Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - MENA SUVARI — on leaving toxic relationships and healing through writing

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

"American Beauty” and “American Pie” star Mena Suvari joins the show. Over veggie burgers, Mena talks about deciding to stop being vegan, how marrying young made her repeat generational trauma, ...and why she decided to have a child at age 38.  This episode was recorded at Hugo’s in West Hollywood, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This summer I took a little break that me and Justin had in our schedule to do a little two-week summer vacation We grabbed Beckett and Sully and we introduced them to some of our favorite spots Provincetown in Massachusetts and we also jumped across the pond to London while we were away. I had this thought What if we hosted our home on Airbnb? We all have times when we're away from home whether we're visiting family or traveling for work or maybe taking that well-earned vacation. While you're away you could be earning some extra cash. You can host your entire home or if let's say your kid is away at college, which seems so far away since my boys are still just so young, but for you empty nesters you could just host a
Starting point is 00:00:41 spare bedroom. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. Hi, my name is Patrick Adams. You may know me as Mike Ross on the TV series Suits. And I'm Sarah Rafferty and I play Donna Paulson on Suits. And we have a podcast called Sidebar where every week we watch and discuss an episode of the show. Because here's the thing, neither of us have really watched it. That's true, at least until now. So we're going to cover online seasons.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Share behind the scenes stories. And talk to our co-stars and friends like Gina Torres and Aaron Korsch. So look, if you love Suits, amazing, this podcast is for you. And if you've never watched Suits, also amazing, you can join us and we'll watch it together. I think we're going to have a lot of fun. Listen to Sidebar wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Hi, it's Jesse.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Today on the show, you know her from films like American Beauty, American Pie, and her Emmy nominated performance in the short form series Razor, it's Mina Savari. I honestly thought every movie made $100 million. And I had people saying, congratulations, this is amazing and I just was like, thank you. I didn't understand all of that. This is Dinners on Me and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
Starting point is 00:02:01 1999. In 1999, I was 23 years old. I was sleeping on a futon in the living room of a one bedroom apartment that I shared with my good friend Christine and her 20 pound cat Ajax. And there was just so much experience ahead of me and so many things I would eventually do. But in that moment, there were only, you know,
Starting point is 00:02:24 distant possibilities, you know, things to dream about. That year for me was defined by two incredible films, American Pie, the coming-of-age teen sex comedy, and American Beauty, the psychological black comedy that would eventually go on to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Now, even though these two films couldn't have been more different, they both starred an actress that completely captivated me, Meena Savare.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Now I'll speak for myself. As a young actor, you want all doors to be open to you. You want to be able to play multiple genres, comedy, drama, farce. You dream of being able to fluidly move between theater and film and television. I mean, at least that's what I was hoping for. But in practice, those desires are in the hands of people who usually want to categorize you and put you in a lane, keep you in a box. It's even harder when you're just starting out.
Starting point is 00:03:19 It's more challenging to prove your range. This young actress, Mina Savary, somehow found a loophole, and she was starring in two of the most iconic movies of the decade, two incredibly different roles. So, you know, there was hope for me after all. Mina is one of those rare guests on my podcast that I have actually never met in person. And to meet someone who is so ensconced in my formative years actually gave me butterflies. Mina also arrived to our meal looking as if she had just
Starting point is 00:03:52 stepped off the set of a Nancy Meyers film. I mean, she was absolute perfection. You look so cute. How are you? It's like if Diane Keaton was like Russian nesting dolls, you'd be like the one inside. I brought Mina Savary to Hugo's in West Hollywood. Hugo's is one of those places where,
Starting point is 00:04:09 if you've been there once, twice, or 50 times, it feels like an extension of your home. Even if you're not a regular, the servers treat you like one. It's been in LA forever. First, as Hugo's fine meats in the 1940s, and then in 1980, it became one of LA's first gourmet markets and cafes.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Something that's always stood out about Hugo's is that it's been a place friendly for vegans and vegetarians dating back to the 90s, before that was even in vogue. Mina has been coming here since her early days in LA, so I thought, what better place to talk about her career, motherhood, and her vulnerable memoir, The Great Peace. Okay, let's get to the conversation. Hi. Would you like something to drink other than water?
Starting point is 00:04:54 How are you? Good, thank you. I'm gonna have… I want something healthy. You must know this menu… Oh, under-privileged. …forwarded by… I hear you've been here, coming here for like literally 15 years.
Starting point is 00:05:04 I feel like longer than that. I came here in 94. I feel like I've been coming to Hugo's like on and off for a long time. Oh my god. There's also a wellness shot. Is it like literally, yeah. Is it a shot that you drink or are we going to have to like, a lot of syringe? I'll take a nap.
Starting point is 00:05:21 It's just a little, it's a syringe. It's a little espresso cup. Do you have any like herbal iced tea? Yes, if you see our tea list, you can make any of those iced. Maybe lavender mint? Sure. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Actually, would you do the same for me? That sounds nice. I'll be back, my name is Matt. Thanks, Matt. So you've been here many times. Have you been here very often? Oh yeah, I already know what I'm gonna get. If I wasn't... Don't even try and change my mind.
Starting point is 00:05:49 They might have specials. I won't. You can tell me specials if you want. I will, okay, so we have a special page. Yes. But I just wanna let you know, because it's a popular one, and it's gonna go away, it's seasonal,
Starting point is 00:05:58 is our peach upside down pancake. Oh, jeez. And that's a good item to share. Oh gosh, I thought you were gonna sell my crumble. And it's really pretty. I'll be right back with your cheese. Oh, gosh. I thought you were gonna say my crumble. I'll be right back with your cheese. Okay. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Thank you so much. It is breakfast or dessert. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt. Thank you. One of the servers says that she's been working here for 12 years and you've been coming in ever since she's been working here.
Starting point is 00:06:16 You talked to her about me? Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I vetted you. You vetted me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love this spot.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I mean, I don't know. I just thought, I mean, hopefully it's not too loud, but I thought it'd be kind of fun. That's perfect. Like an old school Hollywood kind of place. I love it. Also, I haven't been here in like seven years,
Starting point is 00:06:33 and I'm definitely getting the veggie burger because it's incredible. Do you live here or are you in New York? I go back and forth a bit, but mostly here. But I used to live on the side of the valley and now I'm and the other side, so I don't come over here a lot. Yeah, I've lived all over LA.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Yeah. Yeah, in every place, I feel like. You came here when you were 12? I came here, no, I was 14. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I did a month of my freshman year in high school in Charleston, South Carolina, and then I started here. Yeah, I went to Notre Dame in the Valley.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Two years in Notre Dame, and then I went to Providence in the Burbs. So I graduated there. So you had a full high school experience? Not really? Depends on what you mean by that. I mean, I was very focused on my work. I was auditioning.
Starting point is 00:07:33 The summer before I moved out here, I booked a Rice-A-Roni commercial. Yes. So I got my SAG card through that, and they sort of said, you should move out here. My parents decided to make the move. And you have siblings as well, right? I have three older brothers.
Starting point is 00:07:48 The oldest two were in college at the time. Got it, got it. I mean, I always knew I wanted to be an actor. It's something that I knew from like age eight. Really? But yeah, I got to do it like on my own terms on community theater in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was, you know, small beans.
Starting point is 00:08:03 I mean, to be signed with like, Willa Mina at age 12 is kind of a big deal. That's so nice to you to say. I had no real comprehension of that. Yeah, you're 12, how about you? I mean, it's crazy. I didn't really have an understanding of the business. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:20 I was used to, I think, moving around a lot. We had, I was born in Rhode Island. Mm-hmm, yes. And I did my first commercial when I was seven in Rhode Island. I lived one year in St. John on the Virgin Islands. Why did you move around so much? I think my parents just wanted...
Starting point is 00:08:38 Like were they just like your parents? They wanted me to think, mm, no. They started investing in building a home in St. John and it ended up not working out. And I think from there, my safe assumptions, they wanted to still keep a warmer climate and we had family in the south of it. And so they picked Charleston.
Starting point is 00:09:02 So I ended up there. And then while I was there, I went to an all-girls school. There was a local modeling agency. They sort of pitched this basic modeling class and I went with a friend for fun. It was like, learn how to put on makeup and take a photo. And then it kind of snowballed.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Let's have a photo shoot, get you headshots. We want you to join the agency. And then that winter they had a national modeling competition in Hilton Head. And they wanted me to attend as a rep of Millie Lewis. So I went with some of the kids, with my parents. And that's when I was, I just turned, no, I was a month shy of my 13th birthday.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And technically I lied, I'm really sorry, because there were competitions I had to be 13 to enter, and I did very well, I won everything I entered. But now this basically means that I illegally won these things, and I'm really sorry. I was a month shy of my 13th birthday, but to get into the makeup competition, you'd be 13. You'd have to be 13, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:06 And yeah, I was wild. I mean, I remember a girl being 12. She was six feet tall. I was five two. And I had the smallest caboodle. Thank you so much, Matt. You had the caboodles, the little makeup kits. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Do you want us some time to catch up and discuss what you need to? Just like, I mean,? No, I know. This man's been waiting. I've been waiting for seven years to order this again. It's been a while since I've been here. I'm going to have the veggie burger, please. We don't have that anymore.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Can you imagine? That'd be so sad. No allergies for me. No allergies, okay, so I'm going to ask you. Okay, okay. I'm going to get... I want cheese. There's too many choices. Oh my God, It's too many choices. Oh my God, there's so many choices. I brought you here to give you anxiety.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Truly. I'm gonna do jalapenos. And I'm gonna do cheddar cheese. And I get a third item? I don't know. Can I just do that? You may. And so side choices are french fries, potato chips.
Starting point is 00:11:06 It keeps going. Mixed greens, a cup of soup, mixed veggies. For two dollars more, we also have a potato salad. Potato salad. For two dollars more. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Matt, may I have the black bean chili?
Starting point is 00:11:22 Of course, you're at a couple of bowl. A bowl please with, can I get chopped onion? Sure, chopped onions and jalapenos on the side? Yes please, thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, I think that would be good. Are you still fully vegan? No.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And there were no allergies, right? It's a long conversation. No allergies? No, no, thank you. Excellent, thank you very much. It's a long conversation. Yeah. I mean if you want to but yeah. For me specifically I got very sick and so you know I had a lot of like physical issues that I needed to address and I think that one of the best things
Starting point is 00:12:01 that was ever said to me when I was very, very concerned and crying and wondering what this meant for me was I had a health practitioner say to me, this isn't about whether or not you're vegan, it has to do with your blood work. Yeah. You know? She said I work with many, many vegans,
Starting point is 00:12:24 they don't have your blood work. Yeah. You know, and so to me, I think it's very important for people to really consider their own constitution. I don't believe anything in life is one size fits all. And I think that that mentality needs to be addressed. So. Obviously we're all different, yeah. It's good that you were on top of that and made that shift. Well, I had to be, yeah. I had to that you were on top of that and made that shift.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Well, I had to be, yeah. I had to be. Did it manifest in a way that was like, I gotta deal with this now? A little bit, yeah. I mean, it was very hard for me. For five years, I was living a very vegan lifestyle, and I had to address things. I had to address what that meant for me. And a lot of my experience in that movement
Starting point is 00:13:14 doesn't feel very open. It doesn't feel very welcoming to a bigger conversation. Like I said, I think what's important is really having a connected, well-rounded conversation. And not so much like I'm coming to the table and I'm gonna do everything I can to convince you that you need to be me. Right, I was just reading something the other day
Starting point is 00:13:44 about you were talking about how you never saw yourself having a family and being a mother. It's interesting, I was, me and my husband were sitting down today for an interview, we're being honored by the Family Equality Council, which is really sweet. That's amazing. But part of what that entailed is we had to sit down for like an interview in our house, and like,
Starting point is 00:14:03 you know, they caught like B-roll of us doing morning things. And they were like, do you guys want my cold hands to walk around the yard? I was like, yeah, because that's natural. You're like, everybody get along today. And one of the things, he's 10 years younger than me. Oh, my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Yeah, we have that in common. And one of the questions that they asked us was, did you ever see yourself having a family? And it's interesting because for me, just being 10 years older than him and growing up in New Mexico where marriage equality or even same sex couples was not something that I saw represented, he always saw himself
Starting point is 00:14:40 having a family. And of course now, I'm absolutely a family guy and I love being a dad and a husband. But tell me why you never saw yourself having a family and being a mother. Oh gosh, I got married very young. I just turned 21. And I sort of repeated the same pattern
Starting point is 00:15:03 that I think my mother had repeated, sort of like generational trauma. She got married very young and my father was 25 years older than her. So my husband was 16 years older than me. And he was ready to have a family. And I remember realizing that I couldn't stay in this relationship. And he was ready to have a family. And I remember realizing that I couldn't stay in this relationship because I just didn't feel that way. I wasn't ready for that.
Starting point is 00:15:33 21. And then I got divorced at 25. And yeah. I was living this adult life in a way that my counterparts were kind of like, going out and partying or whatever, having kind of life experiences. All the things you should be doing when you're in your early 20s, yeah. I came out of a lot of really bad relationships
Starting point is 00:15:53 and when I met my first husband, I just, we were working on location, when I came back to LA, I just moved right in with him. So again, I should have gotten my own apartment or gotten my own, I didn't do any of that. I was sort of living everyone else's lives. And by the time that I got married, the second time I think that I was trying to make that work,
Starting point is 00:16:14 I was trying to be that person, I was 27. Okay. And it was just the wrong, I like to refer to that one as karmic debt because I just can't make sense of it. Yeah, I heard you say that, yeah. Just for some reason. So after that, I just, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:28 I got into a relationship with someone that I kind of met years back, and it was really beautiful and healing, but I kind of said I'm never gonna get married again. I just didn't. I knew that I never wanted to personally have a child, just to have a child, I wanted to be in a relationship. You met, Michael's your current husband, right?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Yeah, I met him, I wasn't really looking for anyone, and then I met him on location, and that was the first time that I had the feeling that I wanted to have a child with somebody. I was 38 at the time, yeah. What did it feel like, you were 30 when you met? It was 38. 38, okay, so there was quite a bit of time
Starting point is 00:17:09 between your second divorce and Michael. Yeah. I'm sure you had relationships within that time, but what did it feel like? Please come in, we're starving. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Ooh, just like I remembered you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Just like I remembered you. Hello, old friend. I really do think about this veggie burger all the time. Where was I? Oh, when you met Michael, I mean, what did it feel like? Was there fear or anxiety around feeling, oh God, I feel like I could be married again?
Starting point is 00:17:41 Like, was there PTSD? No, no, I was really, really happy and excited. It was a beautiful time. I was working in New York on this film called Bex, which was really beautiful. Yeah, I remember that moment, sitting on the curb, calling my doctor and asking him, like, you know, or just having this conversation. Like I think I'm ready to go off birth control and blah.
Starting point is 00:18:09 What is that gonna look like? You know, and he was, he was so kind and supportive. And I was like, yeah, as soon as you get back, let's come on in and. Yeah. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Mina and I talk about becoming a first-time parent in your 40s, the diary
Starting point is 00:18:29 entries that prompted her memoir, and how American Pie gave her a real high school experience. Okay, be right back. Justin just wrapped his seventh bike ride with AIDS Lifecycle, and I am so proud of him. While he was biking from San Francisco to Los Angeles, by the way that's 545 miles people, I was traveling for work promoting an indie film and I thought to myself, we have this beautiful home, I wish someone could enjoy it during this wonderful weather in LA.
Starting point is 00:19:00 And then I had this thought, we could be hosting our place on Airbnb. We all have times when we're away from home, whether we're visiting family or traveling for work or maybe taking that well-earned vacation. While you're away, you could be earning some extra cash. You can host your entire home or if, let's say, your kid is away at college, which seems so far away since my boys are still just so young, but for you empty nesters, you could just host a spare bedroom. Your home might be worth more than you think.
Starting point is 00:19:28 Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. We're surrounded by ads these days, including on this podcast. Hello, I'm recording one right now. Now, if you're a business that relies on ads, you know how noisy the ad space can be. It's tricky to get your ad in front of the audience, but with LinkedIn ads, you know how noisy the ad space can be. It's tricky to get your ad in front of the audience. But with LinkedIn ads, you can make sure your ads are relevant
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Starting point is 00:20:13 Of course I know that because it's part of my job. If I wanted to research these potential buyers, I can actually advertise to them on LinkedIn and target them by job title, industry, company, and more. I cannot emphasize how amazing this is for my pretend business. Start converting your B2B audience into high quality leads today. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash revenue to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash revenue.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. And we're back with more dinners on me. You had, is Christopher your son's name? You had Christopher when you were in your early 40s, right? 42. So I'm also, I became a parent in my 40s. I mean, there's so much of me that feels grateful
Starting point is 00:21:10 that I have the experience that I have. There's another piece of me that like really deeply desires the energy that a 20 or early 30 year old would have. How's it been for you? It's been everything. I mean, it been for you? It's been everything. I mean, it's been challenging. It has been really challenging. And so I always try to offer myself up as someone
Starting point is 00:21:37 who can give real answers if people are curious. For me, it was, I was also pregnant during COVID. So it was a pretty alienating time. And you know. Were you able to like, did you have to like go to doctor's appointments by yourself without? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:58 I'm sorry, that's gotta be hard. That was, well, it was just. Not what do you expect? You expected to share those moments with yeah your spouse? Yeah, I felt bad for my husband that's I took videos and things like that but it was sad in the sense that this is probably the you know once in a lifetime you'll get to have this opportunity and right, but I Heard of women who had their doula on FaceTime. Like I can't even imagine.
Starting point is 00:22:26 So women had to go through wearing face masks and giving birth. It's just. Crazy times. Hard, it's hard. Totally. And I never really had a lot of family involved with my life.
Starting point is 00:22:39 So I think that that was also part of maybe never seeing myself as a mother, I was just always been working and so used to working. You basically were like the breadwinner for your family. Yeah, so I think I didn't know what that would look like and I think I also, I'm learning how to enjoy my life more because I was just kind of in the zone and going. And so, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:10 I know you've talked so much about your teens and you were so honest in your memoir. The name of the memoir. I wanted to be more honest, but legally I wasn't allowed to. I love that. A little side note on like how traumatizing, re-traumatizing it could be if you want to write a memoir. Right.
Starting point is 00:23:29 It's like. I mean, I had heard when you wrote The Great Peace, like you basically created two books because there was so much. Well, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I technically wrote like 600 pages. Like I wrote like. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:23:47 And they were like, that's great, but you have to fit into this memoir format. Right. Like, and so I had to work with someone to edit it down. Take some memories, take some memories out. Which is so wild to me. That is.
Starting point is 00:24:00 But I have it on my laptop. And one day I wanted to- Barbara Streisand did not have to do that. Really? Her book is literally a thousand pages long. If you listen to the audio book, it's 48 hours. I know because I listen to the audio book. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:15 I wrote because I needed to write. I didn't write because I wanted to sell a book. I don't know anything about that. That's just the way that it manifested. And it really helped me heal. You know, it really helped me push past and not be afraid. I think a lot of the work that I still consistently do
Starting point is 00:24:40 is just learning that I have a place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I remember first becoming aware of you. You had an incredible year with both American Beauty and American Pie. And in both these films, you were playing, you know, this sort of like, virginalized fantasy character. I think, you know, after your memoir,
Starting point is 00:25:04 and people were able to sort of step back and realize what you were going through personally at that time, it really colors those films differently when you watch them. And I was- Yeah, and I never meant to. No, no, of course not. But that's very important that you did come out
Starting point is 00:25:22 with your own truth, but I know the impetus for writing your memoir was discovering your diary and some poems you'd written and sort of, you know, you were immediately kind of crash cut right back to, you know, you as a kid. You know, you're very honest about sexual abuse and drug use and I think it's I think it's so wonderfully brave of you to be so deeply honest about that.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Then recording your audiobook. That was hard. I kind of happened to relive that trauma over and over and over. That was really hard. And I was also recording that audiobook four months after my son was born. Going through a lot of postpartum.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I think I brought my breast pump in there. And that was when I started to kind of go back to work, and that's when it really affected my breast bone production, and I wasn't able to provide more for my son. It was a lot of stress. But because I had a deadline, and I had a contract, that's when things needed to be done. So it was hard to really read that in that state,
Starting point is 00:26:31 four months after giving birth. I'm sure. A birth that was like three days long and not. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Oh my gosh, three days. It was a lot to recover from. But yes, I mean, there were many times
Starting point is 00:26:44 I had to stop during the recording. And I'm sure you can hear it. I haven't listened to it. I just- I don't think you do too. I mean, I could, but I don't- You lived it. If I'm interested.
Starting point is 00:26:55 I don't have that need. I don't have that desire to look back right now. Because I wanna use as much of my energy to propel me forward. I'm so tired of feeling, can I swear? Yeah. Yeah. I'm so tired of feeling shitty over those things, you know?
Starting point is 00:27:16 But again, I did it for me. Right. It just manifested like that, you know? I found my diaries and I found a binder of typed, like on a typewriter, pages, about 50, 60 pages of stories and poems that I entitled The Great Peace in like 1996. And I have a friend who is a writer.
Starting point is 00:27:41 He's the one that helped me edit it down. He encouraged me, said, I think you should really write this as your memoir. I was like, I don't know if I really want to do that. Like, I'm writing my memoir in my 40s. It's weird. But, you know, I live my life very, very, very open.
Starting point is 00:27:58 And I'm always trying to work against that fear. And, you know, what's holding me back? And so I just decided, okay, they'll just go in and do it. And I found out I was pregnant after I finished writing my book. I know, I heard that. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Yeah, and I believe that everything's energy, everything is this energetic matrix. I completely agree with that. I just gotta imagine that it's, as you're talking about trying to protect yourself, and everyone's kind of like. That's all the window. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:29 It's just, I just, you had a very explosive early beginning of your career. Those, you know. Yeah, which I didn't understand. Sure, I was just gonna say, you probably didn't understand. Yeah, I honestly thought every movie made $100 million. And I had people saying, congratulations.
Starting point is 00:28:47 This is amazing. And I just was like, thank you. I didn't understand all of that. Sure, absolutely. But to have that sort of explosive beginning of a career, and even films where you're talking about American Pie and American Beauty, people do look at you and still remember those performances
Starting point is 00:29:07 and like kind of put you back in that place when personally you were going through a lot of very difficult things. I'm thinking about how hard that truly must have been. It's just weird. I remember having times where I was like trying to have a conversation with somebody who's not in the business.
Starting point is 00:29:21 I was like, I'll never be anonymous anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'll never be anonymous anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'll never have that. No. In a way. And what does that mean? I can really mess with you.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Yeah. I can really mess with a person's head. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to kind of navigate that. Sure. Because no matter what, you'll always have a certain expectation stacked up against
Starting point is 00:29:47 you. Yeah. Yeah. And it's strange for me because again, like I sort of fell into this industry and I think I had to kind of grow up quickly. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Learn about the business.
Starting point is 00:30:00 I don't know. It was really challenging. Where were your parents during that time? My mother was living here. My father, he was aging and ailing by then. He had moved out of state. But yeah, I was in a relationship where it was very toxic. So I was also brainwashed into being separated
Starting point is 00:30:25 from those people. But I never really had a close supportive family unit around me, so yeah, I was just kind of. Did you have any sort of safe space at that age? At that time, no. And I think that that's why I've talked about IC Now I think that that's why I've talked about, I see now that working on those films were the greatest gift to me because it allowed me to be away from that.
Starting point is 00:30:57 I talked about how it allowed me to be my age, to have fun. I talked about how American Pie kind of gave me my high school experience. I didn't go to prom, I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, it was hard. And those were beautiful gifts, but again, I couldn't fully enjoy them.
Starting point is 00:31:15 I didn't really hang out with the cast of American Pie because I was in a different space. And I was in this space of hiding that. You know, I always felt like I needed to hide whatever I was a part of because whatever this other world was about, you know, acting and this industry, like they had it together more than I did, you know? I mean, I remember walking to set on American Beauty
Starting point is 00:31:43 thinking I'm so happy to just have a job. Yeah. I didn't understand Oscars. I didn't understand. I knew that the people I was working with were very talented and experienced. I didn't follow their careers necessarily. I was just literally happy to have a job. Now for a quick break, but don't go away.
Starting point is 00:32:02 When we come back, Mina tells me about her first Emmy nomination and the pressure of coming off two multi-million dollar films at 19 years old. Okay, be right back. I don't know about you, but every year fall rolls around and I struggle to find the right gift for my friends and my family. and I struggle to find the right gift for my friends and my family. But luckily, Justin Wine makes it super easy. Justin offers curated gift sets, library wines, magnums, and even custom etched bottles, which you could add a message or logo to. That's very fancy.
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Starting point is 00:33:35 wines from Paso Robles on California's Central Coast, and are what put the Paso Robles region on the winemaking map. They recently sent me some of their wines, including their Cabernet Sauvignon and their flagship wine, Isocilis. I cannot wait to enjoy these with friends and family, especially with the holidays coming up. Speaking of, Justin Wine makes great gifts for friends, family, or colleagues. They have curated gift sets and even custom etched bottles which you could add a message
Starting point is 00:34:04 or logo to. It's very fancy Shop all of Justin's exceptional wines at Justinwine.com and be sure to use promo code Jesse20 to receive 20% off your order today. That's Jesse20 for 20% off And we're back with more Dinners on Me. You know, as you say, you didn't know what it meant to have a movie not make $100 million or whatever, which is hilarious. I'm so dumb. I know.
Starting point is 00:34:37 It's so great. I love that negativity. It's sweet. It's sweet. But I don't know, maybe you didn't have that pressure coming off of like two big hits. Maybe you didn't know what that pressure would feel. Did you feel pressure?
Starting point is 00:34:50 Like what's your career gonna be next after? Yeah, I mean I felt like a lot of people wanted a certain path for me. I remember moments of passing on material that people really wanted me to do, that my heart wasn't in. I chose working with Jonas Ackerman on a film called Spun where I played a meth addict after American Beauty.
Starting point is 00:35:17 And I think that was quite confusing for people. Yeah. I remember someone saying to me on set, you're the girl from American Beauty Wow, I and that again I had to kind of What is this all about? Oh, I think people kind of you want let's just play the same beat over and over again And I didn't want that I wanted to choose things that I felt like we were gonna challenge me and I felt like at that time
Starting point is 00:35:43 I found that more in like independent space. But I'm grateful for all of that because it taught me, especially now where I am in my career, it taught me who I wanted to be, how I wanted to work, the type of people that I align with mentally and emotionally and spiritually. I call them my film fam now and it feels more connected and fun than ever. Yeah. You're nominated for this series. What is the actual category called? It's performer and it's a short form.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Short form mini series, right. Yeah, limited series. So we have the show, it's called Razor, RZR, and it's on Film Gala on their platform. So you can sign up to watch it, and then it's eight 15 minute episodes. So it's like this new. Now it's watching Razor that's spelled RZR
Starting point is 00:36:49 without any vowels. It's really cool to see first of all such, I don't know, big swings being made and kind of such a new medium. And congratulations on this year first Emmy nomination. It's incredible and you're wonderful in it. Wild, thank you. I mean, I'm sure that must have come as a bit of a shock.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Yeah, no, still is. Our project too was such a small passion project and to have this acknowledgement, it's really, really special. And it's a role unlike anything you've ever played before. Yeah, a role that I've always wanted to play. Is that so? Oh, yeah. I love her.
Starting point is 00:37:26 She's like one of my favorite characters. I love Detective Thompson because just as a woman, as a five-foot-four woman, it just felt so freeing to kind of... be everything that isn't expected of me. Detective Thompson holds this power through her intellect and it was just so awesome to be able to play with that energy. And I feel, again, just so grateful that they thought of me for that.
Starting point is 00:38:13 How did it come to you? Came my way. That's incredible. I love it when things like that happen. I thought this is so awesome. I mean, I love getting any opportunity to work in LA. There's such an amazing crew here. And then I loved the world.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I just felt like it was so possible, which was scary. It was so fascinating to me. I felt like- Yeah, it's really post-apocalyptic LA. Yeah, but LA, we're on this grid zone, owned by families, run through blockchain, And just getting to know David, Bianchi, our creator, he's just fascinating. And star, yeah. His mind is just incredible.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Yeah. I really love that you did this. I'm so happy you said yes. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm so happy you brought me to your home away from home, Hugo's, because I've been reunited with this delicious veggie burger. Hugo's, I call it Huggies.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Huggies. Hugg thank you for having me. I'm so happy you brought me to your home away from home, Hugo's, because I've been reunited with this delicious veggie burger. Hugo's, I call it Huggy's. Huggy's, that's cute.
Starting point is 00:39:11 And it's changed so much over the years, right? I love that they have the photos up, like the old school place. This is like old LA, like 70s LA. I would always see Jane Lynch here. It was like my first celebrity, Jane Lynch. Hugo's, yeah. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:39:28 Yeah. I'm trying to think like, my first celebrity I wrote about in my book was Whitney Houston. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Where'd you run into her? So when we lived in St. John, we lived in this bay.
Starting point is 00:39:41 It was all like great cruise bay. It's like all the bays, like the very, we'd go over and the next one. And the middle was the, it was a hotel. Now it's called something else, but it was called the Virgin Grand. And it was like, you know that like, that like tropical pink?
Starting point is 00:39:58 Yeah. And it was huge, and it was a huge pool, outdoor pool. And one of my brothers, because we lived there for a year when I was eight, we used to just kind of like walk the whole day and collect shells and whatever, and we would sneak onto the beach there and pretend like we were staying there.
Starting point is 00:40:16 So we'd go in the pool. Incredible. And get like the hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. And so I was like in the pool. And I see this huge lilac bow. That she used to wear at the time, because this was like 87.
Starting point is 00:40:34 And I remember swinging over to her and I said, I know who you are. And I was like, you're Whitney Houston. And she's like, what's your name? And I said, my name's Mina. And she goes, well now I know who you are. Aw. Yeah. That's sweet. And I was like, it's your name? And I said, my name's Meena. And she goes, well, now I know who you are. Aw. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:46 That's sweet. And I was like, it's Whitney Houston. Yeah, she was so nice, so beautiful. And I just remember this huge lilac bow. She was in the pool. I love you just stumbled upon Whitney Houston in a pool. That I illegally snuck into. I was like, hey Whitney, I'm not staying here.
Starting point is 00:41:03 But I saw that you are and. That's incredible. Yeah, I love that. Just outed myself in so many ways. I love that. I legally entered my. So many things. Like a competition.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like can we have our $200 check back please? I'll write it back to you. You know what, I'll pay for it if they come after you. I'll pay. For that story. Thanks for doing this, love. Yeah, thanks for having me. Appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:41:32 This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Hugo's in West Hollywood, California. Next week on Dinners on Me, you know her myriad of roles on the American Horror Story franchise and more recently on the Apple TV Plus series Presumed Innocent, it's Lily Rae. We'll get into the legacy of her mother Jill Kleberg, her long-time collaboration with American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy, and her unexpected love story with partner Hamish Linklater. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus.
Starting point is 00:42:06 As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners on Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Dinners on Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Kolassny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.

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