Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - BRIDGET EVERETT — on saying goodbye to "Somebody Somewhere” and avoiding auditions at all costs

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Cabaret star, actor and producer Bridget Everett joins the show. Over some deliciously hot griddle cakes, Everett tells me about the special connection she has to her HBO show “Somebody Somewhere,�� why “Sex and the City” co-creator Michael Patrick King is such an important person to her, and the interesting place she put her late mother’s ashes. This episode was recorded at Salt’s Cure in Hollywood, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'm doing this to feel better. Get your personalized plan today at Noom.com. Real Noom users compensated to provide their story. In four weeks, a typical Noom user can expect to lose one to two pounds per week. Individual results may vary. Hi, it's Jesse. Today on the show, you know her from the charming and hilarious show on HBO, Somebody Somewhere. It's Bridget Everett.

I think there's something like in Cabaret and a lot of things when people talk about their experiences can feel a little masturbatory in a way, but I felt like what I was doing was trying to tell a human story, not like exploit myself. You know what I mean? And I feel so lucky that I got to do something and express it the exact way I wanted to. This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I have been lucky enough to be a part of the entertainment business for almost 35 years. I'm going to be 50 next year.

Now those distant early years are full of memories that feel like fever dreams. So I'm so grateful that I'm still in contact with many of those people that were part of my early days in New York. So many of them are doing incredible things with their lives. And one of the best parts of doing this podcast is that it has occasionally offered me full circle moments with some of those early friends I ran around with in my early 20s when I get to have them on this podcast as a guest. Now in 1998, I walked into an East Village karaoke bar to see a cabaret singer my friend was obsessed with. 26 years later, that very singer, Bridget Everett,

is with me having a meal and reminiscing about the season finale of her critically acclaimed television show that she stars in that also happens to be based on her life. Bridget has always been a true original. She has molded her skill as an entertainer in the downtown cabaret scene picking up fans like Sarah Jessica Parker, Amy Sedaris, Patti LuPone, Michael Patrick King. The latter even took her under his wing and worked with her to develop her first fully realized solo show called At Least It's Pink. I remember her early success being compared

to the rise of Bette Midler. And her shows in New York were always critically lauded, sold out hot tickets. It also felt like every time I checked back in on Bridget, there was a new show, an exciting pilot, or a dramatic role in a film. I was always wowed by the moves she was making. Wowed, but never surprised because when I first saw her

at that East Village karaoke bar, I remember thinking, this person is a star and is going to have a wild ride of a career. Now, I knew I wanted to have Bridget on this podcast. When I learned her autobiographical show on HBO, Somebody Somewhere was going into its third and final season. I love this show so much, and I'm not the only one. The entire program was critically lauded and won a Peabody Award.

It even has a perfect 100 fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes, which I guess it means it has zero Rotten Tomatoes. I don't know. Someone has to explain that to me. It was so serendipitous that Bridget and I met up for a meal just a few days after the series finale of Somebody Somewhere aired. Oh my god, let me turn this thing up. Oh do we, how does it work?

You pretend like you're ordering or something? If you've watched an episode of Somebody Somewhere, and well listen, if you haven't, please stop this episode and go watch it. It is so sweet and so special. But watching the show, you know how important brunch is. The show's cafe is like central perk in Friends, where Bridget's character, Sam, often orders up French toast for the table.

So I thought I had to bring Bridget to a spot that has long held a reputation for a killer brunch since its opening nearly 15 years ago, Salt's Cure in Hollywood. Salt's Cure also has that same scrappy energy I admire in Bridget. Everything is made in-house from the bread and crackers to the sausages and bacon.

There's a can-do spirit in the commitment of the staff who have a passion for honest food without frills. Okay, let's get through the conversation. I just came in from Vancouver. I was at Taylor Swift. I was at Taylor Swift slash Joe. How was that? Oh, you've got all the things on. These are just the bracelets I got while I was in the airport coming home.

Oh, like people are giving them to you or something? It's it. I've only been to Vancouver once before and and it was great, I liked working there. But it was a totally different experience because it was like the entire city was like, it was like Disneyland but Taylor Swift. Like everybody. Like I went to a Barry's boot camp

and they usually sign this, it's like smoothies here. And it was like, but it was like done in like friendship bracelet font. Oh my God. And like at the airport there was like, a thing that says welcome to the Aeris tour at the airport. Can you imagine just being such a, I mean just taking over the world like that?

Truly. And then I read that like she brought in more to the economy in Vancouver than the Olympics did. Oh my god. I know. Oh my god. I know. Yes.

I'm gonna have a club soda please. I'll have a topo chico too. Oh does it come topo chico? Is that what you get? No. Ready, Mr. Cree? Um, yes. Yeah. I'm gonna have a club soda, please. I'll have a topo-chico, too. Oh, does it come topo-chico? Is that what you get? That's so exciting. That makes you poop, right? It better not. That makes me so gassy.

Do you need to poop? No, I just don't need any help farting, that's all. Oh gosh, well. You do have a fart joke. Are we live, are we rolling? Yeah, we've been going since you parked. Fuck. I just want to, before we go any further,

I'm really sorry about your mom. I'm sorry about that. I don't know if you want to talk about it. No, no, it's fine, yeah. Okay, to bring it up, sorry. No, thank you, I appreciate it. I actually do want to talk to you about it because you've lost a parent too.

We've lost both. You've lost both now. And a sister. And a sister. And a dog. So you win. So you win. And a TV dad. So who else?

Truly, truly. You're rocking them up. Racking them up. Yeah. It's not a competition, but. And we got Bingo over here. Yeah. Okay.

So Taylor Swift Vancouver. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. All right. That's why I'm wearing friendship bracelets. But yeah, so we, we saw the show, it was fantastic.

It was incredible. Look at this. Jenna Fisher was at the concert in our area as well. And halfway through the concert, she just looked at me and she goes, I'm getting really stressed out. Like, how does she handle her emails? How does she handle her text messages? I was like, don't worry about Jenna.

You could sleep tonight. She's not gonna have to like, she's like, I'm just imagining if she gets off stage, she's gonna have like 900 text messages and she's gonna feel like she needs to answer those. I was like, I just, right now I need to calm down. And we all need to calm down about our text messages. And I just guarantee it's gonna be okay.

Yeah. Oh, come over here, come over here, come over here. Okay, now what would you recommend? So we're known for our breakfast, specifically our griddle cakes. Okay, we should get those. For the table. For the table, maybe.

Legend goes that our owner, at six, his mom was really hungover one morning and he looked in the fridge and got together everything to make pancakes, but there was his original twist on it. So those are the griddle cakes. Okay, those for the table. For the table, recording your show. Okay, and then any of our salads are really good,

especially with salmon, if you're kind of like a lighter lunchtime vibe. I think I might do that. I'd like that sunflower crunch. I'll take it with, you know, some sort of protein. Surprise me. Surprise you? Well, not really, but.

Okay. Well. Not duck,, not really, but. Okay. No. Not duck, but anything else is good. Okay. I'm going to have the Grain Bowl, I think I'm going to do it with salmon. The salmon's really good. Yeah, okay, perfect.

I thought you weren't going to order and you had like, this was sort of my foreign to OnlyFans and it was going to be people that like to watch me eat. Just like watch me eat. I'm seriously trying to think, I'm like, what's the best way to hustle some cash? Yeah. You know, I'm not very good at small talk, so if you want to bring it at once, you can't.

We'd love to have real conversationalists on this podcast. And then you called me. What a mistake. Because we just thought, let's give ourselves a challenge this week. Thank you. You were a fantastic conversationalist. You're actually shyer than most people, I think, would believe.

Yeah. That's what I think. Yeah, I think I am. Yeah. I mean, I know you, but like, I still like just feel like in life I'm, I don't enjoy talking. No, I like talking to people,

but I don't know what's happened to me. Like I was just back in No, I like talking to people, but I don't know what's happened to me. I was just back in Kansas and I was talking to people because that's what people in Kansas do. But in New York, I put my headphones on and I just sort of like look down at the ground, look at my dog. And I actually have fake conversations on the phone all the time. I have the time. All the time.

And not even because I'm trying to not talk to people, I just like to pretend I'm... Really busy. Well, then that way, if you walk around the corner and you run into somebody you don't talk to people, I just like to pretend I'm... Really busy. Well, then that way, like, if you walk around the corner and you run into somebody you don't want to talk to, you're already in conversation. So you're just in preparation, just in case. Yeah. That's amazing.

Wait, I just watched episode seven of season three. Is that the finale? Oh, you did, you watched it. Yes. Did you watch all the stuff before? Do you know what's happening? Yes, I've watched the whole show. I thought I texted you when I watched it.

No, you probably did, but I blacked out. When somebody says anything nice or connects in any way, I just black out. But yeah, to answer your question, that's the end of the show for the... Oh my God. How do you feel? I'm really sad, you know, I'm depressed.

And so the finale must have just aired a few days ago then. Yeah, it aired two days ago. Is it Tuesday? I don't even know. It's Tuesday now, yeah. Yeah, I... So it's on Sunday, so it was...? I don't even know. It's Tuesday now, yeah. Yeah, I, um... So it's on Sunday, so it was... The cast and I all went back to Manhattan, Kansas,

where I'm from, and where the show's at, and we did a finale watch party, and then I took them around to all the spots, and so it was like sort of a victory lap for us, and kind of a way to collectively celebrate slash mourn, and then we all watched it together, and the place that they did this old theater, the Wareham Theater, my hometown, where they're trying to bring back to life.

Manhattan, Kansas. Manhattan, Kansas, yeah. And it was like a rock concert in there. People were so hyped. And there's many people I haven't seen the finale, but there's a moment at the end that's sort of like, and everybody was on their feet for the whole end. And I turned around.

I was just weeping because the show's very personal to me and you don't really get a chance to, I mean people in New York stop you, but to get that experience of the people that live there and I don't know, there's nothing like it. So I'm emotional, I'm not gonna cry out right now. You can if you want, I'll cry with you.

I cry watching the show, I think it's so beautiful. I mean, and I do know how close it is to you. I mean, basically it's the story of like what your life might have been had you not left. Right, right. You're a hometown and it has a cast of people I have loved so much for so long. I don't know how much of this was your doing

or if it was just truly the casting director, but that cast of Jeff Hiller, Mary Katherine Garrison, and Marie Hill. Yeah, Tim Bagley. Yes, oh my God. It's so good. It's so good, but it's all these people who have been, you know, kicking it around in New York for so long.

And it was so gratifying to see them with you in this incredible piece of work. I think that's like part of what, oh my God. I ordered these to go one time. I had them delivered by whatever. It's the only time I ever had them. And they were so good delivered, like, you know, after sitting in a box for 30 minutes, I can't imagine what they're going to be like fresh out the gate. What if you're like, can you take them back and just like let them sit there for like 10 minutes?

It's the only way I know them. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Bridget tells me about the stellar cast of Somebody Somewhere, which includes folks that were super core to her start as a cabaret for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Bridget tells me about the stellar cast of Somebody Somewhere, which includes folks that were super core to her start as a cabaret singer in New York. And we'll get into the first time I witnessed her performing because witnessed is honestly the only word

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So I started a podcast called On Drugs. We covered a lot of ground over two seasons, but there are still so many more stories to tell. I'm Jeff Turner and I'm back with season three of On Drugs and this time it's gonna get personal. I don't know who sober Jeff is. I don't even know if I like that guy. On Drugs is available now wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with more Dinners On Me. No, but you're saying... Oh, like the cast. Yeah, what's so great about it is, you know, I feel like we're all kind of...

Like Mary Catherine was successful on Broadway, and we were roommates. I don't know if you remember that, but we lived together for like eight or ten years. I was waiting tables and she was on Broadway. And, um, how's your effort at the table work? Do you like to cut and put on your plate or just eat from the thing? I can eat from the thing. Okay. How do you like to do it?

I don't care. You can do it. I'm really flexible. That's one thing that nobody's ever said about me. Oh, you're so flexible, Bridget. Just not in mind, body or spirit. Let me just get a bite of this and then I can talk more about my feelings

because I've just really been eating in the last few days. Oh my God, that is good. Is this one of your spots, do you come here? I've been here, but I've never had this. What? What? What?

It's hotter than lava right now, but it is so good. I don't care, burn me. Burn me, baby. Oh my God. It's so incredible. You know, a lot of times you go and they're like so fluffy and then you just sort sort of taste like a, you know, like all the flour in it.

But this is just like, they're like thin and crispy. Hot. Yeah, so good. Okay, good. But yeah, you know, and Murray gave me my first gig like 20 years ago or something like that. When I got a deal with HBO, short story long, uh, Carolyn Strauss and I reached out to Paul Threen and Hannah Boston, they came up with the idea for

the pilot, but the, but the only thing that they had in the script was, and Murray Hill is Frederick Coco. And like, you know, that was just, it was very emotional for me because we've been kicking around for a long time and seeing a lot of our friends go on to do great things and very excited for everybody. We're just like, I guess we'll and seeing a lot of our friends go on to do great things and very excited for everybody. We're just like, I guess we'll just be in the clubs and we're going to be the club people that,

you know, people come back and see when they're coming back from whatever. But, um... And like the actor who played your father, who was so wonderful, passed away after the first season, right? Yeah, Mike Haggerty. Another great kind of person who's

knocked around for a long time. He's an overboard. Yeah, and friends. Yeah, and friends, yeah. The superintendent friends. Did he remind you of your dad in any way? No, no. My dad and I were, what's the clinical word?

Not close. Okay, yeah, got it, got it, got it. This was kind of like the dream of a father. But he walked in the room when I came to LA to read with the father people, and as soon as he walked in the room, I started crying. Because it's kind of like what I always, just the feeling I got from him,

I always dreamt of having a connection with a father like that. And we had a very just instant connection. Yeah. And yeah. You have been through, I mean, a lot of loss. In fact, the impetus for your characters, the starting off point in the pilot

is that your sister dies of cancer and you end up moving into her old home. And you know, you have another sister played by Mary Catherine, dies of cancer and you end up moving into her old home. You have another sister played by Mary Catherine who you have a tricky relationship with, your mom's an alcoholic. The show begins from a point of grief and I know you lost your sister and your father kind of in close proximity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I didn't come up with the idea of the world, Paul and Hannah did, and they, so it was like, she sings, she has a sister who's died. So I was like, fuck it, we're gonna be talking about a dead sister and my love of music and real friendship. This is gonna be a problem.

This is gonna be very emotional. But no way, no, because that's all stuff that you can tap into in real life. like real friendship, like this is gonna be a problem. This is gonna be very emotional. And then. But no way, no, because that's all stuff that you can tap into in real life. Yeah, I'm no chameleon. You know, I can, I think, if it feels real, then I can do it, but I'm no like, what, like,

I don't know. To the smutton or somebody. At the patty cakes you did, you kind of transformed. You were pretty phenomenal. It was the nails. Let me back up a little bit, because I was trying to remember the first time we met. And I remember pretty vividly, it was at a karaoke night in the East Village

that Murray was maybe hosting, and you were performing at, and I think I was dragged along by Zach Schaefer and Jason Egan, and maybe even T.R. Knight. And I go, come see my friend Bridget, and that was the first time I sort of witnessed you doing your thing. But it was in a very-

Witness is a great way to say it. Witness, yeah. Just witness. Yeah, it washed over me. It's just like, what? What? What is going on? That's the first time you did your thing on me.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. But it was so incredible to see these shows and you told stories about your life, but you're still with this sort of like, reckless abandon of like this unhinged cabaret performance and it was all very, very exciting every time I got to see you do something and I'm just thrilled I got to see you in that sort of like early seed of a idea. I miss that stuff.

I miss like, I was just thinking about that the other day, like how like, you know, you could be a little more lawless in those days and a little more off the rails. I miss those like kind of smaller thub things, but I, but those are like, that was my Juilliard, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the back room of the cock was my Juilliard. Yeah.

I mean sort of mine too. Wait, did you go to school for real? I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. Amda, is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you studied opera. I did. Which is so crazy to me.

This is so weird. I've never heard you sing opera. I can't do it anymore. I mean, I just like, it took so much discipline. Like, I could never be in a bar that was smoky. I could never, like I was a swimmer in the chlorine. My cords are very sensitive, so I found a stylist singing that matched my lifestyle.

Hard. Hard. Hard. Yeah, hard. That's right. Oh my God, I got to see Rock Bottom, I remember, at Joe's Pub, because I vividly remember Cola Skola in a diaper.

Uh-huh. That was one of the first times I saw them on stage. Yeah, Cole was playing like my unborn fetus, I guess. Right, right, right. And then came up on the stage in diapers and a bald cap, and I was like, I'm out here for 90 minutes to two hours, sweating my tits off, and Nicole just comes out there and steals the whole show, but you know what?

Good. I vividly remember it. I think, you know, when I think of Cabaret, and certainly I actually took a Cabaret class at AMDA. A Cabaret class? Yeah, there was a Cabaret class. Don't a Cabaret like a? I have, I did like a little thing at Joe's Pub.

Okay. I remember we had to do a cabaret presentation at 88's. Remember 88's? Yes, oh wow, look at that. Thank you. Thank you, this looks delicious. I can't remember. Do you guys want any hot sauce, salt and pepper?

I'll have hot sauce. Salt and pepper please, thank you. But we had to like perform one song and it was part of like cabaret showcase. And anyway, when I think of cabaret, I sort of think of that very buttoned up, man at a piano, singing in a smokey bar. But the Cabaret that I think you are speaking of,

that you sort of embodied, that Justin Vivian Bond embodied, and Murray Hill, and Kola Skola, is this sort of, it's almost, well, and you're compared to her a lot, but more like what Bette Miller was doing, you know, in the bathhouse with Barry Manilow. And there was something sort of dangerous about it.

Yeah, that's like when I was like just leaving school and starting to like try and work. So that was like the New York that I really fondly remember because that was the New York I started exploring. Like, what is this, what are some of the things I could do and who are some of my inspirations? And I was going downtown to find those people who inspired me and you were one of them.

And going to Peaky and Herb shows. Absolutely. The Christmas shows that they did, yes. Yeah, a lot of people that were in that kind of world and I was like, this is what I've been looking for this whole time. That did not exist in Kansas and it did not exist in Arizona when I went to Arizona State.

How much time did you kill between leaving college and coming to New York? What did you do with that time? Four years, something like that. I was like, I was waiting tables, singing in karaoke bars. Originally when I was going to karaoke bars, I would kind of like sit back and make fun of people and I did it once I

was like oh my god. That was my awakening or something. You know I used to wait on a lot of the baseball players. They had the Cactus League down there like the you know the the spring training and they would have me sing the national anthem. I was like well this is this is as far as I'm gonna get and every time I've done something I'm like well this is as far as I'm gonna get and maybe it was somebody somewhere I'm like well, this is as far as I'm gonna get. And every time I've done something, I'm like, well, this is as far as I'm gonna get. And maybe with somebody somewhere, I'm like, this is as far as I'm gonna get,

which is a great place to be. But I just sort of always kind of go with what's right in front of me. I mean, you kind of have to, I think. I love the stories of you juggling between your job as a waitress and doing your shows at night. And being very successful, I mean you were doing,

I remember you were always in Time Out New York and the New York Times was always raving about every time you were on stage. But during this same time, you were still waiting tables. And you said something about how you wanted to work uptown because you didn't necessarily want to mix your audience. I tried to keep the worlds apart by like 60 blocks, 80 blocks or whatever and it mostly worked.

But occasionally somebody would come in and I had a very loyal, great audience, but it was small, but they were just downtown mostly. And then every once in a while somebody would come in and I would be humiliated. But there's nothing wrong with like, but I didn't see it that way at the time. I definitely could relate to that.

I remember I met Jane Krakowski randomly outside of, she was doing Company on Broadway and she came out of the stage door and she kind of recognized me. She was like, I know you from somewhere. I was like, oh, I don't think we do. And then I was working up at the, ironically on the Airboy side, your old stomping ground.

I was working at the Star, where I was working at the Starbucks on 84th and Broadway, and she comes in to get her coffee, and she's like, oh, this is where I know you're from. Oh, see, like that. And I was so, I was a bit mortified, but at the same time, I'm like, she wasn't mortified. And she was like, you know, a star. Yeah, it's in here.

It's nothing. And New York and every place is full of people that are doing things to get from A to Z. But there was a moment where I was, not a moment, I went to, I was in the Hamptons, staying, you know. I was at this dinner party in the Hamptons, staying, you know. I was at this dinner party in the Hamptons and I was waiting tables, but I was also, you know, pretty doing a lot of stuff at Joe's Pub and a lot of cabaret or whatever. Anyway, we were at this famous person's house with a lot of famous people. And one of those famous people was Howard Stern, and I ended up sitting next to him

in this circle, and he starts talking to me, and I was like, he's like, so, and he was very nice, you know, and he was like, so what do you do? I was like, oh, I'm a waitress. Anyway, he's gone on to talk, he talked about on his show one time, he was like, because he was talking about somebody somewhere, and his wife likes the show, and he talks about it, and he's like, you know, I met her and she introduced herself as a waitress and was she trying to punk me or something? And I was like, no, that's just how I saw myself.

Do you know what I mean? I just thought of myself that way. Even though I was like really successful in terms of a downtown cabaret artist. And so I don't know, I was like, I hope I run across him again one day so I can sort of explain why. But it's interesting that he remembered you. I know. Well, it's that tricky thing.

I certainly understand it. And the first eight years of my career were me piecing together money to pay the rent. And it's like, you don't necessarily, I mean, in your your heart you identify yourself as the thing you're passionate about. But you know, I think when people ask like what you do, it's like, how do you pay the rent?

How do you make, you know, exactly. And what do you do to pay the bills? Yeah. Hopefully will someday. But yeah, and it shouldn't, you know, you shouldn't let that minimize your worth. Like don't, don't let my example be the way. I've definitely changed since I've done the show. I can call myself a writer, a producer.

A Peabody Award winner. And an actor. I feel like I can say that now. I feel like it's not... I still think of myself mostly as a singer, but I can say I do those things because I've, I pay my bills now and you know, I bought myself this shirt with that many. This cost many, many. I can go out to dinner.

I don't have to check my balance first, you know. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, we'll talk about Bridget's close-knit relationship with Sex and the City and just like that, writer and director, Michael Patrick King, who has been one of her champions and co-conspirators since her early days performing in gay bars. He also produced her first one-woman cabaret show, At Least It's Pink, at the Ars Nova in 2007. Okay, be right back. woman cabaret show at least it's pink at the ours Nova in 2007.

Okay, be right back. Hey everybody, it's hoda khatbi and I would love for you to join me for new episodes of my podcast making space each week I'm having conversations with authors actors speakers and your friends of mine folks who are seeking the truth compassion and self discovery. I promise you will leave these talks stronger and inspired to make space in your own life for growth and change to start listening just search making space where you get your podcast and follow for new episodes every Wednesday.

What's in this McDonald's bag the McValue meal for 5.79 plus tax you can get your choice of junior chicken Mcdouble or every Wednesday. And we're back with more Dinners On Me. And I know Michael Patrick King is so, so proud of you. He talks about you at any opportunity he gets. I have become recently sort of friendly with him. I wouldn't say friendly with him, I have. I'm friends with him. In fact, I feel like I just missed you at one of his dinner parties.

You were staying with him, I think. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And you had just left and Cynthia Nixon, I got Cynthia Nixon instead. Yeah. But Michael's like, he's one of those people that I kind of wait to hear from after I do something, like to hear like, after an episode,

there's like five people I want to hear from him and he's one of them. Like he just, he just matters to me. He's like a mentor to me. He like saw something in me before anybody else did. And you know, and like a lot of when you're younger in New York, a lot of people come sniffing around and they come to your shows or whatever,

and they're like, oh, you know, we should do something, but they don't mean it, you know? But this was obviously Michael Patrick King, when you first met him, was pretty, was he fresh off of Sex and the City? Or was he in the midst of that? The comeback had just been canceled. The comeback had just been canceled.

So anyway, but Michael Patrick Hicks saw me do this. I did my show at the Aspen Comedy Festival. I was like, this is my big break, whatever. I did this huge venue and you know, there were those that stayed, but there were those that left. And I was backstage crying and John John Battles was there. Do you know John John Battles? I just saw him a few weeks ago.

Yeah, our friend John John. I just like went backstage and collapsed into his arms. You know, I'm not, I wasn't like somebody who shared my emotions at that time, but like I just had to, I was like, I just shit the bed in front of all of Hollywood. You thought you hadn't done well. Yeah, and then Michael and Craig came backstage and he was just beaming, you know,

if I mean, he really has been instrumental in my life. Yeah, yeah. And he gave me a bag from Marc Jacobs when we did, and it was my first fancy purse. Oh really? He did. That was like a gift for a baby show? He said, the card, I'll never forget it.

A star deserves a slightly better bag. Ah, that's so sweet. I had some piece of shit from the gap that I'd had for so long that it was threadbare and whatever, but I thought it was cute. That is so sweet. It wasn't. That is so nice of him.

He's a good guy, I really like him. Yeah. Yeah, so he's such a fan of yours. This is impressive, you don't even have like a list of notes or anything, you're just pulling this out from here. Oh, off field the earth, move. Okay.

No, like I have this. Oh you do, that's, when I'm on set, I put my sides in my pocket because I feel like they seep up through my body into my brain. I'm serious. Wait, oh, auditions. I have to think about auditions, You hate to audition. I don't.

Yeah, you don't audition. I mean, almost never. Really? Like, even like really good ones, I'll just, I'll get out of. Like, I just- You just sneak your way out of them? I can't do it. I'm too nervous.

I'm just not, I can't do, I'm not good at auditions. If I audition for something, I will not get the part. So they either have to offer it to me or I'm just not going to do it because I just don't, I can't, I can't, I'm like right now, I will not get the part. So they either have to offer it to me, or I'm just not going to do it because I just don't, I can't, I'm like right now, I'm like- I see you like going through it, just talking about it. I mean, I've tried, like I auditioned for, Jerry Seinfeld had me audition for the pop-up,

what, the pop-tart movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, come, you know, just come and, you know, read with me and well, it's just me. And I know him, and he's been very nice to me. Yeah, you're on Comedians of Cars. Comedians of Cars getting coffee. I've been at their house for dinner.

I've been on vacation with the family. I love them. But I was like, absolutely not. I'm like, I can't. You said no. I'm like, so he's like, OK, then put it on tape. So my friend Zach came over, and we worked on this one scene for like four hours. But the idea of auditioning for somebody, I'm like, so he's like, okay, then put it on tape. So my friend Zach came over and we worked on this one scene

for like four hours, but the idea of auditioning for somebody, it just gets in my head too much. I can't, my shoulders are so tight right now. Like, I don't know. I do think that I should take, what are those called? Those beta blockers? Maybe that'll help me. But right now, literally, Scorsese sent me 10 pages

and was like, all you gotta do is just read them. Just read them and- It's the part of a- It's a part of a lifetime. It's a part of a lifetime. It's about this woman who works in a club. She's a singer. She likes motorboat people.

I don't know, I think it might be right for you. No, you won't do it. No. Interesting. Call Rebel Wilson. It doesn't exist. You know, might be right for you. Yeah, you won't do it. No Interesting call rebel Wilson You know, you're somebody can just show up in there like action and you're like razzle dazzle JTF never disappoints. No, I've disappointed a few times a few times It's I just I also just love that these opportunities you've been given both Sam and somebody somewhere,

and also in Patty Cakes, are these very grounded individuals that really don't have anything, they're so different from your onstage persona. And yes, you can go quiet, you can go meaningful, I've seen you sing ballads and it's beautiful, and you're like that, you're the clown that also knows how to break a heart too.

But it's just interesting to me that these opportunities have found you strictly because of your work on stage. Yeah, and they're so polar opposite. They're so different. And so I just feel like it's interesting just to point out that people see that range in you. It is interesting because sometimes, like I remember, like I'm sort of, I'm having that energy right now, like having the conversation with Carolyn Strauss, who's, you know, is kind of the,

I think of her as the mother of somebody somewhere. To me, she's a Hollywood, well, she is a Hollywood legend, not just to me. She's now Game of Thrones and The Last of Us and Chernobyl. She was at HBO during Sex and the City and Soprano. It's like, she's the real deal. And she's incredibly generous and smart and funny. And she also was behind the pilot with the Lovey Moore pilot. Like, she's just always seen something in me

that I wasn't really sure was there. What is it? I mean, to have this big moment, this show behind you now, I mean, it's got to feel so... Most people don't have these big opportunities happen in their life, and it's also based on so much personal stuff in their life. That's a very unique thing to what you've done and what you've created. Yeah.

And it's one of the reasons I think you resonated so deeply in that character. I think there was just an undercurrent of understanding of, first of all, that place, that family, that sorrow that she'd been through, her love of dogs, all this stuff lives in you so vibrantly as just you to get to play a part like that. Sometimes I'm so thankful for Modern Family

because I got to live out some of my fantasies of, I was bullied heavily as a child, and I got to use some of these photos of me at the age where I was so heavily bullied in flashback sequences. There was something so empowering about the fact that I got to take this version of myself that people were just mean and hated and for no reason and I got to use it in such a positive way on such a big platform. I was like, I hope these people are seeing this version of me and being celebrated.

I just thought about you a lot when I was thinking about the parallels of your life and that show. I love that. Even sitting here talking about it, I feel like we're talking about my life in third person in a way. The experience of it felt very small, but what it is outside of that, the experience of it felt very small, but like what it is outside of that, you know, like the filming of it, the writing of it,

the just the day to day of it felt very small, very personal, like we're a tiny little family. And then people see it and then they wanna talk about it. And you're like, this is a, I don't feel like I'm, I feel like I'm talking about somebody else's life in a way. But I don't think I'll ever have an experience like this again. I'm just happy I got to have it in the first place because it was developed for me and I got to put, really put my stamp on it.

I really, the more the seasons, as the seasons went on, I put more and more of myself in it, more writing, more story, more of me, more of things I've struggled with, loneliness, self-worth, grief, and really tell it in my way. I remember doing it and I was just like, I felt so naked. I think there's something like in Cabaret and a lot of things when people talk about their experiences can feel a little masturbatory in a way, but I felt like, I just felt like what I was doing was trying to just tell a human story, not like exploit myself.

You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And people write me and I was like, I'm not the only one that feels this exact kind of way. It's not incredible. And it feels, I feel so lucky that I got to do something and express it the exact way I wanted to. And also like Murray, Murray Hill, you know, a character living in that.

Another guy. Yeah, just another guy. He gave this speech the other night. I'll have to send it to you or post it or something. But like he just, yeah, so Murray got up and talked about how it was such an incredible experience for him to just play a guy, you know, like a trans man living in America, living in a small town and not about his pain or whatever, just him being. And I feel like Murray spends a lot of his time

just walking into a room and sometimes he has to sort of change people's hearts and minds, you know? And he never stops every day, he just always shows up. He's always an ambassador for his community and I can't imagine how Exhausting that might be so for him to do it on this kind of scale is yeah because you can't help but love him She's so great. I mean we drive each other crazy and everything He's my he's my brother. Um, I

Also want to say this, and I hope it's not too gross, but there's this scene that really moved me when you go to your sister's grave and there's just this plastic little sign there. Like your mom hadn't ordered the gravestone yet, she didn't want to deal with it. You thought she'd dealt with it, she hadn't dealt with it. No one. She didn't want to deal with it. You thought she'd dealt with it. She hadn't dealt with it.

No one in the family really wants to deal with this. Yeah. Your sister's passing. And it's just really sad. It's a sad and funny moment. Cause it's like, you're like, oh, for fuck's sake. Like really mom? But you know, it's also sad.

Cause it's like this person's life is Well, yeah. Being marked by a tiny little plastic. But I think what it's supposed to, you know, what's also sad because it's like this person's life is being marked by a tiny little plastic. But I think what it's supposed to represent is that this is a family that doesn't talk about it. They don't deal with it. It's just like, and that is parallel to my own family's experience. Never really talked about my sister.

The only way that we talk about my dad or my sister or my mom at this point is like joking. And that's just the way that we handle things. So through the show, it's been kind of nice to, um, to actually face some real grief. What I wanted to say is it's like you almost, it's like you gave your sister the most impressive your real, your real sister passed away, the most impressive marker because the show, I think acts as a bit of a marker for her life.

And it's in a really beautiful way, in a very nuanced way that most people don't get to be remembered by. Yeah, most of us just sort of fade away. And there's another scene in this last season that was also sort of dealing with when you stop thinking about them every day and the, you know, like I can still hear my mom, my mom's laugh like very clearly. I have a lot of videos and stuff with, but when my sister was like kind of before the phone and the videos and whatever.

And so I have to kind of remember that. And when that's the, when the memory of them starts to slip away, it's like, that's almost as bad as like when you live in the beginning. But I know the grief is a little fresh for you right now. But- Well, yeah. I mean, I was just gonna say, I was like, I've been in my mom's apartment sort of cleaning out stuff

and making those hard decisions about like what to donate, what to try and keep and what to deal with later. And it is hard, and I'm so grateful that I have memories of her, and we do have photos and voice memos, and I've saved all that stuff. But it's almost comforting to know that that grief doesn't go away because I feel, I think it was Andrew Garfield who was talking about his mom who had passed.

And he was saying that that feeling of grief is the love that I had for her. Yeah. That's what's reminding me of the love I had for her. And so I do feel like there is comfort in, you know, grieving if you can look at it that way. I agree with that. I feel like, and I feel like, I don't know where you are in it, but I feel like it's so nice to be able to talk to other people that are in a similar position. It just feels, even if it's not family, whoever it is, sometimes I was talking to Jeffrey Richmond. I hope he doesn't mind me telling you this, but- Sure, he loves it. He loves being talked about.

Jeffrey Richman, I hope he doesn't mind me telling you this. But he loves it. He loves being talked about. But he's a producer and writer on Modern Family, and we're also friends. And his mom passed away recently, and he said something. And he's like, there's nobody that will ever look at me again the way that she did. That's the way I felt about my mom.

I was her favorite person. You know what I mean? And, and I, and when she died, that was like the hardest thing for me. I was like, nobody's ever going to look at me like that again. But I still feel it. Like you think you lose it. You think it's gone now, but it's, it's, I always feel it. Like I was in the, I was, Jesus Christ, I was in the room at the finale and I was in the, oh Jesus, I was, Jesus Christ. I was in the room at the finale and I was like, she's looking at me, you know what I mean? Like it doesn't go away. Yeah, yeah. So, anyway.

She, my mom, when she was deciding to go onto hospice and you know, it was gonna be like morphine and all this stuff and you know, it was, they were explaining to her like, you're gonna, you're gonna sleep a lot and you're not gonna be as present. And my mom looked at us and she goes, do you guys think I'm being selfish? And we're like, no, this is if

this is what you feel like you need to do. And then she looked at us, me, my I happen to be with my siblings, and we were all together and we're never all together. We happen to all be together for this conversation. And she looked at us and very plainly just said, I'm gonna miss you kids. And like she looked at us in such a, like it was just a really simple way. And that was, I think about that all the time.

But when you're talking about the way your parents look at you, it's like the way she looked at us and like really saw us and like the only way a mother, that a mother can look at her children and just in her own way said, I'm gonna miss this as well. It was just, and I'm glad we all were there for that. Yeah, grief is hard. It's a long lonely road.

It is, but there's a lot of, you know, a lot of laughter and a lot of ways to keep working through it. This is so fucked up, but my brother and my mom's ashes and like, they're like, I'm like, well, do you want them now? Give them to Bridget. You know, she's, she's a favorite. And I was like, yeah, I should have them. I was the favorite, but, um, I was like, I don't think you can fly with them.

So right now she is on a cross country road trip in the back of a pod. Oh my God. We cannot fly with them. I didn't know that. I don't know. I didn't think so. So I put her in this pod, which is with all her other belongings like her silver and her summer retirement stuff. And so they're like, you put your mom in a pod. And I was like, she's fine. She doesn't love it. She's like you. She likes to be left alone. She likes to be left alone. That's so funny, I love that.

I am so happy you did this. Thank you for having me. I adore you and I haven't seen you in so long. I know. It's been a really long time. We'll have to get on the short list for one of those Michael Patrick King dinner parties. It's just so much to throw in our honor.

This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Salt's Cure in Hollywood, California. Next week on Dinners on Me, you know her from films like Titanic, Misery, and her latest foray as leading lady of a network television series playing Matlock in the Paramount Plus reboot, Matlock, it's Kathy Bates. We'll get into what it was like winning an Oscar right out of the gate in misery, how Ryan Murphy reignited her career, and that one dream she had about Meryl Streep. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus. As a subscriber,

not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners On Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Dinners On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Kolassani and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.