Distractible - Conspiracy. CHANGE!

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Are conspiracy theories a game to you?! Good, because that's exaclty what Mark has turned them into. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Vitamin Water. Everyone knows that New York City has got to be one of the most stylish, diverse, and fun places in the world. And you could see all that character in Vitamin Water, which was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more. It comes in a range of flavors that match the vibrancy of the city and brings the New York vibe wherever you are. Grab a Vitamin Water today. This episode is brought to you by Vitamin Water. So much of what the world is obsessed with starts out in New York City. It's a place full of style and character that has something for everyone.

With a range of flavors to meet any kind of taste, it's no wonder Vitamin Water was born there. Colorful, flavorful, anything but boring, Vitamin Water injects a daily dose of vibrancy into a watered-down life. Grab vitamin water today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Margrout Beer Mark has limb labors, perfect peepers, leaves the lid down, and thumps out the theories.

Wandering Wade has power pushes, dotes over Diablo, and errates over irracular occurrences. Baffling Bob has lens issues, non-consumable Kakar is besties with Boo-Boo and knows his nulls. From mobile coins to having that dog in you. Yes!

It's time for Conspiracy Change. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi and welcome to Distractible. I'm your host Markiplier, here to bring you another episode of fun and adventure and probably a few new ideas. To help me along this journey of learning, I've got my friends, Bob and Wade. That's me, one of those.

Hi. I'm the other one. Bob, why are you looking down the internet? Sorry, I was, I, remember how I said I play a mobile game? It was like 30 seconds till this is done, hang on. Uh-huh, okay, all right. I don't have to do anything else. I, it'll, it'll finish.

Oh, it's frozen. All right, it doesn't matter. I lose those coins, that's fine. I'm here, I'm here. You can get your coins, I know I don't have to do anything else. It'll finish. Oh, it's frozen. All right, it doesn't matter. I lose those coins, that's fine. I'm here, I'm here. You can get your coins. I don't know, you don't have to. No, literally the game, it does this sometimes. It's like frozen.

So let it go. Oh, you'd think I might've connected that because I've seen those. I only watch Frozen for Olaf, let's be honest. Are we playing mobile games during this episode? No, no, we're not. Well, I can't stop you from doing whatever you wanna do. I don't have any on my phone, they're all on my tablet.

So I don't even have it with me. That's a good line to draw. He's got 20 tabs of porn parodies up on his computer. I might have those up, but I don't have mobile games right now. Have I talked about Diablo 4 in this podcast? I was almost a whole episode without you mentioning Diablo 4 there.

Whew, we did one. Do you wanna talk about it? I'm not gonna stop you. Look, I wouldn Do you want to talk about it? I'm not going to stop you. Look, I wouldn't prevent you from talking about your passions, man. I wouldn't do that. I would. I'm just enjoying it. It's fun. So with your arm there.

My arm hurts. From all the porn parodies. You know what, bro? So you're scrolling arm or the other one? Nah, this arm's always giving me trouble. And lately, like, my shoulder's just been hurting. So trying to it's all the posture and hunched overness and general not goodness with my joints and stretching. It's finally catching up to me

so I'm trying to be better about it. Oh, it only gets worse. Give yourself two months when you're my age. We're the same age, man. Two months? This was the worst two? These are the hardest two months you need I even know. Oh, it's all downhill. This was the worst too? These are the hardest two months you need I even know. Oh, it's all downhill All right. Well, I'll keep that in mind. Um, so how are you guys other than terrible? Oh pretty good pretty good pretty good. I had a very Wade like issue. Yeah, we just have water come out of a wall Oh that one It's interesting when that happens, I think we know what happened and I think it's okay, which is a weird thing to say about water coming out of a wall, but sometimes toilets

just leak. All of the toilets in our house apparently are reaching the edge where the the flushy part is wearing out and one of them was like it was like wearing out in a way where it ran and overflowed itself. I don't know. It's not great. Everyone judged me when I ripped out all five and replaced them at once, but trust me. Yeah, well, we're not replacing all of the toilets in the entire house all at once. You might as well because it's only going to cause more problems. I'm replacing the flush mechanism in like two of them. I tried that once.

It didn't work. You just probably did it bad. You probably paid some idiot. If at first you don't succeed or rip out your toilets. He he he you know the saying They're fine. The toilets are fine kids are alright. We just need new flashy dews. Whatever the hell those things are called I remember when I used to think that naive I was back then All right. Well, I don't know why toilets would fail so soon, I feel like. Soon? My toilets are like 10 years old. Yeah, I feel like they should last longer than that.

Cause you got, you got truck stops in the middle of the desert that have gone through like a cavalcade of a million truckers all eating tacos and burritos and Fritos non-stop on their journeys, and they're still running. That's because the handles are so gross, no one ever flushes those. That's why they're always so nasty when we walk in. That's fair, I guess that's fair. Also, those are totally different flush mechanisms, Mark. Those don't have tanks. Those are like pressure valve things and they're all metal. The tank toilets you have in your house

have plastic parts in them because companies are cheap and it's planned obsolescence. And the little rubber flounders that wear out or shrivel up and... Why don't they have, uh, one of the houses having the metal pressure ones? Cause they don't look cool and nice. I don't know. Honestly, I wish that we all had the industrial toilets. I got a power flush now.

Wait, is this real? Do you have a power flush? No, he told us about this. He told us about this. That his... The loudest fucking toilet I've ever owned in my life. Remember the whole saga about the basement and the guy removed the backflow valve and the blah, blah, blah, blah. Part of that was also,

he got a power flush toilet down there. If you, okay, wait, if you are sitting on the toilet and you reach for the toilet paper and you accidentally elbow- I would not flush it while sitting. Your nuts are gone. It's a shit bidet if you do that. You get flipped inside out from the butthole up and you just like it's not a good time.

Do you need to like close the lid and clamp it on to flush it safely like? Probably dude I flushed it the other day and like the backsplash I saw it bounce up to eye level and then go back down and I was like this is terrifying. Okay wait hold on you guys don't put the lid down before you flush? I do now. I definitely put the lid down. If you're thinking that prevents the aerosolized poop particles from escaping I got bad news about how airtight toilet lids are. Well it's better it's better because I I have a visualization that Wade is leaning

over the toilet flushes eyes open. Wow, look at it go! I make sure to tape them open, I look in, get my face in the bowl, I'm like, I can't wait to watch the magic of water flow. You put the clockwork orange things on your eyes so you can't physically blink and you're like, oh, baste me. Yep, yep, alright, okay, so, um, eye wash toilet me. Yep. Yep. All right. Okay. So, um, I wash toilet station. All right. Cool. The eye flavor of relief.

What a combo combination power flush toilet. I wash station just in case you need that. I was buying so much like a contact solution. I was like, I don't need it. I've got a power flush. You're right. He's right. He worked at an iPlace. He would know. I did work there. I've been talking about contacts. I wore them for a couple episodes. I don't know if I'm just out of it or what, but when I was at the contacts place, they were like, and we're going to give you this extra bottle of solution just in case you need it.

This stuff is so expensive nowadays. Yeah, it's crazy. And I was like, well, I wouldn't have guessed that. And the next time I was at the store, I just went and looked because I was like, how expensive could contact solution be? It doesn't seem like it's outrageously expensive. Like I looked and it was like, three bucks for a big jug of Kroger's old ye olde contact solution juice. Like, you know, like the generic, like I'm not buying fancy juice to soak my eyeballs with. I want sanitary saline wash, That's all you need or whatever. But my eye doctor just had like a whole conspiracy about how expensive his contact solution is. Is this, am I

just, did I just get lucky? How much does he go through? Like a whole bottle for each contact, just splashing it down? Every morning just like, God, this stuff's so expensive. I can't believe you're supposed to use a bottle per eye per contact! Well you gotta fill up the whole tank of your power flush before you can flush out your contacts. It takes a lot of bottles man. Oh my god that's brilliant! We could be shitting in contact solution. However, let me give you a warning. Make sure it's not the red lid bottle of contact solution because if

you're using that like, what's it called, clear? The stuff that you have to like let sit overnight that like has the chemical reaction you do not want that going directly into your eye. That doesn't sound good it sounds like it goes directly into your eye. Do you guys not know what that I'm talking about? No. Wait I've warned contacts for three days in the last decade and they were three days last week. Yeah so clear care contact solution. Contact solution is way more involved than I thought. I thought I was just making fun of my eye doctor. It's a whole thing out here. I didn't realize. So the way this works is it's like a chemical reaction. This is tungsten or something. It reacts with the solution.

This solution is like pure acid. You do not put this in your eyes. You put your contacts in this case, you pour this in, and then over like a six to eight hour period, this has like a chemical reaction that cleans your contacts and whatever. I I don't know exactly how it works maybe it's all bullshit but I use this because I feel like it's actually been my contacts haven't dried my eyes out as much maybe I'm just buying into the hype and it's all fake but I use this to clean my eyes. When we were visiting a friend one time uh we had another friend staying with us and my friend Entwin and he was like oh man my eyes are really dry and he went into our bathroom grabbed this red bottle and was like i'll just use some of this and squirted it

directly into his eyes uh-oh which means that he then had to spend 10 or 15 minutes with his eyes under a faucet running water over them to try to get the acid out so don't do not use this directly in your eyes make sure you let it sit for the full six to eight hours not all contact solution is meant to go directly in your eyes that's the point of the story. Okay. I'm not gonna do that because I have perfect eyes my eyes Flawless we have talked about that before yeah I mean, they're not flawless because you had to have them surgically made flawless. They're flawless now now. Yes. I've evolved my eyes Can you make them smile for us?

Yes, I've evolved my eyes. Can you make them smile for us? ... Okay, well you better watch closely. It's about- Oh, hold on. Editors make my eyes smile. ... Uh, but cool! Whose small talk was that? Mine?

Bob, yeah, your walls are leaking with contact solution. Oh, the bright- Yeah, man, that really wet places. The obvious answer is don't put contact solution in your walls, and you won't have that problem. Oh, the bright, yeah man, that really went places. The obvious answer is don't put contact solution in your walls and you won't have that problem. Wade, your life? Nothing too crazy, too new yet. Lots of traveling, lots of people visiting, lots of plans upcoming.

I just wanna say I'm really happy. I feel like a lot of just good video games have been coming out. I've just been really happy and enjoying video games for a couple years. And I just wanna like keep that trend going, variety of types of games, decent quality games, a lot of indie bangers.

It's just like, I'm enjoying it. I feel the opposite. Bob counter, yeah, I was about to say, Bob counterpoint, why is gaming terrible? I feel very negatively about video games. Everything is a live service. It all, it goes away. They're shutting down games within five years of them

even existing on the market I couldn't be worse couldn't couldn't live in a worse time for gaming. Give me my Atari 2600 back sir, man Diablo 4 is finally fun. It's been out for like two and a half years How you can't give them credit for that one? It's been out for literally one year and it's finally a long time and it's finally kind of good and it's like wow Great game guys. I'm happy that at least got there, you know, No Man's Sky was horrible at launch. It got good Phasmophobia and those types of games were fun and good for content lethal company great I enjoyed content warning a biotic factor planet crafter. I'm just enjoying a lot of games right now

I'm just happy. Those are all the exact same types of game. Oh, no, they're not they're similar types of games They're content games. I don't know, you go back to the Fortnite PUBG era and it felt like everything was a PvP Battle Royale. At least now we have PvE content. I liked Battle Royales. I missed the Haiti. I liked them at first.

And then when every game came out and they were like, hey guys, new Candy Crush, Battle Royale. Hey, have you heard of Minesweeper? What about Minesweeper Battle Royale? Have you played Pac-Man? What about the Pac-Man? Look, Tetris 99 was a banger. That was cool. I wish I was better at Tetris to actually be good at that one. But not everything needed to be a Battle Royale. But some games really work at it. Lethal Company right now, everything's like trying to be like Lethal Company, that'll probably get old at some point too,

but at least it's PvE and I don't hate everything when I play it I enjoy it still. Lethal Royale? Company Royale? There's probably a mode for that. Battle Royale capitalism? Lethal Company did just have a big update and by big I mean I don't actually know what's in it but it did update. Wow this guy is the guy that spreads misinformation. I don't spread misinformation I spread bullshit which is probably worse. Definitely worse. Truth and. I spread bullshit, which is probably worse. Definitely worse. Truth and lie.

I told you about the paper on bullshit where truths and lies at least acknowledge the truth whereas bullshit is scary because it's just literally whatever comes out of your mouth comes out. I am a virus that should be put down immediately. I agree with that. All right, Bob agrees.

You guys are in agreement. Great, great, great. Any other small talk? Nope, I'm glad I ended where I did on mine. So this is actually gonna take some explanation. We got a game. Well, great, great. Any other small talk? Nope, I'm glad I ended where I did on mine. So, this is actually gonna take some explanation. We got a game. Well, I got a game. And Amy and I tried to come up with this, uh, so if it's bad, I'm blaming Amy. If it's good, who gets credit?

Amy gets credit. Fair is fair. Alright, so how is this gonna work? I don't know what the name of this is gonna be, but you two are on a debate stage? You're not debating, right? You're on a stage. You're giving a dual preface conference It's like two-headed expert except you're speaking as yourselves. You're two Panelists at a panel that makes a lot more sense. You both are a conspiracy theorist You don't know what conspiracy theorist you are

But I'm gonna ask you questions round robrobin style, one at a time, that relate to the conspiracy theorist that you are, and your job, one at a time I'm asking you the questions, is whoever can guess what conspiracy theorist you are first, wins the round. If you've seen Whose Line Is It Anyway, you might recognize this game, as when Colin, usually almost always Colin, did not know who he was, but he was giving a press conference in the audience, asked questions. Does that make sense?

Yes. Yes. All right, cool. So, Wade? Hi. Yeah, you got more points on the small talk, so you get to go first. Remember, you both are the same conspiracy theorists. You are not against each other, you are both answering questions about it, so you can play off of each other's answers, even though you don't know what the hell you're talking about, and then you can combo it or you can do it,

but also pay attention to your opponent's questions, because that can help you guess where you are, and then you can guide your answers thusly. Does it make sense? I think so. We're the same conspiracy theorists. We're trying to figure out who we are. Yeah, and I've got- and I'm gonna go one at a time. So I've got plenty of conspiracy theories, and as soon as it's guessed, we'll move on to the next one. We'll go back and forth. All right, Wade. Yes.

How long have you known? Well, to be honest, I had suspicions from the beginning, but truly known pretty recently. But I always thought deep down at my core, I knew probably for years that we are where we are. Change. I thought for at least a few months those horrible things had been done. Good, great.

Bob, if you notice there's a bit of a curve ball on this one. Okay yeah, good. Bob, how did they pull it off? It involves a lot of smoke and mirrors, not literal smoke and mirrors, some literal smoke and mirrors, but also the kind of smoke and mirrors where, it's Photoshop, it's Photoshop. There's a lot of Photoshop. Change.

It's actually CapCut. It's just a phone app. And it's how a lot of, I think it's how a lot of kids make TikToks with effects in them or something, but it's the same, that's why the footage is so low res. It's very compressed. And it's, same, you know, that's why the footage is so low res, it's very compressed

and it's, it's, it's, yeah, people just believe anything. You know, look, I've gotten to the bottom of this and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it and looking into this, but people, they just put, they just post videos out there on whatever and they post pictures or descriptions, interviews with, yeah, people just believe whatever, whatever they post, all the stuff they post, people just eat it up. But I know, I know the truth. The truth is it's a cap cut. Okay, all right, Wade, what did they do with it afterwards?

We keep talking about they. What did they do with it? Well, they covered it up, they hid it. It's buried deep underground. Who were they? That is the question. Change. You know, who are they? Everybody already knows. It's obvious. We see them everywhere we look. We know who they are. It's been covered up. It's been buried. I think it's pretty easy to know where we

can dig it up and find it and prove exactly what it is. Oh, okay. All right. Bob, did they ever eventually get around to doing it for real? You know, rockets are complicated. Science isn't as straightforward as they'd like to make you believe. So I'm going to say possibly I'm not going to rule out that they actually did do it. I don't know. I don't know that. I don't have the information to know that for sure. And so I don't want to put anything out there that I'm not confident about. I do know that the original claims that they did do it were incorrect. They were falsified, fabricated, fascinated, frankly fear monger-esque,

you could say. Change. Oh, they were gaggly, they were grungy, they were great, great balls of fire. They were just good old fashioned lies. And sometimes good old fashioned lies are the best kind because everybody loves a good old fashioned lie. Everybody is ready to believe a good old fashioned lie, you know? It just feels good. All right. Okay. All right.

Wade, do you think the footprints are still there? The footprints, of course, are still there. Maybe filled in, maybe covered up, but the footprints, the hair, teeth. Change? there maybe filled in maybe covered up with the footprints the hair teeth change the footprints the Flag all of it with the fans still blowing next to it all of it still there. Well, then how do we guess? Because I don't know I mean I think you just have to end your question your answer with what it is I think you both got it a bit. I did till you said footprints. That was like, oh, I'm wrong. But now I'm back.

I had it during my answer. I have a guess and I think I have it correct. I think you both understand where it is right now. I don't know how to score that first. I think Bob got there first because his question was pretty pointed or his answer. I got to say that his answer got me. All right, Bob, what is your conspiracy?

We think we know that the moon landings were fake. Alright, okay that's it. So the curve ball here was an idea that had is like, if I'm trying to use change to actually guide you towards what, like if you go too far off, I'm trying to use it as a mechanism to be like guiding you back towards, because I didn't know how hard it would be For you to get it or how pointed I have to make the questions So it's either we can keep doing that or I could I don't have to do it if you guys think that the game Is by itself. No, I like that because you could also totally screw with us if we're like getting it too quickly or something Or okay. Perfect. I don't know why when you said footprints. I was like ignore everything. I've heard it's Bigfoot

Every clue I've had out the window he said footprints I was like ignore everything I've heard it's Bigfoot every clue I've had out the window he said footprints don't wear everything else all right well you're just gonna have to guess when Bigfoot's on this list so I don't know oh number six all right Bob you're gonna go first now the rumor has it Bob that you first sensed this in your knees. Is that true or was it something more subtle? My knees are the most sensitive part of my body, but you could kind of feel it all over if you know what to pay attention for. I mean, it would be accurate to say I first felt it in my knees, I guess, but it's really more of like you have to know, you have to be looking, right? And a lot of people growing through life, they're not looking, they're not thinking, they just accept what they see without any further questions. And I just always have questions. I always listen to my knees when they tell me stuff. I never listened to my

knees a day in my life until I felt this one sensation that got me just deep down to my core and I realized the truth of the matter. And I realized that my knees knew. And then once they told me, then I knew. And then all of my different parts came to know at different points in time once they could realize and accept what the truth was that my knees told me. Great answer. Great answer. All right, Wade, what part of your body did you discover the truth in? Oh, man. I had to have started my elbows, honestly, I had to have started in my elbows, honestly.

Change. Had to have started in my nipples. Change. My ears, I heard it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My friend just quivering in place and then the noise of his knees chattering got me so off guard So you follow up question you were together when this when you discovered it? Oh, yeah, we pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, it's a very joint discovery No, nothing knees joint discovery Oh Sorry, I laugh. Thank you friend I think you answered my question Wade you answered in so many more ways

I ever could have hoped good. So Bob. Oh, what is it that they're leaving behind? Oh Shapes lots of shapes change. It's actually their feces It's not edible and that's the only thing I know about it. That was my first instinct was like Oh, this is probably food, right? This must be sustenance or not edible. Definitely not edible. Uh, violently ill. If you're able to get a chunk inside of you, not good. Wouldn't recommend it.

Uh, what, what is it? Ask your knees, I guess. I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. All right. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. I think we're really figuring this one out, Wade. Bring it home. Yeah, I'm so on top of this.

Wade? Yeah, yeah, please. Hit me up. Is this the end result or is it just the beginning? I think we're somewhere in the middle. Honestly, I think this has been going on for a while I think that we should have seen this coming, but I think it's only going to get a lot worse change I think it's probably gonna stay exactly the same change. It can only get better from here, honestly. This is rock bottom. How could it get any worse than where we currently are? The noises, the knee chittering, the inedibleness,

it's just all so much that I can't wait to be able to take a safe bite. Fair, fair. Bob, does it matter how many of them there are? Cause sometimes you see one, sometimes you see hundreds, maybe. I'm not sure. Does quantity count? Not really. I mean, the sky is big, right?

So there's a lot of room, I guess. It's hard to say. I don't think there could be too many. The very sort of touch them, you know, do you feel that when you see them? You just feel like you want to. Yeah, I can see why you tried to taste them before. Yeah, they they do look tasty, but and, I know they're probably bigger than they look because they're way up high and then they're way down low and then they're way up and then zooming, you know,

past and then, but they just look, they look like they would freshen my breath. I think you're on to it. Should I ask Wade another question or? Wade, do you think you have any idea what it is? I've got- Give him a question. Give him a question.

I'm feeling confident. I have an idea, but I don't know. I'm... Yes, no. Question me. Okay, wait. Do you think that there's a difference between when they're parallel or when they're crossing? Is there some special meaning?

Look, I've seen... Change. Smell. I've seen......a lot.... ... ... No, I think they're exactly the same. I don't think it matters if they're running parallel or intersecting.

I think no matter what, they are what they are. And we all know what they are. Yes, of course we do. Doesn't really need to be said. Alright, Bob, do you have an idea what it is? Yes, of course we do doesn't really need to be said Bob do you have an idea what is so the news likes to refer to them as tic tacs? I like to think of them more like albino Mike and Ikes But are we talking about the unidentified flying objects that are in the shape of?

Small mints don't know what you're talking about. Oh, okay. I have no idea. Are you at the right conference? Probably not. How did what I say before- Okay, never mind. Ask me another question. I thought I knew too, Bob. I had like an idea based on your previous answer, and then his question to me led me astray. Oh, I get why what you were saying-

That- All right, okay. Okay, Bob. Is it a natural phenomenon? Because there's some people that believe it is, and it's understandable because, you know, of the things that are around it. If it's not natural, what is it? I would consider it a natural phenomenon.

There are things that happen naturally that are done because some living creature, living being has chosen to do them and that's just, that's a thing that should happen naturally and it's a thing that does happen naturally. So yeah, I mean, I think it depends a lot on exactly how you see that. But I would say, yeah, that's pretty natural change. I would say, despite the arguments I just made, it's pretty clear what we're talking about and not what I'm talking about, but what we're talking about at this conference is a very unnatural. I can understand why people might mix those things up what I was arguing about and then what we were talking about Which are separate, but this is not natural. These are very not natural

Okay, all right Wade Can you explain in excruciating detail the exact scientific process that causes these things to occur? Well, it starts with pollution You know us and the things we've done to this planet that have led to all of these events. How exactly it happens? I mean, the science is a bit beyond me, but ultimately, you know, we're heating things up,

which is causing changes in weather patterns. Change! We're cooling things down. We are chill. We're all just getting high hanging out change oh we suck and we've done this advances of technology can be good and bad in this case the results are clearly very bad I see I see are you guys both still lost I have a guess but it's a really weak one are we

talking about those types of waves in the ocean that are all like, evenly spaced and really weird and anomalous looking? No, no, no. Let's keep going. Alright. Bob, the common excuse is that they're trying to create rain, but we all know that's not true, right? Sure.

Oh. Yeah, uh, right? Sure. Oh Change sure Well, that's clearly that seeding clouds is not you don't need any actual Flying a thing to make that happen seeding clouds is done. They do that somewhere. I think it's in Saudi Arabia They do that they seed clouds. That's a ground-based activity You don't need the clearly the trails are Something else entirely. It's not weather It's mind control. It's the drugs It's the drugs that they get in the water in the groundwater and then they get in the aquifer and they turn the freaking frogs gay

in the aquifer and they turn the freaking frogs gay. The fuck are we talking about? You don't know. Oh, man. I thought this was more commonly heard of. It's chemtrails. Chemtrails. Do you know what chemtrails are, Wade? You're right. Well, clearly, it's whenever there's trails of chemicals. OK, do you know what it looks like when an airplane flies across the sky? How they leave a little trail behind them?

The common conspiracy theory is that that is not an atmospheric effect, that those are not just like water vapor cloud type formations, that that's chemicals being released from airplanes for various conspiratorial purposes. So when someone writes, Mary me Tina in the sky, it's all death.

It's mind control actually. Yeah, it's mind control. Oh, that's why she said yes. Anyway, I thought that one was more, but I totally see where you're going. I thought, Bob, when you were saying you wanted to eat it, it was like, because it looked like cotton candy or something, but we're probably talking.

No, I can see that now, that makes sense. Yeah, I get that now, I get that, yeah. I just skipped right over that one. That was, you're starting at broad ones. I should have thought that. I went deep into the weird stuff really fast that was like a sixth grade level question I don't think I'm smarter than a third grader you were going for global warming right yeah I yeah a global warming just earthquakes typhoons hurricanes weather control I was aliens at one point man I was

going for anything I was just taking shots hoping I was thinking crop circles for a second, but then the parallel, not parallel, I was like, that's not how those work. Parallel, not parallel. I was like, earthquakes, what the fuck is parallel? I don't know. Parallel earthquakes? I don't know what the waves on the ocean thing are.

What is that? Have you not seen that? There's like, there's like sets of like weirdly symmetrical waves that occur, which is like, I forget what they're called. There's some weird wave stuff that can happen in the ocean and stuff. I mean, cause waves are just like, they're literally just sinusoidal patterns, so occasionally they can line up in really destructive ways or constructive ways, which cause destruction.

All right, but anyway, okay, let me get one that's more like more common. All right, let's do more common. Wade, you're going first on this one. Oh, yes, I'm, yes. Let's look at the waves. How have they kept this a secret for so long? The way they always do. Money, power, threats.

Change. Money, power, and love. Lots and lots of love. Because they love to cover it up! I mean, how else would you cover up something this big? Thank you for your answer. Bob, besides the love for covering it up, and the money and the fame, obviously, I just don't understand how people couldn't have seen it.

The mind does weird things. When you see something that doesn't seem like it should exist, I think people either just think that, oh, like, oh, I imagined that or, oh, that was a dream or something. And I think there are probably a lot of people who have seen it, but then they rationalize it away and they're like, oh, no, it was something else. It was weird. And so like, it's so bold, right, that you would see it and that a random person who didn't know what it was would see it out in the wild or

You know, you could sort of get away with that it's part of the cover-up is is they they love it they love the cover-up because they love just like being so blatant and And not really trying to hide it everywhere and still they get away with the cover-up because of how you know Because of how humans rationalize things right? Right, right, right, right. Okay, alright. Wade, you know, some say love is magic. Do you think that there was magic involved in this moment? I feel like magic is just another way that they're helping cover it up. It's all science. It always has been.

Change. Gotta be magic. I mean, science can't explain it. Change. Who knows, really? I mean, science, explain it change who knows really Science magic do we even really know the depths of knowledge We have are still just barely dipping into the surface of the iceberg of information that's out there So whatever it is, we can't fully explain it, but the truth is there. We just got to keep digging and find it Well said Bob We just got to keep digging and find it. Oh well said Bob

Yeah, I Want second every time I think I've got an inkling I get a question that just totally derails every direction I was like, of course, it's going this nope. All right, Bob Do you think that they paid everyone off who is there? Probably. I mean, that would be not super practical, but with the amount of power and money that they have to sort of combat this getting really getting out there. Probably. Yeah, there's a lot of people, but there's a lot of money to go around. So that's fair. That's fair. Wade, were you there in person? No, but I've got eyes and ears everywhere.

So I've heard about what went down, but I've got eyes and ears everywhere. So I Heard about what went down, but it was a little before my time. Uh-huh. Okay understandable Bob You like picnics? I love picnics the picnic baskets could say and You know, it's plus going out having a big group But not too big having a nice relaxing picnic is good bait, you know to really draw Them out so you can see you can get your get your eyes on them for yourself I know exactly where we're going. Wait, what do you think?

I know exactly where we're going. Wait, what do you think? Just the worst out there surrounded by everything that could potentially harm you There's just so much danger out and about you never know what might zap ya change grab ya change abduct ya change boop beyond the snoot All right, that's a good answer that's good thank you thank you all right I thought you were both really really honing in on it and then I realized that question might have thrown you for a complete loop all right hold on I got this I got this I didn't prepare questions for all of these things like I only had so much time before I had to give questions I'm

starting to think that I'm not a very good conspiracy theorist, Bob. Bob, given all the cameras, you'd think that, you know, the answer would be obvious. How do you explain the discrepancy? Well, you know, you can fake, you can fake things even on live TV, you can fake things. It was further away from the cameras than it looked like it might have been. And so you notice all the people and all the cameras were in a really focused and specific location and they had really a very small and narrow perspective on what was happening. And the curtain they sort of covered it up with during during was surprisingly large.

Change the weather balloon and the swamp gases. during during was surprisingly large change the weather balloon and the swamp gases then there was a flash in the sky and Actually, it's very distracting. So some people probably didn't even notice. Thank you. Thank you for thank you for your answer Man sometimes I love your your answer. Eugh. I- I- I- Man, sometimes I love your- your answer after I change. I- I should ask you to change more to get you on the right track. I feel like I'm just leading you way, way off. I gotta be better about this.

Alright, Wade. Wade. Yeah. You know, they say it takes two to tango. Do you think there was two? Uh. Ohhhhh. No, really? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh k no really I'm pretty sure there was just one JFK flat earth bigfoot

were those just random things you were throwing out there who me yes no of course not okay do you know what the answer is oh I'm right there okay well now's I'll pass. I don't want to steal Bob Thunder. All right. I'll tell you right now. It's all about how Abraham Lincoln was really cool. Wrong. Bob. There definitely was a second shooter on the grass. The trajectories were all wrong. You know, literally the first thing you said in your joke answer, you were like JFK bank. It's the JFK assassination conspiracy. Well, I knew that. I just wanted you to get the points. Yeah. Well, wait, get those points then. That's fair. I went there with picnic, but there were some other things that led me totally astray. Yeah. I thought I had it because I was like, I worked in magic because of the magic bull bull theory. And it was like all the witnesses. cuz I was like I worked in magic because of the magic bowl

And it was like all the witnesses and I was like, so I forgot magic bullet theory was a thing So magic is what threw me the furthest off of this trick really? Oh, man, and the reason I said picnic was cuz like it's a grass Some people were you know having a picnic on the grass, you know, I've been then I was like, ah, man I'm not gonna lie with the the magic bullet theory. I should havey and then I was like I'm in that I'm not gonna lie with the magic bullet theory I should have remembered but no I was like magic clearly and then Bob was talking about like all this stuff in the atmosphere I was like oh okay it's one of those atmospheric plane things it's like the weather balloon oh that was a throw away so uh no no I was like just some magic what the fuck is magic my answer my answer for the cameras one

you asked I was I was probing because you had said magic I thought it was like when David Copperfield made the whole airplane disappear and I was like oh yeah they were on that one grandstand and it was yeah it's not really a conspiracy theory but that was magic I was caught up on some kind of phenomenon that was magical the two whenever you said there were there too My first thought was JFK, which is why I said was like that's fucking stupid. It's not that there's no magic in a gun There must have been two airplanes disappeared magically I love how you're just like ah mark must think that's a conspiracy theory. Oh, well, you know, I'll humor David Copperfield

Yeah, all right. So Bobby get the point for that. Okay, and Bob you're going first this time. All right killing it Great. My comeback starts now All right, Bob you're up next and this will be the last round you ready? Mm-hmm. Okay Bob, how can you tell? It's the leg hair change. They don't normally have sprinkles on them change The lighting is wrong. I guess change smells bad I know what it's supposed to smell like and you could tell when it smells right smells kind of like I don't know like a locker, you know, like musty foot stank or something I don't has like a certain smell to it

Then that's that's the first way you could tell without you don't even need to look but you could tell you know You get that whiff and you're like, wait minute some smells fishy you know I agree change something smells doggy you know which variant can we clarify small dog terrier mixed breed oh okay doggy like the animals got it damp but not variant were you talking about? What variant were you talking about with style change fashion change costume change? What? Or in this case, oh Very good. Very good. Uh, i'm gonna ask you uh, a different question How widespread is this problem global at least? Uh, I mean this started in a more localized fashion, but quickly swept the nation, then other nations,

and then now it's everywhere. Damn. Well, Bob, how worried should we be? I mean, look, this isn't the only thing going on in the world that I know the truth about, so this is pretty, this is in the middle. There is stuff above this on the list that you should definitely be more worried about, but there are definitely less consequential things going on. This is something, you know,

the right, the right people, the people who this is really going to impact or the people who have the power to do anything about it, they should really maybe be more worried than the rest of us. It's not, you know, terrible. Okay. All right, all right. Wade, do you agree with that? That the common man doesn't have to concern themselves with this problem? It's kind of like beyond them.

Is that what you agree with? Well, this is clearly a case of trickle-down problemomics where it's going to become their problem, if it isn't already. I agree it's not the biggest problem in the world, but I think it's definitely one that we should concern ourselves with before it becomes bigger. Mm-hmm So Bob, what would you do if you were in a position to do something about this?

What actions would you take? Well, I think the simplest route would just be to kill them all And you know simplest is not always the best but certainly maybe camps change Tags maybe some kind of labeling system some or a registration of some sort change i would just learn how to speak german and then change i would get some steel toed boots and i'd start practicing my kicking. That's what I would do That's you know, that would work. That'd be good enough. All right, Wade can they be killed? I Mean the simple answer is yes now I think that we have the top people working on how to do it how to do it effectively and Dare I say kill them safely, but yes, they can be killed.

Bob, how would you kill them? Quickly. Very quickly. Quickly as possible. Wouldn't want to hear the sounds they might start making if you did it too slowly. Wade, is there a peaceful solution to all of this? Is cohabitation possible? My partner here has said it best at this point. No, we're beyond that. It's time to just let her rip.

Get out the fists. I call this one goodwill and this one hunting. Change. I call this Suzy, I call this Suzy I call this Q change we got the sandwich feast or any plot that we might have had I have lost along the way Bob so is it possible that they've already infiltrated too deeply to actually handle? Is there hope when it spread this far? I think a way to start sussing this out is all government buildings, all seats of

power, high up offices in major corporations. We need to start just really putting as many dehumidifiers in as physically possible because I don't think that they will tolerate the dry air like that very well. And maybe dry but cold. Keep it dry but cold. I don't think that's very good. I think that would start to really weed out like, well, maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe they are that deep.

But also maybe there are some places that have not been infiltrated to the same extent. And then that's sort of like a first step towards also maybe get some big fake insects and sort of stick those around on the walls and stuff and see if you see, you see if you could catch them slipping. You know what I mean? All right. Okay. Does that sound like the right idea?

That's a yeah, that's a good, that gives me hope. Wade, is it possible that your partner here could be one of them? All my life I would have said no, but based on what I've heard here today, it's hard to say. I feel like his answers have kind of indicated the opposite of what I would do, which leads me to believe. Let me grab my tin foilil hat. Change! Let me give him his tinfoil hat. He forgot it. Change! I'm gonna eat my own sandwich,

because I'm really hungry. Plow right in here. Listen, dehumidifiers? Insects all around? No, we need to make it hot and wet, and just lure them all in, and then it'll be easier to get rid of them. Interesting, interesting.

Bob, do you know the question? Are you under the trail? Are we talking about the reptilian theory? Is the reptile people? Wade, what's your guess? I'm just here playing along. Bobby, you're absolutely right. It's about the lizard people.

Ah, you got there. You got there. You got there. absolutely right. It's about the lizard people. Ha ha. Yeah, see you got there. You got there. You got there. All right, okay. I thought it was originally like Russian spies have infiltrated the US and then I was like, oh, it's like the weird like computer diseases that are being spread and planted.

And I was like, oh, we're gonna kill them. And then we went with insects. And so I was with like diseases. I was not the people, reptile yet so close so close Bob Bob you're gonna start kicking all the lizard I think Wade might actually be one of these lizard people why would you say that I wouldn't be surprised yes yes it might be true all right we're gonna we're gonna call it there I apologize if it was a little more ramshackle but it was very funny for me to listen to that was well done guys if there is ever the next time I'll come up

With better questions beforehand, but I had to rush it before this one, but alright well totally at the points Wade You had two hard months I wrote down the spread shitter. What does that mean? I don't recall at this point in our careers. That sounds like something I would have done 10 years ago for views, but not now. I've changed. Yeah, I don't know what that is all about anyway. Alright, and then you got points for ears and smell. Very, very funny.

Both of those made me laugh incredibly. Bob, you got eye flesh. And again, I don't know what that means. Good. But you were crushing it with the guesses. You were on top of all these conspiracy theories You got fake moon landing chemtrails JFK. Those are people you might have gotten all of them You might have had a clean sweep. I believe there was one where you both kind of had it at the same time

But you swept this competition congratulations Bob you are today's winner, but Wade you had the biggest laughs I got I got it man. I'm okay with that. I'm not gonna lie. I got so enraptured in like my fake answers that I kind of quit remembering the answers that were real. And Bob's like changes were always so just off the rails that by the time he finished his answer I had forgotten everything we'd gotten to. So I was- I was divining things.

I was using my changes for strong, strong shifts in my guesses. And I never knew by the end which way to believe anymore Just like conspiracy theories. So Wade, please guide us through your loser speech brought to you by our sponsor Well, I like to thank mug root beer for sponsoring this loser's speech mug root beer. You got that dog in you Well, you could have a lot of things in you if your conspiracies are true. Change. You could have a lot of things yanked out of you if the conspiracies are true. You never know what could be ripped or-

Change. You never know what might be vacuumed out with today's sponsored vacuum, the mug vacuum for when you got that dog fur on you. I don know man, I lost Bob is the better conspiracy theorist I just enjoy the laughs and I'm gonna take a sip of this and Regret a lot of my answers. So thank you mug. Thank you mark Congrats to Bob tip I'm change big gulp time change. I just want to smell it Great stuff Bob winner speech. Uh, yeah, I know a lot about conspiracies I think everyone who knows me knows I'm a big conspiracy nut and I definitely deserve to win this today

I didn't wander very far down any hilariously wrong paths Multiple times and with mark desperately trying to point me in the right direction at all I think it was a clean episode. Good clean fun. I'm just excited to host really. I get to make the rules next time. Change. Because that means nothing because this show is stupid. But I'm excited about it anyway, so who cares? Well said Bob, well said and thank you all you stupid listeners and stupid watchers out there. Idiots. Hope you enjoyed this stupid episode.

Uh, have a good day. Check out DistractableStore.com for our merch. Thank you, too. Change! No, no. Change. Change. Change. No, no, it's over. Thank you. Uh, check out Bob Mowave, MyScrim, LordMillion777, and Mark Blar.

Next week, Bob will host. Have a good day, have a good weekend, have a good week, and we'll see slash hear you slash smell you in the next episode. Podcast out.