Two In The Think Tank - 187 - Joshua Norton, Emperor of The United States
Episode Date: May 22, 2019In 19th century San Francisco, Joshua Norton was a wealthy businessman. But he lost it all rice deal gone wrong... He fell off the map for a few years and when he reemerged he was describing himself a...s The Emperor of The United States. And people just went with it. He started dressing the part and even issuing royal decrees and his city fully embraced him. This is the story of the eccentric Norton I, the first and so far only Emperor of The United States.Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/Submit-a-Topic Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: dogoonpod@gmail.com Get tickets to our live shows Thailand in June: dogoonpod.com/eventsCheck out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasReferences/Further Reading:http://mentalfloss.com/article/78329/retrobituaries-emperor-norton-san-franciscos-most-beloved-19th-century-eccentrichttp://www.emperornorton.net/NortonI-Cowan.htmlhttp://www.sfmuseum.org/hist1/norton.htmlhttps://www.history.com/news/the-strange-case-of-emperor-norton-i-of-the-united-stateshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Nortonhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Coombs Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm
sitting here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave, hello Jess. Hello Dave. Hi guys,
how are you? Great to be here. It's great to be the one who's not being shunned for once.
I don't know why. I appreciate that. I've decided to very early on start a feud.
Great.
I imagine it's just a pause in any moment now.
You'll also...
Hello Matt.
It feels good to be involved.
Thank you.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Good times.
Yeah.
Good times indeed.
Matt, great to have you back after your jaunt in Sydney up on the weekend.
Had a lot of fun in Sydney.
What a great place. I met a lot ofunt in Sydney up on the weekend. Had a lot of fun in Sydney, what a great place.
I met a lot of listeners, a lot of cool people.
Yeah, how much jaunting did you do though?
It was pretty much non-stop.
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
I know what Sydney is like.
I know what you're like.
I'm a jaunting town.
Get busy, jaunting, get busy.
Look at the bridge.
Yeah, that's the two things you do up there.
Yeah, jaunt, yeah, look at a bridge.
And you come home and you feel better.
I saw the bridge in the, yeah,
on the ride from the airport to the accommodation.
Good, is that bridge?
It's a beautiful bridge.
Oh my goodness.
So just kidding, we are talking about Sydney Harbour Bridge.
No.
Oh my.
I was actually.
Oh, okay.
Which one were you talking about?
There's just a little one over our pond
in a park outside a retirement village.
Oh, I see.
Jesus.
Super cute.
Do you see that one on the way from the airport?
No, I did not.
Unfortunately.
Where's my clothes?
My eyes.
Blink in your shirt.
I refuse to look.
Hey, Dave, do you know what this shows about?
Well, I do, but maybe.
Just you know.
Uh, yeah.
I stole Dave's laptop.
No point in telling everyone that. Well, what if people listen for the first time? Maybe you should just say,? Yeah, I stole Dave's laptop. No point in telling everyone then.
Well, what if people listen for the first time?
Maybe you should just say,
just on the option.
Just in case any new timers, first timers.
Okay.
First commers.
First commers, first commers, first servers.
The show...
Please don't turn off.
It's been a than topping every week.
And one of the three of us research that topic, but the other two don't know what that
topic is until the research giver and take a fucking out of the research do report
giver.
They ask a question to get us on topic this week.
The report has been done by David Warnocky.
David, what is your question to get us on topic this week, the report has been done by David Warnocky. David, what is your question to get us on topic?
My question is how many emperors has the United States of America had?
What?
What?
How many emperors?
It's none.
One.
Two.
Three.
One is correct, just for the purpose.
Yes!
It is one, and his name is Joshua Norton, and he is the subject of today's episode.
An emperor. Yes, emperor. Joshua Norton and he is the subject of today's episode. An Emperor.
Yes, Emperor. Joshua Norton the first.
Josh.
Self-diagnosed?
Yeah.
Appointed?
Appointed.
Self-diagnosed Emperor.
I have a contract.
No, I've got an Emperor.
I'm also a King.
When I'm not a Google doctor,
Doctor Google?
Oh no. I'm feeling quite regal. Oh no, I'm in charge of a giant empire.
Oh the small New Yorker's just a bank teller. Now it is Emperor Joshua Norton. Have you heard of this guy?
I had nothing. He was in the hat and put it to the Patreon's to vote for the Sydney Shine burgers. It
won by one vote. So those people hopefully did vote because if you didn't,
you could have changed the topic. That is a type vote. Is this a relatively recent story?
Not a recent story, but more of a recent suggestion. This is where I saw it from. I was like,
oh, grab some new suggestions from the hat. And it actually turns out it's been suggested
four separate times by these people. Thanks to Santiago Lopez. Oh, from Whittierre in California, Alan from Dublin, Kyle Haggerti from
Wabash, Wabash in Indiana, I almost certainly said that wrong.
And also finally from Odessa in Texas, Jessica Villarreal.
I met someone from Odessa in Texas yesterday.
What?
In Odessa?
That's the day she came to my show. Is it named What? What? In Odessa. At that, she gave me my show.
Is it named Jessica?
I'm gonna say yes.
She was the one who gave us the card
that I was just telling you about before the show.
Yes, that's right.
I haven't opened the card.
Because you wanted to open it, but all of us.
So I think she told me her name.
But that would be Odza.
How many people from Odessa?
How many are there?
Wow.
She's actually, she's in Melbourne for the next couple of months.
Cool.
What was that?
They have a population of 116,000, so it could be her.
Okay.
Well yeah, but it's probably okay.
There's maybe a different listener.
But it could be her.
That is so cool though.
Did she look like a Jessica?
Did she look like really rad and cool?
But like laid back, but like, get shit done, you know?
Yeah, she did look like that. Which I don't associate with gestures normally.
I mean I guess I really want to go there they have an eight foot tall statue of a
Jack rabbit in downtown. That's cool. Which is cool and they also at the University of
Texas have a replica of Stonehenge. That sounds cool. Cool stuff All right, oh, desert. Cool stuff.
So thanks to the people that suggested that I hadn't heard of the topic and then I briefly
read into it and I think the patrons who did vote for this chose correctly.
Okay, great.
It's quite the story.
Fun.
I love a story.
All right, let's jump into that story.
So Joshua Abraham Norton, that's a royal name.
Yeah.
He was born in Jan.
Jan? Oh, yeah, yeah. name. Yeah. He was born in... Jan.
Jan? Oh yeah, yeah.
Jan.
His initials are Jan.
King Jan.
That's a great question.
He was born in...
King Joshua.
You gotta think about these things, you know?
Yeah, what have you got?
You've got...
Japs.
JAP.
I don't know why I went ass, S.
They're not as wrong.
Anyway, I know what your last name is.
Japs from Cairo, but they're too small. Yeah, I'm sure we're talking about., S there, that was wrong. Anyway, I know what your last name is. So you have from Cairo, but that's who this is.
Yeah, I'm sure it's a sir.
I'm sure it's a sir.
Joshua Abraham not in any way.
I was born in England around the year 1818.
His exact birth date is debated, but that's pretty ballpark.
I mean, who's taking the time to debate something like that?
Who gives a sh-
I think it was the fourth of March.
There are people literally doing-
For all debates, it's debate clubs, who meet-
There are literally people being like,
on these being claiming stuff like,
well, in this date, he claimed to be 52 years old.
So if we worked that out backwards,
that would be 18, 18.
But he also, according to the census,
was only 37 years old during this decade.
So that actually debunks this.
What's he lying about his age?
And it's like, I've fallen asleep.
I do not give a shit.
It doesn't matter that much.
So we're talking around the late 18 teens.
His father, John, was a farmer,
and his mother, Sarah, was the daughter of a merchant.
History.com describes his family as quote,
a decidedly unregal family of merchants.
Okay, well, I mean, how can you decide that somebody else is
unregal? That's right. Well, obviously at his birth, not many would have tipped him for being
the first great emperor. Which of the three of us would fit well into a regal lifestyle?
Well, obviously me. It's a question. Is that because you love doing nothing?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. I love a throw. Also, you wear a monocle at all times. Yes. You can hear it now.
Speak up boy. Who were there? Now, not much is known about Joshua Norton's early years,
but in 1820, the family uprooted and moved to South Africa
where his father sold shipping supplies. Apparently he was pretty bloody good at it because by
Josh Norton's 29th birthday, when the story picks up again, his parents had died and so had both of
his brothers suspicious and he was left with a sizable inheritance. Oh, it actually isn't suspicious.
I'm definitely putting his family in. But his whole family died. Yeah, but we don't know exactly
no. Yeah, but he's rich. So super rich, which often is a motive for murder?
If we're always anything to go about. I've read a few different figures,
but it's in the range of about $40,000 US dollars or over a million US dollars now.
That's what he inherited. I mean, it's good, but.
Yeah, million dollar US dollars now, that'd be like,
what, what, like 10 palaces maybe?
Yeah.
Is that enough?
Is that wealthy, is it?
Yeah, but we start with 10 palaces
and you turn that into 100 palaces.
Right.
I mean, we're talking like palaces for dogs, yeah,
dog palaces.
Yeah. But 100 dog palaces, imagine that. Right. We're talking like palaces for dogs, dog palaces.
Yeah.
But 100 dog palaces, imagine that.
You could get a pretty sweet dog pass for a hundred grand or a hen.
Oh yeah.
And.
I'd knock one together for a hundred grand.
Really?
Yeah.
You put that off right there.
Yeah.
Do any regal types of things?
Yeah.
I'll put some, I'll put dazzle of kennel in my horse.
Get a hot glue gun and some little jewels, rhinestones.
Gold cellophane.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You're hired.
What?
I didn't say I'd do a hundred.
I'll do a 110.
Oh.
Wait, I think you don't understand how this works.
You're subbing.
I'm subbing you out.
I'm going to pay you by the hour, 20 bucks.
Oh, per hour.
Yeah.
Great, because it will take me two or three hundred thousand hours.
There you go.
Everyone wins.
I'll put the money in some sort of bank countercruing interest.
Just to pay days.
Wow.
You really are regal.
So he's got money in the emigrated with his wealth to California in 1849, hoping to capitalize
on the booming gold rush.
Right.
You arrived in San Francisco and grew his fortune
by investing in commodities and the real estate market.
And a few years later by 1852,
he was a well respected member of the city.
He was well known and bloody rich.
When was the gold rush in Australia?
Was it around the same time?
Was it a little bit later?
A little bit later.
I believe a lot of people left California
to come and hang out.
He was like, all the gold are dried up there,
so they moved to Balorats.
You go to the next rush.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
I mean, Balorats are nice.
But it's not California.
It's not Hollywood.
Yeah.
It's quite cold.
Yeah, actually, it's really chilly.
But gold.
Yeah, now a good point.
I'd put up with the gold if I had gold
to cover myself in for warmth.
Oh, gold.
It's gold, warm.
Yeah, you better believe that conducts.
Hate.
Mm.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Sorry, you're regal.
You've even exposed a gold.
It conducts hate if you, you know, there's hate
for it to conduct.
Mm.
But.
It doesn't produce magic hate.
No, it doesn't produce magic.
Oh, sorry. You got to hate your gold for it to heat you.
Yeah.
I've always had that.
I'm not a scientist, I don't know.
Just for sure, maybe does create its own heat.
Never seen it, never been near it.
That's why I want to be regal.
I just want to say, girl, give me a gold, one gold.
So he's buddy rich, but lots of money, as we all know, is never enough.
And get even rich, even quicker scheme came along in 1852. A famine in China had drastically
increased the price of rice as China had stopped exporting rice to the rest of the world.
So the price of rice increased in America by 900%. It went from four cents per pound up to 36 cents per pound
Not mean 900% sounds so much more impressive
900% let's stick with that then you really you didn't wall with 36 cents per pound. Yeah, I was like fucking bargain
Yeah, that's a bloody
Not an our guy heard a ship from Peru called the glide was on its way back to America with
200,000 pounds on 91,000 kilos of rice on board. He decided to buy the whole shipment for $25,000, which is about 12.5 cents per pound, hoping to flip it for three times as much
as he'd paid. Get rich F***ing drop a thousand kilos.
About 200,000 pounds.
If you drop a thousand kilos, that won't be in kills for anymore.
No, but yeah, I know, but it can't be perfect in both imperial and metric.
I imagine if you hate one of those, it's got to be imperial.
Feel it around numbers and shit.
Yeah.
You're a metrical boy.
Oh, a metrical girl.
Big time.
Have I not made that clear?
Living in a metrical world.
Yeah.
They're right.
So he stood to make a fortune and he was like, I'm going to catch in big baby.
On rice.
That was one problem.
Oh no.
After he'd signed the contract and agreed to pay that huge price 25 grand
Oh, no, and 12 and a half cents per kilo per pound several other ship loads of rice arrived from Peru
Causing the price of rice to drop drastically to just three cents per pound cheaper than it was before which is actually cheaper than what
China was selling for
So everyone's a winner except our guy
We just got a good a sit on it for a while.
Yeah, there'll be another rice draft.
That's why he decided to build a kingdom of rice.
He should have bought all those other ships of rice
and then stockpiled it, maple syrup high-style.
Yeah.
Do you remember those?
Sort of like a cartel.
Remember those TV ads for rice
and it would like make the Taj Mahal out of rice?
And maybe he should just build himself,
yeah, I think it was, son, maybe it
built himself a little mansion out of rice
with a rice in it.
Oh, yeah.
He could have bedazzled a candle with some rice,
a pan of gold.
Yeah, yeah.
Pull in different bags and put some food dye in there.
You got some fun colored rice.
Yeah, you could throw it at people.
You could throw it at people. You could throw it at people.
Brutal in grooms or anyone.
But then birds eat it, it's not good for them.
Yeah, they didn't know that.
This is what I'm talking about.
Oh, true.
But we know it now.
Sure.
What can we throw now?
What that bird?
Rocks.
At, I was thinking more weddings.
Oh, yeah, rocks.
Rock.
But, you know, decorate it, rocks.
I glitter. No, glitters bad too. God damn. You can't have any fun.
People blow bubbles. Bubbles are fun. It's a blister in your eye.
You can't throw bubbles. I can.
But I do it weddings. You wear a match of the thing.
Interesting choice on your big day. Obviously it's not a big deal for you.
But uh, my congratulations. Yeah,
sure. I, yeah, I thought it was a big deal, but cool. I feel silly for dressing myself.
I really overdressed someone else. So should I change? I'm making anyone feel uncomfortable.
I thought formalment formal. Wow. Okay. So when are you changing into your dress?
I assume this is just your getting ready dress.
Yeah, or is this what, is this like an important family dress or something?
Did your Nana wear that because she would have also looked awful?
Did your Nana wear that?
That's probably the worst thing you could say.
Oh, your Nana wore that I assume.
Oh, is this a family?
Hey, Lou.
So you've got, well, it says something old,
but where's something new?
Some bird, something blue.
He dresses shit.
So it's a suit.
Oh, sorry.
I'm showing that throwing shade.
So this is a funeral
Sir make your purchase and leave my shop
It was in a shop all along
Sir drive through the next window
It is a drive through it. When he said funeral, I imagined an open casket funeral in Matt is like heckling someone's an Ann.
You're an Ann where that? Oh, oh, that is my man.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Ann.
Yes, she did, Ann is still. Okay.
All right, so bringing that back to rice. Oh, yeah.
Norton, he tried to avoid the contract for the rice and sue the man that it sold it to him.
He tried to back pedal out of the deal.
I don't know if you can sue him.
Well, he claimed that the dealer had misled him as to the quality of the rice and had ripped
him off.
It went to court and it took over three years.
He won a couple of times in the lower court and like this kept appealing, kept appealing.
And finally it wound up in the Supreme Court where Norton lost.
Oh my God.
So he lost the money on the rice
and then had to pay these crazy legal fees as well.
Because it's been going on for three years.
Three years and also like rather than doing his business
adventures, he decided to dedicate everything to this case.
His real estate portfolio was four close to pay the debt
and he had to declare bankruptcy
before falling off the map for several years.
Oh man.
And he doesn't like his dad was the one who made all the money.
And then he like made it even more money.
So he was extremely rich.
And then he lost it all.
This is a rich's to rag story.
Is this not the story of Trump?
Yeah.
When he's at Emperor, you mean president.
A man who declared himself president
and somehow other people said yeah, okay. All right
Wait, you're for telling the future
So he fell off the mat for a few years in the history books anyway
He most likely worked at a working class boarding house already also stayed
So he went from living the high life to living a pretty measly life wow
live in the high life to living a pretty measly life. Wow.
Seven years went past, and by 1859, our guy in Norton had become
discontented and jaded by the American legal system,
and they're overall political structure of the country.
And when you want to change the system, what do you do?
Do you run for office and change it from within?
Yes.
Yeah. Absolutely not.
Now instead you stand out a bunch of press releases to newspapers across San Francisco
proclaiming you album.
Check it out.
I got a hot single dropping next week.
We are the world.
I reckon these music's going to change everything.
Now the press releases proclaimed himself to be the emperor of these United States.
Okay. So you know that guy who does the scores for us at the start of the show adds up who
got the most questions right? I think Zero is going to technically be correct. I don't
think so. If this gets to an official place. I gave it to Jess and I was one. I don't think
he listens further in. He probably does.
Just learns to this question and then goes about it.
What happened?
He writes a listen to the worst part of the show.
This is what he wrote in his press release.
At the preemptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I,
Joshua Norton, formerly of El Goa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for
the last nine years and ten months past the San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim
myself the Emperor of these United States. He goes on and signed it, Norton the first
Emperor of the United States. Amazing. It's like giving yourself a nickname. Only the coolest people do it. Yeah, Cobra.
He's just, but claimed himself emperor. He's like, that's it. I'm emperor.
And it seemed to be written with the sincere belief that he was the unrecognized sovereign
of the United States. The San Francisco Daily Evening Borton could sense a bit of a story
and publish the letter in full as a humor piece.
Yeah.
They thought people get a kick out of this.
It was a real hit with readers and people wanted more of the eccentric man.
It's unclear if he'd actually lost his mind or he was just doing it for a bit of a laugh,
but he became a real fixture of the city and he went along with it.
And the city embraced him.
Now, when you emperor, self-appointed or not, you have to dress the part.
Of course, robes.
Yeah.
Some sort of head dress.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Sandals.
Tick, tick, tick.
Yes, I'm crushing this.
I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.
He wore a blue uniform with gold-plated epilets that were actually given to him by
officers of the United States Army.
They were like, sure thing, Emperor! He wore the epilets over a long blue uniform.
Brilliant.
And wore a beaver hat adorned with the feather of a peacock.
Of course.
Okay, you say a beaver hat like we know what that means.
Hat made from a beaver.
Okay, that does sound regly.
I imagine a... Yeah, man from a bava. Okay, that doesn't really
Imagine a yeah, but then imagine it with a pickup. Oh, yeah
And it was like the King Bava when it don't oh yeah and the King Pico. Yeah
The Emperor Pico We've killed the world's largest Pico
One feather I don't know if this answer or two, but he also often carried a cane or an umbrella.
Cause regal people did not get wet.
No, today.
Unless I'm accidentally bringing a cane instead of an umbrella,
that's embarrassing.
Put it up.
Oh.
But where's my umbrella?
But it wasn't just for short.
He dressed like an emperor declared himself an emperor,
but he had a job to do.
He spent his days...
He had to imp.
Yeah, he was imping all over the town.
He spent his days inspecting the city of San Francisco's
sidewalks, their cable cars, public buildings,
and would examine the appearance of police officers
and criticize those appearances.
Okay.
Pull up your socks Roger.
Yeah, no, he has lost it.
I could arrest you sir.
No, no, I put the socks on the Emperor.
He would walk the streets inspecting his realm and often ask people to pay him their
taxes.
Often accepting a hot meal as payment.
Basically, he just wanted free stuff.
Yeah. Real, like a real switch up in
his life. Yeah. Successful businessman to town eccentric. Yeah. It feels like a different
person. What happened in those savings? I like the second one more. Really? Yeah. My goal
is to go the other way round. Okay. Yeah, you're already doing the
Accenture. Exactly. So you want to become a very coo-key. But you want to become a real success.
Yeah, I want to be a CEO. Oh, okay. I want to be in, uh, why are you laughing? I mean, you're already an
influencer on Instagram. You're only moments away from putting CEO of Jess Industries or something
of Jess Industries or something in the bio. It's not a bad idea.
I think you should do it.
I'm actually CEO of a Libyan boy industry.
Can we just quickly talk about how Libyan boy has taken off on Twitter.
Thanks to everyone following me on there.
What a life you're living.
I've been having a good time.
I must say an enemy has appeared on the horizon.
And have you seen this?
A rival Twitter account has been made.
La bean boy, dedicated to the wrong type of beans.
Coffee beans.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I feel sick.
I feel sick.
Yeah.
I think I want to start up a campaign to get you away
from your habit call it.
Dave, let's flick the bean.
Give the bean the flick or something.
I'll keep work.
I want to know how do I give the bean the flick to stop eating baked beans.
Just cold turkey.
Which I know you'd probably enjoy.
Yeah, I love cold turkey.
My goodness.
You got weird eating habits.
I call turkey with beans on the side.
Coffee beans? No. Baked Turkey with beans on the side. Coffee beans, no.
Big beans.
Yes.
Probably stuffed.
Turkey stuffed with beans.
Yeah.
Cold.
What about beans stuffed with turkey?
Oh, yes, please.
Okay, yeah.
Well, I'm cool.
Fun.
Yeah, to bein' on not to bein'?
Yeah.
Like a to duckin' and we're...
Oh, I'm not understood. Anyway, what was
where were we there? So now he's a town eccentric. People greeted him with bows when he passed.
Bowls. Bow, they bowed to him. Oh, okay. They bowed to him. They showed him their bows.
No, they bowed to him as he walked past on his royal walks. And the city directory listed
his occupation on the census as emperor.
Yeah.
So he was literally recognized by the government in even a small capacity as the emperor.
Wow.
Again, the point went to Jess.
He became such a cult figure that theaters and restaurants would reportedly reserve
prime seats for Norton, knowing that his very presence would be good for business
and attract more customers.
What?
So he was an influencer.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
He was the CEO of Emperor Industries.
When the French later invaded America's neighbor to the south,
he nurtured international relations by adding to his title,
Protector of Mexico.
So now his full title was not in the first Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.
Great.
Somebody's got to protect Mexico.
Yeah.
And he's like, I'm the man for the job.
I'll do it.
Did he, he didn't do it by building a wall by chance?
That's right.
To protect it.
I mean, there are a few similarities being seen here.
Oh goodness.
But he wasn't just a ceremonial emperor, at least not in his own mind.
He issued a number of decrees that he hoped would be followed.
Okay.
Basically introducing his own laws and rules that he hoped people would follow.
Hope.
Well, he expected people to follow.
Yeah.
I should say he expected.
Right.
He can't really enforce anything, Kenny.
Well, I mean, no.
No.
I imagine that would be the same thing.
People would have said to him,
Matt, you can't enforce this, can you?
Paws. Paws.
Paws.
Speaking about it, hang on.
Carrier the two.
No.
Oh no.
Oh no.
His first decree came in 1859, soon after declaring himself Emperor.
He dismissed the governor of Virginia for hanging a man named John Brown
and instead decided to appoint John C.
Breckenridge of Kentucky to replace him.
Okay.
Sadly, his decree seemed to be ignored
and the other governor kept on governing.
Hmm.
So, all right, that's a bit of a slap in the face
but this didn't slow him down.
On October 12th and that same year,
he decided to formally abolish the United States Congress.
Okay. He was just like Congress is out.
In his degree, he wrote, Congress.
I was wondering why Congress doesn't exist in America anymore.
Why it stopped in 1859?
Well, now you know.
Okay.
Because he wrote, quote, fraud and corruption prevent a fair and proper expression of the
public vote, that open violation of the laws are constantly occurring, caused by mobs,
parties, factions, and undue influence of political
sects. And the citizen has not that protection of personal property which he is entitled.
End quote. Basically, you're all corrupt. Get the fuck out.
Congress is out. I'm in. I'm flicking second to create, we'll call Congress the bank.
Now, let's flick the bank.
Flick the bank.
Flick the bank.
Startling power, his people.
Sadly, people did not join the chat.
Again, unbelievably, he was ignored by Congress.
It's crazy.
I believe they didn't just quit because of him.
It's crazy. Get out. they didn't just quit because of him? It's crazy.
Get out.
He said so.
The Emperor said so.
He's not just some crazy guy on the street.
He's the Emperor.
Have you seen his epilets?
They're made of gold.
Yeah.
OK.
Come on.
This is no respect for imprisoning all these things.
It just can't get no respect.
Unbelievable.
In an imperial decree the following month,
Norton summoned the army to depose the elected officials of the US Congress. They're
like they're not leaving. I'll get the army in. The army declined to arrest Congress.
They declined. They said no thanks. Yeah. Which is unbelievable. Oh, I'd love to, but I'm
busy that way. Oh, you can do it next week.
Oh, God, we're fighting a war.
We're away from it.
What a funny way for a military coup to begin.
Some guy just goes, no, I'm in charge of the Army now.
We're taking down the government.
Yeah.
And then they're like, well, he's...
Okay.
We're going to those epilets that we gave him.
Because they thought it'd be cute.
Now he's telling us what to do.
Maybe we should. I don't know.
He's threatened to arrest us if we don't do this.
Who does body?
We better do it.
Okay, go jail, man.
You know what, they'll do to me and their man.
Pretty for that shit.
A couple of years went by, in 1861,
the US was on the brink of a civil war
between the North and the South. And the trusty emperor couldn't sit idly by and watch his kingdom destroy
itself.
He had to act.
Yes.
He announced that he had dissolved the Union altogether, the people from the South, and
replaced it with an absolute monarchy with himself at the helm.
Problem solved.
All done.
The civil war was avoided, and one million Americans didn't kill each other.
Hooray! Yeah! Praise be to Emperor. No, sadly the Union also ignored him and they just went right ahead
with their Civil War. Unbelievable. They could have saved themselves a lot of trouble, I tell you what.
She was furious. I was Joshua. In 1862, you were issued a decree that
ordered both the Roman Catholic Church and the Protestant Church is to publicly ordain him as Emperor. You two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two,
two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, you two, two, you two, you two This is crazy. Why so many people ignoring, oh my God, weird twist, he's invisible.
He was dead all along.
Yeah, oh my God, David, he's just a ghost haunting the streets.
He's a King ghost.
King ghost, Emperor ghost, ghost emperor.
That's a band ghost emperor.
I don't know if they're right.
That'll be sick.
A King ghost is when a bunch of ghosts
all get tangled up together.
And they become one huge ghost.
It's true, look it up.
Wow.
Wow.
How do they get tangled?
They fit and tails.
Ghosts get tail.
No, I know, but like what are they doing?
Oh, you don't want to know. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. No, Twister. No, it's a success. Oh, you're crazy.
Gravity is not kind to the naked body.
No.
Yeah, well the guys, they're pretty tight.
Oh, okay.
Oh, everyone put their crevice on red.
Crevice.
Left crevice red.
Left, oh, but my right crevice is already on blue.
I want to paint a picture here.
San Francisco was a wild place at the time.
And this hopefully this will show a bit of it.
Caracquist, you were Edward Jump, started a rumor claiming that Norton, our embera, had
two dogs named Bama and Lazarus, who were also local celebrities in the city.
Bama.
Bama.
Bama and Lazarus. Bama. Bama. Bama. Bama and Lossero. Bama. Yeah, I always sort of, Bama
is being a bit of an Aussie word, a bit of that's a little bit of Bama. What a Bama.
What a Bama. Yeah, look at down there. That's an American thing. Yeah. Just another thing
we go from America. Do we have an original thought in our heads? Bama. What a Bama. Yeah,
I don't know. That's a silly name. Oh, I'm looking it up in North America. Apparently it means a lofa or vagrant.
Oh.
And these were street dogs, so maybe that's why they called it Bama.
Lofa.
See here, that means a shoe.
Yeah, this is going to be nice.
Isn't language amazing?
What?
Is it a shoe or a vagrant? You know what I mean? Language amazing Or
You can crack the card
And you know there's other languages
What I don't think it's found out about these
I saw this listicle. There's at least 11 other languages. No, there is not
Yeah, someone who haven't even heard of
German
What's wrong with these people?
Speak English.
Fuck.
How easy is it?
I mean, how hard is it?
Well, we've got some German listening to Dave, so just a bit of respect please.
Really?
Yeah.
How do they understand that?
Oh, am I speaking German right now?
Yes.
Oh, OK.
What is German?
I don't know.
We're like in one of those Hollywood Nazi movies
where all the Nazis are speaking English,
but with a bit of a German accent.
I love that.
And then with that Tom Cruise film velkery,
they were like, we did not trust him
to speak in a German accent.
Everyone's American.
They put that in that one.
I remember they had everyone speaking German briefly.
And then there was some,
I can't remember what devices,
but there was like a switch,
and then we heard him all with American accents from then on.
I remember enjoying that film, but it is a bad.
No, I don't know.
Is that bad of me to do?
Yeah.
No, I just always find Tom Cruise,
I'm just watching Tom Cruise.
I can't believe he's anyone that isn't himself,
in my opinion.
I know a lot of people love him,
big box office superstar, but I just feel feel a long career at the top. Yeah. I know you like to
cut those tall poppies down day. Yeah, that's right. You're an underdog man.
Pretty controversial to pile on Tom Cruise. Sorry guys, I hate to be the one to
say it. Tom Cruise. Maybe not that good, but still pretty good.
I think he has pretty good, like he can't suck.
Anyway, whatever.
What about, what about, what about, what about,
he's always, I obviously just don't enjoy his character
that he plays in every film as much as other people do.
But what about Tropic Thunder?
Cause it took me a long time to figure out that was him.
He was very funny in Tropic Thunder.
And you didn't automatically immediately know it was him,
you know?
Same in that, behemium rhapsody.
Oh, I haven't.
Mike Myers.
Oh, right.
What, he was playing Mike Myers?
Yeah, Tom Cruise played Mike Myers playing like a Scottish guy.
Wow.
And I was wild.
I mean, Mike Myers.
When was the last time you didn't play a Scottish guy?
He loved Scottish. He loved Scottish.
He loved Scottish.
I think the guy was Scottish.
Well, maybe he's accent just went a little bit Shrek
and that's how I didn't ride him.
I think that was like, I was watching it, not realizing it.
And then there was a word or a couple of words
that sounded quite Shrek.
And I was like, that sounds like Shrek.
Oh, it's Mike Myers.
Because he wasn't play.
He wasn't based on a real person.
I think he was on a malgommation.
So I think he was able of choose his own accent.
Malgommation, I'm sure.
I'm not featured in Scottish.
Yeah.
Because I'm out of that character from, so I married an ex-moder and...
And sure.
And his dad.
I'm starting clicking because of the beat poetry and I married an ex-moder, but I didn't
explain it at all.
I just started clicking.
I'm very tired. I just started clicking.
I'm very tired.
Yeah, that movie.
Anyway, sorry to all the Tom Cruise fans.
Whoa.
Mike Myers fans.
I actually genuinely love Mike Myers.
Wayne's world, all Tom Cretz.
Anyway, so we were talking about bummer and Lazarus, the two famous street dogs, often frequently seen together in cartoons, and it seemed that all the locals knew them.
So they're very famous in San Francisco.
Our famous doggo's.
Well, what kind of dog's were they?
I'm actually not sure.
Like Dave, did you do any research at all?
Well, I think that they were probably vagrants.
Loafers?
Cute.
Yeah. Mixer of a vagrant and loafers. Loafers are matching little breadlo loafers? Cute. Yeah.
Mixer of a vagrant and loafers.
Life is imagining little breadloves with, uh, hauls.
Yeah.
That's like, oh, that'd be like a pug.
That's delicious.
Pugs are like little loaves of bread, huh?
Pugs are half bread.
What happened, uh, dog fucked a loaf of bread.
They're in bread.
That's a pure bread.
Dogs only are, right?
Yeah.
Anyway.
Dave, please.
So sorry. I. Dave, please. So sorry.
I just wanted to know.
Bummer and Lazarus.
Apparently the US I had a problem with stray dogs at the time, particularly in California.
In Los Angeles, the number of dogs outnumbered people 2 to 1.
What?
Yes, a lot of, and this is street dogs.
So people didn't love strays, but Bummer and Lazarus were an exception to the rule, and
were royalty amongst the people.
They were prodigious rat killers, also had a problem with rats, and their abilities were
written about in the papers, starting their reputations.
I wonder if the other dogs respected them too, like they were kings of the dogs.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Yeah, that's sick.
Yeah, dog kings often get their tails stuck together as a rat.
Yeah, that's right, yeah, because they're fine nude twister.
Oh dog crevice.
Once Lazarus was apparently captured by a new dog catcher who didn't know who he was.
Oh.
And a mob of angry citizens demanded that he get be released.
And he was.
Oh, amazing.
And I imagine that that guy got a strict talk into by his commander.
You think you just go out there and catch dogs?
Why?
Is that what you think your job is?
Huh?
Yeah, I'm a dog catcher.
You're not just any dog.
You're not half the dog catcher your father was.
Then the cartoonist jump, who's the cartoonist I
mentioned before, started featuring
Norton and the cartoons with the dogs,
and that implied that the emperor owned them.
So people started just assuming that, ah, the emperor
owns these dogs.
Right.
Sadly, Lazarus died, believed to be poisoned,
and thousands of people showed up for the dog's funeral.
That's how popular he was.
Oh.
And again, to show how wild San Francisco was at this time,
the cartoonist depicted the dog's funeral
with Norton acting as the Pope.
Sure.
And another famous eccentric of the time
called Freddy Cooms depicted as digging the dog's grave.
Okay.
Freddy Cooms was famous for claiming to be
the reincarnation of George Washington.
All right.
Apparently he looked a lot like George Washington
and people started to embrace his claims.
Now, not much is written about Freddy,
so I have to quote from Wikipedia here,
but this is what it says about him.
Quote, for a time, he was as a popular figure as Joshua Norton, the emperor of the United
States, and his deeds were reported in local newspapers.
He left the city after a feud with Norton, who he thought was jealous of his reputation
with the fairer sex and decided to return to his native New York city.
And quite.
We just don't have eccentric like that anymore.
We certainly don't have to be claiming to be
George Washington and like apparently doing well with the latest. Yeah, the ladies love a bit of
George Washington. I reckon we could find some people out there claiming to be old presidents,
but I don't know if they're doing much for them. You know, yeah, sensually. Yeah, or otherwise.
doing much for him. You know, yeah,
sesually. Yeah, or otherwise. Yeah.
God knows I've tried. Anyway, George Washington in the house. What's up, ladies? Ladies.
Oh, you should have you tried Ned Kelly.
Ned Kelly's in the house. He was a bush ranger, you know,
oh, self described.
I was ducking for cover. I'm not going to I'm not robbing. Yeah. You know self-described
Duck and the cover
I'm not gonna I'm not robbing yeah
I'm not I'm not still your heart
He's gonna take it hard yeah God no I'm gonna
Stool some kisses Well consent's important. Yeah, I'm at a policeman. Oh now listening
I'm not a consensus important. I'm a editor-polishment.
Oh, now I'm listening.
So that was just a story of just showing that San Francisco
was a bit of a, a bit of a cookey place at the time.
Still is, you know Metallica or from there?
Is that true?
God, that last guy's a bit of a crazy man.
Crazy man.
It's a crap playing tennis.
It's quite good at it.
Sometimes you got to make a choice.
Starting the world's most famous heavy metal band or playing tennis.
Yeah, we're working on that for you.
Finally on Lazarus the dog, the body was stuffed and put on display.
And as was Bama when he eventually died for years later, but sadly both were destroyed
in the early 20th century.
So you can't see Bama and or Lazarus. Oh, that's annoying. How did they stuff Bama when he eventually died for years later, but sadly both were destroyed in the early 20th century. So you can't see Bama and or Lazarus.
Oh, that's annoying.
How did they stuff Bama?
Through the throat.
Oh.
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There you go.
I'll start stuffing.
I got to put back 2L, I love it, Emperor. Are you guys locking this guy?
No. No, I don't.
I respect him. Do you respect liking this guy? Nah. No, I don't.
I respect him.
Do you respect his authoritative?
No.
No, but he makes for a fun story now, many, many,
many years later.
150 years later.
Well, in January 1867, an over-zalous patrol special officer
named Armand Barbiere.
Armand.
Armand. Armand Barbier. Armand.
Armand.
Armand.
That was like a modern celebrity's daughter's name, you know.
Armand.
My daughter, Armand Mill.
No, you saw their latest child.
Yeah, Pican.
And I love it. What is this? I'm saving pistachio. Oh, I love it. I'm saving pistachio. I love cashews. The latest is some. Some.
P. P. S. Wow.
Are they religious?
Is that like a religious song?
Yeah.
It's another of got sort of North.
North and true.
North.
They could have kept going through.
Isn't that true West?
No.
I'm pretty sure there is.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West.
They have a keep called true West. They have a keep called true West. They have a keep called true West. They have a keep called true West. They have a keep called true West. north north north north they could have to go through that true west no I'm
pretty sure there is they have a
kid called true west no not
saint Chicago and some Chicago is
cool I think I'm just mad I'm
certain that they had a kid called
true west you never trust me well
dance and the other one sorry I
don't know because I was so obsessed
with pretty myself right so you Chicago? Chicago and the most recent one is
Sam. Sam. And imagine like he's introducing himself is going to be like, hi, I'm
Sam West. Sorry, just the same. No. I would be a problem for a lot of people, but
probably not for Sam West. Yeah, good point
Kanye West is I mean only I mean minutes away from declaring himself to be the second emperor. Yeah
Anyway, so almond barbie a arrested
majesty not in the first for involuntary treatment of a mental disorder. He was like you're acting
Crazy I'm gonna take you in.
But again, there was a major public uproar. The Chief of Police, Patrick Crowley, had to apologize
to the Emperor and ordered to have him released. Several scathing newspaper editorials followed
the arrest and it was terrible PR for the police. From then on, all the police officers began to salute
Norton when he passed them on the street to keep him on site.
Oh my god, this is wild.
And I love it.
One thing that really got the go to our emperor was people not paying respect to the city
he loved so much.
San Francisco.
He hated it when people didn't pay the city full respect and attempted to shorten the
title with a nickname.
San Fran.
He would have hated that.
He hated one even more. So he issued a nickname. San Fran. He would have hated that. He hated one even more.
So he issued a decree.
Have you ever heard any other shortening of San Francisco?
No, SF.
That's him, silly.
San EF.
This is...
Saffra.
Saffra.
Oh, you wouldn't hate it, Saffra.
Saffra.
Saffra?
Saffra is a headings of Saffra for the winter.
Oh, it's a lot.
Mmm. You're heading to Saffron for the winter. Oh, it's a ladle. Mmm.
You're right.
Whoever, after due and proper warning,
Shelby heard utter the abominable word Frisco.
Oh.
Frisco.
Which has no linguistic or other warrant.
Shelby deemed guilty of a high misdemeanor
and she'll pay into the imperial treasury
as the penalty, the sum of $25.
25 bucks if you say Frisco.
If you heard her saying Frisco,
he wanted you to be fine because he hated it so much.
Frisco.
You are living on the seat of your hand.
I'm paying on the do-go-on credit card.
Why?
Stop it.
Frisco.
No, we can't afford it.
Do you know what I'd like to go on holiday?
Where? Just duck over to Frisco. No, we can't afford it. No, I'd like to go on holiday. We're just stuck over to Frisco.
What?
I think I remember this a lot of Italian outdoor restaurants
got in a lot of trouble financially around that time.
Frisco.
Oh, Frisco.
He kept going to Frisco.
Al Frisco.
What did I hear, sir?
Yeah, sorry, what?
He's rattling his can.
Yep, say it again, I do.
Yeah.
We've got Al Frisco dining. Yeah. I'll now. Oh, can't tell me more about it.
You've got what? Sorry. Yeah. We're up to 15.
Papa's eating tonight. But not here.
Not here. Not here. There's disgusting. I love eating indoors.
He continued to make demands, someone for the country and some for himself.
In 1870 he signed a decree that the grand hotels would furnish his rooms under penalty of being banished.
It's unsure if they complied or not.
So you didn't have furniture?
Well, you want a better furniture. I like this furniture. Let me design something.
Give me your furniture. More! Or you will be better furniture. I like this furniture. Let me just sign something Give me your furniture more or you will be banished
Order of the Emperor
The place do seem to salute him now
Well one of his pet projects was that he wanted to build a suspension bridge between San Francisco
fresco and Oakland. He signed a decree
ordering... He signed a decree ordering for the bridge to be built in March 1872. He followed it
up with another decree in September 1872 that ordered a survey to determine if a bridge or tunnel
would be the best possible means to connect Oakland and San Francisco.
He also ordered the arrest of the board of supervisors for ignoring his earlier decrees.
And for ignoring that one.
On the penalty of death.
As his celebrity grew, Norton I became a cherished mascot for the city of San Francisco.
History.com writes, quote, photos of him in his Imperial dress
were popular souvenirs,
and Emperor Norton Dolls found their way
into shops around the city.
Oh my God.
There's dolls of him.
Yeah, he's the hottest toy.
All the kids want to put it.
He's got to be getting some of those royalties though, right?
Well, he remained poor in terms of actual cash,
but he was well looked after by the city
and lived a pretty comfortable life.
Okay. Restaurant tours allowed him to skip out on his tab in exchange for the right to post an imperial seal of approval that read,
quote, by appointment to his imperial majesty, not in the first.
So they put a sign in the window that says basically the emperor dynes here.
Yeah.
So he could dine there for free and hopefully other people would be like, oh, the emperor dynes here.
He was an influencer. Yeah, absolutely.
Jess, this guy's your god. Yes.
You should do what he does here. In 1871, a local company, even printed his own official currency,
which apparently was accepted at some places and also sold us souvenirs throughout the rest of the city.
Apparently the fewer many examples are worth a pretty penny to collect us today.
One penny, that's a pretty penny.
A pretty penny.
Oh, pretty penny.
Like a good looking penny.
Oh yeah, alright.
That's like a hot penny.
Yeah, hot penality, please.
Cruise.
Yeah.
Cruise.
Oh yeah.
Penality, the best of the crooth. A crooth. Oh yeah, but not a big crooth.
The best of the croothers.
He was well liked.
And when his uniform wore out, the army gave him another one
to replace it.
And local lawmakers seeing his deep connection
to the city helped furnish his royal war
droves using public funds.
So the city paid for his clothes.
Far, right.
He's living a pretty sweet life.
Room is spread about
in Theratis laugh though. A popular story of the day was that he was the son of
Emperor Napoleon III and that his claim of coming from South Africa was actually
erused to prevent persecution. Sorry, I mean I don't know why he come from
South Africa but tend to be a businessman, disappear, and then be like, actually, I am the emperor, and then still try and go under the writer.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't want to make a big fuss on the emperor,
and I'll make a few decrees here in the end,
but nothing to see.
Flying under the writer.
No, please.
Can I like the fuss?
Can I also have some new gold epilots, so?
I'm just gonna aid here for free.
Thank you.
I'm the emperor. Rattling is tense. Yeah, you can to eat here for free. Thank you. I'm impressed.
Rattling is tense. Yeah, you can't say friskum. Okay, bye.
A rumours also circulated that Norton was supremely wealthy and was feigning poverty because he was actually a tight ass. He just wanted to freestyle. A lot of really wealthy people are, you know,
absolutely, quite frugal. It's how they get so wealthy. Damn right. Whereas me, I don't have a lot
of cash, but boy, can I spend it? Yeah, wow, you're spending they get so wealthy. Damn right. Whereas me, I don't have a lot of cash, but boy can I spend it?
Yeah, wow, you're spending other people's money.
Yeah.
It's a Ponzi scheme.
Yeah, I'm bad at this.
Help me.
Please.
Help me by sending $1 to her.
Oh, there were also rumors that he would marry Queen Victoria
to close a bind the United States with the United Kingdom.
That would have been so good.
Look, I know you're already very, very, very happily married. closer bind the United States with the United Kingdom. That would have been so good. Imagine.
Look, I know you're already very, very happily married.
But I am an emperor.
You in a way are an emperor.
I'm just an emperor standing in front
of another sort of emperor.
Asking that sort of emperor.
Asking him via a royal decree.
Please sign here.
Newspapers also made up decrees that he'd also supposedly ordered just to sell papers. So these sensational stories are written about him. Although the
ones that I've read out are all listed on the virtual museum of the City of San Francisco
website and they claim that they're all being fact checked and that he actually issued those.
So if these are the real ones, imagine how crazy they made up one too.
Oh, crazy.
All dogs are called Ben.
All right.
That's wild.
That's not even a good dog name.
No, I'll do it.
I'll take it over to Bama.
Bama.
I'd rather you let Ben at the park than Bama.
Yeah, Bama.
Bama, Bama, Bama, Bama, Bama, Bama, Bama. You like Bama's face, though. I'd rather you let Bennett the park than bum. Yeah, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I'm assuming David. Good boy. You're a good boy. You're not going to make the dog.
You know.
He's a good boy.
Yes I am.
No, it's not you.
Oh, I'm a bad boy.
No, if you're a neutral boy, you're an unconfamed boy.
That's true.
If you're not confirmed, if you're a boy or not.
Can we get some confirmation there? How can not confirmed if you're a boy or not. Could we get some confirmation there, Dave?
Yeah, how can you confirm that you're a boy?
I can't confirm nor do I.
Hmm.
Romantic.
Interesting.
Anyway, cute little dog named David.
Oh, hello, David.
It's great to have you on board.
Sadly, all good things must come to an end.
And on the evening of January the 8th, 1880,
Norton, Emperor the First, collapsed on the evening of January the 1880, Norton,
Emperor the First, collapsed on the street. Oh, no.
A police officer in the middle of the street. I have never heard someone talk about someone dying
in that way. All good things must come to an end. He died. That is the weirdest word I've ever heard someone say someone died.
You mean last? Yeah. All good things gotta come to an end. Hey
Well, there's an expiry date on everything, man.
In. Nothing matters. Is this the first time you've considered your immortality?
And it just took me saying, all good things must come to an end.
It's a real way to... Hang on, where to phrase it? Life's pretty good.
All good things come to an end. Does life come to an end?
I'm so sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Oh no.
I gotta make it cool.
Just one?
Who to?
Who to be calling?
Who are you calling?
Tell us.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor, please.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
Doctor.
So you collapsed on the street. The police officer me die. Don't let me drown. Doctor!
Ah, so he collapsed on the street. Uh, the police officer immediately called a carriage to take him to hospital,
but sadly the Emperor died of a stroke before the carriage could get there.
Oh no.
It was approximately 62 years old, although this is also debated by some very dull people.
Of course, yes.
Well, all good things must come to an end.
That's right. He died.
Wow, 62.
I'm trying to make it positive.
Looking into the good part.
He had a good life.
And then it ended.
Thank goodness.
News of his passing made it into newspapers
across the country.
La Roy est mort, or the king is dead,
bred the headline of the Chronicle.
A headline in the morning call newspaper read,
not in the first, but the grace of God Emperor
of the United States and Protector of Mexico
departed this life.
Oh, there's a long headline.
What were they thinking?
I mean, is there a reason you haven't heard
of the morning call newspaper?
No, yeah.
They didn't have articles, they just had headlines.
There's a
rum page, everything in bold, large font. That's kind of, yeah.
Well, I mean, another newspaper just said, all good things come to an end.
Sounds like a stupid newspaper. Yeah, the New York Times.
Whilst there were rumors of him being secretly wealthy,
after he died, it became very obvious
that this was definitely not the case.
He had led a very modest life.
For 17 years, he had lived at the Eureka lodging house
in a very small room with few possessions.
He was found to have only $6 or $7 on him when he died.
Also found in his room where fake telegrams supposedly from Emperor Alexander, He was found to have only six or seven dollars on him when he died.
Also found in his room where fake telegrams, supposedly from Emperor Alexander II of Russia,
congratulating Norton on his forthcoming marriage to Queen Victoria, and another one from
the President of France, predicting that such a union would be disastrous to world peace.
It's not clear if he thought these were real or if he knew they were fake and it just
kept them as a joke. So people were sending him fake telegrams.
Oh my God.
Initially because of his poverty he was going to be buried in a basic pauper's coffin
and as he had no money for a proper funeral.
But a group of business owners from San Francisco raised the funds to buy him a much nicer coffin
and to pay for a proper send-off.
Which was quite nice actually because a few days later, over 10,000 San Franciscans turned
up to pay their respects to his funeral and the surrounding streets.
10,000 people.
Set up a bit of a parade for him, yeah.
Whoa.
And people from different classes came together to say goodbye to America's first and only
emperor.
Norton was buried in the Masonic cemetery at the expense of the city of San Francisco,
so they decided to pay for his burial.
So he didn't have an heir?
No heir, no, no spare.
So that's why there's only one.
Yeah, right.
Do you can actually get 10,000 people at my funeral?
No.
No, you're right.
You can get small and intimate.
Yeah, that's right.
I know what you're like.
Exclusive.
Yeah, you don't like making a big deal. The I-T. Yeah, that's right. I know what you're like. Exclusive. Yeah, you don't like making a big deal.
VIP. Yeah, very important.
Packets. Hey guys, welcome to our funeral. What's up?
So that is his life. He had a lasting impact on the
impact on the city of San Francisco and has inspired characters in popular culture.
Mark Twain worked as a journalist
in San Francisco during his reign and later went on to use the emperor as the model for
the king, a royal imposter who appears as a character in his 1885 novel, The Adventures
of Huckleberry Finn. Cool. And Robert Louis Stevenson made Norton
a character in his 1892 novel The Rekha. Yeah, right. So, which is originally gonna be titled Bama.
Ah.
But, yeah, The Rekha means something different over there.
In Scotland.
Wait, is it from...
Has it ever been in film or anything like that?
Any characters?
There are a bunch of characters that people say,
Oh, that's literally inspired by Emperor Norton, yeah.
Funny, it feels like there should be a some sort of bio pick.
Johnny Depp.
Yeah.
Playing him.
Playing Johnny Depp.
I'd cast Tom Cruise.
Yeah, sorry, he is versatile.
He's so versatile.
He could do it.
He could do it.
He could do it.
He can do it.
Because I mean, the Emperor did a bunch of like,
he shot guns off a motorbike and stuff, right?
I just wonder if Tom Cruise could pull off eccentric.
That's my biggest query about, you know?
I don't know.
I don't know if there'd be enough stunts that he could demand to do and then go into
an excruciating detail on talk shows about how he did it.
Man, that's so boring.
He's like, yeah, I spent nine years trying to fly a helicopter for this one stunt.
We don't give a fuck. Okay, let's not make it.
We're professionals that do this.
You're an actor.
Act.
And you play one character.
That is the thing.
If you're a real actor, you'll pretend to fly that helicopter.
Yeah, I know.
Without knowing how to.
I know.
You let know.
I have to fly the helicopter.
Do you have to skydow?
No, he's a control freak, yeah. Do you have to go to space? Do you have to go to Mars? I mean, do you do that?
If you don't get it, he's method. You don't get that very enough, but I thought you were
dramatist. Maybe not. You're the one with the drama degree. Yeah. That's right.
You were including me in that. Yeah, you were kept on the drama club or something.
You were including me in that. Yeah, you were captain of the drama club or something
The club
Drama captain I believe it was yeah of some some of the club was for you sevens and eights and it was on Monday lunch times Yeah, and yeah, I guess in a way
I was the captain of that in that I ran it yeah for the youngest students
Yeah to try and get them involved in drama and open up and be vulnerable in the space.
A little something you could learn a thing or two about.
Yeah.
Dave, I'm so sorry you had to see that.
That was fantastic.
And St.
That was really great.
Thank you.
I loved that.
Did you believe it?
That was so good.
Yeah.
Wow.
I could feel that tension.
I wanted to laugh. Just and I've been staying back after our recordings
I'm working on a little oh your own drama. Yeah, we've got a drama club
Yeah, great. What a little bit of it. It's a little bit of an post look into our you know the world we've created
Yeah, seriously impressive guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing with the group
Yeah, thank you. We do it while we're learning to fly helicopters. Yeah, we're suddenly gonna take us nine years
And it's for one scene.
But I think it will show.
I think audiences will be able to sense the authenticity.
I just think, because so many actors
look like they're flying helicopters and you never go,
he's not doing it.
This film sucks.
I can't believe this action film isn't real.
But you're also never looking,
I reckon he's actually doing it.
It's only when he's on Grey I'm not and talking about it that you go, oh, he's actually doing that. It's only when he's on Grey, I'm not
talking about it, that you go,
oh, he actually did that.
I reckon Scarlett Johansson can fly
that alien spaceship without any training
or speaking English.
That is when it pays for itself, though,
is when he's promoting the movie, I guess,
give him something to talk about.
Oh, it pays for itself.
Yeah, at nine years.
You're two-minute anecdote.
I've got two minutes out of that nine years of training.
Finally on our not-and-he's left quite a legacy.
Since 1974, the Imperial Council of San Francisco
has been conducting an annual pilgrimage
to Norton's grave just outside of San Francisco.
So people there, for for that city is still a
cult hero. Whilst his royal decree was ignored at the time, his dream of building
a bridge to Oakland eventually came to fruition in 1936 with the opening of
the Bay Bridge. Apparently it's in the exact spot that he suggested. So there you go.
There have been campaigns over the years to get them to rename at least part of
the bridge after Emperor Norton,
but so far it hasn't officially changed its name.
The Emperor's Bridge campaign is a San Francisco based nonprofit that was set up in 2013 to advance the Emperor's legacy.
And that is my report on Josh, you and Norton, the first and so far only at the time of recording Emperor of the United States of America.
And protector of Mexico, thank you.
When you started, I was like,
I was kind of waiting for him to do something
a bit fucked and then we'd hate him.
I think I'm just so used to like serial killer episodes.
Oh, okay.
They start off, you talk about their early childhood
and they're like normal kids.
And they're achieving things, you're like,
Yeah, they're like, oh, it's really good sport.
You're like, oh, cool, good for this kid.
And then by the end, you're like,
I'm so sorry I said he was good
at sport. So I was just waiting the whole time. I felt very reserved. I didn't allow myself
to be vulnerable. It was just a, like a practical joke that he committed to for a decade and a
half. I love people who commit to joke. And it is still on shore of he thought it was a bit
or if he was actually committed to the videos. He got so into it. Yeah, what should have been committed?
Was he a little bit was he committed? I should have been committed. Well, they tried and then that police officer was basically fired
That's why he might be my new favorite Norton
Really, I take that Edward yeah Edward Graham
Jim That Edward yeah Edward Graham Jim D. W. They're all they've all dropped down the list quite a few months. But all them down one all of them down
Who is previously who's number two now number two. That's got to be what's got to be Graham. Yeah. Oh, he's great
He's really grown on me. That's a fun. That's a fun as far as late night shows. I really like it as well
I mean he gets all star guests, huge.
I saw Keanu on last week,
or yeah, last week talking about John Wick.
Doesn't he seem like a NASCAR?
He does, and he talked about on it,
he said how he, Ed would not,
John not Graham Martin was like,
you, he's like, and you do all your own stunts,
he's like, no, not really,
I do all of my own action,
I don't do the stunts, stuntables do that.
I saw that too.
And I was like,
fucking take a note, Tom Cruise.
I was thinking you would have really enjoyed
that interview and you know.
I did watch it.
Yeah, right.
To be honest, he's really such a nice guy,
but he's so nice that it's kind of boring
because every time
you try and tell a fun story with him,
like, oh, you've done up, this is in the same interview,
you've done a lot of ballroom dancing,
and he goes, no, I haven't.
Yeah, yeah, you've done a lot of ballroom dancing,
trying to get an anecdote at him.
No, I'm not a ballroom dancer.
And he goes, all right, we literally did a lot of training
for ballroom dancing for a film, and he goes,
oh, yeah, I did a bit of that,
but I'm not a ballroom dancer.
He's just too modest.
Tell a bit, tell a bit.
Do the bit.
Do the bit.
Do the bit.
Monkey boy.
Dance monkey.
But there you go.
What an eccentric dude loved it.
Herc, Kiyano or Emperor.
Emperor the first.
Everyone, I love everyone.
Actually, no, you never heard of that, guys.
I'm really glad that he was brought to my attention because I'm glad that he once existed.
He once existed.
Before Sally things have to come to an end.
All good things.
All good things do.
All good things do.
Well, good things, much like this episode, but before we do that, can we just quickly
shout out to some of our patrons of the audience.
I refuse to do it quickly. I'm going to say their name is very slowly.
Very, very slowly. If you're not familiar, we have a Patreon that are support to this show,
but as well as our other podcasts, Primates,
which are about Primates and Popular Cult
of the Matt Stewart hosts every single week.
It's a comedy podcast about pop culture, movies,
and other such things, like TV shows, Dragon Ball Z,
we did recently.
This week's episode is about Aladdin,
the Disney film from 1992.
I can show you, though.
Good fun.
It was on that one with you.
Cameron James and Alexi Toliopoulos.
Two cinephiles.
Yes.
What a dream team.
It's a crossover episode with their Total Reboot
post cast.
That's quite the all of those words.
Total reboot podcast.
There you go.
But before we get onto those,
thinking those patrons,
what we normally do is everyone's favorite segment
of the show.
It's the fact, quote, or question, sexual.
So the way this works is if you're on the Sydney Sharnberg
level of Patreon support,
Rest in Peace Sydney,
you get to give a fact, a quote, quote or a question and then we'll read that out and you also get to give yourself a title and
This week's fact quote or question is a quote and it comes from
many time and many time fact quote or questioner and long maybe one of the longest
Patreon supporters in terms of heart, I guess,
but also in length of time supporting.
Richard Frederick Schubert, the third.
Oh, definitely a whole of famo.
Yeah, big time.
And his title is caveman.
And his quote.
I love that.
Because often it's like a crazy elaborate thing.
Yeah, I appreciate the caveman.
caveman. All right, I appreciate it. Okay, man. Okay, man.
All right, nice.
Sweet.
And like I normally say, I don't read these before we do it.
So here we go.
Well, here comes some hate speech.
It looks long, yeah.
Oh, man.
Matt hasn't even read the quote yet.
Oh, God.
It just comes out of his mouth. Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth
plagiarist The Wise or plagiarist? Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth
plagiarist The Wise? I thought not. It's not a story. The Jedi would tell you.
It's a Sith legend.
Darth Plagius was a dark lord of the Sith.
So powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to influence the mid-echlorians to create
life.
He had such a knowledge of the Dark Side that he could even keep the ones he cared about
from dying.
The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities, some consider it to be unnatural.
He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did.
That's all good things.
That's not good enough.
Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself.
That's the quote.
Wow.
I mean, is that just the plot of the next Star Wars film?
Yes, spoilers.
I think I feel like it's not on your meme.
The tragedy of Darth Plague is the wise.
Apparently it's a meme.
So this is a joke on us, I don't get, but...
But...
I thought it sounded pretty cool and I'd like to see
it in the next dose.
Yeah, maybe it's a cool thing and maybe he did explain it.
I didn't get it, but it could be the part over.
Anyway, maybe I'll look that up while low.
Thank you to Richard Frederick,
Schubert III.
Thank you so much.
The caveman.
The caveman.
And like we do most weeks,
I've come up with a game that we can play
while we thank people.
All right.
That's right.
We would like to thank some people by name.
So patreon.com such do go on part.
If you want to support the show,
you can get two bonus episodes a month.
We announced our live shows first and foremost on there
and there's pre-cells of the kind of stuff.
You get access to the Facebook group,
which is very, very active these days and a lot of fun.
And yeah, also you just support the show,
support primates and support my other podcast,
book cheat all at the same time.
And this week I thought maybe we could give them
a title like
Emperor, you know, a dignitary or a yeah. Is there enough of them? I can't think of that
many but we'll cut up with some. Who wants to kick it off? I will. Okay Dave. I would like to
thank right here in Australia from Clarence Town, New South Wales. I love that.
Which sounds like Matt made it up.
Clarence Town.
Temple of Clarence.
Yeah, we've probably had four Clarence Homes over there.
Oh, tomorrow.
Okay.
From Clarence Town, New South Wales, I would like to thank...
Clarence Town, that is the best.
I've never heard of it before.
I like it.
So good.
Oh, I'd like to thank Joanna Wade.
Joanna Wade.
Is that a title?
No, I just said that I was going to thank Joanna Wade. Joanna Wade.
Is that a title?
No, I just said that I was going to say the name slowly.
Oh, yeah.
I like when you commit to a bit.
I commit to a bit.
Joanna's title is...
What about Viz Countess?
What's a Viz Countess?
The female version of a Viz Count.
It's a fucks of Viz Count.
If I count, he's saying it funny, for comedy.
Get it?
He's even asking out the word on purpose.
I don't know what a fire count is.
It's like a low level, dignitary, gross, nobility.
What's the difference between a fire count and a count?
I don't know, maybe is it just a more European sounding?
Cool.
I like it.
Let's go over the cigarettes, sounding cool? I like it.
Let's go over the cigarettes I believe.
I'm learning.
Well, Vyre Countess or Viz Countess, Joanna Wade.
And a Wade, thank you.
You're a reccellency.
Above a baron, but below an ear.
Okay.
Hmm, damn right.
Damn, damn straight.
All right.
Still pretty high up there. can I just say that?
Oh yeah, I mean, you're not a peasant.
You're above a baron for God's sake.
Yeah.
And baron's pretty great.
Baron's very good.
Baron, baron-esque, great metal band baron-esque.
Of course.
But of course.
I would also like to thank, so thanks to Joanna.
I would also like to thank from Perth, in Great Britain.
Oh, my fan, that's where my,
my Scottish ancestors are from Perth, she.
Perth and Kinross, specifically.
Cool.
There you go.
Perth and Kinross.
I was one of the 32 council areas
of Scotland's Lutenancy area.
Well, I think I know what we're gonna call them.
Christopher Skilling. Skilling him. Christopher skilling.
Skilling.
General Christopher skilling.
A switcher really.
Could you be more specific?
Ah, general.
That took me a sec.
Major general.
Lieutenant Christopher skilling.
Oh, that's big.
That's big baby.
Thank you so much.
Thank you to General Christopher Schilling. Can I thank some people as well?
Please. Thank you so much. I would like to thank, and we don't know where he's from
because there's nothing listed here, but that doesn't mean he's not always in our hearts.
I think we should just say he's addresses our hearts.
Yeah, our hearts. But our hearts are usually in three different places
Right, that's true, so when we come together mega heart. Oh, we got a hard on
I would like to thank Derek
Clu-Nin
Derek Clu-Nin. Where's where's Clu-Nin from? Did you. We don't know. He's from our hearts.
I understand what you were talking about.
Derek Clunan.
Clunan.
Clunan.
Okay, so I think of Clunan, I think of Clunee.
Of course, Mitu.
What's he most famous for? What is Moussa?
Nespresso.
Okay, so what's the spressor's a type of coffee?
Who drinks coffee? Pean counter. The counter so what's the espresso type of coffee? Who drinks coffee?
Pean counter.
The counter.
The counter.
He's a vampire.
Vampire Derek Cloon is my favourite room rank.
Vampire.
Ah, yeah.
We got there.
Vampire.
Yeah, what a good title.
Is that a title?
Vampire.
He's the vampire of our hearts.
Yeah.
Vampire of our hearts.
I do like that actually.
Derek Cloon, thank you. Take a long walk off of Vampire of our hearts. Yeah. Vampire of our hearts. I do like that actually. Derek, Cloon, thank you.
Take a long walk off of Vampire.
Ha ha ha.
Well, I would also like to thank another person from Pierre.
An SD South Dakota.
South Dakota.
Alan, Haastad.
Say that again for me.
Alan Haastad.
I like that a lot. Thank you Alan
Alan
Alan chief surgeon. Yes
Chief surgeon Alan Haas dead
Obviously an honorary title Alan
Do not practice any surgery. Please don't open anybody up. Yeah, please
But you are the official chief surgeon of do go on unless it's an emergency I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, does that bring it up to me? Yeah, it's your turn. Yeah. Well, I'd love to thank all the way from Deutschland, specifically in New Mexico, Alden.
Oh, wow.
Deutschland.
Oh, do they speak German there?
I think they are.
Wow.
But I think they actually phrase it, sprecking the Deutsch.
Oh.
Sprecking the Deutsch. Sprecking the Deutsch. Oh, sprecking the Deutsch.
Sprecking the German.
And I'd love to thank Tina, I'll strike.
Can you, you know German.
Can you, how would you, when I'm different answer?
And you have a flung German.
Well, you got German blood on your hands.
Well, I think that's probably buddy that's closest I'm going to get.
Austria. Also, I don't speak a Zagerman. Right.
Don't speak a Zagerman. Is that the surname of one of the main characters from American
pie? What?
I'll striker. The guy who ended up in the choir. Oh yeah, you know that guy. I'm looking
out. It's a German surname notable people people this surname include Elizabeth Oscrack,
German Middle-Distance Runner, James R. Oscrack,
American Music Critic, Marcus Oscrack,
German Racing Driver, and Nancy Oscrack-Lory,
American Anthropologist.
Huh, there's a few people there, but no one with a title.
And I think we should, the first Oscrack to get a title,
should be Tina, and what are we gonna call it? I would say oh
Duchess
Duchess I like Duchess. It's nice. That's sound nice, doesn't it?
So like you have tea with them. Yeah, you go have tea with the Duchess. That's what's that the Duke and Duchess
Right, I wonder where does that rank there, Dave? Pretty high. That's pretty high, I guess it was a little bit too scary.
Yeah, Prince Harry's a Duke.
Right, so it's like just below.
Is it Duchess? Is she a Duchess? Yes.
But he's also a Prince, so is it above or below a Prince?
I think it's a long side.
Yeah.
Right. I see.
I'm guessing you.
Oh, he's both, I guess.
I don't know. I just wanted to use Duchess
before the day was out. Apparently, at Duke is the highest of the five degrees of
English nobility. So I guess it's an a separate thing from King. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like what Phillips also, what he's also the Duke of Edinburgh. Is that all right? Yes. And then there's the grand old Duke of York who had 10,000 men.
They marched him up to the top of the hill and then they marched him down again.
Of course.
They're named after that man.
Yeah.
Of course.
Also thanks to Tina in Deutschland.
How cool that you're listening over there.
Awesome.
And I think we've almost gone through all the British ones. So maybe
the last one there could be four from Vancouver and British Columbia.
Katerina. Guitare. Guitarez. Guitarez. Guitarez. Guitarez. Guitarez.
Guitarez. Guitarez. And so you don't, you wanna avoid British?
Well, no, we've almost, we've,
we haven't done King of Claim or Prince Princess,
but we've done,
We haven't done that.
Dutch S, we've done Countess, slash Earl.
We've done Vire Count, we've done Baron,
but we haven't done Markqu, Marquis, Marchionaris.
What's that? What do you call that?
What's that mean?
Is that all about Marquis?
Yeah, there's Marquis and there's Marquis.
Yeah, Marquis.
And then what should I say?
But then the feminine of it, what's that?
I've never seen that before.
I'm guessing if I heard it, I'd understand what it was.
Marcioness. Marci it was. Mushy on S.
Mushy on S.
That's pretty cool.
Let's go with that.
Love it.
Mushy on S.
Slash CEO of Jess Industries.
Oh, come on.
Oh, Jess, you did not get the gig.
Sorry.
No, you're CFO.
Yeah, you thought I'm terrible with money.
And then I had some can fuck off.
Ha, ha, ha, ha fuck off. You're fine.
We're a startup.
We don't do things normally.
We do things wacky.
We play table tennis.
We work here to death for $5 and we tell our fans
to fuck off.
Yeah.
Can fuck off.
We're kicking up to you though.
Can just an option.
Can, you can fuck off.
Believe it was though.
But like we encourage you.
So thank you to all the peeps there, Joanna, Christopher, Derek, Alan, Tina, Caterina.
Please send in photos wearing your official regal gear.
Fantastic.
We'll share them with everyone, of course.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
At Jess Industries, we have a very specific uniform. share them with everyone of course. Yeah, of course. Of course. But of course.
At Jess Industries, we have a very specific uniform.
Everybody comes to work in their birthday suit.
Oh, no, this business.
Yeah.
So many losses.
So what did you get to see V-Show last night?
I had it on in the radio studio while I was working.
So it was very late at night, very early in the morning.
And it was a whole documentary,
like reality, documentary kind of show,
just about people who worked in for like a sex toy company
here in Australia.
I was like, there really isn't that much.
The whole pitch here is that what they,
like to make a TV show about, is just that they sell sex toys.
Like it's not that interesting.
There's no drama between staff members,
irregular people who work in a call center,
but the things they're selling are sex toys.
I was like, what is the point of this show?
But also, so many inappropriate comments between all of them,
like they would get products and try them themselves,
not there in the office,
but they'd be talking about all this stuff,
and I was just like, this is the HR, not me.
You did, I mean, you just said it was nothing weird
or out of the ordinary happens.
No, I know, but just like some of the things
that I was saying, I was like, if you said that
in any other business.
I don't know when the cameras are rolling.
If you said that in any other business
that you'd be marched straight to hate job, because they are selling
six toys.
I got a talk about it.
You can't just walk into the canning firm and yell,
try to do your dildo last night.
There's no context.
Oh, that's why I lost my last three jobs.
What do you mean you don't want to hear about it?
What?
What is wrong with you people?
It's all my heart, I want.
See interview.
Anyway, it was very strange.
Strange show.
A bit of fun there.
A bit of fun.
That does wrap us up.
All we've got to say at the end of the episode is thanks for listening first and foremost.
And if you liked it, tell a pal.
Tell a friend of chum.
Your mum.
Tell your mum.
Pass on the podcast, we often get many, many people
getting in contact saying, hey, someone showed me your pod,
that's how I found out about it.
I think it's probably the number one way people find out
about the show.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, totally.
That's how I found out about pods as well as people
recommending them.
That's right.
How I found out about this one.
Yeah.
We recommend you join us.
Yeah, and I was like, I'm not even going. All right, I'm listening. I'm stuck them. How I've had that about this one. Yeah, we recommend you join us. Yeah, and I was like, okay, I'm stuck with you.
And if you want to get in contact with us, we've got a website.
We're pretty 20th century.
Do go on log dog.
We're packed to mainframe.
We're on the world wide web.
Do go on pod.com for all your do go on needs.
You can find links to our Patreon there, links to merchandise, which you don't often talk about,
but we've got a bunch of stuff you can buy on red bubble.
You can print our designs on pretty much anything.
T-shirts, pants, mugs, iPhone cases, anything.
Cushions.
Get a cushion.
So that's on do-go-on pod.com, as well as links to our
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff.
It's at do-go-on Pod if you just want to follow us.
And we've got a YouTube channel that Matt's putting up stuff, which is real cool.
Yes, which is youtube.com slash Dugu on Pod.
Everything's pretty much Dugu on Pod.
The Gmail's Dugu on Pod at gmail.com.
But links to all of that are in the description of the show and on that website.
Hell, yes.
Getting contact, drop us a line.
We'd love to hang out.
And he can suggest a topic at any time, also.
That's the way the people suggested this topic.
I'd never heard of it.
I brought it in, we had a bit of fun.
That's how it works.
Great.
We had a lot of fun.
The hot tip is to give it a real good pitch.
There's a little section in there where you can say,
why I think it's a good topic, and just a nice,
concise, interesting, sounding pitch.
That's probably the way to make them stand out.
An elevator pitch.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how it works.
But thanks so much for listening to the episode.
We'll be back next week with another edition of Two Go On.
Can you believe that?
But until then, I'll say thank you and goodbye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Visit PlanetBroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.
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