I loved them I mean if things work out he's gonna listen to this and then things will end but oh they were so cute they were really cute it is i think i wanted to say that like dnd is kind of like straight people drag but it isn't because dnd is such a haven for queers so it's kind of like introverted queer drag yes although because a dungeon master is introverted this is the question this um because it's still for like in a small room with a small amount of people yes like and in that safe space that's where you can then

have a moment of extroversion and like he was telling me that he like has played a few games recently with his no he was preparing for a game that is tomorrow that he's starting with his brothers and i think i don't know a few other friends. And he was like, his brother was like coming up with like stupid names for their character. He was like, if you're not going to take it seriously, it's going to influence the entire course of the game. You know, just let it happen. I'll be referring to Christabel Farface for the next five years. Yes. Can I just, I'm going to pause quickly.

Oh. I thought I was having a fucking stroke, but it turns out the lights in the studio, the gorgeous Habitat studio, have been set to some sort of awful, like, disco room in a pedophile's house. Oh, my God. So why are they shifting like that? They are shifting from tone to tone. Can we change that?

I'm going to die in here. I think I'm freaking out. All right, let me fix the lights for you. Turn up the light. Turn up the light. Is that a bit better? Are they not moving? They're not moving anymore.

Incredible. How did you change them from in there? I've got all the controls. It's one of those Optima bulbs or whatever they're called. Genio. Genio. There we go. My first child.

Genio. Genio. So tell me about your wick. Well, no. First you. So tell me about your week. Well, no, first you tell me. How will the world end this week, Zelda? Are you feeling optimistic for humanity or death? Oh, I think... Oh, there's been so many peaks and valleys, highs and lows.

I think, no, I've got to stick it out. Hopefully we can survive another week, you know. I didn't ask whether you're saving people. I just said, how is the world ending this week? Is it going to be suffering or just a nice quick snap? Oh, I would hope that a bigger, bolder planet will smash into ours. Yeah. You like big things because last week you were like, I want to be a giant woman smashing the Earth with my thighs.

Ooh, Xena, I can't breathe. Like that. You know that reference? No. Oh. Haven't seen 007, GoldenEye. Oh. Hmm.

And how are you? Thank you so much for finally asking. Oh, golden eye. Ah. Hmm. And how are you? Thank you so much for finally asking. Oh, my God. To be surrounded by narcissists all the time. It's hard for me. This week, I'm busy. Now, listen, I'm unemployed. I made myself unemployed by choice because I was over my job and I had the means to, you know, be a little bit unemployed for a while.

Be free. Just for a little bit, which is kind of terrifying because, you know, once you have like those little buffering of money and you quit your job, you're like, oh oh well um there's a recession coming and now everything's fucked so i do feel a low hum of stress at all moments in the day that i feel will only be solved when i get like a million or two dollars. Uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Because it's just not going anywhere.

It's not abating. Yes. I can't remember a time, like just not having a job is such a weird thought. Mm-hmm. You know, it just, we're so conditioned in our society to believe that we need to constantly be working. So when you're not working, you feel like you're not doing anything. I am.

Like I do something every day. Today I combed my hair and had a piece of toast. Got up, walked around a bit. Tomorrow I might finally get to watering the plants. No, I've been doing things, setting up, being busy. Yeah. But because it's not generating an income or a livelihood. And when people are like, have you looked for a job yet?

I'm like, I'm not looking for a job right now. I'm just taking time for me. Yeah. But it still feels incredibly stressful. So my wish for this apocalypse this week would be that everyone has a low hum of anxiety that turns out to be a kind of microwave effect taking place inside of all of humanity that eventually leads to us all getting cooked from the inside out well your wish might come true dare to dream do you know those about this okay quickly yeah i was speaking

to a guy who used to work in fixing am fm radios and i was like what is the story with the am radio towers and he's like yeah they're fucked i'm like what do you mean it's like am radio transmitter towers the radiation coming off them is so hot that the guys like don't spend like you feel sick physically ill as you approach them what uh-huh how many radio towers are there i'm telling how many radios i assume it's a one-to-one kind of ratio um but yeah isn't that crazy i don't understand how radio works well it's not for us to know no or the internet but you know what i was listening to someone talk about ai today very smart engineering kind of type man and he was like i when i look into ai you know when you look at the code that's happening inside of the computer it's just

numbers changing we actually don't understand how it's generating these thoughts and ideas and when i don't understand something that scares me like well, if I got scared every time I didn't understand anything, I wouldn't sleep. Yeah. I don't understand anything. How does a fridge work? What's butter made out of? Who knows?

How could anyone know? And I just live in the absolute peace of just, I don't need to know. I just live in the absolute peace of just, I don't need to know. That's why I can't, I can't fathom how anyone is interested in space. It's boring, darling. What do you mean? If there is a creator, the creator was like, we don't need to look at space. So I'll just make it as boring as humanly possible it's just going to have no sound not a lot of light just rocks floating up there so you focus on what

really matters which is walking around and harvesting grains and going on little side quests you know that's the game the simulation and then fucking nerds came out and were like but we can tell by looking at the rocks how old the universe who cares we're here now what about what's happening right now fucking cares i just could not imagine anything more boring than knowing how old the universe is what does it matter to you darling because there's escape There might be somewhere better. Yeah. Keep looking, darling. Because also if there's a creator, right? Like you'd do a drawing and then like that's this world and then there's a void. But what if that creator does another drawing and puts it on a pinboard over there?

Have you thought about it like that? I think both of us. That's kind of bite-sized thoughts maybe that's the maybe that's the summary of the podcast two idiots rattling thoughts that they've never i think that's when the american in me really expresses itself is how much i'm you know confidence in in ignorance because i i just don't i feel such a heated rage for you know it's like why do people want to go to mars darling go and stand in the desert see if you enjoy yourself why do people want to get into a spaceship i can like sure you can do it you can do anything i suppose i don't know oh i've got a story about that you go but why you know it's just who cares

i last night was like i wonder if i could do a spot number where i was shooting electricity out of my fingers and then i started looking up like practical special effects to see if that was something that was feasible on a performance stage perhaps at the 86 or perhaps it yes a spot number for those of you playing at home is what drag queens call a performance yes and turns out no you can't shoot electricity out of your fingertips. Well, that's categorically incorrect because you could do a Faraday cage. Or whatever. Cage. You know, I've seen it at science works.

No, but, like, I want Emperor Palpatine, like... Why don't you become, like, that Sashavalua character and get a projector just behind you? No. No. No. I refuse. I want to do it for real. Anyway, it turns out I can't, I guess. You're like, can I be magic?

And then I had this moment of like, if you could, wouldn't people be shooting electricity out of their fingers all the time or at least appearing to do so? Well, I think obviously based on this discussion no and i would resent people that were trying to i would say well because i think did you see recently there was like a video of like a grand prix style event where everyone had jetpacks on and i was like this was grand prix on planet mandalore and i thought uh try as you might no who cares about this either you know oh my god but so jetpack's scary because that flame is

close to your body these were like um fan forced oh did you see that video of the small child holding onto the kite that got whisked into the air? No. Anyway. That's how I like to go to space, by accident. Oh. Yeah. Hmm. What about if you get sent to the center of the sun for war crimes?

Well, it's inevitable, really, isn't it? At this point, yes. After this podcast comes out. Okay. Well, shall we take a quick break? Yeah, let's take a break and we'll go away. We'll have a piece of toast and comb our hair. Think about a lot of things.

I just love that I was like, I couldn't imagine anything more boring than being on Mars. I woke up this morning and brushed my hair and had some bread. Okay. But yes, we'll see you after the break. Bye. Am I back? Hello.

Have you gotten yourself a little drink? Yes, I have a ginger beer. What are you drinking? Not you, the person at home. Oh, they're fine. Are you driving right now? Drive real crazy for me. Give a little toot.

Give someone a little love tap. If you're driving right now, toot it. Toot it. That's what they say. You know? Brum. The little, okay okay the little car yes the tv show about the little car the sentient car yes that's quite camp brum is camp brum is so camp with those little eyes that are also the high beam that's quite gay and I imagine his toot would be like one of those Kind of horns

Certainly that would be That'd be canon for this Like Brum has to have tooted at some point Was there other Sentient vehicles in that show? No Like Mrs. Brum Why do you have to make him heterosexual?

I don't know The existence of Mrs. Pac-Man doesn't mean that Pac-Man's. They're dating. Are they? You think that Mrs. Pac-Man just, she's Mrs. She's married. It's not Ms. Yeah.

MX. Pac-Man. Yeah. Anyway. Or maybe it's her son and the husband's dead but she still goes by missus because she's like not over it maybe that's the favorite video game which brings us to the segment today we'll be discussing youtubers i see now and which youtuber we think should survive the end of the world. The little, in brackets, open bracket,

I really wanted this first segment to be video games and just to, in this episode, completely discount and negate any further discussion about any video games and just be like, we've decided on the video game that's going into the bomb shelter. We know now it's done. But Zelda was vehemently against it. Yes.

So you've been robbed. We're going to leave you hanging for that one. It will similarly, what, should we just choose which movie is going in and then we never talk about movies ever again? I'd be brave. Be brave. Be brave. No, we're going to talk about youtubers something sensible please and also relevant to today's apocalypse because obviously i thought

drama on youtube was kind of dead oh mama but then you know i feel like if i was the studio executive producing the youtube drama of the world, bringing back a kind of, you know, the Michael Keaton, the Andrew Garfield, the Tobey Maguire, the Miranda Sings to be in the sequel to the trash fire that was old school YouTube.

Yes. He's very like, Ooh, she's back. She's back. And now she's a groomer. Yeah. And she's on that train. Yeah. And she's on that train.

Yeah. Toxic gossip train. Okay. So what we need to decide now, my fellow galactic goddess, is which YouTuber of all of them, because I think it's pretty generous to give them a spot in the bunker at the end of times. Yes. Which YouTuber do we think gets admission? Yes.

It's hard. I ebb and flow between passionate YouTube relationships. I fall hard in love. you know i i i fall hard in love you know and i'm currently having quite a um a love affair with a certain belgium doll painter whose youtube channel is papa netelier and it's mostly her accent that gets it across the line for me but her artistry is undeniable she has the most incredibly charming belgian accent um and i love her but that has thrown that's confused me because traditionally my answer to favorite youtuber and therefore the one that i would want kept safe in the bunker um would be now career education suzy from canada which is okay i mean i think that they the little bit of backstory here

is that zelda has some of the most esoteric youtube taste because it's not she's not chasing a fad she's not looking for weirdness on purpose but she does just enjoy watching and she will watch hours oh hours and hours and hours of her chosen YouTuber when she gets involved. And normally that'll be Susie from Susie's Nail Career Education, who I think has become famous enough that we could probably just talk about her. But for those of you who don't know, she's a kind of like 50-something. Oh, maybe that's 40. Oh, late 40s, 50 something. Oh, maybe that's 40. late forties, fifties.

Yeah. 40 something, um, nail technician, a cum YouTuber who, she's a cum YouTuber. And she, help Susie,

she's absolutely covered in cum. Uh, and she does, yeah, like little nail tutorials. However, the kind of secret source of suzy's nail career education is that she's married to a man she's mrs suzy and this man has gone oval like crazy over the top in the production of these videos so like there's art like titles and after effects elements and lens flares and multiple cameras and top down views.

And they edited like to within an inch of their life with the most crisp studio sound. And like everything has been perfectly done. And Susie is kind of this like charming, but very real human being at the middle of it all. Yeah. With a great skill set. And also just, it's kind of that perfect mundanity. Like, oh yeah. Just this kind of so cozy, like Susie's not worried about what's happening in the world.

No, you can just go to her for a little escape. It's like you're getting your nails done with Susie. Yeah. This is kind of an offensive Canadian woman. Yes. go to her for a little escape it's like you're getting your nails done with suzy yeah this is kind of inoffensive canadian woman yes but suzy is a contender of course snake discovery is a contender and this is where we get to the other fucked up thing about you is that the other side of zelda's taste like if suzy's one half the whole other half is dedicated to strange people that keep reptiles in like florida yes and they usually like some like i want you to imagine like a lanky but like fit 19 year old

boy who's like clearly just like does not have the ability to make eye contact with other human beings and maybe hasn't like washed in three weeks and like so it's like it's just so pure and i have no desire to have a reptile or snakes or tarantulas or like a crocodile or something but i will watch hours of that content hours i love it i think like i have aquariums right so like this you can just say you're single I don't think you need to go into details don't need every reason why I listed for an hour long

podcast I mean you started the podcast being like so this dungeon master came over to my house um anyway yeah love that love those kind of channels um yeah all sorts what about you what tickles you in the algorithm of youtube i think in youtube land let's just have let's bring mr beast down there he'll solve all of our problems with w of cash. These wads of cash won't prevent some crushing thighs on the planet. Listen, in the bunker, though, don't you want someone who's, you know, driven to make change?

Why are you such a Mr. Beast apologist? I'm not apologizing for that, man. He just freaks me out. But in a way that I'm fascinated by. I don't know if you guys know about Mr. Beast. Everybody knows about him. I swear to Christ. Wait, Matt Shears, do you know who Mr. Beast is?

Yeah, I know him. Oh. What does he do? He is just like overly enthusiastic and just. Well, now you're describing everyone on YouTube. But he just gives people free money for doing silly stuff doesn't he yeah it does okay you can leave very um who dares wins adjacent well that's it like you know you know how um you know how in evolutionary science they say that like the the the lobster the crab has evolved six times but like i'll completely say that yeah have completely separate like chains it just happens in nature

the crab have you not heard about this no they say like in nature the something that looks like a crab has evolved separately six different times not coming off the same family tree wait so two crabs unrelated yeah but like six times huh things that six crabs unrelated yeah but they're not at all related oh they're just completely and so they're like like that shape is just what it's just something happening freaky weird in the way that evolution works that the shape of a crab just comes up in nature and i think no matter how much media evolves we can't get away end up with a mr beast we always end up with a who dares wins like crazy boring straight man gives money away to people and they cry like that is true like media culture just always evolves towards that point.

Speaking of radio, that's like the fucking baseline of FM radio. Oh God. It's so grim. Also knowing that people like drive cars in peak hour, listening to that makes me want to die. I just, yeah.

You, you, and why Australians have this obsession with like fitzy and like like benno and jimmy and worst of all on i don't want i don't want to talk about this person on this podcast because what if one day we want to go to the loggies and we need some meth in the bathroom. But there are certain gays that I just hate that work in fucking FM radio. It's like, why do they?

And also that what you'll know, you might know this, but like, you know, that thing that radio always does with like the, like you're talking like this. And then the next sentence is like, let's talk like this it's not like through i hate that i'm so sorry to anyone listening to this you know know on radio how they do this thing where they're like,

they're talking like this. But then they go, they're talking like this. Are you fucking right? You know what I mean though. Right? Yeah. Does everyone know how that is? Do me like that.

He's like, who is it i know that's still you it's so stupid why can't they just have one effect for the whole like sentence the more and more i hear you explain your reasoning behind not liking things the more i'm like i don't i don't know zelda are you okay i don't know i guess it just doesn't make sense you're like well a house can't fly in a tornado dorothy it just doesn't make sense well okay anyway mr beast is a lie answer. Who do you actually like? I just, I don't.

I just. I'm anticipating your answer, but. Oh, who do you think I'm going to say? Jenny. Oh, Jenny Nicholson. Yeah. Yes. I would actually like that.

I think Jenny would be great to survive the apocalypse. But you know what? She's a cultural commentator. What's she going to do in the bunker at the end of time? to survive the apocalypse. But you know what? She's a cultural commentator. What's she going to do in the bunker at the end of time? Comment on the rats that I've saved. How many rats do you think you're bringing down there? I feel like now we also need to bring a crab. Well, it'll happen even if we don't.

In a few years, Carrie Fisher's bones will evolve into a crab-like shape. Absolutely. I was talking to my sister about episode one of the pod, which if you haven't listened to, go back. What a treat to hear a grown man spit up on himself. But my sister was like, Nepo babies? Why not Liza Minnelli, the original Nepo baby? And I was like, that's true.

We didn't even think about Liza. I thought about her. I just didn't say anything. The issue with Liza is she's speaking like this, but then she's. She would never. She's got natural radio voice. The more I told people about that first episode and I was like, you know, we talked about nepo babies and the McDonald's menu.

They were like nepo babies. It's like what qualifies? Like everything is pretty much under that. I was like, is it? Everyone's a nepotism baby. Yeah. Well, not everyone. But, you know, most.

Most people have parents. Well, like most famous people or whatever. Like, where do you draw the line? Well, that's it. It's like, well, I don't know. I drew the line pretty quick after I thought about Princess Leia, to be honest. That's true. Anyway.

Anyway. My final pick. Yes. I think. Oh. Anyway. Anyway. My final pick. Yes. I think. Yeah. For, like, great contributions. Oh, don't make me choose. I'm going to edit this out.

Who do you pick? No, I'm happy to back up whoever you want. We're not picking one eight. I'm going to support you. See, Susie has a bit of a main streak. I like that. You need it if you're going to survive the apocalypse. You know what?

That's true. And cuticle care is very important. Do you think people will do their nails after the world ends? Depends on who else we put in the bunker, I suppose. And nails going back out of fashion. They went out for a while. Yeah. It's, you know, it's an evolution. Like, it's a changing landscape.

You can't say evolution for the rest of the episode without thinking of crabs. No, I've seen it. Are those crabs one of the types of crabs? Oh. Like the sexually transmitted variety of crabs like parasitic crabs i assume i assume that must be one of the iterations because they i mean they're crab shaped but they're nothing like a hermit crab you know i wonder if hermit crabs are part of the crab hermit crabs so cute well let's say let's say let's say suzy from now career education although there was that

recent drag parody and that put me right off a nova olympia i didn't watch it i like her oh i just like oh someone's so hot right now so i'm gonna do. Why don't you do something hot right now? And it's time for another break. Well, we've got to fit all these sponsors in somehow. Yeah. Bye. Keep saying bye. Don't say bye.

We've got a break. We'll be right back. And welcome back. Yes, it's time to add to our collection. Susie's there. It's going to be great. You know, it'll be a hoot. She'll have many stories about Grant, but he's not coming in. Let me tell you.

You cannot make deep cut references. All the people who know will know. Okay. Just quickly. That Susie from Susie's Nail Career Education on YouTube. She's got this like gay friend because, you know, the best thing about suzy's mundane life and suzy's mundane aura is that suzy of course has a kind of mundane gay friend who is like the

light of her life because a woman in her like late 40s who's a nail tech absolutely has a gay friend but he's like like beige milk toast like the most boring man that you've ever seen in your whole life. And she thinks he's a hoot and a half. Yeah. She's so entertained by Grant. And he's like, hi, Susie. He's very monotone. And she's like, oh, Grant, stop it.

Stop it. You're killing me. Yeah. And whenever, like, she speckles him in very lightly. Yeah. But I feel like every time she does, it's like, well, this one's going to be a good one. This is the hit. I'm bringing Grant back.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because I think she would, like, have a lot of, you know, conservative or, you know, just nice, wholesome, you know, women watching the show. nice wholesome you know women watching the show who you know don't mind suzy having a gay friend but don't just rub it in her face yes and also like it's it's like oh imagine if he was my friend i would never but yeah you know for the next 23 minutes i could survive it yeah like i would have a grant in my life yeah if i If I did. Anyway, we're not talking about Susie anymore. We're going to talk about what board game we should be playing in the bunker. Board games.

Board games. Also quite broad, but. I wish we picked video games. I don't know if they're going to make it. Maybe they won't be in the bunker. Maybe. Okay, so board games. Where do you stand on the issue? i don't play a lot of board

games as an adult and it shows um growing up my favorite board game was boggle trouble trouble trouble trouble it's really junior that would be really funny, you don't quite have that literacy. Trouble is great. Okay, so Boggle is actually a game of skill. Oh. But Trouble is just clicking in. A game of chunks. You're like, the fate shall decide, not I. Yeah.

There is strategy, though, because you pick which of the four little dudes you move around. But there is strategy, though, because you pick which of the four little dudes you move around. Do you know, Boggle is just kind of like a shitty version of Yahtzee or whatever. Not Yahtzee. Pakes. Pachizi. Whatever you call it. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is a terrifying game that I was playing with my housemates during lockdown. Parcheesi. Parques. Oh. Both Colombians. And they were like, come play parques with us. Oh, you told me about this.

Yes. And I was like, oh. And yeah, there you go. How lovely. Invited for game night. And they're like, back in Colombia, we used to sit down and play with the whole family, our grandparents, my mother. Everyone would be there and we'd play parques late into the night because the game goes for hours.

And they're like, and then, you know, everyone would just put in like a little bit of like a bet and da, da, da. And I was like, oh, that's so fun. We used to do that. We used to play canasta or poker with matchsticks during the holiday vacay or whatever. But so then they're like, okay, well, let's play tonight. You know, the depths of lockdown. Everyone's on suicide watch.

It's all happening. And so they pull out the, you know, flop out the little board and we start to play. And they're like, oh, just like, you know, flop out the little board and we start to play. And they're like, oh, just like, you know, got the chips that we're playing with, like little 57 pieces. And I'm like, oh, that's so cute. But the game goes forever and you're going around the board like in trouble and you can jump over each other and send each other back to start again, which is the trouble. The annoying thing. Yeah.

Your Anglo version. And then they, like, I ran out of my 50 cent pieces and I was like, oh, well, that's okay. I'll just grab some from the middle and start again. And they're like, what are you doing? And I was like, what do you mean? And they're like, go and get more money. And I was like, excuse me. And they're like, are you doing and i was like what do you mean and they're like go and get more money and i was like excuse me and they're like what do you think this is and i'm like we're playing a fun game together like no little boy we've been playing for money this whole time i was like i was horrified are you kidding like yeah They're like, yeah, we're playing for real coins.

We dealt you in at the start, but you were going to pay us back for that. I was like. And by then you were in too deep. Well, can I tell you, like, I would never, and this is what I said to them. I was like, I would never play for money. That freaks me out. Imagine playing for money. If you want money, I'll give you money. I said this. I was like me if you want money i'll give you money i

said this i think i just are you poor do you need some money i just this freaks me out are you swindling me out of my coins we're going to yes oh it makes in my household never wow never well it turns out actually though, though. Yeah. Gambling. Yeah. Would never do it. Well, you did. Well, I didn't.

Oh, what did you call it? I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm not doing this. And they were like, but you've just... And I was like, nope. I'm like, I'm happy to play for no money. I'm happy to give you $100 right now, but I will not play for money. Well, you know what game this doesn't happen in? Trouble.

Trouble. And who did you play Trouble with? Oh, we used to play when we would go camping. So my parents and my brother. Because also four-person family, four-person game. So that worked out quite nicely. Oh, childless

Laurel, left to play with no one but herself. Oh, Jesus. You know what? For a bit of extra fun, you could play as all four characters by yourself. That was the game they called Troubled. The little boy in the corner. Yes, but we would play Trouble. We would play Uno.

I mean, that's not very exciting. That's not a board game. Okay. Well, I'm just broadening our horizons, I suppose. And we will play Mastermind. I think Mastermind would be my pitch. Because what a great game. Is that the one where you have to guess what the person has?

Yes. So they have a little trapper keeper with their four selected colors. Yeah. And then you have 12 attempts to get the right colors in the right sequence. And what happens if you're not correct by the end? Well, you fail. And the mastermind wins. Or are you the mastermind?

I don't know. But the best thing about mastermind would be when, because if you get the right color in the right location, you get a certain little toggle. And if you get the right color in the wrong location, different toggle. And if it's wrong, then you don't get anything. But the best thing was when the person who's the cryptkeeper,

the secret keeper. The trapper keeper. Yes. person who's the crypt keeper the secret keeper the trapper keeper yes um the keeper of the trapper keeper would put in the wrong assessment after your guess and then it was revealed at the end and you're like well you're an idiot you were like i like the game because it was possible to undermine the uh thinking of my opponent correct yeah. Yeah. Good. Like, and it's quite, it's satisfying when you get it. Obviously. Wow.

It's been a long day. This is a really fun podcast. Listening to Mastermind explain. FutureZella, put in the sound of the Mastermind ad here. I wonder if there is one. I'm sure there is. Okay. Well, that's, that sounds sounds good i do like the jungle

theming that took place in mastermind jungle theming does it not have jungle theming jungle theming bear with you're thinking of jumanji well that's what's gonna be my pitch but you know what we had that growing up and i love that board game. Even that little, you know, mystery bubble. Oh. That was great. You slide the card under and it would reveal. That was so cool. Incredible.

What kind of tech was that? They can do that, but they can't do electricity out of fingers. Yeah, so there is a jungle themed version of Mastermind, but it's not called Mastermind. Oh, Jungle Mind. I used to have it at my after school care. Hmm. That was Mastermind junior oh was it oh yes thank you matt maybe you should bring that one in instead yes that's hot that's cool okay little elephant little little tiger on the front little bear i'm sorry what jungle is this hanging out all together oh my god yeah

junior is so much more chic you know what i thought about a lot in america only in america was that like bears could walk to me that doesn't happen here there's no bears here There's no bears here. I thought about that. To be inside of your mind for but a second would be a fear. But truly, we don't have, like, the things. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The reputation of Australia is that we have all of the deadly animals.

No, but it's different. It's like snakes. Crocodiles. And crocodiles. But, like, you know where to not go with crocodiles. Do you? I do. Spiders?

Spiders. Yeah, but spiders are like, oh, just brush it off. It's fine. Well, what if it's in your shoe? But you can go through the bush with, like, the right footwear on, and you'll be fine. You can't. A snake can bite through a fucking pant leg, I'll tell you what. Yeah, but you know what I mean. I wish I did.

No, I think the thing is that, like, you don't know you're going to get bit by a snake. It's just going to happen, and then you'll die. But you'll see a bear through the trees. You can see a crocodile. Or a wolf or a coyote. Are you scared of coyotes? Through the trees. You can see a crocodile. Or a wolf. Or a coyote. Are you scared of coyotes?

Um, I thought about them a little bit when I was in the States. And the bears conspiring against me. I don't know that you should have been allowed into America. Maybe that's where you should have stayed. But then I thought the same thing in Europe. What were you scared of in Europe? Bears. And wolves.

I just don't. I mean, like, bears are scary, but they generally. Oh, they're more scared of you than, you know. We saw some bears when we were in North Carolina. And it was probably a lot less safe than we thought it was because we were walking, hiking. And then we saw a big black bear mama and her little cubs and they crossed the path in front of us and went on their way were they cute it was a very cute little baby bear but yeah you know listeners let me know how fucking terrified i should have been because that could have gone bad but you see my comparison like dingoes aren't going to come up

and bite you and like kangaroos and stuff it would just run away like there's no big mammals that are after you here but i think it's like small sneaky ones like yeah that's kind of more scary no because who knows but that's like you've got the hollywood eyes version of and also crocodiles are fucking terrifying yeah but like don't go like don't go up there into the where it just was yes yeah yeah yeah and sharks sharks true that's what i think going in the forest in america or like europe is like is us going in the ocean because like there could be a shark anywhere it's like going into like i mean obviously it depends where like think about making some broad generalizations here do you what do you think americans relationship with berries like a bear they made cartoons about it australians

aren't sitting around making a cute little shark cartoon what about baby shark yeah that was not made by an australian i know we know better we've seen we've seen the truth also baby shark song what does it end with um run away yeah run away we're not doing this okay what board game do you pick i think it's got to be jumanji yeah because the like the the gameplay of jumanji kind of sucks but what a chic fabulous thing to put in the hands of kids you got a movie with beloved actor robin williams and beloved actress kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt. And you got a whole movie with a little kid that turns into a monkey, which, you know, that feels very gay. Yeah. And then there's a board game at the centre of it.

It's like a whole ad. And then Jumanji. Yeah. And you get that game at home. It's so cool. It's so cool. And I loved the pieces. Yeah. And you get that game at home. It's so cool. So cool. And I loved the pieces. Mm-hmm.

Oh, because, like, it was Monopoly pieces leveled up. Mm-hmm. Even cooler. Which Monopoly piece would you pick? I was a thimble girl. Well, gay. Mm. Um, I liked the dog.

Mm. Gay. Okay. And if not, then thimble. Mm. Mm-hmm. Thimble. Or money bag, back when you could get money bag.

Money bag? Money bag, darling. Money bag? Money bag. Okay. What do you think of money bags? The Monopoly man. That's his name?

Yeah, what's his name? His name is money bags? Matt, tell me what's his name? Monopoly. I his name? His name is Moneybags? Matt, tell me, what's his name? Monopoly? Um, I think he is Poor Man's Pringles. Monopoly Man name. If I had to pick a man, I would pick Pringle Man. His name is, oh, Milburn Pennybags.

And he's got it. Milburn Pennybags. Wow. Yes, Milburn. He can got it. Milburn Pennybags. Wow. Yes, Milburn. He can get it. He's got a moustache and lots of money and a hat. Well, like the guy on Jumanji. Okay, so Jumanji for me.

Jumanji. You know what? Or Scrabble. What do you think of Settlers of Catan? Does that get a look in? Oh, I've never played. But I think if I was thinking about that, I would think about Game of Life. Okay. So Game of Life.

I went to visit my friend's sister. I hope she's not listening to this. And she is the successful sibling. And I was with my friend. We both went up to sydney to visit her so you have to imagine he's the dumpster fire sibling the elder brother who went and did a film degree his whole life is a you know just you know one chaotic mess after another and i say that as i kind of say you're just telling a story about yourself well this is the thing you know we have a very similar path we're both kind of dumpster fire people yes we you know sometimes two dumpsters catch a light at the same time yes form into one mega fire and that's called friendship yes but so we went to go and visit the successful sibling

um who's the younger one and she's a treat away from your inferno existence away from the toxic noxious fumes of our own lives anyway so we went to go visit successful sister yeah and she you know is a nurse and she's like well well not well off but she's bought an apartment she's got a beautiful beautiful fiance at the time everything is coming up successful sibling and we go over in the short amount of time successful sibling is also you know sugar wouldn't melt like the most gorgeous person so sweet super intelligent she is the successful sibling in every way and um, so we go over to the house and her boyfriend, fiance at the time is playing dungeons and dragons with his group of friends.

Nerds. Fucking nerds. And he is a big old nerd. And we're like, maybe we can join. What do you guys think? We've come all this way. And they're like,

no. Hmm. And there's this whole dynamic where like the, the, the cool girl of the friendship group is like, they actually can't join us, but I'll, you know, it was really weird. It was like, and the only slightly less geeky guy of the friendship group was like,

well, let's go and play a game out on the balcony while they do their dungeon quest or whatever the fuck. And so we all go out onto the balcony to play the game of life yeah with just the four of us yeah so we're playing the game and everything that happens in the game is a one-to-one what has happened in real life so successful sibling is jetting out across the board every card she picks up is like oh my god you just got a fiance congratulations you did a you know just got an amazing job meanwhile failure sibling is bogged down at the first 10 places just getting bounced back every

two days because he did an art degree and like everything oh my god we're like sitting out there and then like she's whizzing through the game and she's about to win and she looks down and she's got this kind of far away look in her eye she's like it's just over so far and i was like baby and she was, you guys are still, you know, enjoying all these like moments down here at the start of the game. And for me, I just sped through and it's over so fast. It was incredible. Wow.

Yeah. And then we went back to our dumpster fire light, just a little bit brighter than we were burning before. Oh, my God. Did she change her life? No. Oh. to add dumpster fire light just a little bit brighter than we were burning before oh my god did she change her life no oh but she's got a beautiful child now oh wow and it's not like she's aging faster than us we're still speeding towards death wow but yeah that game sucks it's awful it. It's awful. But yeah, don't let it fool you. It has cool little pieces though.

It does have a great design. Yes. I used to play this game called The Magic Unicorn with my gal pal when I was young. Because I only had female friends. Shocker on Shock Street. And she, it's a complete game of chance. Literally couldn't. And there was a unicorn frozen inside of a crystal in the center of the game.

And you just had to go around the board to free the unicorn. And by the end, you're just trying to roll the number that will allow you to like put your thing piece on the platform that knocks open the crystal. And then the unicorn's free. And I, the way that I just won at this game like for no reason i just kept winning and it would just drive her crazy and she would have a massive tantrum so it would have been like

seven or eight yeah and just the like she would lose her mind and i'd be like i'm so sorry i freed the unicorn again i didn't mean to i just it's just what happens when i rub you saw what happened and she's like um do you think what do you think of snakes and ladders fuck off i think too many snakes you've got a point there zella perhaps just ladders next time also why are the snakes always the bad one what you just slide down the snake you climb up the ladders ladders and bears oh now that's a villain why are you so scared of bears? That's weird.

I, I'm more scared of wolves. When I was growing up, I was like terrified of wolves and like werewolves to the point where like there would be sleepless nights where I was like convinced my parents were like wolves with like a skin suit on. And when they would try to console me, I would make it worse. I'd be like so you were like not just scared of wolves werewolves but you're also scared of your parents well anyone could be a wolf in human skin a wolf in lamb's wool um yes well but you know what i think jumanji is a solid choice i think no wait because i've

played some of those like scythe and things like that which are like those epic epic 12 hour board games i'm so sorry which i enjoy but i just don't have a strategic mind so i would don't have to tell me sister i would i would like that's probably why the dumpster fire is going so strong the chaos feeds it um but when when i was growing up my uncle would play like i got a goosebumps game for christmas board game the horrorland board game if you're familiar and he just cheated and then i didn't realize at the time and i was like mom like uncle david won whatever and she was like did he because she was like watching from afar as he was cheating what and then i think that that was the moment that i realized you didn't

have to play by the rules of the game and then i started cheating in games and particularly for monopoly you've never stopped well i don't think it's that big an issue and just so You're the devil. I mean, who cares? Oh, my God. But playing Monopoly becomes infinitely funner if the whole game for you is how to cheat. How do you cheat? You steal money from the bank. Well, you have to, like, do it. You have to reach over. Well, yeah, that's why it's kind of like a fun, you know, you're kind of doing things.

You can steal from the players around you. And then you slowly, like, slip it under your chair or something like that. Wow. And it's so fun. And you do it slowly, slowly over time. And then you, like, just somehow makes the game pass. The devil. Well, I was taught from my family.

Yes. We're all cheaters. And we oh my god um but you know what i think jumanji is a bold choice yeah movie tie-in a great aesthetic yeah unfortunate um you know later life but that's not like the jumanji movie i haven't suffered through them oh it's good karen gan, your favorite from Guardians of the Galaxy. Karen? She plays Nebula. Oh, I do like her. Okay. And Nick Jonas.

Nick Jonas is in it? Oops, spoiler alert. That's a spoiler? Yeah. So he's not in a lot, is what'm hearing you have to see it i'd rather not it's good the first one's good okay well and that's our favorite video game all right let's have a quick break welcome back hello hello hello okay so this final decision we have to make before we can sign off from our supreme deity duty for the week comes comes from, you know, an experience on this,

the last week on Earth. Zelda, quickly, for the audience playing at home, and this will tie in to what we're deciding on. Yeah. What do you, what do you call the sweet treat you have after dinner? Okay. What do you call in your household growing up,

what did you call the sweet treat you'd have after dinner? So this is, of course, a reference to events in our lives from one hour ago. We had dinner before we came to record the podcast tonight at my mother's house and she made us a gorgeous vegetable soup but we were short on time you see so she hastily stood up from the table and said i'm just going to prepare your pudding to take with you because i know you're on a tight schedule and i said okay thanks mom and lazy susan said nothing well no i think inside of my head i said oh yeah we're getting pudding and i was so excited because you know what it's not every day you'd have a nice little pudding for dessert pudding yeah yes but you misheard because

my mother said hoodie and then then mom mom had baked banana bread on the weekend, right? Yeah. We'll get there. And that was very kind. She was chopping it up. She put some butter on it, ready for the car ride. And, you know, the journey is ahead. We get in the car and I've experienced something like this before.

And I said to Lazy, okay, so question. Do you know why, like, do you have a reference point for my mother saying putty? To which she said, no, I thought she was talking about pudding. You have to understand that I was like, this woman is off her fucking mind. She's slicing up banana bread. She thinks it's pudding. And I was like, maybe it's a thick, sticky-dick pudding

that she's cutting in like a loaf form. Ew! Anyway, there was a time where I was on a car ride with my brother and his wife. Brag about it. Who is from New Zealandaland um and lazy rightfully said this was quite patronizing at the time but anyway um so we're in the car i don't know how it came up but we started like my brother and i was starting to talk about pudding like what we

were gonna have for pudding or something i don't know just two brothers talking about how much they love eating pudding together with his new wife. And I, I don't know. We were talking about it. And then a few minutes in, Anna, like my sister-in-law said, like, I'm sorry. What, what are you talking about? Like, what, what are you saying? And we were like, what do you mean? Like, pudding.

Like, what are we going to have for putty? And it was like, what is this word? We're like, dessert, you know? And then we're like, oh, and it's like, you mustn't call it that in New Zealand. You know, maybe you have your own crazy word for dessert in New Zealand. You stupid woman. Oh, my God. have your own crazy word for dessert in new zealand stupid woman oh my god and she was like

no i think you think that word is a thing but i'm here to tell you no one refers to dessert as putty yes what are you talking about i do now think perhaps you'd have been better raised if you'd have been a werewolf inside of a human skin instead of this deranged woman being like, come and get your pudding. So then that was the realization for my brother and I. This was like two years ago that we'd lived our entire lives just thinking that everyone called dessert pudding. But turns out not so. please tell me you didn't go to friends houses as a kid and be like that absolutely would have happened do you think we're going to have something nice for putty oh my god it would have been me at the goss residence

and they would have been like what the fuck you need to check in with these people wow i should ask my friends, Tegan and Jess. They're probably listening. Oh, wow. I will. That's haunting. That's awful.

Yeah. They would have thought you were some strange deranged. Cause I. Not wrong. Hate. And this, I know is like, okay.

But when people like have weird, like ways of calling their grandparents, like they're like weird and like, like poody, but for grandparents where it's like pop pop and like stuff. I like, it actually makes me want to fucking die. Cause I'm like,

you're never going to have an adult relationship with someone called pop pop. Also, it's weird when you're like pop pop was a prisoner of war. You know, it's like, like so like patronizing. Like these people have lived lives you're disgusting like me more like here's a question for you what would pop up have to put it just like this is my grandpa like that's what we did. Okay.

Ugh. I had my, like, nuna and nunu. And then, like, my nanny. Like, my mum's mum we called nannies. Who's the nanny? She was. Yeah. What are you looking at Matt for? I can't see him.

I feel like he's giving us the five-minute call. Oh, is he? He's just got a pop-pop. No, he's just looking bored. That's fine. He's doing his homework um yes but putty i'm anticipating that your question is what dessert are we taking into the bunker yeah okay uh my answer is ice cream with milo on top that's my preferred putty next question This week you have painted a fucking portrait of yourself, young lady.

Like the most bleak existence of this. I was terrified of wolves when I was in America. And then I calmed myself by watching a nail technician on YouTube. And then I got myself some nice pudding. Because I'm a special little lady. I deserve a little bit of Milo on top of some vanilla ice cream. Also, I know that that's a lie. Is it?

You have never been more excited than when the Viennetta is. I want Viennetta! Oh, true. I mean, that's's like that is a logical step up that's not poody is that pudding oh that's poody without a hint of irony i was like what like why why has this not come up before? And you're like, well, I grow up as an adult. I don't really eat a lot of pudding. My brother loves pudding, but I don't. It's true. I prefer a sweet drink.

That's why the strawberry tick shake is already in the bunker. That's correct. Oh, God. So the Viennetta. Can you explain for those who are playing in other parts of the world what a Viennetta is? Okay. So, Viennetta is a store-bought ice cream cake, I would say. Like, Zerily?

Or Cerely? Cerely. Yeah. And it is, like, incredibly artificial in that, like, it is kind of like a lasagna of ice cream. It's like layers of waved ice cream and then layers of thin chocolate kind of on top. It's pretty much all it is. Yeah. The image looks more detailed than that.

But in reality, it's just ice cream with like layers of chocolate through it, like thin chocolate. with like layers of chocolate through it, like thin chocolate. But it's an incredible breaking point when you crack through it with your spoon. It's amazing. It's like an experience to eat. It gets quite messy, but, you know, when serving, you can't get a clean cut of that cake. But it's great.

But it's kind of like a relic, I would say. It's like you can't find it in every supermarket anymore. It's very like, to me, it's like very Bogan Italian family. Well. And yeah, exhibit A. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But like living life luxuriously. Oh, it's a treat. Yes. It is a treat pudding. And for me, just to round things out sticky date pudding oh actual pudding well to me a putty is never going to be dessert for me oh okay well let me tell you it is but i would like a sticky date pudding i think that sticky date pudding is the only dessert really how do you have it well it's got to be absolutely sopping this pudding has to be wet and then with a nice like warm yes and then with delicious ice cream yeah which i don't

understand the whole cream like unwipped cream just drizzled on something are you you okay? Oh, I don't like that. You're sick. No. Anyway, so that's my putty. Yeah. And that about rounds it out. I think they should both go in. Viennetta, sticky tape putty. Yeah. Are going into the bunker. Yes. With? Well, with Susie

from Now Korea Education. Yeah. And what game will they be playing? Jumanji. Correct. It's Susie versus a crab, of course. That's the bonus count for this episode. Absolutely. Yeah. We have a Patreon account. And attached to that, we have a Discord.

We are constantly on there chit-chatting. And we would love for you to join our little Death to Everyone family. But we would love to hear from you our little Death to Everyone family. But we would love to hear from you. We've set up an email address, deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. Please contact us. Ask us some topics to discuss, perhaps. We do need to be judging what's going into the bunker. So we need you to send through.

Yeah. If you have a crucible of pop culture that you would like us to pull apart and pick the best thing of, that's what we're here to do. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Thank you. See you next week. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Death to Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. We've been your hosts. My name is Lazy Susan. And I'm Zelda Moon. And you can contact us at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com for your questions and queries. If you would like, please subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com

slash death to everyone.